December 4, 2022 • 41 mins
Is it the end of the road? Is this season of life coming to an end? In today's episode, Coach Suzette elaborates on endings and how to recognize them. She shares the ways Life informs you of endings, the role of your intuition and resistance. She offers:
--ways to distinguish whether resistance is because you've come to an ending or whether it is a necessary part of your journey for you to overcome.
--Circumstances where Life requires you to earn your way out.
To keep you from unnecessary suffering and confusion, she shares signs she's learned to recognize.
If after listening to this episode, you want guidance in evaluating whether something happening in your life is an ending, contact Coach Suzette at:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
If you are seeking a community where you are welcomed and supported, check out her Love On Your Terms Group at https://facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms .
To tune in to REALationship TALK Tuesdays with Suzette on Tuesdays, at 12:30pm Eastern Time, simulcasting LIVE from Facebook and Instagram, go to:
https://facebook.com/suzette.hinton
https://instagram.com/yourcoachsuzette
Become a follower on either platform and get real-time notifications.
Goodbye until Season 5!!
--ways to distinguish whether resistance is because you've come to an ending or whether it is a necessary part of your journey for you to overcome.
--Circumstances where Life requires you to earn your way out.
To keep you from unnecessary suffering and confusion, she shares signs she's learned to recognize.
If after listening to this episode, you want guidance in evaluating whether something happening in your life is an ending, contact Coach Suzette at:
Email: suzette.vearnon@suzettesolutions.com
Website: suzettesolutions.com/contact-us
Calendar: calendly.com/suzettevearnon
If you are seeking a community where you are welcomed and supported, check out her Love On Your Terms Group at https://facebook.com/groups/loveonyourterms .
To tune in to REALationship TALK Tuesdays with Suzette on Tuesdays, at 12:30pm Eastern Time, simulcasting LIVE from Facebook and Instagram, go to:
https://facebook.com/suzette.hinton
https://instagram.com/yourcoachsuzette
Become a follower on either platform and get real-time notifications.
Goodbye until Season 5!!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
What if you knew you are enough? What would your life look like?
What would love look like? Thisis the Enough Actor Broadcasts where we're redefining
what makes you enough in life andenough Now. Here's your host, Susan.
(00:35):
They're enough to My Enough Factor podcast. Each week we endeavor to provide
you with information insights that will amplifythree critical factors. I call them three
critical factness of enoughness. They areyour voice, your value, and your
(01:00):
vision. If your new a heartySouthern girl, welcome. What you'll find
here is conversations specific to the maturewoman, to the grown up woman,
to the woman over forty who isa high achiever who has dreams and goals,
(01:22):
but she struggles in her romantic life. For some, the struggle is
real, they're already in certain struggles. For others, it's the aftermath.
It's the aftermath after having gone througha difficult, challenging, a traumatic relationship
(01:44):
experience and they just haven't been thesame. They feel like something's off.
They're not the same, they're notas confident. They lost their mojo.
Because I have been in both situationsand have found my way out. I
found my way out of the confusionand found my way back to confidence,
(02:06):
found my way back to the pointthat I attracted great love into my life.
This podcast is my way of payingit forward, of providing you what
I wish I could have had,so that you don't have to go through
the rigors and the trauma, andyou don't have to waste time. You
(02:30):
don't have to waste seconds, minutes, days, months, years of your
life going round and rounding circles andtrying to figure out how to break the
cycle so that you can have adifferent experience, how to heal the wound,
(02:51):
how to get it right right,And so for many people it confirms
what you already thought, but youdidn't have evidence to back it up.
So this podcast is to affirm you, to let you know that you're not
alone, you're not crazy, thatyou are not the problem, that you
(03:12):
are indeed enough. The problem iswhat you've been taught. I call them
lids, their limitations, ideologies,disconnects, stories, and not none of
them got anything to do with you. There are things that you've been taught,
you've been conditioned to believe, orways of processing things. It's what
(03:38):
your brain has tried to do.It's tried to make sense out of nonsense
so it could protect you. Andwhile it may have protected you at once
at one season or time in yourlife, it's getting in the way now.
It's keeping you from really experiencing thegreat love that your soul desires.
(04:02):
And so this podcast is to helpyou to navigate the difference between the you
that's holding you back, the youthat's crying out for more. But you
haven't quite figured out how to connectwith the more yet. It's like you're
(04:23):
in transition. You no longer wantto stay where you were because it no
longer fits, yet you haven't gottento where you're going, where you're being
called to go. And so withthis podcast, my hope is to help
you make sense of the end betweenand to offer you away a pathway to
(04:47):
the love that's really calling out foryou, the love that's saying there's got
to be something better than this,the love that is saying, Hey,
I know I've been through a lot, but there's still a hope inside to
me that true love really does existand that it's not too late for me.
(05:08):
And so I want to support youin that. As a matter of
fact, if you knew you maynot might not even know that I found
love at fifty, So that meansfor most of my adult life I was
wanting love but didn't know how toget it. I wanted to have the
(05:29):
love of a good man, butI didn't know how to recognize him.
But now that I get it,and now that I know how to recognize
him, I'm able to come backand to tell you my sisters, my
high achieving sisters over forty, firstof all, that there is hope,
and secondly, don't you dare settle, And today's episode will be no different.
