BEG (2011) Commentary Track (A Big-Ass Pumpkin Day Extravaganza)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(01:46):
Here's a question. What isyour favorite coin? Mine is probably
a nickel.
Uh, I actually don't likecoins. I wish they never existed.
I think that's fair. Theyreally shouldn't.
I feel a totemic satisfactionanytime I hold a quarter in my hand.
There's a holding a piece ofamerican mythology.
I mean, I could just have apiece, a round piece of metal, though,
that doesn't have spendingpower, and I'd be okay with it. I

(02:08):
don't need my bottle cloggedup. Sure. Perfect. I love it.
Bottle cap is a form of currency.
We're not playing thesefallout rules.
When you have four quarters inyour pocket, don't you feel like
you're part of somethingthat's been happening since the dawn
of Mandev? Like I have thesymbols of commerce clanking in my
genes, like they did inancient Mesopotamia?

(02:31):
No, I do not feel that power.The only thing that feels good about
having coins is when you go upto a jukebox and you slam a quarter
in, and then it plays a coolsong that other people in the bar
also appreciate. Or you slamon a song everyone in the bar hates.
That's fine, too.
I did that with the Spider mantheme at a diner at Mike's house.

(02:52):
Ah, true, true.
Except she wasn't supposed toplay the Spider man theme. But she
got so excited by the Spiderman theme. She played the Spider
man theme, as you do.
I have poor impulse control,especially when.
It comes to Spider man. Youknow, uh, thanks to change, though,
that's how Tom Hanks in thatmovie was able to eat the terminal.

(03:13):
Are you. Did you. Did youforget the name of one of the greatest
Tom Hanks movies? The terminal?
No, no, I just like sayingthat movie, movie in regards to the
terminal. That makes itfunnier to me. Cody.
Sure, sure. Welcome to boxoffice pack, your one stop podcast
for movies madness and moxie.Tonight, though, it's a special occasion,

(03:34):
I'm glad you're here,listener, because, uh, it's. It's
a bop in a movie. But it's notjust any bop in a movie. It's our
annual big ass pumpkin day.That's right. The most special holiday
of them all because we didn'tquite make it. But we did steal it.
It's ours now. We kind of beensquatting on the rights long enough
where it officially belongs.Belongs to us. And we can sue you
if you try to make your ownbig ass pumpkin day celebration without

(03:57):
the wish site. We reallyshould. Hold on, let me check it
and make sure it's still around.
It's going to turn out to be aporn site, isn't it?
Hmm. Can't seem to reach thispage. So big ass pumpkin day all
one word is non existent.
So we found the one websitethat doesn't even have a landing
page.
Yeah, they didn't even bother.Like, no one wants this one.
Interesting.
Register, website.

(04:19):
Oh, I typed.
Website, pumpkin day. Oh, no.Oh, no, I typed, register, website,
big ass pumpkin day. And thefirst thing it took me to was a Pornhub
link for big ass pumpkin porn videos.
Yeah, pumpkins were really bigin porn a couple of years ago.

(04:39):
No, their sextube is morepopular and features more big ass
pumpkin scenes than Pornhub.Exclamation point. Oh, so is.
Is our pumpkins? Does thatmean ass, or does that mean like,
you're putting an entire gourdin you?
A lot of people were fuckingpumpkins a couple of years ago. It
was a bit of a porn meme.
Gotta do those guts. Gotta getup on them guts.

(05:02):
I was never prouder as a transwoman than that year.
There's. There's two things Ihave to report about my search results
for big ass pumpkin day. Uh,typing register website, big ass
Pumpkin Day. The first fourresults are different porn sites.
There's Pornhub, spank, bank,youpornite. Then it's back to spank
bank for the perfect pumpkinass of your dreams.

(05:22):
I'm so happy there's actuallya porn site named Spankbank. I'm
glad someone took initiative there.
Yeah, but the important thingis the fifth one. It's a YouTube
link to our big ass PumpkinDay celebration episode for Pumpkin
Head.
I didn't know.
That was followed by anotherPornhub link for Ricky's room. Big
ass Halloween pumpkin withAbigail Morris. Some results have

(05:48):
been removed. Thank you,Google. We made the top page. Jesus
Christ. Anyways, folks, thankyou so much for joining us for big
ass Pumpkin day. I haven'tseen the movie we're watching tonight,
so I assume it has big asspumpkins. We're really crossing our
fingers. So if you'd like towatch along. Mike, correct me if
I'm wrong. This is ontooby.

(06:08):
It's on Tubi.
It's on tubi. The movie isBegdez. So if you go to Tubi and
look up Meg, you can, you cankind of follow along. There's probably
going to be commercial breakson your end, so that's, that's going
to make this a little chunky.
But watch one bad blocker.There. Um, there is a version on
YouTube, but it's shorter forsome reason. But we're watching specifically
the. So I don't know if that'slike, was screwed with like sped

(06:32):
up or something.
They took all the pumpkins out.
They took all the pumpkinsout. The pumpkinless version. Um,
that and women. Pumpkins and women.
Is this the Mormon edition?
What are you watching? Yes.Everyone has cgde underwear on. So
we were watching. I want tostate for the record that my pick,
the one I was excited for onceit was brought up, was the stupid

(06:54):
hallmark pumpkin pie movie.
I had several people recommendto me that we should have watched
the Hallmark movie.
I think it would have been agood way to go. Instead, we're watching
bag, which we are watchingbecause someone's wearing a pumpkin
match on the COVID and werecognize people in the credits.
Yeah, the illustrious, I mean,stunt casting works. The illustrious

(07:14):
backstory to this pic was mypartner was going through to be a
few weeks ago, saw a thumbnailwith a dude in a pumpkin mask and
said, hey, babe, you can usethis for that pumpkin thing.
They're not wrong. And to makesure everyone's on the same page,
because I'm realizing nowthere are many movies called beg.
Some with or withoutexclamation points. I believe this

(07:38):
is beg from 2011.
By the one with Tony Todd.
Kevin McDonald. So, yeah, ifyou. If you don't see Tony Todd,
take it back. It's no good. Ibelieve that for most movies or.
You'Ve accidentally put on adifferent movie, that's better.
We haven't seen this yet, soit's tough to judge that I, you know.
I mean, granite pumpkin holeturned out to be good.

(07:59):
Different genre than we wereexpecting. We thought it was going
to be like piece of shit.Instead, it was like an actual dramatic
piece.
It was a dramatic movie. Youknow, those are unabashed ripoff
of the machinist, but stillvery good.
I would say pumpkin head asmuch better than we give it credit
for in the episode.
Yeah. Yeah. True. I like, whatare we doing with this? Are we gonna

(08:21):
watch this thing?
All right. You got a drink.
That's true. I have two drinksbecause I expect one might be bad.
So my first drink. Oh,delicious, delicious, hot apple cider.
Just the good stuff. I loveit. The other drink, we're going
to see how this is going toturn out. Any drink that gives you,
like, three possiblesubstitutions for ingredients makes

(08:41):
me think, oh, this will bebad. They're giving you multiple
outs, but this is the pumpkinmartini. From what website is this
from who did I steal thisfrom? Nospoon necessary.com. according
to this, you're gonna need 2ozof pumpkin spice vodka or regular
vodka or vanilla vodka. Justget a vodka. Raspberry. Don't give

(09:02):
a shit vodka. Then you needone ounces of dark rum. Or if you
don't feel like dark rum, rumchowder, the exact same thing. Two
tablespoons of pumpkin puree.You can either make it yourself or
just buy canned pumpkin puree.One ounces of maple syrup, a quarter
teaspoon of pure vanillaextract, a half ounce of half and

(09:24):
half, or irish cream if youwant it really boozy. And then this
is optional, too. A pinch ofpumpkin pie spice and exactly three
ice cubes when you throw itall into the shaker and mix this
thing up. So I've alreadymixed mine. It's got, like a kind
of orangeish hue to a creamythick kind of constitution here.
It looks like an irish creamkind of drink with a little bit of

(09:46):
pumpkin. Also, to top thisoff, I found this in stores, so I
got to use it. Dairy starsnaturally flavored pumpkin dairy
whipped topping spray can.
So let's.
Let's just top this guy offwith some pumpkin. Hold on. The nozzle's
not behaving. Oh, yeah. Yeah,baby. Oh. Oh, this is getting all
over my laptop.

(10:08):
Stop covering your laptop inpumpkin things for these commentary.
No, it is tradition. Oh, no. Iput a lot of cream on and is slowly
collapsing onto my mouse. No,it's like the leaning tower over
here.
No.

(10:29):
Hold on. Okay, let me. Let me.Let me get a little sip of this.
I got. I gotta eat, like, afucking three inch mound of cream
first. Hold on. Wow. Thiswhipped cream tastes nothing like
pumpkin.
It is, unfortunately,alcoholic. So you are already wasting.
No, that's a line in the sand.I won't pass. I've tried alcoholic
whipped creams before, andthey all taste like ass.

(10:49):
That's a thing?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that sounds awful.
It's very bad. I would notrecommend alcoholic whipped cream.
Not. They haven't figured itout just chemically.
I don't know how that would work.
Oh. Oh, what happened to this?Oh, no. I'm starting to wonder if
one of my ingredients isexpired because this tastes bad.
Like, worse than it should. Iuse the rum chada that had been in

(11:13):
my fridge for a long time, andI'm starting to wonder if that turned.
Do you still have the bottle?Can we check?
Um, it's in my fridge. I don'tthink we want to delay the show anymore
to have me investigate. Letme. Okay.
Let me get content, Cody.
Okay, hold on. I'm gonna. I'mgonna try one more sip, and then
we'll. We'll go investigate.Yeah, that's really bad. I use the
vanilla vodka and the pinch ofpumpkin spice and two tablespoons

(11:37):
of. Oh, no. Do you ever justfeel like you've gotten food poisoning?
Like, you just know it's gonnabe a thing tomorrow you gotta deal
with?
I also decided to throw somegreen yogurt in there.
I do have some greek yogurt Icould have. I had some limited edition
pumpkin flavored greek yogurtI could have.
How is that? I've seen that.
It's really. I'm pissedbecause my store doesn't have anymore.
They had for, like, two weeks,and it's. I'm gonna have to get that

(11:58):
if it's good. It was good. Ittastes surprisingly good. A little
bit sweeter than you'd expectbecause it's, you know, yogurt, but
pretty tasty. Also, the one Igot was in a combo pack, so it was
half that and half applecinnamon pie. And that one was my
favorite. Cause I had theselittle chunks of apple inside the
greek yogurt. I really likethat texture difference.
Nice.
I'm dreaming of yogurt this isso bad. Let me go check that rum

(12:21):
chow to make sure I didn't eatsomething that's gonna kill me.
Good call. I like how this is.This is what the commentary has devolved
into.
I knew it was gonna come tothis eventually. I just didn't think
it would be for a big asspumpkin day drink.
You know, I really wanna trypumpkin spice cheerios or corn flakes
or they have frosted flakesthat are pumpkin spice now.
And I'm curious about thosepumpkin spice corn flakes. I think

(12:43):
that would be good.
It seems like it. I'm just asucker. Anything pumpkin spice I
will eat and probably enjoy.
Okay, we can stop vamping. Ihave a little shot glass filled with
rum chada. It still smellslike cinnamon, so maybe it's all
right.
The container doesn't have,like, an expiration date on it.
Um, no, it's, it's a, it's awhite bottle. It's like a cream based

(13:05):
rum liqueur. So it's supposedto be refrigerated, but I don't know
how long it stays good for.This wasn't a bad enough to make
me feel like I'm gonna die,but it also doesn't quite taste good.
So I'm. I'm gonna assume therum chat spoiled that one.
And, um, that is an importantpart. Whenever you make this drink,
make sure it's spoiled.

(13:26):
That that definitely helps.
Maybe like, it's a rotten pumpkin.
It's what I had good colorvision, maybe I'd be like, oh, this
isn't orange, it's green, butI can't tell. So anyways, thank God
I have the pumpkin dairywhipped topping to keep me company.
My apple cider. And because Ididn't know how to wash the rest
of this out of my mouth. A canof hams or a pineapple, mango honey
bee cannabis THc sparkling water.

