November 27, 2022 • 34 mins
In a recent interview with Oprah, Quinta Brunson, the brains behind the popular television series, "Abbott Elementary", described something that every lightworker woman I know wants in her romantic relationship. One where she doesn't have to dim her light. Coach Suzette expounds on that very thing by talking about a love where you are welcomed.
If after listening to this episode, you wish to talk further about how Coach Suzette works with women to courageously be their true selves in their romantic relationships, contact her at:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
If you are seeking a community where you are welcomed and supported, check out her Love On Your Terms Group at https://facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms .
If after listening to this episode, you wish to talk further about how Coach Suzette works with women to courageously be their true selves in their romantic relationships, contact her at:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
If you are seeking a community where you are welcomed and supported, check out her Love On Your Terms Group at https://facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms .
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
What if you knew you were enough? What would your life look like?
What would love look like? Thisis the Enough at the broadcasts where we're
redefining what makes you enough in life? And now here's your host, Suzette.
(00:37):
Hello everybody, This is Suzette Vietnam, your life coaching, relationship solutionist,
and welcome to another episode of MyEnough Factor podcast. This podcast is
all about helping you to redefine whatmakes you enough in life and in love
(01:00):
on your own terms, so thatyou can break the cycle of failed relationships,
of trying to live up to otherpeople's definitions, and to really discover
what makes you enough and your worthinessto have love on your terms. It's
(01:21):
all about breaking that cycle, y'all, breaking that cycle and attracting great love.
And so with this podcast, Iseek to amplify what I've identified as
three critical factors. They are yourvoice, your value, and your vision.
(01:44):
Tonight's episode really was inspired after Iwatched Oprah's interview with Quinta Brunson,
the brains behind the popular sitcom appbut Elements Entry, and right at the
end of the interview, she sayssomething that made me grab my husband and
(02:07):
say, that's it. That's it. She said that with her husband,
she did not have to dim herlight, she didn't have to be less
than who she was, She couldbe her true, true self. And
(02:30):
I grabbed my husband and I said, baby, that's why I love you
so much. You are the onlyromantic relationship I've ever had where I did
not feel like I had to dimmy light, where I could be completely
(02:51):
and unapologetically my true true self inall of my brilliance, in all of
my eclecticness, in all of myweird, nerdy eccentricness, that I get
to be me, I don't haveto make an apology for being me.
(03:16):
And we started talking about it,and I said, you know what I
said in the beginning, I thoughtthat the only people I had to dim
my light for were the men thatI was romantically involved in. It seemed
(03:37):
their egos or whatever were intimidated bymy fire, by my honesty, by
my way of being in the world, by my way of articulating, by
those values that I grew up withabout honesty and integrity, and just simply
(03:57):
being able to point out the elephantin the living room. If a man
said he was going to do somethingand he didn't do it. I didn't
sit and ignore it. I calledit out. I said, listen,
you said you were gonna do soand so, and you didn't do it.
And I actually had someone tell methat men didn't like women like that,
(04:19):
because most men do not like awoman. Who's going to hold them
accountable, who's going to tell themthe truth, who's going to point things
like that out to them. Andso when I was praying to God,
I said, God, well,I'm in a bad situation because I'm getting
to the point in my maturity,in my age where I just can't pretend
(04:39):
anymore. I can't pretend to besomebody I'm not. It's like when I
try to suppress who I am,it's like she just explodes with more intensity
than she normally would. And Ijust told God, I said, you
know, for good or for ill, I am who I am, and
(05:00):
I don't know how to be anybodyelse. I don't have the energy to
pretend. I don't have the energyanymore. And I'm so grateful that happened,
because that was the best thing inthe world that could have ever happened,
where I just did not have theenergy to talk myself out of being
me. Anymore. I didn't havethe energy to blame myself. I didn't
(05:24):
have the energy to edit myself,to censor myself. It just got to
the point where I just couldn't doit anymore. And if there was any
apology to be made, the onlyapology was, you know what, I'm
so sorry that I kept tolerating whatI really shouldn't have tolerated. I'm so
sorry that I tried to keep mymouth shut. I tried to suppress,
(05:46):
I tried. My apology is thatI tried to do it, And really,
what I really should have done wasbe honest and forthcoming from the very
beginning. So I'm so sorry ifmy trying to suppress and sensor myself caused
you to believe something about me thatwasn't true, that's my apology. My
(06:09):
apology is I wasn't forthcoming. Myapology was I didn't tell you what I
was thinking. My apology was fortolerating something that I shouldn't have tolerated,
and as a result, when itfinally came out, it came out with
an intensity that it shouldn't or itwouldn't have if I had just been honest
(06:32):
in the first place. So Iapologize for making you think something that wasn't
true just because I didn't speak up. So for that I apologize, But
for being who I am, No, I don't apologize for that anymore.
