May 17, 2024 • 24 mins
In this episode, host, Melissa Peruch, interviews her brother, Moises Peruch, who brings with him the perspective of a younger sibling trying to understand the world around them when much of it is centered on the strange concept of his sister’s war with food. Moises finally shares some of the emotions he tried to navigate as an 11-year-old and where the experience has brought him now, five years later. Thank you so much for joining us!
Transcript Available for restrictED Episode 03 (link)
Guest: Moises Peruch
Instagram: @jstvibinbruv
Eating Disorder Definitions:
Beat Eating Disorders: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/
Healthline Nutrition: https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/common-eating-disorders#other-types
Resources for Support:
Books:
- "Life Without Ed" by Jenni Schaefer
- "Hunger for Life" by Andy Marr
- "Good Girls: A Story & Study of Anorexia" by Hadley Freeman
- “Brave Girl Eating: A Family’s Struggle With Anorexia” by Harriet Brown
Podcasts:
- "Unrestrict-ED" (https://open.spotify.com/show/0XOxPP7kAWRC9CZLlH5U1m?si=12dff0b16f0a49d7")
- "The Eating Disorder Diaries" (https://open.spotify.com/show/7iVxO2jieeKqsno3YVeFUe?si=ba14e7adfa414243)
- "Psychology Unplugged" (https://open.spotify.com/show/7wkYuqWC8z51nfetiZCTbT?si=166381c8df0142f0)
- "Therapy Thoughts" (https://open.spotify.com/show/4298EkFJWEK6VAxKARB7bS?si=47983d98f9374d9e)
Youtube Channels:
- Abbey Sharp (https://youtube.com/@AbbeysKitchen?si=F9uGdsXDNZVm8HWz)
- Ro Mitchell (https://www.youtube.com/@RoMitchell)
- Linda Sun (https://www.youtube.com/@lindasunyt)
- Sierra Ann (https://www.youtube.com/@SierraAnn)
Resources:
- National Associated of Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders- ANAD (https://anad.org/)
- F.E.A.S.T. (https://www.feast-ed.org/)
- Eating Disorder Hope (https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/)
- Project HEAL (https://www.theprojectheal.org/)
- Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation (https://bddfoundation.org/)
- Teen Line (https://www.teenline.org/)
- The Tribe (https://support.therapytribe.com/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Moises Peruch (00:00):
The constant fighting, the constant crying that I heard, I
brought it onto myself for some reason.
I took responsibility for thingsthat weren't even my fault.
But I saw it as my fault because youguys were my family, so it was my
(00:20):
problem, my issue that I had to resolve.
It was my fault that all of thishappened and became what it was.
Melissa Peruch (00:31):
Hey everyone, welcome back to my program series "restrictED,"
in collaboration with ConnectoPod.
In this episode I interview a veryspecial guest, Moises Peruch, who is
my younger brother and witnessed myexperience with an eating disorder
firsthand while he was 11 years old.
He is 16 now and I have watched himgrow as much as he has watched me.
(00:53):
He brings light to the reality ofhow an eating disorder can produce
a ripple effect within a familyunit and the difficulties he faced
while navigating my diagnosis.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Melissa (01:07):
Quick disclaimer, throughout this series we will touch on triggering
content, including discussions onweight, suicidal ideation, body
dysmorphia, dieting, and depression.
If at any point the content is harmingyour own journey toward recovery,
please feel free to skip ahead.
If you or anyone you know issuffering from mental health,
there will be a list of resourcesdown below in the description.
Melissa Peruch (01:35):
Could you tell us a little bit about yourself and your
relationship to an eating disorder?
Moises Peruch (01:39):
So, my name is Moises, I'm 16, currently a sophomore, and
I personally haven't gone throughan eating disorder, but I've gone
with you through your process of aneating disorder, and I've seen it
through my eyes, and I've experiencedmy own thing, but in different ways.
Melissa Peruch (01:58):
So, in going through this, experience, did you
ever know what an eating disordereven was prior to this point?
And after this experience, how did itchange your perspective, and how would
you define an eating disorder now?
Moises Peruch (02:12):
So, prior to everything happening, or when you first started
it, I think I was around 11, 12.
So, I was pretty much a kid,barely starting 6th, 5th grade,
and I really didn't know muchabout the world at that time.
So, I really didn'tknow what was happening.
(02:34):
I just thought, I just saw itas, oh, my sister just took
a little change in her life.
Maybe I'll do the samething when I grow up.
But now after everything, now I'm 16and we've gone through it together.
I understand more about eatingdisorders and how terrible the process
(02:55):
can be for one going through it andones going through it with you, even
if they don't have the disorder.
If I can define eating disorders, Ireally wouldn't know what to define it as,
but I just call it a difficult process.
