January 28, 2025 • 39 mins
Welcome to the final week of the Pursuing Goodness mini-series on the Becoming Whole podcast! This episode we talk about how godly self care is essential for anyone seeking healing and wholeness from sexual and relational brokenness. Join Aaron Tagert and Kyle Bowman as they explore why many struggle with self-care, how shame and deprivation play a role, and practical ways to implement self-care in physical, mental, and spiritual aspects.
Resources discussed in this episode
- “Learning to care for our inner worlds (our thoughts, emotions, and inward experiences) in an ongoing way is the life-sustaining self-care that we need.” Janice McWilliams
- Restore My Soul: Reimagining Self-Care for a Sustainable Life Janice McWilliams
- Examen https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-examen/how-can-i-pray/
- Unwanted by Jay Stringer
Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole
👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the Becoming Whole podcast.
We're in the final week of ourPursuing Goodness miniseries to
start this new year, and todaywe're going to discuss a topic
that, quite honestly, isessential in an individual's
journey towards healing andwholeness from sexual and
relational brokenness, thatbeing godly self-care.
My name is Aaron Taggart, I'mone of our men's spiritual
(00:23):
coaches and our unwantedintensive guide at Region, and I
am joined today by the amazingKyle Bowman, who serves as our
DC Metro Director and a frequentvoice on the Sacred by Design
podcast.
Welcome in, kyle.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Hello Aaron, so glad to be with you today.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to this
conversation and just feel likethis is such an important topic
and, as we talk about pursuinggoodness and we started the
series off by talking aboutleaning into grief and lament
and reclaiming our senses andhow helpful those things are in
(01:02):
pursuing goodness our topictoday is helpful as well, but so
many people on a recoveryjourney struggle with practicing
godly self-care.
So I want to jump in and unpacka little bit.
Why do you think that is?
Why do you think that so manypeople struggle with this kind
(01:22):
of concept of self-care?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
that so many people struggle with this kind of
concept of self-care.
Well, I think, when self-carecan sound selfish, right, people
can think I've got to do all ofthat I need to do before I can,
to take care of my issue beforeI can even think about
self-care.
Right, I've got to take care ofthis thing first.
(01:45):
It's like life has to be rightin that area first, and then I
can take care of myself withoutreally understanding and knowing
that self-care has the abilityto really transform your
recovery process, reallytransform your recovery process.
I think it can make temptationless intense.
(02:07):
I think it can help you makebetter decisions when temptation
comes and it may even be acatalyst into moving through
your recovery at a really goodpace, where you don't feel like,
oh, it's been years and yearsand years and years and years
(02:27):
and I'm still stuck here.
This caring for yourself canhelp, I think, propel you
through your recovery process.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah, I love that, that kind of idea you're sharing
there about the pace and evenlike if an individual finds
himself in a, in a place wherethey're kind of stuck, maybe not
progressing the way they wantto or the way they maybe you
know hopes, and I think you knowwhen I, when I kind of take a
step back and think about that,you know I, I really think about
(03:00):
this word deprivation, thatthat Jay Stringer talks about,
and and unwanted, and and that'snot necessarily unique to to to
Jay Stringer talks about andunwanted, and that's not
necessarily unique to to to JayStringer and his work.
But this concept of deprivation,right, depriving oneself of
something that you know theymight need but they don't feel
(03:20):
like they deserve, yes, right.
And so I think you know whatwe're saying here is like in in
this journey, there's a sensethat you know that I just, you
know I don't deserve it.
You know I've done, you know X,y and Z and and there's a lot
of shame in that.
And you know Jay says inunwanted that those who struggle
(03:40):
with addictive behaviorsstruggle with deprivation and
tend to ignore issues ofself-care.
And that goes back to ourstories and if we have known
shame and abandonment in ourstories, then we are less likely
to believe that we deserve goodcare.
So there's a lot of kind ofroadblock, right?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Well, yeah, for sure, and it can feel like,
especially, I think, in ourculture, because we hear about
how our culture is so consumedwith self that we go well,
that's not going to be me.
I'm not going to be consumedwith myself, I am going to take
me, I'm not going to be consumedwith myself, I am going to, you
(04:26):
know, take it on the chin andI'm gonna, you know, do the
things right with, okay, luke,right and luke 923, pick up your
cross, deny yourself right andnot really thinking about what
that truly means in terms ofrecovery.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah, yeah.
So I want to bring back shameup here.
You know the power of shame andself-care.
You know there's a sense of youknow we have to face.
We have to face that shame atsome point, otherwise it just
kind of continues to have thisstronghold over that progression
(05:07):
.
Right, that even the just thebelief of getting to a place
where you can believe that youdeserve self-care.
You know, because we do, andit's so critically important
that that we do that.
And so there's this reallybeautiful analogy that Jay uses
in unwanted, and it's from sharkweek, believe it or not.
And there's a renowned sharkvideographer named Andy
(05:30):
Casagrande and he was asked aquestion about you know, what do
you do?
And you know you're, you're inthere with like just the
craziest sharks, and what do youdo when one comes at you?
His response was well, you swimat it with the camera.
Now I, I can only imagine inthat moment, like I'm not
swimming at a shark, like with acamera, I'm like you know
(05:53):
what's the quickest way out ofthis water?
You know, and jesus helped mewalk on it, I don't know, but
but there's something about youknow, there's he does what's
unexpected in the shark, youknow, thinks that he's prey
until he swims at the shark.
And there's this, you know,sense is this quote?
He says that if you act like,if you don't act like prey, they
(06:14):
don't treat you like prey,right?
Right, if we face our shame andwe don't let it be the thing
that scares us and keeps us heldback, then there's, there's
this maybe unlocking that cantake place in a in that
(06:37):
progression, being, you know,being able to see that you know
we do deserve self-care, that weneed self-care absolutely
absolutely yeah, and there's adifference too in that right
that between doing bad thingsand being bad.
Shame would tell us that we are,that we are bad.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Right, and this really gets at our identity in
Christ.
You know, shame tells us thatwe're bad, but that's not true.
You know, we have a God who isa creator and he called us very
good Not just good when he madeAdam and Eve.
He said this is very good.
So you know, there's some truthin that.
(07:16):
I think that we can reallycling to in the midst of some of
this, and even as we face ourshame in the midst of some of
this, even as we face our shame.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
For sure, and I think if people even think about when
they have to discipline theirchildren and when you go to them
, you don't say you're bad.
You say you did something badbecause you want them to know
it's the action and not them asa person.
(07:46):
You don't want them to thinkthat they are inherently not
good, and so it's easy to dothat with others sometimes, but
we're not always willing to dothat for ourselves.
To go.
Wait, I'm not inherently bad.
I have made a bad decision andcommitted a bad action, but that
(08:10):
doesn't make me inherently bad.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Yes, yes, it's funny that you bring that up too, with
the kids.