(06:55):
I only apologize for making you believeI was somebody different, and that was
something that I had to accept.I had to accept responsibility that in situations
where sometimes I would show up andtell the truth and speak my truth.
It was a day late in thedollar short because the whole relationship had been
built on me trying so hard tolift up to somebody else's definition of what
(07:19):
friendship was, or somebody else's definitionabout how a woman should behave in a
romantic relationship. And that caused meto have to take a step back and
say, look, what is yourdefinition, Susan, what is your definition?
You have to reject a definition wherethem in your life is even an
(07:44):
option, right, And I'm sograteful that with my husband Robert, I
have never had to dim my life. I've never had to apologize. I've
never had to play to his ego. I've never had to be concerned about
it. I have, truly inthis relationship. This is the freest I
(08:07):
have ever been in any romantic relationshipin my whole entire life. Do you
know how free that is? Howfree it is to finally be with someone
that you can truly be yourself andnot feel like it's because of you being
(08:28):
yourself that you don't have nobody.Can you imagine the freedom, the healing
that comes when you realize that it'snot your fault, that being you is
(08:48):
not the problem. It's when youcan't be you that's the problem. And
I am so grateful because for solong I thought I was the problem.
I was darned if I did anddarned if I didn't. But meeting my
husband and being married to him,it's so free because the truth of the
(09:11):
matter, I wasn't free to bemyself ever. In my growing up,
I was never free to be myself. I always had to dim my light
always. I had to dim mylight growing up at home it was not
(09:35):
okay for me to be me.I had to dimn my light in church
because it was not okay for meto be me. I had to dim
my light in school because it wasn'tokay for me to be me. And
so the only time I was reallyfree to be myself unappart alogetically, I
(10:01):
mean, like totally myself. What'swhen I lived by myself until I met
my husband Robert. And it wasinteresting, as I was saying, I
thought it was only limited to myromantic relationships, but the truth of the
matter was even in my friendships,I had to dimn my light. I
(10:26):
either had to dimn my light orI felt like the friendships were imposing all
my light, and because of themimposing on it, I didn't have I
didn't have the freedom to choose whenI wanted my light to be exposed and
(10:50):
when I didn't. I'll give youan example of it in my situation.
My sisters I were musically talented.We still are, and for a long
time with me growing up, Iresented the fact that I couldn't just go
to church and just worship God.Whenever I or one of my sisters would
(11:18):
walk into a church service, someonewould always say, Oh, I think
we have one of the Randolph's sistershere. Maybe she'll give us a song,
or somebody needed somebody to play thepiano. Oh, one of the
Randolph's sisters is here, maybe she'llcome and play play the piano for us.
(11:39):
It was that kind of thing Ifelt like I did not have control
over my own gift. I didn'thave I didn't have the freedom to be
able to say no, I didn'thave the freedom to come to church to
just worship. And don't get mewrong, I enjoyed playing the piano and
(12:03):
I enjoyed singing. But sometimes Iwent through things in my life that were
so challenging and so difficult. Idid not need to be on I did
not need to be performing. Idid not need to be singing. I
did not need to be playing thepiano. I just wanted to just come
into the church and to pray andseek my God because I needed to connect
(12:30):
with Him as one of his children. And I resented the fact that I
could not come and just worship.I sometimes i'd come to church late so
that in hopes that nobody would recognizeme, just so I could just be
able to just worship, just comeas a worshiper. And so, either
(12:58):
it was a situation where I hadto dim my light right because I felt
like people were intimidated by it,or there were situations that people try to
monopolize my light. They would imposetheir will on my light, and that
(13:22):
wasn't comfortable either. They wouldn't respectmy boundaries. If I said, listen,
no, I don't want to sing. Please don't ask me to sing.
I just want to sit and worship. I can retire to. I
told people, please don't. Theysaid, we're gonna send the message up
so that we can get you asolo and I said, please don't.
(13:45):
I really don't want to sing.I just want to come and just worship.
