August 11, 2025 • 27 mins
In this episode of Joyously Free!, hosted by Joanie Lindenmeyer, guest Isaac Vaughn, a trans man, returns to share his transformative journey of self-discovery, transitioning, and embracing his identity. Isaac discusses starting testosterone therapy in 2013, the physical and emotional changes it brought, and the joy of aligning his body with his inner self. He […]
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Episode Transcript
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(00:11):
Hi. And welcome KCIW listeners to one hundred
point seven and kciw.org,
Brookings, Oregon.
We are the joyously free with none better
than me, Joni Lindenmayer, a resident of Harbor,
Oregon for thirty four years, a retired Del
Norte High School teacher, and a best selling
author.
Today, as we normally do, we're gonna start
out with our wonderful salutation
(00:33):
and our speaker. This will be part two
coming on. You've already heard from Isaac one
time, and I think Isaac will probably even
remember this. I'm gonna start by saying it's
a brand new day, and you're gonna respond
with never been lived before.
Here we go, everybody. We'll start with a
little drum roll.
It's a brand new day. It's never been
(00:53):
lived before. Beautiful. Beautiful. And that is so
true. Every day is a brand new day.
We don't have to carry any of the
the hard stuff, the the the challenges that
we had from the previous day. We start
brand new, new thoughts, new ideas, and that's
what this radio show is all about. It's
about being free and joyful.
It really started with a radio gadio show
(01:14):
as Will and Viv named it. It talks
about LGBTQ
stories and tips along with church faith, spirituality,
and joy. It comes from a book that
I wrote called Joyously Free.
What I really like about this show and
about my life, that there's no hate speech.
I don't I don't cuss. I don't use
hateful words toward other people. I hope you
(01:35):
don't either. I hope that your behaviors are
good.
You know? We don't need hateful behaviors, and
we don't bully people. We we blast this
show with the three c's, courage, confidence, and
collaboration.
And with every every radio broadcast that I
do, my spirituality comes out of me, and
we're gonna begin with a centering of ourselves
(01:55):
and some breathing. We'll move into a quote
and then a little reflection before we introduce
our guest speaker.
Let's breathe in through our nose
and out with our mouth.
Breathe again deeply through the nose,
in with joy,
in with love,
(02:17):
and
out with any fears, anxieties, or worries. Let's
go one more time.
Breathe in,
and breathe out with any negativity.
Mother Earth, dear God, our Creator, Holy Spirit
of the winds,
guide us to be the best people that
(02:37):
we can be.
Be here with us as we talk and
we listen to each other.
Inspire us, oh Lord, and bring us the
the peace that we need.
Our quote for the day came from a
little calendar book I had at home, and
the quote is
dream a little dream. I think there's a
song called that, dream a little dream. There
(02:59):
is. There is. There is. Yes. But when
I when I heard that this morning and
I read it, the word dream just popped
out that we all have dreams.
And sometimes in our life, we squash them
and squish them and cover them up. And
then there are other times in our life
where you might meet somebody and they will
inspire you to go for your dreams,
(03:20):
to think bigger, to think out of a
box,
to realize that anything is possible.
Everything is possible.
And it reminds me of
opportunity is now here.
If you spelled out those initials,
opportunity
is now here, and you put them all
in one row without a space in between
(03:41):
the letters, some people would read that as
opportunity is nowhere
or opportunity
is now here. I challenge you to write
out those letters and see how you look
at it. And in doing that, when you
have opportunity,
you have dreams that are abundant.
That is my little prayer today, and I
know that dreams also come in the form
(04:01):
of nighttime dreams as well as daytime dreams,
and I believe in my heart of heart
that that's a that's a god thing. That's
my version of it. It's a god thing
when you are given these dreams that come
out of nowhere, this creativity.
It's a God thing that you are blessed
and you are highly favored.
So Jesus, God, spirit, thank you for being
with us. Thank you for giving us nighttime
(04:23):
dreams and daytime dreams. Thank you for encouraging
us to always be more than who we
think we can be. In the Lord's name,
amen.
Amen.
So today,
part two.
Are we ready? It's like I wanna do
another drum roll.
You've heard of my dear friend Isaac Vaughn
before, just a few weeks ago. And today,
he's gonna continue on beginning in his 2,013
(04:47):
of his life. And we're gonna title this
show today,
identity revealed and living with testosterone.
Identity
revealed and living with testosterone.
Isaac,
welcome. Good to see you again. Hello. Hello.
How are you today? I am wonderful. Wonderful.
Good. Grateful to be
here. Yeah. Good. Good. Good. Good. And I
(05:09):
know that you have your coffee cup there.
So if I I see your eyes sort
of bouncing around, I know that's a lot
of caffeine. But you way too much today.
But you are a high energy person. I
am. I am without my coffee. So Yeah.
And before we get going on on your
identity revealed, I wanna say thank you so
much for helping Saint Tim's
fix the water problem that has been an
(05:29):
issue for weeks and weeks and weeks and,
your your volunteerism,
your your contracting
skill
contractor skills, I guess, and your your brute
labor, your muscles, and everything else. A lot
of that. A lot of that. And and
your willing to willingness to collaborate and talk
with people Yeah. And solve problems. I'm grateful
for the opportunity to be a part of
(05:50):
of Saint Timothy's in whatever way I can.
It's such a great place, and they do
wonderful things for the community. So I'm happy
to help them any way I can. Awesome.
Awesome. And you are one helpful person. So
speaking of that, you know, I know you
helped yourself.
Let's go back to your life Yeah. 2013
and what you did to help yourself. Alright.
(06:10):
So 02/2013,
it was April 12. I started,
taking testosterone.
I had lived, as a man for a
year prior to that. Right? And I went
to therapy.
