December 24, 2020 • 14 mins
Santa's been shot and only the Cop Doctors can save him!! But Time and Case are a little suspicious of the man who calls himself Santa...
Music:
"Funky Chunk," "ZigZag," "We Wish You," "Jingle Bells 3," "Silent Night," and "Deck the Halls B"
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Music:
"Funky Chunk," "ZigZag," "We Wish You," "Jingle Bells 3," "Silent Night," and "Deck the Halls B"
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Welcome to the Cup Doctor. FirstEva very Merry Christmas Special Edition episode.
It is the night before Christmas,and all through the house not a creature
was starting. They were shaking becauseboth time and Cases like their drinks.
Like James Bond. There we goperfect. I can't believe we got Christmas
(00:29):
Eve off. Normally I'd spend thistime with family. About the travel restrictions,
I guess spending some quality time withyou is the next best day.
I totally agree. Now it's timefor the ultimate and Christmas holiday cheer.
A Christmas movie double feature of HomeAlone and die Hard. Some guy the
other day I tried to tell medie Hard wasn't a Christmas movie? What'd
(00:50):
you do? I beat the shitout of him and arrested him. I
lied about what he did, andnow he's on death row where he should
be, where he should be.Just then, Cases phone ring, Hello,
(01:10):
Yes, this is him? WhatNo way? What's going on?
Case? That's impossible, there's noway. But we have tonight off.
Yes, both of us. Fine, we're on a way. Well,
it looks like we won't be celebratingthe holiday with a double feature after all.
(01:33):
Why they need us at the hospitals. No, but right away,
what happened? It's Santa. He'sbeen shot. Santa, the real Santa,
Saint Nicholas himself, and if wedon't get there soon, he could
die. Seven Lamb Productions Presents toyou, doctors, a very Merry Christmas
(02:02):
Special twenty twenty edition. We're here. Okay, let's get suited up.
(02:24):
They are sure, but just oneepisode. The cop doctors always like to
watch an episode of EOP of performingin pot and surgery. This really put
them in the rood. That wasa good episode. I know. Michael
(02:47):
craign has contributed a lot in thefield of entertainment, especially when it comes
to his novels and movies based onhis novels, But gosh, darn it,
if Er isn't his absolute best.What about Jurassic Park? A very
close second? Doctors, what's takingso long? You know? We like
to watch an episode of AR beforewe go to the AR. I know,
but he doesn't have much time.Can I ask a question? Is
(03:08):
it the real Santa? I don'tknow. He kind of looks like Santa.
Well, a lot of people looklike Santa. Go to every mall
in the US in December and you'regonna find a fat man with a white
beard. He says he's Sanna.His ID says it too, but you'll
have to ask him yourself afterwards.We already put him under. Oh my
(03:34):
god, he really does look likeSanta, and not in a cheap shopping
mall. Way. I think that'sa real beard. I want to give
it a tug. Doctors, wedon't have time. There's always time for
a quick talk. We're still talkingabout the beard, right, I wasn't
regardless, Dime gave the fat man'sbeard a tug. Oh, it's real.
(03:54):
It's a lot softer than I imaginetoo. Looks like a Brillo pad,
but it feels like down. Okay, let me give it a tug
the beard. No, the ideaof down makes me horny. You can't
masturbate in here. This room issterile, so am, I don't worry.
You won't get pregnant. She's rightcase. We need to hurry.
(04:15):
Look at the monitor. We're losinghim, all right, let's do this
scalpel. I did not have sexualrelations for that woman nature dancing francing Dixon
(05:58):
comment, you bit, Oh he'scoming to Santa? Is that you?
(06:19):
Oh? Oh, holy shit,does Senna curse? I don't think there's
any rules against it? Oh?My am I in the hospital. You
sure are? We took a bulletout of you this bag. Your hands
are really far apart. Sorry Iwas stretching. I meant this big ah
(06:42):
so A normal bullet? Pretty normal? Yeah it hurts you were shot in
your fat, jolly belly. Iknow. Hang on Christmas Eve too?
How am I to deliver all thepresents in time? Now? Are you
the real Santa? Did you seemy ID? Yes, it says Santa
(07:02):
Claus north Pole. That's because I'mthe real Santa Claus. It's not a
fake ID. You purchased from Spencers. What Spencer's a gag gift mall store?
Do I look like a mall Santa? Feel this beard? It's soft?
I know. Don't say down again? Makes me horny? Gross?
