November 20, 2022 • 26 mins
Inspired by the Netflix social experiment, Married At First Sight, Suzette talks about a defense mechanism that she fondly termed, "psychodistancing". Basically, it is talking in circles yet trying to make it sound enlightened. The problem however is nobody understands what the heck you're saying. Listen as she explores this further and what might be at the root of it.
If after listening to this episode, you wish to talk further about your relationship challenges and how working with Coach Suzette can help, contact her Here are some ways:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
Join her Facebook Group at facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms.
If after listening to this episode, you wish to talk further about your relationship challenges and how working with Coach Suzette can help, contact her Here are some ways:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
Join her Facebook Group at facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
What if you knew you are enough? What would your life look like?
What would love look alike? Thisis the Enough Doctor broadcasts where we're redefining
what makes you enough in life?And now here's your host, Susanne Enough.
(00:38):
Hello everybody, and welcome to theEnough Doctor Podcast. My name is
Suzette Vern and i'm your life culturerelationship solutionists, and I help high achieving
women over forty to redefine what makesthem enough in life and in love on
their own terms so they can breakthe cycle. So they can break the
(01:00):
cycle y'all, a failed relationships andattract great love into their lives. Now
how do I do it? Ido it by amplifying three critical factors.
They are your voice, your value, and your vision. And this episode
is going to do just that.I want me to know that I have
(01:26):
found. Okay, I gotta Igotta make something to y'all. I've been
watching Netflix and I've been really lovingLove Is Blind and The Ultimatum. Well,
my latest guilty pleasure is married atFirst Sight, and so I started
(01:48):
watching that and there was something aboutone of the participants. Well, first
of all, let me tell youwhat at first Sight is about. Matter
at first sight is that these professionalsa matchmaker, a pastor, somebody in
pastoral care, and I think it'sa coach of some kind. They all
(02:12):
kind of come together and they matchpeople not based on superficiality, but based
on what they feel like our corevalues that could really match them for long
term, great love marriage, right, And so the people trust these professionals
(02:34):
to match them up well. Andthen they show up for the wedding.
I mean they go through the wholething. They go through the picking the
tuxedo out and getting the wedding dressout and all that. They do all
of that before they actually meet theperson they're marrying. So when they meet
that person, they are at theirwedding, standing in front of the efficient
(03:01):
and actually legally getting married. Andthen after they legally get married, then
they I think have eight weeks tolive together and will first go through the
honeymoon, then the living together,and they decided the end of eight weeks
(03:22):
whether they want to continue with themarriage or whether they don't want to get
a divorce. And of course yousee the different couples, and some are
just a little bit better than others, but at some point they all have
to face that stark reality that theydon't really know each other, and so
it triggers them. It brings upa whole lot of insecurities, and in
(03:43):
this particular case, the inspiration fortoday comes from a man who was,
Oh my god, very handsome,I mean like GQ, like oh,
a fitness model kind of. Hehas those kind of rob low looks,
right like, he's really really handsome. And so one of the things that
(04:05):
inspired this episode was he would startyou'd ask him a question, and he
would start talking and talking and talkinghimself into circles until you looking at the
other person. What did he justsay? I don't know what it was
he just said, right, Andit wasn't just his wife that felt like
(04:29):
that. But even when he triedto explain to the other men who were
all participating in this experiment as well, they'd be like, we don't really
know what he's saying. And sohe's the inspiration for tonight. And I
have finally termed this as psycho distancing. Now, not psycho like he's psychotic,
(04:50):
nothing like that, but this kindof psychobabble, kind of bootleg psychobabble
kind of thing where you kind ofsound like you're well read, you sound
like you're really smart, but youreally just talk yourself into circles with a
(05:12):
lot of psychobabble or a lot ofsmart sounding, conceptual philosophical mumbo jumbo that
leaves everybody scratching their heads saying,so what are you saying? And I
was watching him do this repeatedly,and I thought to myself, that's another
(05:33):
way of distancing. That's another wayof really avoiding really showing up and articulating
what you really want to say orwhatever your theory is. Instead of really
saying I'm scared, instead of reallysaying it, He'll say something and then
(05:56):
follow it up with a whole lotof psychobabble that makes it sound like that
that that that's gonna go with whatyou're saying. It's like, okay,
but what does that have to dowith this? What does that have to
do with you and me? Iknow you're talking in the clouds, and
I know you're making these philosophical youknow, links, But it's like,
(06:19):
dude, just say it, Justsay the dog one thing. And so
he's done this. Like I callthe wilderness wandering, Well, you're wandering
around in the wilderness or you're walkingaround in a circle. Your man as
well be walking around in a circlemuttering to yourself because nobody gets it,
(06:45):
and so everybody's kind of looking atyou confused. It's like, so you're
saying this, and then instead ofhim saying right, he'll say it,
but when he adds his five whatfive herbs and spices to it, you're
(07:09):
just like, oh my god,I got a headache, Oh my goodness.
