August 9, 2024 • 26 mins
Hey there! 🌟 Ready to dive into another inspiring episode of Beanstalk Mums? This time, we have the amazing Maggie, also known as the Inked Mama, sharing her journey from the early days of single motherhood to becoming a successful business owner and content creator. 🎉
Join us as Maggie opens up about her biggest challenges, the importance of finding your tribe, and how she managed to carve out time for self-care amidst the chaos. Plus, she spills the tea on navigating the dating world as a single mum and finding love again. 💖
Whether you're in the thick of single motherhood or just looking for a dose of inspiration, Maggie's story is sure to resonate and uplift. So grab your earbuds, hit play, and let's celebrate the resilience and strength of single mums together. 🌈
Links in this episode;
🖋️ https://www.theinkedmama.net
The Inked Mama is a public diary with pieces from parenting to Maggie's personal experiences as a survivor of DV and everything in between.
🎙️ https://beanstalkmums.com.au/podcast
Check out our new widget! Would you like to feature on our podcast? Have something to share? Or a challenge you would like guidance on? Leave us a voice mail, and we'll include it in the podcast.
📖 https://beanstalkmums.com.au/single-mums-ecourse
The ultimate guide to live your best single mum life. “You’ve Got This” eCourse. Get ready to embrace your independence, redefine your path and be the best you can be, all whilst being a brilliant single mum.
👯♀️ https://www.facebook.com/groups/SingleMumVine
Don't forget to check out the Single Mums' Vine on social media – it's the best place to connect with other fabulous single mums like you! ✨
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to Beanstalk Mums podcast. Here at Beanstalk Mums, we believe that every
mum is a powerhouse of potential and strength.
Our mission is to uplift, empower and support single mums on their incredible journey.
Each episode is packed with inspiring stories, practical advice and expert insights
(00:21):
tailored to help you tackle the unique challenges and triumphs of single motherhood.
Join a vibrant community as we delve into topics that matter to you most.
From financial independence and career growth to self-care and parenting tips.
At Beanstalk Mums, we understand that your journey is as unique as you are.
And we are here to provide a warm, welcoming
(00:44):
space where you can find the encouragement and resources you need.
So tune in regularly and become a part of a network that celebrates your resilience,
wisdom and unwavering dedication. occasion.
Together we can turn every challenge into an opportunity and every moment into
a stepping stone towards a brighter future.
Welcome to Beanstalk Mums, where your story is our inspiration.
(01:07):
All right. Hi Maggie, how are you?
Good. How are you? Good, good. Thank you for being with us here today.
It is so awesome to have you. It's great to have you here.
Oh, thank you for having me. It's exciting. So for those who do not know Maggie,
she is aka also known as the Inked Mama and also is the,
(01:32):
main content creator for the Beanstalk Single Mums Instagram platform,
which is just fantastic.
Fantastic. So a lot of the videos for those who follow the Instagram account,
a lot of the videos that you see are of Maggie here.
Yeah. Some people have probably seen my face floating around before already.
Now, I was just reflecting on the way here, how awesome it is that we've been
(01:56):
able to revamp the podcast because, I mean, you do a lot of wonderful work for
the Instagram in regards to Reels and that sort of content.
And then, of course, there's all these beautiful articles and great resources we have on the website.
But not everyone, depending on what stage of motherhood they are,
(02:16):
not only their single motherhood, but their motherhood, you know,
they may not even have time to stop and watch a Reel or stop and read the articles.
So being able to sort of pop into the podcast space and just play something
while you're doing the dishes or,
you're driving somewhere and still get that dose of inspiration and education
(02:39):
and whatever they might need, a bit of guidance.
That has gotten me so excited that you're a second person on the interview.
Tell me, have you had a chance to catch the first episode back yet?
I have. I have. And I couldn't agree with you more. Sometimes it's just so much
easier. pop the ear pods on and love the first episode.
(03:01):
It was a really great way to bring the potty back.
And I know for myself, I've listened to the previous episodes,
podcast episodes when I was in my starting stages of single motherhood and it
was a wealth of knowledge.
So really glad to see that this is back. Yay.
Well, why don't we delve right into you?
(03:23):
Because I think you are an amazing part of this whole beautiful endeavor that's
been created by Lucy and obviously now carried on by us and by myself.
I know that you are a business owner
and obviously also this content creator and
you're a single mum of two and you know
recently have found love again
(03:46):
so that's you know mind-blowing for
some of us not all of us but some of us are really aspiring to that to get back
into that family nucleus dynamic so I'd like to start by asking you to share
a bit about your story some of your biggest challenges that you faced as a single mum?
(04:07):
Yeah, so I became a single mum just over three years ago and it wasn't an easy decision to make.
It took a lot of factors into consideration before I made that decision,
but I knew it was for the best for myself and the children and we are obviously
on the other side of it now and moving on to the next stages,
(04:29):
which is super exciting.
No, it's never an easy decision, that's for sure.
And for some of us, that choice is taken away.
