726 AITA for declining to be a groomsmen in my best friend's wedding?

I'm joined by Karla and Dani for a frankly banger episode. Happy mon mon hun huns to you and yours!
(0:00) - Banter
(15:23) - AITA for declining to be a groomsmen in one of my best friend's weddings?
(33:03) - AITA for backing out on a night with friends we haven't seen for a decade?
(43:47) - AITA for making my friend buy a whole new bathing suit after it was returned with a sh*t stain?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, everybody. Well from the ATA Pod. I'm Danny Vega,
joined by you know her, you love her, Carlos Pino, Hello,
and returning to the show, Danny Adelis. We be in
good I tried.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Yeah, you did it.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
It's good to see you guys. I'm getting back into
my regular routine after two weeks away. One of the
places I went to was Las Vegas. Viva Nobody, thank you, Nobody.
Nobody once brought up that my name as Danny Vega.
Nobody brought it up. I thought, I'm sad. I don't know.
It's like, it's Vega vegaa Vegas. Yeah, I guess, so,

(00:35):
oh come up once.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Maybe if there was more than one Danny.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
Yeah, veg Vegas needed my brother Vega to be there.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
My middle name is Las.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
So I do have a little a. I t a
for you guys. This was so we I stayed at
the Cosmopolitan, which not I don't know. Wasn't too impressed.
That's a hotel, yeah, yeah, heard, it's been around. It's
it's yeah, it feels a little old now. And you
know what. I don't like cold lighting, Yes, I go.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
I hate that, like you're in a hospital.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
I feel like I'm in a hospital. Yeah, I feel
like I'm in a hospital with blackjack tables with twenty
five dollars minimums.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Honey, they don't want you to feel comfortable in the casino, Danny.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
For my second time in a row, I'm in Vegas
without a functioning debit card, and so I therefore gambled
good zero dollars.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
That's great, zero dollars period.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
And I love gambling.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
But but that's when you start to do what kind
of other collateral do I have?

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Love blackjack? Well, I tried. I was like, can I
buy cash off you? Which that doesn't come off well
when you try to do that with another adult. They're like,
do you not have your own cash? No, I don't
carry a debit card. You don't need to bring a
debit card to Vegas? Now, were you trying to stop
yourself from gambling? Now? No, I just don't have it.
I'sh off you.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
I was gonna say something, but I didn't want to
expose while you were there.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Oh okay, anyway, so thanks, I will. I was there
to fucking what is it called rage? Break the Housember?
The guy count cards. No, anyway, So we wake up
in the morning and there's a big old line at
the coffee at the coffee store, and coffee store in

(02:17):
the casino. At the cafe. Some people call the cafe,
some people call the coffee store. There's nothing wrong with
my way of life. And my friend is already at
the front of the line, so he had asked me,
so he puts in my order. Okay. Then our third friend,
as that's happening, joins us, cuts everyone in line, and
then tries to start a new order. The employee complies

(02:39):
and starts to enter it in and then the guy
goes hey, the guy behind us, Hey, we've been waiting here,
so you need to go to the back of the line.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Are you in New York, New York Vegas.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
We are in New York, New York. Yeah. It actually
you just brought me to one of the one of
their problems with New York, New York. Ah wait, this
strip doesn't work in our mind. Wait, no New York
tell it. Well, what I was gonna say is New York,
New York contains New York, right, uh huh. This is
this is why there's no gambling in New York City.

(03:08):
This is why I have to change my premise mid
mid midfl Why because they would have a New York,
New York casino and that would be in New York,
New York. And therefore the New York New York casino
would contain New York, New York casino, and that would
create a fractal which would destroy the universe, right because
then that tiny, tiny New York, New York casino would
It's too meta, exactly, It's too meta. And that's why

(03:29):
you can't gamble in Manhattan.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Because you're not deep enough. It's true. Yeah, fuck Danny's
we get it.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
Danny's get it. It was Danny's humor. But anyway, so the
man then goes, hey, we've been waiting here line, so
what are you doing it? But that that was the
thrust of what he said, and we scurried about and
then and then my friend was like, duck guy must
have lost a lot of money. And I was like,
I don't think so, man. I think that was a
clean call out and we deserved it. But what do

(03:59):
you guys think?

Speaker 2 (04:00):
I agree? I think that. I mean it sucks, but yeah,
he cut not cools cutting.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
But it is legal. It is legal to stuff the order.
In other words, if I'm in my first text you guys,
and then get your orders.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
That's one order, one order, one order.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Okay, so that's the rule. That's fair.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
The event we went to yesterday, that kept happening and
there was a long line and then Kelly showed up
right as I was about to order, but Kelly was like,
I'm not getting anything. And then I was like, okay, great,
and then as I'm ordering, another Tony showed up and
I was like, are you getting something? And he cut
and he went in with Eric and I was like oh.
And then they sold out like ten people later, so
we felt kind of I actually didn't feel batter where'd

(04:39):
you go?

Speaker 1 (04:40):
She didn't feel bad?

Speaker 2 (04:41):
Oh that's right, that's way I was thinking.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
After it's not well named. What I'm joking go.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
On the Puerto Rican thing. I actually don't even know
what it's called. It was called like or something.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
What is it called?

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Is like a.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Ridiculous I'm just stupid.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
Oh okay, what does it mean? It's like it's like, way.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
There is a woman, so you know donuts izeream hot
dog cigarettes across the street. Yeah, and there's a woman
when I go in. I rarely go in now, but
I go ahead, and she'll look at me and she goes, okay,
gwopple wow. I feel pretty good about that.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
That's really nice that. You know, what, what do you
say about highest highest compliment? If something heat does say that.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
She is a borderline be a heat that for sure,
she definitely fifty plus.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
You should definitely compliment her back.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
Yeah, I don't have. She would be like Rina grass,
yes me Raina. That means takes my queen. Yeah, does
that fly in spat? Does that hit the hand?

Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah? And then she would literally she'd give you free
whatever you wanted.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
She doesn't work there, Oh she just says there classic, Yeah,
we're in the main whatever. Fuck, it's not like the
Donuts Sea. How dog cigarettes employees listen to this? There's
one that.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
You stop saying the nickname?

Speaker 1 (05:50):
What?

Speaker 2 (05:51):
How can you stop shortening.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
Dozew dog sikes?

