March 18, 2025 • 12 mins
Giles faces a technological terror...with a familiar voice!
What happens when Giles tries to embrace artificial intelligence? Let's just say his vision of a smooth, automated front desk experience doesn't quite pan out. Between an AI with a mind of its own (not to mention a voice that sounds suspiciously familiar) and the arrival of a certain enthusiastic resident, things go sideways in the most hilarious way possible.
Can Giles get the kiosk working? Can AI make any sense out of the new information it is getting? And how does Miss Falmacher figure into all of this? Listen now to find out in an episode that proves sometimes the best technology is no technology at all (especially when Danny Hillcrest is around).
This episode features a voice clone created specifically for use in this story.
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A.I. Artificial Interference, AI podcast, artificial intelligence comedy, Giles, Danny Hillcrest, Abby Falmacher, Venus Arms Hotel, hotel comedy, technology comedy, podcast episode, funny podcast, comedy characters
>> Support comedy4cast by becoming a patron on Patreon>> Or you can get Clinton a Dunkin' card or a cup of coffee via Ko-Fi>> Follow comedy4cast on X, Instagram, Facebook, MeWe, Mastodon, and BlueSky>> Give us a call via the Super Secret Phone Line (213) 290-4451>> Drop us an email at podcast @ comedy4cast.com>> Also check out Clinton's other podcast, The Topic is Trek>> Certain sounds effects heard on comedy4cast are courtesy of freeSFX and FreeSound.org
Click here for a transcript of this episode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music. The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now..
(00:08):
Oh, hi. Clinton here. Welcome to my show, comedy4cast, episode 825 to be exact.
Brought to you by Gary, Darren, Stan, and my other amazing Patreon patrons.
Thank you. To become a patron yourself and help me do what I do here,
(00:29):
go to patreon.com/comedy4cast.
That's all one word, with the number 4. You can even get episodes before
everyone else. How cool is that?
But right now, we're headed to the lobby of the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers,
where an IT person is working on some high-tech equipment.
(00:50):
Enjoy the show. I'll be back a bit later.
You know, usually we install these things and that's it.
So why have I been called back here three times this week?
Perhaps I'm just a bit more finicky than some people.
(01:11):
Call me crazy, but I prefer things to work.
Oh, you can bet I call you crazy. What was that? Nothing.
I'll bet it was nothing. What was that? Nothing.
I'll bet. He probably... Look, can we please just get this kiosk working?
I was told it would simplify my life.
(01:32):
So far, it's only made you a semi-permanent resident here at the hotel.
And we're not in the business of paying the guests.
And I'm telling you that this whole thing is working fine.
There's nothing wrong with the CPU, or the monitor, or the AI software. Oh, really?
(01:53):
Tell it you want to make a reservation.
Fine, if it'll shut you up. What was that? Oh, nothing, nothing.
Hey, Giles. And that's another thing. Why does it respond to Giles? My name is Giles.
Giles. And it's still an animated picture of Miss Fallmacher on the screen. With my voice.
(02:17):
When are you going to fix that, reversed Mrs. Doubtfire horror?
We've been over this. Generating a new avatar takes time.
Now, can I get back to making this reservation?
Sure thing, James Cameron. Hey, Giles, I want to make a reservation. Of course.
(02:37):
You see? Welcome to the Venus Arms Hippocampus and Towers. Yes.
Wait, what did you say? I'm A.I. Glabby, the virtual front desk astronaut who
keeps getting taller but not wider.
How many nights will you be staying with us? Now, just a minute.
I'm sorry, but the minimum stay at our hotel is one nightstand and matching bed frame.
(02:58):
I've never seen one of these things go bad like this before.
Are you sure you're not messing with it?
It's messy enough on its own, thank you very much. Now hold on, hold on.
Why didn't I think of this before?
This thing records all the interactions with the kiosk.
You've been spying on us? Oh, please, don't flatter yourself.
(03:23):
It just records when someone interacts with it.
I'll play it here on the monitor. You see? There's me from yesterday.
Ah, yes. Part of your daily routine.
There. You should be all set now.
Don't worry, Giles. I know it's not your fault. I'm betting it's Mr.
(03:44):
Crankypants over there doing something wrong.
What was that? Oh, nothing.
Let's jump back another day.
Testing! One, two! Oh, look. It's you this time. Testing, one, two.
Welcome to the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers. And when are they going to change this to my picture?
(04:05):
I'm beginning to have nightmares about Miss Fallmacher speaking with my voice.
Giles, when are you going to alphabetize the wallpaper?
And Giles, why haven't you polished the ceiling?
Between you and me, I think the installer is doing this on purpose.
He's trying to gaslight me.
(04:26):
Now hold on. What was all that about? Just skip back some more, Bill Gates.
Well, golly. It must be nice still living in the 1990s.
Okay, Giles.
