All Episodes

September 9, 2025 31 mins
Jim’s boss is coming in from New York and Jim is under the impression that his boss will want a flame-broiled steak. So, Jim tries to build his own brick BBQ grill in the back yard.

Originally aired on November 9, 1950. This is episode 55 of Father Knows Best.

Please email questions and comments to host@classiccomedyotr.com.

Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/classiccomedyotr. Please share this podcast with your friends and family.

You can also subscribe to our podcast on Spreaker.com, Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google podcasts.

This show is supported by Spreaker Prime.
Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to classic comedy of Old time Radio. I'm your
host Ron Ecklebarger. Jim's boss is coming in from New York,
and Jim is under the impression that his boss will
want a flame broiled steak. So Jim decides to build
his own brick barbecue grill in his own backyard in November.

(00:41):
This is episode number fifty five A Father Knows Best,
entitled The Bad Barbecue. It originally aired on November nine,
nineteen fifty.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Mother, is Nashew House really the only coffee in the world?

Speaker 3 (00:57):
When your father says so and your father knows.

Speaker 4 (01:10):
Yes, it's Father Knows Best.

Speaker 5 (01:11):
Transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young as father. A half
hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you
by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House, the coffee that's always.

Speaker 6 (01:23):
Good to the last drought.

Speaker 5 (01:36):
It was Byron who said all history at tests that
happiness for man, the hungry sinner since Eve eight apples
much depends on dinner.

Speaker 4 (01:45):
Well, if you were making plans for.

Speaker 5 (01:47):
A dinner party, you'd probably start with a fruit cocktail
or canafes or oysters on the half show something like that.
In Springfield However, in the white frame house on Maple Street,
they do things in a much more logical way. When
Jim Anderson plans a dinner, he starts in a basic,
concrete manner like this.

Speaker 4 (02:07):
All right, Bud, let me have a cement here you are, Dad,
Thank you. Now wait a minute. You didn't use the
whole sack. Didn't you want me to? But that's enough
cement to build a second boulder.

Speaker 7 (02:22):
Dam Oh gosh, I didn't know.

Speaker 8 (02:24):
You just said the mix.

Speaker 5 (02:25):
We're building a barbecue pit, not another porch for the
White House.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
Jim, I told you in the very beginning.

Speaker 5 (02:33):
I know you don't approve, but I guarantee that when
I get through, we'll have the finest brick barbecue in Springfield.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
Germans had a sale of portable barbecues, and there was
no reason.

Speaker 5 (02:42):
That's the trouble with this family. They're always buying things.
Wouldn't you much rather use something you've built yourself, not.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
If someone else can build it better?

Speaker 5 (02:51):
Margaret, why do you assume that someone else can build
a barbecue better than I can?

Speaker 3 (02:55):
Because you've built a barbecue?

Speaker 4 (02:59):
What was wrong with it?

Speaker 3 (03:00):
It fell apart?

Speaker 5 (03:02):
Well, there was a reason for that. Now the proper material.
They sold me stale cement.

Speaker 4 (03:08):
That's all, yaddy.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
I've got the great soul tiled up like you telling me.

Speaker 4 (03:15):
Oh, that's fine, Kathy.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Now what do you want me to do?

Speaker 8 (03:18):
Well?

Speaker 4 (03:19):
How would you like to go inside and do your homework?

Speaker 7 (03:21):
But I want to Hell, I'll go inside and do
my homework.

Speaker 4 (03:24):
You stay where you are.

Speaker 5 (03:27):
We've got to get this thing built in a hurry,
and it's gonna take both of us to do it.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
He always gets to help you because he's a boy
and you love him more than you love me.

Speaker 4 (03:36):
I do not, Kathy.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
Then why can't I help you?

Speaker 4 (03:39):
Because I?

Speaker 5 (03:41):
Oh, here, you take the magazine with the instructions and
read them off to us.

Speaker 4 (03:44):
I'll that be.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
Is that important?

Speaker 5 (03:46):
Of course it's important. It's probably the most important part of.

Speaker 8 (03:50):
The whole job.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
Why can't I help bunster up the goop?

Speaker 4 (03:55):
Because the goop is all stirred up?

Speaker 5 (03:59):
Now do you want to read the instructions or would
you prefer to go inside and do your homework?

Speaker 9 (04:02):
Ill the instructions?

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Daddy?

Speaker 5 (04:05):
All right, jem one second, honey, we've got to get
this thing going before the cement hardens.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
What does it say Kathy, mix two parts.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Of cement, one part he had dreaded.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
Hydrated, nine nine parts graded sale.