(05:57):
As a matter of fact, Iwant to let you all know that
this is the final episode for seasonfour. If you've been following me for
a while, you realize that mostof my seasons of my podcast end somewhere
around the twenty fifth episode, somewherein that ballpark. Well, this has
(06:20):
been the longest season to date becausein my heart, I have not felt
like it was time for it tostop. And the beauty of having my
own podcast is I get to decide, right And so every time I thought,
okay, this is the last episode, then something else was dropping my
(06:43):
spirit that I felt like I neededto share on this particular platform, And
so I have done it, andI think we're at this one is the
thirty eighth episode, I want tosay, or somewhere thereabouts, and finally,
(07:03):
I'm feeling inside of me that itis time for this season to end.
Concurred with that, I want totalk about endings, celebrating your endings.
(07:25):
One of the reasons that I wantedto do this is because most recently
I've had to acknowledge that another seasonin my life was ending. I thought
it was going to run longer,but I had to acknowledge that it was
(07:54):
time. It was time for thatseason and my energy and my effort,
it was time for it to stop. It was time for it to come
to an end. And so Iwanted to share with you all how I
(08:15):
knew it, because for some ofyou, you're trying to figure out is
this really the end? Should Iput a period here or should I put
a comma? Should I put aperiod here or should I put a colon?
Meaning is something that's still unfolding?Or whether this really is an end.
(08:43):
I want to share with you someways that I have known that a
season, a relationship, an involvement, it was over. Now. Sometimes
(09:03):
you know it because you come toa hard stop. You know what it's
like when you're driving down the highwayand there's one, in particular in the
local area where I live, whereyou have no other option but to get
(09:26):
off that exit. The highway literallycomes to a dead end. There's nothing
else, no more highway, nomore road. You got to get off
right here. And sometimes that's howlife does it. You're traveling along and
(09:52):
maybe you don't know that the roadends. All you know is it's the
right road for now. And theonly way you know that it's time for
it to end and for you totake an exit is because it comes to
a full stop. For you haveno other choice but to take the exit,
(10:16):
or you have no other choice butto take that right turn. It's
it. It's the end of theroad, and you have no other choice.
It doesn't matter how you feel aboutit, whether you were surprised by
it, whether you think you wereenjoying the road. You didn't know it
(10:41):
was going to end, but itleaves no choice. You've got to get
off. Sometimes that's the way youknow that something's ended. Then other times
you know it's ended because something insideof you knows this is the end.
(11:11):
Nothing really precipitated it. You weregoing along. You didn't even think about
leaving. You didn't even think aboutit. You were you were here for
it. You gave it one hundredpercent. You were completely engaged. There
was nothing inside of you that evenremotely thought about it ending or you leaving.
(11:41):
But then you just happened to wakeup one day or something happens and
literally your insides to say, thisis it. Your part in this,
(12:01):
whatever this is, it's no longerneeded, and you just know. I
don't know about you, but Iknow me. I wasn't taught to regard
my intuition, So there have beentimes my intuition said this is the end.
But because my mind couldn't conceive theending without having more evidence, then
(12:31):
God would allow me to live myway into the full understanding of what my
intuition said to me weeks months,years before. Because you know, if
some it takes us a while toget it, it takes us a while
to get enough evidence. That happenedto me my second marriage that ended in
(12:58):
divorce, I actually knew my intuition, actually knew it was over the day
of the wedding, y'all. Wehad gotten married during the reception while the
(13:20):
best man and my matron of honorwere in the other room. We were
in my parents house. We gotmarried at my parents house. They were
in another room signing the marriage certificate. There was something that happened during the
reception, and my inner knowing said, oh my god, this was a
(13:48):
mistake. I knew it at thereception. I knew it, but my
mind and was not ready to acceptit. And so my mind said,
but your mom and dad opened thehouse up. But your dad said it
(14:13):
was going to be different this time. He said this was the right move.
Your dad said it. But allthese people came out for the wedding.
But you will look like a foolif you go in that back room
(14:35):
and you say, no, don'tsign it. This is not this is
not right. People would have lookedat me like I was absolutely crazy.
That's when my brain told me,and my brain was right, probably,
But it still doesn't change the factthat when something has ended, it doesn't
(14:58):
care. It doesn't care how you'lllook. It is not concerned about how
other people are going to feel aboutit. It's not concerned about how you
were hoping that it was the rightthing. It's not concerned about any of
the objections that your brain can comeup with to justify you staying. When
(15:26):
your inner knowing knows something is wrongat the moment it reveals it, it
is just as true then as itis later after you've gathered enough evidence to
realize it was right. Even then, it took me about five and a
half years for my experience to catchup with what my intuition spoke to me
(15:52):
the day of the wedding. Soyour inner knowing, your intuition is right,
whether you have lived your way tothe fulfillment of it or to your
understanding or feeling like you've earned theright now to really regard it, to
really listen to it. My intuitionwas right, and so as I am
(16:18):
getting older and wiser, I amlearning to regard when my intuition says it's
over, or at least it doesn'ttake me as long. It doesn't take
(16:41):
me as long to give myself enoughevidence so that I can wholeheartedly accept the
ending and not feel like are youpossibly making a mistake or with out second
guessing it. I tend to arrivesooner than five and a half years,
(17:11):
because you know, we need reasons. We need reasons to accept an ending.
We need reasons so to kind ofhelp you so that you don't end
up taking yourself through unnecessary suffering,unnecessary falling out with people, so that
(17:37):
you can see the signs. It'skind of like what I was talking to
my son about the other day.He and I went out to celebrate his
birthday, and I told him,I said, when you live for a
while in an area, like,for instance, growing up in the South,
(18:00):
in the beginning, my parents hadto tell me get your umbrella because
it's gonna rain. I was like, how do they know? That's the
growing up, I was like,how do they know it's gonna rain?
