October 2, 2022 • 17 mins
When I was growing up, my parents both agreed on one thing. You can't be friends with a man because sex will always get in the way. So, the only thing I could base love on was physical attraction. You hoped that the man you were attracted to was attracted to you too. And if he was, maybe just maybe it would lead to happily ever after.
With age - and a few hard knocks - Suzette has gotten wiser. And it is that wisdom that she brings to whether physical attraction or friendship is more important in a relationship.
If after listening to this episode, you wish to reach out to Suzette, here are some ways:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
Want to join her Facebook Group? Go to facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms.
If you missed her Love On Your Terms Masterclass, she's hosting an ENCORE in November. Check https://suzettesolutions.com for details.
With age - and a few hard knocks - Suzette has gotten wiser. And it is that wisdom that she brings to whether physical attraction or friendship is more important in a relationship.
If after listening to this episode, you wish to reach out to Suzette, here are some ways:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
Want to join her Facebook Group? Go to facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms.
If you missed her Love On Your Terms Masterclass, she's hosting an ENCORE in November. Check https://suzettesolutions.com for details.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
What if you knew you were inlove? What would your life look like?
What would love look like? Thisis enough at the broadcast where we're
redefining what makes you enough in life? And now here's your homest Stha Hello
(00:39):
everybody, it hello, it isyou're psycho breaking truth telling. Relationship solution
is up. But I forgot aboutgreat love attract then can't leave that out
life culture relationship solutionists, and Ithank you so much for joining me for
(01:03):
another episode today. Oh man,we have a great topic today, physical
attraction or friendship? What is mostimportant in a relationship? Yes, so
definitely stay tuned. But for thoseof you that don't know me, I
(01:26):
want you to know that what Ido is I help women, high achieving
women over forty find love and keepit in a nutshell. How do I
do it by helping them to readto find what makes them enough on their
own terms so they can break thecycle of fair relationships at attract real deal
(01:53):
great love into their lives. Sowhat about this topic physical attraction of friendship?
Which is most important? Well,let me tell you something. I
kind of grew up old school.Y'all know, I'm over sixty, right
(02:14):
and back when I was growing up, my parents belief about romantic relationships was
you couldn't be friends with a man. That's what they taught us. They
said, you can't be friends witha man because sex is gonna get in
the way. Just to let youknow about the times my parents even had
(02:37):
trouble forming the words sex. Mydad called it that thing, that thing
of get in the way, right, So we didn't even talk about it,
we didn't even use the words forit. And that's what they said.
They said, a man and awoman couldn't be friends. So the
only thing that I had to goon was attraction, and you hope that
(03:02):
the person that you that you attractedto. You only hoped that that person
felt the same way about you.But that's all you had to go on,
besides being told that in order foryou to be wife material, you
had to know how to cook,how to keep house right, you knew
(03:23):
how to had to know how totake care of children. So before you
even knew your name, good dollbaby we call them doll babies was placed
in your arms to kind of getyou into the whole mode of being somebody's
(03:44):
first round draft pick. Let's justcall her what it is so that they
would want you, they'd want tomarry you. And I'll tell you this.
The answers, I'm sure dependent onwhere you are in life. Know,
people who are younger and don't havea lot of life lessons yet don't
(04:06):
have a whole lot of experiences yetare going on attraction. They think that
he's so cute, she's so sexy, that they think that because they want
to sleep with that person, theywant to connect with that person that hopefully
that's the way to get to happilyever after. Right. But I'm telling
(04:28):
you what I'm discovering, especially inInstagram, where within a certain age range,
I have more men than women whoseek me out and listen to me.
I'm finding that there are there's agroup of men that are coming up
(04:49):
that are like, no, wewant to understand women better. Attraction is
not enough for us. We wantto understand you all because he said,
we're feeling in this thing and wewant something real too. So for those
of you that think that men areworking on themselves, guess again, there's
(05:10):
a crop of men coming up thatare getting coached on relationships too. They
might be reading those books on thedownloadal they don't want you to know about
it, but they are just asconcerned. They want to be bring their
best selves and be educated and beaware because they understand that women are evolving,
(05:34):
and with our evolution is coming evenmore of an understanding that we want
something more. How many of youwant something more? Yeah? I know,
right, But then there are thosethat consider ourselves to be older and
wiser, and so a lot ofthe older and wiser group said friendship.
