August 8, 2025 • 49 mins
Hey lady! On the road to building the soft life of your dreams you’ll need to incorporate systems to keep that soft life moving authentically and with ease. Often, we’re taught that lives that feel good and easy come with hard work and while that is one way to do it there are ways to build routines and life processes that make life smooth and add joy. After all life is not about the end goal. The journey matters as much as the destination and to make that journey easier Dr. Dom and Terri have a comprehensive list of actionable strategies you can implement into your life incrementally to create a structure that is manageable and dare we say it, fun?! As with anything, take what you need and discard the rest.
You’ll want to tune into Patreon for the Aftershow. Terri and Dr. Dom offer seven journal prompts that can help you customize routines that provide soft structure and help you move intentionally towards your best, most fulfilled life of your dreams.
Quote of the Day:
"When you can and as you can, in ways that feel loving, make time and space for yourself”
– Tracee Ellis Ross
Goal Map Like a Pro Workbook
Cultivating H.E.R. Space Sanctuary
Resources:
Dr. Dom’s Therapy Practice
Branding with Terri
Melanin and Mental Health
Therapy for Black Girls
Psychology Today
Therapy for QPOC
Where to find us:
Twitter: @HERspacepodcast
Instagram: @herspacepodcast
Facebook: @herspacepodcast
Website: cultivatingherspace.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.
You’ll want to tune into Patreon for the Aftershow. Terri and Dr. Dom offer seven journal prompts that can help you customize routines that provide soft structure and help you move intentionally towards your best, most fulfilled life of your dreams.
Quote of the Day:
"When you can and as you can, in ways that feel loving, make time and space for yourself”
– Tracee Ellis Ross
Goal Map Like a Pro Workbook
Cultivating H.E.R. Space Sanctuary
Resources:
Dr. Dom’s Therapy Practice
Branding with Terri
Melanin and Mental Health
Therapy for Black Girls
Psychology Today
Therapy for QPOC
Where to find us:
Twitter: @HERspacepodcast
Instagram: @herspacepodcast
Facebook: @herspacepodcast
Website: cultivatingherspace.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. Today, routine
and structure looks like being committed to my non negotiables.
There are a couple of things every single week and
every day that I really want to do. And when
I do those things, I feel like I'm thriving and
I feel really good.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hey, lady, have you ever felt like the world just
doesn't get you? Well?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We do. Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated
to uplifting and empowering women like you.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Grussard and educator and psychologists.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from
fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black
women to just be.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow
button and leave us a quick five star review. Lady,
we are black and black owned, and your support will
help us reach even more women like you.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps,
this is for you. Hey, lady, is tea here and
I just want to invite you to my free goal
map like a pro coaching workshop, where I'll share the
five proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals.
Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all your ideas, juggling scattered ideas,
(01:33):
or maybe you just need confidence to start, this workshop
will give you the clarity, tools and the motivation to
take back control. Reserve your spot for free by visiting
her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal map
like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance
to build a roadmap that fits your life and set
you up for success. I hope to see you there
(01:56):
all right.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Our quote of the day, when you can, and as
you can, in ways that feel loving, make time and
space for yourself. Lady, I'm gonna say that again for
the folks in the back. When you can and as
(02:18):
you can, in ways that feel loving, make time and
space for yourself. So that quote comes to us from
our homegirl in our Heads, Tracy Ellis Ross. All right,
it's Folkstig. You know the question. When you hear that quoting,
(02:38):
you think about our episode for today. What comes to mind?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Okay, so much comes to mind? Tom When I hear
this quote, it makes me think about how one when
it comes to any routines that we're building, everything should
start with self, right, so understanding like where are you,
what you have the capacity to do right now? And
literally don what came to mind for me. I know
you're going to dive deeper into the quote, but I
thought about after I had my daughter four years ago,
(03:06):
and I remember taking a bath was such a luxury.
Like I used to take baths before she was born.
I would be in the bath like up to an
hour and I'd just be having the ball. But it
you know, that changed because I was breastfeeding. I remember
a time where I was taking a bath and she
was hungry, so they brought her in and I either
Doulah or her husband at the time, brought her in
and I was nursing from the tub, and I was like, Okay, well,
(03:27):
this is what time for myself. This is what my
routine looks like in this season because I'm nursing. I
still want to take a bath and have my time
to myself, but it just looks a little different in
this season. So that's what it makes me think about
tweaking what we do for ourselves and our routine based
on what season we're in. So that's the example what
comes to mind for you when you hear this quote.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Well, one, I love that example of like being thinking
about ways to honor your routine in the moment that,
like the moment that you're in, right, that just because
we may have had like a life shift, doesn't mean
that we completely abandon the things that feel good for us,
(04:10):
that are nurturing for us. We adapt yeah, And so
to me, that's essentially what comes to mind, right that
the when you can as you can, because I think
for me, when I think about that piece of the quote,
it's an honoring of okay, literally when you're.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Able to.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
As you're able to, And in the piece of like
in ways that feel loving, yes, because in the ways
that feel loving in one season might not feel so
loving in another season. And so I think the word
(04:55):
that keeps coming up for me is adaptability, yes, and
then flexibility that we have to move based on the
things that we're dealing within the moment. Right. I feel
like there's a quote out there and I can't remember
(05:17):
exactly who said it. It's a proverb. It's a philosophy
of like the tree that the tree that unyields or
unbends is easily broken. So to me, what that means
is the tree the person. When you are inflexible, you
are more likely to experience despair because you aren't in
(05:41):
a space that's allowing you to move with how life
is shifting.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
That is so good. I love that so much. You
have me. I'm having a visual. I'm thinking of the
tree and like a windy there's like a storm going
on right. The storm happening in the tree is just
so richid that it, like you said, and it breaks.
But the ones that are flexible and that are kind
of flowing with the wind, they're able to weather the
storm because they're able to flow with it right instead
of like going against the grain. Oh okay, I'm so
(06:11):
excited for this conversation. Okay, lady, today's episode is for
the woman who's juggling it all. It might be work, school, creativity, healing, relationships, singlehood, motherhood,
whatever it looks like for you in your life right now.
If you've been trying to find some kind of rhythm
without losing yourself in the process, this conversation is for you.
(06:32):
We are talking about soft structure. I know people are
talking about the soft life today. We're talking about soft
structure routines that support the version of you that exists
right now. Not who you want to be in the
future or who you were last year, but the you
that's navigating a very real, very human season right If
your routine has fell off or forced or it just
(06:55):
doesn't fit anymore, this episode will give you a breath
of fresh air. Now before we jump in, lady, get
your notebook out or your journal or you know, your
no taking device if you're using your phone, and just
reflect on this journaling prompt that we want to share
with you. We're going to share one journaling prompt now,
and then at the end we'll share with you how
you can get access to about six other prompts that
(07:16):
can really help you to reflect and build the ideal
routine for you in this stage in your life. So
the question is, what does your ideal life look like
from the moment you wake up to when your head
hits the pillow at night. So think about that, and
you can pause the episode if you want to sit
and reflect on that, and also think about how does
that ideal life compare to your current day and if
(07:40):
you want to go a step further, you can also
ask yourself what's one small shift you can make toward alignment.
So sit with that as we have this conversation, and
let's see what comes up for you.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
All right, So, now that you have resumed this episode
after causing to do your journaling speak an highlist, let's
us talk about what this really looks like for us, right,
So see what what does your current routine look like?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yes, I would say that my routine today is a
lot more flexible than it used to be in the past.
I was. I don't know, maybe we're taught this or
we hear this often, but I used to be under
the impression that because I wasn't waking up every single
day without any days off at five am and meditating
and working out and doing this and doing that, and
things were just not perfect air quotes, I felt like
(08:39):
I was failing. And I realized that I don't have
to do I don't have to live my life in
that rigid way in order to be successful. So to me, today,
routine and structure looks like being committed to my non negotiables.
There are a couple of things every single week and
every day that I really want to do, and when
I do those things, I feel like I'm thriving and
I feel really good. And what I've done lately is
I let everything else in my day pretty much flow.
(09:01):
Like I'll set goals, but I find myself having a
notebook and each day I write the date, and then
I kind of script out or write out, Okay, what
do I want to achieve in the next two hours, And
so I put the time and I'll just focus on
those specific things so that I'm not all over the place.
