SPOOKLEY THE SQUARE PUMPKIN Commentary Track (A Big-Ass Pumpkin Day Extravaganza)

Holidays in the 2020's just don't hit like they used to. Halloween? Cancelled. Christmas? Stolen. Thanksgiving? You can eat cranberry sauce any day of the week. There's only one celebration that gives us the season for a reason: Big-Ass Pumpkin Day! And this year, a last-minute pivot (damn you to high hell, R.L. Stein) causes the crew to spring a trap on Cody during his favorite day of the year. Join them for a surprise Bop n' A Movie commentary track for Spookley The Square Pumpkin, the harrowing tale of a malformed misfit trapped in a world he never made, spurned by his barnyard brethren until his indoctrination into a brutal Olympiad, his only ally a homunculus torn between loyalties to the opposing worlds of man and nature. A beloved animated classic enjoyed by kids the world over!

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Episode Transcript

(01:35):
I do sometimes wonder if weare the last good podcast.
That'S putting a lot of stockin us, which I don't think we deserve.
I mean morally.
Morally, yes.
None of us are going to Saudi Arabia.
Well, they. They didn't offerus enough money.
That's true. They have notoffered us anything. We have not.
We have not actually had tomake that moral decision yet.

(01:55):
Yeah, there's no temptationyet, I say. Well, I figured this
was all reverse psychology toget us like lined up for cash.
Still waiting for whenwrestling blood money comes our way
because of awa. Not from theSaudis, just from. Just a wrestling
promoter.
I'm sorry, I was just. I'mjust really tickled right now with
the idea of Saudi princescoming to box office poll and inviting

(02:17):
us over to their wonderful country.
Man. And then we just have toreenact Mission Impossible Ghost
protocol.
Oh, we can put our hands onthat weird ball spear.
Excuse me, do you have an orbI can ponder?
It's where the Monstars putall of the NBA players talent in
Space Jam.

(02:37):
You know, I want to hold theSaudi orb, but recreate the poster
to the first Warlock movie.
I want to hold the Saudi orb.What a weird euphemism.
That's the new I want todrink. I want to drink the drink
that Dracula drunk.
That's.
That's how I warm up as a podcaster.
I forgot we had an entirescenario. We were talking through

(03:00):
a couple of weeks back aboutCody arriving to us and announcing
with his briefcase full ofcash, our new angel investors, the
cartel. Which cartel? All of them.
Whichever ones we can get ourhands on. We'll take them all. Let's
just spend the rest of thepodcast not even talking about Big
Ass Pumpkin Day. Let's justgossip about other standup and podcast

(03:22):
comedians because apparentlyTheo Vaughn's last attempt to do
a live special was real badand that amuses me greatly. Engage.
Hello and welcome to BoxOffice Pulp, your one stop podcast
for movies, madness and moxie.Tonight is a very special night.
Not because we have some bigtime hotshot cool guest or, I don't
know, nothing good hashappened in our lives. But it's Big

(03:44):
Ass Pumpkin Day. I mean, I'massuming it's Big Ass Pumpkin Day
wherever you are at home.Hopefully you're listening to this
on either Saturday or October14th. If it's not either of those
two conditions, it's notOctober 11th or the 14th. It is not,
unfortunately, Big Ass PumpkinDay. And I don't know what to tell
you. You really Google thisyear time zones? Yeah, you got to
go back in time, or possiblyforward if you're too early. Regardless,

(04:04):
we're going to pretendwherever you are right now, it's
Big Ass Pumpkin Day, thesecond greatest day of October. Anyways,
I'm your host, Cody. Joiningme for whatever this ends up being
are my co hosts, Mike. Sayhello, Mike.
I was originally going to makea pumpkin joke, but ever since you
said back in time, all I canthink is Kevin Nealon from that one

(04:25):
SNL sketch sketch with MichaelJ. Fox where he's just in the elevator
and just kind of singing thePower of Love to try to get Michael
J. Fox's attention. He justkeeps kind of saying to go back in
time, which isn't really alyric to that song. And yeah, that's
where my head's at now. Thankyou, Cody.
Not to get us too far offtopic, but I did just watch Teen

(04:48):
Wolf for the first timetonight right before this podcast.
Oh, Jamie, our other co host.Say hello, Jamie. I refuse to let
us get down the Teen Wolfrabbit hole until the episode starts
proper. Go, Jamie, go.
I began this morning with acup of of pumpkin spice flavored
coffee filled to the brim withpumpkin spice creamer. So I have

(05:09):
been positively DP'd by theseason today.
Pumpkin it up. Appreciatethat. Way to live.
Pumpkin it up.
Can we get Punk it up shirts?
Unfortunately, we'll have togo back in time, so they're ready
for big ass pumpkin day.
I hate this.
Did you know Teen Wolf waswritten by Jeph Low?
I did not. I knew very littleabout Teen Wolf other than Michael

(05:31):
J. Fox plays a teenagewerewolf who can play basketball.
And it turns out that is kindof all there is to the movie. Yeah,
yeah, I, I really expectedthere to be more to the climax than
Michael J. Fox manages to wina basketball game as not a werewolf.
And it just freeze frames andthen it's, it's done.
Yeah, you don't need more than that.
He fucked that girl as a wolf.Teen Wolf goes really hard when you

(05:55):
think about it. Like no othermovie would actually have him A,
fuck the popular girl insteadof the nerd and B, buck her as the
wolf. We don't talk about thatenough as a society.
I'm mostly impressed because Ifigured it wasn't going to be scary
in any way, but I figured theywould at least have some explanation
for the lycanthropy. Insteadof his dad just being like, well,

(06:16):
happens. That's a family thing.
And that dad walking in,wolfed out like, well, son is like
the funniest fucking thing inthe world. Right?
Like they kind of pull the rugout from me under you. Because it
starts with like this reallyheavy, like thumping score. And you
think, ooh, it's like aheartbeat, like someone's running
through the woods. And thenyou realize, oh, okay, it's a basketball

(06:37):
joke because he's on abasketball court, but it's still
his heart beating. But itcould be a basketball bouncing. And
that's the last time they evenattempt to make something scary or
like thrilling inside of thiswerewolf movie.
Cody, I strongly recommendwhen you wrap up here looking up
the old monstervision episodewhere Joe Bob Briggs is forced to

(06:57):
play Teen Wolf. It is the mostirritated you have ever seen him
see anything. Like the rant hegoes on about that screenplay is
legendary. That's one of myall time favorite put downs. It's
one thing to write that linedown, it's another thing to keep

(07:18):
it in the movie. I think thata lot.
So anyways, I finally, I don'tknow, I got it from like the Scream
sale and I just had myselfconvinced. Oh, I bet this is a really
good movie. It's just notscary. And then you watch it, you're
like, I don't know if this isanything really. It's not particularly
funny. It's definitely dated.And I guess it says, it does what

(07:38):
it says on the tin. Michael J.Fox is A werewolf boy. And he plays
basketball. That's all youneed now.
Now you need to watch TeenWolf 2.
Is Teen Wolf 2 any good? Itannoys me because the title is Teen
Wolf.
J. O Bateman, and it's aboutboxing. It's a werewolf boxing.
Oh, he boxes this time.
The first movie. It's a remakeof the first movie about his cousin.
Oh, it's just the exact samemovie, but a heavily coked up Jason

(08:03):
Bateman boxing.
Is this one of those dealswhere the MTV TV show Teen Wolf was
far superior to absolutelyactual original? Okay, yes.
It's weird. You actually can'targue that. Even if you hate that
show, objectively, that's thebest Teen Wolf thing.
Wow. All right.
It amused me so much assomebody who did like the movie as

(08:25):
a kid. Those couple of yearswhere teenage girls wanted Teen Wolf
and Styles to.
I like how this is. This iswhat we're starting with and really
blowing Cody's mind.
I'm learning so much aboutTeen Wolf.
I really wish that there hadbeen a. Instead of Teen Wolf, there
was a Fright Night TV show on mtv.

