April 19, 2025 • 46 mins
We are living in a stressed-out world. And the constant fear and anxiety is affecting all ages. On this Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, Dr. Charles Stone gives 9 ways to stress less. What is stress and what does it do to the body and brain? If you want to find freedom and peace in our stress-filled world, don’t miss the encouragement on Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman.
Featured resource: STRESS LESS: 9 HABITS FROM THE BIBLE AND BRAIN SCIENCE TO BUILD RESILIENCE AND REDUCE ANXIETY - BIBLICALLY SOUND - RESEARCH INFORMED
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Episode Transcript
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S1 (00:00):
If you're feeling the negative effects of stress, don't miss
today's Building Relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman.
S2 (00:07):
There is hope. There are practical things you can do
to dial down the intensity and the pain of that
stressful response. Hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well.
And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's
Word is true.
S1 (00:25):
Welcome to building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman, author of
the New York Times best seller The Five Love Languages. Well,
we live in a stressed out world. Adults, teens and
children are experiencing heightened stress levels so much that many
say they simply can't function. What can we do about
this problem?
S3 (00:42):
Doctor Charles Stone is going to answer that question today.
He's going to tell us more about stress, what it
does to our bodies, our brains and our souls. Really.
He's written the book Stress Less nine habits from the
Bible and Brain Science to build resilience and reduce anxiety.
You can find out more at Building Relationships. And Gary,
(01:05):
you have a busy schedule. I hear about all your travels,
about the different continents you're speaking on, all the people
that you're speaking to and the deadlines that you have.
But you are one of the least stressed people I
think I've ever known in my life. What is your secret?
S4 (01:23):
I don't know if I have a secret, Chris. You
know one thing though. My wife has always said to me,
wherever you are, be all there.
S3 (01:33):
Mhm.
S4 (01:34):
Well, that's helped me, you know that. Don't be thinking
about other stuff that's on the docket. You know, wherever
you are, be all there. I think that has helped,
you know, uh, and I don't know, maybe I just
grew up in the South, you know, where you just
relax and take things as they come. But I'm excited
(01:57):
about our program today. I think we're going to learn
some things that are going to be very helpful to
our listeners.
S3 (02:02):
I wonder if what you're saying there's a spiritual component
of that, because that's what you just described, is how
I picture Jesus as well, with the woman at the well,
with the rich young ruler, with Nicodemus. You know, all
this is like he was all there, right? In those conversations.
So let's meet our guest today. Doctor Charles Stone, he
(02:22):
has served for 43 years in vocational ministry, 30 of
those senior pastor. He recently completed a nine year role
as lead pastor of West Park Church in London, Ontario
in Canada. Multicultural congregation with more than a thousand attendees.
He's written eight books and now serves as a coaching
consultant to pastors and leaders. He and his wife, Cheryl,
(02:44):
have been married for 45 years. They have three adult
children and five grandchildren. And our featured resource today is
that book Stress Less. You can find out more at
Building Relationships.
S4 (02:57):
Well, doctor Stone, welcome to building Relationships.
S2 (03:01):
Doctor Chapman, it's great to be with you.
S4 (03:03):
What inspired you to write a book about stress?
S2 (03:07):
Well, to put it simply, a lot of stress in
a short period of time. And going back to Covid,
my wife and I were actually before it really hit,
we were only one of these fancy vacations where you can,
you know, buffets everywhere. I love buffets, so enjoying that.
But the problem with this place we stayed was it
had Wi-Fi everywhere. And I'm kind of a news junkie.
(03:30):
I was following this thing called Covid and I was
telling my wife, I said, you know, Sheryl, they're going
to shut us down. Well, we finished our vacation, flew
back to Pearson Airport in Toronto, and the terminal we
flew into, you had to take a bus to go
from one place to the other. Well, that bus that
took us to the next terminal, everybody was really quiet
(03:52):
except to her. This repeated Phrase toilet paper. I'm thinking,
what in the world is the toilet paper about? Then
I realized that there was this toilet paper shortage because
of Covid. And in Canada, as a pastor, we were
shut down in a draconian fashion. I mean, several months
at a time. So about 2 or 3 days in,
(04:14):
when I realized I was going to have to lead
a church of a thousand to a little tiny camera
on my computer, and I said, Lord, I did not
sign up for this. During that same time frame, I
was diagnosed with an AFib. Never had an issue. I
eat my broccoli, I exercised, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic.
(04:36):
Like what? And I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Had
surgery doing fine. And to top it off, the irony
is that I was writing a doctoral thesis on stress.
So I thought, let's just turn this into a book.
So that's that's the genesis there.
S4 (04:53):
Okay. I'm getting stressful just listening to you. I mean, uh,
I can understand that. We all have times not like that. But,
you know, we all have times of stress. Um, stress.
Always a bad force in our lives.
S2 (05:11):
Yeah, well, it kind of depends on your definitions. I'm
kind of separating the definition in two ways. One is
a stressful situation, and we all have stressful situations. And
the other side of that is the stress response in
our body. How we respond to that stressful situation and
the way God wired us. He wired us with this
(05:32):
stress response to make us alert in times of danger,
to keep us from walking into danger or unsafe places.
So stress itself. The stress response itself is not a
it's not a bad force, but it's important that we
don't let it control even though we're in uncertain circumstances,
because when it controls us and we stay chronically high
(05:56):
in that stress response, that's when it really messes with
us our bodies, our brains, our relationships, even our walk
with God.
S4 (06:03):
Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Now, I've heard people
talk about acute stress and chronic stress. Is there a
difference between those two?
S2 (06:14):
Yeah, there really is. Um, acute stress would be, uh,
let's say this morning when I was preparing, getting all
my equipment together, uh, I was feeling a little bit
of stress, which was good. It made me focus. Some
of these, uh, brain chemicals were flowing a little better.
So I was making sure, like, okay, is this cord
plugged in the right way? Is the volume right? So
(06:36):
that's acute stress that rises, but then it falls. You know,
after an hour it will fall back down. And we
all need that because acute stress helps us, you know,
meet deadlines where you're writing a book like you've written
so many you probably feel a little bit stressed going
into a deadline, whether it's showing up, a pastor, you know,
preaching a sermon. So acute stress is part of a
(06:57):
healthy response to stress. Chronic stress though chronic stress will
be defined as when we stay elevated, that stress is
elevated our response for more than a few days. And
as that continues longer it goes. That's when uh, cortisol,
which is called the stress hormones, it's a good hormone.
But when it stays at those high levels for a long,
(07:19):
a long time, that's what's called chronic stress. And that's
when it affects our heart and our brain and our
blood sugar and all those kinds of things. So there's
that there's that key difference. And some people call acute
stress you stress you good stress. So so yeah, stress
can be good for us long term. That's when it's
not good for us okay.
S4 (07:40):
I think you have the interest of our listeners at
this point this summer identifying as mine chronic. Uh, okay.
So give us an overview of the human body and
how stress affects us during, uh, a day when we're
having chronic stress.
S2 (07:58):
Yeah. Well, first of all, as I've kind of delved
into this whole neuroscience of stress and sleep and those
kind of things, I'm amazed more and more about the
creativity of God. How he creatively designed all these systems
that work so amazingly together. And so when you think
about stress, think about our nervous system. You know, in
(08:19):
biology class, we learn about the nervous system. And really
the nervous system is everything our brain or spinal cord
and all the rest. The central nervous systems, our brain
and spinal cord and the peripheral nervous system is, you know,
pretty much pretty much everything else on an any given day,
that stress response, it kicks in whether we're in a
(08:40):
perceived or real threat. It helps us make wise decisions
so that we don't continue to walk into, like, unsafe
places or make poor decisions. But the key thing to
remember is that it doesn't matter if it's a real
threat and that nervous system kicks in, or if it
is a perceived threat. Let's say, for example, you're you're camping,
you know, tent camping. When I was a kid, we
(09:01):
used to do a little bit of tent camping. I
was a Boy Scout. And in those days and, um,
let's say you hear this scratching on your tent and
your mind goes like, oh, no, this is a grizzly bear.
I'm going to die. Well, you don't die that night.
Poke your head out the tent and you realize, oh,
(09:25):
I left a bag of Cheetos out and that was
just a raccoon. That stress response kicked in. Even though
your perception of that situation was dead wrong wasn't a bear.
It was a, you know, just a raccoon. So this
this happens all during the day, but it's key for
us to begin to learn some biblically based, science supported
(09:47):
practices that help us quickly respond to a stressful situation,
to kind of come back to baseline, to know what
would be wise choices in these situations, rather than allowing
these perceived threats to become actually become real, and to
engage that nervous system for long periods of time. So
(10:09):
real or perceived threats does the same thing to a
nervous system.
S4 (10:15):
Doug Stone. So here's someone who's who's feeling overwhelmed, but
they don't fully understand what's happening. How would you just
talk to that person in in terms that they wouldn't understand?
S2 (10:29):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'd say probably the first thing is
that hey, listen, everybody experiences what you're experiencing at some degree.
This is the way God wired us and simply understanding
and making that kind of a statement actually can calm
the stress response. So I would say, hey, listen, this
is the way God wired us now with that recognition,
(10:53):
recognizing that I have this nervous system, I have this
stress response, and I'm feeling it right now. What might
be a next step for you to take so that
the intensity of that stress response dials down? And that's
basically what I did in the book, is I took
biblical truth and I took neuroscience, pulled them two together
(11:14):
to come up with these nine simple practices that we
can do to help, whether a person is mildly stressed
or a person who just feels overwhelmed. And, you know,
when we feel overwhelmed, we need hope. And that's what
I'd say to your listener that's overwhelmed right now. There
is hope. There are practical things you can do to
dial down the intensity and the pain of that stressful response. So,
(11:38):
you know, hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well.
