December 5, 2025 • 60 mins
Hey lady! We’re grown so we know there’s nothing wrong with having a vice or two. But, what happens when that vice becomes an addiction? Analysts estimate that approximately 48.4 million Americans are addicted to something with 9.8% of Americans addicted to drugs and 9.7% of Americans addicted to alcohol. Addiction is a fact of life that many Black women have a relationship with, and many have overcome addiction through treatment, therapy and sometimes medication. But, before they even get there they start with a healthy amount of honesty about where they find themselves with their addiction.
The peculiar thing about addiction is that one can find herself there without even realizing it, which is why this week Terri and Dr. Dom pull back the veil of addiction with a personal testimony about reorienting their relationship with addiction and science-backed, evidence based strategies to build healthy long-term relationship with the vice.
Terri offers an authentic look at how she became addicted to marijuana and the gentle, self-compassionate methods she incorporated to set reorient her relationship so that when she engages it’s from an empowered place and not out of necessity.
Lady, contrary to popular belief you can become addicted to weed. And, if you are beginning to question where your relationship with weed lies, tune into today’s episode to gain an understanding of the qualities of a healthy relationship with weed and what is veering into addiction. If you’re ready to dive deeper into creating healthy habits and systems to support you living your best life, book a consultation with Dr. Dom. The end of the year is the perfect time to set yourself up for success in the new year. And lady, if you feel like you are in crisis please dial 988 for immediate assistance. We love you for real!
Quote of the Day:
"It always seems impossible until it's done."
– Nelson Mandela
Goal Mapping Starter Guide
Cultivating H.E.R. Space Sanctuary
Resources:
Dr. Dom’s Therapy Practice
Branding with Terri
Melanin and Mental Health
Therapy for Black Girls
Psychology Today
Therapy for QPOC
Where to find us:
Twitter: @HERspacepodcast
Instagram: @herspacepodcast
Facebook: @herspacepodcast
Website: cultivatingherspace.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.
The peculiar thing about addiction is that one can find herself there without even realizing it, which is why this week Terri and Dr. Dom pull back the veil of addiction with a personal testimony about reorienting their relationship with addiction and science-backed, evidence based strategies to build healthy long-term relationship with the vice.
Terri offers an authentic look at how she became addicted to marijuana and the gentle, self-compassionate methods she incorporated to set reorient her relationship so that when she engages it’s from an empowered place and not out of necessity.
Lady, contrary to popular belief you can become addicted to weed. And, if you are beginning to question where your relationship with weed lies, tune into today’s episode to gain an understanding of the qualities of a healthy relationship with weed and what is veering into addiction. If you’re ready to dive deeper into creating healthy habits and systems to support you living your best life, book a consultation with Dr. Dom. The end of the year is the perfect time to set yourself up for success in the new year. And lady, if you feel like you are in crisis please dial 988 for immediate assistance. We love you for real!
Quote of the Day:
"It always seems impossible until it's done."
– Nelson Mandela
Goal Mapping Starter Guide
Cultivating H.E.R. Space Sanctuary
Resources:
Dr. Dom’s Therapy Practice
Branding with Terri
Melanin and Mental Health
Therapy for Black Girls
Psychology Today
Therapy for QPOC
Where to find us:
Twitter: @HERspacepodcast
Instagram: @herspacepodcast
Facebook: @herspacepodcast
Website: cultivatingherspace.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Addiction is when it gets to a point where you
need to use higher amounts or you've developed a tolerance
and you have to use it in order to feel normal.
If you're at a point where you can't go a
(00:27):
day or you can't go short periods of time without
using it, then that is now an addiction, Tay Lady,
have you ever felt like the world just doesn't get you? Well,
we do.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting
and empowering women like you.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
And Terry Lowman, a techie and transformational speaker.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from
fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black
women to just.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
B Before we dive in, make sure you hit that
follow button and leave us a quick five star review.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Lady.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
We are black founded and black owned, and your support
will help us reach even more women like you.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.
Are you currently a resident of the state of California
and contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well, if so, please
reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
That's d R d Omi ni Que b r ou
(01:59):
Ssa dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Our quote of the day. It always seems impossible until
it's done. That quote comes to us from Nelson Mandela,
and I'm gonna say that one more time for the
folks in the back. It always seems impossible until it's done.
(02:31):
All right, tee? Wait come, you already saying no, you
don't you can you?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Can you tell? Can you tell us what the quote
means to you first? Because I'm thinking I had time
to prepare and you stated it twice and I'm still like, huh,
where's my how do I want to process this? So?
Can you can you just start? Please?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yes? I got you? And so I think for me
when I hear this quote in the context of this conversation. Yeah,
so today we're having a conversation about addiction, and when
I think about folks who are trying to overcome an
(03:16):
addiction or stop engaging in addictive behaviors. To me, that
quote seems to land perfectly in terms of the experience
that it always seems impossible, So stopping the behavior seems
impossible until it's done, until you've actually overcome it, right,
(03:45):
it seems impossible. And even you know, even away from addiction,
like I think about exercise and when I get ready,
sometimes I, you know, have a day where I'm like,
all right, I know I need to exercise, and there
are moments where it literally it seems impossible, like a
(04:08):
girl that exercise ain't happening today, Okay, until I'm doing it,
and then I'm like, oh, well wait, yeah I did it.
Why was I worried about not being able to do it?
Because here I am doing it. So for me, that's
what that's what the quote means.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
That is so good. And you know what, when I
thought about it, I had similar examples, right in the
general sense, but when it came to the context of
this conversation, I just had something to come up for me.
And when I think about me stopping or ending my
addition to weed, I don't recall every thinking it was
impossible because I was in denial. So I would often
(04:47):
say to myself, oh, I could stop anytime, like, yeah,
I could stop, like it's fine. So I never thought like, oh,
it's impossible for me to stop, you know, because I
was like, no, I can't stop. But I was believing. Yeah,
I was literally in denial. So that is probably why
I had trouble trying to figure out how does this
quote fit into the context of this conversation. So I
appreciate you going sharing first. And lady, we about the dimontism.
(05:08):
Were about the damtism shit today. Okay, we're about to
dive in, but we want to make something super clear
before we dive into the conversation. Okay, we are not
here to bash weed smoking. We're not here to judge
anybody's relationship with weed. This is a safe space for honesty, curiosity,
and self reflection. Just like the title says in the episode,
(05:29):
this is a soft, honest look at coping, craving, and
choosing clarity. And I just shared I recently had a
long standing addiction to weed and a dependency that I
had for years, and we're going to dive into that
in just a bit. So for me, this conversation is personal,
it's fresh, it's real. Doma is coming with some research
(05:49):
and know I'm gonna come in with the real life
experience and what that was like. And yeah, we're going
to dive into it in a really safe and compassionate manner.
So we wanted to say that first before we're diving,
because I know some conversations about this topic can be
very judgy, and when people stop smoking weed, they're just like, well,
everybody got to stop. We're not here to do that.
So we hope this sparks some reflection, self awareness, and
(06:12):
maybe even some relief for anyone who has been feeling
conflicted with that relationship. So we're going to start off
with setting the stage with our definitions.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yes, y'all know, I am always here for a good
definition so that we are all on the same page
of what we are talking about. So I want for
us to distinguish. We've already used the word addiction, and
so I want us to distinguish between use, abuse, dependence,
(06:43):
and addiction. So use is essentially self explanatory, right that
it is using. So anyone who in this case smokes
marijuana uses it, you're a user, okay. And I also
(07:07):
want to be clear because I know as soon as
I said that word, I know that there is stigma
associated with using the term user. Again, this conversation is
not to stigmatize. So anyone who smokes weed has ever
smoked weed. You use marijuana, Okay. Now, use of marijuana
(07:31):
in and of itself is not problematic. When it becomes
problematic is when you are abusing it. There's some level
of dependence and there's addiction. So abuse is usually when
(07:51):
you are engaging in it in a way that causes
you to gauging behaviors that you normally wouldn't in an
effort to keep having access to that particular thing. And
so in this case, particularly to marijuana. And so there
(08:17):
are typically certain signs that you are abusing marijuana. And
usually those signs are psychological, physical, and or behavioral changes
that you might observe in yourself or other people might
observe in you. So some signs of marijuana abuse frequent
(08:43):
red eyes eating or excessive eating outside of your regular
meal or snack times right.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Munchies, yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Decrease performance in your regular activities like school work, or
the ability to meet responsibilities right when you are perhaps
maybe withdrawing from friends, families, coworkers, when you prioritize spending
time with people who use marijuana and or other drugs,
(09:20):
when you focus on buying products that are related to
smoking marijuana, when you find yourself doing extensive online research
about marijuana and frequently using slang terms associated with marijuana. Now,
(09:41):
some of those symptoms or signs of abuse. One of
those in and of itself might not be a sign
of abuse, but it's usually when someone is abusing marijuana,
you're engaging in multiple of those behaviors, right, And the
ones that are easy to point out when it's becoming
(10:01):
a problem is that decrease in performance, right, in your
ability to meet your normal responsibilities. Dependence is also part
of abuse and addiction, and so typically dependence means that
(10:26):
you feel the need to have it in order to function,
in order to do certain day to day activities, right,
And so addiction is when it gets to a point
where you need to use higher amounts or you've developed
(10:50):
a tolerance and you have to use it in order
to feel normal. If you're at a point where you
can't go a day or you can't go short periods
of time without using it, then you that is now
(11:13):
an addiction. All right, So we've cleared up the definitions
the difference between use, abuse, dependence, and addiction. So again,
the person who has ever smoked, that means you've used marijuana.
(11:38):
The person who engages in certain signs like you said
the munchies right, or you're having red eyes, or your
decrease you've noticed a decrease in your functioning because of
your You frequent use of marijuana now means that you
are abusing it. If you are at the point where
(12:01):
you need it, you believe that you need it in
order to function. You were dependent on it, and then
that dependence, coupled with increased tolerance and the other signs
of abuse now lead to you having an addiction. The
(12:24):
other component of addiction is if you find yourself trying
to stop using, you experience withdrawal symptoms. So t tell
us how tell us how we're going to use the
term marijuana in this context.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yes, I will share that with the owner to share
something else too. That came up as you were as
you were setting the stage with definition. So for the
context of this conversation we are talking about I'm trying
not to be silly, all I said. We talked about
a big fat blunt. Okay, we're talking about flour. We're
talking about smoking weed, Mary Jane, a joint, whatever you
want to call it. So we are not talking about CBD, right,
(13:06):
We're not talking about weed or marijuana for healing methods. Right,
We're just talking about like smoking. Just you just smoke
us on weed. That's what we're talking about. And Tom,
I know we talked about how this conversation is a soft,
compassionate look, and you even talked about the stigma with
the word users. You are going through those different definitions.
