Talia Goldstein {on the ins and outs of dating}

In this week's episode we get nitty gritty on the challenges of dating, and ways to navigate the dating realm with grace and ease. We are joined by expert matchmaker and CEO of Three Day Rule, Talia Goldstein to share her thoughts on what it looks like to meet the one. Check out the show notes at www.TheAmplifyCollective.com.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You are listening to be Amplified thePodcast with Brian Tais episode fifty five.
Hey Amplifiers, welcome to be Amplifiedthe Podcast. My name is Tayis and
I'm Brie Seeley. We are theco founders of the Amplified Collective, a
movement aimed at radically disrupting how purposedriven women connect and operate in the world,

(00:22):
because we believe it's not just whatyou do, but who you are
that matters. Each week, joinus for messages and interviews that will leave
you feeling amplified and ready to changethe world. Let's do this. It
is Monday morning, and we arehere being amplified for all of you.

(00:43):
You're being amplified. I'm being sick, yeah, so tell you so sick
today. So we're going to giveher a little bit of a pass.
And I'm gonna have to meet myselfevery time I want to hack a lung,
So don't mind me hacking lungs leftand right. I am anyway,
I'm gonna start our podcasts and sucha such a negative energy, bree we

(01:04):
need to be all about love andlight all the time. Tell me,
Tyse, what is good about this? What is good about you being sick?
What is the lesson? What didI about this? Oh my god,
I can't gag. I can't,I can't um. Anyway, we
have Talia on a little bit later, recorded when I wasn't sick. So

(01:29):
don't mind the noise, I meanthe voice change, and she's gonna be
talking to you about dating. Andso Brie and I thought we would start
this episode and talk about expectations andtalk about dating. Yeah, Bree goes,
tays, what are you going totalk about? I dated once in
my life. No, maybe maybelike five times. But you know,

(01:53):
I'm sure I can pull some wisdomout from those experiences. Well, Tyse
has five and I have literally reallyhundreds. Have you counted them? Have
you like written down every one point? I was at one point I was,
I was keeping track of it all. And then it got to the
point where like, guys, I'meight years single, eight years single.

(02:13):
Well a short a short boyfriend inthere, a few short boyfriends in there,
but for the most part like singlefor eight years. Oh yeah,
good in that breath, I alwaystelling you all about the love and light
and good lessons there, I willtell you all about it in a hot

(02:34):
second, but I'm well as usual. We want to invite you guys to
come kick it with us in person, because we love in person and we
love hugs, and we love ourwomen in Los Angeles. So if you're
in LA, we have a dinnerparty coming up August. First. We
are partnering with Breather, who isan amazing venue space kind of all over

(02:57):
the country. They have spaces andthere are spaces are beautiful. And we're
also partnering with Veggie Grill, whois providing us with an amazing menu salads
and wraps and macaroni and cheese andgluten free goodness and all these things,
and of course the Grand Cortage andHint water and all of our favorite things.
And we have goody bags and it'sgonna be amazing. This is a

(03:19):
twenty one year old event. Pluswe have the alcohol. Yeah, because
of the alcohol, we have gottensome interests. But unfortunately we can't have
you if you are younger thane one. So it doesn't mean we don't love
you. We love you. Wedo love you, love you a lot,
So grow up a little bit,grow up a couple of years,

(03:43):
that's at that legal age, andthen you can turn our events. We're
really excited about it. It's comingtogether very easily, oh, very beautifully.
So that means it's gonna be epicbecause I'm Brie and tis happy.
Everyone is happy. So yeah,so come join us. We're gonna have
a good time. Okay, movingon, Now, let's dive into breeze

(04:04):
dating life. Nope, just kidding. Okay, so let's talk about Okay,
let's talk about the challenges when itcomes to dating. The number one
being expectation, But there are someother challenges that I feel like really hinders
the dating process. And there's alsosome there's some bullshit in the dating world

(04:27):
about how they get a man.Oh my gosh, there's this mean and
it's this woman crying hysterically and theit's an article. It's a LinkedIn article
of like this woman got the likesomething along the line like this woman got
the worst or worst nightmare came trueand the dating was I mean, the
article was about her like being brokenup with or whatever, and everyone's making

(04:50):
fun of it. Was like,um, there are much more worse nightmares
coming true, like being homeless,you know, than being broken up with.
But anyway, it is, youknow, for many women being in
a relationship and dating is important,and we want to address that in this
episode. Yes, I kind ofhave always likened dating to shopping, which

(05:16):
good has been a really helpful thingfor me in my dating experience because I
know in this expectations topic that alot of times both women and men go
into this experience of like, Okay, so we are going to meet and
then we're gonna like each other,and then we're gonna get to know each

(05:39):
other, and then we're gonna fallin love, and then we're gonna get
married and da da dada, Likewe just have this idea of how everything's
supposed to play out. And forme, I have always considered it like
shopping for the most part. Thefirst year, maybe not so much,
but after that, And my wholeidea about dating is that you know,
when you go shopping, you walkinto a store and you look around and

(06:00):
you kind of see what's available,and you like feel it out, and
you might grab a few off therack and like take them back into the
into the dressing room and put themon and see how they look on you,
and like, you know, maybetake a selfie and text it to
your friend, and you know,maybe choose one or two to take to
the register and bring home. Butat God, at the end of the

(06:25):
day, you can still return them, like you can still take them back,
Like you're not married to the ideaof owning this piece of clothing for
the rest of your life, right, And so that's something that's really helped
me, is like going in withthis air of curiosity, this air of
you know what's going to happen.I always try. My expectation of a
date is just to have a greatconversation. And whether or not that's with

(06:47):
someone that turns into a friend orsomeone that turns into more than a friend,
you know, that's kind of upin the air. But as long
as I come out of it witha great conversation. And back when I
was drinking a free glass of wine, you know, like life good.
Um, why is it free?Free? Huh uh. Gender roles not
gonna lie. It's a it's agender roles that that supports us, so

(07:11):
we say yes to it. Ithelps us, so we're fine with that
gender role. Um. So I'veonly dated a few times, um in
my life, not out of choice, just how my karmic fate has unfolded.
UM. While I was uh whenI met my current partner Mark.
Um. We met day one andwe were dating by day three, like

(07:35):
we were in a quote unquote relationshiplike boyfriend girlfriend by day three, So
we didn't even really have any datesuntil we started the relationship. But I
will say that there was something thathappened within the month of our relationship that
really change that really scared me,that really changed my perspective on dating.