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (05:53):
They will, so I know why am I racing everyone's time?
So there's one employee there that I swear we have
like the most sensual. Like her english is very poor,
but I'm like, I want to go behind. There is
no behind doing a dog cigarettes so that's just a
sprint store. But I want to take her behind there
and make out with her. There's a tension.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
Danny's like, Danny's kind of h.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Kind of h. You never heard of that? The kids say, Carolin,
that's not the kids.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
What the kids say, No kind of H.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Hydrogen No, horny, horny, just like I actually I have
come to enjoy that.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
Like there's a but, like it doesn't really mean horny,
but it's like it means horny.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
I don't know how else to say it. Okay, Like
it's like it's like a compliment, Like it's like it's
like the less offensive thirsty. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yeah, it's like it's not something I've come to enjoy.
Like I have a friendship or too where there's a
lot of sexual tension and I'm like, ruin it with
ruin it, I don't want to say, you guys are
really bad.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
If it would ruin it. If you think it'll ruin it,
it'll ruin it.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
I think it.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
But I have Yeah, I was always kind of against it,
not against it, but I guess I just never had
the truck. Yeah, Like I had a fuck a lot
of friends. We've never fucked because you're married, boring, boring,
But I have had other friends who I have maybe two,
it's not that much.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
And it worked.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yeah, it works because we both were like, well this
is over and that's it, and we're mature adults. But
nobody did anything bad to the other person. Yeah, you know,
so it was like we were just like, yeah, okay,
that was that just getting it in just wasn't a
compatible thing. We did a few times and then you're like.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
Okay, I guess you're right. I mean, these are, like,
you know, adults. Maybe I just say, like, do you
want to add that? I would, I would word it
in the least sexy way. You should just be like
you want to try doing the sex thing? You just
want some fuck, want some fuck trying to want some fuck.
What's the opposite of Ah, well.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
No, I don't know. There's no opposite of age. It's
just there's just age. Wouldn't it just be like chastity chastity?

Speaker 1 (07:56):
I like good sexual tension though, you know what I mean,
when it's there a little bit and that's kind of building.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
And honestly, that's better than the last I know.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
That's kind of what I was saying. That's kind of
where I was going there. They are the fantasy is
much better than the reality.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
Opposite of ages. Edge Lord, oh, edge Lord. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
Anyway, so I did commit. I don't think i'm the
asshole for this, but I'm calling this the buffet heist.
So in Las Vegas there are giant buffets, and I've
done all the three big ones, what I considered the
big three. Maybe I'm wrong. Which is Bouchanel at what
is it called Little Caesar's.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
Caesar Palace, Palace Caesars pal Caesar thirty dollars for five
dollars slices of pizza. That's so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
There's the wind, Yes, that one very solid, you know
what I mean?

Speaker 2 (08:47):
Cos the wind?

Speaker 1 (08:47):
I'm sorry, do you know who cohens the win? Who
co owns the wind? Now?

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Who are commander in quefon?

Speaker 1 (08:54):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (08:54):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (08:55):
Donald his own I think I think it used to
be Trump Tower, and then Win bought it, but he
still has he still has like.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Stock, he has some steak. Yeah. Well, because the Trump
that is the cheapest five star hotel in Vegas is
the Trump Hotel.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
It's still standing.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yeah, so they're always consider it. And then I'm like,
I feel it would feel ethically compromised, and I feel
like it probably sucks.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yeah, why do they better places?

Speaker 1 (09:19):
Yeah, I never made.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
At least are French fries and fucking Big Mex.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
Such a pig. But I finally got to try this
other one, the Wicked Spoon. And the Wicked Spoon is
a breakfast buffet. You guys know what.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
I love breakfast.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
So and it's a lot cheaper too. It's only like
forty five bucks, which isn't crazy. I mean it's crazy,
but you're in Vegas. So I go and their Mexican
food was good, which is rare because the other buffets
Mexican food kind.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Of whack well like way was yeah, shit like that, okay.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
But really they're all star was the fried chicken. But
I had this thing because I was there with uh,
we'll say, a colleague and I'd asked her what her
favorite dessert was and she said crembreulat, and I was like,
oh fuck, am I going to get her crean breulat,
you know? And sure enough at the Wicked Buffet they
had crumb brew let it. But there's no to go.

(10:07):
It's a buffet. There's no to go. It's a buffet. Yes,
So I'm like, what am I gonna do here? I
don't got a bag. I don't got nothing, nothing. And
so there was as a clever like plating thing there
was like it was like sticky rice with syrup or whatever.
Sticky rice was something, and as a little clever haha,

(10:27):
they put it in a tiny to go box like
that was part of the plating. Yeah, like I mean
it's tiny, I mean like the size of four thimbles,
you know.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
And so what I did was I took the tiny
to go box and then I dumped the rice out,
and then I stuck two crumble ats in there and.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
I snuck it out.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
That's the heist.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
Honestly, that's like, that's that's pretty great.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
I felt really good about it.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
My mom would be proud, should up. What are you
inside your bay?

Speaker 1 (10:55):
Right? And they gave me the to go box too,
so I felt like if they caught me, I'd be like,
did you not provide that to go busing?

Speaker 2 (11:01):
It's not ceiling because he paid for the buffet.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Buffet.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
Yeah, well that's the rule of the buffet. Thought can't
take it, but it's no, Jimmy can't take it. You
got to throw all the food that you haven't eat
in the trash. You can't take it.

Speaker 1 (11:13):
With you and eat it later.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
We want to waste, We want to eat as much
as you can America.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yes, but Jack just.

Speaker 3 (11:22):
Heard buffet and so he started coming up tound.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
I also think it's hilarious that you call this buffet
the breakfast buffet, and then you talk about how there
was like fried chicken and crumbrewlet and all this chicken waffles.
Oh yeah, that's.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
The crumb Tho. You're right, that doesn't really, that doesn't
really stream.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Breaks pant our breakfast.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
Sure you know, sure.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
Remember soup plantation.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
It was like a plantation.

Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh. I used to go there all the time with
the title.

Speaker 3 (11:50):
Yeah, I don't love I don't think anything with plantation
a little racist.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
But tell me why me and my black mom would go.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
Okay, well she told yeah, yeah, but yes, I'll have
the chowder of slavery. No.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
They had like the most fire chicken noodle soup, like
the thick noodles.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
And then they had like this like chicken salad, this
like Asian chicken salad. Oh my god, what happened to them?
They just said COVID. COVID just made them no more.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
This is true. The waiters there were all called indentured servers.
That's that's fine.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
No one got mine, Joe, what happened to it? Did
it burn down? That's really exactly worth saying it. That's
better than indentured. No, that was also good.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
I don't get it the planet because.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
Was it in Louisiana? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (12:42):
And like all over the South actually a few places
they're burning down plantations, which.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
I oh, now that's yeah, well the largest or the
oldest largest plantation.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
Where people they get married out. I always thought that
ship was so weird, Like, why are you getting weird?
Why are you getting married at a plantation?

Speaker 2 (12:56):
My friend flew me to Chicago to if photograph his wedding,
and he got married at the Dick chan Or was
it Dick Change Yeah, Dick Cheney's like mansion, Oh god,
what was it a plantation? It felt like it.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Okay, honestly, if it was, that would be less evil.
That's how bad Dick Cheney is. Yeah, yeah, Tick Channing.
Remember when Republicans were just like funny evil? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (13:20):
No, remember when they were just like smart evil, Like
this is just dumb.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
That's why I'm kind of like hoping for like this,
like everything that's happening, I don't know if like you know,
this is we're currently podcasting when we should be rioting
right now.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
Actually, but like, well, we're doing our own version of
form of rioting. This is a form of New Yorker
is not even illustrating anymore. They're just putting, is that true?
They're just actually putting pictures, like real life pictures.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
His life is so cartoonish. That was a good joke.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
That's like really funny.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
Carla's expression, her face was like w w W really
good w guy, guys, please review subscribe Driving on patre
dot com. Slash it a pod over two hundred and
fifty bonus episode. Oh that's so many, Danny, so many,
so many people love to hear.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
I'm on at least seven.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
And free at least seven. I think here on more
than that.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
How many followers does this podcast have?