(13:48):
Woo.
Which I won at a bar lastnight when they were having a reggae
giveaway.
I was hoping you would justeat a tin of Vienna sausages.
I'm not posed. I got a can ofspam, but I don't feel like wasting
that right now.
I don't think you need sodiumright now after all this.
Can I say how funny acombination of words cannabis minimal

(14:10):
water is to me?
Come up with a mineral water.It's a sparkling water. Very different.
These are what's the mostCalifornia combination of words?
These are what's a legal thingin Wisconsin. We can have THC infused
sparkling waters.
Goddamn millennials.
They're actually pretty good.I'm a fan. I haven't tried the mango

(14:32):
one before, but, uh, it was agiveaway, so I'm not gonna say no.
All right, we're gonna have tostart this movie eventually.
Yeah, well, I guess we're atit. So, folks, turn on your tubes.
Mike, you want to do us thehonors of counting us down?
1230. God, nothing can stop it now.
This is an hour 46. Jesus.

(14:53):
I know.
Why didn't we take one withall the pumpkins removed? That would
have been so much faster.
This is longer than somemarvel movies.
Yeah. Okay. I see peopleonline complaining that movies are
too long, which I think iskind of an eye roll thing, because
obviously some of the stufflike Dune is great and that's very

(15:13):
long. Dune, part two, specifically.
Yeah.
But then I see so many movieswhere they're like 2 hours and 15
minutes long, and you just go,I lost interest at 2 hours. You did
not need the extra time. Thisone is luckily under 2 hours, but
we'll see if that hour 46 is justified.
Oh, God. I think that it's notso much that movies are too long

(15:36):
these days, is that. Goodlord, are some movies hilariously
bloated?
It's true.
You could have long does notmean you're epic.
You could have an hour, 15minutes movie that feels like it's
several hours in a good way. Ialways think of, you know, all the
stop motion movies that arebarely over an hour long, but you
watch them and you feel likeyou had a long, fulfilling experience

(15:56):
with them. Like nightmarebefore Christmas. Surprisingly short.
Doesn't feel like they'reshort changing you. It feels like
you get a lot of movie, thenyou have other things where it's
like, Jesus Christ, why isthis two and a half hours long?
This is completely anecdotal,but I first started noticing that
as an ever increasing trendaround the time Pirates of the Caribbean

(16:22):
at world's end came around.
Yeah, those were hefty.
That seemed to be like rightaround the time every big movie started
being really, really epic.
Except.
Except if you were released byFox, they were getting progressively

(16:44):
shorter at the time.
That was the X Factor.
Where has the needle swung inregards to the second and third pirates
movies? I feel like all theother ones that came after made two
and three seem like way better movies.
Pretty much. I still stand by two.
Two I loved, but it's hamperedbecause you really need three to

(17:06):
finish two.
Yeah.
So it's a half of a movie.
And three is just broken.
There's some weird stuffhappening in three.
Meanwhile, I didn't reallycare that much for two, but ended
up enjoying three more. Ihaven't seen any of those movies
since they came out, so that'dbe wild to do, like a commentary
or something eventually.

(17:26):
I mean, I think everyoneagrees, which is weird, that number
one is just a fantastic, nearperfect movie. You almost never get
it, where everyone agrees. Igot a long franchise. Oh, no. That
one was flawless. And then Ithink opinions are fairly close.
That two and three are a bigstep down, but they're still much,
much better than what we gotin four and five. It stopped at five,

(17:49):
right? One had blackbeard.Lord help me, I can't remember my.
Pirates because there was theBlackbeard one.
Yep.
And then magic tides then than the.
One with Javier Bardem, whichwe have talked about on this podcast

(18:11):
at length about. And it hasbeen erased from our minds.
Yeah, that's interesting.
That movie was.
I'm on the wiki. There are, infact, five of them. It's on Stranger
Tides in 2011, and then deadmen tell no tales in 2017, so it
feels like we're kind of due.I'm surprised they have not tried

(18:31):
to get out another pirates yet.
Are they still trying to dolike that? Margot Robbie?
I haven't heard anything. Thatreboot, I feel like it's got to be
dead.
I already run for HarrymanFrundini. What?
There is some surprisingly bignames in this thing. We've got a
well known composer. We've gotTony Todd, which we've already said

(18:52):
several times, but that'sexciting to me. Who else?
Isn't there another personhere? All for a lot of people. All
for a movie that's opening.Scream blew out the microphone.
I did check.
This is not the kids in thehall. Kevin McDonald, which would
have tied all.

(19:12):
Of this together, just in casepeople aren't paying attention. They're
just so fascinated by us. Thesummary for this movie is Jack Fox,
a burnt out detective is beingforced in early retirement as the
worst serial killer since theBoston Strangler begins a killing
spree through the streets ofSalem. When Detective Steve Ryan
moves to town with his family,Jack is torn between a life of retirement

(19:34):
and sanity, or helping rookieDetective Ryan in his quest to solve
these killings that arehaunting the people of Salem. If,
uh, you can't really takeissue with the synopsis because it's
not the movie. But isn't thatinsane? The guy is being given the
choice. Hey, you can be inretirement or you can catch a killer,

(19:55):
because wouldn't catching thekiller make the retirement relaxing.
I know if I was just sittingaround a city and there's a super
prolific killer walkingaround, I probably would have a hard
time enjoying all that time off.
I just could leave town too,just eating that big hot dog. Also,

(20:16):
I love forensic analystChristopher Titus back there.
Also, smoking a cigar at acrime scene fascinates me.
Just a little bit of ash, ithelps brings up, bring out the fingerprints.

(20:37):
All right, so this is justtwin peaks. We've got the trees,
we've got the.
I was getting that vibe. Yeah,someone's about to bury a necklace.
We're not in pumpkin holeagain, are we?
Surprise. It's the pumpkinhole extended universe.

(20:58):
It's written in jam.
Doesn't Jack Fox just soundlike he should be the main character
of a mid tier, like,PlayStation one espionage series?
Either or he should be playedby Franco Nero in like, exploitation

(21:22):
martial arts movie.
Either way, Jack Fox is goingto come out of that grave and start
whooping a ninja ass.
I have always wondered, whenyou're making a movie, how do you
pick the character names?Because I feel like it'd be very
easy to go the pretentiousroute and be, you know, oh, every
name has special meaning, soeveryone's just rolling their eyes.

(21:44):
Or you go the other routewhere you just pick the most generic
name possible and everyonehates it because they can't remember
the guy's name. Because it'slike Jack Smith.
I have so much trouble withnames whenever I'm writing for exactly
that reason.
I go back and the urge to.
Ocfy everyone is so tempting.
Yeah, I go back and forth. Iwill. Mainly because I'm an etymology
fucking nerd that I'll havedive back and find names that have

(22:09):
interesting meanings to usethem. Then other times they'll be,
oh, that sounds interestingand has no meaning behind it.
I almost feel like all, everytime you name a character, it should
just come out of a hat. Like,you should just grab a name, be like,
yeah, Garfield. Okay, weird one.
But that was an, honestly,name generators are the best.
Yeah, I. My biggest pet peeveright now is the number of characters

(22:34):
that are clearly just named ashomages to other things which.
Oh, Detective Carpenter.
Yeah, all of those. I'm sureas a kid, like a teenager, I was
excited because like, hey,it's that thing I like. Yay. And
now as an adult, I'm like,this is so fucking stupid. We all
like the same things. Youdon't have to tell me you like John
Carpenter. That's just a giventransal fucking banya is actually

(23:00):
Rob Zombie's latest record.Shout out to rob Zombie. I went to
Riotfest last weekend and RobZombie probably had the best set
at the entire weekend. I wasblown away.
I'm so jealous.
It was fucking phenomenal. Soit's just maximalism in terms of
the visuals. Everything on thestage was a video screen so you'd

(23:23):
have a set where he's justsinging a song and everything is
covered in digital hellfire.But there's also real fire on the
stage and they havepyrotechnics on the bottom shooting
fireballs and sparklers on topshooting 20 foot long sparkling jets
down at the stage. And thedrummer, for some reason is 20ft
in the air and there's a 15foot tall satan puppet walking and
Rob Zombie's there seeing aliving dead girl behind a pulpit

(23:47):
that's like a day glow satanicaltar. It's fucking amazing. And
then the song will end, it'llgo dark for 2 seconds and they'll
swap everything on stage forsomething equally weird like a. Just
a bunch of UFO's or an alienwith giant glowing eyes. It's amazing.
Was anyone fucking it?
I wish. I hope.
Cody, can you do me a favor?
Yes.

(24:07):
Can you just verily, very,very, very quietly, calmly say, everybody's
fucking in the UFO.
Everybody's fucking UFO.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Scream blacula. Scream.

(24:27):
This seems like something now.It just seems like some kind of code
word. I love it.
My favorite bit of crowd worktoo was Rob zombie announcing, okay,
women, grab. Grab yourboyfriends or your husbands or your
girlfriends or your wives orwhoever you came with. Just. Just
whatever big person you camewith, climb on top of them. I want

(24:50):
to serenade you.
He's so polite.
Rob zombie inclusive. And thenhe's saying living dead girl, as
all the girlfriends wereperched atop their boyfriends. It
was romantic.
That's amazing. Him and AliceCooper played near me not that long
ago, but, oh yeah.
I saw they're doing a co headliner.
Yeah, it was a freaks onparade tour.

(25:14):
So that was the main thing I.
Learned at Riot FestadThanksgiving we've got going on in
here.
I think they're all clones ofeach other.
All of these men are namedRay. I mean, they're looking for
a seat. They're looking for akiller that's just killing the same
white girl over and over, apparently.
I think there were four peoplein this room that were bold.

(25:37):
Right, right.
This is a weird thing to mepersonally, but if I see a bunch
of bald cops. I assume themovie is set in Boston, so it's a
little weird to me. This isset in Salem. That's just a weird
bias in my head. It doesn'tmake any sense. But I just see, like,
four bold cops. I'm like,that's Boston.
They were all born there, butthey're on loan to Salem because

(26:02):
of witches.
Very important discussionpoint here. That has nothing to do
with beg. Sorry, beg. We'llget back to you.
Thank God.
I recently bought the Warnerbrothers Blu ray two pack of Scooby
Doo and the witch's ghost andScooby Doo and the alien invaders.
And I rewatched them both.It's strange to me that people don't

(26:28):
talk more about Scooby Doo andthe witch's ghost. Everyone goes
back to Zombie island as,like, the greatest Scooby Doo animated.
And it's really good. I don'twant to slight that one in any capacity.
But on the other hand, witch'sghost has Tim Curry voicing a character.
It's playing Clive Barker.
Yes. The Hex girls show upfor, like, the first time and get

(26:49):
to sing songs. It's got, like,the same edge as Zombie island where
there's, like, an actual realspooky ghost. Minor spoilers. Witch's
ghost fucking kind of rocks. Iam. I am shocked that that one does
not get brought up at theexact same time as zombie island.
It is awesome. Honestly, asgood as Zombie island is, I think

(27:09):
I like witch's ghost more.
Same. I always prefer toWitch's ghost as a kid.
I'm still more of a zombieisland guy, but I think both should
be held in almost equal regard.
Agreed.
And then it makes me very sadthat the quality dips off so quickly
too.
Immediately. Yeah.Renaissance. Oh, no.
I mean, alien invaders isfine. I don't think that one's bad.

(27:31):
Alien invaders is underrated.I do. I do think that gets too much
fun. Yeah.
I think it's just the factthat it's a basic Scooby Doo.
Yeah.
And it really plays up some comedy.
A little bit more than a weirdmeta thing. So it's got that.
Yeah.
Cyber chase has someinteresting ideas.
Yeah, those are. Those are,like, the classic four of the revival
Scooby movies, but they reallydisappeared after that. The quality

(27:56):
just bums me out so much. Andalso, boy, they look like real movies,
those first four. Theanimation, the shading of it all.
They just look expensive. Theylook like actual animation you would
see in a theater. And nooffense, to some of the other Scooby
doos, which are fine, but yousee some of the newer stuff now,
and it just feels likeextended episodes of the tv shows.
Yeah, those are still the bestlooking Scooby Doo movies.

(28:19):
Honestly, the Scooby Doomovies didn't look good again until
the most recent two.
Honestly, they got verystylized with those, which I love
that. That helps a lot. Oh,no. Sam Hine is going higher and
higher.
Can we just. We cannot go thatTony Todd just spelled out.
Sawyer saw where.
And he pronounced Halloweenskeletons and no lighting.

