February 27, 2025 • 30 mins
In a world where every relationship seems to be constantly tested by daily stressors, the question arises: do lovers really need a holiday away from each other? This episode navigates the fine line between healthy time apart and necessary intimacy, encouraging couples to consider whether escaping together or apart will truly enhance their bond. We discuss the stresses that marriages can endure and how couples can sometimes feel the temptation to take a break, questioning if distance truly makes the heart grow fonder.
As we dive deeper into this compelling topic, we explore personal experiences and the lessons learned over years of partnership. From the highs of shared activities like family outings to the struggles faced amidst life's overwhelming moments, we dissect the truth behind the myth of needing personal space. We offer insights on how communication and shared moments can serve as the antidote to feelings of isolation often brought about by life’s demands.
Listeners are left with a powerful reflection on the importance of intentional intimacy. By taking a step back to assess the underlying reasons for wanting separation and nurturing shared experiences instead, couples can foster a resilient relationship capable of withstanding the pressures of modern life. Don’t miss out on this essential conversation—tune in to gain valuable perspectives on strengthening your loving bond. If you find this episode helpful, remember to subscribe, share, and leave us a review!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't have headphones on so I can hear you.
Oh, you look very handsome inthat shirt A little too handsome
.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
All right.
On this week's episode we aretackling a tough question of do
lovers need a holiday?
Do you need to take time toseparate from your spouse?
Do you need alone time?
Should you take time?
Should you do vacation?
Should you get away?
And then throughout the podcast, we talk about this in a couple
of different ways and we getinto the stresses of being
(00:33):
married and some of the thingsto overcome some of those
stresses, and then we end withthe actual answer to if lovers
need a holiday and what thatshould look like in our
marriages.
So, with no further ado, let'sjump into this episode.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of Faith, Family and
(01:07):
Fishing.
Let's make some strongerfamilies.
So let's get at it, let's go,All right.
So I know you don't usuallyknow what we're going to talk
about until you come in Nope,which always gives me a little
anxiety, a little agita, alittle agita, which is good in
most situations.
Today we are going to beanswering, depending on your age
(01:30):
, either the question in aChicago song or as yet.
As yet, do lovers need aholiday?
I like it so and againdepending on your age, it's
either gonna be Chicago or Agit.
Hard to say, I'm sorry, is thesong, but like I know it from
(01:56):
Agit.
I remember from Chicago you'rea Chicago fan, so just showing
the age discrepancies there butI'm a little older.
It was one of those things that, to me, doesn't make sense.
Right, we've been together.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
25 years, 25 years, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah, like we just hit 25 this year Um married 20
of those almost 21, almost 21.
Um, so it's the same righteveryone.
When you first get together,like I remember the late nights,
the you know we would hang outall day, see each other, you
(02:36):
know go to dinner go to themovies, go bowling, whatever you
know, hang out until the weehours of the morning, get home,
and then it was calling and thentalking.
And that's everyone right?
They?
Call it puppy dog love.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Right, you know where , which I don't understand where
that term comes from.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I don't know.
It's weird, now that you thinkabout it, to say puppy, dog,
love.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It's like Like how I love a puppy dog, right, because
that doesn't make sense.
I don't know where that comesfrom, but anyway, and that's,
that's pretty normal, right?
For guys, you know, it's, oh,you're whooped, you know, I
don't, I don't know, I thinkit's just normal.
For girls, I don't think it'sderogatory if your boyfriend
wants to spend a lot of timewith you, it's a path.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
On the contrary.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
But anyway, and then I don't know, I don't.
We, like I said, we've beentogether a very, very long time.
I've never really gotten out ofthat phase.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Because I mean it's pretty normal for us to Spend
all day.
I mean we've worked togetherfor the past.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
How long have we worked together?
Six, seven years.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, Like six or seven years.
I mean with just me and you forthe past two now, um, you know
well, almost two, Um, and eventhough this year, yeah, we added
extra people at work.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
We still work together.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, we are literally together all day,
every day.
Um, and then it's really normalfor us to get home and as soon
as we get home, put our stuffdown and we go into the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And for all of you that thought that was going
somewhere else shame wedecompress we talk josh, and
then josh will watch a youtubevideo and I will take a cat nap.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, normally you know you go to sleep for a
minute and then you know, I kindof just thumb through the old
tube.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Learn how to make new barbecue meals.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Or fishing.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Or fishing.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Big shout out to Salt Strong there.
A lot of good videos there, butand then we talk and then you
know we get on with our nightand then Right, we have dinner
together, yeah.
I mean, and so for me and you,spending that much of time is
normal, it's pretty normal.
So for me, when I hear a linelike that and I go even lovers
(04:57):
need a holiday far away fromeach other.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You know, is that how it goes?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I thought it was from the ones that they love.
Everybody needs a little timeaway.
Each other, you know, is thathow it goes?
I?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
thought it was from the ones that they love.
Everybody needs a little timeaway.
I heard her say from each other.
Even lovers need a holiday justfor a day from each other.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Anyway, I thought it was far from the ones they love.
Anyway, I go and, and yes,throughout, I mean, I was in the
military, so you know, and thenwhen I was a cop, we didn't see
each other a whole lot either,right, um, we visited pretty
much, um, which is why there'ssuch a high divorce rate, if you
ask me with police officers.
Yeah, I mean last time I lookedit was, you know, 75 right in
the first five years, orsomething like that because you,
(05:36):
you really don't get to spend alot of time together start
disconnecting and unknowing eachother yeah, and and I think
that's part there's a book Iforget who wrote it.
It's called Date your Wife andI would recommend it because it
is normal.
Right, it's normal, but when wewere dating, I was in really
(05:59):
good shape.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
You still are baby?
Yes, for my age.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I'm man enough to admit that now.
Um, we've just rounded out thecorners, wow, okay, um, but
anyway, you know we were youngerand you know that's what you
did, right, you, you got inreally good shape and you know,
you, you tried to impress, youwere always on the best behavior
, you were always like openingdoors, dot your i's cross your
(06:29):
t's and then you get married andI don't I don't know if it's
like okay, I won, so now I canjust kind of relax, right.
I don't know if that's what itis, but I would think it is.
You know, I got prize, likeyou're not going anywhere now.
Right, you know and I knowtoday's modern marriages may not
(06:53):
work like that, but in theory,in theory, you know that that's
that's how it goes, and so youcan be a little more lazy, you
get a little more relaxed andyou really do stop dating each
other, you know.
And then you add, you know otherstressors into that, your job,
you know kids, kids, and youknow time you know, well, and
(07:14):
then even if you went back andlisten to the last episode, you
know you start adding in likesports and stuff like that.
Time becomes very, very, verylimited, right, and and it's
easy at that point to to startlike like drifting apart, not
even intentionally Right.