Speaker 1 (14:11):
I can't tell you that. I'll have to kill you
if I told you. It's my mom my brother sometimes
he's busy now and my dad never our second story.
It hurts. My feelings are set. I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
I say, your brother does at least like play the
episode while he's sleeping so that you get to play.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
They well, they have a balance. My mom will watch
the podcast on YouTube, but that's her role in my content.
My dad, my dad will watch all my tiktoks, or
a high percentage of them, enough to where he goes
you've been posting a lot of tiktoks. I'm like, that's
all you can say. Okay, that's fair.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
I love your dad.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
And then my brother. My brother plays a more distributed strategy,
so will randomly come in. He'll be like, I love
this post, I love this episode. So he's kind of
they cover me, They cover me.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
Did I see this? That was correct? Your mom made
a scrap book of your best tweets.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
Yeah, so funny. That's so funny. Make it out.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
Where are your parents? They sound hilarious.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
They're in Arizona. We live in a small town called
Bring them on Up. They've done episodes. Yeah, oh nice.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
Some new fan demands it.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
They're cuties.

Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yeah, I want that episode. Send it to me.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
Our second story of the day ATA for backing out
on a night with friends we haven't seen in a decade.
But first, it's a Ita for declining to be a
groomsman in one of my best friend's weddings. One of
my twenty six m best friends is getting married. I've
known this friend for fifteen plus years. Growing up, me
and five other guys were super close. We all grew

(15:36):
up in the same neighborhood and played the same sport
in high school. The friend of question asked the six
of us to be groomsmen in his wedding. The five
other guys said yes. I said no. I don't have
a concrete reason. I just said no. I don't need
to hassle. I'm introverted. I'd rather use my PCO to
go vacation somewhere quiet rather than have to go to
all the extra events associated with the wedding. To be clear,

(15:57):
I planned on attending the wedding and after party. Apparently
my decline had joined the wedding party caused bigger issues
than I could have imagined. The wife as six bridemaids,
and apparently he's irritated there won't be the same number
of groomsmen, and my friend had taken it as a
personal slight. I've gotten text and calls from a few
of my friends and the maid of honor asking to reconsider,
and the friend whose wedding it is got so angry

(16:17):
after declined a second time that he said I shouldn't
bother coming at all. WHOA, I really don't think it's
a big deal as people are making out to be
my friend is fiance acting like I objected to the
marriage itself.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
Ai ta okay, I actually have something to say about this.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
My sister in law is getting married your sister and.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Oh, well, so sorry my Yeah, my sister laves to be,
but we're also friends.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
So my husband's husband's brothers knew what bright Okay.

Speaker 3 (16:47):
Yeah, like bride to be they're getting married in three weeks.
Shout out to them. I love them very much, but
I remember when they said they were getting married. They
both have like so many friends. So my brother in
law has also a lot of friends, but only has
like a certain amount of friends that he wants walking
down the aisle. So what I said Toh was is, hey,

(17:08):
I'm opting out of being a bridesmaid. And she was
so happy about that, and she's like, are you sure
you won't feel bad and won't be weird? I was like,
I won't feel bad, it won't feel weird, because like
if you guys need to match up the amount for
like what's happening, like it works for me. She's like, oh,
but like I really would love you to do it.
I was like, but also like I really don't want
like the pressure of like if somebody really wants it,

(17:28):
like I'll do all the duties and help and do
like the bridesmaid duties, but I just won't be a bridesmaid.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
And she was like, actually, that's been really helpful for me.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
So I mean, I'm just saying like I feel like
maybe maybe uh op was just trying to do them.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
A solid No.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
I have a lot of flippy floppy I have flippy
well I think it was the original cause I feel
like we'll go back to you. I have flippy floppy
feelings that do end in a solid thought. I think
this reminds me a lot of when I was in college.
We had a friend and my roommate was not as
good friends with her as I was. And our roommate's

(18:07):
mom got married, and so she invited us right.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
As all the roommates mom got married, yes, and invited.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
All the other roommates right, And the one that she
wasn't as close with was the only one who said
I'm not going. And we all went and had fun
and everything but the girl whose mom got married was like, hey,
I was kind of bummed that like so and so
declined and didn't come because I thought we were all
going to like have fun and be close and like
my mom likes her and this and that it was

(18:36):
like a small wedding. And I was like, honestly, I
go back and forth between you should be able to
do whatever you want. I think if you don't want
to go, if you don't want to be a bridesmaid,
what's the point of asking if you're expected to say yes.
That doesn't feel like a like a true genuine invite
if you're not, if you're going to be upset by
the answer. Like, So, what I always said to the

(18:59):
girl who declined going to the wedding, which I saw
her do over and over in life again as somebody
who always just did what she wanted, was I was like, Yo,
sometimes you have to do things you don't want to
do to show up for people, and that's just life.
So I'm always on the fence of like, I don't
think you should always do things you don't want to do,
But how close is ope? Fifteen years? That's crazy at

(19:22):
this point and you're going to the wedding anyway.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
And how has it turned out for this girl who
acts that way? How's she doing?

Speaker 2 (19:31):
She's doing great, but she's not like friends with that
person anymore. And I'm kind of not either. I mean,
time has passed, distance, whatever, but like she's honestly fine.
But I think she's grown a lot over time into
adulthood and she has realized that, Yeah, sometimes you do
things you don't want to do.

Speaker 3 (19:47):
I just like, just just to preface, I do understand
that my situation is a little different, but I just
wanted to give a pee the benefit of the doubt
and maybe thinking that they were just trying to like,
you know, off, Yeah, like.

Speaker 1 (19:57):
That's not here. That's my issue with what you said.
I think what you said was what you're doing is generous. Yeah,
it's generous, and we're in the favor of the bride.
I even go a little farther and say it's a
little self sacrificing, but that's you're right, You're allowed to
sacrifice yourself.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
I don't think it's Jack refice a little bit. I'm
not in a bad way, but I just think, like
you are sacrificing yourself, but you also didn't like, did
you are you solely not doing it because it's more
helpful for her? I think, yeah, because helpful than that is.

Speaker 3 (20:24):
Yeah, but like but because like I would love like
I mean, I would love to be like considered a
part of like a bridal party. But also I don't
want her to feel stressed about having to match people,
like I don't want to.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
Be super sweet stressed, super sure.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
And like I don't care that much, but I know
her other friends would care so much and they would
like really make a stink out of it, where as me,
I'm like, just invite me to the bachelorette party and
like that.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
Okay, so it's not no strings attack. Yeah, well, I mean.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Of course she was going to invite me to the
bachelorette though.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
Friends like, we're genuine like, you know, we were genuinely
very no.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
But it does sound like there were some expectations. You
weren't saying I'll do all the hard parts. You're like, no,
I'm doing the fun parts too, honey. Oh yeah, I
was doing both.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
So I think it's also hard to go to a
bachelor RecA to spend money.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
That's being a groomsman or a bridesmaid is like something
like if this guy didn't have the money, I would
understand that. He's like, look, I don't have the money
to do all this shit because in college there was
or like even in our early twenties, and people are
getting married and I'm like, yo, I get like four
weddings this year. I can't be a bridesmaids in all
of these and fly to fucking Charleston and go on
to Clydesdale and Payne and watch this horse stuffer in

(21:32):
the sun.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
I don't want to see story.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
What is it like Cindy's last rodeo?

