August 12, 2025 • 30 mins
Running out of gas in the middle of nowhere can be disconcerting. It can get downright scarry when it’s almost Halloween and you are stuck next to a cemetery!
Originally aired on October 26, 1950. This is episode 53 of Father Knows Best.
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Originally aired on October 26, 1950. This is episode 53 of Father Knows Best.
Please email questions and comments to host@classiccomedyotr.com.
Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/classiccomedyotr. Please share this podcast with your friends and family.
You can also subscribe to our podcast on Spreaker.com, Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google podcasts.
This show is supported by Spreaker Prime.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your
host Ron Ecklelbarger. Running out of gas in the middle
of nowhere can be disconcerting. It can get downright scary
when it's almost Halloween and you are stuck next to
a cemetery. This is episode number fifty three Your Father
Knows Best, entitled A Spooky Cemetery. It originally aired on
(00:40):
October twenty sixth, nineteen fifty.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Mother is Natural House really the only coffee in the.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
World where your father says so and your father knows best.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert
Young's father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons,
brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought
and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of
coffee at any price. Maxwell House always good to the
last drop, and all.
Speaker 5 (01:36):
Us other chillen.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
When the supper things is done, we set around the
kitchen fire and has the most as fun a listen
to the witch tales that Annie tells about and the
goblin that gets you if.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
You don't watch out.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
It's Halloween and Springfield and the White Frame House on
Maple Street looks dark and deserted. Maybe that's because it
is dark and deserted. The Andersons, you see our heading
home after a week in in the country with their friends,
the Palmers, And at the moment we find them, that is,
their car is parked on a muddy and rain spattered
road between How am I supposed to know where they are?
Speaker 5 (02:13):
They don't even know themselves like this? What does the
sign say, Bud?
Speaker 6 (02:19):
I don't know. It's dark out here?
Speaker 5 (02:21):
Well light a match? Oh okay, I don't know what's
the matter with that boy? He doesn't have enough sense
to come in out of the rain.
Speaker 7 (02:29):
If he did, he couldn't read the sign, could he do?
Speaker 8 (02:33):
Hmm?
Speaker 5 (02:36):
Can you say it now, Bud?
Speaker 9 (02:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (02:38):
Well what does it say?
Speaker 6 (02:40):
No trespassing?
Speaker 5 (02:43):
That's a great help, all right, come on back, okay, Daddy,
what is it? Kathy?
Speaker 9 (02:50):
My theater?
Speaker 5 (02:51):
Cold? Well? Put them in your pocket?
Speaker 7 (02:56):
And that wasn't very nuts.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
She's done nothing but complain for the last three hours.
She's hungry, she's sleepy, she's tired, she's cold.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
Father, Yes, Betty.
Speaker 9 (03:06):
So am I.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Fine? I'll make a note of it.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Boy, it sure wet out here. Well, get in and
close the door. Don't just stand there shove over, will you, Betty?
But you're getting me all wat your poor thing?
Speaker 10 (03:21):
How would you like to get out every two minutes
and look at a dopey sign?
Speaker 5 (03:24):
But stop complaining and shut the door.
Speaker 10 (03:27):
I'm not complaining, dead, but just because she gets a
few drops of water on, shut the door.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Holy cow, Once we get back on the main road,
I'll have you home in thirty minutes.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
That's what she said two hours ago.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
Well, I'm certainly not going to change my mind now.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
If you hadn't spent so much time lollygagging with the
Palmer boy, we wouldn't have had to take this short
cut shortcut.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
Huh what was that?
Speaker 6 (03:53):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Nothing, dead, I was just thinking, well, stop thinking out loud.
It was a very good shortcut. If I can never
find it.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Oh dear, it's too bad this had to happen. It
was such a nice weekend, wasn't it, Jim. Yes, the
Palmers are wonderful people, aren't they.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Oh they're nice people, all right. But Will didn't have
to knock himself out that way.
Speaker 7 (04:19):
He was merely trying to be pleasant.
Speaker 9 (04:21):
He scared me.
Speaker 7 (04:24):
He didn't really, Kathy, He was just having fun.
Speaker 9 (04:26):
Some fun. Knew that hotcha.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
Well, let's face it, Margaret, just because it's Halloween. He
didn't have to have ghosts popping out of the closet
every time he opened the door, and.
Speaker 9 (04:40):
I was scared.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
I don't like ghost Oh, Kathy, for the eight million time,
There's no such thing as a ghost. There isn't no
Will you.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Just say he had him in all the closets.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
He had sheets in all the closets.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
You mean they weren't real live ghosts.
Speaker 5 (04:56):
There is no such thing as a real live ghost.
Speaker 9 (05:00):
How about a real dead goes.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Mandy. You keep out of this.
Speaker 9 (05:05):
I was only trying to help.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
You've helped quite enough. Thank you. You and Marshall the
mechanical wizard.
Speaker 9 (05:11):
Now what did we do?
Speaker 4 (05:13):
The gas gauge doesn't work, the radio doesn't work, nothing works.
Speaker 9 (05:17):
Marshall said it just needed a fuse.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
Marshall said he works one week at a filling station
and that makes him an expert mechanic.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Jim, how do you suppose Will did that thing with
the bridge table?
Speaker 5 (05:29):
What thing?
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Well, where the bridge table floated in the air, It.
Speaker 7 (05:33):
Was very clever.
Speaker 5 (05:35):
I don't know. I suppose he had wires hooked on
it or something.
Speaker 9 (05:37):
I didn't see any wires. There's another sign.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
Where over there? Well maybe now we'll find out where
we are.
Speaker 6 (05:47):
But oh no, Dad, do I have to go out again?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
A little rain isn't going to hurt you.
Speaker 6 (05:56):
But I'm wet clear through now.
Speaker 5 (05:58):
Then you can't get any where. Go ahead, Bud, Holy call.
Speaker 6 (06:06):
What they need in this family is a seeing eye.
Speaker 9 (06:08):
Duck, Daddy.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Now what if there aren't any ghosts?
Speaker 9 (06:14):
Why do people say.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
There are because they don't have anything better to talk about.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
I know you don't believe in those things, Jim, But
there was a chair in my grandmother William's.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Bedroom and it rocked back and forth and back and forth.
Speaker 9 (06:27):
It certainly did.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
You've told me about it eight thousand times, and there's
still a logical explanation for it.
Speaker 9 (06:32):
Maybe the termites were pacing up and down.
Speaker 7 (06:38):
Betty, that isn't funny.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
The floor was probably crooked, or the chair was standing
in a draft. It could have been anything, but it
was not being rocked by a ghost.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
I'm scared, Dad, what's the matter? Bud?
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Hey dead? You know what?
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Don't stand out there in the rain. Get inside, okay, Moveova,
will you.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Betty, Oh you're a past Well, Ben.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Why what did you find out?
