July 28, 2023 • 31 mins
Join Akilah as she journeys through the third path to Raising Free People: For Me not Them. Learn the languaging that helps you, the adult, the independent person, move through discovering confident autonomy and other themes that come through as you traverse the pathway of personal leadership.
This week we continue our exploration into liberation and self-direction from Seasons 6, 7, and 8. Among those who got their flowers are Yolonda Coles Jones, Leslie W. Bray, and Vanessa Molano, who have provided essential tools for this journey. Karen M Ricks, Tony Galloway, and Amelia Allen Sherwood. Karen explored the correlation between food, play, and mindfulness, followed by Tony's reflections on finance, politics, masculinity, mental health, and unschooling, and Amelia gave us a unique perspective on Montessori education for Black folks. We also showed love to other guests like Iris Chen, Karema Akilah, Ieishah Clelland-Lang, and Season 8's co-host, Domari Dickinson, who joined us in offering the P.A.U.S.E. framework and its transformative role in self-reflection and personal development.
This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for all, dig in!
Episode links:
Yolanda Coles Jones
Leslie W Bray
Vanessa Molano
Raising Free People book
Karen M Ricks
Amelia Sherwood and Sankofa Learning Centre
Iris Chen and Untigering
Karema Akilah and The Genius School
Anthony Galloway
Fare of the Free Man Child series: Ep 232, 233, 234
Ieishah Clelland-Lang
Maori Mother Wisdom series: Ep 237,238,239,240
P.A.U.S.E series and Domari Dickinson
Tebogo Modisane and Ha se Lehola
Dig this show? Join our make-it-happen family at patreon.com/akilah to make sure we can keep this thang going strong. Thank you!
The Raising Free People Practice Card Deck
https://schoolishness.com/market/rfp-a-practice-deck/
Peek at the details of Personal Manifesto Path (will be available exclusively through our make-it-happen family on Patreon)
https://www.rfpunschool.com/p/manifesto
Our Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/@fareofthefreechild
The Village:
https://my-reflection-matters.mn.co/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Warm greetings, akilah Yolanda.
Here I am coming in to recordthis audio as sort of a recap
and cap to the cultural artifactas my friend Andrew Thomas
Clifton would say, the culturalartifact that has been fair of
(00:25):
the free child, the podcastunder your leadership.
It was really an honor for meto meet you those years ago when
my children were much smaller,and if I had to, I don't know if
I can sum it all up a few wordscome to mind amazing, unfolding
, lots and lots of unfolding,unpacking.
(00:47):
Yeah, you know, the language issuch a big part of it.
I often refer to them as theyounger than me, humans that are
in my care and that I'm walkingalongside, and so if I had to
reflect and sort of put into afew words what I might offer
that version of myself or tofolks who are walking along a
(01:08):
similar path, I just keepthinking a lot about the healing
around the idea of nurturingand around the idea of parenting
and around the idea of fullyseeing and fully knowing and
being with yourself as youunpack, as you put the pieces of
(01:31):
yourself back together and whenI say back together, I mean in
the sense of any separation thathas come about from like core
self, anything that hasseparated you from that.
That could be like societalnorms and understandings and
familial sort of generationalpatterning to you know,
(01:52):
expectations of certaindoctrines and just undoing.
There's been so much undoing,so much unfolding, and that's
been true.
So this concept of raising freepeople has resonated in such a
deep way, and that it's not justabout the children.
It's important to have thatsort of framework, I think, to
(02:15):
be able to know that you'remaking a journey as well, and so
often it's a journey towardsbeing able to have the
confidence and the patience andthe understanding to fully be
with yourself and so just comingalongside the being that you
are and the being that they are,with just expansive amounts of
(02:37):
understanding and patience andcuriosity and openness, knowing
that there's going to be.
You think about a package that'sbeen all wrapped up, layers and
layers and layers, surprisethings that are passed down.
You know it's a surprisepackage, maybe, and it's passed
(02:57):
down through all these hands andthrough all these generations.
And here you are, it's you,it's you, or it's your partner
or partners, or it's your childor your children, and the
objective is to find the core,find the truth, find the
connection, find the honesty andto be with that.
(03:17):
And sometimes it's scary,sometimes it's not comfortable,
often it's not comfortable, butin the end, what it will be is
healing.
What it will be is growth,maturation, and it'll be sacred.
It'll be what connects us toeverything that is whole and
that moves us forward as a humanrace, as a part of nature.
(03:40):
Right, because this is notbearing only parenting in mind.
It's all being Freedom.
Is that Freedom?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
is that what was the voice of Yolanda Coles Jones,
who you heard on episodes 40, 59, 91, and 205?
Brilliant source of light inthis work of raising and being
free people and one of the folkswho blessed us with aspects of
(04:11):
their story that also ended upin raising free people book.
If you have not gotten a copyof raising free people book and
you rock with this podcast yougot to grab the book.
We also have a workbook thatcovers in deep detail chapter
one of raising free people book.
That was created by Leslie WBray with the support of Vanessa
(04:36):
Milano, and all of that wasjust them gathering the details
from chapter one of the book,and Leslie worked with that over
months, worked with it incommunity and then created a
version of it for us that isdownloadable and available on
schoolishnesscom.
So shout out to Yolanda ColesJones, who you just heard, shout
out to Leslie W Bray and shoutout to Vanessa Milano.
(04:59):
Thank you all so much for beingpart of this work.
Let's move into this episode.