(08:47):
There should have been.
Kids grew up shipping Brewsterand Evil Ed together.
To be fair, there are, like ahundred different vampire TV shows
kids could just watch. Like,they could watch the Vampire Diaries
or whatever else.
Not the same.
No.
Yeah.
Also to bring it back to thepoint of tonight's episode, of course.
Did you know that Jeph Loebwrote Teen Wolf the same summer he

(09:07):
wrote Commando? And bothmovies were written under an alias,
so this was actually not knownuntil the 2000s.
I thought this was going toconnect more to Big Ass Pumpkin Day.
I thought they were going towrap us back around to that.
Well, Jeph Loeb wrote, ofcourse, Batman, the Long Halloween.
Ah.
Which famously has a pumpkinon one of the covers.

(09:28):
Yes.
So there you go.
That's how that works. You didit, Mike. I thought you were going
to say something surprisinglike, he wrote Pumpkinhead. I was
gonna be like, fuck, yes, nowwe're back in business.
Fuck. That would be amazing.Speaking of Pumpkinhead, so we were.
I'm just gonna reveal this. Wewere originally going to do commentary
for R.L. stine's bumpkinhead,which is premiering this month.

(09:48):
And has nothing to do, as faras we are aware, with the original
Pumpkinhead franchise.
The balls.
Yeah, I know. No, we'recalling it Pumpkinhead because I
assume he didn't knowPumpkinhead was a thing and refused
to change the name when it wasbrought up. I think today's his Birthday,
by the way.
R. Stein.
I think he's like happybirthday or something.

(10:09):
Stein. Yeah, he's 80something. Maybe even older than
that. R.L. stine. Old asballs. He writes Goosebumps books.
I was really hoping Wikipedia,when I typed in R.L. stein, was going
to start playing the thememusic to Goosebumps.
All of a sudden, all of asudden, all the pages of Wikipedia

(10:30):
fall on computer.
Wikipedia logo changes to bepointy and green. You look over at
a dog is suddenly sinister.
So it can't all be laughs and giggles.
Here.
Here's some actual fun factsfor people at home. R.L. stine, Robert

(10:53):
Lawrence Stein, born Columbus,Ohio, United states. Was born October
8, 1943.
Ah, wrong. Was off by a day.
Just. You're close.
Real close, though it doesn'tmatter because this isn't getting
posted till the 14th anyway, so.
Yeah, he still named thatthing Pumpkin Hole, which will always
be funny. I'm sorry. PumpkinHead. Pumpkin Head was a couple of

(11:15):
years ago.
That was a different thing.That was a well put together drama
that didn't have anything todo with horror.
I was a very well made remakeof the Machinist.
Yeah, essentially, but with pumpkins.
That's what that was. So it'sbetter. So instead of that, we. Jamie
and I, we didn't include Codyin this because you were busy.
Sure, sure.

(11:35):
We decided to come. I see howit is an alternative and.
Oh, God. You're outside myhouse right now. Oh, no. A SWAT team
comes in should my door breakdown. Oh, Christ.
And Cody has to.
It's robocop. I'm having my.It's robocop. I'm having my arm blown
off. Piece of my body shot offone shotgun blast at a time.

(12:00):
We have Pumpkin Man.
Part man, part pumpkin.
100% just rebuilt with pumpkinguts. They're just slopping all over
the place.
He's only good seasonally.He's only good for Halloween crime.
Don't ask for him onThanksgiving. This is actually a
smart way to make your moviebecause then you can combine that
one guy who gets splashed inacid and just begging someone to

(12:22):
kill him with the protagonistof the movie. They're just the same
character now.
I'm sorry. Now, before we getaway from it, I just want to say
I in real life. Now I want toscream, he's got a gun over a zoom
call with the police outsidejust to see if it works. You could
with so many people's day justshouting that into people, into the

(12:44):
phone while other people arewalking Around.
That's the new swatting, Jim.
You're gonna get people killed.
We live in that kind of worldnow, Cody. Anyway, Pumpkins.
Yes. Sorry to interrupt yourstory. I'll let you. I'll let you
surprise me now.
So I made the brilliantdecision of just simply googling
movies with pumpkins in them.I want to know what would come up

(13:06):
and hack o Lantern Jack. Oh,that. That was tempting. No, we're
never going back to Jacko.That was. It was a thing we did once.
We'll never do it again. Sothis is going to be a bit of a short
ass pumpkin day.
Short ass pumpkin.
This is not a movie. I mean,technically it was released as a
movie, but they didn't haveenough story to support a movie.

(13:28):
It was released as a movie,but it had two O's in it, so it was
kind of just like. Not really.
Why? Is there an um, lot here?
Look at it. I'm. I'm pastingthe link. This movie is on. Is free
officially on YouTube. It's onTubi. It's pretty much everywhere.
Because it's this. And I'm nowgiving you the link.
Okay, Can I click the link?

(13:50):
You can click the link.
It's Spookly the squarepumpkin. Hold on, I have to pause
it. It just wants this to beover so bad. It's already running.
Stop it, Cody.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Go back, go back, go back.Okay, I am. I am reset on Spookly
the square pumpkin, which I have.
Movie is haunted.
I've seen images of Spooklyonline and I always went, thank God

(14:11):
I grew up past Spookly's time.
We sent you an image in thegroup chat last week. Just. Yeah,
I thought that frighten you.
I thought that was Toothy thetooth adventurer.
You're not far off, characterdesign wise.
In a world where the only goodpumpkins are round pumpkins, Spookly
the square pumpkin is amistake. An outcast, a weed, an abomination

(14:35):
before God's eyes. Shunned bythe other pumpkins because of his
odd shape, Spookly isbefriended by Edgar, Alan and Jeff.
Three hilarious. It's PoeThree hilarious spiders who convince.
Spookly. It's PO threehilarious spiders who convince. I
don't like spiders. Why are wewatching a spider movie? Who convinced
Spookly that Square, not he isa pumpkin, God damn it. And every

(14:57):
pumpkin has the right to bethe pick of the patch on.
Halloween, the metaphor forgay rights.
Big ass motherfucking pumpkin.
Is he big? I thought he wasjust Square. Does he get big? Don't
tell me.
I didn't. You know what? Let'sall find out together here on big
ass Pumpkin Day.
Oh, this is really fun becauseit's free with ads. So, like there's
just me random parts where I'mstuck two minutes behind you guys
because I'm probably watchinglike five ads in a row. Spookly the

(15:19):
Square Pumpkin is a 47 minuteand 14 second long adventure without
ads. So you can probablyafford to get the ads in there. You
know, maybe an hour's worth ofentertainment out of this deal.
I actually didn't even see abutton to buy this thing.
It just can't just. Free with ads.
Yeah, it doesn't say like Ican buy it or anything.
Nobody owns Spookly. All right.
It's also weird because thecomments are turned off. Were people

(15:41):
getting too rowdy in thecomments for Spookly the Square Pumpkin?
Did the incels find out aboutspookly anyways? With 1.3 thousand
likes spookly.
I'm sorry, I'm just sitting on that.
For Spookly and his dei.
It's just a hell of a thing.
All right, I'm ready to go forthis. Are you ready to go for this?
I did find it uploaded for onthe official Spookly the Square Pumpkin

(16:02):
channel. I don't know if thatwill still carry ads with it or not.
Oh, I don't know.
Send me the link. Smook me,baby. One more time.
I love how it's just on. Justofficially on YouTube in like a dozen
different places.
Let's see, this one doesn'thave anything about ads mentioned.
I don't see ad breaks in likethe stream times, apparently. Folks,
this is the way to go. Youwant Spookly the Square Pumpkin from

(16:24):
like the source?
Fuck yeah. And I should saythis is also based on a children's
book. So you, if you wouldlike, can read along with us at home.
Just read really fast orreally slow technically.
Oh, hey, there's also a linkhere for Super Kitty's Halloween
Full episode. Season 1,episode 22.
I don't like the name of that.Fine, the name of that. Also Spookly
also has we discovered, Ithink, a Christmas special.

