April 21, 2025 • 42 mins
SUMMARY of E57
In the second part of this encouraging conversation, Jeff Zaugg and host Jay Heck celebrate the ministry of fatherhood, recalling personal stories of repeated failure along with the undeniable evidence of growth. They discuss the challenges all fathers face, the impact of their presence in their home, and the role of God in leading their parenting journey. They explore this multifaceted journey of fatherhood, emphasizing the importance of intentionality, encouragement, and connection with children. Through personal anecdotes and insights, they highlight the significance of vulnerability, identity, and love in fostering meaningful relationships with their children. The conversation serves as a source of inspiration and practical advice for fathers seeking to grow and improve in their massively important roles.
TAKEAWAYS
- Fatherhood is a journey filled with stumbles and growth.
- Intentionality in parenting can lead to deeper connections.
- Activating dads for a greater purpose can transform communities.
- Encouragement is vital in overcoming feelings of inadequacy.
- Creating one-on-one time with children fosters meaningful relationships.
- The impact of a father's presence is profound and lasting.
- Discouragement is a common struggle for many fathers.
- Identity and love are foundational in a child's development.
- Vulnerability allows fathers to connect more deeply with their children.
- Faith plays a crucial role in navigating the challenges of fatherhood.
CHAPTERS
00:00 - The Journey of Fatherhood
03:00 - Building Intentionality in Parenting
05:58 - Activating Dads for a Greater Purpose
08:55 - The Power of Encouragement and Self-Reflection
11:59 - Creating Meaningful Connections with Children
14:59 - The Impact of a Father's Presence
17:56 - Overcoming Discouragement in Fatherhood
20:46 - The Importance of Identity and Love
23:59 - Embracing Vulnerability as a Father
26:58 - The Role of Faith in Fatherhood
30:13 - Final Thoughts and Encouragement for Dads
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
That's the coolest thing about fatherhood is the stumbles, the tuck and rolls, the blackeyes, the faceplants.
We feel that way in the dad life all the time.
Like, feel like I suck.
And it's not true.
Made a mistake.
forgiveness, love for my heavenly father, I'm a son, not an orphan, I get to say I'msorry.
(00:26):
And then that was just a beautiful moment of connection and closeness.
So that's what I want these dads to hear is I'm with you and as much joy as I'm bringingto this chat right now, the flip side, it could be real within 24 hours of feeling
absolutely on my face and we pick ourselves up and we're all together and we're cheeringfor each other.
you
(01:00):
Friends, sons, welcome back to the Being Sons podcast.
That is the voice of Jeff Zaugg a friend of mine that I've recently met and a guy that Ihave now come to understand and believe is amazing to be around if I want to learn how to
be a better father.
He's got a lot of experience.
(01:20):
He's got a house full of girls that he's learning to love well.
And he recently brought his daughter to a first bloom.
And we struck up a friendship because both of us want to be the best fathers that wepossibly can be.
And so it's a topic of great interest in our conversation with one another.
(01:40):
We wanted to invite you into that conversation.
So this is part two of a two-part conversation.
So if you haven't listened to the first part, I invite you to go back and listen to thatone.
And in this second part, we are going to continue talking about how to become a betterfather.
how God wants to meet us exactly where we are and equip us to take these small steps thatend up making big differences in our home.
(02:06):
How to be a more joyful father, how to be a more intentional father, what is the linkbetween fatherhood and actually learning how to be a son ourselves and how to invite God
to father us in our fathering of our children.
It's a great conversation.
(02:26):
We also get to hear in this upcoming episode how God led Jeff into this beautiful journeyof collecting all these conversations and discussions with similar people who have a lot
of wisdom about being good men, about sonship, about loving their children, loving theirwives well.
So this is a man that I hope that you will enjoy listening to as much as me.
(02:50):
So welcome back to the Being Sounds Podcast and let's...
Carry on with this second part of this conversation with Jeff Zaugg
You have an organization called Dad Awesome and Fathers to the Fatherless.
What are those?
Tell us about those.
(03:11):
So Dad Awesome started first from an extension of me being a kids pastor and someoneasking me, how do you stay so intentional about being a dad?
They observed me with a one year old, four year old as being an intentional dad.
And I ran through in my mind and in my heart, facets of intentionality.
And then I pulled open an Evernote file and started like thinking, am I an intentionaldad?
(03:33):
Have I ever read a book on fatherhood?
Have I ever listened to a podcast on fatherhood?
Been a part of a small group.
Have I had a mentor?
Have I gone to a conference?
Have I done an online course?
Have I, mean, I literally, the facets of inputs, I realized I wasn't, I wasn'tintentionally growing in that area.
They were just observing a dad who loved being a dad.
That's all they were observing.
So, so I went on this journey of gathering resources.
(03:55):
That's become dad awesome.
It was a, was off of social media for that entire year.
This is 2018.
So I just shared it with my friends for like the whole first year.
was just a dad awesome as a resource.
I shared with friends, a daily text message, small group curriculum, and a weekly podcast.
What we found was half, and this is a rough numbers, a guesstimate, half the guys in ourchurch were not engaging in the resources from dad awesome, the dads in our church.
(04:20):
Probably because, probably because like me, there's some pain in that journey of being adad or there is,
a perceived inadequacy.
Like I'm struggling in the dad life.
I'm not going to go to a group called dad awesome, right?
It's so true.
We joke about dad awesome.
People feel dad awful or dad average or dad annoyed or there's a bunch of other ones.
(04:46):
My daughter's like joke about dad.
You're being a little bit dad annoyed right now versus dad awesome.
and, truly the, the lies get thrown at dads in that area.
So what we did is we felt, I felt
Like God was saying, activate these dads, activate these men to a vision beyond ourselves.
So instead of self-help, a lot of the Dad Awesome resources are self-help.
(05:09):
But dad says, I want help in this area.
I'm going to engage with Dad Awesome, learn and grow.
Fathers for the Fatherless is our missional expression where for six years we've ralliedmen to go do something hard physically on behalf of a mission that's right at the center
of God's heart.
So Fathers for the Fatherless is a 100 mile bike ride.
(05:29):
to raise money for our partner organizations who directly serve the fatherless.
It was a hundred mile bike ride for the first like three, four years.
Then the last two years we did Spartan obstacle course races and we'd ever do like the 5K.
We do like the 10K or the beast, like the longer ones and triathlons.
Yeah, we suffer.
We want something that takes about three months to train for.
(05:51):
We want something that's not just like a quick throw on your shoes and go suffer day off.
We want to train together.
So we gave the guys a mission.
And then we trickle awesome resources as the secret mission, because we know that as theypursue helping kids that don't have a dad, our posture is all the summer forming
friendships.
All of a sudden we're learning about fatherlessness.
(06:12):
All of a sudden we're curiously like, Hey, wait a second.
I want to make sure my kids know that I'm pursuing their heart.
And next thing they know, they're becoming awesome as our secret mission.
And so we did 30 of these events across the country.
We hit the road as a family and traveled in an RV for
550 nights of travel in an RV and this mission fathers for the fatherless.
(06:32):
was, it was crazy.
The friends we have today, the stories we tell, the miles logged in spandex as we had allthat.
I was not a cyclist before starting this thing.
over a thousand men said yes to this mission.
And we just celebrated a few months ago.
We passed a million dollars raised for our partners who directly served the fatherless.
(06:52):
So crazy adventure, not part of my
business plan, hey, I'll start a fatherhood ministry and then I'll activate guys to dothese kind of endurance events.
Never part of my plan, but something we kind of stumbled, God helped us stumble into.
And now we'll kind of, focus with Dad Awesome on awareness is the podcast and otherresources, bite-sized content.