I'd been in therapy
pretty much my whole life, but focusing on,
on the gender,
dysphoria
(06:30):
pretty heavily for about five years.
I I really wanted to make sure
that I was doing it be not not
because of my past traumas. I wanted to
make sure all that was cleared,
before I made any permanent changes in my
body.
So, you know, I got through all that,
and I started testosterone. And I was so
(06:51):
excited.
Like, right away, my voice,
changed.
It took me I'm gonna stop you there
for a second. For many people don't know
this. Testosterone
is a hormone replacement treatment.
And it does it come in a pill,
a shot? Give us a little So it
comes in you can get an ointment,
or you can do, an injection. It used
(07:13):
to be intramuscular. Now it's sub q.
I do point five sub q. I inject
myself
every week. I do it on Tuesdays. So
today, I get to take my testosterone.
Okay. Radio Tuesday is now testosterone Tuesday. That's
right. That's right.
So I inject it,
once a week.
It's pretty straightforward.
(07:35):
Some people do the topical because it's not,
like, some folks that are non binary, they
do a smaller dose. It all but I
identify as a trans man, so I do
the point five once a week.
Okay. Thank you for explaining that. Yeah. Absolutely.
Okay. Continue on.
Yeah. So I started taking testosterone,
and
(07:55):
my life totally everything changed. The way I
was think the way I thought,
most importantly, how I felt about myself.
You know,
I,
my entire,
the way I perceive myself, like,
and the way I presented myself, you could,
like, people around me were like, wow, you
(08:16):
just seem so much happier.
And like the more my body started aligning
with how I felt inside,
the more free I felt.
Self love. Yeah. It was beautiful. And it's
a pure joy. Yeah. I was so excited
and happy. And the group of people that
(08:38):
were in my life then
were amazing. You know,
they they,
they struggled with the pronouns.
There was no ill intent, so I was
never frustrated with them when they would slip
up and call me her or call me
my old name.
It was okay because it was a transition
for them also. And so and they were
doing it with they they they respected it
(09:00):
and loved me.
And
it was just it was such a good
experience in my life
with with you know, my best friend, Damien,
he, you know,
he's no longer with us, but he,
he was a huge help during my transition
when I started the testosterone because, you know,
(09:22):
my shoulder my shoulders grew. Like, I got
bulkier. My feet got bigger.
Like, a whole bunch of physical stuff happened.
Incredible Hulk. Yeah. Yeah. It was very I
was like, oh, I really like this.
And,
but yeah, it
so, yeah, I transitioned.
I started testosterone,
and I was living in Portland at the
(09:44):
time with my previous partner,
and she was so supportive.
You know, very
she didn't care. Like, she was really supportive,
and it was it was really nice. I
felt
I felt
safe. I felt
seen.
Wow. Yeah. Incredible. It was huge. It was
(10:04):
huge for me, and, it was scary for
me too. Like, it was scary to you
know, because I I hadn't
the self love
wasn't fully there yet. And so
it was Dream a little dream. Yeah. Yeah.
It's,
self love is so important.
But, yeah, I you know, life was going
(10:25):
really good, and I we decided to move
to the coast. And I moved to the
coast, and, I got a job at this
hospital.
And then once they found out I was
a trans person, I lost my job.
Oh. Yeah. You were fired? I was fired.
Yes. For being trans? For that's they tried
to say I was doing I did an
invasive procedure.
(10:45):
And,
They're trying to cover it up. Yeah. And
I was like, that's not what happened, you
guys. And I was able to prove that
that's not what happened.
And so,
And that's why it's important today that we
don't go backwards in time, that we keep
the rights and the protections for all people.
Yeah. Yeah. I just had to throw that
in to people. I love that. And it's
(11:07):
true. It is. Because there were times in
the past when people were fired from their
jobs. They were put in jail for being
queer or gay. Many, many issues, and we
cannot go back to the go back there.
Yes. Okay. We cannot go back there. We
will not go back there. No. No. Because
and our whole society is transitioning.
Yeah. So your your friend, Damien, your your,
your your partner, your girlfriend? Yeah. My girlfriend,
(11:31):
my friends. Like, it's it was a a
change for everybody in my life.
And
So you so you lost your job? Lost
my job, living out at the the coast.
Learned a lot about myself in that time.
I started,
I started building these driftwood succulent pieces. So
I would carve the driftwood out, and I
(11:52):
would plant succulents and different plants in them.
And I had a niche, so I lived
off of that for, like, three years. I
didn't have to get a normal job. I
could I worked at farmer's markets and met
a ton of amazing people, you know, and
I I'm very open about being a trans
person. Mhmm. Sometimes I feel not seen enough
here because I blend in so well. Right.
(12:13):
So a friend of mine, Kim Marie, she
gave me some pink nail polish a couple
weeks ago. And so I I'm like, ah,
I'm part of the the, you know, the
the queer community. See me. Somebody see me.
Right on. Yeah. Right on. Good. But, yeah,
I learned a lot during that period
about myself and,
a lot of emotional changes happened. Like the
(12:34):
first year on testosterone,
I didn't cry.
I was like, what is like, I had
feelings, but I just could not cry. I'll
be darn. And,
my therapist is like, put some sad like,
watch some sad movies. And I was like,
alright. I'll give it a whirl. And Philadelphia,
that movie got me. Oh my gosh. I
was man down. It got me.
(12:55):
But that was a huge like, because I'm
a very emotional,
passionate person,
and
not being able to have that release
was definitely a rough a rough the first
year was rough that way.
But, yeah, so I'm on the Oregon Coast,
lost my job, found this other thing I
love doing.
(13:16):
And where do you go from there? Yeah.
I built a house.
Okay. So you had a dream. Yeah. I
had a dream. I'm gonna build a house.
I can build anything I wanna build. I
can. Yeah. And so I built the house.
