September 3, 2025 • 30 mins
Once again chaos erupts at the Anderson household. This time it is a mish-mash of every conceivable little problem that could possibly arise.
Originally aired on November 2, 1950. This is episode 54 of Father Knows Best.
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Originally aired on November 2, 1950. This is episode 54 of Father Knows Best.
Please email questions and comments to host@classiccomedyotr.com.
Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/classiccomedyotr. Please share this podcast with your friends and family.
You can also subscribe to our podcast on Spreaker.com, Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google podcasts.
This show is supported by Spreaker Prime.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your host,
ronic Leberger. Once again, chaos erups at the Anderson household.
This time it is a mishmash of every conceivable little
problem that could possibly arise. This is episode number fifty four,
A Father Knows Best, and it is entitled Too Many Problems.
(00:37):
It originally aired on November two, nineteen fifty Mother.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Is Maxwell House really the only copy in the world?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
Yes, its father knows best. Transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert
Young his father. A half hour visit with your neighbors,
the Andersons, brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House,
the coffee that's always good to the last drop. In
(01:27):
every week, there are seven days. In every day. There
are twenty four hours. In every hour, there are sixty
minutes or three thousand, six hundred seconds. That's a lot
of time, isn't it time enough to do almost anything, unless,
of course, you happen to be a father.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
If you're a.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Father like Jim Anderson, there's never enough time, never enough
minutes or hours or days. That's why, as a conscientious father,
you're forced to take steps like this, and so, gentlemen
of the Springfield Service Club, let's take a look at
the record. Let's put a microscope on the past year
and see exactly how much cooperation I've received. Jim, Honey,
(02:08):
if you're going to keep interrupting me.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I'm sorry, dear, but microscope sounds so funny, don't you
mean magnifying glass?
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Well, you're being very technical, Margaret. It's just a figure
of speech. So what difference does it make which one
I use?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Not a great deal. I suppose accept that when you
say microscope, you think.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Of germs, and that's exactly what they are, a bunch
of germs. Elect a man president and then don't lift
a finger to help him.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
I know, dear, but as long as you're going to be.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Supposed to be such a great honor, I better wear
this tie. Huh.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Yes, dear, and I've laid your shirt out in the bed.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
President of the Service Club. It's just another way of
saying I'm too tired. Let Jim do it.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Jim, if you want me to hear the rest of
your speech, you.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
Can get another president. He can do all the work.
I'm going to stay home with my family where was I.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
You were looking at the record.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Oh yeah, let's take a look at the record. Let's
put a magnifying glass on the past year and see exactly. Yes, Margaret,
you were right.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Microscope sounds better, thank you.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Let's take a look at the record. Let's put a
microscope on the past year and see exactly.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Very peculiar picture. I mean, putting a whole year into
a tiny little microscope. But it does sound better when
you say.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
It, Margaret. Yes, dear, this is a large microscope, the
year size.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Yeah, let's not worry about it. It isn't very important. Yes,
I won't interrupt you again, Margaret.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
If there's anything else you'd rather do.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Jim, I'm trying my best to listen.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Oh that's what you were doing, of course.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
If you don't want me to hear the speech, I do.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Want you to hear the speech. But we've been at
it for fifteen minutes and I haven't been able to
get past the introduction. I'm so confused. I don't know
if I'm getting dressed or undressed.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Mother, I'm in the bedroom, Betty.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I think the string beans are burned.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Oh, dear, I forget all about them. I'll be right down, okay, between.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
The string beans and Kathy's bath and Betty's fingernails.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Jim, just because you're going out to dinner, that doesn't
mean that we don't have to eat.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
I didn't say that.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I have three growing children to take care of them.
They're going to be fed in spite of you and
the service cloths.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
I suppose I burned the string beans.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Well, they certainly didn't burn by themselves.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Now there's logic for you. I'm going out to dinner,
so I'm responsible for everything that happens in the house.
Blue sock, blue sock, blue socks. Why is it? I
can never bud? You want me what happened to my Oh?
What's that?
Speaker 6 (04:55):
Dad?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Never Mind?
Speaker 4 (04:57):
I found it, I said, never mind, I found it
my other blue sock. I haven't got it. I know
you haven't. I just found it. Yes, that's not I
thought you'd be happy. I'll give you a ten to
(05:18):
one right now. He doesn't know what I'm talking about.
And so, gentlemen of the Springfield Service Club, let us
take a look at the record. Let's put a microscope
on the past year. Let's put a magnifying glass on
the past year. Let's take a close look at the
past year, Look at the record, look at the year.
(05:41):
M well, yady, oh no, not this, Gladdy.
Speaker 6 (05:47):
Are you still here me?
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Of course not. Didn't your mother tell you I left
five minutes ago? What if you look out the window,
you can see me just turning the corner.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
You're kidding me.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Somebody tells you, Daddy, Chahie, I haven't time to talk.
I got to leave in very few minutes.
Speaker 5 (06:08):
He's now wonderful. What oh I mean going out for
dinner and everything. That's what I meant, Daddy.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
It is huh oh, yes, I wonder there Kathy is Daddy.
I got to change my shirt in my trousers. So
if you don't mind, right, Kathy, get out and close
the door. Please. But I don't mind, Daddy, well I do, uh,
Please get out and close the door.
Speaker 6 (06:36):
Gee whiz. Nobody ever lets me stay anyplace. All I
do is get out.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Just like living in an alley. That's what it is.
Give a man the privacy of a goldfish. Let's take
a close look at the past year and see exactly
how much cooperation I have received as president of the
local service club. I've neglected my family, my business, even
my golf for the sake of this organization. Examine your
own consciences and ask yourselves, what did I do to help?
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Now?
Speaker 4 (07:07):
What happened to the darn things? You can never find
anything around here, Margaret, She isn't here, father, she was
here two seconds ago.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
She's trying to buy some string beans from missus Davis.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Oh ig, you you're welcome string beans. I can't find
my cufflings, and she's gallivanting all over the neighborhood chasing
string beans. Examine your own consciences and ask yourselves in
the past year, what did I do to help? What
did I do to help? What did I do to help?
