Listener Questions: An Intimate Chat with KB

Taking questions from social media KB answers inquiries from listeners about her relationship with Jonathan, her life journey, coaching, CrossFit and especially her faith.

Thanks to the many listeners that sent in questions and hoping I am able to provide valuable insights and offer encouragement to navigate your own path in life.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Island Boy J Music hello, friends.
Welcome to Activate, a podcastconsisting of purposeful conversations
aimed at encouraging listenersto embrace both the beauty and chaos
of life.
I'm KB and I can't wait toshare valuable insights on health,

(00:23):
fitness, nutrition, aging,faith, family, and everything in
between to help you level upand activate your life.
I'm a former network marketinghater turned top leader in my industry.
I'm a certified life andnutrition coach, helping women to
break the same chains thatonce kept me stuck.
I'm so happy you're here.
Let's do this.

(00:45):
Hello, friends.
Happy Monday.
How are we?
I hope that you're great.
It is a gorgeous day here inVirginia and I'm having a very productive
day.
And I like to say that beingproductive is my love language to
myself.
I love nothing more than aproductive day.

(01:07):
So I'm feeling good.
Yesterday I did not have aproductive day, which makes today
even sweeter because I am just.
I am just checking things offmy list and feeling really, really,
really good about where I'm at.
So it's also Tuesday, by theway, and my deadline for Activate
is Wednesday, so look at meahead of schedule.

(01:28):
We're going to do something alittle different today.
A lot of the episodes havebeen me sort of teaching and preaching
lately, and today I want totake a little departure from that
and we're going to do a Q and A.
So I posted a couple of timeson Instagram asking my followers
for some.

(01:48):
Some questions that they wouldlike me to answer.
So these questions, I'm justgoing to dive right in.
They're in no particular order.
We'll jump around from subjectto subject, but there's some fun
ones in here.
So we're going to start withan interesting one and it was who
had the most profound impacton your life?
And I actually didn't have tothink about this very long.

(02:13):
And it's Jonathan.
And the reason being he gaveme the safety and security to finally
learn about me and become whoI am.
Before that, it was fight orflight survival mode for almost my

(02:33):
entire.
Well, for.
For sure, for my entire adult life.
He just finally gave me thepeace in my life that I needed to
be able to just really take alook at myself and ask myself, what
do I love and who do I want tobe and who do I want to become and
how do I want to spend my time?

(02:53):
I didn't have that luxurybefore I met Jonathan.
So by far, he has had the mostprofound impact on my life.
He even makes.
He just makes me want to be abetter person because of the person
that he is.
He wants me.
He wants.
He makes me want to be abetter businesswoman, a better wife,

(03:19):
a better mom, a better Christian.
He's just.
He's just.
Again, it's all about himgiving me the safety and security
to let my guard down andreally ask myself those questions
about who I wanted to be.
So thank God for jb.

(03:39):
Next question was, how did you meet?
Jonathan and I have discussedthis on the podcast before, years
and years ago, and I'll try togive the the shorter version because
it can become a long storywhen I try to tell it all, but I.

(03:59):
Gosh, I moved to Virginia in2010 for a bad boyfriend.
It's just such proof that Godcan use even our sin to get us into
his will and for our good.
Because it was a sinful relationship.

(04:22):
There was nothing godly aboutthat relationship.
Just everything about it was bad.
But it was my escape fromIowa, and I was not able to live
a life in Iowa because my exhusband wouldn't let me move on.
So it felt like a way out.

(04:43):
And I took the firstopportunity I had to get out.
And that relationship imploded.
As anyone you know that wasn'tblind could see that it would.
I don't regret it because itgot me to where I am today.
God absolutely used it to putme in the path of Jonathan.

(05:07):
And I believe that with all ofmy heart.
I was out one night with a friend.
She had flown in to visit me,and we went to a bar because that's
what I did.
We were out drinking.
This man followed us from onebar to the next.
In those days, it was not outof the realm of possibility that

(05:29):
there would be some creeperfollowing me around a bar.
He would turn out to be awonderful person.
But I was just like, rollingmy eyes, like, oh, gosh, this dude's
following us.
He sat down at our booth,bought us a drink and started asking
questions and finally justsaid, I would love for you to meet

(05:50):
my friend about a job.
He said, I think we can help you.
And I was out here, a thousandmiles away from everyone I know,
without help with my kids, andI was not working and I needed to
be.
So he arranged for me to meethis buddy one night.
Sounds kind of sinisterbecause we again met at a bar and

(06:14):
I was very nervous.
I kind of had this feeling itwasn't all about a job, but I don't
even know what I thought.
I just thought, okay, well,why not?
So I went to this bar.
And there was this guy inkhaki pants and a white polo short
sleeve polo shirt with big biceps.

(06:37):
And he was just kind ofleaning up against the bar, could
clearly tell he had a lot of confidence.
And Tony, who I had metpreviously, introduced me to his
buddy Jonathan.
And we, I don't, we justtalked that night, hung out.

(06:58):
They, they got me a cab home.
Very respectful.
And the next day he asked if Iwould meet him for lunch for like
a proper job interview, quote, unquote.
So I'm hungover, kind of miserable.
Drove to this restaurant, methim for lunch.
He gets out a legal pad, ayellow legal pad, and he starts asking

(07:22):
me questions.
And one of the very firstquestions was what are your hobbies
and interests?
And in my foggy hungoverbrain, I am, I am, I am trying to
think so hard of something.
I can tell this man is my hobby.

(07:42):
And I finally just like sidethis very big sigh and said, look,
I got married when I was 20.
I was divorced with two babiesby the time I was 23 years old.
I am now 28 and I am treading water.
I don't have hobbies, I don'thave interests.
I'm just trying to survive.

(08:05):
And I will never forget himjust like sliding the legal pad off
the table into the boothbeside him.
And he didn't ask me any morequestions that day at that lunch.
We, we ate our lunch and wentour separate ways.
And he did through, throughthe evening before.

(08:27):
And then that lunch he got anidea of kind of where my life was
and, and where I was struggling.
And he ended up, so this was,I want to say, the beginning of May.
And he ended up writing me aletter, a long handwritten letter
that I, I still have it.