Melissa Peruch (03:14):
As a sibling, what types of emotions were
brought up for you throughout thisexperience, and did you ever blame
anyone for the situation at hand?
Moises Peruch (03:22):
First off, I want to say I've never blamed anyone
for anything that happened to me,but what I did do was blame myself.
The emotions I felt, because not onlyof the situation but because of myself,
was just sadness and hatred, nottowards everyone, but towards myself.
(03:48):
I started to hate myself in the middleof this period because it was like
quarantine and then everything washappening with you and just in our family
in general, we had so many, problems.
I just started to hate myself and feelsad and, and just wanted to be alone.
I kept everything to myself because Ididn't want to be an added problem or, as
(04:15):
I thought of it, an added burden becausewe already had so much in our plates.
And I just never told anyone.
I did try by saying I didn't feel goodmentally, but around that time I was going
through puberty, so I would just takein the fact that it was probably just
my hormones and I was just developing
(04:37):
And that's what I just toldmyself, and I just, I just took
it like, okay, maybe it is.
Maybe everything will just happen fora little bit and then I'll be back to
where I was just a happy little kid.
But yeah, that's that's what Iwent through during that period
Melissa Peruch (04:56):
What was the motivating factor as to why you hated yourself,
or what was that driving force asto the hate that you experienced?
Moises Peruch (05:06):
Honestly, I I didn't really know, by that time I was probably like
13, going into 14, somewhere around there,and like I said, I was in puberty, so I
was developing, and the things about, thething about puberty for males, or just
anyone in general who's developing isthat it's essentially good to be outside,
(05:27):
communicating, having fun, feelinggood about yourself, not like how I was
developing, which was during COVID, sowe were just locked inside 24/ 7, and
I wasn't essentially happy because of
everything that was happening.
The constant fighting, the constantcrying that I heard, I brought
(05:52):
it onto myself for some reason.
I took responsibility for thingsthat weren't even my fault.
But I saw it as my fault because youguys were my family, so it was my
problem, my issue that I had to resolve.
It was my fault that all of thishappened and became what it was.
(06:15):
So that's when I startedto hate myself essentially.
Melissa Peruch (06:19):
So reflecting on your experience in the way that it affected
you, and through this process andhow you were involved in witnessing
and observing everything that washappening, how do you think an eating
disorder can affect a whole family unit?
I know there are some stereotypes outthere I've heard some say that eating
disorders are a personal problem or thatit only affects a certain individual
(06:45):
and it's something that they have toresolve on their own because essentially
it's seen as a self inflicted illness.
So what would you say to that, and whatwould you say to how it can affect people
outside of just the person experiencingthe eating disorder themselves?
Moises Peruch (07:02):
Any illness to be honest affects everyone in a family or just
anyone that's a part of it because withthis eating disorder that you had, it
not only affected you, but it affectedeveryone in our family because we were
all in it together, whether we liked it ornot, whether we wanted to be a part of it
(07:27):
or not, we all had to give up something,go through some things to get back to
where we were as one big happy family.
And honestly, I hated going throughthat process, but at the same time, I
feel like it helped me grow as a person.
(07:48):
Because illnesses, you can't controlwhen someone gets an illness, when
someone gets an eating disorder.
It just, you can't control that.
It just comes with time.
It just happened at that time, a bad time.
But it's just the way how you andthe people around you approach it.
(08:08):
Is how I see it.
Melissa Peruch (08:10):
So talking about this outside perspective and the way that you
witnessed everything, especially at sucha young age, I know a big portion of
everything that was going on was probablyinexplicable to you and probably had no
explanation or any reasonable definitionfor you, and you had no idea what was
(08:31):
going on for the most of the time, butthroughout this journey and throughout
the growth that you've experienced andthe way that your perspective has widened,
I wanted to ask, reflecting oneverything that occurred, reflecting
on everything that you remember, doyou think there were any instances you
wish could have been better addressed?
(08:51):
Or did you see things thatwere more harmful than helpful?
Moises Peruch (08:55):
Uh, personally, I feel like we all dealt with it pretty well.
I feel like the only issue Iwished occurred differently, if
I were to go back to it, is, uh,speak up for myself, open up.
'Cause like I said prior, I didn'twant to be an extra burden to everyone,
(09:18):
but because of that, I felt likeI was starting to become depressed
because I couldn't go a day withoutoverthinking every little, little thing.
It got, it got so big to the pointwhere I started to have a few of
suicidal thoughts myself, becauseI know you went through that, but
(09:42):
I also had some of those thoughts.
