August 15, 2025 • 55 mins
Hey lady! This week, Terri and Dr. Dom give you a peek behind the curtain of how they leverage consistency to bring you this fresh content each week! In a world full of dreamers, it is the ones who act on those dreams that reap the rewards. Consistency is a tool to help you meet your goals. With repeated, consistent actions it is possible to form the habits that design the life of your dreams.
Dr. Dom and Terri offer frameworks and reflection questions to help you gain clarity on what you need to tailor a plan for yourself so you are operating from a place of the best possible outcome instead of perfection. Do you need to automate some of your processes? Have you established a system for yourself? Where is your support and who can you call on when you need some upliftment in your journey? Let this week be a guide to different methods that can help you think through an action plan that will keep your cup full (overfloweth even) because you found what works for your life and your nervous system.
Ladies, we know with all of our busy lives and this fast-paced world it takes a bit more thought and intention to get the life you’ve been dreaming of, but hold on tight to your vision and let this episode inspire you to build the discipline to make it happen!
Quote of the Day:
"Consistency isn't about perfection...it's about making small, regular efforts over time."
– Unknown
Goal Map Like a Pro Workbook
Cultivating H.E.R. Space Sanctuary
Resources:
Dr. Dom’s Therapy Practice
Branding with Terri
Melanin and Mental Health
Therapy for Black Girls
Psychology Today
Therapy for QPOC
Where to find us:
Twitter: @HERspacepodcast
Instagram: @herspacepodcast
Facebook: @herspacepodcast
Website: cultivatingherspace.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.
Dr. Dom and Terri offer frameworks and reflection questions to help you gain clarity on what you need to tailor a plan for yourself so you are operating from a place of the best possible outcome instead of perfection. Do you need to automate some of your processes? Have you established a system for yourself? Where is your support and who can you call on when you need some upliftment in your journey? Let this week be a guide to different methods that can help you think through an action plan that will keep your cup full (overfloweth even) because you found what works for your life and your nervous system.
Ladies, we know with all of our busy lives and this fast-paced world it takes a bit more thought and intention to get the life you’ve been dreaming of, but hold on tight to your vision and let this episode inspire you to build the discipline to make it happen!
Quote of the Day:
"Consistency isn't about perfection...it's about making small, regular efforts over time."
– Unknown
Goal Map Like a Pro Workbook
Cultivating H.E.R. Space Sanctuary
Resources:
Dr. Dom’s Therapy Practice
Branding with Terri
Melanin and Mental Health
Therapy for Black Girls
Psychology Today
Therapy for QPOC
Where to find us:
Twitter: @HERspacepodcast
Instagram: @herspacepodcast
Facebook: @herspacepodcast
Website: cultivatingherspace.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Rest is a non negotiable, so I think about the
easiest one that comes to mind is with your career.
How important rest is part of your plan. You won't
be able to be consistent in showing up for your
job without burnout if you don't take time to rest. Hey, lady,
(00:28):
have you ever felt like the world just doesn't get you? Well,
we do.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting
and empowering women like you.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from
fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black
women to just b.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow
button and leave us a quick five star review. Lady.
We are black founded and black owned, and your support
will help us reach even more women like you.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.
Are you currently a resident of the state of California
and contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well, if so, please
reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
(01:38):
That's d R D O M I N I q
U E B R O U ss ar D dot
com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look
forward to hearing from you. Our quote of the day,
(02:00):
Constancy isn't about the perfection. It's about making small, regular
efforts over time. Now, I'm going to repeat that one
more time for the folks in the back to make
sure you truly heard it and you let it think
in Consistency isn't about perfection. It's about taking small, regular
(02:26):
efforts over time, all right, t you know how we
do when you hear that quote? What comes up for you,
particularly as we think about what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Oh my goodness. Okay, So when I hear this quote
to me, what comes up is one of the fact
that there's a lot of misconceptions about consistency. I think
that sometimes either society or wherever we learned it from,
we believe that consistency means that we have to show
up a certain way every single time. But with what
we're going to talk about today, it reminds me that
(03:00):
consistency is just about showing up regularly and sort of
submitting to the process and being realistic and sustainable with
the way that you're showing up. So it doesn't have
to be I think about my gym journey. It doesn't
have to be perfect every time. Some days it's like, oh,
it's a great workout. Other days I'm like, I am here, okay,
Like that's that's the accomplishment. I showed up. I did
(03:21):
one lift, like one set, whatever it is. So it's
about just showing up however you need to show up
for that particular season, and just doing that consistently. Like
showing up is the name of the game. What about
you don what comes up for you when you hear
this quote.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, I love what you said about the showing up
and then about the sustainability piece. Right, that consistency, particularly
as we think about like not being in burnout, that
the goal is to not burn out, That the goal
(03:58):
is to be able to do the thing, whatever that
thing might be for you, with regularity, but not being
burned out, because when you're burned out, that's what leads
to you not being consistent, right and so and so
For me, it's also about that piece about it's not
(04:18):
about perfection that when we are in a space where
we're striving for perfection, yeah, because perfection is unrealistic and unattainable,
then that leads to us being inconsistent because what happens
is we do the thing, it's not perfect. So then
(04:42):
we find ourselves in a space of maybe disappointment or
resentment or judgment or whatever the thing is, and now
you stop engaging in it. Yeah, so so much for
the consistency, it's gone out the window because you were
striving for perfection and so and so for me, consistency
(05:02):
truly is about showing up, like you said, showing up
and doing the thing. However showing up looks for me
in that particular moment.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Yes, I loved that so much time. And you know
what you made me think about something that a mentor
told me years ago when I was starting my speaking career,
and he was saying that good speakers, when you are
in that field of like working on your craft, it's
all about that thing, whatever that thing is for you,
becoming a natural extension of who you are. So it's
more of a lifestyle versus this thing that you have
(05:34):
to have perfect every single time, which I love so much.
And so let's get into this lady. So many of
us have heard the saying that consistency is key, right,
But how do you show up consistently when you're not
getting results right, when you don't see the results, not
result and you don't see it, how do you show up? So,
for Dom and I both, this podcast a true labor
(05:55):
of love for us, has been one of the things
that we've been most consistent with our careers. Right. There
are other things as well, but this is one of
the things that we've done collectively. And for the past
seven years, we've shown up every single week like clockwork
and release new episodes. So at this point that's over
three hundred and sixty episodes, no missed weeks, no matter
what was happening in our lives. And here's the thing.
(06:18):
We stay consistent even in seasons when the results felt slow, unclear,
or invisible. And in today's episode, we're talking about how
we've done that. We're pulling back the curtain and we're
going to share what we've done, what we've learned along
the way, and how you can stick with your goals
without running yourself into the ground, because the goal is
not to be burnt out, right, is to live a
(06:39):
life of joy, luxury, leisure if that's what you feel
called to do, because I know we are. That's that's
what type, that's what type time we aw. Okay, and
so the other thing is I do want to point
out that this episode in particular, it's not about necessarily
being consistent with a podcast per se. That's just our
story and so that's something that you'll hear as reference.
But the keys that we're sharing today, you can apply
(06:59):
them to every aspect of your life, depending on what
your goals are. So it could be your career, your health,
your creative goals, your relationship, and more. Okay, we've also
put together some powerful reflection questions to get your creative
juices flowing and help you think about how you can
apply these principles in your own life. So let's dive
into number one time.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Okay. So the first thing is anchor into your why.
So it doesn't make sense to commit to doing something
if you're not even sure why. Right, So I think
about something that most of us talk about at some
point in life, diet and exercise, right, yeah, Okay, So
(07:45):
if you're trying to be consistent with making diet changes,
why why are you doing this? Is it because your
doctor said you have to, because you're facing a particular
health challenge? Is it because your partner, your children, someone
(08:07):
else in your life is saying this is the lifestyle
that needs that you need to adjust to or we
would like for you to adjust to. So anchoring into
your why, like being very clear with yourself why am
I doing this? And why now?
Speaker 1 (08:30):
That's facts. And when I think about the podcast in particular,
right because this is our thing, this is our baby,
this is our labor of love. I think about I
think about some of the days in the beginning when
we were it felt a lot more challenging in the
beginning because we were still building the habit. Right now,
it's so funny when we don't podcast, I'd be like
I get start itching, like wait, I feel like we
(08:51):
need to get on the mic, like we got to
record because we're so used to it now. It really
is a lifestyle. It's an extension of who we are
right now. But before in the beginning, when we were
building a habit, girl, remember us working late after hours,
being in whatever studio, library, closet wherever we could find,
and I remember us just being like, girl, this is
a lot, Like I'm tired. We have a lot going on,
(09:12):
and we would keep thinking about, Okay, what is our
mission and it's all about black women. How can we
create this space for black women that's empowering that you
know they feel like we're their friends and their head,
especially for the black women who tune in and they've
told us that they don't have community around them and
they're like, I listen to y'all all you my sisters
were like, we're doing it for you. So I remember
we would go through some of the reviews sometimes to
(09:33):
get some motivations like, Okay, we're doing it for you, sis,
even though we haven't met you, we hear in spirit
and that will motivate us. And girl, when you think
about even like working out for me, it's like, I
want to be a baddie when I'm eighty. Okay, I'm
trying to have a great sex life and be folded
like a pretzo at that age. I'll be stretching now
and working out now, because if you do it now
(09:54):
and it becomes a part of your lifestyle, it's easier
to do those things later. Right, But lady, think about
your career right, deeper reason behind your work beyond the paycheck,
right for your fitness goes. We talk a lot about fitness,
think about how to help you with mental clarity and longevity.
Because the thing is a lot of times when your
why is not big enough or compelling enough, you're not
(10:14):
going to take the action. So it's really important to
get deep down within yourself, sit with yourself and think
about why do I want this? Not why my family
wants me to want it, or why my partner or
my kids want me to want it, Why do I
want it for myself? Because that really can give you
that motivation to keep the momentum when you don't see
the numbers, when you don't see the results, and when
the outside environment is not really depicting the thing that
(10:38):
you want it to depict. Right and so right, a
couple of questions.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Before you get to the questions, I want to reiterate
for people that the point that you just made.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
That that leaning into, truly leaning into your why.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Is going to be the thing that's going to carry you, yeah,
throughout that process of achieving that particular goal. When and
being very adamant that your why is your why. Yes,
that your why doesn't have to look like anybody else's why.