I sold plants.
We planted a garden.
And I I loved doing it. That's why
I learned so much about myself. I'm like,
(13:36):
I really enjoy doing this type of work.
I love working in the medical field. I
love helping people, but this is like,
it's my niche. Like, I I really enjoy
doing it. You are. Yeah. It's who I
am. Your talents, your your brain, your everything.
Yeah. And I get to do that now
out here for myself, you know, which is
amazing.
And
(13:57):
so, you know, things fell apart out there.
My partner and I split up.
I, you know,
was hanging out with this person that
that wasn't great for me.
It was a toxic
relationship,
and that sort of actually just fizzled out
about two months ago. Wow. Yeah. Wow. More
(14:19):
freedom. More joy when that happens. And a
lot of times, we think it's always a
negative. Right. It's like another window, another door
opens. Yeah. Yeah. And and it's
like, I'm grateful for the things that I
learned during that time.
Great. But right now, I feel
more connected with myself than I've ever been.
(14:41):
This is a version of myself nobody's ever
seen. I've never seen yourself. Yeah. I've never
seen it.
I can sit with myself
alone in a room quiet now, which is
huge. I don't need a bunch of, distractions.
I don't need to drink alcohol. I don't
need to smoke marijuana.
I don't need to do any of that
stuff. I can just sit
(15:02):
and
feel at peace. You know?
And
And you're the new me. The new me.
Yeah. And you love the new me. I
do. I really like you know, I'm doing
all this, like, self work and self care
right now because I've spent my entire life
struggling
to get by,
to get over one hurdle to the next.
And it's like, I have all these, like
(15:24):
since I let go, I let go and
connected
with
a spiritual power that I don't fully understand.
I've
you know, growing up
in foster care and in the churches,
I when I hear the word God, I
used to, like, just my whole body would
tighten up like a trauma response. Mhmm.
(15:45):
And now,
I see God in the ocean.
I see God in, the ground I walk
on, in the trees.
It's all around me. And,
it's just it's so it, like,
it's so beautiful
that I get to be here right now.
My you know, I've struggled
so much in my life. And
(16:07):
as soon as I just let go of
all the ideas
and what I'm supposed to be and what,
you know, this person I just I don't
have in my life anymore, what she was
telling me I needed to be and do.
Once I let go of all of that
and
and filled like, I've met these I've met
you. I've met, all these amazing people here
that,
(16:27):
that if I'm not around for a couple
days, they check on me. Oh, I know.
That's new to me. That's nobody checks on
me. Like, when I first got out here,
I wouldn't hear from somebody for a month
unless it was that lady.
And,
and it's like, wow. People, like,
amazing opportunities. I just moved. Yes. And, the
place I'm at,
(16:49):
I get to be there, and they they
want me there. Like, they want me to
be there. Isn't that the best feeling? It's
so yeah. When you're loved and you wanted
you're wanted. Yeah. And I and it's an
opportunity to, like I don't have to pay
rent right now. So it's an opportunity to
not struggle to survive.
I get to I go to I do
these groups three days a week,
(17:11):
three hours a day each one. And, you
know, I go to I go to my
meetings, and I'm able to focus on that
and focus on helping the church,
helping other people around. And it's like I'm
growing
and changing.
I have a list of two or three
other people that would like your help. Yeah.
Yeah. I contacted one gentleman. Yeah. I'm gonna
(17:32):
go meet with him tomorrow. Oh, good. Yeah.
Good. And that's who you are, Isaac. You
found this new person. You've been through so
much, and now you've found this new person.
Yeah. And you're just loving life. I am.
I'm loving life. I'm so just
blessed and grateful that but I had to,
like, get to that dark spot and let
go of all the ideas,
that I was taught growing up,
(17:54):
that I,
you know, that I had to behave a
certain way or have a certain job or,
you know, I had to be a woman.
I had to be a straight woman.
All the had tos. I had to. Had
to. And I the thing is how do
you get to be I get to be
me. Get tos. Get tos. Not ask tos,
but get tos. That has been my motto,
like, for the last probably month. I get
(18:16):
to instead of being like, oh, I gotta
get up and I don't cut. I get
to get up. This I get to get
up and I get to go
be of service in one way or another
to somebody.
That's the best feeling. Like and that's that's
a game changer if you say I get
to versus I have to. Big time game
changer. Huge. Big time. Huge. And your big
spiritual
(18:36):
renewal
Yeah. If you call it that. Not even
a renewal of They're letting go of birth.
Like,
never.
I've never even as a child, I've never
like, I felt a light in me, which
is what got me through all the tough
spots. It got me through my dad's abuse.
It got me through, you know, my my
mom not being there and then being abusive.
(18:58):
It got me through
the all the tough stuff. Like and I
don't know how to explain it. It was
just the light I felt inside. Wow. And
when I broke up with my partner
and lost the house that I built, that
light went out.
I was, like, for the last five years,
just in darkness. Mhmm.
I don't even know how to explain it.
(19:19):
Like, I I felt like death would have
been better. Yeah. It was just absolute loss,
grief, ugly. Mhmm. Like, there was, you know,
there was
it didn't
You were empty. That was completely yeah. I
was that was spiritually, emotionally, physically just just
fried. And,
(19:40):
and
But once you revealed your identity Yeah. Let's
go you revealed your identity. You got on
the testosterone Yep. Which kicked you off, and
you said 04/12/2013.
Yeah. And then your life has just continued
to be positive Yeah. Self love. You're working
on it. You're choosing who you are with
and what you're doing because you get to
(20:01):
do it. Uh-huh. And so where does that
lead you now in terms of thinking, what
are some other hopes? Or what where where
do you go from here with this great
new birth? Oh, there's so much.
