December 8, 2025 • 31 mins
Betty tries to talk Father into taking the role of Romeo’s Father in their local theater’s production of Romeo and Juliet.
Originally aired on March 1,1951. This is episode 71 of Father Knows Best.
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Originally aired on March 1,1951. This is episode 71 of Father Knows Best.
Please email questions and comments to host@classiccomedyotr.com.
Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/classiccomedyotr. Please share this podcast with your friends and family.
You can also subscribe to our podcast on Spreaker.com, Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google podcasts.
This show is supported by Spreaker Prime.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your host,
Ronical Barger. Betty tries to talk father into taking the
role of Romeo's father in their local theaters production of
Romeo and Juliet. This is episode number seventy one, A
Father Knows, best entitled Rehearsing a Play. It originally aired
(00:36):
on March first, nineteen fifty one.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Mother, is Nashville House really the only coffee in the world?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
When your father says so, and your father knows, Ben, Yes.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
His father knows.
Speaker 5 (01:00):
This transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young's father. A half
hour visit with your neighbor's the Andersons, brought to you
by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House, the coffee that's always
good to the last drop. All the world's are stage,
(01:30):
and all the men and women merely play it.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
They have their exits.
Speaker 5 (01:34):
And their entrances, and one man in his time plays
many parts that solid stuff, you know, And to prove
that Shakespeare was an exceedingly sensible cookie who generally knew
what time it was, We'd like you to stop off
for a while in Springfield there in a certain white
frame house occupied by the Andersons. The dinner hour approaches
(01:54):
and with it, Why, sure, another crisis like this?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
But what if he says no?
Speaker 6 (02:01):
We mustn't think of it that way, dear. Just think
that he's going to say, yes?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Is this the plate?
Speaker 5 (02:06):
Mommy?
Speaker 6 (02:07):
Yes, dear, thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You're welcome. We've had everybody in the whole company read
the part, and they all look so young. Why don't
you have daddy do it? He's real old, Kathy?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Please?
Speaker 6 (02:22):
Well, isn't he Your father is not old?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
He's older than my teacher mother. If she keeps that up,
he'll never do it.
Speaker 7 (02:32):
Your father will do it, Betty, I promise you no.
We'll have Billy sit over here.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Why can't he sit next to me?
Speaker 6 (02:41):
Darling? I guess sits on the hostess's right hand.
Speaker 8 (02:43):
He does, yes, dear, How does she eat?
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Kathy? Well, if Billy's gonna sit on mommy's hand, oh,
stop it.
Speaker 7 (02:58):
We're in the dining.
Speaker 6 (02:59):
Room, bud, mom.
Speaker 9 (03:00):
Mister Krandall said he didn't think one quarte would be
enough for six people, so I got two quarts.
Speaker 7 (03:05):
Oh, dear, we'll never be able to eat that much
ice cream. Who won't well put it in the freezer
like a good boy.
Speaker 9 (03:15):
Okay, want me to help U? Never mind?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
I don't need any help.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Can I even carry one of them?
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Well? Carry the pistachio?
Speaker 9 (03:23):
Nobody likes it anyway.
Speaker 6 (03:26):
Mother, Betty, will you please stop worrying?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
But how can I This is the most important thing
in my life.
Speaker 6 (03:32):
All you have to do is start.
Speaker 7 (03:34):
A conversation about the theater and leave the rest to me.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Billy says, if
we can't get somebody to play Romeo's father, we'll have
to do Macbeth.
Speaker 6 (03:47):
Well that's a very nice play.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Mother.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
How can you say that there's nothing in it for me?
Speaker 8 (03:54):
Margaret, I'm a we're in the dining room, Jim, okay,
I'll be right in.
Speaker 10 (03:58):
Mother.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
If he says he won't do it all, die.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
I know, Dear, I mean I really will.
Speaker 7 (04:04):
Just see too it that the conversation gets around to
the theater and you won't have to But how can
you never mind?
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Hello, dear, Hello, honey? What's going on in here?
Speaker 10 (04:14):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (04:14):
Nothing very much. Betty and I were just.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Talking father, speaking of the theater.
Speaker 10 (04:22):
Betty, what I mean?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I think the theater plays a very important pardon everything
don't you.
Speaker 10 (04:31):
I suppose, so I come the extra place. Somebody coming
for dinner? Billy Smith, Oh, don't.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
They ever eat at his house?
Speaker 9 (04:41):
Father?
Speaker 6 (04:43):
Your father's only joking, Betty, I am not.
Speaker 10 (04:46):
In the last week. He's had dinner here five times.
Why doesn't he just bring his toothbrush and move in, Jim.
Speaker 7 (04:53):
You know, whenever Billy and Betty are rehearsing.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
For a play, I rehearse her place.
Speaker 10 (04:56):
When I was in college, and I didn't have dinner
with the leading lady every night.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Father, speaking of the theater, how your dad when you
get here?
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Just now?
Speaker 9 (05:04):
Father, I took my bike down to mister Adams and
he says it needs a whole new spocket chain.
Speaker 10 (05:09):
Well, he knows more about it than we do. Tell
him to fix it, Father, But.
Speaker 9 (05:12):
I was thinking, that's gonna be two dollars and a quarter,
and for just another ninety three dollars and sixty cents,
I can get a guest line stood there.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
But I'm trying to talk to father, so am I.
Speaker 10 (05:28):
I've got a great idea. Why don't you talk to
one another in the paper, Honey in.
Speaker 7 (05:35):
The living room, Cathy, your father's home good, probably the
only one in the whole house.
Speaker 10 (05:44):
Who doesn't want to put a bite on me for something?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Are you going into the living room?
Speaker 6 (05:48):
Father?
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Has it been moved?
Speaker 11 (05:50):
No?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
Then I'm going into the living room.
Speaker 9 (05:54):
I'll go with you, me too.
Speaker 10 (05:56):
That'll be nice.
Speaker 7 (05:59):
We have dinner in about half an hour.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Dear.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Okay, honey, mother, aren't you coming with us?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Okay, honey, mother.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Aren't you coming with us?
Speaker 6 (06:11):
I don't think so. I ought to go into the kitchen, but.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
You said, all right, dear, I'll come along.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
What's this all about, Margaret? Are you in Betty up
to something? Why?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Jim?
Speaker 10 (06:23):
That's what I like? A nice Anderson type answer. There's
so much more interesting than just a plane. Yes or no?
Speaker 6 (06:31):
Well there it's Kathy.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yes, honey.
Speaker 7 (06:35):
Turn the light off under the spinach. It's aw it is.
We'll turn it on like a good girl, yes, honey.
And don't you dare touch the ice cream?
Speaker 10 (06:48):
Okay, Margaret, Yes, dear, you can change the subject four
hundred and sixty three times, and I'm still going to remember.
What are you and Betty up to?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Up to?
Speaker 10 (06:59):
I beg your to what are you and Betty up?
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Do you want to know something? Then?
Speaker 10 (07:08):
By Betty?