Speaker 1 (21:39):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
I'm talking like when bachelorette parties, like.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
Yeah, Penis Forever, Yeah, it's awful.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
We did not do that.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
Okay, So carl I think let's go into what you said.
I think you're very on point here with this friend,
and I think that's a perfect situation that kind of
illustrates the choices here. I think it is a choice,
and they have a make a choice, and you know,
maybe if we talked to her she said, yeah, look, honestly,
I think it's great for sending her mom. But I
just I don't see myself as that close to them,
you know, I'm doing something else with that time, or

(22:11):
I just don't want to want to go through it.
I don't want to do it. Yeah, and that's fair.
That doesn't make you an asshole. But but it is
a communication we talk a lot of and what it is,
and I think this is maybe where we might find
some difference of opinion. Here is if if you ask
someone to be a groomsman or what's called the other

(22:32):
one bridesmaids, that's kind of a check in of like,
I think we're this close, So you're right, it is
a question, but saying no is insulting. I don't think
there's any way around that. Yeah, like there's certain people
who'll be cool about it, but I do feel like
if you've been in this friend group since you were

(22:53):
like kids, you're basically saying, actually, update for you, we're
not as close as you. Okay, I don't give that
much of a fuck to Is that what she said
to her? Him? He oh sorry?

Speaker 2 (23:06):
Is that? What? Sorry? Is that?

Speaker 1 (23:07):
What he What he said was, I don't need the
hassle and I'm rather introverted. I don't have a concrete
reason for saying no, So besides just not wanting to.
They just declined. I mean that to me, that's and
so for.

Speaker 3 (23:19):
But I feel like I guess what I was confused
by is like did the person say those words?

Speaker 1 (23:24):
I think he said no, but he didn't. He doesn't
take us to that moment, okay, but it sounds like
he said no.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
Okay, because I just feel like if the person even
said those words like hey, I'm introverted.

Speaker 2 (23:33):
Blah blah blah blahlah fund yourself. Also they've been friends
for fifteen years introverted, I would say, Okay, relevance, Yeah,
I don't introverted. That's like also respecting your friend's boundaries
and like it's.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
Not a boundary. Though this isn't a don't think it's
about boundaries.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
I don't know, I personally don't. I mean like if
your friends with someone, for defendo, I think when your
friends with someone for fifteen years, you know if they're
introverted or not.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Like I don't know, it's not relevant, I don't care.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
What I'm saying is like you're asking somebody because they're
close to you. And at the same time, like if
I have a friend who I know is introverted, like
clearly introverted, not like I'm introverted. I can't be a groomsman.
Like I know you have social fucking anxiety. I'm not
gonna ask you to be a groomsman. So I think
OP is like kind of bullshitting you think about his

(24:19):
introverted message, I kind of do. I think it sounds
like he just doesn't want to do it. He thinks
it's gonna be a big thing, when in reality, shit,
he could just say yes and show up in the
capacity he can show up in. Nobody has to say
you have to be the fucking top groomsman. And this
is why I didn't have a wedding.

Speaker 1 (24:34):
I'm asking you to show up, you don't want to
show up, great, I don't want you there. Then I
thought we were as close that you would give enough
of a fuck. They would at least have a concer reasons.
Examples of a concer reason, Fine, i'll meet you at
my Social anxiety is so intense that I recently had
a panic attack because we had to call nine one one. Okay,
that's social anxiety. Now, Oh I'm anxious in new situations.

(24:56):
That's called being alive. And that's not a fucking excuse
that's called not giving.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
A Okay, also be a gooseman.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
I mean, that's not in this situation. Let's not alienate
too many people. But a lot of time, the amount
of times I hear anxiety use as an excuse when
it's really like, I mean, god, damn, Sarah the old
coast of this podcast can't fucking sleep. Now that's a problem. Yeah,
that's a real problem. Yeah, and I've never heard Sarah
go oh, well, I didn't sleep last night, so I'm

(25:26):
not gonna do it.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
I'm also like, come on, thank just and can't sleep,
so shout out to zero, Like anxiety sucks.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
I'm not saying it doesn't suck. But it's just like
the son excuse to not show up. This guy says
it himself. I don't have a concrete reason for saying no,
but I have a concrete reason. It's you don't really
give a fuck about this person, and that is the
message being sent and there's no way around that. Yep,
there's no way around that. Now I'm having heart surgery.
That's a reason. That's a reason. This is not a reason.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
Okay, you're right, You're right. I don't know why. I
just felt the need to defend Ope, I feel you
because I do. I am ultimately like a person who's like,
you shouldn't do things you don't want to do. But
like when it's your fifteen years with a friend, because
even if it was like I've known this person for
three years, they're a friend of a friend, like any
other kind of relationship, but this sounds like it's his,
you know, brother from another mother, and like isn't showing

(26:14):
up for him? And that would hurt my feelings. But yeah,
I think I'm also just the type of person who
would be like, if you don't want to be here,
I don't want you here.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
Well yeah, I mean that's the thing too. It's like
it's like that I think we're gonna go back to
does this make you an asshole? And I'm like, to me,
this is so unfriendly, right, because that's the truth. That's
the truth. Like, as close as we are, Carla, if
you asked me to be whatever, if that was a thing,
it kind of is a thing. If you ask me
to be your bridesmaid, I would be like I would
honestly feel like I had to.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
I feel like I had to And I felt like
that and ben a bridesmaid.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah, and I'd be like, I'd be like, I don't
just suck it up and you do it. You're not
gonna be my grooms man. But I wouldn't do that.
I wouldn't. I feel like I feel like I had
to do it because I care enough about you that
I would do it, But I wouldn't necessarily feel the
mature reciprocate, which legally I'm allowed to do that.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, i'd say fuck no, Well I know, well, I'm
not going to have it.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
You would say, I'll do all the hard parts and
I'm happy to sacrifice, honestly for.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
A bachelor red party.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
I kind of had.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
I kind of had a similar situation like this where
one of my best friends had a bachelorette party and
we've been friends for ten years, and she was like, Hey,
we're gonna have a bachelorette party, probably in Utah something
like that, and I was like, okay, great, like that
sounds awesome, Like you're coming from here, I'm coming from here.
We're all meeting a comet. Then all of a sudden
it was like, Hey, actually we're going to Cancun and

(27:35):
it's going to be this date at this time. Some
of us are already sharing room, so you and the
other girl who live out of our state can like
plan to come. And I felt like an afterthought in
that moment. And I also was like the original plan
that I agreed to was going to a place that
was significantly more affordable. And also I just didn't want

(27:56):
to go to can Coon. I've been there, it's not
my vibe. I'm not but like the people I talked
to were like, yo, this is like your best friend, Like,
isn't it worth the sacrifice? And I'm like, first of all,
it's not in my means. I was on unemployment, but
you know, the whole thing of like you make it work.
You make it work when you love somebody. And I
was just like, but I came to the point where
I was like, I don't have the money, A and B.