And looking back at it, I wish I openedup during that time or just a bit sooner
because I haven't talked about this untilnow, and it was really a struggle for me
because I didn't want to show you guysthat I was suffering myself because I was
(10:04):
the little brother, the smallest of us.
So I just wanted to keep thepositivity while everyone's down
trying to cheer everyone up.
So I just put a fake smile, you can say,because I looked happy, but essentially
I wasn't because in my own head, Ihad millions of voices overthinking
(10:27):
about every single little thing.
I couldn't go one morningwaking up, looking at myself
in the mirror going, why?
Why, why did I wake up that day orgoing back to bed thinking about why,
why did I struggle so much today?
Would it be the same thing tomorrow?
(10:47):
That was essentially like the biggeststruggle for me, overthinking.
Melissa Peruch (10:51):
Looking from a zoomed out version, as you are now older and looking
at this experience, some other friendswho I know had similar situations where
they felt like they couldn't speak up, ordidn't allow themselves to do so because
they felt like they were putting somethingelse on the shoulders of their parents.
(11:12):
And so they deflected from being ableto open up and find support within
their parents and their family whenthey were going through a rough time.
So what would you say to a person thatis doing the same thing as you did years
back, and is withholding themselvesfrom reaching out to their parents and
(11:33):
telling them what they're going throughout of fear of being another" baggage."
What would you say to this person,and what would you let them know?
Moises Peruch (11:46):
The very first thing I would tell them is that you're not alone.
I want to make that as clear as possibleto that person is that they're not alone.
Because that's what I felt.
I felt alone.
Even though you guys werearound me, I just felt alone,
because I isolated myself.
And I would make them feelas comfortable as possible.
(12:09):
Just try to motivate them to speak out.
Essentially, it doesn't have to betheir parents, as long as they speak
out to someone that they can trulytrust or someone that they just
know, I would motivate them to tryto speak about it towards anyone.
Because if you don't want to feel like anextra burden to your parents, that's okay.
(12:34):
I get that feeling.
But essentially, you do and Iwant you to speak out to someone
else that you can truly trust.
That can be there for you, even whenyou can't even be there for yourself.
As long as you say something, evenif it's a little thing, as long as
you get something off your chest,it's better than saying nothing
(12:55):
and keeping it trapped inside.
Melissa Peruch (12:57):
So just going back to your relationship with an eating
disorder and thinking about the wholeprocess, I mean, we're from a Hispanic
household, where mental health was nota very prominent topic of discussion
and was not fully understood.
So, thinking about that, how do you thinkculture and cultural knowledge on mental
(13:21):
health impacts situations like these?
Moises Peruch (13:25):
I feel like, um, how and where you live and grow up affects
a lot on how your illness is dealt.
There are some cultures thatbring into big consideration these
illnesses and are well educatedabout what each one of them do.
(13:51):
So they get essentiallycared for and treated well
compared to other cultures that
aren't really well educated on it.
Melissa Peruch (14:03):
So I'm gonna reel it back a little bit, back to when we
touched a little bit on the stereotypes.
So, I really like to address allthe vague knowledge around eating
disorders, um, and the very vagueconversations that are occurring.
There are a lot of stereotypes out there,like the belief that eating disorders are
self inflicted as I mentioned earlier,they only affect girls, and that people
(14:27):
with eating disorders do it for attention.
What would you say to that?
Moises Peruch (14:32):
I'd say, that's not the reality of things.
The fact that they say it happens onlyin girls, I really disagree with because
anyone, it can happen to anyone at anytime, not just girls, not just guys.
There are stereotypes that guysshould man up and that they
(14:53):
should keep their emotions inside.
They shouldn't show their vulnerabilityand sadness and start crying.
So that's probably why they sayit only shows up in girls because
sometimes guys trap it inside.
And that really affects how onesees or how one take care of an
illness, like an eating disorder.
Melissa Peruch (15:14):
Do you ever think anyone with an eating
disorder should be fighting alone?
Moises Peruch (15:19):
No, anyone with any disorder or any illness
should not be doing it alone.
Even if you say you have to, or youdon't have anyone else, that's, I'mma
tell you this right now, whetheryou like it or not, it's a lie.
There is someone out there that will andcan help you through it, you just gotta
(15:41):
find them, and you just gotta open up.
Those are the two main things.
Finding them may be the easiest one,because opening up is way harder than
finding a person that you can truly trust.
Because I know for anyone that'sgone through it, opening up
feels like the end of the world.
(16:01):
It feels like everything you've lived forup to this point is just gonna go away
once you open up, because you don't wantto be seen as some weak person, like I
said prior, you don't want to be seen assome, some burden that you always have
to rely on someone to help you out andthat you can never do things by yourself.
(16:24):
I truly, truly don't believethat you can go through an
illness and disorder by yourself.