(11:26):
And even if maybe your why is you're doing it
for your family, If that truly is your why, lean
into that.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah, lean into I have made this decision to do
this for my family because my family is my priority
with this particular goal.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, A meant that. And some questions to think about
that you can use your you know, your journaling time
to kind of dig into. Include one why does this
matter in the life long run? Because sometimes when you
ask yourself that question, you can realize, wait a second,
I'm just being short sighted right now, Like I'm thinking
about the short term. Why does it matter in the
long run? Ask yourself another question, would I pursue this
(12:12):
if it took years to see the big payoff? Oh? Child?
Okay that part because I know our answer was yes
to this. We're like, we'll see how long we do
the podcast, but like, yeah, we're gonna stick with it, right.
And then the last question is who else benefits from
(12:33):
me achieving this goal? If you're a person like us,
where you like to help people, you want to you know,
eve a legacy that is a question that could also
really inspire you. Who else are you going to help? Right?
Who else is going to benefit from you achieving this?
So think about that as you are angering into your
why and kind of figuring out what's going to motivate
you when go and get tough.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yes, So then that takes us to our number two.
Build sustainable system You can't it, you can, but it
is a lot easier to be consistent when you have
sustainable systems in place, right, And so you know, I
(13:18):
think about if I go back to the diet dieting example, right,
that if you want to be consistent, and like most
nutrition is, dieticians and fitness trainers will tell you that
dieting is not actually the ultimate goal, it's lifestyle changes.
(13:38):
And so if you want to be consistent with your
overall dietary changes, what are the systems that you need
to have in place? So is it mel propping, is
it hiring a chef, is it paying for prepackaged meals?
(14:05):
Whatever that thing is, What is the system that you
need in place for you to be consistent with it?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
I love that, Tom, and I'm thinking about Okay, I'm
gonna try to think of some new examples as we
have the conversation. But of course I'm going to go
back to the podcast, and if you may hear us
talk about this, I'm like, oh my gosh, should they
go again? But I'll saw to brushing my teeth that
I there have not. I mean, I've been consistent with
a lot of things in life, but when I think
about the consistencies we've had with this show, and if
(14:33):
you ever had a show or anything like this, you
know it is not easy to produce something every single
week for seven years straight. That is like, and I'm
so impressed with us and so proud of us because
we've been so committed to that goal. And I think
that when it comes to building sustainable systems, one of
the things that has really helped us is bat to recording.
So when we brag because I'm bragging, okay, I'm like, hey,
(14:55):
we did it, okay, seven seven years of episodes every week, bragging,
but also like very proud of ourselves, which we should be, right,
you should be proud of yourself, lady, for being consistent
and for putting in the effort. When I think about
what has allowed us to do that, it's again the
batch recording, and when we say the you know, weekly episodes.
It's not from a place of burnout. It's not from
a place of oh we're not resting, no sleep, It's
(15:16):
not that. Right, we do take breaks, but because we
have the systems in place, it appears as though we don't, right,
because we're always producing that content, but the recording. When
I think about our clear division of tasks, right, we
each have certain tasks in the business that each of
us handle and we divide and conquer. Right. When I
think about your daily life, right, having a weekly planning
time to plan out your days. Right, having you know,
(15:39):
templates or recurring tasks, or just things that make your
life easier, even setting up your environment in a way
that is going to support the goal. For instance, I
wake up, I wake up and go to the gym
a few times a week, like early in the morning.
I used to go at six am, but now it's changed.
And one of the things I know that helps me
is when I clean my house at night and I
prep my gym stuff. When I was in the beginning
(16:00):
of my gym journey, I was sleeping in gym clothes
so that I knew I would keep myself account up
in the morning. But last night I set everything up.
I packed my gym bag, and I set my alarm
so I could get myself together and get myself ready
and do my routine and then get my daughter up.
And she got up early like she always does, and
so I set her up. I was like, all right,
mommy's having my time, and I did my thing because
I knew that that's what was going to allow me
(16:22):
to get out of the house at the right time
to be able to go to my appointment and do
what I need to do. So it's really all about building,
like understanding what you want to achieve, having that why,
and then building. I want to see an ecosystem that
supports what you're trying to achieve.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yes, yes, And I think the thing too within that
ecosystem making is something. Part of the thing that makes
it sustainable is being realistic with yourself. Yes. Right, So
if you know that getting up and going to the
gym at six point thirty is a thing that you
(16:55):
that's what you're working on in this moment. Right.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
But if.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Let's say eight point thirty had generally been your wake
up time, waking up to go to the gym at
six thirty might not be sustainable. That might not be
Even if you're sleeping in your gym clothes, that might
not be sustainable. So then what makes the system sustainable
is gradually increasing your wake up time until you're at
(17:26):
the wake up time that works for you. Right, And
so it's about thinking about what is that, what is
the system, and then being realistic with how that system
can be sustainable. If meal prep is your thing, but
you know that you go on vacation for a week
(17:50):
every month, first of all, kudos to you. I'm trying
to get there. Like if you were on a on
vacation for a whole week every month, then and you
know that when you get back it's hard to jump
back into the routine. Then part of that sustainable meal
prep system is that you make enough meals that you
(18:13):
can freeze so that they are readily available when you
return from vacation. And that's what makes it sustainable. So
then we have as you're trying to think about, like
how do you build this sustainable system? He has some
questions that you can ask yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I said, say, way, we got to ask some questions. Okay, cool,
So the first question, thank you don for second back
our first question here is what routines are tools could
make this easier for me to keep doing, which we
kind of talked about already, right, But that's a question
you should ask yourself because I thought we live in
this world where everyone wants to try to tell people
how to live their lives. But you know your situation best.
You know what you have the capacity for, their resources
(18:56):
for in the bandwid for, So you should be creating
what's going to work best for you and your life
based on the season, your end, which we talked about
in e recent episode, so make sure you go check
out our last episode. Number two is am I relying
on wheel power alone? Or do I have systems in
place to help me show up? All? Right? And then
number three is what can I automate, delegate or prepare
(19:19):
ahead of time? This kind of goes back to what
we were just sharing a couple of minutes ago.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Now, that's one of my favorite questions.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
You like that What do you like most about that question?
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Don It's because the having things that you can automate,
that you can delegate, or that you can prepare ahead.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Of time.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Takes it off of you and helps prevent that burnout, right,
And so it allows you to do the things that
it allows you to have systems in place that allow
things to keep flowing. That's part of that sustainability.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah, I love it. That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
And so then that takes us to key number three.
Embrace the invisible season. All right, I'm gonna say that
I need to take more time for the folks back,
embrace the invisible seasons. So two things come up from
(20:21):
you when I think about that, right, embracing this invisible season.
One comparison to the thief of joy, yes, and two
not everybody is going to see the work that you're
putting in, but it doesn't mean that the work isn't valuable.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
And so what I mean by that is that there
are times, depending on what the thing is that you're
working on, there are times when it will feel like
no one is observing, no one is no, no one
is acknowledging. Yeah, all that you're doing to make this
(21:09):
thing happen. Right. I immediately think about parenting. Now, I'm
not a parent biologically, okay, but in my role as
an aunty is, in my role as so many other
things in life, there's parenting involved in it, right, And
(21:33):
so I can't even I know things that come up
with the thoughts and feelings that come up for me,
and so I can't even imagine what it is like
for those of you all who are raising children in
your home and have that full responsibility. There are multiple
times when you are doing things for the betterment of
(21:56):
your child or children that they don't speak, that no
one seems to be noticing or acknowledging. And when you
were in a space where you are not orhere you
might be meeting that acknowledgment. That's when the consistency can
(22:18):
fall off, right.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Yeah, And that's where I would encourage people to circle
back to that top key of remembering your.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Why and reminding yourself that in this invisible season, there
was a lot that's happening that will pay off in
major dividends later on, and so you keep at it.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Listen, go ahead, and I'm excited girl. Okay, I'm over
here writing down notes. I don't forget because you brought
up something that made me think about the fact that
you talked about acknowledgment and how sometimes when you're in
that invisible season you don't get the acknowledgment you believe
you deserve. But here's the thing I truly believe that
we should be. If you feel like you want acknowledgement,
we can acknowledge ourselves. I know ideally you want to
(23:12):
get the outward you know, acknowledgment and accolades. But in
the meantime, you give yourself your own flowers. Okay, give
yourself the own flower, your own flowers, and know that
you're worthy of that, Like, feel good about doing that.
That's okay to do, right. Give yourself the compliments, the love,
the visibility that you believe you deserve. You get that
to yourself first when you're in that season. That's number one.
(23:33):
Number two. Girl, When I think back, I have videos
and journals for my seventeen year old self, right, and
my seventeen year old self just knew it. By thirty,
I was going to be like super duper wealthy, having
you know, my real estate investments, my properties, like living
my best life just you know, on yachts and like
just doing all this. And girl, that did not happen.
(23:56):
My plan did not unfold the way I thought it
was going to unfold. But at the same time, there
are some truths that I feel that I believe wholeheartedly
and that have kept me so grounded. And one is
that everything is working out for my good, whether I
see it or understand it in the moment. And I
can honestly say that as I look back over my life,
it always has right, So that's one. The other is
(24:17):
that everything in God's time, especially when you see other
people who are flourishing and who are getting visibility, like
everything in God's time and what's for you is never
going to miss you. Now, I want to sell two
quick little stories because this one right here that y'all
you will notice if you listen to the show. Whenever
we have a certain guest on who's reached a certain
level of success, I'm always like, what do you do
(24:37):
in the meantime? Because that is a real ask question,
what do you do in the invisible season? Because I
feel like Domini with our show, in the podcast, we're
in the top one percent. Right, We've been featured in
Forbes and Black Enterprise and all these different, hello, beautiful
different platforms, and that's great and we love that. And
we still see our podcast going to a certain level
(24:58):
that it hasn't reached yet. How do we stay consistent
in the meantime? Right? I am a huge fan of
the comedian Nate Jackson, and he was just on The
Breakfast Club recently and he was sharing on the show.
I was so inspired by the episode. He was sharing
on the show that he has been in his industry,
in his field doing comedy for about twenty three years,
and I'm just like, wow, twenty three years he's been
(25:19):
doing this. He's just on The Breakfast Club. Now, he
just got his own Netflix series, And just to think,
I know you might be like, girl, I ain't trying
to wait twenty three years. But here's the thing. When
we are patient and you submit to the process and
commit to the process, you get everything that you are
needing along the journey that is going to allow you
to sustain and maintain what's meant for you at that
(25:41):
time because what you hate. Wouldn't you be so disappointed
to get what you pray for and you not have
the capacity to handle it, Because I know I would.
