October 16, 2022 • 31 mins
Why do you settle? Is it because you don't know that you deserve better? Or is it that you think that by settling, you'll get something in return?
In this episode, Suzette exposes the convincing argument that settling makes but never delivers on.
If after listening to this episode, you wish to talk further about your relationship challenges and how working with Coach Suzette can help, reach out. Here are some ways:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
Join her Facebook Group at facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms.
Learn more/register for her Love On Your Terms Masterclass coming in November at suzettesolutions.com.
In this episode, Suzette exposes the convincing argument that settling makes but never delivers on.
If after listening to this episode, you wish to talk further about your relationship challenges and how working with Coach Suzette can help, reach out. Here are some ways:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
Join her Facebook Group at facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms.
Learn more/register for her Love On Your Terms Masterclass coming in November at suzettesolutions.com.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
What if you knew you were enough? What would your life look like?
What would love look alike? Thisis the Enough Factor Broadcasts when we're redefining
what makes you enough in life?And now here's your host Susatte, Hello,
(00:38):
everybody, it's your life, Culture, relationship Solution to Suzette Viernon and
welcome to My Enough Factor podcast.Each week, we endeavor to amplify what
I've identified as three critical factors.I call them three critical factors of enoughness.
(00:59):
They are your voice, your value, and your vision for I have
found that when these are amplified,Wow, you have a better experience of
life and of love. And that'swhat we all want. The reason why
you're listening to me, I Brager, is because you want more from your
(01:23):
relationships. So I help how achievingwomen just like you who are over forty
to redefine what makes them enough inlife and in love on their own terms,
thereby helping them to break the cycleof fair relationships and attract great love
(01:46):
into their lives. As always,I am so happy that, out of
all the podcasts you could be listeningto right now, you decided to listen
to mine. And if you're newas hearty Southern girl, welcome. What
you will experience is not just surfacerelationship talk, not just tips and tricks
(02:07):
and techniques, nothing like that.What I do is get underneath the skin.
I deep dive into what lies underneaththe question am I enough? And
if so, why am I enough? For? I have found it is
(02:30):
so critical to your experience of relationshipsthat you are not questioning your worthiness right
to have the love that you desire. And so I challenge every belief,
every ideology, every disconnect, andevery story that is trying to make you
(03:00):
believe that you have to perform acertain way, that you have to earn
your worthiness to have great love onyour terms. Quite the contrary, you
don't have to earn the dog onething. You were born enough, You
(03:21):
are enough, and you always willbe enough. For the last few days,
I have really been thinking so muchabout this one word. It begins
with an S, and I hearit oh more times than I wish I
did. When it came to women'sexperiences with men. You know what the
(03:46):
S word is, No, it'snot six. Rather, it is settling.
Settling. One of the major complaintsI hear from women over forty when
they recount their relationship, woe,struggle challenge is that they feel like they
(04:09):
are settling for less than what theywant and what they deserve. And to
an objective thinker, you would sayto yourself, well, then just stop.
If you feel like you're settling forsomething, then just stop settling.
(04:30):
And I'm sure they would respond,it's not that simple. When feelings are
involved. It's not that simple.Well, I want to give you something
more to marinate on. We callit marinating. I want you to think
(04:51):
about this when you consider continuing tosettle. First of all, let's look
at what the definition of settling is. When people come to me and they
say they are settling, usually itmeans they are tolerating something that they really
(05:16):
don't want. They're tolerating a behavior, a circumstance, something that they really
don't want. And they'll often sayI deserve better, I deserve more.
Right, So there is this tugof war between what you really want and
(05:46):
tolerating what you don't want. Sowhy why would a woman, a smart
woman, a woman who is intouch with her feelings, a woman that
can articulate very clearly what was goingon in her relationship that she does not
want to happen. Why would shesettle? Is it merely because feelings are
(06:13):
involved? Perhaps? But let's diga little deeper in this whole settling soil,
shall we. I know when Iused to settle for what I didn't
want, there was a payoff.There was a payoff to me settling.
Now, it might not have beenone, but in my mind, there
(06:36):
was a payoff. There was somethingthat I was getting from settling, or
something that I felt like I mightcould get if I tolerated this a little
bit longer. And so I talkedmyself into a rating. I try to
(07:00):
rationalize it. I tried to seeit from a different point of view.
I would try to, in someway convince myself to either put up with
it a little longer, or thatmaybe I was asking for too much,
I was being too rigid, maybeI was being too unreasonable, and I
(07:26):
needed to try my best to seeit from that person's point of view,
to try my best to open upmy heart to become willing to settle.
