708 AITA for leaving after learning he's pocketing rent? (ft. Evyenia & Alex)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, everybody, Welcome to the A T A Pod. I'm
Danny Vega. Join by returning guest v Yania and her
friend who has a really long name. I'm sorry, Alex
already forgot Alex, Alex Samon Deadman, Alex Paisley Stedman.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Yeah, just think pattern Oprah's beard.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Got it? Yeah, s Deadman classic. A lot of the
zoom zooms don't know what we're talking about is are
they still together?

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah? I think they're still together.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
What a What a perfect name for that situationship.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Right, Yeah, and it's spelled the same way. Steady man
steady man Man.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah he is.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah, come from a long line of them.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Can you imagine dating a billionaire chick fucking Oprah?

Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Yeah, Oprah is a chick. Yeah. From Sedman's perspective, I guess.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
But Steedman also has his own money or now.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
I think if you date Oprah you get a certain
level of hotail riding that will easily get you.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
To or not. Wasn't he an entrepreneur? Like, didn't hear it? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (00:59):
I think he's I think he has like books or whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
I should know this because they're related. Yeah, he's my dad.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
Yeah, so you guys are a little biffles. Yeah, close
for howling. Have you guys in friends? Not that long?

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Yeah, it was a fast friendship, but it was. It
was a cute.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
I think we have actually, yeah, I think we have
a cute meet cute. But I've never heard your telling
of it. I've never heard your telling of it. Okay, wait,
who should tell the tell?

Speaker 1 (01:21):
Though?

Speaker 2 (01:22):
Tell the tell, tell the tale, the tale. We're gonna
do it like together, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Oh my god, we're I'm already annoyed.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
It's gonna get worse. It's kinda get worse.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
Okay, So okay, So I obviously host social events, dating events,
all kinds of events throughout California.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
And oh yeah, brother, hell yeah, brother, and.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
I usually hire. When I hire hosts, I usually hire
female comedians. I was in this crazy bind where the
host that I had for the day something happened.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
She couldn't do it. It was like day, it was
like the night before.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
She told me She's like something came out like I'm
so sorry, and I was out of town so I
couldn't host.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
So I was like scrambling.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
I posted on a casting website and found Alex. She
submitted to be my host.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Of the day.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
So we had like a FaceTime, yeah, we had. It
was all very like rushed and like chaotic professional yeah,
professional vibes. There was no like it friendship forming really
zero zero. There was just we were not gonna go
on a second date.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
It was so toxic from the job.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
So she hosted the event, so my friend was there
too to kind of oversee things and help her through it.
So I got really good feedback. She was like she
was great, like this and that, and I was like, okay, done,
Like maybe I'll hire her again. And that was kind
of it.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
And then we weren't.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, we were not really going to become friends. I
don't think I probably not.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Yeah, And then one day, one day I was literally
just sitting outside of Phil's drinking a coffee.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Do you like Phils?

Speaker 2 (03:02):
My parents are obsessed with Phils. I have the best
colbrew with nothing in it.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
I love I love their colbrew.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
I go there when I want to like connect with
my parents from Afar, got it? And do you want
to I was talking this whole time, do you want
to take over?

Speaker 2 (03:16):
But you are doing a good job. That was really good.
Thank you well, and then I'll say if I have
anything different, because I think it's probably the second.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
So yeah, I was kind of minding my own business.
I think she was like on a runner. I just
finished away. She was like in run clothes, and we
kind of saw each other and we were like, wait,
we know each other, Like, hey, had.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
We ever met in person? I I a girl. No
we had, Yeah, I think we had.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
Oh I forgot to say, Okay, So she had come
to my event as a guest after this, so I
met her very briefly in person, but again like we
didn't hang out or anything. And then I saw her
at Phil's and I was like she kind of sits down, like.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
I was like, oh my god, how are you?

Speaker 3 (03:56):
So we I was like kind of feeling like, oh
my god. I was not like there. I was not
there to be social, trying to connect to your parents. Yeah,
but we started chatting and then like we really just like.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Hit it off.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
What I remember is and I think this is like
trauma bonding. One oh one. I remember you were going
through a rough time. Probably I always was like happy
you admit it. Well no, because I was like, oh
my god, how are you, bubbah, and You're like well,
actually like this and this and this, and I was like, girl, saying,
let's talk. Let's get to the team. We were both like,
I just remember because there was like three significant things
that happened to you. And I was like, oh shit.
And then I was like, do you live in this area?

(04:31):
And You're like, yeah, I live like down the street,
same talked about your dog. I was like, oh, well,
we're in the same area and we're like both going
through it. So that's the basis of any good friendship
in LA. Well, let's do it. And then I was like,
what's your sign cap Okay, we can work with that.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
And that was that. Well, it's a new record. That's
the longest we've ever gone without mentioning horoscopes.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
God bus, I'm glad to be the first.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
Proud of us right seven minutes in classic LA. Okay,
that's cute. It's cute, but it's happy to We just
did a bonus episode which is really fun, and it's
April fourth. I want to tell you guys out my
April fools quote unquote, prank didn't really do what I
wanted it to do. So I'm in the sort of
practice of bringing food to my social club.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
What's your social club.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
It's basically it's like a co working space, so people
work there and then there's like events at.

Speaker 3 (05:22):
Night fun So do you bring food as in like
lunch for yourself or snacks for everyone?

Speaker 1 (05:25):
Snacks for everyone? Usually donuts were in early or where
I started. Then I kind of evolved to pund on cake.
I like Asian desserts a lot. What else have I brought?
I mean I brought like a whole fort Like sometimes
I just get like pastries from the grocery store, not
full Danny. Yeah, yeah, Well I don't have a good personality,
so if I give.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Kind of food they like me, that always works for me.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
So Costco, I've gon to Costcos. I'm having my pancake
party on tomorrow. Alex, You're welcome to com Evan, you're
already built. She's so popular now she's busy and anyway,
Costco seven dollars for a freaking dozen bagels, no brainer?
What's that cheap? Like nothing costs seven dollars.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
And you should be concerned about that, but continue.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
Right, So, but it was April fool, so I thought
what could I do to make this funny? And the
other day I brought Levane, which is actually a famous
cookie place from New York. They have a location here,
and I only got three cookies because I was like,
using my lunch credit, I get twenty dollars to spend
on lunch for my work.

Speaker 4 (06:27):
What are you getting for lunch today? Three cookiesies about
right now? Fortunately, actually it's weird. So one time I
during COVID, I used it to buy jewel I was
addicted to jewel and this was so scary. So I
use it to buy jewel pods and obviously you can't
eat those. The HR lady was like, put time on
my calendar, and I was like god. She was like,

(06:50):
we need to talk about the way.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
She worded it was like your your use of budget
or whatever. It was like kind of ambiguous where I
didn't know exactly if she was talking about this you
have an ink? Yeah, okay. Well I was like, oh
my god, I think this is about my jewel pods. Okay,
put time on my calendar and I was like, I
think I'm gonna get fired for this, Like I was
really worried.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
What are you thinking? What do you mean to buy
jewel pods?

Speaker 1 (07:13):
Well my idea was I get twenty dollars of credit
on seamless, and it's something that's on seamless. It's not
the company's not in the business determining what I get
for lunch. It's what do I get for lunch, not
what I eat for lunch?

Speaker 2 (07:25):
Fair enough, fair enough.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
Anyway, she ended up leaving the company, and I was like, phew,
what ay wait, you never had the meeting. Never had
the meeting.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Not so much hilarious. Yes, now someone is going to
watch your video and be like, oh, we need to
cap you in and.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
All they're going to find is cookies and be like,
what cookies are food? Aren't they got nothing on me now? Fude?
So anyway, I get these three Levn cookies. I cut
them into quarters. That's twelve pieces. Right away, someone comes
and eats four pieces, and I'm just like, that's kind
of a lot.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
That's kind of a lot.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
So but I didn't you know what am I going
to do? So then a sign one wedge right, So
then I I from my april fuls prank. I set
up a camera and I like looped it into you
know how I like tarja they have like you are
being recorded? Yeah you never heard that? I have it's fun.

(08:19):
Don't know people were using it.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
Yeah, it'sche core.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
It's chewcore. Nice. Isn't chewgy itself kind of cheog you
know anyway, So then so it would be when you
went up to the bagels, a camera is looking at
you and then you're seeing yourself grab the bagels.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
Very very funny.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
Yeah, so I set this all up. We gotta talk
about Severns out of this, so not on the show.
So then I put a big thing and it said
one bagel max per person, and I wrote like this
really feisty note in the great.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Full bagel though it wasn't in wedges.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
It was I cut them all in half. They don't
come cut that's the thing.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
So like half a bagel or like one full bagel person. Yeah,
one bagels Okay, that's normal.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Yeah, that's normal. And so then people are going to
take like three bagels.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
No, yeah, it was totly reasonable. But then I wrote
in the group chat so everyone in the co working
space can see. I was like, I'm so sick of
people taking more than their fair share and I'm going
to crack down and just know I will be monitoring
and if you if you disobey this, you will experience consequences.

Speaker 2 (09:21):
So that's funny if you know your coworkers will.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
Well, it got some laughs. It did get some laughs
in the group chat, but then some people were like,
so what's the joke? And I was like, well, it's
not really recording, like it's just set up. And they're like, oh, okay,
So what is the joke though? And I was like,
I don't know how too, Like, I don't know how
would you react. I mean, I think it's funny, and

(09:47):
the bagels have never lasted so long. I will tell
you that people.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
My question is are there twelve people your coworking company?

Speaker 1 (09:54):
No, there's hundreds.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yeah, So it's also just funny that you already have
like such a small amount of cookies and bagels every time.
But I mean it's still nice. But it is funny
because it's going to be a fight no matter what, right,
Like only twelve people are yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
I mean when I put always twelve, Yeah, things coming
twelves when I put them down. If I put down
like twelve bagels, there's probably like twenty to thirty people there.
And then there's you know, there's churn as people come
and go through okay, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
It's a first comfort. So yeah, I think it's funny.

Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, that was my April Fools move.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
I didn't do anything great prol Fools, and I regretted
it really bad.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
It's a great It's a great day. Okay. So the
other thing we were going to talk about this is
our pre show banter is Apio. You guys like to
toy with boys.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
Well, we like to toy with with humans. Yeah, we
just like to have fun. We are just two fun gals.
You say, life in the world. You save a prank
for April Fools Day, We save a break for every
day's April Fools Day, every days of taste.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
I me hit me with the head every days of.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
So well, Alex wants us to wear like body cams
next time.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yeah, but I so.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
My thing is when when I go out of bars,
I like to rope people into playing dare actually have
a whole event that's based on this truth.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
There's no truth is not a game.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yeah, so we'll like go out and give dares, but
we like rope other people into it.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
But we also just.