Speaker 4 (04:22):
You've already mixed the cement, Kathy.

Speaker 8 (04:24):
What comes next?

Speaker 3 (04:25):
That's all it says.

Speaker 7 (04:27):
It's on the next page.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Dopey, Oh bud, that's no way to speak to your sister.

Speaker 7 (04:32):
Well, good grief. If she doesn't know enough to turn
a page.

Speaker 10 (04:35):
Cure it is?

Speaker 4 (04:36):
What does it say?

Speaker 2 (04:37):
Continue from page seventy two?

Speaker 4 (04:41):
That's nice? What else does it say?

Speaker 2 (04:43):
After building concrete slab to desired size for veys?

Speaker 5 (04:47):
What do you have to do that for the slab?
Butt is to hold the ashes when they drop through?

Speaker 10 (04:53):
Why can't they just fall on the ground? Because it
isn't that kind of a barbecue? Joe Phillotson his father
the barbecue, and they didn't put a slab on the bottom.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
They were too lazy to do it properly. Now make
a slab for the base, and let's not have any
more arguments.

Speaker 8 (05:08):
What are you gonna do?

Speaker 4 (05:09):
I have to speak to your mother? Well, go ahead,
Holy cows, Uh what were you saying?

Speaker 3 (05:21):
Oh? I was just wondering why we needed a barbecue
at this particular time.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
That's all I explained.

Speaker 5 (05:26):
The whole thing to you less than ten minutes ago.
Phil Barckley and his wife are going to.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
Be in Springfield and you've invited them to dinner. I
understand that, Jim.

Speaker 4 (05:34):
But Margaret, they live in an apartment in New York.

Speaker 5 (05:37):
How often do you suppose they get to eat charcoal
broiled steaks grilled over an open fire?

Speaker 4 (05:42):
How often do they have a chance to eat out.

Speaker 5 (05:44):
Of doors with the sky for a roof and the
green grass for carpet?

Speaker 3 (05:48):
How often do you suppose they can get pneumonia? This
is November, Jim, it's cold.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
What's that got to do with it?

Speaker 3 (05:57):
This is not the sky for a roof and green grass.

Speaker 4 (06:00):
Last season I promised Phil Buckley barbecue steaks.

Speaker 5 (06:03):
And when I make a promise, yes, you don't suppose
they'd rather eat indoors.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
Do you not? Unless they're normal human beings?

Speaker 5 (06:12):
Well that's all right, then, nobody ever accused of district
supervisor being either normal or human.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
How about missus Buckley?

Speaker 5 (06:20):
Well, anybody who can be happily married to a stuffed
shirt like Phil.

Speaker 4 (06:23):
Buckley won't know the difference. Gim Well, Buckley.

Speaker 5 (06:27):
Keeps telling me what an outdoor man he is sits
in a duck blind all winter fishes, with the icy
spray bouncing over the poop.

Speaker 4 (06:35):
Deck or wherever it bounces. He'd probably be insulted if
we even mentioned going indoors.

Speaker 3 (06:43):
Of course, the steaks do seem to taste better outside.

Speaker 8 (06:46):
You bet they do.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
The smell of charcoal smoke, steaks sizzling on the grill.

Speaker 8 (06:52):
Bad.

Speaker 4 (06:52):
Haven't you finished that slab yet?

Speaker 11 (06:54):
I'm just moving it out there.

Speaker 4 (06:56):
What's smooth enough?

Speaker 11 (06:57):
Now?

Speaker 4 (06:58):
There you see. But it wasn't any trouble at all.
What's next? Kathy?

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Lay three rows of bricks building up the corners first.

Speaker 4 (07:06):
Okay, nothing very complicated about that.

Speaker 10 (07:09):
If you lay the bricks all the way around, how
do you get the ashes out? This is a very
reliable magazine.

Speaker 4 (07:15):
And if they say to put the bricks all around,
you put them all around.

Speaker 7 (07:19):
Maybe they send the man out for the ashes.

Speaker 4 (07:21):
Huh, that's not very funny.

Speaker 10 (07:25):
I wasn't trying to be funny, dad. But if you
put the bricks all around, you start with that corner,
and I'll start with this corner.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
And when you get to Scotland, give my regards to
loch Loman.

Speaker 4 (07:39):
Lie. You're in a gay mood.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
Aren't you goods lock Loman?

Speaker 8 (07:44):
Daddy?