Now. At the time, Iwasn't thinking it was settling. I thought
(07:47):
it was being mature, I thoughtit was being open. I thought it
was maybe being a great girlfriend,a great wife, a great partner,
you know, a great friend thatI was willing to try to see things
when that person stents point of viewand try to do things that person's way,
(08:09):
and that was the payoff. Thepay off would be they would appreciate
my tolerating, my trying to acceptit. They would appreciate me, you
know, trying to sit from theirpoint of view, trying to do it
(08:30):
their way, that they would appreciateit. That was the hoped for payoff,
that they would appreciate it so muchthat I would get something from them
that was meaningful to me. Forme, it meant I would get their
favor if I did what I thoughtthey wanted me to do. The payoff
(08:56):
would be I would get their favor, They would choose me first, they
would be thoughtful in whatever way thatI felt like they weren't being thoughtful,
that maybe if I tried it theirway, I'd earn their attention, their
(09:16):
affection, their preference. They wouldappreciate it so much that I would get
whatever it was that I really reallywanted from them. And so I talked
myself into it. But how manyof you know that when you try to
(09:37):
talk yourself into something that is notreally how you really feel, what you
really want, what you really need. That thing is gonna come collecting after
a while. After a while,it's gonna reveal itself with things and teeth
and what you tolerated. You justcan't tolerate it anymore, reason being because
(10:05):
you're not getting the payoff that youwanted to get. Are that payoff stops
being as appealing as it was before. Sometimes the payoff is hearing your husband
or your significant other talk about whata wonderful woman you are, Oh,
how giving you are, Oh howselfless you are, Oh, my goodness,
(10:31):
And it makes me wonder if that'swhat happened with um Anthony Anderson and
his wife, because in an interviewhe talked about how his wife was such
a giving person. He said,that's that's just who she is. She
just sacrifices for others. She sacrificesher career just to help me with mine.
(10:56):
She sacrificed her dreams to be athome and be there for our children.
And he just seemed so impressed.I should say, with her willingness
to sacrifice what was meaningful to herfor him. Now, between you and
(11:18):
me, that sounds a little narcissistic, because if a person really loves you,
why would they want you to giveup something that precious to them for
you? Why would they be okaywith you doing it? Why would they
be okay with you sacrificing what reallymeans a lot to you so that they
(11:43):
can fly, so that their careercan take off, so they can have
what they want. Why do theyhave to be the sacrificial lamb? And
that's the thing about settling, tolerating, whatever words you want to call it.
After a while, it's gonna comecollecting. And maybe at first you
swell with pride that your husband wouldsay those kinds of things about you so
(12:09):
adoringly and so lovingly. But aftera while it becomes almost like somebody scratching
their nails down a chalkboard because yourealize they're willing to let you suffer,
they're willing to let you sacrifice,they're willing to And when you want something
(12:31):
of your own, when you havea dream of goal, something that you
want their support in many times they'renot available to give it, or they're
look at you like you have fiveheads, like wait, you want something
from me? You want me tosupport you? I mean what is that
I'm busy. I got this goingon. I have this going on.
(12:52):
No, I can't keep the kidstonight because I've got this and my career
requires this. So they expect youto continue to sacrifice yourself, your time,
your dreams, and if that hasnot come from a real place in
you, after while, you resentthem for it. That's what I mean
when I say that, after awhile, what you've been settling for is
(13:16):
gonna come collecting and the words thatused to just make you feel so good
and so loved and so appreciate it, after a while just feel like somebody
is just like I said, theirnails are scratching down the chalkboard. That's
a terrible sound. After a while, it just makes you do makes you
(13:41):
want to scream because you're tired ofthem applauding your sacrifice. You're tired of
sacrificing and never have in your turn. And that's the issue, because your
payoff was if I do this forhim, one day it's gonna be my
(14:03):
turn, and he's gonna do thisfor me. That's the danger of settling,
because settling keeps scores. Settling keepsscores because settling won'ts payback. It
does. I don't care how benevolentyou feel in the beginning, how super
(14:28):
spiritual, super deep, I don'tcare. Whatever you are settling for is
gonna come collecting. It's gonna comecollecting, and that collection is I've done
enough. It is my turn.Now is your turn to keep the kids.
(14:50):
It's your turn to sacrifice. Isyour turn to fix the meals?
