704 AITA for not replying to a message when we have a date planned? (ft. Evyenia)

Hello loves!
Listen to Evyenia's music: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5HWJXz6CkzVPb9Z02zeULa?si=Ha3rQSeSRsGHg4X7N107qg

It's one heck of an ep. Thanks for listenin!!! Have a great week.

(0:00) - Banter
(34:09) - AITA for not replying to a message when we have a date planned?
(45:16) - AITA for telling my friends my date's mom called 5 times during our date?
(53:25) - AITA for wearing yoga pants to a first date?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, everybody, Welcome to the A T A Pod. I'm
Danny Vega, joined by a lovely returning guest at Yannia.
Welcome back.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Thank you so much, so happy to be here.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
Okay, I don't have to lie. No, it's good to
have you. So you're you're between SF and l A.
You're by California, as by Californian. And how's that working
out for you?

Speaker 2 (00:26):
It's going great. Re falling in love with San Francisco,
the city. You know, we kind of took some time apart,
and now we're getting reacquainted.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
It's real.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
The attraction faded for a little while, but you just
got to like reinvigorate that sometime.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Yeah. So that's brilliant right now.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Okay, what part of San Francisco are you getting back into?

Speaker 2 (00:56):
Honestly all of it. I I just wonder on through
the streets. The weather has been amazing, The sun has
been out San Francisco. When the sun is out, you
would never want to leave. No, it's when the fog
rolls in that I'm like the fox.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
We hate Carl.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
I don't like Yeah, I like overcast, Like I get depressed, sad, tired,
it's not a good look for me. It's overcast in here.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
It's really not it's professional lighting. It's very bright and here.
I don't really appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
And I put a lot of effort and cleaning it
up and thank you, actually, thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
You know, I tried to really streamline it.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
What was so in your bathroom just now, I saw
a Mickey mouse necklace.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Who says that, Oh, it's much worse than what you've interpreted.
What do you mean that's a dead mouse necklace and
it belongs to me? Yeah, it's so much more embarrassing
than what you've thought I should have lied. Yeah, love that.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
I went through this phase where I was like, maybe
I could try because a lot of people at my
social club coworking face will wear you know, called jewelry,
and so that I thought maybe I could be that
kind of guy.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Now, okay, and while you're wearing a necklace, dress up,
I do you always wear necklaces?

Speaker 1 (02:10):
I've been I've been leaning heavily on the gold necklace.
This is actually considered a Cuban chain.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
Okay, So I kind of feel like it's you know, it.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
Aligns with my identity as a as a Cuban, as
a first generation immigrant.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Do you feel like you really identify as Cuban, Like
that's a big part of it.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Never, but I feel comfortable wearing the chain, and I
get good compliments on it. I think it's subtle. It's
and it goes into like the kind of look I
like with a girl, which is like just like a
little like a little like a little effort, but not
like so much where it's like Okay, we get it.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah cool.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
And I bought the shirt. The shirt is killing. This
is a new shirt for anybody watching on video. Did
you call him the shirt? What did you say about
You said something about the shirt.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
It's a nice shirt.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
That's great. I'm very happy with the results.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
It's definitely like noticeable.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
I got it at a boutique, costs seventy.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Dollars, seventy dollars. Probably probably finds that at a thrift shop.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Please don't hurt me with that kind of bar right now,
you know what, I'm not sorry. It's an Echo Park.
It's an Echo Park, Potine.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
He's wearing like a off white shirt with flowers all
over it, orange and yellow mustard yellow and like bright orange.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
It's not mustard yellow. That's you're not colors not your thing.
It's definitely not mustard yellow. It's more of a gold
And the flowers that you have to understand are like
seventies style.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, it's very seventies or sixties even sure.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, it's giving the turtles, you know, the classic button down, down,
short sleeve. It's a banger shirt and I don't regret it.
And he's wearing a gold chain and I'm wearing gold chain.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
And skinny jeans.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
See these jeans, it's interesting that you bring us there.
I wash them and they went skinny on me, so
I have to wear them back in. It's going to
be a while.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
Cool. Yeah, well just one wheeling around town.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
Yeah. Yeah, So anyway, you have a story today, shocker.
I laughed really hard at you getting hit on. People
said I should just ask you out.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
Who said that?

Speaker 1 (04:06):
A commenter? Okay, So I just thought it was funny. Okay,
it was a laughing.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
He raise in the bonus episode that if you haven't
seen it, you should go check it out. I tell
this really, we're talking about like meeting in person, like
getting hit on in person, And I shared a story
of like getting hit on stupid, funny, hilarious story that like,
I thought it was kind of funny, but Danny was
like off his rocker laughing about it. He was like

(04:34):
he shook the whole apartment with how loud he was laughing.
So when I got hit on again recently, I was like, oh,
this is also a funny situation to get a weird
way to get hit on. So I'm going to tell
him this and hopefully it will be funny for him
or at least a little entertaining. So I was sitting
in a coffee shop just mind mail business head in
my laptop working, and the way the setup of the

(04:59):
cop shop was is like I'm sitting at a table
where you know how sometimes like there's like it's like
almost like a long bench and then there's individual tables
at the bench. Sure, so then like the bench has
like designated spots to sit on the bench. They have
like little seat like seat pads for like where on

(05:20):
the bench you're supposed to sit. You have your table,
and then there's like another table and another sorry, other
chairs are surrounding the table as well. So this man
comes up to me and he's like, oh, is anyone
sitting there? Here, and he points to like a non seat.
He points to like the area next to my seat
of the bench that no one's supposed to sit on.

(05:42):
It's just like empty space between this seat and another
seat the other.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
When you say seat, it's like a seating path.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
Like a cushion like a bus. So he put he
points to a cushion less area and says, anyone's sitting here,
And I'm like, in my computer, I'm just like at
this point, I'm just so confus what's happening. At this point,
I'm just like I go no, And then I'm like, wait,
what where do you want to sit? I like, and
he's like right here, and I'm like, uh no. So

(06:09):
then I go back to my computer. I'm just like confused.
And then I'm about to say there's a lot of
empty because there was plenty of empty seats, A lot
of empty because there was plenty of empty seats. So
I'm literally about to turn back to and be like,
you know, there's like a ton of empty seats. But
then I was like, wait, is he like trying to
sit next to me and like hit on me? So
I didn't say anything. I just went back to my
computer and like, look, looks are not everything, but when

(06:34):
you're approaching someone in the wild where like you have nothing,
you do, have no relationship, no context to go off of, like,
looks are kind of like, oh you have Like so, like,
I was really confused as to why this person was
trying to hit on me, right and he's sitting there
and he at this point, I'm still like, I don't
know if that's what's happening, but I'm confused because why

(06:55):
are you sitting in this non seat right next to me.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
It's really endearing that despite all of the evidence, You're like, well,
it could be.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
I would be so confused because it was so weird
that he wanted to sit here. So he's sitting down,
I'm still in my computer. He all he does is
he takes the straw, the wrapper off of his straw,
puts it in his drink, go it turns to me
and goes, are you on LinkedIn?