You can't keep using tools ofoppression and expect to raise
free people.
(05:20):
Season six of Fair with the FreeChild continue to explore the
themes of liberation andself-directed journey.
People like Karen M Ricks camethrough.
We talked about therelationship between food, play
and mindfulness, love what Karenhas going on.
We also talked to a showfavorite, tony Galloway, who
(05:43):
shared his insights on finance,politics, manhood, masculinity,
mental health and, of course,unschooling.
We also had Amelia AllenSherwood, montessori educator,
black Montessori educator, and Ilove her whole steeze.
Her approach to Montessorieducation is not neglecting the
(06:06):
ways that it really can bebrought into the elements and
needs of Black folks in waysthat it historically has not.
It was beautiful to listen toAmelia talk about that.
In the Montessori movement shefounded the Sankofa Learning
Center which I think opens inSeptember of this year.
(06:26):
She's a mama community resource, just don't being, and I'm glad
, amelia, you were able to joinus in season six.
We had Iris Chen of Untigering.
Also.
We talked about culture,consent, love, survival, all
these realities.
We had Karima Akila join us whois the founder of the Genius
(06:50):
School and the Genii, which is afive-pillar genius community,
very much self-directededucation driven.
I've had so many wonderfulopportunities to connect with
Karima over the years not enough, but certainly enough to say
that I really love that.
The commitment that Karimacontinues to hold for
(07:11):
self-directed education spacesin Metro Atlanta has really come
into fruition.
It was really powerful for usto talk about how that was
living in our lives, in ourhomes with our young people.
We're in the same city, so wegot a chance to just connect a
few times outside and talk andvibe.
Thank you so much for the workthat you continue to do, karima.
(07:34):
In season seven we continued thethemes, of course, really
zooming in a little bit more.
Actually, in season seven onself-discovery, tony Galloway
returned.
That's when he brought us Fairof the Free man Child, the
series that really dove deepinto learning and unlearning
masculinity and manhood.
To this day, to this day youhear me hit my chest To this day
(08:02):
, that series continues to be amajor source of just gratitude
and fist in the air for seeingwhat happens when we have the
spaciousness, the awareness, themindfulness, whatever the
circumstances are that bring usinto mad question asking,
because we start to questionthings like what we learned
about manhood and masculinity.
(08:23):
Anthony, among a group of hisfriends, really got together and
talked about that in ways thatcontinues to serve us as
listeners.
Thank you so much, anthony, thewhole crew.
I also got a chance to do somesolo work, to talk about
resistance, new moon energiesand mother work.
Every once in a while I reallydip into that space of what's
(08:46):
happening in the cosmos and howthat's related to my mother work
and body.
It's not a regular, consistent,always part of my life rituals.
It's like a river that I dipinto from time to time.
I also talked about reactionsfrom folks who are not in the
unschooling world during theholidays like some tips, because
(09:06):
I had some specific offeringsfor managing that.
That's in season seven.
We had the Maori Mother Wisdomseries where we talked about
reclaiming language, culture,intergenerational relationships.
Man shout out to Aisha ClelandLang who was a vital part of
organizing that with some sisterfriends she had known from her
(09:27):
time in Aotearoa, also known asNew Zealand, that Maori Mother
Wisdom series.
I'm just standing here on myfeet and my body is as I often
do when I'm recording theseepisodes and I come here into
this closet I find myself makingcircles with my body if my feet
are on the ground when certaintopics come up through this
(09:48):
podcast.
One of them is absolutely theMaori Mother Wisdom series.
I highly recommend that.
That was season seven.
We had the good sister, bohoModisani, from Soweto, south
Africa, who talks to us aboutthe connection between all of
this and the rest of the naturalworld, which is what we are To.
(10:09):
Boho is currently buildinghealth services, health and
wellness services through thebrand Hase Leola.
We talked about that.
We talked about what that means, why, how she's doing
educational work arounddifferent herbs and how they
benefit us.
Make sure you go check out HaseLeola.
(10:29):
I will make sure that theirInstagram account for sure is on
the show notes page so you canbe following along and getting
your education about the ways wecan care for ourselves with the
rest of nature.
Season eight that was a dopecollaboration with Damari
Dickinson, who many of you know,another liberation worker in
(10:50):
this movement to raise and befree people.
We talked about the PAWSframework, that P-A-U-S-E
acronym.
I really just used that wholeseason to offer this framework
as a means for self-reflectionand even transformation in our
living and learning practices.
It was really about slowingdown what that meant, how to do
(11:13):
that in the middle of life, lifein, and mother work, mothering,
and father work, fathering andall the things in between.
What does it look like?
We had this acronym the P wasfor pain points, a was for
absences, u was forunderstanding, the S was for
sorting and shedding, the E wasfor exploration, kind of like
(11:34):
this season, we had affirmations, we had just a medley of
offerings in alignment with thatPAWS framework.
Your feedback about thatcontinues to make me wanna dance
, because y'all got and gave,you poured so much into us as we
were pouring in.
That reciprocity for seasoneight was just like live and
(11:57):
direct, love it, love it, loveit, love it, love it, love it,
love it, love it.
So long We'll get through therecaps because I really wanted
to leave room for what else isin store this episode.
(12:17):
Let's talk a little bit aboutthe next path, the third one in
the five paths we're sharingthis final season.
This third one is the for me,not them, path.
This is about highlighting thefact that unschooling skills are
not just for parents and theirchildren, they are for all of us
humans.