So now I'm like, Okay, everything in God's time, Dom,
Everything's happening the way it's supposed to happen for us.
And just knowing that we are being prepared for what
we're going to be holding soon, and I think that
is just so inspired, and that keeps me motivated because
(26:01):
it begins tough sometimes what we want to say it does.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
And I just think the affirmations that you named, that
you called out are affirmations that are so helpful in
this and in that particular moment when you feel like
you're in an invisible season. And so I just want
I just if you could call, if you could say
those affirmations one more time for the folks and they
can hear it.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yes, let's say it again. I hope I remember them all,
but I do. I do think about them often. So
Number one is I think it was everything in God's time, right,
What's for me is never going to miss me. So, lady,
if you got to say that in the mirror every day,
what's for me is never going to miss me. You
don't want someone else's blessing, that's not for you. What's
for you is never going to miss you. The next
one is everything is working out for my good, even
(26:48):
when I don't see it or understand it in the moment,
It's all working out for my good. It's all working
out for a bigger purpose. And I miss one. Damer
said it.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Those were the main ones.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Those are the main ones. Okay, all right, y'all, let's
get into these journaling reflection questions. So number one is
can I keep going even if I don't get instant
feedback or results. Ideally we hope the answer is yes. Right,
So you may want to practice this in other areas
of life to build that discipline and not get the
(27:20):
instant gratification. So that may be something we want to
build because a lot of times in the journey, rarely
do you see something. I mean, sometimes it does take
off right away, right, whatever it might be, but a
lot of times it doesn't. Right. Number two, what am
I learning or improving on right now that'll think that
I'll think myself for later? So what am I learning
(27:41):
or improving on right now that I'll think myself for later? Well,
let me tell you something real quick. Listen, doham and I.
We could have a TV show. Okay, we can have
a big network deal because guess who knows how to
show up? That's one of our selling points, right, we
can let the companies know what the big books like.
Excuse me, we've been doing this out of our own
post and you know from the sponsors that we try
(28:02):
to get. We've been doing this consistently for this long, right,
and that show it speaks to what you can do
in the future. Right, So that's important. And number three
is how can I remind myself that unseen work is
still valuable?
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Ooh, I love that? Yes, yes, okay, So then that
takes us to key number four. Make rest part of
the plan, now, lady, it doesn't matter what goal it
is that you were working towards. Rest is a necessity.
(28:38):
Rest is a non negotiable right, So I think about
the easiest one that comes to mind is with your career, right,
how important rest is part? Is that part of your plan.
You won't be able to be consistent in showing up
for your job without burnout if you don't take time
(29:01):
to rest. The rest might look like taking vacation days
all right, Now, these next two things I know are
more difficult for a lot of us. Yeah, ending and
truly ending your workday and protecting your off hours. So
(29:23):
what does that look like? Well, if your job is
the hours that you are set to work. If your
job ends at five o'clock, that means at five o'clock
you're walking out the door, right, And that means that
(29:45):
when you get home, you're not doing anything related to
that job at nine o'clock at night, at midnight. That
defeats the rest that you need to show go up
consistently when you take time off. And I know that
I have been guilty of this, and so this is
(30:06):
why I'm pointing it out because if I'm doing it,
I know other people are doing it. If you take
time off in your workday for an appointment because you're
taking care of your health or whatever it is. If
you take two hours out of your workday because you
have to go and end to an appointment, we're not
(30:30):
working two hours at the end of the day, we're not.
That defeats the purpose of rest. That doesn't uphold boundaries. Now,
I also want to now withe that there are exceptions,
that there may be times when that is that is necessary.
But again it is the exception, not the norm or
(30:51):
the rule. Rest has to be a part of your plan.
I also think about working out. You know, bitiness trainers
all often say that recovery, rest and recovery are necessary. Yeah,
and you can have an active recovery day, but you
(31:12):
also need rest. I'm saying this to myself as I
am like tapping tapping back into my consistent fitness journey
and working out. Working out for three hours every day
is not going to be sustainable for me. I need
(31:34):
to have rest within there. Otherwise my body is not
going to get the opportunity that it needs to three set.
Are you doing three hour workouts some days?
Speaker 3 (31:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Some days? Okay, excuse me, getting everybody up, Okay, I'll
see you. Not every day, I feel, y'all. I was like,
oh God, but yes, rest is important, and go you
all up in my business all my driveway, Tokomo. So so
don't be working at you know, eleven and midnight. And
I was like, yeah, I was me last night. But
I think something else that we pointed out in our
(32:12):
previous episode, so letty go check this episode out from
last week, is that it depends on what season of
life you're in, right, you might be. And I think
Don was talking about in last episode about when she
was getting her degree, pursuing her degree, there was like
a period of grind time, right, And when I was
pursuing everything in my life, there's a period of grind time.
But I think the most important thing is like, ideally
we wanted to be the exception and not the role,
(32:32):
because that becomes a habit.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
If you're grind, grind, grind, listen, that is me all
the way like I listen workaholic, that is I am
in recovery, okay, And so it is important to rest,
and even thinking about rest or thinking about rest, I'm
thinking about today we're bulk recording, and Don and I
both were like, yeah, we were going to do like
two three episodes. I think we're going to do one
and I think we're going to go lounge and eat
(32:54):
and take a nap, and I'm like excited to do
that after. And so it's all about also listening to
your body. Sometimes if I take a nap during the day,
I'm up all night because I have the energy and
I'm excited and I'm in flow, right, And I think
that's a case where I'm listening to my body. My
body wants to perform, my body wants to do something,
but then't. There are other times like today where it's
like I want to eat and lay on the couch
(33:15):
and do nothing. And that's okay too, So it's important
to remember that as well. All Right, let's get into
these questions. So the first question here is do I
treat rest as a part of the process or only
as a reward for overworking. But this question is off
of my business. But that is the question. Okay. The
next question is how do I feel physically and emotionally
(33:38):
when I'm well rested compared to when I'm depleted. That's
a good one. That self awareness is key and even
documenting that, writing that down in your journal so you
can understand, like, wait, what is my baseline? What is
my body calling for right now? And then trying to
do what your body's calling for. And the third question
here is what's one boundary I can set this week
(34:00):
to protect my energy? Love it? Oh?
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Yes, I love those questions. So then that takes us
to our fifth key track the effort, not just the outcome.
So oftentimes when we are trying to achieve a particular goal,
we focus solely on the goal and not not the
(34:31):
small steps along the way or the effort that it
took for us to get there. It's I gotta get
this thing achieved, I gotta check this box, and I
need to do whatever it takes to keep get to
get there. Well, if we focus solely on that piece,
(34:56):
the big goal, that can lead to a being inconsistent
that could lead to us being burned out. And so
when we slow it down, we break it down and
we take time to reflect. Okay, So let's say that
I have this thing that I'm working on and I've
(35:20):
set a deadline for myself for a year. About you,
but sometimes a year flows by. It goes by so
fast that I'm like, wait, hold on. I look up
and I'm like, wait, it's been a year already, okay,
And so part of what helped with the consistency is
to take time to track that effort. Right, So, like,
(35:41):
again we're going with this year example, After the first month,
take time and reflect on what all have you done?
How much effort did it require for you to show
up consistently towards accomplishing this task this goal? And then
(36:04):
what is it gonna take for you to do this
again next month and then the month after that? All right?
Recognizing that that is what's gonna keep you consistent. Thinking
about the effort. Sometimes it's you know, what, I have
this task that I'm giving myself a year to complete
(36:29):
and it takes little effort. Okay, Well, if I'm pausing
and I'm recognizing that it takes a little effort, and
I don't mind. I'm in a season where I need
something that is little effort. Oh well, then hell yeah,
I can be consistent with this for a year because
it's taking me little effort and that's the season that
(36:51):
I'm in.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Oh I love this one so much because when you
are trying to build a habit and trying to be consistent,
I believe that there's so much power and experiments looking
at your life and looking at your effort as an experiment.
I'm going to give two examples. So one, before I
had my daughter, I was I had this speaking engagement
almost every month. I was flying in different cities doing
(37:15):
different workshops and keynotes and all this. Right after I
had my daughter and I took a break from my
career and I kind of went back in my shell
and I was really loving just being at home and
not doing much, not being seen. And then I was
at the stage where I was like, Okay, I got
the itch after a while, and I was like, okay,
I'm ready to get back out there. And I was
asking myself, like do I still got it. I ain't
been in the gym a minute, Like, not in a
(37:36):
gym literally right. But I haven't been in my craft
in a minute, like I can I still do this?
And so one of the things I did, I was
in my head like I don't know if I can
do it. I said, Okay, I'm just going to show
up and do a webinar every single month to get
myself back into the habit of doing it right. It
wasn't about perfection, it was about just showing up. And
I like to say that set a goal to do
something ten times and see where you are the first
(37:58):
time you do it compared to the right. So at
this point in the game, I'm probably about nine or
so webinars, cause I think I started in December and
we're in August now at the time we're recording. And
so at this point, the webinar I did the first time,
it's way better than the webinar that I've done last month, right,
the latest one. I have another one coming up at
the end of the month. So I think sometimes when
you do an experiment in that way, you can just
(38:19):
get yourself into the habit of doing and not be
so concerned with the outcome. Right now, the other thing
is my daughter brought a plant home. Baby z right,
that's what we call on the podcast. Baby Z brought
a plant home and we started watering the plant. I'm
a terrible plant mom, but I'm working on it, right,
I'm working on the effort, not the outcome. So it
like some time went by and I was like, I'm
(38:40):
not seeing nothing happen with the plant's not growing. So
I did some research. I ended up ordering some planters.
I got some of the soil, and I got some
new seeds, and then we tried again. I was like,
all right, so we put about I think I had
about five different planters out by the window and we're
watching it and I'm like, I'm not these plants but
a glow grow. My baby is waiting for these plants
(39:00):
to grow, and she's like, Mommy, are plants grow? So
I'm like, y'all, motherfucker's better grow. So a while went
by and I finally saw a little bit of green
coming up out of two so I was like, all right,
So I shouldered and I was so excited. Then it stopped.