(16:47):
Ooh, is he. Is he just deadand rotten by that point?
Burying Spookily.
All right, so I am going tocount to three. After I say three,
we are going to go on thismagical fucking ride. Hey, ride.
Magical hayride to the pumpkinpatch of the freakish square pumpkin
named Spookly.

(17:07):
Oh, sorry. Let me. Let me turnon my closed captioning. There we
go.
Oh, thank God.
I got. I gotta know whatSpookly's saying, and I gotta make
sure I'm in 720p.
Of course.
All right. One, two, three, go.
Spookly, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(17:29):
Oh, God.
This is unfortunate becauseI'm not even gonna be able to talk
about the movie because I'mgonna be so fixated on trying to
figure out what's happening.
Oh, God. The. I'm sorry. Theshadowing on the font really just
got me.
Is. Is this part of the VeggieTales universe? Is there, like, a
God that Spookly has toanswer, too?

(17:51):
I would just like to. I. So I.I sent the same image of Spookly
that we sent you, Cody, thatjust haunted close up of Spookly's
face. I sent it withoutcontext to my girlfriend, who immediately
responded in all caps,Spookly. Because my girlfriend fucking

(18:14):
loves Spookly, the squarepumpkin. So I'm sorry, babe. I'm
probably gonna dunk on thisthing for the next 47 minutes.
It just seems like we'rewatching an episode of Pokemon, but
with awful graphics.
Pink.
They're pink.
Let me tell you about Rasputin.

(18:39):
You know that it's a shame we.
Didn'T get more shows up atthe end of Anastasia. What the hell?
Same universe should have gotthe same voice actors.
And then in the dark of thenight, just happens that this plays
out its entirety.
Considering no one else in theworld is actually watching Spookly
along with us, I feel like weneed to do the Arnold Schwarzenegger
thing and just narrate what'shappening within the film. You see,

(19:01):
there are two bats, and one isa girl bat, and there's a boy bat,
and they are. I'm not reallyquite sure because my script doesn't
involve these lines, but theyseem to be having an argument. Actually,
I think they're actually.They're arguing if they should kill
this ladybug. And the boy batis being introduced to vegetarian
options, which is not how batswork. It's not gonna work.

(19:24):
No. No.
Also, the bats are out duringthe day, and mats don't eat granola.
They're. They eat bugs.
100% medically accurate. Or fruits.
That's how I want all of mychildren's entertainment. Oh, no.
The scarecrow lives.
This is one of the reasons wepicked this. The oddest scarecrow

(19:45):
design I think I've ever seen.
They've got. They've got,like, giant fat heads These bats
and I don't understand howthey fly. They're really struggling,
so the animators must havethought the same thing. Everything
in this universe is alive. Thepumpkins are alive. The scarecrow's

(20:08):
alive. The bats are alive. Thebugs are alive. I'm terrible. How
do they eat anything? Thefucking oatmeal is probably alive.
The scarecrow looks like aDark Souls character.
The helmet. Yeah, definitelymakes him look like he should be
fighting the Onion Knight or something.
Jesus Christ.
We're going to the circus. Isthis thing that someone's gonna hear

(20:30):
right before they're murdered?
The horror pump.
Yes. All we know about this iswe watched the trailer and look.
Just looked at the poster andwe were mystified.
I. I assumed you watched theentire thing and I was just catching
up. Okay. There's the. Themusic is so dramatic. Oh, no. They

(20:52):
found this abomination. This blight.
He's already ashamed ofhimself. Why is one of them albino?
What is. Oh, that's a melon.Why is one of them. I believe. Yeah,
that's a cancel over movie star.
That's an essential part ofall children's entertainment. Jamie.

(21:13):
It's weird because they allseem to agree that Spookly's pretty
cool even though he's square.Except for the pumpkins.
Even though they only just methim. So they don't know that. Also,
I don't know about you guys,but anytime I see a scarecrow in
a movie, I assume it's Durant,who's undercover to kill Darkman.

(21:35):
Dark man, who is of courseretired to live on a farm.
He's gone to seed.
Dark Man 4 gone to seed.
Why are we watching Die Darkman die.
Right now I'm more concernedabout the speech. This pumpkin Hitler's

(21:56):
given was like, he'll spreadand there'll be more square pumpkins.
We have to eliminate his breednow. We have to cut off his line.
Why are they all attachedstill? It's very disturbing.
Walter, have you been on Gordchan again?
Maybe it's true. The incelsdid find Spookly. They're in the

(22:16):
movie.
The incel is coming frominside the house.
Oh, no.
What is Spookly doing?
That face don't make.
He's turning red. He's goingto explode. What are the other pumpkins
named as a pumpkin?
I don't like things that are spooky.

(22:39):
None of these. None of thesewho are talking all this big goddamn
game know that they're goingto be rotting on a front porch in
a Monks.
Oh, it's like the long walk.It's like they're. This is a march
into death. Like, they allknow they're going to be hollowed
out at the end of the month.
They're waiting for it.They're excited for it.

(23:02):
Oh, God, never let me go. Butit's about pumpkin.
I guess you'll rot here.They're aware of them rotting.
What. What. What is with theMelons, who seem.
To be 1980s club promoters?

(23:23):
I'm so confused, because theyhaven't introduced any of the other
pumpkin names. I don't thinkso. They're on Spookly's name, but,
like, what is a normal pumpkinname? Is it Fred?
Like, they don't have names.He's the only one with a name, and
they're jealous. Sorry, Iknow. I don't mean to be on Spookly's
side. He's a monster. Look athim. You wouldn't. You wouldn't get
that pumpkin. Imagine thatpumpkin sitting in the fucking cardboard

(23:46):
box that they keep pumpkins inat stores.
It looks like a jello mold.Oh, God. A psychosexual spiral into
madness.
That was so odd.
See, my. My mom always made apoint when we were out at the pumpkin
patch to get the weirdest,ugliest pumpkins, so she would 100%
be picking up Spookly to takehome, and the rest of the family

(24:06):
would make fun of her forpicking the worst pumpkin.
God is sadness.
You know, this really. Theplot of this movie really does change,
though. If it's spooky, I wantthis as a. I want that as a screensaver.
The. The plot of this moviereally changes. If it's Spookly the
long pumpkin.

(24:29):
He'S practically an egg.
Oh, I am getting an ad.
Boo. No Scotch tape.
I'm getting an ad for Scotchtape. I'm skipping it. I'm back to
the show. I'm back to the show.
Okay, back to the show. Thosemelons have weird spots on their
undersides. The hell are they.