(07:58):
And Um, it's this. It'sthis spectation that I had pretty early in
the relationship that he was the oneand I felt it, like I felt
this energy when I first met him, like Wow, there's something here.
And then within like a week orso of being together, I was like,
Wow, he's the one. Andthen within about three weeks of being

(08:18):
together, I was like, whatif he's not the one? What if
he is the one? What ifhe's not the one? I remember one
particular night we got together, wesmoked some weed and I got so paranoid.
I was hoping you would share atthis story. I wasn't gonna bring
it up a few but I wasreally hoping. I was so paranoid that
he was not the one. WhenI had smoked this weed that I wrote

(08:43):
notes for myself, like I leftnotes for myself on my computer that said,
when you wake up in the morning, remember that he is not the
one. And so the next dayI woke up, I didn't forget.
I was so paranoid. I obviouslyremembered the experience. I read the note,
and I was so scared. Iwas like, Oh my god,

(09:05):
he's not the one. What ifhe is? What if he's not?
What if he is? There's somuch expectation the relationship that we got into
fights. We barely knew each other. We were already fighting about whether or
not he was the one. Now, luckily, our relationship is very,
very open, and I was veryfrank with him that I got that that
night that I got that we gothigh. You know, I left a
note for myself for the morning thathe wasn't the one, and he kind

(09:26):
of laughed. And I had tolean on a couple of my friends who
were like, tis just because yourparanoid smoking weed doesn't mean that it's your
intuition, right, Because that wasthe fear. What if it's my intuition
speaking to me through the weed?And we were going to break up because
this tension was just ridiculous until Ifinally had to take a deep breath and

(09:50):
sit with myself and say, youknow what, I don't know if he's
the one or not. I reallydon't know, and that's not up for
me to know. Three weeks intothis relationship. What's for me to know
is that we're having a good time, that I like being with him,
that he gets me on many ways, and that I want to continue to
see where this goes. And soto another month later. So two months

(10:11):
after we met and started dating,he moved to Los Angeles and we did
two years long distance. And everysingle day that I've let go of this
idea of whether or not he's theone, I've been able and given myself
permission to fall more and more inlove with him. But that expectation kills
us. This idea that we needto know right away in the first date,

(10:33):
like the first the first slide ofthe tender, first picture of the
man, we have to know ifhe's the one like that is such incredible
burden. How are we ever toknow in the first date whether or not
he's the one. We don't Wecan't know that type of information. We
don't know what he's like with hisfamily. We don't know his values,

(10:54):
his priority, we don't know whatdecisions he's made in the past. All
we know is this persona that he'ssenting to you on the first date.
So when you're on a date,stop asking herself a stupid question of whether
or not he's the one. It'sa stupid question. Fact. Snack you
here, snacking here. And thenthis leads me into something that I have

(11:15):
been diving into lately. So whenI was in Seattle, I reconnected with
someone that I started dating eight yearsago when I first became single. And
I actually have written something for theHuffington Post, which may or may not
be being released. I it's written, it's almost done, but I haven't
quite decided where it's going or ifit's going up yet. And this is

(11:37):
the idea that we have this expectationthat because we fall in love with someone,
that they have to be the one. And we have this understanding from
movies and society and TV and allthese things that because we fall in love
with someone, that means that wemust be committed and we must get married,
and like, make this a thing. I was having a conversation with

(11:58):
a friend this week and she justmet someone and she's like, yeah,
now, like we're trying to figureit out, and I'm like, what
if there isn't anything to be figuredout? Like what if you can just
enjoy the experience you're having with thisperson? What if you can sit in
this experience of love and not forceit to be anything more than what it

(12:20):
is. And so when I reconnectedwith this person while I was in Seattle,
I really got to sit in thisexperience of deeply, deeply, truly
loving someone and remembering that that doesn'tmean that there's anything more than that between
us, because this person and Idon't have a future together. We are

(12:41):
not making any commitments to one another, and that doesn't negate the fact that
I can love him completely and fullyand I don't need to have any further
expectations about it. And so Ihave really been in this experience of like,
love does not necessarily equal commitment.And so it kind of ties in

(13:05):
with what Tye was saying about howyou know, you don't have to figure
it out, you don't have tomake it the one, you don't have
to like force this into something anymore than what it is. And I
got to spend a day with thisman, and we had a lovely day
reconnecting and like being in that placeof respect and communion and unity and love

(13:26):
and all these things without it beinganything more than what it was. Here's
the thing. Dating is hard becauseour hearts are involved and we continue to
live in a society that expects womento get married as a definition of her

(13:48):
success, and that expectation is reallyheavy. You know, every time I
visit my family in Brazil, thequestion is are you dating? You know,
who are you with? What areyou going to marry him? And
then of course the minute we marry, it's when you're going to have children.
And I'm my family is not unique. Many families operate. So when
we're family, does it to mymom too? Like my mom was at

(14:11):
some event and my stepdad's family pulledher aside and was like, when is
she getting married and moving back tothe Midwest so she can start having babies?
Yeah? Yeah, So we stillvery much live under this narrative that
we have to get married as away of determining our success. And so
even though we may consciously dismiss thatnarrative as not being true for us,

(14:33):
unconsciously it's very much there. Ourculture has a great way of getting into
our heads, and so it's thereon some level. And so then of
course we have this tremendous expectation andevery date that we go on and then
we build this person up to beeverything that we needed to be, you
know, and then we get sodisappointed and so heartbroken when it doesn't click
and it doesn't match up. Iwatched this amazing documentary on Netflix called Really

(14:58):
Yeah. It's called Turned On,Hot Girls Wanted. It's a docuse series,
and the second or third episode inthe docuse series is about online dating,
and it follows this guy who livedin Big Brothers, one of those
reality TV shows, and he gotout a Big Brother and he was a
big instant hit, and he lovesthis attention of women and he like dates