So it's really good to hear for the mums that are especially in the earlier
stages of that separation and divorce that there is that other side,
there is the light at the end of the tunnel.
(04:52):
A hundred percent. You just got to keep pushing through and know that you've
made the right decision or if the decision was made for you,
that there is hope at the end of all of it. Absolutely.
And how did you become in amongst, were you a businesswoman beforehand or was
that you going on your own, something that grew out of the separation?
(05:15):
So I've always been raised with having a family business.
So that was something that I've just grown up with. And I've been very used
to and comfortable in that sort of business owner world.
So I've always sort of dabbled in different things just for hobby sake more than anything else.
But yes, ever since becoming a single mom, trying to juggle motherhood is already really difficult.
(05:41):
But then having to take on all of that extra mental load, all of that extra
actual workload load and trying to juggle work at the same time and the finances
and all that, I did have to delve out,
sort of find new ways to support myself.
While finding that flexibility, I had just become a school mum and school hours
(06:04):
are not conducive to work hours, I found out very, very quickly.
So forging out on my own gave me that opportunity to do school drop-offs without
having to access too much of the before and after school care and still go to
school activities and that sort of thing.
So it was a little bit of both out of necessity and also something that I have
(06:27):
luckily grown up in. So I had quite a bit of knowledge of them already.
It's interesting you say that, you know, there was all these additional pressures
and then, you know, one of the answers was to start business,
which in itself has a lot of pressures.
So how did you manage the challenges that, you know, the balancing act caused?
(06:50):
Were you able to fit everything in those school hours or how did you?
No, it's definitely not easy.
I was very fortunate that I had work that I could rely on part-time hours wise.
So I at least had some kind of base, which gave me a bit of time and a bit of a cushion to land on.
(07:12):
So it wasn't just like, I have to do this. I had something there at least running
in the background, but it's definitely not easy.
Starting a business is really, really hard. You need to put a lot of hours in.
So there was a lot of, you know, after the kids went to bed,
I'd be up till ridiculous hours doing all sorts of things, trying to get the
(07:34):
business up and running.
Obviously, it's paid off. So that's a time well invested.
Yeah. I was going to say too, what were the major hurdles that you would have?
I mean, besides establishing this business, finding yourself in a single motherhood
role just so that listeners can connect with you even deeper.
(07:54):
Can you tell me what was happening in your personal life?
How did you and how did you overcome all these different challenges?
Of course, as deep as you wish to share.
Yeah, of course, of course. No, it was really, really hard, especially the beginning stages.
Even though it was my call to end the relationship,
(08:14):
it's still a very emotional time and you're trying to figure out what the next
steps are in your life while still being there for your children and still doing
all the day-to-day things to function with home, with work and all of that.
(08:35):
So it was really hard. But I was really fortunate that I had my family support
and I was really fortunate to have some really good friends there for me through those times.
And if I needed, you know, mum and dad to look after the kids so I could do
certain things and run errands without them, I had them there.
So I was quite fortunate for that.
(08:56):
That was a perfect segue to my next question, which you almost pretty much answered for me.
And that would have been how important was having a support system in place
and obviously having that mum and dad being able to,
you know, reach out to them or having friends or a community of single mums
because it doesn't always have to be friends that you,
(09:18):
and often we lose a lot of the friends from, you know, a previous, you know, group.
So it doesn't have to be friends. It's so more just being able to find that
other single mums that are going through similar, isn't it?
Yes, 100%. So I am very fortunate. I have my parents and they lived really, really nearby.
So I could lean on them physically when I needed to, as well as emotionally
(09:43):
and all that sort of thing.
But yeah, I found the friendship thing was quite hard in the beginning.
Because obviously prior to the separation, a lot of my friends were,
you know, your typical nuclear family, their husband and wife,
and they've got the kids and those were my friends at the time.
A lot of them couldn't understand the
(10:05):
challenges I was facing and what I
needed emotionally because obviously not having been through it
it's really hard to understand so I've
stumbled across different single mum groups and Beanstalk is one of them and
it was really really helpful to have people who could relate and understand
(10:26):
and give me if not advice at least some sort of guidance that,
hey, it's going to be all right if you take these steps or if you don't take these steps.
There's just so many opportunities to talk to different people with the similar experiences.
So I was really fortunate for that.
And I actually had a girlfriend that I hadn't seen since high school.
(10:49):
She reconnected with me and she was like, hey, I actually know this mum from
school who's a single mum as well.
Do you want to go grab cocktails? cocktails and I've got a feeling you guys
will get along like a house on fire. Who says no to cupcakes? Met her.
Well, you can't say no to margaritas. I'm like, I'm there for the margaritas
and if a punch it comes off, that is an absolute cherry on top.
(11:12):
So yeah, so met her and got on like a house on fire and we had very similar,
you know, experiences into single motherhood and our group has actually grown since then.
And we've got like five single mums in our group that we We catch up regularly
and we call each other best friends.
So it's really helpful to find people who've been through similar experiences,
(11:35):
especially when it's such a big life change.