I was like, bro, it was like two months, and
I the thing is, over the course of two months,
I as someone who was formerly a bad plant mom,
I got into the habit of checking them daily, watering
(39:23):
them daily. So I'm building the habit, but I'm also
still low key looking for the outcome. So then what
I did was I decided to do some research and
understand what do these types of seeds need in order
for them to grow right. And what I found in
my research is that it probably wasn't getting enough sun
and maybe it was getting too much water. So then
I ended up getting this lle I'm looking over at
the plants. I got this led light or this lamp
(39:44):
that stays on for four hours to give it enough sun.
Got these water balls where it waters it by itself,
but I still check it every day. I say all
that to say, sometimes when you're in that process or
a phase of tracking the effort not the outcome, you
also sometimes need to tweak what you're doing. If you're
not getting results and you're being consistent, you sometimes have
to tweak it. So let's getting a coach, getting someone
(40:05):
who's been where you've gone right, and tapping into people
who are who can give you something to help you
sort of you know better what you're doing, iterate on
your process, and get better at what you're doing. So
finally we had these new plants. I only tried with three.
Now we got these new plants with the led light
and the little water balls that I'll lessen your picture
after we do our recording. And one of the plants
(40:28):
is already growing and is growing taller than the previous
one was growing. So now I'm getting into the habit.
So I'm checking the plants every day. I have a
better process, and now I can look forward to the
outcome more because I've been tracking the effort, right, So
I think that's a reminder when it comes to this
particular step of the phase of how we can use
that in our daily life and in our practice.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
You know, I love that and I can't wait to
see the pictures.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
I'm so excited girl. Thank you. Now, the questions that
we want to dive into for this particular key here,
Number one is how can I measure my consistency in
ways that encourage me to keep going? That's a good one.
To what smaller wins can I celebrate this month? And
the number three if I only tracked effort, what would
(41:15):
my progress look like? Great?
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Ooh, I love that. So then that takes us to
number six. Adjust without quitting Now tie. I think you
just gave us the perfect exam that right of adjusting
without quitting that like, okay, so you all have this
plant and you're determined, I'm not giving up on this plant.
(41:42):
I'm trying to be My goal to your goal is
to be a better plant mom, right, so now send
me the outcome of what's going to happen with these plants,
but to be a better plant mom. And so this
one strategy that you initially tried wasn't working, so you
had to pivot and try something different. You didn't just say, well,
(42:05):
these plants aren't growing. Well, I'm done with this, I'm out.
You said, okay, what can I do differently to try
and get the desired outcome? And so I love this
the piece of adjusting without quitting. And to me, what
(42:25):
also comes up around this is that you may have
this thing that you're trying to be consistent with and
you may be in a different season. And so what
that means is you make an adjustment to how you
show up, but you still show up. Right. An easy
(42:47):
thing to think about is and this is what comes
up for me, just only based on the space that
I'm in currently about being consistent with working out right.
And so one of the things things that I have
consistently struggled with in my my fitness consistency journey is
(43:11):
when I travel, what do I how do I remain
consistent with working out right? And so for me, this
example of adjusting without quitting looks like, Okay, so I
have certain things that I do when I'm at home
that are part of my fitness routine. Depending on where
(43:34):
I'm traveling, that might not be available to me. And
so then how do I adjust working at my workout
routine without completely quitting? Because I know for me that
usually that's when I end up not being consistent because
I go on vacation or I have to travel for work,
(43:57):
I don't work out, I come back home and it
takes forever for me to start the fitness routine again.
And so ideally, how I can remain consistent is when
I'm traveling, I find something to do that allows me
(44:18):
to have some level of physical activity and engagement. And
it might not look like what I'm doing at home.
It might not be a three hour workout. Chances are
it's not gonna be a three hour workout when I'm traveling.
Maybe it's only fifteen minutes. And what I have to
tell myself remind myself is that those fifteen minutes, it's
(44:42):
about the effort, right, It's about really recognizing that I
am still doing the thing, even if it doesn't look
exactly how I'm used to doing it.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
That is such a beautiful example. I'm so glad you
share that one, because that's just a really great depiction
of this in action. Like when you're you still showed up,
but it didn't look exactly the same as it looked
at home, but you're still in the habit of showing up,
so when you get home, it's easier to get back
into your routine and get back get back into the
three hour workouts, which I love so much. The other
(45:21):
thing that I thought about with this particular key here
is that sometimes the goal may change, but the mission
doesn't necessarily change. And what I mean by that is,
so you know, before Domini started the podcast, I was
managing a blog that I started when I was in
grad school, and I had the blog for about seven years,
and I was managing the blog and the podcast. When
we first started simultaneously, it felt like it was too much,
(45:43):
and so I had to ask myself like, Okay, wait
a minute, what is my goal? Like, what is the goal?
What is the why? What am I doing? And I
realized that, well, the goal may have changed because at
that point in the game, people were not reading blogs
like that. They were more so looking at like video
content or audio content. So I'm like, I can still
achieve my mission by doing the podcast fully and retiring
(46:04):
the blog. So I retired the blog and then was
able to put all my effort into the podcast that
we have together. And so one of the questions that
comes up around this particular key that we're discussing is
am I stopping because the goal is no longer right
for me? Or because I'm frustrated by the process? Right?
Oh yeah, that is a question we have to ask
(46:25):
ourselves at time. Right. The second question is what's one
thing I could change that might make this work better?
And that's where we get into the feedback loop, because
sometimes we may be forcing something trying to do this thing,
or like I got this brilliant idea, but maybe you're
in a new field or industry where you don't know much,
but you know you want to do something. That's when
we want to seek out feedback from someone who's been
(46:48):
where we've been, whether it's a book, a mentor some
type of content a podcast. Tune into that to understand, like,
what are the best practices in this industry?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
Right?
Speaker 1 (46:56):
Do I need to change something with my current process
versus quitting and giving up up? Right? We have to
be open to feedback. We have to be coachable on
the journey. And then number three is how can I
pivot without losing sight of the bigger vision?
Speaker 2 (47:10):
And so then that takes us to our final key,
lean on each other and community listen. Okay, So it's
thinking about what that overall goal is, What is the
outcome that you're trying to reach, What do you need
to be consistent and who can show up for you
(47:34):
in that regard? Right? So I think about with when
it comes to parenting, that there are you have your
other moms. You know, you have different mom groups, you
(47:54):
have different parenting support groups, you have different family members
that are also parents, Right, But it doesn't necessarily mean
leaning on each other, doesn't necessarily mean that it has
to be people who are in the same position as you. Right,
in my role as an auntie, I'm able to show
(48:16):
up for my friends and family members who are parents
in ways that allow them to take breaks. Right, So
I'm not showing up. I can't talk to them about
the PTA stuff, right, or what's happening at daycare, because
(48:37):
that's not that's not a shared identity. But if they
need some adult time, right, if they want to have
date night with their partners, I can baby sit. And
so then so there are ways in which you can
(48:59):
lean on each other and your community that doesn't require
that those persons have that same goal or identity as you.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yes, Tom, you hit the nail on the head with that.
And I think that when it comes to other aspects
of life, right, like work, do you have colleagues or
mentors that you can share progress and challenges with?
Speaker 2 (49:21):
Right?
Speaker 1 (49:21):
When you think about your health and fitness, right, do
you have a workout buddy or a group or accountability
partner or even a coach you can chat with? Think
about creative projects? Do you have someone else in your
field who can offer that encouragement or collaboration? And then
when I think about the podcast specifically, I mean I
think about when I had my blog, I was not
nearly as consistent as I have been with the podcast,
(49:43):
And I think A lot of that is because we've
been able to do this as a team. Right. It's
so funny because there have been times over the journey
where one of us usually we're like, it's like a
yin and yang. If one of us, if our energy
is like offer, we're like, gird, I'm tired, da da da,
I need some help, Like need I need an energy boost?
The other ones able to offer that energy boost. Usually
we're not both kind of having a low moment at
(50:03):
the same time. It's usually we're able to leverage each
other's energy, and that has been so helpful. When one
of us is going through a rough patch, the other
one is able to lift us up right. And so
I think that's one of the ways that we've been
able to be consistent with this particular venture, is leaning
on each other, but also leveraging our community and like
looking at the reviews, looking at the comments, remembering feedback
that we've heard from our live show that we had
(50:24):
right thinking about people who've been impacted, and leveraging that.
So think about how this may apply to wherever you
are in your life and what you're focused on, and
how you don't have to do it alone. You can
tap into, whether it's your higher source, God, the universe,
whatever you call it, because everybody has their own names.
When you think about you know, your ancestors or your
spirit guides, or even online communities like tap into support
(50:48):
as you are traveling on the journey because it's so
important we need it. And then some of the questions
you can think about when it comes to this particular
key include one, who can I invite into this journey
to help me stay committed. I just want to share
this one quick thing. So when I was first getting
started with my workout journey after having my daughter, I
(51:08):
struggled so much to move my body. I just felt
so heavy and I felt so just disconnected from my body.
It was a true challenge to actually move and do anything.
Oh my god, it was so hard. And I remember
I ended up paying for on fiver dot com. I
got this pay for this trainer, but all I had
him do was hold me accountable. And I was just like, hey,
can you just literally text me on these days at
(51:30):
this time and make sure I worked out? And that's
what I could afford. At that point, I could afford
a full time trainer. It was like that was it.
So I was doing home workouts, and that's why I
invited into my journey to help me stay committed, because
that served me in that. Season. Number two is how
can I create an accountability structure that feels supportive, not pressured?
And number three and what ways can I show up
(51:52):
for others pursuing their goals too? I love that one
because I truly believed that the energy you put out,
especially when you're supporting others, truly believe it comes back
to us. So we covered a lot today. Anything else
you want to add on.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
That? I think, yes, you said it best. We covered
a lot today, and so I'm going to run through
real quick the seven keys. Number one anchor into your why.
Number two build sustainable systems. Number three embrace the invisible
(52:27):
season number four make rest a part of the plan.
Number five track the effort, not just the outcome. Number
six adjust without quitting. And number seven lean on each
other and community.