You know, you kind of got yourthings and I got my things and
and I think and they stoppedbeing our things.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
And I think sometimes when there's a little too much
time spent apart a little toomuch.
Um, you start to notice all thethings that may not necessarily
be your favorite thing aboutthat person.
You can start seeing thingsthat maybe aren't necessarily
there, but little things thataren't a huge deal all the time.
(07:56):
That time apart kind of opensthe door to noticing little
things that frustrate you.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I mean I can see what you mean and I do agree with
the noticing things thatfrustrate you.
I mean I can see what you meanand I do agree with the noticing
things that frustrate you, butfor me it wasn't so much that I
was like I don't know, maybe itwas but like when you do take
that break, it's a lot easier toget into your own rhythms.
And then it just becomes likewell, why are you trying to get
(08:25):
into my stuff?
Speaker 1 (08:26):
kind of like when you stop being a cop and then you
jumped right back into howeverything was and I was like,
um no yeah, like I have aroutine, I have a schedule.
You don't just get to come inand because I wasn't open to,
okay, great, everything's theway it was before right, but
that's my other issue with allof this right like marriage is
(08:46):
never 50 50 no, uh-uh like therehave been times where you have
given 90.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
I mean, if we're honest, there's probably been
times you've given 100 150, youknow, and vice versa.
Yeah, you know and and I go butthankfully never at the same
time no, you would want it atthe same time if we were both
given 100 at the same time.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I'm thinking the 10 that would be really good.
It would be really good um Ineed some more coffee, but.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
But marriage is never 50 50 like that.
You know it's never.
You know it just isn't.
You know it just isn't.
You know it just.
That's not how it works.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Sometimes you're picking up the slack for that
other person.
But, that goes back to are youhave you two become one where
you're going?
All right, this is I'm pickingup the slack, but this is me
Like.
This is you know?
We are for each other.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Well, and depending on how you look at marriage, it
wouldn't be slack right likewhen I say slack, like when you
can't, I can't, yeah, no, that'swhat I mean slack.
No, slack was the right word.
But what I was saying is likeagain, if you look at it through
the the right perspective, Idon't look at it like in those
moments and go I'm picking,picking up her slack, right.
(10:03):
I look at it and go, I'm doingfor her.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
For better or worse.
You know we're really good withthe for better part.
It's the for worse we have ahard time with Because so many
people look at it contractuallyRight, Like I'm here as long as.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
It works for me.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
And you know we've talked about it a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
And I'll be honest, our marriage hasn't always
worked for you.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
No, right, you know, has it always worked for you.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I just think from the I just think from the get go.
I just had a differentperspective.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Yeah, an outlook on it?
Yeah, like.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
I, you know, I just think individually, just who I
am as a person it was just alittle more easy for me to to
not look at it as a contractualthing, but to look at it and go
no.
Like when I took my vows, Imeant it right, I mean, and not
that yeah I heard that after itcame out, it it just I don't
(11:06):
know.
I'm trying to think, I'm tryingto it's hard because I'm trying
to think like the nicest.
I just think.
I don't think I'm as I'mwaiting.
I don't think I'm as selfish,just naturally.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
You know, I know we're all selfish to a certain
extent um, like everybody, butoh yeah, I'm, I'm that runner I
just think it was easier for mebecause of you know, I just I
grew up in a totally differentway than you so, for when it
came to marriage in inspecifically, yeah, you know it,
(11:43):
to me it wasn't, I wasn't, Iwasn't looking.
I've never looked at it in thetimes where it's been harder for
me and went like, oh, I, youknow, I, I've always looked at
it and went we, you know, havean issue, we have a problem and,
and for me and I know it's beenaggravating for you at times,
um, but for me it it then turnsand it flips and I, I become
(12:06):
obsessive and I go you know, weneed to talk about this, we need
to talk about that, we like, weneed to like and I think, like
for me, and then you getoverwhelmed, I get overwhelmed
and then I start going.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I don't feel safe emotionally and I know you like
that word.
Well, yes, um, so, because howdoes that paint me, when you're?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
sitting here going.
I don't feel I know that likethat word.
Well, yes, um so because howdoes that paint me when you're
sitting here going?
I don't feel I know that didn'tsound right.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Um, I just, I completely start bottling up and
then I start shutting down andI'm like nope, nope, nope.
And then I'm like I'm gonnatake my ball and I'm not gonna
play here anymore.
Um, I'm gonna leave I'm gonnaleave, um, not literally, but
like just completely shut downemotionally.
We've had ups and downs.
I've never left.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
We've had ups and downs.
We have had ups and downs.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
And that's why and it's funny, because funny but
like people will say things likeoh, you guys are a great couple
, you guys you know all thesegreat things, which thank you,
but you know, they haven't beenthere at the four o'clock in the
morning where we haven't sleptfor 28 hours and we're talking
and we're, you know, workingthrough stuff and you know,
thank God for you.
Always, like now we're pushingthrough this and I'm like, for
(13:15):
the love of Jesus, just can wesleep Well even going back to
again last week, right, when wewere talking about sports.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
that is one thing you do learn in sports, right,
right, you, you really do learn,okay we've got to figure it out
in the fourth quarter.
Like you got to find thatsomething extra to push in which
how you grew up was totallydifferent, like I didn't grow up
doing sports, so I was like umand and you know what, now that
I think about it, that's anotherbenefit of sports too, right,
like for me, it was normal to bepart of a team, right?
(13:42):
I mean, yes, I did individualsports like weightlifting and
track, but you know my heart, mypassion, was always team sports
right.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
You know, with football, even like sharing
successes, like you're, you'relike that the successes are
exciting for you.
Where me, I'm like somethingsuccessful happens and I'm like
it's the expected.
I'm like okay, so somethinghappened but that.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
But you know, this is all on a detour, because the
real question is do lovers needa holiday, and I remember you
came up to me years ago yearsago at this point, and you were
like, hey, I'm going to go tothe beach for the weekend.
And like I was like with whoyou know, because we didn't make
plans Right, and you were like,oh no, I'm going to go by
(14:22):
myself.
And I was like, no, I was likeno.
I was like who are you cheatingon me with?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Right, yep, yep, and I was like what?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
No one just goes to the beach by themselves.
Where I was, like.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
I feel like my brain's going to explode, I'm on
overload and I just need todecompress.
And you know you were like wecan go to the beach and we can
go like figure.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I did think it was extremely weird, because it's
just weird.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
No one does that by themselves, but just a little
little information about me.
Like I can go sit at a coffeeshop by myself and sit there and
talk.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Well, you used to take those like day trips down
to Tampa.
Yeah, you know, by yourself Gowalk around Hyde Park and yeah
just go hang out.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I didn't mind that.
I was by myself a lot when Iwas younger, so it being by
myself didn't bother me whereyou were.
Like we're married.