Speaker 1 (07:19):
Oh my god? And I'm like, I knew it was coming,
but it still surprised me.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
I was like, and still at this point, I'm still
not thinking that he's hitting on you. I'm thinking like
he wants to know more about LinkedIn? So then I
it takes for it for me to click that. He's like, oh,
he's probably gonna like try and get my LinkedIn as
a way to connect with me. So then I just
say no, and I turned back to my computer, and

(07:48):
then he goes he stands up and he's like, Okay, well,
it was really great meeting you. What's your name again?
And I'm just like Chelsea, and he's like, it's really
great meeting you. Chelsea. I didn't or he like walks away,
and I literally like was like what just happened? And
part of me honestly felt so bad that I wasn't nicer,
because I'm like, that's like takes effort and guts to

(08:10):
like talk to a person a stranger and like try
and make conversation. Maybe it was just like a challenge
she gave himself, like congratulations, you did it. But I
was also just like so confused by the approach. It
was like it took me that long to even realize
he was trying to like hit on me because it
was such a weird thing to do. I couldn't get
past the seat aspect.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Of it's likable that you don't assume that.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
I just couldn't look past the seating aspect.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
Why else would he be doing it?

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Well, that's why I was just so confused. I was like,
who tries to see it doesn't go.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
Through your head? I mean that's what I don't understand.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah, I think not in immediately.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
You you don't. It doesn't occur to you that maybe I.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Think they're all weird. But like I was just yeah,
I was. It was just so funny to me that
he sits on this non seat and then takes the
wrapper off with his straw and then asks me if
I'm on lie and then gets up and leaves.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
I mean, it's pretty uh, it's it might be worse.
It might be worse than the what was the original
it's do should I get the white wire for the phone?
The white phone cable with the black phone came.

Speaker 2 (09:13):
I think that one was like that one was at
least was more obvious of what was going on to me,
whereas this coffee shop one, I was just like thrown
for a loop because it was like.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
It almost seems like he might be ready to sell
you knives because it's LinkedIn. It's like, what are you
on about?

Speaker 2 (09:34):
And also it was like there were two other chairs.
I think that was what was weird. At the table
I was at, there were two empty chairs, so he
could have just asked to sit at a at one
of my at a seat at my table, and maybe
he didn't want to intrude that far. But the fact
that he sat on a non seat on like the
empty space between me and another seat was when there's

(09:57):
so many empty seats in the in the in the car.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
It's not a movie theater. It was so I mean,
it is a movie theater. He wanted to lookie.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
Imagine if I had said, you know, there's tons of
empty other seats, right, I might have. I wonder what
he would have said. I should have like given them tips.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
Do you feel like these stories? I mean, does it
bother you when this happens? Are you flattered by it?

Speaker 2 (10:22):
I wasn't really flattered because he I would have been
flattered if he was like good looking.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
So I just washed his ride over you. Yeah, it
was more like, see, that's a big difference between me
and you. If an og a fat male could tell
me you're hot, days made days don't need an expert. Yeah,
I'm just yeah, oh thank you.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
I was confused. I was like, why do you what
do you think is going to happen that?

Speaker 1 (10:51):
That's kind of my question is it doesn't hit you
in the ego at all. You know, you're like, I know, bro,
I know you want this.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Well I'm just like why Maybe I'm just like, maybe
shoot for a different a different shot.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
Well it was a shitty it was a shitty strategy.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
But that's strategy. Also, like it's not going to happen.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
Did you know? Well, yeah, it's not going to happen.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
And he's trying point sometimes like hope, yeah, but I'm like,
maybe choose someone else.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
But you're hot, that's the whole point.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
But like, choose someone that's like, you know, you were hot,
your level of hot.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
That's the whole point that we want the people who
are out of our level, even you do. You kind
of just said that yourself, right, what do you mean? Well?
You said who?

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Who? Who?

Speaker 1 (11:33):
Do you want to hear it from?

Speaker 2 (11:36):
It don't needs to be hotter than.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
Me, tall, good looking man. Yeah, but you'd like it
more if he were.

Speaker 2 (11:41):
That doesn't exist. I don't think anyone's hotter than me.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
Oh my god, you think you're the hottest person alive?

Speaker 2 (11:50):
No, I just think that, like.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
I will meet you.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
I I don't think that I'm just attracted to people
that are at the same attractiveness as me. So I'm
not like really attracted to people who are like prettier
than me. And I'm not like, I don't know if
that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
It's pretty good. You're not attractive personality.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, if we're just talking about physical I'm talking about
I'm not talking about personality.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
Are you attractive personality?

Speaker 2 (12:18):
Though? That's my question, Like I need a gut person
who is like has like like personality means way more
to me, like not way more to me, but like
I would say, like charisma, like the kinds of connection.
I think connection is a matter to me, connection in chemistry.
But I'm just talking about a in a situation where

(12:40):
you have nothing else to shot but the physical.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
I don't get it. What don't you get I just
think that, like I I don't know why you chose me.
I'm younger than you.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Why don't you know better? Is that what you're asking?

Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I'm fat saying by that
as well. And I have an answer. Okay, it's there's
actually a study that shows this but beautiful women are stupefying,
literally stupefying to men.

Speaker 2 (13:11):
I know that I'm not beautiful enough to be stupefying
to men, so I don't think it was that.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
Respectfully, I did not comment on your haircut. But the
fact that I did not hit record on one of
the cameras I submit as evidence that I never make
that mistake.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
He did not record the first half of the last episode,
and I thought he didn't record the audio.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
I got the audio You're not that hot, which I was.
You're one camera and an audio recorder, got it.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah, that would have been really bad. If you missed
the audio. I would have been upset. We would have
to be done the whole thing.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
I've literally never done that. Yeah, I would never do that,
but there's probably a girl out there who could pull
it off.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
I think I think we should find her for you.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
I would love that.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, and then that could be the goal. That could
be the market.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
I'd be like fumbling, Oh my god, so hot that.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
You forget at both cameras and both audios? Yeah, okay, Yeah,
that's the benchmark.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
And I mean, I'm just gonna say it was. I
was not going to do this, but you know, I'm
just gonna do it. I'm just gonna do it. But
today I won't. I won't say what. But I saw
something and I was sure that you were single based
on this thing I saw, which I can't tell you
guys what it is, and that just guy kind of
fucked with me. Why because I thought you weren't. And
so then I was like, that kind of changes. I

(14:26):
actually was like, I'm gonna be to be nicer today.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
That's a problem that you would only be nice to
someone if you thought they were single. Be nice to
all women.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
Well, it's my on air persona, so I'm not going
to compromise my show. I think I'm funnier if I'm
not trying to be nice. But I thought I would
be like I'm was like, I'm going to be more
interested in her and just try to feel her out more.
But you know, this is kind of the Danny Show,
I mean to some extent.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, but what if it was like the not Danny Show.
I'm letting you you have a mic, I know, I'm
just saying, imagine if that was the case, how do
you think things would change for you?