Speaker 4 (07:09):
All right?
Speaker 10 (07:10):
Bud, what is it you.
Speaker 9 (07:11):
Gets forty miles a gallon on the scooter?
Speaker 10 (07:13):
What's that got to do with Betty?
Speaker 9 (07:15):
I didn't say it had anything to do with Betty.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I just said bother speaking of the theater?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Who said anything about the theater?
Speaker 7 (07:22):
I think i'd better get back to the kitchen, Margaret, Please, dear.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Georgelle Raing, mother, it's Billy and I haven't even.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Asked him, asked who you what?
Speaker 2 (07:36):
But I was supposed to ask you.
Speaker 7 (07:38):
Now, look, Margaret, George Ring, thank you, dear you.
Speaker 9 (07:45):
But and that's only half a cent a mile, but
well it's practically half a cent a mile, and you
get a guarantee.
Speaker 10 (07:55):
Margaret, I'm going to give you a guarantee in just
about two minutes. The top of my head is going
to fly off.
Speaker 6 (08:01):
That'll be nice.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Dear, Please tell me what this is all about.
Speaker 11 (08:06):
Well, maybe i'd better tell you, dear, all right, I'll
tell you, mother, after all, it's my.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Problem, Margaret. Yes, Jim, why don't you toss for it?
Speaker 12 (08:16):
Father?
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Yes, Betty, it's Billy Smith.
Speaker 8 (08:20):
Hi, Betty, Oh, no, H'm missus Anderson. Hello Billy, mister Anderson. Jim, Oh,
hello Billy there's a nice night out tonight, isn't it?
Speaker 7 (08:31):
Hello, Billy, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (08:35):
It's a nicer night out than it is in I'll
tell you that.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
It is?
Speaker 10 (08:41):
It certainly is.
Speaker 8 (08:42):
I guess that means you won't huh, I won't?
Speaker 11 (08:46):
What?
Speaker 4 (08:48):
Jim?
Speaker 10 (08:48):
Please, Margaret, if you love me, please tell me what
this is all about.
Speaker 8 (08:52):
You mean you haven't even told him.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
We've been trying to.
Speaker 7 (08:56):
I'll tell you, dear, you see that nothing now, Bud?
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Yes, Margaret, Well, I.
Speaker 9 (09:02):
Forgot to tell you something. It's unconditional. What is to guarantee?
Speaker 4 (09:10):
And mister Adams.
Speaker 9 (09:11):
Said, Bud, yes, that go water, the lawn, cut the
snow all over it.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
We go water to snow at night?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Bud?
Speaker 7 (09:28):
Why don't you go into the kitchen and keep Kathy company?
Speaker 4 (09:32):
But Dad just said, go ahead, Bud. You heard your mother.
Holy call.
Speaker 8 (09:38):
Sure's a nice night out tonight, isn't it, Margaret?
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Before anyone else rings a bell or toots a tooth?
Speaker 10 (09:44):
What? What?
Speaker 4 (09:47):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
What?
Speaker 6 (09:49):
Oh? Well?
Speaker 7 (09:52):
I told the children it was ridiculous, but they wouldn't
listen to me.
Speaker 11 (09:55):
Mother.
Speaker 7 (09:56):
After all, your father hasn't done anything like that since
he left school.
Speaker 8 (10:00):
Like what But we can help you, missus Anderson, and
he'd pick it up in no time at all.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I'd pick what up?
Speaker 13 (10:06):
Mother.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
You said you'd help us, and now you won't even ask.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Betty Darling.
Speaker 7 (10:11):
I know exactly what your father's going to say, Margaret.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
But you promised not ten minutes ago. You promised.
Speaker 7 (10:17):
I know, dear builder guard you said the leader lady.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
You right in the dining room, didn't you.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Yes, dear but Genevieve.
Speaker 7 (10:27):
Jim will you please stop interrupting. It's very rude.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
I guess I would just carry it away.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Father, will you I do?
Speaker 10 (10:38):
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Shall we dance?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Father? Please? This is the most important thing in my life.
What is for you to be in our play?
Speaker 14 (10:51):
What?
Speaker 4 (10:52):
It certainly took you long enough to play me?
Speaker 6 (10:57):
You see, Betty.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
I've told Margaret just a minute, please, Benny.
Speaker 10 (11:01):
What play row me on?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Juliet?
Speaker 8 (11:04):
It's the Springfield Little Theater, mister Anderson, and you'd be
a sensation.
Speaker 10 (11:07):
I mean you really would row me on Julia. Huh?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Say you'll do it? Father, Please say you will?
Speaker 10 (11:13):
Boy, I haven't done anything like that.
Speaker 11 (11:16):
Oh I'm too old, But father, that's why Benny I
told you. That's what he'd say, didn't I No, mother,
you say, after all, when you haven't been on a
stage for twenty five years.
Speaker 10 (11:27):
Twenty five, No such thing. It hasn't been over twenty.
Speaker 7 (11:33):
I know.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Matter of fact, it's only nineteen.
Speaker 7 (11:36):
Jim Anderson, you certainly don't intend to go bouncing around
the stage at your age.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Well, of course I don't intend.
Speaker 10 (11:43):
What's the matter with my age?
Speaker 6 (11:46):
Well nothing, do you.
Speaker 10 (11:47):
Some of the greatest actors of all time reached their
heights at my age, Edwin Booth, John Barrymore. Uh, Sarah Bernhart,
thank you, Sarah Bernhart.
Speaker 7 (11:59):
Dear, this is a theater for young people.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Mother, Please Margaret.
Speaker 10 (12:04):
There is a certain wisdom and understanding that comes with maturity,
and that's what this part needs. Maturity. Anahow I might
give a performance that, Well, actually, I'd only be doing
it to help Betty.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
You mean you.
Speaker 8 (12:18):
Will, We'll be awfully grateful, mister Anderson.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Well when you put it like that.
Speaker 10 (12:23):
All right?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Father, oh father, I love you.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
God, stop it. You're getting lipstick all over me.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I've never been so happy in my whole life.
Speaker 10 (12:35):
Fine, now, if you don't mind, I'll go into the den.
Read my paper.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
Go ahead, dear we'll call you when dinner's ready.
Speaker 10 (12:42):
Thank you, And you needn't look at me like that, Margaret.
I've given my word and it's all settled, all right.
Speaker 7 (12:48):
Dear mother, Why did you keep saying Betty not?
Speaker 15 (12:52):
Now?
Speaker 10 (12:53):
Tell me I'm too old.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
But soft?
Speaker 10 (12:57):
What light through yonder window breaks? She's just jealous because
I didn't ask her to play Juliet. That's all never
felt better in my life. Go off that balcony like
a monkey on a string. At my age, it is
the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair, son,
and kill the envious moon, who is.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Already sick and pale with grief. And now her maid
aren't far more fair.
Speaker 10 (13:23):
Than she be?
Speaker 16 (13:25):
Not her name name, Poor father, He might have known
(13:46):
that the family plans an entirely different role for him.
