Chicago Coyotes, Prairie Psychedelia, Landscape Architects

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to the crime page. But Bideny doesn't podcast. It's
getting tense out there. It's getting very ugly. Hasn't it
always been ugly? Though, if you've been paying attention, it's
not that bad. I get well, that's pretty bad. I'm
not gonna lie. At least if you're in the United States.
The culture of climate's really it's a great time to
go outside, to turn down, to turn off the fucking phone,
stop playing into the conflict algorithm best you can, and

(00:31):
just you know, just let the ship sink and just
go out and look at some cool shit outside, you know,
study some stuff that doesn't have anything to do with
the bleak human world. Anyway. I'm in Chicago right now,
and you know, it's been a real nice we I
did four shows already. Let me let me turn this
thing up. Yeah it was. There was Otis rush, the
wonderful Otis rush, the comforting, soothing sound. At least if

(00:56):
you're in a tri state region, just think of that
beautiful monarch to Ficillosa patch that I seen over there
by Gary. You know, I miss the uh, the rusting,
the PCB laden soil and the rusting iron train bridges. Anyway. Yeah,
I'm in Chicago. It's been nice. It's out the Midwest
in the summer is nice, you know. I went downtown

(01:17):
with my kid, tried to sneak into the Art Institute,
which used to be free, and now they charged for it,
and we couldn't do that, so she got in for free.
I paid twenty bucks, fucking twenty bucks to go to
the museum. Fuck, but you do it like once every
couple of years or something. I got in there for
free last year with my friend Oscar. He knew someone
who worked there. But that's you know, I don't know.

(01:40):
I don't know. I think that connection is lost. I
don't know. Anyway, The Art Institute's not that great anyway,
you know, making some fizzy water. I mean it's nice
for a little bit, but you know, a lot of art,
you know, it's you go in there. People are sitting
there staring at the wall, trying to look like they're
deep in thought. They're very introspective. You know. It's fun

(02:01):
to go in there with a five year old. I
like going on a five year old. I like looking
at the on ora whatever. I'm not at how to
speak French, how you say it? Domier, the Domier Prince been.
You know, I've been enjoying that guy stuff since I
was like fifteen, but a lot of the other you know,
I just think it's some of it's cramp. And then
you go through the whole period where it's all these

(02:22):
rich bucks paying you know, paying these guys to paint
them or to paint the you know, the neoclassical stuff.
Very very very boring. But yeah, it's fun if you
take a five year old kid who's got a d
and it is super spastick in there, and uh and
so we did that, and then they they got like
a medieval section, all this medieval weaponry, which she would

(02:44):
have loved to see too, but that was closed off.
So anyway, and then you can we stopped at the
cafe and it's fucking I mean, any artmy it's so
hard because the connection between art and like very wealthy
people it's hard to break, you know, So it's hard
to break that. It's just it's kind of who to
the territory, so it's really easy to make fun of.

(03:04):
So you go to the cafe and it's like sixteen
dollars for a fucking croissant or something, and so I
go in there and you know, she's asking me to
get a cookie or some stuff, and I loudly say,
I can't get that for you because it's overpriced. I
feel like I'm being you know, shaken upside down, picked
up by the by the ankle and shaking upside downs
at all the change falls out of my pocket. That's
what it feels like looking at the prices here. So

(03:26):
she got you know, she had fun for a little bit,
but then she got bored. And then we went to
the Dinosaur Museum, which is great. I can always get
in air for free. And uh, but but I think
she saw I let her watch that movie not at
the museum six months ago, and that fucked everything up
for it. She didn't want to go. She didn't want
to go to the museum anymore. She's because she kept
telling me they're all going to come alive after six pm.

(03:46):
So that was that was that I shouldn't let her
watch that movie word to the wise. But uh, anyway,
so after that we went out and uh, we got
you can like rent these bikes, you know, so like
you pay ten bucks rent this, like it's like an
electric bike. And so we went on that and I was,
you know, this is probably illegal or something, but you know,

(04:07):
because we didn't have any she didn't have a helmet
or anything. I said, just right on the center bar
and uh, like in between my arms because it's big.
It's like a big hefty thing. And and so then
we just cruised along the lake. That was really fucking nice.
She had a blast, and yeah, so we did that
for a while and then we went to the They

(04:27):
got like a garden across from the Art Institute where
you can it's all it's like mostly native prairie plants,
which is great because the Illinois prairie is intoxicating. And
there's some you know, they had like Russian sage and like,
you know, somebody just horticultural bullshit mixed in, but not
that much. It was mostly the prairie stuff. They had
Gentians going out, the Gentians, the bottle Gentians, the blue

(04:50):
bottle flower that only a bumblebee can pry open the
fucking pedals and get in there, you know, really cool
pollination syndrome. They had all good prairie stuff right in downtown.
Like you're looking at these you know, uh, skyscrapers filled
with probably you know, horrible entities and uh, and you're
right downtown at the lake. You know, Lake Michigan, the

(05:11):
world's largest freshwater one of the largest freshwater lakes. And
then there's like this prairie set up. It was fucking beautiful.
It was crazy. I guess it's been there for a while.
But you know, when I was a kid coming up,
you'd go downtown and it would be shitty tulips. I
think they've still got the shitty tulips in a lot
of places. You know, just all this horticultural bullshit that's
totally disconnected from from ecological and biological reality. But uh,

(05:35):
but not so anymore. There's a lot of native fliff
they had. They had American smoke trees downtown in the Loop.
They got the Uh, they got some big ass playground.
We went there. You know, she was having a blast
plan on it. I think it's the Maggie Daily Playground
mag Maggie Daily. And Uh, anyway, they got American smoke
trees planted a bunch of native plants. Is nice. You
know that park is nice. I made fun of it

(05:58):
when it was coming out maybe twenty years ago, but
it's it's actually very nice. So and it's it's I
like the idea, that's cool, tough. They got bathrooms in there.
You know, you can hang out there without spending any money,
just hang out in the park. I mean it was
you know, it was like what ninety It was like
eighty seven degrees out, which is hot for Chicago. That's
Chili where I'm from, but that's hot for Chicago. But

(06:20):
we you know, there's there's plenty of shade. It fucking
smells nice. There's cool bugs and insects round that. I
guess it's called the Louie Garden. And they shut the
whole park down except for one entrance. Said, that's kind
of fucking wick. I don't they're doing it to keep
people out for you know, I maybe don't want people
sleeping in there. I don't know. They're trying to regulate.
You can still get in, but only through one way.

(06:40):
And then they are I think they search bags for
make sure you don't got any weapons or anything. It's
still a little Chicago. But it's fucking fine. It's safe
in there, you know it. So I don't get all
these you know people, although this is mainly on the
right wing front right, you know, get get told though,
it's it's terrifying of it's certain neighborhoods. Man, And like
they like, any city's gonna have violence in it, and

(07:03):
it's gonna be restricted to certain neighborhoods. Maybe it pops
out every once in a while, but there's violence. I mean,
violence is so commonplace in America right now. It's not
like one place has a monopoly in it on it.
But uh, you know, you're just being a victim of
the conflict algorithm and the propaganda machine, which again is everywhere,
and it is on both sides. I mean, I tend
to be a little more incense that the shit coming

(07:25):
out of the right, but it is coming out of
both sides. It's all part of the same disease, you know.
But uh but anyway, yeah, you know, it was fucking
It's great. And my kid. I love that. My kid
loves the city too, like she acts, she loves going
down there. I want her to not be afraid of
large groups of people. Cities are where the hope is
at for people. You know, you got to have. You

(07:47):
can't they can't get they need to be loose. They
can't get too loose. You can't have, you know, crackhead
shitting in the park, a tweaker setting fire to fucking trees,
you know, and then you know you don't want to
just you don't want to do anything about it because
they're like they're like, oh, marginalized people, They're like, just
let them be. Like that was kind of like the
thing I dealt with out West, you know, when I
lived in California and I got really it got fucking gnarly,

(08:09):
like Oakland got I love Oakland, but it got gnarly
at a point, like just human shit everywhere. And we
all understand, anyone who's got half a degree of understanding
in the human condition understands why that happened. The rich
moved in, they bought up houses. People couldn't afford to
live there anymore. They got pushed to the street. Then
they get stuck on fentanyl and dope, and next thing
you know, there's no chance in hell of them getting

(08:30):
off of it. But you know, it ended up to
the point where like the there was no there was
like just don't do anything, like just like give people
clean needles, harm reduction, but don't fucking fix anything like that.
Shit got a little insane after a while because there's
like nothing came of it. Like you can't just let
people destroy the commons because you know their addicts. You

(08:51):
can have sympathy for someone and else and be like, look, man,
you can't do this is some bullshit, you know. Anyway,
why we're not getting into that. The point is downtown
Chicago is fucking right. I've been hanging out there, you know,
on and off for the last twenty five years of
my life, finding trouble to get into finding places to lurk.
We went and lurked at Billy Go Tavern, the one
that's underground that I've been going through for twenty years.

(09:12):
You can get a sandwich for like five bucks and
go sit in the corner and draw, you know, in
the on the against the fake wood paneling with all
the photos on the wall, and it's it's it's like
down by Lower Whacker and Hubbard Street, you know, super cutty,
really nice. They only give you one refill if you
get a soda or something, but you can get coffee.
You know. They made they improved the bathrooms, which I

(09:33):
I thought was that was a little much for me.
I liked it. I liked it when the bathrooms were
nasty and had you know, ballpoint pan graffiti written on
the stalls. Now they're a little bit too clear. They've
really taken a step up, I mean, are not. I
still wouldn't eat off the floor or anything, but I'm
just saying it's they're cleaner than they used to be,
you know. But that Billy Go Tavern was great. I've

(09:54):
been going there forever. Man, It's a fucking wonderful, wonderful spot.
I remember I tried to get a beer there when
I was like twenty one. On the bartender to told
me to go home and drink milk and started making
fun of me. He said it in like broken English.
He was Greek. It's like, fuck you, you old man. I'll
snake my own beer in next time. But uh, anyway,

(10:15):
so we hung out there, and uh yeah, man, we
just I just spent like eight hours hanging out in
downtown Chicago with my kid, doing all the same shit
I used to do when I was younger, but you know,
with her in tow and uh, it was super fun.
It was nice. But you know, she likes being done
and she likes being in a canyon of buildings, you know,

(10:36):
the fucking with the Spider Man scenery, you know, and
uh she likes, you know, seeing the trains go by
and all that. Just so much interesting stuff. It's so stimulating,
and I think that's really important for kids to have
exposure to just exploring like the lively, fun parts of
a city during the day on their own, you know,

(10:57):
so they don't end up like one of these turds
that's afraid of You don't want to to be afraid
of cities, and you don't want them to be afraid
of nature either. Both are pretty pathetic, and that's the
American condition. That's when you end up stuck inside and
all you're doing with your fucking free time is playing
video games, hitting the vake pen and maybe drinking a
fucking doctor pepper. You know. I don't know, man, I
don't know. What do people do is you look at
the landscape here? I mean again, here I go again.

