July 28, 2025 • 50 mins
In this episode of Fed by the Fruit KB looks back at the various experiences that have happened since the podcast changed to Fed by the Fruit. KB offers listeners a glimpse into her life, her relationship with God, and her ongoing journey of self-discovery and healing.
This episode serves as both an informative guide to embrace a healthier, more balanced lifestyle, encouraging listeners to embark on their journeys with renewed vigor and compassion.
Reach out to KB on Instagram and share your thoughts.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Foreign s welcome to Fed bythe Fruit, a podcast focused on nourishment
for the mind, body and soul.
I'm kb, a spirit filledcertified life and nutrition coach
with a calling to disciplewomen who are hungry for more.
Each week we will learn whoGod is and what he wants for and
(00:22):
from us through powerfultestimonies, biblical truth, and
so much more as we fuel ourminds and bodies in ways that honor
Him.
Let's get fed.
Hello friends.
Happy Monday.
Welcome to Fed by the Fruit.
How are we?
I hope that you're great.
I'm so happy that you're here.
(00:43):
Today is our first catchingup, if you will, episode since Fed
by the Fruit debuted and I'mso excited to be back here with you.
I haven't gotten to just sharemy life with you in a while and I
always enjoy being able to do that.
So.
So it's been since.
Has it been since May, sincewe've caught up?
(01:05):
I. I think it has.
Generally speaking, if there'sfour Mondays in a month, the first
Monday will be a testimonyfrom an inspiring, incredible guest.
And then the second week willbe diving into a story from the Bible.
Then the third week will beapplying biblical principles principles
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to your everyday life.
And then the fourth week willbe a little catch up with me.
So in June.
Actually, this podcast debutedthe second week of June, so therefore
there was no catching up in June.
We just got straight back intoa powerful testimony with Betsy Guerra.
I just still am just in awe ofthat episode.
I got so much feedback and ohmy gosh, just what an incredible
(01:51):
story.
So I'm, I'm just so excited.
I get to just catch you up oneverything that's been going on.
I actually had to look at mycalendar and go back, flip back to
June and ask myself, what haveI been up to?
There's, it's like, it'salmost like there's been so much,
but there's also not been awhole lot.
(02:11):
Does that make any sense?
So just to, like, quick littlerecap the things that are still,
still going on.
I'm still, I don't know whythis is the first thing on my list,
but I'm still trying to getthese dang tattoos off of me.
So I did have my, I thinkfourth, fourth, I think session of
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tattoo removal.
So my sweet friend Becca, shehas taken me every single time.
She's the best, like, supportperson to be with me.
I'm so grateful that shecontinues to do this most annoying
thing with me.
But we're getting there.
It's not, they're not gone.
They're not gone.
They initially told me thatsome of them would take three sessions
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and some would take four.
And now we're going to go tofive and beyond until we can just
get them gone.
If you're young and you'relistening and you don't have any
tattoos, I just would reallyencourage you to not get them.
Okay.
There are other ways toexpress yourself and you have no
(03:16):
idea what, who you're going tobe, who God is going to just morph
you into over the course ofyour life.
And when you're puttingsomething on your body that is forever,
it can be quite unfortunateone day when you look down and realize
that you know, what you've,what you've stamped your body with
no longer aligns with who youare in Christ.
(03:38):
And so just a word to thewise, our family is also dealing
with some interesting county things.
We live on a large propertyhere in Virginia and there are our
county, I believe you can factcheck this if you actually care.
But there are like so manydata centers.
(04:02):
I believe our county has moredata centers than any other county
in the world.
And so these data centersrequire a lot of power.
And so therefore they'rehaving to, they are making, they're
adding more power lines.
They're, they're tearing downpower lines and making them larger.
(04:23):
And there's a projecthappening now or upcoming that would
affect our property.
Essentially the power lines,huge, like 180 foot tall power lines
would cut our propertyliterally right in half.
It would be, it would be devastating.
Jonathan worked his entirelife to have to make this dream come
(04:43):
true for his family.
And the idea of power lines80ft over the trees dividing our
property in half just feelsreally, really sad to us, let alone
knowing what the healthrepercussions are to living that
(05:05):
close to power lines.
So we've been in multiple townhalls and whatnot with, with the
county and with the powercompany and really praying over that
as a family that, you know, itdoesn't, it doesn't come this way,
but eventually it will.
They're saying that our countywill actually run out of power in
two years because of all ofthese data centers.
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So it's an interestingconundrum that Prince William county
has gotten themselves into andit'll be interesting to see how the
they get out of it.
You know, it's all about money.
And sadly there are so manypeople that will be affected.
And you know, some people,there are people who on other.
If the route were to goAnother way, because there's like
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a preferred route and thenthere's three alternate routes.
Our property is one of thealternate routes.
But there are people who wouldliterally whose homes would be torn
down to add these power lines.
So just a lot of heartache fora lot of people.
And so that's somethingJonathan and I have been, you know,
dealing with and praying over.
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I'm still taking nutrition clients.
I actually was looking, youknow, at my social media the other
day, thinking no one wouldhire me based on my social media
because it's just not apriority to me to make my social
media all about nutrition andrun it like a business.
And so I'm just so gratefulfor the clients I have and the word
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of mouth referrals.
I feel so blessed to get theexact people that I work with.
I think that God absolutelyhas a hand in bringing me the exact
people who need the exactthing that I offer.
And, you know, it's a lot likethis podcast.
I pray that God would bring methe guests and I pray that God would
bring the listeners who needto hear, you know, exactly whatever
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the topic may be.
And I feel like it's the samewith nutrition.
I feel just so blessed to getto work with these amazing women
that I'm working with now.
And they keep, I mean, Godbless them, they keep sharing, you
know, my name and myinformation and it leads to more
clients.
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And I'm just so grateful forthat part of my life.
It's not the main thing, butit is, it is a thing and I enjoy
it so much.
And I have such a passion forhealth and fitness as, you know,
and nutrition.
So I feel really lucky that Istill get to do that.
June was a lot of family.
Ashley and I went to Iowa thefirst week in June and we spent 10
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days there, there, which wasabsolutely wonderful.
Just always so enjoy the timebeing there with my friends and my
family.
I'm so grateful to all thepeople that just take time to spend
time with us.
You know, driving into mylittle into Strawberry to.
To be with us, taking off workto pick us up from the airport and,
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you know, take us on funlittle outings and just, just sharing
their time and being so.
Being so grateful that we're there.
It just feels so good.
Just cookouts and, you know,it was.
It's just fills me up so muchto be there for the little Strawberry
Days town celebration.
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That's always like a highlightof our time.
We always try to plan our triparound that weekend because it's
like everyone just Descendsupon the town, and it's just the
most fun time to be there.
There's a parade, and I justfeel so grateful to be from the Midwest
and to be from that specificlittle town.
And I love to have grown upthere, and it's so fun to go back
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and visit.
So, you know, getting to spendtime with my kids is number one top
priority.
I got to spend tons of timewith Brittany and just we talk so
much, and I love her to piecesand I feel so, again, blessed and
lucky and grateful and all thethings to get to have her in my life.
She won't like that.
(09:01):
I said lucky, but it blessed.
Totally blessed.
Got to do a little.
A little glow up on Caleb'shouse, which was really fun with
my sister.
We went and did some shoppingand just made his house feel a little
warmer and a little more lived in.
And that was just a highlightof my trip.
I got to have coffee onCaleb's front porch one morning with
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Stellen and Brittany andCaleb, and we did some workouts together.
And, you know, I just.
I just feel really gratefulthat I still have my mom and my dad
and my grandma and just thebest of friends.
And so that was wonderful.
That was such a great time.
Then just a week after Ashleyand I came back, my mom and dad and
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my nephew came here for two weeks.
So that was amazing as well.
Just to look out the window inthe morning and see my mom and my
dad sitting in the chairs, youknow, just overlooking the pool in
the pond, and just having themthere or having them here is just.
It's just something I don'ttake for granted.
I know that I won't have thatfor my whole life.
(10:08):
And so I just, you know, Ijust say a lot of prayers of gratitude
that I still have my mom andmy dad and that they every year take
the time to spend time here.
And that Asher, despite livingfar away from them, gets to have
a really close relationshipwith them.
My mom is the ultimate mvp.
She plays hide and seek in thedark, and they scare the daylights
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out of my mom.
You just hear horrificscreaming from the basement because
these kids are terrorizing herdown there.
And she.
She just keeps showing up, man.
It's like.
I'm like, you are a betterwoman than me because there is no
way I would be playing withthose kids in the dark.
But she does it and she lovesit, and they love it, and they love
her.
We had a cookout withJonathan's family.
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My dad did a lot of grilling,and it's just so nice.
You know, we didn't, we didn'tdo a lot, but just we all here together
and that's just so special,you know, I know that those times
won't last forever.
So what else?
I've been, I've beenstruggling with some migraines, so
we're going to try to get tothe bottom of that.
(11:15):
They typically are exercise induced.
It seems like when I have asustained high heart rate, like over
any amount of time, I end upwithin an hour having, you know,
a migraine with aura, which isjust the visual symptoms.
And it's really debilitating.
And it's really just a bummerbecause I feel really capable.
(11:38):
I feel good in the gym.
I feel like I have room topush and I feel just defeated when,
you know, that shows up.
And so I would really love toget to the bottom of it.
I can't help but continue tofeel like I just have like a circulation
problem.
I mean, with the veins on myleft leg and now just like these
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overwhelming headaches.
The blue lips.
I was getting a pedicure theother day and my, the girl's like,
why are your feet blue?
And I'm like, yeah, girl, wedon't know.
So, you know, if you don'tmind sending up a few prayers that
we can get to the bottom ofthis and figure it out.
The, the medicine that I wasprescribed a year ago, before, the
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heart stuff, all of the sideeffects of that medicine are heart
related.
And so I just refuse to take that.
And so it's kind of just oneof those things where I have to lay
down and power through and it's.