Is your turn to do without sothat I can have what I've put off
for all these years for you?And sadly though, the person that you're
looking for to do that never hadit in them to do it in the
(15:15):
first place. And now you feellike you've been played. You feel like
you have been taken for granted,You feel like you've been betrayed, when
the truth of the matter is youhad to first betray yourself before he ever
(15:35):
did. And now a special announcement. If you've tried to do love on
their terms and it didn't work,I've got the answer. Love on your
Terms a three five day master classthat takes you out of the passengers seat
(15:56):
and into the driver's seat where youbelong. To turned board and to sign
up, go to susatte Solutions dotcom that's at susatte Solutions dot com.
It's free, it's now, that'ssuits at selucitions dot com. I look
forward to see you there. Godknows, that's a hard pill to swallow.
(16:29):
Whoa ill? What a hard pillowwas to swallow? When I wanted
to blame my ex husband for allthe crap I put up with in our
marriage, I wanted to blame himfor avery thing it was his fault.
I was a good woman. Iwas a good wife. I was a
good mother. I was a greatbusiness partner. I was all these wonderful
(16:52):
things. But then when it wasmy turn, and my turn was I
hope that by what I was doingfor my husband that somehow another, that
it would cause me to earn hisaffection, that I would be first in
his life, that he would chooseme, prefer me, That he would
give me the kind of home andthe kind of place to belong that I
(17:17):
never felt like I had in mychildhood. He was supposed to be for
me what my daddy couldn't be.He was supposed to give me that happily
ever after that I had been wanting, and he failed in it, and
I was upset with him because Ikept tolerating things. I kept dismissing things.
(17:38):
I kept swallowing, swallowing my pride, swallowing what I wanted, suppressing
what I wanted, not speaking up, or even if I spoke up and
I told him what I wanted andtold him what I felt, if he
wouldn't do it, if he didn'tthink he should do it, I would
try to see it his way,and then ended up happening. Is I
(18:00):
kept tolerating, and kept tolerating,and kept tolerating until it was time for
payback and he was not cooperating.He didn't feel like he needed to cooperate,
He didn't feel like he needed topay me back because he felt like
he was okay. He thought itwas a woman's role to sacrifice herself for
(18:22):
him. He thought it was whata woman does when she finally gets a
man that wants to marry her ora quote unquote good man. That that's
her reasonable service, is to sacrificeher reasonable services, to put services,
to put her life on the wholebecause what he put a ring on it.
(18:45):
He gave her his last name,and because he did that, she
should be willing to do whatever isnecessary, whatever he wants because he chose
her. But what a man istruly truly in love with you at least
(19:07):
this is what I've experienced in myown happy marriage to a man who adores
me, is he does not wantme to sacrifice myself. He wants to
protect my joy, he wants toprotect my dream, he wants to support
it in any way he can.He'll get a second job, He'll do
(19:29):
the heavy lifting, just so Ican be happy, just so I can
be fulfilled, Just so that Idon't have any regrets or resent have any
resentments because of having the sacrifice whatit is I truly truly want in life.
That's what I've learned, And soI wanted to really have this conversation
(19:56):
because I think a lot of womensettle because they don't know. They've seen
it modeled so much. Women settling, Women just being grateful that they are
picked. Women just being grateful thatthey have a ring on it. Let
me, just being grateful that aman marry them. That they sacrifice everything,
They sacrifice their boys, their value, and their vision. They sacrifice
(20:17):
it, and they're supposed to behappy. But a little bit of them
dies. They die a little everyday. They lose themselves a little every
day what a sacrifice. And lovedoes not require that you betray yourself.
(20:37):
Ladies, I want you to hearthat love does not require it. We've
seen a model for us, butnow that I'm experiencing real deal love,
the kind of love that will makea man, you know, take a
bullet for a woman, the kindof love that will make a man swim,
(20:59):
swim them skilled a castle walls.There is that kind of love where
a man can love a woman tothat degree that he's gonna sacrifice. He's
if anybody's gonna do without, it'sgonna be him, not his wife,
not his children. He's the onethat's gonna do the heavy lifting. If
(21:23):
it's within his power to do so, he's gonna do it because he's not
willing to sacrifice his wife's joy.He's not willing to do it. He's
not willing to do it. Andat the moment when she says I'm tired,
I cannot do this anymore, he'snot gonna look at her. He's
got like she's got five heads,Like what do you mean you're supposed to
(21:45):
be doing that? Not when aman is in love with you, he's
gonna be trying to see what hecan do so that you can have your
turn, so you can have yourdream. He's gonna do what he can.