(11:19):
You look at the landscape here. That's all you can do.
You're trapped in a car everywhere. So nature and good,
healthy functioning cities, that's what you want, you know, a
bunch of different kinds of people, cool shit, you know,
little nooks and crannies, good public transit stuff to get
into it's really good for kids. So anyway, so I
was at the Luri Garden Lourie. I don't know who

(11:39):
that is. It's like a it's a staffed garden, and
only I got yelled at. Some old white lady came
and yelled at me and told me to get out
of the beds because I was looking at I was
trying to figure out if it was Salvia Azuria or
Salvia or the Russian stage the horticultural bullshit, And it
turns out they had both. But I stepped into the bed.
It's a prairie bed, you know. She came by it, Nan,

(12:00):
It's just typical. I'm used to it. It's okay, And
I said, yes, yes, yes, you know, just yes whatever,
you know, you blow smoke up their ass and they
leave you alone. But but then it turned out I
knew someone who was working there. She had come to
the show a younger ladies. She had come to the
show I did in Monie a few days prior, and

(12:22):
she was really cool and she said, you know, yeah,
basically this is actually pretty little Maintenan. It's like once
it's all the stuff is put in, like it volunteers itself.
They had like actress. They had. Everything was producing seeds too,
so I'm sure you get tons of volunteers. Again, this
is this little prairie garden in downtown Chicago. You could
see all the skyscrapers. You're surrounded by all the skyscrapers.
Is north of the Art Institute. And she said, you know,

(12:44):
she basically said that, She said, yeah, we you know,
we we mow it down in spring after it's been
able to feed the birds. And there were a ton
of birds coming through getting seeds out of there. There
were butterflies that were cool, bumblebees, just fucking dope. It's great.
It's everything that happens when you kill a lawn in
this region and replant the prairie, you know, and again everything,

(13:05):
the tops of everything die by November. Nothing is a lot.
Everything's dormant in the root underground. That's what an herbasious
perennial is. The shoots die, the tops die, and the
plant can live for a century, but the tops die
every year. And that's of course also what built up
that wonderful prairie top soil that European settlers came and

(13:25):
you know, took every last bit of except for little
crumbs and turned into mono mono crops or soy being
in corn. So anyway, she said it's low maintenance whatever,
and so I posted photos on the face Crook page. Again,
Facebook's are terrible, It's generally a terrible app, but I
got a long reach there. I can reach a lot
of people with this message. This company set it up

(13:46):
for me five years ago, you know, and tried to
basically make money off of it, and they built up
all this. They probably did make money of it. They
didn't pay me shit until me and now threatened to
basically make a series of videos making fun at their
expense and calling them up on it. And then they
actually they gave me a small amount of cash, and

(14:08):
then a year later closed the whole thing and said
you could just have it. We're abandoning this. It's not
profitable enough for us. But by that point I already
had five hundred thousand people following it. So I said, Okay,
what the fuck, I'll roll with it. And it's taken
me a while to figure out how I wasn't actually
trying to figure out. I guess just fell into it.
How to actually make it work just short form bullshit,

(14:29):
but it gets the message out there of reconnecting with
the living world and killing the lawn and changing the
whole way that you look at how plants should look,
or at garden. I don't even like saying the word
garden that thinks that makes me think of like some
rich housewife shit. It's a yard. It's a fucking piece
of property. I plant the shit that I want to
grow on it because I like being around that stuff,
because it makes me feel less like puking when I

(14:49):
have to be around human beings, at least in this society, right,
fifty percent of them are fucking nitweights and assholes, or
they're insane, especially well, if you add the insanity part,
we're talking like seventy five percent of people you're gonna
come into contact with are you know, have mental health
issues and you can't fault them for it because look
at where we live. Or they're just assholes or netwits

(15:11):
whatever you know, and don't fault anybody, no judgment. They're great.
I'll be nice to everybody, just you know, there's some
people I definitely and not hav anything to do with.
That said, so I put some up on the Facecrook page,
you know, showing this video of this garden and how
great it was. And there's always that fucking one guy.
There's it's always a dude. It's always a guy, and

(15:31):
it's always you always assume it's some dude from an
affluent background, you know, well, it's fucking well to do,
and this is his career. He's actually a professional. And
he kind of goes in and he's like, you're acting
like this isn't a well worked garden, that this isn't
well stewarded and doesn't require a whole laundry list of

(15:53):
people working behind it and staff. And but and I said, no,
I'm not saying about that. No, I guess I it
probably does. It's in the fucking downtown loop. But I
just literally talked to someone who works there. She said,
they don't do shit except have a little you know,
booth with a shade pavilion over it, a little you know,
one of those little pop up shape villions over it

(16:14):
so they can tell the public about it. And it's
all they do. It doesn't take anything, it doesn't. I mean,
it's it's the fucking period. It's one of the easiest
biomes to recreate on a piece of land, right, you
get the shit established. You weed it a couple of times,
and then it gets so dense and it only gets
yate tall, right, nothing else can get in there, and
it's it works fine, and then they produce prodigious bunts

(16:35):
of seeds. They receive, they come back every year. You're
not building a spaceship out of toothpicks and trying to
get to the moon. Man, this is you know. But
of course to say that, to imply that it was
is easy, wou similarly diminish this man's expertise. At least
maybe that's what he thinks. I don't know. So some
guy came on shit all over it and you know,
basically said things that would and it's okay, you can

(16:57):
shit on me. That's fine. I'll just tell you to
go fuck yourself, maybe delete your comment. You can go
go on, get the fuck out here, go find you know,
go start your own page, junior, whatever the fuck. But
you know, but when you start discouraging it for other people,
that's when I'm like, this is bullshit, Like you're you're
making this. You know, I've done this dozens of times
in different regions. You know, the prairie is one of

(17:20):
the easiest biomes to recreate of any reason you could
be in And you know, I've seen people do this
to their own spaces. They fucking love it. They send
me emails all excited the shit they see coming back,
the cool insects, cool bugs, cool birds, you know whatever
coming back, and how they talk about how it heals them,
how it literally makes them want to puke less and

(17:42):
it like takes them down tonight, which which makes sense,
because that's how we spent the last three hundred thousand
fucking years as a species doing. We spent evolving with
these plants and with the things around us. You know,
it's not surprising that it feels good. You don't need
all those studies to tell you that it feels good
to be around this stuff, but they're certainly there. If
you want to go on Google scholar and look look

(18:04):
for you know, how green quote green spaces, you know,
native plant gardens, whatever the fuck you want to call it,
how it makes people feel better. All the data's there. Okay,
it's part of the presentation I do. So this guy
kind of just shits all over it to make it.
You know, I just I couldn't understand, you know, it's
just one of those obvious cases. To me, it's like,
just talk to your fucking shrink, man, Look, what are

(18:25):
you doing here? Like you're just kind of you're not
being helpful, You're not like throwing in advice, You're not
being supportive or encouraging. You're just kind of being a cunt.
You're being a cunt. It's all you're doing. I don't
use that word mostly for males, mostly to refer to men, right,
because a lot of men can act like cunts. You're
acting like a cunt. Why are you doing this? Like? Why?

(18:48):
Like I would, I may not approve of something that
someone's or the way someone's doing it, but like if
they're doing if the overall thing they're doing leads to
positive effects for them, and they're fucking like if someone's
anything a portrait and they're like, really, I love painting.
I love painting, and what their painting looks like shit
or it looks like something a nine year old design.
I'm not gonna go in there and shit all over it.

(19:08):
I say, good for you, that's fucking great. You know.
Maybe it's not something I'm gonna hang above mike toilet
or my kitchen sink, but good for fucking you. That's great.
You're excited about it, right, And that's what I see happening.
I've seen it happen to literally hundreds of people that
I've gotten emails from or spoke to or come up
to me. It shows and here's this guy shitting all
over and I look him up and he's like, yeah,
he's got like this super you know, produced, He's probably

(19:31):
got someone designing his content for him. Looks really well
put together. He's read a couple of books and actually,
you know, and I'm okay, there we go. This is
this he's a professional, this is his career. I couldn't
fucking believe him. Man. I was like Jesus Christ, you know.
But then I it made me think more, like I've
it made me realize more. I've encountered this kind of

(19:52):
person so many times, these landscape architects, these landscape designers.
You know, when we were we're doing Kill Your Lawn,
nine out of every ten landscapers that we worked with,
and we had to work with landscapers because there was
a production company doing it. They wanted the show to
be done. We were filming lawn Kills in like five days, right,

(20:13):
and so they wouldn't, you know, whereas like if I
did it, I would it would take longer. If I
did it myself, we'd be, you know, out there the
whole thing. So that we were doing two longs at
a time, five days each, and then we'd rotate between
the two properties that we were who's long we were killing,
and then we do that rotaping those two properties and
be going out to habitat to film film nature. And

(20:35):
I interacted with so many fucking landscaper I think they
were like, I don't. We probably interacted with like forty
landscapers over the two seasons we filmed that small scale
TV show that nobody can watch until we get my
friend b the pirate it again and throw it up
on YouTube. Yes, I'm actually I'm promoting people to pirate
my own fucking TV show because that's the only way
anyone's gonna be able to watch it. I probably shouldn't

