August 25, 2025 • 49 mins
I'm joined by Sara for a great ep-a-roo. Hope you enjoy it and have an awesome week.
(0:00) - Banter
(7:45) - I get more food when Chipotle-ing under a man's name
(15:35) - AITA for having a micro-wedding?
(29:10) - AITA for telling my boyfriend he can't buy a dirt bike?
(40:11) - AITA for putting up a camera during my neighbor's pool build?
BEST way to Submit a sitch or comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITApod/
Email - amitheahole@gmail.com
Join Patreon! https://patreon.com/aitapod
What's on Patreon?
- 250+ Bonus eps
- NO ADS and accurate timestamps
- Complain and comment DIRECTLY to Danny :D
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@aitapod
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/aita_pod/
(0:00) - Banter
(7:45) - I get more food when Chipotle-ing under a man's name
(15:35) - AITA for having a micro-wedding?
(29:10) - AITA for telling my boyfriend he can't buy a dirt bike?
(40:11) - AITA for putting up a camera during my neighbor's pool build?
BEST way to Submit a sitch or comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITApod/
Email - amitheahole@gmail.com
Join Patreon! https://patreon.com/aitapod
What's on Patreon?
- 250+ Bonus eps
- NO ADS and accurate timestamps
- Complain and comment DIRECTLY to Danny :D
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@aitapod
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/aita_pod/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, everybody, Welcome to a I T A pod. I'm
Danny Vega, joined by the ex co host of comost
Sarah Levee. How are you the only time it's okay
to talk to your exes people as if it's co hosts.
Don't get confused, that's true.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Actually I talked to both both my ex co hosts,
both named Danny.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We love that you love a d You start a
pod and you go, give me a Danny. Literally, I
can't do it without a Danny.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
It's impossible.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
How is Danny? He's good? Yeah, King, I love that
I'm bad. So maybe you're one for two. No, I'm
I don't know what I I had. Well, I had
a little twist of fate today. I've been working so
hard on my little sour dough. It's a fickle, fickle
(01:00):
Oh the yeasty boys are and you know I've made
some loaves. Everybody will eat it like it's fine. It's
it's edible bread. But it doesn't look Instagram ready. It
doesn't look like this beautiful kind of like bouldous, crunchy,
wonderful boulet. I don't know how you say it, if
it's bull or boulet I don't know. It's one of
(01:22):
those bool anyway. So today I made my sour dough
and I got this beautiful bull. I get so excited.
I'm just I'm like, oh my god, it's the day
is finally here. I've finally done it. I've made like
artisanal sour dough and I finally tried it. And it
(01:42):
was the worst bread I've ever made. No, just a chewy,
gummy nightmare, just not sour bland.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
How does that like happen? Like is it raw or
like underproved? I got the two terms I've heard from
the British bay off.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah, I think it was actually overproofed because it's hard.
It it takes hot. Let me say, sour does a diva.
It's like sit with me, babe, say with me three
four nine hours because give me a cigarette and some
drama because we got all the time in the world. Honey,
You're like Jesus man, can you just like proof your ass?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah, it's like, oh, you want bread two days from now? Cool?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
No, for real, for fucking real, Yeah, because you have
to let it sit for forty eight hours. But I
guess you don't get that sour unless it's got some
whole wheat or rye in there. But see the whole
wheat in the rye was keeping me from my poofy bull.
So it's just I'm always fighting against against the yeast
and the bacteria armies. Oh bread, and then you can't
(02:52):
eat too much of it. These are the battles I fight.
So what's up with you?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
What is up with me?
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Uh? Nothing.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
We're sending our saved the dates soon.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
The only good kind of here we go, the.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Only good kind. Yeah, we kind of like, I feel
like we did something kind of risky in that we
ordered a proof and then I didn't like we didn't
like the coloring filter on the photograph, so we ordered
another proof without it. And then I was like, oh,
I feel like we should put our wedding website on there.
So I tinkered with a little bit of the font sizes,
like added the wedding website, and I was like, I
just don't have it at me to do another fucking proof,
So we just ordered a hundred of them. Bucket raw
(03:30):
ong in it like hopefully it's fine.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I'm sure it's gonna be great.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, it's not that serious anyway. It doesn't make me
that I'll stay on your fridge forever.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, I mean I cleared my fridge recently. It was busy,
busy with the ephemura of the past.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
My friend taught me that word, and so I bust
it out.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Sometimes that's a good word.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Ephemerah.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I feel like I finally got rid of like all
the holiday car It's I was like, okay, am I
ever going to look at this again?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Now? Yeah? I mean I keep most of it. I
have a big bin filled with my memories because you know,
one day I want to upload myself to the cloud
when I.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Die, just upload your consciousness.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
So I can live on as a really shitty AI
that people ask questions about, like what what the fuck? What?
That's not the answer at all. That's what AI is.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Now, Can you just give bread facts and like.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeasts, Yeah, this is how to make bread. Wrong if
you do do? Yeah, I feel like we didn't give
your std thing enough. So okay, wait, so.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
What it's not that serious?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
It's not that serious, but it's you know, we're marching
closer to the big event, yes, having like yeah, are
you are you anxious? Are you sleepless? Are you what's
going through your head? Is it like a focused intensity.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, honestly, nothing like Yeah, not that I don't like care,
but I am in a phase right now I don't care,
which is good, I feel like because I just don't
want to be stressed at all. So yeah, that's where
I'm at.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
We had our tasting, which was really fun.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Tasting the food that they're going to serve.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, we tasted like their whole menu, and I think
we end up choosing like, you know, one appetizer, a
couple of entrees. We tried like all the why was
I gonna call it happy hour? The cocktail hour? Like,
we tried those little past appies, the drinks, so everything
was really good. I just don't like my venue. It's fine,
(05:37):
I just I don't like the venue. But the venue,
the type of venue that I wanted, was either like
a million fucking dollars or just too small for our
guest size. So I don't know. Yeah, now that I'm
just like, well, I'm not gonna have the aesthetic that
I wanted. Like I just kind of stopped caring. Is
(05:57):
that bad?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I mean, I think I think you get caught up
on the details. But in the end, weddings about the
people who are there and enjoyah enjoying.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Them, right, I'm just like whatever, it's just a party. Like,
it's just a party, a party. We say some words beforehand,
so I'm just like, I don't know, I'm not really
putting this pressure on myself for it to be like
the best night of my life because it is going
to be fun. So yeah, we'll see. My mom is
very stressed and like trying to like not trying to.
(06:31):
She's shrying not to, but she ends up sort of
like putting it all, trying to, yeah, like put all
her stress on me somehow, And I'm just like, this
is annoying, Like if you can't be more stressed than me,
Like I'm the person doing all the stuff and I'm
the person getting married.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Like it's illegal, that's illegal. Mom, Relax. Yeah, well, good
luck with that. I hope. I hope your venue wins
you back over. But it is kind of funnier if
I know you hate it.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I don't hate it, but it just makes me sad.
That's kind of worse. But I know everybody else is
gonna like it. That's the thing that's kind of why
I just like ended up giving up because it was
like between two places, and one like I liked and
thought it was charming, but I was also like, it's
kind of cheesy looking, and then the other one was
like kind of soulless, but I could see people thinking
it a chic, so I just went with that one.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
There we go, yeah, before we go to ai Ta Town.
Sarah sent me this yesterday. It's from two x chromosomes,
which is a subreddit I do enjoy. It's kind of
what would you say, Sarah, it's kind of feminist.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
It is feminist. I went on that site because I
was like, I don't know, I was like in a
mood to be depressed and yeah what I was looking for?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, I think, yeah, well here, let's do it. This
is the post I get more food when I pre
order at a restaurant under a male name. I was
recently complaining to a coworker about how I always get
less beans than I wish for when I order in
person at on the restaurants like Chipotle. My coworker said
that a friend of his started pre ordering at restaurants
(08:06):
under a male name or a gender neutral name, and
now she gets way more food. So I gave it
a shot and welcome to getting more food. Wow, this
really surprised me, so I figured i'd share. I went
back to ordering under my own name because I felt bad.
But as a betweet, petite woman with a fast metabolism,
it's frustrating having to pay for extra portions when men
get that much just for being men.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
See, I never would have ever thought to do this.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
So what is what is on the spot? Mean? Like
they made they.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Like you go up to the calendar, like they see you,
they can see you're a small woman.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah. I read a book called Delusions of Gender, and
you know, this woman was a mega gender you know,
specialist expert is all she thought about. And she said
she thought she was having a boy, and then she
she learned it as a girl and right away she
went from being like, who's my soccer boy to being like, oh,
(09:04):
my little princess is so small, you know, like already
changing her tonality with the child.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, that's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
So yeah, I mean I felt like this this is uh,
that's how I see it going down. I guess it's like, oh,
you know Abigail dis ordered, you know, like they're actual
like or just came in for Abigail Ah it's probably
a little white girl, you know what I mean, give her.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
It's just crazy because I would have never thought I
would have never thought this happened. And honestly, at first
I thought this was funny. But this has actually kind
of ruined my day a bit because you're just like,
the depth, the depth of the implicit bias went to
a place that I didn't even think it existed. Why
(09:57):
didn't I think that? I don't know. I guess I
just don't like order to go at fast cattle restaurants often,
if at all, Like I usually will go up to
the counter. I also, I don't know, I don't eat
that much, so like I feel like I would never
need a double portion of carneitias or whatever we're talking about.
But yeah, just pretty depressing.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I'm sorry it ruined your day. I don't love to
hear that.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
It didn't like ruin my day. That's dramatic, but it
did make me. It just does. It actually just makes
me feel sad. Like I thought it was funny, but
and it is like kind of low level and silly.
But you're like, wow, it even goes to the low
level of silly places, and that's kind of sad and
also the places that you don't even know about, Like
I would have never ever have thought about this before.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Well, I think it's a lighthearted uh parable about implicit bias,
you know, and it's such a great I like it
because it's such a great example of like I don't think,
I don't think this is a bad person doing this right,
you know, over there and uh, you know Tuscaloosa chipolet
Jimmy is getting the order and he sees Abagail ordered,
and you know, he just thinks of her, maybe he
(11:03):
visualizes her. He just kind of like it. Just it's
unconscious or very subconscious, and he just does it a
little smaller. Then he sees Chad come in and he thinks, oh, Chad,
that's like a bad you know, a football player.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, maybe I should try this order for Chad. What
is like the most the name that would get you
the most food? Chad is a good one.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Uh you you just write your name is I'm going
to kill everyone in the Chipotle.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
There we go, Ted Bundy, if we have an order
for Ted.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Shack comes to mind.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Andre the Giant isn't he dead?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Freaking? Uh? The sun? Yes, the sun is here.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Hi yes, order for Lucifer, please.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Lucifer, the Milky Way galaxy. I don't know I've actually
largest celestial objects. You ever stay up that late?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
The sign? There's some crazy shit? No the sun? What
are you crazy? The sun is so small? Oh you
mean nearby?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Well, I just mean, like, is a galaxy an object?