He's gonna ask seek not he's gonnaput his pride to the side because
(22:08):
he truly loves you. And ladies, I gotta tell you something. I've
been with a man that was willingto let me follow my own sword and
I and I'm now with a manwho will refuse to let me follow my
own sword. And I'm gonna tellyou I like this a whole lot better.
(22:34):
So I just wanted to sound thealarm and get you the thinking that
there is an alternative to settling.You do not have to settle. Not
only do you deserve more, butyou're worthy of more. And for those
of you that need a reminder orneed more evidence, need to reclaim or
(23:03):
even discover what makes you enough andyour worthiness to have love on your Terms,
then I invite you to my Loveon Your Terms masterclass that's coming up
in November November seventh through the eleventhis coming up in about what little a
little less than a month. It'scoming up pretty soon and pretty fast,
(23:27):
and I invite you to register atsues that Solutions dot Com grab that virtual
seat. No longer settle, butdo what you need to do to get
your own evidence, your own evidencethat will substantiate you asking for what you
(23:53):
want on your own terms. Becausethis is the thing. If you don't
have your own evidence that you deservebetter, you will continue to settle.
And so with this love on yourterms, masterclass, I invite you.
I give you the information, theinsights, the tools, and the resources
(24:19):
to dig down inside of yourself wherethere is no lie, where the truth
about who you are resides, andby getting to that truth, to help
you to understand that you are worthy, You are worth it. You are
(24:40):
more than enough to have love,not just hood love settling, but great
love. Someone who sees you asvaluable, as worthy, as worth it.
Somebody who wants to protect your heart, someone who wants to protect you,
not exploit you at their own convenience. They don't want to put you
(25:07):
down so they can excel. Andthere are men out there who want to
love you. There's a love outthere that really wants to love you,
and I want you to know it. I want to give you enough evidence
to the point that you do notever settle again. So I invite you
(25:33):
to register. Registration is open andas I said, it's coming up soon
and this is the last master classof twenty twenty two. So you don't
want to miss this. You wantto start your holidays off on the right
foot. You do not want togo through the holidays where the studies show
(25:57):
that the rate of SUA sides goup because people are so lonely, so
desperate during the holidays, and itdoes set in. And I want to
give you something to anchor you.I want to give you something that you
(26:17):
can hold onto that's more compelling thanyour desire to accept, to settle and
to accept what cannot love you justfor momentarily believing, thinking, hoping that
it will help you to feel lesslonely, a temporary solution that will give
(26:41):
you a long term problem that youwill be taking the taking up the tab
for it, because when you dothat, you open yourself back up to
being hurt and being disappointed. ButI know how loneliness can drive you.
And that's why strategically we're making surethat we do this love on your terms
(27:06):
of masterclass right before the holiday startand the rom coms come on the Christmas,
romantic comedies and romantic dramas. Themagic of Christmas and love is in
the air, and somehow, whenyou look at the Hallmark Channel and you
look at the twenty five Days ofChristmas, and you look at Fallola,
(27:26):
Lifetime, and you look at allthese channels where they're giving you all this
love and the magic of Christmas.Most of those stories usually are about someone
finding love at Christmas that somehow anothermaybe they might have broken up with somebody,
(27:49):
something might have happened in their pastthat made it impossible, maybe there
was a misunderstanding, and somehow themagic of Christmas brings these star cross lovers
back together, and now the magicof Christmas resolves everything and they go off
into the sunset happily ever after.Listen. That makes for great television,
(28:14):
makes for great movies, but itcan be a real set up if you're
opening your heart back up to someonewho cannot give you that happy ending that
you desire. And so if youknow, if you know that there's somebody
out there that if they were tocall you and you're lonely enough, you
(28:42):
won't be able to resist them,then I encourage you to register for this
masterclass even if that may not beyour issue, but you want more from
your relationships that your relationship past isnot favorable, and it's left you feeling
(29:03):
disempowered. It's left you wondering ifyou can be trusted. It's left you
not trusting me, and it's leftyou afraid of love, afraid of getting
hurt. Then I encourage you toregister and attend this masterclass again. It's
(29:26):
the last one of this year,and you don't want to miss it.
The first one was such a hugesuccess that there are people who are signing
up for it again, So youdon't want to miss this. They want
to have a refresh your course.It was so good and so compelling,
(29:48):
and I don't want you to missthis opportunity. So, like they say
a monopoly, do not pass go, do not collect one hundred dollars right,
Come on, rush home to SuzetteSolutions dot Com and register for this
(30:10):
masterclass. I look forward to seeingyou there. And until then, just
in case no one has told you, I want you to never ever forget
that you are one hundred percent worthy, You are one hundred percent worth it,
you are one hundred percent of noBy now you have just listened to
(30:34):
the enough back to podcast with yourhost Suzette. They're not to get notified
of new episodes or to dig deeperinto today's topic. Become a subscriber,
and while you're at it, tellus how we're doing and what topics you're
interested in. We appreciate your feedbackand your reviews. Until next time,
(30:56):
remember you are worthy, you areworthing you our email. M m mmm
What if you knew you were enough? What would your life look like?