(08:47):
I was actually going to gohome for Memorial Day weekend.
I was going to take my babiesto Iowa for Memorial Day weekend
because they had a day off of school.
And that's how desperate I wasto get away from this life I was
living.
We had a three day weekend andwe're going to go a thousand miles
away to Iowa.
That felt better.
So before we left, I ran andgrabbed the mail and there was this

(09:09):
letter.
I opened it up four pageslong, kind of just saying, oh, he
hates when I tell this story,but kind of just saying like, look,
I don't know if you felt whatI felt, but there's definitely something
here.
I know you're in a situationyou don't know how to get out of,
but I can help you out andjust basically, if you ever need

(09:31):
help, if you ever need toescape, you know my number.
I'm here for you.
He also included, I had sharedwith him that I'd never been to an
Iowa Hawkeye football game andthat it was a dream, which is funny
because one of the questionsis, what.
What are my dreams?
And I still don't know.
But I had mentioned this tohim, and he said in that letter that

(09:52):
he had tried to get IowaHawkeye tickets for me and my boys,
but that they weren't out yet.
The.
The tickets weren't out yet,so he included enough money to get
myself and my boys tickets toan Iowa football game, because that
was my dream.
And that is just the verytippy top, the beginning of Jonathan

(10:14):
making my dreams come true inthis life.
I went back to Iowa that weekend.
I.
I called him and I said, look, I.
I just had fought this hugecustody battle to be able to move
with my children to Virginia,and I had had to prove that they
would have a stable life.
And I was so afraid to, like,uproot what I had, what I had portrayed

(10:37):
as this stable life that I wasgiving them and.
And risk my ex husband tryingto take them from me again, because
it was the hardest, mostdevastating, most difficult, scariest
thing I'd ever been through.
And so I just said, look,thank you.
And I.
I read your words, and I hearyou, but I am not in a place where
I can, like, make this move.

(10:59):
Well, the relationship I wasin became increasingly volatile and
physically abusive.
And there was a day where Iknew I had to go and I.
I sent my boys to school that morning.
It was their very last day ofschool, of the year.
I packed up everything weowned and picked them up at the bus

(11:20):
stop and told them we weregoing to have a very special fun
celebration for the last dayof school.
Took them to a hotel, and wegot pizza and we swam.
And I reached out to Jonathan,and he showed up there that night.
Again, very respectful.
Played with my boys, you know,like, wrestled around with my kids.

(11:42):
Told me, again, I'm here ifyou need me.
The next day, look at this story.
It's like, long story long.
Sorry.
The next day, he invited usover for my kids to swim and said,
I'll help you pack up your carand make a plan to get you home.
We went over there.
My kids swam.
There's always this funnystory that I'll never forget, because

(12:03):
Jonathan's home was just alittle boy's dream.
It was so many toys and allthe Nerf guns.
And all the video games andall the Legos and all the things
any little boy could dream of.
And he was having Nerf warhours with my kids.
And I remember Stellen comingup to me and said, mom, how are we
going to get rid of him?
We gotta stay here.
So he just wanted to haveJonathan's house and all the toys

(12:25):
in his house, but get rid of Jonathan.
But he helped me make a planto get home.
And he helped me to repackeverything I owned in our car.
He even offered to get usplane tickets.
But I'm like, look, my wholelife is in this car.
I have to drive.
And he put movies on his owniPad so that my kids would have movies

(12:47):
to watch the next day as wedrove 16 hours back to Iowa.
And he tried to ease my fearsas I, you know, was trying to figure
out what the heck I was goingto do with my life.
I mean, I was kind of goingback with my tail between my legs
after I'd, you know, sold thisstory of this life that I was going
to be giving my children.
And they had to go with theirdad for the summer.

(13:10):
And Jonathan actuallyovernighted me an iPhone.
I didn't even have a phonebecause my ex paid for it.
He overnighted me a phone sothat we could be in communication.
And he said, would you just goaway with me?
And I honestly thought, Imean, if he murders me, at least
I'm on an island somewhere.

(13:31):
That's where my life was at.
And so basically, I'd never somuch as hugged this man.
He got me a plane ticket,said, meet me in D.C.
so I flew from Cedar Rapids toChicago to D.C.
didn't even know where we were going.
I met him in the airport at Dulles.
We hugged.
We went and checked in to aflight from DC to LAX, then on to

(13:56):
Kauai.
We spent 10 days there, fellin love, basically planned a wedding.
Neither of us wanted to gohome, so we got off the plane in
la on the way home.
Jonathan grew up in Malibu.
So he took me there, showed me around.
We went to a jewelry store.
We.
I picked out my ring, which Inever in a million years would have

(14:19):
thought would really be my ring.
One day, it turns out hebought it without me knowing.
This was July 1st through the 10th.
Went well.
Ended up flying back to D.C.
i was supposed to go to Iowa.
He was supposed to come backhere to Virginia.
I just changed my flight tocome to dc, unpacked my bag into
his closet.

(14:39):
A couple weeks later, we flewto Iowa to Help my parents move because
all of my stuff was in their,their like house that they were renting
as they were building a house.
So I needed to come and dealwith my things.
So he flew back with me, askedmy dad for permission to marry me.
This was now my birthday,proposed to me on my 30th birthday,

(15:01):
and the rest is history.
So that is a condensed versionof how it went.
But we were married.
We.
We met and were married inthree months time.
So that is wild and crazy andhow Jonathan Ballard does things.
The man knows what he wantsand he gets it.
So that's that kind of crazy.

(15:25):
Next question.
Question.
What is the most challengingaspect of your nutrition coaching?
100% by far, adherence.
Getting clients to adhere.
It is hard.
You know, if it wasn't hard toeat and fuel your body properly to

(15:46):
have a body that looks, feelsand performs its best every single
day, everyone would have abody that looked, felt and performed
well every single day.
And if you look around, thatis not the case.
And the reason is, it's, it's,it's simple.
The rules are simple, but itis not easy.
So adherence by far is themost difficult thing.

(16:06):
Like, I sometimes feel like Iwant the result for my clients more
than my clients want it forthemselves and I can't do the work.
And so that's where it getsreally difficult.
And it's also so rewardingbecause of that same reason, because
when I do get a client wholocks in and just decides that they
are going to make this changeand they want, you know, a different

(16:29):
outcome for themselves thanthey've had in the past and really
just does the things, like Ican, I can tell you exactly what
to do.
I can give you the blueprint.
You just gotta execute.
And so adherence is hard.
And I get it.
It was a struggle.
Y'all know, if you've listenedto this podcast for long, you know
the struggles I had with, withan eating disorder and hating my

(16:52):
body and being on this dietroller coaster and not understanding
how to eat properly andwatching other women eat and just
not understanding like, howare they able to eat like a normal
person?
Like, I, I was so disorderedat some point that I just had truly
no idea how to eat, as sillyas that sounds.
But I'm sure it resonates with someone.

(17:14):
So, I mean, that's just the thing.
You gotta, you gotta lock in,you gotta decide, you gotta be.
It has to be so much morepainful to stay where you are then
the pain of making thesacrifice to get where you want to
go.
And that's when people reallyonce and for all will make the change.

(17:36):
My skincare routine.
So this is a question I getfrom time to time.
So for my skin care I'll justkind of give you the.
I'll give you the brand.
So I use some Jan Marini,which is new since I guess I got
it in.
Well, it was black.
Black Friday is when I orderedthis Jan Marini skincare.

(17:57):
I'd heard of it a lot and Iactually love it.
I've already rebought theentire set for a second time.
I use it morning and nightevery single day and I love it.
I also swear by SkinCeuticals,CE Ferulic vitamin C serum.
I use it every single morning.

(18:17):
It's an antioxidant.
No one does antioxidantsbetter than skinceuticals.
It's expensive, it's annoying,but it's worth it.
I recently added into mymorning routine a topical estrogen
cream.
So that is something that I'veread about, I've researched, I've
heard about women usingtopical estrogen on their skin.