And do you not know they wouldsing a note up to the preacher
anyway and totally disrespect, totally disregardmy boundary. And so it was so
wonderful, so wonderful to be ina romantic relationship where I had agency over
(14:15):
my own life. I didn't haveto damn it, and they didn't exploit
it, they didn't impose their willon it. And I love my husband
so much. And quintessis something sobeautiful, she said, you know,
she said, in some of myromantic relationships, she said, I think
(14:39):
the men felt like that if Iwas allowed to completely be myself that somehow
another they'd lose, they'd be lessstand that somehow another they'd be less respected,
less honored, less valued. Andthe complete opposite is true. And
(15:03):
again I was like, oh mygod, this is so true. Because
I live with a man that Ihave carte blanche. I can do what
I want to do the way Iwant to do it. I can completely
and totally be myself. And youknow what that does. I so appreciate
(15:24):
it so much until I don't wantto take it for granted. He's so
kind, he trusts me so muchthat it makes me even more aware of
him. It makes me love himmore, It makes me respect him more,
it makes me want to be goodto him more. It makes me
(15:52):
not want anybody to mistreat him,or to undervalue him, or to under
estimate him, or to take advantageof him, because he's such a good
human, such a great man,And to me, that doesn't make him
weak tim It makes him one ofthe strongest men I've ever met, a
(16:17):
man who has such respect for himselfthat he's not intimidated by his woman.
He's not intimidated at all by myideas, by the way I express myself,
by me seeing what I want todo. He's not intimidated when I
(16:41):
when I want to share time withhim and when I need me time,
He's not intimidated, not at all, not at all. He never retaliates.
When I'm honest, I don't fearretaliation. I gotta admit in the
(17:02):
beginning I kind of did, becauseit's all I knew. All I knew
was being around men who would getintimidated and I would suffer some type of
retaliation. That's all I knew.So sometimes I would do things and kind
of like, you know, holdmy breath waiting for the other shoot a
drop, or being afraid that,okay, he's gonna act funny. Now,
(17:27):
he's gonna go into some kind ofemotional manipulative tactic now. And he
never did, and he never has. And in December will be celebrating eight
years that the lords should allow meto live and not one time as this
man retaliated against me, not once, not once. It is so free,
(17:53):
Oh my god, it is sofree. And I am so great,
so super duper grateful to be inthis kind of union where I am
free to be who I am,and in return is teaching me to it
(18:18):
give him the same, the samelove that he gives to me. I
am learning that it's okay to giveit to him. I believe in romantic
love. I found that romantic lovehas created an environment for pieces of my
(18:45):
soul to be restored, reclaimed andrestored. The areas that I didn't even
know needed healing are being healed andare being restored just from this kind of
(19:10):
love. So when people try toplay romantic love cheap, as if it's
not as important as a god bylove or some of these other loves,
I'm light. Wait a minute,then, you don't know the true power
of romantic love. You don't knowthe true power of committed love. You
(19:32):
don't know the true power of thatkind of love between a man and a
woman. It is just as spiritual, It is just as divine, It
is just as transforming. When it'sthat real deal good love, it heals
(19:52):
in ways that I didn't even knowwhere possible. And that's why I so
desire it for those who want it, who yearned for it, who really
sense deep down in their soul there'spart of their soul's desire to have a
(20:15):
romantic partner. I so desire thatfor them, and I believe that's part
of my calling to help them,to help them to have it, to
help them break the cycle of failrelationships and have that real love that they
desire. I believe that's my calling. It's the reason that I went through
(20:41):
things the way I went through them, because there's somebody out there who desires
to be healed so they can loveagain, even if the person they need
love most is themselves. I don'tclaim that everybody is going to find romantic
(21:07):
love in the sense of having aromantic partner. But for some people,
that's not even the love that they'relooking for. That's not even the love
that their soul is yearning for.You know what is It's loving themselves again.
(21:30):
It's being able to know that they'reenough. It's getting their sense of
worth and worthiness back. It's somethingthey can stop blaming themselves and feel that
they're the problem. Learning to lovethemselves truly is the greatest love of all,
(21:52):
and that's why many times people whoparticipate in my program and my coaching
programs, their greatest test simony isn'tjust that they found the love of their
lives or they had an experience oflove different than they had ever had in
their lives, but that they havehad a different experience of themselves. They've
(22:15):
reclaimed parts of themselves that they weretaught were not enough and they've been able
to reclaim themselves, They've been ableto love themselves for the very first time,
to see themselves as lovable, nota problem to be solved. So
(22:37):
whatever that love is for you,I just want you to know that it's
your birthright. To experience great loveis your birthright. Whether that great love
is learning to love yourself, orthat great love is to experience romantic love,
(23:00):
that it is your birthright. It'snot something you should have to beg
four scheme for manipulate four. It'snot something that you have to dim your
light for. You don't have to. Some of you are feel trapped in
(23:22):
your relationships right now because you feellike you can't really show your husband or
your boyfriend or your significant other whoyou truly are. You can't tell them
but truth about how you really feel. That's them in your lights says when
you can't express how you really feelwhat you really desire. Your dem in
(23:44):
your light says when you can't bewho you truly are, when you have
to hold back. If you everhave to ask yourself, oh my god,
what will they think? What willwhat will he think of me?
