August 5, 2024 • 39 mins
In this episode, host, Melissa Peruch, interviews Georgeanna Gaines, an individual who had to juggle multiple worlds at once: her younger sibling’s eating disorder, her senior year, transitioning to college, moving away from home, and discovering her own identity. Georgie has taken her experience in helping the voices of other siblings be raised and, through her story, shows us that a sibling’s love always wins. Thank you so much for joining us!
Transcript Available for restrictED Episode 06 (link)
Guest: Georgeanna Gaines
Support Group Registration: Caregiver or Sibling Support Group Registration Form
ANAD Recovery Support Group Registration: Support Group Registration Form
Eating Disorder Definitions:
Beat Eating Disorders: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/
Healthline Nutrition: https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/common-eating-disorders#other-types
Resources for Support:
Books:
- "Life Without Ed" by Jenni Schaefer
- "Hunger for Life" by Andy Marr
- "Good Girls: A Story & Study of Anorexia" by Hadley Freeman
- “Brave Girl Eating: A Family’s Struggle With Anorexia” by Harriet Brown
Podcasts:
- "Unrestrict-ED" (https://open.spotify.com/show/0XOxPP7kAWRC9CZLlH5U1m?si=12dff0b16f0a49d7")
- "The Eating Disorder Diaries" (https://open.spotify.com/show/7iVxO2jieeKqsno3YVeFUe?si=ba14e7adfa414243)
- "Psychology Unplugged" (https://open.spotify.com/show/7wkYuqWC8z51nfetiZCTbT?si=166381c8df0142f0)
- "Therapy Thoughts" (https://open.spotify.com/show/4298EkFJWEK6VAxKARB7bS?si=47983d98f9374d9e)
Youtube Channels:
- Abbey Sharp (https://youtube.com/@AbbeysKitchen?si=F9uGdsXDNZVm8HWz)
- Ro Mitchell (https://www.youtube.com/@RoMitchell)
- Linda Sun (https://www.youtube.com/@lindasunyt)
- Sierra Ann (https://www.youtube.com/@SierraAnn)
Resources:
- Project Heal (https://www.theprojectheal.org/)
- National Associated of Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders- ANAD (https://anad.org/)
- Mind Blossom (https://mindblossom.org/)
- Mind Blossom Course: "Navigating Eating Disorders: Education
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Georgeanna Gaines (00:00):
I don't ever want someone to just know her as
(00:04):
the girl who had an eating disorder.
I don't, especially because ofthe stereotypes that are not true
that can come along with that.
I don't want her getting judged on that,because when I think of her, I think
of someone who is so caring, who is sokind, who is so strong and so creative.
(00:25):
I mean, the list goes on and on and on,and then at the very bottom of it, I'm
like, and also she rocks because shegot through an eating disorder, but she
would rock anyway, you know, like that,that is just not her identity in my eyes.
Melissa Peruch (00:42):
Hey everyone, welcome back to my program series, "restrictED",
in collaboration with Connectopod.
In this episode, I interviewGeorgeanna Gaines, who, as an older
sibling, witnessed her younger sisterstruggle through her eating disorder.
Throughout this journey, Georgie pickedup the additional role of being a second
motherly figure for her sister, while alsonavigating her transition into adulthood.
(01:03):
Georgie shares everything she haslearned through the years and shows us
that there is a space for siblings too.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Quick disclaimer, throughout thisseries we will touch on triggering
content, including discussions onweight, suicidal ideation, body
dysmorphia, dieting, and depression.
(01:25):
If at any point the content is harmingyour own journey toward recovery,
please feel free to skip ahead.
If you or anyone you know issuffering from mental health,
there will be a list of resourcesdown below in the description.
Okay.
So the first question is, couldyou introduce yourself and
(01:46):
tell us your relationship orfamiliarity with an eating disorder?
Georgeanna Gaines (01:50):
Yeah, of course.
I'm Georgie.
Hi.
I live in Lubbock, Texas, so West Texas.
I have two siblings and that is where myexperience with eating disorders comes in.
I have a younger sister.
She is about two years younger thanme who has been dealing with anorexia
nervosa for about seven years now,and I also have a younger brother
(02:15):
who's about six years younger than me.
So we're a little bit spread out,but my sister was 15 and I was
17 when she was first diagnosed.
Because we were both in high school atthe time I was in the same house with
her, we were together a lot of the time,we were going to high school together.
So I was pretty involved with my familyand with my sister, especially in the
(02:39):
first year of her trying to recover.
And since then, you know, I I'veseen her grow and go to new phases
of her recovery process and had areally zoomed out view of what it's
like to have an eating disorderfrom the perspective of a sibling.
Melissa Peruch (02:54):
Yeah, thank you for sharing that.
And in association with the role thatyou took, I wanted to ask as the older
sister in the situation and second motherfigure, what role did you take on in
your sister's eating disorder recovery?
And how did your sister's conditionat the time impact your life?
Georgeanna Gaines (03:11):
Really good question.
So for a little bit more context, Iwill just add that my sister really
didn't go through any hospitalizationprogram or residential treatment program
for her eating disorder treatment.
So I just want to put that out there.
We basically did family based treatmentthe entire time with, the support
(03:34):
of clinicians online because wherewe are in West Texas there, were
just not really any good resourcesthat would work for my sister to
start her on the path to recovery.
So, I definitely helpeda lot with meal support.
Anytime my sister needed to sit downand have a meal, have a snack, and I
(03:56):
could be there with her on a weekend,during breaks, after school, before
school, I tried to step in a lotduring those really fraught moments.
As a sibling, I would say I wasless of an enforcer and more of a
distraction maybe during mealtime.
It, I felt like my job was to, as muchas possible, like keep the energy calm
(04:20):
or keep the energy upbeat, keep herthinking about things other than I
have to eat the food in front of me.
And that's going to bea really big challenge.
I think for some siblings, you dohave to step into more of, the role of
someone who is holding them accountable.
And I definitely did do that,especially as she started to recover
(04:41):
more and my parents felt comfortable.
Maybe they had something going on inthe evening and they needed to hand
over the reins to me for that one meal.
But I think that really doesdepend on your family situation.
So other siblings probably havea different experience with that.
And I think it's interestingthat you use that term like
second mother because it did.
I think when my mom was not there, forwhatever reason, I definitely, felt that
(05:06):
sort of protective instinct, but alsothat, authority instinct, maybe, to take
charge, and that also meant sometimes,maybe, stepping in in ways that I
wouldn't really feel comfortable doing.
For example, when I went to college, mysister was, still working on her recovery.
I was no longer in the house, but Icome home for break and sometimes in my
(05:29):
room I would find little, uh, reservesof snacks that hadn't been eaten.
I would find, hiding spots in myroom and I would, try to figure
out like, was this from months ago?
Is this recent that shedidn't eat her snack?
And what do I do about it?
Do I go tell my mom?
Do I confront her myself?
Do I try to tell someoneon her treatment team?
(05:51):
And making decisions like that wasalso part of my role as a sibling,
because sometimes I think a siblingjust has a different perspective.
And so sometimes you can catch ontothings that parents aren't going to see.
And sometimes you're just going to seethings in a different perspective that
when you bring that to the table, thatcan really, really help in recovery.
Melissa Peruch (06:14):
Yeah, definitely.
And I wanted to ask you, like, how didtaking this role and seeing your sister's
recovery impact you personally as youwere navigating your own life, especially
your transition through college as well?
Georgeanna Gaines (06:30):
Yeah, that's right.
That was part of what I wassupposed to be getting to.
Um, it's a big question.
I think it affected me in a lot of ways,some actually positive and some negative.
I would say, okay, so there,there are a couple specific
things I would say about this.
One is in the moment, it definitely hada really big emotional impact on me.
(06:55):
It's really hard to watchyour sibling suffer.
And all you want to do istake that suffering away.
It's hard to lose your support system,which is something that I talk about
a lot with other siblings becauseyour parents are so involved in this.
You don't want to burden them withyour own stuff that you have going on.
(07:15):
And also your sibling is probablya big part of your support system.
And you can't really go to themfor support for their own thing
that they're going through.