I have four kids, 11 and underand nobody has to teach a kid.
Um, shame, like there's justsomething the enemy this is.
I think part of just theenemy's plan against humanity
right is to to get into ourminds, to convince us that we're
(08:36):
undeserving that we, you know,are, you know this, that or the
other, because you know, I, Ihave a six-year-old son who will
sit there and just say you knowI'm, I'm bad, you know I'm a
criminal, I'm, you know, and I'mlike whoa, whoa, whoa buddy,
like that's not true, that's notwho you are.
And and it's so easy to put thaton as an identity when, when,
(08:58):
really that's, that's not ouridentity, it's not who we are.
So last week, andrea and Italked about reclaiming our
senses and the importance ofthings like play.
She talked about grounding andjust some other things, and I
think that began to touch onself-care and I want to build on
that for a little bit and talkabout what godly self-care looks
(09:23):
like, and I think we canidentify probably three main
areas physical, mental andspiritual.
So let's jump into that for alittle bit.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Sure yeah, because self-care means your whole self.
It doesn't mean just parts ofyourself, it means your whole
self.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
And I think people don't understand how much
certain things can affect yourresponse to temptation, your
response to acting out withrespect to self-care.
So if you have a physicalailment, if you've been walking
(10:03):
around and you're like my leg'sbeen hurting for three weeks, my
leg's been hurting At somepoint, you're going to have a
response to that and you mightstart to look for relief.
And the relief you turn tomight be that unwanted sexual
behavior.
That might be the thing youturn to.
(10:24):
To go, man, to get my mind offof this pain in my leg, as
opposed to pausing and going.
Maybe I need to take a trip tothe doctor.
But just the practical thing ofare you eating well?
Are you getting enough sleep?
What are the ways that you arecaring just for your physical
(10:47):
body?
Do you need some movement?
Do you need to be taking someexercise, walking?
What are the things that helpyou just feel better overall,
physically?
When's the last time you hadwell, complete physical?
You can address some thingsthat may be going on that you
(11:11):
were kind of letting lingerbecause you didn't think they
were a big deal and maybethey're not serious health
concerns, but they might beenough that they drive you, you
know, not attending to it candrive you toward indulging in
unwanted sexual behavior.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yeah, absolutely, you know.
That makes me think about, too,how, you know, stress and trauma
and things like that can reallymanifest in a physical form in
our bodies, right Like, and wemight experience, we might be
experiencing some sort ofailment and it might be from
(11:51):
some sort of stress, or maybe wefind ourselves in the middle of
, um, you know, a disclosure ordiscovery, you know, or
something like that, and and westart to maybe experience some
physical things like in our, inour bodies, like these different
ailments and things like that.
And it could be from, you know,stress, yes, it could be from
(12:14):
previous traumas, even findingout that kind of news, you know,
for a spouse that may bebetrayed, you know, may begin to
experience something you knowinternally and, and you know,
begin to experience somethingyou know internally and, and you
know, with with their physicalbody, and it very well could be
related to this.
It just makes me think aboutthat and and it's so much more
than some of the basic thingslike sleep and nutrition, and
(12:35):
those things can, and exercise,right, like those things can
really go by the wayside.
You know, if you don't feellike you know you deserve them
or you, um, you are maybe justin the throes of an addiction
and you just whatever addictionthat you are dealing with and
neglecting everything else.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
And the reality is too is that we are.
Our bodies are not our ownRight, are not our own right.
1 Corinthians 6, 19 to 20 saysthat we are his temple and that
our bodies are not our own andthat we've been bought at a
price.
And I even start to think aboutyou know, physically and being,
you know, part of the body ofChrist, but then also, like we
(13:38):
have a physical body, but we'realso connected to others in
community.
So even the way we take care ofour body affects in some ways
the rest of the body, and how weshow way we take care of our
body affects in some ways therest of the body and how we show
up for the rest of the body Forsure.
I think another area is caringfor our mental health.
(13:59):
So, talking about physicalhealth and now our mental health
, and I think one of the thingshere that I think is helpful and
again this is godly self-care.
So this is different than maybeother ways that we have thought
(14:19):
about, you know, our mentalhealth and things like that,
right, and so I think thingslike practicing thankfulness and
gratitude and and making thatmore, uh, of a habit, you know,
reflecting on some of thosethings, and I think you're going
to share a little bit moreabout that in the Ignatius
practice.
But there's some of this ideaof you know, if you're not
(14:43):
focused on these negative thingsand now you're starting to
focus on some positive things,to begin practicing things like
that thankfulness and thatposture of gratitude.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Yeah, and I also think, too, that you have to
adjust the things that canaffect your mental health right,
and whether these are thingsthat are smaller things that
don't send you into like thishuge emotional tizzy.
But if you're talking aboutmaybe just a bad day and having
(15:18):
a bad day and taking a pause,that when temptation is rising,
are you willing to pause to say,okay, what happened today
there's an acronym that's usedoften in 12 step is HALT H-A-L-T
.
Are you hungry, are you angry,are you lonely, are you tired?
(15:38):
Did you actually just skip ameal?
And your body is starting torespond to that?
And so how are you addressingeven just the things that can
affect the way you feel when youhave something serious that has
taken place?
If you had the death of someoneclose to you, experienced a
(16:01):
divorce, if you lost a job oryou've got this major life thing
that is going to move you know,maybe you got to move across
the country those things canstir up things for you that if
you don't have means ofaddressing those, the thing that
(16:23):
you'll turn to is that oldbehavior that you're trying to
escape.
And so how are you tending toeven learning the ways to
respond when you have thesekinds of events in your life.
That's another form ofself-care.
Maybe there are things that aretraumatic enough where you do
(16:45):
need the help of a coach or acounselor, and maybe you do that
even as a form of maintenance,where you are regularly checking
in and making sure you know, amI, you know, doing well
emotionally?
Am I doing well just mentally,the way my thought processes are
(17:09):
, you know?
Am I going through thisnegative kind of self-talk and
I'm playing these tapes over andover and over again, tapes over
and over and over again?
Or have I found the means toaddress that when I start the
self-talk, before I send myselfdown into a spiral, do I have
tools in place that can help meto address the self-talk that's
(17:31):
happening right in the moment,so that I know how to redirect?
Those?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
things are so helpful in just caring for you mentally
and emotionally talk aboutgrief and lament and even how,
(18:03):
you know, doing that canactually be in some ways, a form
of kind of self-care, and tosit with the Lord and to, to
acknowledge some of thesedifficult things and these hard
things, and and to and to cryout to him in the midst of that,
and and how healthy that is,instead of just stuffing it down
or pretending or whatever wemight do, you know, to not, to
not kind of face it, right?
(18:24):
Hmm, I think another part tooof the mental side, you know,
scripture that comes upimmediately is Romans 12 to not
to conform to the pattern of theworld but be transformed by the
renewing of our mind that we'dbe able to test and approve what
God's will is, his good,pleasing and perfect will.