(24:04):
If I say this, if Ido this, if he knows I make
this much money, How is hegoing to feel about me? When you
got to worry about being yourself becauseit might intimidate somebody else or make someone
else feel inferior. That's its ownbondage. Why would God make you this
(24:27):
wonderful, brilliant person if there wasnot someone out there who could love you
as you? Why would he createyou with all these gifts and talents and
give you those And the consequence ofyou having it is that you can never
(24:48):
experience real deal love. How cruelwould that be? How absolutely cruel would
that be? So you have toknow that there's somebody out there that you
don't have to be less than whoyou are for And I'm a witness for
(25:15):
almost almost fifty years, I'd saythings did not change for me. I
did not become courageous enough to bemy real deal, true self until I
hit about forty eight forty nine yearsold. And when I hit fifty,
that was when I met my husband, Robert, And for the first time,
(25:36):
I did not have to explain myself. I didn't have to defend myself.
I didn't have to argue with somebodywho was trying to point out flaws
in me, but who I wasfinally with somebody who didn't make me feel
like I was the problem. Iwas the reason why they couldn't love me.
(26:03):
If I could be different, theywould love me. I'm telling you,
he's the first man ever in mylife that I didn't have to perform
for. I didn't have to meetsome kind of idealized rendition of me.
(26:26):
I didn't have to the more meI was, the more he loved me.
That's a freedom that I wish foreveryone. It's part of your birthright
(26:47):
and take scept less is to cheatyourself. And so if you're tired of
cheating yourself, give me a call, hit me up, reach out.
And if you're tired of holding yourselfback because someone taught you that you were
(27:10):
the problem, and as a resultof that, you're afraid to risk being
you out of fear that you're goingto lose the man that you have,
you're gonna lose something, then Iask you to reach out. I know
how to help you to connect withyour authentic truth. I know how to
(27:34):
help you to connect with a partof you, with that part of you
that can love all of you.I know how to do it because I
had to do it for myself,and having had to do it for myself,
I know how to help you todo it too. But you know
(27:56):
what, you be the judge.I invite you to a one on one
free consultation with me, and let'stalk about it. Let's talk about how
I'll work with women just like youto help them to reclaim themselves, to
help them to stop betraying themselves andlearn that they can be trusted, learn
(28:21):
that they are lovable, and tohave the courage to have the courage to
bring their true selves to the table. Let me talk to you about it.
Let me share with you how I'llwork with women just like you.
And it doesn't matter. It doesn'tmatter if you've never had a good relationship
(28:44):
before my goodness, I hadn't.It doesn't matter if you were told that
you were the problem. I wastold that too. My issue wasn't so
much that I wasn't enough. Myissue was I kept being told I was
too much. It doesn't matter ifyou've had multiple divorces. It doesn't matter
(29:07):
if the last person that you werein a relationship told you that you with
the problem. It doesn't matter whatyou've been through. I just invite you
to a conversation so I can sharewith you how I help women just like
you. Because I was that person. I was that person who, no
(29:33):
matter how hard I tried, Iseemed I was never I could never get
someone to love me, truly,love me the way I desire to be
loved, and the way I desireto be loved was loved. Where I
could just be myself, Where Icould just be myself and not have to
(29:56):
hold my breath, where I couldexhale, where I didn't have to legislate
parts of myself since they're parts ofmyself. Where I didn't have to hold
back out of fear of retaliation,fear of being misunderstood. If you're like
(30:26):
me, I couldn't even bring mytrue self, my real deal self.
Even in the workplace. There wasnot one safe place for me. Unless
I lived by myself. I wasn'tsafe to be my true self. I
wasn't safe without being misunderstood. Truly, I couldn't share what I really thought,
(30:56):
and on those occasions where I did, then people would be alarmed and
felt that they had to talk meout of it. There have not been
many cases, and it's very hardfor me to even figure out of any
situation. For me, stepping intothe light as myself did not come back
(31:25):
in some way to hurt me.And maybe that's why living by myself was
the only way I could really befree. In my own home, by
myself was the only place I couldtruly be free. And if you feel
(31:45):
like that too, yet, yourheart and soul are yearning for connection,
yearning. You don't like feeling isolated, you don't like being the lone ranger,
but experience has taught you that's theonly way you're going to have any
peace, that's the only way you'regoing to ever have any freedom to be
(32:07):
who you truly are. I wantto talk to you. I want to
share with you what I learned andhow by learning it it helped to pave
the way to a romantic relationship whereI can truly be myself. Truly.
(32:34):
I feel like I'm more mean withhim than I was before. And if
that's what you desire, then theways to reach me they're in the description
of this podcast. I would loveto talk to you, and I would
(32:55):
love to share with you how Ihelp women just like you, how I
help women just like you. Sothat's it. Thank you so much for
listening, And just in case noone has told you, I want you
(33:15):
to always remember that you are worthy, you are worth it, you are
more than enough. By now,you have just listened to the Enough back
To podcast with your host Suzette.They're not to get notified of new episodes
(33:37):
or to dig deeper into today's topic. Become a subscriber, and while you're
at it, tell us how we'redoing and what topics you're interested in.
