What's the magic formula for a memorable wedding that honors family traditions and supports future financial stability for children with Down syndrome? Join us on this heartwarming episode of the Born Fabulous Podcast where we share the touching journey of James Zoll and Kristen Ruppel's engagement through the loving voices of their parents, June and Jim Zoll, and Melody and Bob Ruppel. Bob recalls the unforgettable dinner where James nervously asked for Kristen's hand in marriage, a cherished Ruppel family tradition. Meanwhile, Melody and Bob paint a vivid picture of Kristen's proposal and the unique considerations involved in planning their joyous celebration. From the significance of family rituals to the excitement of uniting two wonderful families, this episode emphasizes the delicate balance between wedding expenses and future financial planning for their beloved children.
The conversation doesn't stop at the wedding. We dive deeper into the dynamics of James and Kristen's relationship and the supportive roles their families play in nurturing their love. With insights from their external therapist, Mary Heed, we explore the importance of effective communication, conflict resolution, and maintaining independence in their marriage. Topics like practical birth control and navigating parental involvement are discussed with a focus on mutual respect and support. Tune in for an episode filled with touching stories and invaluable insights into the complexities and joys of nurturing a loving relationship while honoring family traditions and planning for the future.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, my name is Greta Harrison.
Welcome to Born FabulousPodcast, season 3, episode 23.
The theme of this season isyoung adults with intellectual
disabilities living full livesof independence and
interdependence.
This episode features June andJim Zoll and Melody and Bob
(00:20):
Ruppel.
Melody and Bob Ruppel.
It is the seventh of eightepisodes with the Zolls and the
Ruppels, which is part of anin-depth series about marriage
featuring parents,self-advocates with support
staff and an employer.
Both the Zolls and the Ruppelsare retired and have been
married over 40 years.
They are the parents of JamesZoll and Kristen Ruppel, who've
(00:42):
been married over five years.
James and Kristen have Downsyndrome.
Now please enjoy this clip.
Of Love is a Potion.
The lyrics are by MelissaRiggio, who was the focus of
season one episodes one throughfour.
The music and voice are byRachel Fuller.
Love is everything.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Love is all around.
Love is a potion.
Love is passion.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Love is devotion, love is fusion now let's, let's
all hear about the wedding, thewedding.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I think Bob should start by telling about when
James took him out to dinner.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's a good starting point.
So, keeping in mind that I havethree other daughters and so
three other son in laws andJames always wanting to be one
of the dudes, right, you know heknew that.
The other son-in-law Well,first of all, you know Kristen
(02:13):
was our oldest, so she gotmarried first, and then I mean
Nicole and Kristen would havebeen next in line based on age,
but instead Lisa got marriednext, and so that left Kaylee,
the baby of the family, andKristen.
So we had three weddings inthree years, and so Kaylee was
(02:34):
ready to get married and Kristenwas determined she was going to
get married before Kaylee,because Kaylee's a little baby
of the family and Kristen's theonly one.
But I convinced successfully,actually convincing Kristen that
you know, kristen, sometimesit's best to save the best for
the last.
It'll be this big thing thateveryone's so excited about.
(02:57):
They won't be thinking aboutanybody else's weddings coming
up and all the attention to beon you.
And she bought it, and so,whoops, so Kaylee got married
first.
So so then then Kristen gotengaged and I always told James
just like with Kristen, I'm justtreating you like anybody else
and I'm treating you just likeevery one of my other
(03:18):
son-in-laws, so no specialtreatment, james.
And so anyway, he knew that theother son-in-laws had asked me
out for dinner to ask for mydaughter's hand in marriage.
So he caught texts me, you know, because he's really good at
texting all that kind of stuffum, and uh, testimony says I
want to take you out to dinner,I have a question for you.
(03:39):
So we go out to dinner andwe're sitting there and he's
just, you know, he's just allgiddy and he's nervous and
everything you know.
Speaker 5 (03:47):
Can I interject, james?
Well, he wrote this proposal toyou and he practiced for weeks
with it, with Jim.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
So go ahead, yeah, well yeah, I was going to say
that, but I'm glad you said it.
So he was all prepared and hewas very nervous about the whole
thing and we had a nice meal,you know.
And so then he did that, youknow.
He said I have a question Ineed to ask you.
And he read his speech andasked for hand in marriage, you
(04:19):
know.