(24:51):
I don't like that they'reattached. Like they're feeding off
of each other still.
That's why there's a largepumpkin and a small pumpkin. Classic
villain archetype, by the way.Like, you have to have the small
brains and then the big scarybody, the big dumb muscle and then
the small brains.
I don't like that theirabdomen's on their head. The Jack

(25:13):
Olympics. I hate this.
Oh, yeah. I don't.
Oh, God. I'll tell you, I wasgoing through Reddit the other day
and accidentally clicked onJack Olympics. Oof.
Wait, hold on, hold on. Doesthe scarecrow sound familiar?
A little bit.

(25:33):
Okay, I'm worried. Like, isthis Jack Brayer to IMDb?
I assume if there are anycelebrities in this movie, they're
under assumed names.
Yeah, that's probably fair. Ineed to know.
It's really weird.
It's actually dubbed by thepeople who dub Hentai. Good for them.

(25:59):
Okay, so I'm learning somestuff from the Wikipedia entry. Bobby
Pickett, the guy who sings themonster mash, appears near the end.
Spoilers, really? I'm tryingnot to have the whole thing ruined
for me. So yeah, I guess he'shere at the end. And they're not
white pumpkins. They are infact honeydew melons. Because they're

(26:20):
called the honeydews. Thethree singing honeydews. They're
supposed to be in the stylemelon. The Pointer Sisters, a vocal
group from Oakland back in the70s and 80s. I don't know why, but
that's what they went with.
Interesting.
What a weird thing that wouldbe in like a mid-80s cartoon.

(26:45):
Do people use buckets forscarecrows very often?
Give them night helmets.
I gotta say, I have not seen aton of scarecrows in my life.
Outside of media, I've neverseen a scarecrow before. As a kid,
I was very bitter.
About this at a beach and itdidn't make sense because that's
sand. Like, what are youscaring off?
Sharks?

(27:07):
Diamond smugglers, accordingto Baywatch. Look at his trot.
What a monster.
Also, those bats seem to bechanging size every time we see them.
Spookly. You look like you'rein such misery when you have to walk
that way.
You know, I. I don't know ifanybody's taking notice of this,

(27:27):
but the ground occasionally isdifferent colors in random places
for no particular reason andis a flat 2D image.
I was going to say the groundis a jpeg. I also think the sky may
be a jpeg that's just moving.
I was gonna say there's one.Oh, okay. The camera did switch there,

(27:50):
but yeah, the background isslowly panning.
I really don't like the mouthof the big pumpkin. That's really,
really creeping me out. Youthink anybody's ever a pumpkin?
Yeah, unfortunately.
We talked about this.
Oh, right, yeah.
That was a meme for a while.
Yeah. So Mike, I think withthe, the any entire pumpkin.

(28:13):
Oh, like up the ass.
Yeah.
It has to be a very smallerfist size pumpkins. Absolutely. If
we're Talking whole gore. It'sprobably not.
Even in Brazil where life is cheap.
It's been attempted.
Like. I feel like you reallymissed a beat by not asking your
girlfriend why she lovesSpookly the square Pumpkin. Because

(28:36):
I. I feel like I missed thewindow to be into this, and it's
too late now. And watching itthis way will definitely not turn
me into a fan. Is that an ear?Is that the fucking ear from Blue
Velvet? Oh, my God, Spookly,get away from it. You don't want
to be lured into that world ofintrigue and debauchery.
Oh, please don't shop Spooklyinto scenes from Blue Velvet. Put

(29:01):
them in the closet.
Spookly crying is a horrifying image.
She wore square velvet.
Mike. Can the fucking imagefor this commentary be frank doing

(29:21):
the gas mask. Blue Velvet andshape is there being set while it's
happening?
Honey, do melons and just.Just slamming melon.
Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Just.Spookly is in an eye drop. Is in
an eye drop right now. Andthat was the scariest thing I've
ever seen.

(29:43):
There was an O face there.
Now. Now I'm gonna have to askmy girlfriend detailed thoughts on
why this.
Didn't she have the book?
Yes. She read the book nightlyto her children, and I assume she
still reads.
It every single night. There's 17.

(30:07):
Oh, man. To celebrate, Ibought some cake bite pumpkin spice
things from the grocery storethis afternoon. It sounds like it
should be. I just had one, andthis thing fucking sucks. This is
awful.
Like, as a cake pop. Or is itspecifically the pumpkin spice flavoring?

(30:28):
I think the pumpkin spiceflavoring doesn't do it any favors.
And the. The cake part of itis very dry. Like I was expecting
moist cake, and I'm getting,like, a. A fight to swallow this
thing down.
That's no good. He's got acrown now.
That's right.
Oh, my God. It's a candy corn crown.
The candy corn crown.

(30:50):
We never seen that. The candycorn crown for the candy corn king.
Perhaps a candy corn queen.
Oh, no. The spiders haveappeared. We have to burn down this
entire patch.

(31:12):
Sergeant. Imagine an oldConfederate general is pulling.
Up on a horse.
Spookly burns to death credits.
That's the lesson, though. Theround pumpkins die at the same time
as a square pumpkin. Theyrealized they were all brothers in
life.
Everyone dies the same by fire.

(31:35):
That's. It's a pumpkin's life, baby.
I mean, I've never read thebook. That could be actually the
ending of It. That's the lifelesson. It's. It's not so much accept
people for being differentthat makes you special. It's that
at the end, we're all dust.
That's right.

(31:58):
Someone kill the spiders.
Yeah. I think these guys aregoing to be main parts of the movie
for the next 30 minutes.
Why do they have fangs?
I don't what to make themworse. I'm just glad they have two
eyes. That's plenty. Ple.
Please don't. The spiders aresaying they have so many legs. Ah,

(32:27):
this is haunted. He's doingspooky hands. What the fuck was that?
To distract myself from thisterrible thing, I just started reading
the Halloween tree book.
Nice.
That's lovely.
I'm 40 pages in. It's a short,very short kid's book, I think. It's

(32:47):
only 140 pages. And it's justso weird, having grown up with the
animated special, to go backto the actual source material. And
all of a sudden Mount Round isnot just like the weirdest, scariest,
evilest man in the world. Sofar, he seems like just a weirdo,
but, like, relativelyharmless. Who wants to help? It's.
It's throwing me for a loop.

(33:07):
He's not quite a warlock.
I mean, they do have, like, hejust got to a part where he just
flings his cape wide open andcan fly. But.
What I love about that book ishow much it kind of feels like one
big essay about Halloween that.
Has a story wrapped around it.

(33:28):
There's so many moments whereMount Trout just says, like, and
now it's time to learn about Halloween.
Then he pulls out a littlescreen and we watch a video.
It's kind of written that way.It feels like Bradbury was, like,
given a check by Big Halloweento make a promotional video.
Also, can this be the new BigAss Pumpkin Day song? Halloween is

(33:53):
great for pumpkins.
Did they not know how to sing?Like, did the actors not know the
concept of singing? Also ghosthere. So there are dead people in
this farm.
Everything in this. In thismovie, Mike is alive. So it makes
sense they would all die andtheir spirits would haunt the. The
realm.
Oh, what an overabundance ofsouls in that world. That's a premise

(34:15):
for a movie. I want somebodyto do, like.
A.
Higher power having to dealwith the fact that every single thing
on earth actually does have asoul. So that there's just an overabundance
of souls because of animism.