Speaker 6 (07:05):
Hmmm?
Speaker 10 (07:06):
Oh well remember the sign that said Bensonville twelve miles
and you said, now you knew where you were?
Speaker 5 (07:14):
What about it?
Speaker 6 (07:15):
That's it?
Speaker 7 (07:20):
What Jim?
Speaker 5 (07:23):
You mean? It's the same sign.
Speaker 10 (07:25):
Sure, on the bottom it says Blossom loves Rockey with
a skull and corresponds Bensonville.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Father, we were here two hours ago, Jim Anderson, Margaret,
it was an honest mistake when I took the right turn.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
I guess I should have taken the left.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
That's all Kathy said, we should have taken the left turn.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
Since when is a nine year old child no more
about Rhodes than I do? Now? Whoa? If you're going
to be insulting about it, if you'd.
Speaker 7 (07:56):
Only stop someone and.
Speaker 6 (07:57):
Ask why who?
Speaker 5 (07:59):
We haven't seen a so since we left man Steel
and that was three hours ago. Now, what's wrong with
a full motor?
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Maybe you flooded it? Dad? Pull way out on.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
The chalk bud. Would you like to drive?
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (08:13):
No, stay right there.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
I was driving cars before you were born, and I
can drive rings around you right now?
Speaker 6 (08:20):
Well, sure, father, is the switch on.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
The switch is on contact Roger will ko wahu. Only
it won't start.
Speaker 6 (08:29):
Now, are you happy, Jim?
Speaker 7 (08:31):
You're losing your temper.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
I'm not losing my temper. I'm calm, I'm cool, and
I'd like to take Marshall Palmer and stuff him down
the nearest.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
Well.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Why blame it on Marshall? He was only trying to help.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
The two of you fussed around with his car for
two hours and you've wrecked it. Does it take two
hours to put gas in the car?
Speaker 11 (08:49):
Gas? You didn't say to put gas in the car.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
What?
Speaker 9 (09:01):
Well, we just checked the tires and polished the crowman.
You didn't say to put gas in it?
Speaker 5 (09:07):
Oh, Margaret, No, Betty.
Speaker 7 (09:10):
How could you have done a thing like that?
Speaker 9 (09:12):
Well, I didn't know he.
Speaker 8 (09:13):
Wanted us to get gas, Margaret.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
I've been a good husband and a good father, but
so help me.
Speaker 9 (09:24):
Oh daddy, I say I stop it, Please stop choking
your father.
Speaker 7 (09:30):
Please.
Speaker 12 (09:31):
But I saw it, Mommy. It was big and white
and had big long wing.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Mother all right, Jim, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
I think she's been taking lessons from Strangler Lewis.
Speaker 6 (09:48):
I don't see any ghosts.
Speaker 12 (09:49):
It was over there, but he had three heads and
a long fite beard, and I saw it out the window.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
There is something.
Speaker 9 (09:58):
It's the dost Oh yeah, now, but.
Speaker 6 (10:03):
I don't think it's a ghost. But I saw something
I don't see any Oh, yes, father, Jim.
Speaker 5 (10:11):
There's nothing to get upset about, Margaret. It's probably just
a billboard or a sign or something.
Speaker 10 (10:17):
It's a howl, sure, now I can see it. It's
a two story house, and it's got pigeons on.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
The roof, ghosts with three heads.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
All that excitement about a farmhouse and a few fluttering pigeons.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
You want to be ashamed of yourselves, all of you.
Speaker 9 (10:36):
Jim, where are you going?
Speaker 5 (10:37):
I'm going to see if I can't wake somebody up.
I've got the boris yet, Jim.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Don't stay away too long, please.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
I'll be right back.
Speaker 7 (10:45):
But maybe you ought to go with your father?
Speaker 5 (10:47):
What thought?
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Well, it's very dark out there and he might not
be able to find a way.
Speaker 6 (10:52):
I don't know the way any better than he does.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
But why don't you stop arguing?
Speaker 10 (11:00):
I'm not arguing, and I don't see you jumping out
in the rain.
Speaker 9 (11:04):
Of course not. Girls don't do things like that.
Speaker 6 (11:06):
Why not?
Speaker 9 (11:07):
They just don't. That's why not?
Speaker 6 (11:10):
Boy is that a racket. I go first. I'm a girl.
I get this. I'm a girl who takes care of
the men.
Speaker 12 (11:20):
Girls.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
But this is hardly the time for a battle of
the sexes.
Speaker 10 (11:28):
I wasn't fighting, but good gravy is everything all right,
dear honey.
Speaker 5 (11:32):
It's a house, all right, But it isn't exactly what
we figured. It's well, it's a sort of an empty
caretaker's cottage.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
What's an empty caretaker.
Speaker 9 (11:46):
It's a cottage, dope, and it's empty.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Oh, Jim, why would a farm have a caretaker's cottage?
Speaker 5 (11:53):
Well, that's what I was saying. It isn't exactly a farm.
It's a well, just figure it's like anything else.
Speaker 7 (11:59):
That's jim, What is it?
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Well, it's a the Pleasant View cemetery.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Oh well, on Halloween night most of us won't be
(12:29):
in quite such a fix. Instead, the pumpkins will go
on the table when the children come in from their
chili rounds, eager for the cookies and doughnuts and fresh
sweet cider. And you know who else will be there
to drink a cup or two of steaming coffee.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
The world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
That number one expert will be on hand because he's
your husband.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
Now, we could say we're the experts.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Our Maxwell House coffee is America's favorite brand, but we
know the final jud is that man of yours, And
if you'll pour him a cup of Maxwell House, we're
mighty sure he'll say best coffee I ever tasted. In fact,
if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back. You see,
we know there's no coffee taste like Maxwell House, because
(13:16):
no coffee's made like Maxwell House. We're proud as can
be that wonderful, good to the last drop flavor.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
So we'd like you to.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Buy a pound and start serving it to that husband
of yours. And if he doesn't say it's the coffee
for him, why you send us the can an unused portion,
and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address
is right on the front of that familiar blue tin.
Find out just how much the world's greatest coffee expert
your husband enjoys Maxwell House coffee, always good to.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
The last drop.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
A few chill moments have come and gone, and we
find the Andersen's brave little band huddled on the porch
of the caretaker's cottage. The rain keeps pouring down on
the battered roof, and in the eaves pigeons flap their
restive wings. Or is it a belfray? Or are they
bats well? Anyway, the Andersons aren't worried, not in the least.
Chins up, shoulders back, they march fearlessly into whatever awaits
(14:22):
them like this.
Speaker 7 (14:24):
I don't want to go in, Cathy. There's nothing to
be afraid of.
Speaker 9 (14:28):
I don't care.
Speaker 5 (14:30):
I don't want to go in.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
I would you rather stay out here on the porch
all night and freeze to death?
Speaker 5 (14:35):
Ah?
