September 29, 2025 • 30 mins
Betty has a crush on her French teacher, but things get a bit confusing when Father invites the man to dinner.
Originally aired on December 7, 1950. This is episode 59 of Father Knows Best.
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Originally aired on December 7, 1950. This is episode 59 of Father Knows Best.
Please email questions and comments to host@classiccomedyotr.com.
Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/classiccomedyotr. Please share this podcast with your friends and family.
You can also subscribe to our podcast on Spreaker.com, Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google podcasts.
This show is supported by Spreaker Prime.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your
host Ron Ecklebarger. Betty has a crush on her French teacher,
but things get a bit confusing when father invites the
man to dinner. This is episode number fifty nine, A
Father Knows Best, entitled A French Teacher. It originally aired
on December seventh, nineteen.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Fifty Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the
whole world?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Yes, if father knows best?
Speaker 5 (00:57):
Transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young his father.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
A half hour.
Speaker 5 (01:01):
Visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by
Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more
people than any other brand of coffee at any price.
Maxwell House always good to the last drop. Not too
(01:28):
many weeks ago we spoke of love. Now we're going
to speak of it again. This might prove to be monotonous,
except for one thing, the peculiar quality of love itself.
You see, love is a sickness full of woes, all
remedies refusing, despite repetition, you'll find that it grows constantly
more confusing. So let's go to Springfield, to the white
(01:49):
frame house on Maple Street, where, for the next half
hour the Andersons will add their special sort of bewilderment
to our own natural confusion.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
But good, all right, Kathy, Let's pretend it's a game now. Listen.
A has twelve apples. He gives one third to B.
Why what do you mean? Why why does.
Speaker 6 (02:14):
He give one third to be?
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Kathy?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well, how can I understand it if I don't know
why he's giving the apples away?
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Jim, but isn't busy? And I'm sure, Margaret.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
Yes, dear, I'm perfectly capable of explaining simple fractions, even
to this genius.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
All right, dear, I suppose you know best.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Now, Look, Kathy, if I just knew why he was
giving the apples away, then maybe I can figure it out.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
They're very good friends, Kathy, A and B. Yes, how
come they were in the army together. While they were
in the army, they decided that if they ever had
any apples, they'd share them. Now, is that clear?
Speaker 6 (02:58):
It didn't say that in the bra It.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Was on another page and the page fell out.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Oh well, no, wonder I didn't understand that.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
All right, A has twelve apples. He gives one third
to B and he gives one fourth to C.
Speaker 6 (03:16):
Was he in the army?
Speaker 7 (03:17):
Two?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
It's possible.
Speaker 6 (03:20):
Then why did he give C more than B?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
He didn't. He gave him less.
Speaker 6 (03:25):
You said he gave him a fourth. He did, but
he only gave B a third.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Kathy, a third is more than a fourth.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
You mean a three is more than a fourth.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
No, it's less, But a third is more than a fourth.
A third of twelve is four, and a fourth of
twelve is three, and four is more than three, So
a fourth is less than a third.
Speaker 5 (03:59):
Sim Margaret, I've explained it as simply as anyone possibly could.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
I've done everything but produce a D and C in person.
Speaker 5 (04:06):
And if she had the faintest idea of what the
whole thing was about, then he stopped.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
That bound me.
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Did you call me father?
Speaker 4 (04:14):
I said, stop it. She's been playing that same idiotic
song for the last.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Hour, and I know the page fill out, Kathy. Suppose
we call your brother and ask me, Margaret, why.
Speaker 5 (04:28):
Do you keep insisting that we call Bud. There's no
reason to believe that he can do better than I?
Speaker 4 (04:33):
Is there?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Well, he can't do any worse. Can he do.
Speaker 6 (04:39):
Both want cross? Why I said, Bruce warm one?
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Oh stop it.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
But you've done nothing but stout bad French around here
for three days, and I've had just about all I
can stand.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
But how can I learn to speak French if I
don't practice well, practice on somebody else?
Speaker 4 (04:59):
Now, look, Kathy, Yes, daddy, A has twelve apples. He
gives one third to be.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
MENI is the most beautiful language in the world, everybody says.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
So I don't.
Speaker 5 (05:09):
I'm perfectly happy with English.
Speaker 7 (05:12):
How much is.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
One third of twelve? Four? I wasn't talking to you?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Oh was you gonna say? Paws on cord your dandam
old feasts?
Speaker 8 (05:27):
What did she say?
Speaker 5 (05:28):
Whatever she said, it had nothing to do with apples.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
A has twelve apples.
Speaker 6 (05:35):
In French, aplis palms, Betty, all right.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
A has twelve palms.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
He gives one third of the palms to be and
one fourth of the palms to see.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
How many palms does he have left?
Speaker 6 (05:48):
Five?
Speaker 4 (05:51):
Where did that come from?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Isn't it right?
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Yes? It's ride well, Margaret.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Maybe she only knows how to do French arithmetic.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
I don't know. Other people have children and they don't
have to go through this, but night after night, day
after day.
Speaker 8 (06:13):
Dad, say Dad, Bud, I don't think this is quite
the time, but.
Speaker 7 (06:17):
I have to tell him something.
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Dad.
Speaker 7 (06:18):
I figured it out.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Good. Now, Look, Kathy, don't you.
Speaker 7 (06:21):
Want to know why?
Speaker 6 (06:23):
All right?
Speaker 7 (06:24):
What you know what I'm gonna be when I get
out of school?
Speaker 4 (06:27):
An old man? Geez, well, the rate he's going took
the key?
Speaker 6 (06:35):
Guys, so we see you stop it, chomping creepers.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
But why don't you and Kathy go upstairs?
Speaker 7 (06:41):
I haven't told dad what I'm gonna be.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
I know what I'm going to be. I'm gonna sit
in the corner and cut out paper dolls.
Speaker 6 (06:47):
Can I help you, Daddy?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Yes, just keep it up. You're helping me. Fine.
Speaker 9 (06:54):
You know what I'm gonna be? An inventor, Margaret. I
was reading a book and it says you can make
just inventing things.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Bud, Why don't you run over to Joe Phillips and
tell him about it.
Speaker 7 (07:07):
I haven't got time. I have to go and vent something.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
Well, go ahead.
Speaker 7 (07:12):
What would be a good thing to invent, Bud?
Speaker 6 (07:15):
Why didn't you invent a machine for doing fractions?
Speaker 7 (07:18):
How about a self answering doorbell?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
You push a butte he was at the door. But
don't you want to hear about me? Who's at the door?
Holy cow, where.