You should always try to look forsomeone to be there for you, and that
is my advice to you if you are goingthrough something, is try to open
up, even if like I said, you don'twant to be seen as a weak individual.
(16:46):
No one's going to see you as aweak individual for opening up
about a disorder and illness.
That's not something to, see someoneas weak as because that is, if they
see you as weak, that, that justshows you the type of person they are.
But if they truly listen to you andunderstand you, then you can truly
(17:06):
open up to that person and they'll makeyou feel comfortable and well secure
about your feelings and thoughts.
Melissa Peruch (17:17):
Finally, to all the siblings or family members out there
who know someone with an eatingdisorder, could you provide some final
words of wisdom, any advice as to howto handle these difficult moments?
Or for those who are suffering withan eating disorder at this moment.
Moises Peruch (17:33):
For anyone going with an eating disorder, or any family
members knowing that someone's goingthrough an eating disorder, I want
you to just be there for them, oressentially be there for yourself
as well, if you're going through it.
Because that's a big thing, I feel like,because you can have someone be there for
(17:58):
you, but you have to be there for yourselfin order to let this, blockade go.
For any other siblings or friends thatknow someone that they deeply love
going through an eating disorder, Iwould say to play a supporting role.
(18:19):
Because being a supporter in anytype of illness or disorder, it
shows
a lot to the person that's going through it.
Just being there, listening, or justbeing there to give them a hug, just any
any short thing that shows them that yousupport them will really go a long way.
Even if it's just somethingsmall, like saying, Are you okay?
(18:44):
Like, to me personally, those wordsreally hit a lot when I heard them.
Just something small as that canreally make a person feel cared for.
And overall, just listen becauselistening is a very big factor in how
(19:07):
someone can come out of their illnessor disorder, whether it's good or bad,
just listen to whatever they have to say.
Having someone that's supportiveand that you can talk to is always
a really, really big deal to thatperson that's going through it.
So those are my two pieces of advice.
Melissa Peruch (19:30):
Well, thank you so much for sharing.
I didn't have any otherquestions prepared for you.
I really appreciate you beingto support me this way and
being able to be vulnerable.
And in having thisconversation with me, I know.
Having these types of conversationscan be difficult, especially touching
on something that a lot of peopletry to avoid, and a lot of discourses
(19:53):
around eating disorders don't reallyexist or a lot of safe spaces.
So I think it's really important thatwe have these types of discussions.
And just realizing how an eating disordercan indeed affect a whole variety of
people and also the people that surroundsthem because it is a real thing and it
(20:14):
is a real impact and it does matter andI just want to reiterate what you said
about the support and the listeningand I want to say, If you're someone
that's close to a person that has aneating disorder, and they feel close
enough, and vulnerable enough, to trustyou with that, and to tell you that
(20:38):
they are struggling with an eatingdisorder, that is their cry for help.
I think it's very important to acknowledgewhen someone comes to you with that type
of information, and not just, ignore thefact that they just told you something
so deep and personal and shameful andhurtful and such a big deal to them.
(21:01):
I just think it's veryimportant, to listen.
So I thank you very much for givingyour advice and your insight on things.
I think it was very important.
But other than that, I didn't haveany other interview questions.
I really appreciate you and your time.
And thank you.
Moises Peruch (21:20):
Thank you for having me on.
Melissa Peruch (21:23):
Reflecting on what was discussed in this episode, I felt
like I needed to add some final notes.
At the end of the interview, I spoke onhow it is important to communicate with
the person who has the eating disorder.
But just as equally, siblings andother individuals are impacted by
the emotional distress within thefamily in such turbulent moments.
You may blame yourself, you mayfeel guilt, you may feel distressed,
(21:46):
and even upset at the person withthe eating disorder, and those
are all valid emotions to hold.
But just as you would make space and timeto listen to that individual, it is just
as important to do that for yourself.
To create a space where you are also partof the picture and part of the equation.
Voicing it would help those around you beaware and help you navigate your emotions.
(22:08):
But I also ask for friends,parents, and other family members
to just be aware of each other.
These are extremely difficult timesand nobody has a written textbook of
how to survive a situation like this.
After the interview, my brother toldme about his relationship to suicidal
thoughts as a 12 year old child.
I spoke previously on my relationshipto suicide and self harm, but this
(22:30):
was also a learning moment for me.
But as I look in from theperspective of someone who is
actively healing, I know one thing.
My pain was never his fault.
His pain was never my fault either.
We do not blame each other for anything.
Nobody asked for this.
Yet it is a real situation thatcauses deep cuts and lesions within a
(22:52):
family unit, regardless of where youstand at the beginning of the battle.