Because that seems like a collection of many objects.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Oh, that's fair. There's people who have heated debates about
such questions. It's probably a black hole or some fucking
huge star.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Or your mom just kidding out of all there we go.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
But yeah, it's interesting that this. But yeah, I was thinking, like, okay,
but this is relatively circumscribed because I do believe if
you go to a restaurant, there's no naming, you know
what I mean, They're going like table thirty eight. So
it's it's kind of a I mean, yeah thing where
you get the name.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah, And like I mean, I was thinking, you know,
on my sushi orders, they're not going to give me
more sushi, although I'll try, because you know, you I
got nothing to lose. But and on a restaurant, you know,
they have their little frozen hamburger they take out of
the fucking freezer, and it's like the hockey puck size.
There's not really room. Maybe they'll give you like a
bigger scoop or fries, but not really because no, it's
(13:15):
like you put the table on the ticket. You don't
know who's getting that shit.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Their chef doesn't know.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
So this is a very specific thing and it's a
weird thing. Let me say that, because yeah, everything else
has kind of fixed portion sizes, and you see these
like things about Chipotle people complaining about and it's valid,
but it's just it is weird. Everything else is like
you're gonna order a burger, You're gonna get a burger.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Well, it is supposed to be fixed because it's like
one scoop. Yeah, you have the spoon, you make the
scoop like it's supposed to be one on one in one.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Well, if you get into baking, you learn you never
measure stuff by the cup or buy the scoop. That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Well, you do weight.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
You have to do weight, because who fucking knows, there's
a big scoop, a little scoops. Times to get some
air in your scoop. That it's the airy scoop.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
No good, no good. Maybe that's what's happening to Abigail.
She gets the airy scoops what somehow.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I actually, I mean this might be privileged talking, but
just because you know, I do have enough money for
food and when when when Neo baby over here, I'm
a Nepo baby. When I go to the food store
and then they give me so much, sometimes I wish
like they give me less.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Okay, I do wish I could go to restaurants and
order half portions of things because sometimes I'm like, I
don't want to spend twenty five dollars on a burger
that I'm going to cut in half and eat the
fries and then I take it home. But then it's
like I would just rather have half that.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Thing, yeah, or like stuff that's like really unhealthy. I'm like,
I want there, I need to get like a micro
cake slice. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I always do a kid's kid's cup of ice cream
because I just have no self control.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
So there's the kid's cup ata for getting more food.
And I career at a restaurant at her middle name
that wasn't what it was called. But more power to
the women who tell Chipotle that they're Chad or you know, shipmongus,
whatever it is you got to do.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
You know, let's start a movement.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Do it? Get more food?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Now, this was an interesting ATA Sarah sent along. Our
second story is at for telling my boyfriend he can't
buy a dirt bike first, please review subscribe ATA for
having a micro wedding. Now. Husband and I got married
four months ago. We've been together nine years. Neither one
of us has ever been interested in a large wedding day.
We have small immediate families, but larger wide wider families
(15:50):
and friendship groups. After the engagement autumn of last year,
we decided to go with a sooner rather than later
micro wedding ceremony. Both sets of parents and siblings plus
the one current partner of a sibling only to a
ten totaling ten including ourselves. Wow. So eight people. Around
Easter we were married in our local registry had a
(16:10):
nice meal. Contrary to the title of this post or
my future comments, we still wouldn't have had it any
other way. Personally, best day of my life so far.
Once we decided we would be doing our wedding, we
scheduled in a party style day to celebrate with wider
friends with sending out the information for this to the
wider friends of family, which happened before the wedding. We
had formed them at this time that this party would
be after the wedding day and that this is our
(16:32):
way of bringing our loved ones together celebrate in a
bit of a different way than normal. Years before we
were even engaged, we joke with friends and family that
we'd wanted to just turn up and be married. After
sending out these invites, we received a lot of messages
saying that they knew from back then that we'd be
having a small ceremony and that they're looking forward to
the party in the autumn. At this time, no one
(16:54):
gave off the impression that they'd been hurt by our choice. Naively,
since we decided to not involve anyone in the day
in the day bar bar parents and siblings, and we
are having the party celebration aspect later on, we assumed
that no one would have the opportunity to feel left out.
There's no step parents or half siblings. That all grandparents
(17:14):
have passed, so there's generally no one who was excluded
from the ceremony in that sense. Cut to this month,
two friends of ours for many years got engaged at
the start of the summer. We found out from a
mutual friend that the saves and dates had been sent
out for a wedding day late next year, but we
hadn't got one. From speaking to the couple shortly after
their engagement, this is going to be a big one
(17:35):
day wedding in which they expected to exceed two hundred
and fifty guests. Well, the next time we saw the couple,
before we could even bring it up, they said that
they didn't want to get wires crossed that we would
not be invited to their wedding. Woof, it's been a
hard decision, but given we'd had our ceremony had chosen
not to include them in it, they now understood how
our friendship sat it didn't feel obliged to include us
(17:57):
in their planning. As a result, this led to a
long and emotional conversation at which we tried in vain
to reiterate that our decisions were not related to friendship levels.
We came away from the conversation respecting their decision, but
affirming they're still invited to our celebration. Later in the year,
in speaking with a friend about this situation, yesterday, she
said that if she was being brutally honest, had she
(18:19):
and her husband been married after us they got married
a couple of years ago, she'd now think twice about
inviting us to the wedding, because while she knows there
was never going to be a big ceremony, it was
still sad for her that she didn't get to see
that moment, and if she was feeling vindictive or if
it came down to numbers, she'd feel less obliged to
include us in the day. Although this was a much
(18:40):
more balanced conversation than the first on the topic, I've
come away surprised that we've inadvertently hurt people we care
about deeply because of this choice. A ia I change.
This is on relationship advice, but whatever.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, it was just on weddings or something. But this
is interesting because like I don't really understand, like, listen,
everybody has a right to their feelings, blah blah blah,
But like, I don't think any one friend has a
right to be offended necessarily because all the friends were excluded.
So it's kind of like that to me seems like
a very clean dividing line.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah, I don't quite think that's the objection. Though the
first group of friends seem to say that more, which
I thought was whack. Yeah, I don't think that's a
good attitude to have, and that's frankly very self centered.
And I think most people will be easy going to
just be like, Okay, you wanted a small wedding, you're
(19:41):
having a celebration. I'm invited to that whatever, And that's
a reasonable response.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Here's the thing, Like, on the one hand, I do
It's like I don't know because on the one hand,
I think they divided this like perfectly. I think there's
kind of like no arguments. Like if you were a
first cousin and you got offended, I could give you
like some leeway because that's still family. But this was
only immediate family. Like it just feels very It wasn't
(20:09):
like oh this one close friend and like whatever. But
then I think about, well, if you want a micro wedding,
why also have a big celebration.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah exactly. It's like you kind of are still saying
like I kind of hate this term, but chosen family
you got Like you're kind of saying like, my family
is the only ones I want at my wedding. Well,
you are saying that, you are saying that, you are
saying that, and there was a wedding's and I think
(20:41):
that's fair.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
I think that's like totally fair. But then it is
also just like, well then what is the rationale? But
I get okay, But then part of me like, I
do get it, because like you know, when you have
a wedding, to plan a micro wedding, I'm sure was
like reasonable, Well, if you were to then try to
have a wedding with a reception and a ceremony for
(21:07):
like two hundred people or whatever, like that cost is
just astronomical, So if it was coming from a cost perspective,
I would understand. They don't say that that's why, So
I'm kind of like assuming that that's really not the reason.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yeah, it really kind of seems to be fair to
the poster. I think they were more wrote this as
a PSA to people to be like, hey, totally this
is going to have implications, so yeah, change it to
an aita. But I actually just thought it was really interesting.
I don't think it makes you an asshole to do this,
but I do think that the people who are hurt,
(21:45):
I think hurt might be the wrong word folks. That's
how Opie's frameding, like they were hurt by your choice.
It's like really hurt necessarily, but like you're kind of
conveying like still like yeah, I didn't invite you to
my wedding, Like that's still ultimately being conveyed. There's really
no way around that.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
It's true. I don't know, though. I don't know because
it's like I could I could understand like the micro
wedding and then the reception, because like you could throw
a much cheaper party for like two hundred people, but
once you say it's a wedding, it's like a million
dollars more. But yeah, I don't know. I just feel
(22:31):
like the first group of friends is being like really vindictive.
I do think they're being vindictive.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
The first group lost me.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
But I think it's like you have the room you're doing.
Sorry to interrupt, but like you have the room, you're
doing this big traditional wedding, like you're still invited to
their party, so so yeah, you are just being vindictive.
But the other people, the.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Other people are kind of not wrong, you know. It's
like it's just not the same. I mean, look, I'm
doing the math in my head, right now, Okay, I
have some friends. They're very you know, they're like, you know,
we have we have different orbits with my friends, you know,
like you're I actually don't know anything about planets. This
is a dangerous what's the first planet, Mercury, Yeah, Mercury,
(23:15):
Like I want to invite my Mercury's. What's the second one? Venus?
They got over there Earth, that's a third planet, you know.
But we got some friends over there, and like Urinus
and Sadder, they're way the fuck out there. But this
is horbit. And I've got a couple Saturns out here,
you know. And one of them invited me to their
real wedding. Invited me to their real lass wedding. It
was at a bit of beautiful, and the other one
(23:37):
invited me to their celebration. And when I think about emotionally,
the pressure to reciprocate, when I think about my wedding,
when I marry one of my one wheels, I think
there is I feel it, I feel it in my
heart more pressure to invite the real wedding person.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Now that's kind of a good point, And I wonder,
if I wonder how much of that is because weddings
are expensive, and like parties are also expensive, but a
fraction of the cost and just like less pressure. Like
you're just like, because a lot of my friends did
this thing, but that was because of the pandemic. So
I'm obviously not begrudging anybody, but like a bunch of
(24:21):
my friends like eloped and then did a party later on,
and I guess there was kind of less pressure to go.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, I mean, I think the pandemic was an extraordinary,
obviously thing. Yeah, but I think, look, here's here's the thing.