Speaker 9 (07:27):
Do you think Edison would have been if he spent
half his life answering doorbell?
Speaker 4 (07:32):
Margaret?
Speaker 5 (07:33):
Have you read of any organized plot by the children
of America that drive their fathers insane?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Not recently, Dear.
Speaker 6 (07:40):
I didn't do anything, of.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Course, not you never do anything.
Speaker 6 (07:44):
Well, I certainly haven't.
Speaker 5 (07:46):
No, I had less trouble with French at the Battle
of the Bulls than I've had it.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Oh, fine, now we're going to have poetry.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
What do you suppose he was?
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Oh, dear, I forgot to tell you Billy cold when
you were out.
Speaker 6 (07:58):
No that you didn't tell him he could come over.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Well, he asked if you were going to be home?
Speaker 7 (08:03):
Mother.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
I thought you and Billy were getting along fine.
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Oh, but he's so so? Oh's your dwee?
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Why hi, Betty?
Speaker 6 (08:13):
Why Billy?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
How nice? Missus?
Speaker 3 (08:16):
And Hi?
Speaker 6 (08:18):
Kathy Hill?
Speaker 7 (08:19):
Say, Dad, I was telling Billy about my idea now.
Speaker 9 (08:22):
Bud, But I just want to tell you God, why don't.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
You take Kathy upstairs and help her with her homework?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
But if I waste all that time, it won't hurt
you to be a millionaire. A few minutes later.
Speaker 9 (08:33):
Oh well, okay, Kathy, come on, he whiz, what are
you kicking about?
Speaker 7 (08:40):
You're costing me thousands of dollars every second.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
How's your family? Billy?
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Just fine?
Speaker 8 (08:47):
Thank you, say Betty, I found a book of old
English verse English.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Well, I just thought if you weren't doing anything.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
You heard, Billy, we've gone French.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah, I know everybody in the school knows the way
she moons over that guy.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Billy, what why Betty, Billy Smith. You're just the nastiest
boy I've ever known in my whole life.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
That's what you are. I suppose you don't moan over him.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
You can ask anybody in the class who can get
out of my house?
Speaker 4 (09:12):
That's what you can do.
Speaker 8 (09:13):
Oh I can can.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
I you're jealous, that's what you are.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Jealous me and I don't care if I never see
you again either.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Well, that's all right with me. I don't care if
I never see you again.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
You know what you are.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
You're nothing but a Samana, sir.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
It's all right, Margaret. She just called him the railroad.
Speaker 8 (09:37):
Anytime you'd rather have that frenchman, Well, you can happen?
Will good night Billy?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
All right, Betty? What who is he? You know very well?
Who this Marshall plan in reverse? What's his name?
Speaker 6 (10:01):
So bear Lagron?
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Is he in your French class?
Speaker 6 (10:09):
He is nice French class? I mean, oh, Father, he's
just beautiful, Betty.
Speaker 8 (10:17):
I don't think it's very nice throwing yourself at a
boy this way.
Speaker 6 (10:20):
You would if you saw him?
Speaker 4 (10:23):
How is it you've never mentioned him to us? Are
you ashamed of him? Oh? No, Father, You uh wouldn't
be ashamed of us, would you? Father?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Betty? You know we don't approve of dates with boys
we haven't met.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
I know, Mother, Wait a minute, I think I can
fix the whole thing, Betty. Why don't we have him
over for dinner? Robert. When I was in the service.
Speaker 5 (10:42):
The people of France practically broke their necks being nice
to me, And by golly, this is my chance to
do something for them.
Speaker 6 (10:48):
But I don't think he'll come to dinner, father, You.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
See course he will.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Where does he live at the International House?
Speaker 8 (10:53):
But Father, I think it's a very good idea, Betty,
to know you're a young man and your father can
find out about all the girls he left behind.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Margaret, it's an excellent idea. Really, where are you going?
Speaker 4 (11:10):
I'm gonna call him right now. What's his number? Betty
dead for.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Two to two oh six?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
But father, if you only listen to to oh six? Yes, sir, father,
he never goes anywhere, he's only been here a few weeks.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Told me I speak to Robert just a minute.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
What was it again, Lagron?
Speaker 4 (11:29):
But father, Robert Lagron? Please thank you.
Speaker 6 (11:34):
He's going to say no, father, and if he does,
I'll die. I'll simply die.
Speaker 5 (11:38):
Why should he say no? We're not going to hello,
mister Legron? Oh, this is Betty Anderson's father. Yes, mister Lagron.
Bet he's been telling us all about you, and we
were just wondering if you'd like to have dinner with us?
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Well, how about tomorrow night?
Speaker 3 (11:55):
What do you say?
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Father?
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Six O seven Maple Street. That's it? Uh at six? Right?
See then? Yeah, good night? Was he there to sure?
And he said he'd love to have dinner with us?
Where are you going, Betty?
Speaker 6 (12:10):
I'm going upstairs and lie down. I don't feel too well.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
You're acting like a love sick two year old and
I'm ashamed of you. Margaret. I don't know what's getting
into that girl? If swhere? Oh so bear well, make.
Speaker 9 (12:25):
Believe mister Gribble is a he has twelve apples.
Speaker 6 (12:31):
If mister Gribble had twelve apples, he keep 'em.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
How can you be so dumb?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
A has?
Speaker 7 (12:39):
What's the matter, Benny?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Don't you feel well? Father ruined everything? He invited him
to dinner?
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Robert? Why do you know his name?
Speaker 6 (12:50):
We listen? Oh what am I gonna do about?
Speaker 4 (12:58):
What?
Speaker 9 (12:59):
Since you get all upset about having a boyfriend over
for dinner?
Speaker 6 (13:03):
Oh, you just don't understand. Nobody understand.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
We don't understand what he isn't my boyfriend, he's my
French teacher.
Speaker 10 (13:12):
Oh no, so Betty's latest boyfriend is also her French teacher.
Speaker 5 (13:33):
Well that shouldn't come as too much of a surprise
to the Anderson's. So many times a person we think
of in one role turns out to play any number
of parts.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
For instance, mother, that man you serve coffee to a
breakfast time? Know who he is?
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Sure he's your husband, but he's somebody else too. He's
the world's greatest coffee expert. Of course, the coffee trade
rates us as experts too. After all, our maxwell house
coffee is America's favorite brand. But the expert with the
final say so, he's that man of yours, And if
you'll fill his cup with Maxwell House, we're mighty sure he'll.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Say best coffee I ever taste it.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
In fact, if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back.