Speaker 10 (13:50):
But life's like man.
Speaker 15 (13:51):
For example, that man you know as your husband, he
plays another very important role too, Yes, ma'am, that husband
of yours is the world's greatest coffee expert. He's the
man who knows best about truly good coffee cup after cup.
Of course, people call us experts too. That's because more
people buy our maxwell House coffee than any other brand.
(14:14):
But when you brew the coffee, the critic you want
to please is the expert you married, and tomorrow, if
you'll fill his cup with Maxwell House, we promise he'll
beam and say, now that's.
Speaker 10 (14:27):
What I call real coffee.
Speaker 15 (14:29):
We're sure he'll say that, so sure we'll give you
back your money if he doesn't. You see, no other
coffee has that same good to the last drop flavor,
a flavor that can come only from the famous Maxwell
House recipe. It's a very particular recipe which insists on
certain fine coffees blended a very special way, and this
(14:49):
recipe belongs to Maxwell House alone. No other coffee is
made like Maxwell House. That's why no other coffee tastes
like Maxwell House. Tomorrow, then take home a pound of
our coffee. Pour a cup of Maxwell House for your husband.
If he doesn't say best coffee ever, send us the
can an unused portion. We'll return every penny you paid.
(15:11):
Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. So
how about it, tomorrow, serve your husband the coffee with
the world's most famous flavor, our Maxwell House, always good.
Speaker 10 (15:23):
To the last drop.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
The dinner hour has passed and we can't think of
a better time for a neat little quotation to wit.
After the storm comes a calm? Or is it after
a calm.
Speaker 10 (15:43):
Comes the storm?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Anyway?
Speaker 5 (15:45):
With the Andersons, it's different. After the crisis comes another
crisis like this.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Now just a minute, Betty, the father, we never said
you were going to play Romeo.
Speaker 10 (15:56):
Well, you never said I wasn't going to play it
or him. Gosh, and we practically talk Romeo's grandfather.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It isn't his grandfather father, it's his father?
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Well is he sure doesn't have anything to say? Look
at it? Four whole scenes and one have I said, ah, yes, father,
six times?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
They talk about you all the time.
Speaker 10 (16:18):
Why don't I just stay home and let them talk
about me from there?
Speaker 6 (16:22):
Father?
Speaker 4 (16:23):
And stop saying father.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Jumping creepers?
Speaker 8 (16:27):
Mister Anderson, why don't you look at it this way?
Without Romeo's father, there wouldn't be any play.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
The way you've butchered Shakespeare.
Speaker 10 (16:35):
I'm surprised he doesn't turn out to be an orphan Philly.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Why don't we pick up the scene after Tibot goes out?
Speaker 8 (16:42):
Okay, do you have the place, mister Anderson?
Speaker 10 (16:44):
What difference does it make? Just pinch me when it's time,
and I'll say, ah, yes.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Father, this is your big scene.
Speaker 10 (16:53):
Oh wow, it's about time.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Are you ready?
Speaker 10 (16:56):
I've been ready for years.
Speaker 8 (16:58):
Okay, if I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine,
the gentle sin. Is this my lips do bushing Pilgrims
ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which
mannerly devotion shows in this?
Speaker 10 (17:19):
This is my big scene.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Huh. We're getting to it, father, like you did.
Speaker 10 (17:23):
In the last scene by way of Denver.
Speaker 8 (17:26):
Go ahead, Billy, it's your I'm oh for saints, half hands.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
I've got it, daddy. Mommy said I could watch Father alone.
Speaker 10 (17:37):
Betty, she'll be all right.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Reapers for Sainte half hands. That pilgrim's hands do touch
and palm to palm is holy Palmer's kiss.
Speaker 8 (17:47):
Have much Saint's lips and holy Palmer's do.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
When I grow up, I'm going to be an actress. Kathy.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
Betty will have to be quiet.
Speaker 10 (17:55):
This is my big scene, it is. Can you tell?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Why don't they let you say something?
Speaker 10 (18:04):
Don't worry, Angel, they'll start talking about me any minute.
Speaker 4 (18:09):
Oh, go ahead, Betty, father.
Speaker 9 (18:13):
Pardon me, but did anybody happen to see the ink?
Speaker 4 (18:16):
You got it the last time you were in here?
Oh h that was the blue ink.
Speaker 10 (18:22):
What color do you want now?
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Red? Well, don't ask me, you're the one who wants it. Yeah,
that's it red.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Why do you suddenly need red? Ink?
Speaker 4 (18:36):
I need it?
Speaker 10 (18:37):
That's all. Go ahead, Betty. He isn't interfering with anything.
But if he keeps coming in here him to say
ah yes, and he can have my part.
Speaker 8 (18:47):
Father, Please, I can say ah yes, I can too,
you see, mister Anderson, if you'd rather not do the part, yes.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Go ahead, Betty, it's your turn.
Speaker 8 (19:00):
Oh okay, Oh them, dear saint, let lips do what hands.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
Do, Dad?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Saints do not move though, grant for prayer's sake.
Speaker 8 (19:09):
Then move not while my prayers effect. I take Dad,
thus from my lips, by thine my sinnersperg Dad.
Speaker 10 (19:16):
Just a minute, Billy, what is it?
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Bob? Are people gonna pay to hear that? Of course?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Holy caw, this happens to be the most beautiful play
ever written. It is, huh, it certainly is.
Speaker 10 (19:34):
Just wait a while. We haven't reached the funny part
where everybody gets killed.
Speaker 9 (19:40):
Oh, I don't even understand it.
Speaker 10 (19:42):
Who does.
Speaker 6 (19:45):
Fathered by?
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Ahead, Betty, let's get it over with.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
Mister Anderson.
Speaker 8 (19:49):
I'm beginning to think, and it's about time. Go ahead, Yes, sir,
oh trespass sweetly urged, give me my again?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You kissed by the book.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Well, that's where the nurse comes in. Fine, right now
I can use the nurse.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Maybe we'd better do another scene.
Speaker 10 (20:12):
We'll do this one, Kathy, you can be the nurse.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Oh, boy father, you seem to forget.
Speaker 10 (20:19):
This is my big scene. Go ahead, Kathy? What read where?
Speaker 4 (20:24):
I don't care. Just pick out a place and read.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Okay, it's here where it says nurse Mary bachelor.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
How can he be a bachelor if he's married? Stop
asking questions and read she whis marry bachelor? Her mother
is the lady of the house. That's silly.
Speaker 10 (20:52):
Never mind, Kathy.
Speaker 12 (20:53):
Now what Benbolio comes in with capula.
Speaker 10 (20:56):
Now we're getting someplace, all right, Bud? What you're Benvolio?
Speaker 4 (21:01):
I am sure this is my big scene. Everybody's got
line except me. Go ahead, Bud, good grief away begone?
The sport? Is that the best? What's so beautiful about that?
Speaker 5 (21:24):
Father.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yes, Betty, the next line is yours.