This is not normal.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
You don't just get up and go for the weekend um, so
for me and, and I'm glad yousaid, for the weekend, because,
like, I don't view this as like,okay, I went to work, so you
know, in in granite, oursituation is different.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
But, like, even when we didn't work together, you
know I didn't go well, I went towork, so we had a break, right,
like you know and you know mewell enough where, like the
other day, I was super stressedout, where, you know, you took
all the kids home and you werelike just drive, drive right
home by yourself right that way.
That way you can.
You know you knew I needed that, were that.
You know you don't need stufflike that.
(15:49):
That's not something you.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
No, I don't look for, and that's why.
So when it came to the song, Iwent like you know, do lovers
need a holiday?
I mean, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
No, and the older I've gotten, the longer we've
been together.
I go no, not necessarily.
You don't need a holiday.
I mean I might need fiveminutes to be left alone.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Well, think about it.
I mean, we know people who.
It's like oh, it's a girls, youknow girls weekend.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
You know, and again, to each on her own, Like I don't
think those things arenecessarily bad.
You, I've gone on girlsweekends and retreats and stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I've gone camping and hunting with the guys or
fishing, but I don't need it toget away from you, right.
And I think that's where youhave to be careful where you're
going.
I'm doing this to get away frommy husband.
Now.
I'm not talking about safetyand stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yeah, no, no, no.
If it's a physical or mentalthing?
Yeah, of there.
Yeah, that's different, but Igo.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
That's not a holiday, though, that's an escape if you
need a, if you need a breakbecause there's something going
on in your marriage, you need topress into that and work that
out.
I'm not saying you don't talkto other people, but you need to
work, seek counsel you need towork through that with your
spouse, because you can't workon a problem with someone that's
(17:08):
not there.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
And I'm glad you said with a spouse, because, like in
all the marriage counseling Ido, um, guys, I'll just go ahead
and lay it out to you.
85% of the time, 90% of thetime it's the wife went we need
counseling and presented it asan ultimatum Either you come to
counseling with me or I'm filingfor divorce.
(17:32):
Number one um, the firstsession we're going to get into.
When that comes up, I'm goingto go ahead and tell you if
that's our attitude towards this.
It's probably not going to workout the way you think it's
going to right um, because youcan't force people to do
anything they don't want to doright
understand, even if someone putsa gun to your head and goes,
(17:53):
give me your wallet, you'restill choosing to give them your
wallet.
Right, like there is no suchthing as forcing someone.
Now you may go, hey, this isthe best choice, um, you know,
and giving up your wallet in inthat scenario, but you're still
choosing to do that, right, youknow, some people would choose
to fight back, you know, andit's not that they sit here and
(18:15):
go, hey, you know, my life isworth whatever's in my wallet
because, let's be honest, I meanmost of your cards you can
cancel, like, you can getreplacement IDs, you know.
Know, most of us don't carry aton of cash with us, right, but
what you're saying is is, I'mnot going to give you the right
to take my stuff, it's reallywhat you're driving at, but
(18:35):
again it's.
You get into those situationswhere one it is your problem.
It is.
Is it a couple problem?
It is.
I've never, ever, ever, in anycounseling I've ever done where
it's been solely one person'sissue outside of, like, you know
, an abuse situation.
You know something like that.
Um, but I'm talking about justlike regular couple stuff.
(18:57):
Yeah, it's never just been oneperson no, it's always a
two-part thing um and two.
It's usually something that'sbeen festering for for a while.
It's not right.
It wasn't just like over thepast week.
I don't know where this came,which, and this will be a whole,
nother podcast you know, leadsinto that whole you know,
falling.
Oh well, I just found I justfell out of love and it's like
(19:18):
no, no, it's impossible to dothat, because love isn't what
you feel, it's what you do.
Um, you know, and so really,just what you're saying is I
don't, I no longer want to Idon't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Right, which sometimes, yeah, that does
happen.
You just go, I, people just go.
I don't want to do this anymoreand this is exhausting.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
We've done that, as you know, as a married couple
just went.
Hey, like this isn't worth itfor me right now.
I don't want to talk about thisright now.
I don't want to deal with thisright now right you know, kind
of the whole.
I'm not ready to not be madright kind of thing, you know,
and I go so.
So again, like when we'resitting here and we're, you know
, looking down and going to hey,how are we going to get the
(19:57):
distance out of this?
You know, how are we going todo this?
One woman, one one, uh, onewoman, one man, one life.
You know thing, you, it has tostart from a place of do you
need a holiday?
No Right, you're an athlete,you don't take a day off, right,
right, like you, push through,you work, you, you do whatever
(20:17):
is needed, because that's what'sgoing to edge you out from
someone else, um, when you'rejust dating you didn't take a
day off, right?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
No phone it.
You actually worked extra hardto spend that time together.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
You know you changed who you were.
You took showers regularly.
Yeah, you know you.
You took her to olive gardenbecause you thought that was the
fanciest restaurant you've everheard of.
Maybe that was sweet notrealizing that was a normal
sunday dinner for her, um, butyou grew up in a different
socioeconomic oh but anyway umyou do all of those things when
(20:50):
you're dating, you know, and andthat's what I mean you then we
get married and it's like if youmake me sick, but see, and
people don't understand that'sthe point of dating to see are
we going to be compatible rightas a couple?
the point of dating is not tohave fun, it's not to get your
freak on it's not to impresseach other.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, it's none of that it's.
Could I see myself spending therest of my life with you?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
right, you know, and, and so the better you do that,
the easier you're going to haveit when you get married.
And and that's one of thethings like you know, when
people are talking to us and youknow, and they're like you know
what's the secret I go therereally is I married my best
friend.
I married a woman that I enjoyedspending time with, that I
could sit and laugh with, but Icould also sit a lot, but I
(21:39):
could also sit and have aserious conversation with, and I
can also sit and go hey, wecould weather the storms
together.
And and I married someone who-and we trust each other.
And that's what I was going tosay.
Who I know is a ride or die,you know, is going to be here in
the good times and the bad.
Um because it's not a matter ofif you're going to have bad
times.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Oh, it's coming, it's when.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, and and honestly, there, there were
plenty of years where years werebad years.
It wasn't just when I say badyears, I don't mean necessarily
as a couple, just externalcircumstances and what we had to
deal with.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Even looking back at, we used to write each other
letters every anniversary, andit started when we first got
married.
The pastor that was counselingus for premarital counseling had
said hey, write each other aletter on why you love each
other, Don't?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Oh no, why you want to be married.
Why do you want to be married?
You weren't allowed to use theword I love.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Yeah, you weren't allowed to use the word I love
you because I love them.
So we did that for about 15years.
We haven't done that in a longtime.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
No, actually I just found some in.
Yeah, if I can find them again.
I forget what folder it was,but over the years.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
we read through them a few years ago and I just
remember going oh my gosh, thiswas a crappy year.
