October 30, 2025 • 18 mins
Come and listen to our Host, Candace Gish, as she chats with today's guest, Alexis Leigh, for our "Season of Shift: Women on the Edge of Reinvention" Podcast Series.
This series spotlights women who used this reflective season (Oct–Dec) to make major life pivots—career changes, endings, spiritual awakenings, and brave beginnings.
Alexis Leigh is a writer and advocate for self-healing through unconventional methods, including psychedelics and deep inner work. With a background in finance and consulting, her personal journey led her away from the corporate world and into a life centered around authenticity and transformation. Pain Is a Portal to Beauty is her first book, a testament to the power of feeling deeply and embracing the unknown.
We explore how turning toward pain can lead to peace, purpose, and authentic reinvention. Alexis Lee shares the story behind Pain Is A Portal To Beauty and how guided psychedelic journeys, grief work, and quiet helped her trust her inner wisdom.
• the awakening moment that challenged a picture-perfect life
• childhood grief, a mother’s addiction, and hidden beliefs
• authenticity as the byproduct of feeling instead of performing
• MDMA and psilocybin with experienced guides to lower fear and access wisdom
• integration practices like walking, music, and proactive grief time
• boundaries shifting from theory to embodied knowing
• many paths to self-love beyond psychedelics
• practical steps to get unstuck by reducing coping and choosing quiet
• where to find the book and why Alexis is embracing surrender
For more Divas That Care Network Episodes visit www.divasthatcare.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
It's Divas That Care Radio.
Stories, strategies, and ideasto inspire positive change.
Welcome to Divas That Care, anetwork of women committed to
making our world a better placefor everyone.
This is a global movement forwomen, by women engaged in a
collaborative effort to create abetter world for future
generations.
(00:20):
To find out more about themovement, visit divas that
care.com after the show.
Right now, though, stay tunedfor another jolt of inspiration.
SPEAKER_02 (00:31):
Well, hello everyone, and welcome back to
the Divas That Care.
My name is Candace Gish.
If this is your very first timetuning into us, a huge welcome.
We have been doing this now forover 15 years.
We are listened to in over 30countries around the world, and
it's honestly been a blast.
This journey of mine has been soextraordinary.
I've had the opportunity to meetamazing individuals all around
(00:53):
the world, from all theseamazing women to honoring men
divas that we can welcome intoour family, and it has been a
blast.
Um, we have a great list ofhosts that have been with us
over the years, and I do hopethat you go and check out all
those amazing women.
They have extraordinary shows,and it is just so much fun to be
able to support and collaboratewith all of our guests.
(01:14):
Here we go.
Today we're gonna be welcoming abrand new DVU to our family.
We're actually working on a newpodcasting series right now, the
season of shift, women on theedge of reinvention.
So that's gonna be people thatare going through different
journeys right now and howthey've been able to navigate
those.
So I'm excited because AlexisLee is gonna be my amazing guest
today.
So welcome to the show, Alexis.
SPEAKER_01 (01:36):
Thanks, Candace.
I'm glad to be here.
SPEAKER_02 (01:38):
I'm really glad that you are able to um chat with me
today.
So, Alexis, would you mindintroducing yourself to our
listeners?
SPEAKER_01 (01:46):
Yeah, you know, um, we were talking about kind of
where where I come from.
So I'm from Texas and I went toschool in Pennsylvania, and I,
you know, got married umsometime after college, had a we
had a son.
There's all kind of like thisgreat path, good career, all
this stuff.
That's was that's a story Iwould have told uh maybe six
years ago.
(02:06):
And everything, I had all thepieces that would make somebody
happy.
And then I had a moment in timethat really um stopped me in my
tracks.
And I was walking in the woodsone day, and I heard a voice
that said, if you die today,your life will have been a
tragedy.
And so it really caused me tolook at my life and dig up some
childhood pain and really umtransform my experience of the
(02:29):
world in the last few years.
SPEAKER_02 (02:31):
It's um it sounds like you've had an amazing
journey.
I did have an opportunity to gothrough your websites, and I'm
gonna be really honest.
I'm gonna I'm excited to knowhow that all came about and how
you decided to do that.
But before we dive into yourbooks, can you tell us a little
bit about your past?
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
Well, yeah, so I, you know, the the book was kind
of a shock to me a couple ofyears ago.
I was in corporate finance andum I was always a math person,
and I actually thought I was aterrible writer.
So um my, you know, I I wentthrough life thinking that I had
everything that I could want,but my mom died when I was
(03:12):
young, and I never really dealtwith that pain.
And so it just caught up withme.
And when I was 38, that's when Ikind of was forced to confront
how sad I was and how lonely Iwas.
And it was during a period ofdeep grief when I started to
really face that, that one day Iwoke up and this book just
started coming out of me.