Speaker 3 (11:19):
Like, like we asked this one guy about his his
he was wearing like a hank what was he calling.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
He called it an.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Ascot around his neck.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
But we were like, oh my gosh, that's such a
nice scarf, like are you going skiing?

Speaker 5 (11:33):
Like?

Speaker 3 (11:35):
And he like really in detail, was trying to make
us understand what it was. And he was like, oh
what was he saying? Where he was saying, Hey, he
works for production for like no, this is the best part. Yeah,
he was working in production. He was like, oh yeah,
like I do, like right now, We're like, what are
you doing right now? He's like, oh, it's like for
Hollister And I was like, oh my god, I know
that store. And he was like we were acting so impressed.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
Because we said that we were from Ohio, Idaho or
one of us was from Ohio, one of us was
from Iowa, either way, and we were just got the
whole bit with him. Was like we didn't know anything
about Hollywood. We were so impressed by everything. And he
works in the industry. He's like a photographer slash DP
or something, so every brand he said, we were like,
oh my god, we know that. And then he would
just We're like, what does what does a producer do?
And he was he was like oh girls, like he
was falling for the bait so perfectly. He was so

(12:18):
patronizing and it was so good.

Speaker 3 (12:20):
It was it was so funny because we were like,
he didn't know that, Like he just thought we were
so impressed by such little things. And he was like,
I don't normally do Hollister. I normally do like Gucci.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, yeah that's and I.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
Was like, oh, I don't know that. One he was like,
do you girls know what light cam? Like? Lights camera
action is Like it was like literally like bringing it
down and we were like, that's so cool to say something.
So he was like giving us what we needed to be.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
One guy said he.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
Worked in like light casting, and we were like, lights
is casting?

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Can you cast us in lights? Just? Yeah? Making everything,
you know, making everything more fun and then go true
through to each other. And so like that's the one
thing about me. I'm always picking dare you do?

Speaker 1 (12:59):
So it's like or just so, what's like an example
of a dare?

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Well, you told me to go serenade some strangers or
no to ask? Basically the dare was to go up
to a group and be like, do you think that
I have what it takes to make it in Hollywood?
Like as a singer, and then perform for them. And
so I did that and then then oh yeah, well
and then also I was like, or do you think
I should be an actor? And I recited a monologue. However,
do I know any monologues by heart anymore? That since
twenty that.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
I told her to go.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
Sing really badly and then be like, do you think
I have what it takes to be a singer?

Speaker 1 (13:29):
I just I literally just moved out here pursucing it. Yeah,
and you're just going up to random people doing this.
Why aren't you guys filming? I mean you're you're wasting
your art.

Speaker 3 (13:36):
Well yeah, well because this was like a random thing,
we didn't like just Sue doing this.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah, we were just Yeah, it was the next time
I sang God bless America, Like, real kicker.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
I'll totally do this. I'll get a camera, ran and
three of us with people.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Do dad, I've always waked to man on the street stuff. Yeah,
it's it's yeah, it's just so fun. Also, it's like
it was a slow night. It was a Tuesday, Like
literally we were just going to we went to you know,
it was like very slow, and so we're like, well, yeah,
it was a Wednesday, Wednesday, I'm being corrected.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
Thanks, Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
The best one was I was like, that guy looks
like Tim Robinson and she was like, go pretend like
he's sim Robinson asks for a picture. So it's like,
I love your work, You're so amazing, Like can I
please get a picture? And he's like, whoever you think
I am, I'm not, And I'm like, you're so funny,
like I would love to be on your show, like
I'm a huge fan, like you're you know, I'm joking.
I'm joking, like I was doing bits and he was like,
what the fun you're talking about? So now I have
on my camera roll picture with this man who Yeah,

(14:26):
he was like he was like I'll do it, but
like I'm not who you think I am. And I'm like,
I know it's you don't want to be recognized in public.
I get it, Like I'm sorry, I won't tell anyone's
just like.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
So my favorite go to move is asking someone with
a very basic color shirt what color their shirt is
and acting very confused by their answer and just being
like yeah, I had like like I'll be like, what
color is your shirt?

Speaker 1 (14:47):
Damn this is I would call it navy blue.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
But you're color blinds.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
It is dark blue.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
We've established her color.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, I know we're having a spat about that. Would
you call it black? I would What would you call it?

Speaker 2 (14:58):
I call it red?

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Okay, this is black. Do you see the difference.

Speaker 2 (15:05):
Danny's wearing a black shirt, Folks, it's not black. I
do kind of think it's davy blue. But listen, it's
dark blue.

Speaker 1 (15:10):
It's very dark.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
It's very dark. Will you went out one time? What
was for your well?

Speaker 1 (15:14):
No way, she didn't finish the bit, so you're doing
the bit with Oh, I just know. I'll just be like,
what what color would you call that?

Speaker 3 (15:19):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (15:20):
I would call it a navy blue? Dark blue?

Speaker 3 (15:22):
Okay, Like you would not be confused that I'm asking
this question in the first place. People are like this,
you're asking what color this is?

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah? Like my shirt, Yeah I would. I would say
it's it's dark blue. Why why are you asking when?
When isn't that obvious? Okay?

Speaker 3 (15:36):
I was having literally I was sitting over there and
now it's having the hardest time trying to figure out
what color that was? Okay, And that's just how I
play it. And they're like, oh, color did you think
it was, and I'll just be.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
Like, yeah, well, actually I want to ask you a question.
I noticed you from across the bar. Yeah, I think
you're really pretty. I wanted to ask you, what do
you think would be a better cable to buy? This
white black cable?

Speaker 3 (16:02):
I always have someone hit on me once by asking
you about iPhone cables in which one.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
They should buy?

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Honestly topical. I need a new one, so tell me
which one to buy?

Speaker 1 (16:10):
And you should collect these stories? Is I'm really I
love stories about men and Epley hitting on women. Oh
I'm too afraid to do it. That's the truth, Ruth.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
You don't hit on women, not like that. Do what's
your go to You're at a bar, you think I
don't go to bars.

Speaker 1 (16:22):
I don't drink.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
You're at a coffee shop, you think someone's cute.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
I'm not gonna do shit.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
You're at a social party event. You think someone he's
going to.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
Bring a cookie, He's going to cut it into eight pieces,
and you don't any.

Speaker 1 (16:32):
More than one. That's what That's it. That's my line.
What a person? Man?

Speaker 2 (16:37):
A person?

Speaker 3 (16:38):
Why is no one getting that I'm hitting on them
right now?

Speaker 2 (16:41):
I don't understand what you're like, you're talking to somebody
at a party.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
What's like, I take the low and slow approach, you know,
I go sideways. Come to my game, I'll say. I mean,
I'll say come to my party, like I said, come
to my party tomorrow. But I but I mean it too,
because I just I want to meet lots of people
and always have people around. That's fun for me.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
But they need to make the first move eventually.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
But I let it. I let it happen, and I
don't really try to aggressively.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
I would say, if you want to talk to someone
across the room, just do what I do.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
What color is your shirt?

Speaker 1 (17:10):
It'll work?

Speaker 2 (17:11):
Wonders she did get me a guy from that back
when that was the idea.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
I don't know. If I don't know, if we're playing
the same game. Do you really think if I went
up to a girl.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
It's like, it's the aftercare, It's like what you're doing?

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Yeah, that's just it's it's it's it's weird and funny enough,
but it's not it's not threatening.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
It is it isn't threatening.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
It might put you in a different category.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
But she might be like, this guy is not very smart.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
He doesn't seem very but it's like how you play
it right, it's kind of likable. It's likable, it's cheeky.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
It's like just a funny like, oh, obviously you're just
trying to find an excuse to talk to you. Anything
that's like that breaking the ice. That's funny, like I like,
and you like pranks, so you could do like a funny,
funny light not prank.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
But like joky, joky vibe, you know. Yeah, a bit
is always a good Yeah, yeah, I love it.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
Because also you can easily take it into just like
chaos if you're not interested, true true, Well, with.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
The guy that you set me up with, or the
guy that you're like, what color is that? The hoes
your dude, we end up talking. You're like what color
is Then he's like he was wearing a plain white
teeth literally, and she's like what color is that? And
he's like, my white T shirt it's white, and she's like,
oh okay. She walked away, and then it was just
me and him, and I was like, yeah, we were
just having a bait all guys, what the mind did
you know? And then we just started a conversation based
on that, and we just kept going so.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
Well, I don't know the whole because you guys are
telling me that this couch is gray not blue, and yeah,
I don't know. It just has a slight, slight bluishness
that I can't I understand. It's not royal blue like
your jeans are blue. Oh my god, oh my god,
what I want? I wonder is it? Do you think

(18:41):
that men are like, what would you guys call this couch?
Which is I would call this off white, off white,
which I feel like is a very coarse word, like
a caveman way of saying, like no white couch and
no white because it's.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Not it's not like sparkling white. It's off white. It's
like cream.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
But it would work cream.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
I say it's a creamy beige.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
Or like egg shell white. Words white.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
It's very like sometimes it was like my couch is
egg shell white. I would be like, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Yeah, yeah, you would just say you have white couch.
But if you were getting.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
Specific, women know more about colors generally speaking, because makeups
have all those little colors.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
There's no makeup that's eggs shell, even like a There
are lots of names polish one polish the color purposely.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
What about rouge and all that ships rouge, I don't
know what that is.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
Well, in order to be a woman, you have to
study color theory. That's like age one.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
You can't actually put me in at six months, oh ship,
Yeah you graduated fast.

Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
Most women have to be in color theory for at
least two years.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
And they don't talk about this. It's like we talk
so much about what men go through, and we never
talk about what they put young babies.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
Baby baby women, baby women, baby women have to color
so much.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
It's a lot, and it's like one thing after another.
I had to take an entire course on male polish colors.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
Yeah, in fact, don't forget.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
And you apparently didn't pass because your nails appear to
be on colored.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Also, don't look at mind Jesus Christ. Anxiety against it. No,
but they're so up close. Just don't can you?

Speaker 1 (20:11):
Can you zoom in?