I'm here in Oregon and thehouse I'm staying in has all
(12:54):
these deer, especially baby deer, walking around.
So that is the energy withwhich I start this recording
watching baby deer a couple feetin front of me, all around me,
on this beautiful day in July,and I'm recording this part of
(13:14):
this episode on July 27th, whichmarks the seven-year
anniversary of Fair of the FreeChild.
Episode 1 was also on July 27thof 2016.
How wonderful.
I'm getting to walk around asI'm talking here, but I'm going
to find a little spot so I canpull up what I wanted to share
(13:39):
with you.
This part of our journeytogether is specifically about
the For Me, not them, path.
This is one of the five pathsthat I wanted to leave you with,
as the elder that is, fair ofthe Free Child is laid to rest
and the people, the energies,myself included who are part of
(14:02):
this elder want to pour into asense of responsibility that I
didn't want to just leave thespace without offering some care
packages that comprise a lot ofwhat we've learned together
over these last seven years.
So that's what this finalseason is about, and if this is
(14:22):
your first episode of Fair ofthe Free Child, then you might
not know that we have five keythings that we're focusing on
here, and this one right now isthe third of the fifth, and it's
about the ways that the path toraising free people is about
each individual, and notnecessarily about school or not
(14:45):
school.
I even say that everyone, atsome point in their life, is an
unschooler because at some point, you are questioning something
that you either held as truebecause you never questioned it
or because you didn't feel thatyou had the space, capacity,
right, safety, whatever it was,the tools to question it and do
(15:09):
something different, right?
So questioning to evolve ourshit, to change our minds about
things, to change our habitsabout things that's a pretty
normal part of most people'slives, and when you're in that
mode, let me tell you, youunschooling.
So I wanted to speak reallyspecifically to that.
(15:29):
The other thing is that,because this podcast was so
based on the needs and feedbackof the listeners, I got to learn
how much the work of raisingfree people feels supportive for
people who don't have children,people who are not caregivers
(15:53):
of children, and that's reallymoving for me and it also tracks
like it.
It aligns with me too, becauseI Initially was doing this in
service of Marley and sage right, just like Chris was, but
eventually it really becameabout us.
It was really personalleadership work, and so Hearing
(16:15):
from people who were not comingfrom the lens of a child or even
their own inner child Reallyallows me to stand in what I
also experienced, because I knewthat it had a lot to do with me
Akilah, not not me Marley, orsage's mom, so I want to lean in
on that a little bit over thenext couple of minutes.
(16:37):
So the two things that I wouldoffer here in this care package.
If the question for you is, assomeone who is child-free, what
are some of the ways that I cantap into the skills and
understanding the reasoning ofunschooling?
One thing that I would say isto get familiar with the
(16:58):
language.
There are some main vocabularyterms, if you will, some main
points of language that I useoften and that has really
resonated with a lot of thefolks who who are also on their
raising free people journey.
Those are listed on what is nowmy main site, which is
(17:18):
schoolishness calm, and if yougo to schoolishness calm and
click the language menu item,then you'll see the words
schoolishness, de-schooling,sovereignty, confident autonomy,
self-awareness, parenting,self-directed education and, of
(17:41):
course, unschooling.
I Invite you to Get familiarwith what those words mean in
your body.
What are the stories that youhave and want to hold on to and
what are the stories that youhave and want to release around
each of those words Confidentautonomy, for example.
(18:04):
That's a powerful Framework tomove some shit through.
I Know that for myself and Iknow it because many of you told
me what happened, what, whatwoke up, what came to attention
when you first experienced theterm confident autonomy, let
alone when you started torecognize its role in your life,
(18:27):
whether it was the absence ofit for you or for a child, or
Whether it was the presence ofit and wanting to prioritize it
even more.
You know to build the skills ofconfident autonomy.
So when you go to that part ofthe site and you experience each
of those words, when you readthe definition, feel into it,
(18:47):
use them as mantras.
When you read the definition ofunschooling, and then it tells
you Something that reallyconnects with you, or
de-schooling when I let me walkback over to that one, because I
Know how to be feelingde-schooling shedding the
programming and habits thatresulted from other people's
(19:08):
agency over your time, body,thoughts or actions.
Also designing and practicingbeliefs that align with your
desire to thrive, be happy andsucceed.
Take those words and whateverpieces resonate with you.
Let them work.
You put that, write them onyour fridge, write out the
(19:29):
sentence, say it in your voiceand record it.
These, these simple things thatwe can do to put ourselves in
Relationship to the things thatmove us, so that we have life
after the aha, you know, if youyou hear something on here from
somebody's story or you readraising free people book or many
of the other Amazing books thatare out here.
(19:51):
Tackling this type of work onTigering, it's another dope one
where, iris Chen, if you'rereading these things and you're
in this space, what are youdoing to to sustain and to
Integrate the things that areshowing up?
And a part of what you can do asimple starter point, a simple
(20:13):
bridge, is to Put the words intomore of your everyday life, say
them, write them out.
That's why I did the card deck.
The card, the raising freepeople practice card deck, began
as, literally, pieces of paper,notebook paper that I wrote out
certain things on in the middleof struggles that I was having
in my mother work and in mypersonal leadership work, and so
(20:37):
I Found it so useful to havethe visual there and to write it
out with my own hand and torecord what was showing up for
me as I was allowing thosethings to work me, as I was
allowing for the inherentDiscovery that comes with
discomfort.