(28:43):
There is just. They did notafford bulbs for this production.
This is one of my favorite lowbudget movie conventions. The classroom,
that's just some man's living room.
I do appreciate, though, thatthere. I thought this was gonna be
Tony Todd shows up for, like,a brief cameo. You know, like, the

(29:04):
final destination thing wherehe just acts creepy in one scene.
It's over there. They'reletting Tony Todd have some fun here.
He's, like, making littlejokes, and he's scribbling all over
this marker board.
Tony Todd so happy he doesn'thave to be creepy.
This is. Tony Todd just lookslike he's having fun here. This is.
This is nice.
He's schooling some whitefolk. Some boring ass white folk.

(29:28):
I hope all die.
And I remember when I had awestern series.
I don't. I don't quite lovethe new canon.
Did they just pass a joint in class?
Yes.
Well, it's so dark in there. I mean.
We'Re gonna do this drug deal.Although never expect it.

(29:50):
Oh, no. Tony Todd is givingoff the vibes of that one science
teacher from Spider man onethe. I kid you not, man.
It's that this is actually himgrown up.
Empty your pockets. I kid younot. Uh. Ooh, we're getting. We're
getting some passion.
Uh, he wants his goddamn money.
I was talking about candy man.I don't quite love the new one, but

(30:13):
I'm very disappointed itdidn't get, like, an immediate sequel
or two.
Same should have.
Yeah.
Even if I thought it was just,like, a b level movie, like, that's
so enjoyable. I'm happy to getthose. Not everything has to be an
a, and it gave us a hint ofTony Todd. I would love it if they
brought it back and everyonejust got to be doing more Candyman
shenanigans.

(30:33):
I do still think the newCandyman got a little fucked in the
editing room.
I could believe that. It feelslike something was dropped, like
a plot point or something wasjust missing during that third act,
and it just doesn't quite cometogether the way it should, as far
as I say.
I really love that movie up toa point. And then it's like they

(30:55):
cut 15 minutes out of it andthe movie just stops.
So do you think we're allwaiting around to see, like, Nia
DaCosta's next movie and seeif it also gets re edited and see
if there's, like, there'sgoing on here?
She's got. I could have swornsomething coming up here pretty soon,

(31:16):
doesn't she?
I remember her being announcedfor something.
Maybe I was just thinking ofthe marvels that came out last year.
Oh, no, no, no.
I think she's directing the 28days later. Not the newest one that's
coming out.
The part three, but the next one.
Yeah, the part four. That'stechnically the part two.

(31:39):
I've gone cross eyed.
I'm looking at the title rightnow. Apparently they do have a subtitle
on it. It's 28 years later.Part two, the Bone Temple.
That sounds like a direct tovideo movie, don't that?
It does. So it's the fourthinstallment in the series and it's
being directed by Nia DaCosta,but the screenplay is still by Alex

(31:59):
Garland and Danny Boyle.
Fair enough.
I hope they just filmed theseall in a row because I'm always nervous
we're never going to get likeour parts two or three, and then
they just leave you hanging.
Not everything can be the new strangers.
Yeah. Or do it like. Do itlike how the Strangers chapter one
should have done and not filmat all. I think that would have been

(32:24):
a really good idea. That wouldhave been an interesting creative
way to present the story is ifthey didn't film anything and we
just never talked about it ever.
Could have been an option.Good news, though. According to Wikipedia,
principle of photography forpart four, part two of the 28 years

(32:48):
later franchise began filmingAugust 19. So it is underway. We
are, in fact going to get thisno matter what. That's cool. I like
that. I like 28 days later thefranchise. I'm very curious to see
what they do with it.
I'm sorry, I'm very overtakenby whatever this performance is.

(33:09):
I love that. This movie justseems to be a sequence of Tony Todd
being confronted by variouswomen who look like amateur porn
stars.
And now he's making out thetod, sir getting lucky.
Oh, and now he's killing her.What a roller coaster of emotions.

(33:29):
Oh, no, he's the bad guy. Oh,no, she's live.
Is he big?
Is he big?
Imagine having the caliberwith her hands around her throat.
Yeah. Imagine having thecaliber of act. Everybody's fucking
bald. Everybody's from thefuture. They're all precogs.

(33:51):
Bald guy in the background andbald guy in the foreground. It's
great. This is the baldestmovie I might have ever seen.
Imagine getting the caliber of city.
Yes.
Sleep now. Imagine getting thecaliber of actor of Tony Todd and
then, like, having him playagainst what appears to be a softcore
porn actress.

(34:12):
Is this guy bull, too? IsRiley Bullae?
It's a toupee.
Maybe that's how we can.
This is how we tell who thekiller is. Anyone with hair is a
suspect because they're notpart of the norm.

(34:33):
Acap.
I heard a card that was socod, it makes me think this is actually
Boston.
We're actually on little tallisland from that Stephen King miniseries
storm of the century.
So I always feel bad deep downwhen we pick these little low budget,

(34:55):
no budget movies and then justkind of rip on the whole time. Oh,
no. Face girl. She's gone. Atleast the mystery science theater
guys can make them very funny,and they don't necessarily feel like
they're talking down to themovie whole time. But here we are.
I'm just laughing at thenumber of bald people in this thing,
just thinking what happened.

(35:15):
Well, according to the police,have affection.
For the movies we riff on.
I love Jack. Oh, I love Jack.Oh, I love Gallows Hill.
By the way, can we please docommentary for the Jack O? Commentary.
Where the director gets into abig fight with everybody.

(35:37):
Okay, so we're back to theTwin Peaks woods. There's palace.
Oh, we got a dead person in a tree.
Who has no face.
No face McGee or.
Oh, you know what? She just.She put her face down in a raspberry
PI once again. Jam.

(35:57):
Oh, she's alive. Oh, it's a dream.
I know. He's in a time loop.
That's the frustrating thingwith these effects. Like, there's
a thin line between. Ooh,that's really creepy. A woman with
no face but saws her teeth,and she can open her eyes and laugh
at you and not having a buttonfor it to look like anything other

(36:18):
than we just slapped a lot ofred dye on a person's face.
It's bloody face.
And we are in the half nakedwoman wandering around the director's
house.
I'm trying to think ofbloodyface as an actual movie killer.

(36:39):
I feel like that's from ahorror story.
Yes. Okay.
It's not creative. So it's aRyan Murphy name.
Correct.
I was talking to a friendabout that, and he was suggesting
american horror story seasons,and he kept saying the same thing,
like, yeah, the first half'sreally good, but then it falls apart

(36:59):
and it's like, okay, well,what are the ones? You're like, well,
this one's really good. Andthen it falls apart in the second
half. It became one of those,like, hey, Sean, maybe we shouldn't
be watching these. We knowthere's eight episodes and only four
of them are going to beentertaining. Maybe it's a mistake
to commit the time.
I will say entertainingly badall the way through.

(37:19):
That's true. Yes. Murder. Iwould love for us to do a bop on
every episode of Murder House.That would be delightful.
Murder House actually has someof my.
Favorite bad tv shows ever.It's a disaster piece.
I would argue there's some,like, legit good moments in there.
Good ideas in there.
Yeah, those are great ideas.

(37:40):
I think there's a couple ofspots where it all works pretty well.
It's actually kind ofdisturbing. Like, I guess spoilers
to people who haven't seen thefirst season of American Horror Story,
but when they find thedaughter has actually died in the
house several episodespreviously, and she's a very good
twist.
That's a great.
That one works wonderfully.Like, it's very disturbing to me
that played so well because Ididn't expect them to actually go

(38:00):
that way.
It would be awesome if I caredabout that character and didn't want
to light her on fire.
Well, you can't have theworld. Hey, players sports bar. I
have a players sports bardirectly across my house. They have
some of the best burgers intown. They don't.
Look why they were on greenscreen when they were playing pool
or why.
We went into that woman. Wekeep going into this woman's tits

(38:24):
and ass for transitions.
That's an interesting zoom. Yeah.
Look so far. Pumpkin hole.This ain't.
I have seen no pumpkins.
I swear to God, if Mister Begisn't wearing a pumpkin mask and
we didn't watch the fuckinghallmark movie, we can't.

(38:47):
We legally can sue to be forthis. It's jeopardizing our business.
The only problem is they getback to you and say, oh, we'll give
you your money back. All $0 of it.
God damn it. It's the perfect crime.
That's, uh. They know they cankeep getting away with it. What is
this, a fight on the dancefloor? Hey, that bouncer stole the

(39:08):
hair in the city.
Just a super villain with Ev,with every hair that's missing stacked
up on top of each other so helooks like Legion on his throne.
Oh, thank God he's got the mask.
Oh, there we go. There's our pumpkin.
Okay, we got a big ass pumpkin.
Big ass pumpkin.

(39:29):
Big ass pumpkin. Big ass, bigass pumpkin.
Okay, for a second, because Ithought this was somebody making
out with their own mirrorreflection for a second, which.
Would have been a fun twist.In the Twin Peaks woods, people are

(39:49):
just making out withdoppelgangers of themselves.
Hey, that's not a gay couple.They're just dressed like it's the
1930s.
I don't understand. Why arethey. Why are they newsies?
Let's do the time word again.
What is this?

(40:10):
This one we're right feststory? I left during Fallout boys
set because I just don't careabout Fallout boy. But every person
that was working one of, everyperson who was working one of the
stands, you know, like,selling beer or whatever, was very
clearly upset they were not inthe fallout boy stands like they
were. They're all singingalong to all the lyrics and everything.

(40:31):
So I'm just walking past thesepeople, just longing for Fallout
Boyden. I turn a corner and Istart walking to another stage where
no FX is going to be playing.And the sound stops basically, as
you cut the corner. You can'thear it fall out anymore. And they
start playing the intro musicfor no FX, which was just several
songs from Rocky horrorPicture show before they came out.

(40:53):
It was much more my speedbecause I walked up for a beer and
the bartender was too busy toserve me because they were just screaming
out the lyrics. So let's dothe time warp again. And I'm like,
no, no, no, you do you. I'mnot going to rush you. Let it out
and then give me my overpriced Tallboy.
Speaking of, you got fuckingbamboozled by Polaris on this trip.

(41:15):
Oh, I was so upset. I reallythought it was going to be the adventures
of Pete and Pete Polaris. AndI probably should have known better
because they had, like, a03:00 p.m. slot, so really early
in the afternoon. But in mydefense, the buzzcocks had, like,
that same slot, and they'refamous, and it was fun.
I just thought that there aretwo polarises.

(41:35):
Yeah, you can. You can findthem both on Spotify. One is much
more like hard rock. Not mything. I was always ready to have
my nostalgia amped up, and thePete's to party with me and there
was nothing. It was. It wasjust a rock band.
You still should have stayedthere and called out for hey Sandy
at the end.

(41:58):
Waiting for October, waitingfor. And they just forcibly dragged
me off. War beats the shit outof me to go back to Tv shows for
1 minute here. I would like totalk about one that feels like it's
on the opposite side ofamerican horror story where each
season is pretty satisfying.And that's Chucky the series. I'm

(42:18):
30 minutes away from finishingseason three right now, so we'll
see how they pull it alltogether in those last 30 minutes.
But boy, that show, it feelslike it's all over the place but
still coherent. It's aninteresting mixed. It takes all the
Chucky slasher stuff we'reused to, gives us some big, nasty,
gnarly kills, but it alsofeels like it's trying to be a teen

(42:41):
friendly kind of horror showat the same time. So it's like for
adults but also aimed for children.
Yeah, I haven't had the chanceto watch that yet, but I've seen
a lot of clips and it seems tohave captured the right formula for

(43:01):
that kind of horror show thata lot of people have been trying
to find for a really long time now.
They get kind of wacky campywith it too. So it honors, you know,
like seed of Chucky and allthose kind of things.
Everything is canon. That'swhat I fucking love about it.
Oh yes. No, it definitely goesback to every entry in the movie
series and it's like, yes,let's remit so much Jennifer Tilly

(43:24):
lore. One or two. A lot of.Yeah, a lot of Jennifer Tillyev.
So if you're into Chucky, it'spretty cool that you just got three
seasons worth of television toreally just expand on everything
in that canon.
I like that Chucky is thecharacter that gets to make it to
House of reanimator territoryand not Herbert west.