(07:42):
What did I do to help? Bud? He's taking those
cufflings again, So help me, bod, come in here. Okay.
If I've told him once, I've told him a thousand times,
I couldn't have made it any plainer. You want me
for something, then, how many times have I told you
to leave my cuff links alone? Which cuff links, my
(08:03):
gold cuff links, the ones the service club gave me?
All those?
Speaker 7 (08:08):
Well, I don't know, you don't know what how many
times you told me?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Then? Why did you what did I call? Take them? Oh,
I didn't.
Speaker 7 (08:27):
But if you didn't take them, where are they? Maybe
Kathy took them?
Speaker 6 (08:30):
I did not.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
Well, if it isn't Millicent Mayflower girl, Detective, come in, Milly.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Did you call me Daddy's Kathy?
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Aside from the fact that it isn't polite to drop
eves on people, what did you do with my cuff links?
Speaker 5 (08:49):
I didn't drop anything on anybody.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
What did you do with my cufflinks?
Speaker 6 (08:55):
What cufflinks?
Speaker 7 (08:56):
Daddy his gold cufflings at the service club gave him?
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Ask you, Kathy, where are my cuff links?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
The gold cup links at the service club gave you?
Speaker 4 (09:08):
Yes, I don't know, Kathy.
Speaker 6 (09:13):
Gosh, Daddy.
Speaker 5 (09:14):
If I knew where they were, I'd be the first
one to tell you. I can't afford to have you.
I mean, you're almost late now.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
I am not almost late. Dinner'sn't until seven thirty.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
But you always leave here before seven.
Speaker 6 (09:28):
You have to leave before seven.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Why so you won't be late?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Kathy? Why are you so anxious to get me out
of the house.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I didn't say I was anxious.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Father.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Uh, just a minute, Betty, Kathy, what fiendish little scheme
is percolating in the back of your equally fiendish little mind.
White Daddy, you're up to something. You're up to no good,
and I want to know what it is. Now, what's
the matter.
Speaker 6 (10:01):
You're gonna spank me?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I'm not going to spank you. I don't even know
what you did? Dad said, all right, if I go
back to my room, no, you stay right where you are.
I have homework to do. You can do it later.
Right now, we've got to find my cuffling.
Speaker 7 (10:16):
Holy cow, Father, don't forget what what's the matter with her?
Speaker 6 (10:22):
Daddy's going to spank me?
Speaker 4 (10:24):
What for? I don't know, Betty. Did you see Dad's couplings?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
No, Father, don't forget.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
You promised to drop the bridge, tables and chairs off
at the sorority house tonight.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I said, no such thing. It was tomorrow night, Father.
Speaker 6 (10:40):
They need them in the morning. Can you promise? I
don't want you to spank me.
Speaker 7 (10:49):
What if you don't ever find your couplings, then what
happens to my own work?
Speaker 6 (10:52):
You said you take them and they're counting on it.
Speaker 5 (10:54):
And if you don't want to speak to me a kid.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
I'm gonna be a hermit. That's what I'm going to be.
I'm gonna a long white beard and live on top
of a mountain in Tibet.
Speaker 6 (11:05):
Mother, he said he'd take the tables and chairs over,
and now he says he won't.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Margaret's so helpy.
Speaker 6 (11:09):
I didn't Kathleen that he said he was gonna spank me.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
I said no such thing, did I, Bud.
Speaker 7 (11:17):
I was sitting in my own room running my own board.
Speaker 6 (11:25):
That night.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
He take the chairs on, Betty. Well, that's better, Jim.
I've never seen it to fail. If I set one
foot out of the house, absolute bedlom sets in.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
But that's not true. But if you're going to walk
out in the middle of.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
An emergency, what emergency?
Speaker 4 (11:45):
What emergency? The place is crawling with him? Why don't
you take them one at a time?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
All right, I will, Bud.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
All I want to do is my homework.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Go down to the kitchen and watch the stream beams.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Betty. Father promised me you'd better set the table in
the breakfast room. But father said, we'll take care of
the chairs later.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
Jumping creepers.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Now, my two little ones.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Margaret, you realize that this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Kathy, Yes, mommy, why were you crying.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I didn't want daddy to be here at seven o'clock.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Why cause that's.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
When she's coming here to speak to him.
Speaker 6 (12:33):
Who is my teacher?
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Oh that's what it was, you see, Margaret, I had
a feeling from the very beginning.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Jim M, what was your little problem?
Speaker 4 (12:47):
My gold cufflinks are gone. They've disappeared, vanished, that's all.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
What are those in your cuffs? What?
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Who? I didn get there?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Jim? I told you I'd laid your shirt out. I
put the kuff links in the shirt to save you
a little time.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
Well, Margaret, let's face it, that's a pretty silly place
to hide kufflings.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
Breakfast ready down, here's your coffee.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
The eggs will be done in a minute.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Best coffee I ever tasted.
Speaker 8 (13:48):
That man you serve coffee too. Here's something about him
you ought to know. He's the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am,
your husband is the number one expert on coffee. Of course,
we Maxwell house people. We think we're pretty fair experts.
Our coffee is America's favorite brand. But the final judge,
(14:08):
the real expert, is that man of yours. And if
you'll pour him a cup of Maxwell House. We're mighty
sure he'll say best coffee I ever tasted. In fact,
if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back. You see,
we know there's no coffee taste like Maxwell House because
no coffee's made like Maxwell House. No other coffee has
(14:29):
that wonderful, good to the last drop flavor.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Get Maxwell House tomorrow, start.
