February 4, 2025 • 7 mins
New Year, New Laughs with Derrick and Rory
It's time to take another wild ride into the wonderfully weird world of Derrick and Rory. The two best friends visit the comedy4cast podcast studio and sit down to talk about the start of a new year. In no time at all they've switch gears to discuss everything from office furniture and lunch options to great on-the-go snacks and book deals. Rory even experiments with ASMR (with questionable results). Relatable? Perhaps. Absurd? You bet! If you're a fan of clever wordplay, this is the episode for you. So grab your headphones, settle in, and prepare for a dose of pure, unadulterated fun.
>> Support comedy4cast by becoming a patron on Patreon>> Or you can get Clinton a Dunkin' card or a cup of coffee via Ko-Fi>> Follow comedy4cast on X, Instagram, Facebook, MeWe, Mastodon, and BlueSky>> Give us a call via the Super Secret Phone Line (213) 290-4451>> Drop us an email at podcast @ comedy4cast.com>> Also check out Clinton's other podcast, The Topic is Trek>> Certain sounds effects heard on comedy4cast are courtesy of freeSFX and FreeSound.org
Click here for a transcript of this episode.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now. Music.
(00:09):
Oh, hi. Clinton here. Welcome to my show, comedy4cast, episode 824 to be exact.
Brought to you by Kreg, Kalynn, Krazy Joe's Concession Stand,
and my other amazing Patreon patrons.
Thank you. To become a patron yourself and help me do what I do here,
(00:30):
go to patreon.com slash comedy4cast.
That's all one word with the number
4. You can even get episodes before everyone else. How cool is that?
Today, we're listening in while Derrick and Rory talk about, well, whatever they want to.
Enjoy the show, and I'll be back a bit later.
(00:52):
Music.
Hi, I'm Derrick. And I'm Rory. We were just talking about the fact that it's a brand new year.
Yeah, That's hard to believe it's already twenty fill in the blank.
How time flies. Flock, flown!
Save the Texas prairie chicken! Baga!
(01:14):
Have you made any New Year's resolutions?
No way, he exclaimed. I made a point of promising myself I wouldn't do that
again this year. Auld anxiety!
What about you, brother? I made a resolution to learn how to play an instrument.
Oh, that's cool. You could try the Geiger counter. It has its own built-in click track.
(01:36):
Half-life! No static at all. FM fermium!
Now that it's a new year, what are you most looking forward to?
Uh, lunch. That's a pretty low bar.
Oh, liquid lunch. Hmm, I guess it's 2025 o'clock somewhere.
Skoal! You seem a little off, Rory.
(01:59):
I'm wondering if you're still recovering from your time as mayor of Middling Fair. Uh, maybe, baby.
That was a pretty intense side hustle. I mean, it was hard for me to imagine I was the mayor.
I know. It was hard for everyone else to imagine it, too.
Eh, spit take! Minus the liquid. Huh!
(02:20):
ASMR challenged. Which reminds me, can I try something? Sure. Okay, great.
Testing. Testing 3.14. 3.14.
Oh, I'm repeating myself. Wow, it's so roomy over here, but gotta run.
(02:43):
Channel surfing, when you don't know you're left from your right.
This concludes this test. Getting back to what we were talking about,
if that's even possible, I've been meaning to ask you, what was your biggest
takeaway from your time as mayor?
Well, I would say it's that they don't let you take away your rolling office chair.
(03:05):
You tried to walk off with your office chair? Uh, nope.
I rolled in it the whole way. See, zoop down the hall, and then,
foom, past the vending machines, cha-ching,
by the comptroller's office, a person I never once saw trolling any comps,
swerve out through the loading dock ramp and straight into the parking lot.
(03:26):
All the whilst enjoying my newly purchased Three Musketeers bar, sans d'Artagnan.
Rory, I'm shocked. Yeah, I know, but they were out of Richelieu peanut butter cups.
Holy huzzah. You know exactly what I mean.