(05:58):
But I got a story of aroundthat because when I was around I think
in my forties, yeah, earlyto mid forties, I was dating online
and I remember I put my profileup and you know how, you know
how it goes. I know theyhave different dating apps out now, but
(06:21):
back then there were certain ones thatyou went to, and so I would
go and of course, you know, you'd get into conversations with the person,
and if you felt comfortable, feltlike there was a connection made or
something that you wanted to explore offthe site, you would exchange phone numbers
(06:43):
and continue the conversation. And asfar as I was concerned, I thought
that was the way for me tofinally get to the point where we wanted
to sit in front of each otherand see if what we were experiencing on
the phone would translate into real timelooking at each other. And I had
(07:05):
a huge awakening on that, y'all, because I have been talking to this
man for about two weeks. Hewas funny, delightful and everything. And
we did connect on the phone withouta doubt. We did, We truly,
truly did. But when I methim in person, it was a
(07:31):
whole different energy. He was stillnice, But have you little been with
somebody that they were really nice onthe phone, very likable, but then
when they meet you, they havea different kind of energy about them,
and they're saying things to you inreal time that you're like, m you
(07:53):
never said this on the phone,right, Because now it's more of the
ooh god, you look good nowgreat? And it being in my forties
having somebody tell me I still lookgood. I ain't gonna lie. That
felt good. It did. Butwhen he came walking toward me, oh,
when he got out of the carand he started walking towards me,
(08:18):
y'all, I'm just gonna keep itreal. I wanted to like run away,
screaming, but it was too late. He had seen me, and
so I didn't want him to havecome there for nothing. And so at
(08:43):
the coffee shop we were just talkingand he was just kind of looking at
me like I was a yummy snack, and I was like, oh God.
So I say this to say Ithink they both are important. It.
I just think that as you getto know the person more and you
(09:07):
relate more, you start shifting moretoward what's really sustainable is the friendship.
But has got to be something thatdoesn't make you feel like, oh God,
do I have to endure this?Do I have to endure this.
(09:33):
I don't feel attracted to this personon no level at all. Jesus take
the wheel. I mean, youdon't want it to be like that.
You don't. So I think thatit is a continuum that maybe when you
(09:54):
start out and you don't have asmuch understanding that physical attraction a lot of
people go with. But listen tothe wisdom of us people that had had
the school of hard knocks. Yes, it is a consideration, but it
is not the overarching consideration. Ilike to tell people, you know,
(10:22):
when you meet somebody that you findthat kind of sexy groove with all those
neurochemicals in your brain are firing whoa. I mean, they look better than
you thought possible. It's like whenyou had a little bit too much wine
and the person looks so good toyou, and then you wake up next
(10:46):
to them. Okay, this ain'thappen to nobody. Okay, I know,
I know, we are just makingit a hypothetical. You wake up
next time, you go, ah, you got four us, right,
so you're the pleasure sentence of yourbrain are not a reliable indicator that this
(11:09):
person is the right person to buildwith, the right person to marry,
to accept their proposal. So Ireally think it really takes both. And
physical attraction isn't just muscles. Someof us are attracted to humorous men.
(11:31):
Some of us are attracted to wellkept men. Some of us are attracted
to men who are great thinkers.Some of us are attracted to people when
we watch them with their kids,playing with their kids, and we find
that attractive. Right, All thosethings are wonderful, and they're great in
the attraction box. But if you'relooking for a keeper, before you give
(12:01):
your heart away, before you signon the dotted marriage certificate line, before
you start imagining your last name beinghis, those of you that still do
that. Before you start, kindof quas shopping for a wedding dress,
(12:26):
before you get locked and loaded onforever. You need to find out what
this person is like. And whatwe old school people call friendship is where
(12:48):
you feel comfortable with this person thatyou can talk about everything, even those
hard conversations. Where this person issomeone you can communicate with. They're not
like what my son described as amule. He works real hard for you,
(13:11):
but you can't communicate with him,right because communication is kind of important,
right kind We kind of WoT thatyou want to know that you can
be who you are. You wantto know that you're enough. So I'm
kinda in the middle of it becauseone of the things that I said to
(13:37):
my husband early on when we met, after we had met on a dating
safe and we were meeting for thefirst time, and we were talking about,
you know, what we were lookingfor, and I told him,
I said, I'm not looking fora friend in that sense of the word
and what we're talking about. Isaid, I'm not. I'm not looking
(13:58):
for a friend, right, theregular friend, I said, Because the
reason I'm on a dating site isbecause I'm looking for somebody to date.