Speaker 1 (15:05):
Well, I want to get better at it, you know,
so I think I think seduction and I don't mean
that in a sexual way, but just in a getting
people to open up is a skill I want to
work on. Yeah, but yeah, I don't know. I don't
know where to go with you.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
Well. I think it's like I think it's like kind
of what you talked about in the last episode of
Like You're you want to be in control a little bit, right,
Like you want to feel in control, and it's a
little bit of an anxiety thing I think. Right, it's
like sure, and it's like your show too, right, So
you want to leave the don't want the conversation to
go in a way that you're like, wait, this is
not my brand, this is not what I want to happen.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
I'm not afraid.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Okay, cool, good to know, but noted.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
I don't know where to go with you sometimes, okay, cool,
love that well, because there's certain you're kind of like
you're evasive at times, So I don't know.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
I'm like, we can't go there that it takes.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
You're a little touchy, fair to say a little bit.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
I wouldn't say I'm touchy. I would say I'm passionate.
I would say I am sensitive.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Sensitive. That's what touchy means eyes.

Speaker 2 (16:09):
I would see thise different, but and I would say
that I have Yeah, I'm a little walled up for sure.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
Oh are you walled up?

Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Oh I didn't even go that far. Interesting.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
Well, when you say evasive, I think that's kind of
what you mean.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Okay, yeah, interesting.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah. I'm like I definitely have like a protective layer
around me.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
A little bit. Okay, there's like a shield. Yeah yeah, yeah,
so I guess I wouldn't know where.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
To go in terms of our conversation.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
Yeah, next, or like if I was trying to really
do this, you know.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Oh, trying to hit on me. No, not hit on you,
just having a conversation with me.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Seduce you in a sense but I'm not saying that
in a sense of like, yeah, so I've.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Had this conversation about seduction. Was it with you? I
think it was with you.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
Let's try it again, and do you agree with me?

Speaker 2 (16:54):
We had a conversation about seduction where I was like,
I don't know that I believe in seduction as a
strategy because it feels like you're playing a game versus
just being like putting the energy out there and like
allowing things to unfold as the person, like letting the
person just have enough interest to get to the point

(17:14):
that you're trying to get with them. I think when
it comes to like you, when you say seduction, you're like,
I'm just well, you're actually trying to say, like, I'm
trying to be better at connecting human to human with people,
is what I think you're actually trying to.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
Say, right, Well, yes, And it's in the context of
I want the show to be entertaining, and then I
do have ego and control issues around it, you know,
and like, I hate to say this, but I think
it's I have to say it. I think I think
I think Joe Rogan is good at this. He must be.
He must be. He gets people to open up. They're
talking to him for four hours. So what do I

(17:45):
have to do to get out of my own way
to get people to open up? Because people want to
listen to vulnerability. Now, I think I'm good at vulnerability,
but getting the guest to be vulnerable is a different skill,
and I think I'm weak there. I'm working on it.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
I do think that.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
You.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
I think there's a little bit of judgment that comes
that exudes from you a little bit sure, And I
think that's where you can work on things a little bit.
I think I said a little bit like.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
Four times just now at.

Speaker 2 (18:16):
So I think that's where I would say my evasive
gifts could come from, or like my walls a little bit.
Is like I do feel a sense of like I
don't feel like I can just say something and it's
just like a safe space yet.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
So yeah, you'll feel that I'll judge you.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, there's like in the way that you react to things,
like there's a little bit of judgment, whether it's like
a verbal thing or a look. You're looking at me
with judgment right now, and I I I don't want
to be judged. But also that could be like a
lack of confidence on my part. You know.

Speaker 1 (18:54):
Well, but that doesn't matter, right, I have to be
able to be I have to for.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
The show, yes, but for my life and what I
want to accomplish, then I need to get over that
and just.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
Be like, well, it's a romantic context that would be
incompatibility where it's like, well, whatever it is, what it is,
I try my best. But in this context, it's like
I need to create a safer space where you can
feel free to flop or whatever it is, or say
what you need to say without feeling judged. Yeah, so
what do I do? Do you have the answers?

Speaker 2 (19:22):
I think it's like it's like a I think it's
just a certain warmth that I think what would help
for you would be like just working on like any

(19:44):
I don't know. I'm not here to give you advice.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
I think I.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
Would say like being a little laid back, a little
more late. Maybe yeah, okay, yeah, does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (20:00):
It makes sense, But I don't know where it applies.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
I don't know because I can't. I honestly can't think
of like a specific thing. It's more of like, I
think this is what it is. I think I worry
sometimes about the way you're going to take something I say.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
Interesting, Yeah, I've worried about that too.

Speaker 2 (20:23):
I thought.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
I always think I have offended you.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
No, you haven't offended me.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
I actually message you after our last recording and I
was like, she's really fucking pissed. And then I was
like she's lying.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Wait, why did you think I was pissed?

Speaker 1 (20:35):
I don't know it I already faded.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
Ok. I think I think that's part of it too,
is like, if you're thinking that, then it's like it's
going to put me on edge too.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Well, No, I thought after yeah, oh I know why
I thought that. It's because when it when the recording ended,
you just like kind of went out really fast. But
you had a reason.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Yeah, it got to rush.

Speaker 1 (20:52):
But I take things personally. We're both sensitive.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
I think that's what it is. Maybe am I just
be that you're taking things personally? Makes me?

Speaker 1 (20:58):
But we're both sensitive? Is that fair to say?

Speaker 2 (21:01):
But it's different, it comes off different.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Of course I'm the weird one.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
No, I'm not saying that. See exactly, you're taking it personally.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
That's where I'm like, oh my god, I'm just joking. Yeah,
just a joke.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
We're good. I love jokes.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
I feel like we're on a tightrope right now.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
It's fun, so we're getting deep.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
We do agree on this though, we're both sensitive.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Everyone's an asshole here for sure. Yeah, eshesh.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
When I say that, what I mean is I think
you've called me paranoid and anxious. I think that's very fair.
And sometimes I would just read things on people, and
sometimes I'm right, but sometimes I am wrong. But the
other problem is sometimes I'm right and the other person
doesn't know I'm right, Like people are unaware of what
they're putting down.

Speaker 2 (21:49):
Go ahead. That's the kind of thing that would make me.
That is like frustrating for me to hear where it's like, no, don't,
don't say that. You think that you're right and the
other person doesn't know how they feel, and you know
how they feel and they don't know how do they feel?
But isn't it possible though, that that's true some of
the that's the kind of thing I'm not going to entertain.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
But I'm not talking about you.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I just think like you have to. I don't know.
It's like it puts yourself, It kind of puts you
on a pedestal. You're putting yourself on a pedestal a
little bit.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Well, yeah, I mean, but sometimes people are very self aware.
Is that that's just aware? That's perfect. I think I'm
in the upper core tie.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
What if you're not that self aware of self aware people?
What if you think that you're more self aware.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Than you are. Well, it's a known cognitive bias, so
to see your side, it's called the self serving bias
or something. And yeah, people we tend to think that
we're more self aware than other people. It's a known bias.