(18:37):
It does not get into yourbloodstream, so it's not like hormone
replacement.
It's simply topical estrogenmixed with hyaluronic acid.
You have to get it from acompounding pharmacy with a prescription.
But that's something I'verecently added into my skincare routine.
In the morning, at night,without fail, I do tretinoin 0.05%.

(19:02):
It's also a prescription, butI swear it is.
I mean it is promotes cell turnover.
It is a game changer for antiaging and youthful looking skin.
I also wear a red light mask.
I do red light every singlenight on my skin.
I just after I get out of thebath I put on my red light mask.

(19:25):
And then after that I do myskin care.
So those are kind of my ob.
I drink tons of water.
That's a big deal too, staying hydrated.
But those are my, those are my topical.
That's what I topically do formy skin.
What's next?

(19:46):
Let's see future goals.
Gosh, what a question.
I.
It's like I have so many but Ialso don't know what they are.
It's like this continuedpursuit of my purpose and like where
God wants me to be.
But I am in the midst of thisbrand building coaching.
So I'm trying to like make allof the things that I do cohesive

(20:09):
while also creating Kingdom Impact.
I actually just yesterday,just yesterday spoke with the owner
of my Gym about creating aprogram for women of a certain age.
Perimenopausal, menopausal age.
Women like the perfecttraining plan for someone of, you

(20:34):
know, for an aging woman.
I hate to say, but I'm anaging woman.
Actually, we're all aging women.
But there are things that ourbody can withstand and deal with
in our 20s and early 30s thatat a certain point just becomes too
much and detrimental to ouroverall, honestly, our, our aesthetic,
how our body shows up, what itlooks like, the inflammation and

(20:56):
the water we're holding on to.
So there are just ideal waysof training for this part of life.
And so that's something that'sbeen on my heart and on my mind for
probably a good year now.
But I haven't known exactlyhow to execute.
And I still have to.
I'm still praying over whetherit's not.
Whether or not it's worthtrading time for money.

(21:17):
I really don't like to tradetime for money if I don't have to
and whether it's justsomething that God wants from me.
I'm really trying to filtereverything I do through God's purpose
and design for my life.
So we'll see.
That's the first time I'vereally spoken that kind of dream
or thought out loud other thanto Caleb at the gym literally yesterday.

(21:41):
So you're hearing it here first.
What else?
How do I like my coffee?
So I was almost, I, I'm like alittle embarrassed.
I don't know why, but I thinkbecause I'm a nutrition coach and
I should be making healthychoices and I don't think my coffee
is a healthy choice.
However, I hope love it.

(22:03):
So I used to be not a sweet person.
What changed was when Istarted drinking the Modere coffee,
that, that does not taste goodif you don't add some things to it.
Now it was worth it for thebenefits for me to figure out how
to love it.
And so how I loved it was byadding lots of things to it.
Well, I'm no longer drinkingModere coffee because if you haven't

(22:27):
heard, Modere class closed itsdoors with no, no warning.
Just after 23 years inbusiness close their doors.
No more access to product, nomore access to your business if that
was still where you were at.
So there's no more Modere coffee.
But I hadn't been using it forthe past probably I'd say four or

(22:48):
five months.
And so I'd moved on to a brandof coffee called Fabula.
It's mold free and like a Good choice.
As far as coffee, all thecoffee we drink, most of the coffees
are full of mold, and that's bad.
So I drink this brand called Fabula.
And I'm so specific.
And I travel with my coffee.
It's that bad.

(23:08):
So I do.
I got.
I got the Keurig kind.
You can buy it in a bag.
You can buy it as beans.
You can buy it in K cups.
So I do the K cups becausethat's just convenience.
But I do one regular pod andthen I do one decaf pod and I do
20 ounces of coffee.

(23:30):
I know this is.
I don't know who asked me thisquestion, but you.
You asked.
So you're getting.
You're getting all of it.
So I make the coffee and thenI put in inulin.
And that is a prebiotic.
So I put inulin powder in my coffee.
I've been doing it for years.
I think it's one of those things.
I don't even know why I do itanymore, but I've just done it for
so long that I always do.

(23:50):
It doesn't change the taste.
I just feel like it's doingsomething good.
So I put inulin in my coffee.
Then I put cinnamon in my coffee.
Then I put skinny syrup.
So whether it's butter toffeeor caramel pecan or you name it.
I had a maple donut.
One skinny syrup that is notgood for me by any means.

(24:10):
So I do the skinny syrup.
And I do.
I do.
I do quite a bit of it afterthe skinny syrup.
Then I do.
Oh, then I do layeredsuperfood creamer, which it was.
This was just part of metrying to figure out how I would
love my coffee.
So I do one scoop of that.
And it's the pumpkin kind,which is kind of random.

(24:31):
And I can't even buy it thisseason, this time of the year, but
I do one scoop of layeredsuperfood pumpkin creamer.
It is a powder powdered creamer.
And then after that, I do.
I think the brand is ElmhurstOat milk French vanilla creamer.

(24:54):
I don't even know what to say, guys.
That is how I drink my coffee.
And it is so good.
And it is my favorite part ofevery single day.
Coffee and Jesus.
Every morning, look forward,start, like literally when I finish
eating my dinner at like 5pm,I start thinking about coffee in
the morning and my mouthstarts watering for.
For coffee.
And I'm just.

(25:15):
I'm.
I'm thirsty for coffee.
Coffee.
And I'm.
I'm hungry for Jesus And Ireally just start not being able
to wait for morning, which isalso part of why I go to bed so early
because I really just want toget to morning at a certain point.
But.
Oh, I love my coffee.
Okay, now, you know, if Icould be remembered for one thing,

(25:38):
what would it be?
So I, I think it would justhave to be a heart for Jesus and
how much I love my boys.
Those are, that's what myheart told me when I read that question.
What is your go to comfort food?
So this was so easy for me.
I, it's always breakfast carbs.
I say breakfast carbs.

(25:58):
It could be a pastry, a donut,a waffle.
I literally never met abreakfast carb I didn't like.
I, my TikTok, my algorithmshows me so much delicious breakfast
food, sweet breakfast carbs,preferably that you could like melt
some butter on like a, acinnamon bun.

(26:20):
I'm, I'm currently beingtargeted by this place in this golden
diner maybe in New York City.
It has like the world's bestpancakes and they're called honey
butter pancakes.
And I also dream of these at night.
An apple fritter used to bekind of a waffle or an apple fritter
was the beginning of everySunday binge.

(26:41):
Again, if you know, you know,if you've been around, you know,
Sunday binges, they alwayswere brunch.
I would have Jonathan take meto like, I would research the best
brunch spots in the area andwe would spend every Sunday just
like going from brunch tobrunch, eating all of the food.
And then I would punish myselfwith a 10 mile run in the afternoon.