Speaker 17 (21:28):
No, let's have your line again, but again, please holy
call away begone the sport?
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Is that the best?
Speaker 5 (21:40):
Ah?
Speaker 4 (21:41):
Yes, well, now I can go and sign and lie down.
Speaker 10 (21:52):
For a while.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
No, you've got another line.
Speaker 10 (21:59):
Have say, business is picking up. Let's go.
Speaker 8 (22:03):
I so I fear the more is my unrest.
Speaker 10 (22:06):
Hey, this is a big one. Stand back, everybody give
me room. Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone this
we have a stifling, foolish banquetore, mister Anderson, is it
mean soul?
Speaker 7 (22:15):
Why?
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Then?
Speaker 10 (22:16):
I thank you all? Please, Miss Randon, I thank you,
honest gentleman.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
Good night, mister Anderson. Ah, sirrah, by my faith.
Speaker 8 (22:22):
Please, mister Anderson.
Speaker 10 (22:23):
Philly, will you please keep still?
Speaker 12 (22:26):
But I have to tell you that's been cut.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
You cut my awe syrah, by my faith. We cut everything.
But nay, gentlemen, that's my big scene.
Speaker 8 (22:45):
Well to line the please awfully long, mister Anderson.
Speaker 10 (22:49):
Ah, yes, and nay, gentlemen.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Later on you say, by my troth, how fully.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
Well?
Speaker 7 (23:02):
Holy actors and actress is getting along in here.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Mother.
Speaker 7 (23:06):
I've got some nice cookies and some chocolate milk.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Mother, We can't stop for anything like that.
Speaker 6 (23:11):
I can me too, Billy.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
We're never going to get this ride.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Wow, there's the.
Speaker 10 (23:16):
First sensible thing I've heard tonight. This whole thing is ridiculous.
Just a minute, mister Anderson, Margaret. If these kids go
through with this play, they'll be the laughing stock of Springfield.
Speaker 6 (23:27):
Father Jim Ree.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
They haven't the.
Speaker 10 (23:29):
Faintest idea of what Shakespeare is all about. They don't
know any more about it than Bud does. What did
I do?
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Wow?
Speaker 8 (23:39):
If you know so much about Shakespeare, I don't.
Speaker 10 (23:42):
But I'm old enough to realize that I don't. Betty.
Can't you see this is a foreign language to you?
And Billy. It's beautiful if it's read properly. Sure, but
you've got to walk before you can run. You aren't
doing Shakespeare, you're murdering it. Why don't you do something?
You understand something we all understand, like what?
Speaker 13 (24:04):
Well?
Speaker 10 (24:04):
Something simple?
Speaker 4 (24:05):
Something American?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
But there aren't any American things that are beautiful? What not?
Like the balcony scene?
Speaker 10 (24:13):
Betty. I'll make a deal with you. I'm not an actor.
I'm a businessman, a plain ordinary insurance salesman. If I
read you something American, the most American thing I know.
And you agree that it's beautiful? Will you do things
my way? What if we think it's awful, I'll do
Romeo and Juliet Telly.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
Yes, it's piled three feet.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
High, Billy, what can we lose?
Speaker 8 (24:40):
Go ahead, mister Anderson.
Speaker 10 (24:42):
Okay, let's see I had it right here on me. Well,
here we are now. Remember I'm not an actor. I'm
just reading words. If there are words we can all understand,
especially in times like these, Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
We're ready?
Speaker 10 (24:56):
All right? Furce cores and seven years ago, our fathers
brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in
liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war,
testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and
(25:19):
so dedicated, can long endure.
Speaker 14 (25:23):
We are met on a great battlefield of that war.
We have come to dedicate a portion of that field
as a final resting place for those who here gave
their lives.
Speaker 10 (25:35):
That that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and
proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense,
we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, We cannot hallow this ground.
The brave men, living and dead who struggle here have
consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract.
(26:01):
The world will little note no long remember what we
say here, but it can never forget what they did here.
It is for us the living, rather.
Speaker 14 (26:11):
To be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they
who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It
is rather for us to be here dedicated to the
great task remaining before us, that from these honored dead
we take increased devotion to that cause for which they
(26:31):
gave the last full measure of devotion. That we here
highly resolved that these dead shall not have died in vain,
that this nation under God shall have a new birth
of freedom, and that government of.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
The people, by the people, for the people.
Speaker 10 (26:54):
Shall not perish from the earth.
Speaker 15 (27:23):
When you go to your grocer's tomorrow or Saturday, you'll
be looking for the one coffee that gives you the
most in flavor for your money. And if you'll pick
out that famous blue tin with a big white cup
and drop, why you'll be taking home coffee that's famous
for flavor the world over.
Speaker 10 (27:39):
Our Maxwell House coffee.
Speaker 15 (27:41):
Then serve a cup of wonderful Maxwell House to the
world's greatest coffee expert, your husband. Yes, And when he
smiles at you and says best coffee ever, you know
it's Maxwell House for the most in flavor. So start
enjoying Maxwell House tomorrow. Then count all the truly good
cups of coffee you get from that one pound. We're
(28:03):
sure you'll agree. You do get more for your money,
more value, more flavor with Maxwell House, always good to
the last drop. O.
Speaker 5 (28:18):
Ring up the curtain, dim the lights, ray, do not
drop a pin. This is a wondrous, breathless time. Our
play will now begin.
Speaker 12 (28:29):
Like this money not now, Cathy, I thought they were
gonna do Romeo and Juliet your.
Speaker 6 (28:35):
Father changed their minds.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
I still don't see daddy, Kathy. Please you do us
great honor, mister President.
Speaker 8 (28:44):
It is a privilege, my child, for if once we
forfeit the confidence of our fellow citizens, we can never
regain the respect.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
But isn't it true, mister Lincoln, that the American people
like to be fooled?
Speaker 12 (28:58):
Perhaps, but it will pay you to remember that while
you may fool some of the people some of the time,
and some of the people all the time. You can't
fool all of the people all the time.
Speaker 18 (29:13):
Do you agree with me, sir ah, Yes, when you
serve a hot cereal, you don't have to say you
children eat your cereal right now.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Just say here, you are kid, hop Along Cassidy's favorite
hot cereal.
Speaker 10 (29:40):
Just a little psychology.
Speaker 13 (29:42):
Yes, to get your children to eat a hot cereal,
just tell them Postweetmeal it's hop Along Cassidy's favorite hot cereal,
and they'll eat it too. Post Sweetmeal is chuck full
of solid, whole wheat nourishment. It has a wonderful nut
like flavor, and it cooks in just three and a
half minutes. You'll see, you'll all agree it's the best
hot cereal you ever eat.
Speaker 5 (30:06):
Join us again next week, when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best, starring Robert young Is, Jim Anderson with
Roy Bargee and the Maxwell House Orchestra. In our cast
were Rhoda Williams as Betty, June Whitley, Ted Donaldson, Norma
Jean Nilsson, Sam Edwards, and yours truly, Bill Forman. So
until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the
makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee always
(30:30):
good to the last drop, Father knows Best was transcribed
in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned
in for drag Net, which follows immediately over most of
these stables.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Pleas send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr
dot com until next time. In the word of Epictetus,
wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having
few wants.