I was just like processing it because it felt very
(13:29):
like not formal. I'm trying to think of the word
I'm looking for, but I'm thinking if I were smoking now,
I just think about how I used to feel when
I would listen to content and people would use those words.
They feel like very big words, and I feel like
sometimes conviction can be a thing when you hear them.
It's just like it's not that serious. Like I'm just
thinking about all the things that would come up in
my mind when I would consume content similar to this,
(13:51):
and it's interesting just to observe, like, Okay, those are
the things that came up, very interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, I think it is important to it's an important
point that you're bringing up right, that like, as you're
listening to this episode, if depending on where you are
in your relationship with marijuana or even your relationship in
(14:20):
another substance or behavior, some of these things, particularly as
I went through those definitions, some of it may sound
familiar to you. Some of it may make you feel
called out or called in, And I think the thing
is is that we're not having this conversation. The thing
(14:42):
to remember is that we're not having this conversation to
be a space of judgment. Even if that's how you
might feel as the conversation is going along, that is
not our intention. Our intention is to provide information so
(15:02):
that you can then do with it what you feel best. So,
and what we also know is that depending on where
someone is in their relationship with a substance or a behavior,
you may be at a point where, in terms of
(15:22):
your stages of change, you may be in denial and
you're like, oh, this this episode is not for me.
I'm good, I understand my relationship. We're good. Over here.
You may be in a point where you're contemplating change
(15:42):
and you're like hearing this information and you're like, I'm
not Nope, too much, too soon, not quite ready, and
that's okay. The beauty of this being a podcast episode
is that you can come back to it when you
are ready, and lady, as you're listening, if you are
in the stage where you are ready to make a change,
(16:06):
we will have resources in our show notes that you
can access that will support you in your journey to
making whatever change it is that you're trying to make.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I couldn't have said it better. I appreciate that, Dom.
I think that's super important for people to know. And
I'm just thinking about the first time. I think there
were many instances and on my journey when I realized
that this is just more than fun. This is a
coping tool, right And one of those moments was when
I was trying to get pregnant. So when I was
(16:42):
married and we were having fertility issues, I know they
said it was unexplained in fertility and so I'm trying
all the things to figure out, like how can I
make sure I can have this baby. So I'm literally
looking at ingredients in my makeup, like every It was
a five year or so journey, so every year I'm
looking at something. We was the last thing on the
list to go, right, I'm looking at all the things
(17:02):
and I started doing research and I'm like, damn, I
probably gotta stop smoking. That was what it was a challenge.
And what happened was I had just I believe I
had just either went through a round of IUI the
fertility treatment, or I was getting ready for one, and
we're paying some money for this, right. And me and
my husband at the time, we were going on a
couple's vacation and we were going with a lot of
(17:25):
people that I didn't know, and we were going to
be out, you know, dancing and having fun in the city.
And I was just like, usually weed is like my comfort.
I would take this with me because it was kind of,
you know, let down my guard a little bit. I
wouldn't be so anxious and have anxiety being in this
airbnb with all these people I don't know, and then
we're going to go out. I want to drink and
dance and all this, And so that was a very
(17:48):
challenging experience. And so gearing up for that trip, I
remember meditating and just like setting my attention on how
I wanted to show up there because I'm like, I
can't smoke weed. Or drink alcohol because I'm literally I'm
trying to conceive. And so that was a time for
me when I was like, oh, this is a major thing.
I ended up going. I didn't do drugs and alcohol
on the trip, and it was a good trip. I
was really proud of myself because I didn't know, going
(18:09):
back to the quote of the day, it seems impossible
until it's done. That was something that really did seem
impossible until I did it, and I was like, okay, wait,
I survived this. I could do it because sometimes we
would just take the edge off, you know. So that
was a time for me when I was like, oh, yeah,
this is this is a real addiction.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah, And I think you know, as you were sharing that,
what comes up for me is a lot of the
clients that I work with who say, okay, yeah, I'm
using I smoke marijuana, smoke weed on a daily basis,
(18:48):
and some people do what you know, the term waken bake, right,
that's right, and so and they can't get their started
until they smoked. And so when I hear that, then
I hear, okay, So you if you were saying that,
(19:14):
absolutely you do not leave the house until you've smoked.
That's an that's an addiction. And and we'll talk later
about like what are some strategies to move past it,
But to me, when those are that's a sign, right,
That's one of the signs that you are addicted is
(19:36):
that you literally cannot get through your morning. You don't
leave the house until you've smoked.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, that's a real thing. And I guess one thing
that I didn't share too in the beginning was that
at the time this episode drops, it's probably been about
four and a half months I say, since I've ended
my addiction with WI because I'm not saying I'm done
with WEE forever, but I know that for me, it
was an addiction to the point where I'm like, fuck,
I'm scratching my neck throughout the day, like when am
I going to When is the end of the day
(20:06):
so I can do it? Because of the work that
I do, waking, baking, unless it was the weekend, that
wasn't a good option because I knew that after I smoked,
everything else was like kind of downhill by way of productivity.
But I also found myself enjoying the process of like
once I finally learned how to roll up after I,
you know, moved out to the Bay. I like the
process of like getting my you know, my paper, rolling
(20:29):
it up, licking the you know, putting the honey on it,
whatever it was. I liked the process of doing it,
and like the smell and just the vibe and also
how it made me feel. And so there were like
levels to it, and it was very challenging to break
the addiction. But we're gonna get into it and just
a little bit. But I think one of the things
you talked about is your clients to smoke. And I
was thinking about, you know, what draws so many people
(20:50):
we could say black women or just people, because a
lot of people smoke weed, right, What draws so many
people to it as a form of either relief or escape,
I think is one. It's easy to access in most cases, right,
especially living out in the Bay where there are dispensaries everywhere.
I mean, I've been to so many dispensaries and it's
like a community event, right, I go with my friends,
people come visit, we all go. Also, it's more socially acceptable.
(21:14):
That's another I'm like, yeah, now its back in the
day it wasn't so much, but yeah, it's more socially
acceptable now. And another thing is people really tend to
minimize the impact that it might have on us long term.
So oftentimes people will say, and I've heard this so
many times, which is why I was in denial and
(21:36):
why I did it, I think for so long. They're like, oh,
we just not addictive, baby, what it absolutely is. And
the thing is toom there were points in my addiction
when I was like, listen, let me I'm not gonna
lie to myself. Yes, I have an addiction. Okay, it
doesn't mean I have to do anything about it today,
but I'm not going to I don't want to lie
to myself. Let me be. Let's let's keep it a buck, right.
(21:59):
I have an addiction. It is what it is. And
this is where I am today with no judgment, Like, okay,
but I don't think it helps us when we're not
honest with ourselves. Like if you know you were like
me and you could not go a day without it,
or you start filling the symptoms, you're irritable, You're like,
I need that, I need I need to go get
some weed. Like it's okay, Like it is what it is.
So I think those are some of the reasons why
(22:21):
people tend to gravitate toward it. Would you add anything
to that? Is anything missing?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah? I think part of what it is also is
so one. Yes, I want to go back to the
point of like, right now, recreational marijuana use is legal
in fifteen states at the time of this recording. It's
legal in fifteen states. We have come a long way
in terms of and there's more states that are looking
(22:48):
at legalizing it on the recreational level. There are even
more states that have it legalized on the medical level.
And so while there are certain medical benefits to marijuana use.
(23:09):
Notice I use the word use. Like you pointed out,
it can be an addictive behavior. But I think at
the core of addiction, of any addiction is understanding why,
getting to the root of why you're engaging in the
(23:29):
behavior in the first place, What is it fixing or
solving for you? Because oftentimes once you can get to
the root of that, then you can get to Okay,
well what are alternatives, and then that can help you
change the relationship that you have with it. Right, And
(23:51):
I want to be clear, for some people with certain addictions,
and it's also the case in weed addiction is that
for some people, they aren't in a place where they
can stop it and go back and develop a healthy
relationship with it. For some people it's an all or
(24:13):
nothing thing. But for most people, when you engage in
an addictive certain addictive behaviors, and again it's going to
be unique to you as the individual, there are ways
in which you can develop a healthy relationship with it,
but that won't come until you really understand why you
(24:38):
were engaging in the behavior in the first place.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
That is a really good point. What would you say,
was there anything in particular that was interesting in their
research or surprising and the research that you did on this,
because I feel like you did more of their research
and I'm just like, this is personal experience. I'm curious
to know what else did you find that was mabe surprising.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
There was nothing in it that was necessarily surprising for me,
Like some A lot of it kind of confirmed things
that I kind of suspected already. But I think the
thing that was most informative for me, and this will
be a whole different that's a whole there's a whole
different episode perhaps is understanding the difference between CBD, marijuana,
(25:26):
hemp and because because all of these things are more common,
more popular, more socially accepted. A lot of the terms
get used interchangeably, and they don't mean the same thing,
and they don't mean the same thing because the products
(25:48):
don't have the same ingredients, and so I think that
leaves a lot of people feeling confused, which also leads
a lot of people to missing out on certain benefits
of certain products. Now disclaimer here that we are not
(26:13):
We are not medical experts, nor are we trying to
promote the use of cannabis, marijuana, hemp, or any of
these things. And so and we encourage you to do
your own research. So this is not meant to be
(26:34):
the full, the end all, be all to your research.
Do your own research to figure out what works for you,
and also understanding your body, your family history, because all
of that plays a role in how you respond. Like
folks who are who have certain mental health conditions may
(26:57):
be more prone to developing an addiction. Folks who have
certain medical conditions may actually truly benefit. Research has shown
this from occasional marijuana use, and so I think that's
the thing. The underlying piece is the importance of doing
(27:19):
your own research and understanding your own individual relationship with marijuana.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
I'm just taking in what you said. No, that's good.
I like that distinction you made about use and abuse,
like use and then the addiction, because I think there
was a time when I was just using it. I
would just hang out with friends and we do it
socially and have good conversation or you know, be creative.
And then when it started becoming the everyday thing and
I could not stop even though I try, That's when
(27:49):
I was like, oh, we're feeding for this, I'm having
cravings and so anything else we should dive into down
before I talk about the why, like why did I
even stop? What was the process and the results because
there was a lot going on.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Well let's no, I think let's I think it's important
to dive into it, like the the so, but first
let's break down. So I think we want let's let's
set the stage, like let's talk about why you wanted
to stop using, stop abusing, and then what came up
(28:26):
for you as you were going through your withdrawal and
from there why, like the understanding of your why, like
what came out of it? What did you learn about
yourself and your relationship with marijuana through this process.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Okay, I was about to write those down. Can you
guide me think? Because just said, okay, so the first
point with the why.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Right, why you wanted to change your relationship?