And that's part of what I experiencedwas just, what do I do with the
emotions I'm feeling right now?
I can't go to my parents with them, whichI really could, but I often didn't feel
(07:35):
like that was the responsible thing to do.
Can't go to my sister with it.
My brother at the time was quite young.
So I think as a sibling, ifyou're being impacted by this,
I think seeking your own support system,whether that means therapy or a coach or
a really close friend or another mentoris really important and something that
(07:56):
helped me process the effects of it.
It doesn't mean that you won'tfeel those effects, but it did help
me work through them over time.
But another way that Ithink it affected me.
Honestly, I think it probablyprevented me from developing
an eating disorder in a way.
It's very, very common to havemultiple people within a family
(08:20):
develop an eating disorderbecause, maybe there's some genetic
components working that are the same.
Probably if the environmental factorsare a big part of it, those are
probably the same within a family.
So it's, it's incredibly common.
And I, similar to my sister had someof the similar like sensitivities,
(08:40):
similar, ideas about diet and whatbodies are supposed to look like.
And I, I do think it's quite possible thatI could have gone down that road as well.
And I also have my own health problems.
I have PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome,which is also very, very common.
And it increases your likelihoodof developing an eating disorder
(09:02):
because it does affect metabolismand it does affect mood.
So, having my sister experience this,seeing her experience it, learning so
much about eating disorders, learningabout some of the signs, it helped me
really come to terms with my own ideasabout nutrition, about body image, about
(09:23):
what health is, what that looks like.
And I think it's also helpedme, like, intervene for other
people when I see some, you know,concerning behaviors in their lives.
It has made me want to, step in asmuch as I possibly can, educate where
I can, share my experience when I can.
And most importantly, I think, asanother, like, positive impact.
(09:48):
Not that I want to turn this allinto positives when a lot of it is
negative and that's just part of theexperience, but I think it also brought
me and my sister closer eventually.
You know, she's taken her yearsto get to the point where she is
now, but she's doing really well.
She's about to graduate college, and isgoing to be moving back towards home, and
(10:09):
I'm so excited to like have her in a placewhere I can like see her most of the time.
So for any siblings who are listening tothis, at the beginning of this journey,
it probably feels like you're losingyour sibling and it probably feels like
there's some wounds there that can't heal.
And I want to give you hopethat the wounds can be there
and you can heal from them.
(10:29):
You can move past that.
Your sibling can recover andyour relationship can recover.
Melissa Peruch (10:36):
Thank you so much for sharing that and for being so vulnerable.
I think a lot of what you said was verybeautiful in your ability to take those
negatives and turn them into positivesbecause you do acknowledge that it's
something that just happened and it isn'tsomeone's fault or someone to blame.
(10:58):
And I wanted to ask, you're part ofthe sibling support group at FEAST, so,
could you tell us a little bit about yourexperience there and what you do exactly?
Georgeanna Gaines (11:07):
Yeah, I would love to.
So, I am one of severalsupport group leaders.
Through a collaboration betweentwo eating disorder, nonprofit
organizations, so ANAD, which standsfor Anorexia and Associated Disorders.
And FEAST, which stands forFamilies Empowered and Supporting
Treatment of eating disorders.
(11:28):
So, both of those organizationsare dedicated to helping people
experiencing eating disorders, and FEASTis more focused on the family side,
on the specifically caregiver side.
Although a caregiver can be a parent,a guardian, grandparent, spouse, you
know, the list goes on and on and on, butboth of these organizations were really
(11:52):
concerned about the lack of support forsiblings specifically in this picture.
It feels incredibly isolating whenyou're hoping to at least, you know,
go online and find some informationthat would be helpful as a sibling, and
it's all directed towards other peoplewho are having different experiences.
So, these two organizations, theyhave come together to offer a new
(12:16):
support group specifically for siblingsof those with eating disorders.
We're siblings of people who aredealing with eating disorders.
So we meet once a week online over zoom.
So there are people internationallyeven who come to these meetings.
We're basically just there to letyou know that you're not alone.
(12:36):
So if you have questions as a sibling,if you're dealing with really difficult
situations and you just need someoneto like talk to, we are there for you.
If you are wondering if anyone elsehas ever experienced this, we're
here to tell you that they have.
All the time siblings come andsay, you know, my sister did
(12:59):
this, my brother did that, and Idon't understand what's happening.
And we can kind of all together be like,that's what having an eating disorder is.
And that doesn't mean theexperience is the same for everyone.
It doesn't mean we have all the answers.
But I think having that specific peersupport makes such a big difference.
It's something that, I mean,it's isolating for everyone, but
(13:23):
I think when you're a sibling,
you don't feel any guilt about it,and then you feel all the guilt about
it, and you don't know where to turnto, decompress from some of that.
I am always so impressed with thesiblings who come to this group.
They are so kind.
They care so much about eachother and about their families
and about their siblings.
(13:44):
They are so intelligent.
They're so articulate and able toexpress all of the really difficult,
complex things they're experiencing.
And they're so supportive of each other.
It's just incredible to see every time,and it's a reminder that this happens
to really incredible people, and likeyou were saying, Melissa, you want to
(14:06):
put the blame on something, like youwant to have a why, and there's no
answer for that, like, it just happens.
So you're left as a sibling sometimeswith a lot of guilt, and I think
having other people who have beenthrough it and can tell you on the
other side, no, it's not your fault.
You didn't do anything.
So I'm very grateful thatthe sibling group exists.
(14:27):
Like I said, it is totally free.
Maybe I said that.
I hope I said that becauseit is totally free.
We meet online, so as long as youhave access to some sort of Internet
connection, you're welcome to come.
Currently, it's only for ages 15 andup, but other than that restriction,
we are so happy to have you.
And we do that just for the sake of, youknow, we talk about some pretty heavy
(14:51):
topics with eating disorders, and thereneeds to be space for younger voices in
that conversation too, but to protect someof the siblings, for now we have that age
limit to kind of, just protect that space.
The two things that siblings alwayssay at the end of the group is, one,
(15:11):
I feel hopeful, and two, I feel seen.
And I think those areboth very powerful things.
And I'll also just mention that ifyou are a caregiver listening to this,
FEAST and ANAD have also come togetherto do a caregiver support group.
So, this resource exists for you as well.
And ANAD has a ton of supportgroups for people in recovery.
Melissa Peruch (15:35):
Thank you for sharing your experience on the support group.
And, the organizations that youmentioned, the links are going to
be in the description for anyonethat wants to easily access them.
But I wanted to say these twoorganizations coming together, I
think they've done something wonderfulbecause it captures even the magnitude
of the effect of eating disorders.
But also just the diversity thatyou guys put onto the table, people
(15:59):
from different regions, differentgeographic locations, different
genders, different gender identities.
I'm talking about eatingdisorders that vary in diversity.
Binge eating disorder, anorexianervosa, bulimia nervosa, orthorexia,
purging disorder, and just tacklingall those discrepancies and the
complexities that exist there.
(16:21):
I feel like we forget that siblingsare also these young individuals that
are also trying to navigate throughlife, different, amazing transitions
like you when you were transitioningto college, and you were trying to
decide what that looked like for you.
And I can only imagine feeling guiltif you chose, a college far away from
home, if you were thinking about doingsomething that was close to home,
(16:43):
community college, and just that weightthat carries on to siblings as well.
So it can have drastic effects onsiblings as they try to navigate their
own life while also concentrating on theirsiblings' life, while also concentrating
on their family's well being.
And so I wanted to say that I waslooking at some of the recorded
workshops you've participated in.
And one thing that really captivatedmy eye was that some of the siblings,
(17:07):
often talked about this feeling ofbeing shadowed or put aside, within
their family unit when their siblingwas dealing with an eating disorder.
So could you speak a little on that?
Georgeanna Gaines (17:18):
Of course, you said so many great things
within that little speech.
Like, there were so many points thatI was nodding my head, even though
people at home can't see that.
So definitely.
I think there's absolutely thisgeneral feeling that maybe not everyone
experiences it, but that comes up a lot.
(17:39):
Or at the very least, if it's not actuallycoming up for siblings, I think a lot of
parents have the fear of this happening.