You see, no coffee taste like Maxwell House, because no
coffee's made like Maxwell House. That famous good to the
last drop flavor comes from just one thing, our recipe,
a recipe that insists on certain fine coffees blended a
very special way, and only Maxwell House has that recipe.
(14:37):
So get a pound of Maxwell House tomorrow. Serve it
to your husband. If he doesn't say best coffee ever,
why just send us the can an unused portion, and
we'll gladly refund the price you pay.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Our address is right on every familiar blue tin.
Speaker 5 (14:53):
Tomorrow see how much your husband, the world's greatest coffee expert,
enjoys Maxwell House coffee, always good.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
To the last drop.
Speaker 5 (15:12):
Remember what we said in the beginning about love, Well,
we were right, weren't we, Yes, sir. If there's one
thing that can get you mixed up, it's love, especially.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
When it concerns people and whether you believe it or not.
Speaker 5 (15:23):
Children are people at times, Betty to.
Speaker 6 (15:29):
The first score on the left in France.
Speaker 7 (15:32):
Just put him down and don't talk so much.
Speaker 6 (15:34):
I don't have to do what you tell me. You're
not my mother, Kathy, please for my sake. Well, all right,
but he doesn't have to be so bossy.
Speaker 7 (15:45):
Gosh, Betty, you don't have to look so scared. It'll
turn out all right if it only would.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I didn't even tell him once that he's your teacher, Kathy.
Speaker 9 (15:55):
Well I didn't, Stetty. You know it's none of my business.
But wouldn't it have been better if you told him?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (16:04):
I've tried to tell him a dozen times and it
just won't come out.
Speaker 7 (16:08):
I'll tell him you set the table.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Oh, I just want to help.
Speaker 6 (16:14):
If I tell them, they might get mad and tell
him not to come. But I want him to come,
only sometimes I don't.
Speaker 9 (16:22):
But what did you understand that for sure she wants
him to come to dinner, only she doesn't.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Oh, I keep telling myself. Once he gets here, everything
will be all right, except maybe it won't.
Speaker 7 (16:40):
Be well, good, gosh, just because he's a teacher.
Speaker 6 (16:44):
My teacher was here last month, and I didn't care.
You don't understand. Nobody understands.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Nobody understands.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
What.
Speaker 9 (16:52):
Oh hello, Dad, though we were just talking about what?
Well we uh just uh talking?
Speaker 6 (17:06):
Father, that's all.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Well you must have been talking about something.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Doesn't the table look beautiful?
Speaker 6 (17:12):
I out fix it?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Mommy, that's fine, dear?
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Well what is it? Bud? WA's the big secret?
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Jim?
Speaker 8 (17:17):
When it's this close to Christmas, you don't pray into
private conversations. Oh oh, but viddie, it's almost six it is.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Why don't you run upstairs and fix your hair? I
gotta put on a whole new face.
Speaker 6 (17:31):
Why didn't somebody kill me?
Speaker 4 (17:32):
All? Lad? It was you too? Bud? What comb your hair?
You've got a cowlick a mile high.
Speaker 7 (17:39):
Oh gosh, he isn't coming to see me.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
Go upstairs and comb your hair.
Speaker 9 (17:47):
Coly, call next thing, you know, the woman to get
up permanent or something.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
How about you, Kathy?
Speaker 6 (17:55):
I'm clean?
Speaker 3 (17:57):
When was the last time you washed your hands? Red clock?
Speaker 6 (18:01):
But I didn't very careful Mommy upstairs?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Go ahead, dear, she.
Speaker 6 (18:06):
With nobody make as much of a fuss. When my teacher.
Speaker 5 (18:09):
Came well, just to say, what was that come back here,
I said, come back here.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Daddy, Jim, you're frightening the child.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
But did you hear what she said?
Speaker 3 (18:24):
I'm afraid I did.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
What was that about a teacher, Kathleen.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I didn't see anything about Betty's French teacher, Daddy, I
promised you I wouldn't I.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Mean a French teacher. Oh this is fine, Margaret, just fine.
Speaker 6 (18:40):
I didn't mean to tell you. And no, Betty'll be
mad at me.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Betty, do you want me, honor?
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Come down here right now.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Jim, don't forget you were the one who invited him
to dinner.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
I invited a boy, not a man. All right, Kathy,
you may go upstairs.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Go ahead, dear.
Speaker 6 (19:00):
I tried so hard not to tell you. What's the
matter with you?
Speaker 5 (19:12):
Come in here, Betty, we want to talk to you upstairs, Kathy.
Speaker 6 (19:19):
All that poor little thing can get into more trouble.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
What did she do now?
Speaker 4 (19:25):
She told us about your French teacher. That's what she did.
Speaker 8 (19:28):
She did, by the last nitcher, Betty, why didn't you
tell us the truth about Robert?
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Yes, Robert, you said he was a boy in your
French class.
Speaker 6 (19:41):
No, I didn't you said he was a boy in
my French class.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
He's an older man, Betty. You have no right to
go out on dates with him.
Speaker 6 (19:47):
He isn't an older man. He's only thirty five. And besides,
I never said I had a date with him.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
You mean you haven't.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
I've never even.
Speaker 6 (20:04):
Seen him outside of school.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Well we fixed that, Margaret, didn't we We did. Having
him here for dinner was just as much your ideas
it was mine, all right.
Speaker 8 (20:19):
Dear, if it makes you happy, well it was, Betty.
You're never going to see him again, are you? Socially?
Speaker 3 (20:26):
I mean, why not?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Because we say so? That's why not.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
You're taking the wrong attitude.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
I am am.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
I I suppose you liked the idea.
Speaker 8 (20:37):
Of course not. But Betty's a sensible girl. She has
no intention of seeing him again, have you, Dear?
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Haven't I waity you see him?
Speaker 4 (20:51):
Betty? Look, this man's an instructor at the university. He's
years older than you.
Speaker 6 (20:58):
I like older man.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
But he's old enough to be your father. He's a
man of the world. You have nothing in common with him.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
Well, that's why I'm studying French, so we will have
something in common.
Speaker 8 (21:11):
A language isn't enough, Angel, You're only seventeen.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Your life is just beginning. You have such wonderful years
ahead of you. And if he's thirty.
Speaker 5 (21:22):
Five, now wait a minute, Margaret, let's not get carried
away with this thing. After all, I'm older than he is,
and I'm not exactly ready for the old soldier's home.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
I didn't mean that, Jim.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
When a man's thirty five or forty, he's in the
very prime of his life.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
He's living his best years, not looking back at.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Them, and I want to live them with him.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
You'll do no such things, good father, you just said.
Never mind what I just said.