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Please don't.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
We're going to do a couple of situations for you, guys.
Thanks for listening. Please rate review, subscribe really please though,
please give me some bags.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
Ladies, Oh please please rate review us. But rate review
the show is that cat.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
They're very sensitive. Rate review me. That's fine, come go
on the subreddit reddit dot com, slash our slash a,
I t a pod. There's some fresh submissions in there.
I think I'm all caught up covered everything on the
freaking subs. Give me five stars Patreon over two hundred
fifty plus bonus episodes. Whoa, you just dropped a lot
of juice in there. Actually, Alex's dating this fifty year

(20:48):
old guy. We learned how much, So we're just going
to air it out here too. Well, I'm just giving
them a little tast give them a little It's all good.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
God, So I thought the it's private for my three
hundred best friends.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
That's it. That's all we're saying. Second story of the day,
folks Aiita for uninviting my best friend from my wedding, oh,
because she kept telling people she dated my fiance. First,
get it, girl, But first, am I wrong for questioning
my whole relationship after I found out my twenty seven
and f BF thirty m was pocketing my rent. We've

(21:25):
been together five years. We live on a property my
boyfriend's dad is renting. His mom and dad live in
one house on the property and we live on the other.
When we moved in, he told us the rent was
sixteen hundo for the house, so eight hundred dollars each
for my boyfriend and I a steal, I know. However,
I just found out that my BF and his dad

(21:47):
came to an agreement at the start of the lease
last spring that he his dad would pay our rents
in full, and that the money I pay my BF
for rent too. I had presumed passed along to his
dad for rent that he could just keep so boyfriends
keeping them. He said they wanted to help him out
by paying his rent and his car while he lived
here with them, so this was how they thought to

(22:07):
do it. I immediately felt betrayed for not being involved
in knowing about this, but I also felt like it's
a bit unethical because I wasn't aware of where my
rent money was going. I had been suspicious for a while,
but I finally had the courage to ask. He admitted it,
and my stomach sank. His first reaction was to be
mad at me for being upset about it. His POV
is that they didn't tell me because it's not my

(22:28):
business since I'm paying rent regardless. Therefore, if his dad
wants to give him eight hundred dollars a month for
his car and also pay his rent to help him.
This is a less roundabout way of doing it. He
just keeps say a hundo, I'm sending for rent, he said.
In essence, it isn't my money since it's rent money,
so I shouldn't care where it ends up. He also
said his dad asked him to keep it between him
and his parents, so he was put in a weird position.

(22:51):
Logically it makes sense, but I can't help but feel
like I've been paying him eight hundred a month to
keep without my knowledge. I'm not upset about his parents
helping him. That's between them, and I don't want to
have my rent covered either. I'm grateful for the cheap
rent and believe I should be paying rent. It's just
the dishonesty and the fact that he just transferred my
rent money into his bank account without telling me for
a year that feels wrong. We split everything else equally, groceries, utilities,

(23:16):
and internet, except for the occasional date night where he pays.
I'm close with his family and frequently have them over
for dinner, so it hurts that they all knew something
I didn't. I have a full time job, and a
side job. My boyfriend is self employed but doesn't make
too much from that. I don't typically mind, but I
would like us to be more open with each other

(23:36):
about finances. I don't know how to move forward from this,
even though I want to be understanding and kind to him,
because he says it's nuanced and that I should know
he isn't the type of person to steal from me.
He apologized for the dishonesty, but still doesn't see the issue.
The relationship hasn't been perfect, but has been worth staying
in for five years. I just don't know how to

(23:58):
get rid of this gut feeling that this situation doesn't
sit right. Plus rent was due yesterday and I haven't
paid him yet. Is this grounds for a breakup or
can we work through it?

Speaker 2 (24:09):
I could feel Alex's rage next to me. It is
not rent money if he is not giving it to
his parents. It is money that he is stealing from her.
He is not giving it to his parents for rent.
They're covering in full, but that is dishonest.

Speaker 3 (24:27):
This I will say, this situation is way more than
you onance than I initially thought from the Yeah, it
is wine, but.

Speaker 1 (24:33):
I think we agree, but I disagree with that, I think,
and I think this is part of why this is confusing. Okay,
I understand what you're saying. I think it is true.
Everything she's saying about that's their business, true, And it
would be crazy if they're going to give him the
money to then like for her to give him the
eight hundred dollars, then he gives them the eight hundred dollars,

(24:55):
then they give it back. Come on, that doesn't make
any sense.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
I guess I get what you're saying, because but they're
covering it in full exactly.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
So I'm just saying to me, this isn't the issue here.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
Like they wouldn't be giving it back to him. Okay, continue.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
In other words, this isn't about This isn't a labeling issue,
per se. I don't I know view that as the problem.
It is rent money, and she said she'd be fine paying.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
Rent, But it's not rent money because he's not giving
it to the people who own. It's just him taking
the money.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
It's but that's the parent's wishes. They're like, we want
her to pay rent, but we just want you to
have we want to help you out. So it's the
parents basically saying like, hey, this is our place, so
she does have to pay rent to stay here. God,
but we want we want to cover it for our son, right,
and we want to also contribute to our son's finances.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
So this all is fair in theory. You just have
to be honest about it.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
I also, they've been there for five years, so I
think they're at a place where they should be able
to talk about this more like finances and stuff more openly.
I feel like if they had been together for a
year or something, I can understand like, no, really, I
don't know, like whatever, like it's it's their business. But
at this point, if you're seriously considering a life with someone.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
Like, yeah, he's already transparent about that, you have to
talk about yeah, I think yeah, if he had just
been honest, it sounds like she's chill, she's down to
do that. She wants to pay her keep, earn her keep,
like she said, she wants to not have her rent covered.
So it sounds like he should have just been like,
this is a situation, this is what's going on, this
is what my parents are doing for me, this is
what I want. And he might be a little embarrassed
about it, but like you should still say.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
That there's the thing inherently wrong with what's being done.
I think, I think that's what I'm what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
But well, the wrong I think not being honest about
it is the wrong part.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
Yes, well there's that, But there is another aspect of this,
which is like, yeah, there's a lack of transparency in dishonesty,
which with five years, it's like, we should be transparent
about what's going on. So that's where the labeling does
play a factor. But I actually don't think that's exactly
what she's feeling, because I don't really think my main
charge against this guy is that he's dishonest. My main
charge is that he is being unfair. This is unfair

(27:01):
to sneaky and weird. Yeah, I don't like that either,
but I mainly don't like that he is being unfair.
She not only has a full time job, she also
has a side job. He's self employed. He sounds like
he's doing very little, he's generating very little income.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
And is that eight hundred dollars going back into dates
that he's taking her on and and that's.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
All her Yeah, you know it? And then even the
way she words that they split everything else equally except
the occasional date night where he pays. I'm a little
bit confused, Like does that mean that sometimes she covers
the date night. Let's read that option.

Speaker 2 (27:35):
I took that. Yeah, I took that as like, when
they go on dates, he pays.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
He pays. It's just okay, But yeah, I mean I
do feel like it's fucked up. Like, yeah, in the
first maybe year six months of a relationship, there's no
expectation that things would be fair or equal. But like
at a certain point, like my girl is going to
be working a full time job and a side job.
I'm over here coasting, rent free, letting her work her
ass off. It's like, bro, what the fuck are you

(27:58):
even doing?

Speaker 2 (28:00):
You know, what's the intensity?

Speaker 1 (28:01):
Disgusting? Yeah? Yeah, I think though, like.

Speaker 2 (28:08):
I think we're overlooking the part that that this is
his parents own this house.

Speaker 1 (28:12):
No, that's not correct. That's not correct. It's not no
that they live on a property. My boyfriend's dad is renting,
got it?

Speaker 2 (28:20):
Okay, I missed that partner.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Oh, actually, I don't know. I understood that as renting,
Like they're renting or do they mean renting?

Speaker 3 (28:26):
I thought it was their house and they were renting
down to them. So to me, that was like a major.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
Factor in the pages. That does kind of change things.

Speaker 2 (28:35):
Really, I feel like it's I mean, yeah, I guess
it makes it the onus more on the parents having
the concause, and then at that.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
Point it's like if you if you have a problem
with it, then you can also like okay, like we're
like we just want to do this completely on our
own and like move into our own space and do
everything like as a couple, whereas like in this situation,
the way I read it, the parents just have such
a like kind of foot in the door. I think
the parents are doing anything inherently wrong. I think they're
just having more of their son's back. Can they probably
don't see the girlfriend as like part of the family.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yet it sounds like.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
Well, it's not even the parents, I think. I agree.
I don't think it's the parents at all. I think
it's the boyfriend being like I mean, the parents probably
obviously weren't like volunteering that information either, but I think
the onus was on him to tell her like this
is what's going on for sure. Yeah, I'm more I'm
just saying like just the situation in general of like
just the money aspect of it.

Speaker 3 (29:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the parents are like, hey, I
want your girlfriend to pay rent, like that's fair. Yeah, hey,
now we have this rent money, I want you to
have it.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
That's fair. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know I'm
comfortable with that. I don't. I don't love it, right,
it's their money, I know. But to be like we
want your girlfriend to pay rent already, I'm like, really,
that's how we're going to frame this, like you mean
my household is going to pay rent? Like it's already
kind of framing them as two separate entities, which is like, yeah,
look if they were just dating after a year, but

(29:52):
like after a while, it's like bro, like they live together,
like they're a fucking unit. Like that's fucked up. To me.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
I do think it is fair. I do think it
is fucked up.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
So it's just like, does a girlfriend want to be
in if in that position where she's with people who
don't view her as like their daughter in law yet,
and also maybe that says some means to how he
views her, That's what I'm saying, So like it's just
like it is technically fair, it's also a little fucked up,
and it feels a little like dismissive of their relationship.
To me, I would feel a little bit like, oh,
I'm like having to do.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
I'm a fucking tenant. Yeah really, I'm a fucking tenant
and I'm going to have you guys over and make
dinner for you as your fucking tenant. Like it's it's pretty,
it's pretty.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
It's it's blurring seen as part of the family.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
I don't know if she's ever going to get there.
Perhaps that's this has something to do with how he
views the relationship. Maybe he doesn't take it seriously.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
Well, he doesn't take anything seriously, you know, Like I
had a lot of problems with him, and it's hard
for me. I don't know if I go all the
way to calling the parents the asshole, but I'm like, yeah,
it's not really appropriate, Like, and I know it's a
tough economy, but it's like, oh, so he gets to
suck on the tea live not only rat free, he's
not even living he guy's a question, Can I finish
what I'm saying? He's not even living fucking rent free.

(31:02):
That's not how good he has it. It's even better
than that he's getting the rent from her.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
That was my point. Yeah, that's fucked up.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
You know what. Your point was really good and I
missed how terrible that is. Yeah, I'm like, he's just
straight up getting her fucking money. And then oh, I
treat you, babe, No, you fucking don't, you pig your
parents treat me your parents. And the lack of transparency
is hiding that. And I what I take most seriously,
and this life has just taught me this this feeling.
She's talking, Yeah, how do I get rid of this feeling?