So that's kind of what routine and structure looks like
to me today. It's very flexible, it flows, but there
(09:22):
are some aspects of my day that I really prioritize
because they make me feel like whole and grounded.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I love that. I love that, and I think for me,
it's really being in tune with the season. Right. So
at the time that we're recording this episode, it's the summertime. Yeah,
And so for me typically what that means is that
my work schedule has more flexibility. It also means that
(09:51):
I'm doing more traveling, and so when I travel, my
work like my day to day looks different, right, So
I might not be waking up at exactly the same
time that I normally would during when my season tends
to be more I have more priority and I have
(10:14):
more non negotiables in my day right, And so it's
really for me getting in tune with the season that
I'm in and how do I adjust my schedule to
match the season that I'm in. In this current season,
my schedule is pretty flexible, like truly going in with
(10:39):
the flow. Yeah, no day like looks the same, Like
Monday of this week look different than Monday of last week.
It's gonna look different than the Monday of the coming week.
And so for me, it's really about giving myself that
permission to move and flow with this current season.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
I love that, and I think it speaks to like
you shared earlier, adaptability and flexibility, which I think that
is the name of the game. Because I don't know
if you've ever been sold this sort of rigid schedule
idea down, but I think many of us have been,
and I want to know before we jump into our
eight gentle reminders about routines. Can you share a moment
or do you remember a time when you had a
rigid schedule that started to feel like a burden because
(11:27):
I can think of one for myself, but I want
to hear. I want to hear yours too.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
So there's a couple of couple of times in my
life where I can that easily comes to mind. So
one I think about when I was on internship working
on my dissertation, and I remember my schedule having to
be super rigid because I had multiple goals with tim
(11:58):
limited that deadline that I needed to accomplish, and so
for me, in order to meet those deadlines, I needed
to have a very rigid schedule. I was also in
a place in life where I could make that happen, right,
So I knew, like I got up at the same
(12:22):
time every morning, was out the house by a particular time,
like had a set morning routine, like the things that
I was doing Monday through Friday, because I had to
be at work at a certain time. I would get
off at a certain time and come home and had
a set routine because I was also I would come home,
I would have dinner, I watch a TV show, and
(12:43):
then I would get to writing for the rest of
the evening rents repeat and then on the weekend and
so like, and then on the weekends like had that
a similar structure minus the going to work. Yeah, Sunday
was like mail prep day, and so like literally I
was getting up and cooking and prepping meals for the
(13:03):
entire week, rense repeat through that entire season because I
had time limited deadline that I needed to accomplish. Yeah. Now,
was my body probably adolphin, sure, but also not to
(13:24):
the same extent that it would be if I cried
that today because I was in my twenties. Yeah, the
level of energy that I had in my twenties is
different than the level of energy I have in my forties.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
And so I also know that I can look on
the path and say, yeah, I did that. I accomplished that.
So I know, based on past behavior, I have the.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Capacity to do it. But in this current season in
stage in life, they don't necessarily filed that same level
of debt that in time sensitive things that need to
be accomplished, So I don't have to be as rigid
where I am in this current faith in life. And
(14:12):
I know that if I did that to myself because
I don't have those obligations, that's when I would feel
burnout and feel resemful.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Oh girl, that is. Yeah, that's so interesting because what
you have done in one season won't always serve you
in the season that you're in. I think that's a
really important highlight. And what you shared and it talk
about mel prepping, it makes me think about a time girl.
Thinking about this just makes me stressed out. So there
was a time when I was this is before I
had my daughter, where I was really trying to gain weight.
(14:45):
I feel like that has been a thing like as
a slim you know, where as a slim someone who's
always been slim, it's like I was always trying to
gain weight. And so I joined this program and they
promoted meal prepping, right. But when I tell you, I
would mill prep and this process for me starting to
feel like a burden because what I would do is
I wur mil prep every meal. It was three core
meals a day and then I eat snacks in between,
(15:06):
and the core meals they would be in these little
meal prep containers. My fridge was filled. I mean I
barely had spaces for groceries in the fridge because everything
was stacked up. And then I found myself taking the
meals to work and commuting back and it just felt
so daunting. I didn't even gain away. All was trying
to gain and I did all that and it just
it was tiring. It was like overwhelming. It was stressing
(15:26):
me out because then I wasn't finishing all the meals
because I didn't have any appetite sometimes. And so what
I do today for my mel prep is so much more.
It's like fits into that soft, structured idea versus what
I was doing before when it was like very rigid,
like I gotta do this and gotta do that, and
then I'm wasting food because it just, yeah, it was
not working for me. So happy that we're not in
that season anymore.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, And so let's before we dive into the pips
on how to set this routine, let's cover some gentle
reminder as you think about as you begin to plan
out what your routine will look like.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
So the first.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
One, routine should support you, not control you. I'm gonna
say that again. Your routine should support you, not control you.
And so you know, the thing to think about is
back to what we were saying right that, like, if
(16:31):
your routine feels restrictive, or you find yourself feeling guilty
or reventful or burned out, it's time to step back
and revise that. That routine, your structure, your schedule, Your
routine should not make you feel like your cage. Do
(16:52):
you need it?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Ment to that. And number two is your routine can
change with your season and it should just like we stated,
right when you were in grind mode might not work
when you're in your healing era. Right, So honor yourself
and where you are right now in this particular season
that is so important.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yes, And this third one reminds yourself of this one
regularly because oftentimes this third step is one that keeps
people from making the progress that they need to. Small
steps or baby steps if I like to call them,
are still sacred and important. I know that you may
(17:35):
have seen on social media how to have the ideal
morning routine follow these twelve steps. Well, depending on where
you are in life, those twelve steps might actually work
for you. But also depending on where you are in life,
if having that glass of water and notice I wasn't
(17:57):
specific on how much water, right, If having that glass
of water and breathing deeply for a few minutes is
all you have in this season, that counts small steps
lead to bigger progress.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yes they do, and piggybacking off of what Dom'm just shared.
Number four is there is no perfect routine, right. I
feel like a lot of times we see people online
trying to tell every sort of generalizing telling everyone this
is what you got to do, this is what you
should do. And sometimes there's value in listening to what
other people have done to see where it fits into
your life. But I think it's really about figuring out
(18:40):
what works for me, right, So pinterest and productivity culture
sometimes they be lying, Okay, you don't need a certain
aesthetic to be aligned. It's really about what works for
you in this season of life, and what works for
you may not work for someone else, and what works
for you in the season, like we said before, it
may not serve you in the next season. Right, So
just understanding that there's no perfect routine and it's to
be flexible.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yes, oh yes, flexibility.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Number five, rest is productive too. We have said this
multiple times. We have encouraged you all to check out
the NAP ministry. Let this serve of another reminder that
you are allowed to schedule rest. I've talked about having
(19:25):
do nothing dates at least once for one but the
thing that I also want to emphasize is you don't
need to earn rest. Rest is your birthright. You deserve
rest full.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Five and speaking of rest, because I think this one
goes hand in hand. Number six is let your body lead.
Oh my goodness, yes, it is so important for us
to listen to our bodies. Instead of asking what should
I do right now? Try what do I need right now?
Let's say that one for time the back. Okay, instead
of asking what should I do right now? This is
for me. This is why I'm saying it again, y'all,
(20:05):
I need for you. It's for me. Try what do
I need right now? Let your body speak before your
planner does. There are so many times. It was a
time recently I was gonna work out. I have my
workout stuff on, and my day got so busy and
by the end of the day I was like, Okay,
I didn't work out. I feel like I want to stretch,
Just stretch and do some breath work. That's just what
I felt like my body needed, versus trying to go
(20:26):
head to the gym after a long day. It was like,
you know what, this is going to be my workout.
It's going to be stretching my body out and doing
this breath work, so let your body need Oh I
love that.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I love that this next one. Consistency does not equal rigidity.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Say that again.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Consistency does not equal rigidity. They are not the same thing.
You can show up consistently without doing the exact same
thing every day. So you can say I'm going to
work out. That's consistency. Working out. However, many days a
(21:11):
week you've set up and following through on that is consistency.
Rigidity is on Monday, I do ten reps of twenty
five push up in rep of in pull up, and
(21:33):
I rinse, repeat every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. That's rigidity. Consistency
is I work out every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Maybe this
Monday I felt like doing stretching and breathwork. Wednesday I
felt more energized. So I'm gonna do cardio and strength Friday,
(22:00):
I'm doing yoga. Consistency does not equal rigidity.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
I just want to say down, I really appreciate this reminder.
And I reposted something that Gary v posted, so just
kind of visualize this. He had a picture of about
five glasses and like drinking glasses and at the top,
it said, this is what people think consistency looks like.
And the five glasses at the top they were all
filled at the exact same level. But then at the
bottom he said, this is what consistency really looks like.
(22:29):
And it was like the first class was full, the
second one was half full, the second one like barely
had me in it. And what it depicted was that
it's so like you said, show up and do something.
It doesn't have to be perfect every single time. It's
about just showing up a lot of times and doing
something right. So that's so important. Like to also just
be gentle with ourselves when it comes to that, because
sometimes we think we got to be rigid and do
(22:50):
everything a certain way. And that takes us to number eight.