(27:01):
That is not healthy.
That is not a healthyrelationship with food.
But I tell you what, it's a,it's a breakfast carb for me.
I, I, I, I Yum, waffles.
My husband makes the bestwaffles ever and they're so good.
I did indulge on Easter and I,it was a protein pancake, but I allowed

(27:24):
myself to put butter and syrupon it and that didn't fit in my macros
that day.
Y'all know how much syrup youcan have for an exorbitant amount
of calories and carbs?
Much, not very much at all.
I probably use 3 servings.
If I wasn't measuring, I betyou it's easy.
3 servings that I would put onon a waffle, which is, which would

(27:46):
be close to a hundred grams of carbs.
So anyway, I maybe didn't evenwant to know that information.
What is next.
What is a skill or talent Iwish I had and my initial thought
was to be able to sing and or dance.
I cannot do either of thosethings and I always wished I could,
but I think right now, where Iam in my life, what I wish I had

(28:10):
was the gift of like, beingable to pray out loud beautifully.
And I know it doesn't changethe effectiveness of your prayers
to be able to beautifullypray, but I think it can affect people
so differently and I just donot, I just do not possess that gift.
But I admire very much peoplewho do.

(28:34):
What did you replace Moderecollagen with?
Well, good question.
Funny you should ask.
I am taking a pill form ofBioCell currently.
However, I don't actually knowif I'm even allowed to say this.
I actually don't know.
We.
We are coming out with acollagen that's going to contain

(29:00):
colostrum.
And I'm so excited about that.
I'm so excited for my all myModere customers that have been looking
for a good replacement forwhat they can no longer get with
Modere.
And I'm thinking by mid to endof summer, we will have it available.
And I take Armor Colostrumevery single day.

(29:22):
So I'm so excited to have aproduct that will incorpor both things
because I do notice adifference in not taking collagen.
It's so random because lastFriday I was in Iowa at the gym with
my friend Nikki and I said, Ithink I might order a bottle of Life
just because I've been off ofit so long to see if I really like,

(29:44):
see and feel a difference.
Even though I was taking apill form of BioCell.
I've never gone without BioCell.
When I told you collagen waslife changing and that you needed
it, I meant that, that within20 minutes I got the news that Modere
had closed its stores and youcould no longer get any of their
products ever again.
So that was wild and crazy tofind out.

(30:04):
But I'm really excited to havea collagen product to not only to
take, but to share.
So that is on the horizon, my friends.
Dream travel, destination.
So this is funny because I wasjust talking about this this morning
with my friend Bri, so she'sgoing to London.
And I was like, oh, I'vealways wanted to go to London.

(30:24):
So for me it's London, Italy.
I had a trip to Italy plannedright when the pandemic hit.
I had it paid for.
It was happening.
It was actually a retreat soit was going to be amazing.
We were going to all thesedifferent places and, and of course
it got canceled.
And then Greece and Israel in,in, in peaceful times.

(30:47):
I would love to go to Israel.
So those are my bucket list,like places that I want to visit.
The thing is, I don't know howto travel internationally like that.
I don't know how to do Europe.
So I would want someone to gowith me that like, knows what they're,
knows how to communicate,knows how to get around, knows how
to.

(31:08):
I don't even know how to liketake the metro here where I live.
Like, I don't, I don't, Idon't do that.
When I moved here, I didn'teven understand how to park in a
parking garage.
In fact, one time I parked ina parking garage.
I went to a concert parked ina parking garage.
And then I didn't know whatparking garage I parked in.
So my car was just lost.
So that's a small town Iowagirl for you.

(31:28):
So I would not feel comfortable.
Honestly, I wouldn't.
As much as well traveled as myhusband is, I would not even feel
comfortable.
Just him and I going.
I would want for us to go likewith another couple who, who knows
Europe and who could do this well.
So those are it.
Do I miss cold plunging?
No, not at all.

(31:48):
I do not miss cold plunging.
I feel bad that I own one andI don't use it.
But cold plunges were takenaway from me when the heart stuff
first happened.
So that was kind of great.
Of the things that got takenaway from me, the only good one was
cold plunging.
So I've also read as moreresearch comes out, they're saying

(32:12):
it is that women cannottolerate cold like men can and that
if you are cold plunging, itshould actually be at the top of
the like the highertemperature side of where benefits
can happen from cold.
So a woman would want to bemore at like 55 to 57 degrees rather
than like 39 to 41 like I was doing.

(32:35):
And that really heat is waymore beneficial to women.
And I can wrap my mind around that.
I, I sauna almost daily.
So I feel really, reallygrateful that I have that.
Um, we have a sauna here andso I can just warm that up and hop
in there for like 20 minutesafter my workout every day.
And that feels like I'm, youknow, checking some boxes for my

(33:00):
health.
And a lot of why I did coldplunge was doing hard things and
mental toughness.
And I mean, I feel like itturns out I'm Pretty mentally tough.
And I don't need a cold plungeto prove that or to keep it going
because I have, I have figuredout mental toughness.
I feel like.

(33:21):
Let's see what is next.
Okay.
Do I ever not hit my step goaland am I okay with it?
So.
So yes and no.
I.
Right now I'm.
As we speak Today, I am 130days post op and I am on a 120 day

(33:44):
streak of hitting 12,000 ormore steps a day.
So the problem for me is a streak.
I don't love to see a streak go.
So now that I have one, it'shard for me to let it go.
Before my surgery, I was doing12,000 steps six days a week.
So Sundays were a full restday from everything.

(34:06):
When I wasn't able to work outat all, I went into getting my steps
all seven days of the week.
So when it was the plan toonly do six days, I was totally fine
with hitting my step goal sixdays a week.
And it was actually nicebecause I could kind of, you know,
switch the day around based onif I had a day of the week where

(34:26):
it was going to be hard for meto get my steps.
Once I couldn't work out,though, I started doing it every
day.
And now here we are at a streak.
It's a slippery slope for me though.
I need to be okay with nothitting my steps.
I really do.
And a streak has gotten me in trouble.
Before I.

(34:46):
I had once worked out for 594days in a row.
The plan was to work out everysingle day for a year.
And when I did that, Icouldn't just let the streak go because,
like, who works out for 3,365days and then is like, yeah, I think
I'll rest tomorrow.
Like, no, I'm.
I got this thing going.
Like, why let a good thing go?
But it wasn't a good thing.

(35:07):
And the only thing thatactually made me stop was Covid.
A bad case of COVID It, likeit knocked me down.
And the reason it knocked medown is probably because my body
was dead tired and I had notrecovered in dang near two years.
So that is a good reminder tome and also evidence that I see often

(35:29):
in my life, unfortunately,that God has to take drastic measures
to slow me down.
So maybe this is a goodreminder that it's okay to let the
step streak go.
Especially because I'm nowworking out.
I'm lifting four days a week.
I'm doing CrossFit two days a week.
I'm trying to get two fullrest days.
So that means one of the daysI have to do CrossFit and lifting,

(35:51):
but the lifting is chill.
Like it's in my basement.
Yesterday I wasn't feeling it,so I just, I only did 30 minutes
and it's nothing like what Iwas doing before.
And I think that I'm seeingthe reward of that because I sleep
so much better, I look better,I feel better, my heart rate is lower,
my resting heart rate is lower.