(43:48):
It's also fun because you getBrad Durif out there and they occasionally
have him do stuff where he'snot just the voice of Chucky. Like
he's just acting in the show.So that's fun. You have his daughter
playing flashback versions ofBrad Durif too.
Fiona Durif as Charles Lee Rayis one of the eeriest performances

(44:11):
I've ever seen.
It's like an uncanny valleything where it's like, I know this
isn't a computer generatedthing. It's not a weird makeup. This
just feels weird.
The closest thing I cancompare it to is the episode of Orange
is the new black where theygot Laverne Cox's twin brother to
play her before transition.
But yeah, it's wild. And also,Fiona Dorf plays her character from

(44:37):
the movie series as well. Soshe's in it multiple times. It's
wild how they're like, no,people can be in the cast multiple
times. It doesn't matter.We're not going to be sticklers about
that.
Chucky stands up for queerrights. It's awesome.
He does. Yeah, this is bigpoints. Like, I'm not a monster.

(44:58):
Devon Sawa plays like eightdifferent characters throughout the
first three seasons. And theydon't even, like, try to disguise
him like they put on. They puthim basically just in a different
costume each time. That's goodenough. Like, this time it's a suit.
This time it's a mechanicsoveralls. There you go. He's back.
Different guy. It's shameless.But you don't even care. You know
what's coming. So it's just good.

(45:19):
Always a cousin of himself.
No, sometimes totallyunrelated. I think he plays a priest
in season two, if I'mremembering right. And three, he's
the president.
Distant cousins.
Well, one thing I will spoilabout that show just because of how
fucking amazing this is to mein light of, like, what we talked
about in our commentaries, Ilove that Don Mancini has had such

(45:43):
a character arc with thevoodoo aspect of Chucky that he's
gone from deeply resenting itto writing a dialogue for Dambala.
Oh, Dambala is a central pieceof season three. Light. Spoilers

(46:03):
for the season. Chucky isbasically forsaken by Dumbala and
has to get back on the God'sgood side. So that's like the thrust
of the whole season. Chuckyjust trying to make good with, like,
a voodoo God of evil.
Mike. Mike. Mike. Damballatells Chucky there's no more love
in his violence. I wanted tosecond zedd watched that clip. I

(46:25):
wanted to stop it and justimmediately text.
I'm so happy.
So, folks, if you're lookingfor a tv show to get into this October,
I would really recommendChucky. Uh, again, I haven't seen
the last 30 minutes of seasonthree, so maybe I'll just be very

(46:45):
pissed off here. But, uh, sofar so good. I want to comment in
the previous scene, this isthe darkest police precinct I've
ever seen.
Yeah, I was about to say why?Why is there just no light bulbs.
Anywhere in the previousscene, though? I really love that
they just had teamworkunderlined three times on a whiteboard.
Nothing else. Just teamwork.

(47:06):
Need it now be bout theSpringfield police department. Like,
we're not gonna. We're notgonna survive out there unless we
work together as a team. Damn it.
I'm sorry, but the. This lankyguy, it doesn't feel like that's
his actual body, but the lensis making him look that way. It's

(47:31):
so weird.
He's been laughing.
He looks like Abe Sapiena.
Be nice to Duck Jones. I'mstunned. One, that we're 32 minutes
into this movie already. 33minutes. Jesus Christ. Two. That

(47:52):
there's an hour 13 left ofthis and there's been one kill.
Two.
Two.
There's been two kills.
Okay.
Three if you count a dream.
I do not. I never count dream kills.
And there has been two.
Why are they the entire 1st 30minutes of Halloween?

(48:12):
Two, this is a very to bemovie. I say that in the nicest way
possible. We should do aseries like it came from to be.
You could. I mean, they dohave a thousand different movies
to pull from.
We call it to be fair.
Oh, I like it. Ooh. Do youthink it's illegal to make a movie

(48:38):
in Salem or about Salem andnot do it on the witches?
I would like a movie to havethe balls to have a movie that takes
place in Salem. Says Salemevery, like every other fucking word.
Doesn't bring up witches once.
It's about werewolves.
I was gonna say it should be aswitcheroo. You think it's about

(49:00):
witches the whole time?Aliens, third act. You've got greys
all over the place. I mean, Iget it. If you're making a movie
in Salem, it's gonna bewitches. Everyone expects witches.
That's why you're setting itin Salem. But it also seems outplayed
at this point. Everyonealready knows it's gonna be something

(49:21):
which related. I guess in thiscase they are trying to do that.
Right, is it's a slasher film.It's just set in witch county.
How many, like really good,like legitimately terrifying witch
movies are there?
We're counting the Blair witchfilms, I'm assuming.
Yes.
Okay, there's the witch.

(49:41):
The witch, which is autopsy ofJane Doe.
Autopsy Jane Doe. Spoilers forpeople that have seen the autopsy
Jane Doe. There's. There's acouple other ones out, I guess. Scooby
Doo and the witch's ghostagain. For the right young crowd,
that one can be a little scary.
Black.
Is it.
Black Sabbath? More of like athat's witchy. It's witchy. It's

(50:05):
hard because you could goeither vampire or witch with it.
I think witch before I think vampire.
So do I. So do I. I want to gowith witch.
What other one? Obviously nottotally scary. Again, maybe to the
right young crowd, but hocuspocus. I mean, that's a pretty quality
witch one. Same withPeranorman. I think Peranorman probably
gets a little more intenseduring its climax than.

(50:27):
That's an anti witch movie,though. Like, there is no actual
witch.
I mean, there's a little girlwith magical powers.
Yes, but that's only becauseshe was accused of being a witchen.
Did they accuse her? Which,because she had magic powers. No,
I feel like she just, like,didn't murder.
It was a very autopsy of JaneDoe thing. Honestly.

(50:49):
What else is there?
The story is still going on.
Yeah.
Yeah. The scene just goes onforever, apparently. Yeah.
We would have learned so muchabout Angela by now if this were
a sleepaway camp movie.
Oh, Gretel and Hansel. Ireally. I like that one.
Great poll. Yeah.
Not necessarily frightening,but I love visually, it's fantastic.

(51:14):
It's very unsettling. Greteland Hansel like it just like, it's
really off kilter.
Plus, Alice Krieg is justfascinating to watch. The witches
in Macbeth, the Coen brothersversion two, I think she also plays
the witch there. The threeweird sisters. Again, a phenomenal

(51:37):
performance. That movie is sogood, and it's a shame. It's on,
like, an Apple TV exclusive,so no one will ever talk about it
or see it.
It's okay. That was just asound effect being played over the
film.
Jesus. Screech owls, witcheson the thing.

(51:59):
Right. Meanwhile, why are wegetting. Why are we getting, like,
establishing shot, like, titlecards now, like, halfway through
the fucking movie?
Hell of an establishing shot, too.
I mean, you can now dosomething. You could get away with
that in, like, a seventieshorror movie. I think when they're
at a little slower pace, like,you could just be like. And now we're

(52:20):
at this house where themurders will happen. Not gym guy.
Oh, God. Speaking ofestablishing shots, Zedd and I were

(52:40):
fucking rolling a few weeksago because we were watching it.
What the fuck? Oh, no.
All the hot girls want the hot tub.
The saxophone.
The saxophone in the scorereally sells it.
The tiki torch. Jesus Christ.

(53:01):
Did we stumble into a softcore porn?
I think so.
I don't think we've everstuffed out.
Of the pot tub and startstabbing them.
Oh, my horny is murderous.
I mean, that is the plot of alot of.
That's true.
Say cheese with my world'sshittiest smartphone camera.

(53:22):
What the hell was with theweird flip phone?
Also, why is 2011.
That's what sex with threewomen. And you instead chose to get
out and take a picture.
Pictures last forever.
Oh, he's not having any of this.
Oh, no. At least he went outon top.
Of the world and then he justwalks away. Did he just. Wait, okay,

(53:46):
let me just get this straight.So he was about to have a foursome?
Yeah, but instead he took apicture and then left to walk into
the woods to have a phone callwith somebody to tell them about
the fact he was about to havea foursome.
Yeah, I think he was braggingabout the almost foursome. Or maybe
he was supposed to be like,ooh, implied he had the foursome.
And this is sometime later hewas calling the police.

(54:08):
Get all these hot women out of here.
Don't you know it's dangerous?There's a pumpkin headed man murdering
people in these woods.
Goes against my mormonism.
Yeah. A few weeks ago, mypartner and I were watching a movie
on Tubelee of roughly thisaesthetic where the director kept

(54:32):
using as his establishing shotfor the main location a dumpster
outside the building. Just theexact same static shot of the dumpster
outside the warehouse themovie took place in.
Oh, there we. Sorry, we just.We actually had like a good kill
gag with the machete stuck inthe head.
That was a good one.
Yeah. Simple but effective.

(54:55):
Wait. Oh, I thought that was atea kettle going off.
I thought it was a harmonica.
It's weird. You gotta let that steep.
Nah.

(55:16):
Did they just take pictures ofthe three of them like the Polaroid,
and then just throw them inthe background to make it look like
they lived there?
Production value.
Pretty daylight in there.
We're really changing tracksthough, because it just went from
like, sleazy almost summercamp slasher because we had that
long campfire tale and themurder in the hot tub. And now it's

(55:39):
switching over to, like, co edkiller style where this girl is.
Oh, I have to stay at home andstudy for a biology exam and.
The most un sorority houselooking sorority house I have ever
seen.
This is just some house she'srenting. This is not a sorority.
It said Delta house.
You eat.
It's true. It says Deltahouse, but they can't make me believe
it. Yeah. Yeah. That's such agood way to phrase this place.

(56:04):
I think this is the house fromresident evil seven.
Looks a little smaller. Oddlyenough, though, I do really like
these insert shots of herlocking and closing the door. Like,
on her hand. They almost feellike something out of. Are you afraid?
Dark. Like, the intro creditsdone. It makes.

(56:30):
So does she not see that,like, sitting right there?
Big? Uh, it's inked. No, uh,that. That really bad jump scares
thing really does make youappreciate how good John Carpenter
was at that same trick. It'seasy to say it's cheap because it's
just playing scary music when,like, a mysterious person walks past

(56:51):
the frame, but his wouldactually get you to jump. Like, when
it happens in the thing whenFuchs is by himself and the power
goes out and you get thatsting of the thing walking by the
screen. That's effective.Like, it actually kind of gets you,
makes you jump. This one triedto do the same thing, but, like,
five times worse, and itdidn't have any impact whatsoever.

(57:14):
This movie is making me tiredof asses.
I was about to say, this isour second shower butt so far. We're
getting one each act.
I'm sorry. I hear Mike say,this movie makes me tired of asses,
and I just immediately hearJohnny cash, like, I hurt myself
today. See if I still feellike just the saddest thing you've

(57:40):
ever heard a man say in hislife. This movie made me tired of
asses. I'm hanging it up. Therodeo's over. Anarchy.
It's where I sleep.
Was that. What is that?Nightstand. Is that just a porcelain
monkey with a hole in itshead? Is it wearing a tie? Is this

(58:00):
donkey Kong?
What? Why is there just, like,a teddy bear hanging from the ceiling?
Because she's darkest.
You say?
Like, I've never dated a chicklike this. Oh, yeah, linger on.
That shot.

(58:21):
That's actually a cigarette.She's just choosing to smoke it like
a joint to look cool to herself.
Yeah, she rolled it like acowboy. I'm glad she's able to have
fun by herself.
Remember, this was before wehad the Internet to enter joy to

(58:44):
entertain us. Oh, it's just anashtray on top of what appears to
be a porcelain monkey. Theresolution is not good enough in
my copy to tell what it appears.
To be a porcelain monkey. Youshould own that monkey. It's very.
I mean, I am kind offascinated by it.
No, don't leave the roombecause I want to see more. Okay.
Thankfully, we're still seeingthe monkey.

(59:08):
Oh, no. That guy just walkedinto a room.
She's very nonplussed about it.
He just found a goth chick to kill.
Why did we cut to the lamp fora second? Like, there was just one
shot of the lamp for no reason.
So we spent a lot of time withthis goth chick for, like, just for

(59:29):
that.
Instantly down this Panasonicpans over to.
John Malkovich as fw. Morenow. So have I established pathos?
Do you think we're gonna getmore Tony Todd anytime soon?
No, but he loved her.

