John MacDonald: Lauren Dickason - murderer and victim

I know you won’t disagree with me that Lauren Dickason’s story is a complete and utter tragedy.

Found guilty of murdering her three daughters - two-year-old twins Maya and Karla; and their six-year-old sister Liane - at their home in Timaru in September 2021. Nearly two years ago. Just weeks after the family had moved to New Zealand from South Africa.

As it’s been reported, of all the evidence and expert opinions and comments by Lauren Dickason herself, it was what she said during a police interview the day after the killings that the majority of jury members appear to have interpreted as the words of a murderer.

She said to the police: “The first twin was being really, really, horrible to me lately. She's been biting me and hitting me and scratching me and throwing tantrums 24 hours a day and I just don't know how to manage that. That's why I did her first."

The words of a murderer. That’s how 11 of the 12 jury members interpreted that comment. And I agree with them.

I agree with them because, anyone who is a parent, will know exactly what Dickason was talking about there. We’ve all had phases where it’s seemed our kids - especially when they’re really young - where pretty much everything they do brasses us off.

And, when you’re in the thick of it, it seems like it’s been going on forever, doesn’t it? And you can genuinely feel like you’re at your wits end.

The emotions and feelings that come with all that - the exhaustion, the frustration, the loneliness, the anger - they are real. There’s no denying that. But Lauren Dickason wasn’t the first person in the world to feel that way and she won’t be the last.

But being at your wits end, doesn’t mean you’re insane. Just like the jury’s view that Lauren Dickason wasn’t insane.

She wasn’t insane. She was angry. She was angry with her kids. She was angry that she’d gone along with the move to New Zealand. She was angry at how life was different and so much more complicated with three kids.

And, from what we heard during the trial - and from her parents in the statement they put out after the verdicts yesterday - a lot of that had to do with the fact that Lauren Dickason was suffering seriously from post-partum or post-natal depression.

And here’s the bit that really gets me.

If I, just by hearing and reading the media reports from the trial - and the information that has been publicly available, let alone the details that were suppressed - if I can see how much emotional strife she was in, how is it that the people in her life who actually received those angry text messages about the kids that were read out in court - the people who actually knew her - how on earth did they not see what was going on? And why on earth didn’t they do anything?

Yes, I agree with the jury that she is a murderer. But I tell you what, I think Lauren Dickason is a victim in all of this too.

She’s the victim of a society that thinks it cares but, when it comes down to it, it doesn’t. A society where people turn a blind eye, even when they get a text from someone talking about strangling one of their kids.

Even when they get messages saying “I’m afraid one day I will smack her too hard”. Saying “I’m just trying not to murder the twins”. Saying “I wish I could give them back and start over, I would decide differently.”

It beggars belief, doesn’t it, that no one did anything? And I don’t think it makes one bit of difference that she was in South Africa when most of this was going on. Because I think people would be just as slow on the uptake here.

Actually, it’s not slow on the uptake at all - it’s quick to turn a blind eye. We’re all guilty of it. Even if we think something might not quite be right, we’re very quick to tell ourselves not to overthink things and, well, we’re all busy people. Busy busy busy. It will all come out in the wash.

It’s all just WhatsApp group chats, wine o’