(36:11):
I'll never know if that'ssurgery or if that's, you know, getting
my obsessive exercise undercontrol, getting my stress, my cortisol
down, all of that under control.
I'm sure it all plays a part,but I definitely feel better.
So I don't want to get back ona bad cycle of feeling like I'm doing

(36:34):
it for a streak instead of formy overall health and well being,
because that's truly what I'mchasing now is overall health.
So that was a long winded wayto answer that question.
So I'm on a streak.
I need to let it go.
I'm not okay with just simplynot getting to the goal because my
personal standard is 12,000steps a day.

(36:55):
So I'm not just going to belike, ugh, I'm not going to get there.
I can't do it.
For me, it's going to have tobe a I decided that Sunday is going
to be my day of rest becausethat feels different to me.
That feels different to me.
In my mindset, I didn't fail.
I chose a rest day.
So I need to find balance andacceptance around that, that is for

(37:15):
sure.
Let's see what's next.
How do you help lead yourchildren toward God without pressure?
So I think that's totally justin leading by example and explaining
why you make the decisions you make.
Because I'm sure a lot of thedecisions you make if you're a follower

(37:35):
of Jesus, are based on histeachings and what he tells us is
right and how we are to live.
So I think explaining that asyou lead by example, asking your
children for forgiveness whenyou screw up, and explaining why
you know, there's Proverbs22:6 tells us, Train up a child in

(37:56):
the way that he should go andeven when he is old he will not depart
from it.
So giving them a solidfoundation of Jesus and why he is
our hope in this life and whywe want to live a life of faith there.
I just listened to thispodcast about this study that showed
that if a Child is the firstperson in a family to accept Jesus

(38:18):
into their life, Three and ahalf percent of the family will follow.
If a mom is the first followerof Christ in the family, 22% of the
family will follow.
But if it's dad, 93% of thefamily follows.
That is the power of a strongleader in a father.
And it's one of the very fewplaces in a child's life where a

(38:39):
dad has more influence than a mom.
I thought that was really,really interesting.
Uh, let's see what life eventstriggered your discipline.
So this is interesting.
This is another one.
If you've been around forlong, you've heard me talk about
that.
I used to be a quitter.
I quit everything.
I started, whether it was like running.

(38:59):
So for me it was running.
Like running was the way I exercised.
I was in cross country.
I quit every single meet.
I think I had two meets whereI finished and every other thing
said dnf, dnf, dnf.
Because I just faked shinsplints and I would fall down or
like trip over my ownshoestrings and quit.

(39:20):
That was me.
And that is shameful when Italk about it now because I would
never do that anymore.
And so I know what being aquitter feels like.
And it does not feel good.
I can, I can promise you Inever felt good about laying down
on a golf course mid crosscountry meet and saying my shins

(39:43):
hurt too bad to continue running.
Did I feel accomplished?
Did I feel proud of myself?
Did I feel like I was buildingendurance and, and learning to how
to be mentally tough andteaching myself that I could do hard
things?
No, I just gave up when it got hard.
And I continued to do that inmy life, in marriage.
I gave up.
I just gave up on, on my first marriage.

(40:06):
I mean, talk about pushingthrough a hard thing.
That would have been rough,but I would continue to just quit,
quit on myself, quit oneveryone else when it got hard.
So I thought of, when I readthis question, I'm like, I can think
of two times when my exhusband, actually I have him to thank,
thought that I would quit.

(40:27):
And I didn't.
And I remember I didn't findout until after the fact that these
were his thoughts.
But one was I went toaesthetics school and I'd quit college,
I don't know how many times.
So when I told him I was goingto aesthetic school, he automatically
assumed that I would just quitand not graduate.
And I didn't.
And I remember finding thatout and thinking, wow, thank God,

(40:49):
I followed through on thatbecause this feels so much better
than had.
I quit and proved him rightabout me.
And the other thing was heallowed me to move here to Virginia
with my children after puttingup a huge fight in court one day,
my lawyer called me and hesaid, you're not going to believe
this, but he says, you can move.
And I was like, what?

(41:10):
And he goes, my suggestion foryou is to pack up everything you
own and get there andestablish the boys.
Get them a doctor, get them aschool, get them established in their
life there.
And later he would end upfighting me for full custody.
And I was so baffled.
I'm like, you, let me go.
What?

(41:30):
Like what?
Why are you doing this now?
And he said, I just thoughtyou'd come back.
I didn't think you couldhandle it.
I didn't think you could hack it.
I thought you'd quit.
And I remember thinking, I am never.
I am never going to be aquitter again.
And I wasn't.
I haven't been.
And I'm not.
I'm not defined by being aquitter anymore.

(41:52):
In fact, I am quite theopposite of being a quitter.
I am a I must see it throughtill the end kind of girl.
And I love that about me.
And so, again, I know what itfeels like to be a quitter.
And I was never.
I've never been proud ofmyself when I've quit, but I've always
been proud of myself when I'vepowered through.
What made you fall in lovewith CrossFit?

(42:14):
And a daily step goal.
So it's right along those same lines.
So CrossFit for me was.
I never had ever in my lifefelt like I was good at something.
I.
I don't know how to quitearticulate that, but I've never felt
like, you say, like, what's atalent you wish you had?
I never have.

(42:34):
I've never thought that I evenhave one.
I don't feel like I'm giftedat things.
I just never have felt good.
And so when I startedCrossFit, even though I was so afraid
I put it off, for years, I'dbeen in the space of CrossFit gyms,
but I was always over in bootcamp because I was terrified.

(42:55):
I was intimidated by CrossFit.
And once I finally, because mysweet friend Melissa invited me and
encouraged me to do it, once Istepped into a CrossFit gym, I was
immediately hooked.
And I felt like I was good at it.
And so when I felt like I wasgood at it, it almost Became a drug.
I needed that fix every day tolike give myself.

(43:20):
It was like identity wrappedup in.
In being good at CrossFitbecause it felt so good to finally
feel like I was good at something.
So we could argue whether ornot I actually have other talents
or gifts.
And you can believe that I do,but the fact was that I didn't feel
like I did.
And so this just again, itfelt like a drug to me.

(43:41):
Like I needed that fix everysingle day.
And that's where I got myselfin trouble.
Because it's not something youshould be giving.
You should not be giving ahundred percent of yourself in a
workout six to seven days aweek because you just can't keep
it up.
Your body, your body willfight against that at some point.
So I think that's just wheremy love for CrossFit came from.

(44:03):
Not to mention the trulypositive things about it.
It is an exceptional workout.
It taught me things that Inever believed that I could do.
The community is justsomething that I would never want
to give up.
I absolutely love thecommunity, the people.
I always say it's my favoriteplace with my favorite people, and
I stand by that.
I love CrossFit in thecommunity and just the confidence

(44:27):
it brought in my life.
I'd never had confidencebefore and it really gave me self
esteem and self worth.
As much as that's not where Ishould have been finding it.
That's kind of where it started.
Do you ever feel shy on social media?
You do such a good job showing up.
So I am an open book.
It's so funny because my noone in my family is really like that.

