July 26, 2025 • 8 mins
Starting a practice? Watch for your old patterns.
In today’s Ask Allison, I share how building a business brings up old stuff—perfectionism, over-functioning, avoidance, you name it. It’s not new, just newly visible. I’ll walk you through how to spot your patterns, what to do when you hit a wall, and how to shift into a more sustainable way of working.
Sponsored by TherapyNotes®: Use promo code Abundant for 2 months free
Grab our free tools to grow your practice—weekly worksheets, the Tasky Checklist, and more: www.abundancepracticebuilding.com/links
Ready to fill your practice faster? Join the Abundance Party today and get 75% off your first month with promo code ASK: www.abundancepracticebuilding.com/abundanceparty
Have a question for me about practice building? Submit it via our Ask Allison form, and I'll add it to the queue: https://www.abundancepracticebuilding.com/ask_allison
▶️ Prefer video? This episode is also available to stream on our YouTube channe
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Welcome to Ask Allison.
Y'all ask the questions about having a
fun and thriving practice and I answer them.
We have a worksheet for you today so
you can bring this answer into your life.
You can access that at abundancepracticebuilding.com slash
links, where you'll also be able to ask
any questions you have for Ask Allison.
If you want more support, we've got some
free trainings in there too.
(00:28):
If you can't get enough Ask Allison, check
out our YouTube channel for our entire Ask
Allison library.
Welcome back to Ask Allison.
Here's today's question.
What self-defeating patterns do you see in
people who are starting their practices?
What should I be on the lookout for
on a psychological level?
I love this question, obviously.
(00:49):
So before we delve into the answer, I
want to thank our sponsor.
Therapy Notes has been sponsoring Ask Allison, and
we really appreciate it.
We've talked about them for years.
You probably know their features by heart by
now, but what really sets them apart is
that they genuinely care about your experience.
It's not just about troubleshooting.
They actively implement user-suggested features like Therapy
(01:10):
Search, secure messaging, their new AI Notes, real
-time insurance checks.
Everyone at Therapy Notes believes in the product
and they want you to love it too.
Plus, they're independently owned, which means no venture
capital and no pressure to prioritize investors over
customers.
This independence allows them to keep prices fair,
focus on innovation, and prioritize customer experience.
(01:30):
With over 100,000 therapists already on board,
they've proven you don't have to compromise success
for quality.
If you're ready to see for yourself, try
Therapy Notes free for two months with the
code ABUNDANT at therapynotes.com.
All right.
So as a therapist, we're going to assume
that we have pretty good insight, right?
We've been trained to reflect, to notice our
thoughts and feelings, to help others do the
(01:52):
same.
You've probably experienced some major self-growth in
your personal life, but what happens when you
start your own business, specifically if you're a
private practice owner and entrepreneur?
You're going to get hit with some uncomfortable
truths about yourself, truths that can feel vulnerable
and even messy.
So the self-defeating patterns I see are
as varied as the therapists I work with.
(02:12):
So I'm going to focus on how you
can tune into your own patterns because the
things that crop up while building a practice,
they're never new.
It's never your first rodeo with this problem.
When I first started my practice, I thought
I knew exactly who I was.
I mean, I had a solid sense of
my values, my mission, my approach to therapy.
I had great self-awareness, right?
But going into business for myself taught me
(02:34):
like a whole new level of that.
It's kind of like you've been living in
a house with some hidden rooms and one
day you open a door and there's this
whole new room, this whole new part of
you you didn't know existed.
Sometimes it's like being immersed in a therapy
session with your exes and your family and
every person you've ever felt self-conscious around.
It's awkward.
But if you're feeling these things like the
(02:55):
self-doubt, the discomfort, the moments where you
feel like you're really not good enough, I
want to tell you that you're doing it
right.
Those moments of self-doubt and vulnerability, they're
a sign that you're growing.
Growth is uncomfortable, it's messy, it's totally normal.
Here's what I've noticed over the years.
As we build our businesses and we expand
into new roles, we come to face-to
(03:15):
-face with our patterns, those subconscious ways of
reacting and coping when we feel stressed or
overwhelmed or insecure.