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your host,
Ronical Barger. Betty tries to talk father into taking the
role of Romeo's father in their local theaters production of
Romeo and Juliet. This is episode number seventy one, A
Father Knows, best entitled Rehearsing a Play. It originally aired
(00:36):
on March first, nineteen fifty one.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Mother, is Nashville House really the only coffee in the world?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
When your father says so, and your father knows, Ben, Yes.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
His father knows.
Speaker 5 (01:00):
This transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young's father. A half
hour visit with your neighbor's the Andersons, brought to you
by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House, the coffee that's always
good to the last drop. All the world's are stage,
(01:30):
and all the men and women merely play it.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
They have their exits.
Speaker 5 (01:34):
And their entrances, and one man in his time plays
many parts that solid stuff, you know, And to prove
that Shakespeare was an exceedingly sensible cookie who generally knew
what time it was, We'd like you to stop off
for a while in Springfield there in a certain white
frame house occupied by the Andersons. The dinner hour approaches
(01:54):
and with it, Why, sure, another crisis like this?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
But what if he says no?
Speaker 6 (02:01):
We mustn't think of it that way, dear. Just think
that he's going to say, yes?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Is this the plate?
Speaker 5 (02:06):
Mommy?
Speaker 6 (02:07):
Yes, dear, thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You're welcome. We've had everybody in the whole company read
the part, and they all look so young. Why don't
you have daddy do it? He's real old, Kathy?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Please?
Speaker 6 (02:22):
Well, isn't he Your father is not old?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
He's older than my teacher mother. If she keeps that up,
he'll never do it.
Speaker 7 (02:32):
Your father will do it, Betty, I promise you no.
We'll have Billy sit over here.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Why can't he sit next to me?
Speaker 6 (02:41):
Darling? I guess sits on the hostess's right hand.
Speaker 8 (02:43):
He does, yes, dear, How does she eat?
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Kathy? Well, if Billy's gonna sit on mommy's hand, oh,
stop it.
Speaker 7 (02:58):
We're in the dining.
Speaker 6 (02:59):
Room, bud, mom.
Speaker 9 (03:00):
Mister Krandall said he didn't think one quarte would be
enough for six people, so I got two quarts.
Speaker 7 (03:05):
Oh, dear, we'll never be able to eat that much
ice cream. Who won't well put it in the freezer
like a good boy.
Speaker 9 (03:15):
Okay, want me to help U? Never mind?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
I don't need any help.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Can I even carry one of them?
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Well? Carry the pistachio?
Speaker 9 (03:23):
Nobody likes it anyway.
Speaker 6 (03:26):
Mother, Betty, will you please stop worrying?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
But how can I This is the most important thing
in my life.
Speaker 6 (03:32):
All you have to do is start.
Speaker 7 (03:34):
A conversation about the theater and leave the rest to me.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Billy says, if
we can't get somebody to play Romeo's father, we'll have
to do Macbeth.
Speaker 6 (03:47):
Well that's a very nice play.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Mother.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
How can you say that there's nothing in it for me?
Speaker 8 (03:54):
Margaret, I'm a we're in the dining room, Jim, okay,
I'll be right in.
Speaker 10 (03:58):
Mother.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
If he says he won't do it all, die.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
I know, Dear, I mean I really will.
Speaker 7 (04:04):
Just see too it that the conversation gets around to
the theater and you won't have to But how can
you never mind?
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Hello, dear, Hello, honey? What's going on in here?
Speaker 10 (04:14):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (04:14):
Nothing very much. Betty and I were just.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Talking father, speaking of the theater.
Speaker 10 (04:22):
Betty, what I mean?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I think the theater plays a very important pardon everything
don't you.
Speaker 10 (04:31):
I suppose, so I come the extra place. Somebody coming
for dinner? Billy Smith, Oh, don't.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
They ever eat at his house?
Speaker 9 (04:41):
Father?
Speaker 6 (04:43):
Your father's only joking, Betty, I am not.
Speaker 10 (04:46):
In the last week. He's had dinner here five times.
Why doesn't he just bring his toothbrush and move in, Jim.
Speaker 7 (04:53):
You know, whenever Billy and Betty are rehearsing.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
For a play, I rehearse her place.
Speaker 10 (04:56):
When I was in college, and I didn't have dinner
with the leading lady every night.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Father, speaking of the theater, how your dad when you
get here?
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Just now?
Speaker 9 (05:04):
Father, I took my bike down to mister Adams and
he says it needs a whole new spocket chain.
Speaker 10 (05:09):
Well, he knows more about it than we do. Tell
him to fix it, Father, But.
Speaker 9 (05:12):
I was thinking, that's gonna be two dollars and a quarter,
and for just another ninety three dollars and sixty cents,
I can get a guest line stood there.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
But I'm trying to talk to father, so am I.
Speaker 10 (05:28):
I've got a great idea. Why don't you talk to
one another in the paper, Honey in.
Speaker 7 (05:35):
The living room, Cathy, your father's home good, probably the
only one in the whole house.
Speaker 10 (05:44):
Who doesn't want to put a bite on me for something?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Are you going into the living room?
Speaker 6 (05:48):
Father?
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Has it been moved?
Speaker 11 (05:50):
No?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
Then I'm going into the living room.
Speaker 9 (05:54):
I'll go with you, me too.
Speaker 10 (05:56):
That'll be nice.
Speaker 7 (05:59):
We have dinner in about half an hour.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Dear.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Okay, honey, mother, aren't you coming with us?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Okay, honey, mother.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Aren't you coming with us?
Speaker 6 (06:11):
I don't think so. I ought to go into the kitchen, but.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
You said, all right, dear, I'll come along.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
What's this all about, Margaret? Are you in Betty up
to something? Why?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Jim?
Speaker 10 (06:23):
That's what I like? A nice Anderson type answer. There's
so much more interesting than just a plane. Yes or no?
Speaker 6 (06:31):
Well there it's Kathy.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yes, honey.
Speaker 7 (06:35):
Turn the light off under the spinach. It's aw it is.
We'll turn it on like a good girl, yes, honey.
And don't you dare touch the ice cream?
Speaker 10 (06:48):
Okay, Margaret, Yes, dear, you can change the subject four
hundred and sixty three times, and I'm still going to remember.
What are you and Betty up to?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Up to?
Speaker 10 (06:59):
I beg your to what are you and Betty up?
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Do you want to know something? Then?
Speaker 10 (07:08):
By Betty?
Speaker 4 (07:09):
All right?
Speaker 10 (07:10):
Bud, what is it you.
Speaker 9 (07:11):
Gets forty miles a gallon on the scooter?
Speaker 10 (07:13):
What's that got to do with Betty?