Speaker 4 (07:44):
Never mind, just concentrate on the instructions. Now, what comes next?

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Use a plum level and a fourth fliped straight edge
of wood to keep ins plumb. What's that?

Speaker 4 (07:57):
Well we'll skip that part. We don't have to be
too technical about it, do we.

Speaker 10 (08:03):
But the Phillips built theirs without a magazine, and they
can take.

Speaker 7 (08:07):
The ashes off.

Speaker 4 (08:09):
But I asked you something.

Speaker 7 (08:12):
Oh I'm sorry, Dad, I guess I wasn't listening.

Speaker 4 (08:15):
Well, well, fuck.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
Uh your father wasn't listening either.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Now look here, Margaret, you said dewey Daddy.

Speaker 4 (08:25):
Well of course that's what I said. Well, Bud, do
we do we? What? Hand me a few bricks?

Speaker 6 (08:32):
Katy?

Speaker 4 (08:32):
Please?

Speaker 3 (08:33):
Hey?

Speaker 9 (08:33):
Where is everybody?

Speaker 10 (08:35):
We're in the backyard, Betty sad If the ashes fall
down and you've got bricks all on.

Speaker 5 (08:40):
The bottom, the magazine says three rows of bricks, and.

Speaker 4 (08:44):
That's what we put in.

Speaker 5 (08:45):
Unless you think you know more about it than they do.
I didn't say that, Dad.

Speaker 9 (08:49):
What's going on out here?

Speaker 2 (08:51):
We're building a barbet kill before cats fur.

Speaker 4 (08:54):
To make kitten bridges.

Speaker 7 (08:58):
What I'm also with my want me to help good yards?

Speaker 4 (09:01):
Never mind. Now have it finished in two seconds?

Speaker 9 (09:03):
Mother? Yes, dear, tuy the barbecue.

Speaker 3 (09:06):
All of a sudden, when mister Buckley and his wife
are coming to dinner on Saturday, and your father promised
them Saturday.

Speaker 4 (09:12):
Now, what's the matter? Father?

Speaker 12 (09:13):
You can't have anybody for dinner on Saturday?

Speaker 4 (09:16):
Oh I can't, can't I? Mother?

Speaker 9 (09:18):
That's homecoming day?

Speaker 3 (09:20):
Oh, dear, I forgot all about it.

Speaker 12 (09:23):
Above what I'm giving a party on Saturday after the
football game.

Speaker 4 (09:28):
Well, this is up a fine time to tell me.

Speaker 12 (09:30):
I did tell you, father, You even suggested the Chilian
beans dinner?

Speaker 4 (09:35):
Is that this Saturday?

Speaker 9 (09:36):
Thirty people? And you have to pick that day for
a barbecue?

Speaker 3 (09:41):
Betty, your father didn't do it deliberately.

Speaker 4 (09:43):
This is business, Betty. I didn't know mister Buckley was coming,
but he is. And there isn't anything I can do
about it. I'm ruined.

Speaker 9 (09:50):
My whole life is a shamble.

Speaker 11 (09:52):
Bey.

Speaker 3 (09:53):
There's no need to be upset.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
Of course not.

Speaker 5 (09:56):
We'll have both parties, that's all. You have yours indoors
and we'll have hours outdoors. What's wrong with that?

Speaker 7 (10:02):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Nothing, as long as you keep Kathy outdoors with you.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
Now, just a minute Betty, you know the Buckley's.

Speaker 5 (10:11):
Uh, there's no reason why Kathy can't stay inside.

Speaker 9 (10:14):
Father, She'll ruin everything. You know how she is.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
I didn't do anything, Margaret.

Speaker 4 (10:21):
Will you please explain to her? This is the most.

Speaker 12 (10:23):
Important part of my life and you want her to
spoil it?

Speaker 3 (10:26):
Betty, Mister Buckley is a very important man.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Any we're stuff sure, Kathy.

Speaker 4 (10:35):
Margaret, no matter what happens, No matter what Betty says,
Kathy's not going to stay outside with us.

Speaker 9 (10:40):
Mother, Please you know what she did last time? She
started a football game in the living room.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Oh, nobody broke anything, did they?

Speaker 9 (10:49):
None of the girls talked to me for a week.

Speaker 8 (10:52):
Father.

Speaker 9 (10:52):
If you only knew, Betty, I.

Speaker 3 (10:54):
Think I can fix the whole thing. You do. Jim
and Lucilla Hathaway are going on a picnic Nexte, and
I know they'll be glad to take Kathy with them.
Would you like that, dear gee?