I I wanna keep connecting with people. I
want to
Share share your story. I wanna share my
story. I wanna hopefully help somebody that that
(20:22):
has
that's in the same situation that, like, just
feels like they they don't have anything. They've
lost everything. Or,
that darkness that darkness,
if anything I can say or do to
help somebody get out of that,
that would be my entire purpose. And maybe
that's why you're on this radio show today.
Yeah. Maybe there's somebody out there listening right
(20:44):
now that is connecting with you and saying,
oh my gosh. This is where I am,
like, where Isaac was. Yeah. And I have
hope now. Yeah. Yeah. I hope so. I
mean, you know, I've signed up or
I've signed up to help,
the there's a gender affirming, they do it's
a closet out here at a JC gender
affirming closet. Yeah. I'm I'm gonna volunteer there,
(21:07):
you know, hopefully connect with people and and,
I just I wanna keep giving because I
I,
I feel so full right now. And you're
so grateful. I'm so grateful. Oh my god.
I'm so great. You I get emotional. It's
funny.
I
last week, yeah, last week, I I, was
(21:28):
driving home, and,
I just started crying.
I was so happy, and I've never been
completely, like,
alone and happy. Right. Like, I'm not in
a relationship. Dependent on anybody else. No. No.
And the people that are in my life
right now are they're all bonuses.
(21:50):
That's a great point.
Like, I I get to know these people.
Like, Maddie and Mandy, the folks I moved
in with,
a trans woman, and
they were partners,
but they live together. They're raising kids.
We, you know, we get to there's goats
there, six dogs, a bunch of chickens. We
get to do this, like,
family thing. Like, I feel like I'm a
(22:11):
part of a family now,
with no We are family. That's right. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And there's no, like, catch.
Yeah. There's no catch. There's no
you get to be here
only if you do these things. Right. I
get to be there I could be there
and fall completely apart, and it would be
okay. Yeah. Or I could be there and
blow up, and it would be okay. Yeah.
(22:33):
Yeah. It's it's It's a remarkable feeling, isn't
it? Yeah. Yeah. And if you have not
been there before, you didn't grow up with
that Mm-mm. Then then you don't know that.
Yeah. But for many of us who are
in the queer world or in another kind
of world, and we find that joyously free
moment, which turns into a daily twenty four
seven for us Yeah. It it's it's pretty
(22:53):
profound. It's huge. It's pretty profound. It's it's
it's just game changing for me.
I sat out by the fire last night
and listened to the thunderstorm.
Nice. I mean and I was like, I
didn't need to drink anything. I didn't need
to smoke anything. I just I just sat
there in complete
peace
and just
(23:14):
free,
happy.
I mean, I felt connected to everything. It
was really
I love it. I love life right now.
It's
it's amazing. I and I get to be
me. I get to be, like, this trans
man that, you know, lives in Brookings Yep.
And works on
rusty pipes all day. You know? It was
great. It's great.
Yeah. Well, you are such a remarkable person.
(23:36):
And to know that you've come from such
hard stuff Yeah. Hard stuff, and that's memory,
but that's good memory that you can now
take it and see that it was because
of all of that that you've found this
new you. Right. You know? Yeah. Sometimes I
think when we struggle the hardest Mhmm. The
joy is even bigger and better. I I
believe that in my soul. Yeah. I, So
(23:58):
what tips would you have for somebody who
may be trans or it doesn't matter, but
they're having a hard time. They're in a
dark spot. Just don't give up. Don't give
up.
Find somebody, anybody you can connect with.
Nature. Get out in nature. That's you know,
when I
feel disconnected or just am struggling, I get
(24:20):
out on the beach, and I walk and
I walk.
And if you can't get out on the
beach and walk,
you know,
get outside. Change your view. Change change the
atmosphere. Move your body.
Find somebody to connect with. Finally find somebody
to connect with. That's a great, like, almost
final comment. And where can you go to
final that find that person or people?
(24:42):
Where would you recommend Oh, gosh. There's final
comments. Yeah. There's, there's usually an LGBTQIA
plus organizer in just about every town city
to connect with. Yep. Yeah. And I would
say get a hold of me. Yeah. Yeah.
If anybody's out there and you're going, what
do I do? What do I do? Get
ahold of KCIW.
Get ahold of me, Joni Lindenmeier. You can
(25:03):
look up my books in the library.
I am pretty much out there in many,
many ways. Ask around town, and you can
get it. Yeah. No number or whatever. And
and, Isaac, I know you're so willing to
meet and talk with you. I'm always available
for anybody struggling, anybody that needs any help
meant with with anything. Right. Yeah. And not
even just the help, just a friendly smile.
(25:24):
Yep. You smile and radiate it, and you
will attract you will attract,
kindred souls, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. A 100%.
Yeah. Yeah. You are so phenomenal. I I
love you to pieces. I I like you
to pieces. I love you too. Oh my
gollies. And and I thank you for coming
on as part two. Beautiful listeners right here
on our gorgeous coast of Southern Oregon and
(25:45):
Northern California, we thank you for being with
us. And it was a definitely a joyously
free moment today for twenty minutes with Isaac.
We hope, listeners, that you have been inspired
by Isaac,
challenged,
maybe you've enjoyed the stories, the tips, the
hopes, and learned about self love today with
Isaac. You know, we wanna just say again,
Isaac, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank
(26:06):
you. Thank you. Unbelievable.
And, of course, KCIW
could not do this without Tom Bozak, Candace,
and Rose, and all the team that comes
from KCIW,
our local community station. And so we wanna
make sure that you can always tune in
to our podcast
at any time. You can share this. You
can spread the word. If you're looking for
me, my books are at the local bookstore.