Speaker 9 (14:36):
I'm scared, Cathy.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I don't know what's gotten into you. This isn't just
a cemetery. It's a monument of which we should all
be proud.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
Those are the graves of Civil War heroes, men who
died for their country. Father.
Speaker 9 (14:54):
What were you saying, dear h.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Let's see if we can get inside any.
Speaker 5 (15:01):
Luck, Bud, Nope.
Speaker 10 (15:02):
I tried the windows on the ground floor and.
Speaker 6 (15:04):
They're all locked.
Speaker 10 (15:05):
Oh fine, I found a shovel out and back.
Speaker 6 (15:08):
Though.
Speaker 5 (15:08):
That's nice.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
If we can't dig our way in, at least it'll
make a pleasant souvenir of the evening, won't it.
Speaker 10 (15:17):
Well, I just thought if there's a shovel around, maybe
that means somebody lives here.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
Thank you, Sam Spade.
Speaker 6 (15:27):
Say that's a good one, Sam Spade, because I've found
a shovel.
Speaker 11 (15:33):
And get it ready, I got it, and you can
have it.
Speaker 6 (15:38):
It's the matter with her.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
I want to go.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
We can't go home, Catty. There isn't any gas in
the car, and I'm not walking.
Speaker 5 (15:46):
Twelve miles in the rain to get any either.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Jim, we can't just stand here all night.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
I have no intention of standing here all night. First,
let's see if you can't.
Speaker 5 (15:56):
Jim. It's just a door opening, honey, that's all.
Speaker 9 (16:02):
Who opened it? I want to go home?
Speaker 5 (16:08):
I hear one more peep out of you?
Speaker 7 (16:09):
So help me, Jim.
Speaker 6 (16:11):
What happened?
Speaker 5 (16:12):
I don't know? He was right?
Speaker 7 (16:13):
But mother, you want me?
Speaker 5 (16:15):
Dad? How'd you get down there?
Speaker 6 (16:19):
I don't know. I guess I fell off the port.
Who opened the door? Man?
Speaker 5 (16:25):
How do I know? But it's open, so we don't
have to worry about that anymore.
Speaker 9 (16:33):
It used to be open.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
That's funny. It's lot huh No, I just like the
rattle door knobs.
Speaker 10 (16:43):
How could it be opened one minute and locked the
next minute?
Speaker 5 (16:47):
The wind, That's all it is. The wind blew it shut?
Speaker 9 (16:50):
Who blew it open?
Speaker 5 (16:52):
That? He stopped asking silly questions?
Speaker 9 (16:55):
What's silly about that?
Speaker 5 (16:57):
Bud? Let's see if.
Speaker 7 (17:01):
Jim, Father, never.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Mind, Bud, it's open again.
Speaker 6 (17:07):
Holy how.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
All right, everybody, Let's get inside before the darn thing
changes its mind again.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Jim, this is a haunted house, Margaret.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I don't want to go into the haunted house.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
Yes, he stopped being ridiculous. There's no such thing as
a haunted house.
Speaker 7 (17:25):
Jim.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
I know you don't believe in ghosts and haunted houses.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
Margaret. You don't either, No sensible person does.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Of course, Dear, But why did the bridge table float
in the air at the Palmers?
Speaker 4 (17:38):
It was a trick, Margaret, just like all the other
stupid things. Will Palmer did tapping on the floor in
weird voices.
Speaker 5 (17:44):
You saw how he did those.
Speaker 7 (17:46):
But he didn't explain about the table.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
He forgot, that's all. And if you don't mind, I
just as soon forget too. Let's go inside, all right,
can't be.
Speaker 9 (17:58):
I'm only a little girl.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I'm only nine years old.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Angel. Nothing's going to hurt you.
Speaker 11 (18:07):
Ugh, turn on the lights, Bud, Mother is it all
right if I just wait in the car.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
You're staying right here with us, how about it?
Speaker 6 (18:18):
But nothing happens.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Well, we'll get a light somehow. Now, what's the matter.
Speaker 9 (18:27):
I just roughed in with spider web.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
E will please stop complaining and close the door.
Speaker 9 (18:35):
Jumping creepers.
Speaker 8 (18:38):
All I wanted to do was get into the sixth grade.
Speaker 6 (18:50):
Cassy said, there's an oor lamp over here.
Speaker 5 (18:54):
Fine, now we're getting somewhere.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
But there isn't any oil in it.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
But yes, ed see what else you can find. It
isn't any good.
Speaker 6 (19:06):
It isn't any good for what?
Speaker 5 (19:08):
Just never mind?
Speaker 6 (19:12):
Oh gosh, I was only trying to.
Speaker 8 (19:14):
Bother no self the fifth grade.
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Stupid door.
Speaker 6 (19:20):
But don't look at me, Dad, I wasn't any places
near it.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
I know you weren't. I was really. Oh, here's what
it is. It's just a loose screw.
Speaker 9 (19:29):
I knew there was a screw loose sunplace.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
You see this, Margaret, The latch is unfastened. When the
wind blows, the latch slides over and the door opens.
Speaker 6 (19:40):
Why couldn't you open it before?
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Because the latch gets hung up when the door bangs shut.
And stop bothering me. There's nothing mysterious about it.
Speaker 8 (19:48):
I'll be happy to finish the fourth grade.
Speaker 6 (19:52):
Jim. It's very cold in here, yeah, kind of clamming.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Wouldn't it be warmer if we all just fat.
Speaker 9 (20:00):
In the car.
Speaker 5 (20:01):
We'll get a fire started in here and that'll take
care of everything. Jim, Honey, there's nothing in here that
can hurt anybody. A nice friendly fire in the fireplace,
it'll make all the difference in the world. How about
getting some wood, Bud.
Speaker 6 (20:13):
Here's a whole pile of newspapers.
Speaker 5 (20:14):
Good.
Speaker 10 (20:15):
Hey, you know who's gonna run for President Coolidge.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
But let's get the fire started and stop with the jokes.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
What jokes?
Speaker 7 (20:28):
Just oh, get some wood, Jim.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
I know it isn't anything to be worried about, but
that door gives me the creeps.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
Well i'll fix that. Get this chair wedged under the
door knob, and here we are now.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
I'd like to see it open. Come on, Bud, let's
get going with the wood.
Speaker 6 (20:52):
Where do I get wood?
Speaker 5 (20:54):
I don't care where you get it, just get it.
Speaker 6 (20:56):
Good grief.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Well that's a novelty.
Speaker 5 (21:03):
Daddy, Kathy. You know I can't stand that. What stop whining?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
I was whining Daddy, hand.
Speaker 5 (21:09):
Me some of that newspaper, Betty, will you please?
Speaker 9 (21:11):
What a time to read?
Speaker 6 (21:16):
Betty?
Speaker 7 (21:17):
Help your father build a fire?