And so, as I did with all myother son-in-laws, I said well,
james, that's wonderful that youasked me that.
Why should I say yes?
Tell me why I should say yes.
You know, it threw him off.
You know, because I love yourdaughter.
And I said all the right things,you know and everything, and
(04:42):
because I always give all thehard time, and so anyway, I said
, james, you know, I, andbecause I always give all of
them a hard time, um, and soanyway I said, james, you know,
I'm just kidding you, I'd bethrilled for you to you know be
right and then I, then we had toget jude on the on with these
times so she could watch what wewere doing and it was really
great and he was so thrilledbecause I keep saying I can't
wait to become part of the wholefamily and yes, he was so
(05:05):
excited that he wanted to, uh,no longer be James Zoll, he
wanted to be James Ruppel.
I wasn't going to tell thatpart of the story.
He looks at me, he goes he looksat me, he goes I can't wait to
to be a Ruppel.
I said wellames, let me explainhow this works.
(05:25):
He was so cute that he wasgreat.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
He was just like anybody else yeah and he is, and
he is a ruple too, isn't he?
Speaker 6 (05:35):
even though yeah, yeah yeah, he's here.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
yeah, no, I won't say some of the things.
He was just here on Sunday, soyeah.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
So then, so you say, finally you get him off the hook
and you say you're kidding, andyou've got yes.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
How much wedding planning is there?
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Well, that goes back over to Melody went out to one
of their favorite restaurantsout on the out on the pier in
Oceanside and we were there andour both our families were there
and and then he asked her tomarry him and she didn't know it
(06:21):
was coming and so she was justso surprised and she cried and
you know all the stuff.
It was really a special momentand for us, because we had
already given these otherweddings she had been in those
weddings, she had done all thewedding things it was like so
(06:42):
what do we do?
I can't.
You know you walk that linefinancially because you know
you're planning for their futureand the money you want to leave
to take care of them.
So we're going to spend allthis money on a wedding, but yet
we spent the money on oursister's wedding.
I can't say we can't do thisfor you.
(07:04):
We spent the money on hersister's wedding.
I can't say we can't do thisfor you.
And so we did it and we did allthe things.
It was a traditional wedding.
You know we went with atraditional ceremony.
Bob's brother actually marriedthem.
Bob's brother actually marriedthem.
(07:25):
You know, as parents you haveto look at all the aspects of
getting married, how it affectstheir financial situations, and
make a decision based on that.
But we did they both.
They had a bet.
You know, they had bacheloretteparties and a bachelor party
(07:46):
Boy did they?
Yeah, kristen went to Disneylandwith all her sisters, a cousin
and her friend that was in thewedding.
James had a party bus.
That was fun.
She had a shower at our houseand, and, and all our family and
(08:07):
friends are so, so supportive.
I mean, everybody is alwaysthere for Kristen.
And then, uh, they got wet.
They got married, um, at a localhotel by a lake, uh, in our
(08:30):
area, and you know, we wentready wedding dress shopping and
she fell in love with shealways wanted the princess bride
dress and when she tried it on,it was it and she didn't want
to try anything else on, youknow.
And we did the whole thingwhere everybody you know, her
sister, all her bridesmaids cameand watched her try on dresses
and all that kind of stuff, youknow.
(08:50):
And it was a traditionalwedding, um, we had a dj, um,
there was a lot of dancing.
Uh, everybody had a really goodtime and, like the
photographers and the floristsand all these people, just
they're like that's the bestwedding I've ever been to.
(09:10):
And people were good too.
Like she fell in love with thisdress that was kind of
expensive and the owner of theshop gave it to her at cost, and
the florist the florist and cutdown her prices.
And my other girls had had aday of wedding planner and she
goes, I've just done, I didtheir weddings.
(09:32):
I'm just going to do this foryou for free.
She wouldn't take any money,but she was there and and uh,
helped plan everything and pullit off, you know, and and the
photographers were a friend ofthe family and they gave her a
better price and you know, justall kinds of people doing good
things to make it all happen.
(09:53):
And so many people were likethat is the best wedding I've
ever been to.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
The energy and the love that was.
There is something the room,the reception room, that it was.
I mean, my cheeks hurt fromsmiling so much.
It was such a celebratory timefor everybody.
You could just feel it.
You could just feel it you dida great job, melody being your
(10:20):
fourth wedding, yeah, yeah yeah,I kind of followed Melody's
lead on everything.