But then after spending some time,I started really noticing the signs that it
(18:21):
was going to rain. A fewof those signs where I could smell it.
I could smell the rain before iteven manifested. I know somebody else
out there's like, yep, Icould smell it. As you get older,
some of us can fill it inour bodies. You know that nie
(18:45):
starts hurting right before it's going torain, you know, or you know
your shoulder, your shoulder starts hurtingbecause that that right knee is aching or
that left shoulder it's stiff, soI know it's getting ready to rain.
(19:06):
Other ways, I can tell theclouds, you know, you start looking
up and you see the clouds startlooking different, and you say, mmmm,
it looks like it's going to rain. And then another way is the
wind. The wind. You noticethat the wind through the trees, the
(19:32):
way the trees are moving, youknow a storm is coming because of that
wind. And so I went offeryou some signs that I've gathered that have
helped me with being able to knowm an ending is coming. One very
(19:56):
valuable one for me, it's whenI no longer have the grace to continue.
That's when I know it's the end. Even though my intuition told me
five and a half years prior,I believe I was given grace to live
(20:18):
my way to the understanding that myintuition was right. I was given a
certain amount of time for life tohand me evidence. And when you no
longer have the grace for it,you know it's time to go. And
(20:44):
it may seem like to other peoplelike you made a rash decision, but
all the time the universe God wasgiving you grace to live your way to
the understanding. And one of thethings I've noticed, which is another another
sign. If by staying in somethingyou're becoming more frustrated, more evidence is
(21:15):
being presented to you that it isnot the right thing, then you know
it's time for it to end.If the longer you're in it, it
goes from painful to excruciating, thatit's it's taking more effort. You have
(21:41):
to talk yourself into it, youhave to rouse yourself to go. You
don't want to be involved, you'renot interested, you don't have the energy
to put in the effort anymore.That instead of it helping you, it's
starting to cause you to suffer.Because that's suffering. When it's becoming harder
(22:07):
and harder for you to show up, for you to participate, for you
to do it, that means you'restarting to suffer. And even though pain
is a part of growth, suffering, I believe it suffering is optional.
And when I was younger, Ifelt like I had to suffer my way
(22:30):
through, not anymore with age andgetting to know myself better and becoming wiser
about what's right for me and understandingthat I can be trusted and that I
don't have to prove anything to anybody. I'm learning. Wait a minute,
I'm starting to suffer now, it'sstarting to be like suffering for me to
(22:55):
show up. It's starting to besuffering. Oh no, not going in
the right direction. So that's anotherway that I know it's an ending.
A third way that I know it'san ending is when I no longer feel
welcomed, when I show up authenticin my growth and in doing so,
(23:18):
I am no longer welcomed in mynew stage of development and growth, Then
I know it's time to go.Then I know it's time to go.
It's the end. One of thethings I told my husband recently, which
(23:40):
is a fourth thing, is whenyou're meeting resistance. I used to think
that when you're meeting resistance, thatmeans you are doing it right power through.
And maybe with some things that's truebecause you know that what you have
(24:00):
been praying for, what's calling you, is on the other side. If
you know that greater is on theother side of the resistance, then yes,
you do power through. But thenthere are certain brick walls that you
come up against in the form ofresistance, and no matter how you scale
(24:23):
that wall, no matter what youdo, you cannot find a way to
exploit that wall. That wall isnot moving. It is not moving.
(24:44):
You can tell that mountain to moveand it will not move, and life
is not showing you a way toblast through it, to climb it,
to move around it. And atthat moment, you're realizing, Okay,
(25:08):
this is one of those hard stops. I can't go forward through this,
and that the more you try,the more frustrated you get. That every
time you try to power through,push through, figure out a way through
(25:30):
that you're becoming more and more frustrated, more antagonized. Then I told my
husband we were trying trying one wayof doing something and we kept being met
with a wall no matter what wetry to do. I'm telling you,
(25:53):
And it would have normally not beenhard, but it was hard this time.
And I told him, I said, you know what I have learned
when things like this keep happening whereyou're trying to set yourself or you're trying
to move in a certain direction acertain way, and you keep meeting resistance
that way that it's so hard youcan't get through it. It's causing to
(26:15):
be more frustrated, it's causing youto really to waste time in an effort
that is showing you this is notthe right way. I'm learning. When
that happens, there's got to beanother way. Look for another way.
(26:36):
And we came upon that, andwe look for another way, and it
made it easier. Sure, wewanted to go the way we had in
our head, but the other waywas easier. It worked just fine,
and we knew, okay, thiswas the right way to go. We
don't know why a way that normallywould be easy was hard this time,
(27:00):
but I'm trusting that it was hardfor a reason, and the God of
the universe knew this was not theright way, so he made it difficult
for us to go this way.Go another way. So we took another
way. We took the detour,and it went through without any problem.
(27:22):
So those are a few ways thatI know it's an ending. Another way
is when you have earned your exit. Something Doctor Field said to somebody.