Speaker 4 (21:18):
Okay, Kathy, yes, Daddy, you're whining again.
Speaker 9 (21:24):
I didn't even make a sound. Here's the paper, father,
thank you.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
We'll have some light in here in just about two seconds.
Speaker 6 (21:31):
How's this for a dad.
Speaker 5 (21:33):
Fine, Bud, there we are. That's a little better, isn't it.
Let's have the wood, bud. Mother you it's an owl, Margaret,
that's all it is, just an owl.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I don't like owls.
Speaker 5 (21:51):
You don't like anything.
Speaker 7 (21:53):
And what is it?
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Smoke doesn't seem to be going up the chimney.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
Especially, must have their nest up there.
Speaker 6 (22:11):
Want me to open a window?
Speaker 13 (22:12):
Dead?
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Yeah, I guess I bet father the chair it's god,
I want to go in just a minute.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
There must be a little logical explanation. Chairs don't just
walk off by themselves, do they?
Speaker 10 (22:26):
But this one didn't? You just put it in the fireplace? Well,
you said you didn't care where I.
Speaker 6 (22:37):
Got the wood.
Speaker 7 (22:39):
The smoke is getting awful.
Speaker 5 (22:41):
But open the window at the top of the stairs
and see if we can't get a little cross ventilation
in here, Bud, Do this budd do that sounds like
the only name you ever heard of was Bud? What
was that?
Speaker 6 (22:53):
I said, I have to open the window.
Speaker 5 (22:57):
Hey, I want to go. What is it?
Speaker 9 (23:01):
It was a cat?
Speaker 6 (23:02):
I guess I stepped on its tail.
Speaker 5 (23:06):
Well, stop fooling around and open the window.
Speaker 12 (23:12):
Father, Daddy, I have a wonderful ice here.
Speaker 5 (23:16):
Let's go.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
Jim, it's a dog, Margaret. That's all just a dog
howling at the moon.
Speaker 9 (23:24):
Dog's howl when somebody dies.
Speaker 5 (23:27):
Now there's a pleasant bit of instrument.
Speaker 8 (23:31):
I'm only a little girl, Please.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
I'm not having a bad enough time people jumping every
time a dog howls or an owl hoops or a
door squeaks.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
But why do you have to sneak up in back
of people like that?
Speaker 6 (24:03):
They didn't sneak up in back of you.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
You certainly did.
Speaker 7 (24:06):
Jim, what's that like?
Speaker 5 (24:10):
A cow? Just a plain ordinary cow.
Speaker 6 (24:15):
What's a cow doing up this time of night?
Speaker 5 (24:19):
Looking for another cow?
Speaker 7 (24:20):
It's Jim.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
All those peculiar noises, they.
Speaker 5 (24:28):
Aren't peculiar noises.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
We're out in the country and they're just plain ordinary noises.
Speaker 7 (24:33):
But they sound so weird.
Speaker 6 (24:36):
Father, what's the matter we heard something?
Speaker 5 (24:40):
You're imagining things all of you. You heard the wind
whistling through the trees.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
It didn't sound like the wind, all right?
Speaker 5 (24:47):
What did it sound like like that? Oh that's nothing.
It's just a board creaking, that's all.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Jim.
Speaker 7 (25:02):
We've got to get out of here.
Speaker 5 (25:04):
How where are we going to go?
Speaker 6 (25:05):
I don't care where. Let's just go.
Speaker 9 (25:10):
I'm only nine years.
Speaker 5 (25:14):
All right, can't we leave? We leave right now. Not
that there's anything to be afraid of.
Speaker 9 (25:22):
Father, he's coming closer.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
The ghost. It's a big white Oh boy, Jim, all right,
we got the covered Stay where you are are your folks? Folks?
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Yes, where folks?
Speaker 4 (25:44):
Who are you? I'm the new caretaker, just moved in tonight,
and I'm not sure.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
I like this job, Jim. You see, there wasn't anything
to be afraid of.
Speaker 13 (25:56):
Maybe the rank now, But I was sure scared before.
Speaker 6 (26:00):
You see, for a while I figured maybe you was ghosts.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
When you buy coffee, you certainly want to get the
most in flavor for your money, and you know the
world's greatest coffee expert can help you find it. Yes, ma'am,
just set a steaming cup of Maxwell House coffee in
front of your husband, he's the number one expert. Watch
him smile at the first sip. Listen to him say
best coffee I ever tasted. Right then you'll know you
(26:53):
found the flavor. You'll know that Maxwell House is your coffee.
Buy bring home a pound of Maxwell House tomorrow. See
how much your husband enjoys every cupful, and count all
the truly good cups of coffee you get from just
one of those familiar blue tins. We think you'll be
convinced that Maxwell House coffee gives you the most for
(27:14):
your money, because it's always good to the last drop.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
The horrible night is over.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
At last, the Anderson's are home, safe and happy, and
as they dig into their breakfast cereal, Jim tells them
exactly how foolish.
Speaker 5 (27:34):
They've been like this.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
I've never been so ashamed of anyone in my entire life.
Why you acted as though we were living in the
Middle Ages.
Speaker 6 (27:43):
I wasn't scared, Dad, You certainly were. I certainly wasn't.
Speaker 9 (27:48):
You were just as.
Speaker 8 (27:49):
Scared as anybody, wasn't he, Kathy, He wasn't as scared
as I was.
Speaker 5 (27:53):
I was real scared of what Everything had a logical explanation.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
Didn't it Jim, Hello, Margaret, you finally decided to come
to the party. Huh, you haven't said a word since
we sat down.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
At the table.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
Jim, there was a phone call before you got up.
Speaker 5 (28:10):
Oh who was it?
Speaker 7 (28:11):
Will Palmer? He said he hadn't been able to sleep
a wink all night.
Speaker 5 (28:15):
Good serves him, right. What do you want?
Speaker 7 (28:17):
He wants you to call him what for?
Speaker 5 (28:19):
We just saw him yesterday.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
He wants you to tell him how you did that
trick where the bridge table floats in the air.
Speaker 13 (28:27):
Oh no, tell the kids it's a hot favorite with Hoppy.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
That's hot post tweetmeal.
Speaker 14 (28:51):
And if you have trouble getting the youngsters to eat
a hot cereal, just tell him how much hop Along
Cassidy loves that rich brown hot post tweetmeal. Post tweetmeal
is chuck full of good, solid nourishment. It has a
wonderful nut like flavor. It cooks in just three and
a half minutes. And tell the kids it's Hoppy's favorite
hot post wheatmeal. You'll see you'll all agree it's the
(29:13):
best hot cereal.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
You ever ate.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Join us again next week when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with
Roy Bargee on the Maxwell House Orchestra, and yours truly,
Bill Forman. So until next Thursday, good night and good
luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand
of coffee. Always good to the last drop, Father Knows Best,
(29:43):
was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now
stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most
of these stations. Robert Young again reminding you to stay
(30:04):
tuned for Dragnet on NBC.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Listen your questions and comments to host a classiccomedyotr dot com.