This is something we've talked about on the podcast a lot.
Number eight is joy belongs in your schedule too. I
think we all all need evermind you okay, joy and
rest because a lot of us don't prioritize that. I'm
speaking to myself too. Joy belongs to your schedule too.
So make space for what lights you up, not just
(23:10):
what checks a box right, play Connect dance in your kitchen,
to work around the house, like all that stuff counts,
so make sure we're adding time for joy as well. So, lady,
we're going to put these eight gentle reminders in the
show notes, but what we want to do right now
is we want to dive into these seven tips for
building a gentle aligned routine, and don't forget at the
(23:31):
end of this conversation, we're going to share how you
can get access to more of those journal prompts so
that you can really reflect and be intentional about this
next stage in your journey. So number one is start
with your non negotiables. So ask yourself what three to
five things really ground me, no matter what, So it
could be journaling, moving your body, a spiritual practice, or
a family dinner. And then get clear on what are
(23:54):
those things that you absolutely need to have right that's
the second question, to ask yourself, what do I absolutely
have to do? What am I non negotiables for the day,
and build around those, not on top of everything else.
So I know for me, when you asked me earlier
down about what does I think it was structure or
my schedule, look like I have some non negotiables throughout
my week and for me that's meal prepping, picking, out
(24:16):
me and my daughter's clothes for the whole week, and
putting my workout routine and my personal me time on
the calendar. Putting it on the calendar ahead of the week,
usually on Sunday nights, is when I do it, so
that it's already baked into the schedule. So if I
don't do anything else, as long as I get those
non negotiables done, I feel like, Okay, I'm grounded, I'm centered.
(24:36):
These are the things I've done and I'm proud of that.
Would you add anything to this one?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Also taken to consideration in terms of the things that
you have to do well, I'd say that you have kids,
and your kids have a set drop off, prime and
pick up, and if you are the person who's doing
drop off and or pick up, those times are your
(25:02):
non negotiables. Those are the times that you absolutely have
to show up. Let's say that you work a job
where you have to punch a time clock. So if
you have to punch a time clock, those times are
your non negotiables. And so you want to make sure
(25:26):
that as you're setting up your routine, you mark those
in there first so that you build your schedule the
rest of your schedule around those things that, So what
that can actually look like. Let's say that your non
negotiables are you need to pray and meditate every morning.
(25:51):
You have drop off at seven point thirty. You have
to clock into your job by nine am. So let's
look at if you have to do drop off by
seven point thirty, how long does it take you to commute?
So then how long does it take do you want
(26:12):
to spend meditating and praying? So then your wake up
time is based on those things, right, and how do
you make faith for everything else around those? But those
are the things that you like are saying you absolutely
have to do in your day, So then that actually
(26:35):
takes us to the second one, right, build rhythm, not
rigid timeline. Now, want to be clear that that can
sound confusing based on what I just said right about
your not negotiables, but hear me out. So instead of
saying I have to meditate at six point thirty, fry
(27:01):
saying I have to meditate when I wake up, so
before I do anything else or before I leave the house.
So let's say because you have that non negotiable of
dropping off your kids by that and thirty, and it
takes you thirty minutes to get there if you set
(27:25):
your alarm for six am, and you know that it
typically because again when I say as I say, typically
that's about moving in rhythm. It typically takes you forty
five minutes to get you and the kids together in
the morning. Then that means that And you said you
(27:46):
want to thin let's say around five minutes meditating or praying.
Don't where within that forty five minutes you pause for
your meditation and prayer. And it's not at six fifteen
every morning I have to pause and meditate. It's before
(28:11):
I leave the house. So within that forty five minute
time period of getting ready, I'm going to make some
space to meditate. And maybe your schedule, maybe you have
your having a morning where the kids are at your
door before their normal wake up time and one of
(28:32):
them is sick, and so you're having to pause and
deal with that. So you didn't get to meditate when
you first opened your eyes because baby girl is at
the door saying, Mommy, I'm sick. Maybe it's you have
to get up, clean up baby girl. And now as
you're in the bathroom getting ready to hop in the shower,
(28:56):
your meditation is happening while you're in the shower.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Listen, you must have been peeking through my window. Don
One thing I want to add to this one about
building rhythms not just rigid timelines. Is it kind of
leads into number three. But it does depend on the season, right,
because you were talking earlier down about you were in
a season of life where the rigidity, because sometimes that
does serve you, right, And so when you think about
the language you use, I think that's also really powerful.
(29:20):
So is it I must or I have to, or
is it I aim to or I'm planning to do this?
I think that also matters. So be mindful, lady of
again you knowing what season you're in and understanding what
language is going to serve you best, because I think
that can also just give us the energy that we
might need based on what season we're in. And number
three is honor the season you're in, right, so kind
(29:41):
of you know, leading or taking us to this next
phase of the tips here my mind. So when it
comes to honoring the season your end, are you in
the season of survival? Because baby, let me tell you,
when you're in the season of survival, a lot of
shit is going out the window. You're like, I am here.
I am just here, Like that's it, the routine, all
(30:01):
that's all I got. Okay, what I got here is
presence and that's it, and that's okay, right, Like being
gentle with ourselves are using a season of expansion, transition,
or healing. I mean, the past couple of years of
my life have been a combination of all of them,
and the way that I've shown up in each season.
I feel like I'm a totally different person, Like, oh
my goodness, I don't recognize who I was two years ago,
(30:21):
right because of the season I'm in now. So being
gentle with yourself and honoring it and realizing that who
you are today is not it doesn't define who you are.
Where you are in your journey does not define who
you are. It is literally just a little point and
the story of your life. It's like a little page
in the book of your life. That's it. Right. Your
routine should ideally reflect your capacity and not necessarily your
(30:45):
wish list.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Just knowing that, I think can be so comforting. Knowing
that where you are today does not determine where you're
going to end up. And then you're just in this
particular space and season of life. I think that is
so grounding sometimes.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Yes, I love we'd grounding right of being cleaner with
yourself that you are showing up as best you can
in this season and grounding yourself in that, so that
then you start to move with that. So that if
(31:21):
you are in a season of expansion and you're grounded
and I am showing up as best I can, then
that allows you to call them reflect like, if I'm
in this season of expansion, am I doing all the
things that I know I am capable and have the
havity to do to be in this season of expansion?
(31:45):
So thinking of being in a season of expansion number
four can really be helpful in this in when you're
in a season of expansion, using visual tools that actually
inspire you. Now that's not to say that if you're
in a season of healing or you're in a season
(32:07):
of stillness that these tools won't be helpful. But I'm
also aware that this is most beneficial, most useful. You're
more likely to utilize this when you're in a season
of expansion. So whether it's having a whiteboard or sticky notes,
(32:29):
or a handheld paper and pin planner, whatever that visual
tool is.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
That help you.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
It's something that is going to allow you to feel
in control of the schedule that you're trying to schedule,
the routine that you're trying to create. So, do you
feel like it's more beneficial to have a huge whiteboard
(33:04):
where you map out all the things, or if you
have a large family, maybe that whiteboard has daily meals
ever one's social skypchal because I know when you have
kids and their social calendar becomes yours, it can be
(33:26):
intense to kind of keep track of all the things
right and so, and then maybe having a chore chart,
whatever it is, having it visually available to you oftentimes
allows you to really step back and see all of
what you have going on and allows you to move
(33:48):
in a way that you can determine whether or not
you need to get these things done, you want to
get these things done, or how best to get these
things done. The key here, though, is as long as
that tool doesn't make you feel like you're constrained that
(34:11):
you have to stick to exactly what's on that board.
What I appreciate about having a dry rape board is
that will have part of that word he raped it
right that it allows me to say, okay, wait, I
initially have this that, but let me either erase it
(34:32):
or cross it out because I need to make some adjustice.
It's not written in prominent markers, so there's room for adaptability.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
I love this one so much as a visual person,
it just it helps so much. I actually have a
white board and do remember when you came to visit,
we did our strategic planning and we had the sticky notes. Yes,
the white board is the big posted. That was just
so helpful one to get that brain dump and like
take all the things that are out of your mind
and get them outside of yourself, like go onto a
paper into a system because I can think that can
also help with your routine so you don't feel overwhelmed.
(35:05):
But even when I was telling you about writing my
stuff down on that one piece of paper throughout the
day as I'm kind of going along my day and
like scripting it as I go, that has been super
helpful as well. And that takes us to number five,
which is batch and buffer where you can so I
love we love to batch in buffer. Okay, even with
the podcast, right, there are some weekends where we'll I mean,
(35:29):
there are some weeks. Well, i'll say weekends since we're
talking about a specific time, but there are some weekends
where a Saturday we will record three episodes, Okay, to
make sure that we're showing up for you every single week,
like we have been doing for the past seven years.