Speaker 2 (22:46):
Yeah, but I guess I think about that sometimes for myself.
What because I think I'm super self aware, but I'm like,
I wonder if there's like blind spots where it's like,
you do not see this about yourself.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
Well, I think in my defense, I you know, I
have not for you.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
I'm sorrying about myself, but yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
I think that. You know, I've have thousands of journals
that I've reread, not just written, but reread, and hundreds
of hours of podcasts that I've edited and listened to myself.
And I do think I'm I'm I'm aware of what
I do. Not always, I think sometimes I slip up.
I just told the story on a recent episode of
me getting too close to the women, and sometimes I

(23:25):
get bigger than my britches. And sometimes I think, you know,
my unconscious or subconscious mind is doing shit, and then
later I'll become aware of it absolutely what I'm really
letting go. I also think that's why you know I'm
at my best, but I'm not in my head, yeah
for sure. But I do think, yeah, I've come to
grips with you know who I am and what I

(23:46):
do and what I've done, and I'm aware I'm and
I'm here one hundred percent so and sober, just caffeine
like I'm in it. I'm fucking in it, Evan, I'm
in it people.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
Yeah, cool?

Speaker 1 (23:59):
Will you give me top quartile top twenty five percent?
I can't get that to you well where you willing.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
To, But I appreciate that you do the work to
be as self aware as you can be and continue
to do that work.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
You think it's a reasonable that I might think I'm
in the.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Top quartile for that, I'm not going to give you that.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
You won't give me that. Where do you feel that
you are in the percentile range?

Speaker 2 (24:26):
I've never thought about percentile, So maybe that's why I
can't give you that. It's because I've never looked at
it that way.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
You have more self aware than most.

Speaker 2 (24:34):
I don't know how self aware people are because it's
like because like, okay, let's look at someone who's like,
like as an asshole. People don't like them whatever, Like
they could be self aware about this and just not care.
So there's a difference between like being self aware and
like doing something to change the ways that you're like
not presenting in a certain light, or there's being self
aware and like, Okay, I want to do the work
to be a better person. I think that, like I

(24:59):
am very self aware, but I don't do all of
the work required to be like my best version of myself.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
What work have you left? Undone?

Speaker 2 (25:07):
I would say, like, I because like I know my flaws.
I know my flaw's one thousand percent. Really yes, that's bold. Yeah, no,
I definitely feel very like can we talk about somewhere
what are you absolutely that's your biggest flaw. I'm stubborn,
i am emotional, I'm reactive, I'm sensitive, and the sensitive

(25:30):
thing I think I don't even think that needs to
be a flaw, but I think I grew up seeing
it as a flaw because like I would cry so
easily as a child, and I'd always be called a
cry baby. And then that like makes you feel like
being emotional is like bad and like you're not allowed
to like feel your feelings. And it makes me second
guess myself a lot as an adult because I'm like

(25:51):
I was always told like me having these big feelings
was wrong and annoying and like a nuisance and I
should need to get it together. I didn't, wasn't validated
in that way. So I second guess myself a lot
in terms of like, SHO, should I be feeling this way?
Should I not feel this way? Is it okay to
feel this way? And that's definitely something that I'm working on.

(26:12):
Is just like validating myself more and valid in my
own feelings more, I would say. But I would say
stubbornness is a big one. And it's not even like
necessarily stubborn in like a mean way always. It could
also be stubborn of like I will like try too
hard for something that like isn't actually helpful. Like an

(26:33):
example of this in like a very low capacity is
like I once got lost on a hike, and instead
of turning back around going back to where I came from,
where I knew I would get back home, I just
kept going, thinking any moment now is going to turn around,
loop around, And then I looped around and I ended
up like lost in the wilderness. So that's kind of
also what I mean by stubborn is like I'll just
like be like no, no, I got this, I can

(26:54):
do this. It'll happen, Like it's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
You're gonna keep going. Yeah, the only word that you
said to me sound like a flaw. Wasn't emotional or sensitive.
It was reactive. Yeah what does that mean?

Speaker 2 (27:07):
A reactive means like reacting from a place of emotion
instead of like taking a beat to be like okay,
let me like, let me respond to this in a
more calm, logical manner. And I'm and I think that
comes from like definitely comes from like just my childhood
and like you know, hot temper in like my dad's side,

(27:34):
and just like growing up with that and seeing that,
and so then I think that it comes out most
for me in situations with like my family, and then
also it comes out a little bit in situations with work,
where like I'll get upset about something that someone complains
about or says to me, and I'll definitely want to
be a reactive So now I just like I'll type

(27:56):
out what I want to say, and then I'll ask
chat GBT to make it more professional.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
Nice. It's a good workflow. Yeah, thanks for sharing. Yeah, yeah,
I did that a lot, do a lot of writing
things that don't get sent. I think I've written probably
probably overtime letters to my ex. Yeah you would.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Would you ever think about actually sending them? No?

Speaker 1 (28:19):
One time.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
I remember, like I had this ex who I wrote
this message too on Facebook messengers is like so long ago,
like twenty twenty twenty two or something twenty twenty three,
I think twenty twenty four even twenty two, twenty thirteen,
twenty fourteen. Sorry, that was confusing, so long time ago.

(28:41):
And I was typing out this message, which I was like,
I didn't intend to send it to them, but I
was just like typing it in their messenger box for
some reason. Oh my god, I know, And then I
pressed entered to start a paragraph, but I just sent
it to them.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
And you do unset, No, there was a way to
do that. I went he.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
He got it, and he responded to me, and it
was fine. We still actually ended up becoming friends after
that for a little bit, but it was never a
real friendship because he don't always like text me afterwards,
being like were you trying to make out with me
that whole time? So anyways, he's married now, it's fine.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
Okay, Yeah, I mean I guess for me on that note,
it's sort of like it's sort of like the relationship ended,
and then the whole context of it changes, you know,
the whole vibe of it changes. But then there's this
part of me where I'm like, I don't know, just
like some stupid little thing, like a cute thing.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
Oh, like that you want to share with her? Yeah, okay,
I thought it was more like getting your feelings off.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
Both. I mean it's both, but sometimes I think more.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Do you ever have like a any kind of like communication,
whether it was verbal or written, where you got to
get things off your chest?

Speaker 1 (29:54):
Yeah, we had like kind of a closure discussion.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
Do you believe in closure as a thing?

Speaker 1 (30:00):
I think when it's long?

Speaker 2 (30:02):
And what I mean by that is like, do you
believe that having a conversation can be a thing that
gives you closure? Or do you think has something that
you define within yourself?