(07:16):
Activation is continuing to activate teams around this mission.
They may in the future be awesome teams, still.
focused on a mission to helping the fatherless, but they might be rebranded slightly.
And then the third category is acceleration.
So we do awareness, we do activation, and acceleration is the deeper discipleship work.
Acceleration is entirely through our partners.
(07:38):
you'll find Being Sons is on the awesome website as one of our partners who does thedeeper discipleship, the deeper father-son, father-daughter, the deeper.
So.
In fact, most of our mutual friends, all run ministries that help do the deeper work.
And we've just found that God's gifted us this ability to awareness and activation.
(08:00):
And then we, I mean, we're learning in the Excel, we're coming alongside doing someresourcing ourselves, but my goodness, we love our partners.
So we'll always like champion these amazing friends who are doing fatherhood ministry andthose partners.
That's how the world will change.
That's how the church will be famous for fatherhood ministry is through the whole team ofthe 50 to 100 organizations the someday hundreds of organizations working cheering for
(08:26):
each other.
So that's that's kind of our posture more but we're up to it.
Awesome.
So the awareness piece that you hit through the podcasts, it's stunning the number ofguests.
First thing I want to say is well done for having the courage to reach out to some ofthese big names and just ask, do you want to be on it?
(08:48):
It's really impressive.
It's very convicting to me to do the same.
Well, and just to jump in for a second, several of them, I just fill out a web inquiryform and they tell me no.
They tell me no when I fill out like how long or how many listeners they fill out, theysay no.
And then I pray for the people.
(09:08):
Like truly I pray for them and their families.
And then the people who have flipped and said yes, because they happen to be writing akid's book with their daughter or happened to be like, hey, two days freed up in January.
Do you want to come on?
Like Jamie Winship was like, it was a no.
And then his assistant's like, actually, he's got these slots.
You want to take one?
And I was like, yes.
(09:30):
So that's the story of us and those guests is not hustle.
It's we fill out web forms and then we pray.
And they're on your podcast, making us aware.
I love it.
(09:51):
Okay.
So you have become a man known for your enthusiasm, your optimism, your joy, yourintentionality.
Have you always been this way?
Yes.
is a one word answer.
(10:12):
Yes, God created you me.
Awesome.
Absolutely.
I see the image of God in you and I hear it in your voice.
I love it.
So thanks God for your image as as born by Jeff Zog.
Beautiful.
Love it.
So you've become a huge learner in the subject talking to so many men mentors.
What are a few changes that you have learned that can bring about major changes in yourhome?
(10:39):
What can you say?
What can our listeners say and do quickly to see some significant changes?
Yeah, one of them you taught me and it's the power of our thoughts as well as our wordsthat we actually choose the Deuteronomy 30 19 blessings or curses, you know, choose life
or death.
(11:00):
And I realized that I was still grumbling in my mind.
even though I was using maybe words that were not speaking death over my girls and over mywife, I was complaining while I washed the dishes.
was complaining on my drive or this or that.
Like I was grumbling in my mind and actually thinking death, thinking curses over thesemost precious five little women.
(11:24):
Like truly.
So that's one, practical, is to just like really check our heart, our thoughts.
And am I thinking
blessings.
And like right in this moment, I'm like gushing with blessings for my girls and they'relanding on a flight to Minnesota right now.
And, and I think they're benefiting right now from just like, that's how the Holy Spiritworks is he like passes on blessings.
(11:48):
So that's, that's one, I'm sure other guests have emphasized the, one-on-ones with daddy,daughter dates, you know, dad, son outings.
We've created a monthly rhythm with my daughter of just picking a theme.
use chat GPT to help do some of the research around the theme.
actually spend, we're spending 100 minutes together each month as a one-on-one and it's a10 year journey.
(12:13):
so we were only three months into it, but we've, she knows I've committed to her.
We're to journey for 10 years and we actually take two months off every year.
Like she's like, no, let's do 10, 10 months a year.
She helped me kind of build the plan and it's the 10,000 minutes.
project or whatever it's called.
She doesn't matter what it's called.
She just knows that I'm going to pursue her with a monthly theme that we're going toactually build out and do a challenge.
(12:34):
And the reason I bring that up is just like, build things, pivot, try something else.
But like, I think there's something to creating together with our, with our kids, it'smore than just going to grab ice cream, like she knows that I'm building something with
her and I care.
And that's it's it's multi year in nature.
And so those are a few top of mind.
(12:56):
discoveries that I would pass on.
Yeah, get a good rope swing though.
If you're a dad, even without a tree, grab a good rope and take it to the park and do somerope swing time with your kids.
You will be better for it.
This is big part of your world here at Ropes,
Well, it's funny.
It kind of I stumbled into just loving to create rope swings for my girls.
(13:20):
So it is I guess.
Love it.
Yeah, it's easy, it's cheap, it's portable.
Why not?
I'd never thought about taking it to a park and doing it.
Like a slack line or hammock or something like that.
Yeah, it's amazingly portable.
You don't even need the little beanbag lead line.
can just duct tape a rock to it.
(13:40):
Just be careful with the swing back.
You don't catch a kid with your rock.
What is the impact of a dad on his home?
(14:01):
the story that I think will help to drive this home is my grandpa gave $40,000 of savingsbonds to his 10 grandkids to help with college.
And that wasn't enough to pay for all of college.
But back 20 years ago, it paid for and it grew a little more than that.
Before I cashed him in and paid for about 75 % of my college education was this gift frommy grandpa.
(14:27):
Now if I would have taken
that 60,000 in college saving bonds and put it into Apple in the year 2001 instead ofpaying off college.
Roughly $19 million today, the 60,000 turns into 19 million.
And this plays on the treasure in the field.
(14:49):
Like I know after spending seven years, there's a lot of guys listening that have gonedeep into different career focuses, different learning paths, different like,
And I respect anyone who just commits a long time to one thing and says, I'm going tolearn deeply.
So I've just chosen.
I've learned a lot.
But instead of saying, these are all the learnings, follow my example.
(15:10):
I just know that I know that I know that the investment in my four girls taking the 168hours I have in any week and purpose in those hours to scale back.
the immediate short-term rewards of career advancements to scale back this hobby or thathobby, to scale back other areas and to just say, I'm gonna deposit that 60,000 into the
(15:36):
hearts of my girls.
I know, because I've heard so many heartbreaking stories from grandparents that are like,that is the Apple investment that returns 19 million later.
Is the pursuing the hearts of our kids.
learning deeply taking the trip to first bloom in San Antonio like that trip to us.
We will never again I have three more daughters we're coming to first bloom like we'recoming Jay, but I won't do the I won't do the 2am wake up and fly there and then we return
(16:05):
home.
We actually got home at 2am the following so we did the minimum of just two nights away.
But so I won't do that in the future.
I'll actually take an extra night at a hotel and fly it.
But like truly, I know that this is the treasure in the field.
that is worth like is worth downshifting all the other areas to just say this is a bigdeal to me.
(16:27):
This is a huge priority to me.
And that's that's that's the long version answer to your question about like, is it like,like, what do want to deposit?
Or what do you want to like, elevate when it comes to being an awesome dad?
Like, it's the treasure in the field.
Like act like it, like go all in.
So there you go.
(16:48):
So you were mentioning earlier, and I have felt it as well, when we come into the presenceof somebody who has experience, expertise, or feels naturally gifted in something that we
feel we are.
poverty stricken with because it's very hard for us to take our children where we haven'tgone.
(17:16):
Conversations, I want to say well done for every single one of you who's listening to thisconversation, who had the courage to turn it on because I know that there is a very real
enemy that comes the moment we even see a title that invites us
(17:36):
begin to inspect ourselves, to self-evaluate, to see where we might need to humbly come toGod and say, I need your help.