(28:18):
I kind of just don't want to go. I really
want to be there for you, but this feels like
a completely different yeah scenario than what I thought this
was going to be. And that's valid because it's your
wedding and you get to do whatever you want. But like,
I can't promise if I could be there, yeah, And
I didn't go. But then I put all the money
towards going to the actual wedding in a different state,

(28:40):
and that was way better. But like, yeah, we had
to have a conversation when we saw each other, like
literally the day after the wedding, we had like one
on one time finally, and we like talked about it,
and I was kind of like, yeah, I felt like
an afterthought, but I wasn't going to bring that up
to you about your bachelorette party cause it's not about me, right,
it's about you.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
I think that's that's reasonable. Yeah, I mean I think
look to meet the social anxiety argument and this, I
really think this person is just communicating they don't care
enough to go, because like even when we start to
get into oh that destination is not ideal, it's like, okay,
well it's not really not the destination.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
But that's kind of what Op's saying too, where he's like,
I'd rather spend my money going on vacation elsewhere.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
I know, but that's kind of shitty to say. It is,
like you're already it is.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
I just like hard.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
I've been before, tourist trap.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
Als of budges, but my thing is sometimes right, So
this is where I flip, and I'm not really flipping
on my answer of I think whatever, but car the
Carla flip.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
I am also the person who's like, yo, I low
key haven't been on a vacation in years, and now
suddenly I have to spend X amount of money to
go somewhere. I don't want to fucking go.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
No, that's fair. I mean, that's that's good contacts. I'm
not having been able to afford a vacation for a
long time, You're asking me to go to the beach
I've been doing before. It's it's like a tough sell
that said I don't think he has any legitimate reason doesn't,
but I am stuck. I'm like, I guess what makes
him an asshole to me is he doesn't seem to
think that this is like gonna end the relationship, and

(30:19):
to me, that shows like you're just being an asshole
without realizing. Like if he said, like, I'm done with
this friend group, I'm not close with these people and
I don't want to go, I'd be like, well, sounds
like you don't want to go, so you don't care
about these people, So that is what it is. But
it sounds more like he's being like, you, I still
want to go to the wedding, and it's like, yeah,
that's that's that's not not necessarily.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
On table exactly. And that's what I don't like is
that he's literally going anyway. He could just be like, yeah,
I'll be a groomsman, but like, I don't want to
do this other shit. Yeah I want. You're important to me,
so yes, I will do it for you. I will
walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid, but I probably
won't do all this other stuff.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
I think that's shitty too, though he has enough a
compromise at least, but like, what's your reason? Like I said,
you have a fucking reason. You have reasons. You just
gave a ton of great reasons. If somebody said that
and then they were like, oh, you still have to
do it, I'd be like, well, they're being unreasonable. You
said your situation, But this guy's just like, I'd rather
go to your voice. I love the war, it's beautiful

(31:17):
in the fall. Top comment obviously, yt A, Hey man,
I know we've been super close since we were eight,
but I can't be bothered to be there for you
on one of the most important occasions. Of your life. Yeah, no,
a reason, I just don't feel like it. I mean
that pretty much sums it up and make him look good.
Other top comment this is the reason for the male
loneliness epidemic. I mean, then the friend even asked the

(31:41):
second time. She's laughing a little too hard at that
she's enjoying.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
That's just stupid. Okay.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
Then the friend even asks again, guys again, he has
two times? How humiliating to be the groomsman. Yeah, the
guy comes back again, and my friend took it as
a personal slid. And then it says I declined a
second time and he said I shouldn't bother coming at all.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
That is valid. Then if you asked the second time
and he still said no, I'd be like, Bro, No,
you don't want to show up for me, don't show up?

Speaker 1 (32:14):
Yeah, yeah, don't show up. That's you chose to show up.
I'm asking you to show up at a high level.
If you're not going to show up at that level
and then don't show up, I think that's kind of fair.
Antia for declining to be a groomsman in one of
my best friend's weddings. I think this guy is ultimately
being an asshole because he he does seem to think
that this is friendly, and that's my issue. It's unfriendly.

(32:36):
So if you're big unfriendly because you're done being friends,
then be done. But you're not done. He wants to
have his cake and eat it and fuck him for that.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
Yeah, white white, Tia soft whit, I'm joking about.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
Jar me on pat Complish Antia pols episodes. Every single
episode add free acurate timestaps, you know it, you love it?
Join us on there, tons of bonus content. Folks Aiita
for backing out on a night with friends we haven't
seen in a decade. We were invited to a mini
reunion of sorts. Probably twelve people were invited. I haven't
seen any of them in about a decade. The hosts
are lovely, but we live an hour away and I

(33:16):
suffer from chronic pain. Spouse really wanted to go, as
it was mostly their friends, but I wanted to be
the deep but I didn't want to be the designated driver.
That would mean sitting there in agony for god knows
how long and being the bad guy when I finally
say let's go. Driving is painful for me, and I
just didn't want to have to drive. I'm fine as
a passenger. Husband said, he drive, but I know it

(33:36):
would lead to just one beer two and not being
able to get out of there. While I could handle
the hour drive at midnight, I wasn't grouchy about it.
I said to go ahead without me. I know that
I'm quote ruining the fun night that would have ensued
for my spouse. They do a lot for me a
ton Aita should have just sucked it up in pain
and let my husband slash caretaker have fun. That's a

(33:58):
lot to unpack.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
It did a lot to unpack.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Caretaker drop got wild.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Yeah at the end at that, I feel like it's
also like her wordage of like let him have fun,
like he can have fun without you, Like I don't know.
I feel like him going alone is him having fun?
But what because he can't drink? Yeah, that's why she
wants to be able to like make sure that he
goes and can drink. Sounds like she's his caretaker.

Speaker 1 (34:26):
I mean the fact that she would use that word,
it makes me think, like this person is uh that already?
He said chronic pain speaking of valid reasons. Chronic pain's
valid reason.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
And I think saying caretaker. Maybe is nice because she
is aware of how much he does for her.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
Okay, I mean it's it sounds like a toughie. It's
always tough to tell. But let's just assume you know,
this person's in chronic pain.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
You know this.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
It's very hard for me because you guys know, I
don't like drinking, So it's just kind of like, yeah,
I mean, I'm sorry, you can't get fucked up, like literally,
that's that's all. Oh he did in my mind, and
I'm like, you can still have a couple of drinks
like a reasonable adult. They sound like probably a little
bit older, I hope if you're in chronic pain, you know,
but like God, it's like, yeah, bro go out and

(35:10):
have two drinks, order an appetizer, and then maybe have
a third drink. I think that's a reasonable night.

Speaker 2 (35:16):
Yeah, that was the reason. Over time. Absolutely does it
say how how old is the Ope?

Speaker 1 (35:20):
Again, they don't give us any age.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
It's giving a little older though, giving like I mean,
not really old. Ye.