That the sibling who is just, you know,trying to be supportive, but like you
said, oftentimes as a young person,just trying to also figure out their
life, or maybe they're an adult personwho's also still trying to figure out
their life, you know, you're trying todo work, you're trying to take care of
(18:02):
yourself, you're trying to go to school,you're trying to figure out what you
want in your life, and then it's alsoderailed by your sibling's experience.
So I think because it's already so hardjust to live your life when you have
this additional stress added on top ofit, it's pretty easy to get resentful
(18:24):
maybe, or to feel that sense thatyou're being overlooked, you're being
overshadowed, maybe you have plans onthe future that you now feel obligated
to not participate in because you do wantto be home with your sibling, or maybe
you don't even want to, but you don'tknow how to say what's best for me is
(18:46):
to go off on this other path and not behere in the flesh supporting my sibling.
That doesn't mean you aren'tstill being supportive.
That doesn't mean youaren't still being loving.
That doesn't mean you don't wantthem to recover, but it's hard to
manage all of these feelings at once.
I think resentment is something thatI felt sometimes that I was upset
that this was messing up my life.
(19:08):
And at the same time, I didn't care aboutany of those things in my life because
I just wanted my sister to get better.
But then me not doing those thingsor, my parents not being able to
do those things with me didn'tmean my sister was getting better.
So it's hard to make that sacrificebecause you don't know that it's
(19:28):
actually leading to anything.
I think one of the things thatlike helped me with feeling
overshadowed by it sometimes washaving really supportive parents.
Parents, if you are worried about yourother children, just let them know.
And they might, like me, still kindof be resistant to saying they need
(19:49):
support and saying they need help.
Because my mom would, check in withme and she was very good about this.
Just asking.
Are you okay?
Do you need to not have dinner withus tonight and eat by yourself so
you don't have to experience this?
Do you want to have your owntherapist that you're talking
to separately for support?
Do you want to, you know, X, Y, Z?
(20:10):
And because she was so good at doing that,I always felt comfortable being able to
go to her when I was feeling this way.
You kind of brought up that feelingof like guilt or shame along with that
because a pattern that I often seehappening with siblings and that happened
with me is I would feel that feeling,and then I would on top of that bad
(20:30):
feeling, berate myself for having it.
I shouldn't be feeling like thisbecause what's most important is, if
my sister is going to live or not.
Of course her life and herwellbeing matters more than if I
get to go to prom and have a goodtime without worrying about this.
And yet, seven years after the fact, oneof the things that actually I think has
(20:52):
helped my sister and I become so close isthat I didn't miss out on a lot of things.
I pushed myself to do all of thethings I was supposed to do in my
senior year and to actually tryto enjoy them as much as I could.
My family was really supportive in that.
And at the end of that year, when Ihad presentations, I had graduation, I
(21:14):
got to tell my sister, look, you didn'tstop me from doing any of these things.
I still got to enjoy all of these eventsthat I had been looking forward to.
I still got to go to college.
And I did go to collegeseveral states away.
I, my family's in Texas and I wentall the way to Virginia for school.
So there was a feeling of I shouldn'tbe doing this, but at the same time
(21:38):
because I did do it, my sister doesn'tfeel like she ruined my life, which even
if I had chosen not to do those things,that doesn't mean that my life was going
to be ruined and that doesn't mean mysister would have been at fault for it.
I I have a great life and the eatingdisorder might have tried to disrupt
that, but we had such a supportivefamily that we really didn't let it.
(22:01):
The thing that helped me when Iwas feeling those things was to,
really evaluate my guilt and alsojust remembering that the eating
disorder itself was not my faultand my sister, in her best state,
would not want me to be suffering.
My suffering does not meanshe's more likely to improve.
My suffering does not meanthe absence of her suffering.
(22:23):
Like, you also matter.
Your life is also very important.
And just because a lot of the energy doesneed to go to your sibling, that doesn't
mean you aren't deserving of energy.
Melissa Peruch (22:35):
Yeah, I wanted to say that what you said was so powerful.
I think it's very important to letsiblings know that sometimes distance
is necessary, or sometimes thoseboundaries are necessary for themselves
to carry on with their own lives.
So I think it's very powerful to letsiblings know that they are their
individual human beings and they couldstill care for and love for and be there
(22:59):
for that sibling, but it's very importantto be there and show up for yourself.
And to allow yourself to havethese different experiences.
And with therapy, I know somefamilies may not have access to
therapy, or it may not be a resourcethat's so accessible to them.
But with what FEAST and ANAD are doingwith this support group, can serve as
(23:21):
therapy, especially since it's free.
Moving on, I wanted to say if you couldshare some of the things and lessons
that you learned throughout this journeyand by meeting other siblings through
your work, whether that's concerningeating disorders or about yourself.
Georgeanna Gaines (23:36):
So I have three things that I pretty much always
say, um, during support group.
So I think the most important oneis that recovery is always possible.
Recovery is always possible.
It can take ten years.
It can take ten attempts atten different treatment styles.
(24:00):
That's okay.
That doesn't mean it's notgoing to happen for you.
So it's really hard to have hopefor an extended period of time.
It's really hard to keep puttingyourself out there and keep trying again.
But recovery is always, always possible.
And I hope If you're someone who isstruggling to feel that you will maybe
look to a resource like a support groupthat can maybe instill some of that
(24:25):
hope in you or seek out other peoplewho have recovered and can share their
stories because there are examples ofpeople out there who had to go through
the windiest, curviest path and stillarrived at that destination of recovery.
Number two is sort of a technique or atool that I have found really helpful,
(24:48):
but just the concept of separatinga sibling from an eating disorder.
So part of that is like the languageyou use and talking about your sibling
experiencing the eating disorderand not being like my sibling is
the eating disorder and that thatis their whole identity right now.
It can feel like that sometimes,but especially in the moments
(25:11):
where it was most intense and Ifelt like the eating disorder was
most present and most insidious.
I tried to remember who is my actualsister and then who is this eating
disorder, because my sister is not mean.
She is not, cruel, she doesn't lie.
And sometimes eating disorders might bringabout some of those behaviors, but that is
(25:36):
not that person showing up as themselves.
So if there were moments when I feltreally hurt specifically by my sister,
if there were moments when I was justin a lot of pain because what my sister
seemed to be experiencing, or if I wasreally frustrated because I saw her
like not eating her food, you know,and at some point you just want to
(25:56):
yell, eat your food, eat your dinner.
And of course, that'snot going to be helpful.
And of course, the eating disorderdoesn't want to let that person eat.
So remembering that's part of what'shappening in her head right now, but
that is not my sister, has really helpedme, like helps those wounds not cut so
deeply that they couldn't heal afterward.
My number three is just self care,but this has taught me to really value
(26:20):
taking care of myself, value my life,know that if I were suffering like
this, I would deserve the same supportthat I have tried to give my sister and
knowing that she would give it to me.
So those are my three, like mini lessons.
And the only other thing I mightshare about just being a sibling
and getting the chance to talk withother siblings is how important it
(26:44):
is to remember that you're not alone.
Eating disorders can looklike so many different things.
They can feel like so many differentthings, and especially like you were
pointing out, Melissa, there's such adiversity of eating disorders and they
affect such a diversity of people thatno experience is going to be exactly
the same, but you can be the only personexperiencing that and feel like you're
(27:10):
actually the only person experiencingthat when that's probably not the case.
You might not be experiencing it exactlythe same way that every other person is
because no journey is the same, but thereare always going to be elements, even if
it's just the feeling of frustration, ofisolation, of whatever that you have in
common, looking someone else in the eyeand knowing that they're just like nodding
(27:34):
at everything you say is so powerful.
So for the siblings out there, for thecaregivers and parents, for the other
family members, for the people who arecurrently trying to find their way to
recovery, you're not alone and yourexperience is unique to you, but you
are not like exceptionally weird forexperiencing it the way that you do.
(27:58):
All the time siblings will,you know, give a scenario.
Sometimes it's my sibling yelled at me.
Sometimes it's like my siblinggot physical with me and I've
they've never done that before.
All of that feels like, I, I must bethe only person experiencing this.
This is just too weird.
This is too dramatic.