So there's a lot of dads that hopefully are going to be listening to this in the future.
You, Jeff, are optimistic.
(17:59):
You're joyful.
You're intentional.
Many men do not share your personality at all, and yet they're fathers.
So there's this quick and easy voice of self-accusation that would make us feeldisqualified.
And we can look at a future and think that there's no hope.
(18:25):
for me with my kids, I've messed up, I don't know what to do.
Jeff, what would you say to those dads?
Because I assume that in all of your conversations, if you haven't felt this way yourselffrom time to time, which I would assume you have, that you've come into contact with men
who, that's their story, they actually started off there.
(18:48):
What would you say to those dads?
Yeah, discouragement.
Discouragement is powerful.
And I, I feel threads of discouragement waves, I jump from threads to waves ofdiscouragement around my journey as a dad, like, it's crazy discouragement.
(19:09):
think the root word right is simply encouragement is putting courage into somethingdiscouraging is like we're slashing, we're erasing courage, we're taking it away.
And that is the like,
primary assault is to get you discouraged right now as a dad.
And please, like, hear.
I feel that I'm under attack by the same discouragement.
(19:32):
I feel it more today than I did seven years ago.
So after all these interviews, all this time investment, I for four years have been fulltime.
I've given everything to awesome as far as the leap of faith into like, let's start thisnonprofit.
I feel more discouraged today than I did then.
but it's behind, okay, so the discouragement assault is real.
(19:53):
But I know what's true, like what I just emphasized, that it's a treasure and it's wortheverything.
And now I think what I have is more, I know the areas that I'm failing more now than I didthen.
So actually as a real assessment, I assess myself with a lower rate, like I'm actually,like, shoot, 10 things I hear practical.
(20:17):
like wisdom insights on my podcast, I put like one of them into action and I feel bad.
I feel bad about the other 10 that I'm not doing because I'm having these energeticconversations with guests like so pumped about what they're sharing with me and I'm not
doing what they tell me to do.
So am I an imposter?
Am I a like my duplicit?
(20:38):
Like I think these whispers like it is rubbish like we get to take one step today.
We get to pick ourselves up and take one step and choose to speak life, choose to tell ourkids how much we love being their dad, choose to read our first ever book on fatherhood,
choose to listen to a whole episode like you said, and all of heaven is applauding thatone step.
(21:05):
So that's I want them all to hear is like what I felt in the room, Jay with you and thefirst balloon guys, when I stood in the front of the room and I blessed my daughter.
Like in that, was so nervous.
I'm a guy who runs a fatherhood ministry and I am so nervous because it's such a preciousmoment.
I'm so nervous.
(21:25):
But what I felt of these men love me, love my daughter and are so pumped for me.
Like that's just like the fractional bit of heaven, the fractional paradise of what'sreal.
Every time we choose to go walk back to our child's room after we said something a littletoo harsh and say we're sorry.
every time we choose to pray with our wife if you're married.
(21:49):
Every time, like all of heaven is like thrilled and they're so proud of you and they're sopumped that you took a step.
that's cool thing about fatherhood is the stumbles, the tuck and rolls, the black eyes,the faceplants.
I need myself in the forehead, barefoot water skiing, I need myself in the forehead andthe boat comes around and they're looking at me and they're like,
(22:13):
something like I literally thought that like what is wrong because I didn't know but mytennis ball sticking out of my forehead for me myself and we feel that way in the dad life
all the time like I feel like I suck and it's not true made a mistake forgiveness love formy heavenly father I'm a son not an orphan I get to say I'm sorry and then I that was just
(22:38):
a beautiful moment of connection and closeness so that's what I that's what I want thesedads to hear is
I'm with you and as much joy as I'm bringing to this chat right now.
The flip side could be real within 24 hours of feeling absolutely on my face and we pickourselves up and we're all together and we're cheering for each other.
So that's what I want them to hear.
(22:59):
It's good to see our heroes as truly human and hear the weak places and then because youhave such a big presence and personality, is that what you hide behind?
Like if you're feeling insecure, we can take our fears and...
(23:23):
our insecurities and sometimes we go passive in response to them and sometimes we becomevery aggressive in response to them.
I would imagine knowing you that you would still look really good on the outside, wouldstill keep performing and keep the energy up.
(23:46):
But it would be easy for you to hide all of that behind this
super enthusiastic, energetic, joyful, knowledgeable guy that we're looking at.
Well, I would jump into both sides.
So the RV trip, we did not put awesome on the RV.
(24:06):
Partially, that was intentional because I knew the amount of moments at the RV park thatdad is struggling and not feeling any bit like so the accountability of putting awesome on
the RV.
Well, we didn't do it.
So there's other factors with that too.
But the I mean, yesterday, yesterday,
My wife and had an argument over a headphone splitter.
(24:30):
Literally, I didn't want to buy a headphone splitter for the trip that they're on rightnow.
And I wanted to look and dig for it in boxes and try to figure out in this rental housewe're in.
And the argument escalated into a half hour wasted time in front of my six year old thatit, I mean, I called an argument, my wife would probably call it a fight.
And it's like the opposite of being dad awesome is my six year old saw me speaking withharshness.
(24:56):
to most precious person in the world.
And so I do think it's important to say like, yeah, my joy, my golden retriever, myenergy, enthusiasm, I think sometimes because I carry it so strong, the passion is so
strong here, it can come out in really sharp words.
my girls have seen it.
(25:16):
yeah, I want you guys to hear that as well, is that's an area that I pray that I can be agentle giant, because I need to pray, because what slips out is not that.
moments of my life that I regret the most are the ones that my children had to, they hadto bear the brunt of and process without the ability to process that at their age.
(25:44):
I mean, we have a hard time processing the stuff that our parents did even at our age now.
We do need counselors for that.
Yeah.
I've got a lot of embarrassing moments that I'm writing.
I would say embarrassing moments, not only embarrassing moments, but moments that I needto go to my children individually and say, I want to tell you of some of the most painful
(26:13):
memories that I have, and it's where I failed you.
And I'm simply praying right now and asking God to let me know when the appropriate timeis to do that.
I don't want to do that too soon.
but I don't want to wait even a day longer because I know, yeah, I just need my kids toknow how I felt about that.
(26:40):
And I think some of the things they probably wouldn't even remember, but I still need toget it off.
And it's an opportunity for me to tell them, I love you.
And whenever I fail you, I feel it.
And because my heart's greatest desire and one of the greatest privileges of my life is tolove you.
And I suffer when I don't do that well because you're such a treasure.
(27:05):
So God will use those moments for good if we have the courage to go and do that.
So anyway, I'm actually really looking forward to going to my children and having thatconversation when God gives me the thumbs up on those.
Powerful.
(27:28):
There is something that I've heard you say, that you say to your children very regularlywhen you tuck them in.
And I know it's so simple, but it's so powerful and it could be the best starting placefor a dad.
You know what I'm talking about?
I do.
Yeah, I and I it's it's framed differently.
(27:53):
Sometimes I expand on it, but really it's it's telling them by with their name that I lovethat I get to be your dad.
It's just it's emphasizing identity and delight.
It's huge.
And I know a large number of men whose lives were radically changed because they heardtheir father in heaven say something exactly like that.
(28:26):
There's nothing, there's nothing that bestows identity or worth purpose more than thatright there.
So, well done for articulating that.
and for seeing the fruit of that in your own household.
(28:50):
It's, yeah.
well, it ties with what you just shared and actually, yeah.
So now that I live in Florida, I carry, I'm wearing these lightweight shorts more often.
It's harder to carry a knife on me, in Florida.