What would love look alike? Thisis the Enough Factor Broadcasts when we're redefining
what makes you enough in life?And now here's your host Susatte, Hello,
(00:38):
everybody, it's your life, Culture, relationship Solution to Suzette Viernon and
welcome to My Enough Factor podcast.Each week, we endeavor to amplify what
I've identified as three critical factors.I call them three critical factors of enoughness.
(00:59):
They are your voice, your value, and your vision for I have
found that when these are amplified,Wow, you have a better experience of
life and of love. And that'swhat we all want. The reason why
you're listening to me, I Brager, is because you want more from your
(01:23):
relationships. So I help how achievingwomen just like you who are over forty
to redefine what makes them enough inlife and in love on their own terms,
thereby helping them to break the cycleof fair relationships and attract great love
(01:46):
into their lives. As always,I am so happy that, out of
all the podcasts you could be listeningto right now, you decided to listen
to mine. And if you're newas hearty Southern girl, welcome. What
you will experience is not just surfacerelationship talk, not just tips and tricks
(02:07):
and techniques, nothing like that.What I do is get underneath the skin.
I deep dive into what lies underneaththe question am I enough? And
if so, why am I enough? For? I have found it is
(02:30):
so critical to your experience of relationshipsthat you are not questioning your worthiness right
to have the love that you desire. And so I challenge every belief,
every ideology, every disconnect, andevery story that is trying to make you
(03:00):
believe that you have to perform acertain way, that you have to earn
your worthiness to have great love onyour terms. Quite the contrary, you
don't have to earn the dog onething. You were born enough, You
(03:21):
are enough, and you always willbe enough. For the last few days,
I have really been thinking so muchabout this one word. It begins
with an S, and I hearit oh more times than I wish I
did. When it came to women'sexperiences with men. You know what the
(03:46):
S word is, No, it'snot six. Rather, it is settling.
Settling. One of the major complaintsI hear from women over forty when
they recount their relationship, woe,struggle challenge is that they feel like they
(04:09):
are settling for less than what theywant and what they deserve. And to
an objective thinker, you would sayto yourself, well, then just stop.
If you feel like you're settling forsomething, then just stop settling.
(04:30):
And I'm sure they would respond,it's not that simple. When feelings are
involved. It's not that simple.Well, I want to give you something
more to marinate on. We callit marinating. I want you to think
(04:51):
about this when you consider continuing tosettle. First of all, let's look
at what the definition of settling is. When people come to me and they
say they are settling, usually itmeans they are tolerating something that they really
(05:16):
don't want. They're tolerating a behavior, a circumstance, something that they really
don't want. And they'll often sayI deserve better, I deserve more.
Right, So there is this tugof war between what you really want and
(05:46):
tolerating what you don't want. Sowhy why would a woman, a smart
woman, a woman who is intouch with her feelings, a woman that
can articulate very clearly what was goingon in her relationship that she does not
want to happen. Why would shesettle? Is it merely because feelings are
(06:13):
involved? Perhaps? But let's diga little deeper in this whole settling soil,
shall we. I know when Iused to settle for what I didn't
want, there was a payoff.There was a payoff to me settling.
Now, it might not have beenone, but in my mind, there
(06:36):
was a payoff. There was somethingthat I was getting from settling, or
something that I felt like I mightcould get if I tolerated this a little
bit longer. And so I talkedmyself into a rating. I try to
(07:00):
rationalize it. I tried to seeit from a different point of view.
I would try to, in someway convince myself to either put up with
it a little longer, or thatmaybe I was asking for too much,
I was being too rigid, maybeI was being too unreasonable, and I
(07:26):
needed to try my best to seeit from that person's point of view,
to try my best to open upmy heart to become willing to settle.