But that's how we do it, right, That's how we
can be so consistent with something like this, this venture
and this labor of love that we have. Consistency is key.
(35:50):
But consistency doesn't mean we're recording every single week to
publish episodes, right, So we will batch for cored so
that we can also give ourselves time for breaks when
we have stuff going on in our personal lives or
when we just need some rest, right. And so batching
can also look like grouping similar tasks together. So if
you are a content creator, you might have a content
(36:11):
creation day like us like we just shared, or maybe
you're doing social media content where you're recording content for
the day, or maybe you're going over your finances and
you have a finance Friday. It's really helpful to batch
for cored or to batch similar task together because I
think it also eliminates that context switching that sometimes happens
where you're trying to do everything at one time. So
(36:31):
that's one thing I love to also put it on
the calendar and then also leave space for overflow. I
used to be the person that packed every single hour,
like I'm in Google calendar. I'm like, all right, I'm
gonna do this at this time, then do this at
this time. And that was so overwhelming. It stressed me
out because oftentimes things came up in the day, like
don what you said was so real. My daughter has
been waking up at five am versus her six thirty
(36:52):
time during the week, asking to play, and I'm like, maybe, girl,
this is this is supposed to be mom The's time.
I'm trying to meditate. So what I did recently when
she did that this week, I said, well, baby, this
is Mommy's you know, I'm about to have my time
before you woke up pretty early. I'm about to meditate.
So I start my meditation right there, and she just
laid on me in the bed as I did my meditation.
And so I'm kind of incorporating what's happening around me
(37:14):
to fit the routine and the rhythm that I'm trying
to cultivate in my life and it's all about flexibility.
I am a recovering control freak, and it in the
past was very hard to let go of control. But
now we're flexible over here, so it's like, Okay, cool,
that just happened. Now we'll rearrange the day and instead
of working out like you said earlier, down at like
six am, maybe my workout will be in the evening.
(37:36):
Another thing I want to share is I know a
lot of parents can relate to this. So my daughter
had her summer break and I wanted to do my workout,
but I didn't have a sitter. We didn't, you know,
schedule a sitter or anything. So I put on our
workout gear. We went to the gym together and she
had her little her little plastic baby weights and some
toys that she brought, and we I did my workout
right there with her, allowing me to get done the
(37:57):
thing I needed to get done. Although it wasn't the
same exact work I do when I'm solo, it was
me showing up and the way that I could at
the time that I could with what I had available
by way of capacity.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
I love that, and I think I work that also
does as models for her. How to be adaptable and
flexible and show up for people as it's needed, right,
and set boundaries as it's needed, right. So saying to
her like, this is mommy's meditation time, and she's allowed
(38:30):
to still be in that faith like you let her
in and you still did your meditation right. And so
I think part of that for me when I think
about that batching and buffering is like thinking about those
things that like, you know you all have you have
(38:50):
a morning commute to drop her off at daycare. Well,
we you know, no matter where you live, traffic can
be unpredictable. You know that maybe it normally takes you
fifteen minutes to get today care, but you may have
a morning where you all are running behind, right, or
(39:12):
there's additional traffic, and so building in buffer time into
that so if you know that typically again it takes
fifteen minutes, giving yourself some extra time, so that that
also reduces the level of stress that you have, right
(39:33):
because now you're not like, oh crap, like I gave
you know, I said I need to be there in
fifteen minutes and drop off time of that seven point thirty,
we're not walking out the door till seven fifteen because
we're being very rigid. Well, no, if you let go
of the rigidity and building some buffer time, you're ideally
(39:56):
walking out between seven and seven fifteen, so that you
have that time to get there without feeling stressed. Yes,
so then that takes us to number six. We mentioned
it before and as part of the reminders, but let's
(40:17):
get more into the details of how to do this.
Letting rest be a part of your routine. So, I
know a lot of people that say I'll rest when
the work is done. Oh you sure about that. I
(40:38):
that's not how that usually works. When usually happens. If
you say that, then something comes up and next thing
you know, you're not you that time that you thought
you were gonna have the rest. Nope, it's time to
(40:59):
actually go to bay. And resting and sleeping are two
different activities.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Say it again, Say it again.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Resting and sleeping are two different activities. So ideally, actually no,
not ideally. Realistically, you are scheduling in time for rest, right,
so maybe that looks like you're doing nothing. They want
(41:31):
the month. Okay, that's scheduled. You protect that. But also
let's be clear that's only once a month. You need
rest more than once a month, and so that do
nothing day is a whole day of reth. But truly,
you want to incorporate moments of rest every single day.
(41:57):
So maybe that could look like if you work a
traditional punch the time clock job, everybody, by a law
gets a lunch break. During your lunch break, you step
away from that building and you go and sit in
(42:22):
your car, and you do nothing for five to ten minutes,
because obviously we want to make sure that you're eating
and you're hydrated, so you gotta have time to that
within that thirty minutes. But you're giving yourself five minutes
ten minutes of rest on your lunch break. Or maybe
(42:43):
you have a workday that is more flexible that you
actually get to design for yourself. So you know, let's
say late morning, your energy tends to dip, so late
morning you build in some time to rest. Whatever that
(43:08):
rest may look like for you. It may mean taking
a twenty to thirty minute now, it may mean stepping
away from the screen and looking at the clouds. Whatever
that rest looks like for you, you are intentionally adding pieces
of rest, moments of rest into your daily routine.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Oh this is so good. I keep wanting to say
they're all so important, like this next one I think
is so important, but they really are also important. Number
seven is revisit and rework regularly. This is extremely important,
right because life changes, like we said before, and what
served you in one season may not serve you in
the next, and so your routine should change as life changes.
(43:55):
So it's incredibly crucial to check in with ourselves. So
whether it's a monthly or a quarterly check in, ask yourself,
is this still working for me?
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Right?
Speaker 1 (44:06):
One of the things I did at the beginning of
the years I was trying to get to the space
of again like getting my meal prepping system down. I
at one point, which it may sound kind of rigid,
but in this season of me adopting and adapting the
habit for myself, it was important. I on Sundays when
I did my meal, I'm gonna call it meal planning.
(44:27):
What I did was I wrote down all the meals
that I planned to eat, like the five meals including snacks, right,
three meals and then my two snacks every day of
the week. Because I knew that something I used to
do was I will work work, work, work, work, work work.
Where work, I will work and I wouldn't be eating.
I just work through meals, work through lunchtimes. So when
(44:47):
you mentioned lunchtime now, I was like, some of us,
we won't be taking that lunch break, or we worked
through the lunch break. So I knew that. In order
for me to get to the place of like, you
need to eat, girl, I had to write down and
have a plan in place, so I knew what I
was eating. So it was a non decision when meal
time came and I prep. Then I got to a
space a couple months in where I was like, Okay,
(45:07):
this served me for a while. I don't even need
to do that anymore. So now I just prep my mails,
put them in big containers. I'm not putting them in
these little containers which served me at one point but
not know moll put them in the big container and
I just portion out my meals as I go throughout
the week, and I'll usually do another meal prep on Wednesday.
So now that i've I don't do that anymore. It
creates space for me to do other things. So checking
(45:28):
in with yourself to see, okay, is it still working
for me? What do I need to change or alter
based on the season, I'm in That is extremely important
when it comes to this conversation we're having about rhythm
and routines.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
I love that, and you know it made me as
you were sharing, it made me think about we've been
talking about not being rigid, but I do want to
add that caviat, right, and lady, if you are new
to having a schedule, having structure, like really being intentional
about the routine. For some of us, initially when we're
(46:05):
starting a new routine, we may need to be pretty
rigid so that we get so that we can get
into the habit of doing it right. And as you
get better at being in this routine, then you can
let go of some of that rigidity, right, And that's
(46:26):
that part of revisiting and reworking that you're like, Okay, wait,
I'm new to I'll go with the meal planning and
meal propping, right, And I'm new to meal prepping, so
I'm going to be pretty rigid about this in terms
of incorporating it into my routine. But like you said,
after a while, you and you have a better rhythm
(46:49):
and flow with it, and you practice adapting it through
the various changes in FeAs, you can let go of
some of that rigidity.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
All right, lady. So what we're gonna do now is
we're going to do a quick recap and share the
seven tips for building a gentle aligned routine, just so
you can kind of have them all in one SoundBite.
But then Domini are going to record the after show,
and in the after show, we are going to share
seven journaling prompts that you can use as you're on
your journey. So head on over to perspace podcast dot com.
You can click anywhere you see Patreon, and that's where
(47:22):
we'll talk more about all the other journaling prompts. So
we're going to close out with the seven tips right now.
And number one is start with your non negotiables. Number
two build routines, not rigid timelines, or build rhythms and
not rigetimelines. Number three is on the season you're in.