(28:19):
This must not be whatit's like for everyone.
But then you come to a support group,you get a chance to talk to someone else,
and even if it's not exactly the same,they're like, oh yeah, I, you know, had a
very similar situation, or I also had thatfeeling when my sibling did that thing.
So I think just like I'm thinking ofexamples of times when we've been in
(28:42):
group and I've talked about, like,the stress of a birthday party,
and there's going to be a birthdaycake, and are we going to make it?
Are we going to, like, what are wegoing to do to celebrate the birthday?
And everyone else on theZoom is just like, yes, I,
yes, I know what that's like.
And I'm thinking if I told my friend,you know, I'm really stressed about
(29:05):
my sister's birthday because we gotto think about the cake and what are
we going to do like she's not goingto want to eat this for dinner and
it's going to turn all stressful.
They'd be like, it's a birthday party.
Come on.
It's fun.
Like what?
I don't want to listen toyou complain about this.
What are you talking about?
So not having to explain on an extralevel, not having to educate on an extra
(29:25):
level when you're talking to someonewho has kind of also experienced it.
Everyone needs that.
So, long story short, siblings, otherpeople, other family members, people
with eating disorders you're not alone.
Melissa Peruch (29:39):
Thank you so much for sharing that.
And I think your big three things areactually very helpful and very insightful.
And even just like, me and youconnecting like you're talking
from a sibling perspective.
I'm coming in from a perspectiveof the person who experienced
the eating disorder herself.
It's like, we still findsimilarities across the board.
And so it's not to mitigate the factthat there are vast differences, like you
(30:04):
mentioned, but it's that middle ground,that common ground of things that we get
to understand and we get to feel and weget to see that is so important to be able
to connect and process these difficultexperiences, whether that be with an
eating disorder or another mental illness,or other things that are going on at home.
(30:24):
And I wanted to ask for those thatare curious at home, if you're
comfortable, could you share howyour sister is doing now and the
relationship that you share with her?
Georgeanna Gaines (30:34):
Of course, I would be so happy to share that because it
is positive news, and I have sort oftouched on it a little bit throughout this
conversation, but she's doing really well.
It's taken her several years to get towhere she is, but she has arrived, and
she's really here to stay, and that bringsme, I'm trying not to get emotional, that
brings me so much joy, um, because therewere times when the only reason she kept
(31:00):
going is because she had a family whoreally cared about her and told her that
they weren't okay with her giving up.
She is about to graduate college.
She also went away to school and she didit, you know, it was not always easy,
but she was able to get through it.
Um, I hope she doesn't mind me sharing.
She's majoring in neuroscience.
She's in a class right now that'sinvestigating the gut brain
(31:23):
connection, and she is presenting ontopics like how does the gut brain
connection work in eating disorders?
Um, and then like, for me,she, she was researching how it
works in PCOS the other day and
finding ways that maybe we can make betterand better treatments for things like
eating disorders because it does affectthe body and the brain in such a full way.
(31:46):
And she also is a dancer and shehas recently been saying how she is
finding like joy in moving her bodyagain, and just like the pure joy of
movement and the joy of like feelingthe music and connecting with her body.
And that's such a 180 from when she wasfirst diagnosed with an eating disorder,
(32:08):
so in that way, too, she's just comea long way and being able to talk to
her and have her be so insightful aboutwhat she's experienced during the past
few years, how it has helped her growas a person, I'm just so proud of her.
I'm proud of her for sticking it out.
I'm proud of her for never liketaking the easy way out and
(32:29):
continuing to challenge herself.
She is definitely one who wants to shareher experience who wants to be vulnerable
and everyone who's willing to do that isjust so brave and make such a difference.
So she is doing really well.
It was definitely a journey and it'snot like there aren't still hard
days, but she's learned so many tools.
(32:51):
I'm really proud to be her sister and I'mreally proud of just how far she's come
and that she never gave up on herself.
Melissa Peruch (33:00):
That is amazing.
I think your sister is alsoan example of how far your
life can go after you recover.
Even after you recover, you're notstill stained with that remembrance of
an eating disorder and you can be fullyrecovered and you can find a future.
And a future is so probable despite thefact that you had an eating disorder and
(33:21):
you can still live on as a regular humanbeing without that being on your conscious
or without that being a label you wearon the front of your shirt or having
that define the path that you go through.
But I also really hope that you feel proudof yourself for doing everything that you
did and being so involved, especially likeI'm still mind blown about the fact that
(33:44):
you were in your senior year transitioningto college and you had this going on.
You had to navigate so many thingsat home, but also your own identity,
career paths, majors, living situations,housing, dorms, friends, new location.
Um, so it's just you, you went through alot and also it takes people like you to
(34:06):
be able to talk and open up a space forsiblings to give them a space and to give
them an avenue to express themselves.
And then finally, I justwanted to end it off.
I know you were talking about thisbriefly throughout the conversation,
but if you could just reiterate acouple of things you would like siblings
to take away, if you could give somepieces of advice to siblings who are
(34:28):
trying to navigate through the eatingdisorder of one of their family members.
Georgeanna Gaines (34:32):
For sure.
First of all, thank you.
That was very sweet of you.
Um, and I am proud for just the factthat I was able to get through it and
the fact that I've gotten so comfortablewith, like, talking about it because
it is so hard to share, and it's oftensomething as a sibling, I don't like to
share even with regular people for mysister's sake, because I have also talked
(34:57):
about this a lot in group as a littleside tangent, but also as something to
maybe leave everyone with as a final note.
That when I am talking about my sibling,or speaking about my sister to someone
who hasn't met her and hasn't been able toform an opinion of her on their own terms.
I don't often like to share that shehas experienced an eating disorder.
(35:20):
Because, to me, she isnot her eating disorder.
That, that is such a small, smallpart of her journey, as you were just
saying a minute ago, Melissa, thatit's such a small part of her life when
you think about the whole span of whather life is and will continue to be.
I don't ever want someone to just know heras the girl who had an eating disorder.
(35:42):
I don't, especially because ofthe stereotypes that are not true
that can come along with that.
I don't want her getting judged on that,because when I think of her, I think
of someone who is so caring, who is sokind, who is so strong and so creative.
I mean, the list goes on and on and on,and then at the very bottom of it, I'm
(36:05):
like, and also she rocks because shegot through an eating disorder, but she
would rock anyway, you know, like that,that is just not her identity in my eyes.
And I've gotten way more comfortablewith, one, like, calling people out
when they're saying something abouteating disorders that is objectively
not true, and two, with being willingto, like, just be vulnerable and own
(36:30):
that this isn't my whole story, butit's a part of my story and other
people who are also experiencing it, Idon't think they should feel ashamed.
So why am I making myselffeel ashamed about it?
You know?
Treat yourself as a friend, if youcan, like how, how would you show up
(36:50):
for a friend who's in this situationand how would you want them to be
able to talk about their experience?
And I hope you all will share yourstories and not feel that isolation
because sharing and just taking that stepwill break you out of that a little bit
and you never know who you could help.
So that was a lot of ramblingbecause it is such a complex thing.
(37:12):
But yeah, there are severalmessages to leave everyone with,
but I think my main one, I reallyhad to sum it up into one thing.
Is just that, thanks to everyone who islistening, I hope that you feel seen, I
hope that you feel like whatever is goingon in your life right now doesn't make
(37:34):
you not a good person, it doesn't meanyou did anything wrong, doesn't mean you
should be held responsible for anything.
It's just what's happening right now,it's what's unfolding in this moment.
And that doesn't have todictate the rest of your life.
Melissa Peruch (37:52):
Thank you so much for sharing that Georgie and for being so
vulnerable throughout this conversation.
And with the work that you're doingwith the support group now, I think
it's very revolutionary and gainingthat momentum to be able to break the
ice and opening up those conversations,even toward the mainstream as people
are starting to discover them.
So for anyone at home, if you enjoyedhearing Georgie talk today and you
(38:14):
connected with her, please feel freeto look at the link, attached below in
the description about FEAST and thinkabout joining the support groups if you
want to hear some more of the wonderfulthings that she has to say or share.