(59:50):
So we're gonna find out theend. Tony Todd's behind the mask.
Is that how they're justifying that?
Where does Michael Berrymancome in?
And at this point, the killerbetter be PJ souls.
Uh oh. Trash is putting herclothes on again.
God, this is a cramped fuckingroom, lady. Get a smaller bed.

(01:00:17):
Oh, no.
Are we just cutting thecorpses we've already seen just to
remind us that, yes, he haskilled people in this movie?
Yep, this guy is stealthierthan Hitman 47. Like, he has just
aced most of this house. Andthe girl on the couch has not even
noticed what's going on.

(01:00:43):
She still has not noticed thefucking thing that says beg sitting
on the. You must be sodisappointed. Like, no, you were
supposed to see that.
This is why we need moreLeslie Vernon, because that would
definitely be a part of one ofthose where he's just leaving notes
up and people are ignoring them.
I'm also fascinated thesorority house hung an american flag

(01:01:05):
outside.
Yeah, why not?
So, Mike, I'm just imaginingthis killer. Becky, I'm gonna call
him from now on. Just havingto be like that one everyman hybrid
video where they had to comeout of the woods and tell people,
you're supposed to open this thing.

(01:01:36):
Can we get those guys on Bop?
I feel like Evan would. Wouldlike the show. He'd vibe with. He'd
wear the hat.
Yes.
It was very wonderful watchingthat slender verse documentary that.
That came out a couple ofmonths ago and seeing him show up

(01:01:57):
with the death proof hat andacknowledge, yep, I still got the
hat.
I still got to watch that duckI keep forgetting about.
Oh, it's so good. They go intoso much. They go into so much detail.
You get extended reactions tohow the community dealt with the

(01:02:19):
beware the slender mandocumentary. There is extended talk
about why the slender burst isso very, very gay for no reason phenomenon.
That's a phenomenon peoplewill be studying on the Internet

(01:02:42):
for years. Why did so manypeople discover their gender identities
through Slenderman tv shows?
As a very casual slender manknower, I did not realize that was
part of the Slender man experience.
Oh, yeah.
You learned something.
Cryptids in general have ahuge following in the queer community.

(01:03:06):
So creepypasta stuff ingeneral, like, there's a huge overlap
there. For whatever reason,both the people who made slenderverse
shows and their fan base therebeing a lot of overlap between like,
specifically like, trans andnon binary people. And then including

(01:03:27):
like one of the biggestcreators of a slender man show ended
up transitioning like halfwaythrough after listening to people
like, constantly telling her,your show helped me discover myself
somehow.
See, I had.
Nobody knows why. It's just athing that happened.
All right. Yeah. I alwaysthought it was just like the Babadook

(01:03:49):
joke where like the Babadookbecame a gay icon for no reason.
It has to be kind of like abit of a self fulfilling prophecy,
right? Like the train startsmoving so that it just becomes gravity.
Why does every trans girl playfallout new Vegas? We just do. Also,

(01:04:10):
I'm sorry. This was in testingthis movie, I took a screencap of
specifically this shot andshowed it to the guys. Like, this
is what we're in for. The mostdimly lit high school you've ever
seen.
This is like the world of pulse.
I can't see shit in thismovie. It really bums me out. Okay.

(01:04:33):
And now he has a chainsaw.Bigster, come on.
This is one thing I didappreciate about the huge wave of
found footage movies. Even ifyou couldn't really light a scene,
amazingly it was expectedbecause people were filming it on
shitty cameras. So it justadds the atmosphere. When you're
trying to make a traditionalhorror movie and nothing is litanous,

(01:04:55):
you either wonder, like, didwe accidentally wander into the set
of alien versus predatorrequiem, or did they just not have
five cents to buy like afloodlight? Like, just go to your
dad's garage and steal one ofthe lights he uses when he's working
on his cars. It will help so much.
At a certain point, just usethe regular lights that are in the

(01:05:15):
room because at least that'ssomething. It won't look good, but
it will look better than darkness.
Which way are we going here?Would it be better to accidentally
harshly overlight everythingso it looks very cheap or under light
everything so we assume it's cheap.
Always go with overlighting.Over under lighting. I feel overlighting
at least can be a style. Underlighting just makes it look like

(01:05:38):
you're fucking afraid to showpeople your movie.
Yeah. Also just depressing tolook at.
So I feel about pretty muchevery modern movie when they do a
nighttime scene. I really misswhen it used to just be implied darkness.
And then everything wasbasically lit. Fine.
Yeah.
Now it's like, no, no, it'sactually pitch black. The actors
are blind and it's.
I like a good balance. Like, Idon't like it when it's every movie,

(01:06:01):
but I do like a good, like,actually pitch black, darling.
Horror. And you're like, youdeep. You need absolute blackness.
Like in a conjuring movie orsomething. That's one thing. When
I'm watching an action scene,it's like the fucking opening of
Thor. I get pissed off. Yeah,like, God damn it. Some animator

(01:06:25):
didn't see his kids karatetournament to animate the scene.
A bunch of artificial shadowover it for Duroci. Fuck you.
I know the DP for Game ofThrones got pissy about everyone
complaining that no one couldsee anything in the big climatic,
you know, battle of Winterfellscene. But also that was some bullshit

(01:06:49):
that after, like, ten years ofwatching the show, we get to a gigantic
climactic battle and no onecould tell what the fuck was going
on.
You know? Still, the craziestthing is it looked perfectly fine
for me.
I've never even had it on Bluray and I was watching it. I'm like,
this still is dark as fuck.Like, I. The only time I've been

(01:07:09):
able to enjoy it is like, ifI'm watching on tv and I just start
fucking with the settings toreally crank up contrast.
Honestly, picture is becominga lot like sound mixing in movies
where they're kind of justleaving it up to you to figure it
out for your particular television.
Sound mixing is terrible thesedays. Yeah, sound mixing is really
fucking bad.

(01:07:31):
Also the blue lights justreflecting off that dude's bald head
is beautiful.
Beautiful. The dope.
We found out recently thatChris Nolan is like, oh, yeah, I
don't do Adrhe. Like, oh, thisexplains everything.
Yeah. I've always wondered ifChris Nolan was just a little deaf
and that's how, like, a lot ofthis just slips by him. Like, he

(01:07:53):
can't tell the difference, sohe thinks it's good.
So, you know who else does anADR? Ron Howard. It's like when you
realize Scorsese doesn't givea shit about continuity, you just
start noticing it everywhere.
Ron Howard also at leastdoesn't make loud shit.
He's done a race car movie.

(01:08:16):
Yeah, but still, it was mostlylike, I would not still not constitute,
like, that is loud.
Rush has moments where, like,the sound design is pretty important
to the experience of, like,you know, having a panic attack inside
your race car.
Yeah, yeah. But to me, thenthat, like, that adds to it to a
degree. Nolan just does loudtalking scenes that then you can't

(01:08:39):
hear.
Yeah.
I mean, so much of banesuddenly made sense. Like, oh, that's
literally just what he soundedlike on set.
I get there's.
Except for the one time yousuper AdR'd him from the beginning.
Yeah, I understand. You know,everyone's gonna have different philosophies
when making movies, but Istill scratch my head whenever Nolan,
like, tries to justify any ofhis sound choices, because they never

(01:09:02):
quite make sense to me when he explains.
No, his sound choices inDunkirk are puzzling. I love that
movie, but I just accept thatI will not hear dialogue in it.
I think this must be what it'slike if you're a big fan of JJ Abrams
and you just have to live withthe lens flares, like, no, no, it's
whatever. It's not necessary.Yes, but it's fine.

(01:09:27):
I will forever maintain thelens flares in. In the first. Star
Trek are an interestingstylistic choice. The lens bursts,
on the other hand, are what isabsolutely obnoxious in that movie.
Yeah, I think it's theabundance of them. You can whip that
tool out a couple of times andsell your point, but with the number

(01:09:48):
it happens, it almost feelslike he's kind of making a joke about
it. Especially like in laterones, where you come back to that
filming idea.
Well, it didn't help thateveryone aped that. So we just. For,
like, five years straight,every movie had to have the camera
rotating over a character'sshoulder, and then the sun bursts
into the camera, which, again,so much discourse about Star Trek

(01:10:11):
could have been simplified ifmore people just knew the difference
between a lens flare and alens burst, because so, so many people
were talking past each otherin that conversation for that reason.
That's fair.
Also, I like the giallo killer here.
With mask on, by the way, inbroad daylight.
But if I can go back tocomplaining things that stop being

(01:10:36):
interesting, complain aboutabout a decade and a half ago, to
a similar degree, the amountof aping of Bourne identity film
style, everyone wanted to makeit the same way Greenbrass did, where
you just have that ultra shakycam for action, which worked really
well in the Bourne identitymovies. And then by, like, Bourne

(01:10:58):
three, he was already startingto feel a little bit too cliche and
everyone else was just doingit poorly.
We got the combination of theshaky campfights and robot fighting,
which is in the Bourne movies,for a specific reason, and then everyone
just ate that fighting style.
Yeah. As soon as we saw Bonddoing it, we knew something was going

(01:11:18):
wrong.
Drinking game. Every time yousee someone putting on their costume,
he got a drink.
You'd be dead by now.
You'd be dead. And then hewouldn't have to watch the remaining.
Oh, no, there's still 50.
Don't keep Ted. Don't keepreminding me how much more of this
movie is fucking left. Atleast it takes place on Halloween

(01:11:41):
at some point, I guess.
I think there's a man wearing.So I see some kind of corn things.
There's a guy dressed up, Ibelieve is Jason from Friday 13th,
part two.
That's just Jason. You justhang it up.
Oh, there we go.
We've got people of othermovies, of better movies.
Sorry, all you beg fans out.

(01:12:04):
Oh, God, there's so muchTito's in that thing. Oh, Jesus.
That thing is just alcohol.There's no punch in there.
Well, he couldn't see. There'sno eye holes in that. Ghost. Get
up.
This is a date rate party,isn't it?
What do we. I think we have apimp at one end of the table. There's
a guy that's, I think, just abeer bone. No, he's a keg. He's a
keg. My mistake is that youhave Cody, cheerleader. I've never

(01:12:24):
done the. The bone costume orthe beard keg costume. I like.
Oh, he actually has beer.That's really neat.
Yeah, that'd be a fun costumefor a party. There's a little pumpkin
inside that pumpkin.
That's. That's cool. She's notwearing a costume at all. That was
interesting.
Okay, we got a.

(01:12:46):
And back to fucking.
Okay, so, um, there's apumpkin in the room, though. Hey,
pumpkins.
Didn't we see her diary?
Uh, different.
Are almost identical in this movie.
I don't understand. Why doeseveryone look so fucking bored?
Oh, Keg guy already gave himhis costume and drunkenly stumbled
out of frame. Oh, he's back inthe frame.
Why is the outdoor party. Whyis the outdoor party lit so well?

(01:13:14):
The madness on this chick'sface pucker up.
No, he has a practical costume.
I like their mugs. Did hestart laughing at his own joke before
it cut away?

(01:13:34):
I think so.
Okay.
That I like them too long todry him off. So they really had to
just stick with that take.
I like the static shock ofthat girl just staring at the ceiling,
wondering about her life choices.
Briefly turns into Daria for a moment.

(01:13:56):
Do you ever just, like whenwatching a movie like this. Do you
just think of, like, the castmembers of this movie are somewhere
out there right now? Like theyexisted previously, like they went
on their lives after filmingthis. Like they're people who do.
They make decisions?
Oh, God, I love hearinginterviews from actors who do movies

(01:14:18):
like this where they're justlike, yeah, we just got the script
on the day and we all justkind of sighed and said, well, we'll
be done by the end of the week.
She had her shirt on .5 seconds.
Yep.
I feel like today you alsohave the added fact of occasionally

(01:14:41):
looking at scripts andwondering, okay, is this chat? GPT
oh, weird. Tick tock content now.
A lot of tick tock content atthis point. Considering some of the
shit I have seen in my life, Ialmost feel like it would do a better
job because what is this?

(01:15:04):
I see stuff like this, and Ireally think, though, it's, you know,
filmmaker's first movie maybe,or one of his earlier ones, so he's
still learning on the go. Itmight just be intended for a smaller
audience. Like, hey, I'mmaking something to basically entertain
my friends. It might be madeby his friends. So, like, the fact
that people like us arewatching this a decade, sometime

(01:15:25):
after it came out, was notintended. I give him a lot of benefit
of the doubt.
I try. I do not like to overlydunk, but I do think there is this
magical quality wheneveryou're watching a movie from someone
who appears to be from another planet.
Things like samurai cop.