And I think I think a lot of us, you know,
myself included, are like, tradition is bullshit, These are arbitrary.
But with time I've come to realize, like, not every
(24:48):
tradition is bullshit. And I do believe decorum as its place.
I do, yeah, And I think what you call it
a celebration, it's just a big party. You're not bringing
the decorum, you're not bringing the seriousness, you're not bringing
the gravity toss. And that's that's your right, it's your day.
It's just that when I'm going to do that for
(25:09):
my thing and you didn't do it for your thing,
and you didn't invite me to, or you didn't invite
me to that part. It's just like, yeah, it's like
it's going to be a thing. It's gonna be a thing.
You're going to have to me. This whole post is well, well, well,
if it's not the qus of my actions, it's like.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yeah, I mean I get Iop is like surprised by
this reaction, but now that you say it, I guess
it's just like, yeah, like just a big party. It's like, look,
the people who want to be there will be there,
But I guess for the people on the fringes, they're
kind of like, well, this is like this could be
a birthday party, this could be like anything, and they don't.
(25:49):
It's like this could just be any other event that
they like maybe don't want to go to that badly.
Whereas for a wedding, you're like a final pay like
five hundred dollars to fly there, and you know they're
three hundred dollars for a hotel. But if it was
just a party, you're kind of like, m I could
skip it.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah exactly, that's a fucking party. So you're having a party.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
And I also think it's kind of I don't know,
wild to message that to your guests of Hey, we
had this wedding you weren't invited, but we would like
to celebrate with you later.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Yeah, I mean it gets conveyed, you know. I don't
know that they said it quite like that without.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Me, of course not, but they literally were like, oh,
we did have a micro wedding, like the actual ceremony,
and now we're like, I don't know. Obviously it's like
you can't have it a secret because that would just
be terrible and blow up in your face. But I'm
just like I don't know how to message that, and
just like we eloped and now come celebrate with us.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I don't know. Yeah, I mean there, I don't know
how you did you say we're having a celebration and
I know, like why are you married? Like the question's
going to come up.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
I do kind of think like none of neither of
these people are really that good friends, because if any
of my friends did that, I'd be stoked, Like you know,
I just I yeah, I think it is unfortunately revealing,
but I think that's true about like weddings in general,
like even if you do the whole ceremony thing.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think what this
is it's just made of like, yeah, you do stuff
like this, and yeah, I think you nailed it. People
on the it's going to affect the people on the fringes,
and ultimately, like you can't really you got to leave
people out. Let me say that, by the way, it's
okay to leave people out sometimes. I know we talked
(27:37):
about excluding people is mean, but like, to be honest,
having a wedding with two hundred and fifty people, it's
like it's absurd.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
That sounds terrible because then you just like have to
spend your whole time saying hi to people.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Exactly, and that gets ridiculous too. And then it's like, well,
what are we really here for? Are we here to?
Are you here to tell everyone that you got a
bunch of friends? Is that what you need?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Like I believe, well, unless it's like a culturally like
a big wedding, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yeah, it's there, right, but I mean it just does
get a little ridiculous, Like we all have the same
twenty four hours in a day. You expect me to
believe you're close to this many motherfuckers like haard Oh.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Then no, it's like always just a family thing. Of like,
and I'm running into this with my family and its
just like, is fucking annoying because it's like, oh, you
went to this friend that you don't even talk to
anymore's child's wedding like two years ago, so that means
I got to invite them. But they went to my
brother's wedding five years ago, So shouldn't the chain end,
like the obligation change would be over. But it just
(28:32):
like ping pongs back and forth until everybody fucking dies.
Like it's ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yeah, I mean, that's that's what's weird to me. Like,
I mean, I guess I'll deal with it. But like
parents being like I want you know, you got to
invite this guy. I'm like, I don't want to invite
your your guy. Why I know that's your guy. Isn't
that to do with me?
Speaker 2 (28:52):
It's annoying. I'm trying to be really cutthroat about it.
But like, if your parents are contributing, unfortunately, it's kind
of like you only have so much room to say
no exactly.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
They buy their way in. It gets to such a
point interesting discussion. Let's get to aita town Ai ta
for telling my boyfriend he can't buy a dirt bike.
Me twenty eight f in my partner twenty five m
just had a fight about him buying a dirt bike.
(29:23):
We've been together for two years and recently decided to
move in together to my apartment as we wanted to
get serious about saving for a house. Contacts. I make
fifty five k and he makes about eighty five to
one hundo oh difference also relevant. He has made some
big purchases, including this year, including a car, new car, motorcycle,
(29:46):
all the gear, including a two thousand dollars helmet. He
also owes about thirteen hundred for an upcoming vacation or
planning on taking next month, which he had told me
he will pay later. Before we committed to living together,
we decided to do a one month trial to make
sure my apartment would work for the both.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
He told me he didn't have enough money to pay
for two places at once, or even contribute a few
hundred dollars to help offset the extra costs, so I
offered to pay the bills and rents at my place
for the first month while he covered things at his
until he moved in. I had some emergency expenses this
year that had unfortunately drained my savings. So we both
knew that me paying for everything but the two of
us would be tight. But I thought it was just
(30:30):
a month and there was no use in us both
being stressed about money. And I never expected him to
help or offer to help with my personal expenses, but
just to be aware that I'm not in a position
where I have much cushion to take on extra costs. Okay,
so she's just paying the bills and rents at her place.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
It seems like they're both paying their own rents while
he's living in her apartment for one.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Month because it's a trial. Okay, So we get to
the dirt bike. Recently, he saw a reel about many
dirt bikes and was talking about how funny we be
and how it's only thirteen hundred dollars. I was annoyed
because he had previously told me he didn't have the
money to help with our shared expenses or pay me
back for the trip, and asked if he had the
money for the bike, and he laughed and told me
he has about forty grand, which was shocking to me.
(31:13):
I snapped and told him that if he had the
money to blow thirteen hundred on a dumb toy as
a joke. He had the money to help with the
bills or at least pay what he owes me. Now
here's where I became an asshole. I lost my shit
and went off about his spending habits. I told him
he just bought a motorcycle not even a year ago,
and he'd only been able to ride it for five months,
plus a new car, plus thousands on gear and mods.
(31:34):
Now he wants some other loud toy that we don't
even have room to store. I snapped and told him
he spends the money hand over fists on stupid stuff
on a whim, and after two weeks of having his
dirt bike, he'd be on to the next obnoxious thing.
And said, it's so messed up that you expect your
girlfriend to struggle pay all the bills while you live
here rent free and blow all your money on fun
things for yourself, and pointed out iron half of what
(31:55):
he does. He's annoyed because I'm going back on my word,
and he says we made a deal that I pay
for things this month, and I shouldn't police how he
spends his money, and if he has the money should
spend it on what he wants, and he'll contribute to
the shared expenses when his lease ends. We agreed. As
we agreed, I feel taken advantage of because I made
that deal because he told me he didn't have the
(32:16):
money to contribute to our place while paying for his apartment.
At the same time, I feel like he knew he
had the money to help pay for some of the
expenses this month, or at least paying me what he
owes me for the trip, but he purposely misled me
and let me struggle and stress over making ends meet.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
AIA, Okay, was this on two X chromosomes because I'm
about to go into a rage blackout?
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I no, No, I don't think so. I think this
was a really ita.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Wow. I don't even know what to say, but I mean,
I don't even think we needed to read that situation.
Once I saw she makes fifty five k, he makes
one hundred k a year and they're moving into her apartment,
I was like, Nope, immediately, Nope, there's no good reason
for that, Like unless she lives in the coolest area
and there are no other apartments in that area. No,
(33:07):
because because she lives in a worse apartment because she
had probably because she has a lower income. And yeah,
I'm just like, what is the reason for that?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
That does seem odd?
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Yeah, it was immediately. I was just like, immediately, that's
like a red flag where it's just like what's going on?
And then I mean the one month trial, I was
just kind of like, well, listen, now, this is why
you have a trial.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah, I guess I'm a little confused as it seems
like she can't afford it. That's where I'm getting confused.
Why she's so tight.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
So that's a good question. And like, frankly, I don't
necessary like I kind of think her rent is kind
of a sunk cost in this trial where it's like
he should contribute, but if he genuinely he didn't have
the money to pay like one point five rents, let's
say I could understand, but he clearly does have the money,
(34:08):
but if he didn't, it's like okay, well, like you know,
look as long as like groceries are being split up evenly,
which I doubt they are, but let's say they are.
You know, people love to like nickel and dime of like, oh,
your boyfriend stays over one night a week, like he
has to pay more for the electricity bills and you
just like get a grip like that's just not how
(34:30):
these utilities work. But yeah, I mean yeah, everything else
is just I'm ready to throw out the A word,
the FA word. I mean this is this feels financially abusive.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Interesting. I don't know if I quite see it that way,
but I think we're on the same page. I mean,
I'm just like, bro, like you're just putting your girl
in a tough spot.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And why is she fronting thirteen hundred dollars for their vacation?
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, you over the thirteen hundred. Like, don't make someone
chas you for money when you have forty grand liquid.
That's fucked up. But yeah, mainly I'm just like, yeah,
I don't I just don't understand this attitude of like
being so penny pinchy and difficult about money. It's like
(35:16):
it's sick. It's sick people are It's like, bro, like,
why why would you let her struggle like that? Like
help her out?