Speaker 1 (28:59):
With why my relationship so number one? Growing up, my
mom used to always say addictions running our family, and
I believe that narrative for a long time. And I
found myself having various addictions in my life. And I
got to a space like after my divorce and after
I was just processing like where I am, and I
(29:20):
was really seeking mental clarity, but I felt like I
just wasn't getting it because I was just so clouded.
I just felt my mind was clouded. I'm like, I'm
not really getting what I want to get because I'm
you know, I'm doing consulting during the day, working with
different clients, and we do podcast stuff some nights, and
then after that it would usually be like I smoke
and then my mind just goes into a different place. Right,
(29:43):
It's like, yeah, my mind goes into a different place.
Sometimes I'm up calling some old people that I don't
want to that I don't really want to be calling them,
but I'm in my feelings and so I'm let me
call somebody or I'm just like doing mindless stuff, and
so I really would see clarity for like this next
phase in my life where am I going? And that
(30:04):
was the big why, Like I just want clarity. I
want to connect more spiritually and get the downloads the
spirit has for me. That is like at the crux
of why I started exploring, like let me figure out
how can I actually stop doing this for a little
bit at least, you know, to see what happens.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Okay, So all right, So wanting to learn a little
bit more about you. So you decided to stop, right,
And when I think about what I know about addiction, Yeah,
(30:41):
is that when someone stops engaging in that addictive behavior
because they part of it being an addiction is that
they've developed a dependence on it. What happened for you?
What were some of your withdrawal symptoms that you experience?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Well, before I get into that, Donald, I was just
want to say that I realized that a lot of
the because I was in my dating phase and my
whole phase all that stuff around this time, and I
realized that all of the people that I was with
they were all smoking too. So one when I wanted
to initially stop. It was like, well, then I started
to really realize, wait, smoking is a big part of
(31:17):
my sexual experiences as well. And then I started reflecting
on my whole life and I'm like, smoking has been
a part of like ninety eight percent of my sexual experiences.
So I'm like, I don't even know how can I
stop if I'm engaged sexually with certain people and that
that's a part of our experience, Like we smoke, we
drink most of the time, and that's what we do.
And so that was another thing. It was hard to
(31:39):
stop because I'm still engaging with these people and then
if I don't do it, then I feel weird, Like
I'm like I need to be able to I need
to do this. So that was another thing that came
up for me. And it wasn't until I went to
a meditation retreat, a week long meditation retreat. A doctor
Joe Des spends the retreat and they said you cannot
bring They said, please don't bring drugs. And I was like, what,
(32:01):
I can'dle drugs. So I had a conversation with myself
and I was like, you know what, they asked me
not to do this one number two, I'm not going
to cheat myself out of having a great experience. I
wanted to see what my mind was capable of, and
it's sober state. So I went the whole week without smoking,
and I felt really great. I felt like I was
getting this creative juice and this high from just going within,
(32:26):
and so that was a really magical experience. And I
came home and I didn't smoke for like two weeks,
and then I started talking to the guys again and
I started getting back into my ad diction and so
I started back up. So it took about a year
down from when that retreat was until I finally just
like cold turkey stopped. And when I did stop, the
first couple of days, oh, it was rough. I definitely
(32:47):
had I was irritable. I was having like very interesting dreams.
I also had nice sweats. I'm like, this is not crack.
While I'm I having sweat, Like, what's happening. I was
having night like cold sweat or is it cold sweats?
Waking up sweaty, That's what was happening. I was waking
up sweating nice sweats. And I have more notes because
I documented the process. But I was having cravings. I yeah,
(33:12):
I had a lot of stuff going on. I really
wanted to smoke, but I wanted to test myself to
see how long I could go without it. And then
I think it was maybe a couple of weeks and
maybe it was ten days in I ended up giving
away all my drugs. Dom you saw my little green bag.
I had a nice little green bag I got with
all my weed paraphernalia, my wraps and rollers, and I
had my shrooms in there. I had all the edibles,
(33:34):
all the things. I gave that away to someone who
does smoke and gave away everything, and that made it
easier because now it's not in the house. So those
were the symptoms that I experienced when I was going
through the withdrawal. And again it's been four months at
the time of this recording.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
So I would say also just to add so one,
thank you for sharing the things that you went through,
of course, but I want to add what other people
might experience us there as well, so that they might
start to so that they can pay attention and be aware. Right, So,
some of the other things that people experience are increased anxiety, irritability, depression, yeah, anger, restlessness, insomnia,
(34:22):
bad dreams, decreased appetite, headaches, stomach pain, cravings, and fever.
Along with that sweating, the sweating and the chills.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
That's intense.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
That's intense. That is a lot. And lady, as you're
listening to this, and you may be listening to this,
and you may may be like, well, do I really
want to experience all of that in order to stop
this addiction? Tee for you? How long did the withdraw last?
(35:00):
There all symptoms last, I should say I.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Would say maybe like ten days or so. Maybe at max,
I think it was around ten days. And then after
a while, the especially when it was out of my house,
it got easier. But there I would say once a week.
I still. Just the other day I was like, huh,
it'd be nice to smoke a blunt and I was like,
well why. I was just ask myself, like, it's not
a bad thing. I may smoke again, especially if I
go like hang out with certain friends. I may do
(35:25):
it that one time. But I was like why do
you want to do it? And I was like, okay,
I don't really have an answer for why. So I
was like, okay, I'm just gonna sit with it instead
of being impulsive, I'm just gonna sit with it because
I know that that was a thing for me, and
so I don't want to just go back to it
unintentionally or frivolously. I just want to think through a
little bit more. But yeah, I would say that that
is that was how long the process lasts for me,
(35:45):
Probably about ten days or so.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Okay, yeah, and so how did you in those ten days?
What motivated you to keep going?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Well, one time I stopped by accident. I didn't even
I literally, I think that's about a conversation I had
with someone, like literally the day before I was like,
I smoke weed. That's just what I do, so like,
don't be trying to change me. And then I'm like
the next day, I just I don't know, something clicked
and I was like, I want to stop. And so
what motivated me was one, I wanted to see what
it would be like to be a sober mind, like truly,
(36:17):
because when I thought about it, I was like, outside
of when I was pregnant and breastfeeding, to me, that
kind of counts, but then not really, I had the
pregnancy hormones, and so I just wanted to see, like,
who am I bare and naked? Like what is my mind,
like right, And so I was curious about that. And
as I began to see results and like, I feel
(36:37):
a difference in my body, and I had this realization.
I'm like, oh my gosh, Like, no, weed is not
terrible or like this bad thing, but it was impacting
my brain in a major way. It was impacting my
brain in a major way. And I sleep a lot
better at night because a lot of times I would
smoke and then I would feel groggy in the morning.
And honestly, the other thing I noticed too, like as
a high performer, I'm sure you can relate to this.
(37:00):
As a high performing woman who gets results and who
gets shit done right, a lot of times I think
that we can make our shortcomings or our excuses sexy, right,
So like my fifty percent might be other people's like
eighty or ninety percent because of how our standards are.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Right.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
And so because I have this addiction, I would tell
people about it, and I'm like, oh, well, you still
get results, Like you got this podcast, you're doing this,
you get results with these clients. I'm like, yeah, but
I don't want anything to own me. And that was
another big thing about the addiction. I'm like I don't
want to be owned where like if I go to US,
if I wanted to go to Dubai and I know
I can't, I'm not about to bring No, I ain't
about to do that. I'm not bringing up drugs Dubai.
(37:41):
I'm not going to get them anywhere there. I don't
want to be in a space where I can't get
or I have these withdrawal symptoms and I can't have
this drug and so I'm acting out. You know, I
just want to be I want to be in my
mind and in my body fully. And so yeah, I
think that answers a question.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Yes, and so then so then the next part of
that is what are so you started to You have
answered this somewhat, But what are the things that you
have learned about yourself from this experience?
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Well, One, that's not impossible, even though I wasn't thinking
that it was impossible, because I was like, oh, I
could do it. One like it's possible to do it,
and it's it's still possible to be fun and to
just like still have personality, like do things I thought
I had to smoke in order to feel or do
if that makes sense, you know, Like I use it
(38:38):
sometimes to let my anxiety, you know, to decrease anxiety.
So that's the thing, and then also don the result
like my brain. I just feel so protective of my brain.
Now I'm like it was impacting my brain in a
certain way. I don't feel as cloudy and foggy. I
feel more connected to spirit. I feel like my intuition
and my discernment has turned up a bit. And I
also started meditating every day because I had to replace
(38:59):
it with something. I'm like, all right, bym I smoking.
I'm still doing my exercising. I have a stretch routine
that I do a lot of times to just come
down from the day, and then I will do a
lot of meditation as well. And so dond it has
been the most productive I would say that I've been
in my business. Like going back to what I said
about successful people, sometimes if you're a high achiever, you
(39:20):
can have an addiction, but as long as you're getting
your work done, you're high functioning, so no one really
cares and you're getting the results. But now I just
feel like at night, I'm able to grind out on
my business or a book. And in the past four months,
I've had more clients in my business, I built like
so many websites for my brand. I had a tedex
talk that I manifested within that timeframe as well, And
(39:41):
so I've been able to accomplish so much more and
go even higher and also get more of that clarity
that I was desiring.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
So all right, so let's back up a little bit.
And you mentioned a few of the things that you
do that you started doing to replace, because it sounds like,
if I'm hearing you correctly, Yeah, what you're saying is
that for you, oftentimes marijuana use was to one cope
(40:13):
with stressors of life. Two perhaps maybe in social settings,
to navigate some of the manage some of the anxiety, right, yes, okay,
So and as I'm listing those two things, I know
that so many people listening can relate to having to
(40:34):
experiencing those two things, and that those two things might
be why, might be the why for some folks who
are also addicted to we And so then you what
you said was once you stopped smoking, you started meditating more,
(40:55):
you started stretching, and so what were the activities that
what were so those were two? Were there any other
activities that you used to replace marijuana use.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yes, there were, and you said social settings And what
was the other one? Anxiety that I.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Was using us as the day stretches of.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
The day and to bypass emotions sometimes if I wanted
to just zone out and I'm like, oh, I don't
want to be here, I'm just smoking, Like make it better.
And also can we emphasize the sexual scenarios That was
a big one, like if it's like a one night
stand or you're just with a partner and like you
want to kind of be someone else, like let me
just take a shot and let me smoke. That was
so big so I did. Yes. The meditation, stretching, breath
(41:39):
work was also huge, and then journaling as well. And
I think I just leaned into the manifestation piece that
I'm like really into, so visualization, mental rehearsal. I just
really leaned into a lot of that as well, and that.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
I know somebody's listening and they're like, wait, so every
night you would wind down in your night by smoking
and then you stop that and replace that with meditation,
breath work, journaling for real? How like for real? How
(42:15):
do you get to the point. Yeah, let's talk like
and I'm coming from a space of someone who's listening.