You might find yourself acting in ways that
seem completely out of character, but in reality
these are deep-rooted patterns that you've had
for years and that's okay.
What's important is that you recognize them and
you act accordingly.
I've got a pattern too.
When I am passionate about something, when I'm
(03:37):
really excited about a project or an idea,
I go full steam ahead, which sounds really
great on the surface.
I get super focused.
I'm all in.
But then I forget to take breaks.
I forget to rest.
I forget that I had to pee an
hour ago.
And when I do this, especially over time,
of course I'm going to hit a wall
really hard.
It's like the moment that you're driving and
(03:58):
the gas light turns on, except I keep
going until the car literally stops.
And that's burnout.
When I don't take care of myself, when
I don't take time to recharge, that wall
is inhabitable.
And it is covered in tears and frustration
and sometimes a good bit of martyrdom.
Maybe that sounds familiar to you.
But the good news is it's avoidable.
(04:20):
So like over time I learned that I
had to consciously schedule self-care into my
schedule.
I had to make it a part of
my plan because without it, my pattern of
burning out would just keep repeating.
It became a non-negotiable part of my
routine to have some self-care in there.
I schedule regular breaks.
I have time set aside for exercise, lunch
with friends, family.
(04:41):
And I want to make this really clear.
Your pattern is probably different from mine.
Maybe you're the type to procrastinate.
Maybe you can't move forward with a project
until everything is perfect.
New photos, a fresh look, or the ideal
version of yourself.
Maybe you overeat, drink a little more wine
than you'd like, or you turn to other
forms of emotional escapism when the pressure gets
(05:02):
too much.
It's okay.
We all have our patterns.
And unfortunately, you probably won't even recognize your
pattern until it's already in motion.
It might take a moment of self-reflection
or a time when you hit a wall
hard, like I tend to, to realize what's
going on.
Don't worry.
The important thing is that once you recognize
your pattern, you can interrupt it before it
takes control.
(05:24):
So after you watch or listen to this,
I want you to take five minutes, actually
set a timer for five minutes.
I want to do this exercise for self
-awareness and it's going to help you.
So your free worksheet for this week has
these questions.
I want you to go through them.
You can also listen, pause, write them, write
(05:44):
out your answers, whatever works.
Here are the questions.
What are the early warning signs of my
pattern behaviors?
What happens when I start to slip into
that cycle?
What works for me to break that cycle
before it gets out of hand?
(06:05):
And then here's the big one.
Am I willing to do what works to
stop the cycle?
And that last question is tough.
A lot of us, myself included, can come
up with a million excuses to keep doing
what doesn't work.
We might think, oh, it's just temporary.
I'll just power through.
I'll deal with it later.
But the truth is, it's that lack of
(06:26):
willingness to interrupt our patterns that keeps us
stuck.
It keeps us from moving forward personally, professionally,
all of it.
I see it in my clients.
I see it in my students.
I see it in my business owner friends.
I see it in myself too.
The good news is when you're willing to
do what it takes to break that cycle,
that's when the magic happens.
That's when you start truly growing.
So let's get practical here.
(06:48):
If you're still in the phase of figuring
this out, I want you to commit to
scheduling these moments of self-care and reflection.
For me, it had to be something that
was non-negotiable.
I put it in my calendar because I
am ruled by my calendar.
If it's taking a walk, journaling, just sitting
still for a few minutes, find what works
for you, but don't leave it to chance.
Being an entrepreneur takes resilience.
(07:10):
And part of that resilience is knowing when
to rest, when to ask for support, when
to pull back so that you can continue
showing up as the best version of yourself.
These questions are written down for you in
our free worksheet this week.
Just DM me the word sheets.
If you are seeing this in social and
you can just click the link, if you're
hitting the show notes in the podcast, I'll
(07:31):
send you this week's worksheet along with a
link to all the worksheets in the series.
And these are designed to help you break
through cycles, build a stronger, more balanced foundation
for your business.
All right.
Thanks for joining me today.
I will see you soon.
If you're ready for a much easier practice,
therapy notes is the way to go.