Speaker 2 (35:24):
I mean that's why I think it's abusive. Like I
think this is someone who doesn't actually see their partner
as an equal, uh, and like just wants to take
advantage of them, like he's doing it repeatedly.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, I mean he's all The fact that he's there
is also very difficult. I'm like, so this is a trial,
but you're there, so it's like you are using it
kind does yeah do something? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (35:49):
And like again, she makes so much less than you,
Why is she putting down money for this vacation? Like
you're saying you can't afford it it, So you're you're
lying about how much money you have. Why you're lying
to avoid paying for this. I hope she cancels that trip,
(36:10):
kicks him out. At least it is a trial and
you don't have a lease or anything together. She thinks
she's the asshole, because I mean, yeah, I just don't
think she was the asshole at all. Like she was
just like, yeah, you spend her responsibly, Like I don't, Yeah,
that's not it. I don't care. I'm not gonna call
(36:30):
her that whole.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
I think she's yeah, I mean she's reacting viscerally because
it's like he's just so gitting in her face with
how much money he has. You have a motorcycle and
you're buying a stupid thirteen hundred dollars dirt bike. You know,
it's like help help, Why aren't you helping? He's annoyed.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Yes, he's annoyed because I'm going back on my word
because we made a deal that I pay for things
this month, and I shouldn't police how he spends his money,
Like his money is his money, but her money is
also his money. Like fuck this guy.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Yeah, I think this is just even though the arrangement
is a little bit weird, I just feel like he
needs to do more.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah, no kidding, but he's being like a baby. I
don't know if I'm doing more.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
I don't know if I'm for this trial period stuff either.
I don't know how I feel about that.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
No, but in this case, I'm kind of glad they
did a trial period because hopefully she can realize that
this is not someone she should move in with before
they're actually like tied with a lease and legal documents
and stuff.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Yeah it's worse.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Yeah, yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
I'm kind of like, if you feel like you need
a trial period, it's kind of like it's giving like
prenup when you don't need a prenup. I'm like, either
commit to living together and don't live together. You're gonna
do it or not, like you're gonna have to work
through some stuff.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
I kind of think everybody should have a prenup. But
I agree with you on the second half of what you're.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Saying, Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
I just think if you're already going to going into
like a lease, which is a one year agreement with
like such cold feet, like maybe this is a sign
deep down that you know that this is not going
to work out. Like when I moved in with Ryan.
You know, obviously people are I believe you should have
lived together before marriage, like whatever the Christian influencers could
come from me, I don't care. But like at the
(38:31):
end of the day, like there weren't any huge surprises.
I would say, yeah, because we had been dating a
lot of time, and like I'm like, I kind of
understand how you live. Like I wasn't like, oh my god,
he does this like really weird thing.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Yeah, you knew the vibes.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I kind of knew the vibes.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
These are young people. I mean, this guy's brain just
finished loading. So I think he's being a douche. I
think I think.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Honestly, like, oh she's older than him.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
Yeah, I don't love that.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
It's act he's acting like fuck this guy.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Being very rigid and like legalistic as he's being I'm like, well, well,
I have some understanding for her situation and to drop
up money is real here. I feel like a gap
between fifty five K and one hundred K is like
kind of like the gap that gap. That's a big gap,
because the gap between one hundred K and two hundred K,
(39:22):
for instance, is much bigger. But that's that's where money
becomes less. Real money is very raw. Fifty five K
that is a real money.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Yeah, that's why I'm saying. I'm like, you have two
people are going to move into a fifty five K
apartment versus her moving into his apartment, which, like I mean,
I don't know, because maybe he's he sounds like he
could be in debt or just like spends really terribly,
So maybe he lives in a shoe box so that
he can afford his spending habits. But I don't know. Realistically,
(39:50):
I'm just like, with that income, you can probably afford
a bigger place.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
Antia for time. My boyfriend he can't buy a doorbike.
I think there's really no disagreement here. We're on the
same page, not the asshole he is. Yeah, all right,
folks for going back to shed town with this interesting
neighbor conflict.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Oh my god, okay.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
Ai ta for putting up a camera during my neighbor's
pool build and then overhearing him say he hates us.
I'm baffled by a recent encounter with my neighbor what
I overheard. I live in the US suburbs and it's summer.
Replaced my ac in March, which was a significant investment.
(40:34):
Are new six months neighbors. In May. They informed us
they were putting in a pool. This is our first
encounter with them. Pool company asked to use the path
between our houses and gave us a poorly written liability
waiver with inconsistent references. I saw that as opportunity to
be a good neighbor and reworded it to be more clear,
sent it back, which they appreciated. A few days later,
(40:55):
the neighbor's wife asked to me in person to discuss
the timeline it concerns. My wife mentioned our new AC
unit and asked that machinery avoid the condenser. We also
requested their work vehicles not park in front of our house,
since we have regular services that need access. I have
an old Google camera that I used for a video
feed of the AC unit in case anything happened. I
(41:18):
put it in a window in a conspicuous occasion so
everyone knew it was there. Over the summer, nothing happened
and we had no contact. Last week, my wife asked
about repairs to our grass and sprinklers. The neighbor's wife
said the project was delayed but should finish in a
few weeks. All were polite. This brings us to our
most recent encounter. Yesterday, around five pm, a work vehicle
(41:38):
with a trailer arrives and parks directly in front of
our driveway. The workers opened the trailer and started doing
their work. The truck was labeled for a specific service
and another crew had been on site recently to perform
the same service. I was mildly curious, as I didn't
think it was the same company as my wife and
I had out to take our evening walk with our dog.
My wife asks how long will they be there, and
they respond they are about to leave. The interaction was
(42:01):
no more than five seconds. As we arrive home, they
are leaving a neighbors heading inside the house. We have
a driveway camera. I was curious if I could listen
to their convo and hear why another company was here. Yes,
I was nosy. What I hear is not that it's
my neverbitating about us to these workers. He talks bad
about us, mentions the camera. I can hear him say, man,
(42:24):
I do not like those these new neighbors, both of them.
We debated a bit. I don't know what he means
by that. We came to the conclusion it means us
and his other neighbors. I've taken aback. We've barely spoken.
My wife has had maybe five back and forth taxa
one in person combo. We've never spoken to him personally.
My daughter says she has talked to him once and
passing hello. I'm honestly not sure what I should do.
(42:46):
As I see it. We've done nothing to him. There's
never been a personal interaction. So I'm here to ask
a bunch of internet folks. Aiita.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
I mean, we have as much info as you, sir,
and you have no infos. So what do you want
us to do?
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Yeah, I have some suspense about what this person did.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
I mean, this is like like you're clearly nosy, Like
you put a camera to look at your AC.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Unit, okay, and you found nothing that was intense.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
No, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
Yeah, I'm on your side.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
Yes, yes, I'm like, it's not a precious heirloom or
something like, it's your AC unit.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
It's an AC unit. The other serious, the other thing
they bothered me is gave us a poorly written liability waiver.
I saw that as an opportunity to be a good neighbor,
and reworded it to be more clear and sends it back.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
I mean, well, I think that's like a little bit condescending,
but also like, I'm not going to sign some shitty
legal document no liability.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
I'm not mad at him for doing that. I think
that's reasonable. I wanted to be well worded in the
well that I'm more just like, I don't think that
was an opportunity to be a good neighbor. I think
that was an opportunity to fix a legal document that
you had an issue with, which is totally valid, but
not good neighborly.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah. And coming from that position of like, oh, I'm
being a good neighbor, it does feel kind of haughty.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Exactly. It's like oh, yeah, you're such a good person.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Like, no, you're just protecting your own ass, which you
should do.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
But honestly, this guy's kind of like why not they
like me. I'm like, well, I think I know why
you don't have a personal relationship and you haven't exactly
been easy going anything wrong, But like I kind of
feel like this is something you would jokingly say. You're like, yeah,
I hate these people.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
It's always something with them that's true, And like you're
literally keeping tabs of what companies they've hired to do
what portion of the work, and now you have to
listen like your nosy, and like they can like your
nosy and you're not that slick, they can clearly pick
up on it.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Yeah, I mean, like I think this is like I
think a debate we've had before along the lines of
like passive aggression, but like setting up a camera in
that way, it's like I put the way for a
video feed up the AC unit. I guess that's OK.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I gotta watch my precious AC unit when I'm out.
That just signals that it's like you like you obviously
are waiting for your neighbors or they're like construction team
to like do something that's gonna fuck up your ac unit.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
The other thing the OP does is insists that they
not park in front of his house. Now, I've seen
a lot of tiktoks about this because people will park
in front of someone's house and then someone comes down
and goes, you can't park here, and they're like, yeah,
I can, now you can't park here as it is
our house. No, I know it's your house, but I
can park here. I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not your driveway. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Yeah, they're like, we have regular services that need access.
What services? Literally when you read that part, yeah, I
was like, seriously, what services do you have? You know
the truck is blocking your driveway, then it's a problem.
You tell them to move it. But yeah, like I
think if you're having a party, you kind of warn
your neighbors, like, hey, you know people are gonna be
parking down the street.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
Yeah. I honestly feel like that might be it because like, yeah,
probably like this guy and his wife's like, well, I
mean he's just covering his ass all right now. He's
saying we can't park in front of his house. That's
not his right to say no.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
But it's okay to park in front of other people's houses, Like,
fucking we live in a society. That's how I feel
about the shed as well. We live in a society.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Top comment rights nothing because the person I'm honestly not
sure what I should do. Nothing, there's nothing to do.
Not everyone is gonna like you. They're not coming up
to your face and causing problems. They were talking to
contractors and had no reason to believe you'd hear the conversation,
So just move on. My wife is considering a confront
of the neighbor's wife, right, so.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Oh, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (46:34):
So they already don't like you, but your wife is
going to go tell them that you overheard them on
your spy camera. Yeah that's gonna go great.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah no, don't do that, just be nicer. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
Yeah, I just really do feel like this. This person
is just like, why do my neighbors hate me? Besides
all the stuff I did that wasn't likable at all relatable.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
That's so real, you know, like you just really did
nothing to curry favor. I don't think like we accept
all the legitimate reasons. I think that's just someone who's
like really not aware, like, yeah, you really think all
of these like petty things that you did when undetected,
like we could tell based on an account that was
probably written to favor you.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Yeah, even with your picture painting bullshit. We're like, nah,
I don't think so. Yeah, don't park in front of
my house as an asshole position watching your ac unit
like as aescension being or the Crown Jewels is weird.
You cross the line. I don't think you and your
wife are as play as you think you are. Yeah,
(47:35):
I agree, Yeah, I mean I just feel like these
little things are aggressive, they're they're it's giving difficult, you know,
and I maintain what I've been saying along these lines.