So it was this really surprisingturn in my life and a huge gift
(03:36):
from going toward my grief torediscover these parts of myself
that had been buried along withthe grief, along with the pain,
were these parts of me that Ijust, you know, lost touch with
completely for decades.
SPEAKER_02 (03:48):
Oh my goodness.
And it's something that we don'treally think about, is it?
SPEAKER_01 (03:52):
Yeah.
Why would you want to go towardyour pain?
And really, it's you know, it'scrisis, it's rock bottom.
Those things, those things kindof force you to do it.
Otherwise, you know, if you'repretty comfortable, it's a
little bit like why go rock theboat.
SPEAKER_02 (04:05):
Yeah.
You know, I I've heard that alot.
Well, the question I do have,honestly, is that I've had a lot
of women on our podcasts, and inthe five years, I don't know,
there's been some type of acrazy shift.
And a lot of people have saidthey are going through these
life-alternating changes.
(04:26):
And I think that's really why Iwanted to talk about this
specific series because there'sbeen such dramatic change, and a
lot of the women have told methat they never would have
predicted, you know, eithergoing through this or um almost
like that awakening withinthemselves.
And is kind of that happened toyou?
SPEAKER_01 (04:45):
Yeah, definitely.
It has been an awakening, um,and certainly one that I was not
in charge of.
You know, again, I kind of gothit over the head with this
message that that caused me toreally be become honest about
how I was doing in life.
And it wasn't, I wasn't doingwell.
I wasn't happy.
And um, you know, the the trickypart about that is that if
(05:08):
you've if you've built a lifearound what you think you should
be doing, where you, you know,the life you think you should
have, then it's something to letgo of.
And I don't think everybody hasto go through that.
But for me, it was literallyletting go of every piece of my
life besides my son and lettingit be rebuilt for, you know, in
a way that was aligned with whoI am, who I really am underneath
(05:30):
all of that.
Um, not the picture perfect, youknow, person that I tried to
portray, even unconsciously, um,but actually the person that I
am underneath all of it.
SPEAKER_02 (05:41):
Isn't it crazy how we become authentic?
We always think we are, but wealways kind of hide a bit of
ourselves from others because wedon't know how others are going
to react.
And when you let it go andyou're at your authentic self, I
think you become more at peacewith yourself.
SPEAKER_01 (05:58):
Oh, I feel so much more peaceful than I did before.
And and I'll say, I think forme, I didn't know I wasn't
authentic.
Like you said, like I didn't, Ididn't know I was hiding.
And it wasn't until I got tosome of this really deep pain
where, you know, my mom, my momwas addicted to drugs and um she
kind of faded out of my lifeover years.
And there was this part of methat I didn't discover even
(06:19):
until more recently that reallythought that my mom didn't love
me and she left because of me.
And so my whole life,unconsciously, I was building a
whole life to prove that wrong,right?
To I didn't want to get evidencefrom anyone that I was not
lovable.
But when I finally face thatdeep pain, then it frees me.
Then I get to be who I am, andit doesn't matter what anybody
(06:40):
else thinks because I'm notguarding against it anymore.
SPEAKER_02 (06:43):
Oh my gosh.
I love how you just said that.
I just I think that is soempowering.
And to our listeners out there,I think they're gonna embrace
that.
I want to know what is the nameof your book?
SPEAKER_01 (06:55):
So it's pain is a portal to beauty.
And again, it's this notion thatI was my whole life, I thought
you shouldn't be pained, right?
Like if there's pain, there'ssomething wrong.
So go change it.
And what I learned from justthis naturally, my life kind of
unraveling, but also I I didsome guided psychedelic
journeys.
And in those journeys, it justover and over and over took
(07:17):
brought me back to my pain.
And you know, I think that'sreally scary because it feels
like you can get stuck there.
But what happened actually iswhen I sat with my pain, it then
freed it, and then it could Icould release it from my body,
and then my body was freed up tobe in a state that was not
pained, that was that'sactually, you know, alive and
can be in joy and peaceful, likeyou said earlier.
(07:39):
So for me, um this journey hasbeen one of accepting pain,
honoring it, which really justhonors us, right?
Like we went, we went throughstuff as kids that was hard.
And if we don't honor it, thoselittle parts of our of us are
inside there and they're tryingto protect us, they're trying to
do all the things that we did askids to to survive, but it's not
(08:01):
working anymore.
And so we reject these parts ofourselves and really they just
need some love for what theywent through.
And as soon as they get thatlove, as soon as these parts
feel loved, then they move onand we get to, you know, again,
feel less caged, lessprogrammed, and more free in our
lives.
SPEAKER_02 (08:19):
Oh my goodness, I agree with you completely.
And isn't it funny?