We appreciate your feedback and your reviews. Until next time, remember you are
worthy, you are worth it,You are enough.
What if you knew you were enough? What would your life look like?
What would love look like? Thisis the Enough at the broadcasts where we're
redefining what makes you enough in life? And now here's your host, Suzette.
(00:37):
Hello everybody, This is Suzette Vietnam, your life coaching, relationship solutionist,
and welcome to another episode of MyEnough Factor podcast. This podcast is
all about helping you to redefine whatmakes you enough in life and in love
(01:00):
on your own terms, so thatyou can break the cycle of failed relationships,
of trying to live up to otherpeople's definitions, and to really discover
what makes you enough and your worthinessto have love on your terms. It's
(01:21):
all about breaking that cycle, y'all, breaking that cycle and attracting great love.
And so with this podcast, Iseek to amplify what I've identified as
three critical factors. They are yourvoice, your value, and your vision.
(01:44):
Tonight's episode really was inspired after Iwatched Oprah's interview with Quinta Brunson,
the brains behind the popular sitcom appbut Elements Entry, and right at the
end of the interview, she sayssomething that made me grab my husband and
(02:07):
say, that's it. That's it. She said that with her husband,
she did not have to dim herlight, she didn't have to be less
than who she was, She couldbe her true, true self. And
(02:30):
I grabbed my husband and I said, baby, that's why I love you
so much. You are the onlyromantic relationship I've ever had where I did
not feel like I had to dimmy light, where I could be completely
(02:51):
and unapologetically my true true self inall of my brilliance, in all of
my eclecticness, in all of myweird, nerdy eccentricness, that I get
to be me, I don't haveto make an apology for being me.
(03:16):
And we started talking about it,and I said, you know what I
said in the beginning, I thoughtthat the only people I had to dim
my light for were the men thatI was romantically involved in. It seemed
(03:37):
their egos or whatever were intimidated bymy fire, by my honesty, by
my way of being in the world, by my way of articulating, by
those values that I grew up withabout honesty and integrity, and just simply
(03:57):
being able to point out the elephantin the living room. If a man
said he was going to do somethingand he didn't do it. I didn't
sit and ignore it. I calledit out. I said, listen,
you said you were gonna do soand so, and you didn't do it.
And I actually had someone tell methat men didn't like women like that,
(04:19):
because most men do not like awoman. Who's going to hold them
accountable, who's going to tell themthe truth, who's going to point things
like that out to them. Andso when I was praying to God,
I said, God, well,I'm in a bad situation because I'm getting
to the point in my maturity,in my age where I just can't pretend
(04:39):
anymore. I can't pretend to besomebody I'm not. It's like when I
try to suppress who I am,it's like she just explodes with more intensity
than she normally would. And Ijust told God, I said, you
know, for good or for ill, I am who I am, and
(05:00):
I don't know how to be anybodyelse. I don't have the energy to
pretend. I don't have the energyanymore. And I'm so grateful that happened,
because that was the best thing inthe world that could have ever happened,
where I just did not have theenergy to talk myself out of being
me. Anymore. I didn't havethe energy to blame myself. I didn't
(05:24):
have the energy to edit myself,to censor myself. It just got to
the point where I just couldn't doit anymore. And if there was any
apology to be made, the onlyapology was, you know what, I'm
so sorry that I kept tolerating whatI really shouldn't have tolerated. I'm so
sorry that I tried to keep mymouth shut. I tried to suppress,
(05:46):
I tried. My apology is thatI tried to do it, And really,
what I really should have done wasbe honest and forthcoming from the very
beginning. So I'm so sorry ifmy trying to suppress and sensor myself caused
you to believe something about me thatwasn't true, that's my apology. My
(06:09):
apology is I wasn't forthcoming. Myapology was I didn't tell you what I
was thinking. My apology was fortolerating something that I shouldn't have tolerated,
and as a result, when itfinally came out, it came out with
an intensity that it shouldn't or itwouldn't have if I had just been honest
(06:32):
in the first place. So Iapologize for making you think something that wasn't
true just because I didn't speak up. So for that I apologize, But
for being who I am, No, I don't apologize for that anymore.
(06:55):
I only apologize for making you believeI was somebody different, and that was
something that I had to accept.I had to accept responsibility that in situations
where sometimes I would show up andtell the truth and speak my truth.