Now. At the time, Iwasn't thinking it was settling. I thought
(07:47):
it was being mature, I thoughtit was being open. I thought it
was maybe being a great girlfriend,a great wife, a great partner,
you know, a great friend thatI was willing to try to see things
when that person stents point of viewand try to do things that person's way,
(08:09):
and that was the payoff. Thepay off would be they would appreciate
my tolerating, my trying to acceptit. They would appreciate me, you
know, trying to sit from theirpoint of view, trying to do it
(08:30):
their way, that they would appreciateit. That was the hoped for payoff,
that they would appreciate it so muchthat I would get something from them
that was meaningful to me. Forme, it meant I would get their
favor if I did what I thoughtthey wanted me to do. The payoff
(08:56):
would be I would get their favor, They would choose me first, they
would be thoughtful in whatever way thatI felt like they weren't being thoughtful,
that maybe if I tried it theirway, I'd earn their attention, their
(09:16):
affection, their preference. They wouldappreciate it so much that I would get
whatever it was that I really reallywanted from them. And so I talked
myself into it. But how manyof you know that when you try to
(09:37):
talk yourself into something that is notreally how you really feel, what you
really want, what you really need. That thing is gonna come collecting after
a while. After a while,it's gonna reveal itself with things and teeth
and what you tolerated. You justcan't tolerate it anymore, reason being because
(10:05):
you're not getting the payoff that youwanted to get. Are that payoff stops
being as appealing as it was before. Sometimes the payoff is hearing your husband
or your significant other talk about whata wonderful woman you are, Oh,
how giving you are, Oh howselfless you are, Oh, my goodness,
(10:31):
And it makes me wonder if that'swhat happened with um Anthony Anderson and
his wife, because in an interviewhe talked about how his wife was such
a giving person. He said,that's that's just who she is. She
just sacrifices for others. She sacrificesher career just to help me with mine.
(10:56):
She sacrificed her dreams to be athome and be there for our children.
And he just seemed so impressed.I should say, with her willingness
to sacrifice what was meaningful to herfor him. Now, between you and
(11:18):
me, that sounds a little narcissistic, because if a person really loves you,
why would they want you to giveup something that precious to them for
you? Why would they be okaywith you doing it? Why would they
be okay with you sacrificing what reallymeans a lot to you so that they
(11:43):
can fly, so that their careercan take off, so they can have
what they want. Why do theyhave to be the sacrificial lamb? And
that's the thing about settling, tolerating, whatever words you want to call it.
After a while, it's gonna comecollecting. And maybe at first you
swell with pride that your husband wouldsay those kinds of things about you so
(12:09):
adoringly and so lovingly. But aftera while it becomes almost like somebody scratching
their nails down a chalkboard because yourealize they're willing to let you suffer,
they're willing to let you sacrifice,they're willing to And when you want something
(12:31):
of your own, when you havea dream of goal, something that you
want their support in many times they'renot available to give it, or they're
look at you like you have fiveheads, like wait, you want something
from me? You want me tosupport you? I mean what is that
I'm busy. I got this goingon. I have this going on.
(12:52):
No, I can't keep the kidstonight because I've got this and my career
requires this. So they expect youto continue to sacrifice yourself, your time,
your dreams, and if that hasnot come from a real place in
you, after while, you resentthem for it. That's what I mean
when I say that, after awhile, what you've been settling for is
(13:16):
gonna come collecting and the words thatused to just make you feel so good
and so loved and so appreciate it, after a while just feel like somebody
is just like I said, theirnails are scratching down the chalkboard. That's
a terrible sound. After a while, it just makes you do makes you
(13:41):
want to scream because you're tired ofthem applauding your sacrifice. You're tired of
sacrificing and never have in your turn. And that's the issue, because your
payoff was if I do this forhim, one day it's gonna be my
(14:03):
turn, and he's gonna do thisfor me. That's the danger of settling,
because settling keeps scores. Settling keepsscores because settling won'ts payback. It
does. I don't care how benevolentyou feel in the beginning, how super
(14:28):
spiritual, super deep, I don'tcare. Whatever you are settling for is
gonna come collecting. It's gonna comecollecting, and that collection is I've done
enough. It is my turn.Now is your turn to keep the kids.
(14:50):
It's your turn to sacrifice. Isyour turn to fix the meals?
Is your turn to do without sothat I can have what I've put off
for all these years for you?And sadly though, the person that you're
looking for to do that never hadit in them to do it in the
(15:15):
first place. And now you feellike you've been played. You feel like
you have been taken for granted,You feel like you've been betrayed, when
the truth of the matter is youhad to first betray yourself before he ever
(15:35):
did. And now a special announcement. If you've tried to do love on
their terms and it didn't work,I've got the answer. Love on your
Terms a three five day master classthat takes you out of the passengers seat
(15:56):
and into the driver's seat where youbelong. To turned board and to sign
up, go to susatte Solutions dotcom that's at susatte Solutions dot com.