(44:49):
I will tell you anything youwant to know whenever you want to
know it.
All you gotta do is ask.
So no, I don't feel shy.
I do notice I don't show up asmuch when, like, if I look like absolute
trash.
I don't want to get on my stories.
And that's something I'm kind of.
I mean, I do.
I was just on my stories todaywith no makeup on, looking like a

(45:11):
wreck.
But I'm not afraid to share things.
The only thing that holds meback is when my story intersects
with someone else's story thatisn't quite an open book like me
or hasn't given me permissionto share their part of the story.
And so that's where I have tobe mindful and respectful of other

(45:32):
people's boundaries andprivacy because I don't even have
boundaries for myself.
And I don't.
I don't feel like things areprivate because I feel like everything's.
Somebody can resonate with everything.
I'm not alone in my strugglesor the things I've been through or
the choices that I've made.
And if I can inspire someoneto like, come out on the other side

(45:52):
of it, I'm more than happy to share.
And I have done shameful things.
And if you ask me about it,I'm happy to share it with you because
you're not alone in it.
And I know someone can relateand, And I don't have to live in
that shame spiral because I'vecome out on the other side.
I've learned from my mistakesand become a better human being.

(46:14):
What else we got?
Oh, that reminds me too.
Just like, even sometimes Iget a little pitter patter in my
heart about people going backand listening to like early episodes
of Activate because I was sucha different human being then.
I mean, we were, we were usingthe F word constantly.
All I cared about was food andbody, very deep in an eating disorder,

(46:35):
very disrespectful of my husband.
Just so many things.
I mean, well, I haven't beendrunk, but like, just telling stories
about when I used to bedrinking all the time and all the
mistakes I made, like, itgives me a little pause to think,
man, that's all out there.
But what a beautiful story of redemption.
If you were to listen over all250some odd episodes to see the evolution

(47:02):
of my life and my faith andhow God has worked in my life and
how a faith in Jesus haschanged me, I think, wow, what a
testimony.
So therefore I'm not, I'm notashamed of any of it.
It's, it's, it's all part ofmy story.
I can't change the past and Iwouldn't because it's all brought
me to where I am now.

(47:24):
Bible verse that has gottenyou through challenging times.
So for the longest, for thefirst half of my life as a follower
of Jesus, it was Jeremiah 29:11.
For I know the plans I havefor you, declares the Lord.
Plans to prosper you and notto harm you.
Plans to give you hope in a future.
And then when I.
When all the heart stuffhappened, God just put Isaiah 41:10

(47:47):
in front of me.
Do not fear, for I am with you.
Do not be dismayed, for I amyour God.
I will strengthen you and keep you.
I will uphold you with myrighteous right hand.
That got me through the wholelast six months of my life.
So those are two of my veryfavorite verses.
Will I ever move back to Iowa.

(48:08):
So that's funny that youshould ask Caleb.
My Caleb, my sweet boy.
Actually, he asked me on thaton Sunday when I was there, and he
was having a hard time withsaying goodbye to me.
And he said, do you ever thinkyou could.
You would move back to Iowa?
And my immediate thought waslike, buy me a house.
Not, not my kid, my husband.
I was like, baby, buy me a house.

(48:28):
We're moving back.
And he's like, all it takes isfor Caleb to ask you one time and
now you suddenly want to livein Iowa.
When I think about it, like,when I think long and hard, I don't
want to live in Iowa.
I cannot deal with Iowa weather.
It has been like, chilly andrainy and windy all spring long Virginia

(48:51):
weather is so mild.
We get all four seasons still,but spring comes early and fall stays
late and winter is short.
We usually get a snow or twowe can enjoy.
And then it's, you know, verymild, mild temperatures.
We don't have a lot of naturaldisasters here.

(49:11):
Iowa definitely has tornadoes.
I also just come from such asmall, tiny town that I remember
the days of literally, like,driving around the town with my little
boys in the back, feeling likeI could possibly die of boredom.

(49:31):
But it's actually funny nowbecause I don't.
I don't go anywhere.
I just am at my house.
But I love the idea of knowingthat there are lots of things around
me to do if I ever actuallyhad the desire to go do them.
And just like restaurants andI don't know, just access to things,
access to shopping, access to entertainment.
Like, it's not Iowa doesn'thave it.

(49:55):
But what Iowa does have is mytwo precious boys, my parents, my
grandma, my sister, my friends.
So it holds such a specialplace in my heart.
And I will never, I will neverstop being thankful for being raised
in a small town in Iowa.

(50:16):
Like, I think it is the bestplace to be from.
I just for me, it wasn't thebest place to stay.
Now I'm not opposed to myhusband buying some hunting ground
in Iowa and having a nicelittle house there where I can snuggle
my grandbabies one day andspend time with my family and be
there and, you know, opportuneseasons of the year.

(50:40):
But do I ever see myselfliving in Iowa again?
Probably not.
Which is probably unfortunatefor the person that was asking the
question.
But I love you still.
All right, we're getting there.
So favorite make wellness product.
So you all know that I leftModere for a multitude of reasons

(51:04):
and I switched companies to tomake wellness.
It is a natural from a plantbioactive peptide company.
Peptides are the future of wellness.
There's no denying that.
I love the idea that they'reingestible, not injectable like synthetic
peptides, and that they aremade from nature and that your body

(51:24):
knows exactly what to do with them.
So my favorite, favoriteproduct is Fit.
And it really goes back to mypassion for like aging and aging
gracefully and promoting, youknow, muscle as we age and chasing
muscle like our life dependson it.
Because it does.
And I, I do.

(51:45):
I wish it wasn't called Fitbecause people think it's only for
people that work out and thatsimply is not true.
It just helps us to preservethat muscle as we age.
It helps muscle recovery.
It has NAD plus, which issomething else that I have actually.
Before my heart surgery,before my heart issue, I had told

(52:06):
Jonathan what I wanted forChristmas was a IV membership to
an IV company, a mobile IVcompany to get NAD plus infusions
once a month.
Now there are some scary sideeffects that can come from those
NAD plus infusions.

(52:27):
Our product actually has a 17%decrease in all cause mortality,
which is incredible.
Just, it's all a part of ourFit peptide.
So that is by far my favorite one.
But I will say this is annoying.
I love them all.
We only have six products andI didn't start out taking them all.
In fact, I couldn't.

(52:48):
I could only take calm.
And calm is amazing.
Asher and I do calm.
Cheers.
Every night before bed, wejust cheers to each other and we
take our calm and it's justenough to kind of chill you out.
It's actually non drowsy, soit can be taken anytime during the
day if you're feeling anxiousor overwhelmed.
So calm.
We love it.
Tastes so good.
It's like lemony limey andit's just like, I don't know, it's

(53:11):
like a little treat before bed.
And then lean and fit.
I couldn't take either ofthose until well after surgery.
So when I got to start takingthose both, I was so excited.
They actually work synergistically.
They work together for betterbody composition in addition to all
the other benefits of both products.