Oh, read this one.
This was a terrible yearbecause as the years progressed
and life really started tohappen, you could see the strain
that the external circumstanceswas putting on us.
But it helped keep things intoperspective.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
And the other thing you just hit on when you were
like oh, can I read through them?
Is that's the other thing.
Like you have open access toeverything, you have all my
passwords.
Like there is nothing.
Like I was watching some showthe other day and they were
talking about oh I, the one lineI would never cross is I would
never sneak into my spouse'sphone.
It was a comedy, it's notsneaking, but I went.
(23:37):
I have no problem picking upyour phone and reading through
the messages.
Do I do it a lot?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
No, I barely get you to read your own messages on
your phone.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
But I wouldn't have a problem knowing it either If
you came in.
Let's say you got out of theshower or whatever, and I'm in
the room.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, I picked up your phone and, like flung you
know, flip through it justlooking for something I never
even had to worry about.
Oh my gosh, is he going to getupset because I'm looking at his
phone?
It's an invasion of privacy?
No, it's not.
I don't have privacy, Right.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Because if I truly believe the Bible and I truly
believe that we are one flesh,you have your things and I have
mine right how do we not justhave our correct?
Speaker 1 (24:13):
things.
You can't be a couple, and ahealthy couple, if you're
keeping things from each otherand you're not combining all the
things.
They all have to be togetherright you know and I I do know
couples that you knowunfortunately the wife keeps
stuff from the husband and thenlike it just turns into this big
, like chaotic game, or theother way around.
Well, I'm just talking about,like you know it could be either
(24:35):
, though yeah, it could beeither, and I go.
It impacts the kids, it impactsthe relationship you have with
people around you and well, andit's the opposite of what you've
been called to.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Right, right, like I mean we.
You know, when we read throughscripture.
You see, you are meant to beknown right you are meant to
know and be known like that.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
That is our greatest thing you know we are meant to
be known right.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You are meant to know and be known like that.
That is our greatest thing, youknow.
We are meant to be in community, right, like no one is meant to
be just by themselves right andI go and, and how much more
intimate and how much more openand known can you be, right then
, sitting here and going hey,like you completely have
everything all access and so Ido look at it and I go okay, do
(25:19):
they need?
Do you know, do lovers need aholiday far away from each other
?
Speaker 1 (25:25):
again, I'm not saying , don't go on trips like if I
got to hang out with right likeif I got invited to go like
let's just say down to like Idon't know costa rica or
wherever to go.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
You know fish for tarpon.
Right, like I don't know CostaRica or wherever to go, you know
fish for tarpon.
Right, have fun, it's going tobe like a two, three day trip to
go.
Try to get a world recordtarpon or something like that.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
That's different.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
No, I, you know I would like.
I don't look at that as aholiday, I look at that as I get
to go do something that Iwanted to go do right you know
if you got the opportunity to goI don't know you know up to new
york or whatever to see someplay or something like that.
You know and and went hey, doyou want to?
Speaker 1 (26:02):
no, I don't want to go to new york right for many
different reasons right um but Iwould go, and you know right,
but again I don't look at it,I'm not going I'm taking away
from you I'm going oh, I get togo do this fun thing, Now, I
think a lot of times when youthink you need a holiday away
from you know, your spouse, uh,your husband, your wife, I think
sometimes what you actuallyneed to do is get away from
(26:25):
everybody and everything elsearound you with each other, and
go spend time with each other.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
And sometimes you take a break from talking about
the problems and you just go tothe beach, go have fun, go hang
out, go play pool go bowling gofishing, go swim in the ocean
like go do the fun thing.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
I'm just saying you giggle Right.
We went out last weekend, youknow, and went shrimping and,
like you know, again, how manyshrimp did we get?
611.
We got three and a half gallons, and if we would have stayed
longer, I had to wake up thenext morning to preach, so I
didn't want to stay till the endof the tide.
(27:05):
We would have definitelylimited out at our five gallons
within another hour, right, butI was like, no, we got to get,
even got to give some to theneighbors.
Love it.
That was so exciting, but I goagain.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
But go do something fun that is not surrounded by
the stress that you're currentlygoing through Like you don't
need a holiday Like fishing.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Thank you for finally admitting that it is in the
podcast name.
It is in the podcast.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
You don't need a break from each other, you just
need a break.
And sometimes, you know, I toldJosh a couple weeks ago, maybe
I don't even know time, all kindof runs together.
I said I feel like my, you knowmy.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Cuss word Language.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Now I have to mark explicit on this podcast, like a
full cup of water and anythingelse, one more drop and I'm just
going to spill over, like I'mcompletely Like a teapot, like
just like I played Short, shortand stout Inside joke, just
saying Kayla did say she thoughtI was probably the cutest
(28:11):
little teapot ever.
Be our guest, be our guest.
Oh, dang it.
Josh, josh.
What was he gonna say?
Speaker 2 (28:17):
you're like a cup.
Your cup runneth over in a badway.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yes, and I just.
I needed a break and and wewent shrimping we went fishing.
We did.
That's the other thing.
I caught a catfish in a net onaccident, because no, no, no, I
accidentally got it stuck.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I didn't know it was gonna get stuck yeah, because
that that turned out that wasterrible.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, don't ever do that.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Don't take a shrimp net and try to catch a catfish
now and, that being said, likethere's a reason why I keep
going fish, fish, fish getoutside seriously go on a trail
because again yeah you're out inthe woods, you're on the water,
like your problems are amillion turn off your phone.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Tell people to put it on, do not disturb no, you're
right, turn it off well, I justthink of the kids, like you know
.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Okay, turn it off if your kids are that little that
they can't take care ofthemselves, you shouldn't leave
you should probably bring themwith you or at least get a
babysitter.
Yeah, but like in our case, ourkids aren't that big, they can
take care of themselves, that'strue, so do lovers need a
holiday.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
The answer is the answer is no.
No, they don't Not from eachother.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I'm not saying don't get away, I'm not saying don't
enjoy things and I'm not sayingthere aren't things you'll enjoy
separately.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
And not even saying if you're in a frustrating
situation, you don't go.
I need like an hour 30 minutesto that's not a holiday, though.
That's not a holiday, like, oh,that's not what we're saying.
We're saying you don't need topack it up and hike out to get
you know what going.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
I have to get away from my spouse.
There's deeper rooted issuesyou need.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Yeah, that should be a red flag for you to go.
Hey, um, we need to have somedeeper conversations yeah,
there's something else going on.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Maybe bring in somebody else.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Go talk to your pastor that you you know go talk
to a trusted friend you know.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Go talk to someone who's been married longer than
you, happier than you, you knowum don't talk to somebody who
don't talk to your single friend.
There's a reason why they willgive you bad advice.