Speaker 2 (11:05):
That'll be keen.

Speaker 4 (11:06):
Oh well, that's a very sensible solution.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
I'll fix a little lunch for Kathy and Bobby.

Speaker 10 (11:11):
Wait a minute, how did I get into this? But
I don't want to go on a picnic.

Speaker 7 (11:17):
I've got a date with Joe Phillips.

Speaker 4 (11:19):
But you'll go along and take care of your sisters.

Speaker 7 (11:22):
But why should I suffer just because she's a past.

Speaker 12 (11:28):
I'm not a pass You certainly are I certainly aren't.

Speaker 7 (11:35):
God, I wasn't doing anything to anybody. I was standing
here and not hurting us all.

Speaker 4 (11:40):
But we won't discuss it anymore. But you spend the
day with a hat the ways and you'll have a
very good time. Holy cow, that's settle. Now let's get
back to the barbecue. What comes next, Kathy?

Speaker 2 (11:54):
After the mortar his hardened filled with water to the
first line of bricks.

Speaker 4 (11:59):
Well, that's what.

Speaker 7 (12:01):
Why do you need water in a barbecue?

Speaker 4 (12:04):
Kathy? Give me that magazine.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
I just read what it said.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
Caddy.

Speaker 10 (12:08):
See, Oh no, what's the matter with that?

Speaker 4 (12:12):
Kathy?

Speaker 3 (12:12):
You you I didn't do anything, Jim, what is it?
What did she do?

Speaker 4 (12:17):
She turned two pages, that's what she did.

Speaker 8 (12:20):
You know what?

Speaker 4 (12:21):
We've built a bird bath.

Speaker 13 (12:45):
A cup of coffee is making some good news these days.
All over the country, grocers are featuring Maxwell House coffee.

Speaker 6 (12:52):
At lower prices. Yees, lower prices on Maxwell House.

Speaker 13 (12:57):
Something we've all been wanting to see you your grosser
and the Maxwell House people, Now that wonderful, good to
the last drop flavor is yours to enjoy at the
lowest prices in months, rich satisfying flavor.

Speaker 6 (13:11):
You can count on cup after cup, day after day.

Speaker 13 (13:15):
Because with Maxwell House Coffee, we have just one aim
to bring you the most in flavor and real enjoyment
every pound you buy, to bring you truly good coffee
at the lowest possible price. That's why Maxwell House gives
you so much more flavor for your money, your money's
worth and more in pleasure and satisfaction. And at today's prices,

(13:37):
it's more than ever today's coffee. By next time you shop,
look for that familiar blue Maxwell House ten in your store.
Feature these days at the lowest prices in months, Bring
home a pound and start enjoying coffee that's always good
to the last drop.

Speaker 5 (14:00):
Yeah, it's Saturday in Springfield and there's great activity at
the Andersons indoors. Betty's party is proceeding at a great
break outdoors. Well, outdoors, things aren't going as well as
they might like this Ah the outdoor life, Missus Buckley,
that's the thing, living in the open, close to nature.

Speaker 11 (14:21):
We're very happy with our apartment.

Speaker 8 (14:23):
Yes, it has steam heat, and dom.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
Is telling me that you have some wonderful plans for
the future, mister Buckley.

Speaker 8 (14:32):
Right now I'm beginning to doubt that there is any future.

Speaker 5 (14:35):
Yes, sir, this is the sort of thing you New
Yorkers miss, the peace and quiet of a small community,
a chance to look at the blue sky and the
green grass, the simple life.

Speaker 8 (14:46):
There is nothing in the world more complicated than the
simple life. What happened to those stakes you were talking about?

Speaker 4 (14:52):
Al Right here, phield another few minutes. I'll have these
cold just the way I want.

Speaker 8 (14:58):
You know, Jim, this barbe cue of yours has given
me an idea, a great idea.

Speaker 11 (15:03):
Till it gets ideas from the strangest thing.

Speaker 4 (15:06):
So I've been told, Margaret, what were you saying, Phil?

Speaker 8 (15:11):
This is a whole new approach to the family angle
of insurance protection, modernization, that's the ticket.

Speaker 5 (15:17):
Well, I wouldn't say that this was the most modern
barbecue in the world, That's what I mean.

Speaker 8 (15:24):
Why buy an old fashioned policy? Why cook the way
the caveman did when they've invented stoves?

Speaker 5 (15:31):
Follow me, Phil, you can't get the charcoal flavor in
a stole.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
It's the it's the smoke. It makes the difference.