I would like to take the opportunityfrom this platform to send an apology
to both my siblings and all siblingsand individuals out there who have
been emotionally and or physicallyaffected by someone in the family
struggling with an eating disorder.
I'm sorry.
(23:13):
I am truly sorry that I never saw you.
I'm sorry I never realizedthe magnitude of your pain.
I'm sorry that I didn't have the mentalcapacity to emotionally and physically
be there for you and stand by yourside the way you hoped I would be.
I am sorry if my disorder casted a shadowover your own existence and struggles.
I am sorry that I was mentallyfogged in my ability to see
(23:36):
things from your perspective.
And that it drove so manydiscussions you were never meant
to be involved in or witness.
I am sorry if this experience causedscars for you at such a young age.
None of us signed up forthis, but I still love you.
You were there regardless, and I just hopeyou allow yourself to love you as well.
(23:57):
And accept help becauseI want to see you well.
Thank you for everything, foryour presence and support.
But you need and deserve it just as much.
. We hope you enjoyed this episode and stick around to hear what other
individuals have to share in future ones.
(24:19):
You can listen to Connectopod on Podbean,Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get
your podcasts, and visit connectopod.
net to see all of whatwe do and have in store.
Thank you for listening!
The constant fighting, the constant crying that I heard, I
brought it onto myself for some reason.
I took responsibility for thingsthat weren't even my fault.
But I saw it as my fault because youguys were my family, so it was my
(00:20):
problem, my issue that I had to resolve.
It was my fault that all of thishappened and became what it was.
Melissa Peruch (00:31):
Hey everyone, welcome back to my program series "restrictED,"
in collaboration with ConnectoPod.
In this episode I interview a veryspecial guest, Moises Peruch, who is
my younger brother and witnessed myexperience with an eating disorder
firsthand while he was 11 years old.
He is 16 now and I have watched himgrow as much as he has watched me.
(00:53):
He brings light to the reality ofhow an eating disorder can produce
a ripple effect within a familyunit and the difficulties he faced
while navigating my diagnosis.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Melissa (01:07):
Quick disclaimer, throughout this series we will touch on triggering
content, including discussions onweight, suicidal ideation, body
dysmorphia, dieting, and depression.
If at any point the content is harmingyour own journey toward recovery,
please feel free to skip ahead.
If you or anyone you know issuffering from mental health,
there will be a list of resourcesdown below in the description.
Melissa Peruch (01:35):
Could you tell us a little bit about yourself and your
relationship to an eating disorder?
Moises Peruch (01:39):
So, my name is Moises, I'm 16, currently a sophomore, and
I personally haven't gone throughan eating disorder, but I've gone
with you through your process of aneating disorder, and I've seen it
through my eyes, and I've experiencedmy own thing, but in different ways.
Melissa Peruch (01:58):
So, in going through this, experience, did you
ever know what an eating disordereven was prior to this point?
And after this experience, how did itchange your perspective, and how would
you define an eating disorder now?
Moises Peruch (02:12):
So, prior to everything happening, or when you first started
it, I think I was around 11, 12.
So, I was pretty much a kid,barely starting 6th, 5th grade,
and I really didn't know muchabout the world at that time.
So, I really didn'tknow what was happening.
(02:34):
I just thought, I just saw itas, oh, my sister just took
a little change in her life.
Maybe I'll do the samething when I grow up.
But now after everything, now I'm 16and we've gone through it together.
I understand more about eatingdisorders and how terrible the process
(02:55):
can be for one going through it andones going through it with you, even
if they don't have the disorder.
If I can define eating disorders, Ireally wouldn't know what to define it as,
but I just call it a difficult process.
Melissa Peruch (03:14):
As a sibling, what types of emotions were
brought up for you throughout thisexperience, and did you ever blame
anyone for the situation at hand?
Moises Peruch (03:22):
First off, I want to say I've never blamed anyone
for anything that happened to me,but what I did do was blame myself.
The emotions I felt, because not onlyof the situation but because of myself,
was just sadness and hatred, nottowards everyone, but towards myself.
(03:48):
I started to hate myself in the middleof this period because it was like
quarantine and then everything washappening with you and just in our family
in general, we had so many, problems.
I just started to hate myself and feelsad and, and just wanted to be alone.
I kept everything to myself because Ididn't want to be an added problem or, as
(04:15):
I thought of it, an added burden becausewe already had so much in our plates.
And I just never told anyone.
I did try by saying I didn't feel goodmentally, but around that time I was going
through puberty, so I would just takein the fact that it was probably just
my hormones and I was just developing
(04:37):
And that's what I just toldmyself, and I just, I just took
it like, okay, maybe it is.
Maybe everything will just happen fora little bit and then I'll be back to
where I was just a happy little kid.