Speaker 5 (21:53):
No daughter of mine is going to run around with
a man old enough to be her father.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
Jim.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
I wish you'd make up your mind.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
I have made up my mind.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
I'll tell this this boo beard farmer he's here, Well,
I'll take care of him.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
I'll get it, Jim.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Remember that he's our guest, no matter what we think
of that.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
That's what I like about cannibals. If they don't want
somebody around that, chuck them out. They don't sit around
being pleasant. Father.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
If you do one thing to disgrace me, yes you won't,
will your father?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Please? Of course, not baby, you know I wouldn't hurt you,
won't cum.
Speaker 7 (22:35):
Frenchie.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
Look great, it's a tree, It's a dream, the whole thing.
It's a drench You own son of a girl, Jim Beddie,
Why didn't you tell me it was Margaret. You've heard
me speak of FRENCHI la grad. Of course he was
the interpreter with my outfit. We went all through France together,
(22:58):
didn't we.
Speaker 11 (22:58):
Frenchy, this is the happiest day of my whole life.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
I don't know what to say.
Speaker 7 (23:07):
Then, is this a French who got all those metal?
Speaker 4 (23:11):
God, Frenchie, this is my son. But I know him.
I know them all.
Speaker 5 (23:15):
I've seen their picture a thousand times, Margaret and Kathy
and Betty.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Betty first all monsieur Legram.
Speaker 11 (23:29):
This girl sits in my class and I say, where
have I seen his face?
Speaker 4 (23:33):
And I'm such a fool. I don't think, Jean.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
If we're going to have dinner, it lots of time
for dinner.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
You don't find an old friend like Frenchie. Every day
I was killing my father dinner.
Speaker 11 (23:46):
Kathy, don't stand out in the hall, Yes, Daddy, you
mean this is Kathy.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
That's my baby. Oh but she wasn't in fance.
Speaker 6 (23:55):
H'm nine years old.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Nine years old, and the big.
Speaker 11 (24:01):
She's lying on a rug, Beckie, the picture your father
ahead of you?
Speaker 8 (24:10):
Ready, Father and I were just saying, Jim, everything's going
to be burned to a crib.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
Oh, madam, madam, how can we think of food at
a time like this? Never in my entire life. And
I'm so excited. Oh this is wonder. Say do you
remember Eddie Miller? Don't you Eddie? Oh you mean laughing boy? Yeah,
Well you see what happened to him. I've got a
picture of my wallet here someplace. What did I do?
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Go into the kitchen and turn everything off? Yes, mam, bud,
you better put the celery and things back in the
ice box.
Speaker 7 (24:40):
Yes.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Just the other day I was telling.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
My is I knew I had.
Speaker 11 (24:46):
Oh wait a minute, you mean VCE's Eddie Miller. But
he looks so sad. Well he got married, Eddie. Why
don't you see he's at the door, at the door.
Don't just stand there.
Speaker 6 (25:00):
Go ahead, dear, see who it is jumping creepers.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Here's another one you ought to remember. I don't hit
that Dematino. He was the one with you on that
champagnee wasn't he No, no, no, that was the other one.
You know what was his name? No? One?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Yeah, hello, Billy, here are your books.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
I brought him back.
Speaker 6 (25:18):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
What's the matter. Would you feel well?
Speaker 6 (25:23):
I feel fine? Would you like to come in?
Speaker 7 (25:27):
You want me to come in?
Speaker 6 (25:30):
If you want to?
Speaker 7 (25:31):
Well, I don't want to. If you don't want.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
Me to.
Speaker 6 (25:37):
The door, you better come in.
Speaker 9 (25:40):
Okay, what's going on in then?
Speaker 6 (25:46):
Oh? It's just my father and my French teacher.
Speaker 7 (25:49):
Oh well, I better go.
Speaker 6 (25:51):
Billy, don't be ridiculous.
Speaker 9 (25:53):
I'm not being ridiculous, but I know how you feel
about human.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Why should I hang around, Billy?
Speaker 6 (25:57):
Would you stop being childish? He's old enough to be
my father.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
Tomorrow or Saturday. The very next time you buy coffee,
set your mind on one thing on coffee that gives
you the most in flavor for your money. Now, there's
an expert ready to help you find that coffee, the
world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am, your husband, he's the expert.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
We mean.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
Just pour him a cup of Maxwell House coffee, and
when he smiles and says.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Best coffee I ever taste it.
Speaker 5 (26:52):
You'll know Maxwell House has the most in flavor. You'll
know it's your best coffee. Buy tomorrow, bring home a
pound of Maxwell House. See how much your husband enjoys
every cup. Then count all the truly good cups of
coffee you get from every pound. We think you'll agree
you do get more for your money, more flavor for
(27:13):
your money with Maxwell House coffee, always good to the
last drop. You know, it's a funny thing about love.
It picks you up and it lets you down, but somehow, well,
there's always time for breakfast.
Speaker 7 (27:33):
Like this boy has he got metals?
Speaker 9 (27:36):
He's got someone ever even heard of metals?
Speaker 6 (27:39):
What good are metals?
Speaker 4 (27:40):
Have my coffee, Margaret, please, of course, dear, thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Billie's gonna write a poem about my eyes. What a drip,
he says, They're like limpd.
Speaker 6 (27:53):
Poo's the stardust. Isn't that beautiful?
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Father? Oh? Yes, very original.
Speaker 6 (27:59):
Too, livid pools of stardust.
Speaker 9 (28:03):
I'll bet he's the only guy in Springfield with the
legion of honor?
Speaker 4 (28:07):
Is that right there? I wouldn't know. Bud may have
a sugar Katy, Kathy Man, Please have.
Speaker 12 (28:15):
The sugar ferry Junkie, Kathy Doormy, what doormy.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Oh no, tell the kids it's a hot favorite with Hoppy.
(28:53):
That's hot post tweet meal. And if you have trouble
getting the youngsters to eat a hot cereal, just tell
him how much Hopola Cassidy loves that rich brown, hot
post tweetmeal. Post sweetmeal is chuck full of good, solid nourishment.
It has a wonderful nut like flavor. It cooks in
just three and a half minutes. Until the kids it's
Hoppy's favorite hot post tweetmeal. You'll see you'll all agree
(29:16):
it's the best hot cereal you ever ate.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Join us again next week.
Speaker 5 (29:26):
When we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert
young Is, Jim Anderson, with Roy Bargee and the Maxwell
House Orchestra and yours truly, Bill Forman. So until next Thursday,
good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House,
America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good till the last drop.
Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by
(29:48):
Ed James. Now stay tuned in for a drag net
which follows immediately over most of these stations.