And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's
Word is true.
S4 (11:47):
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to listening and talking
about those nine things. So. Before we do that, what
is technology doing to our stress and anxiety levels today?
S2 (12:00):
That's a great question. Well my undergrad degree is engineering,
so I love gadgets. I love tech gadgets. I've got
all kinds of gadgets, you know, monitor sleep and all that.
My wife said, Charles, no more gadgets. But actually I've
got a couple in mind. I'm going to see if
they may be good Christmas presents. So technology is a
blessing from God. However, it can also really negatively affect
(12:24):
our lives. And what we're really seeing now and the
research I've done is profoundly affecting kids because always on
always like in social media with the comparison that they experience, like,
oh man, this person's having a better time than I am.
She looks prettier than, uh, than I do. Some schools
are catching on, and they're realizing how detrimental having that
(12:45):
cell phone smartphone in the classroom can be. And some
school systems are saying you can't bring them to school,
which is a great, great thing to do. There's another
little term that kind of I think supports this idea.
It's called FOMO. FOMO Fear of Missing Out. That technology
has put literally everything at our fingertips. We don't. We
(13:07):
don't have to wait. We don't have to experience boredom,
which can be pretty good when we're bored. It just
helps us be okay where we are. But technology left
to run on its own can be very damaging, especially
to young adolescents and adults as well, but especially to
young adolescents. And and the research is telling us anxiety
(13:28):
rises the more we're engaged with things like social media.
Not to dismiss it at all. I use it, you know,
we all use it. We're using it right now. But
misuse can really affect us in a negative way.
S4 (13:39):
Yeah. Boy, I like that fear of missing out.
S2 (13:44):
Yeah.
S4 (13:44):
That that really drives you, doesn't it? When you just.
You feel like you want to know everything. You want
to know it as quickly as you can and. Oh yeah. Well, well,
you've partially, I think, answered this question, but let me
ask this. Uh, what are some misconceptions that people often
have with stress?
S2 (14:03):
Yeah, I can think of 2 or 3. One of
them is, well, I'm experiencing stress, so I must be
less of a Christian. I would say no, this is
the way God designed us. We need to respond to it,
perhaps differently, but you're not less of a Christian. Secondly,
we already answered this one. It's not always bad. It's
God's design. A third one it's important to realize, I
(14:26):
think people kind of intuitively understand if I'm stressful, it
affects my mental health. It affects more than our mental health.
It affects our physical health, our sleep. I mentioned earlier
our blood sugar, our heart, you name it, affects almost
every part of our body. If it's a chronic stress,
if we're chronically stressed over a long period of time.
And then one more misconception is this just push through it. Uh,
(14:50):
sometimes we have to just keep going. So I'm not
saying that, but to just push through without stepping back
and trying to understand what's going on, taking some practical
steps to deal with what it's doing to my body
and brain. That's that's a big misconception.
S4 (15:06):
Um, now, I, I'm not sure whether the word stress
is used in the Bible, so you might help me
out on that. Yeah. Uh, how how does the Bible
address this whole issue?
S2 (15:20):
Well, uh, most of the more literal translations, you won't
find the word stress in in the scriptures, however, like
the NLT and the message, they they're a couple of translations, uh,
word translated to stress. And one of them is Psalm
119 103 in the then NLT it says, that's pressure
and stress. Bear down on me. I find joy in
(15:41):
your commands. So I think that's a really good translation there.
All of the word is not there. The similar concepts
are like tribulation and persecution and burden and testing and temptation.
All those cause stress and even faith development. Romans five
three says, we also rejoice in our suffering because suffering
produces perseverance. Perseverance. Character and character. Hope. So this whole
(16:04):
thing of stress, the word is not there, but there
are a lot of similar concepts that speak to the
effects of tribulation or persecution or temptation.
S4 (16:15):
Yeah. Yeah, I can just. Things are jumping in my
mind of biblical characters who who underwent what I would
call a lot of stress. Almost all.
S2 (16:26):
Of.
S4 (16:26):
Them. Yeah, yeah. You mentioned earlier that there's nine things
that you've discovered here. So let's, let's kind of move
to to those to those things you outlined practices, you know,
for responding. So let's look at look at look at
the first one which is which here I think it
says cease and breathe.
S2 (16:47):
Yes. Yes. Well basically that concept, you see the breath
in Scripture in the Old Testament, God breathed into Adam,
he became a living being. And the Gospels and acts
Jesus breathed on the early church, the early, the Holy
Spirit came so we can see breath throughout Scripture. And
this simply means that when we face a stressful situation,
(17:11):
just basically stop. If you have to pull off the
side of the road, or pull away from a meeting,
or pull away from an argument with your spouse or
your kid, just stop and do a few deep breaths.
Science tells us that there's something called the vagus nerve
or vagal nerve. It's one of the nerves that comes
out of our bottom of our skull. And it's from
(17:32):
the word vagrant. If you think of vagrant, what do
they do? A vagrant kind of wanders around. Does the
vagus nerve wanders around our hollow organs, our heart, our lungs,
our stomach. So there's these signals going up and down
like the butterflies in our stomach. That vagus nerve is
doing something deep breathing, especially if you kind of extend
(17:53):
the outbreath, you know? In-breath. Breathe in outbreath. Breathe out.
Extend that a little bit. It actually dials down the
stress response. It slightly slows our heart rate. So seasoned
breathing is simply that just stop and do a few
deep breaths. You know when you watch the Olympics and
these platform divers, they do that. They'll walk out there
(18:14):
at the end of the platform. They don't just jump and,
you know, dive in just like that. They'll pause and
you see them doing this deep breathing. They understand what's
going on there and they're dialing down that stress response.
So that's that's really the concept of season.
S4 (18:28):
Breathe okay Chris Us. Maybe you and I can both
take a deep breath right now. How about.
S3 (18:33):
It? Yes, I know I like that. You know what
I do, Gary? On my radio program, I have this
thing called the Friday Sigh. And I do it as
kind of this fun little thing, but it's exactly. It's
taking four seconds of air through your nose, hold it
for a seconds and then release the air through your mouth.
And I talk about the vagus nerve and some of
the things that I've learned, you know, push on the
(18:54):
left side of your ribcage because there's carbon dioxide in
your left lung. Somebody told me that I don't know
if it's true or not, but but this, you know,
it just shows us how interconnected everything is. The body
is a wonderful machine that God has created, uh, to,
to for it to repair itself and work itself. And
(19:15):
if we will do these kinds of things like breathing well,
breathing deeply, it's going to help.
S2 (19:20):
Yes, absolutely.
S4 (19:22):
All right. Practice number two, reveal how you feel.
S2 (19:27):
Well, this one has to do with emotions. God gave
us the ability to feel if we didn't have, you know,
if we didn't experience joy or sorrow or excitement or
even fear. Life would be very, very dull. So he
made us to be able to feel these emotions. Reveal
how you feel is simply this. When you're in a
(19:48):
stressful situation and you're experiencing some of these negative emotions,
acknowledge them. Don't stuff them. Don't ignore them, acknowledge them.
And one of the ways it actually helps us dial
down that stress response is take a second person perspective.
Let's say, uh, I'm at work and my boss really
made me mad. So in my mind, I'm going, I'm really,
(20:11):
really angry at my boss. First person the way to
dial that down is, is like, talk to yourself. And
it seems kind of weird, but it's not weird. Okay, Charles.
I said I'm angry. Instead of saying I'm angry, I'm
talking to Charles across the table. Okay? Charles, I, I
see that you're angry. Okay, let's let's kind of manage this.
What does God's Word say about it? What's the next step?
(20:32):
That simple slight separation. You're still you. You're still experiencing it.
But having that second person talking to yourself actually dials
it down. So you're acknowledging that feeling, that emotion, and
you're creating a little bit of separation from it, from you.
And it really does work. It really does. I find
myself sometimes talking to myself. All right, Charles, you're going
(20:55):
to make it. It's going to work. It's going to work.
And I did that before I realized there's a science
behind it, so.
S3 (21:01):
Wow. Well, isn't that what happens a lot of times
with couples? And, uh, the one person will say to
the other, you know, why are you so angry? I'm
not angry. And it's like, no, you really are. And
you don't see it because we we like we don't
want to be angry. We want to push it down.
And that just makes it worse, doesn't it?
S2 (21:21):
Absolutely. It sure does. It just amps up that stress response.
Amps up that emotion, amps up some of those brain chemicals.
That just makes it more intense.
S4 (21:31):
So I'm angry with my wife, and maybe I'll just say, honey,
excuse me, I've got to go talk to myself.
S5 (21:40):
Will you been married long enough? She'd probably say okay.
S4 (21:47):
Okay. Oh, I like that. You know, you're just. You're
just telling yourself what's going on right now. What's your
feeling right now? Yeah, yeah. All right. The third practice
is broaden and build.
S2 (22:00):
Broaden and build is simply this. As we experience positive emotions,
let's say joy in Scripture tells us, you know, God
gave us he wants to experience joy as we experience
more and more of these. It's actually like an upward cycle.
We can experience even more and more of these positive emotions.
And when we do that, something happens called cognitive flexibility.
(22:21):
In other words, we're able to see solutions to our
stressful situations. But when that doesn't happen, it's like having
blinders on and we don't see these resources we may
have or these people that may be able to to,
you know, help us work through this situation. And one
of the ways to do that is what I call
putting pleasure coins in your pleasure, piggy bank. Asking a person, okay,
(22:48):
what is pleasurable to you? Is it like a cup
of coffee in the morning? Is it walking in the backyard,
looking in your garden? Is it. Is it gardening a
little bit? Is it? Is it walking in the park?
