Skyler McCurine {on playing big}

On the final episode of season 2 of Be Amplified, we talk about going big, playing big and really showing up in your life. Skyler McCurine joins us as she shares her inspiration and thoughts on living your most amplified life. Get the show notes at www.TheAmplifyCollective.com.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You are listening to be Amplified thePodcast with three n TIS episode sixty two.
Hey Amplifiers, welcome to be Amplifiedthe Podcast. My name is Tayis
and I'm Bree Seeley. We arethe co founders of the Amplified Collective,
a movement aimed at radically disrupting howpurpose driven women connect and operate in the

(00:22):
world, because we believe it's notjust what you do, but who you
are that matters. Each week,join us for messages and interviews that will
leave you feeling amplified and ready tochange the world. Let's do this.
Hello, Hello, world of peoplethat listen to the Amplify the Podcast.
It is Tay Sky, I'm BreeSeelye, and we want to just say

(00:46):
welcome Amplifiers to Erinal World, ourlittle slice of the universe right here in
our closets. This is the finalepisode of season two. Yeah kind of.
And let that sink in for aminute. We have done sixty two

(01:07):
episodes, Bree seely in like undera year and a half. It's been
like a year and three months.I think that is insane. It is
insane. We've had so much funwith you all, and we couldn't think
of a better guest to be wrappingup season two with. Seriously, seriously,
seriously, this woman, Skylar isincredible and she is going to just

(01:32):
shower you with inspiration, and sowe wanted to start off the podcast and
continue with that inspiration or pre prepreamble prime you. We're going to prime
you with more inspiration inspiration before weget to that inspiration with playing big and
going big and being real and beinggrounded and being all the things and you

(01:53):
can do it and your potentials unlimitedand you've got this so pretty well.
Artists. Oh really, I'm supposedto follow that with some sort of insight.
I can't just keep going just putmore cliche words together. I found
that that's all that's required. Really. Yeah. Yeah. One of the

(02:14):
things that Tyse and I really liketo talk about if you've heard any of
our other sixty one episodes, whichps, if you haven't get yourself at
time, yes, get yourself educatedand go download the other sixty one episodes,
is this idea of not using motivationalthings as band aids. And I

(02:36):
didn't realize that that's how you weregoing really showing up for your dreams in
a big, authentic, vulnerable way. I guess we're gonna kind of We
were talking. We were throwing arounda few ideas before this, and I
kind of just encompassed all of theminto that statement, which is fun.
So we'll talk about a few differentthings. So what you know, Tys,

(02:57):
what does it look like for youto play bang? Oh? My
gosh, Playing big to me meanshaving fun. That's it. Like having
fun. We talked about having funin the last the episode before last,
But um, to me, that'sthe most important thing. If I'm not
having fun, something's off, youknow, because I'm a very playful person,
and I have a lot of energy, and I have a lot of

(03:19):
passion, and I really love lifeand I love living life. And it's
most of the time it's btw,because when I hate life, I really
fucking hate life. But if I'mnot if I'm not doing it with a
place of joy and fun and holyshit, I can't believe I get to
do this, then I'm not doingit right in my perspective. So to
me, playing big, he's gettinguncomfortable, but having fun doing it and

(03:44):
not taking myself so seriously and nottaking the world so seriously. Because we're
all going to die anyway, Sowhat can we do to so much fun?
So that was much fun. Butalso pause, like we've got to
be responsibly fun, Okay, becausepeople use this idea I'm just gonna have
fun to mean shirking off responsibility andyou know, denying what is real,

(04:08):
And that's not what I'm saying.I'm saying. The more that you can
actually accept what is here, acceptwho you are, accept limitations, accept
what is reality and see it truly, you can really really explode in your
capacity to have fun because things aren'tas serious when you can be with the
seriousness of what is here. Nice, That's it. That's all I got.

(04:32):
That's my mic drop moment. Playingbig is so like the idea of
it, Like gosh, what doesthat even mean? Playing big? Like,
well, it's so different for everyone. And I feel like in our
culture, or at least in theentrepreneurial culture, playing big is so like,
you know, go full out,bet at all, you know,
put all your cards on the table, your mortgage, your house, and

(04:56):
like take all the risks, andlike if you're not risking everything, you're
not doing right. And like it'sa full idea of like you can play
inspirational messages together too. Look,but I'm not saying these are like what
I live by, but no,but I'm just saying, like, see,
it's not that hard. You know, a lot of people think that
playing big looks like Tony Robbins andthat's the only way to play big is
if you're filling amphitheaters full of thousandsand thousands of people. And that's just

(05:21):
not the case, you know.And so Schuyler will define for us what
her definition of playing big is,but I think it's really important, like
what does big look like for eachof us? How does playing big show
up in your life? Because howit shows up in my life is different
than how it shows up and Tice'slife, and that's okay. So you
know, what does it look likefor you to play big? Does it

(05:42):
look like having you know, abajillion Instagram followers and getting a ton of
likes and you know, having thisbusiness where you're serving like Tony Robbins level.
Or is it that you're really deeply, purposefully, you know, connecting
with what is here and that's that'splaying big for you, showing up in
every situation as the most you themost fulfilled, the most expanded you that

(06:09):
you can be in the world.Is that? Did you just do that?
For me? I think that wasThat's my definition of playing big.
Oh okay, well I think tellingabout that was my definition. I'm like
that was just that was just soepic. That was beautiful. Definition is
like, you know, I'm goingpossibly going to a networking event tonight.
How can I be the best freethat fucking shows up at this networking event