And it's just almost like mixed signals, that same feeling you get from
a person that's sending you mixed signalswhere it's like getaway closer, or like
yeah, right right right right,right right right, but it's like they
(07:29):
still don't get it. It wasthat same feeling, and so I created
a term called psycho distancing. Doyou psycho distance? Is that your way
of putting up a barrier so thatpeople don't see who you really really are?
Is that your way of avoiding thetough conversations? Is that the way
(07:53):
you shield yourself? You know,is that what's really going on? Are
you really comfortable with being seen orare you so used to dealing in the
in a superficial realm that you tryto sound smart and you try to sound
like you've really done your work,but the truth is you really haven't.
(08:18):
And maybe you've read some books andyou can talk it, but it doesn't
connect. It doesn't truly truly connect. And one of the things that he
kept saying was, I don't know. I don't know how to do this.
I don't know how to be vulnerable. I don't know how to dig
deeper and not allow physical attraction orthe kind of attraction that I'm used to.
(08:46):
I don't know how to dig deeperthan that, and so instead I
isolate. Instead, I run backto what's comfortable for me, because I'm
very uncomfortable in these waters. Idon't know how to be married. I
don't know how to show up.I don't know how. I know how
(09:07):
to whine and dine, But marriageis requiring me to really show up and
take somebody else's feelings into consideration.And right now, all I can feel
is what I feel, and I'mtrying to communicate it, and I'm trying
to help this person to understand byusing these terms. But you know,
(09:30):
when you really don't understand yourself,it's very hard, it's very very difficult
to express it to somebody else,they look at you like you got four
heads, because the truth is,you really don't know how to do this.
You don't know how to deep seadive if all you've been is on
(09:50):
the shallow end of the pool.And no judgment because if that's where you've
been, even though you want somethingbetter, even though you might be a
great person and you might have sharedcore values that would make this person the
perfect match, if you don't knowhow to access that with that person,
(10:13):
because you can't get past the factthat you don't feel attracted to them in
a way that would give you accessto those feelings, then you are kind
of in a very tough spot.And when I was looking at it,
it was very unclear as to whetherwith counseling, with talking it through with
(10:41):
these different professionals to help, ifeven with that, if he could access
it. Because one of the thingsI have found to be true a lot
of times we think, if we'rewell read, if we read enough books,
listen to enough psychobabble, have thewords of something, we think that
(11:05):
we have arrived because I can explainit. I'm there. But even in
his efforts to explain it using thiskind of elevated vernacular. It was very
very clear that while he could sayit from an intellectual all be it very
(11:30):
challenged intellectual spot, he did nothave an experiential way of connecting with himself
in that deep way. And soit was very hard for him to really
(11:52):
connect with his wife in the waythat one needs to be able to connect
because he just kept being blinded bywhat he could see. And to his
credit, I don't think it wasjust physical. I think there is an
(12:13):
energy and a synergy to chemistry thathe just wasn't feeling. She was a
great girl and all that, butshe didn't have that whatever it was he
was looking for. And isn't thatinteresting that many of us want something deeper,
(12:37):
but we don't even know how toaccess that within ourselves, and so
when the deeper person shows up,we don't even know how to connect with
that person because we have so manybarriers. And so even with him trying,
and you could tell he was trying, but you can't deep sea dive
(13:01):
if you've never done it, youcan't do it. You know, you
want to go on a deep seadive with somebody, but if all you've
ever swam is in the shallow endof the pool. You don't know how.