Speaker 1 (30:10):
Yeah, I think I would lean more to the ladder.
I think sometimes when we don't know what happened and
the other person can give that to us, we should. Yeah,
you know, I'll I think it's fair to share one thing.
So she accused me of cheating, Okay, which you didn't
made me fucking mad? Yeah, but I did not. I
did not I did get with someone quickly afterward. Okay,

(30:32):
I was fucking pissed, but I didn't cheat.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
Yeah, and so.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
I thought I thought it was like and she apologized
for that, which is reasonable.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
Yeah, I could see why it hurt for her that
you got with someone, But it sucks that she accused
you of someone something that you did not do.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
Yeah, I mean I paid dearly for it, So you know,
I think, I think, you know, everything is a reaction
to an extent, and at least especially in that context.
But I understand why people want closure. But I think
I think a lot of the things, and I think
we've been kind of going back and forth on this
a lot of the times. The communication is not what

(31:12):
what's being said is not the communication, and what what
what was done and how it was done was already communicated.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, special lies, liar's gonna lie.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
Liar's gonna lie. Okay, so you're stubborn and a bit reactive. Yes,
I feel like I have to come back with my
biggest flaws. I think I am at my worse maybe
like hostile and insecure, especially in a new environment. So
I can be a little bit and then that can

(31:48):
make me like, yeah, a little maybe like angry, there's
an impulse there, but yeah, the other ones, I don't
really And actually i've been I've been kind of like
dealing with that on these on these apps, these kind
of like social apps that I've been using to these
like group you go on these group hangs where it's
like five other people, they'll say like, are you emotional
or logical? And I don't like that. I don't like

(32:12):
that separation. Well, I don't think they're different. I think emotions,
emotions are telling you. The unconscious is speaking to you,
whereas I think the conscious mind is very limited. So
I actually think usually it's irrational to focus on what
you're intellectualizing, and I'm much more much more bound to
focus on what is what are the emotions I'm feeling.

(32:35):
I've learned to do that.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
I actually think it's a feelings and emotions too. You're
losing me there, Hopeful there's a great book I'm being
judging about later. You're not judgmental. It's just that there's
a book like How Emotions Are Made. It's really interesting.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
I love it. Send it to me. We have limited
time here, so we're gonna get into some situations. But
what a good discussion. Here we go our second story
of the day, A tear for telling my friends how
my dates mother called them five times during our two
hour date. But first at the sponsor today is better Help.
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(33:10):
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(33:32):
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worth it, and therapy can be a way to get there.
Gay for not replying to a message when we had
a date planned. This happened a few months ago. Most
of my friends said I was not the asshole, but

(34:16):
I was just discussing it with someone today. I thought
I was if thirty had been chatting with someone on
a dating app for a few weeks, I'm m thirty five.
This Monday, we had planned a date for the Wednesday
seven pm at a bar. Our. Plans were solid. He
also knew I was busy working late. I have an
active social life. Tuesday, around seven thirty, he sent a
text asking how my day was. I was out with

(34:37):
friends and by the time I got home after eleven,
I thought it was too late to text, but planned
it write back the next day. The next day was
crazy at work, like I didn't even stop for coffee
or lunch, so I didn't get a text m back
until round five. I apologized to the delay, but said
we would talk when we met up that night. From
my perspective, we had planned, so it wasn't a big deal.
I couldn't reply. He wasn't asking to clarify details, and

(34:58):
our convo had routinely long gaps. Around six thirty, when
I was about to leave to meet him, he wrote
back to say that because I hadn't written back earlier,
he'd made other plans and was at the new venue
and asked if we could reschedule. He said he'd had
people go cold before a date before and they would
usually then cancel reschedule, so he thought i'd be doing
the same. I think he's the asshole because it hadn't

(35:20):
even been a full day between replies, and I think
he overreacted. He could have sent another message to confirm
the date before making new plans, or at least tell
me he wasn't going to show up. If I hadn't
texted him, or if I had the message hadn't gone
through or something, I would have been at the bar
waiting for him. However, my friend thinks I'm the asshole
for not replying for around twenty two hours, and that
it was justified reason and at least to cancel the date,

(35:41):
although maybe not to stand me up without letting me
know he wouldn't show Aiita.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Yeah, I've been. I feel like I've definitely been in
this situation where I had plans with someone and like
they texted me and I was just so go go
go that. I was like, oh, I'll just respond in person.
This is not a common thing. Actually, I would say
I changed a lot in the past few years in
that regard. I used to be such a people focused person,

(36:08):
but once I started my own business, I literally kind
of started living on survival mode where I got so
my life got much more chaotic, and my brain was
just like so used in its full capacity that like
I couldn't focus on people as much as I used to,
which I'm kind of this year trying to reprioritize just

(36:28):
balance and self care and people and anyways. So I
do understand being in that space. I also, though, understand
that he was like, what the.

Speaker 1 (36:43):
Fuck like is?

Speaker 2 (36:45):
It's a new relationship. They don't have that context to
go off of where they're like, you know, I know
I'm going to see you later regardless of whether or
not you texted me back. But why didn't he follow
up and be like, Hey, are we still on? If
he had that concern, that seems like the most something
of logic, the most logical thing to do to me, right,
like follow up and be like, hey we still on?

Speaker 1 (37:05):
Do a check it's also kind of humiliating if you
feel like you got ghosted, well, like.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
You said, like with data and you can't really be
so you can't be so you go forwards. Yeah, you can't.
You can't get hurt about things you can't like. It's
just it's it's all part of the game of going
on these first dates. And how can you be humiliated
by someone you haven't even met yet.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
It's fair, Yeah, I mean there's a dignity aspect to it.
You know, you feel like you're putting in too much.
It feels like you're kind of embarrassing. I kind of
understand it.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Or would you have done in this situation? Would you
have followed up? Would you up to the date?

Speaker 1 (37:45):
This fucking happened to me.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
I was her? You were her?

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yeah, I was texting this girl. We agreed to get
brunch and I was like a twenty minute, twenty five
minute drive, you know, and yeah, I don't know what
she said. She said some bullshit. We'd already agreed to me,
and I was like, whatever, we'll talk about when we
talk about it. Show up to brunch and I open
up hinge. Yeah, she's gone.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
So she unmatched you didn't get to tell her like, hey,
like I'm here.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
I'm here, lady gosh, So I guess she just assumed
I was bailing. I'm really not ready to press charges
on either individual here, though. I think this is like
dating app culture at its worse. Like, I mean, it's
not that severe what happened, obviously, but like I think
it literally brings out the worst in everyone.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
And this, well, I think it's brought out the worst
in society. Yeah, So I don't even think it's like
specific to like conversations on dating apps. I think it's
like become just how people are with each other in general.

Speaker 1 (38:41):
Okay, what do you mean by that?