I'll be back in a few minutes. I have to go inventory Miss Fallmacher's Little
Wicker basket collection.
(04:48):
They're everywhere. Yeah, tell me about it.
Oh, look. It's a customer entering the lobby.
There I go. Call the drink espresso. Oh, it's just Danny. It goes great with burrito.
Gotta have more espresso. Welcome to the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers. Hi.
Danny Hillcrest here. Wait. Who am I talkingly speaking to?
(05:12):
I am A.I. Giles, the virtual front desk assistant.
Oh, it's a Harry Pottersville framed picture of Miss Fallmacher.
And Giles is doing some improv scripted dubbing.
I love it. It's just like stepping off the subway at Warthog Castle.
Hi, Danny Hillcrest here. Welcome to the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers. Giles and Abby.
(05:36):
I dub this business power pairing Glabby. Of course.
He named it Glabby. You know this guy?
He lives here. How many nights will you be staying with us? That's a great question, Glabby.
I live here, so I guess I'll be staying here every night.
(05:56):
I'm sorry. That answer is just a bit confusing to me. Me too.
And I said it. I think I've seen enough. We can turn this...
Oh, no. I want to hear more of this.
I'll rephrase my question if that's helpful.
Please tell me the date of the last night of your stay. Oh, that's easy.
I stayed here last night. So I can factually say last night was the last night of my stay here.
(06:21):
Until tonight, when that will be the next night that will be my last night of my stay tomorrow.
I... I... One moment, please.
I find a record for a Danny Hillcrest that is a resident here at the Venus Arms. Wow!
Two people with my name? A Danny duo!
(06:42):
What are the odds of that? That depends on a number of factors.
If you're curious about the odds of two people sharing the name Danny Hillcrest,
please tell me how wide of an area you want to search.
It's okay, Glabby. Let's leave that one a magical mystery.
Knowing too many new things takes up the brain space I use for useless trivia.
(07:02):
Hey, Glabby, did you know that astronauts can growingly get taller in space?
Which means they can't grow wider.
Well, there's your problem right there. Don't I know it. Let's return to the
task of completing your reservation.
To help you, I'll use a different reference point. Please tell me the day you will be checking out.
Whoa, that's kind of dark, Glabby. I don't like to think about things like that.
(07:26):
Instead, I'll think about this.
Did you know that a group of owls is called the Houses of Parliament?
I didn't know that. And here is a doctorly medical fact.
There are more bones in a human foot than in a human hand, but nowhere near
as many thumbs. Very interesting.
I love it. Now you tell me one. I do have one trivia item that was part of my training data set.
(07:51):
Were you aware that the average person laughs about 17 times a day?
They laugh about 17 times a day?
I wonder what's so funny about the words 17 times a day.
It must be a secretly inside joke. You know, Glabby, I think the word hobnobbing is even funnier.
People should laugh about hobnobbing instead of 17 times a day.
(08:12):
Noted. Did you knowingly realize that apples are members of the Rose Bowl family?
New token accepted. Your brain has a hippocampus, but no hippo students.
Token accepted. Illinois is known as the land of Lincoln, Nebraska.
The state flower of Florida is King Arthur. Even though their stage name was
the Righteous Brothers, Bill and Bobby weren't actually righteous.
(08:35):
Nobody ever stops to think about the fact that the name of the song they're
singing is Silent Night.
There's a group of people who actually think the Golden Globes mean something.
Voyager 6 was the first space probe to visit the Globe Theater,
Planet Fitness, and Walt Disney World.
I'd love to stay and chat some more glabby, but I have to go to the movie theater
(08:56):
and see the first few minutes of a Double Bill showing of Mean Girls and Mean Girls.
I just have to figure out when to go back in to walk out a second time.
Mean Girls, released in 2004, has a runtime of one hour and 37 minutes. Thanks, Glabby.
That'll give me enough time to go back out to the lobby and use the Freeform
(09:19):
Jazz Coke machine to continue my mega side quest challenge of creating every
flavor combination there is.
So far, I've done Coke and Coke and Ice.
Later! Thank you for staying with us.
I've credited 146,000 room nights to your frequent bookings rewards account.
(09:40):
With as few as 50 more room nights, you will be eligible for a free bagel at
our complimentary morning buffet.
Well, we've learned two things today, haven't we? First, your rewards program sucks.
And second, either that guy goes or I have to yank this system out of here.
(10:02):
Artificial intelligence is not ready to deal with whatever that was.
Are you telling me that I have to choose between Danny Hillcrest or my A.I. front desk assistant?
Danny or the thing designed to actually help me?
Exactly. That's the choice. I see.
(10:26):
Music.
Guile? Guile? Yes, Miss Fallmucker?
Danny Hillcrest called me this morning. He was very upset.
I could barely understand him. Well, even more barely than usual.