(18:44):
And I think the key phrase inthere is the renewing of your
mind.
It's not just a renewed mind,it doesn't just happen like snap
of fingers and snap of fingersand you're, it's, you know like
done, like Thanos, right, snapthe fingers, the thing is done.
No, it's, it's a process, it'songoing, it's a continuing to
(19:07):
come back to the Lord, you know,this renewing of our mind and,
quite honestly, some of thepatterns and things that that
have been habits you know justtake time, you know, to overcome
and to replace with some ofthese good, healthy things.
It takes some time and it takesgetting used to right.
So there's that idea of justcontinuing to come back to the
(19:30):
living water.
Right, let him wash over that,let him renew our mind in that
ongoing process.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yeah, as you know, people say you got to get rid of
that stinking thinking yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah, and then Philippians 4, 8, 2, finally,
brothers, whatever's true,whatever's honorable, whatever's
just, whatever's pure,whatever's lovely, whatever's
commendable, if there is anyexcellence, if there's anything
worthy of praise, think aboutthese things now.
I actually remember, early in myrecovery, I used that passage
(20:07):
to begin to try to think aboutthings differently and to
reorder in my thinking and toreally allow myself and what a
beautiful practice that was toto think about well, what, well,
what, what, what is true, whatare things that are true?
Okay, make a list what ishonorable, what is just, what is
(20:28):
pure, what is lovely, what'slovely about the Lord, what is
commendable about you know, myrelationships, the things around
me, the things I'm involved inthat are good, and what things
are excellent.
You know what's worthy ofpraise, what's worthy of my
praise, and there's really oneworthy of that, you know, jesus.
But you know, but just thatencouragement to think about
(20:51):
these things really, to reallyponder, I don't think it just
means, you know, read this verseand just you know, you know,
spend a second on it.
You know, but this verse, andjust you know, you know, spend a
second on it, you know, butreally allow yourself to be
immersed in that.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Well, sure, and I think I would challenge those
who are listening to come upwith some specific ways to do
that.
It can be hard to try to thinkof it on the fly, as opposed to.
What are the ways that I canshift my thinking?
(21:26):
What are the things that I canhave available to me so that,
even if I'm getting a sense of,you know, my brain is starting
to drift in a differentdirection, you know my brain is
starting to drift in a differentdirection?
What are the things that I canfocus on, think about, redirect
(21:46):
to even if it's getting in thehabit of even just pausing and
asking, okay, what's going onfor me right here in this moment
, what's happening, and beingable to say so, lord, how do I
shift my thinking so that I amthinking about what is pure, or
(22:09):
whatever is lovely, or whateveris commendable, or anything that
is excellent, to be willing tonot just say, yeah, I'm going to
do this, but have some thingsat your fingertips that you can
practice regularly, and youdon't have to wait for moments
(22:31):
of temptation to do this.
You can have this practice on aregular basis and watch how
your thinking will start toshift.
Watch what happens whentemptation comes up.
This all of a sudden willbecome more of an automatic
response.
(22:51):
That, as opposed to eitherturning inward and going you
know what, I can't believe, I'mthinking this way and I can't.
I just don't understand thisand I'm an awful person as
opposed to going there or evengoing go away, go away, go away,
go away, go away the pause andsay, all right, well, something
(23:13):
is happening in this moment andI want to be able to connect to
you right now, in this moment,and to be willing to have some
ways that you can do that.
If it means you got to, maybeyou have to be more intentional
about what are you bringing into help change your thought
(23:36):
patterns.
Again, that's a way to care foryourself.
Are you really willing to lookat what you're bringing in and
going well, there's some garbagehere.
Let me get rid of the garbageand let me take in more of what
is going to be helpful for me tostart to have a different
(23:56):
thought process about myself,about the Lord, about how the
Lord sees me, and then you canalso find that you jump out of
these patterns of shame.
They don't come as frequently,because you're starting to give
yourself a different perspectiveabout who you are in Christ.
(24:16):
As you had mentioned earlier,it's about who you are in Christ
.
As you had mentioned earlier,it's about who you are in Christ
and if you need to go on theinternet, do a search for who I
am in Christ, get one of thoselists post scripture all over
the place, or find the ones thatreally resonate with you and
start to make them your own andstart to claim them and keep
(24:39):
claiming them until they feeltrue to you, because you may
start off it might not feel true, but it doesn't mean they
aren't true yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
I mean there you're talking about that building,
building awareness in in thosemoments, right, and then
creating and cultivating reallycuriosity about, like, what's
going on, and just there'ssomething about that pause and
getting to a place where you cando that more and more.
That is so disarming, I think,to the shame and it's power and
(25:15):
grip over us in that way.
What about our spiritual health?
What are some ways that we cancare for our spiritual health?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Well, I mean, of course, they're the basic things
right, making sure that you arein the word of God regularly,
that prayer is regularly a partof your life, even in terms of
praying with others.
You know what is it like to bein community with others and
experience prayer, confession incommunity, where you can
(25:48):
experience the love of Jesuscoming through another person.
I think those are the.
You know foundations there.
Of course, you know being partof a church community.
You know foundations there.
Of course, you know being partof a church community.
But I think also there arespiritual practices that are
(26:11):
available that can be helpful,and some of these are important,
I think, to help you slow down.
It's easy to get into the sortof the checkbox.
I did my little devotionaltoday, so that box is checked.
I've read my chapter ofscripture today and that box is
checked, but you never actuallyexperienced God in that.
(26:32):
And so I think part ofattending to spiritual health is
also asking the question howare you experiencing God in that
?
Not just, oh, I've got moreinformation about him, but we
didn't actually get to know him.
And I think examine is one ofthese great practices.
(26:54):
This is adapted from IgnatiusLoyola's spiritual exercises and
you can go online.
I think we will have a link inthe show notes that will take
you to a page that will explainabout examen.
But we're talking aboutbecoming aware of God's presence
(27:16):
, reviewing your day withgratitude, paying attention to
your emotions what were youremotions like during the day?
And then take a part of yourday and then start to pray
through that and then asking theLord to help you to look toward
the next day, and particularlythe next day with him.
(27:38):
All right, because you know youcan think of all the things.
Oh, I've got a tomorrow, I'vegot to get this big meeting at
work, or I've got thispresentation issue, or I've got
to take the kids this place, orI've got this doctor's
appointment, so whatever, youcan think of all those things,
but you never stop to go.
But what is, what is?
How can I look forward to thetomorrow with the Lord?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean, and that changes
everything with the Lord, hispresence and and really allowing
ourselves to, to be able tothink about that.
I think even just is, it reallyis a good spiritual practice.
You know, I think that a coupleof things that come up for me
too too is just, there's amaturity too, like in Christ.
Right, we're called in 2 Peter3.18, to grow in the grace and
(28:26):
knowledge of our Lord and Savior, jesus Christ.