Absolutely. I 100% agree with you. And I have a lot of mums say through my counselling
side, the other hat that I put on, you know, that it's too difficult to try and find a tribe.
It's too time consuming, too exhausting.
But I suppose it is so worth it. You finally do find that, but it doesn't have to be a hundred of them.
(11:59):
You know, just one is sometimes all we need.
Someone that you can vent to and bounce your ideas off.
On you know I mean you can just yeah
like there's just
certain things like you know when the kids come home from handover
that is such a unique experience that only
(12:22):
other single mums who have that can understand or the feeling of like you just
don't get two minutes for yourself because you're constantly doing something
it's just nice to have someone who can relate to that and either lend a sympathetic
ear or give advice to. Absolutely.
I personally, when my daughter is with me, you know, there is no second to me,
(12:47):
but then she goes and it's this empty void and it's like, hello.
You can't explain that to someone who hasn't been through that.
Absolutely. Yeah. No, it's such an amazing and perfect point right there.
Find your tribe. First thing on the list, find your tribe.
But you did more than just find your tribe. You found love again.
(13:10):
I did. I did. I was very fortunate. So how did you find, like approach dating as a single mom?
Where did you find the time first of all?
Yeah, look, it was quite a journey. Yeah.
I have to say technology is absolutely incredible in that part.
Like I don't think if it wasn't for dating apps that I could have found or had the time to date.
(13:37):
It's just, you know, I've got the kids six days a week.
I don't have times to prowl bars and it's not something I want to do anymore anyway.
To have the opportunity to sit on my lounge and just be like swiping through
and reading profiles like a CV.
It was really quite handy so
I was um yeah it's quite a journey finding time
(13:59):
and going out for drinks and whatnot but you do
find ways to filter out
people pretty quickly when you have such limited kid free time so obviously
you would have a very definite red flag zone thing in your head and and quite
uh specific requirements of of these gentlemen that you meet or how did you
(14:21):
decide who could have made with?
So with the dating app, the good thing is you can just chat and figure people
out pretty quickly that way.
So yeah, I had a pretty good idea of the type of person I was looking for.
I knew what I didn't want and that gave me a pretty good idea of what I was, what I did want.
(14:42):
So I was able to weed out people pretty quickly through conversations and
just how they responded to things and that gave me the opportunity to decide
is this actually worth getting a babysitter in to actually go on a date so I
didn't waste too too much time seeing people that I knew weren't going to be a good fit.
(15:03):
Yeah for sure for sure so did you find that once you struck up a conversation
through the chat sort of found things that were in common and still a further
sort of weeding out process at that stage too.
It's definitely still a waiting out process. I found that it's very easy to
have conversations with people because if you take into the fact that you can
(15:26):
take your time and curate your answers, you're not always going to get that in person.
So I did very quickly make a hard and fast rule that the first date is strictly
a 20 minute coffee and not to waste each other's time. So you just give yourself
that opportunity to get that in-person vibe check.
(15:47):
And if it passes, then you go, okay, all right, well, let's go have a dinner
or something that's a bit more serious. Like a screening process.
A hundred percent. A hundred percent. So you're not wasting anyone else's time
or your time. Brilliant.
So what advice would you give other single moms who might be hesitant to start dating again?
(16:07):
Striking up a conversation is nice practice. that's how
I sort of stumbled back into it I was out of the dating world for a solid six
years so at that point I couldn't even hold a conversation with the opposite
sex properly I didn't know how to flirt I didn't know I couldn't remember any
of that oh god so yeah it's,
(16:29):
It was quite daunting, I have to admit, getting back into the dating pool.
So for those who are thinking about it, I just say go for it.
Just practice having conversation with people. It doesn't have to go anywhere.
There's no commitments when you're on dating websites.
You can be talking to five different people and you don't have to have a date with any of them.
(16:52):
So I found just having a bit of practice first. I did that for a little while
before I felt comfortable enough and knew in myself that I was ready enough
to actually start meeting people face to face.
Great. That's good. That's a good, good tip, actually. Just have a good practice.
They don't know you from a barrel of soap, so it doesn't matter if you don't owe anyone anything.
(17:16):
I like that. I like that.
And while we're on the subject of lessons, what is the biggest lesson you've
learned throughout your single motherhood journey that you would wish you knew at the start?
It's a lot more resilient than you realize and so are you.
It's very easy to get swept up with, oh, but, you know, the kids won't be able
(17:41):
to deal with this or I won't be able to handle that.
But you don't know that and you will get through it. Everyone will.
The kids will survive and so will you?
You just can't take everybody's emotion into it. You've just got to sometimes
focus on yourself and everything else will fall into place.
(18:02):
So very, very true. I love that. Absolutely.
Follow your example and how you feel.
So if you're anxious about something, they're going to feel that and they bounce off that.
So if you can get through it, they will too.
That's wonderful. And because I've got a few more minutes with you and we're
(18:23):
picking on everything about you to get to know you and know you more.
There's a lot of talk lately, you know, more so intensifying about the self-care,
you know, self-care, find time for self-care.