Until next time. In the words of Roomy, let the
beauty of what you love be what you do.
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your
host Ron Ecklelbarger. Running out of gas in the middle
of nowhere can be disconcerting. It can get downright scary
when it's almost Halloween and you are stuck next to
a cemetery. This is episode number fifty three Your Father
Knows Best, entitled A Spooky Cemetery. It originally aired on
(00:40):
October twenty sixth, nineteen fifty.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Mother is Natural House really the only coffee in the.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
World where your father says so and your father knows best.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert
Young's father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons,
brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought
and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of
coffee at any price. Maxwell House always good to the
last drop, and all.
Speaker 5 (01:36):
Us other chillen.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
When the supper things is done, we set around the
kitchen fire and has the most as fun a listen
to the witch tales that Annie tells about and the
goblin that gets you if.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
You don't watch out.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
It's Halloween and Springfield and the White Frame House on
Maple Street looks dark and deserted. Maybe that's because it
is dark and deserted. The Andersons, you see our heading
home after a week in in the country with their friends,
the Palmers, And at the moment we find them, that is,
their car is parked on a muddy and rain spattered
road between How am I supposed to know where they are?
Speaker 5 (02:13):
They don't even know themselves like this? What does the
sign say, Bud?
Speaker 6 (02:19):
I don't know. It's dark out here?
Speaker 5 (02:21):
Well light a match? Oh okay, I don't know what's
the matter with that boy? He doesn't have enough sense
to come in out of the rain.
Speaker 7 (02:29):
If he did, he couldn't read the sign, could he do?
Speaker 8 (02:33):
Hmm?
Speaker 5 (02:36):
Can you say it now, Bud?
Speaker 9 (02:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (02:38):
Well what does it say?
Speaker 6 (02:40):
No trespassing?
Speaker 5 (02:43):
That's a great help, all right, come on back, okay, Daddy,
what is it? Kathy?
Speaker 9 (02:50):
My theater?
Speaker 5 (02:51):
Cold? Well? Put them in your pocket?
Speaker 7 (02:56):
And that wasn't very nuts.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
She's done nothing but complain for the last three hours.
She's hungry, she's sleepy, she's tired, she's cold.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
Father, Yes, Betty.
Speaker 9 (03:06):
So am I.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Fine? I'll make a note of it.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Boy, it sure wet out here. Well, get in and
close the door. Don't just stand there shove over, will you, Betty?
But you're getting me all wat your poor thing?
Speaker 10 (03:21):
How would you like to get out every two minutes
and look at a dopey sign?
Speaker 5 (03:24):
But stop complaining and shut the door.
Speaker 10 (03:27):
I'm not complaining, dead, but just because she gets a
few drops of water on, shut the door.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Holy cow, Once we get back on the main road,
I'll have you home in thirty minutes.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
That's what she said two hours ago.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
Well, I'm certainly not going to change my mind now.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
If you hadn't spent so much time lollygagging with the
Palmer boy, we wouldn't have had to take this short
cut shortcut.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
Huh what was that?
Speaker 6 (03:53):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Nothing, dead, I was just thinking, well, stop thinking out loud.
It was a very good shortcut. If I can never
find it.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Oh dear, it's too bad this had to happen. It
was such a nice weekend, wasn't it, Jim. Yes, the
Palmers are wonderful people, aren't they.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Oh they're nice people, all right. But Will didn't have
to knock himself out that way.
Speaker 7 (04:19):
He was merely trying to be pleasant.
Speaker 9 (04:21):
He scared me.
Speaker 7 (04:24):
He didn't really, Kathy, He was just having fun.
Speaker 9 (04:26):
Some fun. Knew that hotcha.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
Well, let's face it, Margaret, just because it's Halloween. He
didn't have to have ghosts popping out of the closet
every time he opened the door, and.
Speaker 9 (04:40):
I was scared.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
I don't like ghost Oh, Kathy, for the eight million time,
There's no such thing as a ghost. There isn't no
Will you.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Just say he had him in all the closets.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
He had sheets in all the closets.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
You mean they weren't real live ghosts.
Speaker 5 (04:56):
There is no such thing as a real live ghost.
Speaker 9 (05:00):
How about a real dead goes.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Mandy. You keep out of this.
Speaker 9 (05:05):
I was only trying to help.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
You've helped quite enough. Thank you. You and Marshall the
mechanical wizard.
Speaker 9 (05:11):
Now what did we do?
Speaker 4 (05:13):
The gas gauge doesn't work, the radio doesn't work, nothing works.
Speaker 9 (05:17):
Marshall said it just needed a fuse.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
Marshall said he works one week at a filling station
and that makes him an expert mechanic.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Jim, how do you suppose Will did that thing with
the bridge table?
Speaker 5 (05:29):
What thing?
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Well, where the bridge table floated in the air, It.
Speaker 7 (05:33):
Was very clever.
Speaker 5 (05:35):
I don't know. I suppose he had wires hooked on
it or something.
Speaker 9 (05:37):
I didn't see any wires. There's another sign.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
Where over there? Well maybe now we'll find out where
we are.
Speaker 6 (05:47):
But oh no, Dad, do I have to go out again?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
A little rain isn't going to hurt you.
Speaker 6 (05:56):
But I'm wet clear through now.
Speaker 5 (05:58):
Then you can't get any where. Go ahead, Bud, Holy call.
Speaker 6 (06:06):
What they need in this family is a seeing eye.
Speaker 9 (06:08):
Duck, Daddy.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Now what if there aren't any ghosts?
Speaker 9 (06:14):
Why do people say.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
There are because they don't have anything better to talk about.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
I know you don't believe in those things, Jim, But
there was a chair in my grandmother William's.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Bedroom and it rocked back and forth and back and forth.
Speaker 9 (06:27):
It certainly did.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
You've told me about it eight thousand times, and there's
still a logical explanation for it.
Speaker 9 (06:32):
Maybe the termites were pacing up and down.
Speaker 7 (06:38):
Betty, that isn't funny.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
The floor was probably crooked, or the chair was standing
in a draft. It could have been anything, but it
was not being rocked by a ghost.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
I'm scared, Dad, what's the matter? Bud?
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Hey dead? You know what?
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Don't stand out there in the rain. Get inside, okay, Moveova,
will you.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Betty, Oh you're a past Well, Ben.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Why what did you find out?
Speaker 6 (07:05):
Hmmm?
Speaker 10 (07:06):
Oh well remember the sign that said Bensonville twelve miles
and you said, now you knew where you were?
Speaker 5 (07:14):
What about it?
Speaker 6 (07:15):
That's it?
Speaker 7 (07:20):
What Jim?
