June 9, 2023 • 42 mins
Greg Atkinson... shares his story of father wounds, pain and trauma and how God ultimately revealed how much He loved him. Now he has released a book that is a bestseller -- If you struggle with being Kind or want to learn ways to practically be kind to your neighbor listen to this episode!
Order your copy of his book now here: https://a.co/d/aGs1AJj
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/faith-and-familia--3287906/support.
Order your copy of his book now here: https://a.co/d/aGs1AJj
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/faith-and-familia--3287906/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey, what's up, guys.Welcome to another episode of Faith and Familiar.
Shout out to all our friends thatI'm so blessed. Dahlia and all
across the different platforms are streaming ontoday really quick. I want to introduce
to you a good friend of mine. I mean, he's a leader's leader
in an incredible man of God whohas a powerful story. And today he's
(00:27):
gonna talk a little bit about hisboyhood, his story of what actually happened
to him in his journey, andI'm so excited since we delightfully invited him
to be on the show today,My man, Gregg Atkinson, what's up,
bro? Hey, man, gladto be here. So honored,
thank you for having me absolutely brotherfirst and foremost. Our friends want to
(00:49):
know who you are and where youare from. Will you share with him
a little bit about your upbringing andyour story. I know I love it
and how you wrote it out inyour book and so passionately but so just
heart filled with joy to allow othersto experience the kindness that you've experienced and
(01:11):
that you're given to the world.So share a little bit about your story
and how you've learned to be kind. Yeah, thank you well. I
grew up in the South and inthe Carolinas and have lived all over the
country. But I've been in ministryfor going on thirty years. This will
(01:32):
be my thirtieth year, and Istarted as a freshman in college, so
I have I've been going since Iwas seventeen years old and I'm forty seven
now. But I grew up inthe South, and I grew up in
an interesting home. In my previousbooks, they were church leaderships books written
(01:55):
to pastors, and so they're veryhelp too practical. You don't have to
share about yourself at all. Thiswas my first book written to anybody,
to just the broad Christian audience.Anybody who wants to read and learn more
about kindness could read this book.And so it just felt appropriate to me
as I prayed about it and brainstormedit with my pastor to start with a
(02:19):
chapter sharing some of my story.I did it in a chapter on forgiveness,
and we recently in a small group, we're talking about forgiveness and kindness
came up and I was just thinking, what a god thing. Because I
had already written this book and knewthat I had a chapter on forgiveness in
a book on kindness, and soin this first chapter, I for the
(02:44):
first time ever publicly share my storysexual as a young child, as a
kid who was abused by my earthlyfather. And you never had a dad
tell me that you loved me,and things that so many people could take
(03:05):
for granted. You know, II was telling you earlier. I have
three adult kids that are in collegeand graduator. They hear me every day
say I love you, I'm proudof you, I love you. And
when it come in the house,when they come home from school, I
hugged them. When they leave,I hugged them. But I did not
grow up knowing that. And somy dad passed away twenty six years ago,
(03:30):
so it's been a quarter of acentury, and I just felt like
I needed to write about this forthe first time. It's in the context
of kindness. When you meet someonethat is hurt, bitter, angry,
and underneath the surface just full ofanger and dealing with unforgiveness, they're not
(03:50):
going to be a very kind person. They will crost, very mean,
gruff, roots short because they haven'tdealt with that unforgiveness. And so my
encouragement in the very first chapter ofthis book and opening up and sharing my
own story of forgiveness is to encouragepeople to give it to God and to
(04:14):
allow God to heal that hurt sothat you can experience the fruit of the
spirit, which one of the fruitof the spirit is kindness. And so
that's my hope for this book isthat anybody wrestling with forgiveness and anybody that's
been hurt by their earthly father,anybody that's experienced abuse and trauma, that
(04:34):
like I, have to take itto the cross, take it to God
and seek a healed whole heart.Wow. So good man, I really
appreciate you so much. That reallyhits close to home. And I can
only imagine those who are out therelistening in and watching it right now,
(04:56):
how many of us have experienced.Whether it's to the level of you,
Greg or not, it's a realtrue thing that we've all experienced in some
degree by someone in our childhood,whether it's a teacher or maybe as someone
in your church that verbally abused you, or maybe even it's someone you know
that you would have never thought whatthat did. But at the end of
(05:19):
the day, you have a soundsolution, and it's kindness and it comes
in you know, many many,many forms we can give kindness, but
in only one way can we berevealed kindness is through the love of our
savior, Jesus Christ and what hedid on the cross for us. Really
quick, I wanted to ask youthis sort of what from your childhood?
(05:42):
What help? Because you speak aboutthis a little bit at the beginning,
like what really help you forgive yourdad and what help sort of you know
you move forward in in past thattrauma? You know. Yeah, I'm
so glad you asked, my friend, it is the good news of the
gospel. Wow, Jesus has forgivenme. I have offended a holy God.
(06:08):
I have and I have messed up. I am not perfect. I
am not the kindness expert. Ijust wrote about something I'm passionate about.
Because God in Christ forgave me,I should be able to forgive others.
And so I have been through alot of my life. You know,
in the book, I talk aboutadult issues, being fired, being laid
(06:30):
off, church, hurt in ministry, and I share a lot of real
stories that I've had to deal withand experience trauma from and went to a
lot of counseling and therapyfore, butI had to practice forgiveness. Christ forgave
me, so I want to forgiveothers. And it's just the good news
of the gospel. I love that, bro, so so good. You
(06:54):
talk about us having like these barriers, our fences to be exact, you
know that we throw it up andwe allowed to form around us. Will
you really just speak into that alittle bit. How can we identify if
we have those fences, and whatare some of the keys to unlock the
fences and allow you know, thetrue piece enjoy to get inside, you
(07:15):
know. Yeah, So the bookis ten chapters long and it's ten keys
to unlocking kindness in your life.So you know, there's no magic bullet,
there's no simple solution to be akind person. And I've said,
you know, on another show,some people are just and that's naturally nice
(07:35):
and kind, but a lot ofus have to really take it to God
and be intentional and wrestle with thisevery day because for most people, it's
a choice to choose to be kind, to choose to respond with kindness,
to choose to de escalate a situation, to choose to not be offended and
(07:57):
not react. And so I brokethe chapter the book down into ten chapters
on unlocking forgiveness, and it's everythingfrom composure, how you compose yourself to
them, to empathy, to patience. If you're impatient, if you're short,
you're not you're going to come acrossunkind. And then I conclude the
chapter. After starting with forgiveness,I conclude the book with two chapters that
(08:22):
I really really love and I hopeyou'll get all the way through to the
end of the book, but onethe last two chapters are love and Unity.
And you know my fat that Jesus'slast prayer was a prayer for unity,
that we as the church would beone. And if we all choose
kindness, I think that we canexperience great unity in our country and our
(08:46):
world. And so I start thebook and I end the book with a
sentence that says, imagine a worldwhere everyone is kind to one another.
And that's my dream, that's mygoal for the book, that we would
start a kindness movement, and thatwe as a people, and in each
and every person's community and their churchesand in their communities, that they would
(09:09):
experience a kindness movement. Wow.Powerful, I love that so much.
And love your heart behind that.I mean, I can definitely sense this
book on kindness not only you know, encouraging me, but challenging me to
see what areas of my own heartand life that I'm not being kind.
So I really appreciate that. Bro. I love when you said, sometimes
(09:33):
you know kindness is I mean,it's not being short. It's not being
short with the people that you're dealingwith, and I love how you navigate
that. I want to talk aboutthis really quick because I'm looking in to
chapter one at this moment, andeveryone out there, you need to stop
what you're doing right now. Iknow it's probably streaming live or you're listening,
but head over on your phone whileyou're there listening to this and go
(09:56):
and buy the book right now onAmazon. I'm telling you it's impactful.