Speaker 3 (15:42):
Jim is testing it now for the proper consistency.

Speaker 11 (15:46):
It certainly looks thick enough.

Speaker 5 (15:48):
I don't know what's gotten into this fire. It should
have been ready and now.

Speaker 8 (15:53):
Well, stop poking at it. You've put it out twice.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
Now would you care for another black Buckley?

Speaker 8 (16:02):
Oh no, thank you, Right now, I'm interested in food.

Speaker 5 (16:06):
You might not believe this pill, but but and I
built this barbecue with our own hands.

Speaker 8 (16:11):
I can believe it very easily. It's the weirdest looking
contraction I've ever seen, you peel.

Speaker 11 (16:18):
It likes everything to be efficient, don't you, Phil.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
It is the smoke annoying you, missus Buckley.

Speaker 11 (16:26):
Oh no, it seems to make things a little.

Speaker 4 (16:31):
Warmer. I think we're just about ready, Phil good.

Speaker 8 (16:34):
I was beginning to wonder whether you build a barbecuers.

Speaker 4 (16:41):
On the sludgepart. Yes, sir.

Speaker 5 (16:45):
In ten minutes you'll be digging into the greatest steak
you've ever eaten.

Speaker 8 (16:49):
Ten minutes, I'll be ready to take a bite out
of a passing cow. Well, here we go.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
And when these sneaks hit the grill, just listen to
them sizzle. You feel there's nothing like it.

Speaker 6 (17:04):
There.

Speaker 5 (17:05):
Now, they'll crackle and pop and sputter, fill the air
with the most magnificent aroma.

Speaker 4 (17:12):
When that's funny they always have before.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
Jim, don't take them inside.

Speaker 4 (17:21):
I'll get it going in just a minute, honey.

Speaker 8 (17:23):
Let me take a look at that fire, Jim.

Speaker 6 (17:25):
Get it.

Speaker 11 (17:25):
You're getting all uncovered. You catch your death of cold.

Speaker 4 (17:29):
It's going to be all right, Phil.

Speaker 8 (17:31):
It's just like sitting in an ice box, That's what
it is. Jim. Where are you.

Speaker 4 (17:38):
Right over here? Phil? Barbecue?

Speaker 8 (17:44):
You are to sell the confounded thing to the government
as a secret weapon.

Speaker 11 (17:51):
Please don't get too close to it.

Speaker 8 (17:53):
Close. I can't even find the thing.

Speaker 11 (18:00):
Jim.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
There's a perfectly good stove in the kitchen.

Speaker 8 (18:03):
Oh, oh, there you are.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
It looks like the draft is not operating quite the
way it should. Maybe if I poked.

Speaker 8 (18:11):
The fire a little more. No, leave it alone. How
do you expect it to get well if you keep
picking at it?

Speaker 11 (18:20):
No, those children sitting they seem to be having a
nice time indoors.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
Jim, just a minute, honey, I think I know it's wrong,
you know, Phil. I think if we could just raise
the fire a little, would.

Speaker 8 (18:31):
You like me to get under it and push.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
Well, no, but I would just yet.

Speaker 8 (18:39):
God's man, those steaks aren't even warm. Why don't you
lower the grill?

Speaker 4 (18:44):
Well, you see, we had to build it in a hurry.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
It was a bird bath first, Margaret.

Speaker 5 (18:50):
We had some technical problems to overcome, and we had.

Speaker 4 (18:55):
To take a few little shortcuts. So well, that's the
only place the grill goes.

Speaker 5 (19:02):
But if we can raise the fire a little, why
don't we just hold some matches under the stakes?

Speaker 3 (19:10):
Jim, I think this has gone quite far enough.

Speaker 4 (19:13):
I mean, if you'll just give me a few more.

Speaker 3 (19:14):
Minutes, Are you going to take the stakes inside? Or
shall I?

Speaker 4 (19:17):
Why don't we all go inside?

Speaker 6 (19:18):
No, you will.

Speaker 5 (19:20):
You'd better stay right here, Phil, all those kids running around,
they'd trample over you.

Speaker 8 (19:25):
Well, that would be quicker than dying of cold inside.

Speaker 5 (19:30):
Put your blankets back on phill it, Jim, I'll take
the steaks inside.

Speaker 4 (19:34):
I'll have them cooked in two minutes.

Speaker 8 (19:35):
Well, please hurry, dear you stay right where you are
and enjoy yourselves the simple life. When I get home,
I'm going to kiss every stone on Fifth Avenue.