It was years ago and he hadthis woman on his show. She was
(27:44):
trying to figure out if it wastime for that marriage to end, and
she was asking, got to feel, you know, how do I know
when it's time for it to end? How do I know? He said,
you have to earn your way out, And he said, part of
the way that you earn your wayout is you do everything in your power
(28:18):
to see if it's salvageable, ifit can be restored, Because there have
been many marriages that have been onthe brink, but because they got therapy,
because they sought professional help, theyfound out that it was salvageable,
and it caused them to avoid bringingsomething to a permanent close over a temporary
(28:48):
issue. So sometimes the only wayyou know that's a temporary issue or not
is for you to try every meansafforded to you to see if it can
be saved, if you can reconcileyour differences, if there is anything redeemable
(29:11):
in that relationship. That that's theway you earn your way out. If
you just jump and run like likejust because you're frustrated or irritable, without
making any effort, then you haven'tearned your way out. And I know
(29:33):
for some people who will run atthe first sign of problems, at the
first sign of trouble, then doctorfeels that vice is relevant. A marriage
is not like going steady. Amarriage is not like that. A marriage
(29:56):
is not like dating exclusively. Marriageis a commitment that you said till death
us do part. And so becauseof that kind of commitment, it deserves
for you to feel like I dideverything that I could. I don't think
(30:18):
it's just necessary to save it,because if it is a dead end,
it can't be saved. If it'sat the end now and it's time for
you to get off, it can'tbe saved. But just like I said,
sometimes you have grace to live yourway to the full understanding that it
(30:44):
truly is time. And for somepeople, earning your way out is making
sure that your children are going tobe okay. Maybe the family going to
therapy so that they can compassionately transitionfrom mama and daddy living together, and
(31:11):
involve the children in so that theydon't have to suffer with a decision that
you work your way through, butdidn't give them the same dignity to work
their way through it too, Toget some professional help so that they can
make the transition without having scars andtrauma and acting out and all these other
(31:33):
things that tend to happen. Sometimesthat's earning your way out. Other times,
earning your way out is you're nolonger intimidated by him that you are
no longer connected emotionally, socially,spiritually, mentally to this person, that
(31:56):
you now have your own agents.See, maybe earning your way is maybe
you you depended on him, youwere a stay at home mom or a
stay at home husband, And maybeearning your way is you now doing what
(32:17):
you need to do to get ajob so that you can take care of
yourself. You know, maybe earningyour way out is is mediation, and
so that makes sense. Sometimes youhave to earn your way to the exit.
And for me, even that examplewhere I was saying that I knew
(32:45):
my inner knowing said it's time,right, the reason my inner knowing knew
it was time and I was Iwas completely invested in my exit was because
I was noticing, like I said, like when you know it's going to
(33:08):
rain. I was noticing the cloudsgathering. I was noticing the change in
the wind. I was noticing thesmell of rain. All these things that
I knew were signs that was timefor the end. I was already picking
(33:30):
up on those things. I wasalready praying about those things. I was
already allowing myself to experience it authentically, not me trying to come up with
reasons, but just allowing it tospeak to me without me resisting it to
(33:53):
understand. Right, And so that'swhat happened. Must no fuss, no
big nothing. I knew that Ihad come to the end. I earned
my way to the ending. Isn'tthat better? All endings should not have
(34:15):
to be dramatic or traumatic. Someendings just because we are adults, we're
grown folks. We realize, youknow what, this is the end,
and I wish you well. Iwish you the absolute best. No,
(34:40):
nothing long and drawn out. That'sthat's where I want to end it.
There's some things that come to anend, just like this. Uh,
this year twenty twenty two, forall that it was, for all that
it was, for all that itwas not, for or the heartache,
(35:00):
for the pain, for the triumphs, for the celebrations, for the endings,
for the deaths, for the births, all that twenty twenty two was,
it is coming to an end.And I just offer to you,
(35:22):
as this season four of my podcastis coming to an end, I just
encourage you to bring this year toa close with grace. Let grace meet
(35:45):
your ending, regardless of whether howthings ended, I'll always say to God,
but God, you knew it wasgoing to end that way, and
you let it happen anyway, Andso I have to accept what you allowed
because you're so much wiser than Iam. And when you can say that,
(36:09):
it helps you to make your peacewith it a whole lot quicker whatever
someone said, Dad, however ithappened. But those of you that are
people of faith as I am,and know that your life is surrendered to
(36:31):
God, that your times are inhis hands, I have to say,
God, you know what you aremy partner in the journey, and if
you allow it to end this way, knowing how it's gonna end, how
the other person's gonna feel that maybethis is going to be an end too
(36:53):
this relationship, or into the warmththat we used to have between us in
maybe this person's gonna think badly aboutme or not gonna want me to darken
their doorstep anymore. It's like,but God, you knew this was gonna
happen, and you let it happenanyway, then I have to set accept
(37:15):
what you allowed. And if youare allowing things to transpire in my life
the way you're allowing it, thenI have to trust your judgment. I
have to trust your judgment, andso I submit that to you as you
(37:37):
listen to this the final episode ofseason four of my podcast. If you've
been holding onto something and life istrying to pull it out of your hands,
trust trust it, let it go, and trust trust that something bigger
(38:02):
and wiser than you is allowing itto play out. Just like it's playing
out. The only person you areresponsible for is you and balking humbly before
your God. That's it. Thatis it. So with that said,
(38:25):
thank you for riding with me tothis point. Look for season five in
twenty twenty three. For those ofyou who want to continue with me,
I want I invite you to myRelationship Talk Tuesdays with Suzette. As the
(38:52):
name suggests, it happens every Tuesdayat twelve thirty pm Eastern Time, simulcast
from my Facebook page and from myInstagram. So if you'll look in the
description section of this episode, itshows you how to connect with me.