(34:35):
Just having to have anargument with a fucking leaf just
seems like the.
Premise of an anime series orsomething that was overcrowded this
week.
That was a premise to a shortstory I had a while back. Basically,
hey, God only made enoughsouls for like the 8,000 people that
originally existed, and nowthere are too many people. So you've

(34:55):
got like eight importantpeople with actual souls and nobody
else got one. They're all madabout it. I hate these spiders so
much.
I, I, I really hope that this,this all seems to be taking place
over the course of like, youknow, part of a day. Farmer gets

(35:21):
up, gets out of bed and startspicking the pumpkins because this
farm is to make pumpkin seedsand they're all ground up an industrial
grinder.
I'm still trying to figure tosay he, he was going to see all of
this.
What the.
Again. Burn it down. Burn itall down. I'm trying to figure out,

(35:46):
I'm trying to figure out thevine situation here, because these
two are the only two that areconnected. The rest hall have their
vines, but they're solo pumpkins.
And these two, it's a metaphorfor codependency.
The Tweedledum Tweedledee areusing it to their advantage, though.
They're doing jump rope.They'll probably use the clothesline
of pumpkin and erase later.
Strangle a man. That's it.They kill the pumpkin or they kill

(36:08):
the farmer so that they canrule over the pumpkin patch.
The smack o lantern. Oh no.He's gonna crush those poor weird
spider ants.
Extremely serious question. Ifthere was a war between man and farm,

(36:31):
what, what position, what sidewould the scarecrow be on? Because
he's both a farm instrumentand an honorary farm animal. But
he is also in the shape of man.
That's a homogulous, Jamie.It's, it's much like Kingdom Come.
He is being, I'm assuming thespecter comes to him and makes him

(36:53):
decide the fate of humanity atsome point. Because he has lived
in both worlds of the animalsand the man.
Oh, so it's, so it's KingdomCome. If instead of that priest,
it was Brother Power, the freak.
God. Can you just imagine thatthere's a war between the Gulf of

(37:16):
man and Barnes, and scarecrowsabandon their post, throw down their
arms, will have no place inthis war.
Oh, that's so ominous. The dayall the scarecrows walked into the
woods, they were done with madam.

(37:36):
Farms and man wipe each otherout. And then from the hills come
the scarecrows, who nowovertake the earth as the dominant
life form.
I love the idea of just makingthis kingdom Come because that means
the government hears aboutthis and their first reaction is
we have to nuke them. We haveto kill both sides. We have to just

(37:57):
eliminate everything on this farm.
It's a. It's as we all. AsEisenhower feared, the scarecrows
have come to take back thefarmlands. That's their damn.
We shouldn't have had all ourweapons crow powered.
Who is the Billy Batson inthis one?
Drop lighters onto every farm.We're gonna put the fear of God into
these crow boys. Little dothey know that there has been allegiance

(38:23):
between them and the crows. Wedon't stand a chance. There's an
army of scarecrows marchingwith crows. Flying, blocking.
Oh, God. They became friends.
Also, as we know from the filmScarecrow. Scarecrows can take on

(38:44):
an elite commando unit.
Absolutely.
That is a bat holding spidersup by one of their legs. And I'm
very disturbed. I hate thesethings. I hate them. I hate everything.
I want these things to die. Iwant every creature in this farm
to die. Imagine this is theone farm on the planet Earth with

(39:05):
all of these alive things. Ihate it. I hate this place. Where
are we? Not in world. What is happening?
Not to make it worse for you,Mike, but the way he was holding
them up, they didn't obeygravity like their core.
No.
Didn't. Didn't like floparound or turn when they got yanked
from the hind legs and heldup. So their cores are Must. Yeah.
Their core strength isinsanely strong.

(39:28):
Ah. Hello, sexy.
Why sexy bat? Not that I'mnot. I don't against a sexy bat.
We've all seen Gary Oldman andBram Stoker's Dracula. There's bees
now. And other weird things.What the was that?

(39:50):
Spiders.
The old pot belly.
They should have gone full outand just made this bat sing exactly
like Tom Waits.
Doesn't Spookly the SquarePumpkin sound like a Tom Waits album?
Not a song. An entire concept album.

(40:12):
Spookly the Square Pumpkingetting a postcard from a hooker
in Minneapolis.
Oh, there'd be an entireintroductory song about a little
farm girl who was struck halfblind when her daddy hit her with
a beer bottle. Finding Spooklyin the field one day. And then they
were outcasts together untilthe cancer took her.

(40:36):
Could you imagine the stagebanter if Tom Waits ever did this
as a live album? I went onebay and I bought the Last Dying
Breath of Spookly the SquarePumpkin. No refunds.
The Last Dying Breath ofSpookly the Square Pumpkin.
Oh, he'd have A wholemonologue where he explains the history.

(40:57):
A jackal with a lantern.
Also, wow, that's that. Thatbat was just about to eat that fucking
spider with a personality.
Oh, yeah, that's what thatwhole song was about. He's talking
about deep frying and allsorts of stuff. He just wants to
eat the bugs.
It's like Yellowjacket. Hewants his enemy to be with him, inside
of him forever. Their souls merged.

(41:20):
No, I can't help but feel likethey didn't need to put songs in
this. Then again, how shortwould this thing be without the songs?
Yeah, if you take the songsout. Mike, this is a 20 minute thing.
Do they just fucking play axylophone? And that spider ran away.
That rock is so blurry.
It feels like we're watchingXavier Renegade Angel.

(41:42):
I kind of feel like I'mplaying a army men game on the N64
era.
Oh, man, what a callback.
Oh, you know what this remindsme of my ninja bread, man.
To be real for.
Oh, another blast from the past.

(42:02):
Oh, no, an ad. What'shappening? What is this stuff?
Oh, you're missing dangerous goods.
Okay, I got my skip. So to gettoo real for a second, my dad, I
think, trying to bond with me,bought me a PC game as a child. That
was one of the army men games,like the Plastic, you know, Nice.
And he's all excited because,you know, he was big into military

(42:25):
stuff, big into guns and allthat, and thought like, the boy will
like this. And I just neverplayed it. I don't know what it was.
I just had no interest in thisat all. I felt so bad because he's
so excited about it. I'm justlike, oh, yeah, whatever. Now, the
game he got about huntingdinosaurs, that, that, that brought
us together. That was one weboth enjoyed.
That always works.

(42:47):
It's terrifying to be huntedby a T. Rex. That's all I'm saying.
This movie's horny. I justwant to say. Oh, God, the pea stalks
are alive.
What? What? What? No, I wantto eat all these things. They should
all die.
Okay, how far back am I? Thespiders are still talking to Spookly

(43:10):
here. They're about to startthe race.
I think we are at 25 minutesand 55, 56, 57, 58.
Oh, I am. Yeah. Like 20seconds behind you. Oh, man, I'm
just gonna skip to the end.
No, you're watching this with us.
Oh, man, Spooky's doing awful.

(43:33):
Spookly suddenly can't movebecause the plot told him he can't
move because he.
Can'T bounce because he'ssquare, which should help him in
bouncing.
He won't roll.
Yeah. It's weird because theyshowed him before, and he was able
to walk on his pumpkin edges.
He's a pumpkin. And hetripped. I thought. What? I feel

(43:56):
like if you play this, thespookly PlayStation game, I'm sure
exists, you move forward bythat little hop. Like, I can. I can
feel the sticky controlsalready. Oh, God.
I. I tried to jump forward,like, 10 seconds here, so hopefully
I didn't get too far ahead ofyou. What is happening? Spookly.
He's just spinning in a circlelike he's possessed.