We were always told to suck itup or, you know, just move on,
everything, you know, everybodygoes through things, but we
don't really think that we needto do that self-healing.
And when you're talking aboutthat, and did you have a hard
time finding the ways toself-heal?
Because there is so manydifferent modalities out there,
(08:40):
there's so many differentthings, and people give you all
these different advices.
How is it that you were able tonavigate through those waters?
SPEAKER_01 (08:46):
I think that's a great point.
I mean, to me, it isoverwhelming because everybody
has the answer the three steps,the five steps, the ten steps,
whatever it is.
And and so if you lookexternally, I think it can, for
me, it just becomes veryconfusing and not centered
around what works for me.
So over and over, it's I listento others, right?
Because people have all sorts ofwisdom, but it's my internal
(09:08):
wisdom that guides me through.
And that's true for every one ofus.
And the more for me, the morepain I can release, the more I
can be in my body, and the moreI'm in my body, the more I can
access that wisdom.
But it has been a path oftrusting myself.
You know, I heard that voice inthe woods that was my own
guidance telling me, you are notlooking at this and you need to
look at it now.
And I just knew from that momentthat I needed to start grieving.
(09:31):
I needed to go on walks andlisten to sad music and stop
talking to people about mytrauma, just go inward.
I for some somehow I knew that.
And then these psychedelicopportunities, you know, showed
up and I I felt it out and itand it resonated with me.
It felt like something I waswilling to give a try.
Because frankly, Candace, Itried everything.
I was in therapy, I was readingall the books, I was doing all
(09:51):
the things, and it still wasn'tworking.
So I very much believe that, youknow, we know what's best for
us, and it's so unique to eachindividual.
And and I do now, you know, Ithink the farther you get on
your journey and the more youwork on it, also the more
practiced you are, right?
And the more you do know you cantrust yourself instead of
(10:12):
listening to somebody else.
SPEAKER_02 (10:14):
Can you maybe explain what the psychedelics um
and some deep inner work is?
Because some of our listenersmight not know what that is.
SPEAKER_01 (10:22):
Yeah, so I I didn't know what it was.
This was something that, like, Ididn't, I didn't know there was
more than one kind ofpsychedelic.
I was very uh uh uninformed inthis way, but ultimately, you
know, psychedelics are plantmedicines that that you take.
And again, I did mine with, Icertainly wouldn't have felt
comfortable doing it without avery capable guide there with
(10:45):
me.
So I did mine with guides.
And um, you know, the first oneI did was MDMA, which is also
ecstasy, uh also called ecstasy.
So it is, you know, what thatmedicine does is it takes you
into your body and it lowersyour fear response because if
you have these big emotions thatyou've stored away, they're
really scary to go look at them.
(11:06):
So this medicine helps lowerthat fear response so you can go
look at these emotions, you cango look at this pain that's
buried with less fear.
Um, so I did that one first, andthen the next one I did with
psilocybin.
And this one again, what theysay is that the medicines just
teach show you what you need tosee.
And for me, the psilocybinmessaging over and over was you
(11:27):
have more grief to unpack, youhave more work to do.
So they weren't, it wasn't apleasant experience, but it was
really meaningful because ithelped me realize what I need to
do as a human in my human lifeafter the integration of that.
Um, what I needed to go do griefwork proactively.
And what would happen is if I Ifelt sad, I would really, you
know, clear my plate and reallydive into it.
(11:48):
And then I'd walk outside andthe trees would come alive to
me.
It's like it releasing the pain,feeling that pain released it
and let me experience the worldin a again in a more alive way.
So the colors were more vibrant,and I discovered, you know,
dahlias, like these flowers thathad always been there, but I'd
never seen them before.
So my experience of the worldaround me shifted when I started
(12:09):
doing that.
And then the the most um the theother plant medicine that I
worked with was ayahuasca, whichis an Amazonian plant.
Um, and that one again was justlike a gentle, all-knowing guide
who just led me to thesechildhood moments where I maybe
I didn't realize how painful itwas or how sad it made me.
(12:31):
And she just was there with meas we sat there and let it, you
know, let me understand how thataffected me more.
So it was really for me a lot ofunpacking.
I think, you know, I buried aton of pain from my childhood
because I just couldn't handleit.
It was too much for me.
And so for me, this has been abig, long unpacking process, but
it really has changed the way Iexperience the world.
(12:52):
You know, there are things likeyou I can intellectually
understand I should setboundaries, and I can read
books, books about boundaries,but after these psychedelic
experiences, like, oh, I justknow it.
It's just in my body.
So it takes you, thesepsychedelics take you to your
own wisdom in your body.
SPEAKER_02 (13:07):
And I love that.
And I love that they have peoplethat can help you through it
because a lot of people areprobably listening.
What is she talking about?
You can't do that, but it'sdifferent now.