(13:22):
You don't know how. It's likea person in the water and you
are standing on the land and they'retrying to tell you what wet feels like,
and you see them in the water, but you don't have an experience
of that. All you have anexperience of its dry land and they're saying,
(13:43):
come out here in the water withme, But you don't have an
experience of wet. And so it'svery hard for you to just do it
when you have not been guided inlearning how to do that. All you
experience when you jump in water you'venever jumped into it is oh it's cold.
(14:07):
Oh this is cold. Oh thisis uncomfortable. Oh my god.
I don't have any control. Idon't have the buoyancy that you have.
I sink like a rock because Ihave not been exposed to it. I
haven't been guided in it. Idon't know how to navigate in this,
(14:28):
and so I get it. Iget it. So I don't know what's
going to happen with that couple,but I did want to point it out.
And that's one of the reasons whyit's so very important. I think
if you are seeking something deeper.If you're looking for true love, true
(14:50):
partnership, someone you can build with, someone that you can be your best
friend, that you understand each other, that you get each other jokes,
whatever it is that you're looking forin a life partner, that before you
do these things, even if you'rein a social experiment, I feel like
(15:11):
there should be some preliminary that youdon't just look for the experts to do
all the matching and you're just standingthere waiting for the call. It's like
waiting to adopt the child, rightand you're waiting for them to call you
and to say we've found a babyfor you. But you have not read
(15:31):
any parenting books. You have noteven gotten the nursery ready, you haven't
even talked about how you're going toco parent this child. You don't even
know what to expect. You don'teven know what kind of formula to give
that child. You've done no homeworkat all for this child that you say
(15:54):
you want. And I see thatit's evident that these people have not done
the self work that they have neededto do to really prepare them for the
lifetime commitment that they've signed up for. And so it really even more reinforced
(16:21):
the importance of what we're doing thisweek in my Love on Your Terms masterclass
on Monday through Friday, we wentthrough a lot of these things, with
the first two sessions really dealing withthe insecurities, the unanswered questions, those
(16:41):
triggering things that plague us when wefeel scared, those vulnerability pieces. We
came right through the gate with that, and then by the third session we're
revealing what that person's superpower really is, and especially for us women, that
what our superpower is is we cantake what you throw at us and surrender
(17:07):
it back to you bigger, bolder, and more beautiful whatever it is,
or even more toxic than what youtoss to us. We have that ability
to reproduce, and so we talkabout really taking that ability and channeling it
in the right way so we canget the results that we want. And
then on the session four we dealtwith where the good men are right,
(17:33):
because that's a question, but whereare all the good men? So we
really got into that, and thenon Friday night we dealt with the mindset.
We termed it it's my prerogative right, but we deal with the mindset
of women who are really happy intheir relationships, right, and so we
(17:55):
dealt with that and in the wholeweek, that is exactly where we put
our focus. And it's because wewant people to really learn to start accessing
those deeper things, those core values. Many of them can't even access their
core values because they've been conditioned todeal with a certain level of superficiality.