Is it listening to praise music? Find those things that
are pleasurable to you and every day make a few
of those deposits in your pleasure piggy bank. As you
(23:09):
do that, it creates this upward spiral where we can
experience more of these pleasurable emotions. Now, this is not hedonism, okay?
That's not what I'm saying. But God wants us to
be able to experience some of these positive experiences and emotions.
And when we do, we're much wiser in being able
to solve the problems that were that we're facing. So
that's just really a very, very helpful one. Just find
(23:31):
those things small or large every day. Drop those coins
in your pleasure piggy bank.
S4 (23:37):
Yeah, I like that. And all of us do have
certain things in life that that do bring us pleasure,
you know, just kind of relaxing. Yeah. Coffee would not
be mine, but coffee is one for a lot of people.
S5 (23:51):
My wife, she loves her coffee.
S4 (23:53):
Yeah, my wife loves her tea. I don't drink coffee
or tea, but those are not my pleasures.
S3 (23:59):
Okay, so what about you, Gary? I want to know
because my. My guess is it's something like going outside
and taking a walk that gives you pleasure. What would
you say is one of your pleasure coins?
S4 (24:10):
Yeah, I definitely would say looking. Looking at nature around me,
whether I'm walking or just, you know, standing on the
porch looking out and observing nature, you know, because I'm
recognizing the God. This is absolutely incredible. Especially right now
in North Carolina. It's spring. Everything's blooming. You know, it'll
(24:31):
come to Canada, it'll come to Canada. All right, number four,
audit your thoughts.
S2 (24:40):
Audit your thoughts. Uh, relates to a fancy term, but
an important term to understand. It's called metacognition. Metacognition. It's
simply this thinking about your thinking. Oftentimes, we're not aware
of what we're thinking if we're in a stressful situation.
What started out as the size of a, you know,
a kernel of rice ends up being the size of
(25:01):
a basketball. So the original issue is lost in the narration.
We're telling ourselves, audit your thoughts is simply this who
is giving you those thoughts is the enemy or is
it the Lord? So that means stepping back. Think about
what you're thinking about and change those channels if you
need to. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians four eight, finally, brothers,
(25:22):
whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything
is excellent or praiseworthy, what does he say? Think about
those things. So that's it. Audit your thoughts. Make sure
they're in line with what reality is, and in line
with what the kinds of things God wants us to
think about.
S4 (25:38):
Hmm. I like that asking, are these thoughts from the enemy? Yeah.
Or are they from God? Yeah, because we know the
enemy puts thoughts in our heads to be sure. Right.
S5 (25:49):
Mhm.
S2 (25:51):
Mhm.
S1 (25:56):
This is the building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman podcast.
If you go to five Love languages.com you can take
a free assessment of your love language and see our
featured resource. The book by Doctor Charles Stone. Stress less.
Just go to five Love languages.com.
S4 (26:14):
Well doctor Stone, we're in the process of going through
the nine practices that you suggest. And we now come
to number six, which is cultivate certainty.
S2 (26:25):
Cultivate certainty. This is one of my favorite ones. The
way our brains work is our brains want to know certainty.
They want to know what's next. So when we face uncertainty,
the stress response kicks in. It's like when you go on,
let's say going to a party and you know, nobody there. You're,
(26:47):
you know, there's a lot of uncertainty. So your stress
response is a bit higher. You go into a party.
You know, everybody there are I know that I know
the folks there. So cultivating certainty is a really, really
important one. And I think of in Psalm 125 one,
the Scripture says, those who trust in the Lord are
like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever.
(27:10):
The images of mountain think of a mountain has all
kinds of weather around it, you know, storms and hail
and sleet. Some some good weather. That mountain is firm.
It does not become those emotions. It does not become
those thoughts. What the Scripture is telling us, and science
is telling us that when we're facing uncertain times, uncertainty
(27:31):
in a stressful situation, we need to find some place,
something that is certain. And for believers, it's God and
His Word. So when we're facing a stressful situation, we
don't know how it's going to turn out. It may
be perpetual. It may be a child that's always sick.
A spouse may have walked out. We don't know what's
going to happen. We do not. We can speculate, but
(27:54):
we don't know what do we do? We place our
roots in the one certain one. That's Jesus. That's God's word.
And one of the ways we do this is something
called surrendering prayer. There was a Jesuit priest in the
1600s named Claude de la Colombiere, and he described this
thing called surrendering prayer, where we're trusting God's infinite wisdom.
(28:19):
We're believing that he acts for our good even in uncertainty,
and we believe that God is in total control. So
that's cultivate certainty. And we we desperately need this in
the uncertain times where we that we live in now.
S4 (28:34):
So essentially you're saying in your own words, the individual, uh, God,
you know where I am. You know what's going on.
I don't understand everything. I'm not even sure what I
should do next. But I want to thank you that
you're with me. You're going to walk with me through this.
I'm asking you for wisdom and energy. Uh, as I.
(28:57):
As I walk with you. Thank you that you're with
me in this. Something like that is what I hear
you saying.
S5 (29:02):
Yes.
S2 (29:02):
You're experiencing. You're not making up certainty. You're experiencing what
is truly certain. God. His sovereignty in his word.
S4 (29:10):
Yeah.
S3 (29:11):
Doctor Charles Stone is joining us. The book Stress Less
is our featured resource at building relationships. Building relationships. I'm
feeling stressed right now. Doctor Stone because Gary skipped over
practice number five and I don't I don't want to
correct him, but I've got to know what what this is.
(29:33):
So I'm going to push through here and speak to myself.
Take a deep breath and ask you soak your soul.
Tell me about soak your soul.
S2 (29:42):
Yeah. When you look at Jesus pattern, Jesus was always
present for people. He always had people clamoring for him.
His to do list was never done because there were
more people to teach and more people to heal. But
Mark 135 reminds us that Jesus often went away and
spent time with his father. Well, the research tells us
that practices like prayer and contemplation and silence, those kind
(30:07):
of biblical practices actually mitigate Gate. The stress response, and
one of the very practical things that we can do
as we face these uncertain situations, and we want to
draw upon this soak your soul idea. There's a guy
named Pargament. He's a professor, I think, in Kentucky, and
he's done some research on what he calls a collaboration
(30:30):
with God. Like when we face a stressful situation, there
are 1 or 3 ways we respond. Number one is God.
You take care of it totally. You know, I'm just
it's kind of passive. The other extreme is, God, I
got this in the middle ground is like, okay, Lord,
I see myself as a partner. I'm trusting you for
you to give me wisdom and the way we this
(30:50):
is one of the applications of Soak Your Soul is
we are seeing ourselves as partnering with God to be
able to move through, to solve this problem. You know,
take take the next step. There's another application. Research tells
us that all in wonder when we worship, when we
think of the awesomeness of God and where we're at?
(31:11):
Maybe in a in a church and seeing a magnificent
worship courses, or maybe just in the quietness of observing
God's nature, that actually the one of the effects is
it dials down the stress response. So soak your soul
really comes down to feeding your soul. That helps mitigate
the the intensity of the stress.
S4 (31:33):
I like that. Just this morning, I was getting ready
to leave for the day and knew all the things
I had to do today. And I just know I'm
not a singer. But I started singing amazing Grace and
and just worked through that song. Man, it my my
whole countenance and my whole inner thing. Just calm down,
(31:55):
you know?
S5 (31:56):
Yeah.
S2 (31:57):
Yeah.
S4 (31:58):
And, Chris, I'm sorry I caused you stress on skipping
number five.
S5 (32:02):
Because.
S4 (32:02):
It's a very important practice.
S5 (32:05):
Yeah, but it did.
S3 (32:06):
It did a work in me because I worked work
through it and we got back on track, so.
S5 (32:10):
Hey, there you go. What happened?
S4 (32:14):
All right, well, now practice number seven. Grow gratitude.
S5 (32:19):
Yes.
S2 (32:20):
This is also one of my favorite ones. And it's
very easy to do. First Thessalonians 518 says, give thanks
in all circumstances, not for all circumstances, but it's a
position of gratefulness. Neuroscience tells us that when we assume
the posture of gratefulness again, it dials down that stress response.
And the simple application is something called three good things.
(32:42):
That is, when you wake up in the morning, think
of three things you're thankful for. It could be to
the Lord, small or large. Better yet, if you journal,
write those down. Better yet, think of three more things
before you go to bed. And what this does, it
sets the kind of the default focus for the day.
Instead of the glass half empty, we've seen glass half full.
(33:04):
So grow. Gratitude is simple as three good things when
you wake up.
S4 (33:09):
I like that. You know, I have encouraged people sometime.
What if you put all the children in a different
room and tell them, just look around in the room
and thank God for three things that are in the room.
S5 (33:22):
Oh, yeah. That's a great idea. Love that.
S4 (33:26):
You can do that numerous times because there's a lot
of stuff in a room.
S5 (33:30):
Yes.
S2 (33:31):
And learn from those kids too when they do that.
S4 (33:33):
Absolutely. All right. Practice number eight. Safeguard safety.
S2 (33:41):
Well, this simply relates to community. Biblical community. When a
church is really doing what it should, and you're experiencing
community in the church as a whole, or maybe you're
a small group when you feel safe, there's a neurochemical
neurotransmitter called oxytocin, which increases in, uh, in your brain
and it lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. It increases trust
(34:05):
and increases bonding. And when I say safeguard safety, it's important,
I think, for believers to find those people in our
lives that are, um, happy. They're joyful, they're empathetic, uh,
they're realistic. They don't give us, you know, pat answers,
and they're trustworthy when we have those kinds of safe friends. Oh,
(34:27):
it's such a healthy way to deal with our stress.