So I have to like keep it on my desk or my laptop case, but this was gifted to me, at a,at a muster that our mutual friend Pablo hosted, but I think, know, Greg Winters, do know
(29:17):
Greg?
yeah.
Yeah.
he gifted me his knife one year after my dad passed away.
And the affirmation with this gift was your heavenly father is still fathering you.
So that every time I reach for this knife, every time I, my hand brushes past it, I'm, I'mreminded that my heavenly father
(29:44):
is still fathering me.
And the fact that it is a knife as a reminder versus I've been gifted a few other justreminder gifts, like a compass and some other things.
But this, to me, some of it, we're about to buy a house down here in Florida.
And the amount of areas that I feel like I need fathering because it's intimidating orit's a new frontier.
(30:08):
Like this knife is just a reminder of I'm not alone.
I'm not alone.
can stumble.
I can make a mistake that costs money because the mistake I had to buy some, you know,something new to make up for it or bring in some professional help because I tried, I
thought I could get there and I couldn't.
Like, I've had flat tires on my bicycle before in very tricky locations.
(30:33):
Like the longest bridge, the seven mile bridge in the Florida Keys, I got stuck halfway onthat bridge with a flat tire.
And I had to remember
and even do some breath prayers, but also like remember, my heavenly father is stillfathering me.
I'm not a failure because I can't change this tire right now.
I'm not a failure.
It's not who I am.
I am a loved son of God.
(30:53):
And so the whisper to my daughters of letting them know who they are, that they're loved,that they're mine, you know, it's right around prayer time so they know that they've got a
heavenly father as well.
Like this like triple, like it's a big deal.
for them and my littlest, my three and a half year old, the way she dances, the way shelaughs, the way she plays pretend imaginary play, I think it's because she knows how loved
(31:25):
she is.
Like truly, like all my girls have done that, but she's got the compounded love from mywife, from me, and from her three big sisters.
All think she is amazing.
And she,
she knows it with such delight because it's still it's not a show off type amazing.
It's not a look at me.
I care if you're looking at me or not.
She's just like so free.
(31:46):
And that's what I want for my girls in every phase.
And I don't see it as often in my 11 year old as I used to because she's in that like,man, dreamer to dancer.
man.
Yes.
So so but I think that we're laying this is the
think a story out of Will Smith's book around laying bricks in this wall.
(32:09):
His dad made him build this wall.
And we're laying bricks with every whisper before bedtime.
We're just laying a foundation that it doesn't like, it doesn't add up in one night.
It grows.
It grows.
Yeah.
Well, there's so many directions that we could go.
(32:29):
I just wanted to have this conversation with you and hear more your heart on what you'redoing and just to get just a little fractional paradise as you're able to offer it.
And even more powerfully after contending with these big questions, what does it mean tobe a good father?
(32:52):
How do I become a good father?
How do I grow as a son?
You're doing great, Jeff.
You're doing wonderful.
And your daughter Kiva, who I've been able to meet and see her joy and her security whenshe's right by your side.
And also when you're not there, she's totally secure.
(33:15):
reading her feedback, she knows she's loved and it's really obvious.
friends, if you want to learn more,
There is so much to learn and it's very accessible if you will go to dadawesome.org andyou're just going to have fun scrolling and seeing all these conversations.
(33:40):
just Holy Spirit, which one of these short, easy, practical, fun conversations should Ilisten to?
just whatever the Holy Spirit tells you to click, just click on it and enjoy and let it bea feast for you.
Becoming a good father is exactly what we are made for.
(34:01):
We are called to the ministry of fatherhood, and men who are made in the image of God aremade in the image of the perfect Father.
So we are designed and intended to be fathers.
And to the degree that we did not get what would make us the perfect Father, we are alsosons that God will meet on the journey to help us become that.
(34:24):
expertise, part of our brilliance.
And what we get to offer to our children is our own personal stories of redemption.
It's their ability to see us growing, and it's their invitation to see us become utterlydependent on God.
(34:47):
That's what they need to see that they can trust God and to become utterly dependent onHim.
If several years ago, if I could have chosen the kind of father that I would be.
That vision would have involved different cars, different house, different property,different toys, different vacations, and a very different schedule on my part.
(35:17):
and they would not have been what my children need.
They have needed for me to be utterly dependent on God.
They have needed to see God come through for them and help them find somebody to teachthem how to ride horses and how to go to school.
(35:41):
There's these impossible barriers and obstacles that
we as fathers get to partner with our kids in and say, hey, I don't have the resources, Idon't have the knowledge, and I didn't grow up with any of that, but how about we go to
our father and ask him to meet us here?
(36:01):
And that's my story.
And it sounds, Jeff, like that's been a huge part of your story, is inviting your childrento come.
to God's awesomeness, that waterfall of His abundance and provision and protection.
So the degree that fatherlessness is being revealed in you, that's your frontier.
(36:23):
And we begin taking small steps and God meets us right there to help us keep walking.
And Jeff, thank you for being such a great example of that and for being such a greatcurator of these incredible conversations with wonderful men who are fully human.
All of us trying to figure out how to do this together.
(36:45):
We really do need one another.
So before we go, I just wanted to ask you, Jeff, what would you want to say before weclose out?
You know, I wasn't wasn't going to mention this, but I felt it kind of rise up a littlebit when you were mentioning next steps and finding a podcast and something that's not on
(37:07):
the website at all is we've offered 20 dads so far this opportunity to be in a six weekkind of sprint to learn everything that I've learned in now seven years of the ministry.
We just take 10 dads at a time through we call it the dad awesome accelerator, but we justchosen to kind of keep it off the
off the menu and to see who God brings to us.
(37:32):
So it would be a joy if maybe there's a couple dads from your family at Being Sons thatwould want to be a part.
All they have to do is email dadawesome.org.
So we created a ping back, an email address just for that experience and it will shootthem right back all the info.
So it's dadawesome.org.
And so that's the secret way to learn about the accelerator.
(37:52):
one thing, and that is,
You know that that popped into my heart as a what I would want them to know as we saygoodbye.
I probably would just add an exclamation point to what we we've already.
We've gone around this a couple times, so don't want to be laborless, but the level ofbeing dad average.
(38:14):
Being at times dad angry being at times you feel dad awful.
I feel that yesterday like but guess what like.
we get to still be their dad and come back from it.
the my heart is just to like say like, this is not people joke about dude perfect thatlike I'm trying to create because it's called dad awesome like this like, yeah, awesome
(38:40):
dads that just like look and feel and think and talk like they've got it all figured outwith their trick shots of dad hacks.
No, like, I just want to add this exclamation point of like, God's heart is he's with usEmmanuel.
We're heading into Christmas, he's with us.
And he is so, like, he's so glad that you're on this journey of being, we say being dadawesome, but that means you're all over that continuum.
(39:09):
It's all over.
Because the heart is, they need to see both sides and they want to know that you're in thehighs and lows, you're their dad and you love them and you're, so.
That's to just overly simplify a kind of goodbye here of like, like, guys, just stay inthe game and keep praying for them and keep stepping towards them and keep apologizing.
(39:33):
And, God is pumped for that.
Will you pray for us as dads before we close up?
love to.
God, thank you for Jay.
Thank you for the gift that he's given to my family and my four daughters and my wife.
(39:57):
Thank you for him putting his arm around my oldest daughter and me and communicating thathe's for us, he loves us, he's cheering for us, he's praying for us, he's been
thoughtfully preparing to invest in us.
I felt all of that and I feel it today.
And God, thank you that Jay is actually just a
(40:18):
a sliver of making you known to me because that's your posture, is you are for each ofthese dads listening.
You love them.
You're preparing good things for them.
You are planting courage deep in their hearts.
You are preparing little God moments that are going to be unexpected joy bombs.