(10:51):
He said you got rid of someone named Glabby?
Yes. And where's that fancy kiosk you insisted you wanted?
Miss Fallmacher, let's just say things didn't work out and never speak of this again.
(11:12):
All right. By the way, I was noticing that the ceiling here in the lobby has gotten rather dirty.
Do you think you could get up there and polish it?
Well, this time around, AI was actually used in the creation of the episode.
(11:32):
I trained a system how to do my Giles voice to add a touch of realism to AI Giles.
In this episode, the part of Abby Fallmarker was played by Bonnie Kenderdine.
Other voices, as well as story and music, are by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025.
All rights reserved. Now, next time, Detective Haartte challenges you to solve another one of his
(11:58):
HaartteStoppers. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.
Music. The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now..
(00:08):
Oh, hi. Clinton here. Welcome to my show, comedy4cast, episode 825 to be exact.
Brought to you by Gary, Darren, Stan, and my other amazing Patreon patrons.
Thank you. To become a patron yourself and help me do what I do here,
(00:29):
go to patreon.com/comedy4cast.
That's all one word, with the number 4. You can even get episodes before
everyone else. How cool is that?
But right now, we're headed to the lobby of the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers,
where an IT person is working on some high-tech equipment.
(00:50):
Enjoy the show. I'll be back a bit later.
You know, usually we install these things and that's it.
So why have I been called back here three times this week?
Perhaps I'm just a bit more finicky than some people.
(01:11):
Call me crazy, but I prefer things to work.
Oh, you can bet I call you crazy. What was that? Nothing.
I'll bet it was nothing. What was that? Nothing.
I'll bet. He probably... Look, can we please just get this kiosk working?
I was told it would simplify my life.
(01:32):
So far, it's only made you a semi-permanent resident here at the hotel.
And we're not in the business of paying the guests.
And I'm telling you that this whole thing is working fine.
There's nothing wrong with the CPU, or the monitor, or the AI software. Oh, really?
(01:53):
Tell it you want to make a reservation.
Fine, if it'll shut you up. What was that? Oh, nothing, nothing.
Hey, Giles. And that's another thing. Why does it respond to Giles? My name is Giles.
Giles. And it's still an animated picture of Miss Fallmacher on the screen. With my voice.
(02:17):
When are you going to fix that, reversed Mrs. Doubtfire horror?
We've been over this. Generating a new avatar takes time.
Now, can I get back to making this reservation?
Sure thing, James Cameron. Hey, Giles, I want to make a reservation. Of course.
(02:37):
You see? Welcome to the Venus Arms Hippocampus and Towers. Yes.
Wait, what did you say? I'm A.I. Glabby, the virtual front desk astronaut who
keeps getting taller but not wider.
How many nights will you be staying with us? Now, just a minute.
I'm sorry, but the minimum stay at our hotel is one nightstand and matching bed frame.
(02:58):
I've never seen one of these things go bad like this before.
Are you sure you're not messing with it?
It's messy enough on its own, thank you very much. Now hold on, hold on.
Why didn't I think of this before?
This thing records all the interactions with the kiosk.
You've been spying on us? Oh, please, don't flatter yourself.
(03:23):
It just records when someone interacts with it.
I'll play it here on the monitor. You see? There's me from yesterday.
Ah, yes. Part of your daily routine.
There. You should be all set now.
Don't worry, Giles. I know it's not your fault. I'm betting it's Mr.
(03:44):
Crankypants over there doing something wrong.
What was that? Oh, nothing.
Let's jump back another day.
Testing! One, two! Oh, look. It's you this time. Testing, one, two.
Welcome to the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers. And when are they going to change this to my picture?
(04:05):
I'm beginning to have nightmares about Miss Fallmacher speaking with my voice.
Giles, when are you going to alphabetize the wallpaper?
And Giles, why haven't you polished the ceiling?
Between you and me, I think the installer is doing this on purpose.
He's trying to gaslight me.
(04:26):
Now hold on. What was all that about? Just skip back some more, Bill Gates.
Well, golly. It must be nice still living in the 1990s.
Okay, Giles.
I'll be back in a few minutes. I have to go inventory Miss Fallmacher's Little
Wicker basket collection.
(04:48):
They're everywhere. Yeah, tell me about it.
Oh, look. It's a customer entering the lobby.
There I go. Call the drink espresso. Oh, it's just Danny. It goes great with burrito.
Gotta have more espresso. Welcome to the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers. Hi.
Danny Hillcrest here. Wait. Who am I talkingly speaking to?
(05:12):
I am A.I. Giles, the virtual front desk assistant.
Oh, it's a Harry Pottersville framed picture of Miss Fallmacher.
And Giles is doing some improv scripted dubbing.
I love it. It's just like stepping off the subway at Warthog Castle.
