ERP 470: How to Get Off the Emotional Roller Coaster in Relationship, So That You Can Develop a Deeper, Lasting Connection — An Interview with Drs. Susan Thau & Sondra Goldstein

About this Episode

One common struggle many face in a relationship is the challenge of getting off the emotional roller coaster. The highs and lows, misunderstandings, and unresolved conflicts can create a cycle of emotional upheaval, leaving partners feeling disconnected and frustrated. But what if we could find a way to smooth the ride and create deeper intimacy? If you've ever felt caught in a whirlwind of emotions in your relationships, you're not alone, and there are ways to navigate this complex terrain.

In this episode, we delve into strategies and insights aimed at helping listeners break free from these patterns. With expert guidance, the discussion illuminates ways couples can enhance their emotional intelligence, communication skills, and conflict resolution abilities. By exploring both the individual and relational aspects of these dynamics, the conversation provides tools for transforming the way partners interact with each other. This episode offers a chance to learn how to nurture a relationship's foundation while navigating life's inevitable challenges, ultimately creating a more harmonious and enduring partnership.

Susan Thau, Ph. D., Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, wife, mother and grandmother treats individuals, couples and families, working intensively with emotional states. Along with Sondra Goldstein, Susan studied in a consultation group with Alan Schore, becoming interested in attachment and affect regulation. Dr Thau began as a parent educator, later Kaiser Permanente, and eventually private practice in Los Angeles where she specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Sondra is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice for many years in Los Angeles. She is a former Clinical Associate Professor, UCLA Department of Psychology. Past study with Allan Shore, PhD, enhances her understanding of neuro-psychobiology in the processing of emotion in couples. Her study of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps in understanding emotional dynamics in couples therapy. Sondra is also a wife of 53 years, a mother, and a grandmother.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Episode Highlights 

03:56 Understanding the framework of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

09:39 Meeting the authors: a journey of professional collaboration.

10:51 The power of vulnerability and emotional connection.

15:36 Coregulation and the impact of presence in therapy.

18:09 Navigating emotional triggers and attachment styles.

21:44 Challenges of vulnerability and the role of the therapist.

25:54 The importance of repair and building resilience.

28:30 Acknowledging individual differences in processing.

31:45 Demystifying therapy: The role of the therapist as a stranger attractor.

34:12 Developing a secure base: The journey of earned security.

39:20 Processing stress: Sensitive emotional and aggressive responses.

41:15 Dealing with differences and building a strong relationship foundation.

46:10 The role of curiosity and connection.

49:16 Resources and guidance for relationship growth.

Mentioned

Living Love That Lasts (Youtube) (video)

The Roller Coaster of Emotion in Couples Therapy (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Evolve