I've already been able to read throughit and it's just been a blessing for
my life. And I want toread it with me and my wife together
because I think it'll be timely forthis time of the year. And I'm
also thinking about getting it from myBible study group in five to ten copies
(10:16):
myself. So, guys, Iwant to ask you so So Greg,
I want to ask you this,and guys, I'll get back to you
in a minute, but first Iwant to ask you. In your book,
there's this quote at the very beginning. I mean, this is the
first thing you're gonna read, andyou're gonna be blown away by the first
what six or seven words that Gregstates about his father. But check this
(10:37):
out. And Lamott wrote this,I guess on Twitter back April two thousand
and twenty April twenty third, twoand twelve. And it's a powerful quote
right here. But check this out. It says you own everything that happened
to you. Tell your stories.If people wanted you to write warmly about
(10:58):
them, they should have behaved better. Ah, think about that. And
then right after you have that quoteat the top of the chapter, you
go into these words about your father. I mean, you could have started
this chapter in any way, butyou said this, he said my father
was a very harsh man. Wow, unpack for us really quick. Why
(11:22):
is it so important that if we'vedealt with trauma and abuse, that we
don't just hide it into the closetand make it a little secret with a
little boat wrapped around it, asif it's only a skeleton that I need
to que secret. Why is itimportant to get out in front and really
share the story and share it loudlyand boldly. I'm so glad you asked,
(11:45):
because this was a battle for me. You know. My publisher told
me early on it's easy to writea bestseller, just bleed on the page.
And this work was a work ofblood, sweat and tears. And
I really wrestled with even though mydad's the dead for twenty six years,
should I talk about our relationship?And what I couldn't walk away from was
(12:09):
when I moved to Charlotte. I'minto Charlotte, North Carolina Metro. When
I moved to Charlotte, I hada mentor that took me under his wing.
And he's a he's passed away now, but he was a men's ministry
leader and ran conferences and men's ministryspeaker, and he would take men under
his wing, a mentor them.And when we first met, he said,
(12:31):
Greg, every man has a fatherwound and a church wood. And
I write about this in the book, and I thought, in order for
people to relate to the book andto know that I could relate in some
small way to their story. Theyneeded to know that I had a father
wound and a church wound. Andmy mentor was convinced that every man had
(12:54):
a father wound and a church group. And that goes for females as well.
You know, I know a lotof women in my own family that
have father wounds. But when hetold me that, and I just started,
you know, marinating on that andpraying about that and thinking about that,
I thought, you know, alot of people are going to read
this book that have never heard ofme, you know, because my previous
(13:16):
books were written the church leaders,which is a small niche of people.
But they're not gonna They're gonna thinkwho is this guy and why is he
writing on kindness? And so Iwanted to open up with my father wound
and my church wound and let themknow that it's real. It's raw.
I'm a real person. I've beenthrough hurt and trauma, but I'm made
(13:37):
choices to choose to be kindness.And you know, the cool thing about
kindness When I talk about starting akindness movement, you know, I say
in the book that kindness is contagious, and in the book actually used the
words kindness unlocks kindness. And ifyou've ever been in a drive through,
(13:58):
it's happened to me at Duncan Donutsand chick where the person in front of
me paid for my mill. Itjust is and then you pay for the
person behind you. And then mydaughter worked at Duncan Donuts and she would
work to drive through and she toldme that one time, like twenty six
cars paid for the person behind them. And it's just a long chain of
(14:24):
people doing random acts of kindness,and it just it's contagious and kind of
kindness. And so you may think, what can I do? You know,
it's a bold claim. The subtitleis ten Keys to a locking your
capacity to change the world. Andyou may think, well, how am
I going to change the world?But if you display kindness and kindness unlocks
(14:46):
kindness and kind of contagious we neverknow the impact that will have. I
remember when I went through Chick filA and I got through the window and
my mill had been paid for.It made my day. I can't come
great mood, and I said,you want to believe what just happened.
I have been in a restaurant beforewhere the waitress came over and I said,
(15:07):
I need I need the bill please, and she said, oh,
somebody pay for your milk. Wellthat that blows your way. I mean,
it just it puts you in sucha good spirit and mood where you
just to go the extra mile.And I talk in the book about going
the extra mile and it's a valuethat Chick fil A has, But you
(15:28):
just want to go out of yourway to show kindness to others that you
yourself have received. Wow, that'sso good. I love that in super
powerful point there And I'm really wantingto just ask you from a standpoint.
Their dad's out there right now andthey have had father wounds, and um,
(15:50):
you know they're over they've overcome,they've given their life to Christ and
they're moving into a new season wherethey're standing strong is followers of Jesus.
But they want to know in thosemoments where they're attempted to sort of treat
(16:12):
their children like they were treated maybethey were abused, are verbally abused by
their father, what are some thingsthat have helped you coming from a background
where you had a pretty harsh father, you said, a very harsh Actually
what helped you to not continue thatpattern? And what did God you know,
(16:34):
sort of teach you in the processof raising your own children, and
how what would you have to speakinto us men around that? Yeah,
I think you know what separates keypeople from from a lot of ordinary people
is self reflection, meditation, reflection, and having a devotional life where we
(16:57):
abide in Christ and spit and dailytime with Him. And when we are
transformed from our time with Christ,we become more and more like Christ.
Trying to have the mind of Christ. And that's where the fruits of the
Spirit are displayed. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. And as a proud of the
(17:19):
spirit. And so, like Isaid earlier, I'm not the kindness expert.
I'm not perfect. But what Idid set out to do, and
I really believe in intentionality. Myfirst book, I used the word intentional
over and over and over. WhatI did set out to do was to
try with everything I could, bythe power of the Holy Spirit, to
(17:40):
let my kids have a different experiencethan what I had and what I experienced.
And so that you know, mypublisher said, I was blown away.
Somehow I got forty five endorsements forthis book, and my publisher said,
Greg I love your endorsements, butthe ones that moved me the most
are the ones written by your kids. If you've opened up the book,
(18:03):
the very first page are my kidsendorsements of me and my kids kids.
My kids are in college, ingrad school. They're adults, they think
for themselves, they're own academic scholarship, they're brilliant, and so I couldn't
get them to say anything that theydo not want to say. But they
all wrote just beautiful endorsements of meas their dad. And so it is.
(18:30):
It is the sweetest thing and thiswhole project to see my kids partner
with me in sharing this message ofkindness. And so what I share with
fathers and I share this at mysmall group when I lead small group is
guys, you have a chance tobreak the cycle in the cycle. Say
this stops with me. This stopswith me, and going forward, my
(18:53):
kids will not experience what I experiencefrom my fathers. So the cycle stop
with me. And this may beif you have a father that was an
alcoholic, if you have a fatherthat was an attic, if you have
a father who was abusive, whatit could be potentially carried into your life
that you as a person have struggledwith through the power of the Holy Spirit,
(19:18):
through counseling, through therapy. Inthe book, I talk about places
like on Site that offers such agreat healing for people through through God and
the people that He uses in yourlife. You can make the intentional choice
to break the cycle and say thisends with me. My kids will not
experience what I did, and youwon't get it perfect. We're all going
(19:41):
to mess up. But you canmake that choice and commit it to God.
Just give it to God and say, God, I want to be
a better husband. I want tobe a better father, a better man.
Would you empower me by the powerof the Holy Spirit. Would you
please guide me to be a loving, caring, compassionate, kind father.
(20:03):
And then and then that one againyou will. You will find the power
from God in daily quiet time withHim, in devotional life and abiding in
Christ. So good. I loveit, Greg, So so good.
Lord, Help us to walk inthis kindness, Help us to walk in
this freedom. It's freedom in life. So I want to ask you,
(20:26):
I think you know one thing thatyou know. Folks are out there listening
right now and they're just Okay,Greg, I'm going to grab your book.
I'm I love it. I'm compelledto embody this kindness that you've experienced,
even you know, even beyond,like you know what you walk through
and the hurts and the pains.I want to ask you this, if
(20:48):
I want to go out right nowpractically and show kindness to my neighbor and
share this kindness, what are someeasy, practical ways I could do that
right now? And I want youto just share even maybe even some experiences
you've had yourself, and what rhythmsthat you'd go about sharing this kindness.