Number four, use visual tools that actually inspire you. Number five,
(47:46):
batch and buffer where you can. Number six, let rest
be a part of the routine. And number seven revisit
and rework regularly.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
All right, lady, we will see you in the after show.
It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.
Are you currently a resident of the state of California
and contemplating starting your therapy journey well. If so, please
reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
(48:18):
That's d R D O M I N I q
U E B R O U S s ar D
dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I
look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for tuning into
Cultivating her Space. Remember that while this podcast is all
(48:42):
about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's not a substitute for therapy.
If you are someone you know needs support, check out
resources like Therapy for Black Girls or Psychology Today. If
you love today's episode, do us a favor and share
with a friend who needs some inspiration or leave us
(49:04):
a quick five star review. Your support means the world
to us and helps keep this space thriving.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
And before we meet again, repeat after me, I honor
my journey by balancing effort and rest to achieve my goals.
Cheap thriving Lady, and tune in next Friday for more
inspiration from Cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure
to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast
On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. Today, routine
and structure looks like being committed to my non negotiables.
There are a couple of things every single week and
every day that I really want to do. And when
I do those things, I feel like I'm thriving and
I feel really good.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hey, lady, have you ever felt like the world just
doesn't get you? Well?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We do. Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated
to uplifting and empowering women like you.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Grussard and educator and psychologists.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from
fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black
women to just be.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow
button and leave us a quick five star review. Lady,
we are black and black owned, and your support will
help us reach even more women like you.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps,
this is for you. Hey, lady, is tea here and
I just want to invite you to my free goal
map like a pro coaching workshop, where I'll share the
five proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals.
Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all your ideas, juggling scattered ideas,
(01:33):
or maybe you just need confidence to start, this workshop
will give you the clarity, tools and the motivation to
take back control. Reserve your spot for free by visiting
her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal map
like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance
to build a roadmap that fits your life and set
you up for success. I hope to see you there
(01:56):
all right.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Our quote of the day, when you can, and as
you can, in ways that feel loving, make time and
space for yourself. Lady, I'm gonna say that again for
the folks in the back. When you can and as
(02:18):
you can, in ways that feel loving, make time and
space for yourself. So that quote comes to us from
our homegirl in our Heads, Tracy Ellis Ross. All right,
it's Folkstig. You know the question. When you hear that quoting,
(02:38):
you think about our episode for today. What comes to mind?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Okay, so much comes to mind? Tom When I hear
this quote, it makes me think about how one when
it comes to any routines that we're building, everything should
start with self, right, so understanding like where are you,
what you have the capacity to do right now? And
literally don what came to mind for me. I know
you're going to dive deeper into the quote, but I
thought about after I had my daughter four years ago,
(03:06):
and I remember taking a bath was such a luxury.
Like I used to take baths before she was born.
I would be in the bath like up to an
hour and I'd just be having the ball. But it
you know, that changed because I was breastfeeding. I remember
a time where I was taking a bath and she
was hungry, so they brought her in and I either
Doulah or her husband at the time, brought her in
and I was nursing from the tub, and I was like, Okay, well,
(03:27):
this is what time for myself. This is what my
routine looks like in this season because I'm nursing. I
still want to take a bath and have my time
to myself, but it just looks a little different in
this season. So that's what it makes me think about
tweaking what we do for ourselves and our routine based
on what season we're in. So that's the example what
comes to mind for you when you hear this quote.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Well, one, I love that example of like being thinking
about ways to honor your routine in the moment that,
like the moment that you're in, right, that just because
we may have had like a life shift, doesn't mean
that we completely abandon the things that feel good for us,
(04:10):
that are nurturing for us. We adapt yeah, And so
to me, that's essentially what comes to mind, right that
the when you can as you can, because I think
for me, when I think about that piece of the quote,
it's an honoring of okay, literally when you're.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Able to.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
As you're able to, And in the piece of like
in ways that feel loving, yes, because in the ways
that feel loving in one season might not feel so
loving in another season. And so I think the word
(04:55):
that keeps coming up for me is adaptability, yes, and
then flexibility that we have to move based on the
things that we're dealing within the moment. Right. I feel
like there's a quote out there and I can't remember
(05:17):
exactly who said it. It's a proverb. It's a philosophy
of like the tree that the tree that unyields or
unbends is easily broken. So to me, what that means
is the tree the person. When you are inflexible, you
are more likely to experience despair because you aren't in
(05:41):
a space that's allowing you to move with how life
is shifting.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
That is so good. I love that so much. You
have me. I'm having a visual. I'm thinking of the
tree and like a windy there's like a storm going
on right. The storm happening in the tree is just
so richid that it, like you said, and it breaks.
But the ones that are flexible and that are kind
of flowing with the wind, they're able to weather the
storm because they're able to flow with it right instead
of like going against the grain. Oh okay, I'm so
(06:11):
excited for this conversation. Okay, lady, today's episode is for
the woman who's juggling it all. It might be work, school, creativity, healing, relationships, singlehood, motherhood,
whatever it looks like for you in your life right now.
If you've been trying to find some kind of rhythm
without losing yourself in the process, this conversation is for you.
(06:32):
We are talking about soft structure. I know people are
talking about the soft life today. We're talking about soft
structure routines that support the version of you that exists
right now. Not who you want to be in the
future or who you were last year, but the you
that's navigating a very real, very human season right If
your routine has fell off or forced or it just
(06:55):
doesn't fit anymore, this episode will give you a breath
of fresh air. Now before we jump in, lady, get
your notebook out or your journal or you know, your
no taking device if you're using your phone, and just
reflect on this journaling prompt that we want to share
with you. We're going to share one journaling prompt now,
and then at the end we'll share with you how
you can get access to about six other prompts that
(07:16):
can really help you to reflect and build the ideal
routine for you in this stage in your life. So
the question is, what does your ideal life look like
from the moment you wake up to when your head
hits the pillow at night. So think about that, and
you can pause the episode if you want to sit
and reflect on that, and also think about how does
that ideal life compare to your current day and if
(07:40):
you want to go a step further, you can also
ask yourself what's one small shift you can make toward alignment.
So sit with that as we have this conversation, and
let's see what comes up for you.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
All right, So, now that you have resumed this episode
after causing to do your journaling speak an highlist, let's
us talk about what this really looks like for us, right,
So see what what does your current routine look like?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yes, I would say that my routine today is a
lot more flexible than it used to be in the past.
I was. I don't know, maybe we're taught this or
we hear this often, but I used to be under
the impression that because I wasn't waking up every single
day without any days off at five am and meditating
and working out and doing this and doing that, and
things were just not perfect air quotes, I felt like
(08:39):
I was failing. And I realized that I don't have
to do I don't have to live my life in
that rigid way in order to be successful. So to me, today,
routine and structure looks like being committed to my non negotiables.
There are a couple of things every single week and
every day that I really want to do, and when
I do those things, I feel like I'm thriving and
I feel really good. And what I've done lately is
I let everything else in my day pretty much flow.
(09:01):
Like I'll set goals, but I find myself having a
notebook and each day I write the date, and then
I kind of script out or write out, Okay, what
do I want to achieve in the next two hours, And
so I put the time and I'll just focus on
those specific things so that I'm not all over the place.
So that's kind of what routine and structure looks like
to me today. It's very flexible, it flows, but there
(09:22):
are some aspects of my day that I really prioritize
because they make me feel like whole and grounded.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I love that. I love that, and I think for me,
it's really being in tune with the season. Right. So
at the time that we're recording this episode, it's the summertime. Yeah,
And so for me typically what that means is that
my work schedule has more flexibility. It also means that
(09:51):
I'm doing more traveling, and so when I travel, my
work like my day to day looks different, right, So
I might not be waking up at exactly the same
time that I normally would during when my season tends
to be more I have more priority and I have
(10:14):
more non negotiables in my day right, And so it's
really for me getting in tune with the season that
I'm in and how do I adjust my schedule to
match the season that I'm in. In this current season,
my schedule is pretty flexible, like truly going in with
(10:39):
the flow. Yeah, no day like looks the same, Like
Monday of this week look different than Monday of last week.
It's gonna look different than the Monday of the coming week.