How do you get shot? Oh? People these days what so much news?
(07:25):
Think everyone's out to kill them.You climb down one chimney in the
fucking projects and all of a suddenbang. Not that the country nuts are
much better. It's like everyone forgotthe spirit of Christmas. It is twenty
twenty. Oh. I know severalparents chase me out of the house because
I wasn't wearing a mask. Canyou get COVID look at me? Of
(07:46):
course I can get COVID. I'mold and overweight. Then you really should
wear a mask. Well, mostof the time, I'm keeping a six
foot distance. It's the middle ofthe night. For Christ's sakes, you
know. Now I'm stuck here withno one to over all those presents.
How do you deliver all the presentsin one night? A little bit of
magic and a whole lot of scotch. Oh, but there's like a billion
(08:11):
people on the planet. Not everyonebelieves in me. There are a ton
of countries who don't celebrate Christmas,so I don't have to visit those,
And there are some that do celebrateit, but they're not the best countries,
so I stare at them too.But now now no one gets anything.
(08:31):
Christmas is ruined. Is there anythingwe can do? We're cop doctors,
let me guess, cops by day, doctors by night. Yeah,
how are you going to help me? You guys know magic? Do you?
I said I did. I'm sayingit for Christ's sakes, of course
I do. What's this? Santapulled out a deck of Gods, Name
(08:52):
a card, any card, jackof spades. Just then Santa threw the
CODs in the air and looked around. There it is your card. What
on the ground, that's your card? That's not magic? Time a word.
Time. I've come to the conclusioneither A this guy is Santa,
(09:16):
which could totally be true. Imean, I stopped believing in Santa when
I was eight, but recently I'veheard some rumors. Or two he could
be lying to us a possible drugaddic who got involved in a shady drug
deal, got shot, and it'spossibly still high. Are those the only
two options? Think about it.Remember when that little Irish dude came in
with a bullet wound and said hewas a leprechn Yeah, I remember,
(09:39):
But it turned out he was justa meth head who truly believed he knew
where the end of the rainbow was. He gave us directions and everything exactly.
But he was scrawny. This guycan't be on meth. He's fat,
so people on meth are skinny.Maybe he's a new mathead, not
enough time with the drugs, sohe's kept the weight. You don't become
a druggie overnight. You got towork up to that ship. He's a
(10:00):
math newbie. Possibly maybe he doesn'thave a lot of experience and that's why
he was shot during a drug deal. So how do we find out for
sure? We need to take ablood sample? Good idea like John Carpenter's
the thing. The cup doctors explainedto Santa that they needed a blood sample
to make sure the surgery went welland he was healthy, even though they
(10:22):
probably should have done that before thesurgery. But oh well, Nurse Betty,
take this to the lab. Let'smake sure everything's normal and let us
know if there's any issues. Okay, I get it, I do get
what why you guys don't believe me? Christmas isn't what it used to be.
(10:50):
Yeah, sure people still decorating,buy gifts, but they don't understand
why they do it. They don'tunderstand the true meaning of Christmas. Christmas
is more than just flashy lights andsinging carols. It's about love and understanding.
We live in a society now thatis so divisive in everything that's presented.
(11:16):
Is there a true war on Christmas? I don't know. I can't
answer that, but what I cansay is that people are divided, there's
no unity, and during this timethere needs to be understanding, compassion and
love, love for one another,love for the continued growth of the human
(11:37):
population. Humanity needs this. Christmasisn't about tradition as much as the need
for everyone, all people to findtheir place in life and believe that anything
is possible. I was beautiful ina weird rambling type way, but it
(12:01):
makes sense. We kind of lostsight of the bigger picture, didn't.
We don't fault us, Santa.I guess we became skeptical over the years.
It's okay, it's okay. Alot of people don't believe in me,
but I I think the real reasonis because they don't believe in themselves.
(12:24):
Time case, bloodwork's done. He'son math. God damn you son
of a bitch. What Senda can'ttake drugs? What the fuck shit?
I'm not wearing a mask anymore.Not my fucking fault. So you're not
Santa, No, you dumb ass, fucking druggie. Suck it. The
(12:48):
moral of this story, don't trustpeople who look like Santa. They may
be on drugs and they may notlet you have enough gun either. Coup
ductus cop Doctors, Written and editedby Robert M. Lamb, starring Jack
(13:24):
Austin, Robert M. Lamb costarring Megan Austin, Mark croftus Amber Simpson.