But yeah, that's that's what Iwent through during that period
Melissa Peruch (04:56):
What was the motivating factor as to why you hated yourself,
or what was that driving force asto the hate that you experienced?
Moises Peruch (05:06):
Honestly, I I didn't really know, by that time I was probably like
13, going into 14, somewhere around there,and like I said, I was in puberty, so I
was developing, and the things about, thething about puberty for males, or just
anyone in general who's developing isthat it's essentially good to be outside,
(05:27):
communicating, having fun, feelinggood about yourself, not like how I was
developing, which was during COVID, sowe were just locked inside 24/ 7, and
I wasn't essentially happy because of
everything that was happening.
The constant fighting, the constantcrying that I heard, I brought
(05:52):
it onto myself for some reason.
I took responsibility for thingsthat weren't even my fault.
But I saw it as my fault because youguys were my family, so it was my
problem, my issue that I had to resolve.
It was my fault that all of thishappened and became what it was.
(06:15):
So that's when I startedto hate myself essentially.
Melissa Peruch (06:19):
So reflecting on your experience in the way that it affected
you, and through this process andhow you were involved in witnessing
and observing everything that washappening, how do you think an eating
disorder can affect a whole family unit?
I know there are some stereotypes outthere I've heard some say that eating
disorders are a personal problem or thatit only affects a certain individual
(06:45):
and it's something that they have toresolve on their own because essentially
it's seen as a self inflicted illness.
So what would you say to that, and whatwould you say to how it can affect people
outside of just the person experiencingthe eating disorder themselves?
Moises Peruch (07:02):
Any illness to be honest affects everyone in a family or just
anyone that's a part of it because withthis eating disorder that you had, it
not only affected you, but it affectedeveryone in our family because we were
all in it together, whether we liked it ornot, whether we wanted to be a part of it
(07:27):
or not, we all had to give up something,go through some things to get back to
where we were as one big happy family.
And honestly, I hated going throughthat process, but at the same time, I
feel like it helped me grow as a person.
(07:48):
Because illnesses, you can't controlwhen someone gets an illness, when
someone gets an eating disorder.
It just, you can't control that.
It just comes with time.
It just happened at that time, a bad time.
But it's just the way how you andthe people around you approach it.
(08:08):
Is how I see it.
Melissa Peruch (08:10):
So talking about this outside perspective and the way that you
witnessed everything, especially at sucha young age, I know a big portion of
everything that was going on was probablyinexplicable to you and probably had no
explanation or any reasonable definitionfor you, and you had no idea what was
(08:31):
going on for the most of the time, butthroughout this journey and throughout
the growth that you've experienced andthe way that your perspective has widened,
I wanted to ask, reflecting oneverything that occurred, reflecting
on everything that you remember, doyou think there were any instances you
wish could have been better addressed?
(08:51):
Or did you see things thatwere more harmful than helpful?
Moises Peruch (08:55):
Uh, personally, I feel like we all dealt with it pretty well.
I feel like the only issue Iwished occurred differently, if
I were to go back to it, is, uh,speak up for myself, open up.
'Cause like I said prior, I didn'twant to be an extra burden to everyone,
(09:18):
but because of that, I felt likeI was starting to become depressed
because I couldn't go a day withoutoverthinking every little, little thing.
It got, it got so big to the pointwhere I started to have a few of
suicidal thoughts myself, becauseI know you went through that, but
(09:42):
I also had some of those thoughts.
And looking back at it, I wish I openedup during that time or just a bit sooner
because I haven't talked about this untilnow, and it was really a struggle for me
because I didn't want to show you guysthat I was suffering myself because I was
(10:04):
the little brother, the smallest of us.
So I just wanted to keep thepositivity while everyone's down
trying to cheer everyone up.
So I just put a fake smile, you can say,because I looked happy, but essentially
I wasn't because in my own head, Ihad millions of voices overthinking
(10:27):
about every single little thing.
I couldn't go one morningwaking up, looking at myself
in the mirror going, why?
Why, why did I wake up that day orgoing back to bed thinking about why,
why did I struggle so much today?
Would it be the same thing tomorrow?
(10:47):
That was essentially like the biggeststruggle for me, overthinking.
Melissa Peruch (10:51):
Looking from a zoomed out version, as you are now older and looking
at this experience, some other friendswho I know had similar situations where
they felt like they couldn't speak up, ordidn't allow themselves to do so because
they felt like they were putting somethingelse on the shoulders of their parents.
(11:12):
And so they deflected from being ableto open up and find support within
their parents and their family whenthey were going through a rough time.
So what would you say to a person thatis doing the same thing as you did years
back, and is withholding themselvesfrom reaching out to their parents and
(11:33):
telling them what they're going throughout of fear of being another" baggage."