Things are changing and evolvingso much.
And to have somebody that canhelp you heal through that
process by by obviously workingwith the plants is a very
powerful thing because beforeyou wouldn't hear of anybody
(13:27):
that actually does that.
SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
Right.
Yeah.
And it's still in process, butthere's more and more of it.
And I think um, and I and Ithink the neat thing is, you
know, we're all going to findour way through our again, our
path.
So it's not that everybody needsto go do psychedelics.
It's some of us can dopsychedelics and share the
wisdom we get from that.
And some people focus on somatichealing and others on
meditation.
I mean, all these things overlapin terms of finding self-love,
(13:52):
right?
That's what it's all about.
SPEAKER_02 (13:54):
That is beautifully said, and that's exactly right.
But to know that there is otheropportunities and other
modalities and ways that aperson can do it when they've
they've struggled.
Like you've said, you know,there's so much out there, and
sometimes it's reallychallenging to navigate those
waters.
And I, you know, they alwaysthink, well, there just one
quick fix.
And I'm like, unfortunately,there is no quick fix for
(14:15):
anything.
You you have to find what worksfor you.
And that's why I'm reallyexcited about this book because
it shows your story, and everystory is powerful, and every
story has a meaning, and everystory can help somebody out
there.
And this has just beenwonderful.
And I thank you so much forthat.
SPEAKER_01 (14:32):
Yeah, thanks, Candace.
SPEAKER_02 (14:34):
So, where can our listeners get a hold of your
book?
SPEAKER_01 (14:38):
Well, you know, I'm I'm kind of in process about a
couple things.
Right now it's everywhere.
I'm considering um frankly, I'vebeen struggling with all the AI
and fake stuff out there.
So there's a part of me thatjust wants to pull it to my
website and just say, I'll shipeveryone a book from, you know,
I'll print the books and shipthem and you know it's real.
So you can at least go to mywebsite, which is alexislee.com.
(15:00):
But right now it is available onall the outlets online as well.
SPEAKER_02 (15:03):
So, Alexis, what is next for you?
SPEAKER_01 (15:07):
You know, um, it is I'm in a period of quiet.
So there's not the next is stillunfolding.
I mean, what I what I experienceis that I go through these
periods of deep grief andanchoring, and then there's kind
of this letting go of the way Iheld things.
And then you sit there in thatspaciousness for a while, and
then the next thing starts toblossom.
So for me, I'm actually in thatplace of right now, it is just
(15:29):
sharing the book and sharingthis loving message and doing
podcasts with wonderful peoplelike you.
Um, and then ultimately it willbe, you know, it'll it's just
I'm working on trusting that Ican take one step at a time and
the perfect thing is unfolding.
Instead of having, I've alwaysbeen the, you know, you plan
ahead and you do all the things.
And what I'm learning right nowin life is to really let go of
(15:51):
that and what and surrender andwatch how life unfolds without
my trying to direct it becauseit's so much bigger and more
beautiful than I can imagine.
SPEAKER_02 (15:59):
That is wonderfully said.
I love that.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, this has been so much fun,Alexis.
Um, one of the things I ask ouramazing guests at the end of the
podcast is there any tips,tools, anything else you'd love
to share with our listeners toinspire them to maybe nudge them
on their extraordinary journeys?
SPEAKER_01 (16:21):
Well, you know, for me, I just felt stuck for so
long.
And I didn't realize how much Iwas coping and numbing to get
through, right?
Until I had this kind of bigmoment in life that shifted
things for me.
And so I would just offer thatif anybody feels stuck and if
you want to just try somesomething, just finding quiet in
your own life, which can beturning off coping mechanisms.
(16:43):
And sometimes we don't even knowthey're coping mechanisms
because they're pretty benign,you know, but having fewer shows
or podcasts for a little bit,having a more bland diet, you
know, less social interaction.
If you're wanting to getunstuck, for me, that's the way
I do it, is to quiet.
And then these voices that can'tget through to us because we're
always kind of distracted or ornumbing, these voices will start
(17:04):
to get through, and then you canreally start to build a sweet
relationship with them, and thenthings just start to shift.
So again, back to your theme ofa season of shift.
SPEAKER_02 (17:13):
You know what?
I've never had anybody say thatbefore, and I really like that.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (17:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (17:19):
That was wonderful.
Well, we'll definitely have tohave you back on the podcast
again, Alexis.
I think that we could dive intosome other amazing topics with
you.
SPEAKER_01 (17:28):
Yeah, that would be fun.
Thanks, Guinness.
SPEAKER_02 (17:30):
And to all of our amazing listeners, thank you so
much for tuning in to today'spodcast.
I am going to be sending Alexis'information so that you can go
and check out her page there andum perhaps get a copy of her
amazing book.
It is so unique.