It was a day late in thedollar short because the whole relationship had been
built on me trying so hard tolift up to somebody else's definition of what
(07:19):
friendship was, or somebody else's definitionabout how a woman should behave in a
romantic relationship. And that caused meto have to take a step back and
say, look, what is yourdefinition, Susan, what is your definition?
You have to reject a definition wherethem in your life is even an
(07:44):
option, right, And I'm sograteful that with my husband Robert, I
have never had to dim my life. I've never had to apologize. I've
never had to play to his ego. I've never had to be concerned about
it. I have, truly inthis relationship. This is the freest I
(08:07):
have ever been in any romantic relationshipin my whole entire life. Do you
know how free that is? Howfree it is to finally be with someone
that you can truly be yourself andnot feel like it's because of you being
(08:28):
yourself that you don't have nobody.Can you imagine the freedom, the healing
that comes when you realize that it'snot your fault, that being you is
(08:48):
not the problem. It's when youcan't be you that's the problem. And
I am so grateful because for solong I thought I was the problem.
I was darned if I did anddarned if I didn't. But meeting my
husband and being married to him,it's so free because the truth of the
(09:11):
matter, I wasn't free to bemyself ever. In my growing up,
I was never free to be myself. I always had to dim my light
always. I had to dim mylight growing up at home it was not
(09:35):
okay for me to be me.I had to dimn my light in church
because it was not okay for meto be me. I had to dim
my light in school because it wasn'tokay for me to be me. And
so the only time I was reallyfree to be myself unappart alogetically, I
(10:01):
mean, like totally myself. What'swhen I lived by myself until I met
my husband Robert. And it wasinteresting, as I was saying, I
thought it was only limited to myromantic relationships, but the truth of the
matter was even in my friendships,I had to dimn my light. I
(10:26):
either had to dimn my light orI felt like the friendships were imposing all
my light, and because of themimposing on it, I didn't have I
didn't have the freedom to choose whenI wanted my light to be exposed and
(10:50):
when I didn't. I'll give youan example of it in my situation.
My sisters I were musically talented.We still are, and for a long
time with me growing up, Iresented the fact that I couldn't just go
to church and just worship God.Whenever I or one of my sisters would
(11:18):
walk into a church service, someonewould always say, Oh, I think
we have one of the Randolph's sistershere. Maybe she'll give us a song,
or somebody needed somebody to play thepiano. Oh, one of the
Randolph's sisters is here, maybe she'llcome and play play the piano for us.
(11:39):
It was that kind of thing Ifelt like I did not have control
over my own gift. I didn'thave I didn't have the freedom to be
able to say no, I didn'thave the freedom to come to church to
just worship. And don't get mewrong, I enjoyed playing the piano and
(12:03):
I enjoyed singing. But sometimes Iwent through things in my life that were
so challenging and so difficult. Idid not need to be on I did
not need to be performing. Idid not need to be singing. I
did not need to be playing thepiano. I just wanted to just come
into the church and to pray andseek my God because I needed to connect
(12:30):
with Him as one of his children. And I resented the fact that I
could not come and just worship.I sometimes i'd come to church late so
that in hopes that nobody would recognizeme, just so I could just be
able to just worship, just comeas a worshiper. And so, either
(12:58):
it was a situation where I hadto dim my light right because I felt
like people were intimidated by it,or there were situations that people try to
monopolize my light. They would imposetheir will on my light, and that
(13:22):
wasn't comfortable either. They wouldn't respectmy boundaries. If I said, listen,
no, I don't want to sing. Please don't ask me to sing.
I just want to sit and worship. I can retire to. I
told people, please don't. Theysaid, we're gonna send the message up
so that we can get you asolo and I said, please don't.
(13:45):
I really don't want to sing.I just want to come and just worship.
And do you not know they wouldsing a note up to the preacher
anyway and totally disrespect, totally disregardmy boundary. And so it was so
wonderful, so wonderful to be ina romantic relationship where I had agency over
(14:15):
my own life. I didn't haveto damn it, and they didn't exploit
it, they didn't impose their willon it. And I love my husband
so much. And quintessis something sobeautiful, she said, you know,
she said, in some of myromantic relationships, she said, I think
(14:39):
the men felt like that if Iwas allowed to completely be myself that somehow
another they'd lose, they'd be lessstand that somehow another they'd be less respected,
less honored, less valued. Andthe complete opposite is true. And
(15:03):
again I was like, oh mygod, this is so true. Because
I live with a man that Ihave carte blanche. I can do what
I want to do the way Iwant to do it. I can completely
and totally be myself. And youknow what that does. I so appreciate
(15:24):
it so much until I don't wantto take it for granted. He's so
kind, he trusts me so muchthat it makes me even more aware of
him. It makes me love himmore, It makes me respect him more,
it makes me want to be goodto him more. It makes me
(15:52):
not want anybody to mistreat him,or to undervalue him, or to under
estimate him, or to take advantageof him, because he's such a good
human, such a great man,And to me, that doesn't make him
weak tim It makes him one ofthe strongest men I've ever met, a
(16:17):
man who has such respect for himselfthat he's not intimidated by his woman.