Speaker 8 (14:35):
Serving it to your husband, and if he doesn't say
it's the best coffee there is, why you return the
can an unused portion to us, and we'll gladly refund
the price you paid. Our address is right on the
front of that familiar blue tin. Tomorrow, see how much
the world's greatest coffee expert your husband enjoys Maxwell House
(14:55):
coffee always good to the last drop.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
It's seven o'clock in Springfield, of course, it's seven o'clock
in other places as well. But in other places the
hour doesn't contain the same drama, the same suspense that
it does in the Anderson Dam. There, seven o'clock is
a magic hour, trought with excitement and just a small
touch of mystery like this, Kathy, Yes, daddy, what did
(15:30):
you do in school?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I didn't do anything, Jim, why do you immediately assume
that Kathy has done something wrong.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
Well, why else would her teacher want to see me?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Maybe she doesn't want to see you specifically.
Speaker 5 (15:42):
Yes, she does, Mommy, she said she had to see
daddy and she'd be here at seven o'clock.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
And naturally she'd have to pick tonight.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Kathy, why didn't you tell us about this earlier?
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Well, don't you have anything to say?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I'm trying to think of something.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Very long, Bud. We're very busy in here. We've got problems.
Speaker 7 (16:05):
So by if I don't finish my homework, how can
I go to the movies with Joe Phillips?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
You can't?
Speaker 7 (16:11):
Well, then why can't I?
Speaker 3 (16:12):
God, please go back to the kitchen and watch the
string beans. We don't want them to burn again.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Do we go ahead? Bud? Holy cow? Fifteen years old?
And what am I a string bean watcher? Look, Kathy,
I want you to think hard. Have you done anything
wrong in school? Have you kicked any football? Is there
anybody's window?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
You mean today?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
I mean any day, Jim, missus Lindsay will be here anymore, Margaret.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
I want to find out before she gets here if
Kathy's done anything, and I can get it straightened out
in advance. Then I won't have to hang around and
gab with Missus Lindsey. Kathy, please try to think what
could your teacher possibly want to see me about?
Speaker 6 (16:58):
Well?
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Maybe miss he says what he called her, But I
didn't mean to do anything.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
You and Jimmy had another fight. Huh.
Speaker 6 (17:05):
He said I was.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
A tomboy and I'm not a tomboy, and I.
Speaker 6 (17:08):
Just showed him I wasn't.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
That's all ow.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I punched him in the nose, Kathleen, after all the
promises you made.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Well, he didn't have any right to say I was
a tomboy diddy daddy.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
I don't know, Kathy. Is that all that happened?
Speaker 6 (17:32):
Except for his shirt?
Speaker 4 (17:34):
What happened to his shirt?
Speaker 5 (17:36):
I was only trying to lift him back in his
feet and I couldn't help it if it just gripped, Margaret.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
What's the Woody's.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Number, Jim, Don't you think if I called Dorith.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
I'll get it straightened out in two seconds? What's the number?
Speaker 3 (17:51):
It's in the little book, dear, next to the phone.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
By the time Missus Lindsay gets here, there won't be
anything to talk about, and that'll be all right with me.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Kathy, Why can't you ever learn to behave?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
I was trying to be a lady mommy.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
I tried to help them all.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Oh, there it is. Gets the little monster a new
shirt and everything will be right his rain. Hello, Dorothy,
this is Jim Anderson, just frying. Thanks, say Dorothy, We're
awfully sorry. But no, I hadn't heard about the school
paper drive. I was just no, Look, Dorothy, I was
(18:27):
just yeah, yes, I know how successful it was, but
I don't have the time this year to Dorothy. I
just called to explain about Jimmy's shirt. You see, Kathy,
what didn't Jimmy say anything about it? Well, I'm afraid
it was Kathy's fault. And Dorothy, if you'll just buy
(18:49):
him another shirt and send me the bill, then I
know it takes an experienced man, but I give you
my word, Dorothy. Okay, as long as you put it
that way, yes, I'll call a meeting for next Monday night.
You're welcome, Dorothy. Good night, paper drive. Eight thousand men
(19:13):
in the neighborhood and she has to pick on me.
Speaker 6 (19:15):
Is everything all right?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Jim?
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Dorothy didn't know anything about Jimmy's shirt, but shake hands
with the chairman of the school paper.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Drive jim it won't do any good to give up
your office in the service cup if you're going to
turn around.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
It wasn't my idea, Margaret, she said, I owed it
to her on account of Jimmy's shirt. Well, what could
I do.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Well, it'll only be for a month, and Danie'll have
all your evenings to spend with us.
Speaker 5 (19:43):
Father midnight, put the bridge, tables and chairs in the
back of the car.
Speaker 6 (19:46):
What for you said you'd deliver.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
Them, I said, I deliver them tomorrow, not tonight. Mother, Margaret.
It's clear over on the other side of town. It'll
take me all night, I know.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Dear, but after all Betty promised you.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Father, all right, I'll take them over after I leave
the dinner.
Speaker 5 (20:05):
Oh, thank you, Father, you're alam And.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
I'm getting just a little tired of being led to
the slaughter.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Daddy.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
Yes, Kathy, maybe it was Stevie Long.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
What about Stevie Long.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I didn't know it was his good sweater, Margaret.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Kathy, did you tear Stevie's sweater?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Oh no, Mommy, I was trying to fix it.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
I can just see that.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
Well, I didn't know that was the thread that held
the sleeve on, and all I did was pull it
a little bit, and.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Stevie just stood there and let you. I suppose he
wasn't even there.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
I was holding the sweater while he went inside to
get the baseball?
Speaker 4 (21:00):
What baseball?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
The one I hit through the living room window?
Speaker 4 (21:08):
Kathy, You said you hadn't broken any windows.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
You said today, This was yesterday.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Oh, Kathleen, anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
You said with the football, and this was a baseball.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Kathy winning, You're going to realize that you're not a boy.
Speaker 6 (21:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
Is there any other child in Springfield who gets into
half as much mischief as you do? Don't you know
how to say anything? But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
The Lung's number is next to the phone, Dear.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
I know the Lung's number. This is the fifth time
we've had to pay for that same window. I don't
know the number by now.
Speaker 6 (21:46):
This isn't the.
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Same window, Daddy, it's the big one in the front.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Well, that makes it much better. I don't know why
I ever went into the insurance business. I should have
opened a glass factory. Hell, Harry, now this is Jim Anderson. Well,
I have not a chance to play much golf lately.