Speaker 9 (07:15):
I didn't say it had anything to do with Betty.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I just said bother speaking of the theater?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Who said anything about the theater?
Speaker 7 (07:22):
I think i'd better get back to the kitchen, Margaret, Please, dear.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Georgelle Raing, mother, it's Billy and I haven't even.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Asked him, asked who you what?
Speaker 2 (07:36):
But I was supposed to ask you.
Speaker 7 (07:38):
Now, look, Margaret, George Ring, thank you, dear you.
Speaker 9 (07:45):
But and that's only half a cent a mile, but
well it's practically half a cent a mile, and you
get a guarantee.
Speaker 10 (07:55):
Margaret, I'm going to give you a guarantee in just
about two minutes. The top of my head is going
to fly off.
Speaker 6 (08:01):
That'll be nice.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Dear, Please tell me what this is all about.
Speaker 11 (08:06):
Well, maybe i'd better tell you, dear, all right, I'll
tell you, mother, after all, it's my.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Problem, Margaret. Yes, Jim, why don't you toss for it?
Speaker 12 (08:16):
Father?
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Yes, Betty, it's Billy Smith.
Speaker 8 (08:20):
Hi, Betty, Oh, no, H'm missus Anderson. Hello Billy, mister Anderson. Jim, Oh,
hello Billy there's a nice night out tonight, isn't it?
Speaker 7 (08:31):
Hello, Billy, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (08:35):
It's a nicer night out than it is in I'll
tell you that.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
It is?
Speaker 10 (08:41):
It certainly is.
Speaker 8 (08:42):
I guess that means you won't huh, I won't?
Speaker 11 (08:46):
What?
Speaker 4 (08:48):
Jim?
Speaker 10 (08:48):
Please, Margaret, if you love me, please tell me what
this is all about.
Speaker 8 (08:52):
You mean you haven't even told him.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
We've been trying to.
Speaker 7 (08:56):
I'll tell you, dear, you see that nothing now, Bud?
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Yes, Margaret, Well, I.
Speaker 9 (09:02):
Forgot to tell you something. It's unconditional. What is to guarantee?
Speaker 4 (09:10):
And mister Adams.
Speaker 9 (09:11):
Said, Bud, yes, that go water, the lawn, cut the
snow all over it.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
We go water to snow at night?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Bud?
Speaker 7 (09:28):
Why don't you go into the kitchen and keep Kathy company?
Speaker 4 (09:32):
But Dad just said, go ahead, Bud. You heard your mother.
Holy call.
Speaker 8 (09:38):
Sure's a nice night out tonight, isn't it, Margaret?
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Before anyone else rings a bell or toots a tooth?
Speaker 10 (09:44):
What? What?
Speaker 4 (09:47):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
What?
Speaker 6 (09:49):
Oh? Well?
Speaker 7 (09:52):
I told the children it was ridiculous, but they wouldn't
listen to me.
Speaker 11 (09:55):
Mother.
Speaker 7 (09:56):
After all, your father hasn't done anything like that since
he left school.
Speaker 8 (10:00):
Like what But we can help you, missus Anderson, and
he'd pick it up in no time at all.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I'd pick what up?
Speaker 13 (10:06):
Mother.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
You said you'd help us, and now you won't even ask.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Betty Darling.
Speaker 7 (10:11):
I know exactly what your father's going to say, Margaret.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
But you promised not ten minutes ago. You promised.
Speaker 7 (10:17):
I know, dear builder guard you said the leader lady.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
You right in the dining room, didn't you.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Yes, dear but Genevieve.
Speaker 7 (10:27):
Jim will you please stop interrupting. It's very rude.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
I guess I would just carry it away.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Father, will you I do?
Speaker 10 (10:38):
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Shall we dance?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Father? Please? This is the most important thing in my life.
What is for you to be in our play?
Speaker 14 (10:51):
What?
Speaker 4 (10:52):
It certainly took you long enough to play me?
Speaker 6 (10:57):
You see, Betty.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
I've told Margaret just a minute, please, Benny.
Speaker 10 (11:01):
What play row me on?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Juliet?
Speaker 8 (11:04):
It's the Springfield Little Theater, mister Anderson, and you'd be
a sensation.
Speaker 10 (11:07):
I mean you really would row me on Julia. Huh?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Say you'll do it? Father, Please say you will?
Speaker 10 (11:13):
Boy, I haven't done anything like that.
Speaker 11 (11:16):
Oh I'm too old, But father, that's why Benny I
told you. That's what he'd say, didn't I No, mother,
you say, after all, when you haven't been on a
stage for twenty five years.
Speaker 10 (11:27):
Twenty five, No such thing. It hasn't been over twenty.
Speaker 7 (11:33):
I know.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Matter of fact, it's only nineteen.
Speaker 7 (11:36):
Jim Anderson, you certainly don't intend to go bouncing around
the stage at your age.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Well, of course I don't intend.
Speaker 10 (11:43):
What's the matter with my age?
Speaker 6 (11:46):
Well nothing, do you.
Speaker 10 (11:47):
Some of the greatest actors of all time reached their
heights at my age, Edwin Booth, John Barrymore. Uh, Sarah Bernhart,
thank you, Sarah Bernhart.
Speaker 7 (11:59):
Dear, this is a theater for young people.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Mother, Please Margaret.
Speaker 10 (12:04):
There is a certain wisdom and understanding that comes with maturity,
and that's what this part needs. Maturity. Anahow I might
give a performance that, Well, actually, I'd only be doing
it to help Betty.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
You mean you.
Speaker 8 (12:18):
Will, We'll be awfully grateful, mister Anderson.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Well when you put it like that.
Speaker 10 (12:23):
All right?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Father, oh father, I love you.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
God, stop it. You're getting lipstick all over me.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I've never been so happy in my whole life.
Speaker 10 (12:35):
Fine, now, if you don't mind, I'll go into the den.
Read my paper.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
Go ahead, dear we'll call you when dinner's ready.
Speaker 10 (12:42):
Thank you, And you needn't look at me like that, Margaret.
I've given my word and it's all settled, all right.
Speaker 7 (12:48):
Dear mother, Why did you keep saying Betty not?
Speaker 15 (12:52):
Now?
Speaker 10 (12:53):
Tell me I'm too old.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
But soft?
Speaker 10 (12:57):
What light through yonder window breaks? She's just jealous because
I didn't ask her to play Juliet. That's all never
felt better in my life. Go off that balcony like
a monkey on a string. At my age, it is
the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair, son,
and kill the envious moon, who is.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Already sick and pale with grief. And now her maid
aren't far more fair.
Speaker 10 (13:23):
Than she be?
Speaker 16 (13:25):
Not her name name, Poor father, He might have known
(13:46):
that the family plans an entirely different role for him.
Speaker 10 (13:50):
But life's like man.
Speaker 15 (13:51):
For example, that man you know as your husband, he
plays another very important role too, Yes, ma'am, that husband
of yours is the world's greatest coffee expert. He's the
man who knows best about truly good coffee cup after cup.