Because I meditate daily. I finally gotten there, and so
I meditate daily, and so I know that it's possible
that it is something to do stretching. I'm working on that,
(42:37):
but my trainer would love it if I said I
stretched every day when I work out. I do stretch, though,
And so talk to us about how did you go
from smoking every day to then now like you're engaging
in meditation and breath work and doing this on a
(42:59):
daily basis. Is now a part of your routine? What
did you do to really make it a consistent part
of your daily routine.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
So one thing I want to emphasize on that's a
really good question, is I didn't I didn't like to
try to do everything at once. That's number one. So
my main thing for me was meditation because I know
the effects of meditation and what it can do for
my brain. So I like to do that in the
morning with the breath work. So that is the one thing.
I literally have a tracker on my wall in my
room and I've been for the past I think it
was past two months. I've been literally check it off
(43:30):
every morning. So that is now like I'm like, I
have to do this because I love the way it
makes me feel, and I love that it's something I
do internally. I don't need anything externally to make me
feel good on the inside. So that is the one
thing I do. All the other things there's simply tools
that I reach for when the anxiety comes up, when
I feel my body something's going on my body. So,
like I stretched earlier today to take a break. I
(43:51):
journal a couple days ago because I was feeling some
emotions come up and I was like, okay, well, we're
not going to bypass and I would love to smoke
right now, but I was like, let's journal, let's talk
about like, lets let's get through it. And so I
would say, they're not things I do every single day,
with the exception of meditation. These are just tools that
I reach for and from my toolkit when my spirit
is saying, let's lean into this, okay.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
So yes, So thank you for that, because I think,
you know, as I was listening to you again, I
could imagine that there was someone out there that's like,
all right, how do you go from being addicted to
a behavior to then all of a sudden being able
to easily replace it with something else, And I think
the thing that you emphasized is that it's not easy
(44:38):
and that you weren't doing all of these things at once.
And more importantly, I think the most important thing that
makes it, that makes overcoming an addiction easier, is that
you replaced it with a behavior that you have already
used and knew that it worked for you.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
Yes, that is spot on, and don the other thing
I have to emphasize is my environment during this fragile
space that I'm in where I know that I am
really I'm not even again I keep saying, I'm not
saying I'm stoping we forever. I'm ending my addiction to
it right of me doing it every single day and
being addicted. So I'm not putting myself in scenarios and
situations where I might be tempted. But also, Girl, the
(45:20):
big thing for me was I started dating this guy
who was like completely sober, doesn't drink, it, doesn't smoke,
and so the thing that heightened for me when I
was with him, though he was supportive, I would see
myself in a different light because when you're with other addicts,
or you're with people who are doing the drugs too,
it's like we're all doing it, keep passing the blunt.
We five blunts in pass it around. But when you're
(45:43):
with someone who's sober, now I'm paying attention to myself.
I'm like, girl, you're reaching for the vpe like you
raped ten times and you all been on a couch
for an hour, Like okay, Just an observation like I
don't want something to own me. And I realized being
in that connection that something was on And so that
was another thing, like your environment is also super important.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Yes, yes, And I think it's also one other thing
that I would add is, as you are moving past
an addiction, it's also important to have people supportive people
around you and so and I understand that for some
folks there may be shame around admitting that you have
(46:26):
an addiction. Yes, there may be shame around trying to
move past it. There may be difficulty around trying to
move past it. But I think it's crucial to identifying
one or two people who are willing to be supportive
(46:48):
of you through that process. Different than accountability partners, some
people may need an accountability partner as they're trying to
move past an addiction. Outside of that, having a couple
of people in your life who are supportive of what
you're doing. And so it's not that they're checking in
(47:10):
to be like, hey girl, are you smoke today? All right,
and they're coming in with a judgmental they're coming in
with a judgment, right, it's they help They say, okay,
so I know that you are not smoking, So we're
going to find a different we want to go out tonight.
We're going to find a different thing activity to do,
(47:31):
a different place to go where that won't be a
temptation for you. Or if they are still engaging in
the behavior, they'll ask, is it do you mind if
I smoke right now?
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Right?
Speaker 2 (47:48):
And so you want to make sure as you're moving
past the addiction that you do in addition to an
accountability person, you have other supportive people in your life
who you will help you in navigating this journey.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
That is so good. And I would also add if
you don't have those people, I was on YouTube and
looking at different forms online, looking at other people's journeys.
There are so many people who share their journey of
like it's been day ten, it's been you know, month
three of my journey without weed, and talk about their
own experiences and that was very comforting as well. So
I think those are great tips like getting that support. Now,
(48:26):
should we talk about these strategies for people who want
to slow down or take a break from their addiction
to weed. Let's do it, okay. So the first one,
I feel we may have touched on this a little bit,
but the first practical tool that you can lean into
is an emotional check in before smoking. Just check me
(48:52):
with yourself. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:54):
And I think the thing is is that that's to me,
that's someone who that's a crucial thing for someone who
is in that contemplative stage of wanting to make a change,
Like you're not there yet. You're not You're you're not
in that space where you're saying all right, I'm done.
It's I want to stop. But okay, let me check
(49:18):
in about like what what are the emotions that are
coming up for me right now as the thought of
wanting to smoke is coming up? Right Like, so, what
what are the emotions that led to me having this
thought like to reach for my weed?
Speaker 3 (49:36):
Right Like?
Speaker 2 (49:37):
What what are those thoughts? What are those emotions that
are coming up? And so then I think the next
thing is slightly different. It's asking yourself like what am
I craving emotionally right now? So not what are the
emotions that initially came up, but what am I crave emotionally?
(50:00):
So to give you an example, let's say that it's
the end of a stressful day and you are feeling
the emotions that are currently coming up for you. Exhaustion.
That's that's the top emotion right there, Like you're just exhausted.
(50:22):
And then maybe there was something that happened earlier in
your workday, and maybe you're worried, or maybe you're frustrated,
and so those are the emotions that are coming up.
You get ready to reach for your weed and you're like, okay, wait,
this is what I'm feeling right now. But what am
(50:44):
I craving emotionally? What do I need? What emotions do
I want to feel that I'm not currently feeling, right
That's a different way to ask that question, like what
are the emotions that I want to feel that I'm
not currently feel. So maybe because you're currently feeling exhausted, worried, frustrated,
(51:08):
maybe you want to feel peace, calm and joy. It's
smoking gonna get you? There is there something else? You
can do that will get you the same result.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
There you go. I love it. And then the next
one here is creating a nighttime ritual that isn't weed.
And so, I mean, there are so many things you
could do. But it could be a nice soothing bath, right.
I love to light candles and incense or turn on
the oil diffuser. It could just be like a self massage,
putting lotion on your fine self and rubbing yourself down,
(51:42):
you know, something like that, getting some tea or I
love to also prep for the week, or not for
the week, but for the next day, whether it's getting
your clothes out or just kind of visualizing or looking
at the schedule. Having some type of nighttime routine. Dom
I love one of the things that you like to
do at night, which is read. I mean, whenever I
read in bed, I go to sleep. So I'm reading
shortly after I start or going to sleep shortly after
(52:04):
I start the reading. But it puts me down in
a nice soothing manner, versus scrolling on my phone and
you know, doom scrolling right before I go to bed.
So I like the idea of a nighttime routine that
doesn't involve weed.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
Yes, I think that's a good one. Yes, you know,
reading is reading in bed for fun, reading for fun.
It is definitely high on my list of things to do.
And then the next the next option is journaling. So
you find yourself craving the weed and you're like, all right,
(52:38):
I'm trying to quit, like I really want to quit,
but I woo, today was a day I need it. Okay,
well let's go back to the top thing of identifying
those emotions that came up. So now let's pull out
our journals and write about it, whatever's coming up. And
(53:02):
the thing that I also tell folks all the time
is that journaling I just use the description of writing
about it. But journaling doesn't have to be writing. Journaling
could be an audio or video recording as well. And
so journaling and whatever method works for you. It may
(53:23):
be that for some people writing it out also is
that allows that physical release, But for other people, having
an audio or video recording allows you to just go unfiltered, unedited,
and sometimes your thoughts are going faster than what you
(53:46):
can write out, and so it's easier to talk it out.
But the point is to journal through the craving that
you might be having.
Speaker 1 (53:56):
And the other one here is replacing the ritual with
something soothing, not restrictive. So it kind of ties back
to the other one, but more so I would say
it's connected to what we talked about before down when
I was sharing the different tools that I reach for
when I feel like, oh I want to smoke, or
I'm having anxiety, I'm feeling something in my body. So
it might for you be some of the things we
(54:16):
already listed, right, So, whether it's journaling or lighting that
candor incend or meditating or doing breath work or something
like that, or going for a walk. I mean walking
has also been like a new hobby that I picked
up that has been so therapeutic. So just whatever works
for you and your world. Ideally, it'd be great if
you could find something that you know already makes you
feel a certain way, whether it's like being creative coloring,
(54:40):
something that you already know works for you, and you
can replace it with that. I find that is easiest
when you have replacements already, because once you stop that thing,
there will be a void. Right So for me at night,
when I'm used to just you know, smoke and I
just zone out, well, now I'm usually doing something for
a passion project or you know one of the other
things I listed. So I think that's important too.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Yes, And so then the last thing that I would
say is one that we haven't necessarily talked about, we
haven't stated explicitly, is that you can take what we
would call a compassion focused break instead of going cold turkey. Oftentimes,
with addiction, people are more likely to relapse multiple times
(55:25):
before they completely are sober for extended periods of time,
And so here what we're saying is take a break
where you are being kind and gentle with yourself. Right,
So it's I'm going to challenge myself to go three
(55:47):
days without smoking. Let's say by day two you're like, hmm,
I thought I could do it, but not right now? Okay, Okay,
make a note of that, Note that the like you
tried it, note what came up that may have been
(56:07):
a stumbling block, and then try again when you're ready,
and then maybe when you try again you'll be able
to you'll last more than two days, you'll get to
four days. But don't give up because you had what
we're using the term of relapse. So, like you've tried
(56:28):
to stop, and you've then gone back, keep trying. Every
day is a new day. And perhaps what it is
is that you have you look at a month calendar
and you say, Okay, each day this month, I'm gonna
mark whether or not I smoked. And so it's not
that you're like, all right, for the thirty days in
(56:48):
the month of November, I need to go that entire
thirty days without smoking. It's okay for the month of November.