I'm like, you really probably don't want to be on
your neighbor's bad side. I just think that's a bad idea.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Yeah, I think so too, you.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
Know, like bring some cookies over, bring some sugar over,
do something, get on their good side, and then like
like you know or like I don't know, it's just
recognizing too, Like people are not gonna like you if
you set up a camera to redo your thing, Like
that's not gonna gain you any points.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
I don't feel like that I don't feel like this
this op like necessarily did anything wrong. I do feel
like it's a YTA time served. I mean, listening to
the conversation is kind of I think that's a little
fucked up.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Yeah, but I think it's like you kind of played
stupid games. You want a stupid prize, don't go use
that stupid prize to like force a confrontation.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Play another stupid game.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
Yeah, just just take your prize and go. You're done,
You're done playing the carnivals. Close.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
YTA time served. Another asshole neighbor eats the dust. Sarah,
Thanks for joining me today.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Thanks for having me. This was fun. You will be
invited to my non micro wedding.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Hell yeah macro wedding baby. Yeah. All right, folks, we'll
see you next time. Bye.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
Aye,
Hi, everybody, Welcome to a I T A pod. I'm
Danny Vega, joined by the ex co host of comost
Sarah Levee. How are you the only time it's okay
to talk to your exes people as if it's co hosts.
Don't get confused, that's true.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Actually I talked to both both my ex co hosts,
both named Danny.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We love that you love a d You start a
pod and you go, give me a Danny. Literally, I
can't do it without a Danny.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
It's impossible.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
How is Danny? He's good? Yeah, King, I love that
I'm bad. So maybe you're one for two. No, I'm
I don't know what I I had. Well, I had
a little twist of fate today. I've been working so
hard on my little sour dough. It's a fickle, fickle
(01:00):
Oh the yeasty boys are and you know I've made
some loaves. Everybody will eat it like it's fine. It's
it's edible bread. But it doesn't look Instagram ready. It
doesn't look like this beautiful kind of like bouldous, crunchy,
wonderful boulet. I don't know how you say it, if
it's bull or boulet I don't know. It's one of
(01:22):
those bool anyway. So today I made my sour dough
and I got this beautiful bull. I get so excited.
I'm just I'm like, oh my god, it's the day
is finally here. I've finally done it. I've made like
artisanal sour dough and I finally tried it. And it
(01:42):
was the worst bread I've ever made. No, just a chewy,
gummy nightmare, just not sour bland.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
How does that like happen? Like is it raw or
like underproved? I got the two terms I've heard from
the British bay off.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah, I think it was actually overproofed because it's hard.
It it takes hot. Let me say, sour does a diva.
It's like sit with me, babe, say with me three
four nine hours because give me a cigarette and some
drama because we got all the time in the world. Honey,
You're like Jesus man, can you just like proof your ass?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah, it's like, oh, you want bread two days from now? Cool?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
No, for real, for fucking real, Yeah, because you have
to let it sit for forty eight hours. But I
guess you don't get that sour unless it's got some
whole wheat or rye in there. But see the whole
wheat in the rye was keeping me from my poofy bull.
So it's just I'm always fighting against against the yeast
and the bacteria armies. Oh bread, and then you can't
(02:52):
eat too much of it. These are the battles I fight.
So what's up with you?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
What is up with me?
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Uh? Nothing.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
We're sending our saved the dates soon.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
The only good kind of here we go, the.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Only good kind. Yeah, we kind of like, I feel
like we did something kind of risky in that we
ordered a proof and then I didn't like we didn't
like the coloring filter on the photograph, so we ordered
another proof without it. And then I was like, oh,
I feel like we should put our wedding website on there.
So I tinkered with a little bit of the font sizes,
like added the wedding website, and I was like, I
just don't have it at me to do another fucking proof,
So we just ordered a hundred of them. Bucket raw
(03:30):
ong in it like hopefully it's fine.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I'm sure it's gonna be great.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, it's not that serious anyway. It doesn't make me
that I'll stay on your fridge forever.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, I mean I cleared my fridge recently. It was busy,
busy with the ephemura of the past.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
My friend taught me that word, and so I bust
it out.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Sometimes that's a good word.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Ephemerah.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I feel like I finally got rid of like all
the holiday car It's I was like, okay, am I
ever going to look at this again?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Now? Yeah? I mean I keep most of it. I
have a big bin filled with my memories because you know,
one day I want to upload myself to the cloud
when I.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Die, just upload your consciousness.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
So I can live on as a really shitty AI
that people ask questions about, like what what the fuck? What?
That's not the answer at all. That's what AI is.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Now, Can you just give bread facts and like.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeasts, Yeah, this is how to make bread. Wrong if
you do do? Yeah, I feel like we didn't give
your std thing enough. So okay, wait, so.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
What it's not that serious?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
It's not that serious, but it's you know, we're marching
closer to the big event, yes, having like yeah, are
you are you anxious? Are you sleepless? Are you what's
going through your head? Is it like a focused intensity.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, honestly, nothing like Yeah, not that I don't like care,
but I am in a phase right now I don't care,
which is good, I feel like because I just don't
want to be stressed at all. So yeah, that's where
I'm at.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
We had our tasting, which was really fun.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Tasting the food that they're going to serve.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, we tasted like their whole menu, and I think
we end up choosing like, you know, one appetizer, a
couple of entrees. We tried like all the why was
I gonna call it happy hour? The cocktail hour? Like,
we tried those little past appies, the drinks, so everything
was really good. I just don't like my venue. It's fine,
(05:37):
I just I don't like the venue. But the venue,
the type of venue that I wanted, was either like
a million fucking dollars or just too small for our
guest size. So I don't know. Yeah, now that I'm
just like, well, I'm not gonna have the aesthetic that
I wanted. Like I just kind of stopped caring. Is
(05:57):
that bad?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I mean, I think I think you get caught up
on the details. But in the end, weddings about the
people who are there and enjoyah enjoying.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Them, right, I'm just like whatever, it's just a party. Like,
it's just a party, a party. We say some words beforehand,
so I'm just like, I don't know, I'm not really
putting this pressure on myself for it to be like
the best night of my life because it is going
to be fun. So yeah, we'll see. My mom is
very stressed and like trying to like not trying to.
(06:31):
She's shrying not to, but she ends up sort of
like putting it all, trying to, yeah, like put all
her stress on me somehow, And I'm just like, this
is annoying, Like if you can't be more stressed than me,
Like I'm the person doing all the stuff and I'm
the person getting married.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Like it's illegal, that's illegal. Mom, Relax. Yeah, well, good
luck with that. I hope. I hope your venue wins
you back over. But it is kind of funnier if
I know you hate it.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I don't hate it, but it just makes me sad.
That's kind of worse. But I know everybody else is
gonna like it. That's the thing that's kind of why
I just like ended up giving up because it was
like between two places, and one like I liked and
thought it was charming, but I was also like, it's
kind of cheesy looking, and then the other one was
like kind of soulless, but I could see people thinking
it a chic, so I just went with that one.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
There we go, yeah, before we go to ai Ta Town.
Sarah sent me this yesterday. It's from two x chromosomes,
which is a subreddit I do enjoy. It's kind of
what would you say, Sarah, it's kind of feminist.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
It is feminist. I went on that site because I
was like, I don't know, I was like in a
mood to be depressed and yeah what I was looking for?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, I think, yeah, well here, let's do it. This
is the post I get more food when I pre
order at a restaurant under a male name. I was
recently complaining to a coworker about how I always get
less beans than I wish for when I order in
person at on the restaurants like Chipotle. My coworker said
that a friend of his started pre ordering at restaurants
(08:06):
under a male name or a gender neutral name, and
now she gets way more food. So I gave it
a shot and welcome to getting more food. Wow, this
really surprised me, so I figured i'd share. I went
back to ordering under my own name because I felt bad.
But as a betweet, petite woman with a fast metabolism,
it's frustrating having to pay for extra portions when men
get that much just for being men.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
See, I never would have ever thought to do this.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
So what is what is on the spot? Mean? Like
they made they.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Like you go up to the calendar, like they see you,
they can see you're a small woman.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah. I read a book called Delusions of Gender, and
you know, this woman was a mega gender you know,
specialist expert is all she thought about. And she said
she thought she was having a boy, and then she
she learned it as a girl and right away she
went from being like, who's my soccer boy to being like, oh,
(09:04):
my little princess is so small, you know, like already
changing her tonality with the child.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, that's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
So yeah, I mean I felt like this this is uh,
that's how I see it going down. I guess it's like, oh,
you know Abigail dis ordered, you know, like they're actual
like or just came in for Abigail Ah it's probably
a little white girl, you know what I mean, give her.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
It's just crazy because I would have never thought I
would have never thought this happened. And honestly, at first
I thought this was funny. But this has actually kind
of ruined my day a bit because you're just like,
the depth, the depth of the implicit bias went to
a place that I didn't even think it existed. Why
(09:57):
didn't I think that? I don't know. I guess I
just don't like order to go at fast cattle restaurants often,
if at all, Like I usually will go up to
the counter. I also, I don't know, I don't eat
that much, so like I feel like I would never
need a double portion of carneitias or whatever we're talking about.
But yeah, just pretty depressing.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I'm sorry it ruined your day. I don't love to
hear that.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
It didn't like ruin my day. That's dramatic, but it
did make me. It just does. It actually just makes
me feel sad. Like I thought it was funny, but
and it is like kind of low level and silly.
But you're like, wow, it even goes to the low
level of silly places, and that's kind of sad and
also the places that you don't even know about, Like
I would have never ever have thought about this before.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Well, I think it's a lighthearted uh parable about implicit bias,
you know, and it's such a great I like it
because it's such a great example of like I don't think,
I don't think this is a bad person doing this right,
you know, over there and uh, you know Tuscaloosa chipolet
Jimmy is getting the order and he sees Abagail ordered,
and you know, he just thinks of her, maybe he
(11:03):
visualizes her. He just kind of like it. Just it's
unconscious or very subconscious, and he just does it a
little smaller. Then he sees Chad come in and he thinks, oh, Chad,
that's like a bad you know, a football player.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, maybe I should try this order for Chad. What
is like the most the name that would get you
the most food? Chad is a good one.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Uh you you just write your name is I'm going
to kill everyone in the Chipotle.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
There we go, Ted Bundy, if we have an order
for Ted.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Shack comes to mind.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Andre the Giant isn't he dead?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Freaking? Uh? The sun? Yes, the sun is here.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Hi yes, order for Lucifer, please.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Lucifer, the Milky Way galaxy. I don't know I've actually
largest celestial objects. You ever stay up that late?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
The sign? There's some crazy shit? No the sun? What
are you crazy? The sun is so small? Oh you
mean nearby?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Well, I just mean, like, is a galaxy an object?