He's not intimidated at all by myideas, by the way I express myself,
by me seeing what I want todo. He's not intimidated when I
(16:41):
when I want to share time withhim and when I need me time,
He's not intimidated, not at all, not at all. He never retaliates.
When I'm honest, I don't fearretaliation. I gotta admit in the
(17:02):
beginning I kind of did, becauseit's all I knew. All I knew
was being around men who would getintimidated and I would suffer some type of
retaliation. That's all I knew.So sometimes I would do things and kind
of like, you know, holdmy breath waiting for the other shoot a
drop, or being afraid that,okay, he's gonna act funny. Now,
(17:27):
he's gonna go into some kind ofemotional manipulative tactic now. And he
never did, and he never has. And in December will be celebrating eight
years that the lords should allow meto live and not one time as this
man retaliated against me, not once, not once. It is so free,
(17:53):
Oh my god, it is sofree. And I am so great,
so super duper grateful to be inthis kind of union where I am
free to be who I am,and in return is teaching me to it
(18:18):
give him the same, the samelove that he gives to me. I
am learning that it's okay to giveit to him. I believe in romantic
love. I found that romantic lovehas created an environment for pieces of my
(18:45):
soul to be restored, reclaimed andrestored. The areas that I didn't even
know needed healing are being healed andare being restored just from this kind of
(19:10):
love. So when people try toplay romantic love cheap, as if it's
not as important as a god bylove or some of these other loves,
I'm light. Wait a minute,then, you don't know the true power
of romantic love. You don't knowthe true power of committed love. You
(19:32):
don't know the true power of thatkind of love between a man and a
woman. It is just as spiritual, It is just as divine, It
is just as transforming. When it'sthat real deal good love, it heals
(19:52):
in ways that I didn't even knowwhere possible. And that's why I so
desire it for those who want it, who yearned for it, who really
sense deep down in their soul there'spart of their soul's desire to have a
(20:15):
romantic partner. I so desire thatfor them, and I believe that's part
of my calling to help them,to help them to have it, to
help them break the cycle of failrelationships and have that real love that they
desire. I believe that's my calling. It's the reason that I went through
(20:41):
things the way I went through them, because there's somebody out there who desires
to be healed so they can loveagain, even if the person they need
love most is themselves. I don'tclaim that everybody is going to find romantic
(21:07):
love in the sense of having aromantic partner. But for some people,
that's not even the love that they'relooking for. That's not even the love
that their soul is yearning for.You know what is It's loving themselves again.
(21:30):
It's being able to know that they'reenough. It's getting their sense of
worth and worthiness back. It's somethingthey can stop blaming themselves and feel that
they're the problem. Learning to lovethemselves truly is the greatest love of all,
(21:52):
and that's why many times people whoparticipate in my program and my coaching
programs, their greatest test simony isn'tjust that they found the love of their
lives or they had an experience oflove different than they had ever had in
their lives, but that they havehad a different experience of themselves. They've
(22:15):
reclaimed parts of themselves that they weretaught were not enough and they've been able
to reclaim themselves, They've been ableto love themselves for the very first time,
to see themselves as lovable, nota problem to be solved. So
(22:37):
whatever that love is for you,I just want you to know that it's
your birthright. To experience great loveis your birthright. Whether that great love
is learning to love yourself, orthat great love is to experience romantic love,
(23:00):
that it is your birthright. It'snot something you should have to beg
four scheme for manipulate four. It'snot something that you have to dim your
light for. You don't have to. Some of you are feel trapped in
(23:22):
your relationships right now because you feellike you can't really show your husband or
your boyfriend or your significant other whoyou truly are. You can't tell them
but truth about how you really feel. That's them in your lights says when
you can't express how you really feelwhat you really desire. Your dem in
(23:44):
your light says when you can't bewho you truly are, when you have
to hold back. If you everhave to ask yourself, oh my god,
what will they think? What willwhat will he think of me?
(24:04):
If I say this, if Ido this, if he knows I make
this much money, How is hegoing to feel about me? When you
got to worry about being yourself becauseit might intimidate somebody else or make someone
else feel inferior. That's its ownbondage. Why would God make you this
(24:27):
wonderful, brilliant person if there wasnot someone out there who could love you
as you? Why would he createyou with all these gifts and talents and
give you those And the consequence ofyou having it is that you can never
(24:48):
experience real deal love. How cruelwould that be? How absolutely cruel would
that be? So you have toknow that there's somebody out there that you
don't have to be less than whoyou are for And I'm a witness for
(25:15):
almost almost fifty years, I'd saythings did not change for me. I
did not become courageous enough to bemy real deal, true self until I
hit about forty eight forty nine yearsold. And when I hit fifty,
that was when I met my husband, Robert, And for the first time,
(25:36):
I did not have to explain myself. I didn't have to defend myself.