Yep, because they don't talk tosomebody who don't talk to your
single friend there's a reasonwhy they will give you bad
advice.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Yep, because they don't know what it's like to be
in your situation.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Even if they mean well like, they have no idea
right and I can make a lot ofjokes right here.
But there may be single peoplelistening.
I don't want to offend you,even if it's accidental on a
joke, um, but no, I don't.
I don't think they need aholiday no so if that's you and
you're in trouble, reach out.
Yep, you need someone tocounsel with you.
(30:42):
I you know we can do that umother than that, until we talk
next time.
We love you guys love you guys.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Have a good day or night.
I don't have headphones on so I can hear you.
Oh, you look very handsome inthat shirt A little too handsome
.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
All right.
On this week's episode we aretackling a tough question of do
lovers need a holiday?
Do you need to take time toseparate from your spouse?
Do you need alone time?
Should you take time?
Should you do vacation?
Should you get away?
And then throughout the podcast, we talk about this in a couple
of different ways and we getinto the stresses of being
(00:33):
married and some of the thingsto overcome some of those
stresses, and then we end withthe actual answer to if lovers
need a holiday and what thatshould look like in our
marriages.
So, with no further ado, let'sjump into this episode.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of Faith, Family and
(01:07):
Fishing.
Let's make some strongerfamilies.
So let's get at it, let's go,All right.
So I know you don't usuallyknow what we're going to talk
about until you come in Nope,which always gives me a little
anxiety, a little agita, alittle agita, which is good in
most situations.
Today we are going to beanswering, depending on your age
(01:30):
, either the question in aChicago song or as yet.
As yet, do lovers need aholiday?
I like it so and againdepending on your age, it's
either gonna be Chicago or Agit.
Hard to say, I'm sorry, is thesong, but like I know it from
(01:56):
Agit.
I remember from Chicago you'rea Chicago fan, so just showing
the age discrepancies there butI'm a little older.
It was one of those things that, to me, doesn't make sense.
Right, we've been together.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
25 years, 25 years, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah, like we just hit 25 this year Um married 20
of those almost 21, almost 21.
Um, so it's the same righteveryone.
When you first get together,like I remember the late nights,
the you know we would hang outall day, see each other, you
(02:36):
know go to dinner go to themovies, go bowling, whatever you
know, hang out until the weehours of the morning, get home,
and then it was calling and thentalking.
And that's everyone right?
They?
Call it puppy dog love.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Right, you know where , which I don't understand where
that term comes from.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I don't know.
It's weird, now that you thinkabout it, to say puppy, dog,
love.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It's like Like how I love a puppy dog, right, because
that doesn't make sense.
I don't know where that comesfrom, but anyway, and that's,
that's pretty normal, right?
For guys, you know, it's, oh,you're whooped, you know, I
don't, I don't know, I thinkit's just normal.
For girls, I don't think it'sderogatory if your boyfriend
wants to spend a lot of timewith you, it's a path.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
On the contrary.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
But anyway, and then I don't know, I don't.
We, like I said, we've beentogether a very, very long time.
I've never really gotten out ofthat phase.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Because I mean it's pretty normal for us to Spend
all day.
I mean we've worked togetherfor the past.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
How long have we worked together?
Six, seven years.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, Like six or seven years.
I mean with just me and you forthe past two now, um, you know
well, almost two, Um, and eventhough this year, yeah, we added
extra people at work.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
We still work together.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, we are literally together all day,
every day.
Um, and then it's really normalfor us to get home and as soon
as we get home, put our stuffdown and we go into the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And for all of you that thought that was going
somewhere else shame wedecompress we talk josh, and
then josh will watch a youtubevideo and I will take a cat nap.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, normally you know you go to sleep for a
minute and then you know, I kindof just thumb through the old
tube.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Learn how to make new barbecue meals.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Or fishing.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Or fishing.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Big shout out to Salt Strong there.
A lot of good videos there, butand then we talk and then you
know we get on with our nightand then Right, we have dinner
together, yeah.
I mean, and so for me and you,spending that much of time is
normal, it's pretty normal.
So for me, when I hear a linelike that and I go even lovers
(04:57):
need a holiday far away fromeach other.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You know, is that how it goes?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I thought it was from the ones that they love.
Everybody needs a little timeaway.
Each other, you know, is thathow it goes?
I?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
thought it was from the ones that they love.
Everybody needs a little timeaway.
I heard her say from each other.
Even lovers need a holiday justfor a day from each other.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Anyway, I thought it was far from the ones they love.
Anyway, I go and, and yes,throughout, I mean, I was in the
military, so you know, and thenwhen I was a cop, we didn't see
each other a whole lot either,right, um, we visited pretty
much, um, which is why there'ssuch a high divorce rate, if you
ask me with police officers.
Yeah, I mean last time I lookedit was, you know, 75 right in
the first five years, orsomething like that because you,
(05:36):
you really don't get to spend alot of time together start
disconnecting and unknowing eachother yeah, and and I think
that's part there's a book Iforget who wrote it.
It's called Date your Wife andI would recommend it because it
is normal.
Right, it's normal, but when wewere dating, I was in really
(05:59):
good shape.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
You still are baby?
Yes, for my age.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I'm man enough to admit that now.
Um, we've just rounded out thecorners, wow, okay, um, but
anyway, you know we were youngerand you know that's what you
did, right, you, you got inreally good shape and you know,
you, you tried to impress, youwere always on the best behavior
, you were always like openingdoors, dot your i's cross your
(06:29):
t's and then you get married andI don't I don't know if it's
like okay, I won, so now I canjust kind of relax, right.
I don't know if that's what itis, but I would think it is.
You know, I got prize, likeyou're not going anywhere now.
Right, you know and I knowtoday's modern marriages may not
(06:53):
work like that, but in theory,in theory, you know that that's
that's how it goes, and so youcan be a little more lazy, you
get a little more relaxed andyou really do stop dating each
other, you know.
And then you add, you know otherstressors into that, your job,
you know kids, kids, and youknow time you know, well, and
(07:14):
then even if you went back andlisten to the last episode, you
know you start adding in likesports and stuff like that.
Time becomes very, very, verylimited, right, and and it's
easy at that point to to startlike like drifting apart, not
even intentionally Right.
You know, you kind of got yourthings and I got my things and
and I think and they stoppedbeing our things.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
And I think sometimes when there's a little too much
time spent apart a little toomuch.
Um, you start to notice all thethings that may not necessarily
be your favorite thing aboutthat person.
You can start seeing thingsthat maybe aren't necessarily
there, but little things thataren't a huge deal all the time.
(07:56):
That time apart kind of opensthe door to noticing little
things that frustrate you.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I mean I can see what you mean and I do agree with
the noticing things thatfrustrate you.