(18:22):
They've been conditioned to be accomplishment driven. They've been conditioned to seek validation based
on their accomplishments, their achievements,their ability to earn, to earn people's
affections or earn their kudos. Andwhen that's the way you've been conditioned,
(18:45):
a lot of times you have notdone the work to really connect with your
core values and so they're they're notpresent. Other things really make the determining
or the determining factor in your relationships. So with this masterclass, we really
brought that to the forefront of howout of touch we are with our core
(19:11):
values and that in a just likethis gentleman that was struggling and could articulate
because hey, we're well read.We listened to Doctor Field, we listened
to Oprah, we listened to youknow, Deepark and Eckhart, and we
read their books and we listened toall these inspirational sayings that sound really good,
(19:36):
but we bring a very superficial andsurface understanding to them. So while
we can articulate them, we can'tlive them out. They haven't connected to
something truly meaningful inside of us,And so we swim in shallow water,
right, And so what we've endeavoredto do this week was just kind of
(20:02):
sound the alarm. We know wecan't fix a person or help them in
just five days. Sure we cando some things, but a lot of
this stuff is so deeply inbred inpeople that we just wanted to bring it
to their attention so that they canrequire more from themselves, so that they
(20:23):
can actually have the great love thatthey really want to have. And so
I was really inspired with this wholepsycho distancing. How we can get engage
in psychobabble and inspirational speak and dealin concepts and have a philosophical discussion.
(20:45):
But you can have a philosophical discussionand still not have a connection to the
deeper meaning inside of your own soul. So to talk about that today in
the hooks, that that will getyou to start thinking and all that,
and even though days one through fiveare over with my Love on your Terms
(21:11):
masterclass, you still can participate becausewe have some bonus sessions that are going
on through through this weekend through Novemberthe fifteenth, which is Tuesday, So
you still have time to listen tothe replays and you still have time to
(21:34):
participate in these bonus sessions that arereally supplementing and adding more texture and context
to what people have learned days onethrough five. So all you have to
do is go to Suzette Solutions dotcom. The registration page is still up.
Register and you will get immediate accessto what we all are in experiencing
(22:03):
right now in real time, andjust so that you kind of know what's
coming up. On tonight, Iam going to do a special bonus session
about how we work with people tohelp them to dive more deeply and attach
to the core values so they canreally have the real deal great love they're
(22:26):
looking for, right And so tonightI'm really diving more deeply into my Doing
Love Differently transformation program. But tomorrownight, which would be Monday, Coach
Alicia is going to do an implementationlab. It's title terminology because nothing is
(22:49):
going to happen with what has beentaught and received days one through five.
If we cannot put pen to paper, what about what our terms are?
What awakened inside of us that wecan now become guiding principles, standards,
(23:11):
terms for how we're going to dolove. And so Coach Alicia is going
to spearhead that effort tomorrow night,and then on Tuesday night, I'm going
to spearheadhead a bonus session called loveDating. Excuse me, the right way.
For many of us women over forty, we've never been taught the correct
(23:34):
way, the healthy way to date. Even those that might have dated when
they were teenagers, they were justtrying to find figure it out right,
but nobody really taught them an effectiveway to truly date. And I know
(23:56):
when I talked to women, manyof the women that I talked to,
and I at our clients of minewill tell you they've never dated. They've
never dated, and so it becomesvery intimidating to date when you're over forty,
or to date after a divorce,or to know how to really navigate
(24:21):
this wonderful technology in these great resourcesthat are at our fingertips, but we
don't know how to use them inan effective way, and so I'm going
to share with them some insights thatI gained when I started dating over forty
that I felt like really accelerated myability to connect with and to meet my
(24:45):
husband Robert. So that's going tobe happening on Tuesday, November fifteen,
So you still have time. Soagain, just go to suez that Solutions
dot com. The information will bein the description of this p podcast and
register. That way you can getcaught up on the bonuses and I'm sorry
(25:07):
to get caught up on the replays. Take advantage of the bonuses and do
all that before it all goes awayon Tuesday at twelve midnight. So you
still have three good days to reallytake advantage. You can listen to the
(25:33):
replace binge wash the replays today andbe ready at least be ready for Monday
Nights bonus, and be ready forTuesday Nights bonus. Okay, so go
on over there and do it andjump on in the water. Is really
great over here. Okay, Well, then, thank you so much for
(25:59):
listening. And just in case nobodyhas told you, I want you to
know that you are worthy, youare worth it. You are more than
enough. By now, you havejust listened to the Enough back To podcast
with your host Suzette. They're notto get notified of new episodes or to
(26:25):
dig deeper into today's topic. Becomea subscriber, and while you're at it,
tell us how we're doing and whattopics you're interested in. We appreciate
your feedback and your reviews. Untilnext time, remember you are worthy,
you are worth it, You areenough.