She knew it all so I did.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
I did especially like one moment in the ceremony.
My brother was officiating, asJune said, and and they both did
their vows, they made up theirvows and they were doing their
vows and and James was, you know, pretty nervous, you know, as
any groom would be, and sayinghis vows, and my brother just
sort of stopped for a second andsaid James are you nervous?
(10:56):
And James looks up at him andgoes well, I've never done this
before.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
That's a great story.
That's good.
It was your brother a minister,or he has been.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
He's been a dj, he worked on the tonight show.
He's uh, yeah, wow, a littlebit of everything.
He works for a christiancompany.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Now that's in multimedia and uh, yeah so he's
a jack of all trades yes okay,that's good, why he's never done
it before why I've never donethis before that's wonderful,
all right, so so we're talkingabout people who are adults and
(11:45):
who've been together a long time.
So how did you navigate thesubject of sex?
Speaker 5 (11:53):
we haven't we June, we're still, we're still working
on that we're still working onthat.
I think early on in theirrelationship of of dating.
Actually, I think we did wehire Mary Heed after they moved
in together or or before, butshe she was a she's a therapist
(12:15):
and she was actually known asbeing a relationship therapist.
And so Mary met with them oncea month for a few years actually
met with them once a month fora few years actually and James
and Kristen knew that Mary was asafe place to talk about
(12:36):
whatever they needed to talkabout, and Mary made it very
clear to us parents that thatwas very private.
She wasn't going to come andtell us what she talked about,
and I know for James.
Speaker 6 (12:51):
James and Kristen knew that also.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That's good.
Speaker 6 (12:56):
Yeah, it was very good for them.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
James again.
Lisa Hotellin had a book forJamie that was called it's
Perfectly Normal, um.
That was called it's perfectlynormal, um, uh it's.
It's had a few differenteditions over the years but
james had got that book.
It's perfectly normal.
(13:19):
That um was.
You know, it talked a lot aboutfemale and male bodies and
things like that and kind ofpromotes different conversations
.
So we did have that with James.
But Mary he the therapist Ithink was very beneficial with
(13:40):
giving them that safe place totalk about things and and I I
did talk to them a lot as wellAgain, I think maybe being the
mother of the male, and justwould ask them did they have any
questions?
And I still do that sometimesthey both talk very freely to me
(14:05):
and they usually don't have toomany questions anymore.
I just want to be sure thatwhatever the sexual activity is
accepted by both and both arecomfortable with and you know
(14:26):
they have their appropriatetimes.
They've had to learn when to beintimate with each other when
the aides are not there and theyactually both have their own
bedrooms with conjugal visits.
I like to say they over theyears have kind of come to kind
(14:53):
of having some set timestogether, both of them, being so
schedule-orientated, kind ofneeded that, so that James
wasn't always bugging Kristenbecause he a guy and and he, he
had to know, so just um, yeah,yeah yeah, I think you know for
(15:23):
us.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Uh, I mean, certainly I've talked to Kristen lots
about it, but I think she ismore open with her sisters.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
So she's always had them for support too and to ask
questions yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
I think Mary Heed was really beneficial.
She was fantastic, and one ofthe things that was really
special she did was when shewould pull them together to talk
about whatever's bothering them.
Um, you know, they get mad ateach other, of course, and and
they would um not know how toexpress their, their issues to
(15:59):
each other without a fight.
Basically, they're getting madlike anybody would.
So, anyway, she gave them thisthing where, when they would sit
down to share with each other,it was called a gift of love,
yeah, and the one would say theother, I have a gift of love.
And that alone, I think, justsaying that, put them in a space
(16:20):
of being safe and, you know,talk to the other person and not
have them come back and attackyou for saying whatever you're
saying and and work it out, talkit out, and so, long after mary
he's gone, they're still usingthat, and I thought that was an
awesome mechanism for, uh,working through issues I love
(16:41):
that.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I think all couples could use that.
Yeah, there'd probably be lessdivorces if all couples use that
.
That's great.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I have a gift of love , wow wow, they have probably,
better than most people, learnto really sit down and talk
things out.
Yeah, you know, and, and jameswants to be a good husband and
kristin wants to be a good wife,and uh, so we talk a lot about
that.
You know, like for kristin, youknow we talk a lot about being
a good wife, and so we talk alot about that.