Speaker 2 (38:43):
Just like there's more flakiness in the world. There's more
there is, just like less prioritization of building relationships there is.
It's like obviously, like it's a fairly new phenomenon to

(39:03):
be able to just like text someone and like right
away and like have them get your message. And I
think that people have different expectations of like how often
they should expect to hear from someone else and like
what they're owed. I guess in terms of a response,
like if this person had like called and left a

(39:25):
message on her landline and she didn't respond before their date,
Like would that have caused the same kind of situation?
So I don't know, it's it's a weird phenomenon that
I think is like more more of a modern culture.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
But I think so. I mean, I don't know if
I go as far as you there, but I definitely
think that dating apps have made me do things I
would never do because there's also so many avoidance there
and people who are very you know, inexperien perience with
relationships since you're getting like this weird sampling of people
and then this weird context where I think, you know,

(40:06):
women are receiving just ridiculous amounts of shitty attention. Me
I'm begging for scraps over here, happy to get you know,
a fucking match a week. And yeah, I think that's
the kind of things that people just adapt because we
think it's normal because it's happening, right. And I think
what he did was he was like, well, her energy
is that she's ghosting me. No one's that busy, and

(40:27):
it's like, I think she just is. It's really nothing personal,
she doesn't know you that well, it's just how she
uses that.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
Essentially, people don't communicate with each other because like, and
I'm not just saying that she didn't respond to him.
I'm saying he didn't communicate either. He could have communicated here, Well,
I thought he thought she was ghosting. I think that's
kind of like she didn't communicate.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Sure, neither did she.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
Yeah, but like that's a big leap someone not texting
you back to just being like, Okay, I'm not gonna
show up to the date. Then.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
I know you say that, but like kind of isn't
somethings people just ghosts, They don't even unmatch. It's like
it happens. People read it that way because because it's
happened to them. I think it happens. You know, and
some people are doing a lot of dating apps, but
if it's your first or second time, you don't really
know you're picking up on it. You know, that's what
he saw. So I think I see this very much

(41:19):
as a parable about how dating apps make people worse,
and I think you have to be better than it.
I do think ultimately we agree that what he should
have done was just check in. Yeah, but see, and
I think that's the other aspect, Like I've also I've
read into both. I've lost a girl because I felt
like I was too eager via text. I also have
I message on my laptop and I type one hundred

(41:39):
words a minute, which is if I get riled, can
be like, bro, you're texting way too much.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
And then there's also like girls sometimes that will like
expect you to like cancel your day and they'll just
all of a sudden unmatch because you're not like texting
testing testing texting, I'm like, I got stuff to do, bro. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
And that's where I mean by communityation comes in. I
think people need to communicate their expectations a lot more,
and also like they need to be more aware of,
like speaking of self awareness of like Okay, is this
like a them issue or is this like my own
insecurity is coming in to play, my ego coming into play,
and my attachment issues coming to play that it's causing
me to want to react this way.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
I think so. But I think the reason I see
this as really not reflecting either of them is that
it's mediated by this bullshit fucking app, you know what
I mean, And so it really just is inhuman and bizarre,
and it's like everyone's trying to run this balance, right,
it's like, oh, don't talk down text much, but don't.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
It's an app, it's a game.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
It's a literal game, it really, and like attraction is
already a game to an extent, I feel like the
apps make it like ridiculous and it's unhuman.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
But also like attraction you can't even figure out from
an app like no, because it's like it's so in
person like attraction is just about well.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
And that's why I do agree with her more and
why I was in this situation because I'm like, I
don't really care, Like I don't care if you're go
at texting babe, like let's meet. If we meet and
we vibe, then that's it. And if you're worth meeting,
you're worth meeting. So to me, that's cut and dry.
I think that is a mature view on the apps,
where it's like, mind me sit here playing text games
with you, like, let's fucking go. Yeah, ata for not

(43:13):
replying to a message when we had a day planned.
I honestly do not think either person is the asshole here.
I think this was a true miscommunication and the confusing
norms of the apps cause this.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
Yeah, I can give you that, I do feel like,
if we're going to say someone's a little bit more
of an asshole, I would say it's the guy.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Well, it means he kind of fucked himself too. I'd
be like if she's like I'm done with you, I'd
be like, yeah, bro, I mean you kind of fucked
her over.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
Yeah. So but yeah, it's just classic dating at miscommunication,
which everyone needs to work on.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
Truth, truth, fuck the apps. Go meet people at a
coffee shop.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
Yeah, go approach them and sit at a seat that's
not a real.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
Shoot your shot, Shoot your shot, shoot your shot.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
Unwrap your straw next to them. You'd be like, blow
it in their in their face, ask if they're on LinkedIn.

Speaker 1 (43:59):
Classic girls love that.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
I love it, like literally I was ready to just like,
let's go to the bathroom right right then? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (44:05):
Oh my god, Wow yeah yeah, wow.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
It really worked on me.

Speaker 1 (44:08):
Wow, I did not expect you to go there. Let's
go to the bathroom. Yes, you know. One time there
was this girl and I said I said that to
her after. I was like I wanted to ask you
to just go to the bathroom, and she's like, you
should have. I would have, And it's like one of
my regrets well.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
That's the tricky thing though, I know.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
I mean, it's a pretty psycho thing to say to someone.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
Yeah, the bath, the first date.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
No, it was like someone who has been in my
orbit forever was like.

Speaker 2 (44:36):
Oh but it wasn't even you weren't like in that,
you didn't have that kind of relationship. No, okay, okay, no,
but I weren't like dating or anything. No.

Speaker 1 (44:43):
I was just picking up her energy, like I felt
like she was get more given off energy, like who's
ever going for it's getting it?

Speaker 2 (44:50):
You know.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
It was one of those it was like we're twenty
two years old energy. Yeah. Ai TI, thanks for listening,
Please read, you subscribe overturned for the episodes on Patreon.
Please guys, ad free you know you want it. It's sick, so.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
Many good stories and so much tea that is constantly spilled.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
Scalding hot yeah yeah yeah, scalding hot tea. Absolutely the best,
green tea, black tea, whatever.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
You like, you got it.

Speaker 1 (45:15):
It's there. Ata for telling my friends how my date's
mother called him five times during our two hour date.
I twenty seven f went on a date with Jack
thirty m recently. It was our first and last date.
I didn't know him really well, and we only know
each other through friends. We were set up by one
of them, and we talked a bit before deciding to
go out. He seemed normal.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
Seemed is the key word here.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
We d to a cafe. Now we'd only gotten there,
just sat down when he got a call from his mom.
No big deal. He took the call in front of me,
so I had no other option but to hear it. Right.
He told his mom we'd arrived, it's fine. I thought,
that's fine. Maybe he's anxious or something, or his mom
was wishing him luck. We got talking and within half
an hour his mom called again. He picked it up

(46:00):
and gave her an update of everything we talked about
in the last thirty minutes. It weirded me out, but
she then proceeded to call him three more times within
two hours, and he kept recapping what was discussed.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
I had to recheck their ages.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
I even commented about his mom's constant calling, and he
said he's a MoMA's boy. It weirded me out, so
I cut our date short sounds like it wasn't that short, yea.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
And.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Turned down dinner. When I got home, I messaged him
that I had a good time, but couldn't see a
future with him as our personalities were polls apart. He said,
best of luck. Obviously. The friend who had set us
up asked me about the date, and I told her
about his mom calling every half an hour. I also
told my friends about the date. Now, apparently he asked
out another girl. She turned him down. He found out
that people knew about the situation, he sent me a text,

(46:47):
calling me some nice words and saying that it was
private information. I shouldn't have told people about it. He
also called me a racist, which doesn't make sense to me.
We're both Indian. I mean, it wasn't the constant calling
that suck out was the fact that he was literally
recapped everything the code of pendency, et cetera, A TA.