Speaker 11 (30:05):
Exciting dragnat is next three Times Mean Good Times on NBC.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Please Send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr
dot com until next time. In the words of Bo Burnham,
a big part of being confident is being brave, and
you can't be brave unless you're scared.
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your
host Ron Ecklebarger. Betty has a crush on her French teacher,
but things get a bit confusing when father invites the
man to dinner. This is episode number fifty nine, A
Father Knows Best, entitled A French Teacher. It originally aired
on December seventh, nineteen.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Fifty Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the
whole world?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Yes, if father knows best?
Speaker 5 (00:57):
Transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young his father.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
A half hour.
Speaker 5 (01:01):
Visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by
Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more
people than any other brand of coffee at any price.
Maxwell House always good to the last drop. Not too
(01:28):
many weeks ago we spoke of love. Now we're going
to speak of it again. This might prove to be monotonous,
except for one thing, the peculiar quality of love itself.
You see, love is a sickness full of woes, all
remedies refusing, despite repetition, you'll find that it grows constantly
more confusing. So let's go to Springfield, to the white
(01:49):
frame house on Maple Street, where, for the next half
hour the Andersons will add their special sort of bewilderment
to our own natural confusion.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
But good, all right, Kathy, Let's pretend it's a game now. Listen.
A has twelve apples. He gives one third to B.
Why what do you mean? Why why does.
Speaker 6 (02:14):
He give one third to be?
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Kathy?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well, how can I understand it if I don't know
why he's giving the apples away?
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Jim, but isn't busy? And I'm sure, Margaret.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
Yes, dear, I'm perfectly capable of explaining simple fractions, even
to this genius.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
All right, dear, I suppose you know best.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Now, Look, Kathy, if I just knew why he was
giving the apples away, then maybe I can figure it out.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
They're very good friends, Kathy, A and B. Yes, how
come they were in the army together. While they were
in the army, they decided that if they ever had
any apples, they'd share them. Now, is that clear?
Speaker 6 (02:58):
It didn't say that in the bra It.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Was on another page and the page fell out.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Oh well, no, wonder I didn't understand that.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
All right, A has twelve apples. He gives one third
to B and he gives one fourth to C.
Speaker 6 (03:16):
Was he in the army?
Speaker 7 (03:17):
Two?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
It's possible.
Speaker 6 (03:20):
Then why did he give C more than B?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
He didn't. He gave him less.
Speaker 6 (03:25):
You said he gave him a fourth. He did, but
he only gave B a third.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Kathy, a third is more than a fourth.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
You mean a three is more than a fourth.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
No, it's less, But a third is more than a fourth.
A third of twelve is four, and a fourth of
twelve is three, and four is more than three, So
a fourth is less than a third.
Speaker 5 (03:59):
Sim Margaret, I've explained it as simply as anyone possibly could.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
I've done everything but produce a D and C in person.
Speaker 5 (04:06):
And if she had the faintest idea of what the
whole thing was about, then he stopped.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
That bound me.
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Did you call me father?
Speaker 4 (04:14):
I said, stop it. She's been playing that same idiotic
song for the last.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Hour, and I know the page fill out, Kathy. Suppose
we call your brother and ask me, Margaret, why.
Speaker 5 (04:28):
Do you keep insisting that we call Bud. There's no
reason to believe that he can do better than I?
Speaker 4 (04:33):
Is there?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Well, he can't do any worse. Can he do.
Speaker 6 (04:39):
Both want cross? Why I said, Bruce warm one?
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Oh stop it.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
But you've done nothing but stout bad French around here
for three days, and I've had just about all I
can stand.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
But how can I learn to speak French if I
don't practice well, practice on somebody else?
Speaker 4 (04:59):
Now, look, Kathy, Yes, daddy, A has twelve apples. He
gives one third to be.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
MENI is the most beautiful language in the world, everybody says.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
So I don't.
Speaker 5 (05:09):
I'm perfectly happy with English.
Speaker 7 (05:12):
How much is.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
One third of twelve? Four? I wasn't talking to you?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Oh was you gonna say? Paws on cord your dandam
old feasts?
Speaker 8 (05:27):
What did she say?
Speaker 5 (05:28):
Whatever she said, it had nothing to do with apples.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
A has twelve apples.
Speaker 6 (05:35):
In French, aplis palms, Betty, all right.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
A has twelve palms.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
He gives one third of the palms to be and
one fourth of the palms to see.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
How many palms does he have left?
Speaker 6 (05:48):
Five?
Speaker 4 (05:51):
Where did that come from?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Isn't it right?
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Yes? It's ride well, Margaret.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Maybe she only knows how to do French arithmetic.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
I don't know. Other people have children and they don't
have to go through this, but night after night, day
after day.
Speaker 8 (06:13):
Dad, say Dad, Bud, I don't think this is quite
the time, but.
Speaker 7 (06:17):
I have to tell him something.
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Dad.
Speaker 7 (06:18):
I figured it out.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Good. Now, Look, Kathy, don't you.
Speaker 7 (06:21):
Want to know why?
Speaker 6 (06:23):
All right?
Speaker 7 (06:24):
What you know what I'm gonna be when I get
out of school?
Speaker 4 (06:27):
An old man? Geez, well, the rate he's going took
the key?
Speaker 6 (06:35):
Guys, so we see you stop it, chomping creepers.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
But why don't you and Kathy go upstairs?
Speaker 7 (06:41):
I haven't told dad what I'm gonna be.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
I know what I'm going to be. I'm gonna sit
in the corner and cut out paper dolls.
Speaker 6 (06:47):
Can I help you, Daddy?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Yes, just keep it up. You're helping me. Fine.
Speaker 9 (06:54):
You know what I'm gonna be? An inventor, Margaret. I
was reading a book and it says you can make
just inventing things.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Bud, Why don't you run over to Joe Phillips and
tell him about it.
Speaker 7 (07:07):
I haven't got time. I have to go and vent something.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
Well, go ahead.
Speaker 7 (07:12):
What would be a good thing to invent, Bud?
Speaker 6 (07:15):
Why didn't you invent a machine for doing fractions?
Speaker 7 (07:18):
How about a self answering doorbell?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
You push a butte he was at the door. But
don't you want to hear about me? Who's at the door?
Holy cow, where.
Speaker 9 (07:27):
Do you think Edison would have been if he spent
half his life answering doorbell?
Speaker 4 (07:32):
Margaret?
Speaker 5 (07:33):
Have you read of any organized plot by the children
of America that drive their fathers insane?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Not recently, Dear.