And so just biblical community. It's amazing how neuroscience is
kind of catching up to what the Bible.
S5 (34:37):
Has said.
S2 (34:38):
For centuries. So that's safeguard, safety, just guarding those healthy
relationships and maintaining them because it's so it's such a blessing.
S4 (34:47):
Yeah. Our pastor spoke last Sunday as a matter of fact,
on that topic, the whole value of community.
S5 (34:54):
That's great.
S4 (34:54):
Christian life wasn't lived, wasn't designed to be lived as
a lone ranger. You know, we're part of a family.
S5 (35:01):
Yeah, yeah.
S4 (35:02):
Practice number nine Smart.
S2 (35:06):
Sleep smart. Oh, yes. Um, I'm, uh, doing a good
bit of research now on on the whole issue of
sleep and looking at how what Scripture says about it.
In fact, Scripture records the word sleep over 100 times,
like 125 times in most translations. Sometimes it refers to death,
sometimes sexual intimacy, but most of the time just sleep.
(35:28):
And what researchers are finding really, just as of late,
just the past few years, how important healthy, good sleep
is to, uh, be able to deal with the stress
response and simple practical tools, uh, practices like, you know,
good sleep environment. It's got to be dark and cool.
It's interesting. The, the the perfect temperature to sleep in
(35:50):
is mid 60s. Now my wife, she would not agree
with that. We have a dedicated air conditioner in our bedroom.
I turn it down and don't tell her it's 62,
but she has a heating blanket. So there you go.
You solved the.
S6 (36:06):
Problem. Oh.
S4 (36:07):
Yes.
S6 (36:09):
So things like that.
S2 (36:11):
Getting early morning sun. Uh, something else. Science is finding
out now how important it is to kind of set
our body clock and just being active during the day,
if we're if we're active during the day. A byproduct
of our cells producing energy is a neurotransmitter that builds up.
Just imagine a balloon as the more you're active during
the day, this balloon fills up with this stuff called adenosine.
(36:34):
It's like night when you just can hardly stay awake.
You got a real full balloon of adenosine, so an
active day, uh, bodes well for for a good evening.
So sleep. Uh, sleep practices crucial. Crucial to help us
deal with stress.
S3 (36:51):
Let me ask you this. What you just said may
have caused some stress for a listener who doesn't sleep well,
hasn't been sleeping well and it's like, oh, I need sleep.
And here's that message coming again. And I'm feeling stress
about that, that that can feed on itself. And the
anxiety heightens as well, right?
S2 (37:12):
Absolutely. I would say to that person, because I'm, I've
basically been a poor sleeper my whole life. Now I'm
doing a lot of little practices that help me sleep better.
I would tell that person, take one simple step from
all these practices that I describe, or you can Google it.
And if you want to take one step, do it
long enough where it becomes a regular in your life,
(37:35):
then take the next step. It's not going to change overnight.
You know, sleep medications are appropriate for short periods of time.
If a doctor prescribes those not for long periods of time.
But there are a lot of these simple steps that
a person can take that will really, really be helpful. Now,
if someone has a really chronic sleep deficit, there's something
(37:58):
called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. This is like
a six week program. You can Google that. There are
free programs online on cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. And
this going through these six weeks, if a person really,
you know, applies the principles, it is proven to help
(38:19):
people with ongoing sleep issues more than even medication. Now
that's assuming the person doesn't have some real medical issue
like a sleep apnea. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea,
so I use a CPAp machine. But I would say
to that person, start slow, start small, do something. Google CBT,
(38:41):
I and I think the VA put together a really,
really helpful program to help people who deal with chronic insomnia.
S4 (38:49):
Well, doctor Stone, everything you shared in all these practices
are very, very practical. But if you were just going
to share one simple daily habit that a listener might
implement that would reduce stress. What would it be?
S2 (39:04):
I would say I alluded to the whole the power
of deep breathing. I would say using that tool one
way that one research scientist has said, it's when you
breathe deeply and then do like a sniff, a little
bit more breath and then that slow, slow exhale. This
(39:26):
particular scientist said in their laboratory and other laboratories, doing
2 or 3 of those deep breathing, breathe in, pulling
a little more and then slowly breathe out. Their laboratories
have found it definitely dials down the stress response. And
then secondly, I would say that gratitude. Three good things.
Start your morning. Set your morning toward the Lord and
(39:48):
all these blessings he's given you. That'll be your default
mode for the day.
S4 (39:53):
Yeah. Would the person who's struggling with stress and not
knowing where to go. Would working through this book you
think lead them in a in a in a to
take really major even those small steps in learning how
to deal with that?
S2 (40:11):
Absolutely. One of the tools that comes with the book
and the downloadable tool is a 30 day, uh, plan to, uh,
be able to deal with stress. And one of those
specifically chapters deals with, uh, the whole thing of sleep.
So when it comes to sleep, are any of these practices? Uh, yeah.
(40:33):
That's what the book does, is kind of lay out
and hopefully put the cookies in the lower shelf so
that you can try them out.
S4 (40:39):
Well, in your book, you do share personal stories about
your journey with stress. Uh, what's one of the most
valuable lessons you learned from your own experiences?
S6 (40:49):
Yeah.
S2 (40:50):
I would say get help. And when I realized that
I was going to have to leave my church through
that little tiny pinhole camera on my computer. I was
I was really going down this really deep depression and
consulted my doctor. He was a believer and he prescribed
medication for me. Uh, think Prozac, you know, low dose.
(41:10):
And it really helped. You know, we don't have a
problem with somebody going to the doctor if they break
their arm. But sometimes stressful situations mess up our blood
chemistry and neurotransmitters and hormones so much that we need
some help. So I would say find help. And there's
help out there. There are coaches who coach people in
(41:33):
sleep issues. There's great resources online, but it's what's what's
called compliance. You just got to do it. Start small,
start little and just just do it.
S4 (41:45):
Talk to the pastor out there who may be listening,
who is feeling stressed about his congregation and his situation there.
You've been, there. You've been. Pastor. What would you say
to that pastor?
S2 (41:58):
Well, Covid did a real number on us during the
height of Covid. Like 42, 43% of pastors really thought
about quitting. That's down to like 33%, but that's still
way too high. What I would suggest to that pastor
that I wish I had done 30 or 40 years ago,
find that safe friend. That friend may be another pastor,
maybe somebody in your church, somebody in another church. It
(42:19):
may be a professional counselor to keep your mental health
and and your stress, stress resilience high and your mental
health good. So I would really encourage pastors who are struggling, uh,
find someone that you can be safe around. They can
really be a good listening ear and offer realistic steps
(42:40):
going forward. I totally understand that how they feel.
S4 (42:44):
And often pastors are reluctant to do that because of
their own fear of what will people think? And so forth. Yeah, but,
you know, people know that we're human. Yeah. Pastors are human. So. Yeah.
We all we all need help at some juncture and
sometimes at many junctures.
S6 (43:01):
Right.
S4 (43:02):
Well, doctor Stone, as we coming toward the end of
our time together, what do you say to the person
who is under relational stress right now? Maybe their spouse
has walked away and everything is uncertain. And what do
you say to that listener?
S2 (43:18):
Mhm. Well there are 2 or 3 top of the
mind things. First of all just acknowledging this is an
uncertain situation. If that spouse has walked away. You know,
we may pray. Uh, we may seek help from a counselor.
We may seek help from our pastor or the board. Unfortunately,
because of how sin affects us, some people just walk away.
(43:41):
And in that situation, when there is that great uncertainty,
going back to that image of that mountain, when we
like Mount Zion. We don't have to become those thoughts
that we're thinking. We don't have to become those emotions.
But we do need to find certainty, not manufacture certainty,
but rest on the certainty of the sovereign God that
(44:04):
we serve. Rest on the truth of God's Word. That
is certain. And certainly we do that out of obedience.
But the side effect is it does lower the stress response.
So we don't do it just to lower the stress response.
But it's okay to recognize, Lord, I need a little
(44:25):
bit of wind in my sails and so doing so
in these kind of things to lower the stress response
gives us more of that resilience and reserve to make
right choices and to think clearly about, okay, what is
my next step? What do I need to do. So
so that's that's that's what I would say to that
person just in that kind of situation.
S4 (44:44):
Well these have been very, very helpful. What do you
hope that listeners are going to take away from our
conversation today and from the book?
S2 (44:52):
Yeah, I think two things. First is this hope you
can absolutely manage the effects of the stress response. Absolutely
you can. Based on God's Word, based on the truth
of what we're learning about how the body works through science.
That's number one. Number two, stress need not define you. Rather,
(45:14):
let it refine you, not define you, but refine you.
God refines us through difficult circumstances and he gives us
grace where we need. That's not a platitude. That is truth.
He gives us everything we need for life and godliness.
So that hope. And number two, don't let define you.
Let it refine you. So those are the two things
I would say. The other would be the big takeaways
(45:37):
from our conversation.
S4 (45:38):
Well, those are two things that certainly are important. I
want to thank you for writing the book. Obviously, you
took a lot of study and a lot of time
working on this. And I also want to thank you
for being with us today.
S6 (45:51):
Thank you so much.
S3 (45:52):
Did you hear the hope in Doctor Stone's voice today?
Our featured resource is the book Stress Less nine habits
from the Bible and Brain Science to build Resilience and
Reduce Anxiety. You can find out more at building Relationships again.