How could you go and steal something like that? Oh, don't worry,
brother. I couldn't go through with it. I should hope not.
(03:50):
Yeah, curse you, freakishly tall exit lane speed bumps. You're nothing but a
low-rent roller coaster.
Well, either way, you must have advice for anyone taking on the role of a public official.
Oh, must I? You mean there's nothing you'd want to say to someone taking on
an important position like mayor?
(04:11):
You mean besides urging them to mandate height limits on speed bumps?
Yes, besides that. I don't know, it seemed pretty important at the time.
For instance, remember what Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker? with great power
comes great responsibility.
Well, that's crazy, right? That means if you're powerless, you can do whatever you want.
(04:33):
That road leads to chaos and speed bumps of unregulated size.
I don't think that's what Uncle Ben meant. But I was thinking more about the
fact that once someone is in office, they have an awful lot of power and have to use it wisely.
Look, let's get real, Velveteen Jojo Rabbit style. The truth is,
(04:54):
the surge of power that comes from being in charge of a small town can go right to your head.
Which is why I think royalty should always wear those Burger King crowns.
You see, that way the power doesn't get stuck up there and make you go bald.
Well, that may be good advice, but we don't have royalty here in the United States.
(05:15):
Yeah, I think the patent office would beg to differ.
Rory, what about advice for anyone taking office here this year?
I'd say don't get used to that chair. You can't take it with you. I see.
Anything else? Yeah, yeah. Put the needs of your constituents ahead of your own.
(05:36):
Now that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah.
Even if they want the last peanut butter cup in the vending machine.
It's like I always say, ask not what your confection can do for you,
ask what you can do for your Klondike bar. You know, Rory.
Yeah, we've bumped into each other from time to time. Lots of politicians write
(05:57):
their memoirs after they've left office.
No way. No, no, no. Not me. Really? I'm surprised.
I'm not going to stand up at my chairless desk while I write a whole book.
I'll get varicose veins.
You're so vain. This whole vein is out of order.
Rory, I can buy you a rolling office chair. Oh, in that case,
(06:19):
I'll begin work on my book immediately.
Do you have any ideas for a catchy title? Yeah, I've been kicking around a few titles.
I think I'll give seasonal flu a shot.
Happy New Year, Rory. Same to you, brother.
And a Happy New Year to you, too. No AI was used in the creation of this show.
(06:43):
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Voices as well as story and music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025.
All rights reserved. In our next episode AI does show up at the Venus Arms Hotel
and Towers and it may have met its match.
But for now. That's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye. Music.
The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now. Music.
(00:09):
Oh, hi. Clinton here. Welcome to my show, comedy4cast, episode 824 to be exact.
Brought to you by Kreg, Kalynn, Krazy Joe's Concession Stand,
and my other amazing Patreon patrons.
Thank you. To become a patron yourself and help me do what I do here,
(00:30):
go to patreon.com slash comedy4cast.
That's all one word with the number
4. You can even get episodes before everyone else. How cool is that?
Today, we're listening in while Derrick and Rory talk about, well, whatever they want to.
Enjoy the show, and I'll be back a bit later.
(00:52):
Music.
Hi, I'm Derrick. And I'm Rory. We were just talking about the fact that it's a brand new year.
Yeah, That's hard to believe it's already twenty fill in the blank.
How time flies. Flock, flown!
Save the Texas prairie chicken! Baga!
(01:14):
Have you made any New Year's resolutions?
No way, he exclaimed. I made a point of promising myself I wouldn't do that
again this year. Auld anxiety!
What about you, brother? I made a resolution to learn how to play an instrument.
Oh, that's cool. You could try the Geiger counter. It has its own built-in click track.
(01:36):
Half-life! No static at all. FM fermium!
Now that it's a new year, what are you most looking forward to?
Uh, lunch. That's a pretty low bar.
Oh, liquid lunch. Hmm, I guess it's 2025 o'clock somewhere.