It's not fun.
It's hard to power through a migraine.
There's just not a whole lotyou can do.
Your day is shot and, youknow, just very discouraging as I
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feel just so good in my bodyand so strong and so back.
But there are still places,still areas where I have to put the
brakes on.
And that's hard.
So hopefully August 26th, youknow, nothing's quick, but I have
an appointment August 26thwith a doctor that I was hoping to
get into.
And I just really struggle toowith not being looked at whole holistically.
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You know, that's something youhear a lot.
Like we have all thesespecialties which are so important,
but I feel like something isgoing on with more than just my heart
and more than just my brain.
Like I'm still getting thesestroke symptoms.
So the last one, Jonathanwitnessed it, I was trying to Talk
to him.
And it was the scariest thing.
I came home from the gym, Igot the aura.
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I looked at the tv.
There was a.
There was an alert on the tv,like a weather alert.
And so I looked at it and Icould not read the words.
And I, like, shut my eyesreally tight and I looked again and
I was like, read it, Kristen.
And I could not read it.
And I was like, whoa, that isreally scary.
I just laid my head down onthe counter and he walked out.
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And I wanted to tell him what happened.
I was like, baby, somethingscary just happened.
And as I tried to explain it,my words just made no sense.
I could not get.
I couldn't speak.
Speak.
So now I know that I can'tread, I can't write, and I can't
speak during those episodes.
And so anyway, just if youwouldn't mind sending up some prayers
that we can get to the bottomof all of this and that maybe I could
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find a person that could justlook at all of my symptoms from a
holistic perspective and wecould get to the bottom of, you know,
everything that's going on.
Not just like, oh, here's amigraine med, and then here's this.
And then, you know, there'sall these perimenopause random symptoms
that pop up, too.
And migraines can be a part of that.
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So, you know, God's got a planand we'll figure it out.
But August 26th, I got my, youknow, I got my hopes up that we can
get something figured out andI can get back into the gym the way
I want to be in the gym.
And don't fear, because Istill, I figured a workaround.
I'm doing a lot morebodybuilding type of workouts now.
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And when I do participate inan actual a conditioning piece at
CrossFit, I keep a real closeeye on my heart rate.
And typically I'm doingpartner workouts.
There's a little more rest involved.
And that seems to have workedfor now.
So always figuring out aworkaround so that I can still get
my.
My exercise on because it justbrings me so much joy.
(15:12):
It makes me feel so good.
I did have.
In other news, I did have ascare at the gym last week.
It actually started before Ieven was working out.
I got to the gym fairly earlyand I went for a walk and I just
started not feeling good.
I had severe abdominal pain.
And there is a type ofaneurysm that can happen.
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It's a descending aortic aneurysm.
An Abdominal aneurysm.
And when I had reached out toone of the doctors about the headaches,
what the nurse said was, well,if you had an aneurysm on your heart,
you could also have ananeurysm in your brain.
And so, lovely news to hear, right?
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And so I was feeling a littlepanicky knowing that you can have
that abdominal aneurysm.
And so I just.
I kind of continued on.
I was just doing a lightworkout that day, just some shoulder
stuff, and it just got excruciating.
I was in so much pain, and Iwas leaning over the rack of dumbbells
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and I prayed.
I was like, God, please justtake this away.
And when I did that, it is theweirdest thing.
I got the worst pain.
Like, it got exponentially worse.
And then it went away.
It was just gone, completely gone.
And I was like, oh, my gosh,that's so bizarre.
(16:36):
And I kind of finished up whatI was doing, and then I put it into
my trusty Chat GPT and it said.
I was trying to find it.
I was scrolling here, but itsaid, essentially, this could be
an extra extreme cardiac eventbased on your.
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Because that's the beautifulthing about Chat GPT.
It does look at me holistically.
So it's like, based on yourpast of this, this, and this, you
need to go immediately to anemergency room.
Like, I.
Please don't ignore this.
And I just got in the car andI was reading that and thinking,
no, I don't want to go, called Jonathan.
I was a little teary.
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I read him what it said, andhe said, you know, you.
You just don't have the luxuryof not going anymore.
And so I went.
And it is frustrating, and Ihate the idea of having, you know,
more radiation built up in mybody from all of the testing and
the.
The CT scans and the things.
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And they did that, and theydid the testing and did some blood
work, and everything came back okay.
And I was just really gratefulto read the words, you know, on the
paper describing everything,looking perfect with my heart.
And so I just looked at itlike, okay, well, this is a.
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This is a true blessing,because, you know, if I've had any
worry that.
That things aren't right orhave any chest pain or whatever,
now I can just have some peaceof mind around that.
I did experience some chestpain later that evening.
And I just thought, man, I'mso grateful that I went, because
if I hadn't and I wasexperiencing this, like, I probably
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would have ended up there inthe middle of the night.
So I am no longer a person whohas the luxury of not getting checked
out.
And so I did.
Now, the next part of that isthat like two days later I got a
message in my chart.
It just popped up, actually,while I was reading my Bible in the
morning.
And it said that there weresome abnormal findings with my ECG
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and that it was very differentwhen compared to the ECG from January.
And that felt scary to read that.
And I just thought, well, thisis why I went like, now we know and
now we can address it.
And so I will see mycardiologist this week and we'll
talk about all the things before.
For now, I'm absolutely fineand I'm believing God that he has
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this all figured out and it'snothing I need to worry about.
So again, if you don't mind,throw up a few pray prayers for that
appointment that's on the 31stof July.
So.
And I plan to discuss themigraine things and the circulation
issues with him as well, andhope that, you know, we can come
to some kind of conclusion andsome kind of plan to get this all
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figured out.
Because I'm, I'm just much toohealthy and I'm much too young and
I got things left to do inthis life.
One of the things I have leftto do is go to Texas with my husband.
So as you're listening, I willhave gotten home yesterday.
So as I record this, it isTuesday and we leave Thursday to
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go to Texas for a littlebirthday trip.
So I'm really looking forwardto that.
I will never stop preachingthe importance of spending time with
your spouse, away from home,away from kids.
It could be a staycation, itcould be, it could be very simple
or it could be very elaborate.
But we are never better thanwhen we go spend just, you know,
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like prioritize time with one another.
So it's random.
I, I follow this influencer, I guess.
And she had talked about this little.
Actually, I don't know how bigit is.
What am I talking about?
This Texas town.
And I was like, wow, I'venever heard of that place.
And then I, she, she posted afew things like, this is where we
(20:40):
ate, this is where we stayed.
And I screenshotted it.
I don't know why we weren'teven talking about a trip at this
point.
But then we did start talkingabout a trip and I asked chat GPT,
which if I, I mean, I hate.
I don't know, maybe Ishouldn't advocate for, for AI, but
it does kind of cool things.
So I said, knowing what youknow about me, knowing that I love
to do this, this, this and this.
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I have three nights to getaway, anywhere in the U.S. where
should I go?
And it popped up with five places.
And the third one was thistown in Texas that neither of us
had ever heard of.
So I was like, the Lord speaksand this is where we must go.
And Jonathan was excited about it.
And so I just booked the tripand so maybe at the end of August
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I can come back and share withyou how that was.
But I'm really hoping that itwas wonderful and, and that's that.
I'm really looking forward to it.
Asher is struggling a little.
He just really does not likefor us to be away.
But I know that he'll be okay.
It's just a couple days and mymother in law is going to come stay
with him and I've got friendscoming over to play with him and,
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and doing my best to mitigateany, you know, fear and anxiety that
he's having about us leaving.
So moving on from that.
So Today is my 44th birthday.
It's a day I certainly wasn'tpromised in a day I wasn't certain
I would see.
But God, he wasn't done with me.
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And I can't help but believethat part of what he had left for
me to do was this, thispodcast, this right here.
I'm so grateful that my lifewas spared and I want to please the
Lord with how I live out therest of my days.
I long to share the gospel andthe life you can have on the other
end of accepting the free giftof eternal life.
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Choosing Jesus isn't justabout heaven, although that's the
ultimate reward.
It's about the fruit that'sdeveloped in a person's life after
becoming a Christian, a truedevoted follower of Christ.
If there's no fruit, you wouldhave to question, am I really saved?
Is the fruit developing inyour life after you've made this
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huge declaration, this, thisacceptance of this gift of eternal
life.
So today, every day, really,I'm taking a deeper look at the fruit
in my own life, where it'sdeveloping well and where I still
have work to do.
And one such place that Istill have work to do is with food
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and my body.
Quite unfortunately, that isjust something that I believe wholeheartedly
that I can, I can conquer.
I just haven't yet.
I go through, really, I gothrough months and months of being
really, really good and then,and then triggers happen and then,
(23:39):
and then just Things come upfor me.
So I'm going to share some ofthe things that have gone on and
where I think a lot of this iscoming from.
But I also want to share withyou that I'm not doing anything unhealthy
as far as, like, not takinggood care of my body.
I'm eating.
I'm eating definitely morethan I was now.
And I'm not restricting, I'mnot binging, I'm not well, okay,
(24:04):
maybe I'm doing a little morethan I should as far as.
Well, we'll get into that.
But I'm still very healthy.
I'm eating more now, so that'sa good thing.
And it's more so just themindset around it.
It's not really that I'm.
I'm specifically doing anything.
It's that I live with thisconstant fear of, gosh, this is hard
(24:26):
to share because it justsounds so crazy when I say it out
loud.
It makes so much sense in myown mind, but I live in constant
fear.
Fear of if I eat this thingthat's outside of the plan or if
I like.
For instance, this trip istriggering me because it's going
to be about five days of.
Because we also have plans today.
As you listen, I have birthday plans.
(24:47):
So even though I'm home frommy trip, we also have dinner plans.
And so it's several days ofbeing out of my routine.
And even though I've collectedevidence over years and years that
I do just fine on a trip, I.
We move a ton because that'swhat we enjoy.
And I. I indulge in foods thatI wouldn't have at home, but that's
(25:08):
what I'm supposed to do.