Right, I feel like there is notype of Valuable discovery that
(21:05):
doesn't come with, or maybefirst come with, discomfort.
This comfort and discovery gotogether.
So in order to discoversomething useful, there has to
be Discomfort.
That's what I'm feeling throughright now.
You tell me if you feeldifferent, but that feels solid
to me.
So, as you are feeling throughthese terms like confident
(21:30):
autonomy, or rethinking yourdefinition of unschooling, or
when we talk about self-directed, what does it mean to be
self-directed for me as an adult?
What is my relationship to theterm sovereignty?
What do I think about when thatcomes up?
Where have I heard thatlanguage before that, right now,
(21:53):
is calling to me in a differentway?
This is how we work the for me,not them path.
You hear the language, youinteract with the language, you
move it through your actual lifeby putting it in your presence
more.
(22:14):
For me, that made the thingsmore accessible when I needed
them, essentially studyingthrough my own body, through my
own experiences, looking it up,aspects of confident autonomy,
what that meant, what that couldmean, what it has meant to
other people.
Then, when I was in some sortof conflict, maybe with one of
(22:38):
my daughters or with somebody Iwas working on a project with.
Then I could see because I waspracticing, I was in the space
with how someone was maybeasserting or practicing their
confident autonomy.
I was taking that personal.
I was making it about what Ipreferred or what made me
(23:01):
comfortable, when really what Ineeded to be doing was
recognizing and respecting theirright to lead themselves in a
way that makes sense for them,for them to be confidently
autonomous.
It switched my access to how Icould view what was happening
and make it less about myfeelings in the unhealthy way.
(23:23):
I give it that descriptor ofthe unhealthy way because
sometimes my feelings is exactlywhat the fuck I need to be
focused on.
That is the wisdom, that is themove, that's the strategy, how
I feel.
And then there are other timeswhere that feeling is just a
fever, it's just a thing that'suncomfortable and I actually
(23:45):
need to be with that discomfortand not push back against it.
So if I'm working on a projectwith you and I have been
practicing, reasoning out loudand maybe even recording it or
making it a point to talk topeople about confident autonomy,
(24:05):
then when I'm in this situationwith this person and they are
clearly practicing that andsetting a boundary or doing
whatever they're doing and itrubs me the wrong way because I
have practiced with thatlanguage, that reasoning of
confident autonomy.
I can see it.
I can then decide how I cantake care of myself, which looks
(24:29):
very different than justreacting to how I felt about
what they did.
The other thing I'll say aboutthe for me, not them path is
that if you are a parent, theseterms, these few words and a few
more that I put in the book Ithink there were some other
(24:52):
terms in raising free peoplebook those are terms that showed
up for me in my personalleadership work and allowed me
to broaden my, my own view ofmyself way beyond my motherhood.
So being a mom is veryimportant to me.
(25:15):
Motherhood is where a lot of mytransformations show up.
You know, I say motherhoodraised me and still raising me
and sometimes, when I'm toozoned in on my mother role, it
costs me other aspects of Akilahthat I actually they.
(25:39):
They not on the table.
Those aspects of me are onesthat I want and need to keep
whole.
I want and need to keep theseother aspects of myself whole.
As much as I would want to beavailable for whatever my girls
need, I'm actually not.
(25:59):
I'm actually not available forwhatever they need.
I do have things that I choosenot to do, even though I can.
I do have interest thatconflict with what they might
need, sometimes Nothing thatmakes them unsafe, but something
that just doesn't make them thepriority.
(26:21):
And when I'm in practice, withwords like sovereignty and with
words like re parenting, thatallowed me to make this journey
less about saving my childrenfrom school, which is what it
started as, but it evolvedreally into something that was
(26:43):
about who I am, what happens inconflict, whether that conflict
is with another person or my own.
Conflicting needs, like theprioritization of my mother work
, while also prioritizing caringfor myself and building upon my
own interests, and not makingmyself so available for what my
(27:07):
children might want or sometimesneed, making myself so
available to that that the restof me is put on some back burner
or some later thing or getsless of my attention and energy.
I'm not cool with that anymoreand some of that much of that
(27:28):
had to be really deliberate.
It wasn't like automatic.
Because they got older, I wasdoing less for them.
I was doing a lot in differentways and they deserve a lot.
They're amazing people andbeing their mother is one aspect
of all of me, and so thislanguage, these specific words
(27:51):
here on schoolishnesscom underthe language tab, are the result
of my expansion of myunderstanding of unschooling
from freeing my kids from schoolprison over into so much more
personal leadership work and somuch more healing of myself For
(28:16):
the purposes of the need I havefor community.
I didn't want to be a harmfulthing in these communities that
I was becoming part of.
I wanted to be able to honestlysay that I was doing my work,
which for me meant that I had togather the separate pieces of
(28:37):
mother and this and that and bereally honest about what I was
willing to do.
You know how to reach out to methe voice memo option on
raisingfreepeoplecom.
(28:58):
I love hearing from you there.
Thank you to Yolanda ColesJones for using that button and
to so many others of you whoreach out to me through that
medium.
You can also email mesheatraisingfreepeoplecom or
anywhere you see this episode,you can comment.
(29:19):
Let me know how this landed foryou.
Next week, I'm going to give youa little bit more detail about
the personal manifesto path,which is the series that I am
revisiting.
It was something that I didback in 2014 that really
transformed my life.