Speaker 5 (19:47):
Try to do something unusual, and what thanks do you get?
Put matches under the stakes. He tells me, big outdoor
man shoots ducks in the middle of the winter.

Speaker 4 (19:58):
I've never saw a duck in his whole lot. Hi, father,
Oh Betty, can I speak to you for a minute.

Speaker 9 (20:02):
Isn't this a wonderful party?

Speaker 6 (20:04):
Father?

Speaker 9 (20:04):
How's yours going?

Speaker 14 (20:05):
Uh?

Speaker 4 (20:06):
Fine, Betty, that's fine.

Speaker 11 (20:08):
I mister Anderson.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
Oh, hello, Tommy having a good time.

Speaker 8 (20:11):
Great, say Betty, the gang needs some more Chilian beans.

Speaker 9 (20:14):
Well, there's lots of it on the stove. Grab a pot.

Speaker 8 (20:16):
Okay, see you.

Speaker 4 (20:17):
Around the drug store, mister Anderson. Yes, uh see you're
around the drug store.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
Isn't he a goon?

Speaker 4 (20:24):
Father, Yes, he certainly is, Betty.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
I yes, Father, I know.

Speaker 4 (20:31):
I promise to keep the buckleys outside, but we're freezing
to death.

Speaker 13 (20:35):
Father.

Speaker 5 (20:36):
The barbecue doesn't work, the steaks won't cook.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
You've got to let us come in. That's all.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
Father, you're going to ruin everything.

Speaker 4 (20:44):
Everything is ruined. I'll be lucky if I don't get fired. Father.

Speaker 9 (20:47):
If you'll just wait another few hours.

Speaker 4 (20:49):
He's dead. In another few hours. We'll just get all
of those things out of the oven, let me cook
the steaks, and we'll discuss the rest of it later.

Speaker 9 (20:57):
But you can't take the biscuits out of the oven.
There'll be ice cold.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
Well, we're ice cold. Why should they be any better?

Speaker 9 (21:05):
Father?

Speaker 3 (21:07):
Oh no, they came back.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
They're off the poles through when they came back.

Speaker 4 (21:12):
Are your dad?

Speaker 7 (21:13):
What's cooking?

Speaker 4 (21:14):
Very little? Believe me? What are you doing here?

Speaker 6 (21:20):
We live here.

Speaker 4 (21:26):
If you weren't supposed to be home for three hours?
What happened to the picnic?

Speaker 7 (21:30):
Mister Hathaway said it was too cold for a picnic?
What are you doing with the state?

Speaker 3 (21:34):
Father?

Speaker 12 (21:35):
If she goes anywhere near the living room and says
anything about a football game.

Speaker 4 (21:39):
I hid the football, so stop worrying about it. Let
me get at the stove.

Speaker 7 (21:43):
Why don't you use the barbecue?

Speaker 8 (21:44):
Dad?

Speaker 4 (21:44):
Why don't you take Kathy to the movies?

Speaker 9 (21:48):
Go ahead, Bud? You heard what he said.

Speaker 7 (21:50):
We haven't had our dinner yet.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
We can eat popcorn, Buds.

Speaker 7 (21:53):
Come on, I haven't had anything to since one o'clock.

Speaker 4 (21:56):
What happened to the picnic?

Speaker 8 (21:57):
Lunch?

Speaker 7 (21:58):
We ate that on the way over.

Speaker 4 (21:59):
By Jim Money.

Speaker 8 (22:03):
We're mas the most ridiculous thing that's ever happened in
my whole life, Margaret.

Speaker 4 (22:08):
I was just starting to cook the steaks.

Speaker 12 (22:10):
Mother, It isn't time for you to come in.

Speaker 3 (22:12):
It most certainly is it's raining.

Speaker 4 (22:17):
Well, outside of an earthquake, what else can happen?

Speaker 8 (22:20):
Now? See here, Jim, I've stood just about it. Eh,
what's that? What on the stove?

Speaker 3 (22:27):
What is it?

Speaker 4 (22:28):
Oh? Chilian beans? Phil? But if you'll be patient for
just another few minutes?

Speaker 6 (22:32):
Chili?

Speaker 8 (22:33):
Did you hear that, Isabelle? Chili?

Speaker 11 (22:35):
Doesn't it smell wonderful?

Speaker 3 (22:37):
You mean you like chili?

Speaker 11 (22:39):
All the time Philip was courting me, we never ate
anything else.