Speaker 3 (35:28):
Yeah, So then I feel like that ask because like
people who are sort of a certain age us, that
sounds like a wild night to me already.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Well, I think she is doing a good thing by
knowing her own boundaries of hey, if I go, even
if he says I'm going to be the designated driver whatever,
Like she knows she's been in this situation where he
says that and then it puts her in an uncomfortable
position where she then has to take the reins. But
I also think there's a world in which she could

(35:58):
be there and like, nobody wants to be one's mom.
But you're like, John, you're not ordering the third drink
because you said you were going to be the design
intor driver, Like yeah, you know. So I think if
it's uncomfortable for her to go and she's not going,
like it is a bummer because I've been with someone
who I'm like, damn, like I want to have these
experiences together and I feel like she I don't know

(36:19):
if it's like she feels like he would be bummed
if she wasn't there because it is a reunion of
like sorts, or if she's just like, am I an
asshole because I'm not going at all? Because that's pain?

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Yeah? Well no, but that's the thing too about Ope,
that's my one kind of say oh quote, I'm fine
as a passenger huh.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, she said driving the drivers driving.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
The driver's seats a lot like the passenger seats, but it's.

Speaker 3 (36:48):
It's more engaging if they what if they just communicated
and got like an uber.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
But that's the thing. I don't know our away. There
must not be an uber are Yeah, the uber would
because prohibitive, it'd be crazy.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
But that's what That's why I'm like, Yeah, if she
knows she's gonna be in pain, like he can go
on his.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
Own, but she's fine as a passenger. That's a little
sus to me. I'm like, kind of sounds like you
just don't want to drive.

Speaker 3 (37:08):
I feel like, so, okay, this is what I was
gonna say initially, and I think I put the thought
together enough, so don't become long winded like I usually do.
So whenever Mark, I don't drink at all. Marcus does drink?
Your husband, Yes, so he drinks.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
He goes out a lot of times.

Speaker 3 (37:24):
We're hanging out with his friends, and like, you know,
I don't always want to be out late. I don't
have chronic pain or anything, but I also don't like
driving late, and I don't like being the DDE.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Sometimes they get like a little scared.

Speaker 1 (37:35):
Sure, you know, sure, but.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
Also Marcus is somebody who will kind of drive, like
you know, he'll be like, oh, I had three drinks
like two hours ago, saucy.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
Yeah, and like he won't. He won't, he would never
drive drunk or anything.

Speaker 3 (37:49):
But it's just like it's like I think when you're
like on, like I just I just think if you've
had more than one drink, you shouldn't drive. Like I'm
very I'm prudish this way.

Speaker 2 (37:57):
Well the other thing is too, like legally, if you
blow to a number, you're drunk, even if you're not
impaired or still.

Speaker 1 (38:04):
And that's not crude. Let me say, that's not prudisial,
that's responsible, that's responsible.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
Okay, yeah, okay, Well, and like I always drive and
he'll he'll always like, you know, do whatever. But I
just feel like if I'm not there, he would just
be like, well I'm fine enough and I would drive,
and like he might be fine, and I do have
faith in him to be fine, but it's just like
it does stress me out. And also I do get
a little fomo and it's like I want to spend
time with him.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
So what that being said, I I feel like he
should agree to not drink that much. Maybe, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
I think so. I mean, that's how I she could.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
Go because my husband does not drink that much. If
like I'm feeling nervous to drive, I was like, hey,
can you keep it under two?

Speaker 1 (38:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (38:45):
And then he'll like he'll just be like yeah, and
he can still have fun.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, I think so. I mean, there's a take I
really hate. It's so hackey. This is like this from
the eighties and I just saw it on TikTok. Somebody
freaking rebranded it, and it's like, oh, drunk garving's only
bad if you do it once, because you have to
do it a lot because you'll get good at it.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
And it drives me insane because I'm like, no, that's
not how alcohol works at all. Like you have impaired
reaction time, bro, Like you can't out drink that.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Like not only that, but it's really not only on you.
Like I know people who have gotten DUIs because somebody
hit them who wasn't drunk, regardless, they had enough drinks
in them where it read and.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
They didn't react or they they didn't be able to
be a proactive driver. Folks which driving at night in
LA is already you know, it's already terring.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
It's kind of terrible, That's what I was saying, And
like we have to hop on the ten.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Were often on the east side, and like if people
don't know about the ten, it's like that merger is crazy.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
It's great, there's crazy merges. There's also in LA is
kind of the asshole for this. There's a lot of
traffic patterns here where I'm like, Okay, I guess we'll
just die here, right, Yeah, And.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
They never have merged signs. There's literally times where I'm
just driving about on a lane and suddenly it's one
lane and I'm like, guess we didn't. We're not having
a merch warning at all.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
Or blind right turns are there. I can't really see
if anyone's coming. Hope they're not. Guess we'll find out.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
Non Los Angeles residents watch out for the one ten
period on the one ten is hell, the one to
a highland park.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
Yeah who bought that one? That I did that one
all the time last year?

Speaker 1 (40:18):
Oh god, yeah, to take this picture. You guys, they
built they clearly made this highway before cars could drive
fast and The exits are insane, insane.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
They're built for a go and the and the coming
in too or whatever.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
It's crazy.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
So they have stop signs. You stop at a stop sign,
and then you have to go from zero to sign
to freeway literally, and people are going sixty.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
People are going sixty. They're going to it's a real freeway. No, yeah, built,
we're going to get.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
To go into a private community. It used to be
a private highway into a private community. Opacity.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
That makes me physically ill. Yeah, I think for me,
this one is very much like, Babe, I want to
get wasted, and you need to be You need to
shut up.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
Yeah, but is he even complaining?

Speaker 1 (41:05):
It just seems like.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
She's like I feel bad because because is he? Is
he complaining? Is that?

Speaker 1 (41:10):
Well?

Speaker 2 (41:10):
No?

Speaker 1 (41:11):
But why is she backing out? I thought that's where
we had him. Why she backing out? She should be
backing out. He should just said, oh, babe, you don't
want to drive, no problem, you're It's like, no, he
wants to get fucked up. No, you don't have a
right to get sucked up. I don't think that's reasonable.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Is the question, is she being an asshole for not going?
Because I think we're forgetting that this is a reunion.
She hasn't seen someone in a decade.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
Some of these people, well, but she's she doesn't want
to go because of her husband. Her husband is going
to put her in a trap, right, and he's gonna
go big. Look, look I'm wasted. Can you drive?

Speaker 2 (41:42):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (41:42):
And I feel like that's on him.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, yeah, I agree in him, I agree. I feel
like that's as the constant d.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
D people do this all the time.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
And the thing is that she knew, she knows it's
happened enough time where she knows it's going to happen.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
It's going to happen.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
Top comment, gentle Yeta. Maybe more so for your spouse,
that would be a totally different verdict. Yeaheah for not
planning it better, for example, arranging for a hotel or
alternate transportation ahead of time. If driving's hard for you
in the best of times, it's odd for me. This
pre arranged meeting you haven't seen in decades, did involve
plans in advance that didn't involve you driving, dissenting NTA

(42:16):
as someone who suffered from chronic pain for two decades,
Sometimes there's just stuff you can't do. Other times, there's
stuff that you do because you suck it up and
it's going to be worth it. I'm not sure this
qualifies as one of those. Yeah. I mean, in my view,
this I'll rests on the husband and I just feel like,
I don't know, this is my personal standard. I know
some people like to drink. Some people like to drink.
I mean, we had Emily and Chris on the podcast.