(39:15):
For that, I'll make sure thatthat information is there and just join me
for my real relationship talk to stayswith Suzette every Tuesday. That's going to
continue. It's video, right it'slive, and if you can't listen at
(39:35):
twelve thirty, then you can alwayslisten to the replay. If something that
I'm saying resonates with you, letme know in the comments. I always
check them and I will look forwardto our dialogue. I'll look forward to
interacting with you. Okay, sountil next season, I want you to
(40:00):
always remember this very thing that youare one hundred percent worthy, You are
one hundred percent worth it, youare one hundred percent enough. By you
(40:22):
have just listened to the Enough backTo podcast with your host Suzette, They're
not to get notified of new episodesor to d deeper into today's topic.
Become a subscriber, and while you'reat it, tell us how we're doing
and what topics you're interested in.We appreciate your feedback and your reviews.
(40:45):
Until next time, remember you areworthy, you are worth it, You are enough
What if you knew you are enough? What would your life look like?
What would love look like? Thisis the Enough Actor Broadcasts where we're redefining
what makes you enough in life andenough Now. Here's your host, Susan.
(00:35):
They're enough to My Enough Factor podcast. Each week we endeavor to provide
you with information insights that will amplifythree critical factors. I call them three
critical factness of enoughness. They areyour voice, your value, and your
(01:00):
vision. If your new a heartySouthern girl, welcome. What you'll find
here is conversations specific to the maturewoman, to the grown up woman,
to the woman over forty who isa high achiever who has dreams and goals,
(01:22):
but she struggles in her romantic life. For some, the struggle is
real, they're already in certain struggles. For others, it's the aftermath.
It's the aftermath after having gone througha difficult, challenging, a traumatic relationship
(01:44):
experience and they just haven't been thesame. They feel like something's off.
They're not the same, they're notas confident. They lost their mojo.
Because I have been in both situationsand have found my way out. I
found my way out of the confusionand found my way back to confidence,
(02:06):
found my way back to the pointthat I attracted great love into my life.
This podcast is my way of payingit forward, of providing you what
I wish I could have had,so that you don't have to go through
the rigors and the trauma, andyou don't have to waste time. You
(02:30):
don't have to waste seconds, minutes, days, months, years of your
life going round and rounding circles andtrying to figure out how to break the
cycle so that you can have adifferent experience, how to heal the wound,
(02:51):
how to get it right right,And so for many people it confirms
what you already thought, but youdidn't have evidence to back it up.
So this podcast is to affirm you, to let you know that you're not
alone, you're not crazy, thatyou are not the problem, that you
(03:12):
are indeed enough. The problem iswhat you've been taught. I call them
lids, their limitations, ideologies,disconnects, stories, and not none of
them got anything to do with you. There are things that you've been taught,
you've been conditioned to believe, orways of processing things. It's what
(03:38):
your brain has tried to do.It's tried to make sense out of nonsense
so it could protect you. Andwhile it may have protected you at once
at one season or time in yourlife, it's getting in the way now.
It's keeping you from really experiencing thegreat love that your soul desires.
(04:02):
And so this podcast is to helpyou to navigate the difference between the you
that's holding you back, the youthat's crying out for more. But you
haven't quite figured out how to connectwith the more yet. It's like you're
(04:23):
in transition. You no longer wantto stay where you were because it no
longer fits, yet you haven't gottento where you're going, where you're being
called to go. And so withthis podcast, my hope is to help
you make sense of the end betweenand to offer you away a pathway to
(04:47):
the love that's really calling out foryou, the love that's saying there's got
to be something better than this,the love that is saying, Hey,
I know I've been through a lot, but there's still a hope inside to
me that true love really does existand that it's not too late for me.
(05:08):
And so I want to support youin that. As a matter of
fact, if you knew you maynot might not even know that I found
love at fifty, So that meansfor most of my adult life I was
wanting love but didn't know how toget it. I wanted to have the
(05:29):
love of a good man, butI didn't know how to recognize him.
But now that I get it,and now that I know how to recognize
him, I'm able to come backand to tell you my sisters, my
high achieving sisters over forty, firstof all, that there is hope,
and secondly, don't you dare settle, And today's episode will be no different.
(05:57):
As a matter of fact, Iwant to let you all know that
this is the final episode for seasonfour. If you've been following me for
a while, you realize that mostof my seasons of my podcast end somewhere
around the twenty fifth episode, somewherein that ballpark. Well, this has
(06:20):
been the longest season to date becausein my heart, I have not felt
like it was time for it tostop. And the beauty of having my
own podcast is I get to decide, right And so every time I thought,
okay, this is the last episode, then something else was dropping my
(06:43):
spirit that I felt like I neededto share on this particular platform, And
so I have done it, andI think we're at this one is the
thirty eighth episode, I want tosay, or somewhere thereabouts, and finally,
(07:03):
I'm feeling inside of me that itis time for this season to end.
Concurred with that, I want totalk about endings, celebrating your endings.
(07:25):
One of the reasons that I wantedto do this is because most recently
I've had to acknowledge that another seasonin my life was ending. I thought
it was going to run longer,but I had to acknowledge that it was
(07:54):
time. It was time for thatseason and my energy and my effort,
it was time for it to stop. It was time for it to come
to an end. And so Iwanted to share with you all how I
(08:15):
knew it, because for some ofyou, you're trying to figure out is
this really the end? Should Iput a period here or should I put
a comma? Should I put aperiod here or should I put a colon?