What would you say to this person,and what would you let them know?
Moises Peruch (11:46):
The very first thing I would tell them is that you're not alone.
I want to make that as clear as possibleto that person is that they're not alone.
Because that's what I felt.
I felt alone.
Even though you guys werearound me, I just felt alone,
because I isolated myself.
And I would make them feelas comfortable as possible.
(12:09):
Just try to motivate them to speak out.
Essentially, it doesn't have to betheir parents, as long as they speak
out to someone that they can trulytrust or someone that they just
know, I would motivate them to tryto speak about it towards anyone.
Because if you don't want to feel like anextra burden to your parents, that's okay.
(12:34):
I get that feeling.
But essentially, you do and Iwant you to speak out to someone
else that you can truly trust.
That can be there for you, even whenyou can't even be there for yourself.
As long as you say something, evenif it's a little thing, as long as
you get something off your chest,it's better than saying nothing
(12:55):
and keeping it trapped inside.
Melissa Peruch (12:57):
So just going back to your relationship with an eating
disorder and thinking about the wholeprocess, I mean, we're from a Hispanic
household, where mental health was nota very prominent topic of discussion
and was not fully understood.
So, thinking about that, how do you thinkculture and cultural knowledge on mental
(13:21):
health impacts situations like these?
Moises Peruch (13:25):
I feel like, um, how and where you live and grow up affects
a lot on how your illness is dealt.
There are some cultures thatbring into big consideration these
illnesses and are well educatedabout what each one of them do.
(13:51):
So they get essentiallycared for and treated well
compared to other cultures that
aren't really well educated on it.
Melissa Peruch (14:03):
So I'm gonna reel it back a little bit, back to when we
touched a little bit on the stereotypes.
So, I really like to address allthe vague knowledge around eating
disorders, um, and the very vagueconversations that are occurring.
There are a lot of stereotypes out there,like the belief that eating disorders are
self inflicted as I mentioned earlier,they only affect girls, and that people
(14:27):
with eating disorders do it for attention.
What would you say to that?
Moises Peruch (14:32):
I'd say, that's not the reality of things.
The fact that they say it happens onlyin girls, I really disagree with because
anyone, it can happen to anyone at anytime, not just girls, not just guys.
There are stereotypes that guysshould man up and that they
(14:53):
should keep their emotions inside.
They shouldn't show their vulnerabilityand sadness and start crying.
So that's probably why they sayit only shows up in girls because
sometimes guys trap it inside.
And that really affects how onesees or how one take care of an
illness, like an eating disorder.
Melissa Peruch (15:14):
Do you ever think anyone with an eating
disorder should be fighting alone?
Moises Peruch (15:19):
No, anyone with any disorder or any illness
should not be doing it alone.
Even if you say you have to, or youdon't have anyone else, that's, I'mma
tell you this right now, whetheryou like it or not, it's a lie.
There is someone out there that will andcan help you through it, you just gotta
(15:41):
find them, and you just gotta open up.
Those are the two main things.
Finding them may be the easiest one,because opening up is way harder than
finding a person that you can truly trust.
Because I know for anyone that'sgone through it, opening up
feels like the end of the world.
(16:01):
It feels like everything you've lived forup to this point is just gonna go away
once you open up, because you don't wantto be seen as some weak person, like I
said prior, you don't want to be seen assome, some burden that you always have
to rely on someone to help you out andthat you can never do things by yourself.
(16:24):
I truly, truly don't believethat you can go through an
illness and disorder by yourself.
You should always try to look forsomeone to be there for you, and that
is my advice to you if you are goingthrough something, is try to open
up, even if like I said, you don'twant to be seen as a weak individual.
(16:46):
No one's going to see you as aweak individual for opening up
about a disorder and illness.
That's not something to, see someoneas weak as because that is, if they
see you as weak, that, that justshows you the type of person they are.
But if they truly listen to you andunderstand you, then you can truly
(17:06):
open up to that person and they'll makeyou feel comfortable and well secure
about your feelings and thoughts.
Melissa Peruch (17:17):
Finally, to all the siblings or family members out there
who know someone with an eatingdisorder, could you provide some final
words of wisdom, any advice as to howto handle these difficult moments?
Or for those who are suffering withan eating disorder at this moment.
Moises Peruch (17:33):
For anyone going with an eating disorder, or any family
members knowing that someone's goingthrough an eating disorder, I want
you to just be there for them, oressentially be there for yourself
as well, if you're going through it.
Because that's a big thing, I feel like,because you can have someone be there for
(17:58):
you, but you have to be there for yourselfin order to let this, blockade go.
For any other siblings or friends thatknow someone that they deeply love
going through an eating disorder, Iwould say to play a supporting role.