And I make choices that feel good.
I prioritize protein.
I prioritize sleep.
I prioritize movement.
So I do all the right things.
And so there is truly nothingto fear.
But there is just a disconnectin my brain between what my thoughts
are and what I know to be true.
So I just want to share withyou kind of what happened and how
(25:32):
slippery of a slope an eatingdisorder can be.
So back in.
Gosh, I want to say back inOctober, right before the car accident
maybe, or even September, Ihired a coach, a new coach.
(25:52):
And typically I love workingwith a coach.
Like, I love learning fromother coaches and how they approach
different things and bodyrecomps and like, I. I just have
a passion for this stuff.
I love it.
I think coaches need coaches,and I think it's invaluable to my
Own clients, what I'm learningfrom other people, and just my own
life experience.
(26:14):
So I hired this coach and itwas going, you know, well, but then
the car accident happened andI was put on complete restrictions
from exercise for the most part.
10 pounds was my weight limit.
And 140 heart rate, which isnothing for me.
Like, I can get that.
I don't know, doing nothing,basically, especially before my surgery
(26:37):
when my heart rate wasexponentially higher.
So hire these coach.
Well, this coach.
And he, you know, I was likeexpressing like, man, I'm not going
to be able to work out, sowhat do we need to do with my food?
And so dropped me pretty,maybe dramatic's not the word, but
dropped me to a lower caloriegoal than I've had in a long time.
(27:00):
And because of the just mebeing me, I stuck 100% to this, this
calorie goal, these specific macros.
And I did well.
I did, you know, I did fine.
And over the course of mysurgery, I would lose about 12ish,
12 pounds.
(27:23):
Now, some of that, a lot of itwas before it was because I was in
this calorie deficit.
I continued just walking.
That's all I was reallyallowed to do.
So by the time surgery camearound, I was.
Yeah.
So really just like in a monthand a half or so, I lost like £12.
So I was in a pretty steepdeficit for me.
And then of course, havingsurgery, I, I lost.
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I didn't eat for like fourdays, like, not anything.
And so I lost a few morepounds, you know, while I was having
surgery.
Well, so therefore I was likethe smallest, even in the depths
of my eating disorder back inlike 20, 19, 2020, I was a couple
of pounds less at this pointthan I was back then in the depths
(28:13):
of my eating disorder.
So I was smaller.
So I happened.
I checked in with my coachafter my surgery, like literally
two days later.
I did pictures, I checked in,I weighed in, and I was like, okay,
like, what's the plan for now?
Like, healing?
Like, my watch was telling meI was burning like 2400 calories
a day because imagine how muchwork your body is doing to recover
(28:36):
and repair and heal.
And so I think I stayed atthose, I stayed at those calories,
those low calories, and I, youknow, white knuckled through it and
white knuckled through it, and I.
And I gained like two pounds.
I know this is very specificand probably a long story, but I
(28:59):
still was.
So once I gained that twopounds, I was the weight of the depths
of my eating disorder, okay?
And this coach switched meover to work with his wife.
So his wife was taking on allof the female clients, which I was
fine, I don't care.
So I did a check in.
This is maybe a couple weeksafter surgery, maybe a month after
(29:23):
surgery.
And she said how I needed tolose eight pounds.
And in the check in, it was avoice memo.
And she, she kept saying, it'snecessary to lose £8.
And I just thought, man, she'slooking at my pictures and she's
looking at me the way I lookright now, and she says it is necessary
(29:46):
for me to lose eight pounds.
And I remember just beingfirst of all, like flabbergasted.
And then all my alarm bellsand whistles were going off.
Like, you have been in such adeficit, you've been trying so hard
to adhere and there is no wayyou can lose eight more pounds.
I had self preservation inthat moment of like, no, we can,
(30:09):
you cannot do this.
And so I expressed that, like,there's just no way I can lose eight
more pounds.
Like, I felt like I've neverbeen more unhealthy than I am right
now, similar to when I was inthe depths of my eating disorder.
And I never got morecompliments right?
Like, I've never been moreunhealthy and miserable.
And yet when you're small,people notice and they like it.
(30:30):
And that will mess, mess witha gal's head, let's just say.
So I continued on, but Ibecame, it became nearly impossible
for me to adhere.
And I've never had anadherence problem.
I'm very disciplined and Iwill stick to what someone tells
me to do.
(30:51):
And I just couldn't.
And I would start taking bitesof this and tastes of that and like
things that I'd never done before.
And I felt shame around that.
Like, why can't you be disciplined?
Like, you're losing, likeyou're, this is your thing.
And so I would speaknegatively to myself and I'd be so
upset with myself.
So instead of losing eightpounds, I'm now steadily, the scale
(31:12):
is going up.
And I had been getting on thescale every single morning without
fail, every day.
And if you have a healthyrelationship with food in your body,
I think something to be saidabout being able to see how the numbers
fluctuate so that you canactually be real and see that like,
oh, that's not body fat.
(31:33):
That's water weight.
That's inflammation.
That's.
That was from a hard workout yesterday.
I did a super heavy Leg day.
Of course I weigh two morepounds today.
I've got inflammation on my body.
I'm holding onto water.
Maybe you ate later last nightand you can be like, oh, look at
this.
So this is what happens when Ieat at a restaurant.
All that sodium and I ate twohours later than normal.
It makes makes sense that Iweigh three more pounds this morning.
(31:55):
That's not body fat.
There's nothing to worry about.
But someone like me, I justbecome obsessed with the number.
So again, instead of goingdown, losing this necessary, this
very necessary 8 pounds, thescale is going up, which makes complete
sense because I wasn'tsupposed to be that small.
My body was needing to healand recover and it needed nourishment.
(32:17):
And so I just got to a pointwhere I couldn't adhere anymore.
And that really started topick apart my identity, which again,
I should not be finding myidentity here.
And this is where, you know, Icontinue to need development.
And just to be asking myself,like, you know, lately I've been
(32:40):
feeling kind of far from God again.
And you got to ask yourself,when you're feeling far from God,
like, is there sin in yourlife that you need to take care of
and this is mine.
And so just kind of moving onfrom that.
So, so June comes around andit is the end of my six months of
coaching with these specific coaches.
(33:02):
And mind you, I have checkedin every single week for six months.
I have done every single workout.
I have, you know, logged everysingle bite of food, I have drank
every drink of water.
I have walked.
I have, I am.
No one walked more steps than me.
Like I was so on, on it, likeon it.
(33:24):
So I, they were asking, shewas asking me like, do you want to
continue on with us or do youthink, you know, are you going to
go it alone?
And I was like, look, youknow, I think I'm going to go it
alone for a while and see howit goes.
And her response, literally,like, if you saw me posting these
pictures, like a picture ofmyself crying, which is so cringe
(33:46):
back in June, this is what wasgoing on.
So I got my, like one of myfinal check ins.
Like I never checked in againbecause it was a few weeks before
the end of being with them.
But this was just like thelast straw for me.
So she basically said I didn'tget a good result, that I was uncoachable.
(34:09):
I put no effort into my workouts.
I didn't respond to my check ins.
Just like, was like she couldhave put a dagger in my heart and
it would have felt betterbecause I. I am so.
I am so.
If.
If.
If her response to me hadbeen, we are so glad we got to work
(34:32):
with you.
You went through such an, youknow, such a difficult time, and
you still managed to show up.
You hit your macros every day,you drank your water, you stepped
yourself steps, you did your workouts.
Like, you were incredibly disciplined.
And we're so grateful we gotto work with you.
I would have believed that.
So to get this.
This uncoachable.
Not putting any effort into myworkouts at this point, I was back
(34:55):
to, like, fully.
I was progressive overload.
I was working out six days a week.
I was just, like.
I was just floored at theresponse and broke my heart.
It really did, because I pridemyself and on.
And I shouldn't, but I do.
And this is something I haveto, like, break down.
(35:15):
God has to.
Is just working on all of thisin me.
But I was so hurt.
I was so hurt by it.
And then I was so frustratedwith myself for being hurt by it.
But.
So this happened at thebeginning of June, and then Ashley
and I went to Iowa, where it'sfamily and food and celebrations
and all these things, right?
(35:36):
There's just lots of food.
There's mom's home cooking,and there's, you know, there's pizza
from everywhere, and there's.
We're grilling out forbirthday parties, and there's cake,
and there's this.
And there's just treats allthe time.
And then.
And then following that upwith my mom and dad coming out here
for two weeks, and my mom, Godbless her, she, like, she and my
(35:58):
dad made every meal absolutely amazing.
So good.
Some of my favorite thingsfrom childhood.
But internally, I'm strugglingbecause now we're at basically four
weeks of me, like, eatingthings that I normally wouldn't and
not sticking to my plan.
Like, I.
Like I should quote, unquote,should, right?
(36:20):
I should just be able to enjoyfood normally.
And then as I'm telling youthis as well, the scale is continuing
to just go up like.
Like all the time.
Like just, oh, half pound,half pound, half a pound.
And it's okay.
The number is fine.
But in my head it's not.
Because small is good and moreis not.
(36:45):
So mind you, I was in Iowa.
There's also this.
That this is something Ihaven't shared, and I didn't know
if I was comfortable sharing it.
I still don't.
But I had a best friend sinceI was 18 years old.
And for years, the friendshiphas been on a downhill trajectory.
(37:05):
There was very littlecommunication outside of when I would
be home.
Very.
It felt like a very one sidedfriendship, you know, just zero communication
through my heart stuff.
And that's when I really kindof knew like this friendship is,
this is not a friendship.
(37:27):
So I happened to see her at,in, in Strawberry, at Strawberry
Days because it's a tinylittle town and you see everyone.
And normally we would havewatched the parade together and our
kids would have, you know, wewould have all sat together and she
would have been over multipletimes and we would have been on walks
together and being, you know,enjoying coffee together and you
(37:48):
know, I just never heard from her.
I never saw her.