God, I just pray that as I pray for Jay and grateful for Jay in this prayer, I just praythat every dad listening would know, they would know that all of heaven
(40:48):
is cheering them on.
And I pray that they would have more courage to show up with their whole hearts for theirkids.
And I pray that more of these dads listening would come to First Flu and they would cometo First Track.
Scott, I pray in Jesus' name that you would bring a turning of the hearts fathers to kids.
And I know it's happened because they're still listening right now.
(41:10):
It's happened.
We're grateful for it.
So thank you for this time, this conversation.
Thank you for Jay.
May you multiply in unexpected ways.
a 10 times, 20 times, 100 times his expectations for the dads he's going to reach.
We pray this in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Sons, friends, thanks for joining Jeff Zaugg and I as we walk a mile on the true andtested road of being sons.
(41:36):
And we'll talk to you next time.
Thanks so much, Jeff, for being with us.
My pleasure.
That's the coolest thing about fatherhood is the stumbles, the tuck and rolls, the blackeyes, the faceplants.
We feel that way in the dad life all the time.
Like, feel like I suck.
And it's not true.
Made a mistake.
forgiveness, love for my heavenly father, I'm a son, not an orphan, I get to say I'msorry.
(00:26):
And then that was just a beautiful moment of connection and closeness.
So that's what I want these dads to hear is I'm with you and as much joy as I'm bringingto this chat right now, the flip side, it could be real within 24 hours of feeling
absolutely on my face and we pick ourselves up and we're all together and we're cheeringfor each other.
you
(01:00):
Friends, sons, welcome back to the Being Sons podcast.
That is the voice of Jeff Zaugg a friend of mine that I've recently met and a guy that Ihave now come to understand and believe is amazing to be around if I want to learn how to
be a better father.
He's got a lot of experience.
(01:20):
He's got a house full of girls that he's learning to love well.
And he recently brought his daughter to a first bloom.
And we struck up a friendship because both of us want to be the best fathers that wepossibly can be.
And so it's a topic of great interest in our conversation with one another.
(01:40):
We wanted to invite you into that conversation.
So this is part two of a two-part conversation.
So if you haven't listened to the first part, I invite you to go back and listen to thatone.
And in this second part, we are going to continue talking about how to become a betterfather.
how God wants to meet us exactly where we are and equip us to take these small steps thatend up making big differences in our home.
(02:06):
How to be a more joyful father, how to be a more intentional father, what is the linkbetween fatherhood and actually learning how to be a son ourselves and how to invite God
to father us in our fathering of our children.
It's a great conversation.
(02:26):
We also get to hear in this upcoming episode how God led Jeff into this beautiful journeyof collecting all these conversations and discussions with similar people who have a lot
of wisdom about being good men, about sonship, about loving their children, loving theirwives well.
So this is a man that I hope that you will enjoy listening to as much as me.
(02:50):
So welcome back to the Being Sounds Podcast and let's...
Carry on with this second part of this conversation with Jeff Zaugg
You have an organization called Dad Awesome and Fathers to the Fatherless.
What are those?
Tell us about those.
(03:11):
So Dad Awesome started first from an extension of me being a kids pastor and someoneasking me, how do you stay so intentional about being a dad?
They observed me with a one year old, four year old as being an intentional dad.
And I ran through in my mind and in my heart, facets of intentionality.
And then I pulled open an Evernote file and started like thinking, am I an intentionaldad?
(03:33):
Have I ever read a book on fatherhood?
Have I ever listened to a podcast on fatherhood?
Been a part of a small group.
Have I had a mentor?
Have I gone to a conference?
Have I done an online course?
Have I, mean, I literally, the facets of inputs, I realized I wasn't, I wasn'tintentionally growing in that area.
They were just observing a dad who loved being a dad.
That's all they were observing.
So, so I went on this journey of gathering resources.
(03:55):
That's become dad awesome.
It was a, was off of social media for that entire year.
This is 2018.
So I just shared it with my friends for like the whole first year.
was just a dad awesome as a resource.
I shared with friends, a daily text message, small group curriculum, and a weekly podcast.
What we found was half, and this is a rough numbers, a guesstimate, half the guys in ourchurch were not engaging in the resources from dad awesome, the dads in our church.
(04:20):
Probably because, probably because like me, there's some pain in that journey of being adad or there is,
a perceived inadequacy.
Like I'm struggling in the dad life.
I'm not going to go to a group called dad awesome, right?
It's so true.
We joke about dad awesome.
People feel dad awful or dad average or dad annoyed or there's a bunch of other ones.
(04:46):
My daughter's like joke about dad.
You're being a little bit dad annoyed right now versus dad awesome.
and, truly the, the lies get thrown at dads in that area.
So what we did is we felt, I felt
Like God was saying, activate these dads, activate these men to a vision beyond ourselves.
So instead of self-help, a lot of the Dad Awesome resources are self-help.
(05:09):
But dad says, I want help in this area.
I'm going to engage with Dad Awesome, learn and grow.
Fathers for the Fatherless is our missional expression where for six years we've ralliedmen to go do something hard physically on behalf of a mission that's right at the center
of God's heart.
So Fathers for the Fatherless is a 100 mile bike ride.
(05:29):
to raise money for our partner organizations who directly serve the fatherless.
It was a hundred mile bike ride for the first like three, four years.
Then the last two years we did Spartan obstacle course races and we'd ever do like the 5K.
We do like the 10K or the beast, like the longer ones and triathlons.
Yeah, we suffer.
We want something that takes about three months to train for.
(05:51):
We want something that's not just like a quick throw on your shoes and go suffer day off.
We want to train together.
So we gave the guys a mission.
And then we trickle awesome resources as the secret mission, because we know that as theypursue helping kids that don't have a dad, our posture is all the summer forming
friendships.
All of a sudden we're learning about fatherlessness.
(06:12):
All of a sudden we're curiously like, Hey, wait a second.
I want to make sure my kids know that I'm pursuing their heart.
And next thing they know, they're becoming awesome as our secret mission.
And so we did 30 of these events across the country.
We hit the road as a family and traveled in an RV for
550 nights of travel in an RV and this mission fathers for the fatherless.
(06:32):
was, it was crazy.
The friends we have today, the stories we tell, the miles logged in spandex as we had allthat.
I was not a cyclist before starting this thing.
over a thousand men said yes to this mission.
And we just celebrated a few months ago.
We passed a million dollars raised for our partners who directly served the fatherless.
(06:52):
So crazy adventure, not part of my
business plan, hey, I'll start a fatherhood ministry and then I'll activate guys to dothese kind of endurance events.
Never part of my plan, but something we kind of stumbled, God helped us stumble into.
And now we'll kind of, focus with Dad Awesome on awareness is the podcast and otherresources, bite-sized content.
(07:16):
Activation is continuing to activate teams around this mission.
They may in the future be awesome teams, still.
focused on a mission to helping the fatherless, but they might be rebranded slightly.
And then the third category is acceleration.
So we do awareness, we do activation, and acceleration is the deeper discipleship work.
Acceleration is entirely through our partners.
(07:38):
you'll find Being Sons is on the awesome website as one of our partners who does thedeeper discipleship, the deeper father-son, father-daughter, the deeper.
So.
In fact, most of our mutual friends, all run ministries that help do the deeper work.
And we've just found that God's gifted us this ability to awareness and activation.
(08:00):
And then we, I mean, we're learning in the Excel, we're coming alongside doing someresourcing ourselves, but my goodness, we love our partners.
So we'll always like champion these amazing friends who are doing fatherhood ministry andthose partners.
That's how the world will change.
That's how the church will be famous for fatherhood ministry is through the whole team ofthe 50 to 100 organizations the someday hundreds of organizations working cheering for
(08:26):
each other.