(06:30):
tonight? You know, how canI play big in that situation? How
can I play big with being athome with the kiddies and writing all day
today? It's it's doesn't always looklike how are our society or how our
industries present it to us to lookyeah yeah, No. For me,
you know, I have to sayI've put a lot of pressure in my
in my past to be big um, and I've had to do a lot

(06:54):
of work around my fears of beingnormal and my fears of being mediocre because
I have a lot of my drivesan ambition comes from a deep fear of
being a nobody, and that it'sbeen like six years of really looking at
my fear of being a nobody andwhat that looks like and how that's driving

(07:16):
my business and how that's affecting howI show up, because what happens when
you're doing anything from well, i'lltalk about this specifically because we're here,
But for me, I found thatif I'm operating from a place of needing
something, some sort of extra validation, like a lot of likes to you
know, validate that I'm not normal, that I'm not mediocre, that I'm

(07:38):
big or whatever, it doesn't matterwhat accolades again, it doesn't matter what
awards. Again, it doesn't matteryou know who fucking retweets me. It
doesn't matter. It's not actually goingto sink in because it's coming from a
wounded place. So the more thatI've really really been able to untangle the
fear and like what is here andget deeper at the issue, I found

(07:58):
that my drive has slowed down,and I'm no longer terrified at the idea
of being normal and really really lovingmy mediocre life and really really loving that
I could die and nobody and reallyand being okay with that. And it's
amazing at how as that has happened, my level of impact has increased,

(08:24):
more so than I've ever thought itwas possible, but I actually really don't.
I can't. I'm not. Ican't say I relinquished my ego.
Of course I care, but it'sstarting to no longer really be the point
of the thing that I'm doing.And that's been really great. That's been
really healing for me. That's beena really big deal. I stall have
a little bit more work to go, but that's been feeling really really good.

(08:46):
So being big could mean being mediocre, And isn't that so okay?
Like not everybody needs to be atthe front lines, Like we need all
of humanity. We need everybody.We need you know, if we're talking
about like activism and we're talking aboutlike you know, what is going on
in our country and our president,Like, yes, we need the people
who are like picketing, and weneed the people who's like putting their lives

(09:09):
on you know. We also needthe doctors and the people who are taking
care of the people that are gettinghurt. We also need the lawyers,
like people who are behind the sceneswho are putting their intellectual knowledge of law.
We need all people and so andreally it's it's more even at a
local governmental level that like your impactis actually bigger and can more, that

(09:31):
local officials are important, showing upfor local meetings, like all of it's
important, all of it has aplace, And so being really present when
you're hiking with the trees and you'rea dog, that's really important. Work.
It's all good. We need itall. We need the mediocre,
we need the quote unquote greatness.We need it all. We need it
all. So let's stop with thejudgment of what big looks like, because

(09:54):
there's no such thing. It's allsubjective, and really focus on just really
tapping into and accessing our love andour happiness and our solidarity and our reverence
and our expansion. One other thingI've been writing about a lot lately too,

(10:15):
is that if your vision is beingdriven by this place of shoods or
by this place of well other peopleare by this place of well society expects
me to or any of those things, Like if if your vision is being
driven by something that isn't real andisn't your truth, then it's I believe
it's more likely to fail. Yeah, And so really tapping down into like

(10:37):
why is it that I want this? And being guided like having your playing
big, being guided by your soulbeing guided by something that's more than just
you, more than just the Kardashiansand the people that we're all trying to
keep up with, and the thisis and the Vats and the will so
and so has a kid by fortyfive or thirty five, So I have
to have a kid by thirty five, and so and so got married by

(10:58):
the age of twenty ones, Ihave to get married by twenty one.
And my parents are expecting grandchildren,and this and that and all these other
things, and so really digging deepand asking yourself, like, why is
it that I want this version ofplaying big? What is it about this
version of playing big that's really importantto me? And be guided by that.
Don't be guided by the you know, the shiny shiny object syndrome of

(11:22):
your playing big. You know,we put neither Tice nor I are looking
to be Tony Robbins, and youknow our impact is going to be felt
just as much in a different way. And so, you know, like
I said earlier, to define itfor yourself, figure out what it means
for you, and let that beenough, because it is it is way,

(11:43):
way, way more than enough.All right, So let's wrap this
up because we have an exceptionally longinterview with Skylar. She was fabulous and
she just went so many truths likeshe's so many she just rumbled and it
was epic. So we want togive her all the space for her to

(12:03):
share all of her brilliance. Sowe're gonna wrap up our portion early and
quickly say thank you to all ofyou that have joined us for two seasons
of this um. Speaking of playingbig that we are, this podcast has
been playing bigger than either of usthought when we launched it, and so
we couldn't be here today without eachof you, and we're so grateful.