Let me see how many days I can go. And
then and as you're starting to understand your relationship with weed,
it might become easier to go longer periods of time
(57:12):
to the point where you're able to completely stop.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
I love it. We cover a lot today trying to
think if there's anything else we should cover to do
this tope of justice or close out. So, lady, we
hope you enjoyed. What else should we do domin anything
else on your I.
Speaker 2 (57:29):
Think we have covered. We have definitely covered a lot,
and Lady, like we said, there will be resources in
the show notes for you if you or someone you
know is wanting to explore their relationship with weed and
consider ending their addiction.
Speaker 1 (57:51):
Lady, we hope this conversation, We hope you felt the
love and the compassion and this conversation, and Dom and
I are going to have some behind the scenes chat
on the after show. So head on over to herspacepodcast
dot com, click anywhere you see Patreon and you can
watch the video of this episode and tune into the
after show. All right, we hope to see you there.
(58:14):
If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps,
this is for you. Hey, lady, is Tea here and
I just want to invite you to my free goal
map like a pro coaching workshop, where I'll share the
five proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals.
Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all your ideas, juggling scattered ideas,
(58:35):
or maybe you just need confidence to start, this workshop
will give you the clarity, tools and the motivation to
take back control. Reserve your spot for free by visiting
her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal map
like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance
to build a roadmap that fits your life and set
you up for success. I hope to see you there.
Speaker 2 (58:59):
Thanks for tuning into cultivating her space. Remember that While
this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's
not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone you
know need support, check out resources like Therapy for Black
Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, do
(59:21):
us a favor and share it with a friend who
needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five star review.
Your support means the world to us and helps keep
this space thriving.
Speaker 1 (59:33):
And before we meet again, repeat after me. I release
the old with gratitude and prepare for the new with intention.
Keep thriving, Lady, and tune in next Friday for more
inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure
to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast
On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Addiction is when it gets to a point where you
need to use higher amounts or you've developed a tolerance
and you have to use it in order to feel normal.
If you're at a point where you can't go a
(00:27):
day or you can't go short periods of time without
using it, then that is now an addiction, Tay Lady,
have you ever felt like the world just doesn't get you? Well,
we do.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting
and empowering women like you.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
And Terry Lowman, a techie and transformational speaker.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from
fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black
women to just.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
B Before we dive in, make sure you hit that
follow button and leave us a quick five star review.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Lady.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
We are black founded and black owned, and your support
will help us reach even more women like you.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.
Are you currently a resident of the state of California
and contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well, if so, please
reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
That's d R d Omi ni Que b r ou
(01:59):
Ssa dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Our quote of the day. It always seems impossible until
it's done. That quote comes to us from Nelson Mandela,
and I'm gonna say that one more time for the
folks in the back. It always seems impossible until it's done.
(02:31):
All right, tee? Wait come, you already saying no, you
don't you can you?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Can you tell? Can you tell us what the quote
means to you first? Because I'm thinking I had time
to prepare and you stated it twice and I'm still like, huh,
where's my how do I want to process this? So?
Can you can you just start? Please?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yes? I got you? And so I think for me
when I hear this quote in the context of this conversation. Yeah,
so today we're having a conversation about addiction, and when
I think about folks who are trying to overcome an
(03:16):
addiction or stop engaging in addictive behaviors. To me, that
quote seems to land perfectly in terms of the experience
that it always seems impossible, So stopping the behavior seems
impossible until it's done, until you've actually overcome it, right,
(03:45):
it seems impossible. And even you know, even away from addiction,
like I think about exercise and when I get ready,
sometimes I, you know, have a day where I'm like,
all right, I know I need to exercise, and there
are moments where it literally it seems impossible, like a
(04:08):
girl that exercise ain't happening today, Okay, until I'm doing it,
and then I'm like, oh, well wait, yeah I did it.
Why was I worried about not being able to do it?
Because here I am doing it. So for me, that's
what that's what the quote means.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
That is so good. And you know what, when I
thought about it, I had similar examples, right in the
general sense, but when it came to the context of
this conversation, I just had something to come up for me.
And when I think about me stopping or ending my
addition to weed, I don't recall every thinking it was
impossible because I was in denial. So I would often
(04:47):
say to myself, oh, I could stop anytime, like, yeah,
I could stop, like it's fine. So I never thought like, oh,
it's impossible for me to stop, you know, because I
was like, no, I can't stop. But I was believing. Yeah,
I was literally in denial. So that is probably why
I had trouble trying to figure out how does this
quote fit into the context of this conversation. So I
appreciate you going sharing first. And lady, we about the dimontism.
(05:08):
Were about the damtism shit today. Okay, we're about to
dive in, but we want to make something super clear
before we dive into the conversation. Okay, we are not
here to bash weed smoking. We're not here to judge
anybody's relationship with weed. This is a safe space for honesty, curiosity,
and self reflection. Just like the title says in the episode,
(05:29):
this is a soft, honest look at coping, craving, and
choosing clarity. And I just shared I recently had a
long standing addiction to weed and a dependency that I
had for years, and we're going to dive into that
in just a bit. So for me, this conversation is personal,
it's fresh, it's real. Doma is coming with some research
(05:49):
and know I'm gonna come in with the real life
experience and what that was like. And yeah, we're going
to dive into it in a really safe and compassionate manner.
So we wanted to say that first before we're diving,
because I know some conversations about this topic can be
very judgy, and when people stop smoking weed, they're just like, well,
everybody got to stop. We're not here to do that.
So we hope this sparks some reflection, self awareness, and
(06:12):
maybe even some relief for anyone who has been feeling
conflicted with that relationship. So we're going to start off
with setting the stage with our definitions.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yes, y'all know, I am always here for a good
definition so that we are all on the same page
of what we are talking about. So I want for
us to distinguish. We've already used the word addiction, and
so I want us to distinguish between use, abuse, dependence,
(06:43):
and addiction. So use is essentially self explanatory, right that
it is using. So anyone who in this case smokes
marijuana uses it, you're a user, okay. And I also
(07:07):
want to be clear because I know as soon as
I said that word, I know that there is stigma
associated with using the term user. Again, this conversation is
not to stigmatize. So anyone who smokes weed has ever
smoked weed. You use marijuana, Okay. Now, use of marijuana
(07:31):
in and of itself is not problematic. When it becomes
problematic is when you are abusing it. There's some level
of dependence and there's addiction. So abuse is usually when
(07:51):
you are engaging in it in a way that causes
you to gauging behaviors that you normally wouldn't in an
effort to keep having access to that particular thing. And
so in this case, particularly to marijuana. And so there
(08:17):
are typically certain signs that you are abusing marijuana. And
usually those signs are psychological, physical, and or behavioral changes
that you might observe in yourself or other people might
observe in you. So some signs of marijuana abuse frequent
(08:43):
red eyes eating or excessive eating outside of your regular
meal or snack times right.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Munchies, yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Decrease performance in your regular activities like school work, or
the ability to meet responsibilities right when you are perhaps
maybe withdrawing from friends, families, coworkers, when you prioritize spending
time with people who use marijuana and or other drugs,
(09:20):
when you focus on buying products that are related to
smoking marijuana, when you find yourself doing extensive online research
about marijuana and frequently using slang terms associated with marijuana. Now,
(09:41):
some of those symptoms or signs of abuse. One of
those in and of itself might not be a sign
of abuse, but it's usually when someone is abusing marijuana,
you're engaging in multiple of those behaviors, right, And the
ones that are easy to point out when it's becoming
(10:01):
a problem is that decrease in performance, right, in your
ability to meet your normal responsibilities. Dependence is also part
of abuse and addiction, and so typically dependence means that
(10:26):
you feel the need to have it in order to function,
in order to do certain day to day activities, right,
And so addiction is when it gets to a point
where you need to use higher amounts or you've developed
(10:50):
a tolerance and you have to use it in order
to feel normal. If you're at a point where you
can't go a day or you can't go short periods
of time without using it, then you that is now
(11:13):
an addiction. All right, So we've cleared up the definitions
the difference between use, abuse, dependence, and addiction. So again,
the person who has ever smoked, that means you've used marijuana.
(11:38):
The person who engages in certain signs like you said
the munchies right, or you're having red eyes, or your
decrease you've noticed a decrease in your functioning because of
your You frequent use of marijuana now means that you
are abusing it. If you are at the point where
(12:01):
you need it, you believe that you need it in
order to function. You were dependent on it, and then
that dependence, coupled with increased tolerance and the other signs
of abuse now lead to you having an addiction. The
(12:24):
other component of addiction is if you find yourself trying
to stop using, you experience withdrawal symptoms. So t tell
us how tell us how we're going to use the
term marijuana in this context.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yes, I will share that with the owner to share
something else too. That came up as you were as
you were setting the stage with definition. So for the
context of this conversation we are talking about I'm trying
not to be silly, all I said. We talked about
a big fat blunt. Okay, we're talking about flour. We're
talking about smoking weed, Mary Jane, a joint, whatever you
want to call it. So we are not talking about CBD, right,
(13:06):
We're not talking about weed or marijuana for healing methods. Right,
We're just talking about like smoking. Just you just smoke
us on weed. That's what we're talking about. And Tom,
I know we talked about how this conversation is a soft,
compassionate look, and you even talked about the stigma with
the word users. You are going through those different definitions.
I was just like processing it because it felt very
(13:29):
like not formal. I'm trying to think of the word
I'm looking for, but I'm thinking if I were smoking now,
I just think about how I used to feel when
I would listen to content and people would use those words.
They feel like very big words, and I feel like
sometimes conviction can be a thing when you hear them.
It's just like it's not that serious. Like I'm just
thinking about all the things that would come up in
my mind when I would consume content similar to this,
(13:51):
and it's interesting just to observe, like, Okay, those are
the things that came up, very interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, I think it is important to it's an important
point that you're bringing up right, that like, as you're
listening to this episode, if depending on where you are
in your relationship with marijuana or even your relationship in
(14:20):
another substance or behavior, some of these things, particularly as
I went through those definitions, some of it may sound
familiar to you. Some of it may make you feel
called out or called in, And I think the thing
is is that we're not having this conversation. The thing
(14:42):
to remember is that we're not having this conversation to
be a space of judgment. Even if that's how you
might feel as the conversation is going along, that is
not our intention. Our intention is to provide information so
(15:02):
that you can then do with it what you feel best. So,
and what we also know is that depending on where
someone is in their relationship with a substance or a behavior,
you may be at a point where, in terms of
(15:22):
your stages of change, you may be in denial and
you're like, oh, this this episode is not for me.
I'm good, I understand my relationship. We're good. Over here.
You may be in a point where you're contemplating change
(15:42):
and you're like hearing this information and you're like, I'm
not Nope, too much, too soon, not quite ready, and
that's okay. The beauty of this being a podcast episode
is that you can come back to it when you
are ready, and lady, as you're listening, if you are
in the stage where you are ready to make a change,
(16:06):
we will have resources in our show notes that you
can access that will support you in your journey to
making whatever change it is that you're trying to make.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I couldn't have said it better. I appreciate that, Dom.