Speaker 1 (52:49):
There we go, And lady, if you enjoyed this episode,
would you please take a moment out of your busy
life and day leave us a review like if you
enjoyed it and took anything away, go to Apple podcast,
leave us a five serve you leave a comment. We
haven't had a comment in a couple months, and it's
looking a little it's looking a little dry and said
over there, so leave us review. And also if you
want to watch the video and also catch us on
(53:11):
the after show, you can visit her Space podcast dot com,
click anywhere you see Patreon and you can join us
for the behind the scenes after show. Thank you for
tuning in, Lady. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure
of your next steps, this is for you. Hey, Lady,
is Tea here and I just want to invite you
to my free goal map like a pro coaching workshop,
(53:33):
where I'll share the five proven steps to get unstuck
and achieve your goals. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all
your ideas, juggling scattered ideas, or maybe you just need
confidence to start, this workshop will give you the clarity,
tools and the motivation to take back control. Reserve your
spot for free by visiting her Space podcast dot com
(53:56):
and clicking on the goal map like a pro webinar link. Lady,
don't miss the chance to build a road map that
fits your life and set you up for success. I
hope to see you there.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
Thanks for tuning into Cultivating her Space. Remember that while
this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's
not a substitute for therapy. If you are someone you
know need support, check out resources like Therapy for Black
Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, do
(54:28):
us a favor and share it with a friend who
needs some inspiration or leave us a quick five star review.
Your support means the world to us and helps keep
this space thriving.
Speaker 1 (54:40):
And before we meet again, repeat after me, I honor
my journey by balancing effort and rest to achieve my goals.
Cheap thriving Lady, and tune in next Friday for more
inspiration from Cultivating her Space. In the meantime, want to
connect with us on Instagram at our Space Podcast
On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Rest is a non negotiable, so I think about the
easiest one that comes to mind is with your career.
How important rest is part of your plan. You won't
be able to be consistent in showing up for your
job without burnout if you don't take time to rest. Hey, lady,
(00:28):
have you ever felt like the world just doesn't get you? Well,
we do.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting
and empowering women like you.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from
fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black
women to just b.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow
button and leave us a quick five star review. Lady.
We are black founded and black owned, and your support
will help us reach even more women like you.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.
Are you currently a resident of the state of California
and contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well, if so, please
reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
(01:38):
That's d R D O M I N I q
U E B R O U ss ar D dot
com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look
forward to hearing from you. Our quote of the day,
(02:00):
Constancy isn't about the perfection. It's about making small, regular
efforts over time. Now, I'm going to repeat that one
more time for the folks in the back to make
sure you truly heard it and you let it think
in Consistency isn't about perfection. It's about taking small, regular
(02:26):
efforts over time, all right, t you know how we
do when you hear that quote? What comes up for you,
particularly as we think about what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Oh my goodness. Okay, So when I hear this quote
to me, what comes up is one of the fact
that there's a lot of misconceptions about consistency. I think
that sometimes either society or wherever we learned it from,
we believe that consistency means that we have to show
up a certain way every single time. But with what
we're going to talk about today, it reminds me that
(03:00):
consistency is just about showing up regularly and sort of
submitting to the process and being realistic and sustainable with
the way that you're showing up. So it doesn't have
to be I think about my gym journey. It doesn't
have to be perfect every time. Some days it's like, oh,
it's a great workout. Other days I'm like, I am here, okay,
Like that's that's the accomplishment. I showed up. I did
(03:21):
one lift, like one set, whatever it is. So it's
about just showing up however you need to show up
for that particular season, and just doing that consistently. Like
showing up is the name of the game. What about
you don what comes up for you when you hear
this quote.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, I love what you said about the showing up
and then about the sustainability piece. Right, that consistency, particularly
as we think about like not being in burnout, that
the goal is to not burn out, That the goal
(03:58):
is to be able to do the thing, whatever that
thing might be for you, with regularity, but not being
burned out, because when you're burned out, that's what leads
to you not being consistent, right and so and so
For me, it's also about that piece about it's not
(04:18):
about perfection that when we are in a space where
we're striving for perfection, yeah, because perfection is unrealistic and unattainable,
then that leads to us being inconsistent because what happens
is we do the thing, it's not perfect. So then
(04:42):
we find ourselves in a space of maybe disappointment or
resentment or judgment or whatever the thing is, and now
you stop engaging in it. Yeah, so so much for
the consistency, it's gone out the window because you were
striving for perfection and so and so for me, consistency
(05:02):
truly is about showing up, like you said, showing up
and doing the thing. However showing up looks for me
in that particular moment.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Yes, I loved that so much time. And you know
what you made me think about something that a mentor
told me years ago when I was starting my speaking career,
and he was saying that good speakers, when you are
in that field of like working on your craft, it's
all about that thing, whatever that thing is for you,
becoming a natural extension of who you are. So it's
more of a lifestyle versus this thing that you have
(05:34):
to have perfect every single time, which I love so much.
And so let's get into this lady. So many of
us have heard the saying that consistency is key, right,
But how do you show up consistently when you're not
getting results right, when you don't see the results, not
result and you don't see it, how do you show up? So,
for Dom and I both, this podcast a true labor
(05:55):
of love for us, has been one of the things
that we've been most consistent with our careers. Right. There
are other things as well, but this is one of
the things that we've done collectively. And for the past
seven years, we've shown up every single week like clockwork
and release new episodes. So at this point that's over
three hundred and sixty episodes, no missed weeks, no matter
what was happening in our lives. And here's the thing.
(06:18):
We stay consistent even in seasons when the results felt slow, unclear,
or invisible. And in today's episode, we're talking about how
we've done that. We're pulling back the curtain and we're
going to share what we've done, what we've learned along
the way, and how you can stick with your goals
without running yourself into the ground, because the goal is
not to be burnt out, right, is to live a
(06:39):
life of joy, luxury, leisure if that's what you feel
called to do, because I know we are. That's that's
what type, that's what type time we aw. Okay, and
so the other thing is I do want to point
out that this episode in particular, it's not about necessarily
being consistent with a podcast per se. That's just our
story and so that's something that you'll hear as reference.
But the keys that we're sharing today, you can apply
(06:59):
them to every aspect of your life, depending on what
your goals are. So it could be your career, your health,
your creative goals, your relationship, and more. Okay, we've also
put together some powerful reflection questions to get your creative
juices flowing and help you think about how you can
apply these principles in your own life. So let's dive
into number one time.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Okay. So the first thing is anchor into your why.
So it doesn't make sense to commit to doing something
if you're not even sure why. Right, So I think
about something that most of us talk about at some
point in life, diet and exercise, right, yeah, Okay, So
(07:45):
if you're trying to be consistent with making diet changes,
why why are you doing this? Is it because your
doctor said you have to, because you're facing a particular
health challenge? Is it because your partner, your children, someone
(08:07):
else in your life is saying this is the lifestyle
that needs that you need to adjust to or we
would like for you to adjust to. So anchoring into
your why, like being very clear with yourself why am
I doing this? And why now?
Speaker 1 (08:30):
That's facts. And when I think about the podcast in particular,
right because this is our thing, this is our baby,
this is our labor of love. I think about I
think about some of the days in the beginning when
we were it felt a lot more challenging in the
beginning because we were still building the habit. Right now,
it's so funny when we don't podcast, I'd be like
I get start itching, like wait, I feel like we
(08:51):
need to get on the mic, like we got to
record because we're so used to it now. It really
is a lifestyle. It's an extension of who we are
right now. But before in the beginning, when we were
building a habit, girl, remember us working late after hours,
being in whatever studio, library, closet wherever we could find,
and I remember us just being like, girl, this is
a lot, Like I'm tired. We have a lot going on,
(09:12):
and we would keep thinking about, Okay, what is our
mission and it's all about black women. How can we
create this space for black women that's empowering that you
know they feel like we're their friends and their head,
especially for the black women who tune in and they've
told us that they don't have community around them and
they're like, I listen to y'all all you my sisters
were like, we're doing it for you. So I remember
we would go through some of the reviews sometimes to
(09:33):
get some motivations like, Okay, we're doing it for you, sis,
even though we haven't met you, we hear in spirit
and that will motivate us. And girl, when you think
about even like working out for me, it's like, I
want to be a baddie when I'm eighty. Okay, I'm
trying to have a great sex life and be folded
like a pretzo at that age. I'll be stretching now
and working out now, because if you do it now
(09:54):
and it becomes a part of your lifestyle, it's easier
to do those things later. Right, But lady, think about
your career right, deeper reason behind your work beyond the paycheck,
right for your fitness goes. We talk a lot about fitness,
think about how to help you with mental clarity and longevity.
Because the thing is a lot of times when your
why is not big enough or compelling enough, you're not
(10:14):
going to take the action. So it's really important to
get deep down within yourself, sit with yourself and think
about why do I want this? Not why my family
wants me to want it, or why my partner or
my kids want me to want it, Why do I
want it for myself? Because that really can give you
that motivation to keep the momentum when you don't see
the numbers, when you don't see the results, and when
the outside environment is not really depicting the thing that
(10:38):
you want it to depict. Right and so right, a
couple of questions.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Before you get to the questions, I want to reiterate
for people that the point that you just made.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
That that leaning into, truly leaning into your why.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Is going to be the thing that's going to carry you, yeah,
throughout that process of achieving that particular goal. When and
being very adamant that your why is your why. Yes,
that your why doesn't have to look like anybody else's why.
(11:26):
And even if maybe your why is you're doing it
for your family, If that truly is your why, lean
into that.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah, lean into I have made this decision to do
this for my family because my family is my priority
with this particular goal.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, A meant that. And some questions to think about
that you can use your you know, your journaling time
to kind of dig into. Include one why does this
matter in the life long run? Because sometimes when you
ask yourself that question, you can realize, wait a second,
I'm just being short sighted right now, Like I'm thinking
about the short term. Why does it matter in the
long run? Ask yourself another question, would I pursue this
(12:12):
if it took years to see the big payoff? Oh? Child?
Okay that part because I know our answer was yes
to this. We're like, we'll see how long we do
the podcast, but like, yeah, we're gonna stick with it, right.
And then the last question is who else benefits from
(12:33):
me achieving this goal? If you're a person like us,
where you like to help people, you want to you know,
eve a legacy that is a question that could also
really inspire you. Who else are you going to help? Right?
Who else is going to benefit from you achieving this?
So think about that as you are angering into your
why and kind of figuring out what's going to motivate
you when go and get tough.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yes, So then that takes us to our number two.
Build sustainable system You can't it, you can, but it
is a lot easier to be consistent when you have
sustainable systems in place, right, And so you know, I
(13:18):
think about if I go back to the diet dieting example, right,
that if you want to be consistent, and like most
nutrition is, dieticians and fitness trainers will tell you that
dieting is not actually the ultimate goal, it's lifestyle changes.