(12:24):
We're so so grateful. We've hada blast, and we hope that you've
enjoyed it and keep in touch withus. You know, we love to
hear more about what's been going onin your world. I mean, you
can find Bree by searching Bree seelyand you can find Bree without any not
like by searching a ty s guy. Yeah, we're you that Google thing
that I always talk about. Itfucking works tis Google things. It knows

(12:48):
everything. If you google my name, guess what I come up like Number
one me too. Yeah, we'relike the only ones of us so it
really is or Google just really smartand it only just shows us us.
I mean I've talked to Google.I've made sure. All right, Sorry,

(13:18):
amplifiers, We are back with agreat guest. Yes, Amy,
I don't even have to do mything. I think I think, I
think she's got it. So you'rehaving a conversation like that tis where everything
we're like someone was saying something thatwas like, what was the thing that

(13:43):
you were talking about with Kim lastnight? Oh? Yes, yes,
So so we had a dinner partylast night and one of our brilliant guests,
her name is Kim. She askseverything in a way that you can't
say it's not so she'll be likeshe's beauty of boy, isn't she.
I'm like, you can't then belike's not, like it's the best thing,

(14:07):
Like yeah, so I decided thatI'm going to be adopting this style
of speaking more often. So I'mamazing, aren't I? San? And
you have to say yes, um. I believe that's also in the same
methodology of Maxine Waters reclaiming My Time. Oh yeah, we're like incredible video,

(14:28):
like the most incredible moment in women'shistory of all times. We're waiting
time, my time, I'm reclaimingmy time. I have to introduce Skylar
before we get into all this stuff. Sorry, okay, okay, because
we have an amazing guest on thepodcast today, don't we, Yes,
we do. Let me tell youall about her. So. Skyler mccurn

(14:56):
is redefining the look of leadership asa personal stylist, public speaker, wonder
woman through her business La Reede Balloon. Driven by the lackluster, stereotypical portrayal
of women in the media and thedevastating landscape of leadership male pale, stale
leadership. For she leads workshops forteenage girls and professional women around leadership,

(15:24):
parody, self acceptance, personal branding, and of course style. Kyler's passion
for fostering leadership, audacity, andcourage in young women led her to an
invitation to ted X San Diego BusinessJournal Emerging Generation Award and her recent invitation
to attend the Forbes Under Thirty Summitas Swiss Luxury Watch brand Bound Mercier's Guest

(15:48):
of Distinction. She was a finalistfor the twenty sixteen Forbes thirty Under thirty
List in the Social Entrepreneurship category.She is a native San Diegan and received
her bachelor's in communication studies from Loyaland Marymount University and her master's an organizational
management from Ashford University. Refervent beliefin inclusion, red balloons, and champagne

(16:11):
are her personal north stars. Ifeel like when you were reading that,
I was like a boxer in thecorner, like jumping up and down,
like ready, like getting ready togo in the ring. I'm like,
yeah, yeah, that's me.I'm so excited to be here. Thank
you so much for having me.We love that you're here. And we

(16:33):
have a very important question for you. Yes, ask me, what does
it look like for you to liveand amplified life so juicy? First of
all, I made that sound inmy neighbor's dog started barking. I got
so excited by that shriek. That'sso amazing. You know, I have

(16:56):
to ask myself first. I haveto really in time with the word amplify.
Amplifying is about extending, it's aboutbroadening, it's about expansion. There's
nothing small about it. There's nothingcompact or tight or contorted about it.

(17:18):
When something is amplified, it justlike I just think of even like the
image of like a phonograph, evenlike it comes from the small place and
then it shoots out, it burstsout, breaking forth and going even wider
than that space originally intended for ittoo. So when I think about amplify,

(17:41):
an amplified life means when you don'tplay small with yourself, and it's
not about numbers, it's not abouthow big something is. It's about like,
it's about the how big that thingwas for you to overcome what you
really needed to like sit with inorder to play big, in order to

(18:04):
really encourage yourself to show up sothat you can free yourself from that tightness
and that fear to do something that'sbigger, something that you thought you could
not do. So living an amplifiedlife, to me is like figuring out
and deciding what your truth is,spending time with unwinding yourself and taking and

(18:29):
cutting those things that we've bound ourselveswith that have kept us small, things
like the truths that we learned thatweren't true, like I'm not enough,
or I'm broken, or it's myfault, those things that have kept us
small. We start unchaining and untetheringourselves from those things, and then you
know, we find the light ofwho we are, and as best we

(18:52):
can, we tell that truth andthen we cast that out and then other
people receive an invitation to the samething in themselves when they see that joy
and that freedom that we get fromeach other. So that's how I feel
like amplified life really has the potentialto to expand and to build and to
really shout. And it's almost likeit has the ability to create a parade

(19:18):
of freedom and other people just fromthat smallness that came from you. And
so an amplified life is showing upas best you can so that you don't
play small with yourself and only youknow the things that are keeping you small,
and most of the time they're reallybig things. They don't feel small.

(19:40):
They feel like everything. But wealso have this this like weird idea
that like some part of this isn'tright and I know it, you know,
and it can be really scary toface that. And then when you
do, with tenderness and with courage, I mean, you overcome that and
then that's the amplification right there.Yeah, thank you. I feel like

(20:06):
you have been embodying this really wellbecause you and I met I think plus
or minus what like two years agoand you I have seen you take up
more space in the world in abeautiful way. So what has been this
kind of this journey or this abilityfor you to amplify yourself more? What's

(20:27):
that been like over the last twoyears? And you know, maybe even
longer. I only have the twoyear vision because that's how well. The
first thing I need to say,number one is like, that is fucking
fantastic that you see that, andthat that means that the work that I'm
doing is representative of the change that'sgoing on inside of me. Because when

(20:51):
I sit with myself and do things, my business changes, the conversations I
have changed, the depth of itchanges, and then the work I really
realize what the real work is.It really has nothing to do with styling.
It really has nothing to do withspeaking, and has nothing to do
with performance. It's not those things. When someone comes to you asking and
saying I need help with something,that means that they're not happy with something,