With so much on our plates, how do you find time for self-care and personal growth?
(18:44):
I just say if you've got a minute even five that's all you need sometimes to
reset yourself you there's 24 hours in a day you can always find a minute do
something for yourself so I've learned.
I'm really don't like being late to things but I've given myself grace in the
(19:05):
morning that if I'm yelling at the kids everyone's going to have a really crap
start to the day So if we're five minutes late to school and I've got to sign
them in, then we're five minutes late. It's fine.
No one's going to really matter that you're a little bit late to things.
So just giving myself grace in that and if I needed a couple of minutes to have
(19:27):
a hot cup of coffee and we're late, that's fine.
You know, I love this. I love that you straightaway went to grace and forgiving
yourself for things that we normally don't. You know, we do.
We get so stressed and what will others think?
And it becomes a monster in our head before it even occurs.
And, you know, when people say self-care.
(19:50):
Straight away, a lot of people go towards the massages and the pampering and
the nails, which is all beautiful and great.
Yeah, don't get me wrong. But it doesn't have to go to something that costs money and takes time.
It can be as simple and as beautiful as compassion towards yourself.
Yeah, I love it. I love it. Thank you. I hope whoever hears this takes that
(20:12):
on board, that there are so many other ways to give to yourself without actually
going to a great fanfare.
No, it doesn't have to be anything big. It could just be something as simple
as not rushing yourself and stressing and that just puts you in a better headspace and same with kids.
(20:34):
Forgiving yourself for not doing the dishes before you go to bed.
That's my thing. Oh, I hate dishes.
My mountain of clean washing is about four weeks high. But I'm going to just
let us live out of the basket until I have the headspace to deal with it.
I'm sure there's a special like basket robe or something, you know,
(20:54):
I've got a floor robe, so that's a basket robe.
I'm happy with that. We can live out of that. It's clean. It's, you know, fine.
Sanity is so much more important. Yeah, 100%.
This is a really good point that brings up the overwhelm that we sometimes,
a lot of the times feel stuck in a situation and feel like we can't take the
(21:18):
right steps towards beginning the life that we want and we deserve because we
do have all these things to juggle.
What other tips do you think that you have learned on your own self could you
suggest to the mums that they could explore.
Other than giving myself that grace to take more time and whatnot,
(21:42):
I guess just finding a routine that the kids can help out in as well.
Just little things, age-appropriate things.
It could be something as simple as just getting them to put their toys away
and taking that off your plate.
Again, they're far more resilient, as you said, and giving them those extra
grown-up chores can actually,
you know within reason can really empower them
(22:05):
and give them a sense of purpose and feel like they're little
you know their matter too in this whole situation so
that's wonderful suggestion too i appreciate it and i
can see your time really starting to tick to a close so last thing what's next
for you are there any new goals any projects on the horizons that you're excited
about any closing thoughts look we're we're making the move down south and the
(22:28):
kids super excited and And going back to the whole kids are resilient thing,
my kids are completely stoked for a fresh start.
So I know that there are probably mums looking for something similar and to
know that they can have that. Yeah.
That's amazing. That's fantastic. Yeah, true. And then, you know,
you're here at the moment. Tomorrow, you don't know what the day will bring.
(22:52):
Every day, take it fresh, one step at a time, and you will get there.
You'll get there to the other side, and you realize that you're much stronger
and much more resilient, to use the same word, than you thought you were,
as are your children. So that's really empowering.
Thank you. Thank you so much for your time and for sharing your journey with us.
(23:13):
If the listeners want to go and say hi to you and follow you on your content
on Beanstalk Single Mums Instagram account, but not only there,
head over to your website.
We'll put a link to your website, the Inked Mama as well, because I know you've
got some of your own golden nuggets of wisdom on that website.
So it'd be nice if the mums would like to visit to know where to go.
(23:36):
So I'll chuck that underneath.
And yeah, is there anything else, last parting words that you would like to
share with our audience? You've got this, guys.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and there are people there that are
more than happy to help you through your journey.
Yeah, like us, like pain stock mums.
Us, us, us. We're here for you.
(24:00):
All right. Well, thank you so very much. I really appreciate your time. Thank you for having me.
Thank you for for joining us. You can check out Maggie's beautiful content on
our Instagram feed or on the link below to her website,
The Inked Mama, where she shares her unique insights to her single motherhood journey.
(24:21):
If your journey has just begun, there is lots of resources available on our website,
beingstalkmums.com.au, including a wonderful course, e-course created by our
founder, Lucy Goode called You've Got This.
It's a very small investment for a really well-written, well-presented course.
(24:44):
It walks you through the practicalities as well as the mental and emotional
side of separation and divorce and just assists you to start this new part of
your life on a better footing.
I hope you go and check it out. Now for our next podcast, we have someone great lined up for you.
(25:07):
His name is Ian McLeod.
And he's a renowned public speaker and expert in financial agreements for couples.
With nearly two decades of experience, Ian specializes in creating binding financial
agreements that help individuals navigate their financial futures,
especially at that period of separating and divorce.