(01:15:46):
Yes, samurai cop, troll two.The room, like all the classics,
is just like, people who,like, you know how movies work because
you're making one, so you youmust have watched them at some point
or just, you know, how peopletalk and interact because you're
a person on this planet,right? No, you're you're a fry cook
on Venus.

(01:16:09):
I think we undervalue how hardit is to act in these things or how
hard it is to write dialoguethat sounds like a human would say
it.
Oh, there is an absolute art.This is like 50% of the conversations
my partner and I have watchingbecause we watch a lot of movies

(01:16:30):
of this style. Just like, zerobudget. Like, two B slashers. Movies
like this are insanelywatchable whenever you're doing other
shit. And if picked up, thereis a very specific art to being a
victim in a crappy slashermovie, particularly being the designated

(01:16:55):
bimbo of one of these movies.Like, I feel like there should be,
like, in the same way thatthere's, like, schools for Elvis
impersonators. There should belike a finishing school for bimbo
actresses, because when yousee someone doing a really bad job
of being the dumb, hot girlwho dies in the third act, you notice

(01:17:22):
in the same way that, like,actors like Christopher Walken and
Malcolm McDowell have found anart form in taking the worst material
in the world and giving itgravitas. There's some. I think there's
definitely an unsung skill intaking a. The absolute gibberish

(01:17:43):
people in movies like thesehave to say, and not making the dialogue
sing, but making itentertainingly bad and entertainingly
campy instead of just makingyou want to stab your ears out.

(01:18:07):
And now for some of thatshining dialogue.
I will say, I don't think thismovie knows how a main character
works because I keepforgetting this dude is our main
character.
He'll pop out of the movie forlike, 20 minutes while Mister Beg
is just murdering people,which I guess is kind of like a slasher
staple. But normally the maincharacter isn't the cop who is not

(01:18:31):
actually on the trail of the murders.
He's fishing. I don't understand.
Victim again. He's. He'strying to decide if he wants to be
retired or not.

(01:18:51):
This young guy here looks likea guest star for vip. Remember that
show? That was a thing.Remember UPN?
I do remember UPN for the days.
Miss UPN.
I don't particularly miss UPNthat much, but if it makes you happy,

(01:19:13):
that's good.
I miss Saturday movie.
I really miss the Sci-Fichannel. Original movies from, like,
every Friday night.
Man, that was a time.
That was a wonderful stretch.I mean, those. Oh, those are movies
that are bad enough to be fun.They knew what they had to do. They

(01:19:33):
got in, they got out therejust long enough so they got their
commercials into place andeveryone was happy.
The period before, like, thosemovies got to, like, shark depos
and shit like that, where theywere to try hard at that point, but
before that, ugh. So good.That's when we got the fucking, like,
man thing movie. That was oneof those.

(01:19:57):
I still go to bat even thoughI saw it, like, once when I was a
younger man. Chupacabra, darkseas. That was like the right level
of stupid camp for me whereI'm like, yes, I'm having fun. And
I know this is not likecapital C Cinema, but it doesn't
matter.
I still remember the winner ofthe first season of who wants to

(01:20:17):
be a superhero? Oh, shit.Because remember, he was supposed
to get, like, his own movie.Of course, the entire show was scripted
anyway. But the only thingthey gave him, though, was he died
at the very beginning of,like, a giant anaconda movie or something
like that. And he's just,like, eaten in one of the first scenes.

(01:20:41):
Like, he's doing, like, he ishis superhero character. So a superhero
just exists in that universewith superpowers, and he's just eaten
by, like, a giant snake or something.
I. I love that they wrotethemselves into the corner of having
to give a feedback. His ownmovie. The dude whose power was going

(01:21:05):
inside of video games. Youmay. It's a fake show. You did that
to yourself.
You did this.
I just miss the era ofchannels being all gung ho about
making their.
Own original movies that were,yes, their own brand.
Probably going to be bad, butyou got a new one, like, either every

(01:21:27):
month or every week. So it wasjust appointment viewing. Disney
Channel did this for years,and it was very exciting to me growing
up, especially when it'd bethe Halloween ones. So you get, like,
Halloweentown three, or youwould get a don't look under the
bed. Yeah. Phantom of themegaplex. I wish. It's one of my
biggest dreams that Disneywould just put all those out on a

(01:21:49):
dvd collector set. So you justgot, like, ten of those movies slapped
together. They don't have tohave special features. I just want
them.
It's still wild. I can streamthose now. Despite the fact they
were, like, so fucking hard tofind. Yeah, like, I'm having a bootleg.
Don't look under the bed now.It's like I can just watch it at
any point.
Is that one actually on Disneyright now? I thought, like, they

(01:22:10):
were taking it on and takingit off kind of bounced around.
No, it's on there.
If I remember correctly, theonly Disney Channel original movie
that was not added to Disneyplus was the original under wraps
to not over, like, overridethe under wraps remake they were
doing for some reason. Like,that's where they were fucking bat

(01:22:35):
embargo about it. But we can'thave two under wraps.
On the books if we get confusing.
I think they've since put iton there because no one cared about
the under wraps remake. Thatwas just under wraps.
The under wraps remake got asequel, so apparently someone cared
about it. Oh, it did. It did.Soccer back to Tony Todd.

(01:22:56):
Better do miss soccer.
Monster.
Monkey.
Monkey. Mommy.
I'm just happy that up, up andaway is on Disney, meaning Disney
isn't burying it anymore sothat people don't know that there
was something before sky high,you know, that that million dollar.

(01:23:21):
Franchise Mister Boogity's on there.
Oh, weird and bride.
Actually, Disney put Misterbookity and Bride boogie out on DVD's.
I bought those through theDisney movie Channel movie club.
They are almost unwatchablebecause they did absolutely nothing
to clean them up. And they'reon DVD's. The resolution isn't there?

(01:23:42):
Mm hmm.
They look like they taped themoff of Disney Channel and just put
them onto a disc.
There's no way they kept theoriginals of that, right?
Oh, I can't believe. Becausewhy the fuck was of it? That'd be
fascinating if they did. Theycould make like a Mister boogity
blu ray or something. Anyways,I have such a fondness for those

(01:24:03):
movies, and it's a shame moreof them aren't available. Tower of
terror. That actually got likea dvd release. And you'll see that
in target almost every year.So I think that one has a little
bit more cultural awarenessthan most of the others. Same with
Halloween town. I think all ofthose have been put out on dvd.
Yeah, they still marketHalloweentown up the ass.

(01:24:24):
I wonder how much moneyHalloweentown brings in to this day.
They had a fucking show likethat. Had to be like a juggernaut
at some point.
Yeah, I always wondered thatthough, because it was obviously
big when it came out, but it'sbeen so many years and now it's just
like a nostalgia thing for us.Like, probably don't care about Halloween
town, do they? But I wonderbecause, like, they keep putting

(01:24:46):
the dvd's out, so they must be selling.
There has to be a lot ofparents who still show those to their
kids.
Oh, yeah.
I don't understand why thatdoesn't play on, like, free form.
Freeform will play, like, thesame eight movies, but doesn't get,
like, any of those to play.

(01:25:07):
Sorry, I'm stuck on the listof Sci-Fi channel original movies.
All great types.
Two lava, two lantula, thesequel to Lava Lanceula. Oh, we've
got more strippers.
Solve a murder.
Holy shit. Okay, so there'stwo headed shark attack. And I was

(01:25:27):
aware they made a sequel.Three headed shark attack. They skipped
four headed shark attack andwent to five headed shark attack.
And then there was a sixheaded shark attack. Apparently there's
no information on Wikipediaabout this movie other than it exists.
It's on the list of moviesthat were made, but there's no, like,
sub page to explain it.
But they can make a prequel now.

(01:25:49):
One headed shark attack.
Yeah.
So many of these. This is abummer. So many of these don't have,
like, actual pages. So I'massuming they're either, like, lost
to time or, boy, someone'sgot, like, a DVD copy somewhere that
went out of print I. 15 yearsago. And that's the only way you'll
ever see airplane versus volcano.

(01:26:12):
I'm gonna be honest. I thinkthe volcano is gonna win.
Yeah. You know, if I'm picking sides.
Well, they look at Randy Quaidand independent stay. I'm back.
Just clogs the whole thing. Imean, there's. There's a lot of shit
in here. I will say two headedshark attack was very fun to watch.
A lot of those shark movieswere entertaining.

(01:26:33):
Mega Piranha was delightful.
Yeah. And then there's some inhere that are actually surprisingly,
like, real movies. Abominable.Remember that one with Lance Henriksen,
I think. Henry Combs orJeffrey Combs. I was a thing of Henry
Combs. Jeffrey Combs. Thereally, really good, abominable snowman.
Practical costume.

(01:26:55):
I think that's what was coolabout the Sci-Fi movies when they
first started, before theywent into just pure. The same fucking
thing over and over again.
Yeah, they made a lot of,like, animal attack movies where
it became very samey.
Yeah. And they were all, like,made to be, like, purposely when
it was fun, where you neverknew week to week whether or not
you were gonna get, like, aschlocky piece of crap. That was

(01:27:17):
really fun or a legitimatelyinteresting movie. Yeah.
Believe it or not, Mansquitowas not trying to be bad.
We got a mo. Oh.
That'S some amity villainspace shit, right?

(01:27:41):
Yeah. So I'm just. I'm justflipping through these. It's like,
holy shit.
We're still in the strip club.
Yeah, that's why I'm stillreading your list. Ah, it's a skull.
There's some in here. I forgotthat Sci-Fi channel was, like, the
main company. Putting themoney up for, like, cube to hypercube
is technically a Sci-Fioriginal movie.
Really?
It's on the list. Anyways, Idon't know. I'm not gonna go through

(01:28:04):
the financing. According toWikipedia accounts, as a Sci-Fi picture,
original film.
Oh, no. The killer's a bald man.
Oh, no. It could be any of them.
Why are we just with MichaelBerryman now?
Because they paid for him.They're gonna use him. I can't see
what's going on.
I can't tell if she's wearinga bra or she just has a tan line.

(01:28:27):
You can see things.
No, I got paid.
I have my closet light on, somaybe there's just too much glare.
I can't see anything that'shappening on the side.
Why do you have your closetlight on?
Uh, you know, I didn't want tospill stuff all over my computer.
That's fair.
I can't turn that off now.Maybe that would help then.

(01:28:50):
You know, you still can't see anything.
Hey, I've been tricked.There's jack shit on the screen.
I can kind of see MichaelBerryman's hands.
I see a hand. Yeah, that's it.
I see. He found light. Okay.Thank God.
Thank God. Uniquely shapedman. All right. I would just think

(01:29:12):
it was one of the other manybald men who I assume are his children.
They gave him the Addamsfamily treatment. They just painted
him white, so he really stuckout in the darkness.
So is he the killer, or is hejust an unrelated other killer?
I want to lean towards that. Ithink they just bumped into another
killer.

(01:29:33):
He just eye saw the devil.
No. Come to the light.
Is this the Poughkeepsie tapes killer?
Oh, I'm afraid not, Mike. Itis not the Poughkeepsie tapes.
I really wish we were watchingthe Poughkeepsie tapes. I did that

(01:30:04):
for you.
Have you, either of you everbeen in a situation where you've
had to describe thePoughkeepsie tapes to someone, and
then when they ask, but is itgood? You don't know how to answer?
That's besides the point. Thequality doesn't matter?

(01:30:28):
Well, see, here's the problem.My answer is always, yeah, you want
to watch it, and then theydon't. They asked for the check at
that point.
In my. In my particularinstance, I ended up describing the
sequence where the husband'shead is severed and then put inside
of the woman's womb intact,which got a blank stare, which I

(01:30:54):
had to follow with, well, I'mnot saying the movie isn't stupid.
It's just really romantic.That is the definition of a movie
that was so, so well made, waspurchased and then not released.
We want to just hide this.Let's just put this away somewhere.

(01:31:19):
It still trips me out that youcan find a fucking scream factory
edition tapes.
I gotta remember to, like,suggest that one to her. Here you
go. Have a bad time?
I I mean, I know it would bevery hard to do, but I would love

(01:31:42):
to do commentary forPoughkeepsie tapes just because the
filmmaking is so fucking good.
We did a blind commentary forthat with, like, me watching it for
the first time. Years andyears ago on another podcast. That
was a hell of an experience tojust go through that movie as it
unfolds.