(21:11):
and we need to understand why.You know, why why are you
not happy? Because we know thathappiness is not based off of circumstances,
and so I need to tod answerthat self from answer that for myself,
and I think, you know,with my business especially, I kept thinking
like I need to just do thisand then it will be that thing that
unlocks all of the things, andthen like I will become the thing,

(21:36):
and like and this is the thingthat's so frustrating is like you know,
part of it was like even meaccepting that, like I understand what is
for me, Like, oh gosh, I just need to really decide how
in are we going? How muchtime do we have because we have all
the time all in Oh oh mygosh. You know, I received this

(21:59):
gorgeous and atation in my life tosit down at my own table and to
walk the mission that I do withothers in myself redefine the look of leadership.
Number one meant that I needed tosit down and I actually learned that
not all leadership looks the same.I got to learn from being with my

(22:22):
grandmother that sometimes leadership is like whenwe listen to that truth on the inside
and show up for ourselves so thatthat can Leadership can look like, you
know, someone having a baby.It can look like someone taking care of
our grandmother. It can be agrandmother choosing to take a bath that day
she shows up that way. Leadershipis not always at a corporate table.

(22:44):
We all have a table and understandingwhat that table is, it's what we
are called to do, the workwe are asked to show up and do.
So our tables look very different.And I needed to first understand and
see that my table was different,and then not judge that table for the
way that it looks, but thento just say, okay, it's different.

(23:06):
And then when I sit down atmy own table, I looked at
who was sitting there, and Iasked myself, there are some things that
no longer deserve a seat here,at least not this prominently like enoughness,
like my value placed in my reputation, my value placed in how much money

(23:29):
I make and how many units I'vesold, and untethering myself from like that,
my value is placed on that.I had to sit down and ask
all of these like guests that andsay, like, do you deserve to
sit here? And there were thingsthat I just wasn't happy with anymore,
And like I understand how my clientsfeel when they get dressed, and I

(23:49):
understand what happens in that dressing room. I know that because I did it
myself. But you know, Ialso understand what it's like to look at
yourself and not think that you areenough. And I had to really work
with that so that when I lookin someone's eyes and I look at them
and I say, baby, youare not just enough, you are everything.

(24:12):
That when I say it, itcomes from the inside of my bones
because I know it. It's notjust an intellectual thing. It's not just
something that I understand makes sense.It's something that I know to be sure.
And I'm so grateful that I hadthe opportunity to really ask myself what
is true for me now because Igrew up learning certain things is true,

(24:37):
like the more that you do,the better and the more productive you know,
in order for you have to chasethe money a combination of things.
You know, you have to becombative in order to be a leader,
like those things that were taught,not necessarily all of them I believed,

(24:57):
and I really got to ask myselfwhat do I believe is true? And
so I think you go to thisstage in business where you kind of like
are tinkering and thinking, I needto try this, and then it all
makes sense. I try this,and it all makes sense, and I
just kept doing the work, andthen I started seeing things and I really
realized what the real work was,and I realized that, you know,

(25:18):
I really saw the true value ofwhat it is that I do, and
I really appreciated what it meant becauseI did it on myself for myself first.
And you know, some people arenot asked to do that same work
in their business or like you know, well, actually, no, that's
not true. I think that weall receive an invitation. We always have

(25:38):
an invitation to sit down with ourselves. In fact, like one of the
most amazing stories I heard, whichbrings me to my next work, which
is going into Donovan Correctional Prison andexploring toxic masculinity within the prison system,

(25:59):
is as you know, hearing fromthis amazing man who said that one can
always be a visitor of one's ownheart, and that is so true.
And so there were just things thatlike I just couldn't keep running a business
based off of exhaustion. I couldn'tkeep saying yes to things thinking that everything
was going to be the thing andthen it's going to connect me to this
and this, and it's like Ijust was like running and chasing enoughness.

(26:22):
So even though the words were stillgreat, it wasn't coming from that place.
It wasn't freeing, and I reallyneeded to get down with that.
And I was like, if Imade the same amount of money ten years
from now, with my life lookedexactly the same, would I be happy?
And the answer was no. Andit's like, that's not fair that
my joy is rooted in conditions andcircumstances, So how can we change that

(26:47):
now? And in changing that,that's when all the other things started.
It was like these miniature little warsthat I was fighting in myself, and
you know, on the other sideof it, it was like, oh
my gosh, there's like a littlebit of freedom and respite and I understand.
And then you get knocked up thebeam of grace and you forget and

(27:08):
life happens and it causes you toforget, and then it gets hard and
you need to take time to getright back on and understand that when I
show up for myself, this islike what happens. And so my business
has really changed and the way thatI do work has really changed, and
some of the things are exactly thesame, but also what has changed for

(27:29):
me is like what I'm the messagingand what I'm saying is very different because
I now fully understand what it isthat people are asking to hear when they
hire me. I know what,I know what truth they need to be
reminded of, ye, And that'smy job is to like help in those

(27:49):
moments of self doubt and those otherspaces were guilt and shame and all those
other things that sometimes sound good andsound coachy and sound godlike and sound conscious
there also don't come sometimes from thatright place. And I just want to
make sure that whether that be inthe dressing room or whether that be you

(28:11):
know, backstage, before someone's gettingready to go speak to a thousand people,
or before they make a decision onwhether or not they're going to ask
for a promotion. I just wantto make sure that the loudest voice in
all of those rooms is the oneis like, the one that sounds like
truth, and to help quiet allthe other ones so that we can figure
out which one is the one that'sright and it's not the one that's right