Speaker 6 (07:40):
I didn't do anything, of.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Course, not you never do anything.
Speaker 6 (07:44):
Well, I certainly haven't.
Speaker 5 (07:46):
No, I had less trouble with French at the Battle
of the Bulls than I've had it.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Oh, fine, now we're going to have poetry.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
What do you suppose he was?
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Oh, dear, I forgot to tell you Billy cold when
you were out.
Speaker 6 (07:58):
No that you didn't tell him he could come over.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Well, he asked if you were going to be home?
Speaker 7 (08:03):
Mother.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
I thought you and Billy were getting along fine.
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Oh, but he's so so? Oh's your dwee?
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Why hi, Betty?
Speaker 6 (08:13):
Why Billy?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
How nice? Missus?
Speaker 3 (08:16):
And Hi?
Speaker 6 (08:18):
Kathy Hill?
Speaker 7 (08:19):
Say, Dad, I was telling Billy about my idea now.
Speaker 9 (08:22):
Bud, But I just want to tell you God, why don't.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
You take Kathy upstairs and help her with her homework?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
But if I waste all that time, it won't hurt
you to be a millionaire. A few minutes later.
Speaker 9 (08:33):
Oh well, okay, Kathy, come on, he whiz, what are
you kicking about?
Speaker 7 (08:40):
You're costing me thousands of dollars every second.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
How's your family? Billy?
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Just fine?
Speaker 8 (08:47):
Thank you, say Betty, I found a book of old
English verse English.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Well, I just thought if you weren't doing anything.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
You heard, Billy, we've gone French.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah, I know everybody in the school knows the way
she moons over that guy.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Billy, what why Betty, Billy Smith. You're just the nastiest
boy I've ever known in my whole life.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
That's what you are. I suppose you don't moan over him.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
You can ask anybody in the class who can get
out of my house?
Speaker 4 (09:12):
That's what you can do.
Speaker 8 (09:13):
Oh I can can.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
I you're jealous, that's what you are.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Jealous me and I don't care if I never see
you again either.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Well, that's all right with me. I don't care if
I never see you again.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
You know what you are.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
You're nothing but a Samana, sir.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
It's all right, Margaret. She just called him the railroad.
Speaker 8 (09:37):
Anytime you'd rather have that frenchman, Well, you can happen?
Will good night Billy?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
All right, Betty? What who is he? You know very well?
Who this Marshall plan in reverse? What's his name?
Speaker 6 (10:01):
So bear Lagron?
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Is he in your French class?
Speaker 6 (10:09):
He is nice French class? I mean, oh, Father, he's
just beautiful, Betty.
Speaker 8 (10:17):
I don't think it's very nice throwing yourself at a
boy this way.
Speaker 6 (10:20):
You would if you saw him?
Speaker 4 (10:23):
How is it you've never mentioned him to us? Are
you ashamed of him? Oh? No, Father, You uh wouldn't
be ashamed of us, would you? Father?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Betty? You know we don't approve of dates with boys
we haven't met.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
I know, Mother, Wait a minute, I think I can
fix the whole thing, Betty. Why don't we have him
over for dinner? Robert. When I was in the service.
Speaker 5 (10:42):
The people of France practically broke their necks being nice
to me, And by golly, this is my chance to
do something for them.
Speaker 6 (10:48):
But I don't think he'll come to dinner, father, You.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
See course he will.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Where does he live at the International House?
Speaker 8 (10:53):
But Father, I think it's a very good idea, Betty,
to know you're a young man and your father can
find out about all the girls he left behind.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Margaret, it's an excellent idea. Really, where are you going?
Speaker 4 (11:10):
I'm gonna call him right now. What's his number? Betty
dead for.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Two to two oh six?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
But father, if you only listen to to oh six? Yes, sir, father,
he never goes anywhere, he's only been here a few weeks.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Told me I speak to Robert just a minute.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
What was it again, Lagron?
Speaker 4 (11:29):
But father, Robert Lagron? Please thank you.
Speaker 6 (11:34):
He's going to say no, father, and if he does,
I'll die. I'll simply die.
Speaker 5 (11:38):
Why should he say no? We're not going to hello,
mister Legron? Oh, this is Betty Anderson's father. Yes, mister Lagron.
Bet he's been telling us all about you, and we
were just wondering if you'd like to have dinner with us?
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Well, how about tomorrow night?
Speaker 3 (11:55):
What do you say?
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Father?
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Six O seven Maple Street. That's it? Uh at six? Right?
See then? Yeah, good night? Was he there to sure?
And he said he'd love to have dinner with us?
Where are you going, Betty?
Speaker 6 (12:10):
I'm going upstairs and lie down. I don't feel too well.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
You're acting like a love sick two year old and
I'm ashamed of you. Margaret. I don't know what's getting
into that girl? If swhere? Oh so bear well, make.
Speaker 9 (12:25):
Believe mister Gribble is a he has twelve apples.
Speaker 6 (12:31):
If mister Gribble had twelve apples, he keep 'em.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
How can you be so dumb?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
A has?
Speaker 7 (12:39):
What's the matter, Benny?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Don't you feel well? Father ruined everything? He invited him
to dinner?
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Robert? Why do you know his name?
Speaker 6 (12:50):
We listen? Oh what am I gonna do about?
Speaker 4 (12:58):
What?
Speaker 9 (12:59):
Since you get all upset about having a boyfriend over
for dinner?
Speaker 6 (13:03):
Oh, you just don't understand. Nobody understand.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
We don't understand what he isn't my boyfriend, he's my
French teacher.
Speaker 10 (13:12):
Oh no, so Betty's latest boyfriend is also her French teacher.
Speaker 5 (13:33):
Well that shouldn't come as too much of a surprise
to the Anderson's. So many times a person we think
of in one role turns out to play any number
of parts.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
For instance, mother, that man you serve coffee to a
breakfast time? Know who he is?
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Sure he's your husband, but he's somebody else too. He's
the world's greatest coffee expert. Of course, the coffee trade
rates us as experts too. After all, our maxwell house
coffee is America's favorite brand. But the expert with the
final say so, he's that man of yours, And if
you'll fill his cup with Maxwell House, we're mighty sure he'll.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Say best coffee I ever taste it.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
In fact, if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back.
You see, no coffee taste like Maxwell House, because no
coffee's made like Maxwell House. That famous good to the
last drop flavor comes from just one thing, our recipe,
a recipe that insists on certain fine coffees blended a
very special way, and only Maxwell House has that recipe.