And that doesn't just happen,right, we have to be intentional
.
So there's certainly anintentionality to that maturing.
I even think of the passage Idon't remember where it's at,
maybe Romans, I'm probably wrongthere but the, that progression
(28:48):
of you know, like, you know,babies need milk.
When you're an infant, you needmilk.
But then there's that kind ofgraduation to eating more of
that sustenance, food like the,you know the, the solids and
things like that, and thatdescribing our maturity and
relationship in Christ.
And that's the other thing thisis, it's a relationship, um
with him and strengthening thatrelationship and obviously those
(29:11):
practical ways of just prayerand reading scripture.
You know, is is found, it is a.
It is fundamentally importantto do those things because those
are the two primary ways we getto know him more.
So, yeah, well, let's turn tohow we can practically do some
(29:33):
of these things I think that'sthe hard part, right.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Like you hear it, all it sounds good.
Yes, yay, that sounds great,thank you.
First of all, go ahead and makea plan, like you might feel
like and you kind of alluded tothis earlier like you might
think this can just do this byosmosis, like because you wished
it and willed it.
It will be so, but I thinkthere is a plan.
(30:00):
What does it look like for youto engage with God regularly?
What are the things that helpyou to pay attention to what's
happening in your bodyphysically?
What helps you pay attention toyour emotions and how you are
responding to things?
(30:21):
And again, what are the waysthat you have regularly
encountered the Lord?
Are you willing to even trysomething different?
Regularly encountered the Lord?
Are you willing to even trysomething different?
It's easy to kind of stay inyour own little practice and do
that and you feel like you'veaccomplished something, but
(30:42):
again, you've never experiencedGod in that.
And so what might it mean?
Maybe you have this view of,well, it's got to be done in
this particular way.
And I would say, blow that upand look at this in a different
(31:04):
light and look at it as likewhat are the ways that I have
responded in the past when Iknow, okay, this thing needs
attending to, and what are theways I've been able to do that?
And do those things right,remember those things and then
(31:26):
make that the intentional thingof okay.
Anytime I notice something inmy body, I am not going to
ignore it.
Maybe there are people that youneed to have around you to help
you to be accountable in that.
You know, if you have a friendwho hears you go, my knees hurt
me, or where you give thempermission to go, hey, we're
(31:48):
talking about that.
If I think you want to go getchecked out right, hey, we're
talking about the F-5 thing youwant to go get checked out right
.
Or if you someone has noticedthat you just haven't been
yourself and you have seen downin a loop and distance, is there
somebody that can call that out?
Call you forward to addressthat?
(32:09):
I'll call you forward toaddress that.
And so I think it is helpfulwith some of these things to
have others as a part of theprocess or at least have someone
that you can even just talk to.
It like to be able to say youknow what?
I'm really trying to get betterat attending to my whole self,
(32:35):
and so I'm just doing X, y and Z, and maybe there are some
people who will then kind ofchime in for you and say, oh,
have you thought about this?
Is this something else you canadd?
If you're a person that you needa list to see some prayer
posted up, maybe there arequestions that you ask yourself
every week.
Was there something about myphysical health I needed to
(32:58):
attend to?
Was there something about mymental health I needed to attend
to?
Was there something about myspiritual health?
It could be as simple as that.
This doesn't have to becomplicated, it doesn't.
It doesn't have to becomplicated.
It doesn't have to becomplicated, it doesn't, it
doesn't have to be complicated.
(33:21):
But, as you said, you have tobe intentional about it.
You have to be willing to sayhere's some things.
That mountain, so that you canjump up on the top and drive the
flag in and say, yeah, I did it.
You can go up a level at a time.
So what does one level looklike?
Are you OK with doing babysteps in that and knowing that
(33:46):
baby steps are still stepsforward?
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Yeah, absolutely Doesn't matter how big the step
is Right, you're not where youwere previously every time you
take that step forward.
Yeah, absolutely, it doesn'tmatter how big the step is right
, you're not where you werepreviously every time you take
that step forward.
So there's progress in that andI think that's a big thing.
I think it's a that can be areal encouraging thing is, I
think a lot of people on thatjourney get really discouraged,
like if there is, you know, aslip or in recovery or something
that that they're all back tosquare one.
(34:10):
And that's not the case.
You know, on a journey, youstart out from point A and
you're going towards point B andwherever you are down the road,
you're further down the roadthan you are from point A.
So there is that process, thereis progress, and I think that
can be lost, you know, if we'renot careful to really kind of
(34:31):
step back and look at that.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, and on the journey.
If you think about the journey,if you think, let's say you're
riding a bike on the journey andyou're six miles down the road
and you fall off the bike, youdon't walk the bike back to the
beginning and start over.
Pick up where you are and Ithink that, as you do this with
(34:55):
Jesus, what you can remember isthat the work that has happened
has not been erased.
If you've been doing this withJesus, he's going to encourage
you to stand up, pick up whereyou are and to continue to go
forward.
He's not erasing what hashappened previously.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's so good.
You know he is helping us towrite a new story.
He's he's the author andfinisher, Right, and if there's
breath in our lungs I heardsomeone say this one time if
there's breath in our lungs,then our story isn't over.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
And there's just so much hope in that you know so,
whether you you know you couldtake a look at some of these
things and, you know, do alittle inventory.
Maybe it's daily, maybe thereare things you can do weekly,
maybe there are things that youcan plan for monthly.
Actually, research shows thatanticipation of an event
produces so much more joy andfulfillment than the actual
(35:48):
event.
Produces so much more joy andfulfillment than the actual
event.
And so even something likescheduling things out on your
calendar maybe it's a trip in afew months and you're just
really looking forward to thistrip I would schedule something
like that.
I would encourage a listener toschedule something and to look
forward to it.
But there are certainly thingsthat you can do daily, weekly,
(36:11):
monthly, to form new habits, newpatterns and just a new way of
writing that new story.
Kyle, I'm going to give you thefinal word.
This has been a greatconversation, I think, very
helpful in thinking through howgood it is to have these
(36:33):
practices, the self-care, andhow important that is.
Can you give us a final word?
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Well, sure, what I would say is that try to
remember that self-care helpsyou to be a better you You're
not being selfish helps you tobe a better you.
You're not being selfish, and Ithink you said this earlier.
Self-care helps you show up forothers too.
It's not just about you, butthe more you care for yourself,
(37:02):
the more of yourself you have tooffer to others and to Jesus,
right?
So just remember that this isnot a selfish thing.
This is about being able toshow up for yourself and for
others and for the kingdom sogood.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Let me pray us out, jesus, we thank you for
self-care and we we Lord thatyou would help us to grow in the
ways that we may need to growin practicing godly self-care
with you in that relationship,lord, and again, just as you
(37:44):
continue to write our story,lord, and as we have this breath
in our lungs, lord, that ourstory's not over, so help us to
grow in godly self-care, lord,and that it would unlock our
healing if we find ourselvesstuck, and just to go deeper
places with you, lord, help usto be sensitive to your leading
(38:07):
and to be intentional, lord, inpursuing these things.