Speaker 2 (47:04):
Actually, the Indian part makes it make a little bit
more sense because I feel like in certain cultures, just
like American culture for example, like there's not as much
of a people aren't as connected to their parents. I
feel like in other cultures, not just Indian cultures, but
like other cultures are from around the world, you like

(47:24):
continue to be very close to your parents until you
get married. And so I can see a little bit
more now what was going on. It gives me a
clearer picture. Okay, you kept saying, Mom, I thought you
were just like British.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
You were like, it could be British. There's a lot
of Indians in London.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
That's true. Okay, this is hilarious though. I love this
whole story. He called her some nice words. I was
confused about that.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
That was sarcast Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
Yeah, at first I was like, oh, that's nice.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
The fact that he was like giving the mom a
play by play right in front of her is so
funny to me. It's just beyond it's like lacking self aware.
Like if speaking of self awareness, that's someone who lacks
self awareness. Sure, even if like you're so close to
MoMA you want to tell her this stuff, which is
like weird enough as it is, I'm gonna say weird,
that's mean, but like not usual, not the norm in

(48:23):
our culture. Step away. First of all, do this not
a bathroom break? This she's in the bathroom.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
Well, he's aware, I think. I think what I see
the lacking self awareness part is he thinks this is fine,
you think, because he's doing it right. The part where
he's not.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
Getting not self aware that it's like not normal.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
Yes, And the part where he's really not getting it is, see,
every everyone's giving you feedback, so you can either hear
it or not. You know, some of it's crap, some
of it you can ignore, but like he's getting very
clear feedback, right because what happens. She reports the behavior,
as you guys know for defender of reporting this happened, bro,

(49:04):
like this happened, this is what you did on a date.
And then the other girl turns him down because maybe
because he said people knew about the situation, the fact that.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
He's calling this private information, what was private that his
mom was calling him he didn't like this was happening in.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
Front of her exactly, it was you did it in public.
It happened to her. She reported what happened. Yeah, she
didn't characterize it. She didn't judge it. She just said
that happened.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
I'm sure she was judging it.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
I'm sure she probably wasn't super neutral about it.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
Yeah, she's like, weird, hilarious thing that happened on my date. Yeah, which, like,
how can you go on dates and not expect friends
to talk about what happened afterwards?

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Amen, if you are.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Doing something that is causing someone to be like, this
was a hilarious story. I've never seeing this person again.
Reevaluate what you're doing.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
I think so. I think so, and I know, and
it's hard.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
It is hard. I will say, it's tricky because they're
in the same social circles. So I do think in
that situation, it would be nice of her to just
be careful about what she's saying and not be mean
about it in a way that maybe you would be,
like if it was a stranger and you didn't know

(50:24):
each other.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
I think there's such a thing as weaponizing intimacy. I
think like if you're out with someone, I mean first date,
I'm kind of like, bro, it's your first date. But
if it's like a third date and then you know
someone's like yeah, whatever, you share a secret or something
you know, and then you go tell that to the
friend group, it's like okay, now, like that was obviously
said in an intimate context, right right, Like you're taking

(50:46):
a call on a first date. It's in public. Anybody
could have seen it happen. It's like, come on, yeah,
I think that's just reporting. I don't think she did
anything wrong, do I think he's an asshole. I don't
know if I think he's an I guess I think
he's an asshole because he called her name.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
He became He wasn't an asshole for doing that, but
he became an asshole with his reactions afterwards.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
For everything were.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
No before that, he was just a little unhinged.

Speaker 1 (51:11):
Yeah, at for telling my friends how my date's mother
called them five times during her to our date. I
think we agree. Not the asshole on jack is.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
It's so funny because girls want a man who's like
close to his mom, but they do not want a
mama's boy. There's a difference. What's close like someone who
like respects their mom, speaks highly of their mom, loves
their mom, but not like attached to the hip, need
permission for everything.

Speaker 1 (51:38):
I love my mom and she but she does not
listen to the podcast. It's too long for her. So
she likes to put on the YouTube videos. They're about
ten minutes. I'll cut out, like just a single situation problem.
I have no idea that she's doing this, and I
scheduled them, so I have no idea what's going out.
They're from random episodes. I like scheduled them, like a

(51:58):
month ahead?

Speaker 2 (51:59):
Are you talking about with the instagram on the YouTube? Okay?
So because I've seen the full episodes on.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
The YouTube, there's the full episode of the YouTube, but
it is also clissed.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (52:07):
So she'll text me reacting to something. I have no
idea what she's saying. So this weekend, I get this
text she's like, well, if somebody can't pay my mortgage,
you better believe. I'm literally calling her like okay, what's up?
Because okay, what's up? Like we can't afford the mortgage.
You can't afford the fucking mortgage? Like, what's going on? Mom?

Speaker 2 (52:26):
She's giving you Panica taxs?

Speaker 1 (52:28):
Literally freaking out. So now she propens the text with
that's good aita YouTube. So it's crystically I'm.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
Still like anytime my mom texts me being like anything,
when she's like, hey, I want to talk to you,
I'm still stuck in like high school fight or flight response.
I'm like, oh my god, I did something. She found
something out about me, and like I immediately start panicking
and like what do you want to talk about? She's
like nothing, I'm just checking in, Like just wanted to
say hi.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
I think that's I want to check in now. I
ding on on that note. I think sending I we
need to talk or we need to talk.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
It'll just be like, hey, I want to It'll be
like want to talk to you, or like call me
when you can that kind of thing.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
Yeah, I think your mom, I think you gotta you can,
you can call that in. I think that's It's like
you don't want to create that anticipatory anxiety. It should
just be like check in, like.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
Hey, I just want to see how you're doing, call
me when you work you're doing, like.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
She needs to wear that. You shouldn't do that to someone.
It's torturous, all right, guys, RAVI subscribe get on Patreon.
Were to wrap up on a silly one aita for
wearing yoga pants to a first date? You want to
read it? Here we go?

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Sure, aita for wearing yoga pants to a first date.
Hope this is a man. I twenty six f matched
with a guy on a dating app. We messaged back
and forth for a few days before agreeing to meet
for coffee. He suggested a coffee place which happens to
be near my gym. So I showed up to the
date in yoga pants, sneakers, and a sweatshirt. I did

(53:52):
do my makeup though, come on with the plan to
go to the gym after the date. Okay, so she
was going to the gym after date. At the date,
he mentions that he thought it was rude and inappropriate
of me to show up to a first date dressed
so casually, I explained that my gym was near the
coffee shop, and then I had planned to do it
to work work out after our date, but he thought
that it was still rude.