(28:33):
in like that kind of way,the one that's right for that person,
you know, So like I hadto do that in order to really understand
like even what people were asking me. So yeah, I love that visual.
I've talked about it before as likegoing like I had a nine month
stretch where I went inside with likea brillo pad and did like all the

(28:55):
cleaning. But I love the visualof actually sitting down at the table and
talking to those bits of yourself andreally seeing them as like separate entities and
being able to you know, workwith them and talk to them, see
what they need, and then firingthem if they no longer deserve a seat
at the table. And then whatdoes it look like to hire new?
Yeah, like like like a tremblingbut brutiful and necessary invitation to surrender to

(29:25):
mercy, to radical love, youknow, including making a place for the
things about myself that I know willalways be there and they have a light
and shadow side, and I havenot fully accepted that those things will always
be there, things like having anxiety. There will always be a chair for

(29:47):
that. So I don't want necessarilyto extend a seat to you, but
I know that you'll always be there. So how can I learn to be
very kind and to love that radicallyand learn to live and dance with it
and not judge it and beat itand kick it, or to put it
in the corner seat, but tojust you know, you get a seat

(30:11):
like everyone else. Yeah, okay, okay, I want to have the
conversation real quick about everything you're talkingabout, as well as the collective piece,
because in the coaching industry, inthe self help in history, it's
very individualized. It's right individual therapy. You know. I went to see

(30:37):
Mary and Williamson speak last week,and Marianne is brilliant at bringing in the
collective piece with the individual piece,and um, you know, she was
basically saying that higher consciousness community iswhat she calls it. It's very easy
for us to turn away from thepains of the world in and as a
as a form of enlightenment, rightas a form of oh, oh my

(31:00):
gosh, this is so amazing thatyou're asking me this question. Like I
can't, yeah, I can't.I can't look at the fact that homeless
people. I can't look at thefact that, oh my god, that
the terminal justice system is fucked up. Like I can't even look at this
stuff because I need to focus onmy healing. And so, okay,
it creates a bubble where we're alllike self improving but better. Yes,

(31:27):
let's talk about that. Let's talkabout it. I am so glad you
asked me this because there is there'sa project that I'm working on that addresses
this very thing. But before Ican get to that, let me let
me speak to that, because youask a very important question, a very
important question. Thank you. Andthis is what I would invite to everyone.

(31:49):
And this is the thing that Ihave to do with myself. I
am not fucking perfect by any meansat all, but I have been enough
to learn this particular thing. Wehave a tendency to feel like we should
not feel pain. Pain is somethingthat we should not have. We judge

(32:13):
those feelings, and so I needto avoid it or dismiss it or push
you know, like oh no,And sometimes there were tremendous gifts when and
when we do anything by avoiding it. Okay, like you can call it
lots of names, self care,you can call it a lot, but
only we really know, and selfcare is only that's also like you know,

(32:36):
for a moment, and then youcan learn how to actually sit with
it. You have to learn howto live with pain, how to deal
with those things because life is painful, and I think we live in a
culture that's like that shouldn't be thatway. Marriage It's like marriage is hard
because it's hard, not because likeyou know, you chose the wrong person
and like you know you shouldn't doit. It's like it's hard because it's

(32:57):
hard. Having a business it's hardbecause it's hard. Dealing with depression it's
hard because it's hard. All thosethings are hard because it's hard. And
so like we there are while therethere's a duality to it and while those
things are really shitty and fucking terrible, like what also when you sit with
it, what also do you learnand see? And so you know,

(33:22):
I invite every person for when wesometimes folk called sometimes to like do work
or to explore something, and likeit's so quick, it's like it's it's
such a radical honesty and sitting withself to really ask like am I yes?
But what am I avoiding? Andalso say, okay, what what

(33:45):
in this particular issue, like let'ssay, for example, the dismiss the
invalidation and the dismissing of other forother people's pain in particular like let me
get for example, sometimes often andI'm asked my experience as a black woman,
and I share it, it's like, no, that's that. Now,
that's not that. It's like,Okay, what does this bring up

(34:07):
in you? Because that's really whatthis is. That's what we're dealing with.
This is really what you're telling you. This is a conversation about what
you were trying to convince me youare not versus seeing how I feel and
being with that. So it's likein really asking ourselves, like what,
I'm like inviting ourselves to sit withthose things that cause pain and ask like

(34:28):
why does this cause me pain?Why is this? Why do I feel
this way? And then we havethat answer and then say, but is
that true? You know, likeI'm telling you, and it is only
through I'm not going to speak toother people's pain also, but I'm telling
you that in sitting with my own, I have learned how to make a

(34:52):
space for others. I have learnedhow to go to those places that I
already kind and I will admit that'swell, some of this is also my
own gift that I know how Iunderstand and look for that specifically. But
that's why it's I'm so lucky thatI get to do that and it's only
because I'm constantly working on it inmyself. It's like to go where I'm

(35:17):
asked to go, including those placesthat I don't want to, and to
radically surrender to that and say andto accept it and say okay, and
maybe that's okay to be afraid ofthat or to not want to do that.
But if I don't have the willingness, I can always pray for the
willingness to have the willingness to sitwith it and to try. You know,
for example, when I have thisidea of doing a project inside of

(35:42):
a correctional facility dealing with men inwho are convicted in a life sentence,
I'm a freaking fashion stylist. Okay, explain to me how the two of
those things correct connect. It's notclear to me. But then I went
there because I was like, youknow what I mean to go. I
need to go. And it's like, it's amazing how my own feelings and