(53:32):
So I love those two.
Take them every day hydrated.
I drink three hydrated everysingle day.
Just a staple in my life.
I used to drink Elements orRedmond's Relay for electrolytes
and now I just use our hydrated.
It's.
It's so light and refreshingand good.
So that helps Me get all mywater in, let alone the benefits

(53:55):
of having electrolytes, itincreases the, like, the effectiveness.
So it's like drinking sevenglasses of water as opposed to one
glass of water when you'readding in the hydrated.
And then we have energized and focused.
And those are two that I nevertook because I was like, I don't
like all the extra caffeine.
I don't feel like I strugglewith energy, and I don't feel like
I struggle with focused.

(54:15):
But I started taking themtogether, energized and focused.
I don't take them every day,just if I have something.
And it's specifically thepodcast is where I noticed it, because
it would take me an entire dayto prepare and plan a podcast because
I couldn't stay on task.
Like, I would.
I would, you know, write somenotes, and then I would check my

(54:36):
Instagram, and then I wouldcheck my back office, and then I
would, like, I don't know, gowalk some steps to get my step goal.
I don't.
I could not focus, and Ididn't even recognize that.
I just kind of thought, well,you know, this is just how I do things.
And because I live a life sofree of, like, deadlines and places
I have to be and things that Ihave to have done by a certain point,

(54:57):
I didn't even recognize that I.
I struggled to focus.
So I started taking energizedand focused on days where I had to
get a podcast prepared, like today.
And I feel amazing.
There's just.
It just kind of gets rid ofthe brain fog and it helps you to
stay on task.
It's amazing.
So favorite.

(55:17):
Favorite is fit, but there'snot a product that I don't love.
I'm so excited we're going to have.
The goal with Make Wellness isBody, Brains, Beauty, and Beyond.
So we're going to have skin care.
Obviously, the collagen willbe inside out, you know, anti aging.
I'm so excited about that.

(55:38):
Just so many things on the horizon.
We're having a sleep productcome out in the next, like, year,
which I'm so looking forward to.
If that could get me off ofAmbien, that would be incredible.
I will say I have beensleeping so well, and I do think,
too, that that is a part ofnot doing such intense exercise every
day and lowering my cortisol,getting those stress levels down.

(56:00):
My heart rate is lower atnight, and I am just sleeping like
a baby, which is amazingbecause I've struggled with sleep
for a really long time.
All right, we're getting there.
This is a long one, guys.
So, next, what does a day inmy life look like?
So, as I said, every morning,which, oh, my gosh, here's another

(56:20):
blessing of my life that Ithank God for all the time, is that
I never have to set an alarm.
I never wake up to an alarm,which is just such a blessing because
there's nothing worse than thecortisol rush of a blaring alarm
waking you up out of a.
A dead sleep when you're notready to get up, and then knowing
that you most likely aregetting up to go somewhere you don't

(56:41):
want to go.
So one of the main major, hugeblessings of my life is not having
to wake up to an alarm andbeing able to make money from home.
So it starts with Jesus and coffee.
So I wake up every single morning.
When I wake up, it's usuallybetween 5:30 and 6:30.
And I'm so excited to start my day.

(57:02):
What.
What a blessing.
So I get up, I make that.
That exorbitant cup of coffeethat I shared with you, and then
I go sit.
And we have this little livingroom in the front of our house, and
I go sit there with my pile of books.
I start with a Bible recap.
So I read the scripture forthe day, and then I listen to the
recap podcast, and then I moveon to my devotions.

(57:22):
And then whatever other booksI'm reading that, you know, just
complement what I'm learningin the Bible or just in my faith
journey.
And then every single day, Iwrite my prayers, start with praise.
That's like my gratitude report.
And then I move on torepentance and asking forgiveness.
And then I move on to askingGod what it is that I need.

(57:43):
And then I do my daily Bible verse.
So it could be the verse ofthe day from the Bible app.
It could be a.
A verse from one of my devotions.
It could just be a.
A verse that's speaking to methat day.
I write that down, and that ismy morning routine.
And that can take me anywherefrom an hour to like two and a half.
And just depending on whatelse I have to do that day, I just

(58:06):
let it go long or I, you know,stay on task and get it all done
in that first hour.
But that is always, always,always the first hour of my day.
And I.
I am so grateful.
It is my favorite hour of the day.
So after that, I get up, Ialways make my fit, take my lean,

(58:26):
take my baby aspirin, becausethat is the One thing that I have
to do after having heartsurgery is take a baby as every day.
And then I just get to do insome things.
Usually I'm unloading thedishwasher, starting some laundry,
making breakfast.
I eat and then if I, like, IfI'm coaching CrossFit that day, I
head out for that, or if I'mgoing to class, I head out for that.

(58:48):
Otherwise I get, I come up tomy office, I get a little work done,
whatever that looks like forthe day.
I might do a little meal prep.
Mostly just protein prep.
That's kind of my jam.
I just prep the protein andthen whatever else I can just, just
throw together in the moment.
And then it's lunch.
Asher's here doing his online school.
So I'm, you know, conversingwith him in between classes, bringing

(59:12):
him whatever he needs, youknow, mom, can you make my drink?
He does a little concoction ofhydrated and creatine every day.
So I make him his drink andbring it to him.
I, you know, prep his lunch,whatever it is he's gonna eat.
And then now if I haven't donea workout, I will do that.

(59:33):
Mostly after lunch, I, I godown to my basement, do my lifting
for the day, whatever it looks like.
I have a four day split thatI'm working through.
So I have a glutes andhamstrings day.
I have a back and biceps day,I have a shoulders and triceps day
and then I have a quad focus day.
I can't do any chest work currently.

(59:54):
So those are my, that's mysplit for right now.
Like I said, I do two days aweek of CrossFit.
I coach one day and then theafternoon I, I prepare a podcast.
I, you know, do some work formake wellness.
I coach clients, whatever thatlooks like.
I just kind of live thisbeautiful life.

(01:00:19):
And then at some point inthere, I've.
Usually in the morning I'llwalk 6,000 steps, and then the afternoon
I walk 6,000.
I start to think about whatI'm gonna make everybody.
For dinner, we might go outside.
Asher and Jonathan will go fishing.
This time of year I'll do mysteps, I'll read.

(01:00:40):
I'm always into a book.
I think I've finished like 22books already in 20, 25.
And then if I have, you know,chores and things, if I need to clean
up, if I need to do laundry,I'll do that.
Then I eat dinner between 4:30and 5:00.
And that kind of signifies theend of eating for me in a day.

(01:01:00):
And honestly, after that, itis just like get me in the bath,
get me in my pajamas and putme to bed.
That's how I feel.
So I, I take my bath alwaysafter my bath, I do my red light
mask that I was telling you about.
Oh, and there's usually asauna in there after the workout.
Do that red light mask.
Every night, Jonathan and Itake a bath together.
I've talked about that too.