Building relationships.
S4 (46:12):
And next week, your questions and comments about your relationships.
S1 (46:17):
Don't miss the April edition of Dear Gary in One Week.
A big thank you to our production team, Janice backing
and Steve Wick. Building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman is
a production of Moody Radio in association with Moody Publishers,
a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.
If you're feeling the negative effects of stress, don't miss
today's Building Relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman.
S2 (00:07):
There is hope. There are practical things you can do
to dial down the intensity and the pain of that
stressful response. Hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well.
And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's
Word is true.
S1 (00:25):
Welcome to building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman, author of
the New York Times best seller The Five Love Languages. Well,
we live in a stressed out world. Adults, teens and
children are experiencing heightened stress levels so much that many
say they simply can't function. What can we do about
this problem?
S3 (00:42):
Doctor Charles Stone is going to answer that question today.
He's going to tell us more about stress, what it
does to our bodies, our brains and our souls. Really.
He's written the book Stress Less nine habits from the
Bible and Brain Science to build resilience and reduce anxiety.
You can find out more at Building Relationships. And Gary,
(01:05):
you have a busy schedule. I hear about all your travels,
about the different continents you're speaking on, all the people
that you're speaking to and the deadlines that you have.
But you are one of the least stressed people I
think I've ever known in my life. What is your secret?
S4 (01:23):
I don't know if I have a secret, Chris. You
know one thing though. My wife has always said to me,
wherever you are, be all there.
S3 (01:33):
Mhm.
S4 (01:34):
Well, that's helped me, you know that. Don't be thinking
about other stuff that's on the docket. You know, wherever
you are, be all there. I think that has helped,
you know, uh, and I don't know, maybe I just
grew up in the South, you know, where you just
relax and take things as they come. But I'm excited
(01:57):
about our program today. I think we're going to learn
some things that are going to be very helpful to
our listeners.
S3 (02:02):
I wonder if what you're saying there's a spiritual component
of that, because that's what you just described, is how
I picture Jesus as well, with the woman at the well,
with the rich young ruler, with Nicodemus. You know, all
this is like he was all there, right? In those conversations.
So let's meet our guest today. Doctor Charles Stone, he
(02:22):
has served for 43 years in vocational ministry, 30 of
those senior pastor. He recently completed a nine year role
as lead pastor of West Park Church in London, Ontario
in Canada. Multicultural congregation with more than a thousand attendees.
He's written eight books and now serves as a coaching
consultant to pastors and leaders. He and his wife, Cheryl,
(02:44):
have been married for 45 years. They have three adult
children and five grandchildren. And our featured resource today is
that book Stress Less. You can find out more at
Building Relationships.
S4 (02:57):
Well, doctor Stone, welcome to building Relationships.
S2 (03:01):
Doctor Chapman, it's great to be with you.
S4 (03:03):
What inspired you to write a book about stress?
S2 (03:07):
Well, to put it simply, a lot of stress in
a short period of time. And going back to Covid,
my wife and I were actually before it really hit,
we were only one of these fancy vacations where you can,
you know, buffets everywhere. I love buffets, so enjoying that.
But the problem with this place we stayed was it
had Wi-Fi everywhere. And I'm kind of a news junkie.
(03:30):
I was following this thing called Covid and I was
telling my wife, I said, you know, Sheryl, they're going
to shut us down. Well, we finished our vacation, flew
back to Pearson Airport in Toronto, and the terminal we
flew into, you had to take a bus to go
from one place to the other. Well, that bus that
took us to the next terminal, everybody was really quiet
(03:52):
except to her. This repeated Phrase toilet paper. I'm thinking,
what in the world is the toilet paper about? Then
I realized that there was this toilet paper shortage because
of Covid. And in Canada, as a pastor, we were
shut down in a draconian fashion. I mean, several months
at a time. So about 2 or 3 days in,
(04:14):
when I realized I was going to have to lead
a church of a thousand to a little tiny camera
on my computer, and I said, Lord, I did not
sign up for this. During that same time frame, I
was diagnosed with an AFib. Never had an issue. I
eat my broccoli, I exercised, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic.
(04:36):
Like what? And I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Had
surgery doing fine. And to top it off, the irony
is that I was writing a doctoral thesis on stress.
So I thought, let's just turn this into a book.
So that's that's the genesis there.
S4 (04:53):
Okay. I'm getting stressful just listening to you. I mean, uh,
I can understand that. We all have times not like that. But,
you know, we all have times of stress. Um, stress.
Always a bad force in our lives.
S2 (05:11):
Yeah, well, it kind of depends on your definitions. I'm
kind of separating the definition in two ways. One is
a stressful situation, and we all have stressful situations. And
the other side of that is the stress response in
our body. How we respond to that stressful situation and
the way God wired us. He wired us with this
(05:32):
stress response to make us alert in times of danger,
to keep us from walking into danger or unsafe places.
So stress itself. The stress response itself is not a
it's not a bad force, but it's important that we
don't let it control even though we're in uncertain circumstances,
because when it controls us and we stay chronically high
(05:56):
in that stress response, that's when it really messes with
us our bodies, our brains, our relationships, even our walk
with God.
S4 (06:03):
Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Now, I've heard people
talk about acute stress and chronic stress. Is there a
difference between those two?
S2 (06:14):
Yeah, there really is. Um, acute stress would be, uh,
let's say this morning when I was preparing, getting all
my equipment together, uh, I was feeling a little bit
of stress, which was good. It made me focus. Some
of these, uh, brain chemicals were flowing a little better.
So I was making sure, like, okay, is this cord
plugged in the right way? Is the volume right? So
(06:36):
that's acute stress that rises, but then it falls. You know,
after an hour it will fall back down. And we
all need that because acute stress helps us, you know,
meet deadlines where you're writing a book like you've written
so many you probably feel a little bit stressed going
into a deadline, whether it's showing up, a pastor, you know,
preaching a sermon. So acute stress is part of a
(06:57):
healthy response to stress. Chronic stress though chronic stress will
be defined as when we stay elevated, that stress is
elevated our response for more than a few days. And
as that continues longer it goes. That's when uh, cortisol,
which is called the stress hormones, it's a good hormone.
But when it stays at those high levels for a long,
(07:19):
a long time, that's what's called chronic stress. And that's
when it affects our heart and our brain and our
blood sugar and all those kinds of things. So there's
that there's that key difference. And some people call acute
stress you stress you good stress. So so yeah, stress
can be good for us long term. That's when it's
not good for us okay.
S4 (07:40):
I think you have the interest of our listeners at
this point this summer identifying as mine chronic. Uh, okay.
So give us an overview of the human body and
how stress affects us during, uh, a day when we're
having chronic stress.
S2 (07:58):
Yeah. Well, first of all, as I've kind of delved
into this whole neuroscience of stress and sleep and those
kind of things, I'm amazed more and more about the
creativity of God. How he creatively designed all these systems
that work so amazingly together. And so when you think
about stress, think about our nervous system. You know, in
(08:19):
biology class, we learn about the nervous system. And really
the nervous system is everything our brain or spinal cord
and all the rest. The central nervous systems, our brain
and spinal cord and the peripheral nervous system is, you know,
pretty much pretty much everything else on an any given day,
that stress response, it kicks in whether we're in a
(08:40):
perceived or real threat. It helps us make wise decisions
so that we don't continue to walk into, like, unsafe
places or make poor decisions. But the key thing to
remember is that it doesn't matter if it's a real
threat and that nervous system kicks in, or if it
is a perceived threat. Let's say, for example, you're you're camping,
you know, tent camping. When I was a kid, we
(09:01):
used to do a little bit of tent camping. I
was a Boy Scout. And in those days and, um,
let's say you hear this scratching on your tent and
your mind goes like, oh, no, this is a grizzly bear.
I'm going to die. Well, you don't die that night.
Poke your head out the tent and you realize, oh,
(09:25):
I left a bag of Cheetos out and that was
just a raccoon. That stress response kicked in. Even though
your perception of that situation was dead wrong wasn't a bear.
It was a, you know, just a raccoon. So this
this happens all during the day, but it's key for
us to begin to learn some biblically based, science supported
(09:47):
practices that help us quickly respond to a stressful situation,
to kind of come back to baseline, to know what
would be wise choices in these situations, rather than allowing
these perceived threats to become actually become real, and to
engage that nervous system for long periods of time. So
(10:09):
real or perceived threats does the same thing to a
nervous system.
S4 (10:15):
Doug Stone. So here's someone who's who's feeling overwhelmed, but
they don't fully understand what's happening. How would you just
talk to that person in in terms that they wouldn't understand?
S2 (10:29):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'd say probably the first thing is
that hey, listen, everybody experiences what you're experiencing at some degree.
This is the way God wired us and simply understanding
and making that kind of a statement actually can calm
the stress response. So I would say, hey, listen, this
is the way God wired us now with that recognition,
(10:53):
recognizing that I have this nervous system, I have this
stress response, and I'm feeling it right now. What might
be a next step for you to take so that
the intensity of that stress response dials down? And that's
basically what I did in the book, is I took
biblical truth and I took neuroscience, pulled them two together
(11:14):
to come up with these nine simple practices that we
can do to help, whether a person is mildly stressed
or a person who just feels overwhelmed. And, you know,
when we feel overwhelmed, we need hope. And that's what
I'd say to your listener that's overwhelmed right now. There
is hope. There are practical things you can do to
dial down the intensity and the pain of that stressful response. So,
(11:38):
you know, hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well.
And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's
Word is true.
S4 (11:47):
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to listening and talking
about those nine things. So. Before we do that, what
is technology doing to our stress and anxiety levels today?