(20:56):
be saying this on the record, but I'm hoping that
the media company won't. That said when we when we
would interact with these landscapers because the production company would
find them. The production company was cool, but they just
didn't know anybody. They don't know about this. I mean
literally we had we I spoke to thirty five of

(21:17):
these motherfuckers, maybe thirty, and I think four or five
of them were cool. They seemed like people who went
out and spent time in these wonderful places where we
would go to in habitat to try and seek inspiration from,
and to try to get a species list from and
to just because I wanted to film habitat. That's mostly

(21:37):
what I wanted to do. I didn't want to film.
I didn't want to spend my day in the suburbs
filming these fucking yards. I wanted to go out into habitat,
and so I would. I it was a problem. Like
me and Al even made a song about it. You know,
we made a song called you Got to Watch these
Fucking Landscape Skapers, and it was sung in like a
folky you know, overproduced, really corny ass nineties style, fucking

(21:57):
you know, some hockey shit. It's not like, hey, yeah,
that's these fucking lens. You know. We had our whole
way about it, like the song was meant to make
you feel like vomiting, because that's what I felt like
whenever I saw the work that most of these people
did they'd send me their designs and it was all
fucking paint by numbers, all the colors grouped together. It
just horrific. Shit looked ridiculous. It looked asinine. And then

(22:20):
when you try to talk to him, and I'd be polite,
as polite as I could be. L is a lot
more polite than me, but I would still be polite.
And I said, well, you know, we're not really trying
to do that. We got something else we're doing. We're
trying to actually, you know, make it look like the
native habitats were going to and you know, we're not
gonna We don't want to put all the yellows together.
Maybe we'll, you know, we don't want to make it
look like a stained glass painting where all the you know,

(22:42):
all the yellow flowering species are here, all the blue
flowering species they're here. That everything flattened it a line.
One of them tried doing that. He tried doing the
fucking pixelated thing where I like, you look at it
from a overhead drone shot looking down, it looks like
pixels on everything's evenly spaced, and just fucking goofy, what
are you doing? Make what are you doing? Stop that

(23:03):
stop whatever you're doing. Ah, you're sociopath. Take that weird,
evolutionarily obsolete primate neurosis somewhere else. Do that when you're
stacking up fucking dominoes or your figurines on a shelf,
for if you're doing inventory at the Dollar General, do it.
Save it for that. We're not doing that here. That
doesn't look you don't see that in nature, right. And

(23:25):
so when you're tell them this, I would be polite.
I wouldn't say it like I just said it to you.
I would be polite and say, hey, you know, we're
not really doing We're gonna do something different. Maybe we'll
mix it up a little bit. And then they would
a they'd get all offended, but they wouldn't come out
and say it because they remember, these people are cunts.
They can't actually just say nah, I know, fuck you guys,
you guys are wrong. They'd come out and they'd be
I wish they would, right, just go to confrontation. They

(23:48):
would come and they well, you know that's not that's
not really what I see. And I mean just the
most condescending. And they do it in this passive way
where like you're almost unsure at first if they are
being a cunt. And then by the time you do
realize that, yes, this person is indeed being a cunt,
this man is being a cunt. He's being a total

(24:09):
shit bag, like passive aggressive twat. He's already gone like
he's already gone home for the day. You're like, motherfucker man,
you know. And so, and that's something of course people
from affluent backgrounds do, especially, they're really good at that.
They're really good at passive aggressive shit, right, because that's
how I think, that's how you have to exist in
that society, right. You can't be open about your hatreds

(24:29):
for each other. You have to milk it and mask
it and whatever, you know, put a put a nice
painted face over it. So anyway, and then we had
one guy tell us, like Piso wholesale nursery. They're open
to the public. Now I spoke there last Sunday, great
fucking nursery. They grow stuff in plugs. They grow some
of the best plants. I wish we had one of
those in Texas where they just grew like a flat

(24:51):
of Texas natives, a flat of like Texas per Simon,
or a flat of fucking you know, mud laurels, which
aren't laurels at all, just you know, dermatophylums. They gave us.
They donated like a couple of flats of stuff. And
I had this twat, this guy, one of these landscapers,
you know, rich kid raised the total fucking rich kids syndrome,
except he's like fifty years old now. I had him

(25:12):
tell me that the plants that we got, know, he
told the other the homeowner that we were working with,
who was just like some working class electrician dude. He didn't,
you know, he told them that the plants that we
were planting were inferior. He had never seen them. He
had no idea that they were inferior, since they were
you know, secondhand dumpings, that they were the leavings of,

(25:36):
you know, basically the Rejackson. I mean, this guy had
no idea. What he was talking about was just being
a twat. I don't know why he was offended by it,
because I mean he was getting paid either way. I
think maybe it did impact. You know, he was charging
an arm and a leg. I saw the prices that
some of these fucking landscapers charged. I was I was shocked.
I was offended. I was almost embarrassed to be affiliated

(25:58):
with the project at certain I was like, you're spending
what like it shouldn't cost that much. That's insane, man,
that's fucking insane, even like installs I've done for people,
like after all said and done, work and plants and
my own labor and everything, four or five grand and
now you get a whole fucking yard. And I almost
feel bad charging that, right, these motherfuckers are charging you know,

(26:20):
ninety grand and some. I couldn't believe it, man, I
was like, that's fucking obscene. This is not supposed to
be just for rich people. This is something if you're
doing all the work yourself, you could do for a
thousand bucks maybe less. And you do that once and
then you don't have to do it again. You don't
have to mow. You just go in there once every
month or two weed whack, trim shit up, rip out
some weeds, whatever. And then you see the goal is

(26:42):
to get people to spend time with their fucking with
the land they live on and get out there and
actually sit in and put it like a path that
goes through the native plant yard, little table bench whatever.
So anyway, but these landscapers made it was. It was
a total It's a total thing that I encounter all
the time, and I think it's just, yeah, I you know,
landscapers most there's not a lot of you know, blue

(27:03):
collar electricians, you know, do highering landscapers, you know, or
fucking it's it's mostly an affluent thing. It's mostly a
very certain, a very specific demographic, you know, paying up
the ass for this ship. And so I think that's
why we ended up with this thing. But I realized this,
you know, you almost can't hate them for it, because

(27:25):
in many ways, it's like a it's like, uh, you know,
if you say, you meet someone who really wants to
get into tattooing and they want a tattoo plants. But
you know, most of the public, most people what they want,
you know, they're gonna come in, they're gonna be asking
for dumb tribal tattoos, bullshit like that Koi fish and
pirate ships and whatever the stupid shit that most people get.

(27:49):
It's just it's just the nature of the beast, right,
It's just the nature of the masses. Right. If it sells,
it sucks. Generally speaking, what the masses normally want normally
is not uh, very pasteful or mentally stimulating. It's bottom
of the brain stem shit, right, It's it's lowest common
denominare stuff. So I don't know, so maybe that's why
a lot of landscapers do this. But I think also

(28:11):
like whenever I've had an issue with this, That's the
other thing is, like I'm trying to think if there
were any women, I think it was always men that
I would have this issue with, right. I think probably
just because the ego involved, you know, like obviously he
can get issues with like rich lady landscapers too, but
with this kind of shit, it was always men. I'm
a professional, This is an a front to my ego.

(28:33):
Who is this trespasser in my you know, in my
lily white playground? Who is this this filthy trespasser who
didn't go to school for this, didn't get it, didn't
get a degree in this. What is he doing here?
And who does he think he is, that he's any
kind of authority or that he that kind of shit?
You know, these fucking Chauncey, these fucking you know who

(28:53):
I'm talking about. These are these candy ass Chauncey landscape
designers with their thick, black rimmed glasses and they're paddag
on your clothing and or what do they wear? What
do they what do they wear? You don't have to
talking about the teal colors you go to RII. You
could pick the whole fucking wardrobe out for these fucks.
You know what I mean? Very clean, very clean. Wish

(29:17):
I knew one that just had a neck tattoo, you know,
like you know or self preferred as a as a
slob or something you know, or with you were just
openly pissing the bushes at a job site, that would
be terrific. Those are the people that'll trust, you know,
or someone who used to be a tweaker. That's my

(29:37):
accountant used to be a tweaker. I got a text
from her the other day she said, hey, thanks for
sending those forms in. By the way, you know, as
it's my twenty year anniversary getting clean off math. Hey,
good for you. We're all proud of you. Good job.
That's right, and you're willing to admit it too. You're
not gonna like one of these candy asses. You're not
going to cover it up and try to come off
as Actually I've I struggled with certain substances is a problem. No,

(30:02):
I was a fucking tweaker for a little bit. You know,
I gotta clean. I'm fine, we're good. Let's get the
fuck to work. Put this. No polish it. Yeah, you
have fucking turd. That's live like that. That's that's not freedom.
You're gonna you live like that. You're all that shame
and you're trying to you know, polish it and what
the ship You're gonna gonna make things a lot more
unpleasant for yourself. It's not gonna gona have trouble getting

(30:23):
comfortable anyway. Yeah, so I just I don't know. I
thought about I gotta write more about this. But this
is like a whole A little bit of this kind
of stuff is what I talk about in concrete botany,
but like the landscape architectured landscape design. I guess it's
someone wrote me because I put this on a social
media too and the stories, and someone wrote me and
they were like, hey, man, I'm a landscape designer. You
know you're mainly talking about landscape architects. I was like, well, no,

(30:45):
I'm talking about landscape designers. But I don't know the difference.
So maybe you are. You would know more about this
than me I've meant, I mean, and again, it's it's
not all of them, it's some, it's some. You know,
I'd say it's eighty percent. And that's just because of
the nature of American horticulture now, there is a large
tie to affluence. You know, who's got time to reconnect

(31:06):
with the land. Not some single mom who's got two
kids and is you know, working as a fucking librarian
or something. You know, it's uh, it's uh, you know,
the rich housewife whose husband's an orthodontists and lives in
Lake Forest, Illinois. Beautiful Lake Forest. I do love some
of the yards up there. M Yes, a lot of
our client a lot of our clientele actually comes from

(31:26):
Lake Forest Highland Park. You know. So there's a tie
in between the ship, there's a tie in between you know,
rich fucks and having this stuff done. The goal is
to make it not like that anymore. You know, we
want to see a lot more bungalows with prairie gardens
in the front yards. But anyway, but yeah, so somebody
wrote me and they were like, you're generalizing. Another person
wrote me, like, you're generalizing a whole group of people.