But then, but then I did seeher and I was so uncomfortable because
neither of us acknowledged theother's presence.
I was so uncomfortable.
I was sitting at a table undera tent with my family eating lunch
after the parade and she andher family were at the table, literally
(38:08):
the next table over.
And we didn't make eye contact.
We just pretended like theother wasn't a person.
And it made me so sad.
I literally asked my dad, Isaid, take me home right now, will
you please take me home?
And he left his lunch andbrought me back to the house and
then went back up there.
I just, I was so uncomfortableand so like, it just felt like this
(38:30):
rejection and then, you know,the rejection I felt or the insecurity
I felt over, over thatinteraction with my coach and then,
and then just being around allof this food and I just became, became
so, just out of control andthen the scales going up and it was
just this recipe for disaster.
(38:51):
I went for a walk with my truebest friend, I guess you could say
that same weekend.
And she is a mutual friendwith my former best friend.
And she reached out to her andjust said, what is the deal?
And she said, I just feel likethis is for the better and it's just
(39:11):
hurtful.
Without a conversation orwithout, you know, just a, I don't
know, without, without justresolution or just a closing of the
door.
It just like slammed in my face.
And again, it wasn't a goodfriendship, but it's still someone
that's been part of your lifefor the last 20 something years and
(39:33):
they just throw you away.
You're invaluable to them.
And then when I have thesethoughts about my body that it's
not good enough and that I'mnot strong enough, I'm not disciplined
enough, and then I, I'm aroundall this food and it was Just a recipe
for disaster for me.
So just a perfect storm,really, to trigger these old thought
(39:53):
patterns and then send me onthis negative spiral.
And so my poor husband isconstantly dealing with me talking
about it.
And the beautiful thing isthat I won't restrict anymore.
So it's like I eat how muchI'm supposed to eat every day, which
is actually more.
So I've gone up in calories toan appropriate number of calories
(40:14):
since, you know, being donewith the last coaches.
And, I mean, I wish themnothing but the best.
I just.
I guess just we were not on this.
We had different goals for me.
Their goal for me wasdifferent than my goal for me.
I just want to be healthy andfeel really good and feel really
strong and live a really longtime and.
And like, how I look and,like, how I feel.
(40:38):
And they, I guess, wantedsomething different for me, so just
not on the same page.
And again, God bless them.
I wish nothing but good thingsfor them, but just they're not for
me.
And I was extremely hurt bythat interaction.
But so I've been over herestruggling a little.
So, again, I don't restrict.
(40:58):
I still eat all my food.
So therefore, if I, like,quote, unquote, screw up, it's that
I ate too much.
So then I panic, and I think,again, I. I live in this constant
fear that if I eat this thingor I have this meal or I have these
days away, that somehow it'lljust all go away.
And I know that that,logically speaking, that's not true.
(41:22):
I hope you're not completelybored with my story.
I'm sure there's one personout there who can relate to what
I'm saying.
I know that so many peoplestruggle, and I know that because
the people that God brings meto, you know, to coach and to walk
through this journey with,also struggle with it.
And I can absolutelyempathize, and I can absolutely,
(41:42):
you know, understand whatthey're going through and hopefully,
you know, walk them down thesame road I've been on and let them
know that it's not linear.
It's kind of like weight loss.
Unfortunately, if you'resomeone who needs to lose weight,
it doesn't happen just.
Just straight down.
It's like we go down, and thenwe go up, and then we go down, and
then we go up.
And as long as you're doing,you know, better over time, if it's
(42:04):
weight loss we're talkingabout, as long as it's overall going
down and with recovery, aslong as you're Mostly good.
You know, you're gonna havesome speed bumps, but it's okay as
long as you get straight backon track and you don't allow these
things to become, you know,long term again or extremely unhealthy.
But I was noticing, like, inIowa, I went from walking 12,000
(42:26):
steps a day to walking 16,000steps a day, because I thought, oh,
I can mitigate these few extracalories that I'm eating by doing
more and doing more.
And then you get to a pointwhere it's just like, you can't do
more.
Like I can't do anymore.
And the scale's still going up.
And again, that's okay.
My body knows what to do.
It's.
It's okay.
(42:48):
So again, I. I've just beenriding this roller coaster recently,
and hopefully, as you listentoday, I will be feeling really good
about the time we spent onvacation, and I will have enjoyed
listen, this hotel that we'restaying at, one of their main pictures
is of cinnamon rolls.
And you can bet your bottomdollar I'm gonna be eating those
(43:11):
cinnamon rolls.
I'm not going to do it in away where it's a bingy way, but I'm
going to enjoy the cinnamon rolls.
I'm also going to probablyhave some prot.
Cinnamon rolls, and I'm gonnamove my body and do all the things
that I know are right.
And then the key to what I'verecently done is I put the scale
away.
And, you know, I just wasrealizing it is literally just this
(43:34):
number that bothers me.
I don't feel badly in my skin.
I don't look at myself andthink I look horrible.
It's literally just thisarbitrary number.
My relationship to, like, gravity.
And it's so silly to let thatdefine my worth or define whether
or not I'm gonna have a goodday or whether I'm good or whether
(43:55):
I'm not good.
And I'm.
I'm.
I'm done with that.
And so, you know, no morescale, because the scale ruins my
day.
And why would I allowsomething like that to have any effect
on how I feel about myself orhow, you know, how I spend my day
or what I nourish my body with.
So we'll see how I do with that.
(44:17):
I'm hoping that that can be athing of the past.
It was just like, God just waslike, get rid of the scale.
And I did.
So I feel good about that for now.
But I want to share somethingI saw on Instagram today, and I thought
that it really kind of wentalong with all the things I've been
feeling.
(44:38):
You don't have to be fullyhealed to be faithful.
God works with the limping andthe willing.
Stop waiting to be all betterbefore you begin.
Healing isn't a prerequisitefor purpose.
Your scars don't cancel your calling.
You don't have to sit out oflove, dreams, or destiny just because
you're still tending to wounds.
God knew the cracks, and stillhe called you.
(44:59):
Healing is not a destination.
It's a daily walk with agentle God who's not in a hurry to
fix you, but faithful to walkwith you.
Second Corinthians 12, 9 says,My grace is sufficient for you, for
my power is made perfect inyour weakness.
You're allowed to be healingand still walk in power.
You're allowed to be healingand still speak truth.
(45:21):
You're allowed to be healingand still go after the dream.
You don't have to be fullyhealed to be faithful.
Healing is not proof you're ready.
Obedience is.
I thought that was lovely.
As I struggle sometimes with,like, my calling, and look, I'm doing
these things, and yet I'mstill struggling.
(45:42):
But you know what?
I'm gonna always be a work inprogress, and God's always going
to be developing that fruit inmy life, and I'm going to use my
gifts and the struggles thatI've gotten to the other side of
to continue to help others,whether that be through this podcast
or through nutrition or justfriendship and just loving on others,
(46:03):
you know, so God doesn't callthe qualified.
He qualifies the called.
So, lastly, I'm reading thisbook called Breaking Free From Body
Shame.
Dare to Reclaim what God hasNamed Good.
It's by Jess Connelly.
I'll be honest, I don't.
I don't love it, but I'mdefinitely gleaning some good things,
(46:24):
like, out of it.
And she says, the truest thingabout you is you are made and loved
by God.
And the truest thing about himis that he cannot make bad things.
So I thought that was abeautiful way to just wrap up the
(46:44):
story about how I've beenfeeling and the struggle that I've
been, you know, just workingmy way through.
And the.
The biggest gratitude I haveis that I'm able to recognize it
and kind of just stop it inits tracks.
I'm not going to allow this toget away from me like it did in my
past.
(47:04):
I'm.
I've come much too far toallow something like that to, you
know, take me back down to adark place.
So I'm, I'm doing the thingsand I'm working with someone and
I've got my mind right.
I'm going to enjoy our timetogether and I'm not going to step
(47:24):
on that scale.
And I'm also not going to letyou know, I'm going to use what happened
with my previous coach to justbe stronger and not allow someone
to have that much power over me.
In those couple of days, Ifelt defined by what she said about
me.
And the truth is so oppositeof that.
(47:48):
So I'm going to leave you there.
I. I enjoyed catching up with you.
I hope you enjoyed catching upwith me.
Oh, I know the one big thing Ididn't say that I said I was going
to share.
And that is something reallyexciting that's underway that we're,
myself and Brittany are goingto be sharing with you and something
(48:09):
we're so excited about andsomething that was just God ordained
and totally his idea and Ican't wait to see what happens.
But I want, I want to sharethis with you, with her.
So I'll get her back on herewhen we're ready to debut what we're
doing.
So please look forward to that.
(48:31):
And yeah, I'm just so excitedand so blessed to be able to do it
with her.
And that God just put it on my heart.
He.
He has the best ideas.
So as we close out the monthof July, our memory verse again is
Romans 8:28.
And we know that in allthings, God works for the good of
(48:52):
those who love him, who havebeen called according to his purpose.
Thank you for being here.
Please.
If you have not yet subscribedto my newsletter, I would love for
you to get that in your inboxonce a month.
I'm not going to spam you, I promise.
But you know, it's justsomething part of what I feel called
to do with this podcast and Iwould love to have you on there.
(49:15):
So thank you for listening.
Thank you for loving methrough every phase of this life
that I've, that I've just.
You've come along for the ridewith me on.
I'm so grateful that you're here.
I hope that you have the best week.
Happy birthday to me.
Praise the Lord, I get to seeanother year.
(49:35):
And praise the Lord, I get tosee you right here next Monday later.
If this podcast blessed you,please share it with a friend and
hit the subscribe button soyou never miss an episode.
Leave a five star review onitunes and come hang out with me
on Instagram.
Edbythefruit.
I'd love to connect with you there.
And most importantly, I'll seeyou right here next week.
(49:59):
Come hungry, get fed.
Sam.
Foreign s welcome to Fed bythe Fruit, a podcast focused on nourishment
for the mind, body and soul.