And to be intentional, lord, inpursuing these things because
we do deserve them, lord,because you have called us very
good In Jesus' name, amen.
Welcome back to the Becoming Whole podcast.
We're in the final week of ourPursuing Goodness miniseries to
start this new year, and todaywe're going to discuss a topic
that, quite honestly, isessential in an individual's
journey towards healing andwholeness from sexual and
relational brokenness, thatbeing godly self-care.
My name is Aaron Taggart, I'mone of our men's spiritual
(00:23):
coaches and our unwantedintensive guide at Region, and I
am joined today by the amazingKyle Bowman, who serves as our
DC Metro Director and a frequentvoice on the Sacred by Design
podcast.
Welcome in, kyle.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Hello Aaron, so glad to be with you today.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to this
conversation and just feel likethis is such an important topic
and, as we talk about pursuinggoodness and we started the
series off by talking aboutleaning into grief and lament
and reclaiming our senses andhow helpful those things are in
(01:02):
pursuing goodness our topictoday is helpful as well, but so
many people on a recoveryjourney struggle with practicing
godly self-care.
So I want to jump in and unpacka little bit.
Why do you think that is?
Why do you think that so manypeople struggle with this kind
(01:22):
of concept of self-care?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
that so many people struggle with this kind of
concept of self-care.
Well, I think, when self-carecan sound selfish, right, people
can think I've got to do all ofthat I need to do before I can,
to take care of my issue beforeI can even think about
self-care.
Right, I've got to take care ofthis thing first.
(01:45):
It's like life has to be rightin that area first, and then I
can take care of myself withoutreally understanding and knowing
that self-care has the abilityto really transform your
recovery process, reallytransform your recovery process.
I think it can make temptationless intense.
(02:07):
I think it can help you makebetter decisions when temptation
comes and it may even be acatalyst into moving through
your recovery at a really goodpace, where you don't feel like,
oh, it's been years and yearsand years and years and years
(02:27):
and I'm still stuck here.
This caring for yourself canhelp, I think, propel you
through your recovery process.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah, I love that, that kind of idea you're sharing
there about the pace and evenlike if an individual finds
himself in a, in a place wherethey're kind of stuck, maybe not
progressing the way they wantto or the way they maybe you
know hopes, and I think you knowwhen I, when I kind of take a
step back and think about that,you know I, I really think about
(03:00):
this word deprivation, thatthat Jay Stringer talks about,
and and unwanted, and and that'snot necessarily unique to to to
Jay Stringer talks about andunwanted, and that's not
necessarily unique to to to JayStringer and his work.
But this concept of deprivation,right, depriving oneself of
something that you know theymight need but they don't feel
(03:20):
like they deserve, yes, right.
And so I think you know whatwe're saying here is like in in
this journey, there's a sensethat you know that I just, you
know I don't deserve it.
You know I've done, you know X,y and Z and and there's a lot
of shame in that.
And you know Jay says inunwanted that those who struggle
(03:40):
with addictive behaviorsstruggle with deprivation and
tend to ignore issues ofself-care.
And that goes back to ourstories and if we have known
shame and abandonment in ourstories, then we are less likely
to believe that we deserve goodcare.
So there's a lot of kind ofroadblock, right?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Well, yeah, for sure, and it can feel like,
especially, I think, in ourculture, because we hear about
how our culture is so consumedwith self that we go well,
that's not going to be me.
I'm not going to be consumedwith myself, I am going to take
me, I'm not going to be consumedwith myself, I am going to, you
(04:26):
know, take it on the chin andI'm gonna, you know, do the
things right with, okay, luke,right and luke 923, pick up your
cross, deny yourself right andnot really thinking about what
that truly means in terms ofrecovery.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah, yeah.
So I want to bring back shameup here.
You know the power of shame andself-care.
You know there's a sense of youknow we have to face.
We have to face that shame atsome point, otherwise it just
kind of continues to have thisstronghold over that progression
(05:07):
.
Right, that even the just thebelief of getting to a place
where you can believe that youdeserve self-care.
You know, because we do, andit's so critically important
that that we do that.
And so there's this reallybeautiful analogy that Jay uses
in unwanted, and it's from sharkweek, believe it or not.
And there's a renowned sharkvideographer named Andy
(05:30):
Casagrande and he was asked aquestion about you know, what do
you do?
And you know you're, you're inthere with like just the
craziest sharks, and what do youdo when one comes at you?
His response was well, you swimat it with the camera.
Now I, I can only imagine inthat moment, like I'm not
swimming at a shark, like with acamera, I'm like you know
(05:53):
what's the quickest way out ofthis water?
You know, and jesus helped mewalk on it, I don't know, but
but there's something about youknow, there's he does what's
unexpected in the shark, youknow, thinks that he's prey
until he swims at the shark.
And there's this, you know,sense is this quote?
He says that if you act like,if you don't act like prey, they
(06:14):
don't treat you like prey,right?
Right, if we face our shame andwe don't let it be the thing
that scares us and keeps us heldback, then there's, there's
this maybe unlocking that cantake place in a in that
(06:37):
progression, being, you know,being able to see that you know
we do deserve self-care, that weneed self-care absolutely
absolutely yeah, and there's adifference too in that right
that between doing bad thingsand being bad.
Shame would tell us that we are,that we are bad.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Right, and this really gets at our identity in
Christ.
You know, shame tells us thatwe're bad, but that's not true.
You know, we have a God who isa creator and he called us very
good Not just good when he madeAdam and Eve.
He said this is very good.
So you know, there's some truthin that.
(07:16):
I think that we can reallycling to in the midst of some of
this, and even as we face ourshame in the midst of some of
this, even as we face our shame.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
For sure, and I think if people even think about when
they have to discipline theirchildren and when you go to them
, you don't say you're bad.
You say you did something badbecause you want them to know
it's the action and not them asa person.
(07:46):
You don't want them to thinkthat they are inherently not
good, and so it's easy to dothat with others sometimes, but
we're not always willing to dothat for ourselves.
To go.
Wait, I'm not inherently bad.
I have made a bad decision andcommitted a bad action, but that
(08:10):
doesn't make me inherently bad.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Yes, yes, it's funny that you bring that up too, with
the kids.
I have four kids, 11 and underand nobody has to teach a kid.
Um, shame, like there's justsomething the enemy this is.
I think part of just theenemy's plan against humanity
right is to to get into ourminds, to convince us that we're
(08:36):
undeserving that we, you know,are, you know this, that or the
other, because you know, I, Ihave a six-year-old son who will
sit there and just say you knowI'm, I'm bad, you know I'm a
criminal, I'm, you know, and I'mlike whoa, whoa, whoa buddy,
like that's not true, that's notwho you are.