(14:37):
So get a pound of Maxwell House tomorrow. Serve it
to your husband. If he doesn't say best coffee ever,
why just send us the can an unused portion, and
we'll gladly refund the price you pay.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Our address is right on every familiar blue tin.
Speaker 5 (14:53):
Tomorrow see how much your husband, the world's greatest coffee expert,
enjoys Maxwell House coffee, always good.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
To the last drop.
Speaker 5 (15:12):
Remember what we said in the beginning about love, Well,
we were right, weren't we, Yes, sir. If there's one
thing that can get you mixed up, it's love, especially.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
When it concerns people and whether you believe it or not.
Speaker 5 (15:23):
Children are people at times, Betty to.
Speaker 6 (15:29):
The first score on the left in France.
Speaker 7 (15:32):
Just put him down and don't talk so much.
Speaker 6 (15:34):
I don't have to do what you tell me. You're
not my mother, Kathy, please for my sake. Well, all right,
but he doesn't have to be so bossy.
Speaker 7 (15:45):
Gosh, Betty, you don't have to look so scared. It'll
turn out all right if it only would.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I didn't even tell him once that he's your teacher, Kathy.
Speaker 9 (15:55):
Well I didn't, Stetty. You know it's none of my business.
But wouldn't it have been better if you told him?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (16:04):
I've tried to tell him a dozen times and it
just won't come out.
Speaker 7 (16:08):
I'll tell him you set the table.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Oh, I just want to help.
Speaker 6 (16:14):
If I tell them, they might get mad and tell
him not to come. But I want him to come,
only sometimes I don't.
Speaker 9 (16:22):
But what did you understand that for sure she wants
him to come to dinner, only she doesn't.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Oh, I keep telling myself. Once he gets here, everything
will be all right, except maybe it won't.
Speaker 7 (16:40):
Be well, good, gosh, just because he's a teacher.
Speaker 6 (16:44):
My teacher was here last month, and I didn't care.
You don't understand. Nobody understands.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Nobody understands.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
What.
Speaker 9 (16:52):
Oh hello, Dad, though we were just talking about what?
Well we uh just uh talking?
Speaker 6 (17:06):
Father, that's all.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Well you must have been talking about something.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Doesn't the table look beautiful?
Speaker 6 (17:12):
I out fix it?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Mommy, that's fine, dear?
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Well what is it? Bud? WA's the big secret?
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Jim?
Speaker 8 (17:17):
When it's this close to Christmas, you don't pray into
private conversations. Oh oh, but viddie, it's almost six it is.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Why don't you run upstairs and fix your hair? I
gotta put on a whole new face.
Speaker 6 (17:31):
Why didn't somebody kill me?
Speaker 4 (17:32):
All? Lad? It was you too? Bud? What comb your hair?
You've got a cowlick a mile high.
Speaker 7 (17:39):
Oh gosh, he isn't coming to see me.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
Go upstairs and comb your hair.
Speaker 9 (17:47):
Coly, call next thing, you know, the woman to get
up permanent or something.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
How about you, Kathy?
Speaker 6 (17:55):
I'm clean?
Speaker 3 (17:57):
When was the last time you washed your hands? Red clock?
Speaker 6 (18:01):
But I didn't very careful Mommy upstairs?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Go ahead, dear, she.
Speaker 6 (18:06):
With nobody make as much of a fuss. When my teacher.
Speaker 5 (18:09):
Came well, just to say, what was that come back here,
I said, come back here.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Daddy, Jim, you're frightening the child.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
But did you hear what she said?
Speaker 3 (18:24):
I'm afraid I did.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
What was that about a teacher, Kathleen.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I didn't see anything about Betty's French teacher, Daddy, I
promised you I wouldn't I.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Mean a French teacher. Oh this is fine, Margaret, just fine.
Speaker 6 (18:40):
I didn't mean to tell you. And no, Betty'll be
mad at me.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Betty, do you want me, honor?
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Come down here right now.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Jim, don't forget you were the one who invited him
to dinner.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
I invited a boy, not a man. All right, Kathy,
you may go upstairs.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Go ahead, dear.
Speaker 6 (19:00):
I tried so hard not to tell you. What's the
matter with you?
Speaker 5 (19:12):
Come in here, Betty, we want to talk to you upstairs, Kathy.
Speaker 6 (19:19):
All that poor little thing can get into more trouble.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
What did she do now?
Speaker 4 (19:25):
She told us about your French teacher. That's what she did.
Speaker 8 (19:28):
She did, by the last nitcher, Betty, why didn't you
tell us the truth about Robert?
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Yes, Robert, you said he was a boy in your
French class.
Speaker 6 (19:41):
No, I didn't you said he was a boy in
my French class.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
He's an older man, Betty. You have no right to
go out on dates with him.
Speaker 6 (19:47):
He isn't an older man. He's only thirty five. And besides,
I never said I had a date with him.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
You mean you haven't.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
I've never even.
Speaker 6 (20:04):
Seen him outside of school.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Well we fixed that, Margaret, didn't we We did. Having
him here for dinner was just as much your ideas
it was mine, all right.
Speaker 8 (20:19):
Dear, if it makes you happy, well it was, Betty.
You're never going to see him again, are you? Socially?
Speaker 3 (20:26):
I mean, why not?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Because we say so? That's why not.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
You're taking the wrong attitude.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
I am am.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
I I suppose you liked the idea.
Speaker 8 (20:37):
Of course not. But Betty's a sensible girl. She has
no intention of seeing him again, have you, Dear?
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Haven't I waity you see him?
Speaker 4 (20:51):
Betty? Look, this man's an instructor at the university. He's
years older than you.
Speaker 6 (20:58):
I like older man.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
But he's old enough to be your father. He's a
man of the world. You have nothing in common with him.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
Well, that's why I'm studying French, so we will have
something in common.
Speaker 8 (21:11):
A language isn't enough, Angel, You're only seventeen.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Your life is just beginning. You have such wonderful years
ahead of you. And if he's thirty.
Speaker 5 (21:22):
Five, now wait a minute, Margaret, let's not get carried
away with this thing. After all, I'm older than he is,
and I'm not exactly ready for the old soldier's home.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
I didn't mean that, Jim.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
When a man's thirty five or forty, he's in the
very prime of his life.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
He's living his best years, not looking back at.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Them, and I want to live them with him.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
You'll do no such things, good father, you just said.
Never mind what I just said.