(15:20):
all the time. And the minutehe finds one thing wrong with the woman,
he breaks up with her and hemoves on. And it's true,
when we have this online dating world, it feels like there's so many options,
and it feels like there's it's sooverwhelming, and then we're looking for
the one and then we get ourheartbroken. What I'm getting at is that
we've got to find a way tobalance out that energy in our lives by

(15:43):
taking really good care of ourselves,surrounding ourselves with good friends, you know,
diving into work that we love.You know, of course, being
open and curious and exploring the datingscene doesn't have to be all or nothing,
but being able to find a wayto charge your batteries and redefine your
worth for when the dating scene getsto be too hard, gets to be

(16:08):
too heavy, because it's very it'svery obvious to me that when we get
rejected again and again and things don'twork out again and again, then we
tend to make mean things about usand then against There was a day I
think it was about a year ago, wasn't it, where I had gone
on a great first date and hewanted to see me again and we had

(16:30):
a date setup that night, andI was so excited about it, and
Tys was over at my place working, and he messaged me as she was
there as we were working and justsaid like, hey, I have to
be fully transparent with you. Ihave been seeing someone else during this time
as well, and you know,I really am just committed to seeing where

(16:53):
it goes from her and it fuckingbroke me. Like, thank God Tys
was there because I remember curling upon the couch next to her and putting
my head in her lap and havingher just like, you know, stroke
my hair while I cried. Andit does get really hard, like it
can be so intense and such upand down and roller coasters and exhausting,

(17:18):
and you know it, it ishard to not make it be about you.
And that's everything in life. It'svery hard an entrepreneurship when we get
the millionth no, it's very hardfor us to not make that mean about
us. You know, if wetake things very personal. We live in
a society where everything is very personalbecause we're not really taught how to not

(17:40):
take things personal, and so it'sit's cultivating a skill. And I think
the best approach at the end ofthe day for any of this stuff is
a lightheartedness and a curiosity, likewe said at the very beginning, you
know, lightheartedness, like not takingthis so seriously and being curious about what's
coming. App Oh this worked,Okay, how about this? You know,

(18:02):
what's this worked? What about this? And you know, I don't
really have any opinions on specific datingstuff because I have dated and I don't
know four years, but I willsay that it is surprising to me that
people end up do matched up basedbecause the online dating world. Tell me

(18:25):
if you find this is true?Right, Okay, here, I'll just
ask this as a question, doyou feel like this is true that because
the online dating world is so basedon looks that it feels harder to find
real connection with people. And thereason why I guess I asked this is
because I'm not you know, I'mnot sure that if I were browsing through

(18:48):
a dating app that I would havechosen any of my past boyfriend right like,
I don't know if by looks only, and they have chosen them to
want to deal with, you know, and how I met them was through
offline ways and through personality. SoI'm just curious to your perspective on that.
I don't know if it's necessarily aboutlooks like or if that's the reason.

(19:08):
The thing that I have found morethan anything is the overload of choices,
that there's always something better out there, so that you know, you
go on a date with a girland she likes the color pink and you
don't like the color pink. Andso there's another woman out there that won't
like the color pink that matches withyou, and so you just don't go
on a second date with her likeit. I think the overwhelm of choices

(19:34):
prevents people from connecting because there's alwayssomeone better out there. There's always someone
else that you can go on adate with. There's always someone else that's
going to quote unquote match better withyou. And as of that, you
don't have to show up like,you don't have to be real. You
don't have to face any challenges.You know, the second you go over

(19:55):
a roadbump with someone, they're like, oh, this is supposed to be
easy, not hard, So Ineed to talk about that. Oh,
let's talk about that. This ideathat it has to be easy. Oh
my god. I think the datingworld is just augmenting what's already in the
real world, you know, true. We in the fitness industry, it's
like, if it's not easy,if you're not losing ten pounds within ten
days and you're doing it wrong.If you're not making six figures in your

(20:18):
business within six months, you're doingit wrong. It should be easy,
easy, easy, Yes, Andin the minute it becomes challenging. It's
like we're gonna run. Well,it's that way with all relationships. I
mean, you know type divorce rates. Tysoner are the first to admit we've
been having a ton of ups anddowns in our relationship, and you know,

(20:40):
it's about showing up for it.It's about not running away when things
are getting tough. It's about committingto communicate when we're having a disagreement.
I mean, like it's it's rampantin our society. Among everything is the
second you have to like actually showup face ship. That's not fun.
It's like, oh okay, I'mout. Oh yeah, Brey, tell

(21:02):
me, tell me how that is. You know, it's true, and
I mean it's even more prevalent Ifeel like in dating because there is always
someone else who's going to swipe righton you. There is always someone else
that's gonna say yes to a datetomorrow, and it's it is just I
feel like it's more that then,because I mean, let's be honest,
I know a lot of guys thatdon't even look at the photos and just

(21:23):
swipe right for everyone. This iswhat my business coach back in the day
used to call the spray and praymethod where business you go to a networking
event and you just put your businesscard fucking everywhere right, and then you
hope that one or two of themcalls you. It's the same with dating.
Guys swipe right for fucking everyone andthen they hope. And this is

(21:47):
just a generalization. This isn't tosay it's for everyone. I'm sure women
the same thing. No, Idon't know. I don't know. I
mean, I'm sure there are somewomen that do that, but I feel
like, based on women's psychology,that's less likely. Yeah, it's less
likely, Um, but there areI have heard that there are a lot
of guys that do that and thenthey just pray that you know, they'll

(22:07):
get three or four women to swipebright on them and then you know success.
But there's always someone else out therethat's willing to say yes to you
and go out with you. Soand we're not saying that you have to
settle by any means. I thinkwhat we're saying is it's time for us
to change how we approach life andhow we connect with people, and how

(22:30):
we connect with people, look pastthe like the little things like really,
how do you how do you forma relationship with someone, how do you
connect on a soul level? Yeah, yeah, I think we should have
I think we should interview Mark.I think it would be a great interview
to talk about relationships and or Markor amplify husband. My partner would come

