305: The Devil’s Subtle Strategies: What We Miss When We’re Distracted (with Tilly Dillehay)

So many of you have told me you loved Tilly's clever and quirky new book My Dear Hemlock, a book written in the voice of a demon mentor coaching her underling on how to derail a Christian woman’s walk with God. Taking inspiration from The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, Tilly’s version is tailored to the specific struggles that Christian women face today - frustration in marriage, social media distractions, pride disguised as virtue, and the slow drift that can happen in daily family life.

We talked about how the fictional format of the book gave Tilly room to say the hard things that are so easy to sidestep when we’re just trying to get through the week. She shares what it means to see homemaking not as a list of chores but as a sort of battleground on which small choices have big consequences. We also explore the temptation to fixate on a spouse’s flaws instead of tending to our own spiritual health as well as why that is so spiritually dangerous.

Tilly doesn’t just offer observations; she imparts deeply practical wisdom, things like how to build upon gratitude when your first impulse is annoyance, how to recognize when the enemy is whispering half-truths, and why community and prayer aren’t just helpful but essential. This episode will be sure to challenge you, encourage you, and make you think twice the next time that you scroll through Instagram or silently stew over a spouse's mistake.

In This Episode

[0:36] - I welcome Tilly Dillehay, author of My Dear Hemlock, to the podcast for this episode!

[1:15] - Tilly reveals how the book came to fruition.

[3:30] - Hear how writing a fictional book helped Tilly express real-life marital struggles and spiritual challenges that Christian women face.

[6:03] - Although not from a charismatic tradition, Tilly finds value in acknowledging Satan’s real influence.

[7:28] - I stress how small annoyances are spiritual battlegrounds on which we choose our response.

[10:57] - Women's imaginative power can harm relationships if misused as criticism instead of praise.

[12:07] - I warn against magnifying minor flaws in loved ones.

[14:08] - Tilly advises cultivating daily gratitude instead of scrutinizing a spouse’s faith.

[17:29] - By gently initiating nightly prayer, it's created deeper connection and communication in marriage.

[18:34] - Many marriages unfortunately fall apart from unspoken contempt that could’ve been avoided with small, daily kindnesses.

[21:34] - I point out how the media distorts women’s expectations and how prayer often gets derailed by distracting thoughts.

[22:30] - Tilly suggests praying with others and using scripture as structure for focused prayer.

[25:02] - Instead of promising prayer and then forgetting, Tilly prefers to pray immediately and let people know that she just did.

[28:36] - Tilly disabled Safari on her phone entirely because phones are ultimately designed to steal time.

[30:37] - Distractions vary per person; mine was audio, while a friend’s was compulsive online shopping.

[32:24] - Tilly asserts that homes are spiritual battlegrounds and that women play a key role in their power.

[35:55] - Tilly advises beginning