John MacDonald: How do you feel about parenting lessons in school?

“There for the grace of God goes I.” 

We generally say it when something bad and we know that it could just as easily happen to us, and anyone who is a parent should say that whenever they hear nightmare stories about kids being abused by their parents or caregivers.  

I say that not just as a by-stander looking on. I say that as someone with three kids —all grown up now— but someone who has raised three kids and I know just as well as the next parent how much that can drive you to despair at times.

Which is why it is so important to remember that it’s not just the no-hopers who end up with Oranga Tamariki knocking on the door.

The child welfare agency’s clientele runs the full range of society, including those so-called respectable middle-class and upper-class families.

And I’m willing to bet that the reason some of them are in strife with OT is that they just can't cope. Or, more to the point, don’t know how to cope.

And until we realise that just banging-on about OT being useless isn't the only route we should be going down, then nothing’s going to change.

I am not saying we shouldn’t be criticising OT when they get things wrong. Which is what the Chief Ombudsman is doing —again— after what he says was “a series of failures” which meant Oranga Tamariki didn’t do what it should’ve done when it received multiple complaints about pre-school and primary school-aged kids being abused by their mother’s partner.

Peter Boshier is slamming OT, saying it even had photographic evidence of abuse but didn’t do enough to ascertain what was going on and, as a result, left the kids in serious risk.

So it’s only right that the Ombudsman calls them out like this. But, even if OT turned itself into a gold-plated example of a child welfare agency, that still wouldn’t be enough.

Because I’m willing to bet that some of these people who end up being investigated by Oranga Tamariki —not all of them— but I bet some of them, only come to OT’s attention because they just don’t know how to cope. Especially when it comes to coping with a crying baby.

Which is what Dame Lesley Max, who runs the Great Potentials Foundation, is talking about when she says we should be teaching kids about parenthood when they're at school.

Of course, chances are your so-called “family values” people would be dead against teaching kids how to be parents at high school, you know: “Aww, that’ll just encourage them to go out and get pregnant.” All that nonsense.

But I agree with Dame Lesley, why aren’t we teaching kids how to do what is the most important job in the world?

Maths and science isn’t going to help you in the middle of the night, when you’ve got a baby that’s been crying all day and all night and you’re at the end of your tether.  

Geography isn’t going to help you then, nor are media studies, yet that’s what we do. And we wonder why most of us are nowhere near ready to be parents.  

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to the Canterbury Morning's Podcast with John McDonald
from News Talk ZB.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Therefore the grace of God goes I. There for the
grace of God goes I. You know that saying, don't you?
You generally say, I generally say. We generally say it
when something happens, and it tends to be when something
bad happens, and we know that it could just as
easily happen to us. And anyone who was a parent,

(00:39):
is that you? You should say that. Most probably don't,
but you should say that whenever you hear any nightmare
stories about kids being abused by their parents or caregivers.
Therefore the grace of God goes I. And I'm saying
that not just as a bystander looking on. I say

(00:59):
that as someone with three kids, all of them grown
up now. But I'm someone who has raised three kids,
and I know just as well as the next parent
how much that can drive you to despair at times,
which is why it is so important to remember that
it's not just the no hopers, Not just the no
hopers who end up with ordering a talmud again knocking

(01:20):
on the door. The child welfare agency's clientele runs the
full range or extends the full range of society, including
those you know, so called respectable middle class and upper
class families. And I'm willing to bet that the reasons
some of them are in strife with OT, whether they're

(01:41):
lower class, middle up, at whatever, I'm willing to bet
that the reasons some of them get in strife with
OT is because they just can't cope, or more to
the point, they don't know how to cope. And until
we realize that just banging on about OT being useless,

(02:02):
which is the it's the easy option, but until we
realize that that's not the route we should be going down,
then nothing's going to change. I mean, I'm not saying
that we shouldn't be criticizing OT when they get things wrong,
which is what the chief Onbardsman's doing at the moment. Again,
after what he says was a series of failures which

(02:26):
meant udoing Atamadiki didn't do what it should have done
when it received multiple complaints about preschool and primary school
age kids being abused by their mother's partner and Pete Bouchier.
He's slamming OT, saying it even had photographic evidence of abuse,
but didn't do enough, still didn't do enough to ascertain
what was going on, and as a result, it left
the kids in serious risk. So yep, yep, that's his job.

(02:51):
That is the onbodsman's job to call them out like this.
And of course following this, there will be no shortage
of people writing off OT this morning saying, oh, and
there's a basque case needs an overhaul, blah blah blah
blah blah. But I tell you this, even if turned
itself into a gold plated example of a child welfare agency,

(03:12):
even if it did that, it still wouldn't be enough.
Because I'm willing to bet, I'm willing to bet that
some of these people who end up being investigated by
ordering a tambadiki, not all of them, they get carried away,
not all of them, But I bet some of them,
and a fair chunk of them only come to OT's

(03:33):
attention because they just don't know how to cope, especially
when it comes to something as simple, well, something which
sounds simple, like coping with a crying baby. If you're
a parent, you'll know what I'm talking about, being driven
to tears yourself because you just can't do anything to

(03:54):
stop the crying, which is what Dame Leslie Max, who
runs the Great Potentials Foundation, this is what she was
getting at when she was on with Mike this morning.
Have listened to this. I reckon what she said here
makes so much sense.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
The police data shows that the number of children under
fifteen reported as being victims of violent crime grew forty
one percent between in the five years to twenty twenty three.
I mean, that is huge. And I noticed one thing

(04:30):
from the material that I collect is that it's not
only stepfathers these days who are prominent in this field,
but fathers and their inability to deal with babies and
babies crying. And this is so fundamental. You know, our

(04:54):
kids go through god knows how many years of compulsory
education come out at the other end with no knowledge
whatsoever of how to be appearance, which most of them
will be.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
Makes sense, doesn't It makes so much sense? Of course,
chances are, you know, your so called family values people
would be dead against teaching kids how to be parents
in high school. You know, that'll just garage them to
go out and get pregnant, the little buggers, all that nonsense.
But I disagree with that line of argument completely and

(05:33):
I fully agree with Dame Leslie. I mean, why aren't
we teaching kids how to do what is, let's face it,
the most important job in the world, the most important
role in the world. Matts and science isn't going to
help you in the middle of the night, you've got
a baby that's been crying all day and all night.
You're at the end of your tether. Oh yeah, Matt's
what's an equation for that? It's not going to help you.

(05:54):
Geography isn't going to help you then either, nor as
media studies. Yet that's what we do. And we wonder
why most people I know where near ready to be parents,
and when they do have kids, they are hopelessly or
should I say we all of us, we are hopelessly prepared,

(06:17):
and we wonder why some people crack. Well, there's your answer.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
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