Skoal! You seem a little off, Rory.
(01:59):
I'm wondering if you're still recovering from your time as mayor of Middling Fair. Uh, maybe, baby.
That was a pretty intense side hustle. I mean, it was hard for me to imagine I was the mayor.
I know. It was hard for everyone else to imagine it, too.
Eh, spit take! Minus the liquid. Huh!
(02:20):
ASMR challenged. Which reminds me, can I try something? Sure. Okay, great.
Testing. Testing 3.14. 3.14.
Oh, I'm repeating myself. Wow, it's so roomy over here, but gotta run.
(02:43):
Channel surfing, when you don't know you're left from your right.
This concludes this test. Getting back to what we were talking about,
if that's even possible, I've been meaning to ask you, what was your biggest
takeaway from your time as mayor?
Well, I would say it's that they don't let you take away your rolling office chair.
(03:05):
You tried to walk off with your office chair? Uh, nope.
I rolled in it the whole way. See, zoop down the hall, and then,
foom, past the vending machines, cha-ching,
by the comptroller's office, a person I never once saw trolling any comps,
swerve out through the loading dock ramp and straight into the parking lot.
(03:26):
All the whilst enjoying my newly purchased Three Musketeers bar, sans d'Artagnan.
Rory, I'm shocked. Yeah, I know, but they were out of Richelieu peanut butter cups.
Holy huzzah. You know exactly what I mean.
How could you go and steal something like that? Oh, don't worry,
brother. I couldn't go through with it. I should hope not.
(03:50):
Yeah, curse you, freakishly tall exit lane speed bumps. You're nothing but a
low-rent roller coaster.
Well, either way, you must have advice for anyone taking on the role of a public official.
Oh, must I? You mean there's nothing you'd want to say to someone taking on
an important position like mayor?
(04:11):
You mean besides urging them to mandate height limits on speed bumps?
Yes, besides that. I don't know, it seemed pretty important at the time.
For instance, remember what Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker? with great power
comes great responsibility.
Well, that's crazy, right? That means if you're powerless, you can do whatever you want.
(04:33):
That road leads to chaos and speed bumps of unregulated size.
I don't think that's what Uncle Ben meant. But I was thinking more about the
fact that once someone is in office, they have an awful lot of power and have to use it wisely.
Look, let's get real, Velveteen Jojo Rabbit style. The truth is,
(04:54):
the surge of power that comes from being in charge of a small town can go right to your head.
Which is why I think royalty should always wear those Burger King crowns.
You see, that way the power doesn't get stuck up there and make you go bald.
Well, that may be good advice, but we don't have royalty here in the United States.
(05:15):
Yeah, I think the patent office would beg to differ.
Rory, what about advice for anyone taking office here this year?
I'd say don't get used to that chair. You can't take it with you. I see.
Anything else? Yeah, yeah. Put the needs of your constituents ahead of your own.
(05:36):
Now that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah.
Even if they want the last peanut butter cup in the vending machine.
It's like I always say, ask not what your confection can do for you,
ask what you can do for your Klondike bar. You know, Rory.
Yeah, we've bumped into each other from time to time. Lots of politicians write
(05:57):
their memoirs after they've left office.
No way. No, no, no. Not me. Really? I'm surprised.
I'm not going to stand up at my chairless desk while I write a whole book.
I'll get varicose veins.
You're so vain. This whole vein is out of order.
Rory, I can buy you a rolling office chair. Oh, in that case,
(06:19):
I'll begin work on my book immediately.
Do you have any ideas for a catchy title? Yeah, I've been kicking around a few titles.
I think I'll give seasonal flu a shot.
Happy New Year, Rory. Same to you, brother.
And a Happy New Year to you, too. No AI was used in the creation of this show.
(06:43):
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Voices as well as story and music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025.
All rights reserved. In our next episode AI does show up at the Venus Arms Hotel
and Towers and it may have met its match.
But for now. That's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye. Music.
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