I've been sort of tied up with no, Harry, Harry,
(22:15):
I just want to explain about the living room window.
You see, Kathy was playing baseball. Yes, I know it's insured,
but if I can just tell missus Lindsey that we've
got the whole thing. No, it isn't, all right, Harry,
I just assume, Harry, I haven't got time to be
on the Greens Committee. I'm going to resign as president
(22:37):
of the cir Look, Harry, I know that, but I
don't have one evening a week. I got a family, Harry,
and I don't see them from Look. Can I just
send you a check for the window? Okay, Harry, eight
o'clock at your house on Wendsey. Yes, Harry, Okay, good night.
(23:03):
I don't know. Every time I pick up the phone,
I'm a member of something else.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
Did you straighten everything out with Harry?
Speaker 6 (23:10):
Dear?
Speaker 4 (23:10):
Oh? Sure it was a plate glass window, and he's
already collected the insurance. And now I'm a member of
the Greens committee at the golf club.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Jim, if this keeps out.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Every Wednesday night, what to do with the grass, where
to put the cups? And who ran away? With a
trap in front of the fifteenth Green. I'll probably wind
up in the back of a lawnmower.
Speaker 6 (23:31):
Daddy.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
I don't want to hear another word out of you,
but I just thought.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Of something, Jim. She's only trying to help you.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Oh, sure, she's helping me, just fine. I'm a paper
collector and a grass cutter, and I still don't know
what missus Lindsey wants I do.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
Mom, the string beans are boiling over. Dear.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
I'll be right there, Bud. Now, Cathy, tell your father
what you didn't.
Speaker 5 (23:54):
Then wash your hats dinners almost yes, Mommy, Well what
what did you do?
Speaker 6 (24:01):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I think I know what I did.
Speaker 6 (24:03):
But it wasn't my fault, Daddy.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Nothing is ever your fault. I've never seen a child
who could do more things that weren't her fault.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Well, how did I know her father wasn't through with them?
Speaker 4 (24:15):
Wasn't through with what?
Speaker 7 (24:16):
The neck ties?
Speaker 4 (24:18):
What neckties?
Speaker 5 (24:19):
The ones I told Laurie Hathaway to use for what
to tie up the goat.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Goat, the one.
Speaker 6 (24:29):
I found in the lot.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
You brought a goat over to the Hathaways.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
You wouldn't let me keep it here, would you? And
I didn't know what was going to eat all mister
Hathaway's flowers.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
Oh, Kaffy, what am I gonna do with you?
Speaker 6 (24:44):
Spank me?
Speaker 4 (24:46):
Now? I've got to call the Hathaways. And I don't
care what committee he wants me to be on. I'm
gonna pay for the flowers and the ties and that's all.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
I'm sorry, Daddy, Can you think of anything else?
Speaker 2 (25:00):
You mean lately?
Speaker 6 (25:05):
Oh it's Missus Lindsey.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
You call me Jim never mind, I never mind.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Hello, Missus Lindsey.
Speaker 6 (25:15):
Have Athleen you sweet child?
Speaker 4 (25:17):
Come in, Missus Lindsey. Uh, I've been waiting for you.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Thank you, mister Anderson. This is a very great pleasure.
Speaker 4 (25:24):
Yes, shall we go into the living room? Thank you.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I'm sorry, Missus Lindsey.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
About what dear about?
Speaker 6 (25:33):
Whatever idea?
Speaker 4 (25:34):
Missus lindsay, I've been calling people all night.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Why Kathleen, you haven't done anything? Have you haven't?
Speaker 5 (25:41):
I you're not that I know of gosh, Oh wait
a minute.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
If she hasn't done anything, what did you want to
see me about?
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Mister Anderson? I have the most wonderful news for you.
Speaker 6 (25:54):
You've been elected President of the PTA.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Congratulat oh no.
Speaker 8 (26:23):
What is it that puts so much real enjoyment in
a steaming cup of coffee?
Speaker 4 (26:28):
Why? It's flavor.
Speaker 8 (26:30):
Yes, And when you buy coffee, you certainly want to
get the most in flavor for your money. Now that's
something the world's greatest coffee.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
Expert can help you. Find.
Speaker 8 (26:39):
Your husband, he's the expert, we mean, just serve him
a cup of Maxwell House coffee, and then when he says,
best coffee I ever tasted, you'll know Maxwell House has
the flavor that it's your coffee. Buy find out tomorrow,
Buy a pound of Maxwell House, start serving it to
your husband, and count all, oh the truly good cups
(27:01):
of coffee you get from that one pound at your
own table. Find out how much more you get for
your money with Maxwell House coffee, always good.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
To the last drop. The night is dark, The clock
strikes two, and the white frame house on Maple Street
stands hushed beneath the starless sky. In the Anderson's quiet bedroom,
a figure moves and Margaret stirs softly on her downy
(27:34):
couch like this, Jim, Oh, not wake you, honey.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I was just dozy. Jim, don't be too upset about tonight.
You mean about Kathy, I mean about giving up the
presidency of the Service Club. I know it meant a
great deal to you. Yes, they like your speed.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
Oh, yes, they loved it.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
That's nice.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
They thought it was just great. And you know what, what, dear,
I was re elected.
Speaker 9 (28:19):
Night Jim in idea, tell the kids it's a hot
(28:42):
favorite with Hoppy.
Speaker 10 (28:44):
That's hot post tweetmeal. And you won't have to coax
the youngsters to eat a hot cereal for breakfast if
you tell them how Hopoloon Cassidy loves hot post tweetmeal.
Hoppy knows it's chuck full of good, solid nourishment. He
goes for the rich nut like flavor, and you will
go oh for the fact that post wheatmeal cooks in
just three and a half minutes. So get hot post
(29:05):
wheatmeal and tell the kids it's Hoppy's favorite. You'll see
you all agree it's the best hot cereal you ever ate.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
Join us again next week when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with
Roy Bargie and the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly,
Bill Forman. So until next Thursday, good night and good
luck from the makers. Of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand
of coffee. Always good to the last drop, Father Knows Best,
(29:42):
was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed Jane. Now
stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most
of these stations.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Please send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr
dot com until next time. In the words of Aristotle,
one's best friend is someone who, when he wishes for
good things for a person, does so for that person's sake.