Speaker 5 (07:23):
You mean? It's the same sign.
Speaker 10 (07:25):
Sure, on the bottom it says Blossom loves Rockey with
a skull and corresponds Bensonville.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Father, we were here two hours ago, Jim Anderson, Margaret,
it was an honest mistake when I took the right turn.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
I guess I should have taken the left.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
That's all Kathy said, we should have taken the left turn.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
Since when is a nine year old child no more
about Rhodes than I do? Now? Whoa? If you're going
to be insulting about it, if you'd.
Speaker 7 (07:56):
Only stop someone and.
Speaker 6 (07:57):
Ask why who?
Speaker 5 (07:59):
We haven't seen a so since we left man Steel
and that was three hours ago. Now, what's wrong with
a full motor?
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Maybe you flooded it? Dad? Pull way out on.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
The chalk bud. Would you like to drive?
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (08:13):
No, stay right there.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
I was driving cars before you were born, and I
can drive rings around you right now?
Speaker 6 (08:20):
Well, sure, father, is the switch on.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
The switch is on contact Roger will ko wahu. Only
it won't start.
Speaker 6 (08:29):
Now, are you happy, Jim?
Speaker 7 (08:31):
You're losing your temper.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
I'm not losing my temper. I'm calm, I'm cool, and
I'd like to take Marshall Palmer and stuff him down
the nearest.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
Well.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Why blame it on Marshall? He was only trying to help.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
The two of you fussed around with his car for
two hours and you've wrecked it. Does it take two
hours to put gas in the car?
Speaker 11 (08:49):
Gas? You didn't say to put gas in the car.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
What?
Speaker 9 (09:01):
Well, we just checked the tires and polished the crowman.
You didn't say to put gas in it?
Speaker 5 (09:07):
Oh, Margaret, No, Betty.
Speaker 7 (09:10):
How could you have done a thing like that?
Speaker 9 (09:12):
Well, I didn't know he.
Speaker 8 (09:13):
Wanted us to get gas, Margaret.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
I've been a good husband and a good father, but
so help me.
Speaker 9 (09:24):
Oh daddy, I say I stop it, Please stop choking
your father.
Speaker 7 (09:30):
Please.
Speaker 12 (09:31):
But I saw it, Mommy. It was big and white
and had big long wing.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Mother all right, Jim, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
I think she's been taking lessons from Strangler Lewis.
Speaker 6 (09:48):
I don't see any ghosts.
Speaker 12 (09:49):
It was over there, but he had three heads and
a long fite beard, and I saw it out the window.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
There is something.
Speaker 9 (09:58):
It's the dost Oh yeah, now, but.
Speaker 6 (10:03):
I don't think it's a ghost. But I saw something
I don't see any Oh, yes, father, Jim.
Speaker 5 (10:11):
There's nothing to get upset about, Margaret. It's probably just
a billboard or a sign or something.
Speaker 10 (10:17):
It's a howl, sure, now I can see it. It's
a two story house, and it's got pigeons on.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
The roof, ghosts with three heads.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
All that excitement about a farmhouse and a few fluttering pigeons.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
You want to be ashamed of yourselves, all of you.
Speaker 9 (10:36):
Jim, where are you going?
Speaker 5 (10:37):
I'm going to see if I can't wake somebody up.
I've got the boris yet, Jim.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Don't stay away too long, please.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
I'll be right back.
Speaker 7 (10:45):
But maybe you ought to go with your father?
Speaker 5 (10:47):
What thought?
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Well, it's very dark out there and he might not
be able to find a way.
Speaker 6 (10:52):
I don't know the way any better than he does.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
But why don't you stop arguing?
Speaker 10 (11:00):
I'm not arguing, and I don't see you jumping out
in the rain.
Speaker 9 (11:04):
Of course not. Girls don't do things like that.
Speaker 6 (11:06):
Why not?
Speaker 9 (11:07):
They just don't. That's why not?
Speaker 6 (11:10):
Boy is that a racket. I go first. I'm a girl.
I get this. I'm a girl who takes care of
the men.
Speaker 12 (11:20):
Girls.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
But this is hardly the time for a battle of
the sexes.
Speaker 10 (11:28):
I wasn't fighting, but good gravy is everything all right,
dear honey.
Speaker 5 (11:32):
It's a house, all right, But it isn't exactly what
we figured. It's well, it's a sort of an empty
caretaker's cottage.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
What's an empty caretaker.
Speaker 9 (11:46):
It's a cottage, dope, and it's empty.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Oh, Jim, why would a farm have a caretaker's cottage?
Speaker 5 (11:53):
Well, that's what I was saying. It isn't exactly a farm.
It's a well, just figure it's like anything else.
Speaker 7 (11:59):
That's jim, What is it?
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Well, it's a the Pleasant View cemetery.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Oh well, on Halloween night most of us won't be
(12:29):
in quite such a fix. Instead, the pumpkins will go
on the table when the children come in from their
chili rounds, eager for the cookies and doughnuts and fresh
sweet cider. And you know who else will be there
to drink a cup or two of steaming coffee.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
The world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
That number one expert will be on hand because he's
your husband.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
Now, we could say we're the experts.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Our Maxwell House coffee is America's favorite brand, but we
know the final jud is that man of yours, And
if you'll pour him a cup of Maxwell House, we're
mighty sure he'll say best coffee I ever tasted. In fact,
if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back. You see,
we know there's no coffee taste like Maxwell House, because
(13:16):
no coffee's made like Maxwell House. We're proud as can
be that wonderful, good to the last drop flavor.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
So we'd like you to.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Buy a pound and start serving it to that husband
of yours. And if he doesn't say it's the coffee
for him, why you send us the can an unused portion,
and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address
is right on the front of that familiar blue tin.
Find out just how much the world's greatest coffee expert
your husband enjoys Maxwell House coffee, always good to.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
The last drop.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
A few chill moments have come and gone, and we
find the Andersen's brave little band huddled on the porch
of the caretaker's cottage. The rain keeps pouring down on
the battered roof, and in the eaves pigeons flap their
restive wings. Or is it a belfray? Or are they
bats well? Anyway, the Andersons aren't worried, not in the least.
Chins up, shoulders back, they march fearlessly into whatever awaits
(14:22):
them like this.
Speaker 7 (14:24):
I don't want to go in, Cathy. There's nothing to
be afraid of.
Speaker 9 (14:28):
I don't care.
Speaker 5 (14:30):
I don't want to go in.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
I would you rather stay out here on the porch
all night and freeze to death?
Speaker 5 (14:35):
Ah?
Speaker 9 (14:36):
I'm scared, Cathy.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I don't know what's gotten into you. This isn't just
a cemetery. It's a monument of which we should all
be proud.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
Those are the graves of Civil War heroes, men who
died for their country. Father.