S2 (12:00):
That's a great question. Well my undergrad degree is engineering,
so I love gadgets. I love tech gadgets. I've got
all kinds of gadgets, you know, monitor sleep and all that.
My wife said, Charles, no more gadgets. But actually I've
got a couple in mind. I'm going to see if
they may be good Christmas presents. So technology is a
blessing from God. However, it can also really negatively affect
(12:24):
our lives. And what we're really seeing now and the
research I've done is profoundly affecting kids because always on
always like in social media with the comparison that they experience, like,
oh man, this person's having a better time than I am.
She looks prettier than, uh, than I do. Some schools
are catching on, and they're realizing how detrimental having that
(12:45):
cell phone smartphone in the classroom can be. And some
school systems are saying you can't bring them to school,
which is a great, great thing to do. There's another
little term that kind of I think supports this idea.
It's called FOMO. FOMO Fear of Missing Out. That technology
has put literally everything at our fingertips. We don't. We
(13:07):
don't have to wait. We don't have to experience boredom,
which can be pretty good when we're bored. It just
helps us be okay where we are. But technology left
to run on its own can be very damaging, especially
to young adolescents and adults as well, but especially to
young adolescents. And and the research is telling us anxiety
(13:28):
rises the more we're engaged with things like social media.
Not to dismiss it at all. I use it, you know,
we all use it. We're using it right now. But
misuse can really affect us in a negative way.
S4 (13:39):
Yeah. Boy, I like that fear of missing out.
S2 (13:44):
Yeah.
S4 (13:44):
That that really drives you, doesn't it? When you just.
You feel like you want to know everything. You want
to know it as quickly as you can and. Oh yeah. Well, well,
you've partially, I think, answered this question, but let me
ask this. Uh, what are some misconceptions that people often
have with stress?
S2 (14:03):
Yeah, I can think of 2 or 3. One of
them is, well, I'm experiencing stress, so I must be
less of a Christian. I would say no, this is
the way God designed us. We need to respond to it,
perhaps differently, but you're not less of a Christian. Secondly,
we already answered this one. It's not always bad. It's
God's design. A third one it's important to realize, I
(14:26):
think people kind of intuitively understand if I'm stressful, it
affects my mental health. It affects more than our mental health.
It affects our physical health, our sleep. I mentioned earlier
our blood sugar, our heart, you name it, affects almost
every part of our body. If it's a chronic stress,
if we're chronically stressed over a long period of time.
And then one more misconception is this just push through it. Uh,
(14:50):
sometimes we have to just keep going. So I'm not
saying that, but to just push through without stepping back
and trying to understand what's going on, taking some practical
steps to deal with what it's doing to my body
and brain. That's that's a big misconception.
S4 (15:06):
Um, now, I, I'm not sure whether the word stress
is used in the Bible, so you might help me
out on that. Yeah. Uh, how how does the Bible
address this whole issue?
S2 (15:20):
Well, uh, most of the more literal translations, you won't
find the word stress in in the scriptures, however, like
the NLT and the message, they they're a couple of translations, uh,
word translated to stress. And one of them is Psalm
119 103 in the then NLT it says, that's pressure
and stress. Bear down on me. I find joy in
(15:41):
your commands. So I think that's a really good translation there.
All of the word is not there. The similar concepts
are like tribulation and persecution and burden and testing and temptation.
All those cause stress and even faith development. Romans five
three says, we also rejoice in our suffering because suffering
produces perseverance. Perseverance. Character and character. Hope. So this whole
(16:04):
thing of stress, the word is not there, but there
are a lot of similar concepts that speak to the
effects of tribulation or persecution or temptation.
S4 (16:15):
Yeah. Yeah, I can just. Things are jumping in my
mind of biblical characters who who underwent what I would
call a lot of stress. Almost all.
S2 (16:26):
Of.
S4 (16:26):
Them. Yeah, yeah. You mentioned earlier that there's nine things
that you've discovered here. So let's, let's kind of move
to to those to those things you outlined practices, you know,
for responding. So let's look at look at look at
the first one which is which here I think it
says cease and breathe.
S2 (16:47):
Yes. Yes. Well basically that concept, you see the breath
in Scripture in the Old Testament, God breathed into Adam,
he became a living being. And the Gospels and acts
Jesus breathed on the early church, the early, the Holy
Spirit came so we can see breath throughout Scripture. And
this simply means that when we face a stressful situation,
(17:11):
just basically stop. If you have to pull off the
side of the road, or pull away from a meeting,
or pull away from an argument with your spouse or
your kid, just stop and do a few deep breaths.
Science tells us that there's something called the vagus nerve
or vagal nerve. It's one of the nerves that comes
out of our bottom of our skull. And it's from
(17:32):
the word vagrant. If you think of vagrant, what do
they do? A vagrant kind of wanders around. Does the
vagus nerve wanders around our hollow organs, our heart, our lungs,
our stomach. So there's these signals going up and down
like the butterflies in our stomach. That vagus nerve is
doing something deep breathing, especially if you kind of extend
(17:53):
the outbreath, you know? In-breath. Breathe in outbreath. Breathe out.
Extend that a little bit. It actually dials down the
stress response. It slightly slows our heart rate. So seasoned
breathing is simply that just stop and do a few
deep breaths. You know when you watch the Olympics and
these platform divers, they do that. They'll walk out there
(18:14):
at the end of the platform. They don't just jump and,
you know, dive in just like that. They'll pause and
you see them doing this deep breathing. They understand what's
going on there and they're dialing down that stress response.
So that's that's really the concept of season.
S4 (18:28):
Breathe okay Chris Us. Maybe you and I can both
take a deep breath right now. How about.
S3 (18:33):
It? Yes, I know I like that. You know what
I do, Gary? On my radio program, I have this
thing called the Friday Sigh. And I do it as
kind of this fun little thing, but it's exactly. It's
taking four seconds of air through your nose, hold it
for a seconds and then release the air through your mouth.
And I talk about the vagus nerve and some of
the things that I've learned, you know, push on the
(18:54):
left side of your ribcage because there's carbon dioxide in
your left lung. Somebody told me that I don't know
if it's true or not, but but this, you know,
it just shows us how interconnected everything is. The body
is a wonderful machine that God has created, uh, to,
to for it to repair itself and work itself. And
(19:15):
if we will do these kinds of things like breathing well,
breathing deeply, it's going to help.
S2 (19:20):
Yes, absolutely.
S4 (19:22):
All right. Practice number two, reveal how you feel.
S2 (19:27):
Well, this one has to do with emotions. God gave
us the ability to feel if we didn't have, you know,
if we didn't experience joy or sorrow or excitement or
even fear. Life would be very, very dull. So he
made us to be able to feel these emotions. Reveal
how you feel is simply this. When you're in a
(19:48):
stressful situation and you're experiencing some of these negative emotions,
acknowledge them. Don't stuff them. Don't ignore them, acknowledge them.
And one of the ways it actually helps us dial
down that stress response is take a second person perspective.
Let's say, uh, I'm at work and my boss really
made me mad. So in my mind, I'm going, I'm really,
(20:11):
really angry at my boss. First person the way to
dial that down is, is like, talk to yourself. And
it seems kind of weird, but it's not weird. Okay, Charles.
I said I'm angry. Instead of saying I'm angry, I'm
talking to Charles across the table. Okay? Charles, I, I
see that you're angry. Okay, let's let's kind of manage this.
What does God's Word say about it? What's the next step?
(20:32):
That simple slight separation. You're still you. You're still experiencing it.
But having that second person talking to yourself actually dials
it down. So you're acknowledging that feeling, that emotion, and
you're creating a little bit of separation from it, from you.
And it really does work. It really does. I find
myself sometimes talking to myself. All right, Charles, you're going
(20:55):
to make it. It's going to work. It's going to work.
And I did that before I realized there's a science
behind it, so.
S3 (21:01):
Wow. Well, isn't that what happens a lot of times
with couples? And, uh, the one person will say to
the other, you know, why are you so angry? I'm
not angry. And it's like, no, you really are. And
you don't see it because we we like we don't
want to be angry. We want to push it down.
And that just makes it worse, doesn't it?
S2 (21:21):
Absolutely. It sure does. It just amps up that stress response.
Amps up that emotion, amps up some of those brain chemicals.
That just makes it more intense.
S4 (21:31):
So I'm angry with my wife, and maybe I'll just say, honey,
excuse me, I've got to go talk to myself.
S5 (21:40):
Will you been married long enough? She'd probably say okay.
S4 (21:47):
Okay. Oh, I like that. You know, you're just. You're
just telling yourself what's going on right now. What's your
feeling right now? Yeah, yeah. All right. The third practice
is broaden and build.
S2 (22:00):
Broaden and build is simply this. As we experience positive emotions,
let's say joy in Scripture tells us, you know, God
gave us he wants to experience joy as we experience
more and more of these. It's actually like an upward cycle.
We can experience even more and more of these positive emotions.
And when we do that, something happens called cognitive flexibility.
(22:21):
In other words, we're able to see solutions to our
stressful situations. But when that doesn't happen, it's like having
blinders on and we don't see these resources we may
have or these people that may be able to to,
you know, help us work through this situation. And one
of the ways to do that is what I call
putting pleasure coins in your pleasure, piggy bank. Asking a person, okay,
(22:48):
what is pleasurable to you? Is it like a cup
of coffee in the morning? Is it walking in the backyard,
looking in your garden? Is it. Is it gardening a
little bit? Is it? Is it walking in the park?