Because that seems like a collection of many objects.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Oh, that's fair. There's people who have heated debates about
such questions. It's probably a black hole or some fucking
huge star.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Or your mom just kidding out of all there we go.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
But yeah, it's interesting that this. But yeah, I was thinking, like, okay,
but this is relatively circumscribed because I do believe if
you go to a restaurant, there's no naming, you know
what I mean, They're going like table thirty eight. So
it's it's kind of a I mean, yeah thing where
you get the name.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah, And like I mean, I was thinking, you know,
on my sushi orders, they're not going to give me
more sushi, although I'll try, because you know, you I
got nothing to lose. But and on a restaurant, you know,
they have their little frozen hamburger they take out of
the fucking freezer, and it's like the hockey puck size.
There's not really room. Maybe they'll give you like a
bigger scoop or fries, but not really because no, it's
(13:15):
like you put the table on the ticket. You don't
know who's getting that shit.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Their chef doesn't know.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
So this is a very specific thing and it's a
weird thing. Let me say that, because yeah, everything else
has kind of fixed portion sizes, and you see these
like things about Chipotle people complaining about and it's valid,
but it's just it is weird. Everything else is like
you're gonna order a burger, You're gonna get a burger.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Well, it is supposed to be fixed because it's like
one scoop. Yeah, you have the spoon, you make the
scoop like it's supposed to be one on one in one.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Well, if you get into baking, you learn you never
measure stuff by the cup or buy the scoop. That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Well, you do weight.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
You have to do weight, because who fucking knows, there's
a big scoop, a little scoops. Times to get some
air in your scoop. That it's the airy scoop.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
No good, no good. Maybe that's what's happening to Abigail.
She gets the airy scoops what somehow.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I actually, I mean this might be privileged talking, but
just because you know, I do have enough money for
food and when when when Neo baby over here, I'm
a Nepo baby. When I go to the food store
and then they give me so much, sometimes I wish
like they give me less.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Okay, I do wish I could go to restaurants and
order half portions of things because sometimes I'm like, I
don't want to spend twenty five dollars on a burger
that I'm going to cut in half and eat the
fries and then I take it home. But then it's
like I would just rather have half that.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Thing, yeah, or like stuff that's like really unhealthy. I'm like,
I want there, I need to get like a micro
cake slice. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I always do a kid's kid's cup of ice cream
because I just have no self control.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
So there's the kid's cup ata for getting more food.
And I career at a restaurant at her middle name
that wasn't what it was called. But more power to
the women who tell Chipotle that they're Chad or you know, shipmongus,
whatever it is you got to do.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
You know, let's start a movement.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Do it? Get more food?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Now, this was an interesting ATA Sarah sent along. Our
second story is at for telling my boyfriend he can't
buy a dirt bike first, please review subscribe ATA for
having a micro wedding. Now. Husband and I got married
four months ago. We've been together nine years. Neither one
of us has ever been interested in a large wedding day.
We have small immediate families, but larger wide wider families
(15:50):
and friendship groups. After the engagement autumn of last year,
we decided to go with a sooner rather than later
micro wedding ceremony. Both sets of parents and siblings plus
the one current partner of a sibling only to a
ten totaling ten including ourselves. Wow. So eight people. Around
Easter we were married in our local registry had a
(16:10):
nice meal. Contrary to the title of this post or
my future comments, we still wouldn't have had it any
other way. Personally, best day of my life so far.
Once we decided we would be doing our wedding, we
scheduled in a party style day to celebrate with wider
friends with sending out the information for this to the
wider friends of family, which happened before the wedding. We
had formed them at this time that this party would
be after the wedding day and that this is our
(16:32):
way of bringing our loved ones together celebrate in a
bit of a different way than normal. Years before we
were even engaged, we joke with friends and family that
we'd wanted to just turn up and be married. After
sending out these invites, we received a lot of messages
saying that they knew from back then that we'd be
having a small ceremony and that they're looking forward to
the party in the autumn. At this time, no one
(16:54):
gave off the impression that they'd been hurt by our choice. Naively,
since we decided to not involve anyone in the day
in the day bar bar parents and siblings, and we
are having the party celebration aspect later on, we assumed
that no one would have the opportunity to feel left out.
There's no step parents or half siblings. That all grandparents
(17:14):
have passed, so there's generally no one who was excluded
from the ceremony in that sense. Cut to this month,
two friends of ours for many years got engaged at
the start of the summer. We found out from a
mutual friend that the saves and dates had been sent
out for a wedding day late next year, but we
hadn't got one. From speaking to the couple shortly after
their engagement, this is going to be a big one
(17:35):
day wedding in which they expected to exceed two hundred
and fifty guests. Well, the next time we saw the couple,
before we could even bring it up, they said that
they didn't want to get wires crossed that we would
not be invited to their wedding. Woof, it's been a
hard decision, but given we'd had our ceremony had chosen
not to include them in it, they now understood how
our friendship sat it didn't feel obliged to include us
(17:57):
in their planning. As a result, this led to a
long and emotional conversation at which we tried in vain
to reiterate that our decisions were not related to friendship levels.
We came away from the conversation respecting their decision, but
affirming they're still invited to our celebration. Later in the year,
in speaking with a friend about this situation, yesterday, she
said that if she was being brutally honest, had she
(18:19):
and her husband been married after us they got married
a couple of years ago, she'd now think twice about
inviting us to the wedding, because while she knows there
was never going to be a big ceremony, it was
still sad for her that she didn't get to see
that moment, and if she was feeling vindictive or if
it came down to numbers, she'd feel less obliged to
include us in the day. Although this was a much
(18:40):
more balanced conversation than the first on the topic, I've
come away surprised that we've inadvertently hurt people we care
about deeply because of this choice. A ia I change.
This is on relationship advice, but whatever.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, it was just on weddings or something. But this
is interesting because like I don't really understand, like, listen,
everybody has a right to their feelings, blah blah blah,
But like, I don't think any one friend has a
right to be offended necessarily because all the friends were excluded.
So it's kind of like that to me seems like
a very clean dividing line.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah, I don't quite think that's the objection. Though the
first group of friends seem to say that more, which
I thought was whack. Yeah, I don't think that's a
good attitude to have, and that's frankly very self centered.
And I think most people will be easy going to
just be like, Okay, you wanted a small wedding, you're
(19:41):
having a celebration. I'm invited to that whatever, And that's
a reasonable response.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Here's the thing, Like, on the one hand, I do
It's like I don't know because on the one hand,
I think they divided this like perfectly. I think there's
kind of like no arguments. Like if you were a
first cousin and you got offended, I could give you
like some leeway because that's still family. But this was
only immediate family. Like it just feels very It wasn't
(20:09):
like oh this one close friend and like whatever. But
then I think about, well, if you want a micro wedding,
why also have a big celebration.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah exactly. It's like you kind of are still saying
like I kind of hate this term, but chosen family
you got Like you're kind of saying like, my family
is the only ones I want at my wedding. Well,
you are saying that, you are saying that, you are
saying that, and there was a wedding's and I think
(20:41):
that's fair.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
I think that's like totally fair. But then it is
also just like, well then what is the rationale? But
I get okay, But then part of me like, I
do get it, because like you know, when you have
a wedding, to plan a micro wedding, I'm sure was
like reasonable, Well, if you were to then try to
have a wedding with a reception and a ceremony for
(21:07):
like two hundred people or whatever, like that cost is
just astronomical, So if it was coming from a cost perspective,
I would understand. They don't say that that's why, So
I'm kind of like assuming that that's really not the reason.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yeah, it really kind of seems to be fair to
the poster. I think they were more wrote this as
a PSA to people to be like, hey, totally this
is going to have implications, so yeah, change it to
an aita. But I actually just thought it was really interesting.
I don't think it makes you an asshole to do this,
but I do think that the people who are hurt,
(21:45):
I think hurt might be the wrong word folks. That's
how Opie's frameding, like they were hurt by your choice.
It's like really hurt necessarily, but like you're kind of
conveying like still like yeah, I didn't invite you to
my wedding, Like that's still ultimately being conveyed. There's really
no way around that.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
It's true. I don't know, though. I don't know because
it's like I could I could understand like the micro
wedding and then the reception, because like you could throw
a much cheaper party for like two hundred people, but
once you say it's a wedding, it's like a million
dollars more. But yeah, I don't know. I just feel
(22:31):
like the first group of friends is being like really vindictive.
I do think they're being vindictive.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
The first group lost me.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
But I think it's like you have the room you're doing.
Sorry to interrupt, but like you have the room, you're
doing this big traditional wedding, like you're still invited to
their party, so so yeah, you are just being vindictive.
But the other people, the.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Other people are kind of not wrong, you know. It's
like it's just not the same. I mean, look, I'm
doing the math in my head, right now, Okay, I
have some friends. They're very you know, they're like, you know,
we have we have different orbits with my friends, you know,
like you're I actually don't know anything about planets. This
is a dangerous what's the first planet, Mercury, Yeah, Mercury,
(23:15):
Like I want to invite my Mercury's. What's the second one? Venus?
They got over there Earth, that's a third planet, you know.
But we got some friends over there, and like Urinus
and Sadder, they're way the fuck out there. But this
is horbit. And I've got a couple Saturns out here,
you know. And one of them invited me to their
real wedding. Invited me to their real lass wedding. It
was at a bit of beautiful, and the other one
(23:37):
invited me to their celebration. And when I think about emotionally,
the pressure to reciprocate, when I think about my wedding,
when I marry one of my one wheels, I think
there is I feel it, I feel it in my
heart more pressure to invite the real wedding person.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Now that's kind of a good point, And I wonder,
if I wonder how much of that is because weddings
are expensive, and like parties are also expensive, but a
fraction of the cost and just like less pressure. Like
you're just like, because a lot of my friends did
this thing, but that was because of the pandemic. So
I'm obviously not begrudging anybody, but like a bunch of
(24:21):
my friends like eloped and then did a party later on,
and I guess there was kind of less pressure to go.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, I mean, I think the pandemic was an extraordinary,
obviously thing. Yeah, but I think, look, here's here's the thing.
And I think I think a lot of us, you know,
myself included, are like, tradition is bullshit, These are arbitrary.
But with time I've come to realize, like, not every
(24:48):
tradition is bullshit. And I do believe decorum as its place.
I do, yeah, And I think what you call it
a celebration, it's just a big party. You're not bringing
the decorum, you're not bringing the seriousness, you're not bringing
the gravity toss. And that's that's your right, it's your day.