(01:01:21):
That's like our, we sit, wesit facing each other in the bathtub.
We download our day.
We could be in there for 10 minutes.
We could be in there for anhour and ten minutes just talking
about life and plans and, Idon't know, dreams.
What was hard about the day,what we're struggling with.
We share all of that.
And then we always watch ashow together.
So then we get in bed, watch ashow, and then, you know, your girl

(01:01:46):
starts winding down.
I'm usually asleep by 9:00.
I, 9, 9:30, I am done and down.
I lay on my red light.
I have a red light bed,basically a red light mat.
So I either lay that on mychest as part of healing or I just

(01:02:06):
lay on it before bed.
And that really promotes goodsleep and recovery and lots of amazing
benefits from a red light bed.
And then I turn on my fan onmy dresser, I turn on my fan on my
ceiling, I turn on mynoisemaker and I make it as absolutely
like, perfect for sleep as Ipossibly can.

(01:02:27):
And then I, I crash out foreight and a half, nine hours.
And that is a day in the lifeof Kristen.
And if you hate me afterlistening to that, I apologize, but
that's, that's the truth of it.
Oh, let's see.
A dream of mine.
I think this might actually be.
Oh no, there's one more.

(01:02:48):
A dream of mine.
And I, I thought hard about this.
I've always been someone whostruggles to figure out, like, what
I'm supposed to be doing withmy life and really what do I even
want it to look like.
But lately my only dream isthat all my kids would be saved.

(01:03:10):
I pray it, I dream it, I wantit, I wish it.
I, I, I covet their salvationand then crowns in heaven.
I'm just trying to earn mycrowns in heaven through living a
life of, you know, pleasingGod and persevering through trying
times and serving others.

(01:03:32):
That's truly my dream now.
All the other things seem sotrivial after not knowing if you're
gonna live or die.
It just, there's a perspective Shift.
Things just change.
I was just sharing with afriend of mine, like, and I think
I've already shared on thepodcast, but things matter so little
to me now.
Sure.

(01:03:52):
I'm sure there's gonna, you'regonna be like, oh, you didn't have
that shirt before, whatever,like, okay, I get it.
But the importance that I hadon things before, before the car
accident and before findingout about my heart issue, I just
have.
It just doesn't matter.
Those things do not matter.
Designer things.
I don't, I don't, I don't evenwant designer things.

(01:04:17):
It just seems so trivial and unimportant.
And I absolutely want thosethings for you if you have a desire
for those things.
I don't, I don't judge anyonewho wants those things.
I wanted all of those thingsand it was, there was nothing wrong
with wanting them.
There's just something in menow that has changed.

(01:04:38):
A switch flipped in me and Idon't have a desire for those things
anymore.
Well, that's brings me to mynext question.
Have you gotten Botox?
So I shared on here that I hada conviction and that I wasn't going
to get Botox anymore.
And the answer is no.
I got Botox in November beforeStellan's wedding, and I have not

(01:05:02):
since.
I had a conviction that I, Ishouldn't be putting, you know, things
in my body that I don't knowwhat they're gonna do to me long
term after having a healthscare, and I haven't.
But I will tell you, I reallywant it.
And I've been having someconversations and, you know, prayers

(01:05:22):
with God about when I havethese holy spirit convictions on
my heart, how do I discernwhether they're meant to be forever
or whether they're meant to befor now.
But what I believe is that ifI still want Botox so badly, now
is not the time that I canhave it.
So in saying that if I get toa place where I don't want it anymore,

(01:05:47):
that's when I can have it.
But then I don't want it.
So I don't know what thatlooks like going forward.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I don't know.
I just have to keep praying on it.
If I can just be reallyhonest, I, as I've shared like I
was never good at anything.
I didn't have any talents.
I didn't know what I wassupposed to be doing.
I didn't love myself verylittle, self worth and self esteem.

(01:06:10):
The only compliment I ever gotmy whole life was, you're Pretty.
And so I think there's a deepfear of losing pretty.
And I think I associategrowing older aging as losing beauty
in a way.
And so I think I cling to that.

(01:06:31):
And so God is using this toteach me something and it hasn't.
It's not an easy lesson to learn.
And it's, it's.
I hope that that doesn't sound.
I don't know, I hope thatdoesn't sound any kind of way that's
just honestly feels terrifyingfor me to age.

(01:06:55):
Because if the only thing goodabout me has ever been how I look,
I know that's not true, butthat's what has been ingrained in
me or what I've believed, thenonce that's gone, there's nothing
good about me.
So that's where this Botoxconviction has kind of the rabbit

(01:07:15):
hole has led me down as I tryto figure out and try to let go of
that, that silly beliefaround, around how I look.
So there.
That's about as honest as they come.
How do you discern God's voicefrom your own?

(01:07:36):
So just like this Botoxconviction, right?
Like, how do I know that wasnot just me?
Well, one, because I would nottell myself I can't have Botox.
But even just the other nightwhen I was asleep and I so very clearly
heard, kristen, you'resupposed to be coaching women for
free.
Like, I never had that thought before.
And I was asleep, but I was so aware.

(01:07:57):
And I think God talks to melike that a lot.
Like I'm sleeping.
It's not a dream.
I'm very aware.
And when I, like, wake up to,like, go to the bathroom, I'm very
aware that I've been beingtold this thing.
And so this does happen to me.
And I.
You gotta just pray for it.
You gotta pray for God tospeak to you.
You gotta pray for him to makeit clear.
You gotta pray for him to make his.

(01:08:18):
His intentions and his.
His will for you clear.
And when you have this feelingof like, is this God or is this me,
then you just pray for discernment.
Like, God, if this is you,make it so abundantly clear that
I cannot deny that it's you.
And then you just be still andyou wait.
Or if it's something thatdoesn't, like, God's not gonna.
God is never going to ask youto do something that is, that is

(01:08:41):
sinful, number one.
So if it's some, it's a sinfuldesire, just 1,000% you.
Or the enemy tempting you ifyou didn't listen to last week's
Listen about the enemy, how heuses temptation to keep us from God.
But just praying for that discernment.
And then for me it's like,okay, I hear you, Lord.
I know that that's you tellingme this, but now what does that mean?

(01:09:03):
Help me to understand what itis exactly that you want me to do.
And I'm still.
I'm just still here being.
Still waiting for the answerto that prayer and waiting for him
to make it clear to me.
So, all right, I've kept youhere for an hour and nine minutes,
but I hope that this was enjoyable.
I hope this was a nice littledeparture from where we've been.
I also hope that you've beenjust gaining a lot of value from

(01:09:27):
where God has had us thesepast several months.
Now, that was fun for me.
I enjoyed that.
I don't have to actuallyprepare for a podcast that's just
questions about me.
So that made it easy and enjoyable.
And I hope that.
I hope that you.
I don't know, I hope that thatwas enjoyable for you as well.

(01:09:50):
I hope that you have awonderful week.
Happy Monday.
I'm so grateful for you.
Later.
That's a wrap on anotherepisode of Activate.
Stay up to date by followingHristenleighballard on Instagram.
And if this episode made youlaugh, offered value, or simply entertained
you, please, like, share andgive a five star review on itunes.

(01:10:11):
Thanks for being here.
Love y'all.
Later.