(36:07):
even like just the heaviness of itcould block me from even being there.
Be there be still even the partsthat you don't like, because there's something
in it for you. That's whyI'm here. We have to figure out
what that something is in for us, and sometimes that takes a lot of
time to figure that out, buthaving the willingness to really sit with it,

(36:30):
then we go into those places thatwe thought we dare not go.
Then we sit with and try andmake it. Once we learn to hold
space for ourselves, you know,to explore those very hard things and the
things that cause us pain and alsoseeing how they can cause us joy because
you know, and working through thosethings, we learn to how to better

(36:52):
make a space for others. Solike that really comes and boils down to
each one of us and how realwe are willing to get with ourselves.
And if you really believe that,you know, I am my brother and
I am my sister. Okay,well then I invite you just to even

(37:14):
start with what does your dinner tablelook like? Who do all the guests
that sit there? Do they allthink the same thing as you? And
mind you like I had. Ihad a Republican National Committee call me the
other day on the phone, andI got so upset and my reaction was
so visceral that in that moment Iforgot the dignity of that person and I
didn't act. I did not liveup to making a seat, and so

(37:37):
it was like, okay, let'ssit with that. I need to sit
with us. And like, youknow, ruminating is like not helpful,
spinning is not helpful. Sometimes weneed to step out of that and say,
Okay, maybe it's time to try. Especially if it's scary and you

(37:57):
don't want to, then you knowfor sure, God, that's the worst
when you really don't want to andthen you're like sack. But part of
it is like that radical acceptance andsurrendering to it. This amazing woman told
me surrender is always an option,Like, oh, that's right. Every
time, I like, even thewilfulness to keep me wanting to do certain

(38:20):
projects or like wanting to do workwith certain communities that I'm afraid of,
wanting to show up and say certainthings that feel very scary and honestly like
bring up stuff and meat. Andit's completely valid that I have those feelings.
But it's like, okay, butyou know it's not about you.
Also, I think what you're kindof dancing around, if I may that

(38:43):
I'm hearing is the word or thetwo words or the spectrum of words,
which is fragility and resilience. Yeah, and the duality and the duality.
And I don't mean to be dancingaround. I mean, yeah, I
mean, I just I just wantto make sure that that's like there.
I mean to be like declaring thatthe fragility and vulnerability. Yes, but

(39:07):
here's the deal, right, Likethe reason why I'm finding in my life
it's so easy for me to turnoff what's happening with the rest of the
world. It's a sense of fragility, of fear of the pain, of
fear of being held accountable, offear of having to look at my own
work. But it's the same fearthat prevents us from looking at our own

(39:31):
ship and us for the people inour own life. It's the same thing.
So it's the same conversation. Andthat's the same that is so freaking
crazy and beautiful and excruciating about itat the same time. So if we
can develop resiliency and use and connectthat the resiliency in the inner work is

(39:52):
the same resiliency in the outer work, I think that that's what's the missing
piece in the development industry. Andreally then turned the power that we're cultivating
in this collective into greater worldly changes. And I tell you, I tell

(40:12):
you Honestly, it amazes me howmuch it's like it's not even that it's
like a blanket statement because it's sucha personal private thing. But I do
know this, I do know thatreal truth in those things like never come
there. While there may be fearand even like guilt and shame that may

(40:34):
run, and it's still it's likemostly it comes. It's real love,
real truth, And like, youknow, what's really funny to me is
if you had told me two yearsago that I would desire that I would
actually have a desire to talk aboutsitting with pain and exploring and challenging like

(40:58):
God and doing all those things,like I would have been like, oh,
please, you know what I mean. I would have I would have
I would have not scoffed at it, but I would have. I just
I grew up in the church,you know, so I have this real
kind of like about it. Andwhat's so amazing to me is, oh,
and now, honestly I know thereal work is, like I swear

(41:21):
to you, for me personally,I'm just looking for God in every conversation,
whether that be in the dressing roomor whether that be with myself,
whether it be in the prison,or wherever wherever that is. I want
to ask you what was that switch? Because two years ago you said you
wouldn't have even gone here, andnow oh yeah, this is yeah daily
work. So what what what happened? What? Um? I started?

(41:44):
I went and asked for help.So here's the thing, UM at this
time of my life, So abouttwo years ago, I made the decision
to focus on my business and todo it full time. I did not
have enough clients, I did nothave a net, none of those things.
But I just was like, Ineed to make a decision, and
what's it going to be. Fairyone of my fairy God big sisters,
that's what I call her. Shehelped me make that decision, and I

(42:06):
understood it was one that came.It was still fear there, but I
also understood that there was like alot of a lot of trust, a
lot of guts, a lot ofI can't explain it, but I just
need to. And the woman whoI will become, she that lady will
get me through it. I knowyou're scared right now, but even if
you don't make it, that's inthat particular way, the woman I will

(42:30):
become will be able to take careof it, and I think that was
part of the fears, like ohmy god, I can't do it,
you know. I was like,okay, well, let's just play with
that then. So the first thingI did in order so I wouldn't have
a lot of overhead. And Ilike to explain every single movement because we
kind of sometimes especially in like businessspaces and in like the does that personal

(42:53):
development arenas, like we think there'slike a formula for certain things, like
at least I did, and Ithink that sometimes that and that can really
be unhelpful. I wanted to explainhow each thing led to each thing,
so to show and illustrate for everyonethat there are so many ways to have
certain opportunities and that on the outsidecertain things can be happening. But let