(26:26):
I'm around town. They're at Forecastle Books. You
can TikTok, Facebook, text me, whatever you want
on all those kind of things. And and
I I'm literally an open book, and I
think that's sort of how Isaac and I
met. Yeah. But on behalf of KCIW,
we thank you for tuning in, and we
say, see you around town, smile big, and
wear bright colors. Yes. Thank you. God bless.
Thank you.
Hi. And welcome KCIW listeners to one hundred
point seven and kciw.org,
Brookings, Oregon.
We are the joyously free with none better
than me, Joni Lindenmayer, a resident of Harbor,
Oregon for thirty four years, a retired Del
Norte High School teacher, and a best selling
author.
Today, as we normally do, we're gonna start
out with our wonderful salutation
(00:33):
and our speaker. This will be part two
coming on. You've already heard from Isaac one
time, and I think Isaac will probably even
remember this. I'm gonna start by saying it's
a brand new day, and you're gonna respond
with never been lived before.
Here we go, everybody. We'll start with a
little drum roll.
It's a brand new day. It's never been
(00:53):
lived before. Beautiful. Beautiful. And that is so
true. Every day is a brand new day.
We don't have to carry any of the
the hard stuff, the the the challenges that
we had from the previous day. We start
brand new, new thoughts, new ideas, and that's
what this radio show is all about. It's
about being free and joyful.
It really started with a radio gadio show
(01:14):
as Will and Viv named it. It talks
about LGBTQ
stories and tips along with church faith, spirituality,
and joy. It comes from a book that
I wrote called Joyously Free.
What I really like about this show and
about my life, that there's no hate speech.
I don't I don't cuss. I don't use
hateful words toward other people. I hope you
(01:35):
don't either. I hope that your behaviors are
good.
You know? We don't need hateful behaviors, and
we don't bully people. We we blast this
show with the three c's, courage, confidence, and
collaboration.
And with every every radio broadcast that I
do, my spirituality comes out of me, and
we're gonna begin with a centering of ourselves
(01:55):
and some breathing. We'll move into a quote
and then a little reflection before we introduce
our guest speaker.
Let's breathe in through our nose
and out with our mouth.
Breathe again deeply through the nose,
in with joy,
in with love,
(02:17):
and
out with any fears, anxieties, or worries. Let's
go one more time.
Breathe in,
and breathe out with any negativity.
Mother Earth, dear God, our Creator, Holy Spirit
of the winds,
guide us to be the best people that
(02:37):
we can be.
Be here with us as we talk and
we listen to each other.
Inspire us, oh Lord, and bring us the
the peace that we need.
Our quote for the day came from a
little calendar book I had at home, and
the quote is
dream a little dream. I think there's a
song called that, dream a little dream. There
(02:59):
is. There is. There is. Yes. But when
I when I heard that this morning and
I read it, the word dream just popped
out that we all have dreams.
And sometimes in our life, we squash them
and squish them and cover them up. And
then there are other times in our life
where you might meet somebody and they will
inspire you to go for your dreams,
(03:20):
to think bigger, to think out of a
box,
to realize that anything is possible.
Everything is possible.
And it reminds me of
opportunity is now here.
If you spelled out those initials,
opportunity
is now here, and you put them all
in one row without a space in between
(03:41):
the letters, some people would read that as
opportunity is nowhere
or opportunity
is now here. I challenge you to write
out those letters and see how you look
at it. And in doing that, when you
have opportunity,
you have dreams that are abundant.
That is my little prayer today, and I
know that dreams also come in the form
(04:01):
of nighttime dreams as well as daytime dreams,
and I believe in my heart of heart
that that's a that's a god thing. That's
my version of it. It's a god thing
when you are given these dreams that come
out of nowhere, this creativity.
It's a God thing that you are blessed
and you are highly favored.
So Jesus, God, spirit, thank you for being
with us. Thank you for giving us nighttime
(04:23):
dreams and daytime dreams. Thank you for encouraging
us to always be more than who we
think we can be. In the Lord's name,
amen.
Amen.
So today,
part two.
Are we ready? It's like I wanna do
another drum roll.
You've heard of my dear friend Isaac Vaughn
before, just a few weeks ago. And today,
he's gonna continue on beginning in his 2,013
(04:47):
of his life. And we're gonna title this
show today,
identity revealed and living with testosterone.
Identity
revealed and living with testosterone.
Isaac,
welcome. Good to see you again. Hello. Hello.
How are you today? I am wonderful. Wonderful.
Good. Grateful to be
here. Yeah. Good. Good. Good. Good. And I
(05:09):
know that you have your coffee cup there.
So if I I see your eyes sort
of bouncing around, I know that's a lot
of caffeine. But you way too much today.
But you are a high energy person. I
am. I am without my coffee. So Yeah.
And before we get going on on your
identity revealed, I wanna say thank you so
much for helping Saint Tim's
fix the water problem that has been an
(05:29):
issue for weeks and weeks and weeks and,
your your volunteerism,
your your contracting
skill
contractor skills, I guess, and your your brute
labor, your muscles, and everything else. A lot
of that. A lot of that. And and
your willing to willingness to collaborate and talk
with people Yeah. And solve problems. I'm grateful
for the opportunity to be a part of
(05:50):
of Saint Timothy's in whatever way I can.
It's such a great place, and they do
wonderful things for the community. So I'm happy
to help them any way I can. Awesome.
Awesome. And you are one helpful person. So
speaking of that, you know, I know you
helped yourself.
Let's go back to your life Yeah. 2013
and what you did to help yourself. Alright.
(06:10):
So 02/2013,
it was April 12. I started,
taking testosterone.
I had lived, as a man for a
year prior to that. Right? And I went
to therapy.
I'd been in therapy
pretty much my whole life, but focusing on,
on the gender,
dysphoria
(06:30):
pretty heavily for about five years.
I I really wanted to make sure
that I was doing it be not not
because of my past traumas. I wanted to
make sure all that was cleared,
before I made any permanent changes in my
body.