(21:11):
And that's a good, good,good question. I actually write about a
lot of this in the book whereI shared things in my own life personal
stories. There's a whole chapter ongenerosity. Those are real sport things that
I've done. But what we didfor our neighbors, we just moved.
My father in law passed away lastweek and he had als Luke Garret's disease,
(21:33):
and so we moved to North Charlotteto be close to my in laws
and to be a support for mymother in law, knowing that he would
soon pass away, which he justdid last week. And so when we
moved here, so we're new tothis neighborhood. When we moved here,
we brought gifts to all our neighborsand they were shocked. So we're in
(21:56):
a booming part of Charlotte where nobodyis from here. All neighbors are from
New York, New Jersey, Boston, Pennsylvania, Arizona, California. Nobody's
from Charlotte. It's just a placethat people moved to and so they're not
accustomed to. Like you know,in the South, people would come over
and bring you brownies or cookies andsay, welcome to the neighborhood. Well,
(22:18):
people don't do that anymore, yea. So we did it. Hansibly
brought gifts to our neighbors, andwe also included and my wife helped me
put these gifts together, but wealso included. This was her idea our
Christmas card that had a picture ofus on it, so they would see
our name and our faces and beable to remember, oh, that's Greg
(22:40):
and Amy. And so we hadour Christmas card that also on the bat
tails about what's happened in the lastyear and what our kids are up to.
But we shared a Christmas card withsome goodies, vehnica handle and fun
stuff, and we went and knockedon every single door and said, hi,
where Greg and Amy would just moveto the area. We wanted to
bring you this gift. And theysaid, well, we should be given
(23:02):
you a gift and we said,well, we just wanted to come over
and give that to you and um, and so you can. You can
be a good neighbor. You know, the Bible talks a lot and I
talk about it in my book aboutloving your neighbor. But as you trying
it out, you can do thatyour literal neighbor in your neighborhood. But
yeah, so there's there's a lotof things that you can do. If
(23:23):
you live in a place where it'scold and it snows a lot, and
you get the opportunity to shovel yourneighbor's driveway, or or if you see
the grass getting high and you getthe opportunity while you're out cutting grass to
cut your neighbor's line. Those areall the things that can show kindness.
I love it. Hey, youknow one thing I love about your book
as well as I was reading throughit, like you basically laid out a
(23:47):
formula, not necessarily a formula,but I mean it could be a formula,
but the way I read it wasmy neighbor would benefit and some of
them may benefit more off different things. So, for instance, you were
like, if you walk in forgiveness, you're being kind. If you're if
you walk in generosity, you're beingkind. Like if you walk with composure,
(24:08):
you're being kind, acceptance, kind, rest, kind, wisdom,
kind, empathy, kind, patience, you're being kind. Love, you're
being kind. Unity, you're beingkind. So if you walk in all
these things, and some neighbors mayneed some of those things more. But
at the end of the day,that's when we lean on the power of
(24:29):
God's Holy Spirit to guide us.And so a really really great job just
reminding us how we can walk inkindness towards our neighbors. I really appreciate
you for that, brother. Acouple of things I want to ask you,
just a couple more questions, andthen I'm gonna have you, you
know, share any last things onyour hearts. But why why why is
(24:51):
it? Well, I'm gonna askthis first, why is it that our
next generation because we have a lotof folks from t talk, a lot
of young you know, kids onhere who just want to know why is
it that they should they just don'tget why they should be kind, put
(25:11):
down their cell phone and find waysto be kind or even digitally, is
there a way you can be kindthrough using your social media channels? Are
What are some things that you wouldsay to the next generation? Gen Z
are millennials that are listening in onhow to make this book practically work out
in their life and their unique livesas a high school student or maybe even
(25:36):
there's some maybe might be some juniorhigh kids or even college students. What
would you say that the next genabout kindness? Absolutely, you know,
my kids are gen Z and Ispeak at colleges. I love it,
and so I do talk just alittle bit about it in the book.
But two things come to mind.One, as as I say in the
book, forget where I said it, But in the book I talk about
(25:59):
gen Z and the millennials are verykind people and very cause oriented. They
My kids, my youngest daughter,who's kind of like an activist on social
media. She is the kindest personI know, and she is extremely cause
oriented and has very passionate beliefs.And so I learned just watching my own
(26:22):
kids. But when it comes todigital stuff and social media, one of
the things I talk about in thebook is the reality of bullying. You
know, as as a kid,I was bullied, physically bullied. I
have not always been six five anda giant man. I was little and
chubby when as a young boy andI got bullied mercilessly, it was It
(26:44):
was terrible. And so I knowwhat it's like to be bullied in school.
But today's generation, they're bullied online. They're bullied through TikTok, through
social media, through Instagram, andthrough stuff. So there's a lot of
bullying that happens. So I addressbullying head on in the book and talking
bullying is the opposite of kindness.Unfortunately, we have adults that can be
(27:07):
bullies, we have teams that canbe bullies. We have, as you
said, middle schoolers who bullies.And you know it a lot of times
it comes back to my friend thefather whom just how I hold the book,
It comes back to a father woundthat they have not dealt with,
and so they are insecure and theytake out their bullying on other kids.
(27:30):
And so you know, there's there'sthis famous quote, famous saying of when
somebody acts a certain way towards youinstead of responding with what's wrong with you?
The response should be what happened toyou? What happened to you?
Like, what is it that youhave been through in your life that has
led you to the point where youact like this now as or as an
(27:53):
adult? Why are you acting likethis? What happened to you? And
that should lead us to compare toa chapter on empathy, to empathy and
to trying to put ourselves in theirshoes and to say, you know,
I'm going to choose to be kindto this person. There's another famous quote
of be kind because every person isfacing a battle that we know nothing about,
(28:18):
is the whole quote. So whensomebody is acting gruff or mean,
or short or in a certain manner, we don't know what they're going through.
And this here's here's the real storythat just happened. My father in
law passed away last week. Mytwo daughters came to town to visit my
mother in law and to pay theirrespects. And we visited there for a
(28:41):
while, and then we went outto eat. And we're at a restaurant
sitting there and the server comes overask us what we want to eat and
drink and walks away and I tookit as a teaching moment with my kids,
and I says, she has noidea that our loved ones just died.
I said, you never know whatpeople are going through. We are
(29:03):
sitting in this restaurant as if everythingis normal, when we are truly grieving
and I've just lost somebody we love. This is a real time, last
week example. And so I alwayslook for teaching opportunities for my kids.
And I said, this server hasno idea what we have been through,
what we're going through. And sobeing kinds you don't know what battles people
(29:26):
are facing. Beautiful man, sobeautifully said, and so real, so
real. I want to ask this, and then I'm open up the floor
to you in any way you wouldlike to exhort us or encourage us as
we close out. But tell meabout kindness as it relates to the Believer's
(29:51):
call. And I just from thestandpoint, being nice and being kind are
two different things. Can you distinguish, like what is kindness versus being nice?
Um? You know? And thenjust lead us lay out the carpet
of this beautiful passage that you wroteon a tell end of this book.
I mean you you culminated all thesestories and these truths, and you brought
(30:17):
it down to this very thing.It was like it was coming down a
funnel towards this thing. But it'sGod's kindness that leads us to repentance.
And how much joy do we findin God's kindness? That's so much it
to lead us to a place where, like God, I repent. I
believe you are who you say arein this love that you have for me.
(30:40):
It was so undeserving, but yetyou did it anyway, despite my
hatred of you, despite how manytimes I hurt you, Lord, you
love me enough to draw me tothis place. So all right, just
start there. I'm sorry starting nice. Yeah, So remind me about the
kindness of God because I want tocome back to that because that is special
(31:00):
to me, very special. Butthere are some people, as I kind
of briefly mentioned earlier, that arejust naturally nice. They just some people
are nicer than others, and that'sjust the way they're wired their chemistry and
their brain. There's just certain thingsthat some people are just really pleasant to
be around. They walk in aroom and they light up the room.