It's free, it's now, that'ssuits at selucitions dot com. I look
forward to see you there. Godknows, that's a hard pill to swallow.
(16:29):
Whoa ill? What a hard pillowwas to swallow? When I wanted
to blame my ex husband for allthe crap I put up with in our
marriage, I wanted to blame himfor avery thing it was his fault.
I was a good woman. Iwas a good wife. I was a
good mother. I was a greatbusiness partner. I was all these wonderful
(16:52):
things. But then when it wasmy turn, and my turn was I
hope that by what I was doingfor my husband that somehow another, that
it would cause me to earn hisaffection, that I would be first in
his life, that he would chooseme, prefer me, That he would
give me the kind of home andthe kind of place to belong that I
(17:17):
never felt like I had in mychildhood. He was supposed to be for
me what my daddy couldn't be.He was supposed to give me that happily
ever after that I had been wanting, and he failed in it, and
I was upset with him because Ikept tolerating things. I kept dismissing things.
(17:38):
I kept swallowing, swallowing my pride, swallowing what I wanted, suppressing
what I wanted, not speaking up, or even if I spoke up and
I told him what I wanted andtold him what I felt, if he
wouldn't do it, if he didn'tthink he should do it, I would
try to see it his way,and then ended up happening. Is I
(18:00):
kept tolerating, and kept tolerating,and kept tolerating until it was time for
payback and he was not cooperating.He didn't feel like he needed to cooperate,
He didn't feel like he needed topay me back because he felt like
he was okay. He thought itwas a woman's role to sacrifice herself for
(18:22):
him. He thought it was whata woman does when she finally gets a
man that wants to marry her ora quote unquote good man. That that's
her reasonable service, is to sacrificeher reasonable services, to put services,
to put her life on the wholebecause what he put a ring on it.
(18:45):
He gave her his last name,and because he did that, she
should be willing to do whatever isnecessary, whatever he wants because he chose
her. But what a man istruly truly in love with you at least
(19:07):
this is what I've experienced in myown happy marriage to a man who adores
me, is he does not wantme to sacrifice myself. He wants to
protect my joy, he wants toprotect my dream, he wants to support
it in any way he can.He'll get a second job, He'll do
(19:29):
the heavy lifting, just so Ican be happy, just so I can
be fulfilled, Just so that Idon't have any regrets or resent have any
resentments because of having the sacrifice whatit is I truly truly want in life.
That's what I've learned, And soI wanted to really have this conversation
(19:56):
because I think a lot of womensettle because they don't know. They've seen
it modeled so much. Women settling, Women just being grateful that they are
picked. Women just being grateful thatthey have a ring on it. Let
me, just being grateful that aman marry them. That they sacrifice everything,
They sacrifice their boys, their value, and their vision. They sacrifice
(20:17):
it, and they're supposed to behappy. But a little bit of them
dies. They die a little everyday. They lose themselves a little every
day what a sacrifice. And lovedoes not require that you betray yourself.
(20:37):
Ladies, I want you to hearthat love does not require it. We've
seen a model for us, butnow that I'm experiencing real deal love,
the kind of love that will makea man, you know, take a
bullet for a woman, the kindof love that will make a man swim,
(20:59):
swim them skilled a castle walls.There is that kind of love where
a man can love a woman tothat degree that he's gonna sacrifice. He's
if anybody's gonna do without, it'sgonna be him, not his wife,
not his children. He's the onethat's gonna do the heavy lifting. If
(21:23):
it's within his power to do so, he's gonna do it because he's not
willing to sacrifice his wife's joy.He's not willing to do it. He's
not willing to do it. Andat the moment when she says I'm tired,
I cannot do this anymore, he'snot gonna look at her. He's
got like she's got five heads,Like what do you mean you're supposed to
(21:45):
be doing that? Not when aman is in love with you, he's
gonna be trying to see what hecan do so that you can have your
turn, so you can have yourdream. He's gonna do what he can.
He's gonna ask seek not he's gonnaput his pride to the side because
(22:08):
he truly loves you. And ladies, I gotta tell you something. I've
been with a man that was willingto let me follow my own sword and
I and I'm now with a manwho will refuse to let me follow my
own sword. And I'm gonna tellyou I like this a whole lot better.