So that's that's kind of our posture more but we're up to it.
Awesome.
So the awareness piece that you hit through the podcasts, it's stunning the number ofguests.
First thing I want to say is well done for having the courage to reach out to some ofthese big names and just ask, do you want to be on it?
(08:48):
It's really impressive.
It's very convicting to me to do the same.
Well, and just to jump in for a second, several of them, I just fill out a web inquiryform and they tell me no.
They tell me no when I fill out like how long or how many listeners they fill out, theysay no.
And then I pray for the people.
(09:08):
Like truly I pray for them and their families.
And then the people who have flipped and said yes, because they happen to be writing akid's book with their daughter or happened to be like, hey, two days freed up in January.
Do you want to come on?
Like Jamie Winship was like, it was a no.
And then his assistant's like, actually, he's got these slots.
You want to take one?
And I was like, yes.
(09:30):
So that's the story of us and those guests is not hustle.
It's we fill out web forms and then we pray.
And they're on your podcast, making us aware.
I love it.
(09:51):
Okay.
So you have become a man known for your enthusiasm, your optimism, your joy, yourintentionality.
Have you always been this way?
Yes.
is a one word answer.
(10:12):
Yes, God created you me.
Awesome.
Absolutely.
I see the image of God in you and I hear it in your voice.
I love it.
So thanks God for your image as as born by Jeff Zog.
Beautiful.
Love it.
So you've become a huge learner in the subject talking to so many men mentors.
What are a few changes that you have learned that can bring about major changes in yourhome?
(10:39):
What can you say?
What can our listeners say and do quickly to see some significant changes?
Yeah, one of them you taught me and it's the power of our thoughts as well as our wordsthat we actually choose the Deuteronomy 30 19 blessings or curses, you know, choose life
or death.
(11:00):
And I realized that I was still grumbling in my mind.
even though I was using maybe words that were not speaking death over my girls and over mywife, I was complaining while I washed the dishes.
was complaining on my drive or this or that.
Like I was grumbling in my mind and actually thinking death, thinking curses over thesemost precious five little women.
(11:24):
Like truly.
So that's one, practical, is to just like really check our heart, our thoughts.
And am I thinking
blessings.
And like right in this moment, I'm like gushing with blessings for my girls and they'relanding on a flight to Minnesota right now.
And, and I think they're benefiting right now from just like, that's how the Holy Spiritworks is he like passes on blessings.
(11:48):
So that's, that's one, I'm sure other guests have emphasized the, one-on-ones with daddy,daughter dates, you know, dad, son outings.
We've created a monthly rhythm with my daughter of just picking a theme.
use chat GPT to help do some of the research around the theme.
actually spend, we're spending 100 minutes together each month as a one-on-one and it's a10 year journey.
(12:13):
so we were only three months into it, but we've, she knows I've committed to her.
We're to journey for 10 years and we actually take two months off every year.
Like she's like, no, let's do 10, 10 months a year.
She helped me kind of build the plan and it's the 10,000 minutes.
project or whatever it's called.
She doesn't matter what it's called.
She just knows that I'm going to pursue her with a monthly theme that we're going toactually build out and do a challenge.
(12:34):
And the reason I bring that up is just like, build things, pivot, try something else.
But like, I think there's something to creating together with our, with our kids, it'smore than just going to grab ice cream, like she knows that I'm building something with
her and I care.
And that's it's it's multi year in nature.
And so those are a few top of mind.
(12:56):
discoveries that I would pass on.
Yeah, get a good rope swing though.
If you're a dad, even without a tree, grab a good rope and take it to the park and do somerope swing time with your kids.
You will be better for it.
This is big part of your world here at Ropes,
Well, it's funny.
It kind of I stumbled into just loving to create rope swings for my girls.
(13:20):
So it is I guess.
Love it.
Yeah, it's easy, it's cheap, it's portable.
Why not?
I'd never thought about taking it to a park and doing it.
Like a slack line or hammock or something like that.
Yeah, it's amazingly portable.
You don't even need the little beanbag lead line.
can just duct tape a rock to it.
(13:40):
Just be careful with the swing back.
You don't catch a kid with your rock.
What is the impact of a dad on his home?
(14:01):
the story that I think will help to drive this home is my grandpa gave $40,000 of savingsbonds to his 10 grandkids to help with college.
And that wasn't enough to pay for all of college.
But back 20 years ago, it paid for and it grew a little more than that.
Before I cashed him in and paid for about 75 % of my college education was this gift frommy grandpa.
(14:27):
Now if I would have taken
that 60,000 in college saving bonds and put it into Apple in the year 2001 instead ofpaying off college.
Roughly $19 million today, the 60,000 turns into 19 million.
And this plays on the treasure in the field.
(14:49):
Like I know after spending seven years, there's a lot of guys listening that have gonedeep into different career focuses, different learning paths, different like,
And I respect anyone who just commits a long time to one thing and says, I'm going tolearn deeply.
So I've just chosen.
I've learned a lot.
But instead of saying, these are all the learnings, follow my example.
(15:10):
I just know that I know that I know that the investment in my four girls taking the 168hours I have in any week and purpose in those hours to scale back.
the immediate short-term rewards of career advancements to scale back this hobby or thathobby, to scale back other areas and to just say, I'm gonna deposit that 60,000 into the
(15:36):
hearts of my girls.
I know, because I've heard so many heartbreaking stories from grandparents that are like,that is the Apple investment that returns 19 million later.
Is the pursuing the hearts of our kids.
learning deeply taking the trip to first bloom in San Antonio like that trip to us.
We will never again I have three more daughters we're coming to first bloom like we'recoming Jay, but I won't do the I won't do the 2am wake up and fly there and then we return
(16:05):
home.
We actually got home at 2am the following so we did the minimum of just two nights away.
But so I won't do that in the future.
I'll actually take an extra night at a hotel and fly it.
But like truly, I know that this is the treasure in the field.
that is worth like is worth downshifting all the other areas to just say this is a bigdeal to me.
(16:27):
This is a huge priority to me.
And that's that's that's the long version answer to your question about like, is it like,like, what do want to deposit?
Or what do you want to like, elevate when it comes to being an awesome dad?
Like, it's the treasure in the field.
Like act like it, like go all in.
So there you go.
(16:48):
So you were mentioning earlier, and I have felt it as well, when we come into the presenceof somebody who has experience, expertise, or feels naturally gifted in something that we
feel we are.
poverty stricken with because it's very hard for us to take our children where we haven'tgone.
(17:16):
Conversations, I want to say well done for every single one of you who's listening to thisconversation, who had the courage to turn it on because I know that there is a very real
enemy that comes the moment we even see a title that invites us
(17:36):
begin to inspect ourselves, to self-evaluate, to see where we might need to humbly come toGod and say, I need your help.
So there's a lot of dads that hopefully are going to be listening to this in the future.
You, Jeff, are optimistic.
(17:59):
You're joyful.
You're intentional.
Many men do not share your personality at all, and yet they're fathers.
So there's this quick and easy voice of self-accusation that would make us feeldisqualified.
And we can look at a future and think that there's no hope.
(18:25):
for me with my kids, I've messed up, I don't know what to do.
Jeff, what would you say to those dads?
Because I assume that in all of your conversations, if you haven't felt this way yourselffrom time to time, which I would assume you have, that you've come into contact with men
who, that's their story, they actually started off there.
(18:48):
What would you say to those dads?
Yeah, discouragement.
Discouragement is powerful.
And I, I feel threads of discouragement waves, I jump from threads to waves ofdiscouragement around my journey as a dad, like, it's crazy discouragement.