But I didn't have any other questionsfor you, so I really thank you for your
time, your patience, your incrediblestorytelling to this journey and just
(38:38):
thank you so much for being here.
I really appreciate it.
Georgeanna Gaines (38:41):
Yeah.
Thank you so much, Melissa,for this opportunity.
I'm just very grateful to be able toshare as a sibling and hope that it
reached some people who needed to hear it.
And that should have beenmy, my final parting thing.
So thank you for reminding me.
Please come to the support group ifyou feel like it would be helpful.
I hope that we will see somelisteners there and thank you.
Melissa Peruch (39:06):
We hope you enjoyed this episode and stick around
to hear what other individualshave to share in future ones.
You can listen to Connectopod on Podbean,Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get
your podcasts, and visit connectopod.
net to see all of whatwe do and have in store.
Thank you for listening!
I don't ever want someone to just know her as
(00:04):
the girl who had an eating disorder.
I don't, especially because ofthe stereotypes that are not true
that can come along with that.
I don't want her getting judged on that,because when I think of her, I think
of someone who is so caring, who is sokind, who is so strong and so creative.
(00:25):
I mean, the list goes on and on and on,and then at the very bottom of it, I'm
like, and also she rocks because shegot through an eating disorder, but she
would rock anyway, you know, like that,that is just not her identity in my eyes.
Melissa Peruch (00:42):
Hey everyone, welcome back to my program series, "restrictED",
in collaboration with Connectopod.
In this episode, I interviewGeorgeanna Gaines, who, as an older
sibling, witnessed her younger sisterstruggle through her eating disorder.
Throughout this journey, Georgie pickedup the additional role of being a second
motherly figure for her sister, while alsonavigating her transition into adulthood.
(01:03):
Georgie shares everything she haslearned through the years and shows us
that there is a space for siblings too.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Quick disclaimer, throughout thisseries we will touch on triggering
content, including discussions onweight, suicidal ideation, body
dysmorphia, dieting, and depression.
(01:25):
If at any point the content is harmingyour own journey toward recovery,
please feel free to skip ahead.
If you or anyone you know issuffering from mental health,
there will be a list of resourcesdown below in the description.
Okay.
So the first question is, couldyou introduce yourself and
(01:46):
tell us your relationship orfamiliarity with an eating disorder?
Georgeanna Gaines (01:50):
Yeah, of course.
I'm Georgie.
Hi.
I live in Lubbock, Texas, so West Texas.
I have two siblings and that is where myexperience with eating disorders comes in.
I have a younger sister.
She is about two years younger thanme who has been dealing with anorexia
nervosa for about seven years now,and I also have a younger brother
(02:15):
who's about six years younger than me.
So we're a little bit spread out,but my sister was 15 and I was
17 when she was first diagnosed.
Because we were both in high school atthe time I was in the same house with
her, we were together a lot of the time,we were going to high school together.
So I was pretty involved with my familyand with my sister, especially in the
(02:39):
first year of her trying to recover.
And since then, you know, I I'veseen her grow and go to new phases
of her recovery process and had areally zoomed out view of what it's
like to have an eating disorderfrom the perspective of a sibling.
Melissa Peruch (02:54):
Yeah, thank you for sharing that.
And in association with the role thatyou took, I wanted to ask as the older
sister in the situation and second motherfigure, what role did you take on in
your sister's eating disorder recovery?
And how did your sister's conditionat the time impact your life?
Georgeanna Gaines (03:11):
Really good question.
So for a little bit more context, Iwill just add that my sister really
didn't go through any hospitalizationprogram or residential treatment program
for her eating disorder treatment.
So I just want to put that out there.
We basically did family based treatmentthe entire time with, the support
(03:34):
of clinicians online because wherewe are in West Texas there, were
just not really any good resourcesthat would work for my sister to
start her on the path to recovery.
So, I definitely helpeda lot with meal support.
Anytime my sister needed to sit downand have a meal, have a snack, and I
(03:56):
could be there with her on a weekend,during breaks, after school, before
school, I tried to step in a lotduring those really fraught moments.
As a sibling, I would say I wasless of an enforcer and more of a
distraction maybe during mealtime.
It, I felt like my job was to, as muchas possible, like keep the energy calm
(04:20):
or keep the energy upbeat, keep herthinking about things other than I
have to eat the food in front of me.
And that's going to bea really big challenge.
I think for some siblings, you dohave to step into more of, the role of
someone who is holding them accountable.
And I definitely did do that,especially as she started to recover
(04:41):
more and my parents felt comfortable.
Maybe they had something going on inthe evening and they needed to hand
over the reins to me for that one meal.
But I think that really doesdepend on your family situation.
So other siblings probably havea different experience with that.
And I think it's interestingthat you use that term like
second mother because it did.
I think when my mom was not there, forwhatever reason, I definitely, felt that
(05:06):
sort of protective instinct, but alsothat, authority instinct, maybe, to take
charge, and that also meant sometimes,maybe, stepping in in ways that I
wouldn't really feel comfortable doing.
For example, when I went to college, mysister was, still working on her recovery.
I was no longer in the house, but Icome home for break and sometimes in my
(05:29):
room I would find little, uh, reservesof snacks that hadn't been eaten.
I would find, hiding spots in myroom and I would, try to figure
out like, was this from months ago?
Is this recent that shedidn't eat her snack?
And what do I do about it?
Do I go tell my mom?
Do I confront her myself?
Do I try to tell someoneon her treatment team?
(05:51):
And making decisions like that wasalso part of my role as a sibling,
because sometimes I think a siblingjust has a different perspective.
And so sometimes you can catch ontothings that parents aren't going to see.
And sometimes you're just going to seethings in a different perspective that
when you bring that to the table, thatcan really, really help in recovery.
Melissa Peruch (06:14):
Yeah, definitely.
And I wanted to ask you, like, how didtaking this role and seeing your sister's
recovery impact you personally as youwere navigating your own life, especially
your transition through college as well?
Georgeanna Gaines (06:30):
Yeah, that's right.
That was part of what I wassupposed to be getting to.
Um, it's a big question.
I think it affected me in a lot of ways,some actually positive and some negative.
I would say, okay, so there,there are a couple specific
things I would say about this.
One is in the moment, it definitely hada really big emotional impact on me.
(06:55):
It's really hard to watchyour sibling suffer.
And all you want to do istake that suffering away.
It's hard to lose your support system,which is something that I talk about
a lot with other siblings becauseyour parents are so involved in this.
You don't want to burden them withyour own stuff that you have going on.
(07:15):
And also your sibling is probablya big part of your support system.
And you can't really go to themfor support for their own thing
that they're going through.
And that's part of what I experiencedwas just, what do I do with the
emotions I'm feeling right now?
I can't go to my parents with them, whichI really could, but I often didn't feel
(07:35):
like that was the responsible thing to do.
Can't go to my sister with it.
My brother at the time was quite young.
So I think as a sibling, ifyou're being impacted by this,
I think seeking your own support system,whether that means therapy or a coach or
a really close friend or another mentoris really important and something that
(07:56):
helped me process the effects of it.
It doesn't mean that you won'tfeel those effects, but it did help
me work through them over time.
But another way that Ithink it affected me.
Honestly, I think it probablyprevented me from developing
an eating disorder in a way.
It's very, very common to havemultiple people within a family
(08:20):
develop an eating disorderbecause, maybe there's some genetic
components working that are the same.
Probably if the environmental factorsare a big part of it, those are
probably the same within a family.
So it's, it's incredibly common.
And I, similar to my sister had someof the similar like sensitivities,
(08:40):
similar, ideas about diet and whatbodies are supposed to look like.
And I, I do think it's quite possible thatI could have gone down that road as well.
And I also have my own health problems.
I have PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome,which is also very, very common.
And it increases your likelihoodof developing an eating disorder
(09:02):
because it does affect metabolismand it does affect mood.
So, having my sister experience this,seeing her experience it, learning so
much about eating disorders, learningabout some of the signs, it helped me
really come to terms with my own ideasabout nutrition, about body image, about
(09:23):
what health is, what that looks like.
And I think it's also helpedme, like, intervene for other
people when I see some, you know,concerning behaviors in their lives.