(22:34):
So I just wanted to sound thealarm and get you the thinking that
there is an alternative to settling.You do not have to settle. Not
only do you deserve more, butyou're worthy of more. And for those
of you that need a reminder orneed more evidence, need to reclaim or
(23:03):
even discover what makes you enough andyour worthiness to have love on your Terms,
then I invite you to my Loveon Your Terms masterclass that's coming up
in November November seventh through the eleventhis coming up in about what little a
little less than a month. It'scoming up pretty soon and pretty fast,
(23:27):
and I invite you to register atsues that Solutions dot Com grab that virtual
seat. No longer settle, butdo what you need to do to get
your own evidence, your own evidencethat will substantiate you asking for what you
(23:53):
want on your own terms. Becausethis is the thing. If you don't
have your own evidence that you deservebetter, you will continue to settle.
And so with this love on yourterms, masterclass, I invite you.
I give you the information, theinsights, the tools, and the resources
(24:19):
to dig down inside of yourself wherethere is no lie, where the truth
about who you are resides, andby getting to that truth, to help
you to understand that you are worthy, You are worth it. You are
(24:40):
more than enough to have love,not just hood love settling, but great
love. Someone who sees you asvaluable, as worthy, as worth it.
Somebody who wants to protect your heart, someone who wants to protect you,
not exploit you at their own convenience. They don't want to put you
(25:07):
down so they can excel. Andthere are men out there who want to
love you. There's a love outthere that really wants to love you,
and I want you to know it. I want to give you enough evidence
to the point that you do notever settle again. So I invite you
(25:33):
to register. Registration is open andas I said, it's coming up soon
and this is the last master classof twenty twenty two. So you don't
want to miss this. You wantto start your holidays off on the right
foot. You do not want togo through the holidays where the studies show
(25:57):
that the rate of SUA sides goup because people are so lonely, so
desperate during the holidays, and itdoes set in. And I want to
give you something to anchor you.I want to give you something that you
(26:17):
can hold onto that's more compelling thanyour desire to accept, to settle and
to accept what cannot love you justfor momentarily believing, thinking, hoping that
it will help you to feel lesslonely, a temporary solution that will give
(26:41):
you a long term problem that youwill be taking the taking up the tab
for it, because when you dothat, you open yourself back up to
being hurt and being disappointed. ButI know how loneliness can drive you.
And that's why strategically we're making surethat we do this love on your terms
(27:06):
of masterclass right before the holiday startand the rom coms come on the Christmas,
romantic comedies and romantic dramas. Themagic of Christmas and love is in
the air, and somehow, whenyou look at the Hallmark Channel and you
look at the twenty five Days ofChristmas, and you look at Fallola,
(27:26):
Lifetime, and you look at allthese channels where they're giving you all this
love and the magic of Christmas.Most of those stories usually are about someone
finding love at Christmas that somehow anothermaybe they might have broken up with somebody,
(27:49):
something might have happened in their pastthat made it impossible, maybe there
was a misunderstanding, and somehow themagic of Christmas brings these star cross lovers
back together, and now the magicof Christmas resolves everything and they go off
into the sunset happily ever after.Listen. That makes for great television,
(28:14):
makes for great movies, but itcan be a real set up if you're
opening your heart back up to someonewho cannot give you that happy ending that
you desire. And so if youknow, if you know that there's somebody
out there that if they were tocall you and you're lonely enough, you
(28:42):
won't be able to resist them,then I encourage you to register for this
masterclass even if that may not beyour issue, but you want more from
your relationships that your relationship past isnot favorable, and it's left you feeling
(29:03):
disempowered. It's left you wondering ifyou can be trusted. It's left you
not trusting me, and it's leftyou afraid of love, afraid of getting
hurt. Then I encourage you toregister and attend this masterclass again. It's
(29:26):
the last one of this year,and you don't want to miss it.
The first one was such a hugesuccess that there are people who are signing
up for it again, So youdon't want to miss this. They want
to have a refresh your course.It was so good and so compelling,
(29:48):
and I don't want you to missthis opportunity. So, like they say
a monopoly, do not pass go, do not collect one hundred dollars right,
Come on, rush home to SuzetteSolutions dot Com and register for this
(30:10):
masterclass. I look forward to seeingyou there. And until then, just
in case no one has told you, I want you to never ever forget
that you are one hundred percent worthy, You are one hundred percent worth it,
you are one hundred percent of noBy now you have just listened to
(30:34):
the enough back to podcast with yourhost Suzette. They're not to get notified
of new episodes or to dig deeperinto today's topic. Become a subscriber,
and while you're at it, tellus how we're doing and what topics you're
interested in. We appreciate your feedbackand your reviews. Until next time,
(30:56):
remember you are worthy, you areworthing you our email. M m mmm
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