(31:46):
I said, yeah, I'm generalizing. It's a generalization, so take
it with a grain of salt. Eighty percent the yard cunts,
not all you. You know, there's twenty percent that are
pretty cool. You probably sound like you're probably one of
the twenty percent. You sell like you're probably you know,
one out of the every five. So don't worry about it.
You know, it's a generalization. There's exceptions to it. I'm
taking it with a grain of salt. You should do
don't worry about it. Don't don't get your panties in

(32:07):
a bunch unless you know you're out there putting stuff
and in uniform lines with even spacing and grouping things
by color and all this other corny shit. Right now,
if a client actually asks you to do that, I
suppose you're forced to. But anyway, and that's the other
thing too, is like a lot of these man some
of these like designers they like pretending, or landscape architects,

(32:28):
they like pretending they're fucking the next Mark Rothko, you know,
they're the next like this, this brilliant artist who's underappreciated.
I'm sure that really affects their ego too, when they're
not getting enough attention and so they start over complicating
these overthinking things like this, only this doesn't this play
doesn't go that well next to that? Shit? The fuck up?

(32:48):
You see it in nature like that? Do it? Don't
worry about it? What do you think? It doesn't look nice?
You're not you're not Mark the Stewart here pale, you're
not like, you're not a fucking interior designer. And I'm
not saying that. Doesn't you know that's a whole field.
I'm not knocking the field of interior does that, but
you're not. You know, I wouldn't spend I wouldn't give
someone twenty grand to go redesign my fucking bathroom and

(33:10):
pick the best color colors. What is it called a swatch?
Is that what you call it? What do you call
it when you put the colors together? A swatch? Right? Like,
these guys overthink that and then they try to take
that whole mentality. It's just no, man, Just stick it
in the ground, don't worry about it. If it looks
like shit, you'll figure it out six months down the line.
Those are the people I want to read. I want
to make it easy for people who aren't trying to

(33:32):
spend a shit ton of money. It just wanted. The
goal is to get your ass out there, get you
working with the land, get you tearing up the lawn
and uh and just and paying attention and thinking about stuff.
You know, it's not that hard. It's not I don't
know why this person came into comments section had to
make it seem way harder than it was and try

(33:52):
to discourage just some random schmuck who maybe or maybe
doesn't live in Berwin, Illinois, right on the edge of Chicago,
right next to Cicero. Try to discourage him from uh
or her from you know, just killing their lawn and
sticking prayer plants on the ground. You know, Oh, it's
it's high made. This guy made it something. It was

(34:13):
so high maintenance. And there he's just a turd too.
I don't know. I don't know. And maybe yeah, it's
you know, maybe it's the I'm just kind of automatically
I turn off and stop listening when someone has glamour
shots and their profile pick. But anyway, it's like when
it seems like they're paying someone to take their foot.
You know, I wonder what these people would think of
my yard, you know, they come to my yard it's

(34:34):
all overging. It's just thorn scrub. I'm straight. I just
used the hedgecutters. The ship that looks like an alligator car.
Alligator car, you know, the thing that's it's just like
uh like the pruners maybe people using for topi area
or some shiit. Well, now these are these are longer
than that. I just use that. And I just cut
a tunnel in the vegetation around my house. I keep
shit pruned up. I prune it up as it grows,

(34:56):
you know, as the shrubs and trees get taller. I
prune the ship down below. Now I can put a
little cool cac di. I got a little cool cacti garden,
had a cool little cactus garden. Uh. Now you know
I'm in like the second or third stage ecological secession.
My yard. What would these guys, these candy asses with
the glamours as, what would they say if they saw

(35:17):
my yard? They're gonna come in, They're gonna actually this
does this too messy? This this horrible plate. You've planted
it way too dens the fuck out of here? What
are you gonna Why don't you come inside? Start telling
me how my feng shui is off, buddy, go into
my bed. Well, you don't like the designs on the walls,
you don't like the posters? I hung up? Now you
got you got something. It's all subjective shit. It doesn't

(35:39):
matter right. When I'm like if I'm planting stuff, all
I think about is where is the sun? And how
big is what I'm planting gonna get? And is it
does it like? Oh, does it like wetter stuff or
can it take dryer stuff or what? Because I got
like a little wet section of my yard. It's where
I keep the bananas and a monosume of cyprus and stuff.
You know, I just did this this whole attitude, dude,

(36:00):
it's it's it's like your nose is so buried up
your own ass. Just fucking settle down. Not everybody wants
to do that. You can go, you know, design your
fancy gardens and you're you know, put them, you know,
make sure they look nice enough to take a photo
and put an expensive coffee table book about native landscaping.
That's good for you. Not everybody wants that, right, A

(36:21):
lot of people living in a bungalows don't want that. Now,
for anybody unfamiliar with what a bungaloo Is. It's you know,
it's an early twentieth century working class style of architecture,
you know, to be found and the outer neighborhoods of
Chicago as well as interring suburbs like beautiful Berwin in Cicero.

(36:42):
So anyway I go to this just drives me nuts
the more I think about it. I went to one
of the lawns that we killed and kill your lawn
yesterday was yesterday, the day before, I forget. Anyway, it
was in like Willowbrook or some fucking suburb. You know
that I'd never be cut that and otherwise. But the guy,
the couple that lives there is really cool and they

(37:05):
this was a massive project. They had this massive yard
in front of our house, killed the lawn, put in
all natives. I went there yesterday. It was fucking blowing up.
It looked amazing, Like the plants were so heavy. The
Helianthus molus, which is a like almost it's a glaucous
blue sunflower with just covered in scabbard hairs. Normally you

(37:27):
see if you seem like oaksavana like three feet tall.
These the stems were like six feet tall, like the
same plant had twelve stems coming out of the ground
from the same root. It was just bursting over. It
was so laden with flowers that was falling over. Everything
was covered in cool insects. It was fucking marvelous, Like

(37:47):
a diversity of insects too, like cool bucks, you know.
And and that was another thing that yard. We had
to work the landscaper and it was a cunt too.
He was a total just condescending. That's the one that
said that the that's the guy that said the gentleman
that said, I assume he's probably not he's not listening
to this podcast. He fuckings one. He looks down on

(38:08):
people like me. But uh, you know, he's the one
that said, well, the plants that julian Ella bring over
our substandard plants. They were they were they were rejects
from Pizzo nursery. They're not as high quality as the
the material that we're bringing. Like, the fuck up, what
are you talking about? They're they're the same ship Pizzo

(38:30):
gave us good stuff. Guy, Why why do you talk
like that? Also, I mean, and my impression of him
is not too far off, it really is. You know,
this is like one of the great he sees he's
like the botanical equivalent of the great Poupon guy. All
these guys are that he's fucking candy ass Chauncey rich kid.
This is a this is like because it is it's

(38:50):
an affluent thing that the landscaping architect is for the affluent.
That's like an affluent, goofy fucking thing. That's like someone
who pays, uh, you know, to have an interior designer
come over and redesign their living room. Like really, really,
we're in different worlds, pal, you stay out of mind.
I'll stay out of years gladly. But yeah, Anyway, the

(39:13):
Kyl Yard, to see it two years after this yard
in Willowbrook was nuts because it was fucking massive. Everything
was huge. You know, the Iliama Ramota, that rarer Kankakee
mallow that it's only on the verge of extinction because
of overpopulation a deer and fire suppression. And I remember

(39:33):
growing up as a kid, I remember learning somehow, maybe
it was at wolf Rope, Praier or somewhere, but learning
that prairies needed to burn, that it was the thing
that they needed that they did. I think maybe my
mom told me. She probably just drove by it. At
some point and she saw smoke coming. She thought they
were doing a controlled burn. But I think a lot
of people, especially in eastern North America, don't realize how

(39:54):
important fire is when you've got that much rainfall, it's
in that much of a bloom of biomass in such
a short time. I mean here like in Chicago, Like
it finally warms up in May, and by late October
everything's dying back. And in that short five month period
you've got this massive eruption of all this biomass, and

(40:14):
it can all these Remember these these are herbacious perennials,
so the top's diet of roots stay alive. Those roots
have a massive amount of energy stored and them carbohydrates
and moisture, so once it warms up, they're ready to go.
It's not the same as a seed germinating. It's more
like this volcano of plant tissue just bursting out of

(40:34):
the roots. And then of course it's you know, it
starts photosynthesizing. It can produce more, but it's also relying
on stored reserves, so it's it's so quick. I mean,
shit grows so quicker. All these prairie plants grow so
quick silphium terabinthinaceum gets a twelve thirteen foot tall flower
so quickly. You know, it's got those massive you know,

(40:55):
in some cases four foot long leaves, giant solar panels
it's relying on to cook up more carbohydrates, half of
which its stores in the ground, half of which it
might apportion to producing that twelve foot tall inflorescence. So
it grows so fast. So anyway, the point I'm getting
to is the guy that lives here, I was telling them,

(41:16):
I'm like, you're gonna have to burn next spring burn
or mastic cake because this is just so dense. You know,
you can't. It's that's right, a prairie. It's super dense.
But then it remember it's got the dormant season. It
all dies back to the ground and stuff starts decomposing,
et cetera, and so you're gonna have to burn. That
was why burning was so important. That's why when I
was driving through Alabama with Josh the hippie, and we

(41:40):
were going to go see Kyle Liiberger. You know, the
drive there, I was looking at these forests that were
just they hadn't been burned in forever, and they were
just so dense and inundated with plants, and it looked
anything but inviting. It's like the last place you'd want
to go walk through. It's just it's so fucking dense
you couldn't walk through it, right, So, I mean, the