Speaker 8 (22:42):
Chilian beans and chopped onions. I haven't had anything like
that since bull. Grab a plate, Isabelle, I already have.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
Phil, I've got all these steaks.

Speaker 8 (22:52):
You can take the steaks and stuff them back in
the refrigerator.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
Dad, what is it? Bud?

Speaker 8 (23:00):
I lead a steak, Grab some of this chili. But
it's terrific.

Speaker 4 (23:03):
I need it.

Speaker 9 (23:03):
Mister Buckley off by myself.

Speaker 8 (23:05):
Betty. If I were two years younger, i'd marry you.

Speaker 11 (23:08):
Don't listen to him, Betty. He tells that to all Ago.

Speaker 9 (23:11):
Can I have some chili?

Speaker 4 (23:12):
I have a steak ready in five minutes, Kathy, I.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
Don't want to steak out some chili, Kathy, I don't
think you should.

Speaker 8 (23:19):
Oh, a little chili isn't going to hurt her, Margaret,
you don't mind if I call you Margaret?

Speaker 3 (23:24):
Do you?

Speaker 4 (23:25):
I know? Hey, Beddy, hurry up, we're waiting for you.

Speaker 12 (23:28):
Oh just a minute, Tommy, they're gonna do Bertie in
a cave.

Speaker 4 (23:32):
You all be right there.

Speaker 8 (23:34):
Wait a minute. You mean you're going to square dance, Billy.

Speaker 11 (23:37):
That's just for the young people.

Speaker 8 (23:39):
Well, we're young people.

Speaker 4 (23:40):
Come on, but I haven't finished not chili.

Speaker 8 (23:42):
Bring it along, Come on, Isabelle.

Speaker 11 (23:44):
I'm sorry Margaret, but he's so impetuous.

Speaker 8 (23:46):
Betty, you're holding up the whole works.

Speaker 11 (23:48):
You want me to.

Speaker 12 (23:48):
Carry your play missus Buckley.

Speaker 11 (23:50):
I can manage it, dear see.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
I come too, Betty.

Speaker 9 (23:53):
Oh sure, come on. We'll be back later.

Speaker 5 (24:01):
Well, Dad, there's a great thing. Nine dollars and sixty
cents for steak. They want chili, Dad, So help me, Margaret.
This is the last time.

Speaker 4 (24:12):
I try to do anything or anybody.

Speaker 8 (24:15):
Dad.

Speaker 4 (24:16):
What do you want, Bud? I eat a steak, thank
you very much.

Speaker 10 (24:23):
I mean, if it'll help you out any Oh alright, Bud,
go ahead, eat all of them, all of them.

Speaker 4 (24:38):
Holy cow Where are you going to get Joe Phillips.

Speaker 8 (24:42):
I'm gonna need help.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
Bud, Jim.

Speaker 4 (24:46):
Yes, Margaret.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
While we were waiting for you outside, I had a
long talk with the Buckleys.

Speaker 4 (24:53):
Good for you.

Speaker 3 (24:54):
Do you know why missus Buckley made this trip to
Springfield at this stage?

Speaker 4 (24:57):
I don't know anything.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Well, mister Buckley had told her so much about our
children that she wanted to meet them.

Speaker 6 (25:03):
She did.

Speaker 3 (25:04):
They weren't interested in barbecues and steaks. They wanted to
spend the day with Kathy and Betty and Bud.

Speaker 5 (25:10):
Well, I was I supposed to know they They don't
look like the sort of people who like children, but.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
They do, Jim. They like them very much. They like
us all very much.

Speaker 4 (25:21):
Well, what's so funny?

Speaker 3 (25:26):
Just something, Missus Buckley?

Speaker 4 (25:29):
All right, go ahead, drop the other shoe.

Speaker 3 (25:31):
What didn't you say you won't be angry?

Speaker 8 (25:36):
Of course not.

Speaker 4 (25:37):
What did she say?

Speaker 3 (25:38):
Well, she said that mister Buckley had a great deal
of respect for your business ability. Yes, and isn't it
too bad you're such a stuffed shirt.

Speaker 6 (26:12):
You're mighty happy about the coffee news.

Speaker 13 (26:14):
These days, grocers everywhere are featuring Maxwell House at lower prices.

Speaker 6 (26:19):
Yes, lower prices on the.

Speaker 13 (26:21):
Coffee more people buy and enjoy than any other brand. Now,
you folks who always drink Maxwell House can enjoy it
at the lowest prices in months. And you folks who
haven't been getting that wonderful good to the last drop flavor,
now's the time to bring home a familiar blue Maxwell House.