(18:19):
Because being a supporter in anytype of illness or disorder, it
shows
a lot to the person that's going through it.
Just being there, listening, or justbeing there to give them a hug, just any
any short thing that shows them that yousupport them will really go a long way.
Even if it's just somethingsmall, like saying, Are you okay?
(18:44):
Like, to me personally, those wordsreally hit a lot when I heard them.
Just something small as that canreally make a person feel cared for.
And overall, just listen becauselistening is a very big factor in how
(19:07):
someone can come out of their illnessor disorder, whether it's good or bad,
just listen to whatever they have to say.
Having someone that's supportiveand that you can talk to is always
a really, really big deal to thatperson that's going through it.
So those are my two pieces of advice.
Melissa Peruch (19:30):
Well, thank you so much for sharing.
I didn't have any otherquestions prepared for you.
I really appreciate you beingto support me this way and
being able to be vulnerable.
And in having thisconversation with me, I know.
Having these types of conversationscan be difficult, especially touching
on something that a lot of peopletry to avoid, and a lot of discourses
(19:53):
around eating disorders don't reallyexist or a lot of safe spaces.
So I think it's really important thatwe have these types of discussions.
And just realizing how an eating disordercan indeed affect a whole variety of
people and also the people that surroundsthem because it is a real thing and it
(20:14):
is a real impact and it does matter andI just want to reiterate what you said
about the support and the listeningand I want to say, If you're someone
that's close to a person that has aneating disorder, and they feel close
enough, and vulnerable enough, to trustyou with that, and to tell you that
(20:38):
they are struggling with an eatingdisorder, that is their cry for help.
I think it's very important to acknowledgewhen someone comes to you with that type
of information, and not just, ignore thefact that they just told you something
so deep and personal and shameful andhurtful and such a big deal to them.
(21:01):
I just think it's veryimportant, to listen.
So I thank you very much for givingyour advice and your insight on things.
I think it was very important.
But other than that, I didn't haveany other interview questions.
I really appreciate you and your time.
And thank you.
Moises Peruch (21:20):
Thank you for having me on.
Melissa Peruch (21:23):
Reflecting on what was discussed in this episode, I felt
like I needed to add some final notes.
At the end of the interview, I spoke onhow it is important to communicate with
the person who has the eating disorder.
But just as equally, siblings andother individuals are impacted by
the emotional distress within thefamily in such turbulent moments.
You may blame yourself, you mayfeel guilt, you may feel distressed,
(21:46):
and even upset at the person withthe eating disorder, and those
are all valid emotions to hold.
But just as you would make space and timeto listen to that individual, it is just
as important to do that for yourself.
To create a space where you are also partof the picture and part of the equation.
Voicing it would help those around you beaware and help you navigate your emotions.
(22:08):
But I also ask for friends,parents, and other family members
to just be aware of each other.
These are extremely difficult timesand nobody has a written textbook of
how to survive a situation like this.
After the interview, my brother toldme about his relationship to suicidal
thoughts as a 12 year old child.
I spoke previously on my relationshipto suicide and self harm, but this
(22:30):
was also a learning moment for me.
But as I look in from theperspective of someone who is
actively healing, I know one thing.
My pain was never his fault.
His pain was never my fault either.
We do not blame each other for anything.
Nobody asked for this.
Yet it is a real situation thatcauses deep cuts and lesions within a
(22:52):
family unit, regardless of where youstand at the beginning of the battle.
I would like to take the opportunityfrom this platform to send an apology
to both my siblings and all siblingsand individuals out there who have
been emotionally and or physicallyaffected by someone in the family
struggling with an eating disorder.
I'm sorry.
(23:13):
I am truly sorry that I never saw you.
I'm sorry I never realizedthe magnitude of your pain.
I'm sorry that I didn't have the mentalcapacity to emotionally and physically
be there for you and stand by yourside the way you hoped I would be.
I am sorry if my disorder casted a shadowover your own existence and struggles.
I am sorry that I was mentallyfogged in my ability to see
(23:36):
things from your perspective.
And that it drove so manydiscussions you were never meant
to be involved in or witness.
I am sorry if this experience causedscars for you at such a young age.
None of us signed up forthis, but I still love you.
You were there regardless, and I just hopeyou allow yourself to love you as well.
(23:57):
And accept help becauseI want to see you well.
Thank you for everything, foryour presence and support.
But you need and deserve it just as much.
. We hope you enjoyed this episode and stick around to hear what other
individuals have to share in future ones.
(24:19):
You can listen to Connectopod on Podbean,Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get
your podcasts, and visit connectopod.
net to see all of whatwe do and have in store.
Thank you for listening!
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