(42:02):
fire issue is super important, and that's you know, and
it was such a part of the landscape here for
so long. But prior to human arrival thirty thousand years ago,
it was lightning and it would be easy for stuff
to catch because it's everything's growing so dense that it's
some After a however many years, you reach a critical
point where if it doesn't rain for a month, now

(42:24):
you've got a tinder box, a lightning strike could easily
you know, catch it and then everything burns. But you know,
the forests in the eastern half of North America are
much different, or the fires in the eastern half of
North America and the forest are much different from the
fires in western North America. I mean, fire suppression reaches
a critical point out west where if you don't you

(42:44):
haven't burned in two or three decades. Now you've got
a massive tinder box. And it's there's like you can't
just do a low burning fire anymore because it's the
air is so dry in the summer, and the winds
can be so intense. The Santa Ana winds, you know,
all that cold air coming down from the higher elevations
of Nevada towards the coast, towards the Pacific Ocean, and

(43:08):
that's the sant Ana winds. If you've never been in
them in late summer early fall, you know, it's hard
for you to understand just how intense they can get.
It's fucking crazy. Like really really, I've been in windstorms
where it's you know, clear as day, but the winds
are just so fucking brutal out there. When I lived
out there was you know, I just remember thinking, oh

(43:32):
my god, this is this. If anything went up, you know,
it's like taking a bellows, you know, one of those
those fluffers for a fireplace, taking that to you know,
a campfire, or the coals in a campfire. You could
see them as they just flare up, you know. So
that's what that's why it's so much more intense. So,

(43:53):
you know, like when we were doing controlled burns in
northern California to friend's property, we would have to cut
everything up and make burn piles and then wait to
burn them in the winter, like when there was snow
on the ground, you know, when it would otherwise be
somewhat hard to get them going. And so when you're
doing fires in the prairie, you know, I think, and

(44:13):
I think this is what Jerry Wilhelm was telling me,
because he lives in glenn Ellen or glen View what
are the glens all these suburbs named Glenn in the
Chicaigo area. But he was telling me, you know, you
wait for a day when it's kind of almost hard
to burn, so you know, it's it's gonna be harder
for it to get out of control. But like a
day in November when it's moist and it's chilly and

(44:34):
there's not a lot of wind, but you know, you
burn all that stuff off, and also you kill all
the ticks, and you kill all the chiggers, and you
remove the duff that their nymphs need to stay moist
and over winter and stay insulated from the freeze. You
burn all that shit off and start anew and you know,
and then it's you know, and again you're not harming
the roots, at least in the prairie, because those roots

(44:56):
are massive, and they're just giant energy stores. And and
then you get another massive flush in the spring and
late spring when everything comes out. So I was telling
the guy that lives there, who's a friend of mine,
my friend day, I was telling him, you're gonna have
to burn next year, or at least or masticate. But
I really suggest burning, you know, because there's no ticks

(45:19):
there now. I'm sure there would be if you get
deer hanging out, you know, and you get a decade
or two of not burning, there surely would be ticks.
Why not, you know, But you're gonna have to burn
the burnings and it's so important too. It's just you know,
and it's not really this massive, you know, most of
the carbon. The roots are so extensive. Like if you

(45:39):
could take three D glasses all right, I'm gonna just
stay with me here and look at the ground. You know,
what would it look like. You would see this dense
ass network of roots underground. You would see this dense
network of this web of roots going twenty or thirty
feet underground. And that's the other thing is the soil

(46:01):
here is deep. It's not like the prairies in Texas
where the soil is only a few inches or the
like the Limestone prairies. The Blackland Prairie is a little different.
It's deeper soil. But the Limestone prairies, which are in
the west, like on the other side of the hundredth
meridian or right on it. You know, once you've hit
that area on the continent, when it starts drying out,
and you can see this on a satellite map, of course,
it's green, the green eastern half of North America. In

(46:24):
the beige western half. You know, once that soil is
so deep, you know, those roots go super deep as well.
I mean the fucking sylphium. There's that famous diagram. I
use it in the presentation of all the prairie plants
and how deep their roots go. My friend Andrew, No,

(46:44):
my friend Brian's nursery in Oklahoma City. He's got a
big ass it's Native Plants Nursery in Oklahoma, Oklahoma City.
He's got a big as I think it's little bluestem
or big blue stone. But it's got a basically a
cross section diagram photos someone took showing how deep the
roots on big blue stem go. And they're they're deep

(47:04):
as hell. It's like fifteen feet like twenty. It's like,
you know, all that materials is going underground, and that's
that's you know when people say, I don't get on
the whole, like you know, carbon train too much, because
I just think climate change pales in comparison to the
amount of habitat destruction and bulldozing and habitat loss. I mean,
they kind of go hand in hand. But you know,

(47:25):
people say grasslands store more carbon dioxide than forest. This
is why, this is what they're talking about, because all
that all that all the carbon you see in forests
will eventually decompose because it's above ground. But the shit
that's underground and grasslands those extensive fibrous root systems that
stays buried, and that's why that soil is so rich,

(47:46):
and it's also why it's so insane. Like when they
build like these tracks, these bleak tracked house subdivisions around here,
they scrape all the soil away down to the clay
and then throw fucking sod over it, and it's horrible soil.
They scrap all the soil away with bulldozers so they
can grate it and then you know, put these bleak
cul de sac homes in and then it's just clay

(48:08):
on top of bedrock. But but yeah, anyway, so it'll
be cool if hopefully I can convince him to burn
next year, and that would be a cool video to
do burning the suburbs, you know, something I've dreamed about,
something just kidding, but you know, doing doing controlled burns

(48:30):
in prairie yards in the suburbs. That'd be fucking wonderful
to see. And just think of all the dying ticks
that you know, if everybody did this, I think I
wish they would burn the forest preserves here because the
forest preserves are all inundated with buckthorne, which yeah, curiously enough,
Ramnus cathartica is a rare plant in Europe where it's
native or not. Maybe it's not rare, and someone told

(48:52):
me it was rare. I don't think it's like, I
don't think it's like an endangered species. Just don't think
it's that common. But here it's just invaded and taken
over all the forest preserves, you know, smothering out the
spring ephemerals, those plants that occupy that six week window
in the spring when the trees have not leafed out yet,
but the temperatures have warmed up, and so they're able

(49:13):
to get light on the forest floor. Well, if buckthorns
inundated the forest, they can't get light anymore. And it
really is it's a fucking horrible plant. I mean, I'm
sure it's cool where it's native, but I just remember
growing up. You know, it's got those thorns on it.
It's ramnasy. So a lot of plants in Ramnasy, a
lot of shrubs, have those those branches that taper into
sharp spines, and then the berries just are spread by birds.

(49:36):
And it's just kind of like a generally boring plant.
At least when it's an entire fucking, you know, infestation
of it in the understory of a hardwood forest in
midwestern North America. It needs it needs to burn. Oh yeah,
and it's got nitrogen fixing bacteria in the lead in
the roots too. It's got that actinomyceyt bacteria, just like
a lot of other members of Ramnaesy do, the buckthorn family.

(50:00):
So we got to do a controlled burn in the suburbs.
And it's a it's a man, it's a big it's
like a two hundred foot long yard front yard. It
was it's unincorporated Willowbrook. It's like a two hundred foot
long front yard by like one hundred feet wide, maybe
three hundred feet long by one hundred feet wide. It's
a big ass. He's got a long ass driveway. It's

(50:22):
like an old, older house. You know. It's not like
some like super rich house. It's like an old style
you know. Yeah, I think it was. I think it
was just before the neighbor the area had any infrastructure
or local government. So but it looks fucking great now. Man,
it's so diverse. Goddamn, there's so much. I was I
was picking a bunch of iliamnous seeds Illiam the remote

(50:44):
seeds to put in the bag, which I then took
to this nursery that I shot a video at yesterday,
Possibility Place, which is it's a weird name for a nursery.
It does remind me of a halfway house. You know.
It reminds me of like a rehab center. You know.
You know, your little cousin who got addicted the pills,
he's when he when they let him out, he's you know,
he's staying at Possibility Place right now. He just he

(51:08):
had a problem. But we addressed it. We had an intervention.
He's now he's at Possibility Place. He's in good They're
gonna send them to trade school. He's learning essential you know,
job skills. We're gonna get him back out there, get
him back on his feet. But anyway, so, but but
it's a that's a fucking dope nursery too, because they
don't just have the prairie stuff. They got a bunch

(51:28):
of the the uh native Illinois woodies, woodies, shrubs and
small trees and shit. They got like ten different species
of oak, and they they uh some some of the
native magnolias too. I think virginny a and a is
the main frost to horned one. You know, the glaciers
were here for I don't know what thirty thousand years.