(29:40):
I talked earlier this seasonabout how what I was doing then
really worked, really worked,and I developed a particular set
of rituals around that, as I doeach time I drop into a really
life-shifting milestone eraright in my life.
I usually do some of that,struggling out loud, as you've
(30:03):
heard me say many times here,and that was in the form of
creating a personal manifesto.
I even wrote a book about thatback then, as I'd be doing Same
same, same, same same.
You meet me now.
This is a result of probablythe same thing a book that I
wrote that you found, and I alsodid a course around it.
I just really was able to takethe concept of the vision board,
(30:25):
and it's like the vision boardon mushrooms.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
And.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
I'm going to be running that course fully
through our Make it Happenfamily on patreoncom slash akila
no extra fees.
I think people have asked methat.
Like no, if you're a member ofthe Make it Happen family, the
course will be available to you.
You just got to sign up when Iput the little sign up sign
there and I promise I will.
And it'll be on patreoncomforward slash akila as always.
(30:55):
Thank you for listening Chat'shere next week.
Audio by raising free peoplenetwork.
Warm greetings, akilah Yolanda.
Here I am coming in to recordthis audio as sort of a recap
and cap to the cultural artifactas my friend Andrew Thomas
Clifton would say, the culturalartifact that has been fair of
(00:25):
the free child, the podcastunder your leadership.
It was really an honor for meto meet you those years ago when
my children were much smaller,and if I had to, I don't know if
I can sum it all up a few wordscome to mind amazing, unfolding
, lots and lots of unfolding,unpacking.
(00:47):
Yeah, you know, the language issuch a big part of it.
I often refer to them as theyounger than me, humans that are
in my care and that I'm walkingalongside, and so if I had to
reflect and sort of put into afew words what I might offer
that version of myself or tofolks who are walking along a
(01:08):
similar path, I just keepthinking a lot about the healing
around the idea of nurturingand around the idea of parenting
and around the idea of fullyseeing and fully knowing and
being with yourself as youunpack, as you put the pieces of
(01:31):
yourself back together and whenI say back together, I mean in
the sense of any separation thathas come about from like core
self, anything that hasseparated you from that.
That could be like societalnorms and understandings and
familial sort of generationalpatterning to you know,
(01:52):
expectations of certaindoctrines and just undoing.
There's been so much undoing,so much unfolding, and that's
been true.
So this concept of raising freepeople has resonated in such a
deep way, and that it's not justabout the children.
It's important to have thatsort of framework, I think, to
(02:15):
be able to know that you'remaking a journey as well, and so
often it's a journey towardsbeing able to have the
confidence and the patience andthe understanding to fully be
with yourself and so just comingalongside the being that you
are and the being that they are,with just expansive amounts of
(02:37):
understanding and patience andcuriosity and openness, knowing
that there's going to be.
You think about a package that'sbeen all wrapped up, layers and
layers and layers, surprisethings that are passed down.
You know it's a surprisepackage, maybe, and it's passed
(02:57):
down through all these hands andthrough all these generations.
And here you are, it's you,it's you, or it's your partner
or partners, or it's your childor your children, and the
objective is to find the core,find the truth, find the
connection, find the honesty andto be with that.
(03:17):
And sometimes it's scary,sometimes it's not comfortable,
often it's not comfortable, butin the end, what it will be is
healing.
What it will be is growth,maturation, and it'll be sacred.
It'll be what connects us toeverything that is whole and
that moves us forward as a humanrace, as a part of nature.
(03:40):
Right, because this is notbearing only parenting in mind.
It's all being Freedom.
Is that Freedom?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
is that what was the voice of Yolanda Coles Jones,
who you heard on episodes 40, 59, 91, and 205?
Brilliant source of light inthis work of raising and being
free people and one of the folkswho blessed us with aspects of
(04:11):
their story that also ended upin raising free people book.
If you have not gotten a copyof raising free people book and
you rock with this podcast yougot to grab the book.
We also have a workbook thatcovers in deep detail chapter
one of raising free people book.
That was created by Leslie WBray with the support of Vanessa
(04:36):
Milano, and all of that wasjust them gathering the details
from chapter one of the book,and Leslie worked with that over
months, worked with it incommunity and then created a
version of it for us that isdownloadable and available on
schoolishnesscom.
So shout out to Yolanda ColesJones, who you just heard, shout
out to Leslie W Bray and shoutout to Vanessa Milano.
(04:59):
Thank you all so much for beingpart of this work.
Let's move into this episode.
You can't keep using tools ofoppression and expect to raise
free people.
(05:20):
Season six of Fair with the FreeChild continue to explore the
themes of liberation andself-directed journey.
People like Karen M Ricks camethrough.
We talked about therelationship between food, play
and mindfulness, love what Karenhas going on.
We also talked to a showfavorite, tony Galloway, who
(05:43):
shared his insights on finance,politics, manhood, masculinity,
mental health and, of course,unschooling.
We also had Amelia AllenSherwood, montessori educator,
black Montessori educator, and Ilove her whole steeze.
Her approach to Montessorieducation is not neglecting the
(06:06):
ways that it really can bebrought into the elements and
needs of Black folks in waysthat it historically has not.
It was beautiful to listen toAmelia talk about that.
In the Montessori movement shefounded the Sankofa Learning
Center which I think opens inSeptember of this year.
(06:26):
She's a mama community resource, just don't being, and I'm glad
, amelia, you were able to joinus in season six.
We had Iris Chen of Untigering.
Also.