(44:23):
Oh.
Oh, oh. So close to winning,and so far, he has to rip himself
free.
What? What? Why? Why is themud just weird? Dots looks.
He's got ice cream on him.
It ain't over till. No, therace is over. Like, it was literally
just called. You have to be infirst place. What you're looking

(44:48):
for is a marathon. That is nota race.
I think a marathon isdefinitely a race.
It is a kind of race, but itis most often just about finishing.

(45:09):
Oh, shit. We got the lawcoming in. We got pumpkins disqualified.
Billy Mitchell all over again.
Why does a spider want to fucka bat? Like, that's. It's not even
possible. Like, what is itgonna do? Crawl into her bat pussy?
Yeah, I don't. I didn't likethat phrase. Can we strike it from
the show?

(45:29):
Well, you know how, like, aspider bites into its prey after
it's wrapped up, liquefies itsinternal organs, and then drinks
it for sustenance? Imaginethat. But he's doing it to her bat
clitoris.
I don't like any of this. This is.
Which is under the hood of her bat.
Yes, I would like.

(45:51):
Your turn. Now.
That is a Ultimate Avengersreference for those not keeping score.
So there's eggplants now.These things are monsters.

(46:11):
Why did the eggplants agree tothis? Like, yeah, just line us up
and beat the out of us foryour Olympics.
They're all masochists.
This is so weird. I do notenjoy the fact that these guys love
being pins.
I don't like that there's ahierarchy, apparently.

(46:31):
Okay, the dual pumpkinsshouldn't be allowed to go together.
It's not fair. They got, like,a clothesline they can do. Are they
gonna clothesline? I called that.
You called it.
Also, what season is thiswhere all these things are growing
at once?
It's magical. Farm world,Mike. There's no Farmers. The pumpkins

(46:52):
live in harmony with theinsects instead of being eaten on
by them.
Someone just fucking killSpookly. Just end his life, please.
I hope he gets into this thingand he can't fall out of it because
he's square. Why is hebouncing like that? What is he made
of?

(47:15):
I love Cody being behind. Whyis the female pumpkin named Bobo?
That's so. That's so odd. Therouge. The bat of Spookly.
She's.
What?
Why did she win again?

(47:36):
He's the Scarecrow.
This is some horseshit.
Flowers.
Why do you.
How. What year is that? Whatis going on?
I'll get to your complaints ina second. I'm still upset. Why was
Big Tom disqualified? Whydidn't they warn them? Like, hey,
if you guys go the way you'regonna go down, you. You won't win.

(47:57):
Like, you can't. There's no point.
This goddamn Jack Olympics.
I just told you. Bobo's the Scarecrow.
It's.
It's like. This is somehorseshit here. I would be pissed
if I was big time. I'd belike, I'm not playing because every
time I do anything, youdisqualify me. I can't help. I'm
connected to my brother.
I just thought of freakish. Ijust thought of the most disgusting

(48:24):
phrase that I don't want tosay, but I also kind of want to say
it. But. No, I shouldn't, butI still kind of want to say it, and
I probably am going to say it.
Don't say don't. I don't knowwhat's going through your head, but
don't say it. I'm gonna. I'mgonna try and distract us by just

(48:44):
talking about how the lastpart of this should be the Thunderdome,
and then Big Tom should belike the Master Blaster. Just, you
know, two pumpkins enter, onepumpkin leaves.
They kind of are the masterblaster of the situation.
Oh. So once again, it wasimpossible for these pumpkins to

(49:06):
win because Big Tom is too fatto get through the hole. What the.
Why?
Why What? Yam talk. That's asupremacist thing to say. Why is
Spookly acting like he's dyingof cancer?
That's actually Spookly'sorigin. He was a make a wish kid,

(49:27):
and this is what he wishedfor. He wanted to be a square pumpkin.
Spookly Mike. You said thatperfectly lined up with. When they
launched Spookly into theatmosphere on that. That launcher.
I don't understand why Spooklywas bad at this one because it should

(49:50):
just work. Sorry. Go ahead, Jamie.
Sorry. I have a scarecrow sexjoke. It's time to give the scarecrow
some brain.
Yeah, continue.
Continue everyone.
Well, you really got stuff.
You see, mine was just. Oh,she lets him scarecrow come in her
guts.
I hate it. I don't like it.
Which is just, you know, asblatant as you could get. But I just

(50:11):
like that collection of words.It was terrible.
Scarecrow come. Like. Likewith a hyphen.
Oh, no.
Yes. And use your imagination.
I don't want you all comes out.
It's bugs.
This isn't bugs.
This is an awful day to have ears.
Oh, he's just Cody. We are talking.

(50:33):
And unfortunately I have.
To hear it because ascarecrow's outside all the time.
Bugs are going to crawl inthere and start living in there because
it's a nice warm place. Soscarecrows would be full of bugs.
I feel like a sentientscarecrow would take great pride
in keeping other creatures outof them. Especially in a world where,
as we know, bugs are alive andhave souls and opinions.

(50:56):
Yeah.
Basically have roommates atthat point.
Yeah. So he would be happybeing a house for bugs and use it
in his sexual games with thisfemale pumpkin. The one female pumpkin
in this entire goddamn farm.The only female outside of a bat
in this entire farm. Soeverybody is taking a turn on Bobo.

(51:17):
You're assuming nobody'sgetting the money.
I just wanted to say thatJamie's got you there. But Mike,
this is clearly underoperating underneath like Smurfette
logic. It's. It's just fine.That's just how the pumpkin patch
rolls.
That's what Gargamel had a haddifficulty accepting the Smurfs as
things is because he knew whatwas happening. There was a crime.

(51:43):
Anyway, the melons are singingnow again.
Transylvania twist specifically.
Why? Why, why are they theCalifornia Raisins?
Oh God. Oh no. Satan is arriving.
Wow, look at those blurrypixelated clouds.
Hey, spoiler.
Jesus Christ. I know this was2005, but technology existed.

(52:07):
Just jpegs of black cloudsbeing slid across.
Holy fuck. Toy Story came outin 1997.
Now it just looks like one ofthose God awful direct to video wizard
of Oz movies that came out inthe 2000s.
I remember those. Yeah, theyalways stocked up on them at the
Walmart discount bin.

(52:28):
There's a Tom and Jerry wizardof Oz movie.
There is. They also is a Tomand Jerry Willy Wonka. For some reason.
Tom and Jerry just get into a.
Bunch of weird adventuresAlso, there's a narrator now. I've
kind of forgot there was anarrator. It's been a while. Aha.
You round freaks. I'm sorry.This is what gives Spookly an edge.

(52:59):
I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure thewind would still carry Spookly away,
square or not.
Also, he. He tripped goingforward earlier. He does not seem
particularly sturdy.
Man. Oh, that. Look at that.Scarecrow is getting up by the wind.
This is a hurricane.
I'm really impressed with howpowerful this candy corn crown is.

(53:29):
Oh, they up. There goes thecandy corn crown.
We have to make that. Wereally have to make that.
The candy corn crown.
I can probably get. I canprobably ask my girlfriend to make
it. Kelly would.
Kelly would absolutely make acandy corn crown.
I'm really surprised we don'tsee those as a thing for, like, crowning
contest winners. Like.
Right.
Happy Halloween. Youdefinitely had the best Edward Scissorhands

(53:51):
costume. Here's your candy crown.
And literally no one would eat it.
Well, I think candy corn isactually made entirely of some kind
of wax silicone hybrid. So Ithink that will, like, all the candy
core in the world will stillbe in landfills a thousand years
from now. Oh, God. His back is broke.