Speaker 6 (26:38):
Ten. See how much more pleasure.

Speaker 13 (26:41):
You find in a cup of coffee when it holds
the world's most famous flavor flavors so rich and mellow
flavor you can count on because we'll never compromise on
the quality of a single pound for wonderfully good coffee.

Speaker 6 (26:55):
For today's coffee, buy look.

Speaker 13 (26:58):
For Maxwell House, featured in stores everywhere these days at
the lowest prices in months. You can be sure it's
always good to the last drop.

Speaker 5 (27:14):
Now it's Sunday in Springfield and in the Anderson backyard.

Speaker 6 (27:18):
Jim, he's the stubborn roper. Boy.

Speaker 8 (27:21):
It's still determined.

Speaker 6 (27:22):
To make the barbecue work like this.

Speaker 4 (27:25):
There you see nothing wrong with it?

Speaker 6 (27:27):
Now, is there?

Speaker 3 (27:28):
No?

Speaker 6 (27:29):
Dear?

Speaker 9 (27:29):
Weren't the Buckley's fun mother?

Speaker 4 (27:31):
Boy?

Speaker 8 (27:31):
Could he square dance?

Speaker 2 (27:33):
How do you suppose he learned a new thing like
square dancing?

Speaker 4 (27:38):
Look? At those hamburgers. Cook, Margaret, I ask you, isn't
that beautiful?

Speaker 3 (27:42):
Yes, dear, just beautiful.

Speaker 4 (27:44):
I can't figure out what got into the darn thing yesterday. Well,
it's like a new baby, I guess.

Speaker 5 (27:49):
Invite a bunch of people over to see it. In
what happens, probably cries for the first time in his
whole life.

Speaker 4 (27:53):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (27:55):
Yes, I know what you mean.

Speaker 4 (27:56):
Now you take last night smoke like a chimney.

Speaker 5 (27:58):
It probably won't smoke again as long as we have it.

Speaker 11 (28:05):
Bud.

Speaker 4 (28:06):
I've got the plate, mom, just one of those things.
It won't happen again in a million years. Go ahead, Bud,
where are you taking the hamburgers.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
Into the kitchen where they belong?

Speaker 4 (28:18):
Wait a minute, Margaret, there's nothing wrong with a barbecue, it's.

Speaker 3 (28:22):
Just what was that, Dear?

Speaker 4 (28:33):
I should never mind.

Speaker 14 (28:50):
Tell the kids it's a hot favorite with Hoppy. That's
hot post wheetmeal, and you won't have to coax the
youngsters to eat a hot cereal for breakfast if you
tell him how Hoppolo and Cassidy loves hot post tweetmeal.
Hoppy knows it's chuck full of good, solid nourishment. He
goes for the rich nut like flavor, and you'll go
for the fact that post tweetmeal cooks in just three

(29:12):
and a half minutes. So get hot post tweetmeal and
tell the kids it's Hoppy's favorite. You'll see you'll all
agree it's the best hot cereal.

Speaker 6 (29:21):
You ever ate.

Speaker 5 (29:30):
Join us again next week when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with
Roy Bargee and the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly,
Bill Forman. So until next Thursday, good night and good
luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand
of coffee, always good to the last drop. Father Knows

(29:50):
Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by hebj Now
stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most
of this is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
Now for our listeners. In the Southern Hemisphere, November would
probably be a fairly good month of weather to build
a barbecue and then be able to use it all
summer long. But in the Northern Hemisphere, November isn't exactly

(30:49):
the best month for weather. Of course, depending on where
you live. You know you live North Dakota you're gonna
have very different weather than in Florida. We have no
idea where the town in which the Andersons live is located.
As far as what state they are in, I don't know.
Assume they're in I don't know, Ohio. I doubt they're

(31:14):
in Wyoming, I don't I don't know. Maybe Pennsylvania, Massachusetts.
Who knows, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe
New York, Maybe maybe like Albany and New York a
suburb of that. Who knows it doesn't say, but Jim,

(31:36):
just just by a grill that's already made.

Speaker 4 (31:40):
You know.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
That's what I did, and it works really well. Please
send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr dot com.
Until next time, In the words of Betty White, mind
your own business, take care of your affairs, and don't
worry about other people so much.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist

CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist

It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.

Crime Junkie

Crime Junkie

Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.

Stuff You Should Know

Stuff You Should Know

If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.