(22:51):
on. But yeah, you know, and it's true, like I could
have easily ran from the relationship,you know when six weeks in, three
weeks in whenever was like I wasfacing all those doubts if he's not the
one I could have broken up withon the night that I got high.
You know. But I'm learning thatrunning away doesn't solve any problems, and

(23:14):
that it's not even that running awayselves any problems. Let's be nuanced.
There are times when it is importantto run away. There are times when
it's important for you to go.It's not working, it's abusive, it's
whatever we need to go. That'snot we're talking about here. We're talking
about that time when we're trying tofind the easy route and we're not really
willing to put in the work.Yeah. I feel like if we stick

(23:38):
around and really force ourselves to showup, we develop a sense of self
and a sense of confidence that goesso beyond anything else that I've seen.
It's actually really exciting when you're willingto say, you know what, I
want to break up with you rightnow, Like I really don't like you
right now, but I'm here andi want to talk about this. It
says something to yourself that even tothat person, to yourself about who you

(24:02):
are in the world, and thatI think is the most exciting thing.
Yeah. Now to find someone elsethat's willing to do the same, Yeah
right, I know, Yeah,I know. There's so many times the
unicorn I know he needs he needslike ten brothers and sisters or yeah,
sure, sisters too. We've actuallyjoked that I'm like, can Mark just

(24:25):
run my my online Well, one, I've deleted all of my online dating
things. I'm not doing it atall anymore. But I've I've joked that,
like, can Mark just run myonline dating and can he just like
pre screen all the guys and likedo all the things and then like once
all of the initial stuff is done, then he can be like, yes,
you're allowed to go on a datewith this one. Yeah, he

(24:47):
has to meet the Mark standard ofapproval first. Yeah, yeah, so
you know we're not dating experts.We can only share our expertise, but
I have a feeling that dating andmoney and business they all align, and
how we're showing up in a datingworld is probably pretty real to how we're
showing up in other areas of ourlives. And so it's just another place

(25:08):
where we can learn to cultivate patientsand self love and self care and compassion,
an adventure and curiosity. Because thething that I've loved the most about
dating is like one, I havedone some shit like on dates that I
never would have done on my own. I've been slack lining. Do you

(25:30):
know what that is? It's almostlike it's almost like tight rope walking.
The line isn't tight. Yes,I've been slack lining. I have been
to a fucking monster truck rally ona date. I have like, I
have done some stuff that I neverwould have experienced in the world had I
not said yes to a date.Now did I end up with these guys?

(25:52):
No? Does it matter? No? I have these amazing experiences.
It's been a really fun ride forme. You know, am I kind
of over it, pretty over it, but you know, it's um it's
approaching dating with a curiosity, withan openness, with an excitement of you
know what you're going to experience,without the expectation that it has to turn

(26:17):
into love, it has to turninto marriage. I mean, I think
that's really the key. Yes,I love it. All right, let's
bring Khali on. Let's do itall right, miss Tys. I'm super

(26:38):
excited for our guest today. Youknow, br you always do the miss
thing like you really like that misssituation. I don't know if you've noticed
that. I feel like it's asign of respect. I'm just it's something.
So once I'm married, you're gonnacall me missus Tys. Maybe we'll
also be old then too. Sooh thanks, I really appreciate that.

(27:02):
Well, let's introduce our listeners toTalia Goldstein. Talia is the CEO and
founder of Three Day Rule. She'sbeen featured on Good Morning America, Fortune,
USA Today, Los Angeles Times,and The Huffington Post. While working
as a TV producer at E TrueHollywood Story. In twenty twelve, she
quickly became the resident dating expert,and, recognizing her hidden talent, began

(27:26):
offering matchmaking services and hosting popular singlesevents, leveraging her extensive network of successful
and attractive singles. Three Day Rulewas born. She and her team have
since found matches for thousands of clients, including top executives, entrepreneurs, and
celebrities, and including one of ouramplified collective cod remembers. Talia is thrilled

(27:48):
that her work allows her to makea difference in people's lives by helping them
find true love. She lives inLos Angeles with her husband and two children.
Welcome Talia, Thank you. I'mexcited to be here. So tell
us, how do you like.What does it look like for you to
live and amplified life? For me, it means really living life to its

(28:12):
fullest and living an authentic life.So I am the type of person that
will speak openly about my experiences andI do my best to help the people
around me grow. So I thinkliving an authentic life, living a big
life. I never want to lookback in forty years and feel like I
missed opportunity, so I'm really takingadvantage of every day. Yeah. So

(28:36):
okay, So the word authentic getsthrown around all the time. It's become
like this cliche word. And Ilove the word authentic, but people use
it all the time. So whatdoes that mean, like, what does
authentic living really look like? Well, I can give you an example that
I see over and over. Ispeak a lot at panels, if tax

(29:00):
panels, and a lot of peopleget up in front and they sugarcoat their
story and they make it seem likeit was much easier than it actually was.
And I don't do that. SoI think that it's really important to
be open about your experiences, callit like it is, be truthful,
because that's the only way that youcan grow as a person, and you

(29:21):
can help other people grow they trulyknow what it's like to be in your
shoes. So I do that everyday with the people that I work with
and with my family, and whenI'm speaking on panels, I think you
just have to call it like itis and actually explain what's going on at
any given time. This is aperfect segue. I was going to ask

(29:42):
you because I know that there's aparticular story that you have talked about a
little bit regarding when you were goingfor funding for three Day Rule and some
of the challenges and struggles that youfaced in that process. So can you
share with us what it was liketo be a pregnant woman while you know
up in Silicon Valley finding the fundingfor three Day Rule, I've actually been

(30:08):
lucky enough to fundraise pregnant twice.I also seemed to have bad timing,
so the first time that I raisedmoney, we were raising our seed round,
I found out I was pregnant.And I had read a blog by
a prolific angel investor that I admiredand I still admired to this day.