I'm kb, a spirit filledcertified life and nutrition coach
with a calling to disciplewomen who are hungry for more.
Each week we will learn whoGod is and what he wants for and
(00:22):
from us through powerfultestimonies, biblical truth, and
so much more as we fuel ourminds and bodies in ways that honor
Him.
Let's get fed.
Hello friends.
Happy Monday.
Welcome to Fed by the Fruit.
How are we?
I hope that you're great.
I'm so happy that you're here.
(00:43):
Today is our first catchingup, if you will, episode since Fed
by the Fruit debuted and I'mso excited to be back here with you.
I haven't gotten to just sharemy life with you in a while and I
always enjoy being able to do that.
So.
So it's been since.
Has it been since May, sincewe've caught up?
(01:05):
I. I think it has.
Generally speaking, if there'sfour Mondays in a month, the first
Monday will be a testimonyfrom an inspiring, incredible guest.
And then the second week willbe diving into a story from the Bible.
Then the third week will beapplying biblical principles principles
(01:27):
to your everyday life.
And then the fourth week willbe a little catch up with me.
So in June.
Actually, this podcast debutedthe second week of June, so therefore
there was no catching up in June.
We just got straight back intoa powerful testimony with Betsy Guerra.
I just still am just in awe ofthat episode.
I got so much feedback and ohmy gosh, just what an incredible
(01:51):
story.
So I'm, I'm just so excited.
I get to just catch you up oneverything that's been going on.
I actually had to look at mycalendar and go back, flip back to
June and ask myself, what haveI been up to?
There's, it's like, it'salmost like there's been so much,
but there's also not been awhole lot.
(02:11):
Does that make any sense?
So just to, like, quick littlerecap the things that are still,
still going on.
I'm still, I don't know whythis is the first thing on my list,
but I'm still trying to getthese dang tattoos off of me.
So I did have my, I thinkfourth, fourth, I think session of
(02:32):
tattoo removal.
So my sweet friend Becca, shehas taken me every single time.
She's the best, like, supportperson to be with me.
I'm so grateful that shecontinues to do this most annoying
thing with me.
But we're getting there.
It's not, they're not gone.
They're not gone.
They initially told me thatsome of them would take three sessions
(02:55):
and some would take four.
And now we're going to go tofive and beyond until we can just
get them gone.
If you're young and you'relistening and you don't have any
tattoos, I just would reallyencourage you to not get them.
Okay.
There are other ways toexpress yourself and you have no
(03:16):
idea what, who you're going tobe, who God is going to just morph
you into over the course ofyour life.
And when you're puttingsomething on your body that is forever,
it can be quite unfortunateone day when you look down and realize
that you know, what you've,what you've stamped your body with
no longer aligns with who youare in Christ.
(03:38):
And so just a word to thewise, our family is also dealing
with some interesting county things.
We live on a large propertyhere in Virginia and there are our
county, I believe you can factcheck this if you actually care.
But there are like so manydata centers.
(04:02):
I believe our county has moredata centers than any other county
in the world.
And so these data centersrequire a lot of power.
And so therefore they'rehaving to, they are making, they're
adding more power lines.
They're, they're tearing downpower lines and making them larger.
(04:23):
And there's a projecthappening now or upcoming that would
affect our property.
Essentially the power lines,huge, like 180 foot tall power lines
would cut our propertyliterally right in half.
It would be, it would be devastating.
Jonathan worked his entirelife to have to make this dream come
(04:43):
true for his family.
And the idea of power lines80ft over the trees dividing our
property in half just feelsreally, really sad to us, let alone
knowing what the healthrepercussions are to living that
(05:05):
close to power lines.
So we've been in multiple townhalls and whatnot with, with the
county and with the powercompany and really praying over that
as a family that, you know, itdoesn't, it doesn't come this way,
but eventually it will.
They're saying that our countywill actually run out of power in
two years because of all ofthese data centers.
(05:28):
So it's an interestingconundrum that Prince William county
has gotten themselves into andit'll be interesting to see how the
they get out of it.
You know, it's all about money.
And sadly there are so manypeople that will be affected.
And you know, some people,there are people who on other.
If the route were to goAnother way, because there's like
(05:50):
a preferred route and thenthere's three alternate routes.
Our property is one of thealternate routes.
But there are people who wouldliterally whose homes would be torn
down to add these power lines.
So just a lot of heartache fora lot of people.
And so that's somethingJonathan and I have been, you know,
dealing with and praying over.
(06:11):
I'm still taking nutrition clients.
I actually was looking, youknow, at my social media the other
day, thinking no one wouldhire me based on my social media
because it's just not apriority to me to make my social
media all about nutrition andrun it like a business.
And so I'm just so gratefulfor the clients I have and the word
(06:31):
of mouth referrals.
I feel so blessed to get theexact people that I work with.
I think that God absolutelyhas a hand in bringing me the exact
people who need the exactthing that I offer.
And, you know, it's a lot likethis podcast.
I pray that God would bring methe guests and I pray that God would
bring the listeners who needto hear, you know, exactly whatever
(06:52):
the topic may be.
And I feel like it's the samewith nutrition.
I feel just so blessed to getto work with these amazing women
that I'm working with now.
And they keep, I mean, Godbless them, they keep sharing, you
know, my name and myinformation and it leads to more
clients.
(07:12):
And I'm just so grateful forthat part of my life.
It's not the main thing, butit is, it is a thing and I enjoy
it so much.
And I have such a passion forhealth and fitness as, you know,
and nutrition.
So I feel really lucky that Istill get to do that.
June was a lot of family.
Ashley and I went to Iowa thefirst week in June and we spent 10
(07:36):
days there, there, which wasabsolutely wonderful.
Just always so enjoy the timebeing there with my friends and my
family.
I'm so grateful to all thepeople that just take time to spend
time with us.
You know, driving into mylittle into Strawberry to.
To be with us, taking off workto pick us up from the airport and,
(07:58):
you know, take us on funlittle outings and just, just sharing
their time and being so.
Being so grateful that we're there.
It just feels so good.
Just cookouts and, you know,it was.
It's just fills me up so muchto be there for the little Strawberry
Days town celebration.
(08:19):
That's always like a highlightof our time.
We always try to plan our triparound that weekend because it's
like everyone just Descendsupon the town, and it's just the
most fun time to be there.
There's a parade, and I justfeel so grateful to be from the Midwest
and to be from that specificlittle town.
And I love to have grown upthere, and it's so fun to go back
(08:40):
and visit.
So, you know, getting to spendtime with my kids is number one top
priority.
I got to spend tons of timewith Brittany and just we talk so
much, and I love her to piecesand I feel so, again, blessed and
lucky and grateful and all thethings to get to have her in my life.
She won't like that.
(09:01):
I said lucky, but it blessed.
Totally blessed.
Got to do a little.
A little glow up on Caleb'shouse, which was really fun with
my sister.
We went and did some shoppingand just made his house feel a little
warmer and a little more lived in.
And that was just a highlightof my trip.
I got to have coffee onCaleb's front porch one morning with
(09:24):
Stellen and Brittany andCaleb, and we did some workouts together.
And, you know, I just.
I just feel really gratefulthat I still have my mom and my dad
and my grandma and just thebest of friends.
And so that was wonderful.
That was such a great time.
Then just a week after Ashleyand I came back, my mom and dad and
(09:46):
my nephew came here for two weeks.
So that was amazing as well.
Just to look out the window inthe morning and see my mom and my
dad sitting in the chairs, youknow, just overlooking the pool in
the pond, and just having themthere or having them here is just.
It's just something I don'ttake for granted.
I know that I won't have thatfor my whole life.
(10:08):
And so I just, you know, Ijust say a lot of prayers of gratitude
that I still have my mom andmy dad and that they every year take
the time to spend time here.
And that Asher, despite livingfar away from them, gets to have
a really close relationshipwith them.
My mom is the ultimate mvp.
She plays hide and seek in thedark, and they scare the daylights
(10:32):
out of my mom.
You just hear horrificscreaming from the basement because
these kids are terrorizing herdown there.
And she.
She just keeps showing up, man.
It's like.
I'm like, you are a betterwoman than me because there is no
way I would be playing withthose kids in the dark.
But she does it and she lovesit, and they love it, and they love
her.
We had a cookout withJonathan's family.
(10:53):
My dad did a lot of grilling,and it's just so nice.
You know, we didn't, we didn'tdo a lot, but just we all here together
and that's just so special,you know, I know that those times
won't last forever.
So what else?
I've been, I've beenstruggling with some migraines, so
we're going to try to get tothe bottom of that.
(11:15):
They typically are exercise induced.
It seems like when I have asustained high heart rate, like over
any amount of time, I end upwithin an hour having, you know,
a migraine with aura, which isjust the visual symptoms.
And it's really debilitating.
And it's really just a bummerbecause I feel really capable.
(11:38):
I feel good in the gym.
I feel like I have room topush and I feel just defeated when,
you know, that shows up.
And so I would really love toget to the bottom of it.
I can't help but continue tofeel like I just have like a circulation
problem.
I mean, with the veins on myleft leg and now just like these
(11:59):
overwhelming headaches.
The blue lips.
I was getting a pedicure theother day and my, the girl's like,
why are your feet blue?
And I'm like, yeah, girl, wedon't know.
So, you know, if you don'tmind sending up a few prayers that
we can get to the bottom ofthis and figure it out.
The, the medicine that I wasprescribed a year ago, before, the
(12:19):
heart stuff, all of the sideeffects of that medicine are heart
related.
And so I just refuse to take that.
And so it's kind of just oneof those things where I have to lay
down and power through and it's.
It's not fun.
It's hard to power through a migraine.
There's just not a whole lotyou can do.
Your day is shot and, youknow, just very discouraging as I
(12:41):
feel just so good in my bodyand so strong and so back.
But there are still places,still areas where I have to put the
brakes on.
And that's hard.