Speaker 5 (21:53):
No daughter of mine is going to run around with
a man old enough to be her father.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
Jim.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
I wish you'd make up your mind.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
I have made up my mind.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
I'll tell this this boo beard farmer he's here, Well,
I'll take care of him.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
I'll get it, Jim.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Remember that he's our guest, no matter what we think
of that.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
That's what I like about cannibals. If they don't want
somebody around that, chuck them out. They don't sit around
being pleasant. Father.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
If you do one thing to disgrace me, yes you won't,
will your father?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Please? Of course, not baby, you know I wouldn't hurt you,
won't cum.
Speaker 7 (22:35):
Frenchie.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
Look great, it's a tree, It's a dream, the whole thing.
It's a drench You own son of a girl, Jim Beddie,
Why didn't you tell me it was Margaret. You've heard
me speak of FRENCHI la grad. Of course he was
the interpreter with my outfit. We went all through France together,
(22:58):
didn't we.
Speaker 11 (22:58):
Frenchy, this is the happiest day of my whole life.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
I don't know what to say.
Speaker 7 (23:07):
Then, is this a French who got all those metal?
Speaker 4 (23:11):
God, Frenchie, this is my son. But I know him.
I know them all.
Speaker 5 (23:15):
I've seen their picture a thousand times, Margaret and Kathy
and Betty.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Betty first all monsieur Legram.
Speaker 11 (23:29):
This girl sits in my class and I say, where
have I seen his face?
Speaker 4 (23:33):
And I'm such a fool. I don't think, Jean.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
If we're going to have dinner, it lots of time
for dinner.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
You don't find an old friend like Frenchie. Every day
I was killing my father dinner.
Speaker 11 (23:46):
Kathy, don't stand out in the hall, Yes, Daddy, you
mean this is Kathy.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
That's my baby. Oh but she wasn't in fance.
Speaker 6 (23:55):
H'm nine years old.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Nine years old, and the big.
Speaker 11 (24:01):
She's lying on a rug, Beckie, the picture your father
ahead of you?
Speaker 8 (24:10):
Ready, Father and I were just saying, Jim, everything's going
to be burned to a crib.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
Oh, madam, madam, how can we think of food at
a time like this? Never in my entire life. And
I'm so excited. Oh this is wonder. Say do you
remember Eddie Miller? Don't you Eddie? Oh you mean laughing boy? Yeah,
Well you see what happened to him. I've got a
picture of my wallet here someplace. What did I do?
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Go into the kitchen and turn everything off? Yes, mam, bud,
you better put the celery and things back in the
ice box.
Speaker 7 (24:40):
Yes.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Just the other day I was telling.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
My is I knew I had.
Speaker 11 (24:46):
Oh wait a minute, you mean VCE's Eddie Miller. But
he looks so sad. Well he got married, Eddie. Why
don't you see he's at the door, at the door.
Don't just stand there.
Speaker 6 (25:00):
Go ahead, dear, see who it is jumping creepers.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Here's another one you ought to remember. I don't hit
that Dematino. He was the one with you on that
champagnee wasn't he No, no, no, that was the other one.
You know what was his name? No? One?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Yeah, hello, Billy, here are your books.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
I brought him back.
Speaker 6 (25:18):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
What's the matter. Would you feel well?
Speaker 6 (25:23):
I feel fine? Would you like to come in?
Speaker 7 (25:27):
You want me to come in?
Speaker 6 (25:30):
If you want to?
Speaker 7 (25:31):
Well, I don't want to. If you don't want.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
Me to.
Speaker 6 (25:37):
The door, you better come in.
Speaker 9 (25:40):
Okay, what's going on in then?
Speaker 6 (25:46):
Oh? It's just my father and my French teacher.
Speaker 7 (25:49):
Oh well, I better go.
Speaker 6 (25:51):
Billy, don't be ridiculous.
Speaker 9 (25:53):
I'm not being ridiculous, but I know how you feel
about human.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Why should I hang around, Billy?
Speaker 6 (25:57):
Would you stop being childish? He's old enough to be
my father.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
Tomorrow or Saturday. The very next time you buy coffee,
set your mind on one thing on coffee that gives
you the most in flavor for your money. Now, there's
an expert ready to help you find that coffee, the
world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am, your husband, he's the expert.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
We mean.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
Just pour him a cup of Maxwell House coffee, and
when he smiles and says.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Best coffee I ever taste it.
Speaker 5 (26:52):
You'll know Maxwell House has the most in flavor. You'll
know it's your best coffee. Buy tomorrow, bring home a
pound of Maxwell House. See how much your husband enjoys
every cup. Then count all the truly good cups of
coffee you get from every pound. We think you'll agree
you do get more for your money, more flavor for
(27:13):
your money with Maxwell House coffee, always good to the
last drop. You know, it's a funny thing about love.
It picks you up and it lets you down, but somehow, well,
there's always time for breakfast.
Speaker 7 (27:33):
Like this boy has he got metals?
Speaker 9 (27:36):
He's got someone ever even heard of metals?
Speaker 6 (27:39):
What good are metals?
Speaker 4 (27:40):
Have my coffee, Margaret, please, of course, dear, thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Billie's gonna write a poem about my eyes. What a drip,
he says, They're like limpd.
Speaker 6 (27:53):
Poo's the stardust. Isn't that beautiful?
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Father? Oh? Yes, very original.
Speaker 6 (27:59):
Too, livid pools of stardust.
Speaker 9 (28:03):
I'll bet he's the only guy in Springfield with the
legion of honor?
Speaker 4 (28:07):
Is that right there? I wouldn't know. Bud may have
a sugar Katy, Kathy Man, Please have.
Speaker 12 (28:15):
The sugar ferry Junkie, Kathy Doormy, what doormy.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Oh no, tell the kids it's a hot favorite with Hoppy.
(28:53):
That's hot post tweet meal. And if you have trouble
getting the youngsters to eat a hot cereal, just tell
him how much Hopola Cassidy loves that rich brown, hot
post tweetmeal. Post sweetmeal is chuck full of good, solid nourishment.
It has a wonderful nut like flavor. It cooks in
just three and a half minutes. Until the kids it's
Hoppy's favorite hot post tweetmeal. You'll see you'll all agree
(29:16):
it's the best hot cereal you ever ate.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Join us again next week.
Speaker 5 (29:26):
When we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert
young Is, Jim Anderson, with Roy Bargee and the Maxwell
House Orchestra and yours truly, Bill Forman. So until next Thursday,
good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House,
America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good till the last drop.
Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by
(29:48):
Ed James. Now stay tuned in for a drag net
which follows immediately over most of these stations.
Speaker 11 (30:05):
Exciting dragnat is next three Times Mean Good Times on NBC.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Please Send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr
dot com until next time. In the words of Bo Burnham,
a big part of being confident is being brave, and
you can't be brave unless you're scared.
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