(30:30):
But he wrote a blog that basicallysaid he would not be interested in investing
in a pregnant CEO. And onceI read that, I started to worry
because this is the first time Iwas raising money and I had a feeling
my pregnancy would hurt us. SoI started calling some of our advisors without

(30:52):
telling them I was pregnant. Iasked, would you invest in a pregnant
CEO? And they all said no, They fell it would be a red
flag. And so then I reallyfelt that I had to hide this pregnancy,
and I did not even tell mybusiness partner at the time. I
was so I didn't want her towalk into a room and feel nervous,
so I kept it to myself.It was about eighty degrees I was wearing

(31:15):
trench coats and big ponchos, butI didn't want anybody to know. And
once I felt that I was growingtoo big where I couldn't hide it,
I ended up telling my business partnerand we closed the round and everything actually
ended up working out in that round. Then a few years later we went
to raise another round and something actuallyhappened in the company where we weren't planning

(31:38):
to raise, but then a dealdidn't go through, and so we had
to raise again, and again.I was three months pregnant, and I
had grown as a person and thecompany had grown, and so I thought,
I am not going to hide itthis time. I'm really going to
own it. We had the metricsto back everything up as a company,

(32:00):
and it's unfair for women to haveto hide their pregnancy, and we really
need to have role models. SoI decided I'm going to own I'm gonna
wear really tight dresses and I'm gonnago full force and we'll see what happened.
And I did, and it wasreally difficult. I took a lot
of meetings and a lot of theinvestors would ask questions about the baby.

(32:23):
Some of them said, well,why don't you have the baby and we'll
talk after. And so while Iwas raising, we didn't raise any money,
and I had the baby, andabout two days later I had to
come back to work to take meetingsbecause they really needed to close our round,

(32:44):
and right away we closed nine investors. So it was almost as if
the sight of a pregnant lady reallyscared the investors, but then once the
baby was out, they were willingto invest. How would be more disgusted
with the world than you are tearingthe story. It's tricky because I understand

(33:09):
their perspective as well. You know, it is a risk. You don't
necessarily know whether someone's going to lovetheir babies so much and never want to
work again, or maybe something willhappen. So I understand the risk.
But what I've realized is that adetermined woman is unstoppable. And if somebody
if fundraising, pregnant, or hasyou know, created a startup that they

(33:32):
absolutely feel passionate about, those arethe people that you need to get behind
and not be concerned about what happensafter the baby. See, this is
the thing, This is the thingabout being you know, like being the
underdogs. Women are the underdogs inour society. Is that we have to
understand the other side. We haveto, but we that doesn't mean that

(33:55):
it's fair. It doesn't mean thatit's right. It doesn't mean that we
should honor it just because we knowwhat the other side is thinking. You
know, I talked to a lotof my friends who you know, are
people of color, and they sharethe same thing, like they know how
to take care of white people's hair. They don't want to know, but
they know because that's all our societytells them. But that doesn't mean that

(34:16):
it's fair. That doesn't mean thatthey should, you know, be fired
from their jobs because they want towear their hair naturally as opposed to press
anyway. So it just I'm justgetting frustrated for you just listening to Sorry,
and I just kind of want totell those investors where to shove it,
because that's m It's really tricky.But I think the way to move

(34:40):
forward is to have more people thatI believe in women and invest because right
now we have very few role models, and so we need to get more
role models. And once we havepeople that have gone through the process and
raise money while pregnant, then Ithink more and more people will can get

(35:00):
behind it right now, there's reallythere aren't very many people to look up
to well, and I think partof the problem too. And you know,
we've had Victor Saunders on talking aboutfunding and also Tanya Faulkner, and
like there's no women angel investors,which I think is part of the problem.
And I actually I'm curious to know, like, when you called your

(35:23):
board of advisors, are they allmale or are any of them women?
That said that they wouldn't then saypregnant, it's a great question. I
have never pitched to a female Wellthat's not true. In this round,
I did not pitch to a femaleinvestor, and my advisors that I called
were on the out. Wow,So I don't I don't it. Maybe

(35:46):
it would have been different had Ipitched to female investors. I don't know.
And I will say, you know, these investors are good people.
I love working with them, sowell, they're just a victim to the
second. You know, we're notwe're not exact, we're blaming the system.
We're we're talking about a systematic,systematic issue where women are being underrepresented

(36:10):
and are not being supported in raisingmoney for their businesses, right exactly.
And I think It's interesting too,because they said it was a risk,
and I mean, let's be real, like, if you're an angel investor,
every dollar you spend as a risk, Like, so what makes a
pregnant woman more of a risk thanjust like a normal tech startup that's like

(36:34):
every other tech startup out there,right, I know I mean that.
I mean not that my husband wouldnever have gotten questions that that I got.
And women should be able to taketime off. I'm not really not
advocating for what I went through,but I didn't even take a day off.
I had a baby. I wasback at work the next day taking

(36:57):
these fundraising meetings, and my husbandtook a month off. So I don't
think you can really, you know, go by gender rules. It's I
had a company that I created thatI'm obsessed with I will do anything for,
and some of the investors said askedme about or they asked, no,
this is going to be your babyand let's just see how that goes.

(37:22):
Well. MY response is, Ihave forty other babies that I care
for at my company that I alsohave to take care of. Yeah,
so I'm not going to neglect thosebabies just for my other child. So
I really hope that more and morewomen go through this process so that we
can have role models, because myfear is that women won't choose to have

(37:45):
startups because they'll opt to have afamily. I don't think they're mutually exclusive,
and I want to have more rolemodels for young women who could potentially
be great entrepreneurs. So where,So let's talk about that kind of role
model, Like where do we startin creating more incentives for women in business?

(38:08):
I think investors have to get behindwomen. I'm so glad that more
there are more female investors out there. I think that's definitely going to help.
And I've seen a really big changefrom the time I started in tech
until now. There are so manymore women. So I think that that

(38:29):
helps the chances of having more rolemodels because we have more women. When
I started, it was me andmy business partner and four hundred men,
and now at every event it's abouta third women. So I do think
we're making a lot of progress,which is exciting. That's amazing. I
love I love hearing that. Solet's shift gears a little bit and talk

(38:50):
about this this other baby of yoursthat you're obsessed with. So what was
it about dating that really made youwere excited and you know, being obsessed
with this whole idea of three dayrule. Well, I was working in
TV at E Entertainment, and peoplewould just come up to me and ask

(39:13):
for advice, and I loved givingadvice and I wanted to know every single
detail about them, and I reallyloved learning about people. So I would
match some many successfully, and thenthe next day somebody else would come up
and they wanted to tell their story, and so it happened really organically.
I was just setting people up inmy department, and then other departments were

(39:34):
coming by. So I started tohost singles events around town, and very
quickly they became popular. We hadwithin a few months six hundred people at
these huge hotels. And it wasat one of the events where I took
a step back and I looked inat the crowd and noticed that these people
should be finding lest They're pretty incredible. And there was only match and E

(39:57):
Harmony at the time, and thenthese million dollar our matchmakers. So I
thought, there's something missing in themiddle. I'm going to take a lead
of face, quit my job,and start a matchmaking company. I really
have never looked back, it's evolveda lot over the last few years that
I truly am obsessive matchmaking, andI know that we're really serving a purpose.