I mean I can see what you meanand I do agree with the noticing
things that frustrate you, butfor me it wasn't so much that I
was like I don't know, maybe itwas but like when you do take
that break, it's a lot easier toget into your own rhythms.
And then it just becomes likewell, why are you trying to get
(08:25):
into my stuff?
Speaker 1 (08:26):
kind of like when you stop being a cop and then you
jumped right back into howeverything was and I was like,
um no yeah, like I have aroutine, I have a schedule.
You don't just get to come inand because I wasn't open to,
okay, great, everything's theway it was before right, but
that's my other issue with allof this right like marriage is
(08:46):
never 50 50 no, uh-uh like therehave been times where you have
given 90.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
I mean, if we're honest, there's probably been
times you've given 100 150, youknow, and vice versa.
Yeah, you know and and I go butthankfully never at the same
time no, you would want it atthe same time if we were both
given 100 at the same time.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I'm thinking the 10 that would be really good.
It would be really good um Ineed some more coffee, but.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
But marriage is never 50 50 like that.
You know it's never.
You know it just isn't.
You know it just isn't.
You know it just.
That's not how it works.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Sometimes you're picking up the slack for that
other person.
But, that goes back to are youhave you two become one where
you're going?
All right, this is I'm pickingup the slack, but this is me
Like.
This is you know?
We are for each other.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Well, and depending on how you look at marriage, it
wouldn't be slack right likewhen I say slack, like when you
can't, I can't, yeah, no, that'swhat I mean slack.
No, slack was the right word.
But what I was saying is likeagain, if you look at it through
the the right perspective, Idon't look at it like in those
moments and go I'm picking,picking up her slack, right.
(10:03):
I look at it and go, I'm doingfor her.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
For better or worse.
You know we're really good withthe for better part.
It's the for worse we have ahard time with Because so many
people look at it contractuallyRight, Like I'm here as long as.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
It works for me.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
And you know we've talked about it a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
And I'll be honest, our marriage hasn't always
worked for you.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
No, right, you know, has it always worked for you.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I just think from the I just think from the get go.
I just had a differentperspective.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Yeah, an outlook on it?
Yeah, like.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
I, you know, I just think individually, just who I
am as a person it was just alittle more easy for me to to
not look at it as a contractualthing, but to look at it and go
no.
Like when I took my vows, Imeant it right, I mean, and not
that yeah I heard that after itcame out, it it just I don't
(11:06):
know.
I'm trying to think, I'm tryingto it's hard because I'm trying
to think like the nicest.
I just think.
I don't think I'm as I'mwaiting.
I don't think I'm as selfish,just naturally.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
You know, I know we're all selfish to a certain
extent um, like everybody, butoh yeah, I'm, I'm that runner I
just think it was easier for mebecause of you know, I just I
grew up in a totally differentway than you so, for when it
came to marriage in inspecifically, yeah, you know it,
(11:43):
to me it wasn't, I wasn't, Iwasn't looking.
I've never looked at it in thetimes where it's been harder for
me and went like, oh, I, youknow, I, I've always looked at
it and went we, you know, havean issue, we have a problem and,
and for me and I know it's beenaggravating for you at times,
um, but for me it it then turnsand it flips and I, I become
(12:06):
obsessive and I go you know, weneed to talk about this, we need
to talk about that, we like, weneed to like and I think, like
for me, and then you getoverwhelmed, I get overwhelmed
and then I start going.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I don't feel safe emotionally and I know you like
that word.
Well, yes, um, so, because howdoes that paint me, when you're?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
sitting here going.
I don't feel I know that likethat word.
Well, yes, um so because howdoes that paint me when you're
sitting here going?
I don't feel I know that didn'tsound right.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Um, I just, I completely start bottling up and
then I start shutting down andI'm like nope, nope, nope.
And then I'm like I'm gonnatake my ball and I'm not gonna
play here anymore.
Um, I'm gonna leave I'm gonnaleave, um, not literally, but
like just completely shut downemotionally.
We've had ups and downs.
I've never left.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
We've had ups and downs.
We have had ups and downs.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
And that's why and it's funny, because funny but
like people will say things likeoh, you guys are a great couple
, you guys you know all thesegreat things, which thank you,
but you know, they haven't beenthere at the four o'clock in the
morning where we haven't sleptfor 28 hours and we're talking
and we're, you know, workingthrough stuff and you know,
thank God for you.
Always, like now we're pushingthrough this and I'm like, for
(13:15):
the love of Jesus, just can wesleep Well even going back to
again last week, right, when wewere talking about sports.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
that is one thing you do learn in sports, right,
right, you, you really do learn,okay we've got to figure it out
in the fourth quarter.
Like you got to find thatsomething extra to push in which
how you grew up was totallydifferent, like I didn't grow up
doing sports, so I was like umand and you know what, now that
I think about it, that's anotherbenefit of sports too, right,
like for me, it was normal to bepart of a team, right?
(13:42):
I mean, yes, I did individualsports like weightlifting and
track, but you know my heart, mypassion, was always team sports
right.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
You know, with football, even like sharing
successes, like you're, you'relike that the successes are
exciting for you.
Where me, I'm like somethingsuccessful happens and I'm like
it's the expected.
I'm like okay, so somethinghappened but that.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
But you know, this is all on a detour, because the
real question is do lovers needa holiday, and I remember you
came up to me years ago yearsago at this point, and you were
like, hey, I'm going to go tothe beach for the weekend.
And like I was like with whoyou know, because we didn't make
plans Right, and you were like,oh no, I'm going to go by
(14:22):
myself.
And I was like, no, I was likeno.
I was like who are you cheatingon me with?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Right, yep, yep, and I was like what?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
No one just goes to the beach by themselves.
Where I was, like.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
I feel like my brain's going to explode, I'm on
overload and I just need todecompress.
And you know you were like wecan go to the beach and we can
go like figure.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I did think it was extremely weird, because it's
just weird.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
No one does that by themselves, but just a little
little information about me.
Like I can go sit at a coffeeshop by myself and sit there and
talk.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Well, you used to take those like day trips down
to Tampa.
Yeah, you know, by yourself Gowalk around Hyde Park and yeah
just go hang out.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I didn't mind that.
I was by myself a lot when Iwas younger, so it being by
myself didn't bother me whereyou were.
Like we're married.
This is not normal.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
You don't just get up and go for the weekend um, so
for me and, and I'm glad yousaid, for the weekend, because,
like, I don't view this as like,okay, I went to work, so you
know, in in granite, oursituation is different.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
But, like, even when we didn't work together, you
know I didn't go well, I went towork, so we had a break, right,
like you know and you know mewell enough where, like the
other day, I was super stressedout, where, you know, you took
all the kids home and you werelike just drive, drive right
home by yourself right that way.
That way you can.
You know you knew I needed that, were that.
You know you don't need stufflike that.
(15:49):
That's not something you.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
No, I don't look for, and that's why.