So hopefully August 26th, youknow, nothing's quick, but I have
an appointment August 26thwith a doctor that I was hoping to
get into.
And I just really struggle toowith not being looked at whole holistically.
(13:03):
You know, that's something youhear a lot.
Like we have all thesespecialties which are so important,
but I feel like something isgoing on with more than just my heart
and more than just my brain.
Like I'm still getting thesestroke symptoms.
So the last one, Jonathanwitnessed it, I was trying to Talk
to him.
And it was the scariest thing.
I came home from the gym, Igot the aura.
(13:25):
I looked at the tv.
There was a.
There was an alert on the tv,like a weather alert.
And so I looked at it and Icould not read the words.
And I, like, shut my eyesreally tight and I looked again and
I was like, read it, Kristen.
And I could not read it.
And I was like, whoa, that isreally scary.
I just laid my head down onthe counter and he walked out.
(13:46):
And I wanted to tell him what happened.
I was like, baby, somethingscary just happened.
And as I tried to explain it,my words just made no sense.
I could not get.
I couldn't speak.
Speak.
So now I know that I can'tread, I can't write, and I can't
speak during those episodes.
And so anyway, just if youwouldn't mind sending up some prayers
that we can get to the bottomof all of this and that maybe I could
(14:09):
find a person that could justlook at all of my symptoms from a
holistic perspective and wecould get to the bottom of, you know,
everything that's going on.
Not just like, oh, here's amigraine med, and then here's this.
And then, you know, there'sall these perimenopause random symptoms
that pop up, too.
And migraines can be a part of that.
(14:29):
So, you know, God's got a planand we'll figure it out.
But August 26th, I got my, youknow, I got my hopes up that we can
get something figured out andI can get back into the gym the way
I want to be in the gym.
And don't fear, because Istill, I figured a workaround.
I'm doing a lot morebodybuilding type of workouts now.
(14:50):
And when I do participate inan actual a conditioning piece at
CrossFit, I keep a real closeeye on my heart rate.
And typically I'm doingpartner workouts.
There's a little more rest involved.
And that seems to have workedfor now.
So always figuring out aworkaround so that I can still get
my.
My exercise on because it justbrings me so much joy.
(15:12):
It makes me feel so good.
I did have.
In other news, I did have ascare at the gym last week.
It actually started before Ieven was working out.
I got to the gym fairly earlyand I went for a walk and I just
started not feeling good.
I had severe abdominal pain.
And there is a type ofaneurysm that can happen.
(15:35):
It's a descending aortic aneurysm.
An Abdominal aneurysm.
And when I had reached out toone of the doctors about the headaches,
what the nurse said was, well,if you had an aneurysm on your heart,
you could also have ananeurysm in your brain.
And so, lovely news to hear, right?
(15:56):
And so I was feeling a littlepanicky knowing that you can have
that abdominal aneurysm.
And so I just.
I kind of continued on.
I was just doing a lightworkout that day, just some shoulder
stuff, and it just got excruciating.
I was in so much pain, and Iwas leaning over the rack of dumbbells
(16:16):
and I prayed.
I was like, God, please justtake this away.
And when I did that, it is theweirdest thing.
I got the worst pain.
Like, it got exponentially worse.
And then it went away.
It was just gone, completely gone.
And I was like, oh, my gosh,that's so bizarre.
(16:36):
And I kind of finished up whatI was doing, and then I put it into
my trusty Chat GPT and it said.
I was trying to find it.
I was scrolling here, but itsaid, essentially, this could be
an extra extreme cardiac eventbased on your.
(16:57):
Because that's the beautifulthing about Chat GPT.
It does look at me holistically.
So it's like, based on yourpast of this, this, and this, you
need to go immediately to anemergency room.
Like, I.
Please don't ignore this.
And I just got in the car andI was reading that and thinking,
no, I don't want to go, called Jonathan.
I was a little teary.
(17:17):
I read him what it said, andhe said, you know, you.
You just don't have the luxuryof not going anymore.
And so I went.
And it is frustrating, and Ihate the idea of having, you know,
more radiation built up in mybody from all of the testing and
the.
The CT scans and the things.
(17:38):
And they did that, and theydid the testing and did some blood
work, and everything came back okay.
And I was just really gratefulto read the words, you know, on the
paper describing everything,looking perfect with my heart.
And so I just looked at itlike, okay, well, this is a.
(17:59):
This is a true blessing,because, you know, if I've had any
worry that.
That things aren't right orhave any chest pain or whatever,
now I can just have some peaceof mind around that.
I did experience some chestpain later that evening.
And I just thought, man, I'mso grateful that I went, because
if I hadn't and I wasexperiencing this, like, I probably
(18:20):
would have ended up there inthe middle of the night.
So I am no longer a person whohas the luxury of not getting checked
out.
And so I did.
Now, the next part of that isthat like two days later I got a
message in my chart.
It just popped up, actually,while I was reading my Bible in the
morning.
And it said that there weresome abnormal findings with my ECG
(18:46):
and that it was very differentwhen compared to the ECG from January.
And that felt scary to read that.
And I just thought, well, thisis why I went like, now we know and
now we can address it.
And so I will see mycardiologist this week and we'll
talk about all the things before.
For now, I'm absolutely fineand I'm believing God that he has
(19:09):
this all figured out and it'snothing I need to worry about.
So again, if you don't mind,throw up a few pray prayers for that
appointment that's on the 31stof July.
So.
And I plan to discuss themigraine things and the circulation
issues with him as well, andhope that, you know, we can come
to some kind of conclusion andsome kind of plan to get this all
(19:34):
figured out.
Because I'm, I'm just much toohealthy and I'm much too young and
I got things left to do inthis life.
One of the things I have leftto do is go to Texas with my husband.
So as you're listening, I willhave gotten home yesterday.
So as I record this, it isTuesday and we leave Thursday to
(19:57):
go to Texas for a littlebirthday trip.
So I'm really looking forwardto that.
I will never stop preachingthe importance of spending time with
your spouse, away from home,away from kids.
It could be a staycation, itcould be, it could be very simple
or it could be very elaborate.
But we are never better thanwhen we go spend just, you know,
(20:18):
like prioritize time with one another.
So it's random.
I, I follow this influencer, I guess.
And she had talked about this little.
Actually, I don't know how bigit is.
What am I talking about?
This Texas town.
And I was like, wow, I'venever heard of that place.
And then I, she, she posted afew things like, this is where we
(20:40):
ate, this is where we stayed.
And I screenshotted it.
I don't know why we weren'teven talking about a trip at this
point.
But then we did start talkingabout a trip and I asked chat GPT,
which if I, I mean, I hate.
I don't know, maybe Ishouldn't advocate for, for AI, but
it does kind of cool things.
So I said, knowing what youknow about me, knowing that I love
to do this, this, this and this.
(21:02):
I have three nights to getaway, anywhere in the U.S. where
should I go?
And it popped up with five places.
And the third one was thistown in Texas that neither of us
had ever heard of.
So I was like, the Lord speaksand this is where we must go.
And Jonathan was excited about it.
And so I just booked the tripand so maybe at the end of August
(21:24):
I can come back and share withyou how that was.
But I'm really hoping that itwas wonderful and, and that's that.
I'm really looking forward to it.
Asher is struggling a little.
He just really does not likefor us to be away.
But I know that he'll be okay.
It's just a couple days and mymother in law is going to come stay
with him and I've got friendscoming over to play with him and,
(21:47):
and doing my best to mitigateany, you know, fear and anxiety that
he's having about us leaving.
So moving on from that.
So Today is my 44th birthday.
It's a day I certainly wasn'tpromised in a day I wasn't certain
I would see.
But God, he wasn't done with me.
(22:09):
And I can't help but believethat part of what he had left for
me to do was this, thispodcast, this right here.
I'm so grateful that my lifewas spared and I want to please the
Lord with how I live out therest of my days.
I long to share the gospel andthe life you can have on the other
end of accepting the free giftof eternal life.
(22:30):
Choosing Jesus isn't justabout heaven, although that's the
ultimate reward.
It's about the fruit that'sdeveloped in a person's life after
becoming a Christian, a truedevoted follower of Christ.
If there's no fruit, you wouldhave to question, am I really saved?
Is the fruit developing inyour life after you've made this
(22:50):
huge declaration, this, thisacceptance of this gift of eternal
life.
So today, every day, really,I'm taking a deeper look at the fruit
in my own life, where it'sdeveloping well and where I still
have work to do.
And one such place that Istill have work to do is with food
(23:13):
and my body.
Quite unfortunately, that isjust something that I believe wholeheartedly
that I can, I can conquer.
I just haven't yet.
I go through, really, I gothrough months and months of being
really, really good and then,and then triggers happen and then,
(23:39):
and then just Things come upfor me.
So I'm going to share some ofthe things that have gone on and
where I think a lot of this iscoming from.
But I also want to share withyou that I'm not doing anything unhealthy
as far as, like, not takinggood care of my body.
I'm eating.
I'm eating definitely morethan I was now.
And I'm not restricting, I'mnot binging, I'm not well, okay,
(24:04):
maybe I'm doing a little morethan I should as far as.
Well, we'll get into that.
But I'm still very healthy.
I'm eating more now, so that'sa good thing.
And it's more so just themindset around it.
It's not really that I'm.
I'm specifically doing anything.
It's that I live with thisconstant fear of, gosh, this is hard
(24:26):
to share because it justsounds so crazy when I say it out
loud.
It makes so much sense in myown mind, but I live in constant
fear.
Fear of if I eat this thingthat's outside of the plan or if
I like.
For instance, this trip istriggering me because it's going
to be about five days of.
Because we also have plans today.
As you listen, I have birthday plans.
(24:47):
So even though I'm home frommy trip, we also have dinner plans.
And so it's several days ofbeing out of my routine.
And even though I've collectedevidence over years and years that
I do just fine on a trip, I.
We move a ton because that'swhat we enjoy.