(40:20):
There are a lot of apps thathave come out over the last few
years, and I am an advocateof online dating and the apps. I'm
grateful that they came out. Thatit also creates more of a headache.
The average online data are sending thirteenhours a week online, so there are
endless options. People aren't focusing,so it's brought some challenges to dating,

(40:43):
and so people are turning to matchmakersto help guide them through the process and
also in a sense to outsource theirlove life so they can focus on other
things. So what makes this somuch different from you know, the millionaire
matchmakers? Like how do your notcustomers, but how do your employees kind
of go about the process differently tomake it easier for people? Because personally,

(41:07):
like I've online dated a ton,Like I've been online dating for the
last eight years, and I cansit here and tell you how much I
hate it. But like, youknow, what, what do they look
at differently from typical online dating platform? M Well, I'll talk about the
process a little bit and then Ican give you some more insight into that.

(41:30):
So let's say you are interested inbecoming a client. You sign up
online, you take a two minutequiz, and you're assigned a matchmaker,
and the match taker will reach outto you and set up a meeting in
person. So we meet everybody inperson, the clients and the matches,
and we'll get to know you andwe ask a lot of questions about your

(41:52):
seating history, your goals, whatyou're really looking for in life, and
we walk away with a sense ofwho we think you should be matched with.
And from there, we go backto our database and we come up
with a group of people that wethink could be great matches for you,
and we go and meet them inperson as well, and we ask them
very similar questions to the questions thatwe asked you, And once we have

(42:15):
so many that we think could bea great match, we'll set you us
on a date, and after thedate, you both give us feedback.
And that's really helpful one because there'sa lot of miscommunication and dating. People
might think the other person wasn't interestedand then they won't call, and so
that really helps us to make sureeveryone's on the same page. But also

(42:37):
it helps you as a data sowe will find trends. Perhaps you're coming
off too eager, or you're askinginterview questions, and there are some things
that you might be doing and datingand there are a reason you know,
there might be a reason why you'renot landing a sex data or third date.
Will we get that information and wecan work with you on it.
So as a client, you getmatchmaking coaching. We do a photography session

(43:00):
with you, and ideally you walkaway with the love of your life.
But at the very least you're learningabout yourself and you're walking away a more
competent data. And so some ofthe trends that I've noticed, I would
say the biggest trend is that wefind your person will probably come in a
different package and you're expecting. Ithink the best thing you can do in

(43:20):
dating is to be really open minded. And when you're doing the apps,
you're really narrowing your filters. Youmight say over six feet tall or with
a certain degree or certain ethnicity,and you're really narrowing the pool. I
think the best strategy is to beopen minded and really open to possibilities.
Yeah, where I can give youcountless examples of the times that we've matched

(43:43):
people. Where does that balance comein, because like, of course we
all have preferences or we have youknow, I have a type or whatever,
you know, quote unquote type.So how like what do you do
to get people past that? Likeif some if you send a profile and
say, oh, this person isa really great fit for you, do

(44:05):
you have to like poke and prodthem to get them to say yes and
actually trust you even though it looksdifferent than what they've expected. Some people,
it is a process. But forthe most part, people come to
us because something's not working and theyreally want an expert opinion, and so
we do it together. We'll say, you know, I have him asked

(44:28):
for you. He's not exactly whatyou're looking for. I think, here
are the qualities that he has thatyou've expressed or interested in, and here
are some things that he has thatyou have not expected. You're expressed and
you're interested in, but I feelthat it could be a match. And
the client will typically trust us andgo on the dates and after they're pleasantly
surprised and they're so grateful that theywent on the date. So this is

(44:52):
definitely a process. We'll set youup with someone and then you might come
back and say, look, Ireally liked him, but he wasn't funny
enough. So we'll iterate for thenext match, and eventually we'll get you
to where you need to be.And I've seen it work over and over
again, and so many of mysuccess stories they came to me and said
I want X, Y and Z, and I match them with something almost

(45:14):
the opposite and they got married.So I think, you know, when
you're working with the matchic you reallyjust have to trust the matchic er because
the times it takes a stranger tosee things that you're not seeing. Right.
So, say one of our listenersis listening right now and they want
to kind of open up into amore expanded version of dating, but they're

(45:35):
not at a place to like callyou. What is like one or two
tips that you would give to someonewho's on the journey of dating to help
them kind of expand their world alittle bit. I definitely think you should
open up your filters online. Soif you are narrowing by certain factors height

(45:55):
as an example, open it upif you're if you're open to this,
I would open different ethnicities and startswiping right on people maybe you wouldn't normally
be interested in and just go ona date. And see. I think
also in real life, first ofall, most people are heads down in
their phone, and so I alwaysgive the advice to look up and talk

(46:17):
to people. So in the realworld, to start talking to random people
when you're in line at Starbucks orafter a yoga class, because you might
click with somebody who you physically arenot would not have swiped right on awesome.
And then I had another one toofrom my dating experience. Oh so

(46:40):
you get matched, like online dating, you get matched with all these people,
right and like you said, everyone'shome down in their phones and everyone's
so preoccupied with being so busy inour lives right now, right like it's
almost like a status symbol that like, look at how busy I am.
It means I'm important. And soyou get all these matches and then the
conversations just kind of don't go anywhere. Like, are there any tips that

(47:05):
you have about maybe making a connectionwith someone via tech so that it turns
into dating or a day or anythingin that regards. I have a major
tip that actually have all my tipsI think is the best ones. Women
have to be proactive. I thinkthat guys have become very lazy, especially