(31:22):
My oldest daughter is like that.Some people are just really nice, really
kind naturally and then others of us, like myself, have to make an
intentional choice. And then I couplethat with the Holy Spirit's power. I
have read years ago. I thinkit was The Spirit of the Disciplines by
Richard Foster, and he talks aboutthat when you spend time with Jesus daily,
(31:47):
when you conformed to the image ofChrist, when you become more like
Christ, when you are squeezed,when you are surprised, when you are
shocked, when something hits you outof nowhere, naturally comes out of you.
Should be the fruit of the spirit. Love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, showness, faithfulness, self control. So what
(32:10):
when I grew up in the youthgroup, what was taught was, Hey,
we need to be kind, weneed to be gentle, and this
week we're going to focus on beinggentle. And it was it was very
much works oriented, where when wespend time with Christ and become like Christ,
it becomes more and more natural,less work. That's what naturally oozes
(32:36):
out of us is the fruit ofthe Spirit. And so um. So
all that to say is if youare not nice by design, if you
are not kind naturally like most ofus. Then we're gonna have to take
it to God. Be transformed byChrist, spend time in his word,
and let God soften our hearts.That's what I love about the Living Word.
(33:00):
It is alive and active. WhatI love about the Living Word is
it melts the hardest one. Andso God has mounted in my heart over
the years. I remember years ago, struggling and reading and Josiah when when
God said he showed his kindness inthe Old Testament, how can I give
you up o Ephraim like he was. He could have destroyed them, he
(33:22):
could have wiped him out, hecould have done whatever, but he was
moved with compassion. This is,you know, people, what things that
drives me crazy is people say Godin the Old Testament was mean and angry,
and God in the New Testament isnice and kind, And I'm like,
no, say God. Remember Jonahgot upset when he freas to the
(33:45):
Nnovites. He the people repented GodJames's mind did not destroy them. Jonah
threw a fit and said, itsaid these words, I knew you were
kind and compassionate. I knew destroythem. He was mad at God's kindness,
(34:05):
not the New Testament God, theOld Testament God oona knew that God
was kind and merciful and compassionate.It's the same God. The same red
line runs all through Scripture, soending with God's kindness towards us. That's
a very personal passage to me,is that God's kindness leads me to repentance.
And I love the scripture reminding usof that. I was at a
(34:31):
conference I lead. I heard apastor say that they built their church when
they planted their church around that verse, that they were going to be known
in their community as a kind churchbecause they knew that it was God's kindness
that leads people to repentance. Andso God has done a kind work.
But my friend, the other thingthat I include in this book that I
(34:53):
think most people won't see coming,and it's so needed, is in this
book write about kindness to yourself.We need to be kind to ourselves.
We need to love ourselves. Youknow, when I was on staff at
Transformation Church with doctor Derwin Gray,he taught the great thing differently than I
(35:14):
had ever heard it. I hadalways said love God, love others.
Dorwin says, no, love God, love yourself, so that you can
love others. So in the book, I teach on that and I talk
about we need to be kind toourselves. If we had a bad pass.
There's forgiveness, there's redemption, there'sreconciliation. The Bible is all about
(35:36):
redemption. There's always second chances.They're always their comeback stories. You fall,
when you fail, get back up. You know, a righteous man
fail seven times, gets back up. And so that is our story.
We need to be kind to ourselvesand ultimately we need to forgive ourselves if
we have blown it, as adad, get back up, start over
(35:59):
for your self, show kindness toyourself. And so the Bible talks about
kindness to others, kindness to yourself, and God's kindness. And if you
could, you could tell I'm excitedabout it. Yeah, Hey, I'm
excited about others reading it now.And now that it's I've been already it's
already been able to touch my heart. And I'm so thankful the one that
(36:22):
challenged me from get go, becausewhen you were going into like your your
dad, the story of him,and just a beautiful story, even your
dad's testimony of like you know,he basically got adopted. The charity for
a charity calls through a wealthy family, the Atkinson family, which I thought
was amazing. Now you have thatlast name, but it's just amazing from
(36:46):
an adoption of your father, someonebeing kind to your father to bring him
in and when your dad would gooff to school, which they paid for
his tluition, right, but henever really would come back home, right.
And it made me think for alittle bit, like did did that
(37:07):
adoption like actually like help your dador was that kindness that was given towards
your dad? You know, I'msure it helped him for sure, but
like, man, I just wonderwhere your dad was in that season of
life, um where you know heprobably had a really hard upbringing out would
(37:30):
think, yeah, you know,in a lot of those scars and the
pain that he dealt with, youknow, continue to carry on, and
you just didn't know what he wasgoing through, you know. And I'm
thankful that you were able to layout like your heart to forgive your father.
And why I wanted to give hisbackstory because yeah, you know,
(37:51):
yes, my dad was a harshman and I had a rough childhood,
but he did as well. SoI wanted to be a complete picture of
my dad. Dad had a reallyrough childhood and a really rough upbringing,
so he did not know how tobe a father. And some of you
may be in a situation where youdo not know how to be a father.
(38:13):
Your dad left you, your dadabandon you, your dad was not
president, your dad was abusive likemine. You may be in a situation
where you do not know how tobe a father. But God does,
and so go to ask him inprayer. You know, I share a
personal story in the book. Theday my dad died, I was just
reading in the Psalms, and Godfocused my eyes. Yeah, He's a
(38:37):
father to the fatherless, and Icircled it in my Bible and I wrote
five twenty seven ninety seven and Ithought, wow, that's pretty cool.
Five minutes later, my uncle callsand tells me my dad's dad. And
I looked down at that scripture thatI just circled in my Bible. Powerful,
and I said, God was lettingme know he's a father to the
(38:58):
fatherless. He can be there foryou. I was due when I read
that. That was so power.Like. The whole book is full of
these. I'm telling you, guys, grab this book. You would be
impacted, not only impacted for youto be impacted so you can go out
and give this message to the world. They need Jesus. Everyone needs Jesus
(39:20):
starting with us. Amen. Well, awesome, bro any last words if
you could, if you're on yoursay, lack of a better words,
deathbed right now, you only hadyou know, a few words are a
sentence to give so someone can holdon to what would you say to them?
And maybe some other folks listening inor they're gonna write this down or
(39:45):
they're gonna put in their notes intheir phone. Greg Atkinson, are they
gonna tweet it out? Like whatwould you say for the final words?
To encourage those listening in? Now? I love it. It's what I
say to myself is mercies are newevery morning. You can always start again.
And so I mess up when Iblow it. As I said,
I am not the kindness expert.I just value kindness and I want to
(40:07):
see a kindness movement. I wantto see our kindness and our churches and
our communities and our neighborhoods and ourschools in the workplace. You know,
I'm doing consulting with organizations on avoidinga toxic culture to have kind cultures,
and so his mercies are every morning. There are always second chances. You
(40:28):
can always start again if you haveblown it as a as a husband,
as a wife, as a asa teenager. If you upon it,
wake up a new and afresh knowingthat God's mercies are real and that there
are second chances. And I wantto stress again the importance of abiding with
(40:50):
Christ. Don't try to do thisby willpower. If you try to will
yourself. I'm going to be kindtoday. I'm going to be kind today.
I'm gonna be kind today. You'regonna You're gonna get exhaust stood and
frustrated, But spend time with theliving God and allow him to transform your
heart. Wow. Who Greg Adkison. Guys, you've heard from them firsthand.
(41:13):
So thankful for you, guys.Go grab the book now, The
Secret Power of Kindness. A matterof fact, this book has been selling
like crazy. It's on the topcharts of several categories in Amazon right now.
But also I think, hey,what is it the best seller the
list? Yeah, I believe,I believe Lord Willing right now, let's
(41:36):
help him get on the world TheJournal best List? What is it the
Wall Street Journal Best List? There'sa New York Times on a Wall Street
Journal. Yeah, guys, yeah, I A wow. Everybody to get
this book right now. I justlook, before we started speaking, it
was the number one best seller,the number one new release, and it
was sold out on Amazon. Amazonsold out. Yeah, so we're excited
(41:59):
about this. All you have todo is remember the title and go to
Secret Power of Kindness dot com.It's the book title, Secret Power of
Kindness dot Com. But friend,I'm so honored that you would have me
on your show and this kindness towardsme. I'm so thankful, so grateful.