It is something that is not outthere, and I really think it's
going to help so manyindividuals.
So make sure that you share, uh,like, comment on this podcast.
(17:55):
Thank you again, Alexis.
Thank you to all of ourlisteners.
Thank you for tuning into thisamazing podcast series, Season
of Shift, Women on the Edge ofReinvention.
Um, remember to go out there anddo something kind.
The world needs a lot morekindness.
And it's up to you guys, ourtribe out there, to be the
Ripple Effect.
So thank you so much for tuningin again, and I hope you all
(18:15):
have an amazing day.
Until next time, everyone.
SPEAKER_00 (18:19):
Thanks for listening.
This show was brought to you byDivas That Care.
Connect with us on Facebook, onInstagram, and of course on
divas that care.com, where youcan subscribe to our newsletter
so you don't miss a thing.
It's Divas That Care Radio.
Stories, strategies, and ideasto inspire positive change.
Welcome to Divas That Care, anetwork of women committed to
making our world a better placefor everyone.
This is a global movement forwomen, by women engaged in a
collaborative effort to create abetter world for future
generations.
(00:20):
To find out more about themovement, visit divas that
care.com after the show.
Right now, though, stay tunedfor another jolt of inspiration.
SPEAKER_02 (00:31):
Well, hello everyone, and welcome back to
the Divas That Care.
My name is Candace Gish.
If this is your very first timetuning into us, a huge welcome.
We have been doing this now forover 15 years.
We are listened to in over 30countries around the world, and
it's honestly been a blast.
This journey of mine has been soextraordinary.
I've had the opportunity to meetamazing individuals all around
(00:53):
the world, from all theseamazing women to honoring men
divas that we can welcome intoour family, and it has been a
blast.
Um, we have a great list ofhosts that have been with us
over the years, and I do hopethat you go and check out all
those amazing women.
They have extraordinary shows,and it is just so much fun to be
able to support and collaboratewith all of our guests.
(01:14):
Here we go.
Today we're gonna be welcoming abrand new DVU to our family.
We're actually working on a newpodcasting series right now, the
season of shift, women on theedge of reinvention.
So that's gonna be people thatare going through different
journeys right now and howthey've been able to navigate
those.
So I'm excited because AlexisLee is gonna be my amazing guest
today.
So welcome to the show, Alexis.
SPEAKER_01 (01:36):
Thanks, Candace.
I'm glad to be here.
SPEAKER_02 (01:38):
I'm really glad that you are able to um chat with me
today.
So, Alexis, would you mindintroducing yourself to our
listeners?
SPEAKER_01 (01:46):
Yeah, you know, um, we were talking about kind of
where where I come from.
So I'm from Texas and I went toschool in Pennsylvania, and I,
you know, got married umsometime after college, had a we
had a son.
There's all kind of like thisgreat path, good career, all
this stuff.
That's was that's a story Iwould have told uh maybe six
years ago.
(02:06):
And everything, I had all thepieces that would make somebody
happy.
And then I had a moment in timethat really um stopped me in my
tracks.
And I was walking in the woodsone day, and I heard a voice
that said, if you die today,your life will have been a
tragedy.
And so it really caused me tolook at my life and dig up some
childhood pain and really umtransform my experience of the
(02:29):
world in the last few years.
SPEAKER_02 (02:31):
It's um it sounds like you've had an amazing
journey.
I did have an opportunity to gothrough your websites, and I'm
gonna be really honest.
I'm gonna I'm excited to knowhow that all came about and how
you decided to do that.
But before we dive into yourbooks, can you tell us a little
bit about your past?
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
Well, yeah, so I, you know, the the book was kind
of a shock to me a couple ofyears ago.
I was in corporate finance andum I was always a math person,
and I actually thought I was aterrible writer.
So um my, you know, I I wentthrough life thinking that I had
everything that I could want,but my mom died when I was
(03:12):
young, and I never really dealtwith that pain.
And so it just caught up withme.
And when I was 38, that's when Ikind of was forced to confront
how sad I was and how lonely Iwas.
And it was during a period ofdeep grief when I started to
really face that, that one day Iwoke up and this book just
started coming out of me.
So it was this really surprisingturn in my life and a huge gift
(03:36):
from going toward my grief torediscover these parts of myself
that had been buried along withthe grief, along with the pain,
were these parts of me that Ijust, you know, lost touch with
completely for decades.
SPEAKER_02 (03:48):
Oh my goodness.
And it's something that we don'treally think about, is it?
SPEAKER_01 (03:52):
Yeah.
Why would you want to go towardyour pain?
And really, it's you know, it'scrisis, it's rock bottom.
Those things, those things kindof force you to do it.
Otherwise, you know, if you'repretty comfortable, it's a
little bit like why go rock theboat.
SPEAKER_02 (04:05):
Yeah.