And and it's so easy to put thaton as an identity when, when,
(08:58):
really that's, that's not ouridentity, it's not who we are.
So last week, andrea and Italked about reclaiming our
senses and the importance ofthings like play.
She talked about grounding andjust some other things, and I
think that began to touch onself-care and I want to build on
that for a little bit and talkabout what godly self-care looks
(09:23):
like, and I think we canidentify probably three main
areas physical, mental andspiritual.
So let's jump into that for alittle bit.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Sure yeah, because self-care means your whole self.
It doesn't mean just parts ofyourself, it means your whole
self.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
And I think people don't understand how much
certain things can affect yourresponse to temptation, your
response to acting out withrespect to self-care.
So if you have a physicalailment, if you've been walking
(10:03):
around and you're like my leg'sbeen hurting for three weeks, my
leg's been hurting At somepoint, you're going to have a
response to that and you mightstart to look for relief.
And the relief you turn tomight be that unwanted sexual
behavior.
That might be the thing youturn to.
(10:24):
To go, man, to get my mind offof this pain in my leg, as
opposed to pausing and going.
Maybe I need to take a trip tothe doctor.
But just the practical thing ofare you eating well?
Are you getting enough sleep?
What are the ways that you arecaring just for your physical
(10:47):
body?
Do you need some movement?
Do you need to be taking someexercise, walking?
What are the things that helpyou just feel better overall,
physically?
When's the last time you hadwell, complete physical?
You can address some thingsthat may be going on that you
(11:11):
were kind of letting lingerbecause you didn't think they
were a big deal and maybethey're not serious health
concerns, but they might beenough that they drive you, you
know, not attending to it candrive you toward indulging in
unwanted sexual behavior.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yeah, absolutely, you know.
That makes me think about, too,how, you know, stress and trauma
and things like that can reallymanifest in a physical form in
our bodies, right Like, and wemight experience, we might be
experiencing some sort ofailment and it might be from
(11:51):
some sort of stress, or maybe wefind ourselves in the middle of
, um, you know, a disclosure ordiscovery, you know, or
something like that, and and westart to maybe experience some
physical things like in our, inour bodies, like these different
ailments and things like that.
And it could be from, you know,stress, yes, it could be from
(12:14):
previous traumas, even findingout that kind of news, you know,
for a spouse that may bebetrayed, you know, may begin to
experience something you knowinternally and, and you know,
begin to experience somethingyou know internally and, and you
know, with with their physicalbody, and it very well could be
related to this.
It just makes me think aboutthat and and it's so much more
than some of the basic thingslike sleep and nutrition, and
(12:35):
those things can, and exercise,right, like those things can
really go by the wayside.
You know, if you don't feellike you know you deserve them
or you, um, you are maybe justin the throes of an addiction
and you just whatever addictionthat you are dealing with and
neglecting everything else.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
And the reality is too is that we are.
Our bodies are not our ownRight, are not our own right.
1 Corinthians 6, 19 to 20 saysthat we are his temple and that
our bodies are not our own andthat we've been bought at a
price.
And I even start to think aboutyou know, physically and being,
you know, part of the body ofChrist, but then also, like we
(13:38):
have a physical body, but we'realso connected to others in
community.
So even the way we take care ofour body affects in some ways
the rest of the body, and how weshow way we take care of our
body affects in some ways therest of the body and how we show
up for the rest of the body Forsure.
I think another area is caringfor our mental health.
(13:59):
So, talking about physicalhealth and now our mental health
, and I think one of the thingshere that I think is helpful and
again this is godly self-care.
So this is different than maybeother ways that we have thought
(14:19):
about, you know, our mentalhealth and things like that,
right, and so I think thingslike practicing thankfulness and
gratitude and and making thatmore, uh, of a habit, you know,
reflecting on some of thosethings, and I think you're going
to share a little bit moreabout that in the Ignatius
practice.
But there's some of this ideaof you know, if you're not
(14:43):
focused on these negative thingsand now you're starting to
focus on some positive things,to begin practicing things like
that thankfulness and thatposture of gratitude.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Yeah, and I also think, too, that you have to
adjust the things that canaffect your mental health right,
and whether these are thingsthat are smaller things that
don't send you into like thishuge emotional tizzy.
But if you're talking aboutmaybe just a bad day and having
(15:18):
a bad day and taking a pause,that when temptation is rising,
are you willing to pause to say,okay, what happened today
there's an acronym that's usedoften in 12 step is HALT H-A-L-T
.
Are you hungry, are you angry,are you lonely, are you tired?
(15:38):
Did you actually just skip ameal?
And your body is starting torespond to that?
And so how are you addressingeven just the things that can
affect the way you feel when youhave something serious that has
taken place?
If you had the death of someoneclose to you, experienced a
(16:01):
divorce, if you lost a job oryou've got this major life thing
that is going to move you know,maybe you got to move across
the country those things canstir up things for you that if
you don't have means ofaddressing those, the thing that
(16:23):
you'll turn to is that oldbehavior that you're trying to
escape.
And so how are you tending toeven learning the ways to
respond when you have thesekinds of events in your life.
That's another form ofself-care.
Maybe there are things that aretraumatic enough where you do
(16:45):
need the help of a coach or acounselor, and maybe you do that
even as a form of maintenance,where you are regularly checking
in and making sure you know, amI, you know, doing well
emotionally?
Am I doing well just mentally,the way my thought processes are
(17:09):
, you know?
Am I going through thisnegative kind of self-talk and
I'm playing these tapes over andover and over again, tapes over
and over and over again?
Or have I found the means toaddress that when I start the
self-talk, before I send myselfdown into a spiral, do I have
tools in place that can help meto address the self-talk that's
(17:31):
happening right in the moment,so that I know how to redirect?
Those?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
things are so helpful in just caring for you mentally
and emotionally talk aboutgrief and lament and even how,
(18:03):
you know, doing that canactually be in some ways, a form
of kind of self-care, and tosit with the Lord and to, to
acknowledge some of thesedifficult things and these hard
things, and and to and to cryout to him in the midst of that,
and and how healthy that is,instead of just stuffing it down
or pretending or whatever wemight do, you know, to not, to
not kind of face it, right?
(18:24):
Hmm, I think another part tooof the mental side, you know,
scripture that comes upimmediately is Romans 12 to not
to conform to the pattern of theworld but be transformed by the
renewing of our mind that we'dbe able to test and approve what
God's will is, his good,pleasing and perfect will.
(18:44):
And I think the key phrase inthere is the renewing of your
mind.
It's not just a renewed mind,it doesn't just happen like snap
of fingers and snap of fingersand you're, it's, you know like
done, like Thanos, right, snapthe fingers, the thing is done.