I said, and I do havemale friends, and the reason they are
my male friends is because I haven'tslept with them and I don't want to.
So that was me being true tomy authentic truth in my forties.
(14:24):
Okay, remember our context is key. I was in my forties and I
was very clear about what I needed. So I needed the physical attraction part.
If I was going to be involvedromantically and if we were going to
find that possibly we have something elsegoing for us, I had to know
(14:48):
that he was attractive enough that Iwasn't going to be that that person like,
oh, don't touch me or fakingheadaches, which some people do because
they don't find that person attractive,right. They don't. They don't relish
the idea of being touched by them. They're not making love in the way
(15:13):
that they are with each other beforethey even have sex. Oh, y'all
didn't know that making love starts beforeyou even get to the bad. That's
gonna be another relationship talk Tuesday.Did you find out baby, the love
making starts being fun. I'm notgonna give away to me to trade secrets
(15:39):
on this here episode, but y'allremind me we're gonna have to come back
to this, but my time isup. I'd love to hear what your
thoughts are. What do you haveto say, what do you have to
share? Put it in the comments, Put it in the comments, let
me read it later, let meknow what you're thinking. And if you
(16:00):
think that'd be a juicy topic,maybe for next week. So anyway,
that's some grown folks. Stiff childrenare not allowed. So if you're growing
in sexy, come on back.We're gonna have to have that talk.
But until next week. Yeah,I tell you, I'm still on a
rush from last week. Y'all didit to me. I want you to
(16:23):
know, in case nobody told youthat you what one hundred percent worthy,
one hundred percent worthy, one hundredpercent enough. You have just listened to
the Enough back To podcast with yourhost Suzette. They're not to get notified
(16:47):
of new episodes or to dig deeperin to today's topic. Become a subscriber,
and while you're at it, tellus how we're doing and what topics
you're interested in. We appreciate yourfeedback and already until next time, remember
you are worthy, You are worthy, You are emails m
What if you knew you were inlove? What would your life look like?
What would love look like? Thisis enough at the broadcast where we're
redefining what makes you enough in life? And now here's your homest Stha Hello
(00:39):
everybody, it hello, it isyou're psycho breaking truth telling. Relationship solution
is up. But I forgot aboutgreat love attract then can't leave that out
life culture relationship solutionists, and Ithank you so much for joining me for
(01:03):
another episode today. Oh man,we have a great topic today, physical
attraction or friendship? What is mostimportant in a relationship? Yes, so
definitely stay tuned. But for thoseof you that don't know me, I
(01:26):
want you to know that what Ido is I help women, high achieving
women over forty find love and keepit in a nutshell. How do I
do it by helping them to readto find what makes them enough on their
own terms so they can break thecycle of fair relationships at attract real deal
(01:53):
great love into their lives. Sowhat about this topic physical attraction of friendship?
Which is most important? Well,let me tell you something. I
kind of grew up old school.Y'all know, I'm over sixty, right
(02:14):
and back when I was growing up, my parents belief about romantic relationships was
you couldn't be friends with a man. That's what they taught us. They
said, you can't be friends witha man because sex is gonna get in
the way. Just to let youknow about the times my parents even had
(02:37):
trouble forming the words sex. Mydad called it that thing, that thing
of get in the way, right, So we didn't even talk about it,
we didn't even use the words forit. And that's what they said.