And I. I indulge in foods thatI wouldn't have at home, but that's
(25:08):
what I'm supposed to do.
And I make choices that feel good.
I prioritize protein.
I prioritize sleep.
I prioritize movement.
So I do all the right things.
And so there is truly nothingto fear.
But there is just a disconnectin my brain between what my thoughts
are and what I know to be true.
So I just want to share withyou kind of what happened and how
(25:32):
slippery of a slope an eatingdisorder can be.
So back in.
Gosh, I want to say back inOctober, right before the car accident
maybe, or even September, Ihired a coach, a new coach.
(25:52):
And typically I love workingwith a coach.
Like, I love learning fromother coaches and how they approach
different things and bodyrecomps and like, I. I just have
a passion for this stuff.
I love it.
I think coaches need coaches,and I think it's invaluable to my
Own clients, what I'm learningfrom other people, and just my own
life experience.
(26:14):
So I hired this coach and itwas going, you know, well, but then
the car accident happened andI was put on complete restrictions
from exercise for the most part.
10 pounds was my weight limit.
And 140 heart rate, which isnothing for me.
Like, I can get that.
I don't know, doing nothing,basically, especially before my surgery
(26:37):
when my heart rate wasexponentially higher.
So hire these coach.
Well, this coach.
And he, you know, I was likeexpressing like, man, I'm not going
to be able to work out, sowhat do we need to do with my food?
And so dropped me pretty,maybe dramatic's not the word, but
dropped me to a lower caloriegoal than I've had in a long time.
(27:00):
And because of the just mebeing me, I stuck 100% to this, this
calorie goal, these specific macros.
And I did well.
I did, you know, I did fine.
And over the course of mysurgery, I would lose about 12ish,
12 pounds.
(27:23):
Now, some of that, a lot of itwas before it was because I was in
this calorie deficit.
I continued just walking.
That's all I was reallyallowed to do.
So by the time surgery camearound, I was.
Yeah.
So really just like in a monthand a half or so, I lost like £12.
So I was in a pretty steepdeficit for me.
And then of course, havingsurgery, I, I lost.
(27:49):
I didn't eat for like fourdays, like, not anything.
And so I lost a few morepounds, you know, while I was having
surgery.
Well, so therefore I was likethe smallest, even in the depths
of my eating disorder back inlike 20, 19, 2020, I was a couple
of pounds less at this pointthan I was back then in the depths
(28:13):
of my eating disorder.
So I was smaller.
So I happened.
I checked in with my coachafter my surgery, like literally
two days later.
I did pictures, I checked in,I weighed in, and I was like, okay,
like, what's the plan for now?
Like, healing?
Like, my watch was telling meI was burning like 2400 calories
a day because imagine how muchwork your body is doing to recover
(28:36):
and repair and heal.
And so I think I stayed atthose, I stayed at those calories,
those low calories, and I, youknow, white knuckled through it and
white knuckled through it, and I.
And I gained like two pounds.
I know this is very specificand probably a long story, but I
(28:59):
still was.
So once I gained that twopounds, I was the weight of the depths
of my eating disorder, okay?
And this coach switched meover to work with his wife.
So his wife was taking on allof the female clients, which I was
fine, I don't care.
So I did a check in.
This is maybe a couple weeksafter surgery, maybe a month after
(29:23):
surgery.
And she said how I needed tolose eight pounds.
And in the check in, it was avoice memo.
And she, she kept saying, it'snecessary to lose £8.
And I just thought, man, she'slooking at my pictures and she's
looking at me the way I lookright now, and she says it is necessary
(29:46):
for me to lose eight pounds.
And I remember just beingfirst of all, like flabbergasted.
And then all my alarm bellsand whistles were going off.
Like, you have been in such adeficit, you've been trying so hard
to adhere and there is no wayyou can lose eight more pounds.
I had self preservation inthat moment of like, no, we can,
(30:09):
you cannot do this.
And so I expressed that, like,there's just no way I can lose eight
more pounds.
Like, I felt like I've neverbeen more unhealthy than I am right
now, similar to when I was inthe depths of my eating disorder.
And I never got morecompliments right?
Like, I've never been moreunhealthy and miserable.
And yet when you're small,people notice and they like it.
(30:30):
And that will mess, mess witha gal's head, let's just say.
So I continued on, but Ibecame, it became nearly impossible
for me to adhere.
And I've never had anadherence problem.
I'm very disciplined and Iwill stick to what someone tells
me to do.
(30:51):
And I just couldn't.
And I would start taking bitesof this and tastes of that and like
things that I'd never done before.
And I felt shame around that.
Like, why can't you be disciplined?
Like, you're losing, likeyou're, this is your thing.
And so I would speaknegatively to myself and I'd be so
upset with myself.
So instead of losing eightpounds, I'm now steadily, the scale
(31:12):
is going up.
And I had been getting on thescale every single morning without
fail, every day.
And if you have a healthyrelationship with food in your body,
I think something to be saidabout being able to see how the numbers
fluctuate so that you canactually be real and see that like,
oh, that's not body fat.
(31:33):
That's water weight.
That's inflammation.
That's.
That was from a hard workout yesterday.
I did a super heavy Leg day.
Of course I weigh two morepounds today.
I've got inflammation on my body.
I'm holding onto water.
Maybe you ate later last nightand you can be like, oh, look at
this.
So this is what happens when Ieat at a restaurant.
All that sodium and I ate twohours later than normal.
It makes makes sense that Iweigh three more pounds this morning.
(31:55):
That's not body fat.
There's nothing to worry about.
But someone like me, I justbecome obsessed with the number.
So again, instead of goingdown, losing this necessary, this
very necessary 8 pounds, thescale is going up, which makes complete
sense because I wasn'tsupposed to be that small.
My body was needing to healand recover and it needed nourishment.
(32:17):
And so I just got to a pointwhere I couldn't adhere anymore.
And that really started topick apart my identity, which again,
I should not be finding myidentity here.
And this is where, you know, Icontinue to need development.
And just to be asking myself,like, you know, lately I've been
(32:40):
feeling kind of far from God again.
And you got to ask yourself,when you're feeling far from God,
like, is there sin in yourlife that you need to take care of
and this is mine.
And so just kind of moving onfrom that.
So, so June comes around andit is the end of my six months of
coaching with these specific coaches.
(33:02):
And mind you, I have checkedin every single week for six months.
I have done every single workout.
I have, you know, logged everysingle bite of food, I have drank
every drink of water.
I have walked.
I have, I am.
No one walked more steps than me.
Like I was so on, on it, likeon it.
(33:24):
So I, they were asking, shewas asking me like, do you want to
continue on with us or do youthink, you know, are you going to
go it alone?
And I was like, look, youknow, I think I'm going to go it
alone for a while and see howit goes.
And her response, literally,like, if you saw me posting these
pictures, like a picture ofmyself crying, which is so cringe
(33:46):
back in June, this is what wasgoing on.
So I got my, like one of myfinal check ins.
Like I never checked in againbecause it was a few weeks before
the end of being with them.
But this was just like thelast straw for me.
So she basically said I didn'tget a good result, that I was uncoachable.
(34:09):
I put no effort into my workouts.
I didn't respond to my check ins.
Just like, was like she couldhave put a dagger in my heart and
it would have felt betterbecause I. I am so.
I am so.
If.
If.
If her response to me hadbeen, we are so glad we got to work
(34:32):
with you.
You went through such an, youknow, such a difficult time, and
you still managed to show up.
You hit your macros every day,you drank your water, you stepped
yourself steps, you did your workouts.
Like, you were incredibly disciplined.
And we're so grateful we gotto work with you.
I would have believed that.
So to get this.
This uncoachable.
Not putting any effort into myworkouts at this point, I was back
(34:55):
to, like, fully.
I was progressive overload.
I was working out six days a week.
I was just, like.
I was just floored at theresponse and broke my heart.
It really did, because I pridemyself and on.
And I shouldn't, but I do.
And this is something I haveto, like, break down.
(35:15):
God has to.
Is just working on all of thisin me.
But I was so hurt.
I was so hurt by it.
And then I was so frustratedwith myself for being hurt by it.
But.
So this happened at thebeginning of June, and then Ashley
and I went to Iowa, where it'sfamily and food and celebrations
and all these things, right?
(35:36):
There's just lots of food.
There's mom's home cooking,and there's, you know, there's pizza
from everywhere, and there's.
We're grilling out forbirthday parties, and there's cake,
and there's this.
And there's just treats allthe time.
And then.
And then following that upwith my mom and dad coming out here
for two weeks, and my mom, Godbless her, she, like, she and my
(35:58):
dad made every meal absolutely amazing.
So good.
Some of my favorite thingsfrom childhood.
But internally, I'm strugglingbecause now we're at basically four
weeks of me, like, eatingthings that I normally wouldn't and
not sticking to my plan.
Like, I.
Like I should quote, unquote,should, right?
(36:20):
I should just be able to enjoyfood normally.
And then as I'm telling youthis as well, the scale is continuing
to just go up like.
Like all the time.
Like just, oh, half pound,half pound, half a pound.
And it's okay.
The number is fine.
But in my head it's not.
Because small is good and moreis not.
(36:45):
So mind you, I was in Iowa.
There's also this.
That this is something Ihaven't shared, and I didn't know
if I was comfortable sharing it.
I still don't.
But I had a best friend sinceI was 18 years old.
And for years, the friendshiphas been on a downhill trajectory.
(37:05):
There was very littlecommunication outside of when I would
be home.
Very.
It felt like a very one sidedfriendship, you know, just zero communication
through my heart stuff.
And that's when I really kindof knew like this friendship is,
this is not a friendship.
(37:27):
So I happened to see her at,in, in Strawberry, at Strawberry
Days because it's a tinylittle town and you see everyone.
And normally we would havewatched the parade together and our
kids would have, you know, wewould have all sat together and she
would have been over multipletimes and we would have been on walks
together and being, you know,enjoying coffee together and you
(37:48):
know, I just never heard from her.