(25:30):
We are having a widget installed on the website so you'll be able to go to beanstalkmums.com.au
slash podcast and leave your comments, requests.
Suggestions, nominate yourself for a story, anything.
You can leave us little voicemails which we can then utilize in the podcasts
(25:54):
and bring you into this beautiful experience that we are creating for all single mums.
And that is probably enough from me.
I wish you all the best. If the days are looking a bit gloomy and dark and things
are not quite how you want them, just hang in there.
Life will get better. Reach out to your network.
(26:16):
Reach out to a counsellor. Reach out to the single mum community in the Single
Mum Vine Facebook group, we've got your back.
We're here for you. And if you are having great days, celebrate it with us too.
Let us know so we can celebrate your good times as well.
Till the next episode, have a great week.
Welcome to Beanstalk Mums podcast. Here at Beanstalk Mums, we believe that every
mum is a powerhouse of potential and strength.
Our mission is to uplift, empower and support single mums on their incredible journey.
Each episode is packed with inspiring stories, practical advice and expert insights
(00:21):
tailored to help you tackle the unique challenges and triumphs of single motherhood.
Join a vibrant community as we delve into topics that matter to you most.
From financial independence and career growth to self-care and parenting tips.
At Beanstalk Mums, we understand that your journey is as unique as you are.
And we are here to provide a warm, welcoming
(00:44):
space where you can find the encouragement and resources you need.
So tune in regularly and become a part of a network that celebrates your resilience,
wisdom and unwavering dedication. occasion.
Together we can turn every challenge into an opportunity and every moment into
a stepping stone towards a brighter future.
Welcome to Beanstalk Mums, where your story is our inspiration.
(01:07):
All right. Hi Maggie, how are you?
Good. How are you? Good, good. Thank you for being with us here today.
It is so awesome to have you. It's great to have you here.
Oh, thank you for having me. It's exciting. So for those who do not know Maggie,
she is aka also known as the Inked Mama and also is the,
(01:32):
main content creator for the Beanstalk Single Mums Instagram platform,
which is just fantastic.
Fantastic. So a lot of the videos for those who follow the Instagram account,
a lot of the videos that you see are of Maggie here.
Yeah. Some people have probably seen my face floating around before already.
Now, I was just reflecting on the way here, how awesome it is that we've been
(01:56):
able to revamp the podcast because, I mean, you do a lot of wonderful work for
the Instagram in regards to Reels and that sort of content.
And then, of course, there's all these beautiful articles and great resources we have on the website.
But not everyone, depending on what stage of motherhood they are,
(02:16):
not only their single motherhood, but their motherhood, you know,
they may not even have time to stop and watch a Reel or stop and read the articles.
So being able to sort of pop into the podcast space and just play something
while you're doing the dishes or,
you're driving somewhere and still get that dose of inspiration and education
(02:39):
and whatever they might need, a bit of guidance.
That has gotten me so excited that you're a second person on the interview.
Tell me, have you had a chance to catch the first episode back yet?
I have. I have. And I couldn't agree with you more. Sometimes it's just so much
easier. pop the ear pods on and love the first episode.
(03:01):
It was a really great way to bring the potty back.
And I know for myself, I've listened to the previous episodes,
podcast episodes when I was in my starting stages of single motherhood and it
was a wealth of knowledge.
So really glad to see that this is back. Yay.
Well, why don't we delve right into you?
(03:23):
Because I think you are an amazing part of this whole beautiful endeavor that's
been created by Lucy and obviously now carried on by us and by myself.
I know that you are a business owner
and obviously also this content creator and
you're a single mum of two and you know
recently have found love again
(03:46):
so that's you know mind-blowing for
some of us not all of us but some of us are really aspiring to that to get back
into that family nucleus dynamic so I'd like to start by asking you to share
a bit about your story some of your biggest challenges that you faced as a single mum?
(04:07):
Yeah, so I became a single mum just over three years ago and it wasn't an easy decision to make.
It took a lot of factors into consideration before I made that decision,
but I knew it was for the best for myself and the children and we are obviously
on the other side of it now and moving on to the next stages,
(04:29):
which is super exciting.
No, it's never an easy decision, that's for sure.
And for some of us, that choice is taken away.
So it's really good to hear for the mums that are especially in the earlier
stages of that separation and divorce that there is that other side,
there is the light at the end of the tunnel.
(04:52):
A hundred percent. You just got to keep pushing through and know that you've
made the right decision or if the decision was made for you,
that there is hope at the end of all of it. Absolutely.
And how did you become in amongst, were you a businesswoman beforehand or was
that you going on your own, something that grew out of the separation?
(05:15):
So I've always been raised with having a family business.
So that was something that I've just grown up with. And I've been very used
to and comfortable in that sort of business owner world.
So I've always sort of dabbled in different things just for hobby sake more than anything else.
But yes, ever since becoming a single mom, trying to juggle motherhood is already really difficult.
(05:41):
But then having to take on all of that extra mental load, all of that extra
actual workload load and trying to juggle work at the same time and the finances
and all that, I did have to delve out,
sort of find new ways to support myself.
