319: Loneliness, Friendship Breakups, and How to Build Strong Community with Kristen Strong

I am ecstatic to be joined for this episode of the show by Kristen Strong, author of the book Desperate Woman Seeks Friends: Real Talk About Connection, Rejection, and Trying Again for the Friendships You Need! Join us as we talk about the challenges of making and maintaining friendships, especially as adults. Kristen shares her own personal story of feeling lonely and "desperate" to find friends when she moved to a new city with her military family, describing the strategies that she learned, including "show up, open up, pray up" (putting herself out there to meet new people, being vulnerable by inviting them into her home, and relying on prayer for guidance).

Kristen highlights the importance of patience and persistence, noting that building deep friendships takes significant time and persistent effort, and she encourages listeners to get creative in finding opportunities to connect, whether through shared activities, volunteering, or simply running errands together. Kristen also cautions against the pitfalls of trying too hard or being overly needy in friendships, which can inadvertently push people away.

Our conversation also touches upon the pain of friendship breakups and rejection, with Kristen offering empathy and advice for those who have been deeply hurt, suggesting that they rely on their faith, avoid bitterness, and have the courage to try again.

Kristen shares how her own difficult friendship experiences ultimately helped her become a healthier, more confident friend, and she highlights the vital importance of community and the need for women to support and encourage one another. I highly recommend you get yourself a copy of her book Desperate Woman Seeks Friends as it is filled with practical wisdom and inspiration for anyone seeking more meaningful connections!

In This Episode

[0:35] - I introduce this episode’s focus on women’s struggles with friendship and welcome Kristen Strong!

[2:06] - Hear how Kristen nearly resorted to posting a “Desperate Woman Seeks Friends” sign before meeting her friend.

[5:18] - I reflect on moving towns, feeling lonely, and realizing social media can complicate true connection.

[7:44] - Online friendships often lack the vulnerability of real-life encounters.

[9:09] - Kristen stresses “show up, open up, pray up” as keys for building lasting friendships.

[12:12] - Hosting people at home fosters deeper bonds and aligns with God’s design.

[15:12] - I emphasize initiating coffee invites, acknowledging that most attempts won’t lead to close friendships.

[16:20] - Kristen reflects on having clicked instantly with Maria, proving treasured friendships can form even with full, busy lives.

[19:12] - Kristen values blending friendship and routine tasks, leaving people feeling lighter and more encouraged afterward.

[22:41] - We reflect on having once suffocated and/or overwhelmed friends in the past.

[25:52] - By finding security in faith, Kristen became a healthier friend for others.

[28:56] - Friendship breakups rarely reflect personal failure.

[31:09] - Kristen sees rejection as God’s protection.

[34:21] - I share how a breakup birthed growth, gratitude, and opportunities to love my former friend.

[36:34] - Kristen warns bitterness can stunt healing, but softened hearts enrich future friendships and resilience.

[39:39] - Kristen critiques throwaway culture and stresses grace, forgiveness, and cherishing supportive friendships.

Links & Resources

Crystal Paine

Books

Desperate Woman Seeks Friends: Real Talk About Connection, Rejection, and Trying Again for the Friendships You Need by Kristen Strong

Social Media

Crystal Paine on Instagram (@moneysavingmom)

Crystal Paine on Instagram (@crystaliscleaning)

Crystal Paine on LinkedIn