It's just that when I'm going to do that for
(25:09):
my thing and you didn't do it for your thing,
and you didn't invite me to, or you didn't invite
me to that part. It's just like, yeah, it's like
it's going to be a thing. It's gonna be a thing.
You're going to have to me. This whole post is well, well, well,
if it's not the qus of my actions, it's like.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yeah, I mean I get Iop is like surprised by
this reaction, but now that you say it, I guess
it's just like, yeah, like just a big party. It's like, look,
the people who want to be there will be there,
But I guess for the people on the fringes, they're
kind of like, well, this is like this could be
a birthday party, this could be like anything, and they don't.
(25:49):
It's like this could just be any other event that
they like maybe don't want to go to that badly.
Whereas for a wedding, you're like a final pay like
five hundred dollars to fly there, and you know they're
three hundred dollars for a hotel. But if it was
just a party, you're kind of like, m I could
skip it.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah exactly, that's a fucking party. So you're having a party.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
And I also think it's kind of I don't know,
wild to message that to your guests of Hey, we
had this wedding you weren't invited, but we would like
to celebrate with you later.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Yeah, I mean it gets conveyed, you know. I don't
know that they said it quite like that without.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Me, of course not, but they literally were like, oh,
we did have a micro wedding, like the actual ceremony,
and now we're like, I don't know. Obviously it's like
you can't have it a secret because that would just
be terrible and blow up in your face. But I'm
just like I don't know how to message that, and
just like we eloped and now come celebrate with us.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I don't know. Yeah, I mean there, I don't know
how you did you say we're having a celebration and
I know, like why are you married? Like the question's
going to come up.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
I do kind of think like none of neither of
these people are really that good friends, because if any
of my friends did that, I'd be stoked, Like you know,
I just I yeah, I think it is unfortunately revealing,
but I think that's true about like weddings in general,
like even if you do the whole ceremony thing.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think what this
is it's just made of like, yeah, you do stuff
like this, and yeah, I think you nailed it. People
on the it's going to affect the people on the fringes,
and ultimately, like you can't really you got to leave
people out. Let me say that, by the way, it's
okay to leave people out sometimes. I know we talked
(27:37):
about excluding people is mean, but like, to be honest,
having a wedding with two hundred and fifty people, it's
like it's absurd.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
That sounds terrible because then you just like have to
spend your whole time saying hi to people.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Exactly, and that gets ridiculous too. And then it's like, well,
what are we really here for? Are we here to?
Are you here to tell everyone that you got a
bunch of friends? Is that what you need?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Like I believe, well, unless it's like a culturally like
a big wedding, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yeah, it's there, right, but I mean it just does
get a little ridiculous, Like we all have the same
twenty four hours in a day. You expect me to
believe you're close to this many motherfuckers like haard Oh.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Then no, it's like always just a family thing. Of like,
and I'm running into this with my family and its
just like, is fucking annoying because it's like, oh, you
went to this friend that you don't even talk to
anymore's child's wedding like two years ago, so that means
I got to invite them. But they went to my
brother's wedding five years ago, So shouldn't the chain end,
like the obligation change would be over. But it just
(28:32):
like ping pongs back and forth until everybody fucking dies.
Like it's ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yeah, I mean, that's that's what's weird to me. Like,
I mean, I guess I'll deal with it. But like
parents being like I want you know, you got to
invite this guy. I'm like, I don't want to invite
your your guy. Why I know that's your guy. Isn't
that to do with me?
Speaker 2 (28:52):
It's annoying. I'm trying to be really cutthroat about it.
But like, if your parents are contributing, unfortunately, it's kind
of like you only have so much room to say
no exactly.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
They buy their way in. It gets to such a
point interesting discussion. Let's get to aita town Ai ta
for telling my boyfriend he can't buy a dirt bike.
Me twenty eight f in my partner twenty five m
just had a fight about him buying a dirt bike.
(29:23):
We've been together for two years and recently decided to
move in together to my apartment as we wanted to
get serious about saving for a house. Contacts. I make
fifty five k and he makes about eighty five to
one hundo oh difference also relevant. He has made some
big purchases, including this year, including a car, new car, motorcycle,
(29:46):
all the gear, including a two thousand dollars helmet. He
also owes about thirteen hundred for an upcoming vacation or
planning on taking next month, which he had told me
he will pay later. Before we committed to living together,
we decided to do a one month trial to make
sure my apartment would work for the both.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
He told me he didn't have enough money to pay
for two places at once, or even contribute a few
hundred dollars to help offset the extra costs, so I
offered to pay the bills and rents at my place
for the first month while he covered things at his
until he moved in. I had some emergency expenses this
year that had unfortunately drained my savings. So we both
knew that me paying for everything but the two of
us would be tight. But I thought it was just
(30:30):
a month and there was no use in us both
being stressed about money. And I never expected him to
help or offer to help with my personal expenses, but
just to be aware that I'm not in a position
where I have much cushion to take on extra costs. Okay,
so she's just paying the bills and rents at her place.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
It seems like they're both paying their own rents while
he's living in her apartment for one.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Month because it's a trial. Okay, So we get to
the dirt bike. Recently, he saw a reel about many
dirt bikes and was talking about how funny we be
and how it's only thirteen hundred dollars. I was annoyed
because he had previously told me he didn't have the
money to help with our shared expenses or pay me
back for the trip, and asked if he had the
money for the bike, and he laughed and told me
he has about forty grand, which was shocking to me.
(31:13):
I snapped and told him that if he had the
money to blow thirteen hundred on a dumb toy as
a joke. He had the money to help with the
bills or at least pay what he owes me. Now
here's where I became an asshole. I lost my shit
and went off about his spending habits. I told him
he just bought a motorcycle not even a year ago,
and he'd only been able to ride it for five months,
plus a new car, plus thousands on gear and mods.
(31:34):
Now he wants some other loud toy that we don't
even have room to store. I snapped and told him
he spends the money hand over fists on stupid stuff
on a whim, and after two weeks of having his
dirt bike, he'd be on to the next obnoxious thing.
And said, it's so messed up that you expect your
girlfriend to struggle pay all the bills while you live
here rent free and blow all your money on fun
things for yourself, and pointed out iron half of what
(31:55):
he does. He's annoyed because I'm going back on my word,
and he says we made a deal that I pay
for things this month, and I shouldn't police how he
spends his money, and if he has the money should
spend it on what he wants, and he'll contribute to
the shared expenses when his lease ends. We agreed. As
we agreed, I feel taken advantage of because I made
that deal because he told me he didn't have the
(32:16):
money to contribute to our place while paying for his apartment.
At the same time, I feel like he knew he
had the money to help pay for some of the
expenses this month, or at least paying me what he
owes me for the trip, but he purposely misled me
and let me struggle and stress over making ends meet.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
AIA, Okay, was this on two X chromosomes because I'm
about to go into a rage blackout?
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I no, No, I don't think so. I think this
was a really ita.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Wow. I don't even know what to say, but I mean,
I don't even think we needed to read that situation.
Once I saw she makes fifty five k, he makes
one hundred k a year and they're moving into her apartment,
I was like, Nope, immediately, Nope, there's no good reason
for that, Like unless she lives in the coolest area
and there are no other apartments in that area. No,
(33:07):
because because she lives in a worse apartment because she
had probably because she has a lower income. And yeah,
I'm just like, what is the reason for that?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
That does seem odd?
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Yeah, it was immediately. I was just like, immediately, that's
like a red flag where it's just like what's going on?
And then I mean the one month trial, I was
just kind of like, well, listen, now, this is why
you have a trial.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah, I guess I'm a little confused as it seems
like she can't afford it. That's where I'm getting confused.
Why she's so tight.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
So that's a good question. And like, frankly, I don't
necessary like I kind of think her rent is kind
of a sunk cost in this trial where it's like
he should contribute, but if he genuinely he didn't have
the money to pay like one point five rents, let's
say I could understand, but he clearly does have the money,
(34:08):
but if he didn't, it's like okay, well, like you know,
look as long as like groceries are being split up evenly,
which I doubt they are, but let's say they are.
You know, people love to like nickel and dime of like, oh,
your boyfriend stays over one night a week, like he
has to pay more for the electricity bills and you
just like get a grip like that's just not how
(34:30):
these utilities work. But yeah, I mean yeah, everything else
is just I'm ready to throw out the A word,
the FA word. I mean this is this feels financially abusive.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Interesting. I don't know if I quite see it that way,
but I think we're on the same page. I mean,
I'm just like, bro, like you're just putting your girl
in a tough spot.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And why is she fronting thirteen hundred dollars for their vacation?
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, you over the thirteen hundred. Like, don't make someone
chas you for money when you have forty grand liquid.
That's fucked up. But yeah, mainly I'm just like, yeah,
I don't I just don't understand this attitude of like
being so penny pinchy and difficult about money. It's like
(35:16):
it's sick. It's sick people are It's like, bro, like,
why why would you let her struggle like that? Like
help her out?
Speaker 2 (35:24):
I mean that's why I think it's abusive. Like I
think this is someone who doesn't actually see their partner
as an equal, uh, and like just wants to take
advantage of them, like he's doing it repeatedly.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, I mean he's all The fact that he's there
is also very difficult. I'm like, so this is a trial,
but you're there, so it's like you are using it
kind does yeah do something? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (35:49):
And like again, she makes so much less than you,
Why is she putting down money for this vacation? Like
you're saying you can't afford it it, So you're you're
lying about how much money you have. Why you're lying
to avoid paying for this. I hope she cancels that trip,
(36:10):
kicks him out. At least it is a trial and
you don't have a lease or anything together. She thinks
she's the asshole, because I mean, yeah, I just don't
think she was the asshole at all. Like she was
just like, yeah, you spend her responsibly, Like I don't, Yeah,
that's not it. I don't care. I'm not gonna call
(36:30):
her that whole.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
I think she's yeah, I mean she's reacting viscerally because
it's like he's just so gitting in her face with
how much money he has. You have a motorcycle and
you're buying a stupid thirteen hundred dollars dirt bike. You know,
it's like help help, Why aren't you helping? He's annoyed.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Yes, he's annoyed because I'm going back on my word
because we made a deal that I pay for things
this month, and I shouldn't police how he spends his money,
Like his money is his money, but her money is
also his money. Like fuck this guy.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Yeah, I think this is just even though the arrangement
is a little bit weird, I just feel like he
needs to do more.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah, no kidding, but he's being like a baby. I
don't know if I'm doing more.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
I don't know if I'm for this trial period stuff either.
