We often hear minimizing phrases like “It only happened once” or “Why make such a big deal out of it?” The intention may be to calm fears or move forward quickly—but instead, it often creates more confusion, pressure, and disconnection.
In this episode of From Crisis to Connection, Geoff and Jody unpack why “just once” almost never feels small to either partner, and why minimizing actually blocks healing instead of speeding it up.
Why “just once” lands as dismissal for the betrayed partner and activates the body’s threat response
How minimizing traps the recovering partner in shame and prevents genuine repair
The hidden pressure this phrase puts on the betrayed partner to get over it quickly and silence their own instincts
The truth behind one-time breaches: even a single betrayal communicates capability, vulnerability, and risk
How couples get stuck in collusion, both wanting to move on but feeling unsafe or unheard
What healthy repair looks like instead: honest conversation, space to ask questions, and freedom to explore impact
Even if a behavior happened only once, its meaning is never small. One act communicates capacity, shifts safety, and opens the door to doubt. Real healing starts when both partners face the truth openly—not when they minimize it.
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Download the Free Resource: You, Me, Us - A Way Forward After Betrayal
When betrayal has shaken your relationship, it can feel impossible to know where to begin. This free 15-minute video and companion worksheet will help you steady yourself, support your partner, and begin caring for the relationship between you. Get your copy here.
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Join the Courageous Together™ Program
Courageous Together™ isn’t just another course, it’s a trauma-informed roadmap that holds both of you in the healing process.
You’ll have access to:
A structured healing framework with step-by-step guidance
Video lessons and worksheets to build safety, accountability, and connection
The option to join live group circles and support calls with me
A private, secure community of others walking the same path
Learn more and join us inside Courageous Together: www.geoffsteurer.com/courageous-together
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Stay Connected
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to leave a review! We’d love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey.
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Watch on YouTube
Prefer video? You can watch full episodes of From Crisis to Connection on our YouTube channel: youtube.com/@FromCrisistoConnectionPocast.
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About Geoff Steurer
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS) with 25+ years of experience helping individuals and couples heal from the devastation of sexual betrayal and broken trust. I am the founder of the Courageous Together program, co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, and co-author of Love You, Hate the Porn. My work integrates trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and practical tools for creating lasting safety and connection. I’ve been married to my wife, Jody, since 1996 and we are the parents of four children.
About Jody Steurer
Jody is the co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, where she brings her thoughtful, common-sense perspective to conversations about healing, trust, and connection. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA-certified coach. Jody has years of experience in corporate training, small business leadership, and fami
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