So, you know, I got through all that,
and I started testosterone. And I was so
(06:51):
excited.
Like, right away, my voice,
changed.
It took me I'm gonna stop you there
for a second. For many people don't know
this. Testosterone
is a hormone replacement treatment.
And it does it come in a pill,
a shot? Give us a little So it
comes in you can get an ointment,
or you can do, an injection. It used
(07:13):
to be intramuscular. Now it's sub q.
I do point five sub q. I inject
myself
every week. I do it on Tuesdays. So
today, I get to take my testosterone.
Okay. Radio Tuesday is now testosterone Tuesday. That's
right. That's right.
So I inject it,
once a week.
It's pretty straightforward.
(07:35):
Some people do the topical because it's not,
like, some folks that are non binary, they
do a smaller dose. It all but I
identify as a trans man, so I do
the point five once a week.
Okay. Thank you for explaining that. Yeah. Absolutely.
Okay. Continue on.
Yeah. So I started taking testosterone,
and
(07:55):
my life totally everything changed. The way I
was think the way I thought,
most importantly, how I felt about myself.
You know,
I,
my entire,
the way I perceive myself, like,
and the way I presented myself, you could,
like, people around me were like, wow, you
(08:16):
just seem so much happier.
And like the more my body started aligning
with how I felt inside,
the more free I felt.
Self love. Yeah. It was beautiful. And it's
a pure joy. Yeah. I was so excited
and happy. And the group of people that
(08:38):
were in my life then
were amazing. You know,
they they,
they struggled with the pronouns.
There was no ill intent, so I was
never frustrated with them when they would slip
up and call me her or call me
my old name.
It was okay because it was a transition
for them also. And so and they were
doing it with they they they respected it
(09:00):
and loved me.
And
it was just it was such a good
experience in my life
with with you know, my best friend, Damien,
he, you know,
he's no longer with us, but he,
he was a huge help during my transition
when I started the testosterone because, you know,
(09:22):
my shoulder my shoulders grew. Like, I got
bulkier. My feet got bigger.
Like, a whole bunch of physical stuff happened.
Incredible Hulk. Yeah. Yeah. It was very I
was like, oh, I really like this.
And,
but yeah, it
so, yeah, I transitioned.
I started testosterone,
and I was living in Portland at the
(09:44):
time with my previous partner,
and she was so supportive.
You know, very
she didn't care. Like, she was really supportive,
and it was it was really nice. I
felt
I felt
safe. I felt
seen.
Wow. Yeah. Incredible. It was huge. It was
(10:04):
huge for me, and, it was scary for
me too. Like, it was scary to you
know, because I I hadn't
the self love
wasn't fully there yet. And so
it was Dream a little dream. Yeah. Yeah.
It's,
self love is so important.
But, yeah, I you know, life was going
(10:25):
really good, and I we decided to move
to the coast. And I moved to the
coast, and, I got a job at this
hospital.
And then once they found out I was
a trans person, I lost my job.
Oh. Yeah. You were fired? I was fired.
Yes. For being trans? For that's they tried
to say I was doing I did an
invasive procedure.
(10:45):
And,
They're trying to cover it up. Yeah. And
I was like, that's not what happened, you
guys. And I was able to prove that
that's not what happened.
And so,
And that's why it's important today that we
don't go backwards in time, that we keep
the rights and the protections for all people.
Yeah. Yeah. I just had to throw that
in to people. I love that. And it's
(11:07):
true. It is. Because there were times in
the past when people were fired from their
jobs. They were put in jail for being
queer or gay. Many, many issues, and we
cannot go back to the go back there.
Yes. Okay. We cannot go back there. We
will not go back there. No. No. Because
and our whole society is transitioning.
Yeah. So your your friend, Damien, your your,
your your partner, your girlfriend? Yeah. My girlfriend,
(11:31):
my friends. Like, it's it was a a
change for everybody in my life.
And
So you so you lost your job? Lost
my job, living out at the the coast.
Learned a lot about myself in that time.
I started,
I started building these driftwood succulent pieces. So
I would carve the driftwood out, and I
(11:52):
would plant succulents and different plants in them.
And I had a niche, so I lived
off of that for, like, three years. I
didn't have to get a normal job. I
could I worked at farmer's markets and met
a ton of amazing people, you know, and
I I'm very open about being a trans
person. Mhmm. Sometimes I feel not seen enough
here because I blend in so well. Right.
(12:13):
So a friend of mine, Kim Marie, she
gave me some pink nail polish a couple
weeks ago. And so I I'm like, ah,
I'm part of the the, you know, the
the queer community. See me. Somebody see me.
Right on. Yeah. Right on. Good. But, yeah,
I learned a lot during that period
about myself and,
a lot of emotional changes happened. Like the
(12:34):
first year on testosterone,
I didn't cry.
I was like, what is like, I had
feelings, but I just could not cry. I'll
be darn. And,
my therapist is like, put some sad like,
watch some sad movies. And I was like,
alright. I'll give it a whirl. And Philadelphia,
that movie got me. Oh my gosh. I
was man down. It got me.
(12:55):
But that was a huge like, because I'm
a very emotional,
passionate person,
and
not being able to have that release
was definitely a rough a rough the first
year was rough that way.
But, yeah, so I'm on the Oregon Coast,
lost my job, found this other thing I
love doing.
(13:16):
And where do you go from there? Yeah.
I built a house.
Okay. So you had a dream. Yeah. I
had a dream. I'm gonna build a house.
I can build anything I wanna build. I
can. Yeah. And so I built the house.
I sold plants.
We planted a garden.
And I I loved doing it. That's why
I learned so much about myself. I'm like,
(13:36):
I really enjoy doing this type of work.