They said, a man and awoman couldn't be friends. So the
only thing that I had to goon was attraction, and you hope that
(03:02):
the person that you that you attractedto. You only hoped that that person
felt the same way about you.But that's all you had to go on,
besides being told that in order foryou to be wife material, you
had to know how to cook,how to keep house right, you knew
(03:23):
how to had to know how totake care of children. So before you
even knew your name, good dollbaby we call them doll babies was placed
in your arms to kind of getyou into the whole mode of being somebody's
(03:44):
first round draft pick. Let's justcall her what it is so that they
would want you, they'd want tomarry you. And I'll tell you this.
The answers, I'm sure dependent onwhere you are in life. Know,
people who are younger and don't havea lot of life lessons yet don't
(04:06):
have a whole lot of experiences yetare going on attraction. They think that
he's so cute, she's so sexy, that they think that because they want
to sleep with that person, theywant to connect with that person that hopefully
that's the way to get to happilyever after. Right. But I'm telling
(04:28):
you what I'm discovering, especially inInstagram, where within a certain age range,
I have more men than women whoseek me out and listen to me.
I'm finding that there are there's agroup of men that are coming up
(04:49):
that are like, no, wewant to understand women better. Attraction is
not enough for us. We wantto understand you all because he said,
we're feeling in this thing and wewant something real too. So for those
of you that think that men areworking on themselves, guess again, there's
(05:10):
a crop of men coming up thatare getting coached on relationships too. They
might be reading those books on thedownloadal they don't want you to know about
it, but they are just asconcerned. They want to be bring their
best selves and be educated and beaware because they understand that women are evolving,
(05:34):
and with our evolution is coming evenmore of an understanding that we want
something more. How many of youwant something more? Yeah? I know,
right, But then there are thosethat consider ourselves to be older and
wiser, and so a lot ofthe older and wiser group said friendship.
(05:58):
But I got a story of aroundthat because when I was around I think
in my forties, yeah, earlyto mid forties, I was dating online
and I remember I put my profileup and you know how, you know
how it goes. I know theyhave different dating apps out now, but
(06:21):
back then there were certain ones thatyou went to, and so I would
go and of course, you know, you'd get into conversations with the person,
and if you felt comfortable, feltlike there was a connection made or
something that you wanted to explore offthe site, you would exchange phone numbers
(06:43):
and continue the conversation. And asfar as I was concerned, I thought
that was the way for me tofinally get to the point where we wanted
to sit in front of each otherand see if what we were experiencing on
the phone would translate into real timelooking at each other. And I had
(07:05):
a huge awakening on that, y'all, because I have been talking to this
man for about two weeks. Hewas funny, delightful and everything. And
we did connect on the phone withouta doubt. We did, We truly,
truly did. But when I methim in person, it was a
(07:31):
whole different energy. He was stillnice, But have you little been with
somebody that they were really nice onthe phone, very likable, but then
when they meet you, they havea different kind of energy about them,
and they're saying things to you inreal time that you're like, m you
(07:53):
never said this on the phone,right, Because now it's more of the
ooh god, you look good nowgreat? And it being in my forties
having somebody tell me I still lookgood. I ain't gonna lie. That
felt good. It did. Butwhen he came walking toward me, oh,
when he got out of the carand he started walking towards me,
(08:18):
y'all, I'm just gonna keep itreal. I wanted to like run away,
screaming, but it was too late. He had seen me, and
so I didn't want him to havecome there for nothing. And so at
(08:43):
the coffee shop we were just talkingand he was just kind of looking at
me like I was a yummy snack, and I was like, oh God.
So I say this to say Ithink they both are important. It.
I just think that as you getto know the person more and you
(09:07):
relate more, you start shifting moretoward what's really sustainable is the friendship.
But has got to be something thatdoesn't make you feel like, oh God,
do I have to endure this?Do I have to endure this.
(09:33):
I don't feel attracted to this personon no level at all. Jesus take
the wheel. I mean, youdon't want it to be like that.