It has made me want to, step in asmuch as I possibly can, educate where
I can, share my experience when I can.
And most importantly, I think, asanother, like, positive impact.
(09:48):
Not that I want to turn this allinto positives when a lot of it is
negative and that's just part of theexperience, but I think it also brought
me and my sister closer eventually.
You know, she's taken her yearsto get to the point where she is
now, but she's doing really well.
She's about to graduate college, and isgoing to be moving back towards home, and
(10:09):
I'm so excited to like have her in a placewhere I can like see her most of the time.
So for any siblings who are listening tothis, at the beginning of this journey,
it probably feels like you're losingyour sibling and it probably feels like
there's some wounds there that can't heal.
And I want to give you hopethat the wounds can be there
and you can heal from them.
(10:29):
You can move past that.
Your sibling can recover andyour relationship can recover.
Melissa Peruch (10:36):
Thank you so much for sharing that and for being so vulnerable.
I think a lot of what you said was verybeautiful in your ability to take those
negatives and turn them into positivesbecause you do acknowledge that it's
something that just happened and it isn'tsomeone's fault or someone to blame.
(10:58):
And I wanted to ask, you're part ofthe sibling support group at FEAST, so,
could you tell us a little bit about yourexperience there and what you do exactly?
Georgeanna Gaines (11:07):
Yeah, I would love to.
So, I am one of severalsupport group leaders.
Through a collaboration betweentwo eating disorder, nonprofit
organizations, so ANAD, which standsfor Anorexia and Associated Disorders.
And FEAST, which stands forFamilies Empowered and Supporting
Treatment of eating disorders.
(11:28):
So, both of those organizationsare dedicated to helping people
experiencing eating disorders, and FEASTis more focused on the family side,
on the specifically caregiver side.
Although a caregiver can be a parent,a guardian, grandparent, spouse, you
know, the list goes on and on and on, butboth of these organizations were really
(11:52):
concerned about the lack of support forsiblings specifically in this picture.
It feels incredibly isolating whenyou're hoping to at least, you know,
go online and find some informationthat would be helpful as a sibling, and
it's all directed towards other peoplewho are having different experiences.
So, these two organizations, theyhave come together to offer a new
(12:16):
support group specifically for siblingsof those with eating disorders.
We're siblings of people who aredealing with eating disorders.
So we meet once a week online over zoom.
So there are people internationallyeven who come to these meetings.
We're basically just there to letyou know that you're not alone.
(12:36):
So if you have questions as a sibling,if you're dealing with really difficult
situations and you just need someoneto like talk to, we are there for you.
If you are wondering if anyone elsehas ever experienced this, we're
here to tell you that they have.
All the time siblings come andsay, you know, my sister did
(12:59):
this, my brother did that, and Idon't understand what's happening.
And we can kind of all together be like,that's what having an eating disorder is.
And that doesn't mean theexperience is the same for everyone.
It doesn't mean we have all the answers.
But I think having that specific peersupport makes such a big difference.
It's something that, I mean,it's isolating for everyone, but
(13:23):
I think when you're a sibling,
you don't feel any guilt about it,and then you feel all the guilt about
it, and you don't know where to turnto, decompress from some of that.
I am always so impressed with thesiblings who come to this group.
They are so kind.
They care so much about eachother and about their families
and about their siblings.
(13:44):
They are so intelligent.
They're so articulate and able toexpress all of the really difficult,
complex things they're experiencing.
And they're so supportive of each other.
It's just incredible to see every time,and it's a reminder that this happens
to really incredible people, and likeyou were saying, Melissa, you want to
(14:06):
put the blame on something, like youwant to have a why, and there's no
answer for that, like, it just happens.
So you're left as a sibling sometimeswith a lot of guilt, and I think
having other people who have beenthrough it and can tell you on the
other side, no, it's not your fault.
You didn't do anything.
So I'm very grateful thatthe sibling group exists.
(14:27):
Like I said, it is totally free.
Maybe I said that.
I hope I said that becauseit is totally free.
We meet online, so as long as youhave access to some sort of Internet
connection, you're welcome to come.
Currently, it's only for ages 15 andup, but other than that restriction,
we are so happy to have you.
And we do that just for the sake of, youknow, we talk about some pretty heavy
(14:51):
topics with eating disorders, and thereneeds to be space for younger voices in
that conversation too, but to protect someof the siblings, for now we have that age
limit to kind of, just protect that space.
The two things that siblings alwayssay at the end of the group is, one,
(15:11):
I feel hopeful, and two, I feel seen.
And I think those areboth very powerful things.
And I'll also just mention that ifyou are a caregiver listening to this,
FEAST and ANAD have also come togetherto do a caregiver support group.
So, this resource exists for you as well.
And ANAD has a ton of supportgroups for people in recovery.
Melissa Peruch (15:35):
Thank you for sharing your experience on the support group.
And, the organizations that youmentioned, the links are going to
be in the description for anyonethat wants to easily access them.
But I wanted to say these twoorganizations coming together, I
think they've done something wonderfulbecause it captures even the magnitude
of the effect of eating disorders.
But also just the diversity thatyou guys put onto the table, people
(15:59):
from different regions, differentgeographic locations, different
genders, different gender identities.
I'm talking about eatingdisorders that vary in diversity.
Binge eating disorder, anorexianervosa, bulimia nervosa, orthorexia,
purging disorder, and just tacklingall those discrepancies and the
complexities that exist there.
(16:21):
I feel like we forget that siblingsare also these young individuals that
are also trying to navigate throughlife, different, amazing transitions
like you when you were transitioningto college, and you were trying to
decide what that looked like for you.
And I can only imagine feeling guiltif you chose, a college far away from
home, if you were thinking about doingsomething that was close to home,
(16:43):
community college, and just that weightthat carries on to siblings as well.
So it can have drastic effects onsiblings as they try to navigate their
own life while also concentrating on theirsiblings' life, while also concentrating
on their family's well being.
And so I wanted to say that I waslooking at some of the recorded
workshops you've participated in.
And one thing that really captivatedmy eye was that some of the siblings,
(17:07):
often talked about this feeling ofbeing shadowed or put aside, within
their family unit when their siblingwas dealing with an eating disorder.
So could you speak a little on that?
Georgeanna Gaines (17:18):
Of course, you said so many great things
within that little speech.
Like, there were so many points thatI was nodding my head, even though
people at home can't see that.
So definitely.
I think there's absolutely thisgeneral feeling that maybe not everyone
experiences it, but that comes up a lot.
(17:39):
Or at the very least, if it's not actuallycoming up for siblings, I think a lot of
parents have the fear of this happening.
That the sibling who is just, you know,trying to be supportive, but like you
said, oftentimes as a young person,just trying to also figure out their
life, or maybe they're an adult personwho's also still trying to figure out
their life, you know, you're trying todo work, you're trying to take care of
(18:02):
yourself, you're trying to go to school,you're trying to figure out what you
want in your life, and then it's alsoderailed by your sibling's experience.
So I think because it's already so hardjust to live your life when you have
this additional stress added on top ofit, it's pretty easy to get resentful
(18:24):
maybe, or to feel that sense thatyou're being overlooked, you're being
overshadowed, maybe you have plans onthe future that you now feel obligated
to not participate in because you do wantto be home with your sibling, or maybe
you don't even want to, but you don'tknow how to say what's best for me is
(18:46):
to go off on this other path and not behere in the flesh supporting my sibling.
That doesn't mean you aren'tstill being supportive.
That doesn't mean youaren't still being loving.
That doesn't mean you don't wantthem to recover, but it's hard to
manage all of these feelings at once.
I think resentment is something thatI felt sometimes that I was upset
that this was messing up my life.
(19:08):
And at the same time, I didn't care aboutany of those things in my life because
I just wanted my sister to get better.
But then me not doing those thingsor, my parents not being able to
do those things with me didn'tmean my sister was getting better.
So it's hard to make that sacrificebecause you don't know that it's
(19:28):
actually leading to anything.
I think one of the things thatlike helped me with feeling
overshadowed by it sometimes washaving really supportive parents.
Parents, if you are worried about yourother children, just let them know.