I love working in the medical field. I
love helping people, but this is like,
it's my niche. Like, I I really enjoy
doing it. You are. Yeah. It's who I
am. Your talents, your your brain, your everything.
Yeah. And I get to do that now
out here for myself, you know, which is
amazing.
And
(13:57):
so, you know, things fell apart out there.
My partner and I split up.
I, you know,
was hanging out with this person that
that wasn't great for me.
It was a toxic
relationship,
and that sort of actually just fizzled out
about two months ago. Wow. Yeah. Wow. More
(14:19):
freedom. More joy when that happens. And a
lot of times, we think it's always a
negative. Right. It's like another window, another door
opens. Yeah. Yeah. And and it's
like, I'm grateful for the things that I
learned during that time.
Great. But right now, I feel
more connected with myself than I've ever been.
(14:41):
This is a version of myself nobody's ever
seen. I've never seen yourself. Yeah. I've never
seen it.
I can sit with myself
alone in a room quiet now, which is
huge. I don't need a bunch of, distractions.
I don't need to drink alcohol. I don't
need to smoke marijuana.
I don't need to do any of that
stuff. I can just sit
(15:02):
and
feel at peace. You know?
And
And you're the new me. The new me.
Yeah. And you love the new me. I
do. I really like you know, I'm doing
all this, like, self work and self care
right now because I've spent my entire life
struggling
to get by,
to get over one hurdle to the next.
And it's like, I have all these, like
(15:24):
since I let go, I let go and
connected
with
a spiritual power that I don't fully understand.
I've
you know, growing up
in foster care and in the churches,
I when I hear the word God, I
used to, like, just my whole body would
tighten up like a trauma response. Mhmm.
(15:45):
And now,
I see God in the ocean.
I see God in, the ground I walk
on, in the trees.
It's all around me. And,
it's just it's so it, like,
it's so beautiful
that I get to be here right now.
My you know, I've struggled
so much in my life. And
(16:07):
as soon as I just let go of
all the ideas
and what I'm supposed to be and what,
you know, this person I just I don't
have in my life anymore, what she was
telling me I needed to be and do.
Once I let go of all of that
and
and filled like, I've met these I've met
you. I've met, all these amazing people here
that,
(16:27):
that if I'm not around for a couple
days, they check on me. Oh, I know.
That's new to me. That's nobody checks on
me. Like, when I first got out here,
I wouldn't hear from somebody for a month
unless it was that lady.
And,
and it's like, wow. People, like,
amazing opportunities. I just moved. Yes. And, the
place I'm at,
(16:49):
I get to be there, and they they
want me there. Like, they want me to
be there. Isn't that the best feeling? It's
so yeah. When you're loved and you wanted
you're wanted. Yeah. And I and it's an
opportunity to, like I don't have to pay
rent right now. So it's an opportunity to
not struggle to survive.
I get to I go to I do
these groups three days a week,
(17:11):
three hours a day each one. And, you
know, I go to I go to my
meetings, and I'm able to focus on that
and focus on helping the church,
helping other people around. And it's like I'm
growing
and changing.
I have a list of two or three
other people that would like your help. Yeah.
Yeah. I contacted one gentleman. Yeah. I'm gonna
(17:32):
go meet with him tomorrow. Oh, good. Yeah.
Good. And that's who you are, Isaac. You
found this new person. You've been through so
much, and now you've found this new person.
Yeah. And you're just loving life. I am.
I'm loving life. I'm so just
blessed and grateful that but I had to,
like, get to that dark spot and let
go of all the ideas,
that I was taught growing up,
(17:54):
that I,
you know, that I had to behave a
certain way or have a certain job or,
you know, I had to be a woman.
I had to be a straight woman.
All the had tos. I had to. Had
to. And I the thing is how do
you get to be I get to be
me. Get tos. Get tos. Not ask tos,
but get tos. That has been my motto,
like, for the last probably month. I get
(18:16):
to instead of being like, oh, I gotta
get up and I don't cut. I get
to get up. This I get to get
up and I get to go
be of service in one way or another
to somebody.
That's the best feeling. Like and that's that's
a game changer if you say I get
to versus I have to. Big time game
changer. Huge. Big time. Huge. And your big
spiritual
(18:36):
renewal
Yeah. If you call it that. Not even
a renewal of They're letting go of birth.
Like,
never.
I've never even as a child, I've never
like, I felt a light in me, which
is what got me through all the tough
spots. It got me through my dad's abuse.
It got me through, you know, my my
mom not being there and then being abusive.
(18:58):
It got me through
the all the tough stuff. Like and I
don't know how to explain it. It was
just the light I felt inside. Wow. And
when I broke up with my partner
and lost the house that I built, that
light went out.
I was, like, for the last five years,
just in darkness. Mhmm.
I don't even know how to explain it.
(19:19):
Like, I I felt like death would have
been better. Yeah. It was just absolute loss,
grief, ugly. Mhmm. Like, there was, you know,
there was
it didn't
You were empty. That was completely yeah. I
was that was spiritually, emotionally, physically just just
fried. And,
(19:40):
and
But once you revealed your identity Yeah. Let's
go you revealed your identity. You got on
the testosterone Yep. Which kicked you off, and
you said 04/12/2013.
Yeah. And then your life has just continued
to be positive Yeah. Self love. You're working
on it. You're choosing who you are with
and what you're doing because you get to
(20:01):
do it. Uh-huh. And so where does that
lead you now in terms of thinking, what
are some other hopes? Or what where where
do you go from here with this great
new birth? Oh, there's so much.
I I wanna keep connecting with people. I
want to
Share share your story. I wanna share my
story. I wanna hopefully help somebody that that
(20:22):
has
that's in the same situation that, like, just
feels like they they don't have anything. They've
lost everything. Or,
that darkness that darkness,
if anything I can say or do to
help somebody get out of that,
that would be my entire purpose. And maybe
that's why you're on this radio show today.