(13:38):
And so if you want to be consistent with your
overall dietary changes, what are the systems that you need
to have in place? So is it mel propping, is
it hiring a chef, is it paying for prepackaged meals?
(14:05):
Whatever that thing is, What is the system that you
need in place for you to be consistent with it?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
I love that, Tom, and I'm thinking about Okay, I'm
gonna try to think of some new examples as we
have the conversation. But of course I'm going to go
back to the podcast, and if you may hear us
talk about this, I'm like, oh my gosh, should they
go again? But I'll saw to brushing my teeth that
I there have not. I mean, I've been consistent with
a lot of things in life, but when I think
about the consistencies we've had with this show, and if
(14:33):
you ever had a show or anything like this, you
know it is not easy to produce something every single
week for seven years straight. That is like, and I'm
so impressed with us and so proud of us because
we've been so committed to that goal. And I think
that when it comes to building sustainable systems, one of
the things that has really helped us is bat to recording.
So when we brag because I'm bragging, okay, I'm like, hey,
(14:55):
we did it, okay, seven seven years of episodes every week, bragging,
but also like very proud of ourselves, which we should be, right,
you should be proud of yourself, lady, for being consistent
and for putting in the effort. When I think about
what has allowed us to do that, it's again the
batch recording, and when we say the you know, weekly episodes.
It's not from a place of burnout. It's not from
a place of oh we're not resting, no sleep, It's
(15:16):
not that. Right, we do take breaks, but because we
have the systems in place, it appears as though we don't, right,
because we're always producing that content, but the recording. When
I think about our clear division of tasks, right, we
each have certain tasks in the business that each of
us handle and we divide and conquer. Right. When I
think about your daily life, right, having a weekly planning
time to plan out your days. Right, having you know,
(15:39):
templates or recurring tasks, or just things that make your
life easier, even setting up your environment in a way
that is going to support the goal. For instance, I
wake up, I wake up and go to the gym
a few times a week, like early in the morning.
I used to go at six am, but now it's changed.
And one of the things I know that helps me
is when I clean my house at night and I
prep my gym stuff. When I was in the beginning
(16:00):
of my gym journey, I was sleeping in gym clothes
so that I knew I would keep myself account up
in the morning. But last night I set everything up.
I packed my gym bag, and I set my alarm
so I could get myself together and get myself ready
and do my routine and then get my daughter up.
And she got up early like she always does, and
so I set her up. I was like, all right,
mommy's having my time, and I did my thing because
I knew that that's what was going to allow me
(16:22):
to get out of the house at the right time
to be able to go to my appointment and do
what I need to do. So it's really all about building,
like understanding what you want to achieve, having that why,
and then building. I want to see an ecosystem that
supports what you're trying to achieve.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yes, yes, And I think the thing too within that
ecosystem making is something. Part of the thing that makes
it sustainable is being realistic with yourself. Yes. Right, So
if you know that getting up and going to the
gym at six point thirty is a thing that you
(16:55):
that's what you're working on in this moment. Right.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
But if.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Let's say eight point thirty had generally been your wake
up time, waking up to go to the gym at
six thirty might not be sustainable. That might not be
Even if you're sleeping in your gym clothes, that might
not be sustainable. So then what makes the system sustainable
is gradually increasing your wake up time until you're at
(17:26):
the wake up time that works for you. Right, And
so it's about thinking about what is that, what is
the system, and then being realistic with how that system
can be sustainable. If meal prep is your thing, but
you know that you go on vacation for a week
(17:50):
every month, first of all, kudos to you. I'm trying
to get there. Like if you were on a on
vacation for a whole week every month, then and you
know that when you get back it's hard to jump
back into the routine. Then part of that sustainable meal
prep system is that you make enough meals that you
(18:13):
can freeze so that they are readily available when you
return from vacation. And that's what makes it sustainable. So
then we have as you're trying to think about, like
how do you build this sustainable system? He has some
questions that you can ask yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I said, say, way, we got to ask some questions. Okay, cool,
So the first question, thank you don for second back
our first question here is what routines are tools could
make this easier for me to keep doing, which we
kind of talked about already, right, But that's a question
you should ask yourself because I thought we live in
this world where everyone wants to try to tell people
how to live their lives. But you know your situation best.
You know what you have the capacity for, their resources
(18:56):
for in the bandwid for, So you should be creating
what's going to work best for you and your life
based on the season, your end, which we talked about
in e recent episode, so make sure you go check
out our last episode. Number two is am I relying
on wheel power alone? Or do I have systems in
place to help me show up? All? Right? And then
number three is what can I automate, delegate or prepare
(19:19):
ahead of time? This kind of goes back to what
we were just sharing a couple of minutes ago.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Now, that's one of my favorite questions.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
You like that What do you like most about that question?
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Don It's because the having things that you can automate,
that you can delegate, or that you can prepare ahead.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Of time.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Takes it off of you and helps prevent that burnout, right,
And so it allows you to do the things that
it allows you to have systems in place that allow
things to keep flowing. That's part of that sustainability.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah, I love it. That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
And so then that takes us to key number three.
Embrace the invisible season. All right, I'm gonna say that
I need to take more time for the folks back,
embrace the invisible seasons. So two things come up from
(20:21):
you when I think about that, right, embracing this invisible season.
One comparison to the thief of joy, yes, and two
not everybody is going to see the work that you're
putting in, but it doesn't mean that the work isn't valuable.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
And so what I mean by that is that there
are times, depending on what the thing is that you're
working on, there are times when it will feel like
no one is observing, no one is no, no one
is acknowledging. Yeah, all that you're doing to make this
(21:09):
thing happen. Right. I immediately think about parenting. Now, I'm
not a parent biologically, okay, but in my role as
an aunty is, in my role as so many other
things in life, there's parenting involved in it, right, And
(21:33):
so I can't even I know things that come up
with the thoughts and feelings that come up for me,
and so I can't even imagine what it is like
for those of you all who are raising children in
your home and have that full responsibility. There are multiple
times when you are doing things for the betterment of
(21:56):
your child or children that they don't speak, that no
one seems to be noticing or acknowledging. And when you
were in a space where you are not orhere you
might be meeting that acknowledgment. That's when the consistency can
(22:18):
fall off, right.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Yeah, And that's where I would encourage people to circle
back to that top key of remembering your.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Why and reminding yourself that in this invisible season, there
was a lot that's happening that will pay off in
major dividends later on, and so you keep at it.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Listen, go ahead, and I'm excited girl. Okay, I'm over
here writing down notes. I don't forget because you brought
up something that made me think about the fact that
you talked about acknowledgment and how sometimes when you're in
that invisible season you don't get the acknowledgment you believe
you deserve. But here's the thing I truly believe that
we should be. If you feel like you want acknowledgement,
we can acknowledge ourselves. I know ideally you want to
(23:12):
get the outward you know, acknowledgment and accolades. But in
the meantime, you give yourself your own flowers. Okay, give
yourself the own flower, your own flowers, and know that
you're worthy of that, Like, feel good about doing that.
That's okay to do, right. Give yourself the compliments, the love,
the visibility that you believe you deserve. You get that
to yourself first when you're in that season. That's number one.
(23:33):
Number two. Girl, When I think back, I have videos
and journals for my seventeen year old self, right, and
my seventeen year old self just knew it. By thirty,
I was going to be like super duper wealthy, having
you know, my real estate investments, my properties, like living
my best life just you know, on yachts and like
just doing all this. And girl, that did not happen.
(23:56):
My plan did not unfold the way I thought it
was going to unfold. But at the same time, there
are some truths that I feel that I believe wholeheartedly
and that have kept me so grounded. And one is
that everything is working out for my good, whether I
see it or understand it in the moment. And I
can honestly say that as I look back over my life,
it always has right, So that's one. The other is
(24:17):
that everything in God's time, especially when you see other
people who are flourishing and who are getting visibility, like
everything in God's time and what's for you is never
going to miss you. Now, I want to sell two
quick little stories because this one right here that y'all
you will notice if you listen to the show. Whenever
we have a certain guest on who's reached a certain
level of success, I'm always like, what do you do
(24:37):
in the meantime? Because that is a real ask question,
what do you do in the invisible season? Because I
feel like Domini with our show, in the podcast, we're
in the top one percent. Right, We've been featured in
Forbes and Black Enterprise and all these different, hello, beautiful
different platforms, and that's great and we love that. And
we still see our podcast going to a certain level
(24:58):
that it hasn't reached yet. How do we stay consistent
in the meantime? Right? I am a huge fan of
the comedian Nate Jackson, and he was just on The
Breakfast Club recently and he was sharing on the show.
I was so inspired by the episode. He was sharing
on the show that he has been in his industry,
in his field doing comedy for about twenty three years,
and I'm just like, wow, twenty three years he's been
(25:19):
doing this. He's just on The Breakfast Club. Now, he
just got his own Netflix series, And just to think,
I know you might be like, girl, I ain't trying
to wait twenty three years. But here's the thing. When
we are patient and you submit to the process and
commit to the process, you get everything that you are
needing along the journey that is going to allow you
to sustain and maintain what's meant for you at that
(25:41):
time because what you hate. Wouldn't you be so disappointed
to get what you pray for and you not have
the capacity to handle it, Because I know I would.
So now I'm like, Okay, everything in God's time, Dom,
Everything's happening the way it's supposed to happen for us.
And just knowing that we are being prepared for what
we're going to be holding soon, and I think that
is just so inspired, and that keeps me motivated because
(26:01):
it begins tough sometimes what we want to say it does.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
And I just think the affirmations that you named, that
you called out are affirmations that are so helpful in
this and in that particular moment when you feel like
you're in an invisible season. And so I just want
I just if you could call, if you could say
those affirmations one more time for the folks and they
can hear it.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yes, let's say it again. I hope I remember them all,
but I do. I do think about them often. So
Number one is I think it was everything in God's time, right,
What's for me is never going to miss me. So, lady,
if you got to say that in the mirror every day,
what's for me is never going to miss me. You
don't want someone else's blessing, that's not for you. What's
for you is never going to miss you. The next
one is everything is working out for my good, even
(26:48):
when I don't see it or understand it in the moment,
It's all working out for my good. It's all working
out for a bigger purpose. And I miss one. Damer
said it.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Those were the main ones.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Those are the main ones. Okay, all right, y'all, let's
get into these journaling reflection questions. So number one is
can I keep going even if I don't get instant
feedback or results. Ideally we hope the answer is yes. Right,
So you may want to practice this in other areas
of life to build that discipline and not get the
(27:20):
instant gratification. So that may be something we want to
build because a lot of times in the journey, rarely
do you see something. I mean, sometimes it does take
off right away, right, whatever it might be, but a
lot of times it doesn't. Right. Number two, what am
I learning or improving on right now that'll think that
I'll think myself for later? So what am I learning
(27:41):
or improving on right now that I'll think myself for later? Well,
let me tell you something real quick. Listen, doham and I.