Of course, people call us experts too. That's because more
people buy our maxwell House coffee than any other brand.
(14:14):
But when you brew the coffee, the critic you want
to please is the expert you married, and tomorrow, if
you'll fill his cup with Maxwell House, we promise he'll
beam and say, now that's.
Speaker 10 (14:27):
What I call real coffee.
Speaker 15 (14:29):
We're sure he'll say that, so sure we'll give you
back your money if he doesn't. You see, no other
coffee has that same good to the last drop flavor,
a flavor that can come only from the famous Maxwell
House recipe. It's a very particular recipe which insists on
certain fine coffees blended a very special way, and this
(14:49):
recipe belongs to Maxwell House alone. No other coffee is
made like Maxwell House. That's why no other coffee tastes
like Maxwell House. Tomorrow, then take home a pound of
our coffee. Pour a cup of Maxwell House for your husband.
If he doesn't say best coffee ever, send us the
can an unused portion. We'll return every penny you paid.
(15:11):
Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. So
how about it, tomorrow, serve your husband the coffee with
the world's most famous flavor, our Maxwell House, always good.
Speaker 10 (15:23):
To the last drop.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
The dinner hour has passed and we can't think of
a better time for a neat little quotation to wit.
After the storm comes a calm? Or is it after
a calm.
Speaker 10 (15:43):
Comes the storm?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Anyway?
Speaker 5 (15:45):
With the Andersons, it's different. After the crisis comes another
crisis like this.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Now just a minute, Betty, the father, we never said
you were going to play Romeo.
Speaker 10 (15:56):
Well, you never said I wasn't going to play it
or him. Gosh, and we practically talk Romeo's grandfather.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It isn't his grandfather father, it's his father?
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Well is he sure doesn't have anything to say? Look
at it? Four whole scenes and one have I said, ah, yes, father,
six times?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
They talk about you all the time.
Speaker 10 (16:18):
Why don't I just stay home and let them talk
about me from there?
Speaker 6 (16:22):
Father?
Speaker 4 (16:23):
And stop saying father.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Jumping creepers?
Speaker 8 (16:27):
Mister Anderson, why don't you look at it this way?
Without Romeo's father, there wouldn't be any play.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
The way you've butchered Shakespeare.
Speaker 10 (16:35):
I'm surprised he doesn't turn out to be an orphan Philly.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Why don't we pick up the scene after Tibot goes out?
Speaker 8 (16:42):
Okay, do you have the place, mister Anderson?
Speaker 10 (16:44):
What difference does it make? Just pinch me when it's time,
and I'll say, ah, yes.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Father, this is your big scene.
Speaker 10 (16:53):
Oh wow, it's about time.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Are you ready?
Speaker 10 (16:56):
I've been ready for years.
Speaker 8 (16:58):
Okay, if I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine,
the gentle sin. Is this my lips do bushing Pilgrims
ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which
mannerly devotion shows in this?
Speaker 10 (17:19):
This is my big scene.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Huh. We're getting to it, father, like you did.
Speaker 10 (17:23):
In the last scene by way of Denver.
Speaker 8 (17:26):
Go ahead, Billy, it's your I'm oh for saints, half hands.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
I've got it, daddy. Mommy said I could watch Father alone.
Speaker 10 (17:37):
Betty, she'll be all right.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Reapers for Sainte half hands. That pilgrim's hands do touch
and palm to palm is holy Palmer's kiss.
Speaker 8 (17:47):
Have much Saint's lips and holy Palmer's do.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
When I grow up, I'm going to be an actress. Kathy.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
Betty will have to be quiet.
Speaker 10 (17:55):
This is my big scene, it is. Can you tell?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Why don't they let you say something?
Speaker 10 (18:04):
Don't worry, Angel, they'll start talking about me any minute.
Speaker 4 (18:09):
Oh, go ahead, Betty, father.
Speaker 9 (18:13):
Pardon me, but did anybody happen to see the ink?
Speaker 4 (18:16):
You got it the last time you were in here?
Oh h that was the blue ink.
Speaker 10 (18:22):
What color do you want now?
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Red? Well, don't ask me, you're the one who wants it. Yeah,
that's it red.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Why do you suddenly need red? Ink?
Speaker 4 (18:36):
I need it?
Speaker 10 (18:37):
That's all. Go ahead, Betty. He isn't interfering with anything.
But if he keeps coming in here him to say
ah yes, and he can have my part.
Speaker 8 (18:47):
Father, Please, I can say ah yes, I can too,
you see, mister Anderson, if you'd rather not do the part, yes.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Go ahead, Betty, it's your turn.
Speaker 8 (19:00):
Oh okay, Oh them, dear saint, let lips do what hands.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
Do, Dad?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Saints do not move though, grant for prayer's sake.
Speaker 8 (19:09):
Then move not while my prayers effect. I take Dad,
thus from my lips, by thine my sinnersperg Dad.
Speaker 10 (19:16):
Just a minute, Billy, what is it?
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Bob? Are people gonna pay to hear that? Of course?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Holy caw, this happens to be the most beautiful play
ever written. It is, huh, it certainly is.
Speaker 10 (19:34):
Just wait a while. We haven't reached the funny part
where everybody gets killed.
Speaker 9 (19:40):
Oh, I don't even understand it.
Speaker 10 (19:42):
Who does.
Speaker 6 (19:45):
Fathered by?
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Ahead, Betty, let's get it over with.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
Mister Anderson.
Speaker 8 (19:49):
I'm beginning to think, and it's about time. Go ahead, Yes, sir,
oh trespass sweetly urged, give me my again?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You kissed by the book.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Well, that's where the nurse comes in. Fine, right now
I can use the nurse.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Maybe we'd better do another scene.
Speaker 10 (20:12):
We'll do this one, Kathy, you can be the nurse.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Oh, boy father, you seem to forget.
Speaker 10 (20:19):
This is my big scene. Go ahead, Kathy? What read where?
Speaker 4 (20:24):
I don't care. Just pick out a place and read.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Okay, it's here where it says nurse Mary bachelor.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
How can he be a bachelor if he's married? Stop
asking questions and read she whis marry bachelor? Her mother
is the lady of the house. That's silly.
Speaker 10 (20:52):
Never mind, Kathy.
Speaker 12 (20:53):
Now what Benbolio comes in with capula.
Speaker 10 (20:56):
Now we're getting someplace, all right, Bud? What you're Benvolio?
Speaker 4 (21:01):
I am sure this is my big scene. Everybody's got
line except me. Go ahead, Bud, good grief away begone?
The sport? Is that the best? What's so beautiful about that?
Speaker 5 (21:24):
Father.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yes, Betty, the next line is yours.
Speaker 17 (21:28):
No, let's have your line again, but again, please holy
call away begone the sport?
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Is that the best?
Speaker 5 (21:40):
Ah?
Speaker 4 (21:41):
Yes, well, now I can go and sign and lie down.
Speaker 10 (21:52):
For a while.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
No, you've got another line.