(31:30):
And I have an answer for you, And this is
the answer no one wants. Listen to the motherfucking feeling.
Listen to the feeling that ick, that ick is a fuck.
That is the most truest truth around you right now,
because you're surrounded by a bunch of confusing people and
a bunch of Oh but I like him, and well
he just doesn't know that's bullshit. That's you trying to
figure out bullshit and think your way out of this.

(31:51):
Listen to the feeling, and honestly, the feeling is get
the fuck out of the situation.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
Yeah, and if you have that feeling. It's saying everything
because some people could be in this position and they
would be okay with it. And she sounds like a
very reasonable, understanding person just the way she was like,
I would be okay with this had it been delivered
to me in a truthful way, and it wasn't. That's
all you need to know. And if he's like that,
he's coasting through life and he's been coasting, which it
sounds like he is, that's not going to change.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
Not only is he coasting through life, he'll coast a
life at your expanse. No, I'm all about coasting through life.
Community and food, sharing food with people, loving life. That's
a beautiful thing. Yeah, but when she's working a fucking
side job, you fucking pig, you asshole, get the fuck
out your turn. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
First of all, eight a month rent is so cheap.
I'm so curious.

Speaker 1 (32:30):
Well, it would be sixteen hundred, I.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
Know, but she's only paying eight hundred, So I'm saying eight.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
Hundred for a room is not that cheap. They're splitting
a unit house. Yeah, it's a good I mean, they're
not in LA they're on a fucking farm.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
I'm wondering, you know, it's cheaper than that free. I'm
just curious for that cheap okay go, i't even know
super cheap. It's cheaper. Yeah, it's cheap. It's cheap, but like.

Speaker 3 (32:51):
I'm just curious about where you would need a second
job at that point. But anyways, I'm just like confused,
like that's so cheap to me. But I wanted to
ask you guys a question. I was just curious about,
what how would you guys feel about it if the
parents were keeping her eight hundred dollars and they were like, yes,
you need to pay rent, but we're not. We don't

(33:12):
need us on to pay rent better. But I would
still think it would need to be disclosed to her.
That's what's happening. I think the whole the whole problem
is like his like sneaking. He just feels sneaky to me.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
He feels like a grifter, which is fine if you're
a grifter like to the outside world, but don't be
a grifter in your relationship. It feels weird.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
I don't think that would sh I think she would
probably come to this realization a different way because it's icky.
It's like, so let me see if I understand the situation,
you're living here rent free and I have to pay
your parents, It's like it would just come to head
much quicker.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
I don't think that's I don't think there's anything wrong
with that. I feel like that would be better because
feel weird. It does feel weird. I feel like it's
the opposite.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
That would be slower to get there than faster, because
at least, like you have that separation of like, these
are your parents, not you.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
You lose respect for someone in a situation like that.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
But you could lose respect for the parents, not the person.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
No, I think you lose respect. I would, you know,
I think it would.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
Be crazy to assume that your partner's parents would pay
your way, even if they're paying, just because they're paying
their child's way.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
That would be like expectations. But it's what's it all
goes to the core of what you're saying at a
certain point, and it's like, aren't we all on the
same fucking team here?

Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yeah, especially five years that's like I think.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
Not asking for the fucking inheritance, I'm asking to not
be treated like a tenant, And like it does reach
a point, not right away, but like with time, and
then it's kind of like, oh, so I'm a tenant
and he's not, but you want me to treat you
like family? How executive does his work? Well? Are they?

Speaker 2 (34:35):
Are they saying?

Speaker 1 (34:36):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (34:36):
I know there's more to know, there's more to know,
there's more contexts know. But I personally, I don't think
that that's inappropriate or weird. I think that should be
an expectation. I don't think anyone should just like assume
they get to live rent free just because like.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
What, No, but that's what I said. No, you're you're
you're going a different way with it. What I'm saying
is the issues arise from the special treatment. Now, initially
I understand it. It's like, well, yeah, that's that's their son.
But like, over time, how could resentment not build? Yeah,
you would be resimblaw. So I made dinner, your family
came over last night. Start making up a.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
Lot of things.

Speaker 1 (35:09):
No, ma'am, No, ma'am.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
Well let's say they don't do Let's say they don't
do dinner. Let's say like no, let's say that they
don't do anything besides like exists together. That's still you're
still going to resent that person because they're getting there
getting help from their family. They're not really working. It
sounds like as much as you, as hard as e
they're seeing you work.

Speaker 1 (35:26):
I'm close with his family and frequently have them over
for dinner. I'm not making that up.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
You sound hurt.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
I'm not hurt. I've never you think I ever live
with my girlfriend with our parents.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
He's like, I'm empathizing an impact.

Speaker 1 (35:40):
I mean, I had a cushy I had a cushy
situation that that wasn't like this, which is, you know,
my ax made I don't know, ten times five times
as much money as me, and she paid the vast
majority of the rent. But that was between me and hurt.
That's the thing, and she was comfortable with that. And
so it is when I have.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Got friends who have moved into the actual house that
they're this is younger, but like let's say in college,
I've had friends who have lived with their partner's family
right in their house and they have paid rent for that.
But that's different to me because it's like you just
there's a different expectation, like that's the house they grew
up in, so that person is going to live their
rent free because that's like their family and maybe they're
paying a little bit. Okay, but that's like it's still

(36:17):
different to me because it's the expectation is not. I
don't know.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
I say, that's so funny because to me, that seems
like a weirder situation to pay rent in.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
It's because you're like staying in the house A yeah, yeah, yeah,
it is weird no matter how you cut it.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
I mean, yeah, Well, that's the thing is that. Look
in the end, households have a level of labor and
it has to be done. Somebody has to bring in money.
Usually somebody has to do the household labor things like
cooked dinner and shit like that, and everyone down to
the motherfucking monkeys. I just sent my friend a video
about this has a sense of fairness and you cannot
ignore that or intellectualize your way out of it. There's

(36:50):
a video online of these monkeys. Okay, the monkeys are
I forget what their task is. It's very easy. They
have to like take a rock and put it in
a bucket, which me that job. And if they do that,
the researchers give them, give one monkey a cucumber, and
they give the other monkey let me finish a grape.
What do you think happens?

Speaker 2 (37:12):
The person who finishes the task gets the cucumber, the monkeys, yeah,
the monkey. Sorry in my mind, yeah, if they move
the rock into the bucket, that one gets a cucumber
or one gets a grape. But which one's getting the grape?
In the cumber?

Speaker 1 (37:23):
Monkey A gets the cue, monkey bee gets the grape.
What do you think happens, Well, it's not fair.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
They got the better treat and they didn't do anything.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
So the monkeys freaks. The monkey freaks the fuck out. Yea,
he gets fucking angry. Yeah a monkey. Yeah, it does
speak English. Yeah, it gets pissed like. Fairness is much
deeper than what Yeah, you know, and it's unfair. It's unfair. Okay.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
So yeah, this is the point I've been trying to
make that I think is getting lost in translation, which
is that because I think when it comes to who
the asshole is, the parents are.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
Part of the situation.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
So I think the point I'm trying to make is,
I don't think personally if the parents have anything wrong,
they say we want rent from this person, totally fair.
They say we're going to give this eight hundred back
to you. Now, the boyfriend at that point could say, Okay,
now we have any extra andre dollars that we can

(38:16):
use together as a team.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
That's on him to decide.

Speaker 3 (38:19):
So I think I was just to say that the
parents wouldn't be personally a part of the situation. For me,
it's purely what's going on between the boyfriend and the girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Agree. I think the parents are a little there's some
dynamic there, but I think it's more the boyfriend is
the one at to hold out.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
They're shitty parents probably for this situation. I'm aligned with you.
Am I wrong? Is not their responsibility. He's a grown person.
There's a reason why he's not really grown thirty the
boyfriend's thirty. Am I wrong for questioning my whole relationship
after I found out my twenty seven f boyfriend thirty
m was pocketing my rent money. I'm absolutely at not
the asshole, and he is. I have issues with the

(38:56):
parenting style here, but that's not really relevant. He's a
grown as this falls on him.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
I think what you're saying too is true. Also, like
the gut feeling is always especially as women, we always
always always have a gut feeling and oftentimes we dismiss
it or look past it, and it's like, there's a
reason for that, and if it keeps coming back no
matter what the situation, it sounds like he's kind of
like a lackluster person with a lackluster vibe for life.
And I think that's something to listen to, especially if
she's like wanting more.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
Yeah. I discuss obviously in a personal situations with lots
of women, and I think there's a middle because I
think I can be too harsh and then in general,
men can maybe be too harsh and women can be
too lenient. And that's why I think it's so important
when you're in these things to talk to you know,
both sides of your friends. But the gut feeling I

(39:45):
feel is should never be ignored in.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
And I don't like his reaction. That's the other thing.
If you have that gut feeling and you're like, Okay,
let me talk it through and bring it to him
and see what happens. And then he kind of gas
that to her. He says, what did he say? He's
said that she was crazy? Or what did he say
me making things up? He said that she was a bitch.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
I don't remember She apologized for the dishonesty, but still
doesn't see the issue.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
Oh, it kind of sounds like he is someone who
just got handed everything in life and maybe doesn't even
have like the wherewithal to be like, oh, this is
actually like shitty.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Well, and to be fair, to be fair to someone
like that, it's difficult to grasp fairness when you are repeated.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
When you don't have it. It sounds like it's an only child?

Speaker 1 (40:28):
Yeah, was that even said? Yes, getting only child?

Speaker 2 (40:34):
Senter on this giving only child.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
It's like, how can you understand fairness when you're basically entitled?
And how could you not be entitled? Everything's been handed
to you. You have no idea of work and how
the world works. Yep, fuck these parents, guys, Please rate
review subscribes.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
Maybe the parents are the assholes.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
Wait a minute, zoom out if we go like.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
You're right, I colonialism, I could meet you there if
we doe them.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
That's funny. Yeah, capitalism is the asshole. I'm ready to subscribe.
Please join me on Patreon and there's a turn fifty
Modus episodes. Really, kay, can you please really join? Like seriously, Joe,
every episode's at free. Ivan's got juice on there. I've
got juice. Even Alex has juice. Now I have so
much juice.