You know, I I've heard that alot.
Well, the question I do have,honestly, is that I've had a lot
of women on our podcasts, and inthe five years, I don't know,
there's been some type of acrazy shift.
And a lot of people have saidthey are going through these
life-alternating changes.
(04:26):
And I think that's really why Iwanted to talk about this
specific series because there'sbeen such dramatic change, and a
lot of the women have told methat they never would have
predicted, you know, eithergoing through this or um almost
like that awakening withinthemselves.
And is kind of that happened toyou?
SPEAKER_01 (04:45):
Yeah, definitely.
It has been an awakening, um,and certainly one that I was not
in charge of.
You know, again, I kind of gothit over the head with this
message that that caused me toreally be become honest about
how I was doing in life.
And it wasn't, I wasn't doingwell.
I wasn't happy.
And um, you know, the the trickypart about that is that if
(05:08):
you've if you've built a lifearound what you think you should
be doing, where you, you know,the life you think you should
have, then it's something to letgo of.
And I don't think everybody hasto go through that.
But for me, it was literallyletting go of every piece of my
life besides my son and lettingit be rebuilt for, you know, in
a way that was aligned with whoI am, who I really am underneath
(05:30):
all of that.
Um, not the picture perfect, youknow, person that I tried to
portray, even unconsciously, um,but actually the person that I
am underneath all of it.
SPEAKER_02 (05:41):
Isn't it crazy how we become authentic?
We always think we are, but wealways kind of hide a bit of
ourselves from others because wedon't know how others are going
to react.
And when you let it go andyou're at your authentic self, I
think you become more at peacewith yourself.
SPEAKER_01 (05:58):
Oh, I feel so much more peaceful than I did before.
And and I'll say, I think forme, I didn't know I wasn't
authentic.
Like you said, like I didn't, Ididn't know I was hiding.
And it wasn't until I got tosome of this really deep pain
where, you know, my mom, my momwas addicted to drugs and um she
kind of faded out of my lifeover years.
And there was this part of methat I didn't discover even
(06:19):
until more recently that reallythought that my mom didn't love
me and she left because of me.
And so my whole life,unconsciously, I was building a
whole life to prove that wrong,right?
To I didn't want to get evidencefrom anyone that I was not
lovable.
But when I finally face thatdeep pain, then it frees me.
Then I get to be who I am, andit doesn't matter what anybody
(06:40):
else thinks because I'm notguarding against it anymore.
SPEAKER_02 (06:43):
Oh my gosh.
I love how you just said that.
I just I think that is soempowering.
And to our listeners out there,I think they're gonna embrace
that.
I want to know what is the nameof your book?
SPEAKER_01 (06:55):
So it's pain is a portal to beauty.
And again, it's this notion thatI was my whole life, I thought
you shouldn't be pained, right?
Like if there's pain, there'ssomething wrong.
So go change it.
And what I learned from justthis naturally, my life kind of
unraveling, but also I I didsome guided psychedelic
journeys.
And in those journeys, it justover and over and over took
(07:17):
brought me back to my pain.
And you know, I think that'sreally scary because it feels
like you can get stuck there.
But what happened actually iswhen I sat with my pain, it then
freed it, and then it could Icould release it from my body,
and then my body was freed up tobe in a state that was not
pained, that was that'sactually, you know, alive and
can be in joy and peaceful, likeyou said earlier.
(07:39):
So for me, um this journey hasbeen one of accepting pain,
honoring it, which really justhonors us, right?
Like we went, we went throughstuff as kids that was hard.
And if we don't honor it, thoselittle parts of our of us are
inside there and they're tryingto protect us, they're trying to
do all the things that we did askids to to survive, but it's not
(08:01):
working anymore.
And so we reject these parts ofourselves and really they just
need some love for what theywent through.
And as soon as they get thatlove, as soon as these parts
feel loved, then they move onand we get to, you know, again,
feel less caged, lessprogrammed, and more free in our
lives.
SPEAKER_02 (08:19):
Oh my goodness, I agree with you completely.
And isn't it funny?
We were always told to suck itup or, you know, just move on,
everything, you know, everybodygoes through things, but we
don't really think that we needto do that self-healing.
And when you're talking aboutthat, and did you have a hard
time finding the ways toself-heal?
Because there is so manydifferent modalities out there,
(08:40):
there's so many differentthings, and people give you all
these different advices.
How is it that you were able tonavigate through those waters?
SPEAKER_01 (08:46):
I think that's a great point.
I mean, to me, it isoverwhelming because everybody
has the answer the three steps,the five steps, the ten steps,
whatever it is.
And and so if you lookexternally, I think it can, for
me, it just becomes veryconfusing and not centered
around what works for me.
So over and over, it's I listento others, right?