Meaning is something that's still unfolding?Or whether this really is an end.
(08:43):
I want to share with you someways that I have known that a
season, a relationship, an involvement, it was over. Now. Sometimes
(09:03):
you know it because you come toa hard stop. You know what it's
like when you're driving down the highwayand there's one, in particular in the
local area where I live, whereyou have no other option but to get
(09:26):
off that exit. The highway literallycomes to a dead end. There's nothing
else, no more highway, nomore road. You got to get off
right here. And sometimes that's howlife does it. You're traveling along and
(09:52):
maybe you don't know that the roadends. All you know is it's the
right road for now. And theonly way you know that it's time for
it to end and for you totake an exit is because it comes to
a full stop. For you haveno other choice but to take the exit,
(10:16):
or you have no other choice butto take that right turn. It's
it. It's the end of theroad, and you have no other choice.
It doesn't matter how you feel aboutit, whether you were surprised by
it, whether you think you wereenjoying the road. You didn't know it
(10:41):
was going to end, but itleaves no choice. You've got to get
off. Sometimes that's the way youknow that something's ended. Then other times
you know it's ended because something insideof you knows this is the end.
(11:11):
Nothing really precipitated it. You weregoing along. You didn't even think about
leaving. You didn't even think aboutit. You were you were here for
it. You gave it one hundredpercent. You were completely engaged. There
was nothing inside of you that evenremotely thought about it ending or you leaving.
(11:41):
But then you just happened to wakeup one day or something happens and
literally your insides to say, thisis it. Your part in this,
(12:01):
whatever this is, it's no longerneeded, and you just know. I
don't know about you, but Iknow me. I wasn't taught to regard
my intuition, So there have beentimes my intuition said this is the end.
But because my mind couldn't conceive theending without having more evidence, then
(12:31):
God would allow me to live myway into the full understanding of what my
intuition said to me weeks months,years before. Because you know, if
some it takes us a while toget it, it takes us a while
to get enough evidence. That happenedto me my second marriage that ended in
(12:58):
divorce, I actually knew my intuition, actually knew it was over the day
of the wedding, y'all. Wehad gotten married during the reception while the
(13:20):
best man and my matron of honorwere in the other room. We were
in my parents house. We gotmarried at my parents house. They were
in another room signing the marriage certificate. There was something that happened during the
reception, and my inner knowing said, oh my god, this was a
(13:48):
mistake. I knew it at thereception. I knew it, but my
mind and was not ready to acceptit. And so my mind said,
but your mom and dad opened thehouse up. But your dad said it
(14:13):
was going to be different this time. He said this was the right move.
Your dad said it. But allthese people came out for the wedding.
But you will look like a foolif you go in that back room
(14:35):
and you say, no, don'tsign it. This is not this is
not right. People would have lookedat me like I was absolutely crazy.
That's when my brain told me,and my brain was right, probably,
But it still doesn't change the factthat when something has ended, it doesn't
(14:58):
care. It doesn't care how you'lllook. It is not concerned about how
other people are going to feel aboutit. It's not concerned about how you
were hoping that it was the rightthing. It's not concerned about any of
the objections that your brain can comeup with to justify you staying. When
(15:26):
your inner knowing knows something is wrongat the moment it reveals it, it
is just as true then as itis later after you've gathered enough evidence to
realize it was right. Even then, it took me about five and a
half years for my experience to catchup with what my intuition spoke to me
(15:52):
the day of the wedding. Soyour inner knowing, your intuition is right,
whether you have lived your way tothe fulfillment of it or to your
understanding or feeling like you've earned theright now to really regard it, to
really listen to it. My intuitionwas right, and so as I am
(16:18):
getting older and wiser, I amlearning to regard when my intuition says it's
over, or at least it doesn'ttake me as long. It doesn't take
(16:41):
me as long to give myself enoughevidence so that I can wholeheartedly accept the
ending and not feel like are youpossibly making a mistake or with out second
guessing it. I tend to arrivesooner than five and a half years,
(17:11):
because you know, we need reasons. We need reasons to accept an ending.
We need reasons so to kind ofhelp you so that you don't end
up taking yourself through unnecessary suffering,unnecessary falling out with people, so that
(17:37):
you can see the signs. It'skind of like what I was talking to
my son about the other day.He and I went out to celebrate his
birthday, and I told him,I said, when you live for a
while in an area, like,for instance, growing up in the South,
(18:00):
in the beginning, my parents hadto tell me get your umbrella because
it's gonna rain. I was like, how do they know? That's the
growing up, I was like,how do they know it's gonna rain?
But then after spending some time,I started really noticing the signs that it
(18:21):
was going to rain. A fewof those signs where I could smell it.
I could smell the rain before iteven manifested. I know somebody else
out there's like, yep, Icould smell it. As you get older,
some of us can fill it inour bodies. You know that nie
(18:45):
starts hurting right before it's going torain, you know, or you know
your shoulder, your shoulder starts hurtingbecause that that right knee is aching or
that left shoulder it's stiff, soI know it's getting ready to rain.
(19:06):
Other ways, I can tell theclouds, you know, you start looking
up and you see the clouds startlooking different, and you say, mmmm,
it looks like it's going to rain. And then another way is the
wind. The wind. You noticethat the wind through the trees, the
(19:32):
way the trees are moving, youknow a storm is coming because of that
wind. And so I went offeryou some signs that I've gathered that have
helped me with being able to knowm an ending is coming. One very
(19:56):
valuable one for me, it's whenI no longer have the grace to continue.