(51:51):
They really did some damage. So a lot of plants
got got wiped out once the glaciers came and then
weren't able to re established themselves, you know, So like
southern Illinois ends up being the terminus of bald cypress
and some of the other magnolia's Magnolia species. But I'm
sure you know, five hundred thousand years ago or a

(52:11):
million years ago before the glaciers came. Now, all that
shit was growing up where the Great Lakes are now.
But you know that mile and a half of ice
really bulldozed a lot of stuff away and it just
hasn't been able to come back yet. But yeah, anyway,
Possibility Place is cool because they've got they grow everything
in those root maker containers. I don't know if you're
familiar with those. There are these. It looks like an

(52:33):
upside down pyramid shape, but like if a pyramid had
a flat top, you know, so it can stand up. Obviously,
that's what the pot looks like. And then it's got
these holes in it, you know, on every step of
the of the pyramid, and the holes aren't work by
you have the water more because the pot dries out faster.
But as the roots grow, they hit those they hit

(52:57):
those holes, and then the root tip dies. It's like
pruning the root. You know, the root tip dies and
then it starts, uh, it branches, uh you know a
centimeter behind where where the air pruning is. And then
so you get so you get a deeper, a more
branched root system, a more branched and healthier root system

(53:21):
with more absorptive capacity instead of just you know, you
grow supin in a one gallon pot, it sends the
root down, it hits the bottom of the pot, and
then it starts coiling around. That's the root. The root
maker is the complete opposite of that, and so they
grow everything in these root maker pots, which it leads
to a really fucking healthy plant. I remember we got
some of their stock when we were planting stuff for

(53:42):
Kill your Lawn, and God, I just love planting shit
and I wanted to get some stuff yesterday. I don't
even have anywhere to put it because I don't live
in Chicago, but I wanted to like find the friend's
yard or someplace to just stick shit in the ground.
It really, it really does, you know, fulfill a creative verge.
You know, it's like catching tags when I used to
do graffiti when I was like a little sixteen year

(54:03):
old vandal. You know, once you want to go stick
shitting in the ground somewhere, you know, and then threaten
anybody who tries the mow or remove it anyway. So
so uh but yeah, so I did a It was
cool to do a video there. I want to just
get them more coverage. I want to I want people
to know they exist because their way the fuck down
in Mony. It's like this this, you know, outer this

(54:26):
where they got the pumpkin farms. They got some nice
pumpkin farms out there, you know, it's where the suburbs stop. Like,
you're so far out that these even like the bleakest
of the bleak cul de sac urban sprawl suburbs, haven't
reached that far yet. Maybe they will in thirty years
if America is still doing the dumb shit it is now,
which it probably will be if it's not gone altogether,

(54:46):
who knows. But uh, but you're so far out there,
you know, that's where the it's where you start encountering
the They got nice pumpkin farms, you know, for the kids,
they got pumpkin farms. Mere they got a speedway out there.
So any but yes, it's I want more people to
go down there because they got a lot of good shit.
And yeah, and if more people are planting the ship

(55:08):
that they're selling, then the less bleak shit I have
to see. You know. I want to I just want
to normalize this stuff. I want to. I'm not going
to be able to change the way America designs all.
It's horrible horrifically ugly strip malls and suburban sprawl areas.
But at least maybe I can get them to stop
planting all the horticultural atrocities and the horticultural bullshit, the

(55:32):
stuff that's just planted because it's pretty. It's pretty. It
might have evolved eight thousand miles away, but it's pretty,
and it's all the same cultiv vartic cultivar shit. You
get the consistency in the variegated leaves and the nice colors,
and you know, and then we plant everything in a
uniform line. I hate. I fucking hate that. I hate
American horticulture right too. I think it's sick. I think

(55:52):
it's fucking twisted. I think it's weird. I think it
looks like minecraft landscaping. So if I get can get
people to plant actual species, different phenotypes of the same
species instead of the stupid cultivar shit, and have them
be native species, stuff that I know is automatically going
to bring in all the cool insects and other cool
birds and all the life forms I like seeing when

(56:13):
I go out into beautiful places, so I don't feel
like puking when I have to go spend time in
a bleak shopping center, like I gotta go to the
bank to cash a check or I need to get
a fucking you know, new stretch of hose or some
shit whatever. You know, then that makes the world better
for me. So it's selfish. I want people to get
out there and know that these places exist and nowhere

(56:35):
to source plants, and they grow a lot of nice stuff.
Right So you got like Pizzo for all the good
prairie stuff in northern Illinois. And then you got Possibility Place,
which is not a rehab center, even though it sounds
like one in Moni in the I mean the trees
they sell like these they've got like quirkus Muelenbergie. Guy,
they got nine fucking different species of oaks, seven different

(56:56):
species of milk weeds, three different species of native lobelia.
Is all this dope shit? They were growing Comptonia parrogrena
for a while. You know, they grows a lot of
stuff that likes sand too, which is not much of
the Midwest is not sand unless you're like closer to
the lake or on some of the sand prairies. You
know where the glacial dam broke and dumped all the

(57:17):
sand ten fifteen thousand years ago. But you know, if
you are on the sand, you're gonna have trouble growing
some of the stuff that likes deeper soils. And if
you're on you know, if you're not on sand, whatever,
you know, So there's there's there's there's variability there. But
if you got the sand, then you live in a Midwest,
there's a ton of cool shit you can grow. So
and they've got they sell a bunch of it, like Hudsonia,

(57:40):
which I think is Cis Dacey. I don't think we
have many North American members of Cis Stacy, the Cistus,
the rock Rose family. I think it's mostly European. But
but yeah, man, so that's you know, the fucking oaks
ahead too. They're like you can get like a like
an eight foot tall quircous muelenbergiy for one hundred and
thirty bucks and then they's got like you know, ninety

(58:03):
bucks for like a ten gallon, which is actually pretty big.
That oak grows fast too, and it's really healthy fucking soil.
I saw the soil they use for their soil. They
use what was it. It's it's like pine bark fines
like forest products from some of the pine plantations down
south they ship up by barge and then use for

(58:25):
whatever up here, mostly for the nursery industry, I assume.
And then they use something called hydro fiber, which is
it's like a spun not spun, it's like a steamed
and then chopped up wood fiber. And that's all they use.
They don't even use prolite. I mean that stuff alone
is good enough and it's got adequate drainage, probably because

(58:46):
it's you know, compared to it's not super fine soil,
you know, so it's got good drainage and it's still
and then like for their seedling mix they use prolite.
But yeah, I saw their whole operation. Man, it was
really cool. It was it was I'd love to do that.
I love seeing how people are growing shit and what
different people have figured out and how they've cracked the codes.
Oh yeah, they had a bunch of uh. They had

(59:08):
native holly, they had iles, they had like three different
species of Saint John's wart hypericoms like the shrubby ones,
and they had land, and they had tulip trees, they
had a man They had a bunch of good like.
So if you're not into the if you don't want
to do prairie stuff, you want more like woodland. Shit.
They've got all that, They've got all that stuff. It's

(59:28):
and it's it's fucking nice. You could do like a
You could do like it, depending on how much land
you got or how much access you got, if you've
you know, convinced your municipality to do a public native
yard like in a in a park or something you
could plant like an oak savannah mixture. I couldn't believe
men they had like maybe they had more than seven
species of milkweed, maybe it was eight or nine, I

(59:50):
don't know. They had a bunch of different milkweed species,
and it was just, yeah, it was fucking cool to
see just just hyper diverse, you know. Oh yeah, they
had oaks they had Aside from the oaks, they had
a bunch of hickories too. They had like three different
hickory species and American per simmons a bunch of good shit.

(01:00:11):
What's going on? I'm back. I took a break for
a day. We went out the Chicago River last night
with Urban Rivers. Sneak from Urban Rivers, Phil Nicodemus from
Urban Rivers. They took us out on a little pontoon boat,
me and my kid, and we went down to Bubbly
Creek so called because that's where the slaughterhouses used to

(01:00:32):
dump all the corpses of all the livestock, you know,
during their animal holocaust they were having down there, and
they dump them in a river and all that, you know,
rotting organic materia. That's a pleasant thought, isn't it. All
those that rotting flesh would then cause bubbly oily sheens
on the Chicago River. That's a terrible thought, is it.
Sorry I just did that too, But but we were

(01:00:54):
down there and they did these floating habitat islands. The
rivers a lot cleaner now, and it's there's still bar
and shit down at that and like that's a more
industrial that's the more industrial side of Chicago River down
to the south side, you know, because urban rivers is
mostly in the north. That's where they got I mean,
there's a frickin Arii next to where the Wild Mile is,
so you can tell the client Hill that inhabits that region.

(01:01:17):
It's it's very cleaned up there. It's very safe anyway.
So that's on the north range. From on the south side,
it's still kind of you know, it's still kind of uh,
this fucking dog is chasing his tail. It's just like this,
he just discovered this. He wasn't doing this the whole
five months I've had him. He's a puppy's still like

(01:01:38):
nine months now. Me and Hovey have joint custody. But anyway,
so yeah, so we went down there and they still
got barges down there. It's fucking gnarly. It feels like
the North Side did maybe twenty years ago, thirty years ago,
which I like, you know, it's like the Chicago pre
gentrification era. And we were down on Bubbly Creek and

(01:01:59):
we saw like the habitat floating match they've got down there,
which is fucking awesome, very impressive. They've got like a
Morpha fruticosa growing on a floating mat in like fifteen
deep water with Mimulus ringins, the purple monkey flower and
that verbena the verbena got hit by mildew. There's Joe

(01:02:21):
Pieweed growing on these floating habitat mats. I didn't know
Joe Pieweed could take it so wet because the water's
just I mean, it's totally inundated there there was Lobilia cephialitica,
like all these plants that are not aquatic plants but
can obviously take having their roots basically submerged, not submerged.
It's like a like a floating you know, it's a

(01:02:42):
floating mat of biomatch that they planted these plugs in.
But everything looks great, and tons of Hibiscus lavis and
Hibiscus mashudos. So anyway, but we're down there and my
little girl goes, she goes, look at the coyotes. She's
looking at the bank, like up against this giant power
line and you know, the river bank, and I'm like,

(01:03:04):
I don't see anything, and she points right at him,
and I look, and there's would turn out to be
five coyotes, like five healthy, robust coyotes, not like the
mangy coyotes that I see in Texas where ranchers intentionally
introduced sarcoptic mangees a means of coyote control. Isn't it
fucking sick? But there were five of them. They were like,

(01:03:24):
they looked like fucking healthy, you know dogs that like
some yuppie and a condo might have, like you know,
they're very well taken care of dogs, and I suppose
they're just eating I think there's like a grainary down there.
Maybe they're eating that. They're probably eating a lot of
rats and feral cats. And there's a lot of a
lot of bunnies in Chicago too, so they're probably eating

(01:03:44):
a lot of rabbits. But it was fucking crazy to see.
It was really cool. You know. That was like a
pack of five coyotes and the minute they saw us,
they split, They dipped out and ran into the bushes
into all the sumac. The roost copo line them and
uh roost labra. That's starting to change color and look
very beautiful now. But but yet the fucking river was