(19:09):
think the root word right is simply encouragement is putting courage into somethingdiscouraging is like we're slashing, we're erasing courage, we're taking it away.
And that is the like,
primary assault is to get you discouraged right now as a dad.
And please, like, hear.
I feel that I'm under attack by the same discouragement.
(19:32):
I feel it more today than I did seven years ago.
So after all these interviews, all this time investment, I for four years have been fulltime.
I've given everything to awesome as far as the leap of faith into like, let's start thisnonprofit.
I feel more discouraged today than I did then.
but it's behind, okay, so the discouragement assault is real.
(19:53):
But I know what's true, like what I just emphasized, that it's a treasure and it's wortheverything.
And now I think what I have is more, I know the areas that I'm failing more now than I didthen.
So actually as a real assessment, I assess myself with a lower rate, like I'm actually,like, shoot, 10 things I hear practical.
(20:17):
like wisdom insights on my podcast, I put like one of them into action and I feel bad.
I feel bad about the other 10 that I'm not doing because I'm having these energeticconversations with guests like so pumped about what they're sharing with me and I'm not
doing what they tell me to do.
So am I an imposter?
Am I a like my duplicit?
(20:38):
Like I think these whispers like it is rubbish like we get to take one step today.
We get to pick ourselves up and take one step and choose to speak life, choose to tell ourkids how much we love being their dad, choose to read our first ever book on fatherhood,
choose to listen to a whole episode like you said, and all of heaven is applauding thatone step.
(21:05):
So that's I want them all to hear is like what I felt in the room, Jay with you and thefirst balloon guys, when I stood in the front of the room and I blessed my daughter.
Like in that, was so nervous.
I'm a guy who runs a fatherhood ministry and I am so nervous because it's such a preciousmoment.
I'm so nervous.
(21:25):
But what I felt of these men love me, love my daughter and are so pumped for me.
Like that's just like the fractional bit of heaven, the fractional paradise of what'sreal.
Every time we choose to go walk back to our child's room after we said something a littletoo harsh and say we're sorry.
every time we choose to pray with our wife if you're married.
(21:49):
Every time, like all of heaven is like thrilled and they're so proud of you and they're sopumped that you took a step.
that's cool thing about fatherhood is the stumbles, the tuck and rolls, the black eyes,the faceplants.
I need myself in the forehead, barefoot water skiing, I need myself in the forehead andthe boat comes around and they're looking at me and they're like,
(22:13):
something like I literally thought that like what is wrong because I didn't know but mytennis ball sticking out of my forehead for me myself and we feel that way in the dad life
all the time like I feel like I suck and it's not true made a mistake forgiveness love formy heavenly father I'm a son not an orphan I get to say I'm sorry and then I that was just
(22:38):
a beautiful moment of connection and closeness so that's what I that's what I want thesedads to hear is
I'm with you and as much joy as I'm bringing to this chat right now.
The flip side could be real within 24 hours of feeling absolutely on my face and we pickourselves up and we're all together and we're cheering for each other.
So that's what I want them to hear.
(22:59):
It's good to see our heroes as truly human and hear the weak places and then because youhave such a big presence and personality, is that what you hide behind?
Like if you're feeling insecure, we can take our fears and...
(23:23):
our insecurities and sometimes we go passive in response to them and sometimes we becomevery aggressive in response to them.
I would imagine knowing you that you would still look really good on the outside, wouldstill keep performing and keep the energy up.
(23:46):
But it would be easy for you to hide all of that behind this
super enthusiastic, energetic, joyful, knowledgeable guy that we're looking at.
Well, I would jump into both sides.
So the RV trip, we did not put awesome on the RV.
(24:06):
Partially, that was intentional because I knew the amount of moments at the RV park thatdad is struggling and not feeling any bit like so the accountability of putting awesome on
the RV.
Well, we didn't do it.
So there's other factors with that too.
But the I mean, yesterday, yesterday,
My wife and had an argument over a headphone splitter.
(24:30):
Literally, I didn't want to buy a headphone splitter for the trip that they're on rightnow.
And I wanted to look and dig for it in boxes and try to figure out in this rental housewe're in.
And the argument escalated into a half hour wasted time in front of my six year old thatit, I mean, I called an argument, my wife would probably call it a fight.
And it's like the opposite of being dad awesome is my six year old saw me speaking withharshness.
(24:56):
to most precious person in the world.
And so I do think it's important to say like, yeah, my joy, my golden retriever, myenergy, enthusiasm, I think sometimes because I carry it so strong, the passion is so
strong here, it can come out in really sharp words.
my girls have seen it.
(25:16):
yeah, I want you guys to hear that as well, is that's an area that I pray that I can be agentle giant, because I need to pray, because what slips out is not that.
moments of my life that I regret the most are the ones that my children had to, they hadto bear the brunt of and process without the ability to process that at their age.
(25:44):
I mean, we have a hard time processing the stuff that our parents did even at our age now.
We do need counselors for that.
Yeah.
I've got a lot of embarrassing moments that I'm writing.
I would say embarrassing moments, not only embarrassing moments, but moments that I needto go to my children individually and say, I want to tell you of some of the most painful
(26:13):
memories that I have, and it's where I failed you.
And I'm simply praying right now and asking God to let me know when the appropriate timeis to do that.
I don't want to do that too soon.
but I don't want to wait even a day longer because I know, yeah, I just need my kids toknow how I felt about that.
(26:40):
And I think some of the things they probably wouldn't even remember, but I still need toget it off.
And it's an opportunity for me to tell them, I love you.
And whenever I fail you, I feel it.
And because my heart's greatest desire and one of the greatest privileges of my life is tolove you.
And I suffer when I don't do that well because you're such a treasure.
(27:05):
So God will use those moments for good if we have the courage to go and do that.
So anyway, I'm actually really looking forward to going to my children and having thatconversation when God gives me the thumbs up on those.
Powerful.
(27:28):
There is something that I've heard you say, that you say to your children very regularlywhen you tuck them in.
And I know it's so simple, but it's so powerful and it could be the best starting placefor a dad.
You know what I'm talking about?
I do.
Yeah, I and I it's it's framed differently.
(27:53):
Sometimes I expand on it, but really it's it's telling them by with their name that I lovethat I get to be your dad.
It's just it's emphasizing identity and delight.
It's huge.
And I know a large number of men whose lives were radically changed because they heardtheir father in heaven say something exactly like that.
(28:26):
There's nothing, there's nothing that bestows identity or worth purpose more than thatright there.
So, well done for articulating that.
and for seeing the fruit of that in your own household.
(28:50):
It's, yeah.
well, it ties with what you just shared and actually, yeah.
So now that I live in Florida, I carry, I'm wearing these lightweight shorts more often.
It's harder to carry a knife on me, in Florida.
So I have to like keep it on my desk or my laptop case, but this was gifted to me, at a,at a muster that our mutual friend Pablo hosted, but I think, know, Greg Winters, do know
(29:17):
Greg?
yeah.
Yeah.
he gifted me his knife one year after my dad passed away.
And the affirmation with this gift was your heavenly father is still fathering you.
So that every time I reach for this knife, every time I, my hand brushes past it, I'm, I'mreminded that my heavenly father
(29:44):
is still fathering me.
And the fact that it is a knife as a reminder versus I've been gifted a few other justreminder gifts, like a compass and some other things.
But this, to me, some of it, we're about to buy a house down here in Florida.
And the amount of areas that I feel like I need fathering because it's intimidating orit's a new frontier.
(30:08):
Like this knife is just a reminder of I'm not alone.
I'm not alone.
can stumble.
I can make a mistake that costs money because the mistake I had to buy some, you know,something new to make up for it or bring in some professional help because I tried, I
thought I could get there and I couldn't.