(07:52):
Go to therapynotes.com and use the promo
code abundant for two months free.
I hope that helped.
If you have questions for ask Alison, or
you want to get your hands on the
worksheet for this episode, go to abundancepracticebuilding.com
slash links.
If you're listening, you probably need some support
(08:13):
building your practice.
If you're a super newbie, grab our free
checklist using the link in the show notes.
I'd love for you to follow rate and
review, but I really want you to share
this episode with a therapist friend.
Let's help all our colleagues build what they
want.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Welcome to Ask Allison.
Y'all ask the questions about having a
fun and thriving practice and I answer them.
We have a worksheet for you today so
you can bring this answer into your life.
You can access that at abundancepracticebuilding.com slash
links, where you'll also be able to ask
any questions you have for Ask Allison.
If you want more support, we've got some
free trainings in there too.
(00:28):
If you can't get enough Ask Allison, check
out our YouTube channel for our entire Ask
Allison library.
Welcome back to Ask Allison.
Here's today's question.
What self-defeating patterns do you see in
people who are starting their practices?
What should I be on the lookout for
on a psychological level?
I love this question, obviously.
(00:49):
So before we delve into the answer, I
want to thank our sponsor.
Therapy Notes has been sponsoring Ask Allison, and
we really appreciate it.
We've talked about them for years.
You probably know their features by heart by
now, but what really sets them apart is
that they genuinely care about your experience.
It's not just about troubleshooting.
They actively implement user-suggested features like Therapy
(01:10):
Search, secure messaging, their new AI Notes, real
-time insurance checks.
Everyone at Therapy Notes believes in the product
and they want you to love it too.
Plus, they're independently owned, which means no venture
capital and no pressure to prioritize investors over
customers.
This independence allows them to keep prices fair,
focus on innovation, and prioritize customer experience.
(01:30):
With over 100,000 therapists already on board,
they've proven you don't have to compromise success
for quality.
If you're ready to see for yourself, try
Therapy Notes free for two months with the
code ABUNDANT at therapynotes.com.
All right.
So as a therapist, we're going to assume
that we have pretty good insight, right?
We've been trained to reflect, to notice our
thoughts and feelings, to help others do the
(01:52):
same.
You've probably experienced some major self-growth in
your personal life, but what happens when you
start your own business, specifically if you're a
private practice owner and entrepreneur?
You're going to get hit with some uncomfortable
truths about yourself, truths that can feel vulnerable
and even messy.
So the self-defeating patterns I see are
as varied as the therapists I work with.
(02:12):
So I'm going to focus on how you
can tune into your own patterns because the
things that crop up while building a practice,
they're never new.
It's never your first rodeo with this problem.
When I first started my practice, I thought
I knew exactly who I was.
I mean, I had a solid sense of
my values, my mission, my approach to therapy.
I had great self-awareness, right?
But going into business for myself taught me
(02:34):
like a whole new level of that.
It's kind of like you've been living in
a house with some hidden rooms and one
day you open a door and there's this
whole new room, this whole new part of
you you didn't know existed.
Sometimes it's like being immersed in a therapy
session with your exes and your family and
every person you've ever felt self-conscious around.
It's awkward.
But if you're feeling these things like the
(02:55):
self-doubt, the discomfort, the moments where you
feel like you're really not good enough, I
want to tell you that you're doing it
right.
Those moments of self-doubt and vulnerability, they're
a sign that you're growing.
Growth is uncomfortable, it's messy, it's totally normal.
Here's what I've noticed over the years.
As we build our businesses and we expand
into new roles, we come to face-to
(03:15):
-face with our patterns, those subconscious ways of
reacting and coping when we feel stressed or
overwhelmed or insecure.
You might find yourself acting in ways that
seem completely out of character, but in reality
these are deep-rooted patterns that you've had
for years and that's okay.
What's important is that you recognize them and
you act accordingly.
I've got a pattern too.
When I am passionate about something, when I'm
(03:37):
really excited about a project or an idea,
I go full steam ahead, which sounds really
great on the surface.
I get super focused.
I'm all in.
But then I forget to take breaks.
I forget to rest.