(01:32:03):
Jamie, were you extradisturbed by Mike sitting in the
corner corner recording you ona vhs the entire time?
Just walking, like, backwardstowards you with two masks on?
Get out of there. I love that.We're David Ayer police drama.

(01:32:29):
Now, why. Why is everything sobleached out?
I guess we can say that as apro to the movie. Uh, sure, there's
no lights, but they didn't gothe opposite direction and just try
and fix everything with, like,color correction. That goes too far.
This movie isn't like bleachedblue or anything. With the flashlight,

(01:32:59):
the darkness makes sense.Like, this is good. This works.
I like whenever. Wheneverscenes are lit with a flashlight,
it feels a little hauntedhouse. Yeah, Michael Berryman's going
to town there.
Oh, no, he's eating her.Coincidentally, right now, I'm reading

(01:33:20):
the novelization of plan ninefrom outer space, and I feel like
this is from some of thatmovie. Boy, I brought a real light.
And you know what? I wish Iwas what we were watching right now.

(01:33:40):
Terrifying. I'm lookingforward to that. That's gonna be
a good movie when that comesout, be watching that at some point.
Not this. That'll be great onChristmas. I'm sure who made this
movie is a great person.
Since very backhanded when yousay it that way.

(01:34:00):
I just want to make that clearthat I think he is a good mandeh.
I'm gonna look this guy up onWikipedia and it's gonna turn out
he, like, killed his whole family.
He is not a good man if he didthat. Oh, that was a gunshot.

(01:34:21):
That's too much laughing.
Oh, so that was just aflashback. Okay, cool, great. I'm
glad we spent time for that.For the last 20 fucking minutes.
Seriously, are we in memoriesof a murder? Are they just gonna
pass out and forget to catchthe serial killer?
I still can't get over thegunshot, which was just.

(01:34:49):
We'Re in the third act of themovie and we're watching a first
act flashback sequence solve a crime.
I beg of you, please. There'sso much murder happening and you're
in a strip club having aflashback and taking pills. I don't
understand what the messagingof this movie. Acap.

(01:35:10):
Acap.
So I'm looking up KevinMcDonald, the director editor writer
right now. And his Wikipediasays he is an award winning independent
filmmaker in Boston,Massachusetts. Surprise. His first
feature film, Beg, won bestpicture at the only Academy Award
accredited film festival inNew England, the Rhode Island International

(01:35:31):
Film Festival. So good for them.
What else was that accredited?What does that mean?
I don't know. I've never heardof that phrase before. He followed
up beg with the horror noirthriller the Witching Hour, featuring
all star cast includingMichael Madsen, William Forsyth,
Tony Todd, Brooke Lewis, andSue Costello, set to be released

(01:35:52):
in 2024.
Good for him.
So we've got more coming.That's okay. Let's highlight how
insane that is. This moviecame out in 2011 and apparently did
well enough where it won anaward. His next movie is coming out
in 2024. It's so hard to makeindependent movies. It takes so long

(01:36:16):
to get the financing, to getthe talent together, to get the whole
thing made. It's bonkers. Sothat's one of the reasons I feel
a little bad shitting on stufflike this. But Reddit, Warcraft two,
this is not really all thatentertaining to watch.
I wonder what this was shoton, because I. I've been trying to

(01:36:37):
figure out, like, is thisdigital or like minidv? Hmm.
Uh, an artistic little shot.
That was a nice 1970s, like,euro horror shot.
Don't look down.
Room to grow.

(01:36:58):
There are splashes there.
Have they been at thiscampfire the entire time?
I just. I look, I love, like,I love asses. I just can't take anymore.
Make it stop. Okay. It's just.It's making me uncomfortable. It's
weird. What? What is she evendoing? You don't know how clean that
water is. Something can go upthe couch. I. Jamie, what was that

(01:37:22):
movie watching with Jeffreycombs where there just was constantly
scenes by a fire, like every30 seconds?
Oh God, I wish I couldremember. I know what you're talking
about. I cannot remember.
Yeah, that was a rough one. But.

(01:37:43):
One more little juicy nuggetfrom the Kevin McDonald IMDb wiki.
This is submitted byAnonymous, so it has to be true.
But he is currently working toexpand the big universe with a sequel
and a web series. It doesn'tsay when this was submitted, so this
could have been like ten years ago.

(01:38:04):
But the beg cinematic universe.
Everything'S gotta be afranchise, baby.
You know, considering how manypeople he kills behind them, it makes
you wonder why he's botheringto wear a scary mask.

(01:38:25):
It's for our benefit. We gotsome good squelching.
Really?
What's a town on that Foley?
Some giallo blood there. Didbeg just go, eugh. And then walk
away.

(01:38:46):
You gotta feel it.
That was like movie one.Collector levels of.
What'S the feeling for typesof blood here. Do we, as a collective,
prefer the really dark, almostblack blood, or do we want the cartoonish,
like George Romero meltedcrayon red blood?

(01:39:07):
It depends on the tone and,like, style of the movie.
A movie like this. I want tosee some melted crayons.
Yeah.
Mister Big was just hiding inthe water that whole time.
Mister Biggie.
Mister big. Sorry.
No. I love the idea that thedude from Sex and the City was in

(01:39:28):
there and then popped out.
That's what he's doing in hisspare scenes when he's nothing with
the girls he's murdering in Salem.
Oh, a slasher Chris and offwould be terrifying. The man's tall,
slow motion.
Swinging the corpses. Swingingthe corpses.
Oh, I'm sorry. You'refrustrated about the case, that you're

(01:39:49):
not working.
Time for some law.
Not now, Raydhe.
Is this a new bald cop, or isthis one we've seen before?
I don't know. I can't takethis anymore.
They all feel like they shouldbe british. I feel like they should

(01:40:09):
all be sad and british.
I really love this. The guywalks in.
You want ride number five?
Oh, another bald cop iswalking in. I like that. This guy
walks in and says, it'sprobably nothing, and has a manila
folder that apparently breaksthe case wide open, so he has to
start a fight. There's a todd,Orion and a Riley.

(01:40:39):
Are those just magazines?
I don't think Riley, the copwith the mustache, has actually said
anything, but he's in multiplescenes, and he's apparently the bad
guy of the department. Like,no lines of dialogue. He just kind
of shows up, and apparentlyhe's just fucking up in the background.

(01:40:59):
We got another bald guy.
Oh, jeez.
It looks like the last baldguy. Also, what house did he. Did
he knock on the door of? I don't.
Also, I'd be a littleconcerned if a cop was just walking
around saying he was a cop,but he was wearing just, like, a
hoodie.
I don't think that's how beinga cop works.
Like, there's no badge on him.As far as I can tell, they're not

(01:41:20):
panning down, but it lookslike he just came from the gym. I
went to pet you with mymachete. We saw this in Texas Chainsaw
massacre two, but done better.

(01:41:45):
Expanding the big cinematic universe.
She's begging.
I am always fascinated bystuff like that because it is one
thing to just knock out acheapo horror movie in the woods
just to raise money for thething you really want to do. Later.

(01:42:09):
That's why I think the realorigin for a lot of movies like these
ultimately are that seem verylow effort. I think a lot of the
time it's just a money makingeffort for something else. I have
so much respect for wheneverpeople make, like, five of these,
because that means no. Againstall the odds, this is a passion project

(01:42:31):
that you want to be doing morethan other things. That's very beautiful.
Evil Dead basically gotstarted because they did, like, into
the woods, which was justthat, like, let's spend whatever
money we have to show peoplewe can make a movie and just go into
the woods and just putsomething together.
I haven't watched any ofthese, but I'm fascinated by their

(01:42:55):
existence. A couple of monthsago, I stumbled onto a direct to
video series called ChainsawSally. That's just a direct ache.
It's a copyright free sequelto the Texas Chainsaw massacre movies
where this dude directs hiswife as Kmart Sally hardistry. Battling

(01:43:25):
various monsters. He madeseveral sequels and then a series
with multiple seasons.
Wow.
All dedicated to. Look how hotmy wife is.
Is.
That's not the american dream.I don't know what is.
What a wife guy.

(01:43:46):
Oh. You know, I didn't evenput two and two together. Tony Moran
was the original Michael Myers.
Huh?
Maskless Michael Myers, Ishould say.
Yeah. Puddle shot.
Can I read a review?
Uh, yeah.

(01:44:06):
Eight out of ten.
Zoom. Fuck.
Um, scary slasher full ofhorror movie OGD in parentheses.
Original ghouls. I don't knowwhere the D comes from. Like, Tony
Moran, Michael Berryman, andTony Todd, two, for some reason.

(01:44:27):
It's pretty moody and cool,and I trust to type follow the kill
a teenager, tell a jokeformula, but had its dark and definitely
gruesome moments to the littleear chew.
Shudders sorry, Mike. We'remissing a great fight scene between

(01:44:49):
Mister bag and our bald cop.
Are we gonna fight scene in Logan.
He was hiding on top of atree. He missed him with a machete.
Now he's just throwing themthrough trees like, this is actually
pretty fun. It's. It's bright,so I can tell what's happening.
Thank God.

(01:45:13):
Sometimes I miss the IMDbcomment boards because I feel like
that review would have fitright in.
Yeah, I miss them often. Imiss. It came from Internet movie
database.
Oh, no. They got him. Don't worry.
There's other bald cops.
Yeah, but that was our bald cop.

(01:45:33):
Hey, does big just have a gunnow? What the fuck?
I think he took the gun fromthe cop and then shot him in the
head. Because the cop had a gun.
You can't break slasher ruleslike that. You're not art.
Well, they have to show himtaking the gun or else. It's confusing
because, like, are there twoguns in the scene now? Technically
three because this cop has a gun.
The sun's going down now we'relosing the light.

(01:45:54):
The scene's over.
They about to have the swordfight from the end of samurai cop
now.
I mean, there's only 15minutes left, so we have to be getting
to the climactic finale.
My God, the beauty.
By the way, I found out theother day that the dude who directed
samurai cop directed light.Five other movies in America before

(01:46:18):
samurai Cop, and they all looklike samurai cop. You gotta style
all of these. Some of themstill have Zadar in them. There's
one of them which I think iscalled, like, beach cop or something,
that's literally just samuraicop without the samurai shit.

(01:46:41):
That's delightful. Can. Can wehave. Can we do, like, the career
of Robert Zadar?
Oh, that would be awesome. Youtalk about soul taker.
Fade. The laws of time and space.
So.
Much look like a policedepartment, but looks like an outdoor

(01:47:02):
bathroom stall.
Oh, no, same thing. Do youthink anyone at home right now is
carving pumpkins to celebrateproperly? You think? Do you think
people actually listen to bigass pumpkin Day episodes and get
in the mood for big asspumpkin day?
They're not like all americanholidays. Big ass pumpkin day has

(01:47:23):
been drained of its truemeeting over the past few years.
Fair fucking hallmark holiday.Big ass pumpkin day.
Everyone just goes to theparking lot and carves a pumpkin
instead of doing it at homelike it's supposed to be done. This
is my to get trunk. Oh,lantern. I hate it.
I like the idea of a big asspumpkin day version of trunk or treat
where you just go to a 711parking lot and a dude opens up the

(01:47:48):
trunk of his car and gives you beer.
Okay, that actually soundsokay. That does tailgate party.
See, Jamie, I thought you weregoing to go. You go there, he opens
up the trunk of the car, andthere's just a check of a lantern
lit in there. And he just,like, you don't say words to each
other. He just shows you thejack o'lantern and closes the trunk.