(43:13):
me show you and what was goingon in the inside, so that you
know when you have those feelings andyou're in that place ever, that you're
not by yourself. That's not don'tjudge that. That's okay. In fact,
that's right. If it infect themess and the madness, that's part
of it. So let me letme in that space share. So I

(43:34):
moved in with my grandmother to helptake care of her she's dementia, and
it was like, I can movein, move out of my place,
and remove the overhead of having topay rent an expensive city every month,
So that way I can take astep back from doing contract work to help
as a buffer in my business.So that way I'd be doing just that.
Now fuels on a cocktail of naivety, self righteousness, and also the

(44:05):
mercy of not knowing fully what Iwas getting myself into. I moved in
here and then I found myself takingcare of a woman with dementia and also
trying to grow business. So thenI said to my family, if you
want me to do this, youknow, we had to have a whole
conversation about money and boundaries, andI had to for the first time call
my family as an authority, whichis very different than as a niece or

(44:30):
daughter or child. I said,no, I may be that, but
in this space, I am theauthority. That's new. I needed to
work on getting to that point.So there were things I just said with
myself, like if if my lifewas the exact same, would I be
happy if I made the exact amountof money, if I did the exact
same work, if I lived inthis exact same house, if I had

(44:52):
the exact same relationship status of allthose things, like, would I be
happy in the answer was nose,like, get good with that, Let's
get with that, let's work onthat. So like, and I know
that in that arena there are notoften ways that like. And part of
that is privilege in itself that Icould even stop and ask that fucking question.
I want to own that part ofit. I received that offer,

(45:15):
and I says, called and saidthere was no money, There's no way.
I called my parents and I said, listen, I need help with
people pleasing. It's like I needhelp with I'm just feel like overwhelmed and
being here with Grandma, like Ineed support because like there's other ways in
my life I just need help with. So then I set with that and
I started going to therapy. Imean, while I running my business doing
my grandma da then my therapist istalking to me and she's like, you

(45:37):
know which I've talked. You know, I've talked and share all the time
about how I got into fashion stylingand the reason why is because of my
own issues with my own self.I wanted my clients to feel better than
how I felt as a woman inthis world. I received that invitation.
It was like and at first Iwas like no, no, no,
But I had come up with thisthing called the woman on the other side,

(45:58):
which is such as like my highself, I call her tutos and the
woman on the other side of payand the woman who walks through things.
If she was to speak to meon the other side at the beginning,
what would that woman say? Andthat woman would say, maybe we should
just go and try and just sitand see. And then I went there
and that was like, oh fuck, I got's to be here. This

(46:19):
is my place. I don't wantfor it to be. Then I needed
to spend time doing that and thenand sitting and starting to sit with those
things, and I realize like,oh my gosh, I've been. I've
been all of these things that Ithought were true about me. These things
aren't true. And I've been runninga business and living my life based off
of thinking that I'm actually not smart, I'm actually not enough, I'm actually

(46:42):
not this, I'm actually not that. And so I needed to really actually
learn what was true for me.I needed to learn who God was from
me. I need to learn whatthe truth was from me, and everything
that changes. The way that Ieat, changes the way I fuck,
changes, the way I work,changes, the way I run, changes
the way I sleep changes everything changes, the way I ask for money,
the way I have conversations, allof that. So when I started doing
all that, then the conversations andI started having work were so much deeper.

(47:06):
And I learned how to hold spacefor my pain, and then other
people started sharing those with me,and then I got to like see other
things, and I really got toactually see I see myself in that person.
And then I really see like peoplewho work through and tell the truth
about themselves. Oh my god,that's where it is right there, because
I have been on the receiving endof the grace that is offered when we

(47:29):
tell the truth about ourselves. Ilistened to women who were on the floor
feeling like they were broken, andI just started listening to their stories and
I started doing those things, andI started telling the truth about myself for
me to me, and then naturallythings just changed and then I wasn't like
afraid of pain like that. Icould actually sit with people and they could

(47:52):
tell me things, and I realized, like wow, I learned actually how
to hold space for things, whichmeans I don't find force to silver lining.
I don't project, hope, Idon't project, I don't. I
just am still with it. AndI can meet people there because I've learned
what was like to meet myself there, and what I needed wasn't wasn't any
of people projecting other things onto me. And we are so easy to step

(48:15):
onto other people's holy ground. Itis so easy to do it because we
don't even know the ways we're doingit. We don't even know like the
immediate desire to be like but you'llget through it, or to invalidate,
or to all those things. Weare so quick to do it, and
you learning to be very still withyou and to look at all of those

(48:37):
feelings and be like, okay,which ones on these are valid? Is
that really true? Why does thathurts? Guy? Sit with that baby,
go slow, don't push, don'tpush. That's not the voice I
learned, and the conversations that Ihad just oh my god, if they
already were in a deep place,because look, I also am not this

(49:00):
is like me all the time,you know, so it's not like so
I'm saying some of this is alsoyou know, there's like there's privilege in
these pieces. Also I own thatpart, so I'm just I can I've
also had to deal with that,and let's talk about that. It's like,
well, who am I? Youknow what I mean? Because other
people's as worths. It's like,yeah, that is true. On the
spectrum of pain, someone will alwaysbe worse and someone's will be easier.