Yeah. Maybe there's somebody out there listening right
(20:44):
now that is connecting with you and saying,
oh my gosh. This is where I am,
like, where Isaac was. Yeah. And I have
hope now. Yeah. Yeah. I hope so. I
mean, you know, I've signed up or
I've signed up to help,
the there's a gender affirming, they do it's
a closet out here at a JC gender
affirming closet. Yeah. I'm I'm gonna volunteer there,
(21:07):
you know, hopefully connect with people and and,
I just I wanna keep giving because I
I,
I feel so full right now. And you're
so grateful. I'm so grateful. Oh my god.
I'm so great. You I get emotional. It's
funny.
I
last week, yeah, last week, I I, was
(21:28):
driving home, and,
I just started crying.
I was so happy, and I've never been
completely, like,
alone and happy. Right. Like, I'm not in
a relationship. Dependent on anybody else. No. No.
And the people that are in my life
right now are they're all bonuses.
(21:50):
That's a great point.
Like, I I get to know these people.
Like, Maddie and Mandy, the folks I moved
in with,
a trans woman, and
they were partners,
but they live together. They're raising kids.
We, you know, we get to there's goats
there, six dogs, a bunch of chickens. We
get to do this, like,
family thing. Like, I feel like I'm a
(22:11):
part of a family now,
with no We are family. That's right. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And there's no, like, catch.
Yeah. There's no catch. There's no
you get to be here
only if you do these things. Right. I
get to be there I could be there
and fall completely apart, and it would be
okay. Yeah. Or I could be there and
blow up, and it would be okay. Yeah.
(22:33):
Yeah. It's it's It's a remarkable feeling, isn't
it? Yeah. Yeah. And if you have not
been there before, you didn't grow up with
that Mm-mm. Then then you don't know that.
Yeah. But for many of us who are
in the queer world or in another kind
of world, and we find that joyously free
moment, which turns into a daily twenty four
seven for us Yeah. It it's it's pretty
(22:53):
profound. It's huge. It's pretty profound. It's it's
it's just game changing for me.
I sat out by the fire last night
and listened to the thunderstorm.
Nice. I mean and I was like, I
didn't need to drink anything. I didn't need
to smoke anything. I just I just sat
there in complete
peace
and just
(23:14):
free,
happy.
I mean, I felt connected to everything. It
was really
I love it. I love life right now.
It's
it's amazing. I and I get to be
me. I get to be, like, this trans
man that, you know, lives in Brookings Yep.
And works on
rusty pipes all day. You know? It was
great. It's great.
Yeah. Well, you are such a remarkable person.
(23:36):
And to know that you've come from such
hard stuff Yeah. Hard stuff, and that's memory,
but that's good memory that you can now
take it and see that it was because
of all of that that you've found this
new you. Right. You know? Yeah. Sometimes I
think when we struggle the hardest Mhmm. The
joy is even bigger and better. I I
believe that in my soul. Yeah. I, So
(23:58):
what tips would you have for somebody who
may be trans or it doesn't matter, but
they're having a hard time. They're in a
dark spot. Just don't give up. Don't give
up.
Find somebody, anybody you can connect with.
Nature. Get out in nature. That's you know,
when I
feel disconnected or just am struggling, I get
(24:20):
out on the beach, and I walk and
I walk.
And if you can't get out on the
beach and walk,
you know,
get outside. Change your view. Change change the
atmosphere. Move your body.
Find somebody to connect with. Finally find somebody
to connect with. That's a great, like, almost
final comment. And where can you go to
final that find that person or people?
(24:42):
Where would you recommend Oh, gosh. There's final
comments. Yeah. There's, there's usually an LGBTQIA
plus organizer in just about every town city
to connect with. Yep. Yeah. And I would
say get a hold of me. Yeah. Yeah.
If anybody's out there and you're going, what
do I do? What do I do? Get
ahold of KCIW.
Get ahold of me, Joni Lindenmeier. You can
(25:03):
look up my books in the library.
I am pretty much out there in many,
many ways. Ask around town, and you can
get it. Yeah. No number or whatever. And
and, Isaac, I know you're so willing to
meet and talk with you. I'm always available
for anybody struggling, anybody that needs any help
meant with with anything. Right. Yeah. And not
even just the help, just a friendly smile.
(25:24):
Yep. You smile and radiate it, and you
will attract you will attract,
kindred souls, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. A 100%.
Yeah. Yeah. You are so phenomenal. I I
love you to pieces. I I like you
to pieces. I love you too. Oh my
gollies. And and I thank you for coming
on as part two. Beautiful listeners right here
on our gorgeous coast of Southern Oregon and
(25:45):
Northern California, we thank you for being with
us. And it was a definitely a joyously
free moment today for twenty minutes with Isaac.
We hope, listeners, that you have been inspired
by Isaac,
challenged,
maybe you've enjoyed the stories, the tips, the
hopes, and learned about self love today with
Isaac. You know, we wanna just say again,
Isaac, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank
(26:06):
you. Thank you. Unbelievable.
And, of course, KCIW
could not do this without Tom Bozak, Candace,
and Rose, and all the team that comes
from KCIW,
our local community station. And so we wanna
make sure that you can always tune in
to our podcast
at any time. You can share this. You
can spread the word. If you're looking for
me, my books are at the local bookstore.
(26:26):
I'm around town. They're at Forecastle Books. You
can TikTok, Facebook, text me, whatever you want
on all those kind of things. And and
I I'm literally an open book, and I
think that's sort of how Isaac and I
met. Yeah. But on behalf of KCIW,
we thank you for tuning in, and we
say, see you around town, smile big, and
wear bright colors. Yes. Thank you. God bless.
Thank you.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.