I don't know how I feel about that.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
No, but in this case, I'm kind of glad they
did a trial period because hopefully she can realize that
this is not someone she should move in with before
they're actually like tied with a lease and legal documents
and stuff.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Yeah it's worse.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Yeah, yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
I'm kind of like, if you feel like you need
a trial period, it's kind of like it's giving like
prenup when you don't need a prenup. I'm like, either
commit to living together and don't live together. You're gonna
do it or not, like you're gonna have to work
through some stuff.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
I kind of think everybody should have a prenup. But
I agree with you on the second half of what you're.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Saying, Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
I just think if you're already going to going into
like a lease, which is a one year agreement with
like such cold feet, like maybe this is a sign
deep down that you know that this is not going
to work out. Like when I moved in with Ryan.
You know, obviously people are I believe you should have
lived together before marriage, like whatever the Christian influencers could
come from me, I don't care. But like at the
(38:31):
end of the day, like there weren't any huge surprises.
I would say, yeah, because we had been dating a
lot of time, and like I'm like, I kind of
understand how you live. Like I wasn't like, oh my god,
he does this like really weird thing.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Yeah, you knew the vibes.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I kind of knew the vibes.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
These are young people. I mean, this guy's brain just
finished loading. So I think he's being a douche. I
think I think.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Honestly, like, oh she's older than him.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
Yeah, I don't love that.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
It's act he's acting like fuck this guy.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Being very rigid and like legalistic as he's being I'm like, well, well,
I have some understanding for her situation and to drop
up money is real here. I feel like a gap
between fifty five K and one hundred K is like
kind of like the gap that gap. That's a big gap,
because the gap between one hundred K and two hundred K,
(39:22):
for instance, is much bigger. But that's that's where money
becomes less. Real money is very raw. Fifty five K
that is a real money.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Yeah, that's why I'm saying. I'm like, you have two
people are going to move into a fifty five K
apartment versus her moving into his apartment, which, like I mean,
I don't know, because maybe he's he sounds like he
could be in debt or just like spends really terribly,
So maybe he lives in a shoe box so that
he can afford his spending habits. But I don't know. Realistically,
(39:50):
I'm just like, with that income, you can probably afford
a bigger place.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
Antia for time. My boyfriend he can't buy a doorbike.
I think there's really no disagreement here. We're on the
same page, not the asshole he is. Yeah, all right,
folks for going back to shed town with this interesting
neighbor conflict.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Oh my god, okay.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
Ai ta for putting up a camera during my neighbor's
pool build and then overhearing him say he hates us.
I'm baffled by a recent encounter with my neighbor what
I overheard. I live in the US suburbs and it's summer.
Replaced my ac in March, which was a significant investment.
(40:34):
Are new six months neighbors. In May. They informed us
they were putting in a pool. This is our first
encounter with them. Pool company asked to use the path
between our houses and gave us a poorly written liability
waiver with inconsistent references. I saw that as opportunity to
be a good neighbor and reworded it to be more clear,
sent it back, which they appreciated. A few days later,
(40:55):
the neighbor's wife asked to me in person to discuss
the timeline it concerns. My wife mentioned our new AC
unit and asked that machinery avoid the condenser. We also
requested their work vehicles not park in front of our house,
since we have regular services that need access. I have
an old Google camera that I used for a video
feed of the AC unit in case anything happened. I
(41:18):
put it in a window in a conspicuous occasion so
everyone knew it was there. Over the summer, nothing happened
and we had no contact. Last week, my wife asked
about repairs to our grass and sprinklers. The neighbor's wife
said the project was delayed but should finish in a
few weeks. All were polite. This brings us to our
most recent encounter. Yesterday, around five pm, a work vehicle
(41:38):
with a trailer arrives and parks directly in front of
our driveway. The workers opened the trailer and started doing
their work. The truck was labeled for a specific service
and another crew had been on site recently to perform
the same service. I was mildly curious, as I didn't
think it was the same company as my wife and
I had out to take our evening walk with our dog.
My wife asks how long will they be there, and
they respond they are about to leave. The interaction was
(42:01):
no more than five seconds. As we arrive home, they
are leaving a neighbors heading inside the house. We have
a driveway camera. I was curious if I could listen
to their convo and hear why another company was here. Yes,
I was nosy. What I hear is not that it's
my neverbitating about us to these workers. He talks bad
about us, mentions the camera. I can hear him say, man,
(42:24):
I do not like those these new neighbors, both of them.
We debated a bit. I don't know what he means
by that. We came to the conclusion it means us
and his other neighbors. I've taken aback. We've barely spoken.
My wife has had maybe five back and forth taxa
one in person combo. We've never spoken to him personally.
My daughter says she has talked to him once and
passing hello. I'm honestly not sure what I should do.
(42:46):
As I see it. We've done nothing to him. There's
never been a personal interaction. So I'm here to ask
a bunch of internet folks. Aiita.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
I mean, we have as much info as you, sir,
and you have no infos. So what do you want
us to do?
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Yeah, I have some suspense about what this person did.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
I mean, this is like like you're clearly nosy, Like
you put a camera to look at your AC.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Unit, okay, and you found nothing that was intense.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
No, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
Yeah, I'm on your side.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
Yes, yes, I'm like, it's not a precious heirloom or
something like, it's your AC unit.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
It's an AC unit. The other serious, the other thing
they bothered me is gave us a poorly written liability waiver.
I saw that as an opportunity to be a good neighbor,
and reworded it to be more clear and sends it back.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
I mean, well, I think that's like a little bit condescending,
but also like, I'm not going to sign some shitty
legal document no liability.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
I'm not mad at him for doing that. I think
that's reasonable. I wanted to be well worded in the
well that I'm more just like, I don't think that
was an opportunity to be a good neighbor. I think
that was an opportunity to fix a legal document that
you had an issue with, which is totally valid, but
not good neighborly.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah. And coming from that position of like, oh, I'm
being a good neighbor, it does feel kind of haughty.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Exactly. It's like oh, yeah, you're such a good person.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Like, no, you're just protecting your own ass, which you
should do.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
But honestly, this guy's kind of like why not they
like me. I'm like, well, I think I know why
you don't have a personal relationship and you haven't exactly
been easy going anything wrong, But like I kind of
feel like this is something you would jokingly say. You're like, yeah,
I hate these people.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
It's always something with them that's true, And like you're
literally keeping tabs of what companies they've hired to do
what portion of the work, and now you have to
listen like your nosy, and like they can like your
nosy and you're not that slick, they can clearly pick
up on it.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Yeah, I mean, like I think this is like I
think a debate we've had before along the lines of
like passive aggression, but like setting up a camera in
that way, it's like I put the way for a
video feed up the AC unit. I guess that's OK.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I gotta watch my precious AC unit when I'm out.
That just signals that it's like you like you obviously
are waiting for your neighbors or they're like construction team
to like do something that's gonna fuck up your ac unit.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
The other thing the OP does is insists that they
not park in front of his house. Now, I've seen
a lot of tiktoks about this because people will park
in front of someone's house and then someone comes down
and goes, you can't park here, and they're like, yeah,
I can, now you can't park here as it is
our house. No, I know it's your house, but I
can park here. I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not your driveway. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Yeah, they're like, we have regular services that need access.
What services? Literally when you read that part, yeah, I
was like, seriously, what services do you have? You know
the truck is blocking your driveway, then it's a problem.
You tell them to move it. But yeah, like I
think if you're having a party, you kind of warn
your neighbors, like, hey, you know people are gonna be
parking down the street.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
Yeah. I honestly feel like that might be it because like, yeah,
probably like this guy and his wife's like, well, I
mean he's just covering his ass all right now. He's
saying we can't park in front of his house. That's
not his right to say no.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
But it's okay to park in front of other people's houses, Like,
fucking we live in a society. That's how I feel
about the shed as well. We live in a society.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Top comment rights nothing because the person I'm honestly not
sure what I should do. Nothing, there's nothing to do.
Not everyone is gonna like you. They're not coming up
to your face and causing problems. They were talking to
contractors and had no reason to believe you'd hear the conversation,
So just move on. My wife is considering a confront
of the neighbor's wife, right, so.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Oh, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (46:34):
So they already don't like you, but your wife is
going to go tell them that you overheard them on
your spy camera. Yeah that's gonna go great.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah no, don't do that, just be nicer. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
Yeah, I just really do feel like this. This person
is just like, why do my neighbors hate me? Besides
all the stuff I did that wasn't likable at all relatable.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
That's so real, you know, like you just really did
nothing to curry favor. I don't think like we accept
all the legitimate reasons. I think that's just someone who's
like really not aware, like, yeah, you really think all
of these like petty things that you did when undetected,
like we could tell based on an account that was
probably written to favor you.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Yeah, even with your picture painting bullshit. We're like, nah,
I don't think so. Yeah, don't park in front of
my house as an asshole position watching your ac unit
like as aescension being or the Crown Jewels is weird.
You cross the line. I don't think you and your
wife are as play as you think you are. Yeah,
(47:35):
I agree, Yeah, I mean I just feel like these
little things are aggressive, they're they're it's giving difficult, you know,
and I maintain what I've been saying along these lines.
I'm like, you really probably don't want to be on
your neighbor's bad side. I just think that's a bad idea.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Yeah, I think so too, you.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
Know, like bring some cookies over, bring some sugar over,
do something, get on their good side, and then like
like you know or like I don't know, it's just
recognizing too, Like people are not gonna like you if
you set up a camera to redo your thing, Like
that's not gonna gain you any points.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
I don't feel like that I don't feel like this
this op like necessarily did anything wrong. I do feel
like it's a YTA time served. I mean, listening to
the conversation is kind of I think that's a little
fucked up.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Yeah, but I think it's like you kind of played
stupid games. You want a stupid prize, don't go use
that stupid prize to like force a confrontation.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Play another stupid game.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
Yeah, just just take your prize and go. You're done,
You're done playing the carnivals. Close.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
YTA time served. Another asshole neighbor eats the dust. Sarah,
Thanks for joining me today.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Thanks for having me. This was fun. You will be
invited to my non micro wedding.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Hell yeah macro wedding baby. Yeah. All right, folks, we'll
see you next time. Bye.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
Aye,
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.