Speaker 5 (41:17):
Like do you like our like phone call voices? Join
the Patreon. I like that, Join the Patreon. Else a
little housepunny.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
This show is sponsored by Better Help. Who's your support
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your first month. Aiita for uninviting my best friend from

(42:37):
my wedding because she kept telling people she dated my
fiance first. Izzy twenty seven F and I twenty six
f have been friends since we were born.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
Oh straight out the womb Larry bit.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
We were raised together close to college, but after that
we drifted by sadas trambond with her till recently. She's
been there for me a lot, and I have too,
so it's tough the situation. After college, when Izzy was
twenty three, she went on a few dates with Jake,
my fiance, but then told him she wasn't interested in
anything serious. Even though I was her best friend. I

(43:11):
didn't really know Jake because she used to get asked
out a lot, but only a few turned serious, so
I knew about her boyfriends, but not necessarily her dates.
Almost a year after that, I moved in with Iz,
so we got close again. It was after this that
I met Jake. We quickly became good friends. I talked
to him about Izzie a lot, but it's when I
showed her his picture that she recognized him and told

(43:32):
me about her dates with him. Friendships are more important
to me than any guy back then, so I asked
her if it was okay to date him because I
liked him a lot. She said she had no problem
and joked about it even turning into a relationship, which
I took as a joke. She said she had no
problem and joked about I joked about it ever turning
into a relationship, which I took as a joke. Jake

(43:55):
and I became serious very quick. He is my soulmate
whoa by then, though Izzy and I lost touch since
I moved in with Jake at worked became more of
a priority right until I got engaged. She used to
still joke to both me and Jake that she didn't
think we would be this into each other, and at
that time I saw it as funny because Jake is
the opposite of me. After I got engaged, she became weird, shocked,

(44:16):
wouldn't believe it. Then later she used to tell me
I'm too young to be married and if I'm sure,
But I saw this as just concern. Although she agreed
to be my maid of honor along with my sister. Afterwards,
I posted on instub about our engagement. People were reposting
it and congratulating, but Izzy just captured it, saying, you
better mention me in your bowels because he was in

(44:37):
to me first.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Haha.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
Jake felt uncomfortable and so did I. But I defended her,
saying that it's just Izzy. She jokes. But I still
let her know it was a bit uncomfortable. She said
she was just joking. After Christmas, we hosted a dinner
party in that day. Izzy just kept telling all the
friends and family gathered that Jake dated her first. She
let me have him stuff like that. Even after telling
her it was not okay, she joked around. Later, I

(45:00):
told her that she was crossing my boundaries and that
it was not okay to what she said, I was overreacting.
In the end, I told her not to attend my
wedding at all. I've been overthinking a lot right now.
People who know about this are just choosing sides based
on who they know. I'm worried I ruined a lifelong
friendship when I'm not even right what to her it was,
really it was just a joke, and I'm not being understanding,
but she's not being supportive or positive, which I think

(45:21):
is unfair a idea.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
I will say, go ahead, Alex, you had something I
was just I was just going to say when from
Good Bad said, I think I think that's totally valid
to not invite her to the wedding, Well let me
think you go.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
So I always like to play Devil's advocate to like everything,
just because that's just who I am. I love to
see things from different sides and different perspectives.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
I think that.

Speaker 3 (45:51):
I don't think this is about Jake from the friend's perspective.
I think there's something else going on there, Like that
would be my assumption, Like it's either about Okay, my
friend's getting married now, like my best friend in the world,
like our relationship is gonna change, something's gonna happen. That
could be an aspect there, like fear. I think there

(46:11):
could be an insecurity, a jealousy of just like feeling like, Okay,
you're in a different life place than I am. Like
there is usually some kind of jealousy around that someone
is like quote unquote leveling up in a certain aspect
of their life. The fear of getting left behind. I
think all could have a play in how her friend

(46:31):
is acting. Now.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
Do I think that excuses it?

Speaker 3 (46:34):
No, But I think it can give us a little
bit more insight and context into the behavior. Also, like,
I also do kind of believe that she is just
like a jokey, sarcastic person who like makes dark kind
of jokes and like doesn't necessarily read the room.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
I think so too. I think it's another thing of
I think it's another attention problem. I think this person
is just and it probably sounds like an attention horror
or like they like to be the center of the
room or whatever whatever relatable. But the thing is like,
once the boundary has been made, once your friend has said, hey,
this makes me uncomfortable. Hey, I don't like that you're
doing this, that's when you say, regardless of how you
feel about the situation, oh, I hear you, I won't

(47:10):
do that anymore, her being like, no, you're taking it
too much to heart. Yeah, I'm a joking person, I'm sarcastic.
I cross the line all the time as soon as
a friend tells me not to. Okay, I hear you, Right,
it's not easy. And if you're that threatened, And that
turned off by it that you're like making it a
big deal that you have to make a joke how
you dated her fucking fiance. What does that say about you?
Look in word seek Jesus touchgrass.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
I'm with it. I'm with it. Yeah, I mean she
repeatedly crosses the line. I think. I think this is
one of those things too, where it's like, no, shit, Like,
I have a friend and many years ago we hooked up.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Now she's married, and your speech at the wedding was
we hooked up, we hooked.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
Up first, you know, hat like it. It's obviously just
somewhere I don't go. Isn't that? Isn't that?

Speaker 2 (47:59):
It sounds needed to be known to everyone that she
had that prize first and she let it go. And
she was the one that was like, I don't like him.
And now maybe she's seeing that, oh he was a catch,
and I like blost out, maybe there's something like that
I go to. I feel like she's jealous that Like
oftentimes you see you don't see someone's potential, so you
see them on someone else, unfortunately, and if you see
it with your best friend, you're like, fuck, what did

(48:20):
I fuck up? You know?

Speaker 1 (48:21):
And I don't think you need to see it, Like,
I mean, it does make you more attractive. Ebany, when
you tell those stories, like the stories about men throwing
themselves at you, I'm serious, Why is that sad?

Speaker 3 (48:33):
I just I guess I I think that that shouldn't
be the factor, the determining factor.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
It shouldn't be as human nature. It does suck.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
It's human nature. Well, it's also like I think, I
think when I say attraction, it's interesting because to me,
there's like attraction is like a shiny object. Yeah, and
like what initially attracts you to someone? That's not that's
not the basis of a meaningful relationship.

Speaker 2 (48:56):
But that is how you get there.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
That is it.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
You got to catch the fish first. Yeah, it's true.
I agree. I think it sucks that that's the case,
but it's true. Like I'll even date someone. I'm like,
they're great. Why are they going They've got nothing else
going for them? Why are they interested in me? And
that's fucked up? I'm like, why aren't they? Like that's
why I like fuck boys.

Speaker 1 (49:13):
Okay, that's a different that's this is a totally different.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
No, it's not totally different, because it's like what makes
someone attractive to me? Is there sometimes? And this is
fucked up how much attention they're getting or how much
like they have people fawning over them or falling over
there where they have like other things going on. Whereas
if I meet somebody who's great and I'm like, why
are you single? Why are you like giving me so
much attention that you have other hoes? You know, that's

(49:36):
fucked up. But it's true. I understand what you're saying.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
I feel like what you're saying, ahld lot. I know
she's saying.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
She's saying the exact opposite of what you're saying.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
Is it the opposite or is of the inversion? So
it's the same. In other words, you're saying, you go
out with a guy, a girl, a girl sorry, and
he's she's too she's too into you, yeah, And so
then you're like.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
Not even too. That is different as you're saying no, no,
she's go ahead.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
Sorry.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
Well, it's it is nuanced. So there's like a lot
of layers to this. I'll say for this situation, Let's
say I meet someone and I clock that they only
have eyes for me and that they don't have and
I don't see people like yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Yeah. So she's like, and we can go out next
week and then maybe we can go on a Maybe
they're perfect.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
This is actually happen to me right now in real time,
and they're perfect for me, and they're great and they're
checking out the boxes. Something in me is like run.
This person is like, which is this is now getting
into like safety security attachments, whatever, but like, why don't
you have people fawning over you? Like what you're saying,
it makes her more attractive to have people like banging
down her door when I see that not happening for someone.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
Is this someone you're invested in a little bit now?
I'm like, how many dates? Only three? Yeah, that's that's
too much. I think I think it's a valid run impulse.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
No, I don't think it is. I think it's like, no,
I hear you.

Speaker 3 (50:49):
I hear what you're saying, Alex. She's saying that it
is the inversion or opposite of what you're saying. Right,
if someone has people fonding over them, that means you
might have you might have honestly overlooked them at first,
and then you're like, oh wait, but everyone else thinks
they're cute. Okay, maybe I'm missing something. She's saying, Okay,
there's this person who she is has a connection with,
has a great time with seeing positive things about But

(51:10):
just because she's not seeing someone like they're getting fun,
they're not a fuck boy, they're not the fuck girl,
they're not getting fonnd over people, they're not flirting with
other people. She's like, Oh, maybe that's that's kind of
making them a little bit less attractive to me because
that's available.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Yeah, well yeah, but it's not even it's not yeah,
it's it's it's really just the fact.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
Wait, okay, let's let's define this. So what I'm talking
about is social proof, right, Yeah, I trust that you're
not lying when you tell these stories of men throwing
themselves at you.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
I don't think I say that they're throwing themselves at me.
I gave a couple of funny incidents. Let's make that clear.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
You're not being indicted. You're not being indicted. The point
being is the story is a form of social proof
because I don't think you're lying, and I think you're
reporting what happens to you. And so in my head,
my brain's like, oh, SOOS think she's hot, and that
makes me think that you're hotter, just attractive, attractive, right,
So what you're saying is what is the person communicating.

(52:07):
Is it that they're too forward and future tripping with you,
or like, what is this person doing?

Speaker 2 (52:11):
It's just I mean, there's a lot with that that
I for the sake of this on the inverse of that,
because this person their social proof has not been.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
They have no social proof.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
Well so far, I'm not seeing a lot of it.
So I'm like, of course, but they are great and
they're treating me well and everything's going well, so I
will continue that. And like I'm telling myself actively, I
have to tell myself they are attractive, they are right
for me, and I have to work against the ick
or I work against the like.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
That's interesting because we were so aligned on the power
of the ick.

Speaker 3 (52:40):
I'm basically, if someone start throwing themselves at this person,
Alex would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, who stop
that's mine. Yeah, But because that's not happening, She's like,
I could take it or leave well.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
Because throwing yourself is sort of the opposite of social.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Proof if somebody else is doing it though.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
If someone else throws it, right, if if someone has
a bundance, they're much more careful because they all they're
not like whatever, you're just another floozy baby. Yeah, you know.
But if they throw themselves at you, the communication is
kind of like oh, and especially if it's so fast
and it feels unearned.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
And this is where I'm an enigma because I feel
like right now in my life, I have so much abundance.
Will say, but I'll still throw myself at the right
one and then I get in a sicky, sticky situation.

Speaker 1 (53:23):
But that's that's that sounds like a strategy problem.

Speaker 2 (53:25):
Then oh, there's so many problems.

Speaker 3 (53:30):
Basically, the problem is that Alex is perfect. She's too perfect.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Too perfect. It makes our life hard, it makes it Listen,
got it? Just you wouldn't know, got it? You wouldn't
know by meeting me. But I am.