We talked about culture,consent, love, survival, all
these realities.
We had Karima Akila join us whois the founder of the Genius
(06:50):
School and the Genii, which is afive-pillar genius community,
very much self-directededucation driven.
I've had so many wonderfulopportunities to connect with
Karima over the years not enough, but certainly enough to say
that I really love that.
The commitment that Karimacontinues to hold for
(07:11):
self-directed education spacesin Metro Atlanta has really come
into fruition.
It was really powerful for usto talk about how that was
living in our lives, in ourhomes with our young people.
We're in the same city, so wegot a chance to just connect a
few times outside and talk andvibe.
Thank you so much for the workthat you continue to do, karima.
(07:34):
In season seven we continued thethemes, of course, really
zooming in a little bit more.
Actually, in season seven onself-discovery, tony Galloway
returned.
That's when he brought us Fairof the Free man Child, the
series that really dove deepinto learning and unlearning
masculinity and manhood.
To this day, to this day youhear me hit my chest To this day
(08:02):
, that series continues to be amajor source of just gratitude
and fist in the air for seeingwhat happens when we have the
spaciousness, the awareness, themindfulness, whatever the
circumstances are that bring usinto mad question asking,
because we start to questionthings like what we learned
about manhood and masculinity.
(08:23):
Anthony, among a group of hisfriends, really got together and
talked about that in ways thatcontinues to serve us as
listeners.
Thank you so much, anthony, thewhole crew.
I also got a chance to do somesolo work, to talk about
resistance, new moon energiesand mother work.
Every once in a while I reallydip into that space of what's
(08:46):
happening in the cosmos and howthat's related to my mother work
and body.
It's not a regular, consistent,always part of my life rituals.
It's like a river that I dipinto from time to time.
I also talked about reactionsfrom folks who are not in the
unschooling world during theholidays like some tips, because
(09:06):
I had some specific offeringsfor managing that.
That's in season seven.
We had the Maori Mother Wisdomseries where we talked about
reclaiming language, culture,intergenerational relationships.
Man shout out to Aisha ClelandLang who was a vital part of
organizing that with some sisterfriends she had known from her
(09:27):
time in Aotearoa, also known asNew Zealand, that Maori Mother
Wisdom series.
I'm just standing here on myfeet and my body is as I often
do when I'm recording theseepisodes and I come here into
this closet I find myself makingcircles with my body if my feet
are on the ground when certaintopics come up through this
(09:48):
podcast.
One of them is absolutely theMaori Mother Wisdom series.
I highly recommend that.
That was season seven.
We had the good sister, bohoModisani, from Soweto, south
Africa, who talks to us aboutthe connection between all of
this and the rest of the naturalworld, which is what we are To.
(10:09):
Boho is currently buildinghealth services, health and
wellness services through thebrand Hase Leola.
We talked about that.
We talked about what that means, why, how she's doing
educational work arounddifferent herbs and how they
benefit us.
Make sure you go check out HaseLeola.
(10:29):
I will make sure that theirInstagram account for sure is on
the show notes page so you canbe following along and getting
your education about the ways wecan care for ourselves with the
rest of nature.
Season eight that was a dopecollaboration with Damari
Dickinson, who many of you know,another liberation worker in
(10:50):
this movement to raise and befree people.
We talked about the PAWSframework, that P-A-U-S-E
acronym.
I really just used that wholeseason to offer this framework
as a means for self-reflectionand even transformation in our
living and learning practices.
It was really about slowingdown what that meant, how to do
(11:13):
that in the middle of life, lifein, and mother work, mothering,
and father work, fathering andall the things in between.
What does it look like?
We had this acronym the P wasfor pain points, a was for
absences, u was forunderstanding, the S was for
sorting and shedding, the E wasfor exploration, kind of like
(11:34):
this season, we had affirmations, we had just a medley of
offerings in alignment with thatPAWS framework.
Your feedback about thatcontinues to make me wanna dance
, because y'all got and gave,you poured so much into us as we
were pouring in.
That reciprocity for seasoneight was just like live and
(11:57):
direct, love it, love it, loveit, love it, love it, love it,
love it, love it.
So long We'll get through therecaps because I really wanted
to leave room for what else isin store this episode.
(12:17):
Let's talk a little bit aboutthe next path, the third one in
the five paths we're sharingthis final season.
This third one is the for me,not them, path.
This is about highlighting thefact that unschooling skills are
not just for parents and theirchildren, they are for all of us
humans.
I'm here in Oregon and thehouse I'm staying in has all
(12:54):
these deer, especially baby deer, walking around.
So that is the energy withwhich I start this recording
watching baby deer a couple feetin front of me, all around me,
on this beautiful day in July,and I'm recording this part of
(13:14):
this episode on July 27th, whichmarks the seven-year
anniversary of Fair of the FreeChild.
Episode 1 was also on July 27thof 2016.
How wonderful.
I'm getting to walk around asI'm talking here, but I'm going
to find a little spot so I canpull up what I wanted to share
(13:39):
with you.
This part of our journeytogether is specifically about
the For Me, not them, path.
This is one of the five pathsthat I wanted to leave you with,
as the elder that is, fair ofthe Free Child is laid to rest
and the people, the energies,myself included who are part of
(14:02):
this elder want to pour into asense of responsibility that I
didn't want to just leave thespace without offering some care
packages that comprise a lot ofwhat we've learned together
over these last seven years.