Because people have all sorts ofwisdom, but it's my internal
(09:08):
wisdom that guides me through.
And that's true for every one ofus.
And the more for me, the morepain I can release, the more I
can be in my body, and the moreI'm in my body, the more I can
access that wisdom.
But it has been a path oftrusting myself.
You know, I heard that voice inthe woods that was my own
guidance telling me, you are notlooking at this and you need to
look at it now.
And I just knew from that momentthat I needed to start grieving.
(09:31):
I needed to go on walks andlisten to sad music and stop
talking to people about mytrauma, just go inward.
I for some somehow I knew that.
And then these psychedelicopportunities, you know, showed
up and I I felt it out and itand it resonated with me.
It felt like something I waswilling to give a try.
Because frankly, Candace, Itried everything.
I was in therapy, I was readingall the books, I was doing all
(09:51):
the things, and it still wasn'tworking.
So I very much believe that, youknow, we know what's best for
us, and it's so unique to eachindividual.
And and I do now, you know, Ithink the farther you get on
your journey and the more youwork on it, also the more
practiced you are, right?
And the more you do know you cantrust yourself instead of
(10:12):
listening to somebody else.
SPEAKER_02 (10:14):
Can you maybe explain what the psychedelics um
and some deep inner work is?
Because some of our listenersmight not know what that is.
SPEAKER_01 (10:22):
Yeah, so I I didn't know what it was.
This was something that, like, Ididn't, I didn't know there was
more than one kind ofpsychedelic.
I was very uh uh uninformed inthis way, but ultimately, you
know, psychedelics are plantmedicines that that you take.
And again, I did mine with, Icertainly wouldn't have felt
comfortable doing it without avery capable guide there with
(10:45):
me.
So I did mine with guides.
And um, you know, the first oneI did was MDMA, which is also
ecstasy, uh also called ecstasy.
So it is, you know, what thatmedicine does is it takes you
into your body and it lowersyour fear response because if
you have these big emotions thatyou've stored away, they're
really scary to go look at them.
(11:06):
So this medicine helps lowerthat fear response so you can go
look at these emotions, you cango look at this pain that's
buried with less fear.
Um, so I did that one first, andthen the next one I did with
psilocybin.
And this one again, what theysay is that the medicines just
teach show you what you need tosee.
And for me, the psilocybinmessaging over and over was you
(11:27):
have more grief to unpack, youhave more work to do.
So they weren't, it wasn't apleasant experience, but it was
really meaningful because ithelped me realize what I need to
do as a human in my human lifeafter the integration of that.
Um, what I needed to go do griefwork proactively.
And what would happen is if I Ifelt sad, I would really, you
know, clear my plate and reallydive into it.
(11:48):
And then I'd walk outside andthe trees would come alive to
me.
It's like it releasing the pain,feeling that pain released it
and let me experience the worldin a again in a more alive way.
So the colors were more vibrant,and I discovered, you know,
dahlias, like these flowers thathad always been there, but I'd
never seen them before.
So my experience of the worldaround me shifted when I started
(12:09):
doing that.
And then the the most um the theother plant medicine that I
worked with was ayahuasca, whichis an Amazonian plant.
Um, and that one again was justlike a gentle, all-knowing guide
who just led me to thesechildhood moments where I maybe
I didn't realize how painful itwas or how sad it made me.
(12:31):
And she just was there with meas we sat there and let it, you
know, let me understand how thataffected me more.
So it was really for me a lot ofunpacking.
I think, you know, I buried aton of pain from my childhood
because I just couldn't handleit.
It was too much for me.
And so for me, this has been abig, long unpacking process, but
it really has changed the way Iexperience the world.
(12:52):
You know, there are things likeyou I can intellectually
understand I should setboundaries, and I can read
books, books about boundaries,but after these psychedelic
experiences, like, oh, I justknow it.
It's just in my body.
So it takes you, thesepsychedelics take you to your
own wisdom in your body.
SPEAKER_02 (13:07):
And I love that.
And I love that they have peoplethat can help you through it
because a lot of people areprobably listening.
What is she talking about?
You can't do that, but it'sdifferent now.
Things are changing and evolvingso much.
And to have somebody that canhelp you heal through that
process by by obviously workingwith the plants is a very
powerful thing because beforeyou wouldn't hear of anybody
(13:27):
that actually does that.
SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
Right.
Yeah.
And it's still in process, butthere's more and more of it.
And I think um, and I and Ithink the neat thing is, you
know, we're all going to findour way through our again, our
path.
So it's not that everybody needsto go do psychedelics.
It's some of us can dopsychedelics and share the
wisdom we get from that.
And some people focus on somatichealing and others on
meditation.
I mean, all these things overlapin terms of finding self-love,
(13:52):
right?
That's what it's all about.