And they might, like me, still kindof be resistant to saying they need
(19:49):
support and saying they need help.
Because my mom would, check in withme and she was very good about this.
Just asking.
Are you okay?
Do you need to not have dinner withus tonight and eat by yourself so
you don't have to experience this?
Do you want to have your owntherapist that you're talking
to separately for support?
Do you want to, you know, X, Y, Z?
(20:10):
And because she was so good at doing that,I always felt comfortable being able to
go to her when I was feeling this way.
You kind of brought up that feelingof like guilt or shame along with that
because a pattern that I often seehappening with siblings and that happened
with me is I would feel that feeling,and then I would on top of that bad
(20:30):
feeling, berate myself for having it.
I shouldn't be feeling like thisbecause what's most important is, if
my sister is going to live or not.
Of course her life and herwellbeing matters more than if I
get to go to prom and have a goodtime without worrying about this.
And yet, seven years after the fact, oneof the things that actually I think has
(20:52):
helped my sister and I become so close isthat I didn't miss out on a lot of things.
I pushed myself to do all of thethings I was supposed to do in my
senior year and to actually tryto enjoy them as much as I could.
My family was really supportive in that.
And at the end of that year, when Ihad presentations, I had graduation, I
(21:14):
got to tell my sister, look, you didn'tstop me from doing any of these things.
I still got to enjoy all of these eventsthat I had been looking forward to.
I still got to go to college.
And I did go to collegeseveral states away.
I, my family's in Texas and I wentall the way to Virginia for school.
So there was a feeling of I shouldn'tbe doing this, but at the same time
(21:38):
because I did do it, my sister doesn'tfeel like she ruined my life, which even
if I had chosen not to do those things,that doesn't mean that my life was going
to be ruined and that doesn't mean mysister would have been at fault for it.
I I have a great life and the eatingdisorder might have tried to disrupt
that, but we had such a supportivefamily that we really didn't let it.
(22:01):
The thing that helped me when Iwas feeling those things was to,
really evaluate my guilt and alsojust remembering that the eating
disorder itself was not my faultand my sister, in her best state,
would not want me to be suffering.
My suffering does not meanshe's more likely to improve.
My suffering does not meanthe absence of her suffering.
(22:23):
Like, you also matter.
Your life is also very important.
And just because a lot of the energy doesneed to go to your sibling, that doesn't
mean you aren't deserving of energy.
Melissa Peruch (22:35):
Yeah, I wanted to say that what you said was so powerful.
I think it's very important to letsiblings know that sometimes distance
is necessary, or sometimes thoseboundaries are necessary for themselves
to carry on with their own lives.
So I think it's very powerful to letsiblings know that they are their
individual human beings and they couldstill care for and love for and be there
(22:59):
for that sibling, but it's very importantto be there and show up for yourself.
And to allow yourself to havethese different experiences.
And with therapy, I know somefamilies may not have access to
therapy, or it may not be a resourcethat's so accessible to them.
But with what FEAST and ANAD are doingwith this support group, can serve as
(23:21):
therapy, especially since it's free.
Moving on, I wanted to say if you couldshare some of the things and lessons
that you learned throughout this journeyand by meeting other siblings through
your work, whether that's concerningeating disorders or about yourself.
Georgeanna Gaines (23:36):
So I have three things that I pretty much always
say, um, during support group.
So I think the most important oneis that recovery is always possible.
Recovery is always possible.
It can take ten years.
It can take ten attempts atten different treatment styles.
(24:00):
That's okay.
That doesn't mean it's notgoing to happen for you.
So it's really hard to have hopefor an extended period of time.
It's really hard to keep puttingyourself out there and keep trying again.
But recovery is always, always possible.
And I hope If you're someone who isstruggling to feel that you will maybe
look to a resource like a support groupthat can maybe instill some of that
(24:25):
hope in you or seek out other peoplewho have recovered and can share their
stories because there are examples ofpeople out there who had to go through
the windiest, curviest path and stillarrived at that destination of recovery.
Number two is sort of a technique or atool that I have found really helpful,
(24:48):
but just the concept of separatinga sibling from an eating disorder.
So part of that is like the languageyou use and talking about your sibling
experiencing the eating disorderand not being like my sibling is
the eating disorder and that thatis their whole identity right now.
It can feel like that sometimes,but especially in the moments
(25:11):
where it was most intense and Ifelt like the eating disorder was
most present and most insidious.
I tried to remember who is my actualsister and then who is this eating
disorder, because my sister is not mean.
She is not, cruel, she doesn't lie.
And sometimes eating disorders might bringabout some of those behaviors, but that is
(25:36):
not that person showing up as themselves.
So if there were moments when I feltreally hurt specifically by my sister,
if there were moments when I was justin a lot of pain because what my sister
seemed to be experiencing, or if I wasreally frustrated because I saw her
like not eating her food, you know,and at some point you just want to
(25:56):
yell, eat your food, eat your dinner.
And of course, that'snot going to be helpful.
And of course, the eating disorderdoesn't want to let that person eat.
So remembering that's part of what'shappening in her head right now, but
that is not my sister, has really helpedme, like helps those wounds not cut so
deeply that they couldn't heal afterward.
My number three is just self care,but this has taught me to really value
(26:20):
taking care of myself, value my life,know that if I were suffering like
this, I would deserve the same supportthat I have tried to give my sister and
knowing that she would give it to me.
So those are my three, like mini lessons.
And the only other thing I mightshare about just being a sibling
and getting the chance to talk withother siblings is how important it
(26:44):
is to remember that you're not alone.
Eating disorders can looklike so many different things.
They can feel like so many differentthings, and especially like you were
pointing out, Melissa, there's such adiversity of eating disorders and they
affect such a diversity of people thatno experience is going to be exactly
the same, but you can be the only personexperiencing that and feel like you're
(27:10):
actually the only person experiencingthat when that's probably not the case.
You might not be experiencing it exactlythe same way that every other person is
because no journey is the same, but thereare always going to be elements, even if
it's just the feeling of frustration, ofisolation, of whatever that you have in
common, looking someone else in the eyeand knowing that they're just like nodding
(27:34):
at everything you say is so powerful.
So for the siblings out there, for thecaregivers and parents, for the other
family members, for the people who arecurrently trying to find their way to
recovery, you're not alone and yourexperience is unique to you, but you
are not like exceptionally weird forexperiencing it the way that you do.
(27:58):
All the time siblings will,you know, give a scenario.
Sometimes it's my sibling yelled at me.
Sometimes it's like my siblinggot physical with me and I've
they've never done that before.
All of that feels like, I, I must bethe only person experiencing this.
This is just too weird.
This is too dramatic.
(28:19):
This must not be whatit's like for everyone.
But then you come to a support group,you get a chance to talk to someone else,
and even if it's not exactly the same,they're like, oh yeah, I, you know, had a
very similar situation, or I also had thatfeeling when my sibling did that thing.
So I think just like I'm thinking ofexamples of times when we've been in
(28:42):
group and I've talked about, like,the stress of a birthday party,
and there's going to be a birthdaycake, and are we going to make it?
Are we going to, like, what are wegoing to do to celebrate the birthday?
And everyone else on theZoom is just like, yes, I,
yes, I know what that's like.
And I'm thinking if I told my friend,you know, I'm really stressed about
(29:05):
my sister's birthday because we gotto think about the cake and what are
we going to do like she's not goingto want to eat this for dinner and
it's going to turn all stressful.
They'd be like, it's a birthday party.
Come on.
It's fun.
Like what?
I don't want to listen toyou complain about this.
What are you talking about?
So not having to explain on an extralevel, not having to educate on an extra
(29:25):
level when you're talking to someonewho has kind of also experienced it.
Everyone needs that.
So, long story short, siblings, otherpeople, other family members, people
with eating disorders you're not alone.
Melissa Peruch (29:39):
Thank you so much for sharing that.
And I think your big three things areactually very helpful and very insightful.
And even just like, me and youconnecting like you're talking
from a sibling perspective.
I'm coming in from a perspectiveof the person who experienced
the eating disorder herself.
It's like, we still findsimilarities across the board.