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your host,
ronic Leberger. Once again, chaos erups at the Anderson household.
This time it is a mishmash of every conceivable little
problem that could possibly arise. This is episode number fifty four,
A Father Knows Best, and it is entitled Too Many Problems.
(00:37):
It originally aired on November two, nineteen fifty Mother.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Is Maxwell House really the only copy in the world?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
Yes, its father knows best. Transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert
Young his father. A half hour visit with your neighbors,
the Andersons, brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House,
the coffee that's always good to the last drop. In
(01:27):
every week, there are seven days. In every day. There
are twenty four hours. In every hour, there are sixty
minutes or three thousand, six hundred seconds. That's a lot
of time, isn't it time enough to do almost anything, unless,
of course, you happen to be a father.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
If you're a.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Father like Jim Anderson, there's never enough time, never enough
minutes or hours or days. That's why, as a conscientious father,
you're forced to take steps like this, and so, gentlemen
of the Springfield Service Club, let's take a look at
the record. Let's put a microscope on the past year
and see exactly how much cooperation I've received. Jim, Honey,
(02:08):
if you're going to keep interrupting me.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I'm sorry, dear, but microscope sounds so funny, don't you
mean magnifying glass?
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Well, you're being very technical, Margaret. It's just a figure
of speech. So what difference does it make which one
I use?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Not a great deal. I suppose accept that when you
say microscope, you think.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Of germs, and that's exactly what they are, a bunch
of germs. Elect a man president and then don't lift
a finger to help him.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
I know, dear, but as long as you're going to be.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Supposed to be such a great honor, I better wear
this tie. Huh.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Yes, dear, and I've laid your shirt out in the bed.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
President of the Service Club. It's just another way of
saying I'm too tired. Let Jim do it.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Jim, if you want me to hear the rest of
your speech, you.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
Can get another president. He can do all the work.
I'm going to stay home with my family where was I.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
You were looking at the record.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Oh yeah, let's take a look at the record. Let's
put a magnifying glass on the past year and see exactly. Yes, Margaret,
you were right.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Microscope sounds better, thank you.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Let's take a look at the record. Let's put a
microscope on the past year and see exactly.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Very peculiar picture. I mean, putting a whole year into
a tiny little microscope. But it does sound better when
you say.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
It, Margaret. Yes, dear, this is a large microscope, the
year size.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Yeah, let's not worry about it. It isn't very important. Yes,
I won't interrupt you again, Margaret.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
If there's anything else you'd rather do.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Jim, I'm trying my best to listen.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Oh that's what you were doing, of course.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
If you don't want me to hear the speech, I do.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Want you to hear the speech. But we've been at
it for fifteen minutes and I haven't been able to
get past the introduction. I'm so confused. I don't know
if I'm getting dressed or undressed.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Mother, I'm in the bedroom, Betty.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I think the string beans are burned.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Oh, dear, I forget all about them. I'll be right down, okay, between.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
The string beans and Kathy's bath and Betty's fingernails.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Jim, just because you're going out to dinner, that doesn't
mean that we don't have to eat.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
I didn't say that.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I have three growing children to take care of them.
They're going to be fed in spite of you and
the service cloths.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
I suppose I burned the string beans.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Well, they certainly didn't burn by themselves.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Now there's logic for you. I'm going out to dinner,
so I'm responsible for everything that happens in the house.
Blue sock, blue sock, blue socks. Why is it? I
can never bud? You want me what happened to my Oh?
What's that?
Speaker 6 (04:55):
Dad?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Never Mind?
Speaker 4 (04:57):
I found it, I said, never mind, I found it
my other blue sock. I haven't got it. I know
you haven't. I just found it. Yes, that's not I
thought you'd be happy. I'll give you a ten to
(05:18):
one right now. He doesn't know what I'm talking about.
And so, gentlemen of the Springfield Service Club, let us
take a look at the record. Let's put a microscope
on the past year. Let's put a magnifying glass on
the past year. Let's take a close look at the
past year, Look at the record, look at the year.
(05:41):
M well, yady, oh no, not this, Gladdy.
Speaker 6 (05:47):
Are you still here me?
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Of course not. Didn't your mother tell you I left
five minutes ago? What if you look out the window,
you can see me just turning the corner.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
You're kidding me.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Somebody tells you, Daddy, Chahie, I haven't time to talk.
I got to leave in very few minutes.
Speaker 5 (06:08):
He's now wonderful. What oh I mean going out for
dinner and everything. That's what I meant, Daddy.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
It is huh oh, yes, I wonder there Kathy is Daddy.
I got to change my shirt in my trousers. So
if you don't mind, right, Kathy, get out and close
the door. Please. But I don't mind, Daddy, well I do, uh,
Please get out and close the door.
Speaker 6 (06:36):
Gee whiz. Nobody ever lets me stay anyplace. All I
do is get out.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Just like living in an alley. That's what it is.
Give a man the privacy of a goldfish. Let's take
a close look at the past year and see exactly
how much cooperation I have received as president of the
local service club. I've neglected my family, my business, even
my golf for the sake of this organization. Examine your
own consciences and ask yourselves, what did I do to help?
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Now?
Speaker 4 (07:07):
What happened to the darn things? You can never find
anything around here, Margaret, She isn't here, father, she was
here two seconds ago.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
She's trying to buy some string beans from missus Davis.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Oh ig, you you're welcome string beans. I can't find
my cufflings, and she's gallivanting all over the neighborhood chasing
string beans. Examine your own consciences and ask yourselves in
the past year, what did I do to help? What
did I do to help? What did I do to help?
(07:42):
What did I do to help? Bud? He's taking those
cufflings again, So help me, bod, come in here. Okay.