What if you knew you are enough? What would your life look like?
What would love look alike? Thisis the Enough Doctor broadcasts where we're redefining
what makes you enough in life?And now here's your host, Susanne Enough.
(00:38):
Hello everybody, and welcome to theEnough Doctor Podcast. My name is
Suzette Vern and i'm your life culturerelationship solutionists, and I help high achieving
women over forty to redefine what makesthem enough in life and in love on
their own terms so they can breakthe cycle. So they can break the
(01:00):
cycle y'all, a failed relationships andattract great love into their lives. Now
how do I do it? Ido it by amplifying three critical factors.
They are your voice, your value, and your vision. And this episode
is going to do just that.I want me to know that I have
(01:26):
found. Okay, I gotta Igotta make something to y'all. I've been
watching Netflix and I've been really lovingLove Is Blind and The Ultimatum. Well,
my latest guilty pleasure is married atFirst Sight, and so I started
(01:48):
watching that and there was something aboutone of the participants. Well, first
of all, let me tell youwhat at first Sight is about. Matter
at first sight is that these professionalsa matchmaker, a pastor, somebody in
pastoral care, and I think it'sa coach of some kind. They all
(02:12):
kind of come together and they matchpeople not based on superficiality, but based
on what they feel like our corevalues that could really match them for long
term, great love marriage, right, And so the people trust these professionals
(02:34):
to match them up well. Andthen they show up for the wedding.
I mean they go through the wholething. They go through the picking the
tuxedo out and getting the wedding dressout and all that. They do all
of that before they actually meet theperson they're marrying. So when they meet
that person, they are at theirwedding, standing in front of the efficient
(03:01):
and actually legally getting married. Andthen after they legally get married, then
they I think have eight weeks tolive together and will first go through the
honeymoon, then the living together,and they decided the end of eight weeks
(03:22):
whether they want to continue with themarriage or whether they don't want to get
a divorce. And of course yousee the different couples, and some are
just a little bit better than others, but at some point they all have
to face that stark reality that theydon't really know each other, and so
it triggers them. It brings upa whole lot of insecurities, and in
(03:43):
this particular case, the inspiration fortoday comes from a man who was,
Oh my god, very handsome,I mean like GQ, like oh,
a fitness model kind of. Hehas those kind of rob low looks,
right like, he's really really handsome. And so one of the things that
(04:05):
inspired this episode was he would startyou'd ask him a question, and he
would start talking and talking and talkinghimself into circles until you looking at the
other person. What did he justsay? I don't know what it was
he just said, right, Andit wasn't just his wife that felt like
(04:29):
that. But even when he triedto explain to the other men who were
all participating in this experiment as well, they'd be like, we don't really
know what he's saying. And sohe's the inspiration for tonight. And I
have finally termed this as psycho distancing. Now, not psycho like he's psychotic,
(04:50):
nothing like that, but this kindof psychobabble, kind of bootleg psychobabble
kind of thing where you kind ofsound like you're well read, you sound
like you're really smart, but youreally just talk yourself into circles with a
(05:12):
lot of psychobabble or a lot ofsmart sounding, conceptual philosophical mumbo jumbo that
leaves everybody scratching their heads saying,so what are you saying? And I
was watching him do this repeatedly,and I thought to myself, that's another
(05:33):
way of distancing. That's another wayof really avoiding really showing up and articulating
what you really want to say orwhatever your theory is. Instead of really
saying I'm scared, instead of reallysaying it, He'll say something and then
(05:56):
follow it up with a whole lotof psychobabble that makes it sound like that
that that that's gonna go with whatyou're saying. It's like, okay,
but what does that have to dowith this? What does that have to
do with you and me? Iknow you're talking in the clouds, and
I know you're making these philosophical youknow, links, But it's like,
(06:19):
dude, just say it, Justsay the dog one thing. And so
he's done this. Like I callthe wilderness wandering, Well, you're wandering
around in the wilderness or you're walkingaround in a circle. Your man as
well be walking around in a circlemuttering to yourself because nobody gets it,
(06:45):
and so everybody's kind of looking atyou confused. It's like, so you're
saying this, and then instead ofhim saying right, he'll say it,
but when he adds his five whatfive herbs and spices to it, you're
(07:09):
just like, oh my god,I got a headache, Oh my goodness.
