475-Freedom from The Purity Culture Half-Truths

Freedom from The Purity Culture Half Truths

If you’re anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to “save yourself,” and by God’s grace—you did.

But now you’re married. And... what gives?

Why is this thing that’s supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed... still clouded with guilt? Why does it feel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong?

Friend, I get it. I was right there with you.

Why Christian Wives Struggle With Sex After Marriage

See, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That’s clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn’t clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding.

We weren’t told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren’t told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren’t told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He’s not shocked by desire. He created it.

Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages.

My Personal Journey From Sexual Shame to Intimacy

I didn’t grow up having “the talk.” There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn’t shake for many years.

And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn’t know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn’t have so many desires. I didn’t understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn't feel free to receive that truth.

But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it’s for unity. That it’s for mutual joy. That “May you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it’s God’s idea.

When Sex Feels Like a Chore Instead of a Gift

Even with this new desire, I still didn’t (and still don’t!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I wo