No, it's, it's a process, it'songoing, it's a continuing to
(19:07):
come back to the Lord, you know,this renewing of our mind and,
quite honestly, some of thepatterns and things that that
have been habits you know justtake time, you know, to overcome
and to replace with some ofthese good, healthy things.
It takes some time and it takesgetting used to right.
So there's that idea of justcontinuing to come back to the
(19:30):
living water.
Right, let him wash over that,let him renew our mind in that
ongoing process.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yeah, as you know, people say you got to get rid of
that stinking thinking yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah, and then Philippians 4, 8, 2, finally,
brothers, whatever's true,whatever's honorable, whatever's
just, whatever's pure,whatever's lovely, whatever's
commendable, if there is anyexcellence, if there's anything
worthy of praise, think aboutthese things now.
I actually remember, early in myrecovery, I used that passage
(20:07):
to begin to try to think aboutthings differently and to
reorder in my thinking and toreally allow myself and what a
beautiful practice that was toto think about well, what, well,
what, what, what is true, whatare things that are true?
Okay, make a list what ishonorable, what is just, what is
(20:28):
pure, what is lovely, what'slovely about the Lord, what is
commendable about you know, myrelationships, the things around
me, the things I'm involved inthat are good, and what things
are excellent.
You know what's worthy ofpraise, what's worthy of my
praise, and there's really oneworthy of that, you know, jesus.
But you know, but just thatencouragement to think about
(20:51):
these things really, to reallyponder, I don't think it just
means, you know, read this verseand just you know, you know,
spend a second on it.
You know, but this verse, andjust you know, you know, spend a
second on it, you know, butreally allow yourself to be
immersed in that.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Well, sure, and I think I would challenge those
who are listening to come upwith some specific ways to do
that.
It can be hard to try to thinkof it on the fly, as opposed to.
What are the ways that I canshift my thinking?
(21:26):
What are the things that I canhave available to me so that,
even if I'm getting a sense of,you know, my brain is starting
to drift in a differentdirection, you know my brain is
starting to drift in a differentdirection?
What are the things that I canfocus on, think about, redirect
(21:46):
to even if it's getting in thehabit of even just pausing and
asking, okay, what's going onfor me right here in this moment
, what's happening, and beingable to say so, lord, how do I
shift my thinking so that I amthinking about what is pure, or
(22:09):
whatever is lovely, or whateveris commendable, or anything that
is excellent, to be willing tonot just say, yeah, I'm going to
do this, but have some thingsat your fingertips that you can
practice regularly, and youdon't have to wait for moments
(22:31):
of temptation to do this.
You can have this practice on aregular basis and watch how
your thinking will start toshift.
Watch what happens whentemptation comes up.
This all of a sudden willbecome more of an automatic
response.
(22:51):
That, as opposed to eitherturning inward and going you
know what, I can't believe, I'mthinking this way and I can't.
I just don't understand thisand I'm an awful person as
opposed to going there or evengoing go away, go away, go away,
go away, go away the pause andsay, all right, well, something
(23:13):
is happening in this moment andI want to be able to connect to
you right now, in this moment,and to be willing to have some
ways that you can do that.
If it means you got to, maybeyou have to be more intentional
about what are you bringing into help change your thought
(23:36):
patterns.
Again, that's a way to care foryourself.
Are you really willing to lookat what you're bringing in and
going well, there's some garbagehere.
Let me get rid of the garbageand let me take in more of what
is going to be helpful for me tostart to have a different
(23:56):
thought process about myself,about the Lord, about how the
Lord sees me, and then you canalso find that you jump out of
these patterns of shame.
They don't come as frequently,because you're starting to give
yourself a different perspectiveabout who you are in Christ.
(24:16):
As you had mentioned earlier,it's about who you are in Christ
.
As you had mentioned earlier,it's about who you are in Christ
and if you need to go on theinternet, do a search for who I
am in Christ, get one of thoselists post scripture all over
the place, or find the ones thatreally resonate with you and
start to make them your own andstart to claim them and keep
(24:39):
claiming them until they feeltrue to you, because you may
start off it might not feel true, but it doesn't mean they
aren't true yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
I mean there you're talking about that building,
building awareness in in thosemoments, right, and then
creating and cultivating reallycuriosity about, like, what's
going on, and just there'ssomething about that pause and
getting to a place where you cando that more and more.
That is so disarming, I think,to the shame and it's power and
(25:15):
grip over us in that way.
What about our spiritual health?
What are some ways that we cancare for our spiritual health?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Well, I mean, of course, they're the basic things
right, making sure that you arein the word of God regularly,
that prayer is regularly a partof your life, even in terms of
praying with others.
You know what is it like to bein community with others and
experience prayer, confession incommunity, where you can
(25:48):
experience the love of Jesuscoming through another person.
I think those are the.
You know foundations there.
Of course, you know being partof a church community.
You know foundations there.
Of course, you know being partof a church community.
But I think also there arespiritual practices that are
(26:11):
available that can be helpful,and some of these are important,
I think, to help you slow down.
It's easy to get into the sortof the checkbox.
I did my little devotionaltoday, so that box is checked.
I've read my chapter ofscripture today and that box is
checked, but you never actuallyexperienced God in that.
(26:32):
And so I think part ofattending to spiritual health is
also asking the question howare you experiencing God in that
?
Not just, oh, I've got moreinformation about him, but we
didn't actually get to know him.
And I think examine is one ofthese great practices.
(26:54):
This is adapted from IgnatiusLoyola's spiritual exercises and
you can go online.
I think we will have a link inthe show notes that will take
you to a page that will explainabout examen.
But we're talking aboutbecoming aware of God's presence
(27:16):
, reviewing your day withgratitude, paying attention to
your emotions what were youremotions like during the day?
And then take a part of yourday and then start to pray
through that and then asking theLord to help you to look toward
the next day, and particularlythe next day with him.
(27:38):
All right, because you know youcan think of all the things.
Oh, I've got a tomorrow, I'vegot to get this big meeting at
work, or I've got thispresentation issue, or I've got
to take the kids this place, orI've got this doctor's
appointment, so whatever, youcan think of all those things,
but you never stop to go.
But what is, what is?
How can I look forward to thetomorrow with the Lord?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean, and that changes
everything with the Lord, hispresence and and really allowing
ourselves to, to be able tothink about that.
I think even just is, it reallyis a good spiritual practice.
You know, I think that a coupleof things that come up for me
too too is just, there's amaturity too, like in Christ.
Right, we're called in 2 Peter3.18, to grow in the grace and
(28:26):
knowledge of our Lord and Savior, jesus Christ.
And that doesn't just happen,right, we have to be intentional
.
So there's certainly anintentionality to that maturing.
I even think of the passage Idon't remember where it's at,
maybe Romans, I'm probably wrongthere but the, that progression
(28:48):
of you know, like, you know,babies need milk.
When you're an infant, you needmilk.