And it's just almost like mixed signals, that same feeling you get from
a person that's sending you mixed signalswhere it's like getaway closer, or like
yeah, right right right right,right right right, but it's like they
(07:29):
still don't get it. It wasthat same feeling, and so I created
a term called psycho distancing. Doyou psycho distance? Is that your way
of putting up a barrier so thatpeople don't see who you really really are?
Is that your way of avoiding thetough conversations? Is that the way
(07:53):
you shield yourself? You know,is that what's really going on? Are
you really comfortable with being seen orare you so used to dealing in the
in a superficial realm that you tryto sound smart and you try to sound
like you've really done your work,but the truth is you really haven't.
(08:18):
And maybe you've read some books andyou can talk it, but it doesn't
connect. It doesn't truly truly connect. And one of the things that he
kept saying was, I don't know. I don't know how to do this.
I don't know how to be vulnerable. I don't know how to dig
deeper and not allow physical attraction orthe kind of attraction that I'm used to.
(08:46):
I don't know how to dig deeperthan that, and so instead I
isolate. Instead, I run backto what's comfortable for me, because I'm
very uncomfortable in these waters. Idon't know how to be married. I
don't know how to show up.I don't know how. I know how
(09:07):
to whine and dine, But marriageis requiring me to really show up and
take somebody else's feelings into consideration.And right now, all I can feel
is what I feel, and I'mtrying to communicate it, and I'm trying
to help this person to understand byusing these terms. But you know,
(09:30):
when you really don't understand yourself,it's very hard, it's very very difficult
to express it to somebody else,they look at you like you got four
heads, because the truth is,you really don't know how to do this.
You don't know how to deep seadive if all you've been is on
(09:50):
the shallow end of the pool.And no judgment because if that's where you've
been, even though you want somethingbetter, even though you might be a
great person and you might have sharedcore values that would make this person the
perfect match, if you don't knowhow to access that with that person,
(10:13):
because you can't get past the factthat you don't feel attracted to them in
a way that would give you accessto those feelings, then you are kind
of in a very tough spot.And when I was looking at it,
it was very unclear as to whetherwith counseling, with talking it through with
(10:41):
these different professionals to help, ifeven with that, if he could access
it. Because one of the thingsI have found to be true a lot
of times we think, if we'rewell read, if we read enough books,
listen to enough psychobabble, have thewords of something, we think that
(11:05):
we have arrived because I can explainit. I'm there. But even in
his efforts to explain it using thiskind of elevated vernacular. It was very
very clear that while he could sayit from an intellectual all be it very
(11:30):
challenged intellectual spot, he did nothave an experiential way of connecting with himself
in that deep way. And soit was very hard for him to really
(11:52):
connect with his wife in the waythat one needs to be able to connect
because he just kept being blinded bywhat he could see. And to his
credit, I don't think it wasjust physical. I think there is an
(12:13):
energy and a synergy to chemistry thathe just wasn't feeling. She was a
great girl and all that, butshe didn't have that whatever it was he
was looking for. And isn't thatinteresting that many of us want something deeper,
(12:37):
but we don't even know how toaccess that within ourselves, and so
when the deeper person shows up,we don't even know how to connect with
that person because we have so manybarriers. And so even with him trying,
and you could tell he was trying, but you can't deep sea dive
(13:01):
if you've never done it, youcan't do it. You know, you
want to go on a deep seadive with somebody, but if all you've
ever swam is in the shallow endof the pool. You don't know how.