(54:15):
He's a scarecrow. It doesn't matter.
Why do we fall, Mr. Scarecrow?
If only these bats could flyto safety.
Jesus Christ. Is the scarecrowgonna light on fire? It'd be awesome.
What is. What is Spooklysupposed to do about any of this?
So the scarecrow is about tobe on fire. Yeah. The other pumpkins

(54:37):
are slowly rolling away intheir wagon. I think they're slowly
moving. It's hard to tell.
You know, Spookly has real.Like, Walker told me, I have AIDS
energy film.
Oh, no.
God. Imagine the ending ofPhiladelphia, but it happens as Spookly.
Oh, very different movie.

(54:59):
I'm pulling out all the oldiesfor this one.
Spooky. Just use your leafhands to cover your eyes. Don't look
at this massacre.
Oh, Spookly can walk now. Whenthe wrath of God is coming.
Down, the wind is pushing him forward.
I appreciate this, too, thatSpookly has to knock over the water
tower to put out the scarecrow.

(55:19):
Get Scarecrow.
It's just one of those things,like, he's on fire, and he's trying
to put it out with a burningbrush here. But it's. It's raining.
It's like a hurricane. Why ishe still on fire? Shouldn't that
be enough to put it out?
It should be. I Don'tunderstand how there's fire.
What is the logic here in thiskids cartoon?

(55:41):
Seeing Spookly move with hisweird vine hands. I don't like it.
Don't.
Slowly inching himself upbackwards. Up a spout.
My cousin and I did this onceat a playground and I fell down at
the top, hit him. He fell downand broke his pinky toe. And he's
never forgiven me. It wasbasically this exact same scenario

(56:03):
without the hurricane or thetalking scarecrow or the square pumpkin.
There was a scarecrow though.That part was there.
Same thing. Oh God. Nowthey're waterboarding the scarecrow.
You have to. That's. That'sthreading a goddamn needle.

(56:24):
Oh no. My pinky toe.
I'll never walk again.
Look, it was. It was yearsbefore he like even kind of let it
go. So I try not to mention itto him.
Spookly knew what must be doneand he just turns and shrouds himself.
Finish them, Spookly. Finish them.
Must be appeased.

(56:52):
I'm waiting to see where therest of the square thing comes into
play here. And so far it'sjust. If adorable storm comes along,
he can't be moved easily.
Also, where's the farmer andall this? All of his crops are being
destroyed apparently.
It's actually Fun fact takesplace far in the future where like

(57:16):
us smart homes are stillrunning all the farms. But humanity
has died out. That's whyeverything's in season at once. Ah,
like that Bradbury story.There will come a heavy rain, but
with square pumpkins.
Where the wild wind blows.
Fun fact. This is actuallykind of a prequel to the opening
five minutes of Twister.

(57:38):
That's happening off to the side.
Yeah, that's. The farmer'sdealing with that right now, so don't
get on his case.
You did nothing to save me,Spookly. Also, wouldn't the scarecrow
be sopping wet and justfalling apart right now? You'd think,
God, that'd be so sad.

(58:05):
Get bent, Spookly.
We're all gonna cut ourselvesand make a square.
Also, my. My subtitles havejust been way off this whole time.
It just keeps sayingTransylvanian twist throughout this
whole scene.
Everyone turns to the camera.Transylvania twist. Transylvania

(58:30):
twist.
Yes. It would be wrong for abat to fall in love with a spider.
As if that's the onlypolitical opinion we state on this
show.
Let it be that I don't wantbat spider hybrids. I've seen Gremlins

(58:50):
too. It's terrifying.
Ah, but every goth girl inAmerica would have A new best friend.
God, that's my Kobayashi Maru.Bat spiders.
I would assume if I got in abat spider situation. No. If I'm

(59:10):
in a situation with a batspider, the only correct solution
is to just immediately killmyself. Just. Just. Nope. I don't
want to live in this world.
Same. Say what? Why are theghosts so tiny? Who were these people?
Pygmies?
This is the ranch that theBorrowers took place on.
Oh, God, they starved.

(59:32):
Are the ghosts supposed to bethe monster Mash dude? Is that him?
Wikipedia promised me thatBobby Pickett was in here somewhere.
You know, people don't playthe Transylvania twist enough anymore.
Could Bobby Pickett perhaps bethe narrator? Maybe A very aged man.

(59:54):
True. They did say he had asmall cameo at the end of the film.
He just walks out and says,monster mash, and then grabs a gun.
And that was the last role hewas ever in. Ah. Ah. Spookly's dancing
by just having a weird morpheffect applied to him.
Uh oh. Oh, now he's so. He'slike, jello.

(01:00:20):
Blurry, too. What, are theother pumpkins not alive yet? Or
are they just not dealing withthe. The. This.
They had enough of the honeymelons, and they're like, we're.
We're peace. Now we're justshutting down. I'm more impressed
they can wear these sunglasseswithout ears or nose. Oh, yeah, he

(01:00:43):
definitely does.
Suddenly, a pickup truck runsthem over, and John Goodman Guts
gets out and carrying MaryElizabeth Winstead, and he goes,
we've been watching 10Cloverfield Lane all along.

(01:01:04):
Oh, there's the farmer there.That's the monster Masher himself.
Why is he checking his cropwith a lantern? Shouldn't he be,
like, looking at shit duringthe day?
It's so he can burn it all.They hurt my throat with that one.

(01:01:27):
Man, I can't wait for them todo a live action remake with the
rock for this.
The things I'm gonna do tothis pumpkin.
Oh, I can use his corners like handles.
Spookly wanted to die that night.
Spooky. This is actually very sad.

(01:01:48):
Spookly.
Spookly finally makes friendsand gets acceptance from the clan,
and he just gets yanked out.Go live alone in the house.
Is Jesus Christ. So he washollowed out. He'd be dead.
He's like, Jonah. He's dead. Demoted.

(01:02:14):
Oh, God. Well, why are theyall lights now? What the is going
on? Are they dead? Is this allhappening in the snow globe of a
dying child who's in a coma?
Oh, maybe it is the Halloweentree. That's the dead kid soul. Each
of those.
Ah, the greatest boy who ever lived.
They do keep that line in thebook. Pip is the greatest boy who

(01:02:35):
ever existed.
Pip's gonna kill me. I'msorry. I'm still really, all these
years later, still reallyproud of my sinister Pip intro for
our Halloween tree commentary.The greatest boar who ever lived.

(01:03:01):
So. Wow. Rick Jones ofIncredible Hulk fame was the voice
director from this.
Wow. And now it's 40 minutesof credits.
Incredible Negative zone. I I,I Other honeydews Lead Honeydew.
There were three honeydews andthere were still five voices. What?

(01:03:26):
They fired the first two.
Obvious animation product.What a terrible name for a production
company.
There's worse.
This is the version that useshim. So I'm, I'm seeing a lot of

(01:03:51):
kind of French names and stuffin here.
It is a Canadian production,so maybe it's all French Canadians.
Either way, I feel like thiswas subsidized by a government and
there should be an investigation.
This damn pro square pumpkin propaganda.

(01:04:14):
I, I got nothing.
Reception. Common Sense Mediarated the film 4 out of 5 stars.
It was very progressive that aspider wanted to fuck a bat.

(01:04:35):
Okay, they must have beendigging really deep to find this
stuff to throw into theWikipedia article because the reception
area has two reviews, one fromCommon Sense Media and the other
is the website in theplayroom. Stated together with some
Halloween crafts like carvinga pumpkin and some Halloween sweets,
this will make a perfectHalloween special night for the children.