(47:29):
with all the technology, and theydon't make as much of an effort anymore
in person and online. So Ithink women have to be proactive. If
you see somebody at an event,you go talk to him. If you
see somebody online, you send thefirst message and you do whatever you can
to land the first date. Afteryou get the first date, you go
back to being traditional. But itworks. So I think, no email,

(47:53):
send an email, try not tochit chat for too long, see
if they're available on Wednesday night,took grab a drink out, and then
go back to being traditional. Fascinating. That's definitely something I struggle with because
I'm like, I'm very traditional andso I am always like, you know,
I want him to ask me out. That's like a thing. Yeah,

(48:15):
you that if you learn anything fromthis, it's that cannot be a
thing. I mean, it definitelyworks. There are some gentlemen out there
that are going to reach out toyou, but for the most part they
are lazy. So don't get itout of your head that this is how
it's supposed to be and just reachout and as another example, I did

(48:37):
this with my husband. I walkedinto a party. I saw him across
the room. He's a shy guyand he was with his friends, and
there's absolutely no way he would haveapproached me. But I told the person
next to me, you go grabthat guy and bring him over here right
now, and he did. Myhusband had no idea what was happening.
He brought him over. I said, Hi, I'm Talia, it's nice
to meet you. We had afew minute conversation. He got my number

(48:58):
and that's it. Now we havetwo kids. So I've I've seen it
work with many of my clients andit worked with me. So I think
girls should get in the habit ofbeing proactive. That is a great tip.
But what about But what about thewhole thing that we've been learning for
the past three million years that menlike men like the game, and you

(49:22):
have to play hard to get andlike what happens with that. So I
think when it's right, it's easyand you don't have to play games.
But we're only talking about the firstdate. You know, to be flirty
and cute and say, you know, if you have something in oh,
we should go to that concert sometime. Or I'd love to grab a drink

(49:44):
just to get the first date.And then if you want to be coy,
you want to play a little hardto get after you can. But
the truth is, when you findsomeone that is right for you, it's
easy and you're comfortable and you don'treally have to play those games. M
to Euston, you didn't play gameswith Mark, did you? Uh?

(50:05):
No, I just I was sittingnext to him at a conference and I
leaned over and I said, Iknow this is really inappropriate, but I
can't, you know, I can'tstop wanting to touch you like we would
play like the games, or wewould like put you my hand just in
the right place so that like hisknee has to touch it. And I
could tell that he was doing ittoo anyway. And then the very next

(50:28):
break that we had, he youknow, he responds, he was like,
gass me too, And then thenext little break that we had he
just leans over and kisses me,and ever, sen, I love it.
But you're an active participant, sothat's great. Yeah, yeah,
I guess. I guess. SoI guess I'm an active participantory and learn

(50:50):
from me, to teach me allyour ways. I gotta teach you my
way as well as radically uncomfortable.But we were at like a self development
thing and I just she was talkingabout fucking CORPYDM or whatever the fuck you
talk about these things, and Ijust had to do it. I don't
know, M. That's great.One kind that we are working with recently.
She goes to a lot of conferencesand I asked, have you ever

(51:13):
met a guy at one of theseconferences? And she had it, And
so she we're working with her onbeing more open and flirty. Even if
you are in a work environment,there's still an opportunity to meet somebody.
Maybe not in your own office thatcould be tricky, but when you're going
to these larger conferences, it's you'renot you know you can. It could

(51:37):
be multi purpose totally. Yeah.I have been asking everyone I meet lately.
That's like in partnership, not everyone, but like the people that I
get to know a little bit,asking them how they met their significant other
in order to help me expand myunderstanding or perception of like what's possible for
me. So I've been like askingeveryone what their their meeting story was,

(52:02):
just to like, yeah, helpmyself with the stories that I tell myself
about how it can and can't happenfor me. I'm guessing that most of
them didn't feel crazy sparks on thefirst day. Is that true. A
lot of the people I've talked tohave had really kind of serendipitous meeting things

(52:23):
like Tice, you know, likeher and Mark sitting next to each other
and just like feeling drawn to oneanother, or another woman I know met
this guy at this random thing andthen they spent a year kind of like
looking for each other, but theynever really connected, and then they ended
up at the same festival and raninto each other. And so a lot
of the people I know have hadreally serendipitous meetings. But let's talk about

(52:49):
that, because there is this dividetoo of like, well, you should
give him a chance versus like Ididn't have any chemistry with you know.
So, like I was seeing aguy in this fall and we were on
like probably our sixth or seventh date, and I reached down and grabbed his
hand for the first time. We'reacross in the street and we were holding

(53:10):
hands for the first time, andinstantaneously upon grabbing his hand, I had
this like this isn't it. AndI was just talking to a girlfriend about
it a few weeks ago actually,and she was like, well, you
should have given him a chance likethat. Stuff can grow. So what
do you say to people who havethis like I know that this doesn't feel

(53:30):
right, versus like it can growon you. Well, I a lot
of people come to me and theysay, I'm meeting you see, well,
I'm just not feeling these crazy sparkson the first date. And I
think we have a lot of fairytales and movies about that, and so

(53:52):
that's what they're expecting. But whatI found is it can grow. So
if you go on date with somebodyand you find them remotely attractive and they're
interesting and kind, it is definitelyworth a shot to go on a second
date or a third date. Soyou were at the sixth date, and
I think you did give it afair shot, So maybe you could have

(54:14):
given it one more. But alot of people don't even give it a
second date. But I think it'sreally important to give somebody a second or
third or fourth date because people arenervous or they're tied. They can't come
out of their shild right away,and so I do think there are a
lot of missed opportunities because people feelthey're supposed to be sparks from day one.