(01:48:11):
You just vibe.
The man hands you a knife. Youjust kind of nod. You start stabbing
at his trunk.
You just move on to the nextcar. There's another guy smoking
a cigarette, just opens up the trunk.
One of them will have my soulin it. Oh, God. This reminds me,

(01:48:34):
it was a big news in the southa couple of weeks ago. Or newspaper
headlines about everythingmade most local news channels. So
there was a bus in. In Florida.
Yeah. Show that whole scoopthem out, scoop up the guns, gouge

(01:48:58):
out the eyes.
Anyway, Jamie, you're talkingabout a bus that couldn't slow down.
Yes, there was apparently abus make moving around Florida. Long
story short, that wascreatively called the cannabis. That

(01:49:18):
was just arriving inneighborhoods and just selling people
weed like an ice cream truck.And it made fucking headline news
that after months, the policehad caught the cannabis and ended
its reign of terror. Theyissued shambles. They issued a press

(01:49:41):
conference like they'd caughtDB Cooper.
Goddamn, I hate this. Let himgo. Let the man be free.
You know what would have beenterrifying, though, is if a mime
was driving it did not understand.
Just sound like the plot of acheech and Chong movie that was stopped

(01:50:05):
dead in its tracks. Don'tworry. The drivers of the cannabis
have been, of course, sent toGuantanamo Bay.
It's now crossover with Haroldand Kumar.
As I like now we're justhanging out with this lady and her
nice life. She's done well for herself.
She looks like Lois Lane.

(01:50:26):
Ghosts to complain once moreabout holidays going off the rails.
I was at Michael's yesterday,folks, I'm going to spoil some of
the magic. We're not actuallyrecording on big ass Pumpkin day.
It's September 26. I know.
It's always live. Wheneveryou're listening, it's live, God
damn it.
We're coming from your house.So I was. I was in Michael's trying

(01:50:50):
to just see what they had forHalloween stuff, and they've already
banished it to, like, the sideaisles. Christmas has taken over
all the main spots. They weredownsizing and getting rid of all
the Halloween shit, and it'snot even the end of September. F
you, Michaels. I went totarget, and at least they were like,
no, everything is Halloweenhere. Go enjoy, Lewis.

(01:51:10):
Target's Halloween shit hasbeen awesome this year.
They're on point. They're.They're doing the Lord's work.
Oh, yeah. I have that pumpkin.
I know something really sad.The other day, Zed and I went into
a spirit Halloween and walkedout empty handed. I never thought
that day would come.
Oof.

(01:51:31):
They did. They didn't have anyof the trick or treat masks. That's
my yearly tradition.
Your. Your spirit sounds likeit's kind of subpar anyways, though.
But it seems like spirit kindof half assed it this year. I didn't
see as many cool, like, newthings in spirit as I've seen in
previous years.
No, there's more terrifierrepresentation, and they've upped

(01:51:53):
the amount of killer clownstuff, but that seems to be it.
I did get the killer clowncotton candy handgun. That was neat.
I'm so envious.
And I did buy. I had to havethe shipped in because they sell
it instantly in actual stores.But the Halloween two skull pumpkin,
it's.
A very underrated pumpkin.

(01:52:14):
It's a cool pumpkin with thelight inside too. It flickers just
slightly so it feels likethere's a candle in there. I love
it. Very, very cool pumpkin.
God. It's not not Halloweenuntil I start seeing the Halloween
two logo in stores and thehellraiser three logo around every
corner.

(01:52:36):
Scary eye. I just lovelicensing rights for some of those
being easier than others. Soit's like, well, we can have Halloween
two and four. Those are theones. They'll be everywhere. We can
license those. But notHalloween one. Quit begging. That's

(01:53:00):
what he wants. It's in thetitle. She said begging three times.
Bagel juice is gonna come on screen.
It just really looks like Samfrom trick or treat grew up to have
a lot of issues. Child actor.

(01:53:27):
I'm dying. You've killed me.
Boy, she is super dying.
Oh, it's taken a long time.
Ooh.
Ah. I'm dying here. Oh, yougot me.
So it's Tony Todd, right?
I mean, if it's not, then hischaracter had no point in the movie,

(01:53:49):
because he just popped up in,like, two scenes. Three scenes.
What if it's the Copenhagen.Jack, you betrayed us.
Is she dead yet? There we go.Okay, that was. That one took a long
time. They were really hangingon to that one.
It's Deadpool dying inDeadpool. Two. Is he just gonna take

(01:54:15):
off his mask and have a smoke?
Not that we could tell. Theonly thing I can see in the scene
is the flames from the pumpkin.
What a night.
JACK grunts oh, I was right.Oh, no, I was right.
It's the bald cop there with his.
Stupid joke was real.
He's been smoking in every scene.
I like how the cigar is thereso you can tell it's him and not

(01:54:38):
one of the other bald men.
I don't like that. My stupidjoke was how the movie actually is.
I mean, they. They killedeveryone except for the bald copse
and Tony Todd. So there's alimited pool of people. It could
be.
Hey, they killed one bald cop.
They did. Yeah.

(01:55:00):
So I have a question that whyin the close ups of his eyes, did
he appear to be black?
Maybe they changed their mind.Or maybe there's two and one's Tony
Todd and one's the book ofshadows. Oh, no.
Why are we in Blair witch twoall of a sudden?
No.
Oh, it's officially Halloweennow. It's a little bogus that they

(01:55:22):
did all the killing before Halloween.
It was a busy night.
Yeah, maybe Halloween fell on,like, a Monday this year, so no one
was really feeling the killingon a weekday.
All right, that was just aweird montage that happened for some
reason.
Oh, gotta put my murderingmask back on. But I didn't even finish

(01:55:45):
my cigar. Mister Beg istalking now, and he's not as scary.
Oh, no, the ghosts are gonnaget you.
Are witches about to kill himnow. This is what happens if you

(01:56:09):
go after the goths.
So we were watching a slashermovie like this on Tubi last week
where the Jason Voorhees esquemute serial killer of the woods had

(01:56:32):
one line halfway through themovie, which was after cutting a
dude's head off, saying, staythe fuck out of my woods. And the
fact that that was in themiddle of the movie was really the
piece de resistance. Not eventhe end, just the middle. That was

(01:56:53):
all it was missing from in aviolent nature.
Big hard rock music.
Hard rock music.
By the way, it's upbeatbecause I.
Feel like that movie didn'thave a lot of ending to it.
No. Well, that's why they'reexpanding the big cinematic universe.

(01:57:17):
We're gonna see the story ofClayton Starks.
Which guy?
That is a ser movie serialkiller name if I ever heard one.
Yeah, yeah. I can't trust any Clayton's.
Clayton Starks needs to battleCreighton Dukes.
We got a ben, we got a Des, aMary, an Oswald, a Scott Rayburn,

(01:57:38):
a Jim, a summer, a Becky, anorm, a Shelly, a Chrissy.
That is goth combat homeworkshower code. Jesus.
Got a little bit of Freddy inmy life, a little bit of sandy by
my side, a holly, a molly.
Of Cindy, Tim Daley with DavidLangill as party ghost.

(01:58:00):
Yeah.
Faceless Mary, janitor Willieand the rest.
And then butt rock playing. Idon't remember cheerleaders.
Yeah, I'm assuming they weretalking about the ones at the costume
party.
I was bar extras. Mike.

(01:58:22):
Mike.
I was.
Did you guys know that Mikerefused to leave, so they just filmed
around it to be nice. Therewere moments in there where I'm like,
oh, that's. That's promising.There are a couple, like, cool, throwback
style shots. Not that theyconnected anything like the slow
zoom in on the clock to let usknow that it's officially Halloween.

(01:58:45):
Put with something else. Thatwould be a fun little shot by itself.
It doesn't quite work, but,you know, there's the promise of
it, but the very, very endingthere seemed like we could have had
a fun idea of, like, the deadcoming back for vengeance. Not that
we really got it, but it's aneat hint of an idea. I'm trying

(01:59:10):
to be nice, but this music istaking everything out of me.
The music.
The wind is out of my sails.
So did he just license preexisting Harry Manfredini music?
I wouldn't be surprised.Maybe. Maybe Manfrediti just phoned
it in, gave him, like, twominutes to score.
Oh, he's like Stephen King. Hejust has a list of dollar babies.

(01:59:31):
You know, I don't want to saya lot, but, you know, I'm seeing
a lot of repeat last names.
I said Kevin McDonald's. Alsothe sound engineer.
He's a man of many hats.
Shawna McDonald.
Hey, Tim Daley was the Lyft driver.

(01:59:55):
Hey. They actually had craftservices, though, so that's nice.
Also by Shauna McDonald andTim Daley. He baked some. He baked
some muffins. I really can'twait to find out who made this song.
So this movie really remindsme of trick. I don't know if you

(02:00:17):
ever saw that, but I thinkit's just like the, you know, the
pumpkin headed killer thingand the mystery behind who could
be doing the killings.
And Tony Todd.
I would not recommend eitherfilm just to make that very clear.
Hey, Michael Berryman was a producer.
Oh, that's nice of him.

(02:00:39):
He wants to rape you in myblood red blue dreams. I don't know
if I like those lyrics. Yeah,sure. It's original score by Harry
Manfredini. Uptight form, big.Oh, my God. This is an actual song
about the movie.
Oh, wow. I am always saying, Iwant more.
Of those Dicky skins.

(02:01:02):
Skinny cavallo and what anincredible fucking. Oh, Anders manga
is actually a fan. That'sshame. Imagine dying and having this
movie dedicated to you.
I mean, that's something. It'sbetter than not having a movie dedicated
to you.
That's true. That's true.
I want a bad movie dedicatedto me.

(02:01:22):
That wasn't. That wasn't aftercredit scene. That was just a screensaver.
Apparently not. It didn't come soon.
Beg to coming soon. Beg tocoming eventually. We're gonna fix
that one bag. That's anironclad promise, though, if you
say beg to coming soon, yougot to make it eventually. You can't
not do it. You'll be beggingfor the sequel.

(02:01:45):
Can I read this other review?
Yes.
I'm not gonna read any, all ofit, because it's really fucking long.
Okay.
That this is someone whodedicated like an afternoon to reviewing
the movie beg and gave it fourout of ten stars. Tony. I just like
some of the wording in thisopening paragraph. Tony Todd as a
teacher, rocking some readingglasses and sure to creep you out,

(02:02:05):
but not just with hisbellowing voice as he talks to his
classroom about the origins ofHalloween, especially that of the
Jack O lantern. That momentdid draw me in, but that's how the
independent shot on digitalhorror beg plays out. The plot is
drawn out, graceless teenboredom, self doubting cops, family
dramas, and loosely connectedin parentheses. With so many characters

(02:02:27):
coming and going as onlysamples of the narrative engages
while other parts don't. Inparentheses, illustratively bland
character building are simplythere to pad out the picture in parentheses.
Debbie Rochon listening to music.
Okay, yeah, yeah, that's right.
And it just keeps going like that.
I mean, the review is prettyspot on, I gotta say. Like, Tony

(02:02:47):
Tao's character is fun, butnot really essential to anything
at all.
Why he strangled a woman.
He was just mad at her. Shewas. She's giving away too much of
his family details. You know,I think he was cheating.
Anyways, I think we learnedthe true meaning of big ass pumpkin
day.
If you see a person wearing abig ass pumpkin on their head, probably
a killer. Just stay away from.

(02:03:08):
Definitely a killer.
Definitely a killer willalways be a killer. I don't know.
There's got to be a couple offriendly lunatics walking around,
giant pumpkins on their headthat are giving away, like pumpkin
seeds, right?
That would be nice. Like. Likea Johnny pumpkin seed. Yeah.
Just nation to nation walkingaround, planting.
Pumpkins and that's delicious.
I'm just thinking of that inlike the Lex Luthor voice, like at

(02:03:28):
40 pies. He stole them.
Can we end now?
Yes. Folks, thank you so muchfor listening to our big ass pumpkin
day celebration. We hope youhave a delightful October 14 2nd,
Saturday of the month.Whatever you choose to celebrate,
there's two.
Minds on the subject.
There's two minds on thesubject. We hope you make a giant

(02:03:51):
pumpkin carving of your own tocelebrate and have a wonderful, wonderful
pre Halloween. It's been boxoffice pulp. If you want more of
us, you can find us on boxofficepulp.com. we're on Spotify,
YouTube, you name it. If itplays podcasts, we're probably there.
Check us out. We have otherepisodes where we actually watch
the movie ahead of time andhave notes and positive things to

(02:04:12):
say. You should watch some ofthose. Those are fun. We're fun.
I swear.
We're fun. I swear.
Yeah, I ran out of argumentsafter that. Just sounded desperate.
Anyways, folks, thanks forjoining us. That's a wrap. Let's
get the hell out of here.

(02:04:45):
I hate this movie.
Beg for it to end.
You get more out of life whenyou go out to a movie. Please remember
to replace the speaker on thepost when you leave the theater.

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