Speaker 3 (53:41):
Do you guys think that there is any possibility that
the front isn't coming from a place of like malice
and it's more like a fear.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
From the way that this person is writing and describing everything. No,
I mean that is possible. I hear what you're saying
that maybe they're like I'm losing my friends and it's
more about the friendship and like where they are in life,
and it's like an Insecrity film. But the way that
they're being like posting on their story, being like I
had them first, and then being like I want to.
I'm sure at the wedding, that's all that they would
talk about is like did you know that we dated first?
Or like get like literally do a speech as literally

(54:15):
like a lifetime movie. Yeah, it's a lifetime movie. Which
I'm like, it's just it's just crossing the line. And
it's not hard to not cross that line. So the
fact that she feels she needs too so much to
defend herself so hard says something about her always just
want to see like the goodness in people, well saying.

Speaker 1 (54:28):
Well, but no, I love your question. Your question was
is this malice or insecurity? Right? Yeah? I think I
think genuine malice is very rare. Yeah, very rare. Yeah,
because almost always when people act and they are still
acting with malice, you don't get it not being malicious.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
But it's not your intention.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
It's well, it's not your conscious, conscious intention because and
this is something I've come to realize, the idea of
acting with intention and self awareness that's relatively rare. Most
people are insecure, they're caught up in their own bullshit,
like this person.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Oh and so.

Speaker 1 (55:05):
You know, it's my dream one day that you'll listen
to me when I speak. But keep dreaming. I'm addressing
what you're fucking brought up. And so I actually think
this this this person, you know, is she now sees
Jake so differently because because of the social proof side,
and her ego is so threatened by it, right, because

(55:26):
now it's like she has and all the issues that
were raised in terms of like now she's going to
have a new life, the new married life, and we
all know the gap, the single to married gap, Like
it's not a problem necessarily, but like it's a gap.
It's just something that has to be navigated because it's
a different lifestyle. And yeah, I do I think she's
bringing this up to on her mind. Is she like, hmm,

(55:47):
I'm about to get one in on op. No, she's
not thinking that, But because she doesn't, she is so
ego forward and this is all about her. It's the
fucking Izzy show in her head. And she's like, huh,
actually no, I turned Jake down. Yeah, so I'm better
than Jake. She doesn't realize, well, you're hurting other people
when you say that, bag like they're causing issues.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
I actually forgot that.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
The first thing I wanted to ask you guys if
you if you have ever dated someone that you're friendated,
or if your friend ever dated someone that you've dated.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
Oh, yeah, that's the story of my life. That's literally
the story of my life life. That's actually ever Okay,
calm down, but that is everyone I've ever Yeah, I've
had so many people that I'm like, I have a
crush on you, and they're like, no thanks, and then
they date someone in the friend group and I'm like, oh,
but that's different than actually dating them. Oh that's true,
that's true. I mean we had or like a situationship
turned like yeah, I guess it would be casual and

(56:36):
then or nothing, but sometimes casual and then they date
someone in the friend group or they date someone else new.
But yeah, I've had that happened a million times. And
did you ever have any feelings about that? I feel
like I'm a very understanding person and also I'm very
much like if I'm not for you, then I don't
want it, so for me, like it stings of course
for a little bit, but that's more the rejection, not

(56:57):
the friendship. I'm like, if two people are meant to be,
then like I'm happy for that. So for me, no,
Actually that's a great question because two of my friends
are probably going to get married who I did. Now,
me and this guy never dated, but I did have
a big crush on him, and I did a whole
dramatic thing. Got rejected was super fun. Then they're dating
in the friend group and I love both of them
so much, and I have nothing but like happiness and

(57:18):
joy and whatever. And if I go to the wedding,
if I made a speech, I would never bring up
I mean, it's embarrassing for me truly. So I don't
know why she's not a little embarrassed. I guess because
she turned him down. But either way, I'm like, I
would never bring that up again unless it was like
somebody else did and it was a joke, you know.

Speaker 3 (57:33):
Yeah, I don't think I would bring it up either. Yeah,
I think I think it does depend on the relationship.
Like if you guys all have that really jokey relationship
with someone and one of them brings it up as
because it's and it just like.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
You can just sleep it under the rug. It's fine,
But no one wants to keep talking about Yeah, actually
that's a really good question, because yeah, in this situation,
I'm like, I would be a little embarrassed, honestly, like
to keep bringing it up like that we dated, even
if I was the one to turn them down. I
don't think that that's like a cue.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Look Yeah, well.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
No, I was just saying I think the only reason
I brought up the the idea of it, like me
being more about the friendship is because like I can
understand that mentality more like that that makes sense to me,
especially when she's like, you're so young, are you sure
you're ready to settle down? But I also see like
what you guys are saying, like she just sounds like, no,
I need this to be about me, and like that's shitty.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
I mean it could be a little bit of both,
Like it could she could be like genuinely like out
here in these streets and thinking her friend should still
be in the streets too, you know, and a little
jelly that's understand.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
It's like the crabs, you know, the crabs in the bucket.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
No, You've got so many animal situation was.

Speaker 1 (58:41):
The other animal one monkeys. Oh, I like those monkeys.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Now.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
The crabs is more of the thing that all crabs do.
You know, if you got a bunch of crabs in
a bucket and a crab tries to crawl out of
the bucket, the other crabs pull them down back down.

Speaker 3 (58:55):
Yeah, yes, it does sound like it could be a
little bit.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
Of that for sure. Yeah, it's no way to live.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
I guess, regardless of intention, if it's malice, if it's insecurity,
if it's ego, the bottom line for me is your
friend is asking you for this easy boundary to not
be crossed. It's not like a big ask, and you
can't do it. That's the issue. Yeah, that's an issue.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Well, yeah, I mean I think this is a very
ego forward way, and I think I think the idea
of framing like, oh well I rejected him as some
kind of win, you know, and and I think we
did this situation. I don't know if it was with you,
but it was basically this this vegan rejected this woman.
And I said, this is a dating success story. And
I really do feel that way because I'm like, and

(59:38):
I understand because they ate me. Yes, he rejected her because.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
She ate me on the date and that's the story.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
Oh I thought you were saying it's a success story
because they meet together.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
Oh no, you're right, because it's like not their truth.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Yeah. Well and and there and it was kind of like, oh, well,
he's guilting her, blah blah blah. And I was like,
he's really not. He's just saying those are my values.
And that's how I viewed it. But anyway, what I'm
really trying to get on about is like if you
go on a date with someone and you break up
with them, like you didn't win. Nobody won.

Speaker 2 (01:00:08):
Yeah, nobody won.

Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
Yeah, right, like you were incompatible. You both found out
the truth that it wasn't a match. And that's not
really a bad thing. It can feel bad. I obviously
understand that, you know, you find someone and you're attracted
to them and they got headochromia, motherfucker, like I wanted her.
That shit popped, you know, But like, yeah, that that
view of dating I think is very immature. True. You

(01:00:30):
would never do that with a friend. No, oh we're
not friends.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
I want yeah, it's like what yeah, or even a
job like oh I got fired, I want well, actually, no,
that's gonna change. No, Yeah, but you're right. I think
how she's handling it is. The big issue for me
is like just her being so like I had him first.
I had him first. It's very toddler energy. And then
her being her friend being like that hurts me. Maybe

(01:00:53):
not hurt Maybe that's too strong, but they are young. Yeah, yeah,
and then her being like, you're you're reading too much
into it. Just own up to it and move on
like it's not a big ask. I don't think I was.
I had a question in the beginning, did you say
that we were trauma bonded? That's what I thought I heard.

Speaker 3 (01:01:14):
In the beginning of the you were talking really fast
to the first couple of sentence.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
In this situation.

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Yeah, I thought I heard trauma. Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
After that, we've been drifting apart a little, but I
still had a strong bond with her.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
Okay, okay, I thought I heard trauma bond. That was
me whispering sweet nothings in your ears.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
Sorry, I was confusing, Alex, And I know you were
your friend inviting my best friend from my wedding because
she kept signing people she dated my fiance first. I
think this is obviously a touchy topic and just something
you know, bring up in this person is acting maliciously.
I don't think she's. I don't think it's coming from
a malicious place. I think that's really I think that's
pretty fucking rare. Yeah, like that's psychopath energy. She could be,

(01:01:56):
she could be. We don't know. It doesn't matter, and
I love what you said. I think Alex nailed it.
Kind of doesn't matter. It's like, you do it. You're
doing what you're doing for whatever reason you're doing it.
I said not to do it, you're still doing it.
You respect me. But bye. Yeah, yeah, guys, where you subscribe?
Joining Patron two and everyty plus minus episodes, every single
episode add free plenty of juice. We got Alice, Juice,
Evianius juice, Danny's juice, please seriously, for days, juice for

(01:02:21):
days only five bucks a month.

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
Please, that's more than that's less than less coffee, honestly,
the real juice.

Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
Oh yeah, oh that hurt, that hurt. You're so right.
The coffee is not five dollars anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
Coffee is so expensive, so expensive.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
God, I mean I still get my little best Presso
pods if you ladies, want nice little spressos thirty cents
and yeah, it's not as good as the realness Presso pod,
but it's half the price.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
Something does something?

Speaker 3 (01:02:48):
You know Danny loves to save his money, Costco Bagels, Fakeness,
Presso pods.

Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
Are you a Capricorn?

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
Wrong?

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
I'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
But if you guess my sign, I'll give you an espresso.

Speaker 3 (01:03:03):
Okay, and I have twelve Why did you think that
me and Danny had the same sign? Do you have
the same energy?

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
No, not at all. It's just under someone frugal and
I'm like Virgo Capricorn. Okay, I'm gonna I get twelve
guesses and that seems lenient.

Speaker 1 (01:03:16):
Well, I'll give you three.

Speaker 3 (01:03:18):
Guesses and I say twelve, so we'll say so wait
for the end when you get to fully get to
know how Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
Yeah, okay, we'll guess with that. And ATA for not
paying for my date. So I twenty six AM and
Kyla twenty four f match on an app. We message
a few times, but nothing happened. A couple months go by,
we see each other at a mutual's wedding. We talk
most of the night, have a great time. I asked
for Kyla's number from our mutual We text for a
few weeks and eventually make plans. We have plans to

(01:03:43):
meet for drinks. She cancels last minute. Basically ten minutes
before we are set to meet for dinner. Kyla tells
me something came up and can't make it. I tell
Kyla it's fine, and she starts taking longer to text
is short and less engage. Eventually, Kyla quits responding and
I moved on. A week later, she calls to apologize
and asks if we can meet up again. I agree,

(01:04:04):
only because my friend's new wife convinced me. Date comes,
it's rocky. She shows up late, saying traffic was bad.
She brought up her past relationships constantly made me uncomfortable.
She did apologize for canceling the first date. She said
she was nervous. She also had multiple drinks and a shot.
I only had two drinks. She was also on her phone,

(01:04:24):
not the whole date, but enough for me to notice
things were going well and the conversation with stiff. When
the bill comes, they ask how we're doing. I say
split it. Kyle looks at me and says, oh, I
didn't actually bring my wallet at this point, I'm just
out and says I'm sorry, but I'm not paying. I
don't think this is gonna work. I paid my bill
and left will Kyla sat there. My friend's wife calls

(01:04:46):
me that night, yelling at me, calling me an asshole.
I guess Kyla's sister had to come bring her money.
I've been called an asshole by some of the friend group.