Hi, Danny Hillcrest here. Welcome to the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers. Giles and Abby.
(05:36):
I dub this business power pairing Glabby. Of course.
He named it Glabby. You know this guy?
He lives here. How many nights will you be staying with us? That's a great question, Glabby.
I live here, so I guess I'll be staying here every night.
(05:56):
I'm sorry. That answer is just a bit confusing to me. Me too.
And I said it. I think I've seen enough. We can turn this...
Oh, no. I want to hear more of this.
I'll rephrase my question if that's helpful.
Please tell me the date of the last night of your stay. Oh, that's easy.
I stayed here last night. So I can factually say last night was the last night of my stay here.
(06:21):
Until tonight, when that will be the next night that will be my last night of my stay tomorrow.
I... I... One moment, please.
I find a record for a Danny Hillcrest that is a resident here at the Venus Arms. Wow!
Two people with my name? A Danny duo!
(06:42):
What are the odds of that? That depends on a number of factors.
If you're curious about the odds of two people sharing the name Danny Hillcrest,
please tell me how wide of an area you want to search.
It's okay, Glabby. Let's leave that one a magical mystery.
Knowing too many new things takes up the brain space I use for useless trivia.
(07:02):
Hey, Glabby, did you know that astronauts can growingly get taller in space?
Which means they can't grow wider.
Well, there's your problem right there. Don't I know it. Let's return to the
task of completing your reservation.
To help you, I'll use a different reference point. Please tell me the day you will be checking out.
Whoa, that's kind of dark, Glabby. I don't like to think about things like that.
(07:26):
Instead, I'll think about this.
Did you know that a group of owls is called the Houses of Parliament?
I didn't know that. And here is a doctorly medical fact.
There are more bones in a human foot than in a human hand, but nowhere near
as many thumbs. Very interesting.
I love it. Now you tell me one. I do have one trivia item that was part of my training data set.
(07:51):
Were you aware that the average person laughs about 17 times a day?
They laugh about 17 times a day?
I wonder what's so funny about the words 17 times a day.
It must be a secretly inside joke. You know, Glabby, I think the word hobnobbing is even funnier.
People should laugh about hobnobbing instead of 17 times a day.
(08:12):
Noted. Did you knowingly realize that apples are members of the Rose Bowl family?
New token accepted. Your brain has a hippocampus, but no hippo students.
Token accepted. Illinois is known as the land of Lincoln, Nebraska.
The state flower of Florida is King Arthur. Even though their stage name was
the Righteous Brothers, Bill and Bobby weren't actually righteous.
(08:35):
Nobody ever stops to think about the fact that the name of the song they're
singing is Silent Night.
There's a group of people who actually think the Golden Globes mean something.
Voyager 6 was the first space probe to visit the Globe Theater,
Planet Fitness, and Walt Disney World.
I'd love to stay and chat some more glabby, but I have to go to the movie theater
(08:56):
and see the first few minutes of a Double Bill showing of Mean Girls and Mean Girls.
I just have to figure out when to go back in to walk out a second time.
Mean Girls, released in 2004, has a runtime of one hour and 37 minutes. Thanks, Glabby.
That'll give me enough time to go back out to the lobby and use the Freeform
(09:19):
Jazz Coke machine to continue my mega side quest challenge of creating every
flavor combination there is.
So far, I've done Coke and Coke and Ice.
Later! Thank you for staying with us.
I've credited 146,000 room nights to your frequent bookings rewards account.
(09:40):
With as few as 50 more room nights, you will be eligible for a free bagel at
our complimentary morning buffet.
Well, we've learned two things today, haven't we? First, your rewards program sucks.
And second, either that guy goes or I have to yank this system out of here.
(10:02):
Artificial intelligence is not ready to deal with whatever that was.
Are you telling me that I have to choose between Danny Hillcrest or my A.I. front desk assistant?
Danny or the thing designed to actually help me?
Exactly. That's the choice. I see.
(10:26):
Music.
Guile? Guile? Yes, Miss Fallmucker?
Danny Hillcrest called me this morning. He was very upset.
I could barely understand him. Well, even more barely than usual.
(10:51):
He said you got rid of someone named Glabby?
Yes. And where's that fancy kiosk you insisted you wanted?
Miss Fallmacher, let's just say things didn't work out and never speak of this again.
(11:12):
All right. By the way, I was noticing that the ceiling here in the lobby has gotten rather dirty.
Do you think you could get up there and polish it?
Well, this time around, AI was actually used in the creation of the episode.
(11:32):
I trained a system how to do my Giles voice to add a touch of realism to AI Giles.
In this episode, the part of Abby Fallmarker was played by Bonnie Kenderdine.
Other voices, as well as story and music, are by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025.
All rights reserved. Now, next time, Detective Haartte challenges you to solve another one of his
(11:58):
HaartteStoppers. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.
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