While finding that flexibility, I had just become a school mum and school hours
(06:04):
are not conducive to work hours, I found out very, very quickly.
So forging out on my own gave me that opportunity to do school drop-offs without
having to access too much of the before and after school care and still go to
school activities and that sort of thing.
So it was a little bit of both out of necessity and also something that I have
(06:27):
luckily grown up in. So I had quite a bit of knowledge of them already.
It's interesting you say that, you know, there was all these additional pressures
and then, you know, one of the answers was to start business,
which in itself has a lot of pressures.
So how did you manage the challenges that, you know, the balancing act caused?
(06:50):
Were you able to fit everything in those school hours or how did you?
No, it's definitely not easy.
I was very fortunate that I had work that I could rely on part-time hours wise.
So I at least had some kind of base, which gave me a bit of time and a bit of a cushion to land on.
(07:12):
So it wasn't just like, I have to do this. I had something there at least running
in the background, but it's definitely not easy.
Starting a business is really, really hard. You need to put a lot of hours in.
So there was a lot of, you know, after the kids went to bed,
I'd be up till ridiculous hours doing all sorts of things, trying to get the
(07:34):
business up and running.
Obviously, it's paid off. So that's a time well invested.
Yeah. I was going to say too, what were the major hurdles that you would have?
I mean, besides establishing this business, finding yourself in a single motherhood
role just so that listeners can connect with you even deeper.
(07:54):
Can you tell me what was happening in your personal life?
How did you and how did you overcome all these different challenges?
Of course, as deep as you wish to share.
Yeah, of course, of course. No, it was really, really hard, especially the beginning stages.
Even though it was my call to end the relationship,
(08:14):
it's still a very emotional time and you're trying to figure out what the next
steps are in your life while still being there for your children and still doing
all the day-to-day things to function with home, with work and all of that.
(08:35):
So it was really hard. But I was really fortunate that I had my family support
and I was really fortunate to have some really good friends there for me through those times.
And if I needed, you know, mum and dad to look after the kids so I could do
certain things and run errands without them, I had them there.
So I was quite fortunate for that.
(08:56):
That was a perfect segue to my next question, which you almost pretty much answered for me.
And that would have been how important was having a support system in place
and obviously having that mum and dad being able to,
you know, reach out to them or having friends or a community of single mums
because it doesn't always have to be friends that you,
(09:18):
and often we lose a lot of the friends from, you know, a previous, you know, group.
So it doesn't have to be friends. It's so more just being able to find that
other single mums that are going through similar, isn't it?
Yes, 100%. So I am very fortunate. I have my parents and they lived really, really nearby.
So I could lean on them physically when I needed to, as well as emotionally
(09:43):
and all that sort of thing.
But yeah, I found the friendship thing was quite hard in the beginning.
Because obviously prior to the separation, a lot of my friends were,
you know, your typical nuclear family, their husband and wife,
and they've got the kids and those were my friends at the time.
A lot of them couldn't understand the
(10:05):
challenges I was facing and what I
needed emotionally because obviously not having been through it
it's really hard to understand so I've
stumbled across different single mum groups and Beanstalk is one of them and
it was really really helpful to have people who could relate and understand
(10:26):
and give me if not advice at least some sort of guidance that,
hey, it's going to be all right if you take these steps or if you don't take these steps.
There's just so many opportunities to talk to different people with the similar experiences.
So I was really fortunate for that.
And I actually had a girlfriend that I hadn't seen since high school.
(10:49):
She reconnected with me and she was like, hey, I actually know this mum from
school who's a single mum as well.
Do you want to go grab cocktails? cocktails and I've got a feeling you guys
will get along like a house on fire. Who says no to cupcakes? Met her.
Well, you can't say no to margaritas. I'm like, I'm there for the margaritas
and if a punch it comes off, that is an absolute cherry on top.
(11:12):
So yeah, so met her and got on like a house on fire and we had very similar,
you know, experiences into single motherhood and our group has actually grown since then.
And we've got like five single mums in our group that we We catch up regularly
and we call each other best friends.
So it's really helpful to find people who've been through similar experiences,
(11:35):
especially when it's such a big life change.
Absolutely. I 100% agree with you. And I have a lot of mums say through my counselling
side, the other hat that I put on, you know, that it's too difficult to try and find a tribe.
It's too time consuming, too exhausting.
But I suppose it is so worth it. You finally do find that, but it doesn't have to be a hundred of them.
(11:59):
You know, just one is sometimes all we need.
Someone that you can vent to and bounce your ideas off.
On you know I mean you can just yeah
like there's just
certain things like you know when the kids come home from handover
that is such a unique experience that only
(12:22):
other single mums who have that can understand or the feeling of like you just
don't get two minutes for yourself because you're constantly doing something
it's just nice to have someone who can relate to that and either lend a sympathetic
ear or give advice to. Absolutely.
I personally, when my daughter is with me, you know, there is no second to me,
(12:47):
but then she goes and it's this empty void and it's like, hello.