And so for me, it's really about giving myself that
permission to move and flow with this current season.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
I love that, and I think it speaks to like
you shared earlier, adaptability and flexibility, which I think that
is the name of the game. Because I don't know
if you've ever been sold this sort of rigid schedule
idea down, but I think many of us have been,
and I want to know before we jump into our
eight gentle reminders about routines. Can you share a moment
or do you remember a time when you had a
rigid schedule that started to feel like a burden because
(11:27):
I can think of one for myself, but I want
to hear. I want to hear yours too.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
So there's a couple of couple of times in my
life where I can that easily comes to mind. So
one I think about when I was on internship working
on my dissertation, and I remember my schedule having to
be super rigid because I had multiple goals with tim
(11:58):
limited that deadline that I needed to accomplish, and so
for me, in order to meet those deadlines, I needed
to have a very rigid schedule. I was also in
a place in life where I could make that happen, right,
So I knew, like I got up at the same
(12:22):
time every morning, was out the house by a particular time,
like had a set morning routine, like the things that
I was doing Monday through Friday, because I had to
be at work at a certain time. I would get
off at a certain time and come home and had
a set routine because I was also I would come home,
I would have dinner, I watch a TV show, and
(12:43):
then I would get to writing for the rest of
the evening rents repeat and then on the weekend and
so like, and then on the weekends like had that
a similar structure minus the going to work. Yeah, Sunday
was like mail prep day, and so like literally I
was getting up and cooking and prepping meals for the
(13:03):
entire week, rense repeat through that entire season because I
had time limited deadline that I needed to accomplish. Yeah. Now,
was my body probably adolphin, sure, but also not to
(13:24):
the same extent that it would be if I cried
that today because I was in my twenties. Yeah, the
level of energy that I had in my twenties is
different than the level of energy I have in my forties.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
And so I also know that I can look on
the path and say, yeah, I did that. I accomplished that.
So I know, based on past behavior, I have the.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Capacity to do it. But in this current season in
stage in life, they don't necessarily filed that same level
of debt that in time sensitive things that need to
be accomplished, So I don't have to be as rigid
where I am in this current faith in life. And
(14:12):
I know that if I did that to myself because
I don't have those obligations, that's when I would feel
burnout and feel resemful.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Oh girl, that is. Yeah, that's so interesting because what
you have done in one season won't always serve you
in the season that you're in. I think that's a
really important highlight. And what you shared and it talk
about mel prepping, it makes me think about a time girl.
Thinking about this just makes me stressed out. So there
was a time when I was this is before I
had my daughter, where I was really trying to gain weight.
(14:45):
I feel like that has been a thing like as
a slim you know, where as a slim someone who's
always been slim, it's like I was always trying to
gain weight. And so I joined this program and they
promoted meal prepping, right. But when I tell you, I
would mill prep and this process for me starting to
feel like a burden because what I would do is
I wur mil prep every meal. It was three core
meals a day and then I eat snacks in between,
(15:06):
and the core meals they would be in these little
meal prep containers. My fridge was filled. I mean I
barely had spaces for groceries in the fridge because everything
was stacked up. And then I found myself taking the
meals to work and commuting back and it just felt
so daunting. I didn't even gain away. All was trying
to gain and I did all that and it just
it was tiring. It was like overwhelming. It was stressing
(15:26):
me out because then I wasn't finishing all the meals
because I didn't have any appetite sometimes. And so what
I do today for my mel prep is so much more.
It's like fits into that soft, structured idea versus what
I was doing before when it was like very rigid,
like I gotta do this and gotta do that, and
then I'm wasting food because it just, yeah, it was
not working for me. So happy that we're not in
that season anymore.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, And so let's before we dive into the pips
on how to set this routine, let's cover some gentle
reminder as you think about as you begin to plan
out what your routine will look like.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
So the first.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
One, routine should support you, not control you. I'm gonna
say that again. Your routine should support you, not control you.
And so you know, the thing to think about is
back to what we were saying right that, like, if
(16:31):
your routine feels restrictive, or you find yourself feeling guilty
or reventful or burned out, it's time to step back
and revise that. That routine, your structure, your schedule, Your
routine should not make you feel like your cage. Do
(16:52):
you need it?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Ment to that. And number two is your routine can
change with your season and it should just like we stated,
right when you were in grind mode might not work
when you're in your healing era. Right, So honor yourself
and where you are right now in this particular season
that is so important.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yes, And this third one reminds yourself of this one
regularly because oftentimes this third step is one that keeps
people from making the progress that they need to. Small
steps or baby steps if I like to call them,
are still sacred and important. I know that you may
(17:35):
have seen on social media how to have the ideal
morning routine follow these twelve steps. Well, depending on where
you are in life, those twelve steps might actually work
for you. But also depending on where you are in life,
if having that glass of water and notice I wasn't
(17:57):
specific on how much water, right, If having that glass
of water and breathing deeply for a few minutes is
all you have in this season, that counts small steps
lead to bigger progress.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yes they do, and piggybacking off of what Dom'm just shared.
Number four is there is no perfect routine, right. I
feel like a lot of times we see people online
trying to tell every sort of generalizing telling everyone this
is what you got to do, this is what you
should do. And sometimes there's value in listening to what
other people have done to see where it fits into
your life. But I think it's really about figuring out
(18:40):
what works for me, right, So pinterest and productivity culture
sometimes they be lying, Okay, you don't need a certain
aesthetic to be aligned. It's really about what works for
you in this season of life, and what works for
you may not work for someone else, and what works
for you in the season, like we said before, it
may not serve you in the next season. Right, So
just understanding that there's no perfect routine and it's to
be flexible.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yes, oh yes, flexibility.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Number five, rest is productive too. We have said this
multiple times. We have encouraged you all to check out
the NAP ministry. Let this serve of another reminder that
you are allowed to schedule rest. I've talked about having
(19:25):
do nothing dates at least once for one but the
thing that I also want to emphasize is you don't
need to earn rest. Rest is your birthright. You deserve
rest full.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Five and speaking of rest, because I think this one
goes hand in hand. Number six is let your body lead.
Oh my goodness, yes, it is so important for us
to listen to our bodies. Instead of asking what should
I do right now? Try what do I need right now?
Let's say that one for time the back. Okay, instead
of asking what should I do right now? This is
for me. This is why I'm saying it again, y'all,
(20:05):
I need for you. It's for me. Try what do
I need right now? Let your body speak before your
planner does. There are so many times. It was a
time recently I was gonna work out. I have my
workout stuff on, and my day got so busy and
by the end of the day I was like, Okay,
I didn't work out. I feel like I want to stretch,
Just stretch and do some breath work. That's just what
I felt like my body needed, versus trying to go
(20:26):
head to the gym after a long day. It was like,
you know what, this is going to be my workout.
It's going to be stretching my body out and doing
this breath work, so let your body need Oh I
love that.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I love that this next one. Consistency does not equal rigidity.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Say that again.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Consistency does not equal rigidity. They are not the same thing.
You can show up consistently without doing the exact same
thing every day. So you can say I'm going to
work out. That's consistency. Working out. However, many days a
(21:11):
week you've set up and following through on that is consistency.
Rigidity is on Monday, I do ten reps of twenty
five push up in rep of in pull up, and
(21:33):
I rinse, repeat every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. That's rigidity. Consistency
is I work out every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Maybe this
Monday I felt like doing stretching and breathwork. Wednesday I
felt more energized. So I'm gonna do cardio and strength Friday,
(22:00):
I'm doing yoga. Consistency does not equal rigidity.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
I just want to say down, I really appreciate this reminder.
And I reposted something that Gary v posted, so just
kind of visualize this. He had a picture of about
five glasses and like drinking glasses and at the top,
it said, this is what people think consistency looks like.
And the five glasses at the top they were all
filled at the exact same level. But then at the
bottom he said, this is what consistency really looks like.
(22:29):
And it was like the first class was full, the
second one was half full, the second one like barely
had me in it. And what it depicted was that
it's so like you said, show up and do something.
It doesn't have to be perfect every single time. It's
about just showing up a lot of times and doing
something right. So that's so important. Like to also just
be gentle with ourselves when it comes to that, because
sometimes we think we got to be rigid and do
(22:50):
everything a certain way. And that takes us to number eight.
This is something we've talked about on the podcast a lot.
Number eight is joy belongs in your schedule too. I
think we all all need evermind you okay, joy and
rest because a lot of us don't prioritize that. I'm
speaking to myself too. Joy belongs to your schedule too.
So make space for what lights you up, not just
(23:10):
what checks a box right, play Connect dance in your kitchen,
to work around the house, like all that stuff counts,
so make sure we're adding time for joy as well. So, lady,
we're going to put these eight gentle reminders in the
show notes, but what we want to do right now
is we want to dive into these seven tips for
building a gentle aligned routine, and don't forget at the
(23:31):
end of this conversation, we're going to share how you
can get access to more of those journal prompts so
that you can really reflect and be intentional about this
next stage in your journey. So number one is start
with your non negotiables. So ask yourself what three to
five things really ground me, no matter what, So it
could be journaling, moving your body, a spiritual practice, or
a family dinner. And then get clear on what are
(23:54):
those things that you absolutely need to have right that's
the second question, to ask yourself, what do I absolutely
have to do? What am I non negotiables for the day,
and build around those, not on top of everything else.