Speaker 9 (14:54):
What were you saying, dear h.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Let's see if we can get inside any.
Speaker 5 (15:01):
Luck, Bud, Nope.
Speaker 10 (15:02):
I tried the windows on the ground floor and.
Speaker 6 (15:04):
They're all locked.
Speaker 10 (15:05):
Oh fine, I found a shovel out and back.
Speaker 6 (15:08):
Though.
Speaker 5 (15:08):
That's nice.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
If we can't dig our way in, at least it'll
make a pleasant souvenir of the evening, won't it.
Speaker 10 (15:17):
Well, I just thought if there's a shovel around, maybe
that means somebody lives here.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
Thank you, Sam Spade.
Speaker 6 (15:27):
Say that's a good one, Sam Spade, because I've found
a shovel.
Speaker 11 (15:33):
And get it ready, I got it, and you can
have it.
Speaker 6 (15:38):
It's the matter with her.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
I want to go.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
We can't go home, Catty. There isn't any gas in
the car, and I'm not walking.
Speaker 5 (15:46):
Twelve miles in the rain to get any either.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Jim, we can't just stand here all night.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
I have no intention of standing here all night. First,
let's see if you can't.
Speaker 5 (15:56):
Jim. It's just a door opening, honey, that's all.
Speaker 9 (16:02):
Who opened it? I want to go home?
Speaker 5 (16:08):
I hear one more peep out of you?
Speaker 7 (16:09):
So help me, Jim.
Speaker 6 (16:11):
What happened?
Speaker 5 (16:12):
I don't know? He was right?
Speaker 7 (16:13):
But mother, you want me?
Speaker 5 (16:15):
Dad? How'd you get down there?
Speaker 6 (16:19):
I don't know. I guess I fell off the port.
Who opened the door? Man?
Speaker 5 (16:25):
How do I know? But it's open, so we don't
have to worry about that anymore.
Speaker 9 (16:33):
It used to be open.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
That's funny. It's lot huh No, I just like the
rattle door knobs.
Speaker 10 (16:43):
How could it be opened one minute and locked the
next minute?
Speaker 5 (16:47):
The wind, That's all it is. The wind blew it shut?
Speaker 9 (16:50):
Who blew it open?
Speaker 5 (16:52):
That? He stopped asking silly questions?
Speaker 9 (16:55):
What's silly about that?
Speaker 5 (16:57):
Bud? Let's see if.
Speaker 7 (17:01):
Jim, Father, never.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Mind, Bud, it's open again.
Speaker 6 (17:07):
Holy how.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
All right, everybody, Let's get inside before the darn thing
changes its mind again.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Jim, this is a haunted house, Margaret.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I don't want to go into the haunted house.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
Yes, he stopped being ridiculous. There's no such thing as
a haunted house.
Speaker 7 (17:25):
Jim.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
I know you don't believe in ghosts and haunted houses.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
Margaret. You don't either, No sensible person does.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Of course, Dear, But why did the bridge table float
in the air at the Palmers?
Speaker 4 (17:38):
It was a trick, Margaret, just like all the other
stupid things. Will Palmer did tapping on the floor in
weird voices.
Speaker 5 (17:44):
You saw how he did those.
Speaker 7 (17:46):
But he didn't explain about the table.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
He forgot, that's all. And if you don't mind, I
just as soon forget too. Let's go inside, all right,
can't be.
Speaker 9 (17:58):
I'm only a little girl.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I'm only nine years old.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Angel. Nothing's going to hurt you.
Speaker 11 (18:07):
Ugh, turn on the lights, Bud, Mother is it all
right if I just wait in the car.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
You're staying right here with us, how about it?
Speaker 6 (18:18):
But nothing happens.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Well, we'll get a light somehow. Now, what's the matter.
Speaker 9 (18:27):
I just roughed in with spider web.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
E will please stop complaining and close the door.
Speaker 9 (18:35):
Jumping creepers.
Speaker 8 (18:38):
All I wanted to do was get into the sixth grade.
Speaker 6 (18:50):
Cassy said, there's an oor lamp over here.
Speaker 5 (18:54):
Fine, now we're getting somewhere.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
But there isn't any oil in it.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
But yes, ed see what else you can find. It
isn't any good.
Speaker 6 (19:06):
It isn't any good for what?
Speaker 5 (19:08):
Just never mind?
Speaker 6 (19:12):
Oh gosh, I was only trying to.
Speaker 8 (19:14):
Bother no self the fifth grade.
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Stupid door.
Speaker 6 (19:20):
But don't look at me, Dad, I wasn't any places
near it.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
I know you weren't. I was really. Oh, here's what
it is. It's just a loose screw.
Speaker 9 (19:29):
I knew there was a screw loose sunplace.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
You see this, Margaret, The latch is unfastened. When the
wind blows, the latch slides over and the door opens.
Speaker 6 (19:40):
Why couldn't you open it before?
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Because the latch gets hung up when the door bangs shut.
And stop bothering me. There's nothing mysterious about it.
Speaker 8 (19:48):
I'll be happy to finish the fourth grade.
Speaker 6 (19:52):
Jim. It's very cold in here, yeah, kind of clamming.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Wouldn't it be warmer if we all just fat.
Speaker 9 (20:00):
In the car.
Speaker 5 (20:01):
We'll get a fire started in here and that'll take
care of everything. Jim, Honey, there's nothing in here that
can hurt anybody. A nice friendly fire in the fireplace,
it'll make all the difference in the world. How about
getting some wood, Bud.
Speaker 6 (20:13):
Here's a whole pile of newspapers.
Speaker 5 (20:14):
Good.
Speaker 10 (20:15):
Hey, you know who's gonna run for President Coolidge.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
But let's get the fire started and stop with the jokes.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
What jokes?
Speaker 7 (20:28):
Just oh, get some wood, Jim.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
I know it isn't anything to be worried about, but
that door gives me the creeps.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
Well i'll fix that. Get this chair wedged under the
door knob, and here we are now.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
I'd like to see it open. Come on, Bud, let's
get going with the wood.
Speaker 6 (20:52):
Where do I get wood?
Speaker 5 (20:54):
I don't care where you get it, just get it.
Speaker 6 (20:56):
Good grief.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Well that's a novelty.
Speaker 5 (21:03):
Daddy, Kathy. You know I can't stand that. What stop whining?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
I was whining Daddy, hand.
Speaker 5 (21:09):
Me some of that newspaper, Betty, will you please?
Speaker 9 (21:11):
What a time to read?
Speaker 6 (21:16):
Betty?
Speaker 7 (21:17):
Help your father build a fire?
Speaker 4 (21:18):
Okay, Kathy, yes, Daddy, you're whining again.
Speaker 9 (21:24):
I didn't even make a sound. Here's the paper, father,
thank you.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
We'll have some light in here in just about two seconds.
Speaker 6 (21:31):
How's this for a dad.
