477-How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman

How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman

Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you? 

That’s exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality.

I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear.

Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold.

What Does It Mean to Be a “Good Sexual Man”?

Sam shared how the term “good sexual man” often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is “very sexual,” we usually don’t take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe?

Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness.

He said, “The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart.” 

Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality.

Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior Management

Too often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around “behavior management”—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not?

But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions:

What kind of lover am I?
Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?
Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?
Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it’s also about being wounded?

This is not about making excuses—it’s about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well.

Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Wom