So when it came to the song, Iwent like you know, do lovers
need a holiday?
I mean, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
No, and the older I've gotten, the longer we've
been together.
I go no, not necessarily.
You don't need a holiday.
I mean I might need fiveminutes to be left alone.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Well, think about it.
I mean, we know people who.
It's like oh, it's a girls, youknow girls weekend.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
You know, and again, to each on her own, Like I don't
think those things arenecessarily bad.
You, I've gone on girlsweekends and retreats and stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I've gone camping and hunting with the guys or
fishing, but I don't need it toget away from you, right.
And I think that's where youhave to be careful where you're
going.
I'm doing this to get away frommy husband.
Now.
I'm not talking about safetyand stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yeah, no, no, no.
If it's a physical or mentalthing?
Yeah, of there.
Yeah, that's different, but Igo.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
That's not a holiday, though, that's an escape if you
need a, if you need a breakbecause there's something going
on in your marriage, you need topress into that and work that
out.
I'm not saying you don't talkto other people, but you need to
work, seek counsel you need towork through that with your
spouse, because you can't workon a problem with someone that's
(17:08):
not there.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
And I'm glad you said with a spouse, because, like in
all the marriage counseling Ido, um, guys, I'll just go ahead
and lay it out to you.
85% of the time, 90% of thetime it's the wife went we need
counseling and presented it asan ultimatum Either you come to
counseling with me or I'm filingfor divorce.
(17:32):
Number one um, the firstsession we're going to get into.
When that comes up, I'm goingto go ahead and tell you if
that's our attitude towards this.
It's probably not going to workout the way you think it's
going to right um, because youcan't force people to do
anything they don't want to doright
understand, even if someone putsa gun to your head and goes,
(17:53):
give me your wallet, you'restill choosing to give them your
wallet.
Right, like there is no suchthing as forcing someone.
Now you may go, hey, this isthe best choice, um, you know,
and giving up your wallet in inthat scenario, but you're still
choosing to do that, right, youknow, some people would choose
to fight back, you know, andit's not that they sit here and
(18:15):
go, hey, you know, my life isworth whatever's in my wallet
because, let's be honest, I meanmost of your cards you can
cancel, like, you can getreplacement IDs, you know.
Know, most of us don't carry aton of cash with us, right, but
what you're saying is is, I'mnot going to give you the right
to take my stuff, it's reallywhat you're driving at, but
(18:35):
again it's.
You get into those situationswhere one it is your problem.
It is.
Is it a couple problem?
It is.
I've never, ever, ever, in anycounseling I've ever done where
it's been solely one person'sissue outside of, like, you know
, an abuse situation.
You know something like that.
Um, but I'm talking about justlike regular couple stuff.
(18:57):
Yeah, it's never just been oneperson no, it's always a
two-part thing um and two.
It's usually something that'sbeen festering for for a while.
It's not right.
It wasn't just like over thepast week.
I don't know where this came,which, and this will be a whole,
nother podcast you know, leadsinto that whole you know,
falling.
Oh well, I just found I justfell out of love and it's like
(19:18):
no, no, it's impossible to dothat, because love isn't what
you feel, it's what you do.
Um, you know, and so really,just what you're saying is I
don't, I no longer want to Idon't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Right, which sometimes, yeah, that does
happen.
You just go, I, people just go.
I don't want to do this anymoreand this is exhausting.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
We've done that, as you know, as a married couple
just went.
Hey, like this isn't worth itfor me right now.
I don't want to talk about thisright now.
I don't want to deal with thisright now right you know, kind
of the whole.
I'm not ready to not be madright kind of thing, you know,
and I go so.
So again, like when we'resitting here and we're, you know
, looking down and going to hey,how are we going to get the
(19:57):
distance out of this?
You know, how are we going todo this?
One woman, one one, uh, onewoman, one man, one life.
You know thing, you, it has tostart from a place of do you
need a holiday?
No Right, you're an athlete,you don't take a day off, right,
right, like you, push through,you work, you, you do whatever
(20:17):
is needed, because that's what'sgoing to edge you out from
someone else, um, when you'rejust dating you didn't take a
day off, right?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
No phone it.
You actually worked extra hardto spend that time together.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
You know you changed who you were.
You took showers regularly.
Yeah, you know you.
You took her to olive gardenbecause you thought that was the
fanciest restaurant you've everheard of.
Maybe that was sweet notrealizing that was a normal
sunday dinner for her, um, butyou grew up in a different
socioeconomic oh but anyway umyou do all of those things when
(20:50):
you're dating, you know, and andthat's what I mean you then we
get married and it's like if youmake me sick, but see, and
people don't understand that'sthe point of dating to see are
we going to be compatible rightas a couple?
the point of dating is not tohave fun, it's not to get your
freak on it's not to impresseach other.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, it's none of that it's.
Could I see myself spending therest of my life with you?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
right, you know, and, and so the better you do that,
the easier you're going to haveit when you get married.
And and that's one of thethings like you know, when
people are talking to us and youknow, and they're like you know
what's the secret I go therereally is I married my best
friend.
I married a woman that I enjoyedspending time with, that I
could sit and laugh with, but Icould also sit a lot, but I
(21:39):
could also sit and have aserious conversation with, and I
can also sit and go hey, wecould weather the storms
together.
And and I married someone who-and we trust each other.
And that's what I was going tosay.
Who I know is a ride or die,you know, is going to be here in
the good times and the bad.
Um because it's not a matter ofif you're going to have bad
times.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Oh, it's coming, it's when.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, and and honestly, there, there were
plenty of years where years werebad years.
It wasn't just when I say badyears, I don't mean necessarily
as a couple, just externalcircumstances and what we had to
deal with.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Even looking back at, we used to write each other
letters every anniversary, andit started when we first got
married.
The pastor that was counselingus for premarital counseling had
said hey, write each other aletter on why you love each
other, Don't?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Oh no, why you want to be married.
Why do you want to be married?
You weren't allowed to use theword I love.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Yeah, you weren't allowed to use the word I love
you because I love them.
So we did that for about 15years.
We haven't done that in a longtime.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
No, actually I just found some in.
Yeah, if I can find them again.
I forget what folder it was,but over the years.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
we read through them a few years ago and I just
remember going oh my gosh, thiswas a crappy year.
Oh, read this one.
This was a terrible yearbecause as the years progressed
and life really started tohappen, you could see the strain
that the external circumstanceswas putting on us.
But it helped keep things intoperspective.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
And the other thing you just hit on when you were
like oh, can I read through them?
Is that's the other thing.
Like you have open access toeverything, you have all my
passwords.
Like there is nothing.
Like I was watching some showthe other day and they were
talking about oh I, the one lineI would never cross is I would
never sneak into my spouse'sphone.
It was a comedy, it's notsneaking, but I went.