Speaker 5 (21:33):
Fine, Bud, there we are. That's a little better, isn't it.
Let's have the wood, bud. Mother you it's an owl, Margaret,
that's all it is, just an owl.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I don't like owls.
Speaker 5 (21:51):
You don't like anything.
Speaker 7 (21:53):
And what is it?
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Smoke doesn't seem to be going up the chimney.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
Especially, must have their nest up there.
Speaker 6 (22:11):
Want me to open a window?
Speaker 13 (22:12):
Dead?
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Yeah, I guess I bet father the chair it's god,
I want to go in just a minute.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
There must be a little logical explanation. Chairs don't just
walk off by themselves, do they?
Speaker 10 (22:26):
But this one didn't? You just put it in the fireplace? Well,
you said you didn't care where I.
Speaker 6 (22:37):
Got the wood.
Speaker 7 (22:39):
The smoke is getting awful.
Speaker 5 (22:41):
But open the window at the top of the stairs
and see if we can't get a little cross ventilation
in here, Bud, Do this budd do that sounds like
the only name you ever heard of was Bud? What
was that?
Speaker 6 (22:53):
I said, I have to open the window.
Speaker 5 (22:57):
Hey, I want to go. What is it?
Speaker 9 (23:01):
It was a cat?
Speaker 6 (23:02):
I guess I stepped on its tail.
Speaker 5 (23:06):
Well, stop fooling around and open the window.
Speaker 12 (23:12):
Father, Daddy, I have a wonderful ice here.
Speaker 5 (23:16):
Let's go.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
Jim, it's a dog, Margaret. That's all just a dog
howling at the moon.
Speaker 9 (23:24):
Dog's howl when somebody dies.
Speaker 5 (23:27):
Now there's a pleasant bit of instrument.
Speaker 8 (23:31):
I'm only a little girl, Please.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
I'm not having a bad enough time people jumping every
time a dog howls or an owl hoops or a
door squeaks.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
But why do you have to sneak up in back
of people like that?
Speaker 6 (24:03):
They didn't sneak up in back of you.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
You certainly did.
Speaker 7 (24:06):
Jim, what's that like?
Speaker 5 (24:10):
A cow? Just a plain ordinary cow.
Speaker 6 (24:15):
What's a cow doing up this time of night?
Speaker 5 (24:19):
Looking for another cow?
Speaker 7 (24:20):
It's Jim.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
All those peculiar noises, they.
Speaker 5 (24:28):
Aren't peculiar noises.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
We're out in the country and they're just plain ordinary noises.
Speaker 7 (24:33):
But they sound so weird.
Speaker 6 (24:36):
Father, what's the matter we heard something?
Speaker 5 (24:40):
You're imagining things all of you. You heard the wind
whistling through the trees.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
It didn't sound like the wind, all right?
Speaker 5 (24:47):
What did it sound like like that? Oh that's nothing.
It's just a board creaking, that's all.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Jim.
Speaker 7 (25:02):
We've got to get out of here.
Speaker 5 (25:04):
How where are we going to go?
Speaker 6 (25:05):
I don't care where. Let's just go.
Speaker 9 (25:10):
I'm only nine years.
Speaker 5 (25:14):
All right, can't we leave? We leave right now. Not
that there's anything to be afraid of.
Speaker 9 (25:22):
Father, he's coming closer.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
The ghost. It's a big white Oh boy, Jim, all right,
we got the covered Stay where you are are your folks? Folks?
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Yes, where folks?
Speaker 4 (25:44):
Who are you? I'm the new caretaker, just moved in tonight,
and I'm not sure.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
I like this job, Jim. You see, there wasn't anything
to be afraid of.
Speaker 13 (25:56):
Maybe the rank now, But I was sure scared before.
Speaker 6 (26:00):
You see, for a while I figured maybe you was ghosts.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
When you buy coffee, you certainly want to get the
most in flavor for your money, and you know the
world's greatest coffee expert can help you find it. Yes, ma'am,
just set a steaming cup of Maxwell House coffee in
front of your husband, he's the number one expert. Watch
him smile at the first sip. Listen to him say
best coffee I ever tasted. Right then you'll know you
(26:53):
found the flavor. You'll know that Maxwell House is your coffee.
Buy bring home a pound of Maxwell House tomorrow. See
how much your husband enjoys every cupful, and count all
the truly good cups of coffee you get from just
one of those familiar blue tins. We think you'll be
convinced that Maxwell House coffee gives you the most for
(27:14):
your money, because it's always good to the last drop.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
The horrible night is over.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
At last, the Anderson's are home, safe and happy, and
as they dig into their breakfast cereal, Jim tells them
exactly how foolish.
Speaker 5 (27:34):
They've been like this.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
I've never been so ashamed of anyone in my entire life.
Why you acted as though we were living in the
Middle Ages.
Speaker 6 (27:43):
I wasn't scared, Dad, You certainly were. I certainly wasn't.
Speaker 9 (27:48):
You were just as.
Speaker 8 (27:49):
Scared as anybody, wasn't he, Kathy, He wasn't as scared
as I was.
Speaker 5 (27:53):
I was real scared of what Everything had a logical explanation.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
Didn't it Jim, Hello, Margaret, you finally decided to come
to the party. Huh, you haven't said a word since
we sat down.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
At the table.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
Jim, there was a phone call before you got up.
Speaker 5 (28:10):
Oh who was it?
Speaker 7 (28:11):
Will Palmer? He said he hadn't been able to sleep
a wink all night.
Speaker 5 (28:15):
Good serves him, right. What do you want?
Speaker 7 (28:17):
He wants you to call him what for?
Speaker 5 (28:19):
We just saw him yesterday.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
He wants you to tell him how you did that
trick where the bridge table floats in the air.
Speaker 13 (28:27):
Oh no, tell the kids it's a hot favorite with Hoppy.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
That's hot post tweetmeal.
Speaker 14 (28:51):
And if you have trouble getting the youngsters to eat
a hot cereal, just tell him how much hop Along
Cassidy loves that rich brown hot post tweetmeal. Post tweetmeal
is chuck full of good, solid nourishment. It has a
wonderful nut like flavor. It cooks in just three and
a half minutes. And tell the kids it's Hoppy's favorite
hot post wheatmeal. You'll see you'll all agree it's the
(29:13):
best hot cereal.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
You ever ate.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Join us again next week when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with
Roy Bargee on the Maxwell House Orchestra, and yours truly,
Bill Forman. So until next Thursday, good night and good
luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand
of coffee. Always good to the last drop, Father Knows Best,
(29:43):
was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now
stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most
of these stations. Robert Young again reminding you to stay
(30:04):
tuned for Dragnet on NBC.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Listen your questions and comments to host a classiccomedyotr dot com.
Until next time. In the words of Roomy, let the
beauty of what you love be what you do.
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