(49:23):
But what is yours is yours.Take what is yours, and then we
can't run away from others or denyothers just because of what it brings up
in us. That's not fair.Like you learn after you see yours and
you learn to honor yours, andyou find the holy in it, and

(49:43):
you honor the ways that you showedup to get through it, and you
start looking and saying, what persondoes that? You know, like you
kind of look through those things inretrospect with more empathy and kindness, and
you take your time there. Youreally take your time there. You go
super slow, You evaluate each littleartifact one piece at a time, and
it's really fucking painful, and youlearn in your way how to deal with

(50:07):
that. You learn how to dancewith it. And I tell you like
it is when I say brutiful,which is Brine Brown's word, like it
really is that. It's like it'sit's like we all marvel at butterflies,
but there's real pain in getting there. It's like you actually do die,

(50:30):
and so part of you feels likeyou're dying. It's like because you are
so part of that. It islike when other people like, why do
you feel like that? It's likein the new Judge It and you're like,
uh, why is it so hard? It's like, it's hard as
it's fucking hard, queen. It'shard. Hard to tell the truth about
yourself. It's hard to fuck it. Sit with your pain and look at
all the ways that those things thatyou learn when you are baby that weren't

(50:50):
true, and you know they're nottrue, but every of you telling you
it's true and saying it in themeanest, loudest way, but there's this
little quiet voice that maybe also says, is it is it though? And
go to those places, walk inthe direction of your healing, go slow
there and be really honest with yourself. And then like when we do that,

(51:15):
we understand, like you know,the places that we get invited to
go. I'm telling you. It'snot the place that you ever wanted to,
but it's where you need to goand there's something in it for you.
So for me, part of itwas like just figuring out and understanding,
like, oh, then I understoodpart of my stress and my business
was figuring out what am I supposedto do? What am I supposed to

(51:36):
do? So I just was likefine, I just made this like weird
declaration. I was like, tellme where to go and I'll go.
I was like, literally I was. I was so exhosted to place.
I was like, just where togo, and I'll go. And I
said, I'll bring courage. Ifyou promise to go with me, I'll
bring courage. I cannot promise thatI won't be afraid, but i'll try
my best. I'll be anxious,but i'll try not to be afraid,

(51:58):
and I'll go and I'll do it. And I know what my job is.
It's to bring the truth there.And then when I started doing that,
I went to these like different jobs, and then I realized, like,
you know, my job was togo there and like to do my
work, the real work of whatit was, which was to show up
and really learn even that that's enough. Oh my god. And I'm telling

(52:21):
you on the front end of allof this, it's like you could just
roll your eyes, but I'm tellingyou one thing at a time, and
I'm just you know, butterflies movein the world very differently than caterpillars do.
I like peopul to become that.But it's necessary, and my god,
darling, you can do it.You just got to go to the

(52:43):
places that can remind you. Andyou have to lie the truth to yourself
a lot of the time and goplaces and pete to people who remind you
the truth of who you are,that at your core you are enough,
and know those things are not yourfault. And take the pieces that are
for you, you leave the restwhere they belong in shit, find your

(53:05):
holy parts, and you keep going, and you keep running as best you
can, even if it's just afucking crawl, even if showing up just
as waking up that day, youshow up. You deserve it and you
can do it. I am livingproof and you're right. When you start

(53:25):
to realize that life could almost belike this collection of overcoming and showing up,
it could exhaust you. It couldexhaust you. And that's why I
always go back to that poem byHauffe is which is the place where you
are right now? Beloved's circled ona map for you. There are no
place, there is no place whereyou have gone where our beloved has not

(53:50):
stepped about their knowing you were coming, knowing you were coming. I to
really get good with that love that. So I think my favorite thing that
you said was walk in the directionof your healing. That's beautiful, that's
amazing. I'm like feeling all thefree. I'm like in the flow.

(54:14):
I know that I'm in the flow, and I'm yawning like energy is moving
through me. It's good. It'sso good to hear you. And I
love the wisdom that you have tooffer, and we want to hear more
of it, which will take intothe extended Cut. So for those of
you that want to listen to moreof Skyler's incredible wisdom, she's like preaching
it here. You are welcome tojoin us at um be Amplified Dot Communities,

(54:38):
be Amplified Dot Community that I'll takeus into, take you into the
Facebook group, and then you getto take get all of our extended cut
access. So Skylar, thank you. So much for sharing such incredible wisdom
with us. You know, weso appreciate you, and um, if
people want to learn more about youand your work in the world, where
can they go, Well, theycan find me at Lorette balloon dot com

(55:04):
or follow me on Instagram handle LaretteBalloon l E R E ed b A
L l o O N. ButI also want to say, you know,
it's it's a special place when you'reinvited to just tell the truth about
things. Often people will say andask you questions, saying that they want
the truth, but then when youtell it, it's like oh no,
or like at least your truth,you know. Like, so you guys

(55:27):
really did such a beautiful job ofletting me do that and share that.
So thank you for making that spacefor me and for others to receive it.
Thank you for going there. Weappreciate your authenticity and your vulnerability,
and we want to be one ofthose podcasts that isn't just the cookie cutter
steps. So thank you for we'regoing there. I'm telling you, vulnerability

(55:50):
is where it's at, And likeI even had to explore, especially with
the masculinity stuff, that like vulnerabilityis actually strength, not weakness. I
really, it's like it's one thingto intellectually know it, it's another or
thing to let it in your bonesand then to like keep doing it.
Let's talk about this in the extendedcut pot. Hold on to your feelings
and everybody come join us. Also, if you want to find us on

(56:12):
the socials, the Amplify co iswhere it's at. We love Instagram and
Facebook and Twitter. And until nextweek, go be amplified. Bye