(42:36):
They said they like to drink as a couple. Look,
that's their right.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
Yeah, but that's their god give right.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
But an as a non drinker, or even to a
house of two drinkers. If one of the people says like, no,
I'm actually not comfortable dating someone who is adamant about
getting fucked up and unable to drive, I think that's
pretty damn reasonable.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
I think it's reasonable. And I also from left field
feel like, obviously these people aren't worth opcing because if
they were people she really wanted to see, this wouldn't
be an issue and she'd be like, well, I'm just
gonna see what happens, right, But it's not worth it
for her. It's not so.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
Ata for backing tonight with friends we haven't seen in
a decade. I'm saying, not the asshole, and my husband
he's pissing me off.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
Agree, I agree, sauce.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Your fucking wank and TA that means, guys, please ar review,
subscribe to me on call slash a I t a pod.
How many bonus episodes Carla?

Speaker 2 (43:28):
Two hundred and fifty plus?

Speaker 1 (43:30):
There we go, she's on fire today and uh accurate
time stamps.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
Literally it's so hot in here and there. No, it's
just a little, but it's not.

Speaker 1 (43:40):
Accurate time stamps. Sons of juice. You know it? You love?
No ads, no ads, ad free. We're wrapping up on
AI t A for making my friend buying me a
whole new bathing suit after it was returned with a
shit stain. I F nineteen went on a girl's trip
to Miami with some friends. One of my friends F

(44:04):
twenty one will call her mia aske to borrow one
of my bathing suits. She figured out to pack one.
I was fine, so I let her wear a matching
two piece that I've only worn a few times before
giving it. I was aware she has ibs. Doun dun dun. Okay,
she's been open about it before, but I didn't think
it'd be an issue. I figured she'd take care of it,
and if something did happen, she'd be honest. Fast forward

(44:25):
to the end of the trip. She gives a bathing
suit back. I didn't look closely at it right away
because I just shoved it in my suitcase to wash. Later,
when I got around to doing laundry, I saw the
bottoms had a visible poop stain. I was mortified. It
was wash but like not well and although some of
the girls disagree, it was definitely ruined in my opinion.
I texted her about it, and she apologized, saying she

(44:46):
wasn't feeling great that day and she did her best
to clean it. But the fabric's light and thin, so
the stains just kind of there. I told her she
need to replace the bathing suit, and since the matching
bottoms aren't sold anymore, that meant getting me a whole
new one, she said. She said she'd only pay for
new bottoms because, quote, the top is fine. I told
her that doesn't work for me. The bathing suit was
a matching set and now I can't wear it at all.

(45:08):
She called me in considerate and said I knew she
struggled with ibs. A few girls are saying I should
have just said no if I didn't want to risk
something happening. They also say I'm being too harsh since
it's just a bathing suit and she didn't do it
on purpose. But I feel like if you ruin someone's clothes,
you should replace them period day.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
Yeah mm hmmm. I just want to say, first of all,
who goes to Miami and forgets to pack a bathing suit?
I already don't like.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
This as someone who just went to Las Vegas without
a debit card or and without a bathing suit.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
Went out a bathing suit.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
Yes, I forgot, and I forgot my passport and I
was worried it went for work. Yeah that's true, But
they said the real ID, you know, the real ID.
I good to get through security without any kind of
a real ID because.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
They're being fake. Everyone's fake. But also I thought the
real ID was only international now or is it.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
Just domestic lights domestic? You do have to go in
a line of shame. They put you in a separate line.
Oh but it was burbags as fast anyway. But yeah,
I mean for me, I think the question here is
if you ruin something, something you borrow, what's a reasonable return.
I feel like that's where she has her case. She's saying,

(46:17):
I'll replace what I damaged.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
Yeah, but the unfortunate thing is that you can't just
replace what you damage, so that pretty much makes it
completely damaged. If you're looking at a bathing suit as
a set and the bottom half is ruined, there's no
longer a bathing suit set anymore, and you can't buy
just the bottom. So I think that lady or a
girl needs to buy a whole new bathing suit, and

(46:42):
that really sucks. I have a really good story for
this that's like based on a friend who was dog
sitting okay, and she had never met the dog. It
was like a friend of a friend, right, they were like, Hey,
we're looking for someone to just like let my dog out.
My friend goes to let this dog out, not being
told that this dog has really high anxiety and is
really protective. And the dog bites her, right, bites her

(47:08):
on the leg, I think, or something like that, completely
like rips her pants. Everything. She had to be somewhere basically,
and so she was like I looked through the person's
closet because she was also like the same size and anything.
I couldn't find a black pair of pants anywhere, so
I literally went to the nearest store because I was
in such a rush, and I bought a pair of pants,

(47:28):
and then I asked the girl to reimburse me for
the pants. Right I would common sense the catches that
the nearest store only had two hundred and fifty dollars pants. Oh,
so then it becomes, hey, I'm not reimbursing you for that.
You could have gotten cheaper pants. She's like, no, I
couldn't because I had to leave and that was the

(47:50):
closest store. So I expect to be paid for the
service and for the reimbursement of the pants. And the
girl's like refusing to pay for the pants because she's like,
that's ridiculous. But it's like your dog bit me, dude,
you should be happy that I'm only asking you to
pay for the pants. I would pay for the pants,
but i'd be a little cranky about it. And that's
what I'm saying here is like the shit stained girl,

(48:12):
she has ibs. It's like it's sometimes things suck, but
you gotta like do it. And guess what, I bet
you're not gonna forget your fucking bathings whatever. Again, I
feel like.

Speaker 3 (48:21):
Yeah, sometimes like we have to pay, like, you know,
the parking tickets of life. It's a great analogy, good phrase.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
And that's my that's Pete thing, my dad Pete.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Can she go one minute without saying a name anyway?

Speaker 2 (48:38):
You're so close her.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
Father says of life, And my dad said, yeah, I
like it.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
Ahead, No, it's it's not a bad thing, but it's
not gonna be pis. Yeah, it's a petism. You're also, yeah,
you're sharing his wisdom.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
It's just like, you know, my dad always says, it's
just gotta pay the parking tickets of life, Pumpkin.

Speaker 2 (48:57):
You know, it's like it's like how you learn.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
It's like how you like, you know, become more empathetic,
how you can show more grace, and how you be
more careful with your own ship.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
Yeah, value your own ship.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
It's just like it's about valuing people, valuing their ship,
valuing their time, and like that is like that goes
very underrated. I think I think we're so protective of
like are.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Like, hey, like why do I have to do that?
That's not my responsibilit it's your responsibility because you knew
this about me, Like that's a crazy thing to say.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
It's crazy, it's unhinge, and like it's just like that's
not my responsibility to like check in with you to
make sure you're not shitting yourself in my bathing suit,
you know.

Speaker 2 (49:34):
And maybe that's harsh, but.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
It's just like if I'm if I'm going to ship
myself in your bathing suit, I'm just saying, and I
do have ibs. It's not like horrible, but I have ibs.
I have shipped my pants before. Yeah, exactly like me.
But I know that if and you know it, God
bless you, God bless you, Mama. I'm so I'm so
happy that you've Yeah, but I've had that whether it's

(49:58):
been like an allergic reaction. Yeah, but like if I
was wearing your clothes and I shit myself in your clothes,
I am not not only am I buying you new pants?