So that's what this finalseason is about, and if this is
(14:22):
your first episode of Fair ofthe Free Child, then you might
not know that we have five keythings that we're focusing on
here, and this one right now isthe third of the fifth, and it's
about the ways that the path toraising free people is about
each individual, and notnecessarily about school or not
(14:45):
school.
I even say that everyone, atsome point in their life, is an
unschooler because at some point, you are questioning something
that you either held as truebecause you never questioned it
or because you didn't feel thatyou had the space, capacity,
right, safety, whatever it was,the tools to question it and do
(15:09):
something different, right?
So questioning to evolve ourshit, to change our minds about
things, to change our habitsabout things that's a pretty
normal part of most people'slives, and when you're in that
mode, let me tell you, youunschooling.
So I wanted to speak reallyspecifically to that.
(15:29):
The other thing is that,because this podcast was so
based on the needs and feedbackof the listeners, I got to learn
how much the work of raisingfree people feels supportive for
people who don't have children,people who are not caregivers
(15:53):
of children, and that's reallymoving for me and it also tracks
like it.
It aligns with me too, becauseI Initially was doing this in
service of Marley and sage right, just like Chris was, but
eventually it really becameabout us.
It was really personalleadership work, and so Hearing
(16:15):
from people who were not comingfrom the lens of a child or even
their own inner child Reallyallows me to stand in what I
also experienced, because I knewthat it had a lot to do with me
Akilah, not not me Marley, orsage's mom, so I want to lean in
on that a little bit over thenext couple of minutes.
(16:37):
So the two things that I wouldoffer here in this care package.
If the question for you is, assomeone who is child-free, what
are some of the ways that I cantap into the skills and
understanding the reasoning ofunschooling?
One thing that I would say isto get familiar with the
(16:58):
language.
There are some main vocabularyterms, if you will, some main
points of language that I useoften and that has really
resonated with a lot of thefolks who who are also on their
raising free people journey.
Those are listed on what is nowmy main site, which is
(17:18):
schoolishness calm, and if yougo to schoolishness calm and
click the language menu item,then you'll see the words
schoolishness, de-schooling,sovereignty, confident autonomy,
self-awareness, parenting,self-directed education and, of
(17:41):
course, unschooling.
I Invite you to Get familiarwith what those words mean in
your body.
What are the stories that youhave and want to hold on to and
what are the stories that youhave and want to release around
each of those words Confidentautonomy, for example.
(18:04):
That's a powerful Framework tomove some shit through.
I Know that for myself and Iknow it because many of you told
me what happened, what, whatwoke up, what came to attention
when you first experienced theterm confident autonomy, let
alone when you started torecognize its role in your life,
(18:27):
whether it was the absence ofit for you or for a child, or
Whether it was the presence ofit and wanting to prioritize it
even more.
You know to build the skills ofconfident autonomy.
So when you go to that part ofthe site and you experience each
of those words, when you readthe definition, feel into it,
(18:47):
use them as mantras.
When you read the definition ofunschooling, and then it tells
you Something that reallyconnects with you, or
de-schooling when I let me walkback over to that one, because I
Know how to be feelingde-schooling shedding the
programming and habits thatresulted from other people's
(19:08):
agency over your time, body,thoughts or actions.
Also designing and practicingbeliefs that align with your
desire to thrive, be happy andsucceed.
Take those words and whateverpieces resonate with you.
Let them work.
You put that, write them onyour fridge, write out the
(19:29):
sentence, say it in your voiceand record it.
These, these simple things thatwe can do to put ourselves in
Relationship to the things thatmove us, so that we have life
after the aha, you know, if youyou hear something on here from
somebody's story or you readraising free people book or many
of the other Amazing books thatare out here.
(19:51):
Tackling this type of work onTigering, it's another dope one
where, iris Chen, if you'rereading these things and you're
in this space, what are youdoing to to sustain and to
Integrate the things that areshowing up?
And a part of what you can do asimple starter point, a simple
(20:13):
bridge, is to Put the words intomore of your everyday life, say
them, write them out.
That's why I did the card deck.
The card, the raising freepeople practice card deck, began
as, literally, pieces of paper,notebook paper that I wrote out
certain things on in the middleof struggles that I was having
in my mother work and in mypersonal leadership work, and so
(20:37):
I Found it so useful to havethe visual there and to write it
out with my own hand and torecord what was showing up for
me as I was allowing thosethings to work me, as I was
allowing for the inherentDiscovery that comes with
discomfort.
Right, I feel like there is notype of Valuable discovery that
(21:05):
doesn't come with, or maybefirst come with, discomfort.
This comfort and discovery gotogether.
So in order to discoversomething useful, there has to
be Discomfort.
That's what I'm feeling throughright now.
You tell me if you feeldifferent, but that feels solid
to me.
So, as you are feeling throughthese terms like confident
(21:30):
autonomy, or rethinking yourdefinition of unschooling, or
when we talk about self-directed, what does it mean to be
self-directed for me as an adult?
What is my relationship to theterm sovereignty?
What do I think about when thatcomes up?
Where have I heard thatlanguage before that, right now,
(21:53):
is calling to me in a differentway?
This is how we work the for me,not them path.
You hear the language, youinteract with the language, you
move it through your actual lifeby putting it in your presence
more.
(22:14):
For me, that made the thingsmore accessible when I needed
them, essentially studyingthrough my own body, through my
own experiences, looking it up,aspects of confident autonomy,
what that meant, what that couldmean, what it has meant to
other people.