I forget that I had to pee an
hour ago.
And when I do this, especially over time,
of course I'm going to hit a wall
really hard.
It's like the moment that you're driving and
(03:58):
the gas light turns on, except I keep
going until the car literally stops.
And that's burnout.
When I don't take care of myself, when
I don't take time to recharge, that wall
is inhabitable.
And it is covered in tears and frustration
and sometimes a good bit of martyrdom.
Maybe that sounds familiar to you.
But the good news is it's avoidable.
(04:20):
So like over time I learned that I
had to consciously schedule self-care into my
schedule.
I had to make it a part of
my plan because without it, my pattern of
burning out would just keep repeating.
It became a non-negotiable part of my
routine to have some self-care in there.
I schedule regular breaks.
I have time set aside for exercise, lunch
with friends, family.
(04:41):
And I want to make this really clear.
Your pattern is probably different from mine.
Maybe you're the type to procrastinate.
Maybe you can't move forward with a project
until everything is perfect.
New photos, a fresh look, or the ideal
version of yourself.
Maybe you overeat, drink a little more wine
than you'd like, or you turn to other
forms of emotional escapism when the pressure gets
(05:02):
too much.
It's okay.
We all have our patterns.
And unfortunately, you probably won't even recognize your
pattern until it's already in motion.
It might take a moment of self-reflection
or a time when you hit a wall
hard, like I tend to, to realize what's
going on.
Don't worry.
The important thing is that once you recognize
your pattern, you can interrupt it before it
takes control.
(05:24):
So after you watch or listen to this,
I want you to take five minutes, actually
set a timer for five minutes.
I want to do this exercise for self
-awareness and it's going to help you.
So your free worksheet for this week has
these questions.
I want you to go through them.
You can also listen, pause, write them, write
(05:44):
out your answers, whatever works.
Here are the questions.
What are the early warning signs of my
pattern behaviors?
What happens when I start to slip into
that cycle?
What works for me to break that cycle
before it gets out of hand?
(06:05):
And then here's the big one.
Am I willing to do what works to
stop the cycle?
And that last question is tough.
A lot of us, myself included, can come
up with a million excuses to keep doing
what doesn't work.
We might think, oh, it's just temporary.
I'll just power through.
I'll deal with it later.
But the truth is, it's that lack of
(06:26):
willingness to interrupt our patterns that keeps us
stuck.
It keeps us from moving forward personally, professionally,
all of it.
I see it in my clients.
I see it in my students.
I see it in my business owner friends.
I see it in myself too.
The good news is when you're willing to
do what it takes to break that cycle,
that's when the magic happens.
That's when you start truly growing.
So let's get practical here.
(06:48):
If you're still in the phase of figuring
this out, I want you to commit to
scheduling these moments of self-care and reflection.
For me, it had to be something that
was non-negotiable.
I put it in my calendar because I
am ruled by my calendar.
If it's taking a walk, journaling, just sitting
still for a few minutes, find what works
for you, but don't leave it to chance.
Being an entrepreneur takes resilience.
(07:10):
And part of that resilience is knowing when
to rest, when to ask for support, when
to pull back so that you can continue
showing up as the best version of yourself.
These questions are written down for you in
our free worksheet this week.
Just DM me the word sheets.
If you are seeing this in social and
you can just click the link, if you're
hitting the show notes in the podcast, I'll
(07:31):
send you this week's worksheet along with a
link to all the worksheets in the series.
And these are designed to help you break
through cycles, build a stronger, more balanced foundation
for your business.
All right.
Thanks for joining me today.
I will see you soon.
If you're ready for a much easier practice,
therapy notes is the way to go.
(07:52):
Go to therapynotes.com and use the promo
code abundant for two months free.
I hope that helped.
If you have questions for ask Alison, or
you want to get your hands on the
worksheet for this episode, go to abundancepracticebuilding.com
slash links.
If you're listening, you probably need some support
(08:13):
building your practice.
If you're a super newbie, grab our free
checklist using the link in the show notes.
I'd love for you to follow rate and
review, but I really want you to share
this episode with a therapist friend.
Let's help all our colleagues build what they
want.
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