That's when I know it's the end. Even though my intuition told me
five and a half years prior,I believe I was given grace to live
(20:18):
my way to the understanding that myintuition was right. I was given a
certain amount of time for life tohand me evidence. And when you no
longer have the grace for it,you know it's time to go. And
(20:44):
it may seem like to other peoplelike you made a rash decision, but
all the time the universe God wasgiving you grace to live your way to
the understanding. And one of thethings I've noticed, which is another another
sign. If by staying in somethingyou're becoming more frustrated, more evidence is
(21:15):
being presented to you that it isnot the right thing, then you know
it's time for it to end.If the longer you're in it, it
goes from painful to excruciating, thatit's it's taking more effort. You have
(21:41):
to talk yourself into it, youhave to rouse yourself to go. You
don't want to be involved, you'renot interested, you don't have the energy
to put in the effort anymore.That instead of it helping you, it's
starting to cause you to suffer.Because that's suffering. When it's becoming harder
(22:07):
and harder for you to show up, for you to participate, for you
to do it, that means you'restarting to suffer. And even though pain
is a part of growth, suffering, I believe it suffering is optional.
And when I was younger, Ifelt like I had to suffer my way
(22:30):
through, not anymore with age andgetting to know myself better and becoming wiser
about what's right for me and understandingthat I can be trusted and that I
don't have to prove anything to anybody. I'm learning. Wait a minute,
I'm starting to suffer now, it'sstarting to be like suffering for me to
(22:55):
show up. It's starting to besuffering. Oh no, not going in
the right direction. So that's anotherway that I know it's an ending.
A third way that I know it'san ending is when I no longer feel
welcomed, when I show up authenticin my growth and in doing so,
(23:18):
I am no longer welcomed in mynew stage of development and growth, Then
I know it's time to go.Then I know it's time to go.
It's the end. One of thethings I told my husband recently, which
(23:40):
is a fourth thing, is whenyou're meeting resistance. I used to think
that when you're meeting resistance, thatmeans you are doing it right power through.
And maybe with some things that's truebecause you know that what you have
(24:00):
been praying for, what's calling you, is on the other side. If
you know that greater is on theother side of the resistance, then yes,
you do power through. But thenthere are certain brick walls that you
come up against in the form ofresistance, and no matter how you scale
(24:23):
that wall, no matter what youdo, you cannot find a way to
exploit that wall. That wall isnot moving. It is not moving.
(24:44):
You can tell that mountain to moveand it will not move, and life
is not showing you a way toblast through it, to climb it,
to move around it. And atthat moment, you're realizing, Okay,
(25:08):
this is one of those hard stops. I can't go forward through this,
and that the more you try,the more frustrated you get. That every
time you try to power through,push through, figure out a way through
(25:30):
that you're becoming more and more frustrated, more antagonized. Then I told my
husband we were trying trying one wayof doing something and we kept being met
with a wall no matter what wetry to do. I'm telling you,
(25:53):
And it would have normally not beenhard, but it was hard this time.
And I told him, I said, you know what I have learned
when things like this keep happening whereyou're trying to set yourself or you're trying
to move in a certain direction acertain way, and you keep meeting resistance
that way that it's so hard youcan't get through it. It's causing to
(26:15):
be more frustrated, it's causing youto really to waste time in an effort
that is showing you this is notthe right way. I'm learning. When
that happens, there's got to beanother way. Look for another way.
(26:36):
And we came upon that, andwe look for another way, and it
made it easier. Sure, wewanted to go the way we had in
our head, but the other waywas easier. It worked just fine,
and we knew, okay, thiswas the right way to go. We
don't know why a way that normallywould be easy was hard this time,
(27:00):
but I'm trusting that it was hardfor a reason, and the God of
the universe knew this was not theright way, so he made it difficult
for us to go this way.Go another way. So we took another
way. We took the detour,and it went through without any problem.
(27:22):
So those are a few ways thatI know it's an ending. Another way
is when you have earned your exit. Something Doctor Field said to somebody.
It was years ago and he hadthis woman on his show. She was
(27:44):
trying to figure out if it wastime for that marriage to end, and
she was asking, got to feel, you know, how do I know
when it's time for it to end? How do I know? He said,
you have to earn your way out, And he said, part of
the way that you earn your wayout is you do everything in your power
(28:18):
to see if it's salvageable, ifit can be restored, Because there have
been many marriages that have been onthe brink, but because they got therapy,
because they sought professional help, theyfound out that it was salvageable,
and it caused them to avoid bringingsomething to a permanent close over a temporary
(28:48):
issue. So sometimes the only wayyou know that's a temporary issue or not
is for you to try every meansafforded to you to see if it can
be saved, if you can reconcileyour differences, if there is anything redeemable
(29:11):
in that relationship. That that's theway you earn your way out. If
you just jump and run like likejust because you're frustrated or irritable, without
making any effort, then you haven'tearned your way out. And I know
(29:33):
for some people who will run atthe first sign of problems, at the
first sign of trouble, then doctorfeels that vice is relevant. A marriage
is not like going steady. Amarriage is not like that. A marriage
(29:56):
is not like dating exclusively. Marriageis a commitment that you said till death
us do part. And so becauseof that kind of commitment, it deserves
for you to feel like I dideverything that I could. I don't think
(30:18):
it's just necessary to save it,because if it is a dead end,
it can't be saved. If it'sat the end now and it's time for
you to get off, it can'tbe saved. But just like I said,
sometimes you have grace to live yourway to the full understanding that it
(30:44):
truly is time. And for somepeople, earning your way out is making
sure that your children are going tobe okay. Maybe the family going to
therapy so that they can compassionately transitionfrom mama and daddy living together, and
(31:11):
involve the children in so that theydon't have to suffer with a decision that
you work your way through, butdidn't give them the same dignity to work
their way through it too, Toget some professional help so that they can
make the transition without having scars andtrauma and acting out and all these other
(31:33):
things that tend to happen. Sometimesthat's earning your way out. Other times,
earning your way out is you're nolonger intimidated by him that you are
no longer connected emotionally, socially,spiritually, mentally to this person, that
(31:56):
you now have your own agents.See, maybe earning your way is maybe
you you depended on him, youwere a stay at home mom or a
stay at home husband, And maybeearning your way is you now doing what
(32:17):
you need to do to get ajob so that you can take care of
yourself. You know, maybe earningyour way out is is mediation, and
so that makes sense. Sometimes youhave to earn your way to the exit.