Speaker 2 (50:08):
Yeah, like I'm taking you out to dinner, Like that's
my responsibility. That's also something that bothers me about the
friend is that she didn't even tell her. She was like, yeah,
what if she probably won't notice types No, Yeah, that's terrible.
Like she literally was like I tried to clean it,
but she wasn't gonna say shit, no pun intended until
OPI found it. This is not an accountable person.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
I think there's a phrase here. It's something like the victim,
the victim gets the victim gets to be overpaid. I
think that's kind of the principle, because it's like when
the girl gets bit by the dog, she gets to
him for dollar pants because the victim gets to be overpaid.
Like that seems kind of reasonable, it's yeah, yeah, And
in this case it's like it is what's that.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
The parking ticket of light?

Speaker 1 (50:48):
Well see the party to get a life. It does
cause me some problems on further examination, because I am
in a I am in a fucking firefight with the
evil la.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
Oh yeah, but I mean it's not literal.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
Well, it's just sort of like, you know, sometimes you
just have to pay the ticket and then you just
don't make the mistake again, hopefully.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
I know.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
But they're evil, they're evil. You're right, you're right, Well,
you know what I mean. I don't want to normalize I.

Speaker 3 (51:10):
As a boomer when parking tickets were less and he's
never never lived in la.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
Okay, here's an example of applying, it's if you get
a parking ticket because you like want a convenient parking spot,
and you.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Know, you know, that's more of what I mean.

Speaker 3 (51:25):
It's just like you're parking in a neighborhood that has
permitted parking, and your risk in it to get the biscuits.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
Oh god, I hate la permitted parking neighborhood. Terrible top
Eddy so evil, it is evil. NTA she buys you
a new set and keeps the old one for herself.
That's fair. Yeah, that works win win, uh top descending comment,
sh she ruined it. She should have volunteered to pay
and not handed you a shit staying bikini and expected
you to be happy. But if I had a close

(51:51):
friend that that shit my borrowed clothes and had a
chronic health condition, I don't think this counts as a
chronic health condition rdable bows syndrome. I think that's more
of a it does actually chronic.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
It's chronic chronic.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
Because like there's like different there's different levels of ibs.
There's different levels of IBS. So I don't know what
level of IBS this girl has. Because sometimes you can
literally just sneeze and like shit comes out like I
don't have that kind. I'm like the kind where it's like,
I'm so nervous.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
Like chronic care is medical care focused on managing pre
existing or long term illnesses.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Yeah, long term.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
I don't think that refers to IBS though. IBS is
long term though, yeah, yes, But I don't think anybody
goes to chronic care.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
Look up chronic IBS.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
No, I understand that it's chronic.

Speaker 2 (52:36):
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (52:36):
I'm not talking about the medical ok Like, chronic usually
means something kind of heavy, not I have, like, well,
chronog osma of chronic allergies, Like Okay, I.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
Don't think chronic means the the weight of it or
like the intensity. It's just that it continues.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
Yeah, it's always a thing. Well yeah, but it means
persisting for a long time or constantly recurring.

Speaker 2 (53:02):
Yeah, that doesn't mean that when it occurs it's really intense.

Speaker 1 (53:06):
I know, but I feel like it kind of you know, right,
if somebody said I have chronic allergies, you're on board
for that. No, I have chronic dandriff. Well, that fits
the definition. It's persisting, Dan, I've had dander my whole life,
so now I have chronic Dandriff. It's like, no, you
just have Dan Driff. Yeah, I guess it's like kind
of ridiculous. Anyway, I think you need to compromise. If

(53:29):
you insist on compensation, just accept payment for whatever the
value of the bottoms were. No, but I don't think so.
I'm not with this.

Speaker 2 (53:36):
I don't think so either.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
Today she has to replace the whole bathing too, and
she needs to like really apologize to her.

Speaker 1 (53:43):
Trying to pass it off is also just another dirty,
dirty ding.

Speaker 2 (53:46):
That is shit.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
You're handing someone of your ship.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
My thing is also I'm sorry, but like how long
was the ship there? Because it should be able to
wash out? Yeah, unless you were wearing it all cant
shit crack can't just add even And I'm just using
us the example.

Speaker 3 (54:03):
Even if I use your bathing suit and I shat
in your bathing suit, I would clean it out immediately.
I would still even if there was no stain. I
would tell you, and I'd be like, let me buy
you a new bathing suit. Yeah, like that would just
be my first thing, Like, let me just I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
It's the right thing to do. I'll tell you. There's
also just something spiritually about like when I ship my
pants at Echo Park Lake. I just threw the trap
the pants away. It wasn't that they couldn't that's Fallid
potentially rescue them, but it was kind of like they'd
been spiritually soiled. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
I was going to say, it's also like, yeah, memory
that you don't want to remember.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
I don't want to remember.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
Well, he should try Zote Becausete gets blood out of anything, probably, Yeah, blood.

Speaker 3 (54:42):
In something that would bother me as much. For some reason,
I get that's that's valid because blood's fine.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
Blood is blood, and fecal matter is disgusting like blood,
like like we we have blood stains on their panties. Yeah,
it's just what it is.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
I don't know what Zote is.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
It's like a Mexican soap. It literally gets any stain
out of anything.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Our episode today is sponsored by Zoete and you wouldn't
have heard that if you subscribe on Patreon. A. I
t A for making my friend buy me a whole
new bathing suit after I was return of the ship
stain n t n t A. The victim must be overpaid. Yeah,
I agree, it's nd A. Well, guys, feel free to
plug away. Thanks for joining me, it's been fun.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Hell yeah, go ahead, Danny.

Speaker 3 (55:28):
I'm probably going to start fundraising for my short film.
And if anybody knows any local businesses that want to
text right off, m holler holler at my page at
Danny KOQUI.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
That's d A and I c O q U I
and let me know. Let's uh, let's have you pay
us intead of pay those taxes.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Baby.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
I like that you went into your radio voices.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Yeah, soothing.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
She's like hypnotizing you into following her at fun Underscore
k E E as always. I got a new comedy
pilot that's going to be coming out soon. I have
variety shows here in LA that are live. We're gonna
have a new location, and the two year anniversary is
coming up in July, which is wild. And other than that,

(56:12):
I post videos all the time, So if you follow
me on Instagram, you'll find my link tree which will
bring you to my YouTube. Sign up for my newsletter
because I'm really funny and I take a lot of
time to write them.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
Wait, you have a newsletter. I need to get on it.

Speaker 2 (56:24):
Yeah, I get on it. You didn't just automatically send
them up, Like, hey, you sign me up? That's illegal.
I looked it up. I have a lot of emails,
and I asked my lawyer friend, can I just put
all these emails on my newsletter? And they're like, it's
not a good look, but you did it to me.
You can do it, but it's technically illegal. You're already
signed up Dan, I know. I'll add you Danny both.
Danny's on the news.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
All right, guys, what you love. We'll see you next time.
Bieve boy,