Music provided by Kevin McLeod of incompetechdot com and soundsnap dot Com.
Don't forget to rate and review thispodcast on iTunes cop Doctors. This has
(13:56):
been a seven Lamb production
Welcome to the Cup Doctor. FirstEva very Merry Christmas Special Edition episode.
It is the night before Christmas,and all through the house not a creature
was starting. They were shaking becauseboth time and Cases like their drinks.
Like James Bond. There we goperfect. I can't believe we got Christmas
(00:29):
Eve off. Normally I'd spend thistime with family. About the travel restrictions,
I guess spending some quality time withyou is the next best day.
I totally agree. Now it's timefor the ultimate and Christmas holiday cheer.
A Christmas movie double feature of HomeAlone and die Hard. Some guy the
other day I tried to tell medie Hard wasn't a Christmas movie? What'd
(00:50):
you do? I beat the shitout of him and arrested him. I
lied about what he did, andnow he's on death row where he should
be, where he should be.Just then, Cases phone ring, Hello,
(01:10):
Yes, this is him? WhatNo way? What's going on?
Case? That's impossible, there's noway. But we have tonight off.
Yes, both of us. Fine, we're on a way. Well,
it looks like we won't be celebratingthe holiday with a double feature after all.
(01:33):
Why they need us at the hospitals. No, but right away,
what happened? It's Santa. He'sbeen shot. Santa, the real Santa,
Saint Nicholas himself, and if wedon't get there soon, he could
die. Seven Lamb Productions Presents toyou, doctors, a very Merry Christmas
(02:02):
Special twenty twenty edition. We're here. Okay, let's get suited up.
(02:24):
They are sure, but just oneepisode. The cop doctors always like to
watch an episode of EOP of performingin pot and surgery. This really put
them in the rood. That wasa good episode. I know. Michael
(02:47):
craign has contributed a lot in thefield of entertainment, especially when it comes
to his novels and movies based onhis novels, But gosh, darn it,
if Er isn't his absolute best.What about Jurassic Park? A very
close second? Doctors, what's takingso long? You know? We like
to watch an episode of AR beforewe go to the AR. I know,
but he doesn't have much time.Can I ask a question? Is
(03:08):
it the real Santa? I don'tknow. He kind of looks like Santa.
Well, a lot of people looklike Santa. Go to every mall
in the US in December and you'regonna find a fat man with a white
beard. He says he's Sanna.His ID says it too, but you'll
have to ask him yourself afterwards.We already put him under. Oh my
(03:34):
god, he really does look likeSanta, and not in a cheap shopping
mall. Way. I think that'sa real beard. I want to give
it a tug. Doctors, wedon't have time. There's always time for
a quick talk. We're still talkingabout the beard, right, I wasn't
regardless, Dime gave the fat man'sbeard a tug. Oh, it's real.
(03:54):
It's a lot softer than I imaginetoo. Looks like a Brillo pad,
but it feels like down. Okay, let me give it a tug
the beard. No, the ideaof down makes me horny. You can't
masturbate in here. This room issterile, so am, I don't worry.
You won't get pregnant. She's rightcase. We need to hurry.
(04:15):
Look at the monitor. We're losinghim, all right, let's do this
scalpel. I did not have sexualrelations for that woman nature dancing francing Dixon
(05:58):
comment, you bit, Oh he'scoming to Santa? Is that you?
(06:19):
Oh? Oh, holy shit,does Senna curse? I don't think there's
any rules against it? Oh?My am I in the hospital. You
sure are? We took a bulletout of you this bag. Your hands
are really far apart. Sorry Iwas stretching. I meant this big ah
(06:42):
so A normal bullet? Pretty normal? Yeah it hurts you were shot in
your fat, jolly belly. Iknow. Hang on Christmas Eve too?
How am I to deliver all thepresents in time? Now? Are you
the real Santa? Did you seemy ID? Yes, it says Santa
(07:02):
Claus north Pole. That's because I'mthe real Santa Claus. It's not a
fake ID. You purchased from Spencers. What Spencer's a gag gift mall store?
Do I look like a mall Santa? Feel this beard? It's soft?
I know. Don't say down again? Makes me horny? Gross?
How do you get shot? Oh? People these days what so much news?