You can't explain that to someone who hasn't been through that.
Absolutely. Yeah. No, it's such an amazing and perfect point right there.
Find your tribe. First thing on the list, find your tribe.
But you did more than just find your tribe. You found love again.
(13:10):
I did. I did. I was very fortunate. So how did you find, like approach dating as a single mom?
Where did you find the time first of all?
Yeah, look, it was quite a journey. Yeah.
I have to say technology is absolutely incredible in that part.
Like I don't think if it wasn't for dating apps that I could have found or had the time to date.
(13:37):
It's just, you know, I've got the kids six days a week.
I don't have times to prowl bars and it's not something I want to do anymore anyway.
To have the opportunity to sit on my lounge and just be like swiping through
and reading profiles like a CV.
It was really quite handy so
I was um yeah it's quite a journey finding time
(13:59):
and going out for drinks and whatnot but you do
find ways to filter out
people pretty quickly when you have such limited kid free time so obviously
you would have a very definite red flag zone thing in your head and and quite
uh specific requirements of of these gentlemen that you meet or how did you
(14:21):
decide who could have made with?
So with the dating app, the good thing is you can just chat and figure people
out pretty quickly that way.
So yeah, I had a pretty good idea of the type of person I was looking for.
I knew what I didn't want and that gave me a pretty good idea of what I was, what I did want.
(14:42):
So I was able to weed out people pretty quickly through conversations and
just how they responded to things and that gave me the opportunity to decide
is this actually worth getting a babysitter in to actually go on a date so I
didn't waste too too much time seeing people that I knew weren't going to be a good fit.
(15:03):
Yeah for sure for sure so did you find that once you struck up a conversation
through the chat sort of found things that were in common and still a further
sort of weeding out process at that stage too.
It's definitely still a waiting out process. I found that it's very easy to
have conversations with people because if you take into the fact that you can
(15:26):
take your time and curate your answers, you're not always going to get that in person.
So I did very quickly make a hard and fast rule that the first date is strictly
a 20 minute coffee and not to waste each other's time. So you just give yourself
that opportunity to get that in-person vibe check.
(15:47):
And if it passes, then you go, okay, all right, well, let's go have a dinner
or something that's a bit more serious. Like a screening process.
A hundred percent. A hundred percent. So you're not wasting anyone else's time
or your time. Brilliant.
So what advice would you give other single moms who might be hesitant to start dating again?
(16:07):
Striking up a conversation is nice practice. that's how
I sort of stumbled back into it I was out of the dating world for a solid six
years so at that point I couldn't even hold a conversation with the opposite
sex properly I didn't know how to flirt I didn't know I couldn't remember any
of that oh god so yeah it's,
(16:29):
It was quite daunting, I have to admit, getting back into the dating pool.
So for those who are thinking about it, I just say go for it.
Just practice having conversation with people. It doesn't have to go anywhere.
There's no commitments when you're on dating websites.
You can be talking to five different people and you don't have to have a date with any of them.
(16:52):
So I found just having a bit of practice first. I did that for a little while
before I felt comfortable enough and knew in myself that I was ready enough
to actually start meeting people face to face.
Great. That's good. That's a good, good tip, actually. Just have a good practice.
They don't know you from a barrel of soap, so it doesn't matter if you don't owe anyone anything.
(17:16):
I like that. I like that.
And while we're on the subject of lessons, what is the biggest lesson you've
learned throughout your single motherhood journey that you would wish you knew at the start?
It's a lot more resilient than you realize and so are you.
It's very easy to get swept up with, oh, but, you know, the kids won't be able
(17:41):
to deal with this or I won't be able to handle that.
But you don't know that and you will get through it. Everyone will.
The kids will survive and so will you?
You just can't take everybody's emotion into it. You've just got to sometimes
focus on yourself and everything else will fall into place.
(18:02):
So very, very true. I love that. Absolutely.
Follow your example and how you feel.
So if you're anxious about something, they're going to feel that and they bounce off that.
So if you can get through it, they will too.
That's wonderful. And because I've got a few more minutes with you and we're
(18:23):
picking on everything about you to get to know you and know you more.
There's a lot of talk lately, you know, more so intensifying about the self-care,
you know, self-care, find time for self-care.
With so much on our plates, how do you find time for self-care and personal growth?
(18:44):
I just say if you've got a minute even five that's all you need sometimes to
reset yourself you there's 24 hours in a day you can always find a minute do
something for yourself so I've learned.
I'm really don't like being late to things but I've given myself grace in the
(19:05):
morning that if I'm yelling at the kids everyone's going to have a really crap
start to the day So if we're five minutes late to school and I've got to sign
them in, then we're five minutes late. It's fine.
No one's going to really matter that you're a little bit late to things.
So just giving myself grace in that and if I needed a couple of minutes to have
(19:27):
a hot cup of coffee and we're late, that's fine.
You know, I love this. I love that you straightaway went to grace and forgiving
yourself for things that we normally don't. You know, we do.
We get so stressed and what will others think?