If I've told him once, I've told him a thousand times,
I couldn't have made it any plainer. You want me
for something, then, how many times have I told you
to leave my cuff links alone? Which cuff links, my
(08:03):
gold cuff links, the ones the service club gave me?
All those?
Speaker 7 (08:08):
Well, I don't know, you don't know what how many
times you told me?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Then? Why did you what did I call? Take them? Oh,
I didn't.
Speaker 7 (08:27):
But if you didn't take them, where are they? Maybe
Kathy took them?
Speaker 6 (08:30):
I did not.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
Well, if it isn't Millicent Mayflower girl, Detective, come in, Milly.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Did you call me Daddy's Kathy?
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Aside from the fact that it isn't polite to drop
eves on people, what did you do with my cuff links?
Speaker 5 (08:49):
I didn't drop anything on anybody.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
What did you do with my cufflinks?
Speaker 6 (08:55):
What cufflinks?
Speaker 7 (08:56):
Daddy his gold cufflings at the service club gave him?
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Ask you, Kathy, where are my cuff links?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
The gold cup links at the service club gave you?
Speaker 4 (09:08):
Yes, I don't know, Kathy.
Speaker 6 (09:13):
Gosh, Daddy.
Speaker 5 (09:14):
If I knew where they were, I'd be the first
one to tell you. I can't afford to have you.
I mean, you're almost late now.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
I am not almost late. Dinner'sn't until seven thirty.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
But you always leave here before seven.
Speaker 6 (09:28):
You have to leave before seven.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Why so you won't be late?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Kathy? Why are you so anxious to get me out
of the house.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I didn't say I was anxious.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Father.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Uh, just a minute, Betty, Kathy, what fiendish little scheme
is percolating in the back of your equally fiendish little mind.
White Daddy, you're up to something. You're up to no good,
and I want to know what it is. Now, what's
the matter.
Speaker 6 (10:01):
You're gonna spank me?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I'm not going to spank you. I don't even know
what you did? Dad said, all right, if I go
back to my room, no, you stay right where you are.
I have homework to do. You can do it later.
Right now, we've got to find my cuffling.
Speaker 7 (10:16):
Holy cow, Father, don't forget what what's the matter with her?
Speaker 6 (10:22):
Daddy's going to spank me?
Speaker 4 (10:24):
What for? I don't know, Betty. Did you see Dad's couplings?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
No, Father, don't forget.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
You promised to drop the bridge, tables and chairs off
at the sorority house tonight.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I said, no such thing. It was tomorrow night, Father.
Speaker 6 (10:40):
They need them in the morning. Can you promise? I
don't want you to spank me.
Speaker 7 (10:49):
What if you don't ever find your couplings, then what
happens to my own work?
Speaker 6 (10:52):
You said you take them and they're counting on it.
Speaker 5 (10:54):
And if you don't want to speak to me a kid.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
I'm gonna be a hermit. That's what I'm going to be.
I'm gonna a long white beard and live on top
of a mountain in Tibet.
Speaker 6 (11:05):
Mother, he said he'd take the tables and chairs over,
and now he says he won't.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Margaret's so helpy.
Speaker 6 (11:09):
I didn't Kathleen that he said he was gonna spank me.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
I said no such thing, did I, Bud.
Speaker 7 (11:17):
I was sitting in my own room running my own board.
Speaker 6 (11:25):
That night.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
He take the chairs on, Betty. Well, that's better, Jim.
I've never seen it to fail. If I set one
foot out of the house, absolute bedlom sets in.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
But that's not true. But if you're going to walk
out in the middle of.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
An emergency, what emergency?
Speaker 4 (11:45):
What emergency? The place is crawling with him? Why don't
you take them one at a time?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
All right, I will, Bud.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
All I want to do is my homework.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Go down to the kitchen and watch the stream beams.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Betty. Father promised me you'd better set the table in
the breakfast room. But father said, we'll take care of
the chairs later.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
Jumping creepers.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Now, my two little ones.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Margaret, you realize that this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Kathy, Yes, mommy, why were you crying.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I didn't want daddy to be here at seven o'clock.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Why cause that's.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
When she's coming here to speak to him.
Speaker 6 (12:33):
Who is my teacher?
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Oh that's what it was, you see, Margaret, I had
a feeling from the very beginning.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Jim M, what was your little problem?
Speaker 4 (12:47):
My gold cufflinks are gone. They've disappeared, vanished, that's all.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
What are those in your cuffs? What?
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Who? I didn get there?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Jim? I told you I'd laid your shirt out. I
put the kuff links in the shirt to save you
a little time.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
Well, Margaret, let's face it, that's a pretty silly place
to hide kufflings.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
Breakfast ready down, here's your coffee.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
The eggs will be done in a minute.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Best coffee I ever tasted.
Speaker 8 (13:48):
That man you serve coffee too. Here's something about him
you ought to know. He's the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am,
your husband is the number one expert on coffee. Of course,
we Maxwell house people. We think we're pretty fair experts.
Our coffee is America's favorite brand. But the final judge,
(14:08):
the real expert, is that man of yours. And if
you'll pour him a cup of Maxwell House. We're mighty
sure he'll say best coffee I ever tasted. In fact,
if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back. You see,
we know there's no coffee taste like Maxwell House because
no coffee's made like Maxwell House. No other coffee has
(14:29):
that wonderful, good to the last drop flavor.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Get Maxwell House tomorrow, start.
Speaker 8 (14:35):
Serving it to your husband, and if he doesn't say
it's the best coffee there is, why you return the
can an unused portion to us, and we'll gladly refund
the price you paid. Our address is right on the
front of that familiar blue tin. Tomorrow, see how much
the world's greatest coffee expert your husband enjoys Maxwell House
(14:55):
coffee always good to the last drop.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
It's seven o'clock in Springfield, of course, it's seven o'clock
in other places as well. But in other places the
hour doesn't contain the same drama, the same suspense that
it does in the Anderson Dam. There, seven o'clock is
a magic hour, trought with excitement and just a small
touch of mystery like this, Kathy, Yes, daddy, what did
(15:30):
you do in school?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I didn't do anything, Jim, why do you immediately assume
that Kathy has done something wrong.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
Well, why else would her teacher want to see me?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Maybe she doesn't want to see you specifically.