You know, like for Kristen, youknow we talk a lot about being
(17:12):
a good wife but still having,you know, her independence and
the things that she's interestedin that you know that it's okay
for them each to have some oftheir own things and lots of
things they do together, and sowe'll talk a lot about that kind
of a thing.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
What about birth control?
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Well, James had a vasectomy and Kristen is on the
birth control pill.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Oh, they're doing both Okay.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Just to be safe.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Okay.
She was on it originally tohelp regulate her period, so
Okay, let's talk about that fineline of staying in and out of
their marriage.
It sounds like you two respecteach other's parenting styles.
When I say you two, I mean the,the Zoles and the and the
(18:08):
Rupels.
How do you stay out of theirrelationship and and let go?
I mean now it's been five years, it's probably easier, right it
is, uh, easier.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I think having someone outside of their parents
to talk to is important,because then it's coming from
that therapist rather thanlooking like we're interfering.
I mean I think that is animportant piece.
And then you know, I mean Juneand I will call each other, got
(18:48):
a minute to talk, you know, andthen we'll talk through.
Oh, this is happening and wethink it's a misunderstanding
between this and that, and thenwe'll help them work through
that.
Speaker 5 (19:00):
Right.
I appreciate that we are notthe type of parents that call
each other constantly andcomplain constantly.
I've always appreciated thatand we can talk lovingly to each
(19:24):
other other.
There was another relationshipin James and Kristen's circle of
friends that they two of theirfriends got married and the
parents disliked each otherimmensely and so it didn't work
out whether or not it would haveworked out for the kids.
It didn't work out, and that'sjust the reality of disabled
(19:51):
young adults.
Getting married is that you'rekind of marrying the other
family as well, and I will saythat you know you don't parent
exactly like another parentusually, and there will always
be things that the other parentdoes that you don't agree with
necessarily.
(20:11):
And what I've alwaysappreciated is that we can do
that and it's okay that weparent differently and it can be
a good thing, because I'velearned so much from Bob and
Melody and how they parent.
That's helped me, you know.
That's helped us in ourparenting of James and we, even
(20:32):
though we parent differently, wecan still respect how each of
us parent.
Yes, it doesn't have to be thesame to work, but it does have
to be A gift of love whennecessary.
Speaker 6 (20:48):
It doesn't have to be just for marriages, right?
I love that, you know is thebottom line, however, we choose
to say or do something is theirbest interest is what it's all
(21:16):
about, you know what are yourdreams.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
What are your dreams for their future, now that
you're talking about their bestinterest?
Speaker 4 (21:25):
happily ever after yeah you know it's been such a
long journey and, as we've said,I think, through this whole
interview, we've just taken itone step at a time and they've
kind of led the way.
Yeah, I don't, I don't reallythink about that.
I think they're already livingtheir lives, as anybody is, and
they're going to continue tolive their lives, and it's not
(21:48):
really up to me to try toimagine what she'll be doing
later in the future, because whydo that, unless I'm going to
try to make something happen,and that's not my role.
So there can be specific littlethings you think about.
You know how she can handlethis if I'm not around later or
whatever.
But really, when I think offive years now, 10 years from
(22:12):
now, I would just envision it asboth of them living their
dreams.
Speaker 5 (22:16):
Yeah, and I will say their dreams are.
I will say one thing that thatkeeps us going in supporting
their life together, becauseit's it, because it's work.
I mean it's not terrible workand we would do anything to
facilitate what our kids want.
But one thing that keeps megoing without any hesitation is
(22:40):
their love for each other.
I mean, I don't think that hasever wavered with how much they
love each other and even throughreally difficult times.
That you know.
That's so true.
So if you know that, you knowyou can.
(23:01):
You can maneuver throughwhatever you need to maneuver
through to facilitate them.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
And something to consider too, is the fact of how
fortunate James and Kristen areto have that love of each other
.
There are so many people in theworld that do not have that.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
I know how could you not support it?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Exactly.
Thank you for listening toepisode 23 of Born Fabulous
Podcast's third season.
I hope you enjoyed it and wantto hear more.
Short video clips from mostepisodes are available on our
YouTube channel and onBornFabulousPodcastcom.
You can also hear all releasedepisodes of Born Fabulous
(23:45):
Podcast on YouTube now.
Of Born Fabulous podcast onYouTube now.