(13:22):
You don't know how. It's likea person in the water and you
are standing on the land and they'retrying to tell you what wet feels like,
and you see them in the water, but you don't have an experience
of that. All you have anexperience of its dry land and they're saying,
(13:43):
come out here in the water withme, But you don't have an
experience of wet. And so it'svery hard for you to just do it
when you have not been guided inlearning how to do that. All you
experience when you jump in water you'venever jumped into it is oh it's cold.
(14:07):
Oh this is cold. Oh thisis uncomfortable. Oh my god.
I don't have any control. Idon't have the buoyancy that you have.
I sink like a rock because Ihave not been exposed to it. I
haven't been guided in it. Idon't know how to navigate in this,
(14:28):
and so I get it. Iget it. So I don't know what's
going to happen with that couple,but I did want to point it out.
And that's one of the reasons whyit's so very important. I think
if you are seeking something deeper.If you're looking for true love, true
(14:50):
partnership, someone you can build with, someone that you can be your best
friend, that you understand each other, that you get each other jokes,
whatever it is that you're looking forin a life partner, that before you
do these things, even if you'rein a social experiment, I feel like
(15:11):
there should be some preliminary that youdon't just look for the experts to do
all the matching and you're just standingthere waiting for the call. It's like
waiting to adopt the child, rightand you're waiting for them to call you
and to say we've found a babyfor you. But you have not read
(15:31):
any parenting books. You have noteven gotten the nursery ready, you haven't
even talked about how you're going toco parent this child. You don't even
know what to expect. You don'teven know what kind of formula to give
that child. You've done no homeworkat all for this child that you say
(15:54):
you want. And I see thatit's evident that these people have not done
the self work that they have neededto do to really prepare them for the
lifetime commitment that they've signed up for. And so it really even more reinforced
(16:21):
the importance of what we're doing thisweek in my Love on Your Terms masterclass
on Monday through Friday, we wentthrough a lot of these things, with
the first two sessions really dealing withthe insecurities, the unanswered questions, those
(16:41):
triggering things that plague us when wefeel scared, those vulnerability pieces. We
came right through the gate with that, and then by the third session we're
revealing what that person's superpower really is, and especially for us women, that
what our superpower is is we cantake what you throw at us and surrender
(17:07):
it back to you bigger, bolder, and more beautiful whatever it is,
or even more toxic than what youtoss to us. We have that ability
to reproduce, and so we talkabout really taking that ability and channeling it
in the right way so we canget the results that we want. And
then on the session four we dealtwith where the good men are right,
(17:33):
because that's a question, but whereare all the good men? So we
really got into that, and thenon Friday night we dealt with the mindset.
We termed it it's my prerogative right, but we deal with the mindset
of women who are really happy intheir relationships, right, and so we
(17:55):
dealt with that and in the wholeweek, that is exactly where we put
our focus. And it's because wewant people to really learn to start accessing
those deeper things, those core values. Many of them can't even access their
core values because they've been conditioned todeal with a certain level of superficiality.
(18:22):
They've been conditioned to be accomplishment driven. They've been conditioned to seek validation based
on their accomplishments, their achievements,their ability to earn, to earn people's
affections or earn their kudos. Andwhen that's the way you've been conditioned,
(18:45):
a lot of times you have notdone the work to really connect with your
core values and so they're they're notpresent. Other things really make the determining
or the determining factor in your relationships. So with this masterclass, we really
brought that to the forefront of howout of touch we are with our core
(19:11):
values and that in a just likethis gentleman that was struggling and could articulate
because hey, we're well read.We listened to Doctor Field, we listened
to Oprah, we listened to youknow, Deepark and Eckhart, and we
read their books and we listened toall these inspirational sayings that sound really good,
(19:36):
but we bring a very superficial andsurface understanding to them. So while
we can articulate them, we can'tlive them out. They haven't connected to
something truly meaningful inside of us,And so we swim in shallow water,
right, And so what we've endeavoredto do this week was just kind of
(20:02):
sound the alarm. We know wecan't fix a person or help them in
just five days. Sure we cando some things, but a lot of
this stuff is so deeply inbred inpeople that we just wanted to bring it
to their attention so that they canrequire more from themselves, so that they
(20:23):
can actually have the great love thatthey really want to have. And so
I was really inspired with this wholepsycho distancing. How we can get engage
in psychobabble and inspirational speak and dealin concepts and have a philosophical discussion.