Like, I've had flat tires on my bicycle before in very tricky locations.
(30:33):
Like the longest bridge, the seven mile bridge in the Florida Keys, I got stuck halfway onthat bridge with a flat tire.
And I had to remember
and even do some breath prayers, but also like remember, my heavenly father is stillfathering me.
I'm not a failure because I can't change this tire right now.
I'm not a failure.
It's not who I am.
I am a loved son of God.
(30:53):
And so the whisper to my daughters of letting them know who they are, that they're loved,that they're mine, you know, it's right around prayer time so they know that they've got a
heavenly father as well.
Like this like triple, like it's a big deal.
for them and my littlest, my three and a half year old, the way she dances, the way shelaughs, the way she plays pretend imaginary play, I think it's because she knows how loved
(31:25):
she is.
Like truly, like all my girls have done that, but she's got the compounded love from mywife, from me, and from her three big sisters.
All think she is amazing.
And she,
she knows it with such delight because it's still it's not a show off type amazing.
It's not a look at me.
I care if you're looking at me or not.
She's just like so free.
(31:46):
And that's what I want for my girls in every phase.
And I don't see it as often in my 11 year old as I used to because she's in that like,man, dreamer to dancer.
man.
Yes.
So so but I think that we're laying this is the
think a story out of Will Smith's book around laying bricks in this wall.
(32:09):
His dad made him build this wall.
And we're laying bricks with every whisper before bedtime.
We're just laying a foundation that it doesn't like, it doesn't add up in one night.
It grows.
It grows.
Yeah.
Well, there's so many directions that we could go.
(32:29):
I just wanted to have this conversation with you and hear more your heart on what you'redoing and just to get just a little fractional paradise as you're able to offer it.
And even more powerfully after contending with these big questions, what does it mean tobe a good father?
(32:52):
How do I become a good father?
How do I grow as a son?
You're doing great, Jeff.
You're doing wonderful.
And your daughter Kiva, who I've been able to meet and see her joy and her security whenshe's right by your side.
And also when you're not there, she's totally secure.
(33:15):
reading her feedback, she knows she's loved and it's really obvious.
friends, if you want to learn more,
There is so much to learn and it's very accessible if you will go to dadawesome.org andyou're just going to have fun scrolling and seeing all these conversations.
(33:40):
just Holy Spirit, which one of these short, easy, practical, fun conversations should Ilisten to?
just whatever the Holy Spirit tells you to click, just click on it and enjoy and let it bea feast for you.
Becoming a good father is exactly what we are made for.
(34:01):
We are called to the ministry of fatherhood, and men who are made in the image of God aremade in the image of the perfect Father.
So we are designed and intended to be fathers.
And to the degree that we did not get what would make us the perfect Father, we are alsosons that God will meet on the journey to help us become that.
(34:24):
expertise, part of our brilliance.
And what we get to offer to our children is our own personal stories of redemption.
It's their ability to see us growing, and it's their invitation to see us become utterlydependent on God.
(34:47):
That's what they need to see that they can trust God and to become utterly dependent onHim.
If several years ago, if I could have chosen the kind of father that I would be.
That vision would have involved different cars, different house, different property,different toys, different vacations, and a very different schedule on my part.
(35:17):
and they would not have been what my children need.
They have needed for me to be utterly dependent on God.
They have needed to see God come through for them and help them find somebody to teachthem how to ride horses and how to go to school.
(35:41):
There's these impossible barriers and obstacles that
we as fathers get to partner with our kids in and say, hey, I don't have the resources, Idon't have the knowledge, and I didn't grow up with any of that, but how about we go to
our father and ask him to meet us here?
(36:01):
And that's my story.
And it sounds, Jeff, like that's been a huge part of your story, is inviting your childrento come.
to God's awesomeness, that waterfall of His abundance and provision and protection.
So the degree that fatherlessness is being revealed in you, that's your frontier.
(36:23):
And we begin taking small steps and God meets us right there to help us keep walking.
And Jeff, thank you for being such a great example of that and for being such a greatcurator of these incredible conversations with wonderful men who are fully human.
All of us trying to figure out how to do this together.
(36:45):
We really do need one another.
So before we go, I just wanted to ask you, Jeff, what would you want to say before weclose out?
You know, I wasn't wasn't going to mention this, but I felt it kind of rise up a littlebit when you were mentioning next steps and finding a podcast and something that's not on
(37:07):
the website at all is we've offered 20 dads so far this opportunity to be in a six weekkind of sprint to learn everything that I've learned in now seven years of the ministry.
We just take 10 dads at a time through we call it the dad awesome accelerator, but we justchosen to kind of keep it off the
off the menu and to see who God brings to us.
(37:32):
So it would be a joy if maybe there's a couple dads from your family at Being Sons thatwould want to be a part.
All they have to do is email dadawesome.org.
So we created a ping back, an email address just for that experience and it will shootthem right back all the info.
So it's dadawesome.org.
And so that's the secret way to learn about the accelerator.
(37:52):
one thing, and that is,
You know that that popped into my heart as a what I would want them to know as we saygoodbye.
I probably would just add an exclamation point to what we we've already.
We've gone around this a couple times, so don't want to be laborless, but the level ofbeing dad average.
(38:14):
Being at times dad angry being at times you feel dad awful.
I feel that yesterday like but guess what like.
we get to still be their dad and come back from it.
the my heart is just to like say like, this is not people joke about dude perfect thatlike I'm trying to create because it's called dad awesome like this like, yeah, awesome
(38:40):
dads that just like look and feel and think and talk like they've got it all figured outwith their trick shots of dad hacks.
No, like, I just want to add this exclamation point of like, God's heart is he's with usEmmanuel.
We're heading into Christmas, he's with us.
And he is so, like, he's so glad that you're on this journey of being, we say being dadawesome, but that means you're all over that continuum.
(39:09):
It's all over.
Because the heart is, they need to see both sides and they want to know that you're in thehighs and lows, you're their dad and you love them and you're, so.
That's to just overly simplify a kind of goodbye here of like, like, guys, just stay inthe game and keep praying for them and keep stepping towards them and keep apologizing.
(39:33):
And, God is pumped for that.
Will you pray for us as dads before we close up?
love to.
God, thank you for Jay.
Thank you for the gift that he's given to my family and my four daughters and my wife.
(39:57):
Thank you for him putting his arm around my oldest daughter and me and communicating thathe's for us, he loves us, he's cheering for us, he's praying for us, he's been
thoughtfully preparing to invest in us.
I felt all of that and I feel it today.
And God, thank you that Jay is actually just a
(40:18):
a sliver of making you known to me because that's your posture, is you are for each ofthese dads listening.
You love them.
You're preparing good things for them.
You are planting courage deep in their hearts.
You are preparing little God moments that are going to be unexpected joy bombs.
God, I just pray that as I pray for Jay and grateful for Jay in this prayer, I just praythat every dad listening would know, they would know that all of heaven
(40:48):
is cheering them on.
And I pray that they would have more courage to show up with their whole hearts for theirkids.
And I pray that more of these dads listening would come to First Flu and they would cometo First Track.
Scott, I pray in Jesus' name that you would bring a turning of the hearts fathers to kids.
And I know it's happened because they're still listening right now.
(41:10):
It's happened.
We're grateful for it.
So thank you for this time, this conversation.
Thank you for Jay.
May you multiply in unexpected ways.
a 10 times, 20 times, 100 times his expectations for the dads he's going to reach.
We pray this in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Sons, friends, thanks for joining Jeff Zaugg and I as we walk a mile on the true andtested road of being sons.
(41:36):
And we'll talk to you next time.
Thanks so much, Jeff, for being with us.
My pleasure.
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