Ryan Bridge: Do's and Don'ts for the beach this summer

It's my last day at work for the year... and I'm off to the beach...

Every year... because I'messentially an angry and quite grumpy person.... I go to the beach and I get mad. Angry at people doing dumb stuff... The problem with the beach is it's public. I can't yet afford my own private one.

Until then... here's my top five 5 things NOT to do at the beach this summer:

1. Rubbish Bins. They get full quickly. So everybody just piles their shit sky-high a biohazard version of jenga. Don't do that... it's unsightly. If the bins are full please dispose of your rubbish in the ocean... It's far less visible to your fellow beachgoers.. Seriously... Though... Just put it in the boot and take it home. Or. Save it up all summer and do a mass dumping at the council chambers in January.
2. Music. Just Don't. You may like Coldplay or Cardi B, others prefer the soothing sound of the actual ocean. It's quite hard to hear with Chris Martin whaling out of your stupid UE boom. The beach (and the bush, for that matter) are not just visual spectacles, but also an aural experience. Try closing one's eyes to the sun... and listening to the sound of the waves. The birds. The magic. But not your music.
3. Togs. There's always some wozer in the Herald over summer whinging about a woman's bikini being too revealing... too much skin for my liking. It's just not right! Honestly, just look away. People can wear whatever they like. Just ensure your nips and bits are covered... other than that... dental floss bikinis are A-OK. And if you're one of those people who complain... are you incensed at the woman's body, or the fact your husband drooling behind his dirty dog sunnies?
4. Swimming in jeans and t-shirts. Do you have a death wish? 86% of drownings happen during summer and you're a lot heavier in denim. That is a fact. You see this out at Piha... people being rescued wearing trackpants. Honestly.  Take a leaf out of the dental floos book.
5. Finally... I love a good sunshade tent... the pop-up ones... some people have a full almost-camping set up. I'm all for it. But you cannot.... and I've seen this... set it up and leave it for days on end at a busy beach... overnight. You cannot bags bits of the beach. It belongs to nobody and everybody and that is entitled and shameful behaviour.
6. Wishing you all a warm, quiet, easy breezy beach experience this summer.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Twenty five and after five you're on news Talk said,
be great to have your company coming out after sex
ros Sir Roger Douglas on the State of the Act Party.
Also Barry Soaper rahaps the Political Week and we're live
to Hong Kong. Gavin Gray is a UK correspondent. That
all ahead right now. It is my last day of
work for the year, and I must say I very
much enjoyed spending the last couple of weeks with you.

(00:31):
In the afternoon, however, I am going to be off
to the beach and every year, because I am essentially
quite an angry, grumpy person deep down, I go to
the beach and I get mad, and I get angry
at people doing dumb stuff. The problem with the beach,
you see, is that it's public and I can't yet
afford my own private one until then. Here's my top

(00:53):
five things not to do at the beach this summer.
Number one, rubbish bins. They get full quick, so everybody
just piles their shit sky high like a bio hazard
version of Jinger. Don't do that. It's unsightly. If the
bins are full, please dispose of your rubbish in the ocean.
It's far less visible to your fellow beach goers. Just

(01:15):
I'm just kidding. Seriously, though, Just put it in the
boot of your car and take it home for goodness sakes.
Number two music just don't you may like Coldplay, thank you,
and it's just don't you may like Coldplay or Cardi b.
Others prefer the soothing sound of the actual ocean. It's
quite hard to hear that with Chris Martin wailing out
of your stupid dewey boom. The beach and the bush,

(01:38):
for that matter. For those who prefer the bush are
not just visual spectacles, they are oral experiences too. Try
closing your eyes in the sun, listening to the sound
of the waves, the birds, the magic, but not your music.
Number three togs. There's always some wowser in the Herald
over summer winging about a woman's bikini being too revealing.
Do you know what I'm talking about? Too much skin

(01:58):
for my liking? It's just not right, honestly, look away.
People can wear whatever they like. In my mind, just
ensure that your nips and your bits are covered. Other
than that dental floss. Bikinis are aokay with me. And
if you're one of those people who complain. Are you
in sense at the woman's body or is it the
fact that your husband's drawling behind his dirty dog? Sunglasses?

(02:20):
Number four? Swimming in jeans and T shirts? Do you
have a death wish? Eighty six percent of drownings happen
during summer, and you're a lot heavier in denim. This
is a fact. And you see people you set out
at Pihr Beach, people being rescued wearing track pants. Honestly,
take a leaf out of the dental floss book. Number five. Finally,
I love a good sunshade tent, one of those pop

(02:42):
up tents. Some people have a full on almost camping setup,
and I'm all for this. This is fine with me.
But you cannot, and I have seen this happen, set
it up and leave it for days on end at
a busy beach overnight. You cannot bags bits of the beach.
It belongs to nobody and everybody, and that is entitled

(03:03):
and shameful behavior, So don't do it. Wishing you all
a warm, quiet, easy breezy beach experience this summer. Brian Bridge.
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