In episode 24, you will hearthe Zoles and the Ruples discuss
role models, advice they givethemselves and others, and much
more.
Please follow and like us onFacebook, instagram, twitter and
Threads.
If you enjoyed this episode.
I'd be honored if you wouldleave a review wherever you
(24:05):
heard this podcast Now.
Please enjoy this clip.
Of Love is a Potion.
The lyrics are by MelissaRiggio, who was the focus of
season one, episodes one throughfour.
The music and voice are byRachel Fuller.
Love does not tear apart.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Love is a potion, love is passion.
Love never fails.
Love's emotion Ocean.
Hello, my name is Greta Harrison.
Welcome to Born FabulousPodcast, season 3, episode 23.
The theme of this season isyoung adults with intellectual
disabilities living full livesof independence and
interdependence.
This episode features June andJim Zoll and Melody and Bob
(00:20):
Ruppel.
Melody and Bob Ruppel.
It is the seventh of eightepisodes with the Zolls and the
Ruppels, which is part of anin-depth series about marriage
featuring parents,self-advocates with support
staff and an employer.
Both the Zolls and the Ruppelsare retired and have been
married over 40 years.
They are the parents of JamesZoll and Kristen Ruppel, who've
(00:42):
been married over five years.
James and Kristen have Downsyndrome.
Now please enjoy this clip.
Of Love is a Potion.
The lyrics are by MelissaRiggio, who was the focus of
season one episodes one throughfour.
The music and voice are byRachel Fuller.
Love is everything.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Love is all around.
Love is a potion.
Love is passion.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Love is devotion, love is fusion now let's, let's
all hear about the wedding, thewedding.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I think Bob should start by telling about when
James took him out to dinner.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's a good starting point.
So, keeping in mind that I havethree other daughters and so
three other son in laws andJames always wanting to be one
of the dudes, right, you know heknew that.
The other son-in-law Well,first of all, you know Kristen
(02:13):
was our oldest, so she gotmarried first, and then I mean
Nicole and Kristen would havebeen next in line based on age,
but instead Lisa got marriednext, and so that left Kaylee,
the baby of the family, andKristen.
So we had three weddings inthree years, and so Kaylee was
(02:34):
ready to get married and Kristenwas determined she was going to
get married before Kaylee,because Kaylee's a little baby
of the family and Kristen's theonly one.
But I convinced successfully,actually convincing Kristen that
you know, kristen, sometimesit's best to save the best for
the last.
It'll be this big thing thateveryone's so excited about.
(02:57):
They won't be thinking aboutanybody else's weddings coming
up and all the attention to beon you.
And she bought it, and so,whoops, so Kaylee got married
first.
So so then then Kristen gotengaged and I always told James
just like with Kristen, I'm justtreating you like anybody else
and I'm treating you just likeevery one of my other
(03:18):
son-in-laws, so no specialtreatment, james.
And so anyway, he knew that theother son-in-laws had asked me
out for dinner to ask for mydaughter's hand in marriage.
So he caught texts me, you know, because he's really good at
texting all that kind of stuffum, and uh, testimony says I
want to take you out to dinner,I have a question for you.
(03:39):
So we go out to dinner andwe're sitting there and he's
just, you know, he's just allgiddy and he's nervous and
everything you know.
Speaker 5 (03:47):
Can I interject, james?
Well, he wrote this proposal toyou and he practiced for weeks
with it, with Jim.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
So go ahead, yeah, well yeah, I was going to say
that, but I'm glad you said it.
So he was all prepared and hewas very nervous about the whole
thing and we had a nice meal,you know.
And so then he did that, youknow.
He said I have a question Ineed to ask you.
And he read his speech andasked for hand in marriage, you
(04:19):
know.
And so, as I did with all myother son-in-laws, I said well,
james, that's wonderful that youasked me that.
Why should I say yes?
Tell me why I should say yes.
You know, it threw him off.
You know, because I love yourdaughter.
And I said all the right things,you know and everything, and
(04:42):
because I always give all thehard time, and so anyway, I said
, james, you know, I, andbecause I always give all of
them a hard time, um, and soanyway I said, james, you know,
I'm just kidding you, I'd bethrilled for you to you know be
right and then I, then we had toget jude on the on with these
times so she could watch what wewere doing and it was really
great and he was so thrilledbecause I keep saying I can't
wait to become part of the wholefamily and yes, he was so
(05:05):
excited that he wanted to, uh,no longer be James Zoll, he
wanted to be James Ruppel.