(01:04:07):
And then we went down in the loop and you're like,
it's like going through a canyon of buildings like on
the fucking where the river goes through. If you've never
seen the Chicago River in the loop, it's it's a
very nice it is. It's like the Spider Man landscape,
you know, just canyons of buildings that like Manhattan ask
it's really fucking cool. There's no river bank, it's just

(01:04:27):
the building. It just goes straight, you know, Venice style,
straight drop into the into the river. So that was yeah, man,
it was cool. But anyway, I wanted to criticize some
of the species you used for the garden, changing tone
a little bit here. We're not criticizing the specie selection.
It's more just the design. You're missing critical design elements. It's,

(01:04:50):
for instance, you put you put plants that have a
very graceful, luxuriant leaf texture and foliage next to plants
that have a very rigid and tiff leaf texture and foliage.
I mean, it's a typical rookie mistake. I remember what
it was like for me twenty years ago when I
was first getting started. So you know, you've definitely got

(01:05:12):
a good motivation, and I really it's inspiring that you
know how much passion you have, but you're just you're
just not tuned in to how to actually design a
garden yet. But I've got a number of books out
if you'd like to take a look at them, perhaps
I can, perhaps you can get something out of them.
I'll even autograph a copy for you. You know, this

(01:05:34):
therapeutic for me, really, ah god, you know, I went
to design school. I went to design school, and that's
why I really must one of my great mentors. I'll
refer to the honorable Jeff Benning, who was a great,
a great landscape architect, famous landscape architect of over forty

(01:05:58):
or fifty years. He recently passed and left me a
good portion of his estate because we were such close friends.
Uh anyway, so uh but yeah, it doesn't the river
doesn't even think anymore. That was I want? That makes
me want to get on a fucking kayak or something,
because you know, the boats to get like an actual
motor boat. How could you do that on the sheet?
I don't want to pay for you know, I just

(01:06:18):
I don't want to pay for a fucking I don't
want to pay the fees for a doc. How could
you do like gorilla boating on the river? You know,
start at the north branch. You can even just find
somewhere to park on. I said, we only saw like
two or three drunken fishermen, you know, like you're going
past like one of those cutty areas. It's all overgrown.

(01:06:41):
The guy had to climb through a chain link hole
in a chain link fence to get to the river,
and he's found his little piece of paradise where nobody
can bother him. He's totally illegally trespassing, but he can
fish on the river without being hassled by any fucking
carns or cops or anybody complaining or someone trying to
charge him. You know, we only saw two or three
of those guys, and they were surprised to see us.

(01:07:03):
But the other cool thing is that there's this area
near like the little little village, Pilsen area, where there's
three slips, like basically just a dead end inlet that
goes back half a mile and it's where barges used
to go to dump stuff because there's yards on either side.
You know, think of it as like a same thing
like a box car would do with a loading dock

(01:07:24):
on like an industrial track. You know, it just goes
back that end to a loading dock. And so this
area was cool. We found We found this dude, I
guess some fucking crazy old bastard. Supposed he's got a
YouTube about it. He had built. He was trying to
put a houseboat together and it failed. I don't know,
someone was the city. I don't know this story. Phil

(01:07:45):
told me the story, but the city was fucking with him.
And like back here, it is cutty and peaceful, there's
blue herons, there's turtles. Like. No one goes back here
because these slips are bordered on either side by either
abandoned or neglected industrial properties, so there's no public access,
you know, except for like, you know, indigen kids like

(01:08:09):
graffiti writers something that might get back there, or like
the homeless or something. But this guy had built the houseboat,
which kind of looked like my friend Pauli's houseboat on
Newtown Creek. He had built this houseboat and I guess
he floated the background. I think the water is only
like six or eight feet deep their it's not very deep,
and the you know, the bottom of the fucking riverbeds

(01:08:33):
probably laden with PCBs and other toxic carcinogens. But he
had built this houseboat and the whole thing had collapsed
like sunk, and so it was half submerged. And then
it had weeds growing out of like look nooks in
the decaying wood of the exterior panels of the houseboat.
It was creepy, but it was cool at the same time.

(01:08:54):
And then some other fucking nutjob ha like I don't know,
I guess he's his cousins has like owns the industrial
proper nearby. So he built this impromptu dock and he
had all these decrepit boats on them, like just some
wing nut project, you know, And like he took some
you could see where he took some construction He like
stole a chainling fence from a construction site, you know,

(01:09:18):
the ones that just get they go into like a
cinder block that's sitting on the ground, Like the bottom
of the fence goes into a cinder block and they
so they can move it. And he had put that
in the river to kind of like I don't know
what this is like some tweaker shit. This is like
some drug addict shit, because this is like the way
a drug addict would think, Like you're gonna put a
fence in the river so that even though it's public,

(01:09:39):
it's like a public waterway on this little industrial slip
to make people you know, you know, like someone would
do it like a homeless guy would do it, like
a bummy camp. He was setting up in a park
or another freeway or something. You know, you want your
own little piece of real estate. You want to keep
people out of it so they don't steal your shit.
Or I don't know, I don't know what the thinking was,

(01:09:59):
but either way, it made a very creepy and cool scenery,
you know. And then Urban Rivers that they got a
wildlife a trap cam they set up on this little
doc that they they got on one of these slips,
and that whole thing freezes over in winter, and that's
where they were seeing the coyote activity, like coyotes walking

(01:10:21):
on the ice once this thing freezes over, and that's
where we saw the coyotes. Fucking fix still can bee
with five fucking coyotes. Man, Oh, it was so cool
to see. And they were so fucking heavy. They were
like kind of playing with each other and shit too
really cute. I couldn't believe how healthy they looked though,
Like they almost look kind of fat, you know, like overweight,
Like you take your dog to the vet and they're like,
you gotta switch to a different food or you know,

(01:10:43):
take them out more. They're not this dog's not getting
enough exercise. We've all had that moment, you know. Jack
had that moment five years ago. I took him to
the vet and the vet said he's a little overweight.
And I said, I beg your pardon, sir, I beg
your pardon how dare you fat shave my dog? I
suppose you're gonna assume his gender. Next piece of shit hetroonormative,

(01:11:06):
it's gender piece of shit anyway. Uh So yeah, the
fucking river man, goh god, it was so nice. Shout
out the urban rivers. If you're in Chicago, you really
got to check out there. You could just Google maps
look up Wild Mile and it'll come up, and it's
so impressive what they're doing. Man, it's so nice. That's
just the fucking the hibiscus really takes over. So I

(01:11:28):
was going and collecting hibiscus seeds and throwing them, scattering
them as we went through the loop too. And you know,
downtown Chicago has all these old uh it's got like
old old pylons, you know, like assemblages of what look
like telephone poles. They'll take thirty of those, they'll wrap
them and change so it makes a bundle, and they'll
put them. They'll hammer them into the the river bed

(01:11:53):
with a pile driver, and they'll put those around the
bridges so that if like you know, drunken barge operator,
drunken boater back in the day, would ever wouldn't hit,
wouldn't run into the bridge and totally take apart the bridge.
What are you waiting? Give me this? Hold on? You
know what? You can't play with this this. I don't
know what this is, but I imagine it makes a

(01:12:14):
mess when you tear it apart. Fucking dog. I gotta
take him out. You can't walk these dogs. You can't
walk cattle dogs. You gotta take him out of bike.
I have to take him out on a bike ride.
He's gotta do five miles a day or else. He
he just starts, He starts going nuts, He gets anxiety,
he starts tearing shit up, starts peeing in the house.
You know, he still does the squirt pee thing, like

(01:12:34):
the submissive squirt pee, like when he thinks he's in trouble.
He gets on his back and then it's like, you know,
it's like you gotta approach him like he's a bomb, right,
like gentle enough if even if you're too gentle, if
you know what, it's best to just step away from him.
Once he does the submissive bullshit and he gets on
his back with his paws up, that's what he's about
to pee. If you touch him, he's gonna pee. He'll

(01:12:54):
squirt piss all over the floor normally, because normally when
I do that, I'm picking him up because he just
did something. I'm gonna throw him outside. So now when
he does is I have to just walk away, ignore him,
or else he's got a squirt piss out of anxiety.
He does it much less than he used to. But
I don't know what his history was, you know, something

(01:13:15):
something that involved high amounts of anxiety. And you know,
I probably I probably give him a little bit of anxiety.
He could just punch my little high he can sense
my high strung demeanor. But anyway, So the other cool thing, though,
that I saw was impatience capensus aka jewelweed, which is

(01:13:36):
supposed to be a natural antidote to poison ivy. Impatience
capensus one of the only New World impatience. By the way,
I saw a really cool one in Costa Rica, similar
herbaceous habit I think they're all herbatious, but uh, but
you know, most of the diversity in the genus, and
patience is an Asian. Then we get a couple a

(01:13:58):
couple uh. New World species. Capensus is one of the
most common little orange flowers. It's a pioneer species which
makes sense because you know, the fruits when they dry out,
they snap and they shoot seeds everywhere but the little capsules.
But that was all over the fucking the rotting pylons,

(01:14:21):
you know, on that are on either side of you know,
either bridge and downtown and the loop downtown. So you're
going downtown and there's like these habitat impromptu habitat islands
the size of like a dinner table, covered in impatience,
just floating in the water. Oh, it's so cool to see.
But again, man, I bet you could just like, why

(01:14:43):
doesn't someone just take Why didn't someone just take like
floating habitat match, there's got to be a cheap way
to build one out of pallets or something and find
a way to like, you know, use construction adhesive or
something and glue them to the fucking walls of the
river where they're out of the way a boat traffic
and put you know, old sticks and leaf matter just

(01:15:05):
create you know, old floating barges of habitat. You know,
stuff that's not going to decay too quickly. You don't
want just like leaves, because that'll decay too quickly. But
like sticks and uh, I don't know what would be
a good material, something that's obviously not toxic and is
somewhat just providing a substrate for plants to grow in,

(01:15:25):
you know, just using old pallets or something. I don't know, man,
there's got to be a way to I bet you.
I bet someone out there could figure it out and
just start creating these floating habitat mass You could put
in the corners up against the bridges, go down there,
you know, a little canoe or a kayak and just
get to work to go in there late at night.
Gorilla habitat planning in downtown Chicago on the river on

(01:15:50):
the loop. You know, maybe they get taken out, maybe not,
who knows. If you already had the plugs, like the
plants in them and stuff, that'd be fine. You could
stage them further north up river, you know, stage I
get stuff growing on them, and then tow them down
and set them up in the loop. That'd be fucking cool.
You know, this is this is something, This is someone

(01:16:11):
who's off it. This would be like a side hustle.
You know, you got a other source of income, maybe crime,
maybe not crime, but you're doing this in your free time.
You know, it's sure beachs. You know, I'll get addicted
the pills are playing video games. I don't know. You know,
everybody needs a hobby, creating habitat and uh you know,
the one of the second largest cities in the United States,
it's a good one. Yeah. Man, the river was fucking great.