SPEAKER_02 (13:54):
That is beautifully said, and that's exactly right.
But to know that there is otheropportunities and other
modalities and ways that aperson can do it when they've
they've struggled.
Like you've said, you know,there's so much out there, and
sometimes it's reallychallenging to navigate those
waters.
And I, you know, they alwaysthink, well, there just one
quick fix.
And I'm like, unfortunately,there is no quick fix for
(14:15):
anything.
You you have to find what worksfor you.
And that's why I'm reallyexcited about this book because
it shows your story, and everystory is powerful, and every
story has a meaning, and everystory can help somebody out
there.
And this has just beenwonderful.
And I thank you so much forthat.
SPEAKER_01 (14:32):
Yeah, thanks, Candace.
SPEAKER_02 (14:34):
So, where can our listeners get a hold of your
book?
SPEAKER_01 (14:38):
Well, you know, I'm I'm kind of in process about a
couple things.
Right now it's everywhere.
I'm considering um frankly, I'vebeen struggling with all the AI
and fake stuff out there.
So there's a part of me thatjust wants to pull it to my
website and just say, I'll shipeveryone a book from, you know,
I'll print the books and shipthem and you know it's real.
So you can at least go to mywebsite, which is alexislee.com.
(15:00):
But right now it is available onall the outlets online as well.
SPEAKER_02 (15:03):
So, Alexis, what is next for you?
SPEAKER_01 (15:07):
You know, um, it is I'm in a period of quiet.
So there's not the next is stillunfolding.
I mean, what I what I experienceis that I go through these
periods of deep grief andanchoring, and then there's kind
of this letting go of the way Iheld things.
And then you sit there in thatspaciousness for a while, and
then the next thing starts toblossom.
So for me, I'm actually in thatplace of right now, it is just
(15:29):
sharing the book and sharingthis loving message and doing
podcasts with wonderful peoplelike you.
Um, and then ultimately it willbe, you know, it'll it's just
I'm working on trusting that Ican take one step at a time and
the perfect thing is unfolding.
Instead of having, I've alwaysbeen the, you know, you plan
ahead and you do all the things.
And what I'm learning right nowin life is to really let go of
(15:51):
that and what and surrender andwatch how life unfolds without
my trying to direct it becauseit's so much bigger and more
beautiful than I can imagine.
SPEAKER_02 (15:59):
That is wonderfully said.
I love that.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, this has been so much fun,Alexis.
Um, one of the things I ask ouramazing guests at the end of the
podcast is there any tips,tools, anything else you'd love
to share with our listeners toinspire them to maybe nudge them
on their extraordinary journeys?
SPEAKER_01 (16:21):
Well, you know, for me, I just felt stuck for so
long.
And I didn't realize how much Iwas coping and numbing to get
through, right?
Until I had this kind of bigmoment in life that shifted
things for me.
And so I would just offer thatif anybody feels stuck and if
you want to just try somesomething, just finding quiet in
your own life, which can beturning off coping mechanisms.
(16:43):
And sometimes we don't even knowthey're coping mechanisms
because they're pretty benign,you know, but having fewer shows
or podcasts for a little bit,having a more bland diet, you
know, less social interaction.
If you're wanting to getunstuck, for me, that's the way
I do it, is to quiet.
And then these voices that can'tget through to us because we're
always kind of distracted or ornumbing, these voices will start
(17:04):
to get through, and then you canreally start to build a sweet
relationship with them, and thenthings just start to shift.
So again, back to your theme ofa season of shift.
SPEAKER_02 (17:13):
You know what?
I've never had anybody say thatbefore, and I really like that.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (17:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (17:19):
That was wonderful.
Well, we'll definitely have tohave you back on the podcast
again, Alexis.
I think that we could dive intosome other amazing topics with
you.
SPEAKER_01 (17:28):
Yeah, that would be fun.
Thanks, Guinness.
SPEAKER_02 (17:30):
And to all of our amazing listeners, thank you so
much for tuning in to today'spodcast.
I am going to be sending Alexis'information so that you can go
and check out her page there andum perhaps get a copy of her
amazing book.
It is so unique.
It is something that is not outthere, and I really think it's
going to help so manyindividuals.
So make sure that you share, uh,like, comment on this podcast.
(17:55):
Thank you again, Alexis.
Thank you to all of ourlisteners.
Thank you for tuning into thisamazing podcast series, Season
of Shift, Women on the Edge ofReinvention.
Um, remember to go out there anddo something kind.
The world needs a lot morekindness.
And it's up to you guys, ourtribe out there, to be the
Ripple Effect.
So thank you so much for tuningin again, and I hope you all
(18:15):
have an amazing day.
Until next time, everyone.
SPEAKER_00 (18:19):
Thanks for listening.
This show was brought to you byDivas That Care.
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