So I know for me, when you asked me earlier
down about what does I think it was structure or
my schedule, look like I have some non negotiables throughout
my week and for me that's meal prepping, picking, out
(24:16):
me and my daughter's clothes for the whole week, and
putting my workout routine and my personal me time on
the calendar. Putting it on the calendar ahead of the week,
usually on Sunday nights, is when I do it, so
that it's already baked into the schedule. So if I
don't do anything else, as long as I get those
non negotiables done, I feel like, Okay, I'm grounded, I'm centered.
(24:36):
These are the things I've done and I'm proud of that.
Would you add anything to this one?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Also taken to consideration in terms of the things that
you have to do well, I'd say that you have kids,
and your kids have a set drop off, prime and
pick up, and if you are the person who's doing
drop off and or pick up, those times are your
(25:02):
non negotiables. Those are the times that you absolutely have
to show up. Let's say that you work a job
where you have to punch a time clock. So if
you have to punch a time clock, those times are
your non negotiables. And so you want to make sure
(25:26):
that as you're setting up your routine, you mark those
in there first so that you build your schedule the
rest of your schedule around those things that, So what
that can actually look like. Let's say that your non
negotiables are you need to pray and meditate every morning.
(25:51):
You have drop off at seven point thirty. You have
to clock into your job by nine am. So let's
look at if you have to do drop off by
seven point thirty, how long does it take you to commute?
So then how long does it take do you want
(26:12):
to spend meditating and praying? So then your wake up
time is based on those things, right, and how do
you make faith for everything else around those? But those
are the things that you like are saying you absolutely
have to do in your day, So then that actually
(26:35):
takes us to the second one, right, build rhythm, not
rigid timeline. Now, want to be clear that that can
sound confusing based on what I just said right about
your not negotiables, but hear me out. So instead of
saying I have to meditate at six point thirty, fry
(27:01):
saying I have to meditate when I wake up, so
before I do anything else or before I leave the house.
So let's say because you have that non negotiable of
dropping off your kids by that and thirty, and it
takes you thirty minutes to get there if you set
(27:25):
your alarm for six am, and you know that it
typically because again when I say as I say, typically
that's about moving in rhythm. It typically takes you forty
five minutes to get you and the kids together in
the morning. Then that means that And you said you
(27:46):
want to thin let's say around five minutes meditating or praying.
Don't where within that forty five minutes you pause for
your meditation and prayer. And it's not at six fifteen
every morning I have to pause and meditate. It's before
(28:11):
I leave the house. So within that forty five minute
time period of getting ready, I'm going to make some
space to meditate. And maybe your schedule, maybe you have
your having a morning where the kids are at your
door before their normal wake up time and one of
(28:32):
them is sick, and so you're having to pause and
deal with that. So you didn't get to meditate when
you first opened your eyes because baby girl is at
the door saying, Mommy, I'm sick. Maybe it's you have
to get up, clean up baby girl. And now as
you're in the bathroom getting ready to hop in the shower,
(28:56):
your meditation is happening while you're in the shower.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Listen, you must have been peeking through my window. Don
One thing I want to add to this one about
building rhythms not just rigid timelines. Is it kind of
leads into number three. But it does depend on the season, right,
because you were talking earlier down about you were in
a season of life where the rigidity, because sometimes that
does serve you, right, And so when you think about
the language you use, I think that's also really powerful.
(29:20):
So is it I must or I have to, or
is it I aim to or I'm planning to do this?
I think that also matters. So be mindful, lady of
again you knowing what season you're in and understanding what
language is going to serve you best, because I think
that can also just give us the energy that we
might need based on what season we're in. And number
three is honor the season you're in, right, so kind
(29:41):
of you know, leading or taking us to this next
phase of the tips here my mind. So when it
comes to honoring the season your end, are you in
the season of survival? Because baby, let me tell you,
when you're in the season of survival, a lot of
shit is going out the window. You're like, I am here.
I am just here, Like that's it, the routine, all
(30:01):
that's all I got. Okay, what I got here is
presence and that's it, and that's okay, right, Like being
gentle with ourselves are using a season of expansion, transition,
or healing. I mean, the past couple of years of
my life have been a combination of all of them,
and the way that I've shown up in each season.
I feel like I'm a totally different person, Like, oh
my goodness, I don't recognize who I was two years ago,
(30:21):
right because of the season I'm in now. So being
gentle with yourself and honoring it and realizing that who
you are today is not it doesn't define who you are.
Where you are in your journey does not define who
you are. It is literally just a little point and
the story of your life. It's like a little page
in the book of your life. That's it. Right. Your
routine should ideally reflect your capacity and not necessarily your
(30:45):
wish list.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Just knowing that, I think can be so comforting. Knowing
that where you are today does not determine where you're
going to end up. And then you're just in this
particular space and season of life. I think that is
so grounding sometimes.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Yes, I love we'd grounding right of being cleaner with
yourself that you are showing up as best you can
in this season and grounding yourself in that, so that
then you start to move with that. So that if
(31:21):
you are in a season of expansion and you're grounded
and I am showing up as best I can, then
that allows you to call them reflect like, if I'm
in this season of expansion, am I doing all the
things that I know I am capable and have the
havity to do to be in this season of expansion?
(31:45):
So thinking of being in a season of expansion number
four can really be helpful in this in when you're
in a season of expansion, using visual tools that actually
inspire you. Now that's not to say that if you're
in a season of healing or you're in a season
(32:07):
of stillness that these tools won't be helpful. But I'm
also aware that this is most beneficial, most useful. You're
more likely to utilize this when you're in a season
of expansion. So whether it's having a whiteboard or sticky notes,
(32:29):
or a handheld paper and pin planner, whatever that visual
tool is.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
That help you.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
It's something that is going to allow you to feel
in control of the schedule that you're trying to schedule,
the routine that you're trying to create. So, do you
feel like it's more beneficial to have a huge whiteboard
(33:04):
where you map out all the things, or if you
have a large family, maybe that whiteboard has daily meals
ever one's social skypchal because I know when you have
kids and their social calendar becomes yours, it can be
(33:26):
intense to kind of keep track of all the things
right and so, and then maybe having a chore chart,
whatever it is, having it visually available to you oftentimes
allows you to really step back and see all of
what you have going on and allows you to move
(33:48):
in a way that you can determine whether or not
you need to get these things done, you want to
get these things done, or how best to get these
things done. The key here, though, is as long as
that tool doesn't make you feel like you're constrained that
(34:11):
you have to stick to exactly what's on that board.
What I appreciate about having a dry rape board is
that will have part of that word he raped it
right that it allows me to say, okay, wait, I
initially have this that, but let me either erase it
(34:32):
or cross it out because I need to make some adjustice.
It's not written in prominent markers, so there's room for adaptability.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
I love this one so much as a visual person,
it just it helps so much. I actually have a
white board and do remember when you came to visit,
we did our strategic planning and we had the sticky notes. Yes,
the white board is the big posted. That was just
so helpful one to get that brain dump and like
take all the things that are out of your mind
and get them outside of yourself, like go onto a
paper into a system because I can think that can
also help with your routine so you don't feel overwhelmed.
(35:05):
But even when I was telling you about writing my
stuff down on that one piece of paper throughout the
day as I'm kind of going along my day and
like scripting it as I go, that has been super
helpful as well. And that takes us to number five,
which is batch and buffer where you can so I
love we love to batch in buffer. Okay, even with
the podcast, right, there are some weekends where we'll I mean,
(35:29):
there are some weeks. Well, i'll say weekends since we're
talking about a specific time, but there are some weekends
where a Saturday we will record three episodes, Okay, to
make sure that we're showing up for you every single week,
like we have been doing for the past seven years.
But that's how we do it, right, That's how we
can be so consistent with something like this, this venture
and this labor of love that we have. Consistency is key.
(35:50):
But consistency doesn't mean we're recording every single week to
publish episodes, right, So we will batch for cored so
that we can also give ourselves time for breaks when
we have stuff going on in our personal lives or
when we just need some rest, right. And so batching
can also look like grouping similar tasks together. So if
you are a content creator, you might have a content
(36:11):
creation day like us like we just shared, or maybe
you're doing social media content where you're recording content for
the day, or maybe you're going over your finances and
you have a finance Friday. It's really helpful to batch
for cored or to batch similar task together because I
think it also eliminates that context switching that sometimes happens
where you're trying to do everything at one time. So
(36:31):
that's one thing I love to also put it on
the calendar and then also leave space for overflow. I
used to be the person that packed every single hour,
like I'm in Google calendar. I'm like, all right, I'm
gonna do this at this time, then do this at
this time. And that was so overwhelming. It stressed me
out because oftentimes things came up in the day, like
don what you said was so real. My daughter has
been waking up at five am versus her six thirty
(36:52):
time during the week, asking to play, and I'm like, maybe, girl,
this is this is supposed to be mom The's time.