(54:35):
So, Talia, what's your favoritestory? Like? Do have a
favorite story of clients or maybe fromyour early days when you were just hooking
up coworkers or anything. I havea few. The favorite stories are the
ones that came to me and theywanted something totally different from who I matched
them with. The one example,I had this girl. She grew up

(54:57):
in Orange County and she was veryproper and wanted a corporate finance guy.
But I could tell that deep downshe had an edge. She was into
cold music, and there's something abouther that made me feel that the corporate
guy wasn't going to be her type. And so I had this guy who
was a rocker, covered in tattoos, with long hair, and I said,

(55:17):
I think he could be great thatI want to let you know what
this is going to look like.You're not going to go on fancy dinners.
You're gonna instead go to concerts.And I kind of laid it out
for her and she said, youknow, when I'm up for an adventure,
let's try it. And it workedout. They got married, and
they just had a baby. Sothose are the examples that I love because

(55:39):
I feel without three day rule,then perhaps these clients wouldn't have met their
soulmate. So wait, how doyou know? Like, how what is
it that you how do you workyour magic to know that what she's saying
isn't actually what she's saying? Youknow, a lot of times I just
read between the line. So they'llthey talk for forty five minutes or an

(56:01):
hour, and I write trigger words. And so when I look down on
my paper and I see all thesetrigger words that lead me to believe that
we should try a different type hardto explain the process. So that's what
goes on in my head as they'retalking. I'm writing trigger words, and
I'm writing potential matches for them.And then I'll go back and think about

(56:23):
it a little bit more, andthen we obviously need everybody in person to
make sure. But in that instance, I could just tell that there was
more to her than what she wasdescribing. And I know, just from
work doing this for so long,that there's a difference between what people want
and what they need, and soI listen to what they need a little

(56:45):
bit more interesting. Well, andI think that that's also I mean,
that's my relationship with Mark, youknow, like he wasn't my quote unquote
type, you know, he youknow, I had a a list of
things that I wanted in a person, and while he matched many of them,
he didn't match all of them.And I feel like, you know,

(57:09):
I guess I'm fortunate to not haveto do online data or I don't
know if that's fortunate or unfortunately.I don't know, you know, but
I see how painful it can beto expect to know by one person's picture
whether or not that person is worthof your time. And I feel like
there's so again with that pressure thatbecause you know that you'll get to know

(57:31):
all about them through a few exchanges, and if they don't have they don't
have funny enough through the initial texas, then it just gets you know.
We read into that and it seemslike it's very challenging for women who you
know, want to find their partner, right. It is especially challenging for
women who have these long lists.So we work with men and women.

(57:53):
Men come to us with three thingsthey want almost every guy wants the same,
and women come to us as aseventy five things they want broad shoulders.
Men want someone they're attracted to,someone warm and nurturing, and someone
passionate about something and they don't carewhat that is. Could be their career,

(58:15):
could be yogas and the animals.They want them to be passionate about
something. And most guys we workwith ask for those three things, and
then women ask for seventy five things. They want, you know, them
to make a certain amount of moneyand come from a great school and have
broad shoulders and perfect teeth, andyou know, does it really matter in

(58:37):
seventy years if the person you're withhas broad shoulders. No, But what
really matters is that they're loyal andsupportive. So we have to work with
these women to narrow down their liststo you know, maybe the five or
six things that truly are important inthe long run. How do you think
we start switching out of that?Like, what do you think it is
to get women to be looking pastthe bullshit coms that dominate our fucking society

(59:02):
and our you know, silver screensand all that stuff, Like how do
we look past that shit and startfocusing on what really matters? You should
definitely work with a matchmaker. That'sa good question. I have to think
about that more. I think it. You know, if you see more

(59:23):
and more couples that don't look exactlyhow you would imagine, and they seem
happy, and perhaps it opens yourmind. I think also now people the
couples are looking different. You know, some people are not getting married,
some people are having a child first. And I think that actually helps because

(59:45):
it breaks stereotypes and it opens people'sminds to different possibilities and to figure out
what do they truly want? Whatdo you really want your relationship to look
like. Maybe you do only careabout looks and money and you don't really
need to dig deep in a relationship. Or maybe that part is really important

(01:00:07):
to you and you're willing to foregothe perfect looking guy so you can have
a real connection somebody that you wantto travel with. Yeah, it's figuring
out what what is truly important toyou. I think that is comes from
inside and you have to be selfaware about what you envision your relationship to

(01:00:29):
be like, not look like,but to be like. One combination that
I see work really well is Isay that there's one rock and one star,
and a lot of times stars arelooking for another star when in reality
they should be with a rock star. Everything in my life and the perspective,

(01:00:52):
I'm so glad I'm telling Mark thathe's not the star, okay with
it, he's such a rock thathe's okay being a rock. I really
like that analogy. And then togetheryou're a rock star, right, I
actually have never thought about that.That's seeing you or you're together. You're

(01:01:17):
rock stars plural, so you makeI'm definitely stealing that. It's all yours,
Holly is going to change all ofour marketing. Credibly awesome. Well,
thank you so much. We havenever had a dating expert on the
show. And as much as Tisgets annoyed with me bringing up dating on
the show, I think this hasbeen a really great interview. Great hopefully

(01:01:42):
learn something. Actually I think Iwas interviewed by one of your people.
Like not I didn't pay, butjust like in your system your's what city
are you in? La, I'mgonna go look it up right now,
right now, go look up allbreeze, neurosis and craziness. Let's see.

(01:02:07):
Yeah, I'm going to get tothe bottom of this. Well,
you have my email, so ifyou find someone by all means you know
how to reach out to me.Definitely. Okay, I'm gonna do that
right now. Thank you so much, thank you, and uh well,
one last thing for all of ourlisteners, how can they find you?
Is there? Are you on socials? How did they find three Day Rule?

(01:02:31):
We're on social All of the handlesis three are the three Day Rule
and to sign up you just goto three Day Rule dot com. Awesome,
you have to write it out th R E. Because three with
the number is an eighties ban.Oh my gosh, that's amazing. It's
amazing. Now I'm gonna go checkthat out, just kidding. Awesome.

(01:02:54):
Well, thank you, Talia.This has been so much fun. And
like I said, one of ourAmplify women is currently has a is working
with you guys and has had someamazing, amazing dates. She has told
me all about them and loves workingwith your people. So I'm so glad.
Thank you, and for those ofyou that are listening, you can

(01:03:16):
find us as usual at the Amplifyco on all the social Instagram is our
favorite, but we are also onFacebook and Twitter and until next week,
go be amplified. Wo