And for me, even that examplewhere I was saying that I knew
(32:45):
my inner knowing said it's time,right, the reason my inner knowing knew
it was time and I was Iwas completely invested in my exit was because
I was noticing, like I said, like when you know it's going to
(33:08):
rain. I was noticing the cloudsgathering. I was noticing the change in
the wind. I was noticing thesmell of rain. All these things that
I knew were signs that was timefor the end. I was already picking
(33:30):
up on those things. I wasalready praying about those things. I was
already allowing myself to experience it authentically, not me trying to come up with
reasons, but just allowing it tospeak to me without me resisting it to
(33:53):
understand. Right, And so that'swhat happened. Must no fuss, no
big nothing. I knew that Ihad come to the end. I earned
my way to the ending. Isn'tthat better? All endings should not have
(34:15):
to be dramatic or traumatic. Someendings just because we are adults, we're
grown folks. We realize, youknow what, this is the end,
and I wish you well. Iwish you the absolute best. No,
(34:40):
nothing long and drawn out. That'sthat's where I want to end it.
There's some things that come to anend, just like this. Uh,
this year twenty twenty two, forall that it was, for all that
it was, for all that itwas not, for or the heartache,
(35:00):
for the pain, for the triumphs, for the celebrations, for the endings,
for the deaths, for the births, all that twenty twenty two was,
it is coming to an end.And I just offer to you,
(35:22):
as this season four of my podcastis coming to an end, I just
encourage you to bring this year toa close with grace. Let grace meet
(35:45):
your ending, regardless of whether howthings ended, I'll always say to God,
but God, you knew it wasgoing to end that way, and
you let it happen anyway, Andso I have to accept what you allowed
because you're so much wiser than Iam. And when you can say that,
(36:09):
it helps you to make your peacewith it a whole lot quicker whatever
someone said, Dad, however ithappened. But those of you that are
people of faith as I am,and know that your life is surrendered to
(36:31):
God, that your times are inhis hands, I have to say,
God, you know what you aremy partner in the journey, and if
you allow it to end this way, knowing how it's gonna end, how
the other person's gonna feel that maybethis is going to be an end too
(36:53):
this relationship, or into the warmththat we used to have between us in
maybe this person's gonna think badly aboutme or not gonna want me to darken
their doorstep anymore. It's like,but God, you knew this was gonna
happen, and you let it happenanyway, then I have to set accept
(37:15):
what you allowed. And if youare allowing things to transpire in my life
the way you're allowing it, thenI have to trust your judgment. I
have to trust your judgment, andso I submit that to you as you
(37:37):
listen to this the final episode ofseason four of my podcast. If you've
been holding onto something and life istrying to pull it out of your hands,
trust trust it, let it go, and trust trust that something bigger
(38:02):
and wiser than you is allowing itto play out. Just like it's playing
out. The only person you areresponsible for is you and balking humbly before
your God. That's it. Thatis it. So with that said,
(38:25):
thank you for riding with me tothis point. Look for season five in
twenty twenty three. For those ofyou who want to continue with me,
I want I invite you to myRelationship Talk Tuesdays with Suzette. As the
(38:52):
name suggests, it happens every Tuesdayat twelve thirty pm Eastern Time, simulcast
from my Facebook page and from myInstagram. So if you'll look in the
description section of this episode, itshows you how to connect with me.
(39:15):
For that, I'll make sure thatthat information is there and just join me
for my real relationship talk to stayswith Suzette every Tuesday. That's going to
continue. It's video, right it'slive, and if you can't listen at
(39:35):
twelve thirty, then you can alwayslisten to the replay. If something that
I'm saying resonates with you, letme know in the comments. I always
check them and I will look forwardto our dialogue. I'll look forward to
interacting with you. Okay, sountil next season, I want you to
(40:00):
always remember this very thing that youare one hundred percent worthy, You are
one hundred percent worth it, youare one hundred percent enough. By you
(40:22):
have just listened to the Enough backTo podcast with your host Suzette, They're
not to get notified of new episodesor to d deeper into today's topic.
Become a subscriber, and while you'reat it, tell us how we're doing
and what topics you're interested in.We appreciate your feedback and your reviews.
(40:45):
Until next time, remember you areworthy, you are worth it, You are enough
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