Thank you for your generosity, timeand message. Appreciate you, brother,
(42:21):
Thank you well, have you backsoon. Awesome. Bye bye
Hey, what's up, guys.Welcome to another episode of Faith and Familiar.
Shout out to all our friends thatI'm so blessed. Dahlia and all
across the different platforms are streaming ontoday really quick. I want to introduce
to you a good friend of mine. I mean, he's a leader's leader
in an incredible man of God whohas a powerful story. And today he's
(00:27):
gonna talk a little bit about hisboyhood, his story of what actually happened
to him in his journey, andI'm so excited since we delightfully invited him
to be on the show today,My man, Gregg Atkinson, what's up,
bro? Hey, man, gladto be here. So honored,
thank you for having me absolutely brotherfirst and foremost. Our friends want to
(00:49):
know who you are and where youare from. Will you share with him
a little bit about your upbringing andyour story. I know I love it
and how you wrote it out inyour book and so passionately but so just
heart filled with joy to allow othersto experience the kindness that you've experienced and
(01:11):
that you're given to the world.So share a little bit about your story
and how you've learned to be kind. Yeah, thank you well. I
grew up in the South and inthe Carolinas and have lived all over the
country. But I've been in ministryfor going on thirty years. This will
(01:32):
be my thirtieth year, and Istarted as a freshman in college, so
I have I've been going since Iwas seventeen years old and I'm forty seven
now. But I grew up inthe South, and I grew up in
an interesting home. In my previousbooks, they were church leaderships books written
(01:55):
to pastors, and so they're veryhelp too practical. You don't have to
share about yourself at all. Thiswas my first book written to anybody,
to just the broad Christian audience.Anybody who wants to read and learn more
about kindness could read this book.And so it just felt appropriate to me
as I prayed about it and brainstormedit with my pastor to start with a
(02:19):
chapter sharing some of my story.I did it in a chapter on forgiveness,
and we recently in a small group, we're talking about forgiveness and kindness
came up and I was just thinking, what a god thing. Because I
had already written this book and knewthat I had a chapter on forgiveness in
a book on kindness, and soin this first chapter, I for the
(02:44):
first time ever publicly share my storysexual as a young child, as a
kid who was abused by my earthlyfather. And you never had a dad
tell me that you loved me,and things that so many people could take
(03:05):
for granted. You know, II was telling you earlier. I have
three adult kids that are in collegeand graduator. They hear me every day
say I love you, I'm proudof you, I love you. And
when it come in the house,when they come home from school, I
hugged them. When they leave,I hugged them. But I did not
grow up knowing that. And somy dad passed away twenty six years ago,
(03:30):
so it's been a quarter of acentury, and I just felt like
I needed to write about this forthe first time. It's in the context
of kindness. When you meet someonethat is hurt, bitter, angry,
and underneath the surface just full ofanger and dealing with unforgiveness, they're not
(03:50):
going to be a very kind person. They will crost, very mean,
gruff, roots short because they haven'tdealt with that unforgiveness. And so my
encouragement in the very first chapter ofthis book and opening up and sharing my
own story of forgiveness is to encouragepeople to give it to God and to
(04:14):
allow God to heal that hurt sothat you can experience the fruit of the
spirit, which one of the fruitof the spirit is kindness. And so
that's my hope for this book isthat anybody wrestling with forgiveness and anybody that's
been hurt by their earthly father,anybody that's experienced abuse and trauma, that
(04:34):
like I, have to take itto the cross, take it to God
and seek a healed whole heart.Wow. So good man, I really
appreciate you so much. That reallyhits close to home. And I can
only imagine those who are out therelistening in and watching it right now,
(04:56):
how many of us have experienced.Whether it's to the level of you,
Greg or not, it's a realtrue thing that we've all experienced in some
degree by someone in our childhood,whether it's a teacher or maybe as someone
in your church that verbally abused you, or maybe even it's someone you know
that you would have never thought whatthat did. But at the end of
(05:19):
the day, you have a soundsolution, and it's kindness and it comes
in you know, many many,many forms we can give kindness, but
in only one way can we berevealed kindness is through the love of our
savior, Jesus Christ and what hedid on the cross for us. Really
quick, I wanted to ask youthis sort of what from your childhood?
(05:42):
What help? Because you speak aboutthis a little bit at the beginning,
like what really help you forgive yourdad and what help sort of you know
you move forward in in past thattrauma? You know. Yeah, I'm
so glad you asked, my friend, it is the good news of the
gospel. Wow, Jesus has forgivenme. I have offended a holy God.
(06:08):
I have and I have messed up. I am not perfect. I
am not the kindness expert. Ijust wrote about something I'm passionate about.
Because God in Christ forgave me,I should be able to forgive others.
And so I have been through alot of my life. You know,
in the book, I talk aboutadult issues, being fired, being laid
(06:30):
off, church, hurt in ministry, and I share a lot of real
stories that I've had to deal withand experience trauma from and went to a
lot of counseling and therapyfore, butI had to practice forgiveness. Christ forgave
me, so I want to forgiveothers. And it's just the good news
of the gospel. I love that, bro, so so good. You
(06:54):
talk about us having like these barriers, our fences to be exact, you
know that we throw it up andwe allowed to form around us. Will
you really just speak into that alittle bit. How can we identify if
we have those fences, and whatare some of the keys to unlock the
fences and allow you know, thetrue piece enjoy to get inside, you
(07:15):
know. Yeah, So the bookis ten chapters long and it's ten keys
to unlocking kindness in your life.So you know, there's no magic bullet,
there's no simple solution to be akind person. And I've said,
you know, on another show,some people are just and that's naturally nice
(07:35):
and kind, but a lot ofus have to really take it to God
and be intentional and wrestle with thisevery day because for most people, it's
a choice to choose to be kind, to choose to respond with kindness,
to choose to de escalate a situation, to choose to not be offended and
(07:57):
not react. And so I brokethe chapter the book down into ten chapters
on unlocking forgiveness, and it's everythingfrom composure, how you compose yourself to
them, to empathy, to patience. If you're impatient, if you're short,
you're not you're going to come acrossunkind. And then I conclude the
chapter. After starting with forgiveness,I conclude the book with two chapters that
(08:22):
I really really love and I hopeyou'll get all the way through to the
end of the book, but onethe last two chapters are love and Unity.
And you know my fat that Jesus'slast prayer was a prayer for unity,
that we as the church would beone. And if we all choose
kindness, I think that we canexperience great unity in our country and our
(08:46):
world. And so I start thebook and I end the book with a
sentence that says, imagine a worldwhere everyone is kind to one another.
And that's my dream, that's mygoal for the book, that we would
start a kindness movement, and thatwe as a people, and in each
and every person's community and their churchesand in their communities, that they would
(09:09):
experience a kindness movement. Wow.Powerful, I love that so much.
And love your heart behind that.I mean, I can definitely sense this
book on kindness not only you know, encouraging me, but challenging me to
see what areas of my own heartand life that I'm not being kind.
So I really appreciate that. Bro. I love when you said, sometimes
(09:33):
you know kindness is I mean,it's not being short. It's not being
short with the people that you're dealingwith, and I love how you navigate
that. I want to talk aboutthis really quick because I'm looking in to
chapter one at this moment, andeveryone out there, you need to stop
what you're doing right now. Iknow it's probably streaming live or you're listening,
but head over on your phone whileyou're there listening to this and go
(09:56):
and buy the book right now onAmazon. I'm telling you it's impactful.