(01:04:58):
So they just found a website.
Kill Spookly.
They just made. They justfound a website. There's not even
a link to in the playroom, soI'm assuming it's no longer a functional
website. And they're like,there we go. That's a review. Good
enough.
I.
Okay, let's say we. Let'sgather all the children around. Let's
watch Spookly the squarepumpkin. All right, Spookly. The
square pumpkin's over, kids.Now it's time to carve a jack o lantern.

(01:05:20):
Pretend each one is Spookly.They're all alive. See, now I'm four
watching Spookly every year.
Okay, that'd be kind of fun.
I got Spookly and theChristmas kittens. Judging by the
thumbnail, appears to be stop motion.
I'm a little disappointedbecause back in the day, this would
have been like a puppet orstop motion type show. And instead
we got cgi, which doesn't agevery well. And it's, it's a real

(01:05:41):
shame if this was A big feltpumpkin. I probably would have been
into it.
Spookly. The Spookly. And theChristmas kittens appears to have
money because they actuallycan afford shading. Ooh, there's
shadows. Things are weirdlyshiny. Like they. They. What they
did is they. They totally gotan after effects plugin.
Fun fact. This was distributedby Kid Toon Films and Lionsgate.

(01:06:04):
Jesus Christ.
The people who brought you saw.
Okay, I just realizedsomething. So it's the. It's a Christmas
kitten. So it's in Christmascolors, right?
Sure, that would make sense.
It. It just looks like aFreddy Krueger colored cap.
Oh, God, it does. Or a Pokemonof some kind.
I am gonna dye Bath's hair.She'll love it.

(01:06:24):
Oh, just give her just thesweater on the torso.
Yes.
And. And while you're doingthat, she'll slice you up like Freddy.
So.
Related movies it's too badone of.
Us didn't celebrate this bymaking a pumpkin square. We really
missed opportunity.
Next year. Next year that'll.That'll be our new thing. We have
to make a square pumpkinthing. Also, one of the related movies

(01:06:45):
is Godzilla vs destroyer.
Oh, and 13 ghosts. Also theUgly Dolls movie, which I forgot
happened.
And Batman, Gotham Knight.
All the things I would expectfrom a animated pumpkin. Music.
And hundreds of beavers.
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
Beautiful. Then we just watchHundreds of beavers for the rest

(01:07:05):
of big ass pumpkin day. That'swhat you. That's what you can do,
folks at home. You can. Afterwatching Spookly the square pumpkin
and wondering how there couldever be a God and how everyone could
have any at any point in humanhistory believed that there was a
God. Watch Hundreds of Beavers.
It's pretty good. I don't knowif you need to question why things

(01:07:25):
are the way they are beforewatching it. I think you just watch
Hundreds of beavers.
I don't.
You don't have to be in thatkind of frame of mind.
Box office Pull. What kind of God?
I don't hope for a betterworld for anyone. That's what Spookly
has done to me.
Just the high evolutionary.There was no God, so I stepped in.
But it's a guy in one of thebeaver suits from hundreds of beavers.

(01:07:47):
Creating Spookly the squarepumpkin. Also, Mike, just entirely
for our amusement. On the therelated movies the fucking squirrel
that Superman saved Fightingback Zack Snyder Superman.
What the is this? Laura andUlysses is a delightful comedy adventure

(01:08:07):
based on the Newberry Awardwinning book about 10 year old flora.
An avid comic book fan. AndGod damn it. And self avowed cynic.
So she's an incel whoseparents have.
Recently separated afterrescuing a squirrel she named Ulysses.
Flora is amazed to discover hepossesses unique superhero powers
which takes them on anadventure of humorous complications

(01:08:27):
that ultimately changedFlora's life and her outlook forever.
Sorry, mom and dad are stillsplitting up.
This just seems like a Disneymovie from 2006. Like this came out
right before the odd life ofTimothy Green.
Oh, God. It's. It's live action.
The squirrel did an iron man drop.
I mean, I'm just going to cutus off there. I don't know if we

(01:08:47):
need to see anything more.
We don't need to go furtherinto this. I got. I got nothing.
Folks at home, hopefullyyou've enjoyed Spookly the Square
Pumpkin. I was confused by it,but it's also the first time I've
seen it and I couldn't hearhalf what was happening. Huh.
I'm sorry again. A Danny Pootyand oh God, John Ralphio is there.
In other times, I might lowKate Micucci.

(01:09:09):
What the. At some point Imight give a about that kind of voice
cast, but again, the brewersare playing.
So this is a live action movie.
I still don't give a. I don'tcare. I don't care at all.
We broke Cody with Spookly thesquare Pumpkin.
I just. I just want to gowatch my sports. I want to go see
the Cubs lose.

(01:09:30):
Win.
Big ass pumpkin day. Cody, youdidn't make a drink.
I actually did. I just didn'ttell anyone about it. No, this was.
It's not much of a cocktail.It's. It's just. It's not a cocktail
at all, actually. It's. It'sjust pomegranate juice and apple
cider.
It's just drunk.
It's just juice.
You decided to change thingsup this year?
You know, my fridge was toofull to get ingredients for another

(01:09:52):
cocktail, so I was like, no,we don't have to do this.
I bought the cake pops.
Huge mistake. I should justbought some pumpkin beer. Anyways,
folks, I hope you enjoy eitheryour second Saturday of October or
October 14th, whichever youprefer. And you have a big ass pumpkin
day to remember. Go carve thelargest pumpkin you can find, square
or not. I think that's prettymuch all the traditions for big ass

(01:10:12):
pumpkin day. So I was tryingto dig deep into the well for other
things, but pretty much theonly requirements. Well, now you
have the tools to enjoy theholly. All right, let's hit her.
I Wish I had a kazoo. Big ass,big ass pumpkin day. Big ass, big
ass pumpkin day. Big ass, bigass, pumpkin day. It's a big ass

(01:10:33):
pumpkin day, everybody. Bigass, big ass, pumpkin day. Big ass,
big ass, pumpkin day.
Big ass.
Oh, God, they found me. Theyjust burned my house down. It's the
end of the episode. I just getswatted and it's over.
That pumpkin's gonna go on.

(01:10:55):
That's how they carve. That'show all cops carve pumpkins.
It's just like you're beingheld up, like being told to get your
hands up, and then suddenlyyou just punch a pumpkin that's next
to you and pull out an Uzi andstart firing. Let's take a movie
based around that one.
The Uzi's in the pumpkin.
Yes, a whole pumpkin. It's notbeen carved somehow. It's in the
pumpkin.

(01:11:15):
The pumpkin's got a grenade.
Anyways, folks, that's all Igot. That's a wrap. Get out of here.
Go enjoy your holiday. Tellthem Bob sent you. That's what you
have to say at the pumpkinpatch or they won't give you a square
pumpkin. I've tried a thousandother ways, and they just won't give
you a square pumpkin.
It's like saying goodbye whenyou're using a Ouija board.
Box Office Pulp recommendsgoing to your nearest pumpkin patch

(01:11:36):
and just sitting down, just.
Just becoming part of theweeds. I mean, that's pretty much
the premise of a Charlie Brownstory. So it's fine.
You know, we make the animusversion of our podcast a horrific
either child molester ormurderer way too often. I don't know
how we're supposed to feelabout that.

(01:11:57):
That's just how it is.
That's just how the podcastworks. Subscribe now.
It is what it is. I don't knowwhat you want to say.
Contain Box Office Pulp guyfor one more week by subscribing
now.
It's like that NationalLampoons cover. Like, listen to the
show or we'll shoot the dog.

(01:12:18):
We.
It's on. It's on your hands.