You don't. So I think thatit is a continuum that maybe when you
(09:54):
start out and you don't have asmuch understanding that physical attraction a lot of
people go with. But listen tothe wisdom of us people that had had
the school of hard knocks. Yes, it is a consideration, but it
is not the overarching consideration. Ilike to tell people, you know,
(10:22):
when you meet somebody that you findthat kind of sexy groove with all those
neurochemicals in your brain are firing whoa. I mean, they look better than
you thought possible. It's like whenyou had a little bit too much wine
and the person looks so good toyou, and then you wake up next
(10:46):
to them. Okay, this ain'thappen to nobody. Okay, I know,
I know, we are just makingit a hypothetical. You wake up
next time, you go, ah, you got four us, right,
so you're the pleasure sentence of yourbrain are not a reliable indicator that this
(11:09):
person is the right person to buildwith, the right person to marry,
to accept their proposal. So Ireally think it really takes both. And
physical attraction isn't just muscles. Someof us are attracted to humorous men.
(11:31):
Some of us are attracted to wellkept men. Some of us are attracted
to men who are great thinkers.Some of us are attracted to people when
we watch them with their kids,playing with their kids, and we find
that attractive. Right, All thosethings are wonderful, and they're great in
the attraction box. But if you'relooking for a keeper, before you give
(12:01):
your heart away, before you signon the dotted marriage certificate line, before
you start imagining your last name beinghis, those of you that still do
that. Before you start, kindof quas shopping for a wedding dress,
(12:26):
before you get locked and loaded onforever. You need to find out what
this person is like. And whatwe old school people call friendship is where
(12:48):
you feel comfortable with this person thatyou can talk about everything, even those
hard conversations. Where this person issomeone you can communicate with. They're not
like what my son described as amule. He works real hard for you,
(13:11):
but you can't communicate with him,right because communication is kind of important,
right kind We kind of WoT thatyou want to know that you can
be who you are. You wantto know that you're enough. So I'm
kinda in the middle of it becauseone of the things that I said to
(13:37):
my husband early on when we met, after we had met on a dating
safe and we were meeting for thefirst time, and we were talking about,
you know, what we were lookingfor, and I told him,
I said, I'm not looking fora friend in that sense of the word
and what we're talking about. Isaid, I'm not. I'm not looking
(13:58):
for a friend, right, theregular friend, I said, Because the
reason I'm on a dating site isbecause I'm looking for somebody to date.
I said, and I do havemale friends, and the reason they are
my male friends is because I haven'tslept with them and I don't want to.
So that was me being true tomy authentic truth in my forties.
(14:24):
Okay, remember our context is key. I was in my forties and I
was very clear about what I needed. So I needed the physical attraction part.
If I was going to be involvedromantically and if we were going to
find that possibly we have something elsegoing for us, I had to know
(14:48):
that he was attractive enough that Iwasn't going to be that that person like,
oh, don't touch me or fakingheadaches, which some people do because
they don't find that person attractive,right. They don't. They don't relish
the idea of being touched by them. They're not making love in the way
(15:13):
that they are with each other beforethey even have sex. Oh, y'all
didn't know that making love starts beforeyou even get to the bad. That's
gonna be another relationship talk Tuesday.Did you find out baby, the love
making starts being fun. I'm notgonna give away to me to trade secrets
(15:39):
on this here episode, but y'allremind me we're gonna have to come back
to this, but my time isup. I'd love to hear what your
thoughts are. What do you haveto say, what do you have to
share? Put it in the comments, Put it in the comments, let
me read it later, let meknow what you're thinking. And if you
(16:00):
think that'd be a juicy topic,maybe for next week. So anyway,
that's some grown folks. Stiff childrenare not allowed. So if you're growing
in sexy, come on back.We're gonna have to have that talk.
But until next week. Yeah,I tell you, I'm still on a
rush from last week. Y'all didit to me. I want you to
(16:23):
know, in case nobody told youthat you what one hundred percent worthy,
one hundred percent worthy, one hundredpercent enough. You have just listened to
the Enough back To podcast with yourhost Suzette. They're not to get notified
(16:47):
of new episodes or to dig deeperin to today's topic. Become a subscriber,
and while you're at it, tellus how we're doing and what topics
you're interested in. We appreciate yourfeedback and already until next time, remember
you are worthy, You are worthy, You are emails m
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