I've already been able to read throughit and it's just been a blessing for
my life. And I want toread it with me and my wife together
because I think it'll be timely forthis time of the year. And I'm
also thinking about getting it from myBible study group in five to ten copies
(10:16):
myself. So, guys, Iwant to ask you so So Greg,
I want to ask you this,and guys, I'll get back to you
in a minute, but first Iwant to ask you. In your book,
there's this quote at the very beginning. I mean, this is the
first thing you're gonna read, andyou're gonna be blown away by the first
what six or seven words that Gregstates about his father. But check this
(10:37):
out. And Lamott wrote this,I guess on Twitter back April two thousand
and twenty April twenty third, twoand twelve. And it's a powerful quote
right here. But check this out. It says you own everything that happened
to you. Tell your stories.If people wanted you to write warmly about
(10:58):
them, they should have behaved better. Ah, think about that. And
then right after you have that quoteat the top of the chapter, you
go into these words about your father. I mean, you could have started
this chapter in any way, butyou said this, he said my father
was a very harsh man. Wow, unpack for us really quick. Why
(11:22):
is it so important that if we'vedealt with trauma and abuse, that we
don't just hide it into the closetand make it a little secret with a
little boat wrapped around it, asif it's only a skeleton that I need
to que secret. Why is itimportant to get out in front and really
share the story and share it loudlyand boldly. I'm so glad you asked,
(11:45):
because this was a battle for me. You know. My publisher told
me early on it's easy to writea bestseller, just bleed on the page.
And this work was a work ofblood, sweat and tears. And
I really wrestled with even though mydad's the dead for twenty six years,
should I talk about our relationship?And what I couldn't walk away from was
(12:09):
when I moved to Charlotte. I'minto Charlotte, North Carolina Metro. When
I moved to Charlotte, I hada mentor that took me under his wing.
And he's a he's passed away now, but he was a men's ministry
leader and ran conferences and men's ministryspeaker, and he would take men under
his wing, a mentor them.And when we first met, he said,
(12:31):
Greg, every man has a fatherwound and a church wood. And
I write about this in the book, and I thought, in order for
people to relate to the book andto know that I could relate in some
small way to their story. Theyneeded to know that I had a father
wound and a church wound. Andmy mentor was convinced that every man had
(12:54):
a father wound and a church group. And that goes for females as well.
You know, I know a lotof women in my own family that
have father wounds. But when hetold me that, and I just started,
you know, marinating on that andpraying about that and thinking about that,
I thought, you know, alot of people are going to read
this book that have never heard ofme, you know, because my previous
(13:16):
books were written the church leaders,which is a small niche of people.
But they're not gonna They're gonna thinkwho is this guy and why is he
writing on kindness? And so Iwanted to open up with my father wound
and my church wound and let themknow that it's real. It's raw.
I'm a real person. I've beenthrough hurt and trauma, but I'm made
(13:37):
choices to choose to be kindness.And you know, the cool thing about
kindness When I talk about starting akindness movement, you know, I say
in the book that kindness is contagious, and in the book actually used the
words kindness unlocks kindness. And ifyou've ever been in a drive through,
(13:58):
it's happened to me at Duncan Donutsand chick where the person in front of
me paid for my mill. Itjust is and then you pay for the
person behind you. And then mydaughter worked at Duncan Donuts and she would
work to drive through and she toldme that one time, like twenty six
cars paid for the person behind them. And it's just a long chain of
(14:24):
people doing random acts of kindness,and it just it's contagious and kind of
kindness. And so you may think, what can I do? You know,
it's a bold claim. The subtitleis ten Keys to a locking your
capacity to change the world. Andyou may think, well, how am
I going to change the world?But if you display kindness and kindness unlocks
(14:46):
kindness and kind of contagious we neverknow the impact that will have. I
remember when I went through Chick filA and I got through the window and
my mill had been paid for.It made my day. I can't come
great mood, and I said,you want to believe what just happened.
I have been in a restaurant beforewhere the waitress came over and I said,
(15:07):
I need I need the bill please, and she said, oh,
somebody pay for your milk. Wellthat that blows your way. I mean,
it just it puts you in sucha good spirit and mood where you
just to go the extra mile.And I talk in the book about going
the extra mile and it's a valuethat Chick fil A has, But you
(15:28):
just want to go out of yourway to show kindness to others that you
yourself have received. Wow, that'sso good. I love that in super
powerful point there And I'm really wantingto just ask you from a standpoint.
Their dad's out there right now andthey have had father wounds, and um,
(15:50):
you know they're over they've overcome,they've given their life to Christ and
they're moving into a new season wherethey're standing strong is followers of Jesus.
But they want to know in thosemoments where they're attempted to sort of treat
(16:12):
their children like they were treated maybethey were abused, are verbally abused by
their father, what are some thingsthat have helped you coming from a background
where you had a pretty harsh father, you said, a very harsh Actually
what helped you to not continue thatpattern? And what did God you know,
(16:34):
sort of teach you in the processof raising your own children, and
how what would you have to speakinto us men around that? Yeah,
I think you know what separates keypeople from from a lot of ordinary people
is self reflection, meditation, reflection, and having a devotional life where we
(16:57):
abide in Christ and spit and dailytime with Him. And when we are
transformed from our time with Christ,we become more and more like Christ.
Trying to have the mind of Christ. And that's where the fruits of the
Spirit are displayed. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. And as a proud of the
(17:19):
spirit. And so, like Isaid earlier, I'm not the kindness expert.
I'm not perfect. But what Idid set out to do, and
I really believe in intentionality. Myfirst book, I used the word intentional
over and over and over. WhatI did set out to do was to
try with everything I could, bythe power of the Holy Spirit, to
(17:40):
let my kids have a different experiencethan what I had and what I experienced.
And so that you know, mypublisher said, I was blown away.
Somehow I got forty five endorsements forthis book, and my publisher said,
Greg I love your endorsements, butthe ones that moved me the most
are the ones written by your kids. If you've opened up the book,
(18:03):
the very first page are my kidsendorsements of me and my kids kids.
My kids are in college, ingrad school. They're adults, they think
for themselves, they're own academic scholarship, they're brilliant, and so I couldn't
get them to say anything that theydo not want to say. But they
all wrote just beautiful endorsements of meas their dad. And so it is.
(18:30):
It is the sweetest thing and thiswhole project to see my kids partner
with me in sharing this message ofkindness. And so what I share with
fathers and I share this at mysmall group when I lead small group is
guys, you have a chance tobreak the cycle in the cycle. Say
this stops with me. This stopswith me, and going forward, my
(18:53):
kids will not experience what I experiencefrom my fathers. So the cycle stop
with me. And this may beif you have a father that was an
alcoholic, if you have a fatherthat was an attic, if you have
a father who was abusive, whatit could be potentially carried into your life
that you as a person have struggledwith through the power of the Holy Spirit,
(19:18):
through counseling, through therapy. Inthe book, I talk about places
like on Site that offers such agreat healing for people through through God and
the people that He uses in yourlife. You can make the intentional choice
to break the cycle and say thisends with me. My kids will not
experience what I did, and youwon't get it perfect. We're all going
(19:41):
to mess up. But you canmake that choice and commit it to God.
Just give it to God and say, God, I want to be
a better husband. I want tobe a better father, a better man.
Would you empower me by the powerof the Holy Spirit. Would you
please guide me to be a loving, caring, compassionate, kind father.
(20:03):
And then and then that one againyou will. You will find the power
from God in daily quiet time withHim, in devotional life and abiding in
Christ. So good. I loveit, Greg, So so good.
Lord, Help us to walk inthis kindness, Help us to walk in
this freedom. It's freedom in life. So I want to ask you,
(20:26):
I think you know one thing thatyou know. Folks are out there listening
right now and they're just Okay,Greg, I'm going to grab your book.
I'm I love it. I'm compelledto embody this kindness that you've experienced,
even you know, even beyond,like you know what you walk through
and the hurts and the pains.I want to ask you this, if
(20:48):
I want to go out right nowpractically and show kindness to my neighbor and
share this kindness, what are someeasy, practical ways I could do that
right now? And I want youto just share even maybe even some experiences
you've had yourself, and what rhythmsthat you'd go about sharing this kindness.
(21:11):
And that's a good, good,good question. I actually write about a
lot of this in the book whereI shared things in my own life personal
stories. There's a whole chapter ongenerosity. Those are real sport things that
I've done. But what we didfor our neighbors, we just moved.