Speaker 5 (15:42):
Yes, she does, Mommy, she said she had to see
daddy and she'd be here at seven o'clock.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
And naturally she'd have to pick tonight.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Kathy, why didn't you tell us about this earlier?
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Well, don't you have anything to say?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I'm trying to think of something.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Very long, Bud. We're very busy in here. We've got problems.
Speaker 7 (16:05):
So by if I don't finish my homework, how can
I go to the movies with Joe Phillips?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
You can't?
Speaker 7 (16:11):
Well, then why can't I?
Speaker 3 (16:12):
God, please go back to the kitchen and watch the
string beans. We don't want them to burn again.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Do we go ahead? Bud? Holy cow? Fifteen years old?
And what am I a string bean watcher? Look, Kathy,
I want you to think hard. Have you done anything
wrong in school? Have you kicked any football? Is there
anybody's window?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
You mean today?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
I mean any day, Jim, missus Lindsay will be here anymore, Margaret.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
I want to find out before she gets here if
Kathy's done anything, and I can get it straightened out
in advance. Then I won't have to hang around and
gab with Missus Lindsey. Kathy, please try to think what
could your teacher possibly want to see me about?
Speaker 6 (16:58):
Well?
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Maybe miss he says what he called her, But I
didn't mean to do anything.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
You and Jimmy had another fight. Huh.
Speaker 6 (17:05):
He said I was.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
A tomboy and I'm not a tomboy, and I.
Speaker 6 (17:08):
Just showed him I wasn't.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
That's all ow.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I punched him in the nose, Kathleen, after all the
promises you made.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Well, he didn't have any right to say I was
a tomboy diddy daddy.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
I don't know, Kathy. Is that all that happened?
Speaker 6 (17:32):
Except for his shirt?
Speaker 4 (17:34):
What happened to his shirt?
Speaker 5 (17:36):
I was only trying to lift him back in his
feet and I couldn't help it if it just gripped, Margaret.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
What's the Woody's.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Number, Jim, Don't you think if I called Dorith.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
I'll get it straightened out in two seconds? What's the number?
Speaker 3 (17:51):
It's in the little book, dear, next to the phone.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
By the time Missus Lindsay gets here, there won't be
anything to talk about, and that'll be all right with me.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Kathy, Why can't you ever learn to behave?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
I was trying to be a lady mommy.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
I tried to help them all.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Oh, there it is. Gets the little monster a new
shirt and everything will be right his rain. Hello, Dorothy,
this is Jim Anderson, just frying. Thanks, say Dorothy, We're
awfully sorry. But no, I hadn't heard about the school
paper drive. I was just no, Look, Dorothy, I was
(18:27):
just yeah, yes, I know how successful it was, but
I don't have the time this year to Dorothy. I
just called to explain about Jimmy's shirt. You see, Kathy,
what didn't Jimmy say anything about it? Well, I'm afraid
it was Kathy's fault. And Dorothy, if you'll just buy
(18:49):
him another shirt and send me the bill, then I
know it takes an experienced man, but I give you
my word, Dorothy. Okay, as long as you put it
that way, yes, I'll call a meeting for next Monday night.
You're welcome, Dorothy. Good night, paper drive. Eight thousand men
(19:13):
in the neighborhood and she has to pick on me.
Speaker 6 (19:15):
Is everything all right?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Jim?
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Dorothy didn't know anything about Jimmy's shirt, but shake hands
with the chairman of the school paper.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Drive jim it won't do any good to give up
your office in the service cup if you're going to
turn around.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
It wasn't my idea, Margaret, she said, I owed it
to her on account of Jimmy's shirt. Well, what could
I do.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Well, it'll only be for a month, and Danie'll have
all your evenings to spend with us.
Speaker 5 (19:43):
Father midnight, put the bridge, tables and chairs in the
back of the car.
Speaker 6 (19:46):
What for you said you'd deliver.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
Them, I said, I deliver them tomorrow, not tonight. Mother, Margaret.
It's clear over on the other side of town. It'll
take me all night, I know.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Dear, but after all Betty promised you.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Father, all right, I'll take them over after I leave
the dinner.
Speaker 5 (20:05):
Oh, thank you, Father, you're alam And.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
I'm getting just a little tired of being led to
the slaughter.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Daddy.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
Yes, Kathy, maybe it was Stevie Long.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
What about Stevie Long.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I didn't know it was his good sweater, Margaret.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Kathy, did you tear Stevie's sweater?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Oh no, Mommy, I was trying to fix it.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
I can just see that.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
Well, I didn't know that was the thread that held
the sleeve on, and all I did was pull it
a little bit, and.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Stevie just stood there and let you. I suppose he
wasn't even there.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
I was holding the sweater while he went inside to
get the baseball?
Speaker 4 (21:00):
What baseball?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
The one I hit through the living room window?
Speaker 4 (21:08):
Kathy, You said you hadn't broken any windows.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
You said today, This was yesterday.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Oh, Kathleen, anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
You said with the football, and this was a baseball.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Kathy winning, You're going to realize that you're not a boy.
Speaker 6 (21:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
Is there any other child in Springfield who gets into
half as much mischief as you do? Don't you know
how to say anything? But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
The Lung's number is next to the phone, Dear.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
I know the Lung's number. This is the fifth time
we've had to pay for that same window. I don't
know the number by now.
Speaker 6 (21:46):
This isn't the.
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Same window, Daddy, it's the big one in the front.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Well, that makes it much better. I don't know why
I ever went into the insurance business. I should have
opened a glass factory. Hell, Harry, now this is Jim Anderson. Well,
I have not a chance to play much golf lately.
I've been sort of tied up with no, Harry, Harry,
(22:15):
I just want to explain about the living room window.