Is it listening to praise music? Find those things that
are pleasurable to you and every day make a few
of those deposits in your pleasure piggy bank. As you
(23:09):
do that, it creates this upward spiral where we can
experience more of these pleasurable emotions. Now, this is not hedonism, okay?
That's not what I'm saying. But God wants us to
be able to experience some of these positive experiences and emotions.
And when we do, we're much wiser in being able
to solve the problems that were that we're facing. So
that's just really a very, very helpful one. Just find
(23:31):
those things small or large every day. Drop those coins
in your pleasure piggy bank.
S4 (23:37):
Yeah, I like that. And all of us do have
certain things in life that that do bring us pleasure,
you know, just kind of relaxing. Yeah. Coffee would not
be mine, but coffee is one for a lot of people.
S5 (23:51):
My wife, she loves her coffee.
S4 (23:53):
Yeah, my wife loves her tea. I don't drink coffee
or tea, but those are not my pleasures.
S3 (23:59):
Okay, so what about you, Gary? I want to know
because my. My guess is it's something like going outside
and taking a walk that gives you pleasure. What would
you say is one of your pleasure coins?
S4 (24:10):
Yeah, I definitely would say looking. Looking at nature around me,
whether I'm walking or just, you know, standing on the
porch looking out and observing nature, you know, because I'm
recognizing the God. This is absolutely incredible. Especially right now
in North Carolina. It's spring. Everything's blooming. You know, it'll
(24:31):
come to Canada, it'll come to Canada. All right, number four,
audit your thoughts.
S2 (24:40):
Audit your thoughts. Uh, relates to a fancy term, but
an important term to understand. It's called metacognition. Metacognition. It's
simply this thinking about your thinking. Oftentimes, we're not aware
of what we're thinking if we're in a stressful situation.
What started out as the size of a, you know,
a kernel of rice ends up being the size of
(25:01):
a basketball. So the original issue is lost in the narration.
We're telling ourselves, audit your thoughts is simply this who
is giving you those thoughts is the enemy or is
it the Lord? So that means stepping back. Think about
what you're thinking about and change those channels if you
need to. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians four eight, finally, brothers,
(25:22):
whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything
is excellent or praiseworthy, what does he say? Think about
those things. So that's it. Audit your thoughts. Make sure
they're in line with what reality is, and in line
with what the kinds of things God wants us to
think about.
S4 (25:38):
Hmm. I like that asking, are these thoughts from the enemy? Yeah.
Or are they from God? Yeah, because we know the
enemy puts thoughts in our heads to be sure. Right.
S5 (25:49):
Mhm.
S2 (25:51):
Mhm.
S1 (25:56):
This is the building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman podcast.
If you go to five Love languages.com you can take
a free assessment of your love language and see our
featured resource. The book by Doctor Charles Stone. Stress less.
Just go to five Love languages.com.
S4 (26:14):
Well doctor Stone, we're in the process of going through
the nine practices that you suggest. And we now come
to number six, which is cultivate certainty.
S2 (26:25):
Cultivate certainty. This is one of my favorite ones. The
way our brains work is our brains want to know certainty.
They want to know what's next. So when we face uncertainty,
the stress response kicks in. It's like when you go on,
let's say going to a party and you know, nobody there. You're,
(26:47):
you know, there's a lot of uncertainty. So your stress
response is a bit higher. You go into a party.
You know, everybody there are I know that I know
the folks there. So cultivating certainty is a really, really
important one. And I think of in Psalm 125 one,
the Scripture says, those who trust in the Lord are
like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever.
(27:10):
The images of mountain think of a mountain has all
kinds of weather around it, you know, storms and hail
and sleet. Some some good weather. That mountain is firm.
It does not become those emotions. It does not become
those thoughts. What the Scripture is telling us, and science
is telling us that when we're facing uncertain times, uncertainty
(27:31):
in a stressful situation, we need to find some place,
something that is certain. And for believers, it's God and
His Word. So when we're facing a stressful situation, we
don't know how it's going to turn out. It may
be perpetual. It may be a child that's always sick.
A spouse may have walked out. We don't know what's
going to happen. We do not. We can speculate, but
(27:54):
we don't know what do we do? We place our
roots in the one certain one. That's Jesus. That's God's word.
And one of the ways we do this is something
called surrendering prayer. There was a Jesuit priest in the
1600s named Claude de la Colombiere, and he described this
thing called surrendering prayer, where we're trusting God's infinite wisdom.
(28:19):
We're believing that he acts for our good even in uncertainty,
and we believe that God is in total control. So
that's cultivate certainty. And we we desperately need this in
the uncertain times where we that we live in now.
S4 (28:34):
So essentially you're saying in your own words, the individual, uh, God,
you know where I am. You know what's going on.
I don't understand everything. I'm not even sure what I
should do next. But I want to thank you that
you're with me. You're going to walk with me through this.
I'm asking you for wisdom and energy. Uh, as I.
(28:57):
As I walk with you. Thank you that you're with
me in this. Something like that is what I hear
you saying.
S5 (29:02):
Yes.
S2 (29:02):
You're experiencing. You're not making up certainty. You're experiencing what
is truly certain. God. His sovereignty in his word.
S4 (29:10):
Yeah.
S3 (29:11):
Doctor Charles Stone is joining us. The book Stress Less
is our featured resource at building relationships. Building relationships. I'm
feeling stressed right now. Doctor Stone because Gary skipped over
practice number five and I don't I don't want to
correct him, but I've got to know what what this is.
(29:33):
So I'm going to push through here and speak to myself.
Take a deep breath and ask you soak your soul.
Tell me about soak your soul.
S2 (29:42):
Yeah. When you look at Jesus pattern, Jesus was always
present for people. He always had people clamoring for him.
His to do list was never done because there were
more people to teach and more people to heal. But
Mark 135 reminds us that Jesus often went away and
spent time with his father. Well, the research tells us
that practices like prayer and contemplation and silence, those kind
(30:07):
of biblical practices actually mitigate Gate. The stress response, and
one of the very practical things that we can do
as we face these uncertain situations, and we want to
draw upon this soak your soul idea. There's a guy
named Pargament. He's a professor, I think, in Kentucky, and
he's done some research on what he calls a collaboration
(30:30):
with God. Like when we face a stressful situation, there
are 1 or 3 ways we respond. Number one is God.
You take care of it totally. You know, I'm just
it's kind of passive. The other extreme is, God, I
got this in the middle ground is like, okay, Lord,
I see myself as a partner. I'm trusting you for
you to give me wisdom and the way we this
(30:50):
is one of the applications of Soak Your Soul is
we are seeing ourselves as partnering with God to be
able to move through, to solve this problem. You know,
take take the next step. There's another application. Research tells
us that all in wonder when we worship, when we
think of the awesomeness of God and where we're at?
(31:11):
Maybe in a in a church and seeing a magnificent
worship courses, or maybe just in the quietness of observing
God's nature, that actually the one of the effects is
it dials down the stress response. So soak your soul
really comes down to feeding your soul. That helps mitigate
the the intensity of the stress.
S4 (31:33):
I like that. Just this morning, I was getting ready
to leave for the day and knew all the things
I had to do today. And I just know I'm
not a singer. But I started singing amazing Grace and
and just worked through that song. Man, it my my
whole countenance and my whole inner thing. Just calm down,
(31:55):
you know?
S5 (31:56):
Yeah.
S2 (31:57):
Yeah.
S4 (31:58):
And, Chris, I'm sorry I caused you stress on skipping
number five.
S5 (32:02):
Because.
S4 (32:02):
It's a very important practice.
S5 (32:05):
Yeah, but it did.
S3 (32:06):
It did a work in me because I worked work
through it and we got back on track, so.
S5 (32:10):
Hey, there you go. What happened?
S4 (32:14):
All right, well, now practice number seven. Grow gratitude.
S5 (32:19):
Yes.
S2 (32:20):
This is also one of my favorite ones. And it's
very easy to do. First Thessalonians 518 says, give thanks
in all circumstances, not for all circumstances, but it's a
position of gratefulness. Neuroscience tells us that when we assume
the posture of gratefulness again, it dials down that stress response.
And the simple application is something called three good things.
(32:42):
That is, when you wake up in the morning, think
of three things you're thankful for. It could be to
the Lord, small or large. Better yet, if you journal,
write those down. Better yet, think of three more things
before you go to bed. And what this does, it
sets the kind of the default focus for the day.
Instead of the glass half empty, we've seen glass half full.
(33:04):
So grow. Gratitude is simple as three good things when
you wake up.
S4 (33:09):
I like that. You know, I have encouraged people sometime.
What if you put all the children in a different
room and tell them, just look around in the room
and thank God for three things that are in the room.
S5 (33:22):
Oh, yeah. That's a great idea. Love that.
S4 (33:26):
You can do that numerous times because there's a lot
of stuff in a room.
S5 (33:30):
Yes.
S2 (33:31):
And learn from those kids too when they do that.
S4 (33:33):
Absolutely. All right. Practice number eight. Safeguard safety.
S2 (33:41):
Well, this simply relates to community. Biblical community. When a
church is really doing what it should, and you're experiencing
community in the church as a whole, or maybe you're
a small group when you feel safe, there's a neurochemical
neurotransmitter called oxytocin, which increases in, uh, in your brain
and it lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. It increases trust
(34:05):
and increases bonding. And when I say safeguard safety, it's important,
I think, for believers to find those people in our
lives that are, um, happy. They're joyful, they're empathetic, uh,
they're realistic. They don't give us, you know, pat answers,
and they're trustworthy when we have those kinds of safe friends. Oh,
(34:27):
it's such a healthy way to deal with our stress.
And so just biblical community. It's amazing how neuroscience is
kind of catching up to what the Bible.