I'm trying to meditate. So what I did recently when
she did that this week, I said, well, baby, this
is Mommy's you know, I'm about to have my time
before you woke up pretty early. I'm about to meditate.
So I start my meditation right there, and she just
laid on me in the bed as I did my meditation.
And so I'm kind of incorporating what's happening around me
(37:14):
to fit the routine and the rhythm that I'm trying
to cultivate in my life and it's all about flexibility.
I am a recovering control freak, and it in the
past was very hard to let go of control. But
now we're flexible over here, so it's like, Okay, cool,
that just happened. Now we'll rearrange the day and instead
of working out like you said earlier, down at like
six am, maybe my workout will be in the evening.
(37:36):
Another thing I want to share is I know a
lot of parents can relate to this. So my daughter
had her summer break and I wanted to do my workout,
but I didn't have a sitter. We didn't, you know,
schedule a sitter or anything. So I put on our
workout gear. We went to the gym together and she
had her little her little plastic baby weights and some
toys that she brought, and we I did my workout
right there with her, allowing me to get done the
(37:57):
thing I needed to get done. Although it wasn't the
same exact work I do when I'm solo, it was
me showing up and the way that I could at
the time that I could with what I had available
by way of capacity.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
I love that, and I think I work that also
does as models for her. How to be adaptable and
flexible and show up for people as it's needed, right,
and set boundaries as it's needed, right. So saying to
her like, this is mommy's meditation time, and she's allowed
(38:30):
to still be in that faith like you let her
in and you still did your meditation right. And so
I think part of that for me when I think
about that batching and buffering is like thinking about those
things that like, you know you all have you have
(38:50):
a morning commute to drop her off at daycare. Well,
we you know, no matter where you live, traffic can
be unpredictable. You know that maybe it normally takes you
fifteen minutes to get today care, but you may have
a morning where you all are running behind, right, or
(39:12):
there's additional traffic, and so building in buffer time into
that so if you know that typically again it takes
fifteen minutes, giving yourself some extra time, so that that
also reduces the level of stress that you have, right
(39:33):
because now you're not like, oh crap, like I gave
you know, I said I need to be there in
fifteen minutes and drop off time of that seven point thirty,
we're not walking out the door till seven fifteen because
we're being very rigid. Well, no, if you let go
of the rigidity and building some buffer time, you're ideally
(39:56):
walking out between seven and seven fifteen, so that you
have that time to get there without feeling stressed. Yes,
so then that takes us to number six. We mentioned
it before and as part of the reminders, but let's
(40:17):
get more into the details of how to do this.
Letting rest be a part of your routine. So, I
know a lot of people that say I'll rest when
the work is done. Oh you sure about that. I
(40:38):
that's not how that usually works. When usually happens. If
you say that, then something comes up and next thing
you know, you're not you that time that you thought
you were gonna have the rest. Nope, it's time to
(40:59):
actually go to bay. And resting and sleeping are two
different activities.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Say it again, Say it again.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Resting and sleeping are two different activities. So ideally, actually no,
not ideally. Realistically, you are scheduling in time for rest, right,
so maybe that looks like you're doing nothing. They want
(41:31):
the month. Okay, that's scheduled. You protect that. But also
let's be clear that's only once a month. You need
rest more than once a month, and so that do
nothing day is a whole day of reth. But truly,
you want to incorporate moments of rest every single day.
(41:57):
So maybe that could look like if you work a
traditional punch the time clock job, everybody, by a law
gets a lunch break. During your lunch break, you step
away from that building and you go and sit in
(42:22):
your car, and you do nothing for five to ten minutes,
because obviously we want to make sure that you're eating
and you're hydrated, so you gotta have time to that
within that thirty minutes. But you're giving yourself five minutes
ten minutes of rest on your lunch break. Or maybe
(42:43):
you have a workday that is more flexible that you
actually get to design for yourself. So you know, let's
say late morning, your energy tends to dip, so late
morning you build in some time to rest. Whatever that
(43:08):
rest may look like for you. It may mean taking
a twenty to thirty minute now, it may mean stepping
away from the screen and looking at the clouds. Whatever
that rest looks like for you, you are intentionally adding pieces
of rest, moments of rest into your daily routine.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Oh this is so good. I keep wanting to say
they're all so important, like this next one I think
is so important, but they really are also important. Number
seven is revisit and rework regularly. This is extremely important,
right because life changes, like we said before, and what
served you in one season may not serve you in
the next, and so your routine should change as life changes.
(43:55):
So it's incredibly crucial to check in with ourselves. So
whether it's a monthly or a quarterly check in, ask yourself,
is this still working for me?
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Right?
Speaker 1 (44:06):
One of the things I did at the beginning of
the years I was trying to get to the space
of again like getting my meal prepping system down. I
at one point, which it may sound kind of rigid,
but in this season of me adopting and adapting the
habit for myself, it was important. I on Sundays when
I did my meal, I'm gonna call it meal planning.
(44:27):
What I did was I wrote down all the meals
that I planned to eat, like the five meals including snacks, right,
three meals and then my two snacks every day of
the week. Because I knew that something I used to
do was I will work work, work, work, work, work work.
Where work, I will work and I wouldn't be eating.
I just work through meals, work through lunchtimes. So when
(44:47):
you mentioned lunchtime now, I was like, some of us,
we won't be taking that lunch break, or we worked
through the lunch break. So I knew that. In order
for me to get to the place of like, you
need to eat, girl, I had to write down and
have a plan in place, so I knew what I
was eating. So it was a non decision when meal
time came and I prep. Then I got to a
space a couple months in where I was like, Okay,
(45:07):
this served me for a while. I don't even need
to do that anymore. So now I just prep my mails,
put them in big containers. I'm not putting them in
these little containers which served me at one point but
not know moll put them in the big container and
I just portion out my meals as I go throughout
the week, and I'll usually do another meal prep on Wednesday.
So now that i've I don't do that anymore. It
creates space for me to do other things. So checking
(45:28):
in with yourself to see, okay, is it still working
for me? What do I need to change or alter
based on the season, I'm in That is extremely important
when it comes to this conversation we're having about rhythm
and routines.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
I love that, and you know it made me as
you were sharing, it made me think about we've been
talking about not being rigid, but I do want to
add that caviat, right, and lady, if you are new
to having a schedule, having structure, like really being intentional
about the routine. For some of us, initially when we're
(46:05):
starting a new routine, we may need to be pretty
rigid so that we get so that we can get
into the habit of doing it right. And as you
get better at being in this routine, then you can
let go of some of that rigidity, right, And that's
(46:26):
that part of revisiting and reworking that you're like, Okay, wait,
I'm new to I'll go with the meal planning and
meal propping, right, And I'm new to meal prepping, so
I'm going to be pretty rigid about this in terms
of incorporating it into my routine. But like you said,
after a while, you and you have a better rhythm
(46:49):
and flow with it, and you practice adapting it through
the various changes in FeAs, you can let go of
some of that rigidity.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
All right, lady. So what we're gonna do now is
we're going to do a quick recap and share the
seven tips for building a gentle aligned routine, just so
you can kind of have them all in one SoundBite.
But then Domini are going to record the after show,
and in the after show, we are going to share
seven journaling prompts that you can use as you're on
your journey. So head on over to perspace podcast dot com.
You can click anywhere you see Patreon, and that's where
(47:22):
we'll talk more about all the other journaling prompts. So
we're going to close out with the seven tips right now.
And number one is start with your non negotiables. Number
two build routines, not rigid timelines, or build rhythms and
not rigetimelines. Number three is on the season you're in.
Number four, use visual tools that actually inspire you. Number five,
(47:46):
batch and buffer where you can. Number six, let rest
be a part of the routine. And number seven revisit
and rework regularly.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
All right, lady, we will see you in the after show.
It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.
Are you currently a resident of the state of California
and contemplating starting your therapy journey well. If so, please
reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
(48:18):
That's d R D O M I N I q
U E B R O U S s ar D
dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I
look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for tuning into
Cultivating her Space. Remember that while this podcast is all
(48:42):
about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's not a substitute for therapy.
If you are someone you know needs support, check out
resources like Therapy for Black Girls or Psychology Today. If
you love today's episode, do us a favor and share
with a friend who needs some inspiration or leave us
(49:04):
a quick five star review. Your support means the world
to us and helps keep this space thriving.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
And before we meet again, repeat after me, I honor
my journey by balancing effort and rest to achieve my goals.
Cheap thriving Lady, and tune in next Friday for more
inspiration from Cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure
to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast
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