(20:45):
But you can have a philosophical discussionand still not have a connection to the
deeper meaning inside of your own soul. So to talk about that today in
the hooks, that that will getyou to start thinking and all that,
and even though days one through fiveare over with my Love on your Terms
(21:11):
masterclass, you still can participate becausewe have some bonus sessions that are going
on through through this weekend through Novemberthe fifteenth, which is Tuesday, So
you still have time to listen tothe replays and you still have time to
(21:34):
participate in these bonus sessions that arereally supplementing and adding more texture and context
to what people have learned days onethrough five. So all you have to
do is go to Suzette Solutions dotcom. The registration page is still up.
Register and you will get immediate accessto what we all are in experiencing
(22:03):
right now in real time, andjust so that you kind of know what's
coming up. On tonight, Iam going to do a special bonus session
about how we work with people tohelp them to dive more deeply and attach
to the core values so they canreally have the real deal great love they're
(22:26):
looking for, right And so tonightI'm really diving more deeply into my Doing
Love Differently transformation program. But tomorrownight, which would be Monday, Coach
Alicia is going to do an implementationlab. It's title terminology because nothing is
(22:49):
going to happen with what has beentaught and received days one through five.
If we cannot put pen to paper, what about what our terms are?
What awakened inside of us that wecan now become guiding principles, standards,
(23:11):
terms for how we're going to dolove. And so Coach Alicia is going
to spearhead that effort tomorrow night,and then on Tuesday night, I'm going
to spearheadhead a bonus session called loveDating. Excuse me, the right way.
For many of us women over forty, we've never been taught the correct
(23:34):
way, the healthy way to date. Even those that might have dated when
they were teenagers, they were justtrying to find figure it out right,
but nobody really taught them an effectiveway to truly date. And I know
(23:56):
when I talked to women, manyof the women that I talked to,
and I at our clients of minewill tell you they've never dated. They've
never dated, and so it becomesvery intimidating to date when you're over forty,
or to date after a divorce,or to know how to really navigate
(24:21):
this wonderful technology in these great resourcesthat are at our fingertips, but we
don't know how to use them inan effective way, and so I'm going
to share with them some insights thatI gained when I started dating over forty
that I felt like really accelerated myability to connect with and to meet my
(24:45):
husband Robert. So that's going tobe happening on Tuesday, November fifteen,
So you still have time. Soagain, just go to suez that Solutions
dot com. The information will bein the description of this p podcast and
register. That way you can getcaught up on the bonuses and I'm sorry
(25:07):
to get caught up on the replays. Take advantage of the bonuses and do
all that before it all goes awayon Tuesday at twelve midnight. So you
still have three good days to reallytake advantage. You can listen to the
(25:33):
replace binge wash the replays today andbe ready at least be ready for Monday
Nights bonus, and be ready forTuesday Nights bonus. Okay, so go
on over there and do it andjump on in the water. Is really
great over here. Okay, Well, then, thank you so much for
(25:59):
listening. And just in case nobodyhas told you, I want you to
know that you are worthy, youare worth it. You are more than
enough. By now, you havejust listened to the Enough back To podcast
with your host Suzette. They're notto get notified of new episodes or to
(26:25):
dig deeper into today's topic. Becomea subscriber, and while you're at it,
tell us how we're doing and whattopics you're interested in. We appreciate
your feedback and your reviews. Untilnext time, remember you are worthy,
you are worth it, You areenough.
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