(23:37):
I have no problem picking upyour phone and reading through
the messages.
Do I do it a lot?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
No, I barely get you to read your own messages on
your phone.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
But I wouldn't have a problem knowing it either If
you came in.
Let's say you got out of theshower or whatever, and I'm in
the room.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, I picked up your phone and, like flung you
know, flip through it justlooking for something I never
even had to worry about.
Oh my gosh, is he going to getupset because I'm looking at his
phone?
It's an invasion of privacy?
No, it's not.
I don't have privacy, Right.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Because if I truly believe the Bible and I truly
believe that we are one flesh,you have your things and I have
mine right how do we not justhave our correct?
Speaker 1 (24:13):
things.
You can't be a couple, and ahealthy couple, if you're
keeping things from each otherand you're not combining all the
things.
They all have to be togetherright you know and I I do know
couples that you knowunfortunately the wife keeps
stuff from the husband and thenlike it just turns into this big
, like chaotic game, or theother way around.
Well, I'm just talking about,like you know it could be either
(24:35):
, though yeah, it could beeither, and I go.
It impacts the kids, it impactsthe relationship you have with
people around you and well, andit's the opposite of what you've
been called to.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Right, right, like I mean we.
You know, when we read throughscripture.
You see, you are meant to beknown right you are meant to
know and be known like that.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
That is our greatest thing you know we are meant to
be known right.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You are meant to know and be known like that.
That is our greatest thing, youknow.
We are meant to be in community, right, like no one is meant to
be just by themselves right andI go and, and how much more
intimate and how much more openand known can you be, right then
, sitting here and going hey,like you completely have
everything all access and so Ido look at it and I go okay, do
(25:19):
they need?
Do you know, do lovers need aholiday far away from each other
?
Speaker 1 (25:25):
again, I'm not saying , don't go on trips like if I
got to hang out with right likeif I got invited to go like
let's just say down to like Idon't know costa rica or
wherever to go.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
You know fish for tarpon.
Right, like I don't know CostaRica or wherever to go, you know
fish for tarpon.
Right, have fun, it's going tobe like a two, three day trip to
go.
Try to get a world recordtarpon or something like that.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
That's different.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
No, I, you know I would like.
I don't look at that as aholiday, I look at that as I get
to go do something that Iwanted to go do right you know
if you got the opportunity to goI don't know you know up to new
york or whatever to see someplay or something like that.
You know and and went hey, doyou want to?
Speaker 1 (26:02):
no, I don't want to go to new york right for many
different reasons right um but Iwould go, and you know right,
but again I don't look at it,I'm not going I'm taking away
from you I'm going oh, I get togo do this fun thing, Now, I
think a lot of times when youthink you need a holiday away
from you know, your spouse, uh,your husband, your wife, I think
sometimes what you actuallyneed to do is get away from
(26:25):
everybody and everything elsearound you with each other, and
go spend time with each other.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
And sometimes you take a break from talking about
the problems and you just go tothe beach, go have fun, go hang
out, go play pool go bowling gofishing, go swim in the ocean
like go do the fun thing.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
I'm just saying you giggle Right.
We went out last weekend, youknow, and went shrimping and,
like you know, again, how manyshrimp did we get?
611.
We got three and a half gallons, and if we would have stayed
longer, I had to wake up thenext morning to preach, so I
didn't want to stay till the endof the tide.
(27:05):
We would have definitelylimited out at our five gallons
within another hour, right, butI was like, no, we got to get,
even got to give some to theneighbors.
Love it.
That was so exciting, but I goagain.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
But go do something fun that is not surrounded by
the stress that you're currentlygoing through Like you don't
need a holiday Like fishing.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Thank you for finally admitting that it is in the
podcast name.
It is in the podcast.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
You don't need a break from each other, you just
need a break.
And sometimes, you know, I toldJosh a couple weeks ago, maybe
I don't even know time, all kindof runs together.
I said I feel like my, you knowmy.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Cuss word Language.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Now I have to mark explicit on this podcast, like a
full cup of water and anythingelse, one more drop and I'm just
going to spill over, like I'mcompletely Like a teapot, like
just like I played Short, shortand stout Inside joke, just
saying Kayla did say she thoughtI was probably the cutest
(28:11):
little teapot ever.
Be our guest, be our guest.
Oh, dang it.
Josh, josh.
What was he gonna say?
Speaker 2 (28:17):
you're like a cup.
Your cup runneth over in a badway.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yes, and I just.
I needed a break and and wewent shrimping we went fishing.
We did.
That's the other thing.
I caught a catfish in a net onaccident, because no, no, no, I
accidentally got it stuck.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I didn't know it was gonna get stuck yeah, because
that that turned out that wasterrible.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, don't ever do that.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Don't take a shrimp net and try to catch a catfish
now and, that being said, likethere's a reason why I keep
going fish, fish, fish getoutside seriously go on a trail
because again yeah you're out inthe woods, you're on the water,
like your problems are amillion turn off your phone.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Tell people to put it on, do not disturb no, you're
right, turn it off well, I justthink of the kids, like you know
.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Okay, turn it off if your kids are that little that
they can't take care ofthemselves, you shouldn't leave
you should probably bring themwith you or at least get a
babysitter.
Yeah, but like in our case, ourkids aren't that big, they can
take care of themselves, that'strue, so do lovers need a
holiday.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
The answer is the answer is no.
No, they don't Not from eachother.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I'm not saying don't get away, I'm not saying don't
enjoy things and I'm not sayingthere aren't things you'll enjoy
separately.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
And not even saying if you're in a frustrating
situation, you don't go.
I need like an hour 30 minutesto that's not a holiday, though.
That's not a holiday, like, oh,that's not what we're saying.
We're saying you don't need topack it up and hike out to get
you know what going.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
I have to get away from my spouse.
There's deeper rooted issuesyou need.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Yeah, that should be a red flag for you to go.
Hey, um, we need to have somedeeper conversations yeah,
there's something else going on.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Maybe bring in somebody else.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Go talk to your pastor that you you know go talk
to a trusted friend you know.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Go talk to someone who's been married longer than
you, happier than you, you knowum don't talk to somebody who
don't talk to your single friend.
There's a reason why they willgive you bad advice.
Yep, because they don't talk tosomebody who don't talk to your
single friend there's a reasonwhy they will give you bad
advice.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Yep, because they don't know what it's like to be
in your situation.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Even if they mean well like, they have no idea
right and I can make a lot ofjokes right here.
But there may be single peoplelistening.
I don't want to offend you,even if it's accidental on a
joke, um, but no, I don't.
I don't think they need aholiday no so if that's you and
you're in trouble, reach out.
Yep, you need someone tocounsel with you.
(30:42):
I you know we can do that umother than that, until we talk
next time.
We love you guys love you guys.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Have a good day or night.
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