I never saw her.
But then, but then I did seeher and I was so uncomfortable because
neither of us acknowledged theother's presence.
I was so uncomfortable.
I was sitting at a table undera tent with my family eating lunch
after the parade and she andher family were at the table, literally
(38:08):
the next table over.
And we didn't make eye contact.
We just pretended like theother wasn't a person.
And it made me so sad.
I literally asked my dad, Isaid, take me home right now, will
you please take me home?
And he left his lunch andbrought me back to the house and
then went back up there.
I just, I was so uncomfortableand so like, it just felt like this
(38:30):
rejection and then, you know,the rejection I felt or the insecurity
I felt over, over thatinteraction with my coach and then,
and then just being around allof this food and I just became, became
so, just out of control andthen the scales going up and it was
just this recipe for disaster.
(38:51):
I went for a walk with my truebest friend, I guess you could say
that same weekend.
And she is a mutual friendwith my former best friend.
And she reached out to her andjust said, what is the deal?
And she said, I just feel likethis is for the better and it's just
(39:11):
hurtful.
Without a conversation orwithout, you know, just a, I don't
know, without, without justresolution or just a closing of the
door.
It just like slammed in my face.
And again, it wasn't a goodfriendship, but it's still someone
that's been part of your lifefor the last 20 something years and
(39:33):
they just throw you away.
You're invaluable to them.
And then when I have thesethoughts about my body that it's
not good enough and that I'mnot strong enough, I'm not disciplined
enough, and then I, I'm aroundall this food and it was Just a recipe
for disaster for me.
So just a perfect storm,really, to trigger these old thought
(39:53):
patterns and then send me onthis negative spiral.
And so my poor husband isconstantly dealing with me talking
about it.
And the beautiful thing isthat I won't restrict anymore.
So it's like I eat how muchI'm supposed to eat every day, which
is actually more.
So I've gone up in calories toan appropriate number of calories
(40:14):
since, you know, being donewith the last coaches.
And, I mean, I wish themnothing but the best.
I just.
I guess just we were not on this.
We had different goals for me.
Their goal for me wasdifferent than my goal for me.
I just want to be healthy andfeel really good and feel really
strong and live a really longtime and.
And like, how I look and,like, how I feel.
(40:38):
And they, I guess, wantedsomething different for me, so just
not on the same page.
And again, God bless them.
I wish nothing but good thingsfor them, but just they're not for
me.
And I was extremely hurt bythat interaction.
But so I've been over herestruggling a little.
So, again, I don't restrict.
(40:58):
I still eat all my food.
So therefore, if I, like,quote, unquote, screw up, it's that
I ate too much.
So then I panic, and I think,again, I. I live in this constant
fear that if I eat this thingor I have this meal or I have these
days away, that somehow it'lljust all go away.
And I know that that,logically speaking, that's not true.
(41:22):
I hope you're not completelybored with my story.
I'm sure there's one personout there who can relate to what
I'm saying.
I know that so many peoplestruggle, and I know that because
the people that God brings meto, you know, to coach and to walk
through this journey with,also struggle with it.
And I can absolutelyempathize, and I can absolutely,
(41:42):
you know, understand whatthey're going through and hopefully,
you know, walk them down thesame road I've been on and let them
know that it's not linear.
It's kind of like weight loss.
Unfortunately, if you'resomeone who needs to lose weight,
it doesn't happen just.
Just straight down.
It's like we go down, and thenwe go up, and then we go down, and
then we go up.
And as long as you're doing,you know, better over time, if it's
(42:04):
weight loss we're talkingabout, as long as it's overall going
down and with recovery, aslong as you're Mostly good.
You know, you're gonna havesome speed bumps, but it's okay as
long as you get straight backon track and you don't allow these
things to become, you know,long term again or extremely unhealthy.
But I was noticing, like, inIowa, I went from walking 12,000
(42:26):
steps a day to walking 16,000steps a day, because I thought, oh,
I can mitigate these few extracalories that I'm eating by doing
more and doing more.
And then you get to a pointwhere it's just like, you can't do
more.
Like I can't do anymore.
And the scale's still going up.
And again, that's okay.
My body knows what to do.
It's.
It's okay.
(42:48):
So again, I. I've just beenriding this roller coaster recently,
and hopefully, as you listentoday, I will be feeling really good
about the time we spent onvacation, and I will have enjoyed
listen, this hotel that we'restaying at, one of their main pictures
is of cinnamon rolls.
And you can bet your bottomdollar I'm gonna be eating those
(43:11):
cinnamon rolls.
I'm not going to do it in away where it's a bingy way, but I'm
going to enjoy the cinnamon rolls.
I'm also going to probablyhave some prot.
Cinnamon rolls, and I'm gonnamove my body and do all the things
that I know are right.
And then the key to what I'verecently done is I put the scale
away.
And, you know, I just wasrealizing it is literally just this
(43:34):
number that bothers me.
I don't feel badly in my skin.
I don't look at myself andthink I look horrible.
It's literally just thisarbitrary number.
My relationship to, like, gravity.
And it's so silly to let thatdefine my worth or define whether
or not I'm gonna have a goodday or whether I'm good or whether
(43:55):
I'm not good.
And I'm.
I'm.
I'm done with that.
And so, you know, no morescale, because the scale ruins my
day.
And why would I allowsomething like that to have any effect
on how I feel about myself orhow, you know, how I spend my day
or what I nourish my body with.
So we'll see how I do with that.
(44:17):
I'm hoping that that can be athing of the past.
It was just like, God just waslike, get rid of the scale.
And I did.
So I feel good about that for now.
But I want to share somethingI saw on Instagram today, and I thought
that it really kind of wentalong with all the things I've been
feeling.
(44:38):
You don't have to be fullyhealed to be faithful.
God works with the limping andthe willing.
Stop waiting to be all betterbefore you begin.
Healing isn't a prerequisitefor purpose.
Your scars don't cancel your calling.
You don't have to sit out oflove, dreams, or destiny just because
you're still tending to wounds.
God knew the cracks, and stillhe called you.
(44:59):
Healing is not a destination.
It's a daily walk with agentle God who's not in a hurry to
fix you, but faithful to walkwith you.
Second Corinthians 12, 9 says,My grace is sufficient for you, for
my power is made perfect inyour weakness.
You're allowed to be healingand still walk in power.
You're allowed to be healingand still speak truth.
(45:21):
You're allowed to be healingand still go after the dream.
You don't have to be fullyhealed to be faithful.
Healing is not proof you're ready.
Obedience is.
I thought that was lovely.
As I struggle sometimes with,like, my calling, and look, I'm doing
these things, and yet I'mstill struggling.
(45:42):
But you know what?
I'm gonna always be a work inprogress, and God's always going
to be developing that fruit inmy life, and I'm going to use my
gifts and the struggles thatI've gotten to the other side of
to continue to help others,whether that be through this podcast
or through nutrition or justfriendship and just loving on others,
(46:03):
you know, so God doesn't callthe qualified.
He qualifies the called.
So, lastly, I'm reading thisbook called Breaking Free From Body
Shame.
Dare to Reclaim what God hasNamed Good.
It's by Jess Connelly.
I'll be honest, I don't.
I don't love it, but I'mdefinitely gleaning some good things,
(46:24):
like, out of it.
And she says, the truest thingabout you is you are made and loved
by God.
And the truest thing about himis that he cannot make bad things.
So I thought that was abeautiful way to just wrap up the
(46:44):
story about how I've beenfeeling and the struggle that I've
been, you know, just workingmy way through.
And the.
The biggest gratitude I haveis that I'm able to recognize it
and kind of just stop it inits tracks.
I'm not going to allow this toget away from me like it did in my
past.
(47:04):
I'm.
I've come much too far toallow something like that to, you
know, take me back down to adark place.
So I'm, I'm doing the thingsand I'm working with someone and
I've got my mind right.
I'm going to enjoy our timetogether and I'm not going to step
(47:24):
on that scale.
And I'm also not going to letyou know, I'm going to use what happened
with my previous coach to justbe stronger and not allow someone
to have that much power over me.
In those couple of days, Ifelt defined by what she said about
me.
And the truth is so oppositeof that.
(47:48):
So I'm going to leave you there.
I. I enjoyed catching up with you.
I hope you enjoyed catching upwith me.
Oh, I know the one big thing Ididn't say that I said I was going
to share.
And that is something reallyexciting that's underway that we're,
myself and Brittany are goingto be sharing with you and something
(48:09):
we're so excited about andsomething that was just God ordained
and totally his idea and Ican't wait to see what happens.
But I want, I want to sharethis with you, with her.
So I'll get her back on herewhen we're ready to debut what we're
doing.
So please look forward to that.
(48:31):
And yeah, I'm just so excitedand so blessed to be able to do it
with her.
And that God just put it on my heart.
He.
He has the best ideas.
So as we close out the monthof July, our memory verse again is
Romans 8:28.
And we know that in allthings, God works for the good of
(48:52):
those who love him, who havebeen called according to his purpose.
Thank you for being here.
Please.
If you have not yet subscribedto my newsletter, I would love for
you to get that in your inboxonce a month.
I'm not going to spam you, I promise.
But you know, it's justsomething part of what I feel called
to do with this podcast and Iwould love to have you on there.
(49:15):
So thank you for listening.
Thank you for loving methrough every phase of this life
that I've, that I've just.
You've come along for the ridewith me on.
I'm so grateful that you're here.
I hope that you have the best week.
Happy birthday to me.
Praise the Lord, I get to seeanother year.
(49:35):
And praise the Lord, I get tosee you right here next Monday later.
If this podcast blessed you,please share it with a friend and
hit the subscribe button soyou never miss an episode.
Leave a five star review onitunes and come hang out with me
on Instagram.
Edbythefruit.
I'd love to connect with you there.
And most importantly, I'll seeyou right here next week.
(49:59):
Come hungry, get fed.
Sam.
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