I think that's super important for people to know. And
I'm just thinking about the first time. I think there
were many instances and on my journey when I realized
that this is just more than fun. This is a
coping tool, right And one of those moments was when
I was trying to get pregnant. So when I was
(16:42):
married and we were having fertility issues, I know they
said it was unexplained in fertility and so I'm trying
all the things to figure out, like how can I
make sure I can have this baby. So I'm literally
looking at ingredients in my makeup, like every It was
a five year or so journey, so every year I'm
looking at something. We was the last thing on the
list to go, right, I'm looking at all the things
(17:02):
and I started doing research and I'm like, damn, I
probably gotta stop smoking. That was what it was a challenge.
And what happened was I had just I believe I
had just either went through a round of IUI the
fertility treatment, or I was getting ready for one, and
we're paying some money for this, right. And me and
my husband at the time, we were going on a
couple's vacation and we were going with a lot of
(17:25):
people that I didn't know, and we were going to
be out, you know, dancing and having fun in the city.
And I was just like, usually weed is like my comfort.
I would take this with me because it was kind of,
you know, let down my guard a little bit. I
wouldn't be so anxious and have anxiety being in this
airbnb with all these people I don't know, and then
we're going to go out. I want to drink and
dance and all this, And so that was a very
(17:48):
challenging experience. And so gearing up for that trip, I
remember meditating and just like setting my attention on how
I wanted to show up there because I'm like, I
can't smoke weed. Or drink alcohol because I'm literally I'm
trying to conceive. And so that was a time for
me when I was like, oh, this is a major thing.
I ended up going. I didn't do drugs and alcohol
on the trip, and it was a good trip. I
was really proud of myself because I didn't know, going
(18:09):
back to the quote of the day, it seems impossible
until it's done. That was something that really did seem
impossible until I did it, and I was like, okay, wait,
I survived this. I could do it because sometimes we
would just take the edge off, you know. So that
was a time for me when I was like, oh, yeah,
this is this is a real addiction.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah, And I think you know, as you were sharing that,
what comes up for me is a lot of the
clients that I work with who say, okay, yeah, I'm
using I smoke marijuana, smoke weed on a daily basis,
(18:48):
and some people do what you know, the term waken bake, right,
that's right, and so and they can't get their started
until they smoked. And so when I hear that, then
I hear, okay, So you if you were saying that,
(19:14):
absolutely you do not leave the house until you've smoked.
That's an that's an addiction. And and we'll talk later
about like what are some strategies to move past it,
But to me, when those are that's a sign, right,
That's one of the signs that you are addicted is
(19:36):
that you literally cannot get through your morning. You don't
leave the house until you've smoked.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, that's a real thing. And I guess one thing
that I didn't share too in the beginning was that
at the time this episode drops, it's probably been about
four and a half months I say, since I've ended
my addiction with WI because I'm not saying I'm done
with WEE forever, but I know that for me, it
was an addiction to the point where I'm like, fuck,
I'm scratching my neck throughout the day, like when am
I going to When is the end of the day
(20:06):
so I can do it? Because of the work that
I do, waking, baking, unless it was the weekend, that
wasn't a good option because I knew that after I smoked,
everything else was like kind of downhill by way of productivity.
But I also found myself enjoying the process of like
once I finally learned how to roll up after I,
you know, moved out to the Bay. I like the
process of like getting my you know, my paper, rolling
(20:29):
it up, licking the you know, putting the honey on it,
whatever it was. I liked the process of doing it,
and like the smell and just the vibe and also
how it made me feel. And so there were like
levels to it, and it was very challenging to break
the addiction. But we're gonna get into it and just
a little bit. But I think one of the things
you talked about is your clients to smoke. And I
was thinking about, you know, what draws so many people
(20:50):
we could say black women or just people, because a
lot of people smoke weed, right, What draws so many
people to it as a form of either relief or escape,
I think is one. It's easy to access in most cases, right,
especially living out in the Bay where there are dispensaries everywhere.
I mean, I've been to so many dispensaries and it's
like a community event, right, I go with my friends,
people come visit, we all go. Also, it's more socially acceptable.
(21:14):
That's another I'm like, yeah, now its back in the
day it wasn't so much, but yeah, it's more socially
acceptable now. And another thing is people really tend to
minimize the impact that it might have on us long term.
So oftentimes people will say, and I've heard this so
many times, which is why I was in denial and
(21:36):
why I did it, I think for so long. They're like, oh,
we just not addictive, baby, what it absolutely is. And
the thing is toom there were points in my addiction
when I was like, listen, let me I'm not gonna
lie to myself. Yes, I have an addiction. Okay, it
doesn't mean I have to do anything about it today,
but I'm not going to I don't want to lie
to myself. Let me be. Let's let's keep it a buck, right.
(21:59):
I have an addiction. It is what it is. And
this is where I am today with no judgment, Like, okay,
but I don't think it helps us when we're not
honest with ourselves. Like if you know you were like
me and you could not go a day without it,
or you start filling the symptoms, you're irritable, You're like,
I need that, I need I need to go get
some weed. Like it's okay, Like it is what it is.
So I think those are some of the reasons why
(22:21):
people tend to gravitate toward it. Would you add anything
to that? Is anything missing?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah? I think part of what it is also is
so one. Yes, I want to go back to the
point of like, right now, recreational marijuana use is legal
in fifteen states at the time of this recording. It's
legal in fifteen states. We have come a long way
in terms of and there's more states that are looking
(22:48):
at legalizing it on the recreational level. There are even
more states that have it legalized on the medical level.
And so while there are certain medical benefits to marijuana use.
(23:09):
Notice I use the word use. Like you pointed out,
it can be an addictive behavior. But I think at
the core of addiction, of any addiction is understanding why,
getting to the root of why you're engaging in the
(23:29):
behavior in the first place, What is it fixing or
solving for you? Because oftentimes once you can get to
the root of that, then you can get to Okay,
well what are alternatives, and then that can help you
change the relationship that you have with it. Right, And
(23:51):
I want to be clear, for some people with certain addictions,
and it's also the case in weed addiction is that
for some people, they aren't in a place where they
can stop it and go back and develop a healthy
relationship with it. For some people it's an all or
(24:13):
nothing thing. But for most people, when you engage in
an addictive certain addictive behaviors, and again it's going to
be unique to you as the individual, there are ways
in which you can develop a healthy relationship with it,
but that won't come until you really understand why you
(24:38):
were engaging in the behavior in the first place.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
That is a really good point. What would you say,
was there anything in particular that was interesting in their
research or surprising and the research that you did on this,
because I feel like you did more of their research
and I'm just like, this is personal experience. I'm curious
to know what else did you find that was mabe surprising.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
There was nothing in it that was necessarily surprising for me,
Like some A lot of it kind of confirmed things
that I kind of suspected already. But I think the
thing that was most informative for me, and this will
be a whole different that's a whole there's a whole
different episode perhaps is understanding the difference between CBD, marijuana,
(25:26):
hemp and because because all of these things are more common,
more popular, more socially accepted. A lot of the terms
get used interchangeably, and they don't mean the same thing,
and they don't mean the same thing because the products
(25:48):
don't have the same ingredients, and so I think that
leaves a lot of people feeling confused, which also leads
a lot of people to missing out on certain benefits
of certain products. Now disclaimer here that we are not
(26:13):
We are not medical experts, nor are we trying to
promote the use of cannabis, marijuana, hemp, or any of
these things. And so and we encourage you to do
your own research. So this is not meant to be
(26:34):
the full, the end all, be all to your research.
Do your own research to figure out what works for you,
and also understanding your body, your family history, because all
of that plays a role in how you respond. Like
folks who are who have certain mental health conditions may
(26:57):
be more prone to developing an addiction. Folks who have
certain medical conditions may actually truly benefit. Research has shown
this from occasional marijuana use, and so I think that's
the thing. The underlying piece is the importance of doing
(27:19):
your own research and understanding your own individual relationship with marijuana.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
I'm just taking in what you said. No, that's good.
I like that distinction you made about use and abuse,
like use and then the addiction, because I think there
was a time when I was just using it. I
would just hang out with friends and we do it
socially and have good conversation or you know, be creative.
And then when it started becoming the everyday thing and
I could not stop even though I try, That's when
(27:49):
I was like, oh, we're feeding for this, I'm having
cravings and so anything else we should dive into down
before I talk about the why, like why did I
even stop? What was the process and the results because
there was a lot going on.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Well let's no, I think let's I think it's important
to dive into it, like the the so, but first
let's break down. So I think we want let's let's
set the stage, like let's talk about why you wanted
to stop using, stop abusing, and then what came up
(28:26):
for you as you were going through your withdrawal and
from there why, like the understanding of your why, like
what came out of it? What did you learn about
yourself and your relationship with marijuana through this process.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Okay, I was about to write those down. Can you
guide me think? Because just said, okay, so the first
point with the why.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Right, why you wanted to change your relationship?
Speaker 1 (28:59):
With why my relationship so number one? Growing up, my
mom used to always say addictions running our family, and
I believe that narrative for a long time. And I
found myself having various addictions in my life. And I
got to a space like after my divorce and after
I was just processing like where I am, and I
(29:20):
was really seeking mental clarity, but I felt like I
just wasn't getting it because I was just so clouded.
I just felt my mind was clouded. I'm like, I'm
not really getting what I want to get because I'm
you know, I'm doing consulting during the day, working with
different clients, and we do podcast stuff some nights, and
then after that it would usually be like I smoke
and then my mind just goes into a different place. Right,
(29:43):
It's like, yeah, my mind goes into a different place.
Sometimes I'm up calling some old people that I don't
want to that I don't really want to be calling them,
but I'm in my feelings and so I'm let me
call somebody or I'm just like doing mindless stuff, and
so I really would see clarity for like this next
phase in my life where am I going? And that
(30:04):
was the big why, Like I just want clarity. I
want to connect more spiritually and get the downloads the
spirit has for me. That is like at the crux
of why I started exploring, like let me figure out
how can I actually stop doing this for a little
bit at least, you know, to see what happens.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Okay, So all right, So wanting to learn a little
bit more about you. So you decided to stop, right,
And when I think about what I know about addiction, Yeah,
(30:41):
is that when someone stops engaging in that addictive behavior
because they part of it being an addiction is that
they've developed a dependence on it. What happened for you?