Speaker 1 (54:13):
A TA, Yeah, I thought this one was kind of interesting.
I mean, I guess for me, I have said this,
and I find a lot of women react to it.
But the more I explain it, the more they come
on board, which is for me, a first date I
want to be especially if it's an app. If it's
an app, that's what I'm talking about. If it's a

(54:34):
first date with a friend or like someone I know,
then I'm like, no, that's like a real date. But
the first date off an app or like if we
barely know each other, that's almost like a screener date,
and I don't want to invest a lot.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
Well, for me, I think context matters of like location,
that's bit okay. I do think no matter what, if
you go on a date, it's best to present yourself
in a good way. Right, But she said she did
her makeup, Like I think that that. I think that,
like that's not something that guys usually do, but for girls,
that can really elevate your look. You can have a
casual outfit and like do a full glam and like

(55:09):
it'll elevate whatever you're wearing. Right, I'm gonna assume. I'm
gonna get for the benefit of the doubt and assume
that she has like cute yoga pants on, cute sneakers,
a cute sweatshirt. I'm gonna just give her the benefit
down that. If it's like just like grimy, like gross,
really gross gym clothes, I would ding her on that.
But I'm gonna just assume it's like a cute little

(55:30):
little gym set and they're at a coffee shop. It's
a casual place.

Speaker 1 (55:34):
If it was at a nice dinner place, then it'd
be like you're being kind of shitty. Yeah, coffee shop,
that's reasonable.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
Super casual.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
I'll see your pants are kind of hot, yeah, I
kind of like, yeah, showing off the goods yeah, kind
of you. It is a good thing. Yeah, I guess
I don't really see what the issue is.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
I don't see the issue either, Unlike, Okay, do you
think it would change the game a little bit if
she was in like a really grimy if it was
like a ratty sweatshirt that she's had for ten years
and like like yoga pants that look like they've been
like stretched and washed like a billion times, and like
dirty sneaker.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
I'd say it's bad strategy. You're not ass wholeish, Yeah,
because yeah, I mean this is what I've realized. Like
there's there's anytime I have the thought like, oh, that
girl at her best, like I could handle that, but
like there's you know but that like she never looks
her best, she doesn't know how she is.

Speaker 2 (56:27):
Do you feel like you're more attracted to girls that
are like slovenly? Am I saying that word exactly? Because
I feel like I get hit on the most when
I like feel so unattractive and like feel like I.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
Look and you don't dress up are more intimidating home less.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
I've heard this from a lot of girls, where like
people just like they get hit on more when they're
just like super like just woke up, Like in my
PJ is still going to the grocery.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
Store, like yeah, because it's giving cash, it's giving like
oh like she's whatever, she's chill, she's not trying to
look hot. She just is hot. So it's it's approachable.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
Yeah yeah, yeah that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
Yeah I don't. But I don't see any sin here.
I don't see any issue. It's like that's how she
wanted to dress. I mean I think, like I'm I'm
in the habit of like if I'm like, if I
can accept her for who she is, then that's what
it is. But anytime I have that thought of like
oh I would want her to dress up or like
you know, like I like straight, long hair, and I'm like,
well you don't. You don't get too you don't get

(57:23):
to orchestrate that shit. Yeah you know, got to just
accept them.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
Yeah yeah, I I also meet you with like not assholeish,
but bad strategy. Whereas like I've definitely had dates where
didn't I hear that date story once where the guy
showed up like soaking wet from sweat.

Speaker 1 (57:45):
Yeah, I think so, yeah, like pat strategy.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
I wouldn't. I didn't think of him as an asshole,
but I'm just like, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 (57:52):
That's hard to recover from something like that.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
It's like it was like truly like a rainstorm.

Speaker 1 (57:56):
You just got scuba dived on, you know. ROAs. Yeah,
I think I don't know. I think I think it
kind of just it is a communication. If a girl
shows up to a date, Like one time, this girl
was late for a date and she showed up looking
very like casual, and I was like, you really are
sending all the wrong.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Used to I mean in this context casual, Like what
what was.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
Kind of like this, like no makeup, not done up.
I'm like, yeah, you didn't really care about this date
and you're late, so you really have nothing. You have
nothing to stand on, you don't have anything, you have
a go to date look. Yeah, basically basically this. Yeah,
if I'm trying to impress, I'll do contacts, dress shirt,
throw on the chain, throw a little gel in the hair,
you know, try to look put together. That's it. This

(58:44):
is our dress. This is as good as it gets.
I think it's reasonable. Yeah, glasses in a hat when
I'm lazy.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
Okay, you know, ladies take note. If he shows up
with glasses and a hat.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
I'm not that invested. Yeah that's true. Yeah, you know,
how about you.

Speaker 2 (59:04):
I haven't been on dates in a long time, but
I would say when I was going on dates, I
did kind of have a go to look, which wouldn't
be my go to look now, but I would wear
like a midi skirt and a crop top and like.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Booties okay with exposed my driff.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
Yes, you know that, that's my thing.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
You have been doing it ersly.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
I haven't been doing it lately.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
Yeah, are you phasing it out?

Speaker 2 (59:28):
It's gonna come back. It's gonna make a comeback big
time spring big fan me too, Like why not? It's confident, Yeah,
it's but you get approach less. I don't think it's
about that. I haven't. I haven't taken notes on it.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Interesting.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
I just feel like I maybe I just noticed it
more when I'm not feeling myself, because I'm like, I
don't want to be a hit on right now. I'm like,
I look disgusting, Please don't look at me, and I
I don't want the attention.

Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
Right But it's like, oh so it works against the guy.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
It does, but it's not a them thing. It's a
me thing. It's me feeling insecure and being like why
would they want to talk to me right now?

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
Like I look awful, So the less chance that they're
going to get a number.

Speaker 2 (01:00:14):
I'm trying to get better in general of like not
feeling like I mean, obviously they're not gonna get a
number anyways, but like I'm trying to feel more comfortable
about like being like it's okay to like not look perfect,
Like if someone thinks that you're pretty when you have
no makeup on and you're in a baggy teacher in sweats,
like take the win right Whereas like in the past,

(01:00:36):
I don't think it would have been harder for me
to see that. I mean like, yeah, I would be like, no,
there's something wrong with them that they would think that.
I was like, like, what's wrong with them that they're
talking to me right now?

Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
Yeah, they're just you know, they're just taking their shot.
It's a compliment. We're just asking you about your LinkedIn
and I think you should give them your handle that day.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
I was you see that day. So he really was
going for it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
He was going for it. He was just trying his best. Us.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
If you're listening, man from Hey, Voyager coffee. You know,
try again. Next time we can have a longer conversation
and maybe I'll take it to the bath.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
There you go, I'm talking to her for two straight hours.
Getting nowhere, folks. Thanks for joining us Evania. Any plugs anything.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
Check out speed Date, check out Secret Singles Party dot com,
Secret Singles Party dot com, and check out my music
on Spotify.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
That's you, your Secret Singles Party. Yeah, oh, I've seen that.
I thought that was a competitor. No, it's me, me baby,
I'll have to do it all right, guys, we'll see
next time.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
Bye.