And it becomes a monster in our head before it even occurs.
And, you know, when people say self-care.
(19:50):
Straight away, a lot of people go towards the massages and the pampering and
the nails, which is all beautiful and great.
Yeah, don't get me wrong. But it doesn't have to go to something that costs money and takes time.
It can be as simple and as beautiful as compassion towards yourself.
Yeah, I love it. I love it. Thank you. I hope whoever hears this takes that
(20:12):
on board, that there are so many other ways to give to yourself without actually
going to a great fanfare.
No, it doesn't have to be anything big. It could just be something as simple
as not rushing yourself and stressing and that just puts you in a better headspace and same with kids.
(20:34):
Forgiving yourself for not doing the dishes before you go to bed.
That's my thing. Oh, I hate dishes.
My mountain of clean washing is about four weeks high. But I'm going to just
let us live out of the basket until I have the headspace to deal with it.
I'm sure there's a special like basket robe or something, you know,
(20:54):
I've got a floor robe, so that's a basket robe.
I'm happy with that. We can live out of that. It's clean. It's, you know, fine.
Sanity is so much more important. Yeah, 100%.
This is a really good point that brings up the overwhelm that we sometimes,
a lot of the times feel stuck in a situation and feel like we can't take the
(21:18):
right steps towards beginning the life that we want and we deserve because we
do have all these things to juggle.
What other tips do you think that you have learned on your own self could you
suggest to the mums that they could explore.
Other than giving myself that grace to take more time and whatnot,
(21:42):
I guess just finding a routine that the kids can help out in as well.
Just little things, age-appropriate things.
It could be something as simple as just getting them to put their toys away
and taking that off your plate.
Again, they're far more resilient, as you said, and giving them those extra
grown-up chores can actually,
you know within reason can really empower them
(22:05):
and give them a sense of purpose and feel like they're little
you know their matter too in this whole situation so
that's wonderful suggestion too i appreciate it and i
can see your time really starting to tick to a close so last thing what's next
for you are there any new goals any projects on the horizons that you're excited
about any closing thoughts look we're we're making the move down south and the
(22:28):
kids super excited and And going back to the whole kids are resilient thing,
my kids are completely stoked for a fresh start.
So I know that there are probably mums looking for something similar and to
know that they can have that. Yeah.
That's amazing. That's fantastic. Yeah, true. And then, you know,
you're here at the moment. Tomorrow, you don't know what the day will bring.
(22:52):
Every day, take it fresh, one step at a time, and you will get there.
You'll get there to the other side, and you realize that you're much stronger
and much more resilient, to use the same word, than you thought you were,
as are your children. So that's really empowering.
Thank you. Thank you so much for your time and for sharing your journey with us.
(23:13):
If the listeners want to go and say hi to you and follow you on your content
on Beanstalk Single Mums Instagram account, but not only there,
head over to your website.
We'll put a link to your website, the Inked Mama as well, because I know you've
got some of your own golden nuggets of wisdom on that website.
So it'd be nice if the mums would like to visit to know where to go.
(23:36):
So I'll chuck that underneath.
And yeah, is there anything else, last parting words that you would like to
share with our audience? You've got this, guys.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and there are people there that are
more than happy to help you through your journey.
Yeah, like us, like pain stock mums.
Us, us, us. We're here for you.
(24:00):
All right. Well, thank you so very much. I really appreciate your time. Thank you for having me.
Thank you for for joining us. You can check out Maggie's beautiful content on
our Instagram feed or on the link below to her website,
The Inked Mama, where she shares her unique insights to her single motherhood journey.
(24:21):
If your journey has just begun, there is lots of resources available on our website,
beingstalkmums.com.au, including a wonderful course, e-course created by our
founder, Lucy Goode called You've Got This.
It's a very small investment for a really well-written, well-presented course.
(24:44):
It walks you through the practicalities as well as the mental and emotional
side of separation and divorce and just assists you to start this new part of
your life on a better footing.
I hope you go and check it out. Now for our next podcast, we have someone great lined up for you.
(25:07):
His name is Ian McLeod.
And he's a renowned public speaker and expert in financial agreements for couples.
With nearly two decades of experience, Ian specializes in creating binding financial
agreements that help individuals navigate their financial futures,
especially at that period of separating and divorce.
(25:30):
We are having a widget installed on the website so you'll be able to go to beanstalkmums.com.au
slash podcast and leave your comments, requests.
Suggestions, nominate yourself for a story, anything.
You can leave us little voicemails which we can then utilize in the podcasts
(25:54):
and bring you into this beautiful experience that we are creating for all single mums.
And that is probably enough from me.
I wish you all the best. If the days are looking a bit gloomy and dark and things
are not quite how you want them, just hang in there.
Life will get better. Reach out to your network.
(26:16):
Reach out to a counsellor. Reach out to the single mum community in the Single
Mum Vine Facebook group, we've got your back.
We're here for you. And if you are having great days, celebrate it with us too.
Let us know so we can celebrate your good times as well.
Till the next episode, have a great week.
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