S5 (34:37):
Has said.
S2 (34:38):
For centuries. So that's safeguard, safety, just guarding those healthy
relationships and maintaining them because it's so it's such a blessing.
S4 (34:47):
Yeah. Our pastor spoke last Sunday as a matter of fact,
on that topic, the whole value of community.
S5 (34:54):
That's great.
S4 (34:54):
Christian life wasn't lived, wasn't designed to be lived as
a lone ranger. You know, we're part of a family.
S5 (35:01):
Yeah, yeah.
S4 (35:02):
Practice number nine Smart.
S2 (35:06):
Sleep smart. Oh, yes. Um, I'm, uh, doing a good
bit of research now on on the whole issue of
sleep and looking at how what Scripture says about it.
In fact, Scripture records the word sleep over 100 times,
like 125 times in most translations. Sometimes it refers to death,
sometimes sexual intimacy, but most of the time just sleep.
(35:28):
And what researchers are finding really, just as of late,
just the past few years, how important healthy, good sleep
is to, uh, be able to deal with the stress
response and simple practical tools, uh, practices like, you know,
good sleep environment. It's got to be dark and cool.
It's interesting. The, the the perfect temperature to sleep in
(35:50):
is mid 60s. Now my wife, she would not agree
with that. We have a dedicated air conditioner in our bedroom.
I turn it down and don't tell her it's 62,
but she has a heating blanket. So there you go.
You solved the.
S6 (36:06):
Problem. Oh.
S4 (36:07):
Yes.
S6 (36:09):
So things like that.
S2 (36:11):
Getting early morning sun. Uh, something else. Science is finding
out now how important it is to kind of set
our body clock and just being active during the day,
if we're if we're active during the day. A byproduct
of our cells producing energy is a neurotransmitter that builds up.
Just imagine a balloon as the more you're active during
the day, this balloon fills up with this stuff called adenosine.
(36:34):
It's like night when you just can hardly stay awake.
You got a real full balloon of adenosine, so an
active day, uh, bodes well for for a good evening.
So sleep. Uh, sleep practices crucial. Crucial to help us
deal with stress.
S3 (36:51):
Let me ask you this. What you just said may
have caused some stress for a listener who doesn't sleep well,
hasn't been sleeping well and it's like, oh, I need sleep.
And here's that message coming again. And I'm feeling stress
about that, that that can feed on itself. And the
anxiety heightens as well, right?
S2 (37:12):
Absolutely. I would say to that person, because I'm, I've
basically been a poor sleeper my whole life. Now I'm
doing a lot of little practices that help me sleep better.
I would tell that person, take one simple step from
all these practices that I describe, or you can Google it.
And if you want to take one step, do it
long enough where it becomes a regular in your life,
(37:35):
then take the next step. It's not going to change overnight.
You know, sleep medications are appropriate for short periods of time.
If a doctor prescribes those not for long periods of time.
But there are a lot of these simple steps that
a person can take that will really, really be helpful. Now,
if someone has a really chronic sleep deficit, there's something
(37:58):
called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. This is like
a six week program. You can Google that. There are
free programs online on cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. And
this going through these six weeks, if a person really,
you know, applies the principles, it is proven to help
(38:19):
people with ongoing sleep issues more than even medication. Now
that's assuming the person doesn't have some real medical issue
like a sleep apnea. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea,
so I use a CPAp machine. But I would say
to that person, start slow, start small, do something. Google CBT,
(38:41):
I and I think the VA put together a really,
really helpful program to help people who deal with chronic insomnia.
S4 (38:49):
Well, doctor Stone, everything you shared in all these practices
are very, very practical. But if you were just going
to share one simple daily habit that a listener might
implement that would reduce stress. What would it be?
S2 (39:04):
I would say I alluded to the whole the power
of deep breathing. I would say using that tool one
way that one research scientist has said, it's when you
breathe deeply and then do like a sniff, a little
bit more breath and then that slow, slow exhale. This
(39:26):
particular scientist said in their laboratory and other laboratories, doing
2 or 3 of those deep breathing, breathe in, pulling
a little more and then slowly breathe out. Their laboratories
have found it definitely dials down the stress response. And
then secondly, I would say that gratitude. Three good things.
Start your morning. Set your morning toward the Lord and
(39:48):
all these blessings he's given you. That'll be your default
mode for the day.
S4 (39:53):
Yeah. Would the person who's struggling with stress and not
knowing where to go. Would working through this book you
think lead them in a in a in a to
take really major even those small steps in learning how
to deal with that?
S2 (40:11):
Absolutely. One of the tools that comes with the book
and the downloadable tool is a 30 day, uh, plan to, uh,
be able to deal with stress. And one of those
specifically chapters deals with, uh, the whole thing of sleep.
So when it comes to sleep, are any of these practices? Uh, yeah.
(40:33):
That's what the book does, is kind of lay out
and hopefully put the cookies in the lower shelf so
that you can try them out.
S4 (40:39):
Well, in your book, you do share personal stories about
your journey with stress. Uh, what's one of the most
valuable lessons you learned from your own experiences?
S6 (40:49):
Yeah.
S2 (40:50):
I would say get help. And when I realized that
I was going to have to leave my church through
that little tiny pinhole camera on my computer. I was
I was really going down this really deep depression and
consulted my doctor. He was a believer and he prescribed
medication for me. Uh, think Prozac, you know, low dose.
(41:10):
And it really helped. You know, we don't have a
problem with somebody going to the doctor if they break
their arm. But sometimes stressful situations mess up our blood
chemistry and neurotransmitters and hormones so much that we need
some help. So I would say find help. And there's
help out there. There are coaches who coach people in
(41:33):
sleep issues. There's great resources online, but it's what's what's
called compliance. You just got to do it. Start small,
start little and just just do it.
S4 (41:45):
Talk to the pastor out there who may be listening,
who is feeling stressed about his congregation and his situation there.
You've been, there. You've been. Pastor. What would you say
to that pastor?
S2 (41:58):
Well, Covid did a real number on us during the
height of Covid. Like 42, 43% of pastors really thought
about quitting. That's down to like 33%, but that's still
way too high. What I would suggest to that pastor
that I wish I had done 30 or 40 years ago,
find that safe friend. That friend may be another pastor,
maybe somebody in your church, somebody in another church. It
(42:19):
may be a professional counselor to keep your mental health
and and your stress, stress resilience high and your mental
health good. So I would really encourage pastors who are struggling, uh,
find someone that you can be safe around. They can
really be a good listening ear and offer realistic steps
(42:40):
going forward. I totally understand that how they feel.
S4 (42:44):
And often pastors are reluctant to do that because of
their own fear of what will people think? And so forth. Yeah, but,
you know, people know that we're human. Yeah. Pastors are human. So. Yeah.
We all we all need help at some juncture and
sometimes at many junctures.
S6 (43:01):
Right.
S4 (43:02):
Well, doctor Stone, as we coming toward the end of
our time together, what do you say to the person
who is under relational stress right now? Maybe their spouse
has walked away and everything is uncertain. And what do
you say to that listener?
S2 (43:18):
Mhm. Well there are 2 or 3 top of the
mind things. First of all just acknowledging this is an
uncertain situation. If that spouse has walked away. You know,
we may pray. Uh, we may seek help from a counselor.
We may seek help from our pastor or the board. Unfortunately,
because of how sin affects us, some people just walk away.
(43:41):
And in that situation, when there is that great uncertainty,
going back to that image of that mountain, when we
like Mount Zion. We don't have to become those thoughts
that we're thinking. We don't have to become those emotions.
But we do need to find certainty, not manufacture certainty,
but rest on the certainty of the sovereign God that
(44:04):
we serve. Rest on the truth of God's Word. That
is certain. And certainly we do that out of obedience.
But the side effect is it does lower the stress response.
So we don't do it just to lower the stress response.
But it's okay to recognize, Lord, I need a little
(44:25):
bit of wind in my sails and so doing so
in these kind of things to lower the stress response
gives us more of that resilience and reserve to make
right choices and to think clearly about, okay, what is
my next step? What do I need to do. So
so that's that's that's what I would say to that
person just in that kind of situation.
S4 (44:44):
Well these have been very, very helpful. What do you
hope that listeners are going to take away from our
conversation today and from the book?
S2 (44:52):
Yeah, I think two things. First is this hope you
can absolutely manage the effects of the stress response. Absolutely
you can. Based on God's Word, based on the truth
of what we're learning about how the body works through science.
That's number one. Number two, stress need not define you. Rather,
(45:14):
let it refine you, not define you, but refine you.
God refines us through difficult circumstances and he gives us
grace where we need. That's not a platitude. That is truth.
He gives us everything we need for life and godliness.
So that hope. And number two, don't let define you.
Let it refine you. So those are the two things
I would say. The other would be the big takeaways
(45:37):
from our conversation.
S4 (45:38):
Well, those are two things that certainly are important. I
want to thank you for writing the book. Obviously, you
took a lot of study and a lot of time
working on this. And I also want to thank you
for being with us today.
S6 (45:51):
Thank you so much.
S3 (45:52):
Did you hear the hope in Doctor Stone's voice today?
Our featured resource is the book Stress Less nine habits
from the Bible and Brain Science to build Resilience and
Reduce Anxiety. You can find out more at building Relationships again.
Building relationships.
S4 (46:12):
And next week, your questions and comments about your relationships.
S1 (46:17):
Don't miss the April edition of Dear Gary in One Week.
A big thank you to our production team, Janice backing
and Steve Wick. Building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman is
a production of Moody Radio in association with Moody Publishers,
a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.
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