I wasn't going to tell thatpart of the story.
He looks at me, he goes he looksat me, he goes I can't wait to
to be a Ruppel.
I said wellames, let me explainhow this works.
(05:25):
He was so cute that he wasgreat.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
He was just like anybody else yeah and he is, and
he is a ruple too, isn't he?
Speaker 6 (05:35):
even though yeah, yeah yeah, he's here.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
yeah, no, I won't say some of the things.
He was just here on Sunday, soyeah.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
So then, so you say, finally you get him off the hook
and you say you're kidding, andyou've got yes.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
How much wedding planning is there?
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Well, that goes back over to Melody went out to one
of their favorite restaurantsout on the out on the pier in
Oceanside and we were there andour both our families were there
and and then he asked her tomarry him and she didn't know it
(06:21):
was coming and so she was justso surprised and she cried and
you know all the stuff.
It was really a special momentand for us, because we had
already given these otherweddings she had been in those
weddings, she had done all thewedding things it was like so
(06:42):
what do we do?
I can't.
You know you walk that linefinancially because you know
you're planning for their futureand the money you want to leave
to take care of them.
So we're going to spend allthis money on a wedding, but yet
we spent the money on oursister's wedding.
I can't say we can't do thisfor you.
(07:04):
We spent the money on hersister's wedding.
I can't say we can't do thisfor you.
And so we did it and we did allthe things.
It was a traditional wedding.
You know we went with atraditional ceremony.
Bob's brother actually marriedthem.
Bob's brother actually marriedthem.
(07:25):
You know, as parents you haveto look at all the aspects of
getting married, how it affectstheir financial situations, and
make a decision based on that.
But we did they both.
They had a bet.
You know, they had bacheloretteparties and a bachelor party
(07:46):
Boy did they?
Yeah, kristen went to Disneylandwith all her sisters, a cousin
and her friend that was in thewedding.
James had a party bus.
That was fun.
She had a shower at our houseand, and, and all our family and
(08:07):
friends are so, so supportive.
I mean, everybody is alwaysthere for Kristen.
And then, uh, they got wet.
They got married, um, at a localhotel by a lake, uh, in our
(08:30):
area, and you know, we wentready wedding dress shopping and
she fell in love with shealways wanted the princess bride
dress and when she tried it on,it was it and she didn't want
to try anything else on, youknow.
And we did the whole thingwhere everybody you know, her
sister, all her bridesmaids cameand watched her try on dresses
and all that kind of stuff, youknow.
(08:50):
And it was a traditionalwedding, um, we had a dj, um,
there was a lot of dancing.
Uh, everybody had a really goodtime and, like the
photographers and the floristsand all these people, just
they're like that's the bestwedding I've ever been to.
(09:10):
And people were good too.
Like she fell in love with thisdress that was kind of
expensive and the owner of theshop gave it to her at cost, and
the florist the florist and cutdown her prices.
And my other girls had had aday of wedding planner and she
goes, I've just done, I didtheir weddings.
(09:32):
I'm just going to do this foryou for free.
She wouldn't take any money,but she was there and and uh,
helped plan everything and pullit off, you know, and and the
photographers were a friend ofthe family and they gave her a
better price and you know, justall kinds of people doing good
things to make it all happen.
(09:53):
And so many people were likethat is the best wedding I've
ever been to.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
The energy and the love that was.
There is something the room,the reception room, that it was.
I mean, my cheeks hurt fromsmiling so much.
It was such a celebratory timefor everybody.
You could just feel it.
You could just feel it you dida great job, melody being your
(10:20):
fourth wedding, yeah, yeah yeah,I kind of followed Melody's
lead on everything.
She knew it all so I did.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
I did especially like one moment in the ceremony.
My brother was officiating, asJune said, and and they both did
their vows, they made up theirvows and they were doing their
vows and and James was, you know, pretty nervous, you know, as
any groom would be, and sayinghis vows, and my brother just
sort of stopped for a second andsaid James are you nervous?
(10:56):
And James looks up at him andgoes well, I've never done this
before.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
That's a great story.
That's good.
It was your brother a minister,or he has been.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
He's been a dj, he worked on the tonight show.
He's uh, yeah, wow, a littlebit of everything.