You see, Kathy was playing baseball. Yes, I know it's insured,
but if I can just tell missus Lindsey that we've
got the whole thing. No, it isn't, all right, Harry,
I just assume, Harry, I haven't got time to be
on the Greens Committee. I'm going to resign as president
(22:37):
of the cir Look, Harry, I know that, but I
don't have one evening a week. I got a family, Harry,
and I don't see them from Look. Can I just
send you a check for the window? Okay, Harry, eight
o'clock at your house on Wendsey. Yes, Harry, Okay, good night.
(23:03):
I don't know. Every time I pick up the phone,
I'm a member of something else.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
Did you straighten everything out with Harry?
Speaker 6 (23:10):
Dear?
Speaker 4 (23:10):
Oh? Sure it was a plate glass window, and he's
already collected the insurance. And now I'm a member of
the Greens committee at the golf club.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Jim, if this keeps out.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Every Wednesday night, what to do with the grass, where
to put the cups? And who ran away? With a
trap in front of the fifteenth Green. I'll probably wind
up in the back of a lawnmower.
Speaker 6 (23:31):
Daddy.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
I don't want to hear another word out of you,
but I just thought.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Of something, Jim. She's only trying to help you.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Oh, sure, she's helping me, just fine. I'm a paper
collector and a grass cutter, and I still don't know
what missus Lindsey wants I do.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
Mom, the string beans are boiling over. Dear.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
I'll be right there, Bud. Now, Cathy, tell your father
what you didn't.
Speaker 5 (23:54):
Then wash your hats dinners almost yes, Mommy, Well what
what did you do?
Speaker 6 (24:01):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I think I know what I did.
Speaker 6 (24:03):
But it wasn't my fault, Daddy.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Nothing is ever your fault. I've never seen a child
who could do more things that weren't her fault.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Well, how did I know her father wasn't through with them?
Speaker 4 (24:15):
Wasn't through with what?
Speaker 7 (24:16):
The neck ties?
Speaker 4 (24:18):
What neckties?
Speaker 5 (24:19):
The ones I told Laurie Hathaway to use for what
to tie up the goat.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Goat, the one.
Speaker 6 (24:29):
I found in the lot.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
You brought a goat over to the Hathaways.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
You wouldn't let me keep it here, would you? And
I didn't know what was going to eat all mister
Hathaway's flowers.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
Oh, Kaffy, what am I gonna do with you?
Speaker 6 (24:44):
Spank me?
Speaker 4 (24:46):
Now? I've got to call the Hathaways. And I don't
care what committee he wants me to be on. I'm
gonna pay for the flowers and the ties and that's all.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
I'm sorry, Daddy, Can you think of anything else?
Speaker 2 (25:00):
You mean lately?
Speaker 6 (25:05):
Oh it's Missus Lindsey.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
You call me Jim never mind, I never mind.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Hello, Missus Lindsey.
Speaker 6 (25:15):
Have Athleen you sweet child?
Speaker 4 (25:17):
Come in, Missus Lindsey. Uh, I've been waiting for you.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Thank you, mister Anderson. This is a very great pleasure.
Speaker 4 (25:24):
Yes, shall we go into the living room? Thank you.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I'm sorry, Missus Lindsey.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
About what dear about?
Speaker 6 (25:33):
Whatever idea?
Speaker 4 (25:34):
Missus lindsay, I've been calling people all night.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Why Kathleen, you haven't done anything? Have you haven't?
Speaker 5 (25:41):
I you're not that I know of gosh, Oh wait
a minute.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
If she hasn't done anything, what did you want to
see me about?
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Mister Anderson? I have the most wonderful news for you.
Speaker 6 (25:54):
You've been elected President of the PTA.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Congratulat oh no.
Speaker 8 (26:23):
What is it that puts so much real enjoyment in
a steaming cup of coffee?
Speaker 4 (26:28):
Why? It's flavor.
Speaker 8 (26:30):
Yes, And when you buy coffee, you certainly want to
get the most in flavor for your money. Now that's
something the world's greatest coffee.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
Expert can help you. Find.
Speaker 8 (26:39):
Your husband, he's the expert, we mean, just serve him
a cup of Maxwell House coffee, and then when he says,
best coffee I ever tasted, you'll know Maxwell House has
the flavor that it's your coffee. Buy find out tomorrow,
Buy a pound of Maxwell House, start serving it to
your husband, and count all, oh the truly good cups
(27:01):
of coffee you get from that one pound at your
own table. Find out how much more you get for
your money with Maxwell House coffee, always good.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
To the last drop. The night is dark, The clock
strikes two, and the white frame house on Maple Street
stands hushed beneath the starless sky. In the Anderson's quiet bedroom,
a figure moves and Margaret stirs softly on her downy
(27:34):
couch like this, Jim, Oh, not wake you, honey.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I was just dozy. Jim, don't be too upset about tonight.
You mean about Kathy, I mean about giving up the
presidency of the Service Club. I know it meant a
great deal to you. Yes, they like your speed.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
Oh, yes, they loved it.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
That's nice.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
They thought it was just great. And you know what, what, dear,
I was re elected.
Speaker 9 (28:19):
Night Jim in idea, tell the kids it's a hot
(28:42):
favorite with Hoppy.
Speaker 10 (28:44):
That's hot post tweetmeal. And you won't have to coax
the youngsters to eat a hot cereal for breakfast if
you tell them how Hopoloon Cassidy loves hot post tweetmeal.
Hoppy knows it's chuck full of good, solid nourishment. He
goes for the rich nut like flavor, and you will
go oh for the fact that post wheatmeal cooks in
just three and a half minutes. So get hot post
(29:05):
wheatmeal and tell the kids it's Hoppy's favorite. You'll see
you all agree it's the best hot cereal you ever ate.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
Join us again next week when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with
Roy Bargie and the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly,
Bill Forman. So until next Thursday, good night and good
luck from the makers. Of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand
of coffee. Always good to the last drop, Father Knows Best,
(29:42):
was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed Jane. Now
stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most
of these stations.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Please send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr
dot com until next time. In the words of Aristotle,
one's best friend is someone who, when he wishes for
good things for a person, does so for that person's sake.
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