But then there's that kind ofgraduation to eating more of
that sustenance, food like the,you know the, the solids and
things like that, and thatdescribing our maturity and
relationship in Christ.
And that's the other thing thisis, it's a relationship, um
with him and strengthening thatrelationship and obviously those
(29:11):
practical ways of just prayerand reading scripture.
You know, is is found, it is a.
It is fundamentally importantto do those things because those
are the two primary ways we getto know him more.
So, yeah, well, let's turn tohow we can practically do some
(29:33):
of these things I think that'sthe hard part, right.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Like you hear it, all it sounds good.
Yes, yay, that sounds great,thank you.
First of all, go ahead and makea plan, like you might feel
like and you kind of alluded tothis earlier like you might
think this can just do this byosmosis, like because you wished
it and willed it.
It will be so, but I thinkthere is a plan.
(30:00):
What does it look like for youto engage with God regularly?
What are the things that helpyou to pay attention to what's
happening in your bodyphysically?
What helps you pay attention toyour emotions and how you are
responding to things?
(30:21):
And again, what are the waysthat you have regularly
encountered the Lord?
Are you willing to even trysomething different?
Regularly encountered the Lord?
Are you willing to even trysomething different?
It's easy to kind of stay inyour own little practice and do
that and you feel like you'veaccomplished something, but
(30:42):
again, you've never experiencedGod in that.
And so what might it mean?
Maybe you have this view of,well, it's got to be done in
this particular way.
And I would say, blow that upand look at this in a different
(31:04):
light and look at it as likewhat are the ways that I have
responded in the past when Iknow, okay, this thing needs
attending to, and what are theways I've been able to do that?
And do those things right,remember those things and then
(31:26):
make that the intentional thingof okay.
Anytime I notice something inmy body, I am not going to
ignore it.
Maybe there are people that youneed to have around you to help
you to be accountable in that.
You know, if you have a friendwho hears you go, my knees hurt
me, or where you give thempermission to go, hey, we're
(31:48):
talking about that.
If I think you want to go getchecked out right, hey, we're
talking about the F-5 thing youwant to go get checked out right
.
Or if you someone has noticedthat you just haven't been
yourself and you have seen downin a loop and distance, is there
somebody that can call that out?
Call you forward to addressthat?
(32:09):
I'll call you forward toaddress that.
And so I think it is helpfulwith some of these things to
have others as a part of theprocess or at least have someone
that you can even just talk to.
It like to be able to say youknow what?
I'm really trying to get betterat attending to my whole self,
(32:35):
and so I'm just doing X, y and Z, and maybe there are some
people who will then kind ofchime in for you and say, oh,
have you thought about this?
Is this something else you canadd?
If you're a person that you needa list to see some prayer
posted up, maybe there arequestions that you ask yourself
every week.
Was there something about myphysical health I needed to
(32:58):
attend to?
Was there something about mymental health I needed to attend
to?
Was there something about myspiritual health?
It could be as simple as that.
This doesn't have to becomplicated, it doesn't.
It doesn't have to becomplicated.
It doesn't have to becomplicated, it doesn't, it
doesn't have to be complicated.
(33:21):
But, as you said, you have tobe intentional about it.
You have to be willing to sayhere's some things.
That mountain, so that you canjump up on the top and drive the
flag in and say, yeah, I did it.
You can go up a level at a time.
So what does one level looklike?
Are you OK with doing babysteps in that and knowing that
(33:46):
baby steps are still stepsforward?
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Yeah, absolutely Doesn't matter how big the step
is Right, you're not where youwere previously every time you
take that step forward.
Yeah, absolutely, it doesn'tmatter how big the step is right
, you're not where you werepreviously every time you take
that step forward.
So there's progress in that andI think that's a big thing.
I think it's a that can be areal encouraging thing is, I
think a lot of people on thatjourney get really discouraged,
like if there is, you know, aslip or in recovery or something
that that they're all back tosquare one.
(34:10):
And that's not the case.
You know, on a journey, youstart out from point A and
you're going towards point B andwherever you are down the road,
you're further down the roadthan you are from point A.
So there is that process, thereis progress, and I think that
can be lost, you know, if we'renot careful to really kind of
(34:31):
step back and look at that.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, and on the journey.
If you think about the journey,if you think, let's say you're
riding a bike on the journey andyou're six miles down the road
and you fall off the bike, youdon't walk the bike back to the
beginning and start over.
Pick up where you are and Ithink that, as you do this with
(34:55):
Jesus, what you can remember isthat the work that has happened
has not been erased.
If you've been doing this withJesus, he's going to encourage
you to stand up, pick up whereyou are and to continue to go
forward.
He's not erasing what hashappened previously.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's so good.
You know he is helping us towrite a new story.
He's he's the author andfinisher, Right, and if there's
breath in our lungs I heardsomeone say this one time if
there's breath in our lungs,then our story isn't over.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
And there's just so much hope in that you know so,
whether you you know you couldtake a look at some of these
things and, you know, do alittle inventory.
Maybe it's daily, maybe thereare things you can do weekly,
maybe there are things that youcan plan for monthly.
Actually, research shows thatanticipation of an event
produces so much more joy andfulfillment than the actual
(35:48):
event.
Produces so much more joy andfulfillment than the actual
event.
And so even something likescheduling things out on your
calendar maybe it's a trip in afew months and you're just
really looking forward to thistrip I would schedule something
like that.
I would encourage a listener toschedule something and to look
forward to it.
But there are certainly thingsthat you can do daily, weekly,
(36:11):
monthly, to form new habits, newpatterns and just a new way of
writing that new story.
Kyle, I'm going to give you thefinal word.
This has been a greatconversation, I think, very
helpful in thinking through howgood it is to have these
(36:33):
practices, the self-care, andhow important that is.
Can you give us a final word?
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Well, sure, what I would say is that try to
remember that self-care helpsyou to be a better you You're
not being selfish helps you tobe a better you.
You're not being selfish, and Ithink you said this earlier.
Self-care helps you show up forothers too.
It's not just about you, butthe more you care for yourself,
(37:02):
the more of yourself you have tooffer to others and to Jesus,
right?
So just remember that this isnot a selfish thing.
This is about being able toshow up for yourself and for
others and for the kingdom sogood.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Let me pray us out, jesus, we thank you for
self-care and we we Lord thatyou would help us to grow in the
ways that we may need to growin practicing godly self-care
with you in that relationship,lord, and again, just as you
(37:44):
continue to write our story,lord, and as we have this breath
in our lungs, lord, that ourstory's not over, so help us to
grow in godly self-care, lord,and that it would unlock our
healing if we find ourselvesstuck, and just to go deeper
places with you, lord, help usto be sensitive to your leading
(38:07):
and to be intentional, lord, inpursuing these things.
And to be intentional, lord, inpursuing these things because
we do deserve them, lord,because you have called us very
good In Jesus' name, amen.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.