He works for a christiancompany.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Now that's in multimedia and uh, yeah so he's
a jack of all trades yes okay,that's good, why he's never done
it before why I've never donethis before that's wonderful,
all right, so so we're talkingabout people who are adults and
(11:45):
who've been together a long time.
So how did you navigate thesubject of sex?
Speaker 5 (11:53):
we haven't we June, we're still, we're still working
on that we're still working onthat.
I think early on in theirrelationship of of dating.
Actually, I think we did wehire Mary Heed after they moved
in together or or before, butshe she was a she's a therapist
(12:15):
and she was actually known asbeing a relationship therapist.
And so Mary met with them oncea month for a few years actually
met with them once a month fora few years actually and James
and Kristen knew that Mary was asafe place to talk about
(12:36):
whatever they needed to talkabout, and Mary made it very
clear to us parents that thatwas very private.
She wasn't going to come andtell us what she talked about,
and I know for James.
Speaker 6 (12:51):
James and Kristen knew that also.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That's good.
Speaker 6 (12:56):
Yeah, it was very good for them.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
James again.
Lisa Hotellin had a book forJamie that was called it's
Perfectly Normal, um.
That was called it's perfectlynormal, um, uh it's.
It's had a few differenteditions over the years but
james had got that book.
It's perfectly normal.
(13:19):
That um was.
You know, it talked a lot aboutfemale and male bodies and
things like that and kind ofpromotes different conversations
.
So we did have that with James.
But Mary he the therapist Ithink was very beneficial with
(13:40):
giving them that safe place totalk about things and and I I
did talk to them a lot as wellAgain, I think maybe being the
mother of the male, and justwould ask them did they have any
questions?
And I still do that sometimesthey both talk very freely to me
(14:05):
and they usually don't have toomany questions anymore.
I just want to be sure thatwhatever the sexual activity is
accepted by both and both arecomfortable with and you know
(14:26):
they have their appropriatetimes.
They've had to learn when to beintimate with each other when
the aides are not there and theyactually both have their own
bedrooms with conjugal visits.
I like to say they over theyears have kind of come to kind
(14:53):
of having some set timestogether, both of them, being so
schedule-orientated, kind ofneeded that, so that James
wasn't always bugging Kristenbecause he a guy and and he, he
had to know, so just um, yeah,yeah yeah, I think you know for
(15:23):
us.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Uh, I mean, certainly I've talked to Kristen lots
about it, but I think she ismore open with her sisters.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
So she's always had them for support too and to ask
questions yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
I think Mary Heed was really beneficial.
She was fantastic, and one ofthe things that was really
special she did was when shewould pull them together to talk
about whatever's bothering them.
Um, you know, they get mad ateach other, of course, and and
they would um not know how toexpress their, their issues to
(15:59):
each other without a fight.
Basically, they're getting madlike anybody would.
So, anyway, she gave them thisthing where, when they would sit
down to share with each other,it was called a gift of love,
yeah, and the one would say theother, I have a gift of love.
And that alone, I think, justsaying that, put them in a space
(16:20):
of being safe and, you know,talk to the other person and not
have them come back and attackyou for saying whatever you're
saying and and work it out, talkit out, and so, long after mary
he's gone, they're still usingthat, and I thought that was an
awesome mechanism for, uh,working through issues I love
(16:41):
that.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I think all couples could use that.
Yeah, there'd probably be lessdivorces if all couples use that
.
That's great.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I have a gift of love , wow wow, they have probably,
better than most people, learnto really sit down and talk
things out.
Yeah, you know, and, and jameswants to be a good husband and
kristin wants to be a good wife,and uh, so we talk a lot about
that.
You know, like for kristin, youknow we talk a lot about being
a good wife, and so we talk alot about that.
You know, like for Kristen, youknow we talk a lot about being
(17:12):
a good wife but still having,you know, her independence and
the things that she's interestedin that you know that it's okay
for them each to have some oftheir own things and lots of
things they do together, and sowe'll talk a lot about that kind
of a thing.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
What about birth control?
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Well, James had a vasectomy and Kristen is on the
birth control pill.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Oh, they're doing both Okay.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Just to be safe.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Okay.
She was on it originally tohelp regulate her period, so
Okay, let's talk about that fineline of staying in and out of
their marriage.
It sounds like you two respecteach other's parenting styles.