We could have a TV show. Okay, we can have
a big network deal because guess who knows how to
show up? That's one of our selling points, right, we
can let the companies know what the big books like.
Excuse me, we've been doing this out of our own
post and you know from the sponsors that we try
(28:02):
to get. We've been doing this consistently for this long, right,
and that show it speaks to what you can do
in the future. Right, So that's important. And number three
is how can I remind myself that unseen work is
still valuable?
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Ooh, I love that? Yes, yes, okay, So then that
takes us to key number four. Make rest part of
the plan, now, lady, it doesn't matter what goal it
is that you were working towards. Rest is a necessity.
(28:38):
Rest is a non negotiable right, So I think about
the easiest one that comes to mind is with your career, right,
how important rest is part? Is that part of your plan.
You won't be able to be consistent in showing up
for your job without burnout if you don't take time
(29:01):
to rest. The rest might look like taking vacation days
all right, Now, these next two things I know are
more difficult for a lot of us. Yeah, ending and
truly ending your workday and protecting your off hours. So
(29:23):
what does that look like? Well, if your job is
the hours that you are set to work. If your
job ends at five o'clock, that means at five o'clock
you're walking out the door, right, And that means that
(29:45):
when you get home, you're not doing anything related to
that job at nine o'clock at night, at midnight. That
defeats the rest that you need to show go up
consistently when you take time off. And I know that
I have been guilty of this, and so this is
(30:06):
why I'm pointing it out because if I'm doing it,
I know other people are doing it. If you take
time off in your workday for an appointment because you're
taking care of your health or whatever it is. If
you take two hours out of your workday because you
have to go and end to an appointment, we're not
(30:30):
working two hours at the end of the day, we're not.
That defeats the purpose of rest. That doesn't uphold boundaries. Now,
I also want to now withe that there are exceptions,
that there may be times when that is that is necessary.
But again it is the exception, not the norm or
(30:51):
the rule. Rest has to be a part of your plan.
I also think about working out. You know, bitiness trainers
all often say that recovery, rest and recovery are necessary. Yeah,
and you can have an active recovery day, but you
(31:12):
also need rest. I'm saying this to myself as I
am like tapping tapping back into my consistent fitness journey
and working out. Working out for three hours every day
is not going to be sustainable for me. I need
(31:34):
to have rest within there. Otherwise my body is not
going to get the opportunity that it needs to three set.
Are you doing three hour workouts some days?
Speaker 3 (31:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Some days? Okay, excuse me, getting everybody up, Okay, I'll
see you. Not every day, I feel, y'all. I was like,
oh God, but yes, rest is important, and go you
all up in my business all my driveway, Tokomo. So so
don't be working at you know, eleven and midnight. And
I was like, yeah, I was me last night. But
I think something else that we pointed out in our
(32:12):
previous episode, so letty go check this episode out from
last week, is that it depends on what season of
life you're in, right, you might be. And I think
Don was talking about in last episode about when she
was getting her degree, pursuing her degree, there was like
a period of grind time, right, And when I was
pursuing everything in my life, there's a period of grind time.
But I think the most important thing is like, ideally
we wanted to be the exception and not the role,
(32:32):
because that becomes a habit.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
If you're grind, grind, grind, listen, that is me all
the way like I listen workaholic, that is I am
in recovery, okay, And so it is important to rest,
and even thinking about rest or thinking about rest, I'm
thinking about today we're bulk recording, and Don and I
both were like, yeah, we were going to do like
two three episodes. I think we're going to do one
and I think we're going to go lounge and eat
(32:54):
and take a nap, and I'm like excited to do
that after. And so it's all about also listening to
your body. Sometimes if I take a nap during the day,
I'm up all night because I have the energy and
I'm excited and I'm in flow, right, And I think
that's a case where I'm listening to my body. My
body wants to perform, my body wants to do something,
but then't. There are other times like today where it's
like I want to eat and lay on the couch
(33:15):
and do nothing. And that's okay too, So it's important
to remember that as well. All Right, let's get into
these questions. So the first question here is do I
treat rest as a part of the process or only
as a reward for overworking. But this question is off
of my business. But that is the question. Okay. The
next question is how do I feel physically and emotionally
(33:38):
when I'm well rested compared to when I'm depleted. That's
a good one. That self awareness is key and even
documenting that, writing that down in your journal so you
can understand, like, wait, what is my baseline? What is
my body calling for right now? And then trying to
do what your body's calling for. And the third question
here is what's one boundary I can set this week
(34:00):
to protect my energy? Love it? Oh?
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Yes, I love those questions. So then that takes us
to our fifth key track the effort, not just the outcome.
So oftentimes when we are trying to achieve a particular goal,
we focus solely on the goal and not not the
(34:31):
small steps along the way or the effort that it
took for us to get there. It's I gotta get
this thing achieved, I gotta check this box, and I
need to do whatever it takes to keep get to
get there. Well, if we focus solely on that piece,
(34:56):
the big goal, that can lead to a being inconsistent
that could lead to us being burned out. And so
when we slow it down, we break it down and
we take time to reflect. Okay, So let's say that
I have this thing that I'm working on and I've
(35:20):
set a deadline for myself for a year. About you,
but sometimes a year flows by. It goes by so
fast that I'm like, wait, hold on. I look up
and I'm like, wait, it's been a year already, okay,
And so part of what helped with the consistency is
to take time to track that effort. Right, So, like,
(35:41):
again we're going with this year example, After the first month,
take time and reflect on what all have you done?
How much effort did it require for you to show
up consistently towards accomplishing this task this goal? And then
(36:04):
what is it gonna take for you to do this
again next month and then the month after that? All right?
Recognizing that that is what's gonna keep you consistent. Thinking
about the effort. Sometimes it's you know, what, I have
this task that I'm giving myself a year to complete
(36:29):
and it takes little effort. Okay, Well, if I'm pausing
and I'm recognizing that it takes a little effort, and
I don't mind. I'm in a season where I need
something that is little effort. Oh well, then hell yeah,
I can be consistent with this for a year because
it's taking me little effort and that's the season that
(36:51):
I'm in.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Oh I love this one so much because when you
are trying to build a habit and trying to be consistent,
I believe that there's so much power and experiments looking
at your life and looking at your effort as an experiment.
I'm going to give two examples. So one, before I
had my daughter, I was I had this speaking engagement
almost every month. I was flying in different cities doing
(37:15):
different workshops and keynotes and all this. Right after I
had my daughter and I took a break from my
career and I kind of went back in my shell
and I was really loving just being at home and
not doing much, not being seen. And then I was
at the stage where I was like, Okay, I got
the itch after a while, and I was like, okay,
I'm ready to get back out there. And I was
asking myself, like do I still got it. I ain't
been in the gym a minute, Like, not in a
(37:36):
gym literally right. But I haven't been in my craft
in a minute, like I can I still do this?
And so one of the things I did, I was
in my head like I don't know if I can
do it. I said, Okay, I'm just going to show
up and do a webinar every single month to get
myself back into the habit of doing it right. It
wasn't about perfection, it was about just showing up. And
I like to say that set a goal to do
something ten times and see where you are the first
(37:58):
time you do it compared to the right. So at
this point in the game, I'm probably about nine or
so webinars, cause I think I started in December and
we're in August now at the time we're recording. And
so at this point, the webinar I did the first time,
it's way better than the webinar that I've done last month, right,
the latest one. I have another one coming up at
the end of the month. So I think sometimes when
you do an experiment in that way, you can just
(38:19):
get yourself into the habit of doing and not be
so concerned with the outcome. Right now, the other thing
is my daughter brought a plant home. Baby z right,
that's what we call on the podcast. Baby Z brought
a plant home and we started watering the plant. I'm
a terrible plant mom, but I'm working on it, right,
I'm working on the effort, not the outcome. So it
like some time went by and I was like, I'm
(38:40):
not seeing nothing happen with the plant's not growing. So
I did some research. I ended up ordering some planters.
I got some of the soil, and I got some
new seeds, and then we tried again. I was like,
all right, so we put about I think I had
about five different planters out by the window and we're
watching it and I'm like, I'm not these plants but
a glow grow. My baby is waiting for these plants
(39:00):
to grow, and she's like, Mommy, are plants grow? So
I'm like, y'all, motherfucker's better grow. So a while went
by and I finally saw a little bit of green
coming up out of two so I was like, all right,
So I shouldered and I was so excited. Then it stopped.
I was like, bro, it was like two months, and
I the thing is, over the course of two months,
I as someone who was formerly a bad plant mom,
I got into the habit of checking them daily, watering
(39:23):
them daily. So I'm building the habit, but I'm also
still low key looking for the outcome. So then what
I did was I decided to do some research and
understand what do these types of seeds need in order
for them to grow right. And what I found in
my research is that it probably wasn't getting enough sun
and maybe it was getting too much water. So then
I ended up getting this lle I'm looking over at
the plants. I got this led light or this lamp
(39:44):
that stays on for four hours to give it enough sun.
Got these water balls where it waters it by itself,
but I still check it every day. I say all
that to say, sometimes when you're in that process or
a phase of tracking the effort not the outcome, you
also sometimes need to tweak what you're doing. If you're
not getting results and you're being consistent, you sometimes have
to tweak it. So let's getting a coach, getting someone
(40:05):
who's been where you've gone right, and tapping into people
who are who can give you something to help you
sort of you know better what you're doing, iterate on
your process, and get better at what you're doing. So
finally we had these new plants. I only tried with three.
Now we got these new plants with the led light
and the little water balls that I'll lessen your picture
after we do our recording. And one of the plants
(40:28):
is already growing and is growing taller than the previous
one was growing. So now I'm getting into the habit.