What were some of your withdrawal symptoms that you experience?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Well, before I get into that, Donald, I was just
want to say that I realized that a lot of
the because I was in my dating phase and my
whole phase all that stuff around this time, and I
realized that all of the people that I was with
they were all smoking too. So one when I wanted
to initially stop. It was like, well, then I started
to really realize, wait, smoking is a big part of
(31:17):
my sexual experiences as well. And then I started reflecting
on my whole life and I'm like, smoking has been
a part of like ninety eight percent of my sexual experiences.
So I'm like, I don't even know how can I
stop if I'm engaged sexually with certain people and that
that's a part of our experience, Like we smoke, we
drink most of the time, and that's what we do.
And so that was another thing. It was hard to
(31:39):
stop because I'm still engaging with these people and then
if I don't do it, then I feel weird, Like
I'm like I need to be able to I need
to do this. So that was another thing that came
up for me. And it wasn't until I went to
a meditation retreat, a week long meditation retreat. A doctor
Joe Des spends the retreat and they said you cannot
bring They said, please don't bring drugs. And I was like, what,
(32:01):
I can'dle drugs. So I had a conversation with myself
and I was like, you know what, they asked me
not to do this one number two, I'm not going
to cheat myself out of having a great experience. I
wanted to see what my mind was capable of, and
it's sober state. So I went the whole week without smoking,
and I felt really great. I felt like I was
getting this creative juice and this high from just going within,
(32:26):
and so that was a really magical experience. And I
came home and I didn't smoke for like two weeks,
and then I started talking to the guys again and
I started getting back into my ad diction and so
I started back up. So it took about a year
down from when that retreat was until I finally just
like cold turkey stopped. And when I did stop, the
first couple of days, oh, it was rough. I definitely
(32:47):
had I was irritable. I was having like very interesting dreams.
I also had nice sweats. I'm like, this is not crack.
While I'm I having sweat, Like, what's happening. I was
having night like cold sweat or is it cold sweats?
Waking up sweaty, That's what was happening. I was waking
up sweating nice sweats. And I have more notes because
I documented the process. But I was having cravings. I yeah,
(33:12):
I had a lot of stuff going on. I really
wanted to smoke, but I wanted to test myself to
see how long I could go without it. And then
I think it was maybe a couple of weeks and
maybe it was ten days in I ended up giving
away all my drugs. Dom you saw my little green bag.
I had a nice little green bag I got with
all my weed paraphernalia, my wraps and rollers, and I
had my shrooms in there. I had all the edibles,
(33:34):
all the things. I gave that away to someone who
does smoke and gave away everything, and that made it
easier because now it's not in the house. So those
were the symptoms that I experienced when I was going
through the withdrawal. And again it's been four months at
the time of this recording.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
So I would say also just to add so one,
thank you for sharing the things that you went through,
of course, but I want to add what other people
might experience us there as well, so that they might
start to so that they can pay attention and be aware. Right, So,
some of the other things that people experience are increased anxiety, irritability, depression, yeah, anger, restlessness, insomnia,
(34:22):
bad dreams, decreased appetite, headaches, stomach pain, cravings, and fever.
Along with that sweating, the sweating and the chills.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
That's intense.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
That's intense. That is a lot. And lady, as you're
listening to this, and you may be listening to this,
and you may may be like, well, do I really
want to experience all of that in order to stop
this addiction? Tee for you? How long did the withdraw last?
(35:00):
There all symptoms last, I should say I.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Would say maybe like ten days or so. Maybe at max,
I think it was around ten days. And then after
a while, the especially when it was out of my house,
it got easier. But there I would say once a week.
I still. Just the other day I was like, huh,
it'd be nice to smoke a blunt and I was like,
well why. I was just ask myself, like, it's not
a bad thing. I may smoke again, especially if I
go like hang out with certain friends. I may do
(35:25):
it that one time. But I was like why do
you want to do it? And I was like, okay,
I don't really have an answer for why. So I
was like, okay, I'm just gonna sit with it instead
of being impulsive, I'm just gonna sit with it because
I know that that was a thing for me, and
so I don't want to just go back to it
unintentionally or frivolously. I just want to think through a
little bit more. But yeah, I would say that that
is that was how long the process lasts for me,
(35:45):
Probably about ten days or so.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Okay, yeah, and so how did you in those ten days?
What motivated you to keep going?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Well, one time I stopped by accident. I didn't even
I literally, I think that's about a conversation I had
with someone, like literally the day before I was like,
I smoke weed. That's just what I do, so like,
don't be trying to change me. And then I'm like
the next day, I just I don't know, something clicked
and I was like, I want to stop. And so
what motivated me was one, I wanted to see what
it would be like to be a sober mind, like truly,
(36:17):
because when I thought about it, I was like, outside
of when I was pregnant and breastfeeding, to me, that
kind of counts, but then not really, I had the
pregnancy hormones, and so I just wanted to see, like,
who am I bare and naked? Like what is my mind,
like right, And so I was curious about that. And
as I began to see results and like, I feel
(36:37):
a difference in my body, and I had this realization.
I'm like, oh my gosh, Like, no, weed is not
terrible or like this bad thing, but it was impacting
my brain in a major way. It was impacting my
brain in a major way. And I sleep a lot
better at night because a lot of times I would
smoke and then I would feel groggy in the morning.
And honestly, the other thing I noticed too, like as
a high performer, I'm sure you can relate to this.
(37:00):
As a high performing woman who gets results and who
gets shit done right, a lot of times I think
that we can make our shortcomings or our excuses sexy, right,
So like my fifty percent might be other people's like
eighty or ninety percent because of how our standards are.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Right.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
And so because I have this addiction, I would tell
people about it, and I'm like, oh, well, you still
get results, Like you got this podcast, you're doing this,
you get results with these clients. I'm like, yeah, but
I don't want anything to own me. And that was
another big thing about the addiction. I'm like I don't
want to be owned where like if I go to US,
if I wanted to go to Dubai and I know
I can't, I'm not about to bring No, I ain't
about to do that. I'm not bringing up drugs Dubai.
(37:41):
I'm not going to get them anywhere there. I don't
want to be in a space where I can't get
or I have these withdrawal symptoms and I can't have
this drug and so I'm acting out. You know, I
just want to be I want to be in my
mind and in my body fully. And so yeah, I
think that answers a question.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Yes, and so then so then the next part of
that is what are so you started to You have
answered this somewhat, But what are the things that you
have learned about yourself from this experience?
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Well, One, that's not impossible, even though I wasn't thinking
that it was impossible, because I was like, oh, I
could do it. One like it's possible to do it,
and it's it's still possible to be fun and to
just like still have personality, like do things I thought
I had to smoke in order to feel or do
if that makes sense, you know, Like I use it
(38:38):
sometimes to let my anxiety, you know, to decrease anxiety.
So that's the thing, and then also don the result
like my brain. I just feel so protective of my brain.
Now I'm like it was impacting my brain in a
certain way. I don't feel as cloudy and foggy. I
feel more connected to spirit. I feel like my intuition
and my discernment has turned up a bit. And I
also started meditating every day because I had to replace
(38:59):
it with something. I'm like, all right, bym I smoking.
I'm still doing my exercising. I have a stretch routine
that I do a lot of times to just come
down from the day, and then I will do a
lot of meditation as well. And so dond it has
been the most productive I would say that I've been
in my business. Like going back to what I said
about successful people, sometimes if you're a high achiever, you
(39:20):
can have an addiction, but as long as you're getting
your work done, you're high functioning, so no one really
cares and you're getting the results. But now I just
feel like at night, I'm able to grind out on
my business or a book. And in the past four months,
I've had more clients in my business, I built like
so many websites for my brand. I had a tedex
talk that I manifested within that timeframe as well, And
(39:41):
so I've been able to accomplish so much more and
go even higher and also get more of that clarity
that I was desiring.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
So all right, so let's back up a little bit.
And you mentioned a few of the things that you
do that you started doing to replace, because it sounds like,
if I'm hearing you correctly, Yeah, what you're saying is
that for you, oftentimes marijuana use was to one cope
(40:13):
with stressors of life. Two perhaps maybe in social settings,
to navigate some of the manage some of the anxiety, right, yes, okay,
So and as I'm listing those two things, I know
that so many people listening can relate to having to
(40:34):
experiencing those two things, and that those two things might
be why, might be the why for some folks who
are also addicted to we And so then you what
you said was once you stopped smoking, you started meditating more,
(40:55):
you started stretching, and so what were the activities that
what were so those were two? Were there any other
activities that you used to replace marijuana use.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yes, there were, and you said social settings And what
was the other one? Anxiety that I.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Was using us as the day stretches of.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
The day and to bypass emotions sometimes if I wanted
to just zone out and I'm like, oh, I don't
want to be here, I'm just smoking, Like make it better.
And also can we emphasize the sexual scenarios That was
a big one, like if it's like a one night
stand or you're just with a partner and like you
want to kind of be someone else, like let me
just take a shot and let me smoke. That was
so big so I did. Yes. The meditation, stretching, breath
(41:39):
work was also huge, and then journaling as well. And
I think I just leaned into the manifestation piece that
I'm like really into, so visualization, mental rehearsal. I just
really leaned into a lot of that as well, and that.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
I know somebody's listening and they're like, wait, so every
night you would wind down in your night by smoking
and then you stop that and replace that with meditation,
breath work, journaling for real? How like for real? How
(42:15):
do you get to the point. Yeah, let's talk like
and I'm coming from a space of someone who's listening.
Because I meditate daily. I finally gotten there, and so
I meditate daily, and so I know that it's possible
that it is something to do stretching. I'm working on that,
(42:37):
but my trainer would love it if I said I
stretched every day when I work out. I do stretch, though,
And so talk to us about how did you go
from smoking every day to then now like you're engaging
in meditation and breath work and doing this on a
(42:59):
daily basis. Is now a part of your routine? What
did you do to really make it a consistent part
of your daily routine.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
So one thing I want to emphasize on that's a
really good question, is I didn't I didn't like to
try to do everything at once. That's number one. So
my main thing for me was meditation because I know
the effects of meditation and what it can do for
my brain. So I like to do that in the
morning with the breath work. So that is the one thing.
I literally have a tracker on my wall in my
room and I've been for the past I think it
was past two months. I've been literally check it off
(43:30):
every morning. So that is now like I'm like, I
have to do this because I love the way it
makes me feel, and I love that it's something I
do internally. I don't need anything externally to make me
feel good on the inside. So that is the one
thing I do. All the other things there's simply tools
that I reach for when the anxiety comes up, when
I feel my body something's going on my body. So,
like I stretched earlier today to take a break. I
(43:51):
journal a couple days ago because I was feeling some
emotions come up and I was like, okay, well, we're
not going to bypass and I would love to smoke
right now, but I was like, let's journal, let's talk
about like, lets let's get through it. And so I
would say, they're not things I do every single day,
with the exception of meditation. These are just tools that
I reach for and from my toolkit when my spirit
is saying, let's lean into this, okay.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
So yes, So thank you for that, because I think,
you know, as I was listening to you again, I
could imagine that there was someone out there that's like,
all right, how do you go from being addicted to
a behavior to then all of a sudden being able
to easily replace it with something else, And I think
the thing that you emphasized is that it's not easy
(44:38):
and that you weren't doing all of these things at once.