When I say you two, I mean the,the Zoles and the and the
(18:08):
Rupels.
How do you stay out of theirrelationship and and let go?
I mean now it's been five years, it's probably easier, right it
is, uh, easier.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I think having someone outside of their parents
to talk to is important,because then it's coming from
that therapist rather thanlooking like we're interfering.
I mean I think that is animportant piece.
And then you know, I mean Juneand I will call each other, got
(18:48):
a minute to talk, you know, andthen we'll talk through.
Oh, this is happening and wethink it's a misunderstanding
between this and that, and thenwe'll help them work through
that.
Speaker 5 (19:00):
Right.
I appreciate that we are notthe type of parents that call
each other constantly andcomplain constantly.
I've always appreciated thatand we can talk lovingly to each
(19:24):
other other.
There was another relationshipin James and Kristen's circle of
friends that they two of theirfriends got married and the
parents disliked each otherimmensely and so it didn't work
out whether or not it would haveworked out for the kids.
It didn't work out, and that'sjust the reality of disabled
(19:51):
young adults.
Getting married is that you'rekind of marrying the other
family as well, and I will saythat you know you don't parent
exactly like another parentusually, and there will always
be things that the other parentdoes that you don't agree with
necessarily.
(20:11):
And what I've alwaysappreciated is that we can do
that and it's okay that weparent differently and it can be
a good thing, because I'velearned so much from Bob and
Melody and how they parent.
That's helped me, you know.
That's helped us in ourparenting of James and we, even
(20:32):
though we parent differently, wecan still respect how each of
us parent.
Yes, it doesn't have to be thesame to work, but it does have
to be A gift of love whennecessary.
Speaker 6 (20:48):
It doesn't have to be just for marriages, right?
I love that, you know is thebottom line, however, we choose
to say or do something is theirbest interest is what it's all
(21:16):
about, you know what are yourdreams.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
What are your dreams for their future, now that
you're talking about their bestinterest?
Speaker 4 (21:25):
happily ever after yeah you know it's been such a
long journey and, as we've said,I think, through this whole
interview, we've just taken itone step at a time and they've
kind of led the way.
Yeah, I don't, I don't reallythink about that.
I think they're already livingtheir lives, as anybody is, and
they're going to continue tolive their lives, and it's not
(21:48):
really up to me to try toimagine what she'll be doing
later in the future, because whydo that, unless I'm going to
try to make something happen,and that's not my role.
So there can be specific littlethings you think about.
You know how she can handlethis if I'm not around later or
whatever.
But really, when I think offive years now, 10 years from
(22:12):
now, I would just envision it asboth of them living their
dreams.
Speaker 5 (22:16):
Yeah, and I will say their dreams are.
I will say one thing that thatkeeps us going in supporting
their life together, becauseit's it, because it's work.
I mean it's not terrible workand we would do anything to
facilitate what our kids want.
But one thing that keeps megoing without any hesitation is
(22:40):
their love for each other.
I mean, I don't think that hasever wavered with how much they
love each other and even throughreally difficult times.
That you know.
That's so true.
So if you know that, you knowyou can.
(23:01):
You can maneuver throughwhatever you need to maneuver
through to facilitate them.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
And something to consider too, is the fact of how
fortunate James and Kristen areto have that love of each other
.
There are so many people in theworld that do not have that.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
I know how could you not support it?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Exactly.
Thank you for listening toepisode 23 of Born Fabulous
Podcast's third season.
I hope you enjoyed it and wantto hear more.
Short video clips from mostepisodes are available on our
YouTube channel and onBornFabulousPodcastcom.
You can also hear all releasedepisodes of Born Fabulous
(23:45):
Podcast on YouTube now.
Of Born Fabulous podcast onYouTube now.
In episode 24, you will hearthe Zoles and the Ruples discuss
role models, advice they givethemselves and others, and much
more.
Please follow and like us onFacebook, instagram, twitter and
Threads.
If you enjoyed this episode.
I'd be honored if you wouldleave a review wherever you
(24:05):
heard this podcast Now.
Please enjoy this clip.
Of Love is a Potion.
The lyrics are by MelissaRiggio, who was the focus of
season one, episodes one throughfour.
The music and voice are byRachel Fuller.
Love does not tear apart.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Love is a potion, love is passion.
Love never fails.
Love's emotion Ocean.
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