Speaker 10 (21:59):
Have say, business is picking up. Let's go.
Speaker 8 (22:03):
I so I fear the more is my unrest.
Speaker 10 (22:06):
Hey, this is a big one. Stand back, everybody give
me room. Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone this
we have a stifling, foolish banquetore, mister Anderson, is it
mean soul?
Speaker 7 (22:15):
Why?
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Then?
Speaker 10 (22:16):
I thank you all? Please, Miss Randon, I thank you,
honest gentleman.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
Good night, mister Anderson. Ah, sirrah, by my faith.
Speaker 8 (22:22):
Please, mister Anderson.
Speaker 10 (22:23):
Philly, will you please keep still?
Speaker 12 (22:26):
But I have to tell you that's been cut.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
You cut my awe syrah, by my faith. We cut everything.
But nay, gentlemen, that's my big scene.
Speaker 8 (22:45):
Well to line the please awfully long, mister Anderson.
Speaker 10 (22:49):
Ah, yes, and nay, gentlemen.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Later on you say, by my troth, how fully.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
Well?
Speaker 7 (23:02):
Holy actors and actress is getting along in here.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Mother.
Speaker 7 (23:06):
I've got some nice cookies and some chocolate milk.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Mother, We can't stop for anything like that.
Speaker 6 (23:11):
I can me too, Billy.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
We're never going to get this ride.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Wow, there's the.
Speaker 10 (23:16):
First sensible thing I've heard tonight. This whole thing is ridiculous.
Just a minute, mister Anderson, Margaret. If these kids go
through with this play, they'll be the laughing stock of Springfield.
Speaker 6 (23:27):
Father Jim Ree.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
They haven't the.
Speaker 10 (23:29):
Faintest idea of what Shakespeare is all about. They don't
know any more about it than Bud does. What did
I do?
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Wow?
Speaker 8 (23:39):
If you know so much about Shakespeare, I don't.
Speaker 10 (23:42):
But I'm old enough to realize that I don't. Betty.
Can't you see this is a foreign language to you?
And Billy. It's beautiful if it's read properly. Sure, but
you've got to walk before you can run. You aren't
doing Shakespeare, you're murdering it. Why don't you do something?
You understand something we all understand, like what?
Speaker 13 (24:04):
Well?
Speaker 10 (24:04):
Something simple?
Speaker 4 (24:05):
Something American?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
But there aren't any American things that are beautiful? What not?
Like the balcony scene?
Speaker 10 (24:13):
Betty. I'll make a deal with you. I'm not an actor.
I'm a businessman, a plain ordinary insurance salesman. If I
read you something American, the most American thing I know.
And you agree that it's beautiful? Will you do things
my way? What if we think it's awful, I'll do
Romeo and Juliet Telly.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
Yes, it's piled three feet.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
High, Billy, what can we lose?
Speaker 8 (24:40):
Go ahead, mister Anderson.
Speaker 10 (24:42):
Okay, let's see I had it right here on me. Well,
here we are now. Remember I'm not an actor. I'm
just reading words. If there are words we can all understand,
especially in times like these, Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
We're ready?
Speaker 10 (24:56):
All right? Furce cores and seven years ago, our fathers
brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in
liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war,
testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and
(25:19):
so dedicated, can long endure.
Speaker 14 (25:23):
We are met on a great battlefield of that war.
We have come to dedicate a portion of that field
as a final resting place for those who here gave
their lives.
Speaker 10 (25:35):
That that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and
proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense,
we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, We cannot hallow this ground.
The brave men, living and dead who struggle here have
consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract.
(26:01):
The world will little note no long remember what we
say here, but it can never forget what they did here.
It is for us the living, rather.
Speaker 14 (26:11):
To be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they
who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It
is rather for us to be here dedicated to the
great task remaining before us, that from these honored dead
we take increased devotion to that cause for which they
(26:31):
gave the last full measure of devotion. That we here
highly resolved that these dead shall not have died in vain,
that this nation under God shall have a new birth
of freedom, and that government of.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
The people, by the people, for the people.
Speaker 10 (26:54):
Shall not perish from the earth.
Speaker 15 (27:23):
When you go to your grocer's tomorrow or Saturday, you'll
be looking for the one coffee that gives you the
most in flavor for your money. And if you'll pick
out that famous blue tin with a big white cup
and drop, why you'll be taking home coffee that's famous
for flavor the world over.
Speaker 10 (27:39):
Our Maxwell House coffee.
Speaker 15 (27:41):
Then serve a cup of wonderful Maxwell House to the
world's greatest coffee expert, your husband. Yes, And when he
smiles at you and says best coffee ever, you know
it's Maxwell House for the most in flavor. So start
enjoying Maxwell House tomorrow. Then count all the truly good
cups of coffee you get from that one pound. We're
(28:03):
sure you'll agree. You do get more for your money,
more value, more flavor with Maxwell House, always good to
the last drop. O.
Speaker 5 (28:18):
Ring up the curtain, dim the lights, ray, do not
drop a pin. This is a wondrous, breathless time. Our
play will now begin.
Speaker 12 (28:29):
Like this money not now, Cathy, I thought they were
gonna do Romeo and Juliet your.
Speaker 6 (28:35):
Father changed their minds.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
I still don't see daddy, Kathy. Please you do us
great honor, mister President.
Speaker 8 (28:44):
It is a privilege, my child, for if once we
forfeit the confidence of our fellow citizens, we can never
regain the respect.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
But isn't it true, mister Lincoln, that the American people
like to be fooled?
Speaker 12 (28:58):
Perhaps, but it will pay you to remember that while
you may fool some of the people some of the time,
and some of the people all the time. You can't
fool all of the people all the time.
Speaker 18 (29:13):
Do you agree with me, sir ah, Yes, when you
serve a hot cereal, you don't have to say you
children eat your cereal right now.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Just say here, you are kid, hop Along Cassidy's favorite
hot cereal.
Speaker 10 (29:40):
Just a little psychology.
Speaker 13 (29:42):
Yes, to get your children to eat a hot cereal,
just tell them Postweetmeal it's hop Along Cassidy's favorite hot cereal,
and they'll eat it too. Post Sweetmeal is chuck full
of solid, whole wheat nourishment. It has a wonderful nut
like flavor, and it cooks in just three and a
half minutes. You'll see, you'll all agree it's the best
hot cereal you ever eat.
Speaker 5 (30:06):
Join us again next week, when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best, starring Robert young Is, Jim Anderson with
Roy Bargee and the Maxwell House Orchestra. In our cast
were Rhoda Williams as Betty, June Whitley, Ted Donaldson, Norma
Jean Nilsson, Sam Edwards, and yours truly, Bill Forman. So
until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the
makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee always
(30:30):
good to the last drop, Father knows Best was transcribed
in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned
in for drag Net, which follows immediately over most of
these stables.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Pleas send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr
dot com until next time. In the word of Epictetus,
wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having
few wants.
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