Speaker 2 (01:04:52):
Aiita, Yeah, dude, there's a different way to do. I
get what's happening here, but you don't leave someone stranded
at a restaurant who literally to have their wallet. That's crazy.
I feel like that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
I don't know, Alex. I think we're going to fight now.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
Okay, well, I I'm so excited for that's giving me insight.
That's giving me insight on your sign little aries, little
fire leo.

Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
If you go on a date and don't bring your wallet, fair,
who does that? I forgot my wallet? Fine? Is that what? No,
that's not what.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
I didn't bring my wallet.

Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
She's like, I didn't bring it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:25):
Well, she might have forgotten.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
Just no, no, no, it's not some man, you know
it's do you know that? Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
The air in here is getting hot? Being ridiculous you
can say I left my wallet. I didn't bring my wallet.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
I left my wallet. No, I forgot my wallet is
a specific meaning, which means I intended to bring it
but then it slipped my mind. How do you know that?

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
She said it the way that you find Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:49):
You guys have my if she had set I forgot
my wallet, we all know what that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
Okay, let's move on from this because regardless, this is
not my put or unless you well know.

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
Well, you're disagreeing on the facts if you want to
play it that way. No fact, but she didn't bring
her wallet because she expected him to pay, So her
fault she.

Speaker 2 (01:06:05):
Didn't bring her wallet. Maybe true, but that's not my point. Anyways,
I'm saying you can have that. Listen to my.

Speaker 1 (01:06:10):
Words because you're saying true.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
Yeah, but because that's not my fucking point, Listen to
what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:06:14):
That's what I'm saying. Listen to a woman.

Speaker 2 (01:06:16):
I'm to woman, So I don't give a fuck if
she didn't truth. Alex standing up.

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
I'm standing on to go off the camera.

Speaker 2 (01:06:26):
I'm out of frame. No, I'm in frame. I'm in
frame and I always will be because that's my truth. Okay,
she knows, does Mark anyway? Mark, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (01:06:34):
I've been listening so long and we're still in the preamble.

Speaker 2 (01:06:37):
Yeah, I know, Well because you because you got on
this tangent about the wallet thing. Okay, fair, let's give
you that she didn't want to pay, she didn't expect
to pay, she didn't bring her wallet on purpose. That's
not my issue. He can have that. That is an
asshole move. She shouldn't have done that. You do not
leave someone at a bar stranded.

Speaker 1 (01:06:55):
They're saying the word stranded. What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
She doesn't have any any money on her her I
feel like she's he left her and she had to
wait for her sister to come pay her bill. Right,
that's what it says.

Speaker 1 (01:07:09):
Yeah, I guess stranded to me says she has no
way of getting home. I don't he. I don't think
he picked her up. I don't think she's stranded.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
But you have to stay there until you pay the bill.

Speaker 1 (01:07:17):
Right, Well, that's not the same as stranded.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
Stranded on this one.

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
It's not what strand means.

Speaker 2 (01:07:24):
Well, then whatever you want to call it, left out
a bar alone, and she was.

Speaker 1 (01:07:30):
Left out a bar to pay? Yeah. True, So Maya.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
She was like, he's not the asshole necessarily for doing
I mean he can be my my My initial guttural
reaction that I have an issue with all of this
about and we'll get into the details later. Is you
meeting somebody on a first date you don't know if
it's going to be good or bad. She already gave
you the indication she may not be the best, most

(01:07:55):
reliable person. She was flaked. She flaked out on the
first fool on you for me twice on me, not totally,
but like, you know a little bit where you're getting
into right. This person's already built on you once and
it's a first date. Your expectation, I'm sorry, should be low,
but it shouldn't be so low that you leave somebody
at a bar or at a restaurant without a way
of paying and getting back. In my opinion, I would
have paid for it and said you've been MOMMI half

(01:08:17):
you figured it out later. But you don't leave someone
well at that point or you wait, I don't know.
I just don't think the leaving thing is what's I
think at.

Speaker 3 (01:08:24):
That point, you're not even like it's not even like
you're getting back at your date. You're almost like punishing
the restaurant or bar because you don't know if she's
going to leave now, and now you've only paid half
the bill.

Speaker 2 (01:08:35):
I get wanting to split it. It sounds like she sucked,
but also like in in decency, I just wouldn't leave
someone there I don't know, or i'd wait for their
sister to get there.

Speaker 1 (01:08:44):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:08:45):
I think I initially had thought the situation was going
to be a little bit different when when he said
like she ghosted him, I thought it was going to
be like months later that she hit him up to
one to date. I feel like this a week is
still in time frame of like we're just rescheduling this date.
So true, I don't see it as like suddenly, Okay,
she's popped back up out of the blue. That's just

(01:09:05):
something that popped out for me because I had an
initially thought this is going to be like months later
after the first date was supposed to happen. So I
just see it as like, Okay, we're trying this again.
She was nervous. That's really fair. That's actually really endearing.
I think that she was so nervous about this. It
sounds like she just needs Martini experience. I can find
I can find something endearing that you don't find endearing, Danny. Now,

(01:09:28):
let's just be really honest and upfront about dating culture.
A lot of the times the guy is expecting to pay,
true or false.

Speaker 1 (01:09:36):
True.

Speaker 2 (01:09:37):
I know, Danny, that you pay on first dates, right, absolutely,
and that is the expect I pay sometimes.

Speaker 1 (01:09:42):
I want you to know I pay. I would have
paid in the situation full yes.

Speaker 3 (01:09:47):
So I think what you're I would have done the
ven what you're getting mad. I think what you're getting
upset about a little bit is is the fact that
she didn't do the whole like the dance, the politeness
dance of like oh I got it. No, No, it's fine,
I got it. I mean she was just like no,
like this is what's going to happen. I think that's

(01:10:07):
kind of where you're where you're talking points for her,
which like.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
No, I'm gonna I'm gonna crucify her. Okay, she did
something that's rude, Yeah, absolutely, chance last minute is fucking rude. Now,
I understand life happens, there's all kinds of crazy incidents
that happen, but it was still rude. That's what it was.
It doesn't change the fact that it was rude, so

(01:10:31):
already going into it. She then is trying to go
on another date with him. Isn't that right? She calls
to apologize. Not quite, not quite, I reskeed. No, she's not.
She's not really called. It is a difference. She's gone
to apologize and ask if we can meet up again.
It's not exactly a reschedule. It's a recontextualized meeting.

Speaker 2 (01:10:54):
That sounds like a reschedule.

Speaker 1 (01:10:55):
Yeah, not really a reschedule is Hey, Danny, I can't
make the podcast, so we push out a week later
with sufficient notice. If you did that to me an
hour before the recording, I'd be like a little huffed.
Now let it go because it's a professional.

Speaker 2 (01:11:08):
And she said I can't make the podcast an hour before,
you'd be upset. And then if she texted the next day, hey,
can we do it this day, that's still a reschedule.
It's just there's spend time.

Speaker 1 (01:11:15):
Yeah, well, I wouldn't be apology worthy because you didn't
really put me out.

Speaker 2 (01:11:18):
But like, but I mean, I think like her taking
the time to like, is that what you're thinking does
to me?

Speaker 1 (01:11:23):
A reschedule is kind of like totally neutral. It's like,
that's a non problem. Let's go, let's just stick to dating,
because I think it canet stick on with with this context.
If I'm want a date with a girl and two
days before she's like, I'm so sorry, I double booked myself.
I have an ail appointment. That's a that's a reschedule. Yeah,
I'm like, no problem, think, no big deal.

Speaker 2 (01:11:40):
She's choosing the nail appointment over you.

Speaker 1 (01:11:42):
Well, she's like this girl's hard to get, you know,
she knows she's really good color, she's good at color theory.
My nails aren't gonna look like Alex's. I took a
long class my girl. Yeah, you know whatever, that's a reschedule.
But I'm like, you know, if you do someone dirty
and you fuck up and then you say, hey, like
can we meet up again, I'm the context is kind
of different. In fact, my expectation and I've done this,

(01:12:04):
I rescheduled on a girl twice was of course, I'm
gonna pay, and I paid for a nice dinner, which
I never do on a first date. I try to avoid.
But I was like, yeah, I did her dirty twice,
Like I gotta I gotta make it out a buck up,
I gotta make it up. But she goes in not
only to not split, but that he's gonna then cover
the whole thing, and then puts him in a position

(01:12:26):
where he's essentially forced to do so. That's very hard
for me to look past now to meet you. I
think I can meet you here. If I go on
a first date with a girl and she didn't bring
her wallet, because that's our expectation, I will absolutely be
covering it and themoing.

Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
Would that be a turnoff if you liked her, would
it still have been a.

Speaker 1 (01:12:45):
Turn off if she didn't even bring her wallet. Yeah,
I would be uncomfortable with that. If she forgot her wallet,
no problem. Yeah, Like that's the thing.

Speaker 3 (01:12:54):
I feel like that. I feel like the words. Also,
this is where I'm confused. Does no one hear have
Apple pay benmo?

Speaker 1 (01:13:02):
Well?

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
Does she not have her phone? What's going on here? Yeah?
That's the thing too, is like he could have In
my mind, if she's not saying she's not stranded, so
her phone's working, she has a car somewhere, she probably
does have those things.

Speaker 1 (01:13:13):
And this is a few years old. To be fair,
I think I picked this up on the subde So
maybe it's before. I mean, it's a lot of places
don't have Apple Pay. But still you can Vemo the dude,
you can Vemo right like, you can zell him. You
can cash at him, cash at me right now, Stephen.
You know, like there's so many things you can do.

Speaker 2 (01:13:28):
Yeah, but let's say, okay for all in terms of purposes,
she doesn't have a phone working. I don't know. Yeah,
I just think it's shitty to like leave somebody somewhere
in a situation that is, Yeah, I think stranded in
a sense because she cannot leave until she pays.

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
You love your stranded?

Speaker 2 (01:13:45):
Well, what else would you call it? It's such an
awkward situation.