So I'm checking the plants every day. I have a
better process, and now I can look forward to the
outcome more because I've been tracking the effort, right, So
I think that's a reminder when it comes to this
particular step of the phase of how we can use
that in our daily life and in our practice.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
You know, I love that and I can't wait to
see the pictures.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
I'm so excited girl. Thank you. Now, the questions that
we want to dive into for this particular key here,
Number one is how can I measure my consistency in
ways that encourage me to keep going? That's a good one.
To what smaller wins can I celebrate this month? And
the number three if I only tracked effort, what would
(41:15):
my progress look like? Great?
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Ooh, I love that. So then that takes us to
number six. Adjust without quitting Now tie. I think you
just gave us the perfect exam that right of adjusting
without quitting that like, okay, so you all have this
plant and you're determined, I'm not giving up on this plant.
(41:42):
I'm trying to be My goal to your goal is
to be a better plant mom, right, so now send
me the outcome of what's going to happen with these plants,
but to be a better plant mom. And so this
one strategy that you initially tried wasn't working, so you
had to pivot and try something different. You didn't just say, well,
(42:05):
these plants aren't growing. Well, I'm done with this, I'm out.
You said, okay, what can I do differently to try
and get the desired outcome? And so I love this
the piece of adjusting without quitting. And to me, what
(42:25):
also comes up around this is that you may have
this thing that you're trying to be consistent with and
you may be in a different season. And so what
that means is you make an adjustment to how you
show up, but you still show up. Right. An easy
(42:47):
thing to think about is and this is what comes
up for me, just only based on the space that
I'm in currently about being consistent with working out right.
And so one of the things things that I have
consistently struggled with in my my fitness consistency journey is
(43:11):
when I travel, what do I how do I remain
consistent with working out right? And so for me, this
example of adjusting without quitting looks like, Okay, so I
have certain things that I do when I'm at home
that are part of my fitness routine. Depending on where
(43:34):
I'm traveling, that might not be available to me. And
so then how do I adjust working at my workout
routine without completely quitting? Because I know for me that
usually that's when I end up not being consistent because
I go on vacation or I have to travel for work,
(43:57):
I don't work out, I come back home and it
takes forever for me to start the fitness routine again.
And so ideally, how I can remain consistent is when
I'm traveling, I find something to do that allows me
(44:18):
to have some level of physical activity and engagement. And
it might not look like what I'm doing at home.
It might not be a three hour workout. Chances are
it's not gonna be a three hour workout when I'm traveling.
Maybe it's only fifteen minutes. And what I have to
tell myself remind myself is that those fifteen minutes, it's
(44:42):
about the effort, right, It's about really recognizing that I
am still doing the thing, even if it doesn't look
exactly how I'm used to doing it.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
That is such a beautiful example. I'm so glad you
share that one, because that's just a really great depiction
of this in action. Like when you're you still showed up,
but it didn't look exactly the same as it looked
at home, but you're still in the habit of showing up,
so when you get home, it's easier to get back
into your routine and get back get back into the
three hour workouts, which I love so much. The other
(45:21):
thing that I thought about with this particular key here
is that sometimes the goal may change, but the mission
doesn't necessarily change. And what I mean by that is,
so you know, before Domini started the podcast, I was
managing a blog that I started when I was in
grad school, and I had the blog for about seven years,
and I was managing the blog and the podcast. When
we first started simultaneously, it felt like it was too much,
(45:43):
and so I had to ask myself like, Okay, wait
a minute, what is my goal? Like, what is the goal?
What is the why? What am I doing? And I
realized that, well, the goal may have changed because at
that point in the game, people were not reading blogs
like that. They were more so looking at like video
content or audio content. So I'm like, I can still
achieve my mission by doing the podcast fully and retiring
(46:04):
the blog. So I retired the blog and then was
able to put all my effort into the podcast that
we have together. And so one of the questions that
comes up around this particular key that we're discussing is
am I stopping because the goal is no longer right
for me? Or because I'm frustrated by the process? Right?
Oh yeah, that is a question we have to ask
(46:25):
ourselves at time. Right. The second question is what's one
thing I could change that might make this work better?
And that's where we get into the feedback loop, because
sometimes we may be forcing something trying to do this thing,
or like I got this brilliant idea, but maybe you're
in a new field or industry where you don't know much,
but you know you want to do something. That's when
we want to seek out feedback from someone who's been
(46:48):
where we've been, whether it's a book, a mentor some
type of content a podcast. Tune into that to understand, like,
what are the best practices in this industry?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
Right?
Speaker 1 (46:56):
Do I need to change something with my current process
versus quitting and giving up up? Right? We have to
be open to feedback. We have to be coachable on
the journey. And then number three is how can I
pivot without losing sight of the bigger vision?
Speaker 2 (47:10):
And so then that takes us to our final key,
lean on each other and community listen. Okay, So it's
thinking about what that overall goal is, What is the
outcome that you're trying to reach, What do you need
to be consistent and who can show up for you
(47:34):
in that regard? Right? So I think about with when
it comes to parenting, that there are you have your
other moms. You know, you have different mom groups, you
(47:54):
have different parenting support groups, you have different family members
that are also parents, Right, But it doesn't necessarily mean
leaning on each other, doesn't necessarily mean that it has
to be people who are in the same position as you. Right,
in my role as an auntie, I'm able to show
(48:16):
up for my friends and family members who are parents
in ways that allow them to take breaks. Right, So
I'm not showing up. I can't talk to them about
the PTA stuff, right, or what's happening at daycare, because
(48:37):
that's not that's not a shared identity. But if they
need some adult time, right, if they want to have
date night with their partners, I can baby sit. And
so then so there are ways in which you can
(48:59):
lean on each other and your community that doesn't require
that those persons have that same goal or identity as you.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yes, Tom, you hit the nail on the head with that.
And I think that when it comes to other aspects
of life, right, like work, do you have colleagues or
mentors that you can share progress and challenges with?
Speaker 2 (49:21):
Right?
Speaker 1 (49:21):
When you think about your health and fitness, right, do
you have a workout buddy or a group or accountability
partner or even a coach you can chat with? Think
about creative projects? Do you have someone else in your
field who can offer that encouragement or collaboration? And then
when I think about the podcast specifically, I mean I
think about when I had my blog, I was not
nearly as consistent as I have been with the podcast,
(49:43):
And I think A lot of that is because we've
been able to do this as a team. Right. It's
so funny because there have been times over the journey
where one of us usually we're like, it's like a
yin and yang. If one of us, if our energy
is like offer, we're like, gird, I'm tired, da da da,
I need some help, Like need I need an energy boost?
The other ones able to offer that energy boost. Usually
we're not both kind of having a low moment at
(50:03):
the same time. It's usually we're able to leverage each
other's energy, and that has been so helpful. When one
of us is going through a rough patch, the other
one is able to lift us up right. And so
I think that's one of the ways that we've been
able to be consistent with this particular venture, is leaning
on each other, but also leveraging our community and like
looking at the reviews, looking at the comments, remembering feedback
that we've heard from our live show that we had
(50:24):
right thinking about people who've been impacted, and leveraging that.
So think about how this may apply to wherever you
are in your life and what you're focused on, and
how you don't have to do it alone. You can
tap into, whether it's your higher source, God, the universe,
whatever you call it, because everybody has their own names.
When you think about you know, your ancestors or your
spirit guides, or even online communities like tap into support
(50:48):
as you are traveling on the journey because it's so
important we need it. And then some of the questions
you can think about when it comes to this particular
key include one, who can I invite into this journey
to help me stay committed. I just want to share
this one quick thing. So when I was first getting
started with my workout journey after having my daughter, I
(51:08):
struggled so much to move my body. I just felt
so heavy and I felt so just disconnected from my body.
It was a true challenge to actually move and do anything.
Oh my god, it was so hard. And I remember
I ended up paying for on fiver dot com. I
got this pay for this trainer, but all I had
him do was hold me accountable. And I was just like, hey,
can you just literally text me on these days at
(51:30):
this time and make sure I worked out? And that's
what I could afford. At that point, I could afford
a full time trainer. It was like that was it.
So I was doing home workouts, and that's why I
invited into my journey to help me stay committed, because
that served me in that. Season. Number two is how
can I create an accountability structure that feels supportive, not pressured?
And number three and what ways can I show up
(51:52):
for others pursuing their goals too? I love that one
because I truly believed that the energy you put out,
especially when you're supporting others, truly believe it comes back
to us. So we covered a lot today. Anything else
you want to add on.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
That? I think, yes, you said it best. We covered
a lot today, and so I'm going to run through
real quick the seven keys. Number one anchor into your why.
Number two build sustainable systems. Number three embrace the invisible
(52:27):
season number four make rest a part of the plan.
Number five track the effort, not just the outcome. Number
six adjust without quitting. And number seven lean on each
other and community.
Speaker 1 (52:49):
There we go, And lady, if you enjoyed this episode,
would you please take a moment out of your busy
life and day leave us a review like if you
enjoyed it and took anything away, go to Apple podcast,
leave us a five serve you leave a comment. We
haven't had a comment in a couple months, and it's
looking a little it's looking a little dry and said
over there, so leave us review. And also if you
want to watch the video and also catch us on
(53:11):
the after show, you can visit her Space podcast dot com,
click anywhere you see Patreon and you can join us
for the behind the scenes after show. Thank you for
tuning in, Lady. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure
of your next steps, this is for you. Hey, Lady,
is Tea here and I just want to invite you
to my free goal map like a pro coaching workshop,
(53:33):
where I'll share the five proven steps to get unstuck
and achieve your goals. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all
your ideas, juggling scattered ideas, or maybe you just need
confidence to start, this workshop will give you the clarity,
tools and the motivation to take back control. Reserve your
spot for free by visiting her Space podcast dot com
(53:56):
and clicking on the goal map like a pro webinar link. Lady,
don't miss the chance to build a road map that
fits your life and set you up for success. I
hope to see you there.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
Thanks for tuning into Cultivating her Space. Remember that while
this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's
not a substitute for therapy. If you are someone you
know need support, check out resources like Therapy for Black
Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, do
(54:28):
us a favor and share it with a friend who
needs some inspiration or leave us a quick five star review.
Your support means the world to us and helps keep
this space thriving.
Speaker 1 (54:40):
And before we meet again, repeat after me, I honor
my journey by balancing effort and rest to achieve my goals.
Cheap thriving Lady, and tune in next Friday for more
inspiration from Cultivating her Space. In the meantime, want to
connect with us on Instagram at our Space Podcast
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.