My father in law passed away lastweek and he had als Luke Garret's disease,
(21:33):
and so we moved to North Charlotteto be close to my in laws
and to be a support for mymother in law, knowing that he would
soon pass away, which he justdid last week. And so when we
moved here, so we're new tothis neighborhood. When we moved here,
we brought gifts to all our neighborsand they were shocked. So we're in
(21:56):
a booming part of Charlotte where nobodyis from here. All neighbors are from
New York, New Jersey, Boston, Pennsylvania, Arizona, California. Nobody's
from Charlotte. It's just a placethat people moved to and so they're not
accustomed to. Like you know,in the South, people would come over
and bring you brownies or cookies andsay, welcome to the neighborhood. Well,
(22:18):
people don't do that anymore, yea. So we did it. Hansibly
brought gifts to our neighbors, andwe also included and my wife helped me
put these gifts together, but wealso included. This was her idea our
Christmas card that had a picture ofus on it, so they would see
our name and our faces and beable to remember, oh, that's Greg
(22:40):
and Amy. And so we hadour Christmas card that also on the bat
tails about what's happened in the lastyear and what our kids are up to.
But we shared a Christmas card withsome goodies, vehnica handle and fun
stuff, and we went and knockedon every single door and said, hi,
where Greg and Amy would just moveto the area. We wanted to
bring you this gift. And theysaid, well, we should be given
(23:02):
you a gift and we said,well, we just wanted to come over
and give that to you and um, and so you can. You can
be a good neighbor. You know, the Bible talks a lot and I
talk about it in my book aboutloving your neighbor. But as you trying
it out, you can do thatyour literal neighbor in your neighborhood. But
yeah, so there's there's a lotof things that you can do. If
(23:23):
you live in a place where it'scold and it snows a lot, and
you get the opportunity to shovel yourneighbor's driveway, or or if you see
the grass getting high and you getthe opportunity while you're out cutting grass to
cut your neighbor's line. Those areall the things that can show kindness.
I love it. Hey, youknow one thing I love about your book
as well as I was reading throughit, like you basically laid out a
(23:47):
formula, not necessarily a formula,but I mean it could be a formula,
but the way I read it wasmy neighbor would benefit and some of
them may benefit more off different things. So, for instance, you were
like, if you walk in forgiveness, you're being kind. If you're if
you walk in generosity, you're beingkind. Like if you walk with composure,
(24:08):
you're being kind, acceptance, kind, rest, kind, wisdom,
kind, empathy, kind, patience, you're being kind. Love, you're
being kind. Unity, you're beingkind. So if you walk in all
these things, and some neighbors mayneed some of those things more. But
at the end of the day,that's when we lean on the power of
(24:29):
God's Holy Spirit to guide us.And so a really really great job just
reminding us how we can walk inkindness towards our neighbors. I really appreciate
you for that, brother. Acouple of things I want to ask you,
just a couple more questions, andthen I'm gonna have you, you
know, share any last things onyour hearts. But why why why is
(24:51):
it? Well, I'm gonna askthis first, why is it that our
next generation because we have a lotof folks from t talk, a lot
of young you know, kids onhere who just want to know why is
it that they should they just don'tget why they should be kind, put
(25:11):
down their cell phone and find waysto be kind or even digitally, is
there a way you can be kindthrough using your social media channels? Are
What are some things that you wouldsay to the next generation? Gen Z
are millennials that are listening in onhow to make this book practically work out
in their life and their unique livesas a high school student or maybe even
(25:36):
there's some maybe might be some juniorhigh kids or even college students. What
would you say that the next genabout kindness? Absolutely, you know,
my kids are gen Z and Ispeak at colleges. I love it,
and so I do talk just alittle bit about it in the book.
But two things come to mind.One, as as I say in the
book, forget where I said it, But in the book I talk about
(25:59):
gen Z and the millennials are verykind people and very cause oriented. They
My kids, my youngest daughter,who's kind of like an activist on social
media. She is the kindest personI know, and she is extremely cause
oriented and has very passionate beliefs.And so I learned just watching my own
(26:22):
kids. But when it comes todigital stuff and social media, one of
the things I talk about in thebook is the reality of bullying. You
know, as as a kid,I was bullied, physically bullied. I
have not always been six five anda giant man. I was little and
chubby when as a young boy andI got bullied mercilessly, it was It
(26:44):
was terrible. And so I knowwhat it's like to be bullied in school.
But today's generation, they're bullied online. They're bullied through TikTok, through
social media, through Instagram, andthrough stuff. So there's a lot of
bullying that happens. So I addressbullying head on in the book and talking
bullying is the opposite of kindness.Unfortunately, we have adults that can be
(27:07):
bullies, we have teams that canbe bullies. We have, as you
said, middle schoolers who bullies.And you know it a lot of times
it comes back to my friend thefather whom just how I hold the book,
It comes back to a father woundthat they have not dealt with,
and so they are insecure and theytake out their bullying on other kids.
(27:30):
And so you know, there's there'sthis famous quote, famous saying of when
somebody acts a certain way towards youinstead of responding with what's wrong with you?
The response should be what happened toyou? What happened to you?
Like, what is it that youhave been through in your life that has
led you to the point where youact like this now as or as an
(27:53):
adult? Why are you acting likethis? What happened to you? And
that should lead us to compare toa chapter on empathy, to empathy and
to trying to put ourselves in theirshoes and to say, you know,
I'm going to choose to be kindto this person. There's another famous quote
of be kind because every person isfacing a battle that we know nothing about,
(28:18):
is the whole quote. So whensomebody is acting gruff or mean,
or short or in a certain manner, we don't know what they're going through.
And this here's here's the real storythat just happened. My father in
law passed away last week. Mytwo daughters came to town to visit my
mother in law and to pay theirrespects. And we visited there for a
(28:41):
while, and then we went outto eat. And we're at a restaurant
sitting there and the server comes overask us what we want to eat and
drink and walks away and I tookit as a teaching moment with my kids,
and I says, she has noidea that our loved ones just died.
I said, you never know whatpeople are going through. We are
(29:03):
sitting in this restaurant as if everythingis normal, when we are truly grieving
and I've just lost somebody we love. This is a real time, last
week example. And so I alwayslook for teaching opportunities for my kids.
And I said, this server hasno idea what we have been through,
what we're going through. And sobeing kinds you don't know what battles people
(29:26):
are facing. Beautiful man, sobeautifully said, and so real, so
real. I want to ask this, and then I'm open up the floor
to you in any way you wouldlike to exhort us or encourage us as
we close out. But tell meabout kindness as it relates to the Believer's
(29:51):
call. And I just from thestandpoint, being nice and being kind are
two different things. Can you distinguish, like what is kindness versus being nice?
Um? You know? And thenjust lead us lay out the carpet
of this beautiful passage that you wroteon a tell end of this book.
I mean you you culminated all thesestories and these truths, and you brought
(30:17):
it down to this very thing.It was like it was coming down a
funnel towards this thing. But it'sGod's kindness that leads us to repentance.
And how much joy do we findin God's kindness? That's so much it
to lead us to a place where, like God, I repent. I
believe you are who you say arein this love that you have for me.
(30:40):
It was so undeserving, but yetyou did it anyway, despite my
hatred of you, despite how manytimes I hurt you, Lord, you
love me enough to draw me tothis place. So all right, just
start there. I'm sorry starting nice. Yeah, So remind me about the
kindness of God because I want tocome back to that because that is special
(31:00):
to me, very special. Butthere are some people, as I kind
of briefly mentioned earlier, that arejust naturally nice. They just some people
are nicer than others, and that'sjust the way they're wired their chemistry and
their brain. There's just certain thingsthat some people are just really pleasant to
be around. They walk in aroom and they light up the room.
(31:22):
My oldest daughter is like that.Some people are just really nice, really
kind naturally and then others of us, like myself, have to make an
intentional choice. And then I couplethat with the Holy Spirit's power. I
have read years ago. I thinkit was The Spirit of the Disciplines by
Richard Foster, and he talks aboutthat when you spend time with Jesus daily,
(31:47):
when you conformed to the image ofChrist, when you become more like
Christ, when you are squeezed,when you are surprised, when you are
shocked, when something hits you outof nowhere, naturally comes out of you.
