Episode 18 • On the Counselor's Couch

"Yet while I was praying against it, I was simultaneously denying that same-sex attraction was a thing in my life.  Back then, I denied that same-sex attraction was an intrinsic part of me. If anything, it was a clinger, a hanger-on, an invader, a tumor, a trespasser, a most unwelcome guest. It's like the 1986 movie Aliens, where Sigourney Weaver fights off a horde of alien invaders inside her spaceship. Same-sex attraction was like one of those aliens—not part of the ship—just freeloading, wreaking havoc, and ripping people apart. So it was simply a matter of beating it back into outer space. The problem with fighting same-sex attraction is that, unlike a 12-foot tall alien, it's invisible. You know it's there. You see its effects. But you can't touch it, can't punch it, can't roast it with your flame-thrower. You feel like a shirtless old man in whitey-tighties swinging wildly in the night at a ghost he swears he's heard a thousand times. And fighting an invisible enemy is something crazy people do. Being gay can make you feel crazy sometimes."