I didn't have to argue with somebodywho was trying to point out flaws
in me, but who I wasfinally with somebody who didn't make me feel
like I was the problem. Iwas the reason why they couldn't love me.
(26:03):
If I could be different, theywould love me. I'm telling you,
he's the first man ever in mylife that I didn't have to perform
for. I didn't have to meetsome kind of idealized rendition of me.
(26:26):
I didn't have to the more meI was, the more he loved me.
That's a freedom that I wish foreveryone. It's part of your birthright
(26:47):
and take scept less is to cheatyourself. And so if you're tired of
cheating yourself, give me a call, hit me up, reach out.
And if you're tired of holding yourselfback because someone taught you that you were
(27:10):
the problem, and as a resultof that, you're afraid to risk being
you out of fear that you're goingto lose the man that you have,
you're gonna lose something, then Iask you to reach out. I know
how to help you to connect withyour authentic truth. I know how to
(27:34):
help you to connect with a partof you, with that part of you
that can love all of you.I know how to do it because I
had to do it for myself,and having had to do it for myself,
I know how to help you todo it too. But you know
(27:56):
what, you be the judge.I invite you to a one on one
free consultation with me, and let'stalk about it. Let's talk about how
I'll work with women just like youto help them to reclaim themselves, to
help them to stop betraying themselves andlearn that they can be trusted, learn
(28:21):
that they are lovable, and tohave the courage to have the courage to
bring their true selves to the table. Let me talk to you about it.
Let me share with you how I'llwork with women just like you.
And it doesn't matter. It doesn'tmatter if you've never had a good relationship
(28:44):
before my goodness, I hadn't.It doesn't matter if you were told that
you were the problem. I wastold that too. My issue wasn't so
much that I wasn't enough. Myissue was I kept being told I was
too much. It doesn't matter ifyou've had multiple divorces. It doesn't matter
(29:07):
if the last person that you werein a relationship told you that you with
the problem. It doesn't matter whatyou've been through. I just invite you
to a conversation so I can sharewith you how I help women just like
you. Because I was that person. I was that person who, no
(29:33):
matter how hard I tried, Iseemed I was never I could never get
someone to love me, truly,love me the way I desire to be
loved, and the way I desireto be loved was loved. Where I
could just be myself, Where Icould just be myself and not have to
(29:56):
hold my breath, where I couldexhale, where I didn't have to legislate
parts of myself since they're parts ofmyself. Where I didn't have to hold
back out of fear of retaliation,fear of being misunderstood. If you're like
(30:26):
me, I couldn't even bring mytrue self, my real deal self.
Even in the workplace. There wasnot one safe place for me. Unless
I lived by myself. I wasn'tsafe to be my true self. I
wasn't safe without being misunderstood. Truly, I couldn't share what I really thought,
(30:56):
and on those occasions where I did, then people would be alarmed and
felt that they had to talk meout of it. There have not been
many cases, and it's very hardfor me to even figure out of any
situation. For me, stepping intothe light as myself did not come back
(31:25):
in some way to hurt me.And maybe that's why living by myself was
the only way I could really befree. In my own home, by
myself was the only place I couldtruly be free. And if you feel
(31:45):
like that too, yet, yourheart and soul are yearning for connection,
yearning. You don't like feeling isolated, you don't like being the lone ranger,
but experience has taught you that's theonly way you're going to have any
peace, that's the only way you'regoing to ever have any freedom to be
(32:07):
who you truly are. I wantto talk to you. I want to
share with you what I learned andhow by learning it it helped to pave
the way to a romantic relationship whereI can truly be myself. Truly.
(32:34):
I feel like I'm more mean withhim than I was before. And if
that's what you desire, then theways to reach me they're in the description
of this podcast. I would loveto talk to you, and I would
(32:55):
love to share with you how Ihelp women just like you, how I
help women just like you. Sothat's it. Thank you so much for
listening, And just in case noone has told you, I want you
(33:15):
to always remember that you are worthy, you are worth it, you are
more than enough. By now,you have just listened to the Enough back
To podcast with your host Suzette.They're not to get notified of new episodes
(33:37):
or to dig deeper into today's topic. Become a subscriber, and while you're
at it, tell us how we'redoing and what topics you're interested in.
We appreciate your feedback and your reviews. Until next time, remember you are
worthy, you are worth it,You are enough.
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