And so it's not to mitigate the factthat there are vast differences, like you
(30:04):
mentioned, but it's that middle ground,that common ground of things that we get
to understand and we get to feel and weget to see that is so important to be able
to connect and process these difficultexperiences, whether that be with an
eating disorder or another mental illness,or other things that are going on at home.
(30:24):
And I wanted to ask for those thatare curious at home, if you're
comfortable, could you share howyour sister is doing now and the
relationship that you share with her?
Georgeanna Gaines (30:34):
Of course, I would be so happy to share that because it
is positive news, and I have sort oftouched on it a little bit throughout this
conversation, but she's doing really well.
It's taken her several years to get towhere she is, but she has arrived, and
she's really here to stay, and that bringsme, I'm trying not to get emotional, that
brings me so much joy, um, because therewere times when the only reason she kept
(31:00):
going is because she had a family whoreally cared about her and told her that
they weren't okay with her giving up.
She is about to graduate college.
She also went away to school and she didit, you know, it was not always easy,
but she was able to get through it.
Um, I hope she doesn't mind me sharing.
She's majoring in neuroscience.
She's in a class right now that'sinvestigating the gut brain
(31:23):
connection, and she is presenting ontopics like how does the gut brain
connection work in eating disorders?
Um, and then like, for me,she, she was researching how it
works in PCOS the other day and
finding ways that maybe we can make betterand better treatments for things like
eating disorders because it does affectthe body and the brain in such a full way.
(31:46):
And she also is a dancer and shehas recently been saying how she is
finding like joy in moving her bodyagain, and just like the pure joy of
movement and the joy of like feelingthe music and connecting with her body.
And that's such a 180 from when she wasfirst diagnosed with an eating disorder,
(32:08):
so in that way, too, she's just comea long way and being able to talk to
her and have her be so insightful aboutwhat she's experienced during the past
few years, how it has helped her growas a person, I'm just so proud of her.
I'm proud of her for sticking it out.
I'm proud of her for never liketaking the easy way out and
(32:29):
continuing to challenge herself.
She is definitely one who wants to shareher experience who wants to be vulnerable
and everyone who's willing to do that isjust so brave and make such a difference.
So she is doing really well.
It was definitely a journey and it'snot like there aren't still hard
days, but she's learned so many tools.
(32:51):
I'm really proud to be her sister and I'mreally proud of just how far she's come
and that she never gave up on herself.
Melissa Peruch (33:00):
That is amazing.
I think your sister is alsoan example of how far your
life can go after you recover.
Even after you recover, you're notstill stained with that remembrance of
an eating disorder and you can be fullyrecovered and you can find a future.
And a future is so probable despite thefact that you had an eating disorder and
(33:21):
you can still live on as a regular humanbeing without that being on your conscious
or without that being a label you wearon the front of your shirt or having
that define the path that you go through.
But I also really hope that you feel proudof yourself for doing everything that you
did and being so involved, especially likeI'm still mind blown about the fact that
(33:44):
you were in your senior year transitioningto college and you had this going on.
You had to navigate so many thingsat home, but also your own identity,
career paths, majors, living situations,housing, dorms, friends, new location.
Um, so it's just you, you went through alot and also it takes people like you to
(34:06):
be able to talk and open up a space forsiblings to give them a space and to give
them an avenue to express themselves.
And then finally, I justwanted to end it off.
I know you were talking about thisbriefly throughout the conversation,
but if you could just reiterate acouple of things you would like siblings
to take away, if you could give somepieces of advice to siblings who are
(34:28):
trying to navigate through the eatingdisorder of one of their family members.
Georgeanna Gaines (34:32):
For sure.
First of all, thank you.
That was very sweet of you.
Um, and I am proud for just the factthat I was able to get through it and
the fact that I've gotten so comfortablewith, like, talking about it because
it is so hard to share, and it's oftensomething as a sibling, I don't like to
share even with regular people for mysister's sake, because I have also talked
(34:57):
about this a lot in group as a littleside tangent, but also as something to
maybe leave everyone with as a final note.
That when I am talking about my sibling,or speaking about my sister to someone
who hasn't met her and hasn't been able toform an opinion of her on their own terms.
I don't often like to share that shehas experienced an eating disorder.
(35:20):
Because, to me, she isnot her eating disorder.
That, that is such a small, smallpart of her journey, as you were just
saying a minute ago, Melissa, thatit's such a small part of her life when
you think about the whole span of whather life is and will continue to be.
I don't ever want someone to just know heras the girl who had an eating disorder.
(35:42):
I don't, especially because ofthe stereotypes that are not true
that can come along with that.
I don't want her getting judged on that,because when I think of her, I think
of someone who is so caring, who is sokind, who is so strong and so creative.
I mean, the list goes on and on and on,and then at the very bottom of it, I'm
(36:05):
like, and also she rocks because shegot through an eating disorder, but she
would rock anyway, you know, like that,that is just not her identity in my eyes.
And I've gotten way more comfortablewith, one, like, calling people out
when they're saying something abouteating disorders that is objectively
not true, and two, with being willingto, like, just be vulnerable and own
(36:30):
that this isn't my whole story, butit's a part of my story and other
people who are also experiencing it, Idon't think they should feel ashamed.
So why am I making myselffeel ashamed about it?
You know?
Treat yourself as a friend, if youcan, like how, how would you show up
(36:50):
for a friend who's in this situationand how would you want them to be
able to talk about their experience?
And I hope you all will share yourstories and not feel that isolation
because sharing and just taking that stepwill break you out of that a little bit
and you never know who you could help.
So that was a lot of ramblingbecause it is such a complex thing.
(37:12):
But yeah, there are severalmessages to leave everyone with,
but I think my main one, I reallyhad to sum it up into one thing.
Is just that, thanks to everyone who islistening, I hope that you feel seen, I
hope that you feel like whatever is goingon in your life right now doesn't make
(37:34):
you not a good person, it doesn't meanyou did anything wrong, doesn't mean you
should be held responsible for anything.
It's just what's happening right now,it's what's unfolding in this moment.
And that doesn't have todictate the rest of your life.
Melissa Peruch (37:52):
Thank you so much for sharing that Georgie and for being so
vulnerable throughout this conversation.
And with the work that you're doingwith the support group now, I think
it's very revolutionary and gainingthat momentum to be able to break the
ice and opening up those conversations,even toward the mainstream as people
are starting to discover them.
So for anyone at home, if you enjoyedhearing Georgie talk today and you
(38:14):
connected with her, please feel freeto look at the link, attached below in
the description about FEAST and thinkabout joining the support groups if you
want to hear some more of the wonderfulthings that she has to say or share.
But I didn't have any other questionsfor you, so I really thank you for your
time, your patience, your incrediblestorytelling to this journey and just
(38:38):
thank you so much for being here.
I really appreciate it.
Georgeanna Gaines (38:41):
Yeah.
Thank you so much, Melissa,for this opportunity.
I'm just very grateful to be able toshare as a sibling and hope that it
reached some people who needed to hear it.
And that should have beenmy, my final parting thing.
So thank you for reminding me.
Please come to the support group ifyou feel like it would be helpful.
I hope that we will see somelisteners there and thank you.
Melissa Peruch (39:06):
We hope you enjoyed this episode and stick around
to hear what other individualshave to share in future ones.
You can listen to Connectopod on Podbean,Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get
your podcasts, and visit connectopod.
net to see all of whatwe do and have in store.
Thank you for listening!
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
True Crime Tonight
If you eat, sleep, and breathe true crime, TRUE CRIME TONIGHT is serving up your nightly fix. Five nights a week, KT STUDIOS & iHEART RADIO invite listeners to pull up a seat for an unfiltered look at the biggest cases making headlines, celebrity scandals, and the trials everyone is watching. With a mix of expert analysis, hot takes, and listener call-ins, TRUE CRIME TONIGHT goes beyond the headlines to uncover the twists, turns, and unanswered questions that keep us all obsessed—because, at TRUE CRIME TONIGHT, there’s a seat for everyone. Whether breaking down crime scene forensics, scrutinizing serial killers, or debating the most binge-worthy true crime docs, True Crime Tonight is the fresh, fast-paced, and slightly addictive home for true crime lovers.