Speaker 1 (01:13:48):
Yeah, Poppy Fart's ninety nine, NTA, what kind of idiot
doesn't bring any money to a date. It was presumptuous
to expect you to pay. Not bringing her wallet is manipulation.
Good for you for sticking to your guns, but.

Speaker 2 (01:13:59):
You can stick your guns in a way that would
I just think I'm not against what he did. I
think if it was a doubt of a date and
she sounds, you know, not like the I was this
most considerate person. Great split it that's fair, that's fine.
It's just I just don't it rubs me the wrong way.
To leave her like that, just to me is like unchivalrous. Yeah,

(01:14:20):
it's just like ondecent as a human in general.

Speaker 1 (01:14:22):
I think to me, stranded says like this person was
left in a lurch or in a situation that would
have been difficult.

Speaker 3 (01:14:30):
I think she was left in a lurch. I will
say it was her sister had to get her money.
She she she didn't alert of her own making. But
that does seem she wasn't still left in alert.

Speaker 1 (01:14:40):
Yeah, like she it was a very minor lurch. It
wasn't like she was in Egypt. She wasn't in Timbucto. No, No,
her sister came picked her up. She was in her home.

Speaker 2 (01:14:49):
Sister lives in Egypt.

Speaker 1 (01:14:50):
Hello, that's fair in Egypt, where then that wouldn't apply.

Speaker 3 (01:14:54):
Or maybe this was I think we're all in agreement
that the girl did some shitty stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:14:59):
For sure, she did a shitty thing after shitty about
She canceled last minute, She talked about her exes all dinner,
and then she put herself in a position where she
couldn't pay. And you want me to call him an asshole.

Speaker 2 (01:15:11):
Nope, that's not what we're saying. Oh, I'm not saying
that at all. I've been saying the whole time. I
don't think he's ata for not paying for my date.
I think she is the asshole. I can still think
she's the asshole and have a problem with how he
handled it. You're saying everyone sucks here. Two things are
it's hard because.

Speaker 1 (01:15:26):
Come with me to the dark side, Alex. It's not
the asshole and she is. But yes, I do think
there was a way that would have been slightly more
generous and just a little bit more giving, because let's
face it, you did agree to go on a date
with a with a kooky chick exactly, and so you
should have.

Speaker 2 (01:15:41):
Did they get dinner? Did he say they got what
they got? Yeah, they got dinner. They got dinner. And
also I'm sorry she got drunk.

Speaker 1 (01:15:48):
God, there's four she did four things in a row.

Speaker 2 (01:15:51):
She did a lot of things there. But also, like,
that's why I did believe that she was nervous personally. Yeah,
she probably was nervous, but you still that's like that bullshit.
It could be a copy.

Speaker 3 (01:16:01):
We don't get nervous. People get so nervous. People literally
in the dating events business, people get so nervous.

Speaker 1 (01:16:09):
People get nervous. My contention is she didn't cancel last
minute because she was nervous. She cancel last minute because
this date wasn't a priority for her. She could have
been nervous.

Speaker 2 (01:16:21):
You don't know. You make a lot of assumption.

Speaker 1 (01:16:23):
I know has a lot of assumption.

Speaker 2 (01:16:25):
Yeah, both, I could see both, y'alls.

Speaker 1 (01:16:27):
No, I know, because what did she talk about on
the date?

Speaker 2 (01:16:30):
I don't know her, but maybe she was so nervous.

Speaker 3 (01:16:32):
Yeah, it sounds like it sounds like she's not she
has not This is what I took from that. She's
back fresh on the dating scene. It is nerve wracking
as hell for her. She doesn't know what she's doing.
She's drinking because she's like so nervous. She's not being
at because she needs more dating experience, because she's first
thing back on those she's.

Speaker 1 (01:16:52):
She's on healed, and that's why she's not actually that
interested in him. Maybe, and that's why she's acting like this.

Speaker 2 (01:16:58):
I mean, there's so many it's so hard because unless
you're there, you don't know at all the characters.

Speaker 1 (01:17:03):
He says, I don't care if you're nervous, I don't care.
If you're anxious. You did cancel on someone last minute,
it was rude, doesn't change anything.

Speaker 2 (01:17:10):
Yeah, I agree with you there, canceling last minute is rude.

Speaker 1 (01:17:13):
Story on board, not the asshole and she is. Yeah,
it should have been handled better. I think we all
agree that it is a little brutal. It's a little brutal. Yeah,
I think it could, especially with Vemo and all that shit. NTA.

Speaker 3 (01:17:23):
It reminds me of like, you did something shitty, so
I'm gonna do something shitty back.

Speaker 2 (01:17:30):
That's how it felt to me.

Speaker 1 (01:17:31):
See for me, it's it's you did something shitty four times.
And then he said, and now you're going to experience
the consequences of once again you're doing something shitty.

Speaker 2 (01:17:40):
Fair, but like in real time, if you're learning that,
should you not cut that date off sooner? If let's say,
you know within five minutes that she's an asshole, she's
talking about her ax, she's ordering shots. Okay, maybe we
don't go through with this. Because I know where this
is going. You also have some wherewith all yourself, so
he has also a little bit of well.

Speaker 1 (01:17:54):
That's basically what he did. He ended the day. It's
on them out, babe. Yeah. After I mean, I don't
know she ordered multiple dres We didn't even talk about that.

Speaker 2 (01:18:01):
He could have exactly there was time for her drinks
if he I'm just saying, like, oftentimes, you know, a vibe,
at least for me with them.

Speaker 1 (01:18:08):
I were saying, you should have left dinner earlier.

Speaker 2 (01:18:11):
Yeah, if he knew that he wasn't going to be
you can't have your cake and eat it. Well, I'm
just saying, there's that's another way to handle it to
where he left. He left her four drinks and dinner, and.

Speaker 1 (01:18:21):
I'm sure it got worse as a producer.

Speaker 2 (01:18:23):
Probably so hot, she's the hottest one ever I thought
there she was definitely the hottest. She was the hottest girl.

Speaker 1 (01:18:29):
All women are equally hot, let's not change.

Speaker 2 (01:18:32):
Are except she was a hottest one in the room.

Speaker 1 (01:18:35):
You think she had that? Oh wait, that wasn't this episode,
was it?

Speaker 3 (01:18:38):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:18:38):
It was No, that was the bonus, the heterochromia.

Speaker 2 (01:18:43):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:18:44):
It's so we mostly agree. I think we agree. Look,
I think we agree. I wouldn't do this to a woman.
Of course, I wouldn't do this to a woman. I wouldn't.
I'd be like Thatma me apple, pay me.

Speaker 2 (01:18:54):
I'm not paying, but you would pay right you said
you pay, well, I would.

Speaker 1 (01:18:58):
Pay, but want it back. In other words, I'm not
covering it.

Speaker 3 (01:19:01):
But I thought you said that you always pay on
first dates, regardless if you're interested or not.

Speaker 1 (01:19:05):
Well, yeah, but if a girl did me dirty like this,
canceled last minute, and then and then came back.

Speaker 2 (01:19:10):
And said, so you're you're changing. So there are conditions.
There are conditions to whether or not you pay.

Speaker 1 (01:19:15):
So am I when you when I said I pay
on the first date, did you guys hear that? As
I always pay on the first day, always forever? Yeah, okay, No,
then I don't always pay on the first day. If
a girl does me dirty, if a girl rescheduled on
me like this is canceled last minute.

Speaker 2 (01:19:30):
What if the girl doesn't do you dirty, but she sucks.

Speaker 1 (01:19:33):
If oh, she just sucks and I don't like her
on the date, then that's why. That's why I don't
take girls to dinner. I take her to coffee or
for a first date.

Speaker 2 (01:19:43):
But you're still gonna Okay, But let's say you did
get yourself in a situation where you're taking her to dinner,
you're excited.

Speaker 1 (01:19:47):
I did, okay, and she sucks. She fucking sucked, and
I'd eat one hundred and twenty dollars interesting, okay, and
the waitress was like she knew the waitress, which actually
made me like her a little bit. That was her
biggest win.

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
That was her social proof.

Speaker 1 (01:19:59):
She knew someone that was their social proof. I was
like with her, she knows a version, she.

Speaker 2 (01:20:02):
She knows she did. She picked the restaurant.

Speaker 1 (01:20:04):
Though, uh no, I picked the restaurant, and then she
was like, these are on the house and it wasn't
on the house, it was on the bill, and who
was on the bill?

Speaker 3 (01:20:13):
If I was the girl, I would have said something
to my friend personally I was.

Speaker 1 (01:20:18):
I brought it up and she was like, yeah, I
guess it just is just like it is what.

Speaker 2 (01:20:21):
It is, all right, Yeah, sorry that happened to you, Danny.

Speaker 1 (01:20:26):
Yeah, fuck off. It's the risky take, not the asshole.
A niya who's not the asshole? The guy op is
the girl at for not paying for my day. It's
written from the guy's perspective.

Speaker 3 (01:20:45):
I'll say this, he's not an asshole, but he's not
the kind of guy that I like m.

Speaker 1 (01:20:49):
TEA because what you wanted him to be to hang
out in Apple pay and Venmo figure it out.

Speaker 2 (01:20:56):
Yeah, I just I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:20:57):
I don't personally think she did anything bad enough to
warrant piecing out being left. Yeah, I think there are
certain situations where that would have been fair. I personally
don't think.

Speaker 2 (01:21:06):
She did anything that awful. She seems to just be
going through it.

Speaker 1 (01:21:10):
But you'll say not the asshole, but I will.

Speaker 2 (01:21:11):
Say not the asshole yet retweet love it.

Speaker 1 (01:21:14):
Guys, thanks for joining me. Plug away as you please.

Speaker 2 (01:21:18):
Alex Paisley Steadman on Spotify, on TikTok, on YouTube music,
We sing together, the casting networks on Actors Act, podcasting,
Backstage on Hire me for acting, music, improv, musical improv,
hosting events, podcasts, Alex Paisley and whatever else you need sted.

Speaker 3 (01:21:44):
Man, You I Spotify, I'm a singer, I'm an actor,
and I am an event's curator and director. So if
you ever need your event planned, I am your girl
for that for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:21:56):
You guys have taken opposite naming strategies because you're just
have your nia on Spotify and you're everything. Alex Paisley saidman,
which I did spell right. I follow you on Spotify now.

Speaker 2 (01:22:06):
Oh thanks.

Speaker 3 (01:22:07):
And I have a third name. I have a stage
name which is NIA Boys. Yeah, so I have multiple names.

Speaker 1 (01:22:12):
I know you do a lot here with the names,
a lot of names. Well, thanks for joining me, gals.
It's been a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 (01:22:18):
It's been a pleasure and a pleasure.

Speaker 1 (01:22:21):
Oh my god. Thanks. We'll see guys next time. I
much left Ni

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