Should be the fruit of the spirit. Love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, showness, faithfulness, self control. So what
(32:10):
when I grew up in the youthgroup, what was taught was, Hey,
we need to be kind, weneed to be gentle, and this
week we're going to focus on beinggentle. And it was it was very
much works oriented, where when wespend time with Christ and become like Christ,
it becomes more and more natural,less work. That's what naturally oozes
(32:36):
out of us is the fruit ofthe Spirit. And so um. So
all that to say is if youare not nice by design, if you
are not kind naturally like most ofus. Then we're gonna have to take
it to God. Be transformed byChrist, spend time in his word,
and let God soften our hearts.That's what I love about the Living Word.
(33:00):
It is alive and active. WhatI love about the Living Word is
it melts the hardest one. Andso God has mounted in my heart over
the years. I remember years ago, struggling and reading and Josiah when when
God said he showed his kindness inthe Old Testament, how can I give
you up o Ephraim like he was. He could have destroyed them, he
(33:22):
could have wiped him out, hecould have done whatever, but he was
moved with compassion. This is,you know, people, what things that
drives me crazy is people say Godin the Old Testament was mean and angry,
and God in the New Testament isnice and kind, And I'm like,
no, say God. Remember Jonahgot upset when he freas to the
(33:45):
Nnovites. He the people repented GodJames's mind did not destroy them. Jonah
threw a fit and said, itsaid these words, I knew you were
kind and compassionate. I knew destroythem. He was mad at God's kindness,
(34:05):
not the New Testament God, theOld Testament God oona knew that God
was kind and merciful and compassionate.It's the same God. The same red
line runs all through Scripture, soending with God's kindness towards us. That's
a very personal passage to me,is that God's kindness leads me to repentance.
And I love the scripture reminding usof that. I was at a
(34:31):
conference I lead. I heard apastor say that they built their church when
they planted their church around that verse, that they were going to be known
in their community as a kind churchbecause they knew that it was God's kindness
that leads people to repentance. Andso God has done a kind work.
But my friend, the other thingthat I include in this book that I
(34:53):
think most people won't see coming,and it's so needed, is in this
book write about kindness to yourself.We need to be kind to ourselves.
We need to love ourselves. Youknow, when I was on staff at
Transformation Church with doctor Derwin Gray,he taught the great thing differently than I
(35:14):
had ever heard it. I hadalways said love God, love others.
Dorwin says, no, love God, love yourself, so that you can
love others. So in the book, I teach on that and I talk
about we need to be kind toourselves. If we had a bad pass.
There's forgiveness, there's redemption, there'sreconciliation. The Bible is all about
(35:36):
redemption. There's always second chances.They're always their comeback stories. You fall,
when you fail, get back up. You know, a righteous man
fail seven times, gets back up. And so that is our story.
We need to be kind to ourselvesand ultimately we need to forgive ourselves if
we have blown it, as adad, get back up, start over
(35:59):
for your self, show kindness toyourself. And so the Bible talks about
kindness to others, kindness to yourself, and God's kindness. And if you
could, you could tell I'm excitedabout it. Yeah, Hey, I'm
excited about others reading it now.And now that it's I've been already it's
already been able to touch my heart. And I'm so thankful the one that
(36:22):
challenged me from get go, becausewhen you were going into like your your
dad, the story of him,and just a beautiful story, even your
dad's testimony of like you know,he basically got adopted. The charity for
a charity calls through a wealthy family, the Atkinson family, which I thought
was amazing. Now you have thatlast name, but it's just amazing from
(36:46):
an adoption of your father, someonebeing kind to your father to bring him
in and when your dad would gooff to school, which they paid for
his tluition, right, but henever really would come back home, right.
And it made me think for alittle bit, like did did that
(37:07):
adoption like actually like help your dador was that kindness that was given towards
your dad? You know, I'msure it helped him for sure, but
like, man, I just wonderwhere your dad was in that season of
life, um where you know heprobably had a really hard upbringing out would
(37:30):
think, yeah, you know,in a lot of those scars and the
pain that he dealt with, youknow, continue to carry on, and
you just didn't know what he wasgoing through, you know. And I'm
thankful that you were able to layout like your heart to forgive your father.
And why I wanted to give hisbackstory because yeah, you know,
(37:51):
yes, my dad was a harshman and I had a rough childhood,
but he did as well. SoI wanted to be a complete picture of
my dad. Dad had a reallyrough childhood and a really rough upbringing,
so he did not know how tobe a father. And some of you
may be in a situation where youdo not know how to be a father.
(38:13):
Your dad left you, your dadabandon you, your dad was not
president, your dad was abusive likemine. You may be in a situation
where you do not know how tobe a father. But God does,
and so go to ask him inprayer. You know, I share a
personal story in the book. Theday my dad died, I was just
reading in the Psalms, and Godfocused my eyes. Yeah, He's a
(38:37):
father to the fatherless, and Icircled it in my Bible and I wrote
five twenty seven ninety seven and Ithought, wow, that's pretty cool.
Five minutes later, my uncle callsand tells me my dad's dad. And
I looked down at that scripture thatI just circled in my Bible. Powerful,
and I said, God was lettingme know he's a father to the
(38:58):
fatherless. He can be there foryou. I was due when I read
that. That was so power.Like. The whole book is full of
these. I'm telling you, guys, grab this book. You would be
impacted, not only impacted for youto be impacted so you can go out
and give this message to the world. They need Jesus. Everyone needs Jesus
(39:20):
starting with us. Amen. Well, awesome, bro any last words if
you could, if you're on yoursay, lack of a better words,
deathbed right now, you only hadyou know, a few words are a
sentence to give so someone can holdon to what would you say to them?
And maybe some other folks listening inor they're gonna write this down or
(39:45):
they're gonna put in their notes intheir phone. Greg Atkinson, are they
gonna tweet it out? Like whatwould you say for the final words?
To encourage those listening in? Now? I love it. It's what I
say to myself is mercies are newevery morning. You can always start again.
And so I mess up when Iblow it. As I said,
I am not the kindness expert.I just value kindness and I want to
(40:07):
see a kindness movement. I wantto see our kindness and our churches and
our communities and our neighborhoods and ourschools in the workplace. You know,
I'm doing consulting with organizations on avoidinga toxic culture to have kind cultures,
and so his mercies are every morning. There are always second chances. You
(40:28):
can always start again if you haveblown it as a as a husband,
as a wife, as a asa teenager. If you upon it,
wake up a new and afresh knowingthat God's mercies are real and that there
are second chances. And I wantto stress again the importance of abiding with
(40:50):
Christ. Don't try to do thisby willpower. If you try to will
yourself. I'm going to be kindtoday. I'm going to be kind today.
I'm gonna be kind today. You'regonna You're gonna get exhaust stood and
frustrated, But spend time with theliving God and allow him to transform your
heart. Wow. Who Greg Adkison. Guys, you've heard from them firsthand.
(41:13):
So thankful for you, guys.Go grab the book now, The
Secret Power of Kindness. A matterof fact, this book has been selling
like crazy. It's on the topcharts of several categories in Amazon right now.
But also I think, hey,what is it the best seller the
list? Yeah, I believe,I believe Lord Willing right now, let's
(41:36):
help him get on the world TheJournal best List? What is it the
Wall Street Journal Best List? There'sa New York Times on a Wall Street
Journal. Yeah, guys, yeah, I A wow. Everybody to get
this book right now. I justlook, before we started speaking, it
was the number one best seller,the number one new release, and it
was sold out on Amazon. Amazonsold out. Yeah, so we're excited
(41:59):
about this. All you have todo is remember the title and go to
Secret Power of Kindness dot com.It's the book title, Secret Power of
Kindness dot Com. But friend,I'm so honored that you would have me
on your show and this kindness towardsme. I'm so thankful, so grateful.
Thank you for your generosity, timeand message. Appreciate you, brother,
(42:21):
Thank you well, have you backsoon. Awesome. Bye bye
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.