Then, when I was in some sortof conflict, maybe with one of
(22:38):
my daughters or with somebody Iwas working on a project with.
Then I could see because I waspracticing, I was in the space
with how someone was maybeasserting or practicing their
confident autonomy.
I was taking that personal.
I was making it about what Ipreferred or what made me
(23:01):
comfortable, when really what Ineeded to be doing was
recognizing and respecting theirright to lead themselves in a
way that makes sense for them,for them to be confidently
autonomous.
It switched my access to how Icould view what was happening
and make it less about myfeelings in the unhealthy way.
(23:23):
I give it that descriptor ofthe unhealthy way because
sometimes my feelings is exactlywhat the fuck I need to be
focused on.
That is the wisdom, that is themove, that's the strategy, how
I feel.
And then there are other timeswhere that feeling is just a
fever, it's just a thing that'suncomfortable and I actually
(23:45):
need to be with that discomfortand not push back against it.
So if I'm working on a projectwith you and I have been
practicing, reasoning out loudand maybe even recording it or
making it a point to talk topeople about confident autonomy,
(24:05):
then when I'm in this situationwith this person and they are
clearly practicing that andsetting a boundary or doing
whatever they're doing and itrubs me the wrong way because I
have practiced with thatlanguage, that reasoning of
confident autonomy.
I can see it.
I can then decide how I cantake care of myself, which looks
(24:29):
very different than justreacting to how I felt about
what they did.
The other thing I'll say aboutthe for me, not them path is
that if you are a parent, theseterms, these few words and a few
more that I put in the book Ithink there were some other
(24:52):
terms in raising free peoplebook those are terms that showed
up for me in my personalleadership work and allowed me
to broaden my, my own view ofmyself way beyond my motherhood.
So being a mom is veryimportant to me.
(25:15):
Motherhood is where a lot of mytransformations show up.
You know, I say motherhoodraised me and still raising me
and sometimes, when I'm toozoned in on my mother role, it
costs me other aspects of Akilahthat I actually they.
(25:39):
They not on the table.
Those aspects of me are onesthat I want and need to keep
whole.
I want and need to keep theseother aspects of myself whole.
As much as I would want to beavailable for whatever my girls
need, I'm actually not.
(25:59):
I'm actually not available forwhatever they need.
I do have things that I choosenot to do, even though I can.
I do have interest thatconflict with what they might
need, sometimes Nothing thatmakes them unsafe, but something
that just doesn't make them thepriority.
(26:21):
And when I'm in practice, withwords like sovereignty and with
words like re parenting, thatallowed me to make this journey
less about saving my childrenfrom school, which is what it
started as, but it evolvedreally into something that was
(26:43):
about who I am, what happens inconflict, whether that conflict
is with another person or my own.
Conflicting needs, like theprioritization of my mother work
, while also prioritizing caringfor myself and building upon my
own interests, and not makingmyself so available for what my
(27:07):
children might want or sometimesneed, making myself so
available to that that the restof me is put on some back burner
or some later thing or getsless of my attention and energy.
I'm not cool with that anymoreand some of that much of that
(27:28):
had to be really deliberate.
It wasn't like automatic.
Because they got older, I wasdoing less for them.
I was doing a lot in differentways and they deserve a lot.
They're amazing people andbeing their mother is one aspect
of all of me, and so thislanguage, these specific words
(27:51):
here on schoolishnesscom underthe language tab, are the result
of my expansion of myunderstanding of unschooling
from freeing my kids from schoolprison over into so much more
personal leadership work and somuch more healing of myself For
(28:16):
the purposes of the need I havefor community.
I didn't want to be a harmfulthing in these communities that
I was becoming part of.
I wanted to be able to honestlysay that I was doing my work,
which for me meant that I had togather the separate pieces of
(28:37):
mother and this and that and bereally honest about what I was
willing to do.
You know how to reach out to methe voice memo option on
raisingfreepeoplecom.
(28:58):
I love hearing from you there.
Thank you to Yolanda ColesJones for using that button and
to so many others of you whoreach out to me through that
medium.
You can also email mesheatraisingfreepeoplecom or
anywhere you see this episode,you can comment.
(29:19):
Let me know how this landed foryou.
Next week, I'm going to give youa little bit more detail about
the personal manifesto path,which is the series that I am
revisiting.
It was something that I didback in 2014 that really
transformed my life.
(29:40):
I talked earlier this seasonabout how what I was doing then
really worked, really worked,and I developed a particular set
of rituals around that, as I doeach time I drop into a really
life-shifting milestone eraright in my life.
I usually do some of that,struggling out loud, as you've
(30:03):
heard me say many times here,and that was in the form of
creating a personal manifesto.
I even wrote a book about thatback then, as I'd be doing Same
same, same, same same.
You meet me now.
This is a result of probablythe same thing a book that I
wrote that you found, and I alsodid a course around it.
I just really was able to takethe concept of the vision board,
(30:25):
and it's like the vision boardon mushrooms.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
And.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
I'm going to be running that course fully
through our Make it Happenfamily on patreoncom slash akila
no extra fees.
I think people have asked methat.
Like no, if you're a member ofthe Make it Happen family, the
course will be available to you.
You just got to sign up when Iput the little sign up sign
there and I promise I will.
And it'll be on patreoncomforward slash akila as always.
(30:55):
Thank you for listening Chat'shere next week.
Audio by raising free peoplenetwork.
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