(01:16:34):
There's there's really there's some really cool and just all
that old infrastructure, old railroad bridges that aren't used anymore,
old docks, old piers, you know, piers that have been
severed from the land so now they're essentially just islands,
and they're all covered in golden rod, like solidago. There's
a couple of those in the South Loop, like right
near the train station. Uh no, it's fucking cool, but

(01:16:56):
it's about to get really cold here another month. You know,
climate change is shortening the winter. But yeah, it was nice.
It was so fucking nice. Man, it was so nice
the river. I will I've been severed from the river
my whole life because you have to have a boat
to get on it, or you gotta have some way
to access you know. Really, all you gotta do is
save up money, get a kayak, get a canoe, find

(01:17:18):
a spot you can dump it. You need a truck to,
you know, to get it down there. But yeah, I
don't know, I don't know. It was it was great
to see that's where the life thrives, you know. Well,
we went to some nasty, nasty, nasty seafood joint called
Lawrence's that's right on the river and uh, it's right

(01:17:39):
near one of these elevated these train bridges that go
up and down and it uh just like, you know,
it's one of those places like, oh, yeah, that looks good.
They got calamari for six bucks and you order it
and it's just fucking oil. It's just like oil and
nasty bread. Oh. It was so fucking heinous. I I

(01:18:00):
wondered why Phil and Nick didn't order that much, you know,
because I was hungry. I hadn't really eaten. And I
get there and I'm like, oh, look they got this.
It's cheap and blah blah. And it wasn't even that
cheap at the end of the day. And then I
sit down and I'm like, oh, this is fucking gnarly.
This is like, oh just everything deep Friday got like
okrah and columari. He was kind of nasty. Anyway, Live

(01:18:23):
and learn anyway, you got like a month left maybe
to enjoy the prairie if you're in the region, in
the prairie region, Uh, to enjoy the prairie at sunset
and how psychedelic you can feel. Huck, he's got the
squeaky toy now? Really? Yeah, I just took this dog
out again. You got a bike with him. I took
him to a park near my mom's house, and uh,

(01:18:46):
I had to you know, fucking I try. I only
go there when there's nowhere, no one there, like ten
am on a weekday. But I took him there and
it was a you know, a older Caucasian lady, and
which is not always inherently in itself a pro there's
a bunch of wonderful older Caucasian women who come out
to the shows, you know, the crime pace fans. It

(01:19:06):
seems like could be all all all demographics, all ages, young, old,
you know, different melanin content, different cultural backgrounds, different levels
of aggressiveness and their approach to life. So this is
certainly not I'm not pigeonholing here, but listen, the squeaky thing.
Could you could we stop that? Give me this just

(01:19:27):
for just give me a couple of minutes. Okay, anyway,
So I took him out, and God, he asks, like
I'm an asshole. I get it right back. Yeah, I
took him out. And you know, they're walking, they're doing
their laps around a park. And this is not this
doesn't look like an aggressive dog. Like I understand if
you've got like a pitbull or fucking Doberman and they're
running loose, you know, you'd be Jesus. I wouldn't do
that to anybody. I would take him to like, you know,

(01:19:48):
the train yard or so the abandoned train yard to
walk a dog like that. But I took them. I
let him off at the park. The dog weighs like
thirty pounds. He's like a medium sized dog. He looks
like this big dumb I'm sweet. Uh, like you know,
blue hue or border Collie mix. And uh and and this,
you know, we're just running laughing in the park. He's

(01:20:09):
staying right by me. He just needs to be able
to run. And uh and this this I see the thing.
You see this with the with the genteels. Sometimes the wealthy,
you know, the the especially wealthy older woman, you know
wash she sees it from one hundred yards away. She
tends is up and fuck here we go, you know,
and she could see me like I'm she knows, she
could see my facial expression and just the fucking exhaustion

(01:20:32):
of having to deal with this ship and I'm just
trying to like take my dog out to the park.
There's fucking no one here. You're the only one here.
It's a it's ten ten in the morning. Like he's
not gonna He's very clearly staying by me. He looks harmless, like,
you know, I understand being afraid, but at some point,
like you're fucking you not having the life experience to
notice is a harmless situation anyway to each there, Oh

(01:20:53):
that's fine, but we walk, We go by her once
he obviously shows no interest, leaves her alone. He's staying
by me. We go buy another time, and she she
could you know, I'm going to call the police. This
is this isn't that your dog is offish and instantly
and I'm like, what is he fucking what is he is?

Speaker 2 (01:21:11):
He just?

Speaker 1 (01:21:12):
Is he asking you for money? Is he coming up
to you trying to convert you and handing your fucking pamphlets? Lady?
What is the issue? Like he's We're minding our own
fucking business. There's very clearly no issue, you know. And
of course she's this is like in a wealthier area.
The suburb my mom lives in was working class. It
used to be working class bungalows. Once all the old
people lived there died, these fucking people from DuPage County

(01:21:34):
started moving, and you know, they buy up a house
with two bungalows on a knock them boat down, put
up this giant fucking monstrosity. It looks like the home
alone house, you know, just some massive three car garage
TACKI bullshit, built out of toothpicks. That'll be you know,
half the lumber will have dry rotten thirty years. You
know it. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway, And
so she just keeps going day he's at least signing, lady,

(01:21:56):
there's no Finally I just stop and I just start going, hey,
just in that you know that obnoxious, well to do,
wealthy Midwest accent. Hey hey hey, yeah, yeah. I think
I don't know if she caught on that I was mocking.
I was rudely mocking her, but it drove her away.

(01:22:18):
She stopped and then we just left, you know, because
by that point we'd already done two or three laughs,
and I, you know, put the leash back on him
and then we left. So it fucking drives me. It
drives me nuts, man, I can't. I just having to
interact with it. And it's not just about dogs or
taking your dog to the park, it's anything. It's having
to interact with those people at anything. You know. I

(01:22:38):
don't hate them, I just don't want to be around him.
I don't want to have to look at them, right,
I'm just I'm so much more comfortable around maybe a
lesser income level. I don't know. I don't know to
pigeonhole the stereotype to generalize, right, there's still generalizations. You
take them with a grain of salt. But I just it's,
you know, my experience. You go to this fucking wealthy areas.

(01:22:59):
I can't. I can't handle it. I can't interact. I
can't take the fuck anyway. Keller Long Tours starting. Uh Now,
I guess we're going up to Milwaukee tonight. I don't
know we're playing it. We're doing some nature museum that
they'll probably never let me back once they once they
hear my presentation. Uh and then we're doing Yeah, we'll
be in Saint Paul's Sunday night, and then we'll be

(01:23:22):
Monday night is Lincoln Tuesday's. Omaha. We almost did the
Omaha State Arboretum or the Nebraska State Arboretum, which I'm
sure is a great institution, but we were trying to
plant it out and after like the fifty third email,
I looked at it and just said, you know what,
fuck this, this is just too much. This is too
much burocer. We're just and then we just found a bar.
I canceled it and within or maybe they canceled me.

(01:23:46):
I think they canceled me because when we were selling merch,
they were like, well, you get ahead of Teddly of
a Poermitt, and you know, we don't. We're not comfortable
because the other event you're heading is in the same place.
We're not comfortable having two events competing with another. They
both sold out both like almost that capacity whatever. So
we just said, you know what, fuck this and uh,
and so we got we found someone else. Within like

(01:24:07):
forty minutes, we found a bar to play at. And
that's so this should be a good turnout. Wonderful Omaha,
wonderful Omaha, home of the Union Pacific Center. I could
see my former employer go say hi. Uh. And then
after so we're doing Lincoln Omaha. And then we got
what is it Kansas City? I think we're doing Kansas

(01:24:28):
Kansas City? Is it Kansas City? Is this somewhere? I
think it's just Kansas City, Missouri. And then Rock Island,
the Rock Island Show. There's not I don't thinkin there's
only gonna be like twenty people there, twenty or thirty.
It's gonna be low attendance. You know, the Quad Cities.
I don't know what's going on there. I don't know
what they got going on there. And then I'll be
Oklahoma City on the first, and then uh Dallas Fort

(01:24:52):
Worth area on the second. The show. The show times
and venues are available on the Crime Pays website, and uh,
you know, it's a nice presentation. We recorded a live
a live podcast of one of them at the hideout
and I'll be publishing that on the podcast and two

(01:25:12):
weeks after the tour's over. So while he's on the couch,
he's territius. I don't know, he's got like a little
squeaky uh, some sort of squeaky toy anyway, Okay, well
thanks for listening, and thanks someone, and you know, we
really do admire your passion. It's it's it's really great.
We're really happy that you're so enthusiastic about this. But

(01:25:32):
you've got a long way to go in learning. Yeah,
and you know, I just I mean it really Yeah.
I think you're underestimating the amount of time and consideration
of certain elements like leave. Thanks. Okay, that's all I got.
Fucking hell, there's even been personally that shit makes me
want to die. That's all I got. Heavy today to
go focks it by.

Speaker 2 (01:25:58):
Hold mame the Mystery, my holy Child. Yeah, you know,
I love me, I love for you.

Speaker 1 (01:26:19):
I never have