(07:25):
Think everyone's out to kill them.You climb down one chimney in the
fucking projects and all of a suddenbang. Not that the country nuts are
much better. It's like everyone forgotthe spirit of Christmas. It is twenty
twenty. Oh. I know severalparents chase me out of the house because
I wasn't wearing a mask. Canyou get COVID look at me? Of
(07:46):
course I can get COVID. I'mold and overweight. Then you really should
wear a mask. Well, mostof the time, I'm keeping a six
foot distance. It's the middle ofthe night. For Christ's sakes, you
know. Now I'm stuck here withno one to over all those presents.
How do you deliver all the presentsin one night? A little bit of
magic and a whole lot of scotch. Oh, but there's like a billion
(08:11):
people on the planet. Not everyonebelieves in me. There are a ton
of countries who don't celebrate Christmas,so I don't have to visit those,
And there are some that do celebrateit, but they're not the best countries,
so I stare at them too.But now now no one gets anything.
(08:31):
Christmas is ruined. Is there anythingwe can do? We're cop doctors,
let me guess, cops by day, doctors by night. Yeah,
how are you going to help me? You guys know magic? Do you?
I said I did. I'm sayingit for Christ's sakes, of course
I do. What's this? Santapulled out a deck of Gods, Name
(08:52):
a card, any card, jackof spades. Just then Santa threw the
CODs in the air and looked around. There it is your card. What
on the ground, that's your card? That's not magic? Time a word.
Time. I've come to the conclusioneither A this guy is Santa,
(09:16):
which could totally be true. Imean, I stopped believing in Santa when
I was eight, but recently I'veheard some rumors. Or two he could
be lying to us a possible drugaddic who got involved in a shady drug
deal, got shot, and it'spossibly still high. Are those the only
two options? Think about it.Remember when that little Irish dude came in
with a bullet wound and said hewas a leprechn Yeah, I remember,
(09:39):
But it turned out he was justa meth head who truly believed he knew
where the end of the rainbow was. He gave us directions and everything exactly.
But he was scrawny. This guycan't be on meth. He's fat,
so people on meth are skinny.Maybe he's a new mathead, not
enough time with the drugs, sohe's kept the weight. You don't become
a druggie overnight. You got towork up to that ship. He's a
(10:00):
math newbie. Possibly maybe he doesn'thave a lot of experience and that's why
he was shot during a drug deal. So how do we find out for
sure? We need to take ablood sample? Good idea like John Carpenter's
the thing. The cup doctors explainedto Santa that they needed a blood sample
to make sure the surgery went welland he was healthy, even though they
(10:22):
probably should have done that before thesurgery. But oh well, Nurse Betty,
take this to the lab. Let'smake sure everything's normal and let us
know if there's any issues. Okay, I get it, I do get
what why you guys don't believe me? Christmas isn't what it used to be.
(10:50):
Yeah, sure people still decorating,buy gifts, but they don't understand
why they do it. They don'tunderstand the true meaning of Christmas. Christmas
is more than just flashy lights andsinging carols. It's about love and understanding.
We live in a society now thatis so divisive in everything that's presented.
(11:16):
Is there a true war on Christmas? I don't know. I can't
answer that, but what I cansay is that people are divided, there's
no unity, and during this timethere needs to be understanding, compassion and
love, love for one another,love for the continued growth of the human
(11:37):
population. Humanity needs this. Christmasisn't about tradition as much as the need
for everyone, all people to findtheir place in life and believe that anything
is possible. I was beautiful ina weird rambling type way, but it
(12:01):
makes sense. We kind of lostsight of the bigger picture, didn't.
We don't fault us, Santa.I guess we became skeptical over the years.
It's okay, it's okay. Alot of people don't believe in me,
but I I think the real reasonis because they don't believe in themselves.
(12:24):
Time case, bloodwork's done. He'son math. God damn you son
of a bitch. What Senda can'ttake drugs? What the fuck shit?
I'm not wearing a mask anymore.Not my fucking fault. So you're not
Santa, No, you dumb ass, fucking druggie. Suck it. The
(12:48):
moral of this story, don't trustpeople who look like Santa. They may
be on drugs and they may notlet you have enough gun either. Coup
ductus cop Doctors, Written and editedby Robert M. Lamb, starring Jack
(13:24):
Austin, Robert M. Lamb costarring Megan Austin, Mark croftus Amber Simpson.
Music provided by Kevin McLeod of incompetechdot com and soundsnap dot Com.
Don't forget to rate and review thispodcast on iTunes cop Doctors. This has
(13:56):
been a seven Lamb production
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