And more importantly, I think the most important thing that
makes it, that makes overcoming an addiction easier, is that
you replaced it with a behavior that you have already
used and knew that it worked for you.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
Yes, that is spot on, and don the other thing
I have to emphasize is my environment during this fragile
space that I'm in where I know that I am
really I'm not even again I keep saying, I'm not
saying I'm stoping we forever. I'm ending my addiction to
it right of me doing it every single day and
being addicted. So I'm not putting myself in scenarios and
situations where I might be tempted. But also, Girl, the
(45:20):
big thing for me was I started dating this guy
who was like completely sober, doesn't drink, it, doesn't smoke,
and so the thing that heightened for me when I
was with him, though he was supportive, I would see
myself in a different light because when you're with other addicts,
or you're with people who are doing the drugs too,
it's like we're all doing it, keep passing the blunt.
We five blunts in pass it around. But when you're
(45:43):
with someone who's sober, now I'm paying attention to myself.
I'm like, girl, you're reaching for the vpe like you
raped ten times and you all been on a couch
for an hour, Like okay, Just an observation like I
don't want something to own me. And I realized being
in that connection that something was on And so that
was another thing, like your environment is also super important.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Yes, yes, And I think it's also one other thing
that I would add is, as you are moving past
an addiction, it's also important to have people supportive people
around you and so and I understand that for some
folks there may be shame around admitting that you have
(46:26):
an addiction. Yes, there may be shame around trying to
move past it. There may be difficulty around trying to
move past it. But I think it's crucial to identifying
one or two people who are willing to be supportive
(46:48):
of you through that process. Different than accountability partners, some
people may need an accountability partner as they're trying to
move past an addiction. Outside of that, having a couple
of people in your life who are supportive of what
you're doing. And so it's not that they're checking in
(47:10):
to be like, hey girl, are you smoke today? All right,
and they're coming in with a judgmental they're coming in
with a judgment, right, it's they help They say, okay,
so I know that you are not smoking, So we're
going to find a different we want to go out tonight.
We're going to find a different thing activity to do,
(47:31):
a different place to go where that won't be a
temptation for you. Or if they are still engaging in
the behavior, they'll ask, is it do you mind if
I smoke right now?
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Right?
Speaker 2 (47:48):
And so you want to make sure as you're moving
past the addiction that you do in addition to an
accountability person, you have other supportive people in your life
who you will help you in navigating this journey.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
That is so good. And I would also add if
you don't have those people, I was on YouTube and
looking at different forms online, looking at other people's journeys.
There are so many people who share their journey of
like it's been day ten, it's been you know, month
three of my journey without weed, and talk about their
own experiences and that was very comforting as well. So
I think those are great tips like getting that support. Now,
(48:26):
should we talk about these strategies for people who want
to slow down or take a break from their addiction
to weed. Let's do it, okay. So the first one,
I feel we may have touched on this a little bit,
but the first practical tool that you can lean into
is an emotional check in before smoking. Just check me
(48:52):
with yourself. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:54):
And I think the thing is is that that's to me,
that's someone who that's a crucial thing for someone who
is in that contemplative stage of wanting to make a change,
Like you're not there yet. You're not You're you're not
in that space where you're saying all right, I'm done.
It's I want to stop. But okay, let me check
(49:18):
in about like what what are the emotions that are
coming up for me right now as the thought of
wanting to smoke is coming up? Right Like, so, what
what are the emotions that led to me having this
thought like to reach for my weed?
Speaker 3 (49:36):
Right Like?
Speaker 2 (49:37):
What what are those thoughts? What are those emotions that
are coming up? And so then I think the next
thing is slightly different. It's asking yourself like what am
I craving emotionally right now? So not what are the
emotions that initially came up, but what am I crave emotionally?
(50:00):
So to give you an example, let's say that it's
the end of a stressful day and you are feeling
the emotions that are currently coming up for you. Exhaustion.
That's that's the top emotion right there, Like you're just exhausted.
(50:22):
And then maybe there was something that happened earlier in
your workday, and maybe you're worried, or maybe you're frustrated,
and so those are the emotions that are coming up.
You get ready to reach for your weed and you're like, okay, wait,
this is what I'm feeling right now. But what am
(50:44):
I craving emotionally? What do I need? What emotions do
I want to feel that I'm not currently feeling, right
That's a different way to ask that question, like what
are the emotions that I want to feel that I'm
not currently feel. So maybe because you're currently feeling exhausted, worried, frustrated,
(51:08):
maybe you want to feel peace, calm and joy. It's
smoking gonna get you? There is there something else? You
can do that will get you the same result.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
There you go. I love it. And then the next
one here is creating a nighttime ritual that isn't weed.
And so, I mean, there are so many things you
could do. But it could be a nice soothing bath, right.
I love to light candles and incense or turn on
the oil diffuser. It could just be like a self massage,
putting lotion on your fine self and rubbing yourself down,
(51:42):
you know, something like that, getting some tea or I
love to also prep for the week, or not for
the week, but for the next day, whether it's getting
your clothes out or just kind of visualizing or looking
at the schedule. Having some type of nighttime routine. Dom
I love one of the things that you like to
do at night, which is read. I mean, whenever I
read in bed, I go to sleep. So I'm reading
shortly after I start or going to sleep shortly after
(52:04):
I start the reading. But it puts me down in
a nice soothing manner, versus scrolling on my phone and
you know, doom scrolling right before I go to bed.
So I like the idea of a nighttime routine that
doesn't involve weed.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
Yes, I think that's a good one. Yes, you know,
reading is reading in bed for fun, reading for fun.
It is definitely high on my list of things to do.
And then the next the next option is journaling. So
you find yourself craving the weed and you're like, all right,
(52:38):
I'm trying to quit, like I really want to quit,
but I woo, today was a day I need it. Okay,
well let's go back to the top thing of identifying
those emotions that came up. So now let's pull out
our journals and write about it, whatever's coming up. And
(53:02):
the thing that I also tell folks all the time
is that journaling I just use the description of writing
about it. But journaling doesn't have to be writing. Journaling
could be an audio or video recording as well. And
so journaling and whatever method works for you. It may
(53:23):
be that for some people writing it out also is
that allows that physical release, But for other people, having
an audio or video recording allows you to just go unfiltered, unedited,
and sometimes your thoughts are going faster than what you
(53:46):
can write out, and so it's easier to talk it out.
But the point is to journal through the craving that
you might be having.
Speaker 1 (53:56):
And the other one here is replacing the ritual with
something soothing, not restrictive. So it kind of ties back
to the other one, but more so I would say
it's connected to what we talked about before down when
I was sharing the different tools that I reach for
when I feel like, oh I want to smoke, or
I'm having anxiety, I'm feeling something in my body. So
it might for you be some of the things we
(54:16):
already listed, right, So, whether it's journaling or lighting that
candor incend or meditating or doing breath work or something
like that, or going for a walk. I mean walking
has also been like a new hobby that I picked
up that has been so therapeutic. So just whatever works
for you and your world. Ideally, it'd be great if
you could find something that you know already makes you
feel a certain way, whether it's like being creative coloring,
(54:40):
something that you already know works for you, and you
can replace it with that. I find that is easiest
when you have replacements already, because once you stop that thing,
there will be a void. Right So for me at night,
when I'm used to just you know, smoke and I
just zone out, well, now I'm usually doing something for
a passion project or you know one of the other
things I listed. So I think that's important too.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Yes, And so then the last thing that I would
say is one that we haven't necessarily talked about, we
haven't stated explicitly, is that you can take what we
would call a compassion focused break instead of going cold turkey. Oftentimes,
with addiction, people are more likely to relapse multiple times
(55:25):
before they completely are sober for extended periods of time,
And so here what we're saying is take a break
where you are being kind and gentle with yourself. Right,
So it's I'm going to challenge myself to go three
(55:47):
days without smoking. Let's say by day two you're like, hmm,
I thought I could do it, but not right now? Okay, Okay,
make a note of that, Note that the like you
tried it, note what came up that may have been
(56:07):
a stumbling block, and then try again when you're ready,
and then maybe when you try again you'll be able
to you'll last more than two days, you'll get to
four days. But don't give up because you had what
we're using the term of relapse. So, like you've tried
(56:28):
to stop, and you've then gone back, keep trying. Every
day is a new day. And perhaps what it is
is that you have you look at a month calendar
and you say, Okay, each day this month, I'm gonna
mark whether or not I smoked. And so it's not
that you're like, all right, for the thirty days in
(56:48):
the month of November, I need to go that entire
thirty days without smoking. It's okay for the month of November.
Let me see how many days I can go. And
then and as you're starting to understand your relationship with weed,
it might become easier to go longer periods of time
(57:12):
to the point where you're able to completely stop.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
I love it. We cover a lot today trying to
think if there's anything else we should cover to do
this tope of justice or close out. So, lady, we
hope you enjoyed. What else should we do domin anything
else on your I.
Speaker 2 (57:29):
Think we have covered. We have definitely covered a lot,
and Lady, like we said, there will be resources in
the show notes for you if you or someone you
know is wanting to explore their relationship with weed and
consider ending their addiction.
Speaker 1 (57:51):
Lady, we hope this conversation, We hope you felt the
love and the compassion and this conversation, and Dom and
I are going to have some behind the scenes chat
on the after show. So head on over to herspacepodcast
dot com, click anywhere you see Patreon and you can
watch the video of this episode and tune into the
after show. All right, we hope to see you there.
(58:14):
If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps,
this is for you. Hey, lady, is Tea here and
I just want to invite you to my free goal
map like a pro coaching workshop, where I'll share the
five proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals.
Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all your ideas, juggling scattered ideas,
(58:35):
or maybe you just need confidence to start, this workshop
will give you the clarity, tools and the motivation to
take back control. Reserve your spot for free by visiting
her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal map
like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance
to build a roadmap that fits your life and set
you up for success. I hope to see you there.
Speaker 2 (58:59):
Thanks for tuning into cultivating her space. Remember that While
this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's
not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone you
know need support, check out resources like Therapy for Black
Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, do
(59:21):
us a favor and share it with a friend who
needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five star review.
Your support means the world to us and helps keep
this space thriving.
Speaker 1 (59:33):
And before we meet again, repeat after me. I release
the old with gratitude and prepare for the new with intention.
Keep thriving, Lady, and tune in next Friday for more
inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure
to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast
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